February 5, 2025 • 45 mins
This volume of Our 2 Cents, we dive deep into the complexities of modern relationships, exploring how mental health, personal growth, and communication shape our connections. From setting boundaries to fostering honesty, we unpack the challenges of love with relatable anecdotes and real-life dilemmas. Join us as we reflect on listener-submitted scenarios, discuss the importance of empathy, and share personal updates from our week. Whether you're navigating a new relationship or strengthening an existing one, this episode offers thoughtful insights to help you grow while maintaining your identity. Tune in for an honest, heartfelt conversation about love, life, and everything in between.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ramone.
Like I said, ramone has somehits.
What you're?
Speaker 2 (00:04):
not gonna do is be disrespectful to the first love
of my life.
That's what we're not.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
I was waiting for that reaction.
Let's mother f***ing go.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
I was waiting for that reaction.
Hey, everybody, and welcomeback to another episode of life
(00:39):
after I do.
I am your host that you'll bekicking it with for the next 45
minutes to an hour, and I go bythe name of Nisha G Nisha mother
Also known as Hi Nisha, nishaand I'm here today with Kai to
the Nisha the.
That's not Hi.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Nisha.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
What's your name, babe?
Who are you?
I'm?
Speaker 1 (01:06):
your motherfucking husband, mm-hmm.
Or as my daughter says, mom,that's your husband.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
She does she be like mom.
That's your husband, molitoMolito.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Otherwise known as Mo Dad.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Babe.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Babe.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
The male.
Mm-hmm, really, maurice wise,no, as mo dad, babe, babe, the
male.
Really, maurice, you have allthe akas.
Yes, I do.
Hey, bosky, hi, how you feeling?
Um, I feel you look beautiful.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Thank you let me just say you look beautiful thank
you you know, purple is myfavorite color do and you're
trying to do something to metoday.
Oh Now, look here.
You got my loins burning.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
In a good way.
Not your loins, in the words ofPhoenix, not your loins In a
good way I'm not talking aboutin an STD way In a good way.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Like I got fire in.
I got this passion down therefor you right now, because I,
you and that color is making mewell.
You're creeping me out withyour old man talk.
So that's not, it's doing theopposite for me.
I'm happy that you're turned on, because I am not.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
I said I'm gonna give me a wig and start doing my
uncle.
You know, uncle perm fromtiktok but oh god, I'm gonna be
doing my pair, at least becausehe be taking me.
I can't.
I cannot you want your water tobe obeyed.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
You know what you gotta do no, no, I'm gonna just
have to go without water.
I'm gonna go to my neighborsand ask if I can bum a 24 pack
of water off of her, because ifI gotta do all that, like and
here's the thing, this is what'sfunny, these are the thoughts
that I have sometimes.
I used to think, like, okay,you know, like sex workers,
(02:50):
right.
Like if you're a true sex worker, right, you like each man is
like a client you know, and Iwould sometimes, when I was like
out in public, if I saw a manthat was just like not
attractive or like had reallynasty, dirty fingernails, dirty
jeans, and I would think like,oh, he would be a client, oh, I
couldn't like how was your week?
Speaker 1 (03:14):
how was your week?
Could you wow?
I used to think about stufflike how was, how was your week?
Let's talk about your week.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Let's let's go my week was good um except I have a
bum elbow and it's like it'smaking me feel I'm not weak.
I'm sorry what I have.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
My my elbow probably hurts because I was trying to
show you up so I don't know whyyou're trying to show me up I'm
teasing babe.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
No, I don't know.
I think I um, I don't know, Ithink I tweaked it a little bit.
Like you know, when I had mywrist, I made an adjustment when
I already had the weight in myhand, and that was a terrible
decision Because you were tryingto be like me.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
I wasn't trying to be like you.
You see me do that sometimes.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Actually, that's not what it was.
What it was is that it wasn'tsitting on the out part of my
hand when I had picked up poundweight and that wasn't the
smartest idea.
But now I do feel like, once myelbow feels better because I
got new wrist wraps, it's gameover.
(04:12):
It's game over.
But then I also just realizedthat, to be a part of the 600
pound club, straps and stuff arenot allowed.
So I can't wear straps for that, which is fine, but I'm talking
about for my regularweightlifting sessions.
Like I feel like it's going towork.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
I really thought you were going to come in here and
be like, have good energy andhigh energy about your crafting
you've been doing, because youback oh, I am.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
I'm back in my crafting bag.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
You knee deep, you all the way in it.
I, finally, I wouldn't say youknee deep, but you, you up to
your neck in it now.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Bye.
I have had a sewing machine forabout a year now and it's been
sitting at my craft table.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Hold on, she's had a new sewing machine.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
A new sewing machine?
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Yes, I have one in the garage.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
She's had a sewing machine in the garage for
decades.
Well, that's neither here northere, and I feel like a little
bit of judgment and I don't needthe judgment is what I'm trying
to say.
But anywho, um, I was like, oh,I really want to open my.
You know, it was open, it wasjust sitting there, but I was
like I really want to knock thedust off of it and you know, use
it and I really wanted to teachphoenix how to use it, because
(05:16):
she has asked before aboutlearning how to sew and I do
embroider.
So, in case you guys don't know,I do custom apparel, um, so I
do embroidery yourself on myplatform.
No, guys don't know, I docustom apparel, um, so I do
embroidery.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Why are you trying to plug yourself on my platform?
Speaker 2 (05:27):
No, I'm goodbye, uh, but I do all of that stuff.
So, any who?
I wanted to get back into mysewing and I was really
important because I wanted toteach Phoenix how to sew.
So, um, we've been practicingmaking these makeup bags and you
know it's been going reallywell, it's.
You know, I enjoy crafting.
Yeah, it's good, it's good,it's going good, it's going good
(05:49):
.
And so then I know one of myfriends.
She was like, oh, she was likeyou really like crafting, you
like creating stuff and stufflike that.
And I was like, yeah, I waslike, funny enough, I actually
have a degree in it too.
She's like what?
I was like, yeah, I actually do, that's what you went to school
for.
That's actually what I went toschool for, so I was like I
actually have a whole stillpaying on it.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
So not the still paying on.
It Took me out.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
So if you need anything made, just let me know.
Still paying on it.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Still paying on it, I'm going to just keep it short
because you took a lot of time.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
My week was great.
I feel like I'm making greatprogress.
I am Like I said, 2025 is ayear I am, maurice is working on
Maurice and I love it.
I see a lot of my faults.
I'm trying to be better.
My main priority is being abetter father.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
And having a better perspective.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Right, this child is pushing me to my limit daily,
but I will say she looks.
She looks so adorable today inher old lady outfit.
Oh my gosh, she was so cute,she was so you know what I
watched.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
So I was.
I was checking to see if thedoor sorry, I was checking to
see if the door was locked andso I started watching the video
from this morning when she ranback in to get her sweater and
she's like running and she's gotthis wig on and she's at the
front door.
And I was going to post her andbe like who is this woman?
Speaker 1 (07:14):
at my door.
Matter of fact, I'm going to godownload it from the website.
But yeah, so I mean I've had agreat week.
My only downside which I'mtrying to remain positive to,
that the scale is not moving itis moving.
But I'm going to just sum it upto I got more muscle.
Now you do.
(07:34):
I will say that today in thegym I was like, damn, I look
kind of strong.
I got some good footage of you.
I said OK.
I said I was kind of feeling itwas a little vain.
I was kind of feeling myself.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
I took some video of him and I was like okay, so I'm
feeling myself, and you know I'mexcited.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
I'm very looking forward to a lot of things
coming up, but I'm just tryingto work on myself and I'm happy
with the progress.
So that's it.
My week has been great.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
I'm proud of you.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
My week.
It's been great.
My wife is as beautiful as ever.
Let me tell y'all my wife.
She even worked on her glutesand hammies, oh my gosh.
And that shelf is shelving.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Okay, Thanks honey Go ahead put a whole dinner up
there.
Groceries, I will say workingout together.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Makes you push harder .
Speaker 2 (08:25):
No.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
I'm going to push.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
I'm going to push hard anyway, I'm going to show
up, anyway.
My elbow is quite literallyinflamed, but do you think that
stopped me from doing pull-upstoday?
Because it did it.
It did it, though.
Did you think it stopped mefrom doing rows Because it did
it?
Now?
Can I barely move it now?
Yes, I can barely.
Does it hurt?
Speaker 1 (08:54):
to extend my arm.
It absolutely does.
I did it, but I shouldn't, Ishouldn't have done it.
But you know that mean, oh, youlift weights.
What did you?
What did you do when you gothurt?
Kept lifting.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
I kept fucking legend yeah, at the end it a fucking
legend.
You got hurt.
What did you do?
I kept lifting.
That's exactly it.
You saw me struggle on thatleft arm row and on your bicep
girl but I, but I still did it,I did, I still did it.
So what we got today, booskiesso it is a hour, two scenes
(09:22):
episode.
You know, every beginning partof the month.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
It's about to get messy.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
I don't know if it's going to get messy.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
I'm going to be messy .
I'm going to make everythingmessy.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
I mean, we have this segment because my husband likes
drama guys.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Look it no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
He really should.
I like other people's drama.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Yes, like drama okay, but he likes.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
He likes other people's drama, so I don't even
know what to say about thataspect of his personality what
else am I going to be able touse all these black sayings I
have built up in me, vibrant?
What else I'm gonna say?
Couldn't be me.
You better than me.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Player what was that video somebody did on tiktok and
it was like uh, black insultswhen you don't even know that
they're insults.
I didn't give it all.
Couldn't be me, you better thanme, but you, to each his own
right, that's my favorite.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
To each his own my favorite black insult is bless
your heart if it uh was good foryou if you like it.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
I love if you like it , I love it if it's good for you
it's good for you.
I love, I love for you.
I love that for you.
I love that for you.
That's my other favorite one.
I love that for you.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
One of my favorites is bless your heart.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Yeah, bless your heart.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
That is so disrespectful.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
I remember when we had feet I was like if somebody
look at my baby and be likebless her heart, I'll be like
cute, she is cute.
We fighting on sight.
Okay, because she is cute.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
Hairline missing and all that's your baby.
She's cute.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Bless her heart.
No, you can't say bless yourheart to my baby.
We fighting, we're going tofight.
I swear I will fight.
Tell my baby bless your heart.
Is that your?
Speaker 1 (10:53):
baby.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Bless her heart.
Bless her heart.
Shout out to Bruce, bruce.
Bless her heart.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
I will say that babies do they look like
potatoes for the first threeweeks first of all, my child did
not look like a potato.
