Our 2 Cents Vol. 23

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WE ARE BACK with another installments of Our 2 Cents!

When does a boundary become a dealbreaker? In this episode, we explore the moments where trust cracks—not through explosive drama, but through patterns that wear love down: silent treatments, mixed signals, and unspoken rules.

We offer real tools for navigating opposite-sex friendships, social media etiquette, and emotional manipulation—while answering listener stories that dig into the real-life moments where love and respect get tested.

If you’re ready to set boundaries that protect your relationship—not punish it—this conversation will give you language, perspective, and a clear way forward.

Thanks for rocking with us! Don’t forget to follow Life After I Do so you never miss an episode. Got a relationship situation you want us to weigh in on? Hit us at https://linktr.ee/lifeafteridopodcast — we just might talk about it in a future episode.

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_04 (00:00):
I feel like the the D word should only come up if
that is a real, like, viableoption.
Like we are really gonna sit.
That's not something you throwin somebody's face because we're
in a disagreement.
That's not something you throwin somebody's face because
you're upset with me at themoment.
Because you're you're just madat me.
So you're like, you know what?
I want a divorce.

(00:21):
That's not how, that's not howwe argue.
That's not how we get throughstuff.
You're not gonna sit here,you're not gonna sit here and
hang divorce over my head.
Because if you if that's wildcoming from Because listen, if
they decide not to go throughthe with a divorce, right?
And she's and she goes to himand she's like, um, like, oh my
gosh, like it's not thatserious.
I don't want to throw ourmarriage away.
All the time that we've put in,like, I love you, you know, I

(00:43):
trust you, and all this, that,and the third.
The next time he gets a hair uphis ass, or the next time he
doesn't agree with somethingthat she does, he's gonna bring
it again.
Yeah, he's gonna bring it upagain.
And then that's that becomesmanipulation.
Okay.

(01:14):
Hey everybody, and welcome backto another episode of the Life
After I Do podcast.

SPEAKER_01 (01:18):
Do do do do do.

SPEAKER_04 (01:20):
Uh really?

SPEAKER_01 (01:23):
Yeah, they don't like me doing it.
They don't like me doing it.

SPEAKER_04 (01:25):
Oh my gosh, it was like one person.

SPEAKER_01 (01:27):
Yeah, hey, look here.
I'm not gonna do it.
Doo doo doo doo.

SPEAKER_04 (01:31):
Nope.
I want I we're gonna start itover.
Run it from the top.
You just don't need to beexercising your lung capacity.
Run it back.
Hey everybody, and welcome backto the Life After I Do podcast.
And that's good.
End scene.

(01:51):
See?
That's good.

SPEAKER_01 (01:53):
Yeah, I'm gonna cut it short.
Apparently, people don't likeit.

SPEAKER_04 (01:56):
Oh my gosh, it was one person.
She was like, I love thepodcast.
Um, after she gets past yougoing, do do do do do that's
because you be trying to likeyou be trying to exercise your
lung capacity.

SPEAKER_01 (02:10):
Take deep breaths.
What can I say?
Oh my gosh.
Hi, babe.
Hey Buskies.
How's it going?
It's going.
It's going.
It's going.
How how you doing?

SPEAKER_04 (02:20):
Uh honestly, I feel a little dizzy.

SPEAKER_01 (02:23):
Oh.
Why?
Was that was it the deadlifts?

SPEAKER_04 (02:25):
Uh, I didn't eat.

SPEAKER_01 (02:27):
Oh.

SPEAKER_04 (02:27):
I haven't eaten anything.
All I've had is create.
I didn't even get my as a matterof fact, damn, I didn't even uh
have enough my protein.
Yeah, because I was trying tohurry home.
Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_01 (02:37):
Um you out here on hopes and dreams?
I'm I'm actually feeling alittle like you all out here on
hopes and dreams and all that inbetween?

SPEAKER_04 (02:44):
Yeah, I'm actually feeling a little woozy.
If um if I get a little breathy,I might have to step aside and
grab something really quick.

SPEAKER_05 (02:54):
Okay.

SPEAKER_04 (02:54):
I'm a little tired.
A little bit, just a little bit.
But other than that, umeverything was good.
Yeah, I was trying to hurry, Iwas trying to hurry back home.
So um, and I was like reallytrying to like push it too.
And I was like, okay, don'tforget you ain't ate nothing,
snitch.

SPEAKER_01 (03:10):
Like, why you gotta call yourself a snitch though?

SPEAKER_04 (03:12):
I wasn't gonna call myself a the B one.
Why not?
So I said snitch.
You've done it before?
Um, but yeah, so I was like, I Iyou know, obviously I need to
really push.
Um and I was like, I'm I'mliterally in here off of hopes
and dreams today.
But I really did feel like if Iwould have eaten something, I
wouldn't have, I couldn't haveworked out today.

SPEAKER_01 (03:34):
Why?
Oh, because my stomach yourissues.

SPEAKER_04 (03:37):
My stomach was not feeling it today, and then
wearing that belt.
I was like, it's either eat anddon't do the workout, or it's
don't eat and just push reallyhard and see what you can come
up with.
I was able to add six plates onmy single leg.
Six plates on one leg?
On my single leg pushes in?

SPEAKER_01 (03:58):
I'm not carrying no groceries in the house no more.
You out here, you out hereslinging slitch uh six plates?

SPEAKER_04 (04:04):
Okay, so I think it's because what?

SPEAKER_01 (04:08):
I think I do like two.

SPEAKER_04 (04:09):
No, you don't.
You do like six, you probably domore than that.
You're stronger than me, babe.
No, stop it.
Now you're being condescendingand it's not funny.
Condescending?
Um wow.

SPEAKER_03 (04:20):
Are you are you trying to are you looking at the
game while you're talking to me?
I'm not.
Oh my gosh, I'm not.

SPEAKER_04 (04:25):
Oh my gosh.
You guys, if you if you're notwatching on YouTube right now,
this cat just literally pulledup the damn football game while
we're having a conversation.

SPEAKER_01 (04:36):
Um we're talking.
I'm just checking in.

SPEAKER_04 (04:39):
No, you're talking, but your eyes keep going to the
game.

SPEAKER_01 (04:42):
I'm listening and I'm checking in.
Okay, I'm not watching the game.
Go birds.
Go birds.
Okay, go birds.
Anyways, um, I made sacrificesfor you this morning.
You can sacrifice me throughthis one time.

SPEAKER_04 (04:56):
I'm I, you know, whatever.
Um, yeah, so I think especiallybecause I know I didn't like
eat.
Uh-huh.
Um I didn't want to, because mystomach.
I didn't want to use that as anexcuse to not push as hard as I
could too.
But then also like not beingdumb because it's like, are you
my my vision starts doing that?
Like, what is it?
The um I call it like the uhfocus lens thing when I'm like

(05:20):
lifting really heavy where itgoes in out, where it goes in
and out.
Yeah, so it was like doing that.
I call it the focus lens wherelike the vision narrows and then
it opens back up.

SPEAKER_01 (05:29):
Are you done?
I have something reallyimportant to say.
What?
Y'all.
What?
My wife asked these last time.

SPEAKER_04 (05:35):
Oh my gosh, Maurice.
I thought you were really aboutto say something important.
Let me let me tell y'all.
You did not interrupt my storyto tell people about my ass.

SPEAKER_01 (05:46):
Friday night, we went out with uh uh some
gymnastics, or anothergymnastics couple friends that
we, you know, shout-outs to Ericand Julie, La Jules, my
favorite.
Uh and uh my wife wore it, shewore her little, I call it over.
They were coveralls.
Oh, whatever.
They were coveralls, but uh itwasn't covered, it barely

(06:07):
covered all that ass.

SPEAKER_04 (06:08):
No, it didn't.
Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 (06:10):
I said, babe, that shelf.
I said, Lord, I said, I couldhave put my whole drink of
dinner on your boy.
Bye.
Goodbye.
I said, look at this here.
It's probably a squat.
And then and then yesterday wewere when we were uh last night
when we were at the pumpkincarpet party and you had your
leggings on.
I said, I said, that I'm gettingjealous on the wall because the
wall of course that ass.

SPEAKER_04 (06:30):
Bye.
Bye.
You're too.

SPEAKER_01 (06:32):
I said, not me on the couch.
I said, all these kids around,all I see is my wife's ass.
Bye.
I said, look, we gotta go.
We need to go home real quick.
Let me take care of something.
Goodbye.
Let me take care of somethingreal quick.
Goodbye.
I just said, I just want to tellpeople you were looking good.
Oh, thank you.
Appreciate it.
Go ahead and finish my TV.

SPEAKER_04 (06:47):
Um, so yeah, my vision was doing that little
thing.
Bye.
And I didn't want, I also didn'twant to look like an idiot and
be like tumbling and stumblingin the gym.
Because like you were.
No, I know somebody would havehelped me.
Um, because there was some of uhthe weekday regulars in there
too.

SPEAKER_01 (07:04):
I saw somebody I ain't never seen before today.

SPEAKER_04 (07:06):
Who?

SPEAKER_03 (07:07):
Who?

SPEAKER_01 (07:08):
I saw uh I saw Delilah's dad.

