Privacy or Problem: The Boundaries of Marriage

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Should your partner have full access to your phone, passwords, and digital life? In this episode of Life After I Do, Nesha G and MoeLethal open up about one of the most debated topics in modern relationships: Privacy vs. Transparency.

With 23 years of experience under their belt, they share how they’ve chosen honesty without control—and why what works for them might not work for everyone. They unpack:

• The difference between secrecy and healthy boundaries
• How trust, history, and personality shape your approach
• Why dating and marriage may need different rules
• Real-life scenarios: surprise planning, group chats, and needing personal space
• Listener Q&As on enforcing boundaries with teens and managing mismatched libidos

This episode offers both the male and female perspectives with honesty, humor, and depth.

🎧 Tap in and then tap send—we want to hear from you. Email your thoughts to: [e-mail]

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Here's the thing I don't want.
I don't want you to think likeyou can't have, I guess,
boundaries within a marriage,right.
But when we talk about thingsas simple as passcodes to phones
, social media, your socialmedia passwords and things like
that, for me personally, mepersonally, ok, that that's a.

(00:22):
That's a.
That's an open territory.
Hey everybody, and welcome backto another episode of Life.

(00:51):
After Writing Podcast, I'm yourhost, kynesha Nisha G, and I'm
here with my vocalist partner ingrind, ooh yeah, rocking the
gymnastics dad shirt today.

Speaker 2 (01:05):
Ooh, yeah, hi, babe, it's your boy, it's your boy
Molito.
Molito, also known as Maurice,also known as Molito Sexy
chocolate.

Speaker 1 (01:21):
I believe the children are our future.
Okay, we're not doing thistoday.

Speaker 2 (01:22):
Thank you.
Thank you, treat them well andlet them lead the way.
That boy good.
That boy good, good andterrible.

Speaker 1 (01:32):
Hey babe, hey Booskies, How's it going?

Speaker 2 (01:37):
Show them all the beauty they possess inside oh my
gosh Okay, we're done.
Give them a chance to fly.
That's not the words I know.
Okay, we're done.
Give them a chance.
To fly.
That's not the words I know.
Hi, booskies, hi.

Speaker 1 (01:51):
How are you?

Speaker 2 (01:52):
Good, I feel like we're both like trying to find
extra energy.
I got something to give you.
I got energy for that.

Speaker 1 (02:06):
Happy Father's Day to all of the fathers out there,
all the real ones, all the OGs,they're going to hear this after
Father's.
Day.
I know they're going to hear itafter Father's Day, but that's
why I'm still saying HappyFather's Day, like I hope you
all had a great Father's DayShut up, because you're going to
hear this after Father's.

Speaker 2 (02:22):
Day.
Whose father going to hear thisafter father's day um the way
our schedule is planned, I meanthe episodes come out on
wednesdays.

Speaker 1 (02:31):
So schedule I did, okay, it was your fault, okay,
whatever.
Anyway, happy father's day toall the fathers.
Happy father's day, my lovethank you how, how has this
journey of fatherhood been foryou?
The past the past 22 years 22years.
My daughter is 7 how has itbeen for the past 7 years?

(02:57):
Are you high?
No, a little sleepy, but nothigh not yet maybe, yeah, maybe
a little hungry, but not high,not yet.
Maybe a little hungry, but nothigh, oh, hangry.

Speaker 2 (03:09):
I don't know.
These last seven years havebeen a journey of wonder and
mystery.

Speaker 1 (03:18):
Why are you answering like that Wonder and mystery it
has been filled of ups, downs,anger, bliss.

Speaker 2 (03:29):
Sometimes I've just been stuck in awe of how someone
can irritate me to my core andyet make me smile.

Speaker 1 (03:41):
It's a talent when you think about it.
It really it's a talent whenyou think about it.
It really it's a talent, noteveryone can do that.

Speaker 2 (03:48):
She has shown me that I have grace.
I didn't know I was able togive.

Speaker 1 (03:53):
Again Any other child .

Speaker 2 (03:54):
That girl good, that girl good.
I keep threatening her with aMatilda closet.

Speaker 1 (04:01):
Bye, we got to take the threats out of parenting.
Nah, yeah, tilt the closet.
Bye, we got to take the threatsout of parenting.

Speaker 2 (04:10):
Nah yeah, we got it.
Listen here listen here.

Speaker 1 (04:11):
My number one parenting tip is don't threaten
children with consequences thatyou do not fully intend on
enforcing I just ain't had thetime to build it they, they
children will call you out onbullshit in a hot second.

Speaker 2 (04:23):
Okay, my problem is my child will.
She's not going to stand still.
She's going to end up prickingherself.

Speaker 1 (04:30):
What do you mean In the Matilda closet?
Oh gosh, that baby don't knownothing about no Matilda closet.
She don't know nothing aboutMatilda.
Your failing has a mother, thenCall it what you like, but she
don't know nothing about aMatilda.

Speaker 2 (04:43):
She know Bobby.
Bobby Womack, bye, she knowBobby.

Speaker 1 (04:48):
That's because she's been singing it since she was
like two.

Speaker 2 (04:52):
She can sing you some Teddy Pendergrass oh gosh, I'm
doing my part.
Okay, whatever you make, myneck hurt.