I said, most babies look likepotatoes because they ain't got
no real features.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
They just there because they fresh out the oven
you gotta let, like everythingmold and like you know how you
gotta let.
You gotta let the air hit them.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
You know how you I don't let the air hit it.
Same thing with the baby.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
You gotta let it cool down for a little bit so really
you shouldn't be letting peoplesee the baby for at least like
a month maybe Rihanna ownssomething.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Goodbye oh, hold on real quick.
Unrelated shout out to Rihannashe looks great not personally
Fenty, because these Fentyoutfits I'm gonna buy my wife.
So there's ass in the ass.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Yes, sir yeah, because I told him this morning
about the there's like thischerry, red, blossom two piece
workout set and then there's abody suit and I was like I'm
just putting you on notice.
That's about to be in cart.
Let me just say this that'sgoing to cart right now.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
We need to get started.
But I'm going to say this I amone of them.
I'm one of these.
My wife will attest to this.
I am one of the black men thatwhen I say I like black women, I
mean I like black women, andwhen I see a black woman in any
bright color, I'll be like lookat that sunshine over there.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
He'll be like babe babe look at that did you see?
Did you see that two piece?
She had them because that wascute.
I like that what's that?
Speaker 1 (12:25):
who am I?
I like that you know the brightcolors against a black woman's
skin, and I don't care whatshade of black you are.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
I mean we can wear any color.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
But when you got, that bright when y'all, when
black women get in a spring bag,oh my gosh, which I can't wait.
That's where my spring is myfavorite season, because not
only do I get sundresses, I getbright, colorful clothes I'll be
like.
Look at this here the toes.
Look at god look at god.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Look at god.
He did this just for me.
Look at god.
He made, he made me a man.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
For this reason, right here, don't let me see you
out in public as a black womanin a yellow sundress no, no, not
a yellow sundress.
A yellow sundress rocking apineapple or a fro Shit Y'all.
Excuse my husband, please Shitthis man.
(13:15):
Look at that goddess over there, I can't with you.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
I can't.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
I'll go ahead and read the first one.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
And then I'll be waiting for my nine-inch short
scene.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
I'm.
I can't Go ahead and read thefirst one and then I'd be
waiting for my nine inch shortseam.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
I'm not doing that, go ahead.
He refuses to wear shorts forme.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
No, I wear shorts.
She want me to wear bootyshorts.
Nine inch seams are not bootyshorts, no you want me to wear
seven inch seam shorts Becauseyou?
Speaker 2 (13:40):
have the thighs to do it.
I don't you have the thighs todo it.
I don't you have the legs to doit.
Okay, what's the first one?
Speaker 1 (13:49):
okay, don't, don't run don't run over me.
Don't run over me, don't dothat I was just talking about
how I really appreciate I'm onblack wings.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Yeah, okay, let's see , let's go ahead and hop into.
Okay, this one.
It's not a lot of drama, it'sactually like asking real advice
.
It's a real, real thing.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Okay, let's go.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
Am I the asshole for divorcing my depressed wife
because her depression anddepression induced spending are
dragging me down?
Depression induced spending yes, okay.
At what point do I leave mywife because of her depression
and her depression inducedspending?
That's dragging me down.
When my wife and I met, I wasan MBA program and she was
(14:34):
finishing up her certificationprocess to become a nurse
anesthesiologist.
I was drawn to the drive andoptimistic view of the world.
We were both young adults whosaw the world as an endless
source of opportunity.
We discussed having kids whenwe were more established in our
career.
After graduation, we both wentto work.
I got a job consulting, making200K a year with a signing bonus
(14:56):
, and have continued to grow inmy career.
My wife was cruising it,crushing it at her dream
hospital, making 150K beforeovertime.
We were happy, traveling andenjoying ourselves.
We eventually bought our dreamhome and we're truly living our
dreams.
Until about three years ago, mywife had a mental breakdown at
home between shifts at thehospital.
(15:17):
She was eventually hospitalizedfor a few weeks After she came
home, we agreed that she wouldtake six months off to recover
and that I would take care of usImmediately.
She started spending an averageof two to 3,000 every week,
traveling with her friends andweekend trips.
She stopped helping around thehouse and was constantly out of
the house.
I completely supported this forsix months.
(15:38):
She said it was part of herhealing process and I understood
entirely through sickness andin health.
Then the agreed six monthspassed and I asked if she was
ready to return to work, atleast part-time.
This caused her to shut down soI backed off.
Then a year passed passed and Irevisited again.
Another breakdown ensued.
I asked if she was ready toconsider starting a family and
(16:01):
just being a homemaker insteadof going back to work.
We were in a great financialposition and didn't need her
money.
She agreed and for the lastyear we have been trying to have
a baby.
We've even done fertilitytesting and been giving a.
You are both healthy, so keeptrying.
Last week from the doctor Lastweek, I was driving her car and
I dropped my phone, so I pulledover to grab it from underneath
(16:23):
the driver's seat and to mysurprise, I found birth control
pills.
I was shocked and turned aroundon my way from work to confront
her.
She broke down and called me anabuser for trying to force kids
onto her.
She's never told me that shedidn't want kids and I would
absolutely never push her.
She then started blaming me forthe breakdown.
(16:44):
She said it's my fault.
She can't work.
I then brought up how I havehandled 95% of the cooking and
cleaning for the past threeyears because I was just trying
to support her and allow her toheal while she traveled and
racked up a $10,000 credit cardbill every single month for me
to pay off.
She has shut down and refusesto talk to me.
I've been sleeping at ourvacation house because she says
(17:07):
it's detrimental to her mentalhealth to share a space with me.
As her abuser, I can't shakethe feeling that I have been
lied to and taken advantage ofnow for years.
I want a divorce but at thesame time, if she is genuinely
sick, I don't want to abandonher.
Am I the asshole for evenconsidering leaving my sick wife
?
I can't shake the feeling thatI'm selfish for even considering
(17:29):
this.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Not at all, and let me tell you why.
Let me tell you why I feel thisway.
Please, if she sees you as herabuser, I would make myself
scared, so that she don't feellike she's being abused he did.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
He's sleeping at the vacation.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
No, no no, no, no, no , no.
I'm gonna make myselfcompletely scared.
So I mean if, if, if you can'tbe in my presence, because that
triggers you, my presence comeswith my money.
So now my money is gone too andyou are able-bodied, you're
able to work, because my thingis, if you're.
(18:06):
I don't see this as I mean holdon, I might be a little judgy
here I don't see this as thetype of depression that I label
as depression, because you'renot.
I see depression as as as, likeyou, isolating, you don't want
to, and you don't want to docertain things.
Because you can't do certainthings.
If you're able to rack up 10 Ka month and travel and go on
girls trips and all that, Idon't see you being that, that
(18:30):
that much depressed when youcan't work, and then to sit here
and agree to have children withme because you just want to
stay, so you can stay home andthen take birth control.
So the whole time we're notgetting pregnant because of you.
It sounds like you just want meto take care of you and that's
not what we signed up for.
So I would go ahead and say,well, obviously this is not
(18:53):
working for us, because it's notworking for me because, as the
man I have, I have my.
I have to put my happiness and,to some degree, as a priority.
I've given you the last threeyears to get to, to work on
yourself and prepare yourself,and you've done nothing but
postpone things, going back tothe way they were before.
So no, I don't, I don't feelsad or I wouldn't feel, I
(19:16):
wouldn't feel any happy wayabout the divorce, because I've
tried, I've tried, I've done mypart.
That's all I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
Thoughts Okay, first off.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
Okay, here we go.
Anytime my wife say first off,she got this shit depression
presents itself in differentways to different people.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Okay, people can very much be depressive, spending
that is a thing, just likepeople can overeat but still put
on a happy face and go to work.
Same same rules can apply.
So I don't agree with you there.
Um, I think depression looksdifferent for everybody because
(20:04):
everybody wears a different face.
Everybody presents depressioncompletely different.
Um, so I, I, I don't, I don'tagree you there.
I do think that he is kind ofmaybe stuck in a between a rock
and a hard place because, likehe said he, on one hand he kind
of feels like, okay, he couldhave it, feels like he's being
taken for, but on the other handit's like, but if she is
(20:26):
genuinely sick, how can Iabandon her?
Because, like he said in the inthe um, one of the sentences or
the paragraphs when I wasreading, for sickness and in
health, right.
So if this is one of thosesituations where it's sickness
and in health and because it'snot showing up, where it doesn't
benefit you at this period inthe relationship, then him
(20:49):
saying like that's why I feel alittle guilty, it's only been
three years, and I don't sayonly three years, like that's
not an extended amount of time.
That is an extended amount oftime, but that's the thing about
relationships and that's thething about it's not just
relationships, but marriages,more more.
You know, specifically is you.
You can, and we'll have periodsof time where things don't work
(21:12):
in your favor or you feel likeyou're giving more than you're
getting and because you're goingthrough that period, it's like,
ok, so should I just throw inthe towel because I don't know
when this is going to end.
So you have to make a decision.
Like, I understand what you'resaying about him having to
prioritize his happiness and his, his, his life as well, because
he's in the relationship.
(21:33):
Also, I, I get that and I doagree with that.
But, like again, I said, youknow, for me, this is for me,
it's only been three years, okay, but I do feel like he's
between a rock and a hard place.
The other thing is, I do thinkit is really selfish of her to
lead him on in a way where weare trying to start a family and
you are leading me on sayinglike, okay, yeah, I'm in this
with you, we're gonna start afamily, and you are leading me
(21:54):
on saying like, okay, yeah, I'min this with you, we're going to
start a family, but then you'rebehind my back taking birth
control pills.
And then he also mentioned thatthey were doing fertility
treatments.
That that's expensive.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
No, they got tested, they got, they did, they
wouldn't, they wouldn't got,they wouldn't have their
fertility.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Okay, yeah, dishonest what I get from reading this,
with him explaining it.
I do think that if she justwould have came to him and
simply said, hey, I don't wantto go back to work, I don't
think me going back to work isbeneficial to my mental health
right now, but I also am not100% ready to start a family.
(22:29):
If we can come to some type ofagreement, for maybe I can just
be here for like another year,another two years, and then we
can revisit, or maybe we canactually to some type of
agreement, for maybe I can justbe here for like another year,
another two years, and then wecan revisit, or maybe we can
actually start working on thefamily, that's different because
, like he said, we don't needher income.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
He's already said they got a vacation home.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
They have a vacation home, but, like he said, we
don't need her income.