SPEAKER_04 (07:11):
Oh, really?
Sweet.

SPEAKER_01 (07:12):
I was gonna say hi, but I was in a rush.

SPEAKER_04 (07:14):
Bye.
I was gonna say hi, but I was ina rush.
Hey, Delilah's dad.
Um, yeah, so that was reallycool.
And then this girl came up to meand she was like, um, she was
like, excuse me.
And I was like, yeah.
She was like, girl, are youlifting that?
And I was like, yeah.
And she was like, is that a uhPR?
And I was like, no.
And she was like, what?
She was like, you go, girl.
I was like, I was like, thankyou.

(07:35):
She was like, I was watchingyou, and I was like, oh, she
must have been a hit of PR.
And I was like, no, it's not.
This is my Q.
No, I wasn't flexing.
It was really nice of her tostop and say something.

SPEAKER_01 (07:45):
What Juan say?
He said, Oh, when your wife,whatever your wife is doing, oh
yeah, he doesn't he doesn'tstand next to me anymore.
He said, if she's doing legs,I'm doing chest.
If she's doing chess, I'm doinglegs.

SPEAKER_04 (07:54):
Like when he was doing the T-bar row and I was
getting on the bench and he waslike, That's my cue to leave.
I was like, you don't have toleave because I really can't
even bench that much.
So I think your your ego'sintact because my bench is not
that heavy.
So I think you're good.

SPEAKER_01 (08:07):
They'd be like, the one the one that's- My set is
your warmup.
Well, all the guys say that.
They'd be like, Man, your wife'sstrong.
I was like, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't fight her.

SPEAKER_04 (08:14):
Yeah, but if I I feel like if I was in like a
lifting gym, though.

SPEAKER_01 (08:18):
It is a wee bit.

SPEAKER_04 (08:19):
Like, yeah, they'd be like, oh, that's they'd be
like, oh, 365, that's reallycute.
I remember when I started.

SPEAKER_01 (08:26):
When I started as wild.

SPEAKER_04 (08:27):
I remember when I started.

SPEAKER_01 (08:29):
I remember back in my time.

SPEAKER_04 (08:30):
I remember back when I when I had started 365 felt
like it was a really big number.
Now it's a warm-up.

SPEAKER_01 (08:37):
Oh, warm-up is wild.

SPEAKER_04 (08:38):
I'll be there one day.
I'll be God willing, I will bethere one day where I'll be
like, remember when 365 used tobe like my one rep and now it's
part of the warm-up stuff.

SPEAKER_03 (08:46):
Now it's part of the warmup.

SPEAKER_04 (08:48):
Um, but yeah, so other than that, uh Gym Sash was
really good.
Um, you know, it was a reallygood weekend.
Got to hang out with friendsthat we haven't seen in a long
time.
I really, really, really enjoyhanging out.

SPEAKER_01 (08:59):
Hold on, keep talking.

SPEAKER_04 (09:00):
Why why?
Just keep talking about it.
Anyway, so yeah, so we got tohang out with some uh friends,
and it was really, really nicebecause we have a friend, the
doctor.
Shout out to Dr.
Joseph.
Um, she just recently relocatedto one of my favorite cities,
San Diego.

SPEAKER_01 (09:19):
Hold on, no, no, calm down.

SPEAKER_04 (09:21):
It is one of my favorite cities.

SPEAKER_01 (09:22):
It's not.
We we like we okay.

SPEAKER_04 (09:25):
It is one of my favorite cities to visit.

SPEAKER_01 (09:27):
We like the city, we just don't like the teams.

SPEAKER_04 (09:28):
Okay, well, I don't Dodger Blue.
Okay, I don't care aboutanything like that.
But anywho, we got to hang outwith good friends.

SPEAKER_01 (09:35):
Dodger Blue.

SPEAKER_04 (09:36):
Um, and then also had really good food, got to go
to one of my favoriterestaurants.

SPEAKER_01 (09:41):
Oh, girl, you was eating too.

SPEAKER_04 (09:42):
I didn't even finish all my food.
Don't play me like that.

SPEAKER_01 (09:45):
At that time.
Yeah, at that time.
It didn't make it home.

SPEAKER_04 (09:47):
But it no, it didn't.
It did not, it didn't make ithome.
And if y'all haven't been to uhLouisiana Purchase in San Diego.

SPEAKER_01 (09:59):
Stop, stop.

SPEAKER_04 (10:00):
Listen, I still have to put the people on.
But we we're not getting paidfor that.
It don't matter.
People deserve to know aboutgood eating places.

SPEAKER_01 (10:06):
One, then we're not getting paid for that.
Two, we don't want it to be busywhen we go.

SPEAKER_04 (10:09):
Right, because I need to use my$30 off, and it's
only during the work day.

SPEAKER_01 (10:13):
We don't want it to be busy when we go.

SPEAKER_04 (10:15):
Uh, but it's really, really good.
I got my Dookie Chase.
That's the name of the meal thatI get.
It's called Dookie Chase.
There's no dookie.
There's no dookie involved,guys.
So be relax before someonestarts saying something funny.
No dookie was involved.

SPEAKER_01 (10:29):
Um I just I I go for my uh my lemon pepper catfish.

SPEAKER_04 (10:32):
Yeah, that that catfish is fire.
And then when you be like, oh,you know what, I think I'm gonna
get an extra catfish, and theybe like, yeah, it's like$15 for
an extra one.
How much was it?

SPEAKER_01 (10:41):
For another piece of catfish, it's$33.

SPEAKER_04 (10:44):
Oh, it was$33?
You might as well get two meals.

SPEAKER_01 (10:47):
I said, ma'am, this is I'm not asking for it.
It's catfish.
I said, go ahead and leave thatone off.

SPEAKER_04 (10:54):
Yeah, look, you said one will be just fine.
One is gonna get me through theday.

SPEAKER_01 (10:59):
I'm gonna make do.

SPEAKER_04 (11:00):
I'm gonna make do.
And then what was it?
The is it the dirty rice withoxtail?

SPEAKER_01 (11:04):
Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 (11:04):
Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 (11:06):
Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 (11:07):
Oxtail dirty rice.

SPEAKER_01 (11:08):
Make you want to slap your mama.

SPEAKER_04 (11:09):
I mean, you know, it's it's it's when you've been
eating meal prep for when youeat meal prep like six days a
week and you're supposed to beeating at seven, uh, every once
in a while you break the chainand be like, okay, today today
I'm just gonna live.
I'm not gonna judge myself.

(11:30):
Right, but you judge yourself inthe morning when all that damn
salt and water is.

SPEAKER_01 (11:33):
You're like, I knew I shouldn't have eaten.

SPEAKER_04 (11:34):
I knew what yeah, that's exactly what I said this
morning.
I knew I shouldn't have ate thatshit.

SPEAKER_01 (11:38):
But it was good, though.

SPEAKER_04 (11:38):
It was good, you know, and I thought I would
balance it out, you know, but Iwas still, I guess I was still
like full from yesterday orsomething.
Because I was like, if I eatright now, I'm not, I'm gonna
have to lay down.

SPEAKER_02 (11:49):
Um living your best life.

SPEAKER_04 (11:50):
Yeah, so a good time with friends and family.
Got to see, we did the pumpkincarving uh night with the
friends.

SPEAKER_01 (11:56):
When you it was out there all that ass.

SPEAKER_04 (11:58):
Oh my gosh.
Them k them kids, they are sohilarious.
Like the things that bringchildren joy are weird.
It's not weird.
You were a child before, too.
Nah.
Anywho, she had a great time.
Um, you know, every year wetried to get better with our
pumpkin carving, but the babytried, y'all.
She tried.
She she did all the details inthe face and stuff, and then she

(12:19):
wanted to carve out like thehead.
And I was trying to explain toher if you carve out the head
from the details that you justdid, you're just gonna make a
big hole in the pumpkin.
And at that time, she was justlike, you know what?
I'm gonna go eat some pizza.
I was like, You done?
She was like, I'm done.

SPEAKER_01 (12:32):
Yeah, she did.
I said, Okay.
She said, it's a right, it's awash.

SPEAKER_04 (12:34):
Yeah, it's yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (12:35):
It's a wash.

SPEAKER_04 (12:36):
She was like, or we're done.

SPEAKER_01 (12:38):
There's always next year.

SPEAKER_04 (12:38):
Yeah, she was like, we're done.
I was like, okay, baby, do you?
That was your week, babe.

SPEAKER_01 (12:42):
Oh, we got time for me?
Yeah, sure, why not?
Because you was at it.

unknown (12:46):
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (12:47):
Lord knows he was at it.
Okay.
Uh, my week was uh it wasexhausting, you know.
Had to work, went to work on aFriday, which was weird.
That was crazy work, and I stilland I but I realized that my
customers act different onFriday.

SPEAKER_04 (13:00):
Why?
Because they're ready to gohome.
Because they want to go home.
Yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_01 (13:02):
I said why y'all can't have this energy money
through Thursday.

SPEAKER_04 (13:04):
No, because they still gotta get there on
Tuesday, Wednesday.
That's why that makes sense,actually.

SPEAKER_01 (13:11):
I enjoy hanging out with my sister Dr.
Ashley.