And the only reason why itsounded like he prompted to
start the family anyway isbecause he's saying, well, if
you're not going to work andyou're going to be at home
anyway, then this would be aperfect time for us to, like,
start a family, you know, and ifthat's not something she wanted
to do, then she could have beenvocal about that too.
If he's been taking care ofeverything for the past three
(23:05):
years and she's not cooking,she's not cleaning, she's not
going to work and all she'sdoing is racking up credit card
bills and, you know, live in thegood life if that's helping her
mentally, then that's aconversation that needed to be
had, because maybe he wouldn'thave said okay, I don't support
the $3,000 every week, but ifyou can cut it down to 1500 or
something, and maybe we do agirl's trip every six months, or
(23:26):
whatever the case may be,whatever the case may be, we
don't know all of the dynamics,but I say all that to say that I
do feel like it was.
It was a little bit unfair tohim, um, but again, we also
don't know, and we can't speakto, what depression looks like
for like for her.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
okay, you know what I'm saying and, and I will say,
everything you said is valid andit could very much well be true
, but when, when you're asyou're reading, when she had the
nervous breakdown in betweenshifts at home, whatever that
may happen, right, they agreedthat it would be six months.
The six months came.
(24:07):
They talked about the subject.
She pushed back.
He said cool no problem.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
She broke down and he decided to back off.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
She broke down.
He backed off.
They had the conversation againin a year.
She broke down, he backed off.
Right, this is a repeatingpattern, right?
So now it's a year, so now it'sbeen three years, or now it's
been two years, and she said,hey, well, well, if you don't
want to work, how about we havea family?
Then she agrees to that.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
I know, that's what I just said.
I know, I know you said it.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
And then, behind his back, she's taking birth control
.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Yes, that's not fair to him Right.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
So the behind the back taking birth control is
dishonest.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
I agree.
So I'm not going to sit hereand hold this man to sickness
and health when she's not love,honoring and respecting, because
she's being dishonest.
So she's the she's the onebreaking the vows because he was
trying to uphold the vows bybeing there for in her time of
need and but she's not upholdinghers.
So, like I said, I would not be, I would, I would, I would not,
(25:10):
uh, hold it against him if hefiled and went through a divorce
because he he attempted.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Yeah, I didn't say I would hold it against him if he
filed and went through a divorcebecause he he attempted.
Yeah, I didn't say I would holdit against him, I'm just saying
I'm.
I'm talking to the fact wherehe said that he still feels
guilty.
That he feels guilty for havingthe thought because in his like
, how he's saying in his mind ifshe is truly, genuinely sick, I
don't want to abandon her and Iget that.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
But here's the other thing, here's the other thing,
here's the other thing.
This to me sounds like one ofthose things where something
needs to be done sooner ratherthan later.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
Agreed Before it turns into resentment.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Yes, agreed, right.
So make it.
Make the split now, while itcan be somewhat civil, before
you get to the point where youjust don't care because now you
feel like she's wasted so muchof your time.
Yeah, I mean, I think we also.
I think we're also negating whythe breakdown happened in the
first place.
He never said that, exactly likeno one just has a mental
breakdown out of nowhere,especially when the way he set
(26:04):
it up he was like she was making150, I was making 200, we got a
vacation home, we traveling,like if life was so good.
What happened?
What happened?
There's something else we don'tknow about.
There's something else, becausethe picture he painted in the
beginning is like you know whatI mean.
If that was the case y'allmaking $350K a year and
(26:26):
traveling, you ain't got no kids, you got multiple homes it
would sound like you're livingthe good life.
So what was the breakdown?
What's the issue?
What was the issue?
What was happening in the brain?
Like you know what I mean.
Or there's more informationthat we don't know about.
There's a lot other things toconsider that was not said
before.
You know, he painted a prettypicture, came on there and was
(26:49):
like need advice.
Don't know if I should leave mywife, you know?
Yeah, and that might be playinga part as to why he also feels
guilty.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
Yeah, okay.
Well, sir, you wouldn't be theasshole.
That's my answer.
No, I say no.
My wife probably says maybe,but I say no, I say no.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
I didn't say maybe I didn't say maybe, but okay, you
know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
I do.
I know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
I do.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
I know what you're saying, like I always say lines
have to be drawn, boundarieshave to be set, limits have to
be displayed.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
Okay, this one, ok, ready.
So my husband doesn'tunderstand that.
I am tired, you ain't doingenough.
I'm a stay at home mom with afull time work, from home job,
and I have a nine month old babyboy.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
Oh, she's super tired .
Speaker 2 (27:43):
My husband doesn't understand why I need a break,
which usually happens when Itake a shower.
I find it difficult to relaxwhen I can hear the baby crying.
It's not that the babyspecifically prefers me.
My husband has bonded with himas well.
All I ask is that when I take ashower, that he engages with
the baby so that I can have amoment of peace without the
(28:03):
background noise of the crying.
When I try to take a break, myhusband often stays on his phone
while the baby cries nonstop inthe background.
My husband runs his own business, which takes a maximum of four
hours out of his day and notincluding weekends.
The rest of his time is spentwatching sports, placing bets
and late night hangouts with hisfriends.
(28:25):
My job is also pointless as heeasily covers all of our
household bills, but consideredme to be quote unquote lazy If I
don't go to work.
I am so tired.
I have not had a full night'ssleep since I was three months
pregnant.
How do I get him to understandand respect the fact that I am
tired?
You, not because you don'tunderstand it, because he, he
(28:47):
says that he considers her to belazy if she doesn't work.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Yeah, I heard that part two, which is ridiculous.
Um, this is what you need to dohe gonna tell you this is what
you need to do.
Leave his ass there by himselfwith that baby for a full day.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
Just leave just leave , because if you say anything to
him, he's gonna yeah, he'sgonna ask you yeah, just say,
hey, I gotta get some out thecar.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Go to the car and just leave.
Go to the car, oh my gosh nobecause leave your phone at home
because I, because I guaranteeyou, after three hours of
actually having to attend to itto a nine month old, he will
understand the amount of work ittakes right now.
And the other thing is he Idon't understand how you can't
(29:35):
see that if you're putting in 40hours and raising the nine
month old at the same time andhe only working four hours a day
.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
So essentially, essentially, he got he got the
rest of the day to himself.
He got.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
He got 16 hours free a day.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
While you over here and he can't yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
And, like she said, he makes more than enough money
to carry them.
She said my job is pointless.
So basically she's only workingto satisfy the notion that he
doesn't think that she needs tojust be at home all day with the
baby, Cause the other hoursthat the baby don't need her she
could be working, and I mean,this is popular.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
I would me personally , I would question this manhood.
Oh, I would, because I don'tunderstand a man that would want
his woman to be that stress,and to understand that you sit
here and you carry my child.
For nine months you're takingcare of my child and I do
believe that, as a man, it is my, it's part of my duty to make
(30:31):
your life easier.
If I make more than enough soyou don't have to work, why am I
forcing you to work?
So you're not lazy?
Speaker 2 (30:36):
because well, if that's his, here's the thing.
If that's his reasoning, thenthat's diabolical.
It's diabolical if, if it'ssomething to where they can save
towards retirement or like thecheck that she's bringing in, is
beneficial right, because thereis benefits to having two
working people.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
But I get like we know that.
But I guarantee you he'sexpecting her to take care of
the child, work that eight hoursa day, still cook, still
absolutely clean, absolutely doall that, absolutely while he
sits around because he feltbecause here's the thing, and I
don't understand why men this.
But men see, men see theirpaycheck as a get out of jail
free card, while I'm paying forit.
(31:13):
So what do I have to do?
Because there's going to.
There's going to.
There is going to come a time inyour life where your money
means nothing.
Yeah, there are instances,there are, there are situations
and there's occurrences wheremoney will not fix your problems
.
Yeah, and it doesn't matter howmuch you make, it doesn't
matter how well off you assumeto be, when it comes to matters
(31:37):
of the heart and the emotionalmatters, your money will not be
able to fill the void or heal apain or replace love loss.
And that's one thing I feellike a lot of men don't
understand until it happens tothem.
We get so and I understand howwe get there, because we get so
wrapped up in building, building, growing and trying to achieve
(31:57):
a certain level of success and acertain level of status quo,
and when we get there we feelproud of ourself and that
becomes part of our identitybecause we worked hard to get
there, right.
But I feel like what's lost inthe sauce of getting there is
the fact that, at the end of theday, none of this shit means
nothing, because if war brokeout tomorrow, it wouldn't matter
(32:17):
.
If we got invaded tomorrow, itwouldn't matter.
If they drop a nuclear bombtomorrow, it wouldn't matter.
What would matter would be theconnection to the people you do
your closest to and to thepeople you are closest to.
And I guarantee you that if youwere to misplace yourself from
his life, he would feel that.
Of course, whether he showed itor not, he would feel it in
some kind of way and he wouldmost likely be jaded towards the
(32:39):
next woman he ever approached.
But it's just, it's a wildsituation and I don't, ma'am,
you're not crazy.
And, like I said, leave thatmotherfucker with the baby,
because I can from personalexperience when we had Phoenix
and you went back to work andthen I got hurt, right.
So I was home with her and I washome with her all the time and
(33:02):
she was with three months, threelike from like.
From the time she was threemonths to right before she
turned one.
I was with my baby all day,every day.
So I have an understanding thatthis shit is not easy.
Now it was cool at first, butwhen she turned about five to a
month, like five to a halfmonths, and she started moving
(33:23):
and she wasn't taking no naps,no more, and I had to sit here
and play and sing and then thatchild can eat bye damiel,
goodbye it was rough.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
That child can eat.
She can eat now.
She used to come home even onthe kid menu no more come home.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
I'm like girl, take your baby.
Matter of fact, shower with herbecause I'm done.
My shift is over because I usedto call her.
Hey, you supposed to be off atsix.
It is 7, 30.
Where the hell are you?
Come get your child.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
I'm enjoying a meal by myself.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
She was brutal.
How was that brutal, coldhearted?
Speaker 2 (33:56):
I got to take care of me, Lucius Cold hearted.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
I got to take care of me.
She was cold hearted.
But, like I said, I don't knowwhat you're going to say.
Just leave the house, leave itwith the baby.
Maybe they understand.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
All right, experience is the best teacher.
Am I the asshole for slappingmy boyfriend?
Probably not my boyfriendadmitted to not remembering
whether he groped one of myfriends on a night out.
My friend was crying andbegging me to believe her and
after pressuring him to tell methe truth, he said he couldn't
(34:28):
remember if he touched her ornot.
And then he laughed in my face.
I have never once hit himbefore, but what he said
absolutely disgusted me and itbroke me Up.
Until this point.
He has been the sweetestboyfriend ever, and to have the
idea of him shattered in momentsbroke my heart.
It was like a reflex when I hithim.
(34:49):
What upsets me even more isthat when I have tried to speak
to him about what happened, hekeeps acting like it's not a big
deal.
My boyfriend and his dad aretreating me like I'm insane for
being upset about what he did tomy friend and keeps telling me
it was just a drunken mistake onhis part.
My friends have told me that Iwas in the right for hitting him
(35:09):
and that he deserved it, but Istill feel guilty.
Am I the asshole?
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Um, I'm gonna say yes , cause one, you don't have to
put your hands on people.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
Right, I was going to say keep your hands to yourself
.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Two, they're acting like it's not a big deal because
it's not a big deal to them.
You gotta understand somethingthat's that's important to you,
don't mean it's important toeverybody else.
So it's not important to them,especially because now they're
saying it was in a drunk, adrunken phase, right.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
So he may not, he may have not remembered, because I
know people when they know, buthe remembers, obviously because
him and his dad are saying whyare you blaming him for
something he did while he wasdrunk?
So he, he knows that he did itokay, and then he shrugged.
He shrugged his shoulders andlaughed in her face.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Look here, the point of the matter is that if you
feel a way about it and he don'tfeel a way about it, this is
one of those things where youhave to decide whether or not,
what you're going to do.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
What you're going to do.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
Whether you're going to let this shape the
relationship or break therelationship.
Yeah, you got to make that.
Oh, I put that on my shirt.
You got to make that, oh, I putthat on the shirt.
Uh, you gotta make.
You gotta make that decision.
Um, I don't think I.
I don't think necessarily thatyou are an asshole for for your
emotions, but I don't feel likethere's any place to put put
your hands on anybody right in aviolent way, because had he
(36:20):
retaliated, I would have said,well, you deserved it.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
Because you hit him first, yeah so I I agree with
that.
Don't put your hands on peoplelike, even if you upset, you
keep your hands and keep yourhands to yourself unless you're
doing it get your hand off mythigh.
Keep your hands to yourself.
You don't hit people, okay?
We learned that in kindergartenunless they ask for it now if
they touch you or they hit you,you light off on the ass, that's
(36:45):
.
That's the kindergartenplayground rules.
Speaker 1 (36:47):
Stand on business.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
Okay, but other than that, no, don't put your hands
on him.
Two, I think he very much knewwhat he was doing, and he used
being drunk as an excuse, andit's probably something he's
always wanted to do when helooked at your friend.
So there's that he might makeyour friend look better than you
, right, and then?
So with that, if the image ofhim is now shaken and broken in
(37:08):
your mind, just go, I mean, ifyou ain't got no real ties to
each other just go, let's see,we can probably squeeze in one
more.
Oh, ok, ok let's see.
Am I the asshole for refusingto go on a family trip after my
sister called me the familyfailure?
Speaker 1 (37:26):
Damn, ok, hold on.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
So I've always had a bit of a rocky relationship with
my older sister.
She's always been the quoteunquote golden child in our
family.
Straight A's.
Great job married with kids youget the idea.
Meanwhile I took a differentpath.
I struggled through college, Ijumped in between jobs and I'm
currently working a retail jobwhile I'm trying to figure out
my career path Not perfect, butI'm doing my best.
(37:54):
Last week we had a family dinnerwhere my parents announced that
they wanted to take the wholefamily on a vacation to
celebrate their anniversary.
It sounded nice until my sisterstarted joking about how she
hopes I can afford to take thetime off.
She then followed it up bysaying it's okay, we all know
you're the family failure, butat least you're fun to hang
around.
Everyone laughed.
I awkwardly smiled, but insideI was done.
(38:15):
This isn't the first time she'smade comments like that, but it
hit differently this time.
After the dinner I told myparents that I wasn't
comfortable going on the trip.
They tried to brush it off asmy sister just joking, but I
told them that I'm tired ofbeing disrespected.
Now my whole family is upsetwith me.
My sister texted me saying I'mbeing dramatic and that I'm
ruining the trip for everyone.
(38:35):
My parents said that theyunderstand that I'm hurt, but
that I should come anyway and tonot let my sister get under my
skin.
I really don't want to go, butnow I feel guilty for upsetting
everyone.
Am I the asshole for saying noto going on the trip?
Speaker 1 (38:48):
Not at all, not at all, not at all, not at all, not
at all.
And I will say this real quickOne I probably would go for the
benefit of my parents.
Because it's something thatthey wanted to do, because it's
something that they want Right,and I will also say this I kind
of get the feeling that yoursister is just jealous of you
(39:09):
because she probably feels likeshe's had to be perfect.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
She's had to be on the straight and narrow.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
She's had to be yeah she had, she's had to be perfect
in every sense of the word, herwhole life.
Speaker 2 (39:18):
So there was no room for her to be herself, so
there's no room for her toactually right.
Speaker 1 (39:26):
You said like for her to actually display the person
that she actually is.
And now, since you have taken adifferent road and you've
you've basically been loved thesame way.
She's been loved Cause itseemed like your parents love
all their kids equally.
You've been loved in the samemanner in which she's been loved
from you guys as parents andyou've been able to have your,
your robot bumps and yourroadblocks and still be invited
and still.
You know what I'm saying.
That probably got to her alittle bit, because I, I people,
(39:49):
need to understand that thereis, there is a sacrifice that
comes with the, the image ofperfection, oh, absolutely, and
I and I guarantee you that thereis probably some hate, there's
probably some resilience, someresentment, resentment.
Speaker 2 (40:04):
But she probably ain't even happy in her real
life, Right she's?
Speaker 1 (40:12):
probably not really happy, though she probably goes
home every day.
She can't stand her husbandcan't stand her kid, goddamn
kids on her goddamn nerves, andshe and she want to run away.
But she can't run away becauseshe's forced to maintain this
image of perfection and it'sdriving her crazy.
So live your life.
I don't think you're a asshole,but I would go, go and your
sister just a bitch.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
Yeah, because she's also the older sister.
So you know the pressure.
The pressure for her was youneed to set a good example for
your young, your youngersiblings.
So there's a pressure of beingthe firstborn.
There's a pressure.
You know what I mean.
There's a different version ofyour parents that you get being
a firstborn.
So I'm pretty sure thepressures that she got from her
parents the firstborn, hersister she didn't get those same
(40:52):
pressures, which is why sheprobably took a different path.
Right, because she didn't haveto do all of the things that her
older sister did.
The older sister was the firstchild, the older sister is the
we got to get this shit rightthe first time kid.
So you know what I mean and Ithink that's where like that
makes sense to me.
I had heard something about itwas a child therapist talking
(41:13):
about why it's important to havemultiple children in the house,
because when you have multiplechildren in the house, it's
right.
They, amongst themselves, theyfigure out where they fall.
Yeah Right, they figure outwhat their personality type is
Like.
If this person is type A, Ican't occupy that space because
that my sister already holdsthat space.
Or if you know there's a messup, I can't occupy that space
(41:35):
because my brother is alreadyoccupying that space.
You know what I mean.
So I think you know.
And then, as somebody who onlyhas one child, I'm constantly
thinking about the way she'sbehaving the way she's doing
things Like because I want tomake sure that she has, you know
, be on a certain path, right,but by the time you get to child
(41:56):
two and three, after raisingchild one, you quickly realize,
like the girl you're going toend up doing what you want to do
anyway, regardless of what Isay, and a lot of times a lot of
times, a lot of times, a lot oftimes, a lot of situations.
Speaker 1 (42:08):
What it is is the firstborn is in the mud.
Speaker 2 (42:12):
Yeah, the firstborn, because it's their first time
and it's the parents' first timebeing different.
Speaker 1 (42:17):
The parents are still leveling up in their life.
They're not to a certain levelof success, but by the time you
get the child number two, threeand four, and now you're a
little more secure.
Speaker 2 (42:25):
You got a system, you got some money Right.
It's a lot different.
You're able right.
Speaker 1 (42:30):
So that's like I said , because I got to tell my mom
all the time.
Speaker 2 (42:33):
I tell even my father my experience is not the same
as my siblings.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
It's not going to be the same as my older siblings or
my younger siblings.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
Because you got different parents and that's
what parents don't understand.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
There was different versions of you by the time you
got to me for for every numberof children you have, there's a,
there's a different version ofyou.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
There are yeah, there was a different version that's
why the older siblings arealways.
That's why older siblings areupset with younger siblings
sometimes because they feel likethe younger siblings are
spoiled.
They got to do what they wantedto do, but mom and dad was
constantly on my ass about stuff.
But it's okay for her to justbe a screw up.
It's OK for her to struggle andflunk through college.
If I bought a C home, you guyswere down my damn neck Right.
(43:13):
That's because they ain't gotthe energy after you, girl.
They didn't put so much fear inyou.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
That fear take up a lot of energy, and that's why,
when we call our siblings, we gogirl, let me tell you about
your mama let me tell you aboutyour daddy because your mama is
tripping right it ain't, becauseat this moment in time I'm
upset.
She's not my mama, she's yourmama.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
This is your mama because she tripping your mama
is tripping.
So yeah, I I will say you'renot the asshole.
I agree with you, babe, go onthe trip, enjoy it, enjoy your
parents, because you don't knowwhat could happen tomorrow.
And what if this is the lastfamily vacation.
Right, everybody gets to whereeverybody is together.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
Right.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
And this is the one thing that your parents wanted
was to have all of theirchildren for their anniversary
as a resemblance of their life.
Speaker 1 (44:00):
Here's the thing there may be an announcement on
the vacation.
You never know, they mighttrying to get y'all somewhere,
uh, where y'all can't really actout.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
Bye, babe, I'm just saying where y'all can't really
act out.
Yeah, I can't.
All right, guys, this has beenanother episode of the life
after I do podcast.
If you're not doing so already,you already know the drill.
You can follow us on all of oursocial media platforms, that's
facebook, instagram, tiktok,youtube.
You can also write into thepodcast um
(44:30):
atafteridopodcastgmailcom.
Please go ahead, feel free.
Don't forget to comment, don'tforget to share, don't forget to
like and do all of the things,guys.
Speaker 1 (44:42):
All the things.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
You get a new episode every Wednesday.
We're available on all digitalstreaming platforms.
You get a new um hour two centsevery Monday, so don't forget
to head over to YouTube tofollow us on YouTube.
We are still going strong onTik TOK guys, but we do need
your help in showing us somelove on Instagram and YouTube.
Okay, so don't forget about usover there.