SPEAKER_04 (13:14):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (13:14):
Uh much love.
It's always a good time.
Always she always cracks me up.
Okay.
The thing about Ashley is thatshe says something so serious,
and she's not trying to befunny, but the way she says it
is be hilarious.

SPEAKER_04 (13:26):
It's just comical.

SPEAKER_01 (13:28):
And she was like, and then on top of that, I love
her parents as well.

SPEAKER_04 (13:32):
Oh, her mom is my favorite.
We FaceTime her mom.
And then I guess you know, likeyour perception of time with
things, like, I know for me, myperception of time be way off
sometimes because I'd be like,Oh, it's only been a couple of
months, and it legit has beenyears.
And so when her mom saw Phoenix,she was like, Oh, I thought she
was still like a like a toddler,like a baby.

(13:54):
I was like, No, she's eight.

SPEAKER_01 (13:56):
It still it still be throwing me off when she called
her mom by her first name.
I said, Yes, sis.

SPEAKER_04 (14:01):
She'd be like, Gloria.
They have a great relationship,so that's good.

SPEAKER_01 (14:07):
Yeah, um, yeah, but it was that was great.
The pumpkin party was cool, youknow.
The pumpkin party was cool.
It was cool.
It's just by that time, withonly having that being my only
day off, uh-huh, I wasoverstimulated.
I was ready to be somewhere.

SPEAKER_04 (14:19):
Not you using the word overstimulated.
Well, since when, since when?
You have literally never usedthat phrase.
I was overstimulated.
Since when?

SPEAKER_01 (14:28):
Okay, I don't say overstimulated, but but I
normally say it's too much goingon.
When I say it's too much goingon, it's too much for me.
But I had said that, and thenour friend Jennifer was like,
that's why I left out of there.
I said, Yeah, I said, I looked,I said, Jennifer, I looked
around, I said, sorry, countingheads.
I said, it's too much people inhere for me.
It's a lot.

SPEAKER_04 (14:42):
Well, and because of the kids, and because the kids
were taking up such a largearea.

SPEAKER_01 (14:46):
Uh-huh.
I said, Oh no.
And then I was tired.

unknown (14:50):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (14:50):
I said, Look, it's too much going on.
My body said, go lay down.
And then I forced to come home.
I slept.

unknown (14:54):
I know.

SPEAKER_01 (14:55):
And then when y'all got home, y'all woke me up and I
went right up.
I didn't wake you up.

SPEAKER_04 (14:58):
Your daughter woke you up.
She was upset because I wasmaking her clean at 10 o'clock
at night.

SPEAKER_01 (15:02):
Well, she did.
It was her mess.
Yeah.
Um, yeah, but I mean, all overall in all was a good week.
You know, I'm not gonnacomplain.
I mean, even if you did.
Because I had some good days.

SPEAKER_04 (15:14):
And I had some bad ones.

SPEAKER_01 (15:16):
Uh I was gonna say I had some heels decline.

SPEAKER_04 (15:19):
Oh, okay.
Oh, sorry.

SPEAKER_01 (15:21):
I was going gospel.
Okay, bad.
I don't know where you wasgoing.

SPEAKER_04 (15:24):
I don't know either.
My bad.

SPEAKER_01 (15:25):
Good guy.
We're gonna pray for you.

SPEAKER_04 (15:27):
Anyways, um, it's an Our Two Cents episode.
Our douchhin.
Everybody's favorite.
Everyone's favorite.
Hour two cents.
And shout out to y'all, our ournew family, all the all the
people new to the family whohave been writing into the
podcast.
Yes, we we love y'all.
We really do.
And we appreciate all of thestuff.
We can just call them ourbooskies.

(15:48):
Arbooskies, yes.
Arbooskies.
The booskies.
The booskies.
Welcome to the family booskies.
The booskeronies.
Um, okay, so we're gonna hopright on into it, all right?

SPEAKER_05 (15:58):
Okay, let's hop on that.

SPEAKER_04 (16:00):
All right.
So am I overreacting to mygirlfriend sharing a bed
non-sexually with a male friend?

SPEAKER_01 (16:07):
Yes, you're not overreacting at all.
Come on, let's get into thisshit.

SPEAKER_04 (16:10):
I'm a 25-year-old male and I've been in a
long-distance relationship uhwith this girl who's 24 for
about four months now.
She has a friend from collegewho she's really close to, who
she says she sees as a brother.
She also insists that thefeeling is mutual and that he
only sees her as a sister.
Yesterday he flew to her city tomeet her and booked a room.

(16:33):
She told me that she's gonnameet him, but wouldn't be
staying.
She went to visit him in theroom and stayed there the entire
day.
She called me around 10 p.m.
and told me that they had justspent the whole day in the room
and were going to watch a moviewhile having dinner together.
I knew immediately that shewasn't gonna go back to her
place, but I didn't sayanything.
But then after dinner, theywatched a few more movies,

(16:55):
talked late until 3 a.m., thenslept in the same bed as well.
Since I was messed up from lastnight's conversation, I didn't
really send her any good morningmessages like I usually do with
the silly morning video I foundonline.
I just said that I didn't sleepwell and sent the video to
watch, that she replied, Well,it's too late.
We've both woken up, confirmingthat she had slept in the same

(17:18):
room at least.
This absolutely messed up myentire day, but I wasn't gonna
bring it up as long as the guywas still around her.
But she called me in the eveningtoday and she was talking in
detail about what they didyesterday, probably to make it
clear that she isn't hidinganything from me, and said that
they will probably do the samething tonight as well, staying

(17:38):
up to 3 a.m.
talking.
I did my best to stay calm andasked how many days he was
staying, and she said that hewas staying for three more days
the weekend plus Monday,Tuesday, Wednesday.
This absolutely made me fly offthe handle, and I got on a call
and essentially just told,matter of fact, yelled, about
how this really is not fine, andit doesn't sit well with me at

(18:02):
all.
She kept insisting that neitherof their intentions are of this
kind to be of this of that kindfor me to be worried about, and
nothing was ever gonna happenbetween them.
I guess that was the point.
I realized that I don't evencare about the intentions, but
rather am simply not okay withmy girlfriend sleeping in the
same bed and space as anunrelated guy.

(18:26):
It was this realization thatbrought me to this is that last
is the last bit an overreaction.
I wouldn't be considered uh anoverreaction if the intentions
of the other person aren'tclear, but even if they are
clear, I'm just not fine withit.
So is that wrong on my part?

SPEAKER_01 (18:45):
Hell no, you're not and you're not overreacting.
Her intentions may not be that,but you don't know what his
intentions are.
She said that his intentions wasnot that.
But here, but flip that.

SPEAKER_04 (18:54):
I do I understand.

SPEAKER_01 (18:56):
Flip that, and he's standing in the same room with
another girl for the weekend.
And they up to ain't nobodytalking at three in the morning.

SPEAKER_04 (19:05):
I talk to friends.
If the conversation's good.

SPEAKER_01 (19:10):
In the same room?
Not usually.
Okay, exactly.
You on the phone, that'sdifferent.

SPEAKER_04 (19:15):
And I'm not on the phone with another man until 3
a.m.
either.

SPEAKER_01 (19:19):
I wouldn't know.
I'd be sleeping.
Oh my gosh.
Uh you're not overreacting.
This is wild.
And I you can't tell me they'renot fucking.
That's shit.

SPEAKER_04 (19:29):
You can't I I listen.

SPEAKER_01 (19:33):
Nah, they fucked.

SPEAKER_04 (19:34):
Listen.

SPEAKER_01 (19:34):
Listen.
And they had to sleep in becausethey was tired.

SPEAKER_04 (19:37):
I think I think that it is highly inappropriate.
Even if that is a best friend.
Oh, go ahead and shoot her.
Even if that even how I justsaid it's highly inappropriate.
Okay.
I'm not shooting her anything.
Okay.
I'm saying that once you're onceyou've once you're in a
committed relationship, whetherit be long distance or not long
distance, um, I do think thatsome type of boundaries have to

(20:01):
start being implemented when youhave friends of the opposite
sex.
Right?
It's not wrong to have a friendof the opposite sex, but I do
think that when you're in acommitted relationship, and
especially if you're married,there has to be boundaries.
One of those boundaries, whichshould go without being said, is
spending the night in the samehotel room and sleeping in the

(20:23):
same bed.
That's that's inappropriate.
Like for her to not even thinkthat anything was wrong with it,
and because she's saying that'snot her intention, whether it's
your intention or not, it'sinappropriate.
You shouldn't even have to wantto put your boyfriend in a
situation where for one, hecan't even get to you quickly.
Because like if something was tohappen, it's not like he's

(20:44):
around the corner of yourlawnmower.
Bite him out.
The road to hell was paid withgood intentions.
It is.
I was gonna get that tattooed.
Um yeah, so I I just feel likeit was really wrong on her part,
even to just think that thatwould be okay, and then for the
plans to change.
Okay, your best friend came intotown, right?

(21:06):
And you guys were just supposedto hang out, and you already
said that you weren't gonna staythere, and then you end up
staying there.

SPEAKER_01 (21:14):
My thing is why y'all aren't hanging out as a
group.

SPEAKER_04 (21:17):
Well, it's just those two.

SPEAKER_01 (21:19):
Again, I say, but where's the group coming from?

SPEAKER_04 (21:21):
Where what if there is no group?
They're best friends.
No, no, no, no.
They are best friends.

SPEAKER_01 (21:24):
But yeah, but like the boyfriend?

SPEAKER_04 (21:26):
Yeah.
But he's long distance, like oh,okay.

SPEAKER_01 (21:30):
So you didn't want you didn't think to introduce
him because and you have a pointthere too.

SPEAKER_04 (21:35):
Like, I at least FaceTime.
What it was like meet myboyfriend.
This is my boyfriend.

SPEAKER_02 (21:40):
What did Wayne say?

SPEAKER_04 (21:42):
Ho's gonna be hoes, so I couldn't blame Sammy.
I'm done with him.
Enough said, I'm done with you.
I'm done with you.
Okay, we're gonna go into thisone.
This one's kind this one's kindof it's a little lengthy.
All right, okay.

SPEAKER_01 (21:57):
Lord Jesus.
So come on.

SPEAKER_04 (21:58):
Um, am I the asshole for sleeping with my ex to hurt
my husband only to discover hehad already moved on with my
best friend?

SPEAKER_01 (22:08):
Let's get into it.

SPEAKER_04 (22:09):
I ruined my marriage on purpose, and my husband
already had a replacement linedup before I even realized what I
had done.
Three weeks ago, my ex sent me atext out of nowhere.
Um, we dated for two yearsbefore I met my husband.
The breakup was mutual, nothingmessy.
The text said he missed me andwondered if we could talk.
I screenshotted it and showed myhusband that night while we were

(22:33):
watching TV.
My ex texted me, I said to myhusband, uh, says he misses me.
My husband glanced at thescreen, the back at the TV, and
said, Okay.
That's it.
Just okay.
That's what she said to herhusband.
He shrugged.
Then he said, What do you wantme to say?
I don't know what I expected.

(22:53):
Maybe jealousy, maybe anger,something that proved he still
cared.
We'd been married for four yearsand things have gone very stale.
He worked late constantly.
We barely talk anymore, and Ifeel completely invincible.
What if I wanted to see him?
I pushed back.
My husband looked at me then,really looked at me.
His face was completely blank.

(23:14):
Then see him, her husband said.
Are you serious?
Following your heart, he said.
Then he went back to watchingTV, like nothing, like I had
just told him nothing.
And about that I was consideringmy ex.
I was furious.
What kind of husband says that?
I wanted a reaction.
I wanted him to fight for me.

(23:35):
Instead, he acted like he didn'teven care.
And I left.
So I texted my ex back.
We met for coffee two dayslater.
He looked good.
He asked about my marriage, andI told him the truth that it
felt dead.
He listened.
He remembered things about methat my husband had forgotten.
My favorite coffee order, thebook series that I loved, small

(23:56):
things that suddenly felt huge.
We met again and again.
Each time I'd come home and myhusband wouldn't ask where I had
been.
He just nod when I walked in andwent to going back to doing
whatever it is he was doing.
Last week, I crossed the line.
I went to my ex's place and weslept together.
I felt disgusting afterwards,but also triumphant in a sick

(24:20):
way.
I'd finally done something myhusband would have to react to.
I came home at midnight.
My husband was still up, readingon the couch.
I slept with my ex, I said.
He closed his book slowly,looked at me, and said, I know.
You know, how do you know?
You're not subtle, he said.

(24:41):
You've been trying to hurt mefor weeks.
And you just let me.
You wanted to leave, and Iwasn't gonna stop you.
That's what her husband toldher.
I waited for the anger, I waitedfor the pain, something.
His face showed nothing.
That's it.
You're not even gonna yell atme.
What's the point?
He stood up.
I'll sleep in the guest roomtonight, and we can figure out

(25:03):
the divorce details tomorrow.
He walked away just like that.
I'd blown up our marriageexpecting fireworks and got a
quiet, a quiet exit instead.
Two days later, my best friendstopped returning my calls.
We'd been close for six years.
She knew everything about mymarriage problems.
I'd cried to her about myhusband dozens of times.

(25:23):
When she finally texted back,she said that she needed split
space and wouldn't uh explainwhy.
Yesterday, I went to ourfavorite restaurant to clear my
head, the place my friend and Ialways went for drinks, and
there they were, my husband andmy best friend sitting in the
corner booth, laughing, her handon his arm.
He was smiling at her in the waythat he used to smile at me.

(25:45):
I stood there frozen by theentrance.
My husband saw me.
He didn't even look surprised.
He didn't look guilty.
He just gave me a small nod,like we were strangers passing
on the street.
My friend saw me too, and shehad the decency to look
uncomfortable, but she didn'teven move her hand.
I turned around and left.
I sat in my car for an hourtrying to understand what I had
just seen.

(26:05):
Then it hit me.
The way he'd been so calm abouteverything, the follow your
heart comment, the complete lackof reaction when I confessed, he
had already moved on, probablyweeks ago, maybe months.
While I was busy trying to hurthim with my ex, he was already
building something new withsomeone I trusted.
I drove to my sister's house andtold her everything, and she
just stared at me.

(26:26):
She said, You cheated to get areaction, and he had already
checked out.
That's brutal.
He could have told me, I said,and you could have not slept
with your ex, my sister said.
My family found out over theweekend, they're split.
My mom says that I should havehandled things better.
My dad won't talk to me.
My brother called me selfish.
They all think I destroyed mymarriage for attention.

But here's the thing (26:48):
my husband never said that he wanted out.
He never fought for us.
He just let me spiral while hewas apparently getting cozy with
my best friend behind my back.
I confronted her last over lastweek over text.
She said nothing.
She said nothing physical hadhappened between them until
after I had confessed tocheating.
She said that she had bid hisshoulder to cry on for months,

(27:09):
that he had talked to her aboutour problems, and that she
didn't plan on developingfeelings for him.
My husband won't answer mycalls.
His lawyer has sent over divorcepapers this morning.
My best friend blocked me oneverything.
My ex stopped replying after Itold him that I had made a
mistake.
And I'm sitting here in mysister's spare room realizing
that I'm the villain ineveryone's story.
I cheated first.

(27:29):
I threw away my marriage,testing my husband, but he gave
up on us and started somethingnew with my best friend while we
were still married.
Everyone keeps saying that whathe did came after, but it
doesn't feel that way.
So am I really the only one inthe wrong here?

SPEAKER_01 (27:43):
Yeah.
You are.
Play stupid games against stupidprizes.
You went through all thisbecause you wanted him to give
you a reaction.

SPEAKER_04 (27:53):
You wanted attention, like she said.

SPEAKER_01 (27:55):
Number one, that tells me that you didn't know
who you married to start with.
Because in his mind, he probablywasn't gonna.
Okay, here's a it's something.
It's a lot.
I was gonna say this one was alot.

SPEAKER_04 (28:05):
So the first thing, first thing, start with the
first thing.

SPEAKER_01 (28:08):
The first thing is Okay, the only asshole besides
you in this situation is yourbest friend.

SPEAKER_04 (28:14):
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (28:15):
Because your best friend is now getting
information from both sides.
Right.
Because you telling her what'sgoing on, and he's telling her
what's going on.

SPEAKER_04 (28:21):
And so now either she's collecting information or
she's playing both sides.

SPEAKER_01 (28:24):
So either she right.
Yes.
So now he's telling her exactlyeverything that he wishes she
had so she knows what to do toget him, and you telling ever
you you telling uh hereverything that you're doing
that he's not doing, so sheknows whatnot what to avoid.
I said, so she getting shegetting the playbook on both
sides.
She got the answers to the quizbefore she took the time.

SPEAKER_04 (28:44):
She's pretty much Alan Iverson the answer at this
point.
At that you like how she's theanswer.
Right.
You like that, huh?
Lakers and fives.
Huh?

SPEAKER_01 (28:56):
Oh.
So it's like, but again, youdrew the issue here because
instead of instead of tellinghim you felt this way, you tried
to get reaction out of him.
You did something very childish.
Right.
I said, are you I'm looking, I'mlike, are you are you are you in
are you in high school?
Is it is a high school thing?
You did something very childish.
And you did all this just tofeel seen.

(29:19):
You never said he was treatingyou bad.
You never said he wasn't takingcare of his responsibilities.
You you essentially in thiswhole story, you just didn't
feel seen and you playedyourself.
Now look at you.
And now, hold on, and now youreven your ex, even your ex don't
want nothing to do with you now.

SPEAKER_04 (29:36):
He he now he's like he did say he didn't want
anything.
They already slept together.

SPEAKER_01 (29:40):
Yeah, but yeah, he got what he wanted, now he's
out.
Oh, he's probably not out.
He she just said he stoppedreplying.

SPEAKER_04 (29:45):
No, her uh oh, her ex did stop replying to it.

SPEAKER_01 (29:48):
You're right.

SPEAKER_04 (29:48):
So now No, I think she meant like the husband.

SPEAKER_01 (29:50):
No.
Oh the ex that she slept withstopped replying.