(45:03):
I know some of y'all are are onInstagram and YouTube as well.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
So over there, I know some of y'all are are on
instagram and youtube as well,okay, so, uh, don't forget to
like and share and follow and doall of the social media things
okay, but until the end, we'llsee you next week.
Peace booskies.
Ramone.
Like I said, ramone has somehits.
What you're?
Speaker 2 (00:04):
not gonna do is be disrespectful to the first love
of my life.
That's what we're not.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
I was waiting for that reaction.
Let's mother f***ing go.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
I was waiting for that reaction.
Hey, everybody, and welcomeback to another episode of life
(00:39):
after I do.
I am your host that you'll bekicking it with for the next 45
minutes to an hour, and I go bythe name of Nisha G Nisha mother
Also known as Hi Nisha, nishaand I'm here today with Kai to
the Nisha the.
That's not Hi.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Nisha.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
What's your name, babe?
Who are you?
I'm?
Speaker 1 (01:06):
your motherfucking husband, mm-hmm.
Or as my daughter says, mom,that's your husband.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
She does she be like mom.
That's your husband, molitoMolito.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Otherwise known as Mo Dad.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Babe.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Babe.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
The male.
Mm-hmm, really, maurice wise,no, as mo dad, babe, babe, the
male.
Really, maurice, you have allthe akas.
Yes, I do.
Hey, bosky, hi, how you feeling?
Um, I feel you look beautiful.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Thank you let me just say you look beautiful thank
you you know, purple is myfavorite color do and you're
trying to do something to metoday.
Oh Now, look here.
You got my loins burning.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
In a good way.
Not your loins, in the words ofPhoenix, not your loins In a
good way I'm not talking aboutin an STD way In a good way.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Like I got fire in.
I got this passion down therefor you right now, because I,
you and that color is making mewell.
You're creeping me out withyour old man talk.
So that's not, it's doing theopposite for me.
I'm happy that you're turned on, because I am not.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
I said I'm gonna give me a wig and start doing my
uncle.
You know, uncle perm fromtiktok but oh god, I'm gonna be
doing my pair, at least becausehe be taking me.
I can't.
I cannot you want your water tobe obeyed.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
You know what you gotta do no, no, I'm gonna just
have to go without water.
I'm gonna go to my neighborsand ask if I can bum a 24 pack
of water off of her, because ifI gotta do all that, like and
here's the thing, this is what'sfunny, these are the thoughts
that I have sometimes.
I used to think, like, okay,you know, like sex workers,
(02:50):
right.
Like if you're a true sex worker, right, you like each man is
like a client you know, and Iwould sometimes, when I was like
out in public, if I saw a manthat was just like not
attractive or like had reallynasty, dirty fingernails, dirty
jeans, and I would think like,oh, he would be a client, oh, I
couldn't like how was your week?
Speaker 1 (03:14):
how was your week?
Could you wow?
I used to think about stufflike how was, how was your week?
Let's talk about your week.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Let's let's go my week was good um except I have a
bum elbow and it's like it'smaking me feel I'm not weak.
I'm sorry what I have.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
My my elbow probably hurts because I was trying to
show you up so I don't know whyyou're trying to show me up I'm
teasing babe.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
No, I don't know.
I think I um, I don't know, Ithink I tweaked it a little bit.
Like you know, when I had mywrist, I made an adjustment when
I already had the weight in myhand, and that was a terrible
decision Because you were tryingto be like me.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
I wasn't trying to be like you.
You see me do that sometimes.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Actually, that's not what it was.
What it was is that it wasn'tsitting on the out part of my
hand when I had picked up poundweight and that wasn't the
smartest idea.
But now I do feel like, once myelbow feels better because I
got new wrist wraps, it's gameover.
(04:12):
It's game over.
But then I also just realizedthat, to be a part of the 600
pound club, straps and stuff arenot allowed.
So I can't wear straps for that, which is fine, but I'm talking
about for my regularweightlifting sessions.
Like I feel like it's going towork.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
I really thought you were going to come in here and
be like, have good energy andhigh energy about your crafting
you've been doing, because youback oh, I am.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
I'm back in my crafting bag.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
You knee deep, you all the way in it.
I, finally, I wouldn't say youknee deep, but you, you up to
your neck in it now.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Bye.
I have had a sewing machine forabout a year now and it's been
sitting at my craft table.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Hold on, she's had a new sewing machine.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
A new sewing machine?
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Yes, I have one in the garage.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
She's had a sewing machine in the garage for
decades.
Well, that's neither here northere, and I feel like a little
bit of judgment and I don't needthe judgment is what I'm trying
to say.
But anywho, um, I was like, oh,I really want to open my.
You know, it was open, it wasjust sitting there, but I was
like I really want to knock thedust off of it and you know, use
it and I really wanted to teachphoenix how to use it, because
(05:16):
she has asked before aboutlearning how to sew and I do
embroider.
So, in case you guys don't know,I do custom apparel, um, so I
do embroidery yourself on myplatform.
No, guys don't know, I docustom apparel, um, so I do
embroidery.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Why are you trying to plug yourself on my platform?
Speaker 2 (05:27):
No, I'm goodbye, uh, but I do all of that stuff.
So, any who?
I wanted to get back into mysewing and I was really
important because I wanted toteach Phoenix how to sew.
So, um, we've been practicingmaking these makeup bags and you
know it's been going reallywell, it's.
You know, I enjoy crafting.
Yeah, it's good, it's good,it's going good, it's going good
(05:49):
.
And so then I know one of myfriends.
She was like, oh, she was likeyou really like crafting, you
like creating stuff and stufflike that.
And I was like, yeah, I waslike, funny enough, I actually
have a degree in it too.
She's like what?
I was like, yeah, I actually do, that's what you went to school
for.
That's actually what I went toschool for, so I was like I
actually have a whole stillpaying on it.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
So not the still paying on.
It Took me out.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
So if you need anything made, just let me know.
Still paying on it.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Still paying on it, I'm going to just keep it short
because you took a lot of time.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
My week was great.
I feel like I'm making greatprogress.
I am Like I said, 2025 is ayear I am, maurice is working on
Maurice and I love it.
I see a lot of my faults.
I'm trying to be better.
My main priority is being abetter father.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
And having a better perspective.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Right, this child is pushing me to my limit daily,
but I will say she looks.
She looks so adorable today inher old lady outfit.
Oh my gosh, she was so cute,she was so you know what I
watched.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
So I was.
I was checking to see if thedoor sorry, I was checking to
see if the door was locked andso I started watching the video
from this morning when she ranback in to get her sweater and
she's like running and she's gotthis wig on and she's at the
front door.
And I was going to post her andbe like who is this woman?
Speaker 1 (07:14):
at my door.
Matter of fact, I'm going to godownload it from the website.
But yeah, so I mean I've had agreat week.
My only downside which I'mtrying to remain positive to,
that the scale is not moving itis moving.
But I'm going to just sum it upto I got more muscle.
Now you do.
(07:34):
I will say that today in thegym I was like, damn, I look
kind of strong.
I got some good footage of you.
I said OK.
I said I was kind of feeling itwas a little vain.
I was kind of feeling myself.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
I took some video of him and I was like okay, so I'm
feeling myself, and you know I'mexcited.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
I'm very looking forward to a lot of things
coming up, but I'm just tryingto work on myself and I'm happy
with the progress.
So that's it.
My week has been great.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
I'm proud of you.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
My week.
It's been great.
My wife is as beautiful as ever.
Let me tell y'all my wife.
She even worked on her glutesand hammies, oh my gosh.
And that shelf is shelving.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Okay, Thanks honey Go ahead put a whole dinner up
there.
Groceries, I will say workingout together.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Makes you push harder .
Speaker 2 (08:25):
No.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
I'm going to push.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
I'm going to push hard anyway, I'm going to show
up, anyway.
My elbow is quite literallyinflamed, but do you think that
stopped me from doing pull-upstoday?
Because it did it.
It did it, though.
Did you think it stopped mefrom doing rows Because it did
it?
Now?
Can I barely move it now?
Yes, I can barely.
Does it hurt?
Speaker 1 (08:54):
to extend my arm.
It absolutely does.
I did it, but I shouldn't, Ishouldn't have done it.
But you know that mean, oh, youlift weights.
What did you?
What did you do when you gothurt?
Kept lifting.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
I kept fucking legend yeah, at the end it a fucking
legend.
You got hurt.
What did you do?
I kept lifting.
That's exactly it.
You saw me struggle on thatleft arm row and on your bicep
girl but I, but I still did it,I did, I still did it.
So what we got today, booskiesso it is a hour, two scenes
(09:22):
episode.
You know, every beginning partof the month.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
It's about to get messy.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
I don't know if it's going to get messy.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
I'm going to be messy .
I'm going to make everythingmessy.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
I mean, we have this segment because my husband likes
drama guys.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Look it no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
He really should.
I like other people's drama.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Yes, like drama okay, but he likes.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
He likes other people's drama, so I don't even
know what to say about thataspect of his personality what
else am I going to be able touse all these black sayings I
have built up in me, vibrant?
What else I'm gonna say?
Couldn't be me.
You better than me.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Player what was that video somebody did on tiktok and
it was like uh, black insultswhen you don't even know that
they're insults.
I didn't give it all.
Couldn't be me, you better thanme, but you, to each his own
right, that's my favorite.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
To each his own my favorite black insult is bless
your heart if it uh was good foryou if you like it.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
I love if you like it , I love it if it's good for you
it's good for you.
I love, I love for you.
I love that for you.
I love that for you.
That's my other favorite one.
I love that for you.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
One of my favorites is bless your heart.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Yeah, bless your heart.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
That is so disrespectful.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
I remember when we had feet I was like if somebody
look at my baby and be likebless her heart, I'll be like
cute, she is cute.
We fighting on sight.
Okay, because she is cute.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
Hairline missing and all that's your baby.
She's cute.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Bless her heart.
No, you can't say bless yourheart to my baby.
We fighting, we're going tofight.
I swear I will fight.
Tell my baby bless your heart.
Is that your?
Speaker 1 (10:53):
baby.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Bless her heart.
Bless her heart.
Shout out to Bruce, bruce.
Bless her heart.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
I will say that babies do they look like
potatoes for the first threeweeks first of all, my child did
not look like a potato.
I said, most babies look likepotatoes because they ain't got
no real features.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
They just there because they fresh out the oven
you gotta let, like everythingmold and like you know how you
gotta let.
You gotta let the air hit them.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
You know how you I don't let the air hit it.
Same thing with the baby.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
You gotta let it cool down for a little bit so really
you shouldn't be letting peoplesee the baby for at least like
a month maybe Rihanna ownssomething.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Goodbye oh, hold on real quick.
Unrelated shout out to Rihannashe looks great not personally
Fenty, because these Fentyoutfits I'm gonna buy my wife.
So there's ass in the ass.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Yes, sir yeah, because I told him this morning
about the there's like thischerry, red, blossom two piece
workout set and then there's abody suit and I was like I'm
just putting you on notice.
That's about to be in cart.
Let me just say this that'sgoing to cart right now.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
We need to get started.
But I'm going to say this I amone of them.
I'm one of these.
My wife will attest to this.
I am one of the black men thatwhen I say I like black women, I
mean I like black women, andwhen I see a black woman in any
bright color, I'll be like lookat that sunshine over there.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
He'll be like babe babe look at that did you see?
Did you see that two piece?
She had them because that wascute.
I like that what's that?
Speaker 1 (12:25):
who am I?
I like that you know the brightcolors against a black woman's
skin, and I don't care whatshade of black you are.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
I mean we can wear any color.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
But when you got, that bright when y'all, when
black women get in a spring bag,oh my gosh, which I can't wait.
That's where my spring is myfavorite season, because not
only do I get sundresses, I getbright, colorful clothes I'll be
like.
Look at this here the toes.
Look at god look at god.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Look at god.
He did this just for me.
Look at god.
He made, he made me a man.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
For this reason, right here, don't let me see you
out in public as a black womanin a yellow sundress no, no, not
a yellow sundress.
A yellow sundress rocking apineapple or a fro Shit Y'all.
Excuse my husband, please Shitthis man.
(13:15):
Look at that goddess over there, I can't with you.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
I can't.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
I'll go ahead and read the first one.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
And then I'll be waiting for my nine-inch short
scene.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
I'm.
I can't Go ahead and read thefirst one and then I'd be
waiting for my nine inch shortseam.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
I'm not doing that, go ahead.
He refuses to wear shorts forme.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
No, I wear shorts.
She want me to wear bootyshorts.
Nine inch seams are not bootyshorts, no you want me to wear
seven inch seam shorts Becauseyou?
Speaker 2 (13:40):
have the thighs to do it.
I don't you have the thighs todo it.
I don't you have the legs to doit.
Okay, what's the first one?
Speaker 1 (13:49):
okay, don't, don't run don't run over me.
Don't run over me, don't dothat I was just talking about
how I really appreciate I'm onblack wings.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Yeah, okay, let's see , let's go ahead and hop into.
Okay, this one.
It's not a lot of drama, it'sactually like asking real advice
.
It's a real, real thing.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Okay, let's go.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
Am I the asshole for divorcing my depressed wife
because her depression anddepression induced spending are
dragging me down?
Depression induced spending yes, okay.
At what point do I leave mywife because of her depression
and her depression inducedspending?
That's dragging me down.
When my wife and I met, I wasan MBA program and she was
(14:34):
finishing up her certificationprocess to become a nurse
anesthesiologist.
I was drawn to the drive andoptimistic view of the world.
We were both young adults whosaw the world as an endless
source of opportunity.
We discussed having kids whenwe were more established in our
career.
After graduation, we both wentto work.
I got a job consulting, making200K a year with a signing bonus
(14:56):
, and have continued to grow inmy career.
My wife was cruising it,crushing it at her dream
hospital, making 150K beforeovertime.
We were happy, traveling andenjoying ourselves.
We eventually bought our dreamhome and we're truly living our
dreams.
Until about three years ago, mywife had a mental breakdown at
home between shifts at thehospital.
(15:17):
She was eventually hospitalizedfor a few weeks After she came
home, we agreed that she wouldtake six months off to recover
and that I would take care of usImmediately.
She started spending an averageof two to 3,000 every week,
traveling with her friends andweekend trips.
She stopped helping around thehouse and was constantly out of
the house.
I completely supported this forsix months.
(15:38):
She said it was part of herhealing process and I understood
entirely through sickness andin health.
Then the agreed six monthspassed and I asked if she was
ready to return to work, atleast part-time.
This caused her to shut down soI backed off.
Then a year passed passed and Irevisited again.
Another breakdown ensued.
I asked if she was ready toconsider starting a family and
(16:01):
just being a homemaker insteadof going back to work.
We were in a great financialposition and didn't need her
money.
She agreed and for the lastyear we have been trying to have
a baby.
We've even done fertilitytesting and been giving a.
You are both healthy, so keeptrying.
Last week from the doctor Lastweek, I was driving her car and
I dropped my phone, so I pulledover to grab it from underneath
(16:23):
the driver's seat and to mysurprise, I found birth control
pills.
I was shocked and turned aroundon my way from work to confront
her.
She broke down and called me anabuser for trying to force kids
onto her.
She's never told me that shedidn't want kids and I would
absolutely never push her.
She then started blaming me forthe breakdown.
(16:44):
She said it's my fault.
She can't work.
I then brought up how I havehandled 95% of the cooking and
cleaning for the past threeyears because I was just trying
to support her and allow her toheal while she traveled and
racked up a $10,000 credit cardbill every single month for me
to pay off.
She has shut down and refusesto talk to me.
I've been sleeping at ourvacation house because she says
(17:07):
it's detrimental to her mentalhealth to share a space with me.
As her abuser, I can't shakethe feeling that I have been
lied to and taken advantage ofnow for years.
I want a divorce but at thesame time, if she is genuinely
sick, I don't want to abandonher.
Am I the asshole for evenconsidering leaving my sick wife
?
I can't shake the feeling thatI'm selfish for even considering
(17:29):
this.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Not at all, and let me tell you why.
Let me tell you why I feel thisway.
Please, if she sees you as herabuser, I would make myself
scared, so that she don't feellike she's being abused he did.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
He's sleeping at the vacation.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
No, no no, no, no, no , no.
I'm gonna make myselfcompletely scared.
So I mean if, if, if you can'tbe in my presence, because that
triggers you, my presence comeswith my money.
So now my money is gone too andyou are able-bodied, you're
able to work, because my thingis, if you're.
(18:06):
I don't see this as I mean holdon, I might be a little judgy
here I don't see this as thetype of depression that I label
as depression, because you'renot.
I see depression as as as, likeyou, isolating, you don't want
to, and you don't want to docertain things.
Because you can't do certainthings.
If you're able to rack up 10 Ka month and travel and go on
girls trips and all that, Idon't see you being that, that
(18:30):
that much depressed when youcan't work, and then to sit here
and agree to have children withme because you just want to
stay, so you can stay home andthen take birth control.
So the whole time we're notgetting pregnant because of you.
It sounds like you just want meto take care of you and that's
not what we signed up for.
So I would go ahead and say,well, obviously this is not
(18:53):
working for us, because it's notworking for me because, as the
man I have, I have my.
I have to put my happiness and,to some degree, as a priority.
I've given you the last threeyears to get to, to work on
yourself and prepare yourself,and you've done nothing but
postpone things, going back tothe way they were before.
So no, I don't, I don't feelsad or I wouldn't feel, I
(19:16):
wouldn't feel any happy wayabout the divorce, because I've
tried, I've tried, I've done mypart.
That's all I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
Thoughts Okay, first off.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
Okay, here we go.
Anytime my wife say first off,she got this shit depression
presents itself in differentways to different people.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Okay, people can very much be depressive, spending
that is a thing, just likepeople can overeat but still put
on a happy face and go to work.
Same same rules can apply.
So I don't agree with you there.
Um, I think depression looksdifferent for everybody because
(20:04):
everybody wears a different face.
Everybody presents depressioncompletely different.
Um, so I, I, I don't, I don'tagree you there.
I do think that he is kind ofmaybe stuck in a between a rock
and a hard place because, likehe said he, on one hand he kind
of feels like, okay, he couldhave it, feels like he's being
taken for, but on the other handit's like, but if she is
(20:26):
genuinely sick, how can Iabandon her?
Because, like he said in the inthe um, one of the sentences or
the paragraphs when I wasreading, for sickness and in
health, right.
So if this is one of thosesituations where it's sickness
and in health and because it'snot showing up, where it doesn't
benefit you at this period inthe relationship, then him
(20:49):
saying like that's why I feel alittle guilty, it's only been
three years, and I don't sayonly three years, like that's
not an extended amount of time.
That is an extended amount oftime, but that's the thing about
relationships and that's thething about it's not just
relationships, but marriages,more more.
You know, specifically is you.
You can, and we'll have periodsof time where things don't work
(21:12):
in your favor or you feel likeyou're giving more than you're
getting and because you're goingthrough that period, it's like,
ok, so should I just throw inthe towel because I don't know
when this is going to end.
So you have to make a decision.
Like, I understand what you'resaying about him having to
prioritize his happiness and his, his, his life as well, because
he's in the relationship.
(21:33):
Also, I, I get that and I doagree with that.
But, like again, I said, youknow, for me, this is for me,
it's only been three years, okay, but I do feel like he's
between a rock and a hard place.
The other thing is, I do thinkit is really selfish of her to
lead him on in a way where weare trying to start a family and
you are leading me on sayinglike, okay, yeah, I'm in this
with you, we're gonna start afamily, and you are leading me
(21:54):
on saying like, okay, yeah, I'min this with you, we're going to
start a family, but then you'rebehind my back taking birth
control pills.
And then he also mentioned thatthey were doing fertility
treatments.
That that's expensive.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
No, they got tested, they got, they did, they
wouldn't, they wouldn't got,they wouldn't have their
fertility.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Okay, yeah, dishonest what I get from reading this,
with him explaining it.
I do think that if she justwould have came to him and
simply said, hey, I don't wantto go back to work, I don't
think me going back to work isbeneficial to my mental health
right now, but I also am not100% ready to start a family.
(22:29):
If we can come to some type ofagreement, for maybe I can just
be here for like another year,another two years, and then we
can revisit, or maybe we canactually to some type of
agreement, for maybe I can justbe here for like another year,
another two years, and then wecan revisit, or maybe we can
actually start working on thefamily, that's different because
, like he said, we don't needher income.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
He's already said they got a vacation home.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
They have a vacation home, but, like he said, we
don't need her income.
And the only reason why itsounded like he prompted to
start the family anyway isbecause he's saying, well, if
you're not going to work andyou're going to be at home
anyway, then this would be aperfect time for us to, like,
start a family, you know, and ifthat's not something she wanted
to do, then she could have beenvocal about that too.