SPEAKER_04 (29:54):
And then the lawyer sent the divorce paper to her.
So you know, I mean, I hope sheenjoys single life.
Um, I think.
I think I think this is real.
I think you're I think you'reright.
I agree with everything yousaid.
I'm in the wrong to cut it out.
To add to that, I think theyboth were in the wrong two.
Okay.
So the remarks that he wasmaking, and the remark that he

(30:16):
made post her cheating when hesaid, You've been trying to hurt
me for weeks.
Um I think it's I think it's alittle bit of everything.
Yes, he's been talking to thebest friend, right?
He obviously didn't want to bethe first person to like quote
unquote cheat like the physical.
Yeah, but he didn't cross noboundaries.
Okay, I mean, he shouldn't betalking to her best friend.

SPEAKER_01 (30:37):
Well, no, but she's she her best friend shouldn't
have been listening.

SPEAKER_04 (30:39):
But yeah, they both that's why I say they both are
in the wrong.
Like that's what I'm saying.
It's a lot going on here.
The way she had been feelingabout her marriage, I'm pretty
sure he had already been feelingthe way about the marriage too,
because what man is gonna sitthere?
If we're sitting there together,you're watching a uh a movie or
whatever, and I show you ascreenshot of my ex reaching out
to me, and your response to meis okay, go meet him.

(31:04):
Yeah, like you're checked out,I'm checked out.
Also, that kind of feels likeclear me out, that feels a
little gaslightish to me.
Does it agree or disagree?
I don't really care.
I'm gonna tell you.
Hold on, hold on.
Because if he already felt like,like how he said, You've been
trying to hurt me for weeks,right?

(31:25):
And he already felt like hewasn't gonna give her the
reaction that he knows thatshe's been trying to get.
Her doing all these littlethings, because like you said,
you should know your partner, heknows that she wants a reaction
and he's purposely not givingher what she wants, right?
So I'm not justifying what she'ssaying.
I'm just saying they both werein the wrong.

(31:45):
But because he already knowsthat he's already setting
something up on the side withthe best friend, right?
He's also not gonna be a fooland be like, well, I'm gonna
mess around on her first.
But if I keep gaslighting herenough, I know that she's gonna
go do something and then I caninitiate the divorce because I'm
not the one who broke up themarriage.
She's gonna be the one who brokeup the marriage.
And so that's why I feel like itfelt a little gaslightish too,

(32:08):
because he wasn't trying to giveher the attention.
And he knew that by continuouslystarving her of the attention
and gaslighting her by like notgiving her a reaction, that
eventually that she will dosomething that will push it over
the edge, right?
So then now he can step back andsay, now I'm free in the clear,
and me and the friend could rideoff into the sunset.
Because when we go through thisdivorce and we start splitting

(32:30):
up shit, guess who didn't commitadultery first?
It ain't gonna be a good one.
You did.
You committed adultery, you'rethe one who went outside our
marriage.
And because you went outside ourmarriage, I'm the one who
initiated the divorce.

SPEAKER_01 (32:41):
Technically, they both went outside the marriage
because he went out, he sleptwith the best friend before it
was.

SPEAKER_04 (32:45):
Right.
But if you're if you go intocourt and you're trying to split
things exactly.
So it's like, okay, you can tellthe judge, like, yeah, I was
talking to her best friend, butthere's no telling what we've
been talking about.
We haven't been spending timetogether, we haven't slept
together, right?
Yeah.
So that's why I say they bothwere in the wrong because he,
yes, he was.
I do believe, in my opinion, hewas gaslighting her into pushing

(33:05):
her into doing something likethat.

SPEAKER_01 (33:07):
That's neither here nor there.
Let's get to what's important.

SPEAKER_04 (33:09):
That is, that is important.
No, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 (33:11):
That's that is important.
Let's get to what's important inour lives.
If you show me a message ofsomebody saying they miss you,
what do you expect me to say?
Sorry about your luck, nigga.

SPEAKER_04 (33:22):
I would for like, okay, for you, I would expect
you to, for one, I wouldn't, Iwould expect for you to not
expect me to even respond tosomething like that.
Right, exactly.
But in the event that I showedyou and I was trying to get a
reaction out of you, I would atleast be expecting for you to be
like, well, who was that?
And why does he feel comfortableenough to be able to text you?

(33:44):
Like showing some type of ininvestment that you're still
here, that you're still present.
But for you to respond to me andbe like, okay, that's good.
Are you gonna meet up with him?
I wouldn't say that.
But he did.
He was like, go meet him.

SPEAKER_01 (33:56):
I'm saying for me personally, I wouldn't have said
that.
Okay, but I'm like, oh, that'scool for him.

SPEAKER_04 (34:00):
Okay, but what that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01 (34:02):
I would I wouldn't tell you, see, I would be patty.
I say, go ahead and send mypicture of me.

SPEAKER_04 (34:04):
But like how she said the marriage started to
feel still.
The thing is, is that when oneperson is feeling one way about
their relationship, it is nothard to believe that the other
person is probably feeling theexact same way, but because
communication is so lacking, andthen people, whether we like to
believe it or not, we all haveour childish ways, right?
And with women, we are theemotional attachment.

(34:27):
I want to feel wanted, I want tofeel seen.
I like to see you maybe feellike you're a little, you know,
maybe she wants to see him be alittle jealous.
Like, do something, give me areaction to let me know you
still want me.
And you're not giving me no typeof reaction that you still want
me.
And you basically saying thatI'm out here for the birds
anyway, so you want me to go outthere and fly.

SPEAKER_01 (34:46):
We did a whole episode about how never mind,
you know.

SPEAKER_04 (34:49):
We did a whole episode on what?

SPEAKER_01 (34:50):
About how men and women, men and women love
differently.

SPEAKER_04 (34:54):
Exactly, exactly.
But that's what I'm saying.
So how if when she was sayingthat she felt that the marriage
was stale, I'm sure he felt thesame way, right?
So either either y'all can havea conversation about getting a
divorce or have the conversationabout, okay, what are we gonna
do?
Do you want a divorce first?
Let's start there.
Do you want a divorce?
Yes or no?
Are we gonna work on thisbecause I'm not happy in this?

(35:14):
Or like it feels stale.
We we don't have no excitement,we don't go out anymore.
I feel like you don't see me, Ifeel like you don't want me.
You need to let me know, do youeven want me anymore?
Or what can I do to become moreappealing to you?
What do you need from me?
Like, what do what do we have todo to start over?
And if we're not willing tostart over, then okay, like
let's call it quit.
But I'm not finna sit here andlike keep trying to get your

(35:36):
attention and then you're gonnasit here and keep gaslighting me
and being like, nope, I'm notgonna give you what you want.
I'm not gonna give you what youwant.
Like they both were in thewrong.

SPEAKER_01 (35:44):
Crazy.

SPEAKER_04 (35:45):
At the end of the day, I still do think she was
still double wrong for actuallygoing through with it and
sleeping with her ex becausethat's never the answer.
Even if you were trying to get areaction out of him, and you
did.
You got a reaction out of him.
It's just not the reaction thatyou wanted.
Right.
You thought that he was like,that was gonna be the thing that
he was gonna blow up on.
Like she said, he didn't blowup, he didn't yell, he didn't

(36:09):
scream.
And for her, she is just missingthe emotional attachment.
Like the fact that she said hedidn't even get angry, like I
wanted him to get angry.
When she said I wanted him toyell, I wanted him, she wanted
to feel something, which meansshe feels so emotionally
desolate in her marriage thatshe just she don't even care if
it's something that's just gonnalike break his heart and blow

(36:31):
up, as long as he gives mesomething that he is still
emotionally there.
Okay, right?

SPEAKER_01 (36:36):
And then I but again, you wouldn't remember we
went about it the wrong way.

SPEAKER_04 (36:39):
You went about it the oh, the the way you went
about it was like asinine.
Like that that was not that wasnot the way to go about it at
all.

SPEAKER_01 (36:47):
You you gave him a reason to justify anything he
wanted to do.

SPEAKER_04 (36:50):
And that's why, that's why the next day he's
gonna be.

SPEAKER_01 (36:52):
Because I'm not gonna give you a reason to
justify.

SPEAKER_04 (36:54):
He he called up home chicken and was like, we can go
on our date now, baby, in inpublic.
And we can we can do this.

SPEAKER_01 (37:00):
I'm not gonna give you a reason.
Oh no.
I'm not gonna give you a reason.
You're gonna have to work forit.

SPEAKER_04 (37:08):
I'm not gonna give you a reason.
You're gonna have to work forit.
Oh, you want you want out?
It's not gonna be that easy.
It's not gonna be that easy.
Oh, so you're gonna give likelittle little pieces, huh?
Just enough to keep you on thehook.
Just enough.
So when you tell the judge, Ihave no idea what she's talking
about.

SPEAKER_01 (37:26):
I'm doing everything she asks me.
I don't know what's wrong.
I I love my wife.
I don't want to separate.

SPEAKER_04 (37:32):
See, that's what I'm saying.
That's gaslighting.
Is it?

SPEAKER_01 (37:35):
It is, but it's true.
I do love you.

SPEAKER_04 (37:36):
I do love you too, but we're not talking about us.
We're talking about the crazypeople.