If he's been taking care ofeverything for the past three
(23:05):
years and she's not cooking,she's not cleaning, she's not
going to work and all she'sdoing is racking up credit card
bills and, you know, live in thegood life if that's helping her
mentally, then that's aconversation that needed to be
had, because maybe he wouldn'thave said okay, I don't support
the $3,000 every week, but ifyou can cut it down to 1500 or
something, and maybe we do agirl's trip every six months, or
(23:26):
whatever the case may be,whatever the case may be, we
don't know all of the dynamics,but I say all that to say that I
do feel like it was.
It was a little bit unfair tohim, um, but again, we also
don't know, and we can't speakto, what depression looks like
for like for her.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
okay, you know what I'm saying and, and I will say,
everything you said is valid andit could very much well be true
, but when, when you're asyou're reading, when she had the
nervous breakdown in betweenshifts at home, whatever that
may happen, right, they agreedthat it would be six months.
The six months came.
(24:07):
They talked about the subject.
She pushed back.
He said cool no problem.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
She broke down and he decided to back off.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
She broke down.
He backed off.
They had the conversation againin a year.
She broke down, he backed off.
Right, this is a repeatingpattern, right?
So now it's a year, so now it'sbeen three years, or now it's
been two years, and she said,hey, well, well, if you don't
want to work, how about we havea family?
Then she agrees to that.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
I know, that's what I just said.
I know, I know you said it.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
And then, behind his back, she's taking birth control
.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Yes, that's not fair to him Right.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
So the behind the back taking birth control is
dishonest.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
I agree.
So I'm not going to sit hereand hold this man to sickness
and health when she's not love,honoring and respecting, because
she's being dishonest.
So she's the she's the onebreaking the vows because he was
trying to uphold the vows bybeing there for in her time of
need and but she's not upholdinghers.
So, like I said, I would not be, I would, I would, I would not,
(25:10):
uh, hold it against him if hefiled and went through a divorce
because he he attempted.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Yeah, I didn't say I would hold it against him if he
filed and went through a divorcebecause he he attempted.
Yeah, I didn't say I would holdit against him, I'm just saying
I'm.
I'm talking to the fact wherehe said that he still feels
guilty.
That he feels guilty for havingthe thought because in his like
, how he's saying in his mind ifshe is truly, genuinely sick, I
don't want to abandon her and Iget that.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
But here's the other thing, here's the other thing,
here's the other thing.
This to me sounds like one ofthose things where something
needs to be done sooner ratherthan later.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
Agreed Before it turns into resentment.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Yes, agreed, right.
So make it.
Make the split now, while itcan be somewhat civil, before
you get to the point where youjust don't care because now you
feel like she's wasted so muchof your time.
Yeah, I mean, I think we also.
I think we're also negating whythe breakdown happened in the
first place.
He never said that, exactly likeno one just has a mental
breakdown out of nowhere,especially when the way he set
(26:04):
it up he was like she was making150, I was making 200, we got a
vacation home, we traveling,like if life was so good.
What happened?
What happened?
There's something else we don'tknow about.
There's something else, becausethe picture he painted in the
beginning is like you know whatI mean.
If that was the case y'allmaking $350K a year and
(26:26):
traveling, you ain't got no kids, you got multiple homes it
would sound like you're livingthe good life.
So what was the breakdown?
What's the issue?
What was the issue?
What was happening in the brain?
Like you know what I mean.
Or there's more informationthat we don't know about.
There's a lot other things toconsider that was not said
before.
You know, he painted a prettypicture, came on there and was
(26:49):
like need advice.
Don't know if I should leave mywife, you know?
Yeah, and that might be playinga part as to why he also feels
guilty.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
Yeah, okay.
Well, sir, you wouldn't be theasshole.
That's my answer.
No, I say no.
My wife probably says maybe,but I say no, I say no.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
I didn't say maybe I didn't say maybe, but okay, you
know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
I do.
I know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
I do.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
I know what you're saying, like I always say lines
have to be drawn, boundarieshave to be set, limits have to
be displayed.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
Okay, this one, ok, ready.
So my husband doesn'tunderstand that.
I am tired, you ain't doingenough.
I'm a stay at home mom with afull time work, from home job,
and I have a nine month old babyboy.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
Oh, she's super tired .
Speaker 2 (27:43):
My husband doesn't understand why I need a break,
which usually happens when Itake a shower.
I find it difficult to relaxwhen I can hear the baby crying.
It's not that the babyspecifically prefers me.
My husband has bonded with himas well.
All I ask is that when I take ashower, that he engages with
the baby so that I can have amoment of peace without the
(28:03):
background noise of the crying.
When I try to take a break, myhusband often stays on his phone
while the baby cries nonstop inthe background.
My husband runs his own business, which takes a maximum of four
hours out of his day and notincluding weekends.
The rest of his time is spentwatching sports, placing bets
and late night hangouts with hisfriends.
(28:25):
My job is also pointless as heeasily covers all of our
household bills, but consideredme to be quote unquote lazy If I
don't go to work.
I am so tired.
I have not had a full night'ssleep since I was three months
pregnant.
How do I get him to understandand respect the fact that I am
tired?
You, not because you don'tunderstand it, because he, he
(28:47):
says that he considers her to belazy if she doesn't work.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Yeah, I heard that part two, which is ridiculous.
Um, this is what you need to dohe gonna tell you this is what
you need to do.
Leave his ass there by himselfwith that baby for a full day.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
Just leave just leave , because if you say anything to
him, he's gonna yeah, he'sgonna ask you yeah, just say,
hey, I gotta get some out thecar.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Go to the car and just leave.
Go to the car, oh my gosh nobecause leave your phone at home
because I, because I guaranteeyou, after three hours of
actually having to attend to itto a nine month old, he will
understand the amount of work ittakes right now.
And the other thing is he Idon't understand how you can't
(29:35):
see that if you're putting in 40hours and raising the nine
month old at the same time andhe only working four hours a day
.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
So essentially, essentially, he got he got the
rest of the day to himself.
He got.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
He got 16 hours free a day.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
While you over here and he can't yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
And, like she said, he makes more than enough money
to carry them.
She said my job is pointless.
So basically she's only workingto satisfy the notion that he
doesn't think that she needs tojust be at home all day with the
baby, Cause the other hoursthat the baby don't need her she
could be working, and I mean,this is popular.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
I would me personally , I would question this manhood.
Oh, I would, because I don'tunderstand a man that would want
his woman to be that stress,and to understand that you sit
here and you carry my child.
For nine months you're takingcare of my child and I do
believe that, as a man, it is my, it's part of my duty to make
(30:31):
your life easier.
If I make more than enough soyou don't have to work, why am I
forcing you to work?
So you're not lazy?
Speaker 2 (30:36):
because well, if that's his, here's the thing.
If that's his reasoning, thenthat's diabolical.
It's diabolical if, if it'ssomething to where they can save
towards retirement or like thecheck that she's bringing in, is
beneficial right, because thereis benefits to having two
working people.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
But I get like we know that.
But I guarantee you he'sexpecting her to take care of
the child, work that eight hoursa day, still cook, still
absolutely clean, absolutely doall that, absolutely while he
sits around because he feltbecause here's the thing, and I
don't understand why men this.
But men see, men see theirpaycheck as a get out of jail
free card, while I'm paying forit.
(31:13):
So what do I have to do?
Because there's going to.
There's going to.
There is going to come a time inyour life where your money
means nothing.
Yeah, there are instances,there are, there are situations
and there's occurrences wheremoney will not fix your problems
.
Yeah, and it doesn't matter howmuch you make, it doesn't
matter how well off you assumeto be, when it comes to matters
(31:37):
of the heart and the emotionalmatters, your money will not be
able to fill the void or heal apain or replace love loss.
And that's one thing I feellike a lot of men don't
understand until it happens tothem.
We get so and I understand howwe get there, because we get so
wrapped up in building, building, growing and trying to achieve
(31:57):
a certain level of success and acertain level of status quo,
and when we get there we feelproud of ourself and that
becomes part of our identitybecause we worked hard to get
there, right.
But I feel like what's lost inthe sauce of getting there is
the fact that, at the end of theday, none of this shit means
nothing, because if war brokeout tomorrow, it wouldn't matter
(32:17):
.
If we got invaded tomorrow, itwouldn't matter.
If they drop a nuclear bombtomorrow, it wouldn't matter.
What would matter would be theconnection to the people you do
your closest to and to thepeople you are closest to.
And I guarantee you that if youwere to misplace yourself from
his life, he would feel that.
Of course, whether he showed itor not, he would feel it in
some kind of way and he wouldmost likely be jaded towards the
(32:39):
next woman he ever approached.
But it's just, it's a wildsituation and I don't, ma'am,
you're not crazy.
And, like I said, leave thatmotherfucker with the baby,
because I can from personalexperience when we had Phoenix
and you went back to work andthen I got hurt, right.
So I was home with her and I washome with her all the time and
(33:02):
she was with three months, threelike from like.
From the time she was threemonths to right before she
turned one.
I was with my baby all day,every day.
So I have an understanding thatthis shit is not easy.
Now it was cool at first, butwhen she turned about five to a
month, like five to a halfmonths, and she started moving
(33:23):
and she wasn't taking no naps,no more, and I had to sit here
and play and sing and then thatchild can eat bye damiel,
goodbye it was rough.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
That child can eat.
She can eat now.
She used to come home even onthe kid menu no more come home.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
I'm like girl, take your baby.
Matter of fact, shower with herbecause I'm done.
My shift is over because I usedto call her.
Hey, you supposed to be off atsix.
It is 7, 30.
Where the hell are you?
Come get your child.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
I'm enjoying a meal by myself.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
She was brutal.
How was that brutal, coldhearted?
Speaker 2 (33:56):
I got to take care of me, Lucius Cold hearted.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
I got to take care of me.
She was cold hearted.
But, like I said, I don't knowwhat you're going to say.
Just leave the house, leave itwith the baby.
Maybe they understand.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
All right, experience is the best teacher.
Am I the asshole for slappingmy boyfriend?
Probably not my boyfriendadmitted to not remembering
whether he groped one of myfriends on a night out.
My friend was crying andbegging me to believe her and
after pressuring him to tell methe truth, he said he couldn't
(34:28):
remember if he touched her ornot.
And then he laughed in my face.
I have never once hit himbefore, but what he said
absolutely disgusted me and itbroke me Up.
Until this point.
He has been the sweetestboyfriend ever, and to have the
idea of him shattered in momentsbroke my heart.
It was like a reflex when I hithim.
(34:49):
What upsets me even more isthat when I have tried to speak
to him about what happened, hekeeps acting like it's not a big
deal.