SPEAKER_01 (37:42):
If I get to the point where I want my cake and
Edith too.

SPEAKER_04 (37:46):
When you get to the point you want your whoo.
Nothing very your cake and edithtoo.
I can't.
But yeah, so I mean, I I think II think they both were wrong.
Neither, neither were in aposition to um neither here or
there.
Yeah, like, yeah, no.
Mm-mm.
Okay.
Yeah.
Um, let's see.

(38:10):
Where is it?
Sorry, guys.
Technical difficulties.

SPEAKER_01 (38:12):
Oh my god.
Look here, guys.
She has hours to prepare forthis.
Weeks and days.
She knows when we record andwhat time she should be ready by
now.

SPEAKER_04 (38:23):
Well, it's not my fault.
It's because, like, trying tofind the stuff on the thing.
Where is it?
Okay.
And plus, this one's like kindof hard to read because of the
the writing.
Um, okay, here we go.
Uh, this is going to be from oneof our listeners who would like
to remain anonymous.
All right.
Okay.
The the writing on here is alittle like it's light, so you

(38:45):
guys are gonna have to bear withme.

SPEAKER_01 (38:47):
Do you want me to read it?
Um, oh gosh, no.
Oh wow.
Oh wow.
I'm out.
This has been the last episode.
I'm out.

SPEAKER_04 (38:56):
Come on.
Okay.
I'm sorry.
I love you, babe.

SPEAKER_01 (38:59):
No, you don't.

SPEAKER_04 (39:00):
Um, am I the asshole?
Am I the asshole when I starteddating my now husband?
I let him know that I had a malebest friend that I talked to
regularly.
We were strictly friends, notmessing with each other.
As time went on, he let me knowthat he was not comfortable with
me calling him my best friend.
I obliged him and stoppedcalling my friend that.

(39:20):
We got married on the fifthanniversary, on our fifth
anniversary.
A few weeks after gettingmarried, my friend sent me a
happy birthday text.
My husband blew a gasket aboutme having a man texting me while
I was being married.
I let him know that I did notknow it was a problem at all all
of a sudden because he had neversaid anything about us being
friends in the past five yearsprior.

(39:41):
He told me as a married woman, Ishould know better.
The argument went on to thepoint I blocked my friend so
that he could, uh so that wecould move on.
I pointed out that he hadseveral free males on his page
that he had slept with and Iwould like them removed from his
social media.
I also reminded him that I wasnot comfortable with him liking

(40:02):
posts and interacting withfemales on social media as well.
He agreed to remove them.
Fast forward a year, it seemslike everything that I do
irritates him.
I noticed that whenever he ismad at me, he goes back to
liking females' pictures.
He has also started backfollowing the females that I
asked him to block.
I pointed this out to him and hetold me that it was a social,

(40:22):
that's what social media is for,to follow people and like their
pictures.
I told him that I did not that Idid disagree because that was a
boundary that we had set.
A week after addressing this, Iget a text from him at four in
the morning saying he noticedthat I follow my ex on TikTok.
I let him know that I'm notactive on there and didn't
realize that I was followinghim.

(40:42):
I showed him my inbox and thatwe had never interacted with
each other.
For context, I haven't been withthis man in 13 years and he is
also married.
My husband told me he wants adivorce because he will not be
with someone who is followingtheir ex to embarrass him.
I told him that I have noproblem unfollowing my ex
because it's not that serious tome.
But he also needed to go back tothe boundaries that I had set.

(41:05):
He told me no, because eventhough he slept with a few of
them, he has known them sincechildhood.
Am I the asshole, or is he justlooking for a reason to be free?
He's looking for a reason.
He's looking for a reason to befree.
He's looking for a goddamnreason.
He's looking for a reason to befree.
Yeah.
Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_01 (41:25):
Look, I can't speak for all marriages, but in my
marriages, we have a set ofrules.
And if I have to abide by them,she gotta abide by them.
We don't make exceptions fornobody.
It's not the fact that she isfriends with someone I was with
uh on Facebook.

SPEAKER_04 (41:37):
On Facebook, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (41:38):
But I don't know, I'm not, but it don't matter.
Yeah.
Um, again, we were kids, so it'snot like it ain't that serious.
Right.
Um, but I I personally thinkhe's just looking for a reason.

SPEAKER_05 (41:48):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (41:48):
And and and if he goes and likes women's pictures
every time y'all having adisagreement, he's just looking
for a reason.

SPEAKER_04 (41:58):
Yeah, I agree.
He's looking for a reason.
Because here's the thing he knewabout your friend prior to your
marriage, right?
Which is kind of crazy.
Kind of crazy because if he knewthat you had a male friend or a
male best friend prior tomarriage, it was never a
problem.
Like she said, it was never aproblem before.
Um, then once they got married,now all of a sudden I'm just
supposed to cut him off.
Right.
Okay.

(42:19):
Like I said, going back, whenyou are in a committed
relationship, especially amarriage, and you have friends
of the opposite sex, boundariesmust be set.
Conversations must be had,right?
You have a female friend, right?
I don't mind you having yourfemale friend.
You've known her.
We literally just hung out withher on Saturday.

(42:40):
That's my sister.
Um, right.
She's like a sister to you,right?
Um but even though you guys arebest friends, even though you
guys have a close relationship,you also know that there are
things that you wouldn't do.
Like you wouldn't, y'allwouldn't go out on day dates
alone.
You wouldn't stay the night ather place.

SPEAKER_01 (42:57):
She also respects you.

SPEAKER_04 (42:59):
Exactly.
Exactly.
So that's what I'm saying.
But that comes throughcommunication.

SPEAKER_01 (43:02):
Oh no, she her place her new place is nice, right?

SPEAKER_04 (43:04):
It's really not.
I want to stay too.
I told her I want to come forthe weekend.
No, uh, we can both stay.
Not us booking.
Right.
I was like, we can we can bothstay.
We can find a babysitter.
Yes, it does.
So, you know, we both can stay.
Um, but there has to beboundaries set.
Now, in my opinion, I think itis unfair for him to just be
like, oh, cut the friend offcompletely just because you guys

(43:29):
are, just because like you guysare married, or if he doesn't
like him.
If it's a situation where hispresence makes him uncomfortable
or he feels like the other guydoes not have good intentions,
that's different.
I have to consider that becauseyou're my husband, right?
If he is texting me once a yearto say happy birthday, I don't
really see anything wrong withthat.

(43:50):
If you guys aren't hanging out,you don't have a relationship
where it's tight.
No usual uh no usualinteractions, no usual
communication.
Like it's not, I feel like itwouldn't be beneficial for me to
make a phone call to go out ofmy way to make a phone call to
say, hey, we can't be friendsanymore.

SPEAKER_01 (44:05):
When we barely talk anyway.
That's my thing.
He was my he was her friendwhile they were dating, right?
They had been friends for 13years.

SPEAKER_04 (44:15):
Yeah.
But she hasn't been with him for13 years.
Yeah.
So I I guess they did date inthe past.
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (44:19):
Oh, they dated?
That's different.

SPEAKER_04 (44:21):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (44:21):
If they dated at the end.

SPEAKER_04 (44:22):
Wait, did she?

SPEAKER_01 (44:23):
I think see if they now if they date, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 (44:25):
I was gonna say now I have to because I didn't I
forgot about that.

SPEAKER_01 (44:27):
I don't think they dated.
I think they were just friends.

SPEAKER_04 (44:29):
If they were just friends, yeah, if they were just
friends.

SPEAKER_01 (44:31):
If they were just friends, that's different.
But if they dated, yeah, yeah,then if they date is different,
yeah.
And that's why I have an issuewith what he's doing because
you've literally slept withthese women you're following.

SPEAKER_04 (44:40):
Yes.
So to her point, the women thatyou're liking and following and
that you are interacting withare considered exes because you
have had a sexual relationshipwith them.
And then for her as his wife tosee a pattern that every time
they are going through a toughspot or he's upset with her, the
first thing you do is run asocial media and you start
liking photos.

(45:02):
That lets me know that you likephotos and you also reach out
and now you start playing aroundwith the idea of possibly, you
know, making sure you got alineup just in case this goes
south.
And then for you to come backand ask her for a divorce.
Crazy work.
Because he doesn't want to bewith a uh a woman who's out here
trying to embarrass him, baby.

(45:22):
You're embarrassing me.
Ooh, say it again, baby.
You're embarrassing me by likingall of these women's photos.

SPEAKER_01 (45:29):
This is what this is what I ask.
This is this is what I ask.
Anytime my guy asked me my situuh asked me about a situation, I
say, How would you feel if shewas doing this?

SPEAKER_04 (45:37):
If it was the other way around, right?

SPEAKER_01 (45:38):
And if you wouldn't like that shit, then you can't.

SPEAKER_04 (45:40):
And that's crazy work because you're complaining
about one person with her.
But she gotta combat women.
Because she didn't say it wasjust one girl that he likes the
pictures of, it's other femalesmultiple.

SPEAKER_01 (45:53):
She petty me if I was her as a board member of the
petty committee.
Since he said it's okay tofollow and like their pictures
because they went to schooltogether, I would find every
male friend I ever went toschool with and following.
Bye.
And like everything they post.

SPEAKER_04 (46:06):
But we already know the same rules don't apply to
her that apply to him.

SPEAKER_01 (46:11):
No, was good for the goose.
Good for the goose.

SPEAKER_04 (46:15):
Listen, I don't think, I don't think you are the
asshole.
And I do think that he may betrying to use this as um a means
of getting out.
Which here's the thing.
I don't understand why peoplehave to come up with such
extravagant ways to get out oftheir marriage.

SPEAKER_02 (46:32):
The door is right there.
I think it's I mean You want togo?
Listen, it's right there.
I think you want to go?

SPEAKER_04 (46:38):
Bye.
I think it's it's it's quitesimple.
I mean, in most cases, I'm notgonna say every single case.
I think it's pretty quite simplein most cases to just be like,
you and this ain't working.
Like, you don't want to be here,I don't want to be here, you
don't want to put forth theeffort to be here, I don't want
to put forth the effort to behere.
So let's just call it quiz.

SPEAKER_01 (46:55):
To me, it sounds like he wants to have control
without accountability.

SPEAKER_04 (46:59):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (47:00):
And that's the issue, that's a red flag.

SPEAKER_04 (47:01):
Yeah.
I mean, but we in it to win italready, you know?
And like she said, I would bewilling to like, you know, let
go of whatever it is that'scausing him grief.
But she's willing.
Yeah, because she's like, it'sit does it doesn't, it's not
gonna cost me my marriage.
Like it's not that, like shesaid, it is not that serious to
me.
But maybe he don't bust themarriage.
But if it's not that serious tome and I'm willing to acquiesce

(47:22):
to your um your your request,your request, I think it's only
fair that we go back to theboundaries that I had set a year
prior about you unfollowing andnot liking the photos of the
people that you have previouslyslept with.
Because that doesn't make mefeel comfortable.
And the excuse that you gave meis because you've known him
since childhood still doesn'tmake me feel comfortable.

(47:45):
So this is where I also say, um,like on the like with the last
story about him likegaslighting, I think the
response of him saying he wantsa divorce too is also a little
bit form of like for me ofgaslighting because now it's
like you're trying to threatenme with it.
Like I feel like you'rethreatening me with it.
Like it's like him, he's saying,Well, you know what, I want a

(48:06):
divorce then.
Okay.
Okay.
And but he knows that she'sgonna be like, like, no, I don't
want to do that, you know.
But if you, if you, if he reallywants a divorce, if you feed
people the same energy that theygive you, their story changes.
So if you don't seem, if youdon't seem moved by it, if he
came to you was like, okay,well, I want a divorce because
you out here trying to make melook bad, and your response is,

(48:29):
you know what?
You're right.
I think we should go ahead andfile for that.
Because I I too feelembarrassed.
And we shouldn't be in arelationship, especially a
marriage where we both both feelembarrassed.
So it's playing games.
It is playing games.
I'm not I'm gonna.
What a counseling.
That don't work in divorce.
Listen, but if if he if he isthat serious and you come to me,

(48:50):
because the thing is, is I don'tplay about the D word, right?
If you I feel like the the Dword should only come up if that
is a real, like viable option.
Like we are really gonna sit.
That's not something you throwin somebody's face because we're
in a disagreement.
That's not something you throwin somebody's face because

(49:11):
you're upset with me at themoment, because you're you're
just mad at me.
So you're like, you know what?
I want a divorce.
That's not how, that's not howwe argue.
That's not how we get throughstuff.
You're not gonna sit here,you're not gonna sit here and
hang divorce over my head.
Because if you if that's wildconfusion, because listen, if
they decide not to go throughthe with a divorce, right?
And she's and she goes to himand she's like, um, like, oh my

(49:34):
gosh, like it's not thatserious.
I don't want to throw ourmarriage away.
All the time that we've put in,like, I love you, you know, I
trust you, and all this, that,and the third.
The next time he gets a hair uphis ass, or the next time he
doesn't agree with somethingthat she does, he's gonna bring
it again.
Yeah, he's gonna bring it upagain.
And then that's that becomesmanipulation.
Okay, it's talked about it.
That becomes manipulationbecause this is the person that

(49:57):
is supposed to care for you.
This is the person who says theylove you unconditionally.
This is the person who says thatthey they value you as a person,
they value you as, you know,their wife, the person that said
that they will take care of you,but you're gonna hold divorce
over my head, or you're gonnalet you're gonna let something
as small as somebody from mypast who told me happy birthday

(50:21):
to come between us and ruin ourentire marriage.
Even after I told you I would bewilling to block him, not talk
to him, or anything if it madeyou that uncomfortable.
I'm making a sacrifice as yourwife with my friendship because
you're my husband, but then yourresponse to me about not making
the sacrifice to stop followingand liking your previous ex's uh
photos on social media isbecause you've known them for a

(50:43):
long time.
And then you want to hangdivorce over my head?
BFFR.

SPEAKER_01 (50:48):
Okay, be mother for real.

SPEAKER_04 (50:50):
BFFR.

SPEAKER_01 (50:50):
B mother.
That's gonna be a hard no hardno.

SPEAKER_04 (50:53):
Hard no.
So, no, I don't, I do think thatshe said all that to say.
I say all that to say that I dothink he's probably using it as
an excuse to like either to getout of the marriage or to create
the situation like this.
No, the the separationsituation.

(51:14):
Remember the story from lastweek where it's like, okay,
well, we're going on aseparation, so I can go out, and
I don't think that was hisintention, but in this case, it
might be a setup for well, maybewe need some time apart so he
can go over there and do what heneeds to do, and then when it's
done and over with, and he, youknow, tap that for another time,
then he can come back and belike, Okay, now we can tap that
for another time.
Now we can now we can work on usagain, babe.

SPEAKER_01 (51:35):
Not tap that for another time.
That's wild.

SPEAKER_04 (51:37):
Now we can work on us.
But if you you've you'vecompromised, yeah.
You said that you were willingto give it up because for you
it's not that serious, but hedoesn't want to give up liking
photos.
And and if he likes, you know,in my opinion, if he's liking
photos, there's probably DMstoo.

SPEAKER_01 (51:53):
Oh Lord, here you go with this.
We're not gonna get to that.
That's not true.

SPEAKER_04 (51:57):
These are women that he has slept with before, these
are women he has history with.
You're right, these are womenthat he follows on social media,
you're right.
Men are visual creatures.
Well, you're right, you'reright.
Okay, and physical creatures.
If you keep putting something,if you keep putting something in
front of y'all for too long,eventually you're gonna get
curious.

SPEAKER_01 (52:17):
Well, I mean, she she's coming to me.
I'm not looking for her.
Bye, Debelle.

SPEAKER_04 (52:21):
Goodbye.
I can't.
So yeah, I I I I think I thinkyou should go with your instinct
on this one.
All right.
Um, those were pretty long ones.
We got one more.
You want to do one more?
The one from the Instagram.
We can do one more.
Um, okay, here we go.
Wait.
Am I am I overthinking?
The one for Instagram?
Yes.

(52:42):
Okay.
Um, okay, so she also would liketo remain anonymous.
So am I overthinking?
Um, first, I want to say I loveyou guys so much.
Y'all keep me rolling.
Thank you, girl.
Uh bye.
But to the story, she's a29-year-old female, uh black
female currently living inGeorgia and dating a 32-year-old

(53:03):
black male who lives inMichigan.
Uh, she says, we plan to move toTexas together in mid-2026.
We met 10 years ago duringsummer break in 2015 in Florida.
For the first two years, we flewback and forth seeing each
other.
I was in college at the time anddecided to end it because let's
be honest, I'm young.
I love how she wrote that.
Um, I was kept on lock growingup, so I'm finally quote unquote

(53:26):
free and I didn't want thecommitment.
Plus, the distance gotexpensive.
We kept in touch, but stoppedcompletely after 2021 when we
both got into relationships andhe moved to Dubai.
Fast forward to 2025, April,he's back in Michigan where
we're both single.
We reconnect and it's like notime had skipped and we didn't
skip a beat.

(53:46):
We're on FaceTime for hours.
He's coming to visit everymonth.
He's retired, so he has theflexibility to move as such.
Ooh, I like that.
Retired at 32.
Calm down, keep it in advance.
Bye.
He's retired, so he has theflexibility to move as such.

He's uh here's the problem (54:01):
the ex, a white 26-year-old female,
and she is still in his house.
I'm currently visiting, and heput me in a hotel.
A beautiful one, but a hotel.
She knows about me and haswritten me in the past when he
and I were just friends tryingto quote unquote threaten me

(54:22):
during an episode.
I know she struggles with mentalhealth, doesn't have family
there, and doesn't have anythingsaved up.
He's the kind of man to makesure everything is on him and
that he takes care of it all.
Never I.
I will always have my own,shaking my head.
So he said he's just being niceand letting her stay to save up
till he leaves in January 2026.