My boyfriend and his dad aretreating me like I'm insane for
being upset about what he did tomy friend and keeps telling me
it was just a drunken mistake onhis part.
My friends have told me that Iwas in the right for hitting him
(35:09):
and that he deserved it, but Istill feel guilty.
Am I the asshole?
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Um, I'm gonna say yes , cause one, you don't have to
put your hands on people.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
Right, I was going to say keep your hands to yourself
.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Two, they're acting like it's not a big deal because
it's not a big deal to them.
You gotta understand somethingthat's that's important to you,
don't mean it's important toeverybody else.
So it's not important to them,especially because now they're
saying it was in a drunk, adrunken phase, right.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
So he may not, he may have not remembered, because I
know people when they know, buthe remembers, obviously because
him and his dad are saying whyare you blaming him for
something he did while he wasdrunk?
So he, he knows that he did itokay, and then he shrugged.
He shrugged his shoulders andlaughed in her face.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Look here, the point of the matter is that if you
feel a way about it and he don'tfeel a way about it, this is
one of those things where youhave to decide whether or not,
what you're going to do.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
What you're going to do.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
Whether you're going to let this shape the
relationship or break therelationship.
Yeah, you got to make that.
Oh, I put that on my shirt.
You got to make that, oh, I putthat on the shirt.
Uh, you gotta make.
You gotta make that decision.
Um, I don't think I.
I don't think necessarily thatyou are an asshole for for your
emotions, but I don't feel likethere's any place to put put
your hands on anybody right in aviolent way, because had he
(36:20):
retaliated, I would have said,well, you deserved it.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
Because you hit him first, yeah so I I agree with
that.
Don't put your hands on peoplelike, even if you upset, you
keep your hands and keep yourhands to yourself unless you're
doing it get your hand off mythigh.
Keep your hands to yourself.
You don't hit people, okay?
We learned that in kindergartenunless they ask for it now if
they touch you or they hit you,you light off on the ass, that's
(36:45):
.
That's the kindergartenplayground rules.
Speaker 1 (36:47):
Stand on business.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
Okay, but other than that, no, don't put your hands
on him.
Two, I think he very much knewwhat he was doing, and he used
being drunk as an excuse, andit's probably something he's
always wanted to do when helooked at your friend.
So there's that he might makeyour friend look better than you
, right, and then?
So with that, if the image ofhim is now shaken and broken in
(37:08):
your mind, just go, I mean, ifyou ain't got no real ties to
each other just go, let's see,we can probably squeeze in one
more.
Oh, ok, ok let's see.
Am I the asshole for refusingto go on a family trip after my
sister called me the familyfailure?
Speaker 1 (37:26):
Damn, ok, hold on.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
So I've always had a bit of a rocky relationship with
my older sister.
She's always been the quoteunquote golden child in our
family.
Straight A's.
Great job married with kids youget the idea.
Meanwhile I took a differentpath.
I struggled through college, Ijumped in between jobs and I'm
currently working a retail jobwhile I'm trying to figure out
my career path Not perfect, butI'm doing my best.
(37:54):
Last week we had a family dinnerwhere my parents announced that
they wanted to take the wholefamily on a vacation to
celebrate their anniversary.
It sounded nice until my sisterstarted joking about how she
hopes I can afford to take thetime off.
She then followed it up bysaying it's okay, we all know
you're the family failure, butat least you're fun to hang
around.
Everyone laughed.
I awkwardly smiled, but insideI was done.
(38:15):
This isn't the first time she'smade comments like that, but it
hit differently this time.
After the dinner I told myparents that I wasn't
comfortable going on the trip.
They tried to brush it off asmy sister just joking, but I
told them that I'm tired ofbeing disrespected.
Now my whole family is upsetwith me.
My sister texted me saying I'mbeing dramatic and that I'm
ruining the trip for everyone.
(38:35):
My parents said that theyunderstand that I'm hurt, but
that I should come anyway and tonot let my sister get under my
skin.
I really don't want to go, butnow I feel guilty for upsetting
everyone.
Am I the asshole for saying noto going on the trip?
Speaker 1 (38:48):
Not at all, not at all, not at all, not at all, not
at all.
And I will say this real quickOne I probably would go for the
benefit of my parents.
Because it's something thatthey wanted to do, because it's
something that they want Right,and I will also say this I kind
of get the feeling that yoursister is just jealous of you
(39:09):
because she probably feels likeshe's had to be perfect.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
She's had to be on the straight and narrow.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
She's had to be yeah she had, she's had to be perfect
in every sense of the word, herwhole life.
Speaker 2 (39:18):
So there was no room for her to be herself, so
there's no room for her toactually right.
Speaker 1 (39:26):
You said like for her to actually display the person
that she actually is.
And now, since you have taken adifferent road and you've
you've basically been loved thesame way.
She's been loved Cause itseemed like your parents love
all their kids equally.
You've been loved in the samemanner in which she's been loved
from you guys as parents andyou've been able to have your,
your robot bumps and yourroadblocks and still be invited
and still.
You know what I'm saying.
That probably got to her alittle bit, because I, I people,
(39:49):
need to understand that thereis, there is a sacrifice that
comes with the, the image ofperfection, oh, absolutely, and
I and I guarantee you that thereis probably some hate, there's
probably some resilience, someresentment, resentment.
Speaker 2 (40:04):
But she probably ain't even happy in her real
life, Right she's?
Speaker 1 (40:12):
probably not really happy, though she probably goes
home every day.
She can't stand her husbandcan't stand her kid, goddamn
kids on her goddamn nerves, andshe and she want to run away.
But she can't run away becauseshe's forced to maintain this
image of perfection and it'sdriving her crazy.
So live your life.
I don't think you're a asshole,but I would go, go and your
sister just a bitch.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
Yeah, because she's also the older sister.
So you know the pressure.
The pressure for her was youneed to set a good example for
your young, your youngersiblings.
So there's a pressure of beingthe firstborn.
There's a pressure.
You know what I mean.
There's a different version ofyour parents that you get being
a firstborn.
So I'm pretty sure thepressures that she got from her
parents the firstborn, hersister she didn't get those same
(40:52):
pressures, which is why sheprobably took a different path.
Right, because she didn't haveto do all of the things that her
older sister did.
The older sister was the firstchild, the older sister is the
we got to get this shit rightthe first time kid.
So you know what I mean and Ithink that's where like that
makes sense to me.
I had heard something about itwas a child therapist talking
(41:13):
about why it's important to havemultiple children in the house,
because when you have multiplechildren in the house, it's
right.
They, amongst themselves, theyfigure out where they fall.
Yeah Right, they figure outwhat their personality type is
Like.
If this person is type A, Ican't occupy that space because
that my sister already holdsthat space.
Or if you know there's a messup, I can't occupy that space
(41:35):
because my brother is alreadyoccupying that space.
You know what I mean.
So I think you know.
And then, as somebody who onlyhas one child, I'm constantly
thinking about the way she'sbehaving the way she's doing
things Like because I want tomake sure that she has, you know
, be on a certain path, right,but by the time you get to child
(41:56):
two and three, after raisingchild one, you quickly realize,
like the girl you're going toend up doing what you want to do
anyway, regardless of what Isay, and a lot of times a lot of
times, a lot of times, a lot oftimes, a lot of situations.
Speaker 1 (42:08):
What it is is the firstborn is in the mud.
Speaker 2 (42:12):
Yeah, the firstborn, because it's their first time
and it's the parents' first timebeing different.
Speaker 1 (42:17):
The parents are still leveling up in their life.
They're not to a certain levelof success, but by the time you
get the child number two, threeand four, and now you're a
little more secure.
Speaker 2 (42:25):
You got a system, you got some money Right.
It's a lot different.
You're able right.
Speaker 1 (42:30):
So that's like I said , because I got to tell my mom
all the time.
Speaker 2 (42:33):
I tell even my father my experience is not the same
as my siblings.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
It's not going to be the same as my older siblings or
my younger siblings.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
Because you got different parents and that's
what parents don't understand.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
There was different versions of you by the time you
got to me for for every numberof children you have, there's a,
there's a different version ofyou.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
There are yeah, there was a different version that's
why the older siblings arealways.
That's why older siblings areupset with younger siblings
sometimes because they feel likethe younger siblings are
spoiled.
They got to do what they wantedto do, but mom and dad was
constantly on my ass about stuff.
But it's okay for her to justbe a screw up.
It's OK for her to struggle andflunk through college.
If I bought a C home, you guyswere down my damn neck Right.
(43:13):
That's because they ain't gotthe energy after you, girl.
They didn't put so much fear inyou.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
That fear take up a lot of energy, and that's why,
when we call our siblings, we gogirl, let me tell you about
your mama let me tell you aboutyour daddy because your mama is
tripping right it ain't, becauseat this moment in time I'm
upset.
She's not my mama, she's yourmama.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
This is your mama because she tripping your mama
is tripping.
So yeah, I I will say you'renot the asshole.
I agree with you, babe, go onthe trip, enjoy it, enjoy your
parents, because you don't knowwhat could happen tomorrow.
And what if this is the lastfamily vacation.
Right, everybody gets to whereeverybody is together.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
Right.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
And this is the one thing that your parents wanted
was to have all of theirchildren for their anniversary
as a resemblance of their life.
Speaker 1 (44:00):
Here's the thing there may be an announcement on
the vacation.
You never know, they mighttrying to get y'all somewhere,
uh, where y'all can't really actout.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
Bye, babe, I'm just saying where y'all can't really
act out.
Yeah, I can't.
All right, guys, this has beenanother episode of the life
after I do podcast.
If you're not doing so already,you already know the drill.
You can follow us on all of oursocial media platforms, that's
facebook, instagram, tiktok,youtube.
You can also write into thepodcast um
(44:30):
atafteridopodcastgmailcom.
Please go ahead, feel free.
Don't forget to comment, don'tforget to share, don't forget to
like and do all of the things,guys.
Speaker 1 (44:42):
All the things.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
You get a new episode every Wednesday.
We're available on all digitalstreaming platforms.
You get a new um hour two centsevery Monday, so don't forget
to head over to YouTube tofollow us on YouTube.
We are still going strong onTik TOK guys, but we do need
your help in showing us somelove on Instagram and YouTube.
Okay, so don't forget about usover there.
(45:03):
I know some of y'all are are onInstagram and YouTube as well.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
So over there, I know some of y'all are are on
instagram and youtube as well,okay, so, uh, don't forget to
like and share and follow and doall of the social media things
okay, but until the end, we'llsee you next week.
Peace booskies.
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