(54:43):
He's going to Texas first, thenI'm following a few months
later.
Currently, she doesn't know thatI'm back in the picture or even
currently here.
And damn it, I feel some type ofway.
He said she's seen me, she'sseen my name come up and have
gotten upset, and she's beggedhim to move on with anyone but
me.
He doesn't want to tell herbecause the next few months will

(55:04):
be hell in his house.
He's also just started gettingback uh reconnected with his old
friends since she's been hisonly friend for the past few
years.
I do kind of understand.
I feel like my ex was my bestfriend and didn't want to hurt
him either when we broke up andhad to complete the remaining
five months of our lease.
So I walked on eggshells to keephim comfortable.

(55:24):
But this is stupid.
Would you believe him?
If y'all are done and sheunderstands that, why does it
matter that it's me?
Am I just an overthinker or doesthis sound off?

SPEAKER_01 (55:36):
I think it matters because it's you, because you
are the one and you're thereason why he don't want to be
with her.
That's why it mattered.
That's why it mattered.
Because she felt like she got achance if it was anybody else.
But she can't compete with you.

SPEAKER_04 (55:49):
So she knows that she wasn't wants you.
You the up.
You the up.
You the up! No, because I thinkI think women know when a man is
really into another woman.
Like if I'm if I'm giving my alland it's still something about
her that's pulling you.

SPEAKER_01 (56:07):
Right.
Like, you know, if Maya walk inhere, you're gonna have to
fight.

SPEAKER_04 (56:11):
I'm not fighting, boy.

SPEAKER_01 (56:13):
Lord, no.

SPEAKER_04 (56:13):
I am too damn grown to be fighting.

SPEAKER_01 (56:15):
If Maya walk, if Maya walking here, Coco!

SPEAKER_04 (56:17):
If Maya walking here, she's gonna walk right
back out.
Or Coco, she's gonna walk backout.

SPEAKER_01 (56:21):
I might be behind her.

SPEAKER_04 (56:24):
Bye.

SPEAKER_01 (56:27):
Bye.

SPEAKER_02 (56:28):
But you're not you're not tripping.
You you the I.
That's why she that's why shewanted to be you, you the I.
Because she knows that he hewants you.
That's right.
He wants the key word is hewants you.
He was in a situation ship withher.

SPEAKER_04 (56:42):
Yeah, yeah.
He wanted to be he wants you.

SPEAKER_01 (56:44):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 (56:45):
So I don't think, I don't think you're overthinking
it.

SPEAKER_01 (56:49):
And let's not, let's be honest, women can't handle
rejection.

SPEAKER_04 (56:53):
A lot of women can't handle rejection.
For you, but but and here's thething too.
Okay, I can understand his pointof view about trying to keep not
just keep her calm enough forthe next few months or whatever.
He don't want no issue.
He don't want no issue.
But I mean, if y'all, if theynot together, like I know he

(57:13):
don't want to put her out on thestreet, right?
He could at least say, in myopinion, I think he could at
least be like, Look, I know thatyou probably don't have
everything right now, but I cangive you a month.

SPEAKER_02 (57:24):
Look here.

SPEAKER_04 (57:25):
A month, a month, or two months.
See, look here.
Like something.
But I don't think I don't thinkhe should let her stay there the
entire time.

SPEAKER_01 (57:31):
I get what you're saying, but you're thinking also
thinking from a woman's brain.
He's probably already told her,hey, you can stay here until I
leave.
Yeah, he has.
That's what she's saying.
And he don't want to renege onthat.
And at the same time, he wantsto be with what uh with the
other lady, but he don't want hedon't want the issue, he don't
want to have to come home withher being an issue in his eyes.
I know.
And he don't want to kick herout.
So he just he trying to hetrying to keep it, he's trying

(57:51):
to keep it cool across the boarduntil he gets to where he really
wants to be.

SPEAKER_04 (57:55):
I know.
I just don't know if that worksfor me.

SPEAKER_01 (57:57):
Well, I mean, again, it's her it's her horse to
tolerate it.
Like, I mean, if you trust him,it's it is her horse to tolerate
it or not.

SPEAKER_04 (58:03):
Yeah, like it's but again I mean, and he doesn't
seem like he's giving off tryingto play both sides, according to
how she's explaining it.
It doesn't seem like he's tryingto give off playing both sides.
You know what I'm saying?
Um, but I guess we'll see comeJanuary.
But the fact that she's like,oh, pretty much he can move on
with anybody but you, she'sjealous.
She knows that he wants you, soshe's feeling rejected.

(58:26):
You know what I'm saying?
Um, but yeah, like I don't know,the whole five five months,
that's that's a lot of time tostill have to go home and have
another woman in your space.
Yeah.
And then like me knowing thatthere's another woman in your
space for the next five months.
And I know it's because you'retrying to keep the peace in your
own life, and we also know thatshe But you better come and be

(58:47):
be the anti-peace, right?
No, listen, we but like shesaid, she also knows that she
deals with mental health.
So we don't know what the extentwhat kind of crazy she is.
Yeah, what kind of case you knowbecause you know, she's so we
don't know.

SPEAKER_01 (59:00):
Wow, wow.

SPEAKER_04 (59:04):
We're getting canceled.
No, that's not what I meant.
Oh my gosh.
Or just say, you know, becauseshe but she made a point to put
that in there.

SPEAKER_01 (59:16):
All right, y'all.
We're gonna just go ahead andjump into the comments of the
week because she's going off theend here.
Um, the comment of the week,they both come from the picture
I posted, my senior picture Iposted of us on the podcast
page.
Um uh the first comment comesfrom someone who I thought was
my friend.

SPEAKER_03 (59:32):
Uh, she is your friend.
Bye.

SPEAKER_01 (59:34):
And she came for me.
She swears I'd be coming forher, but I don't.
This be nothing but love.
You know, we have been to eachother's homes.
How dare she say such names?
It's always love.

SPEAKER_04 (59:46):
It's always love.

SPEAKER_01 (59:47):
So the first comment comes from Angel Rodriguez
herself, Angel Rodriguez Rivals.
Um, go follow them if you don't.
They're good people.
She says, already collectingsocial security in this picture.
Ma'am, I was 17.

unknown (59:59):
You

SPEAKER_04 (01:00:00):
18 in that picture.

SPEAKER_01 (01:00:00):
I was 17 in that picture.

SPEAKER_04 (01:00:02):
I was 17 in that picture.

SPEAKER_01 (01:00:02):
I was 17 in that picture.

SPEAKER_04 (01:00:04):
Oh, so I was 16.

SPEAKER_01 (01:00:05):
Yes.
Oh, I was 17.
Now look here.
I know that I I've been a man along time.
I had facial hair.
I've had facial hair since I'vebeen a long time.
But you don't have to come uplike that.
That wouldn't call for.

SPEAKER_04 (01:00:18):
She's already collecting social security in
this picture.

SPEAKER_01 (01:00:21):
There's no white hair there.
There's no grays.
There's no white.

SPEAKER_04 (01:00:24):
He's had a beard since he was like four.
I've been grown my whole life.
So, you know, that's probablywhat And because Angel made me
feel so bad.

SPEAKER_01 (01:00:31):
The second comment comes from the same post where
this I don't this young lady,this beautiful soul, said that
my wife and I, she said, y'allgot the Benjamin Button disease.
Y'all never age gracefully.
Y'all, y'all aged uh y'all haveaged gracefully together.
And I said, Thank you.
I appreciate that because my ownfriend, Angel Rodriguez, and

(01:00:51):
then when I talked to her, herhusband, he he backed her up as
he should.
Shout out to Anthony.
He backed her up.
I said, You do you being a goodhusband right now, but I don't
want to hear that.

SPEAKER_04 (01:00:59):
He's supposed to be a friend right now.

SPEAKER_01 (01:01:01):
You being a good husband, but I don't want to
hear that.
But you know, you you never knowwhat you're gonna get when
you're dealing with them cowboyfans.
You know.
We love them.
We love them, but we all can'tbe raised, right?

SPEAKER_04 (01:01:14):
Bye.
Anyways, uh, this has beenanother episode of the Life
After I Do podcast.

SPEAKER_01 (01:01:20):
And the Eagles just scored again.
Go Birds, we're gonna win today.
And the Dodgers are gonna wintoday as well.
Dodger Blue, stay true, goBirds.

SPEAKER_04 (01:01:27):
Okay.
This has been another episode ofthe Life After I Do podcast.
Uh I want to hear it, sir.
Doo doo doo doo doo.
If you're not doing so already,don't forget to like and follow
us on all of our social mediaplatforms at Life After I Do
Podcast, Instagram, TikTok,Facebook, YouTube, at Life After
I Do.
No, that's a real site.

(01:01:47):
Okay.
Life After I Do podcast.
Um, don't forget you can alsowrite into the podcast at
lifeafter I do podcast atgmail.com.
Yes, yep.
You guys are so amazing.
We love reading your stories.
We appreciate that youappreciate like our advice and
reactions to your stories.
Um, thank you for all of our newbooskies who have joined the
family.
All the love that you guys havebeen showing us.

(01:02:09):
We have some fun and excitingthings that we're working on
behind the scenes for you guysto you know keep our little
community growing.
But um, you get a new episodeevery Wednesday.
All the love and support, guys.
Okay.
Till next time.
Peace booskies.
Peace booskies.

SPEAKER_01 (01:02:26):
Go birds.