Speaker 1 (04:57):
It's so good.
My neck hurt Loving somebody.
How was your week?
My love, when somebody lovesyou back and I suffered to be
loved, oh gosh, he's in asinging mood today, guys.

Speaker 2 (05:14):
It's been a roller coaster.

Speaker 1 (05:16):
Okay, explain, elaborate.

Speaker 2 (05:22):
The more I try to make lemons out of lemonade, the
more lemons and limes I get.

Speaker 1 (05:29):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (05:30):
That's it.

Speaker 1 (05:31):
So do you like your lemonade more tart or more sweet
?

Speaker 2 (05:36):
I don't like lemonade .

Speaker 1 (05:37):
Just let me drink water, jesus, I'll just take
water at this point, and itdoesn't even have to.
I've had, I've had have ice init.
Huh, I want some ice.
You want some ice?
A couple cubes, I mean now.

Speaker 2 (05:53):
Now I will say if you have a dr pepper zero, I will
take that as well, goodbyegoodbye, I love me the good
doctor.

Speaker 1 (06:02):
on a scale of one to ten, how was your week, babe?
It was a five, it was a fiveRight there, in the middle,
right there, right there.
It was 50%.
Well, I had a good week.
I'm happy for you.
I had a good week because I hada week.
Remember, I tried to tell youPeople would be like are you
having a good day?
No, you people be like are youhaving a good day?

(06:26):
No, really, it's not a good day.
Try not having one.
Try, try not having one and see, see how that feels.
You know, yeah, um, but youknow, I feel like you know it's
stop it, stop.
You're so ridiculous, you wasso ridiculous.
No, it was.
I mean, as far as, like me,feeling the best, I didn't feel

(06:49):
the best this week.
Oh, here we go, but I still.
You know, listen here, I stillmanaged to do what I do.

Speaker 2 (06:57):
Okay, my family didn't burn up.

Speaker 1 (06:58):
My family didn't burn up.
My family survived.

Speaker 2 (07:00):
We went a couple of days hungry.

Speaker 1 (07:02):
My family pulled through Okay.
When family survived, we went acouple days.
My family pulled.
My family pulled through okay.
When mom was out, when mom wasdown and out, we went a couple
days hungry.
Oh, you did not go a couple ofdays hungry.
Stop lying.
Why are you lying like this?
We didn't get the easy, I tellyou.
If if mom goes down for one ortwo days, they act like the the
house just stops running, itdoes.
The house just stops like noone knows how to do anything.

Speaker 2 (07:26):
If I can't move or get out the bed or don't have
Okay imagine you show up to yourjob and half the staff done
called off.

Speaker 1 (07:37):
Is that what it feels like when I'm out?
It's more.

Speaker 2 (07:41):
It's like 70% of the staff done called off.

Speaker 1 (07:44):
So you don't know how the business is going to run
today ain't nobody told me aboutno numbers.
I don't know when breaks andlunches are supposed to happen.
I don't know nothing about thePOS system.
I don't know nothing about thePOS system.

Speaker 2 (07:59):
I'm out here reading handbooks, trying to figure
stuff out.

Speaker 1 (08:01):
Oh, my gosh.
And then this is why it's sohard for moms to be sick,
because even when you are tryingto figure stuff out, oh my gosh
.
And then this is why it's sohard for like moms to like be
sick and stuff, because theneven when you are trying to rest
and be in the bed and you knowrecover or whatever, then you
still get everybody in the houseasking you 50 million questions
and it's like I need y'all tofigure it out.
I just want the only thing Iwant to do is lay here I just

(08:22):
want to lay here.

Speaker 2 (08:22):
I only ask you two questions what's for dinner and
what time?

Speaker 1 (08:26):
you cook it.
Goodbye.
And I gave you one answer,which is I'm not.
You know what your daughtergoing to tell me today.
This cat has been eating allday.

Speaker 2 (08:38):
Okay All day, because school is out, school is out
and all of a sudden her stomachis different.
It's a different stomach.

Speaker 1 (08:43):
So she didn't have like two burritos, she didn't
have potatoes.
Connie, it's not like she'sjust been eating straight junk,
she's had like food.
She don't have the nerves tocome and tell me oh hey, mom,
yes, phoenix, remember theburritos I had?
I say, yes, phoenix.
Well, that was more like like alate lunch it wasn't dinner

(09:08):
that was that mom.
That was like a late lunch.
I say okay, so what are yousaying?
Phoenix, you want dinner?
But I was thinking we could goto like a restaurant or
something.
Yeah, because I'm kind of inthe mood for like a restaurant
food.
Yeah, you know, she told me.
I said girl, what?

Speaker 2 (09:22):
she told you in this restaurant.
She said dad don't you want togo to a restaurant restaurant.
She said, dad, don't you wantto go?

Speaker 1 (09:25):
to a restaurant for fun.
Is that why she was?
Asking yes, don't you want togo to a restaurant.

Speaker 2 (09:29):
Don't you want a special meal?
I said Phoenix, you want to goto a restaurant?

Speaker 1 (09:33):
That baby is quick.
I said don't Every time shehits me with I'm thinking I want
like a restaurant meal Like don, like a restaurant meal, like
don't, don't sit here.

Speaker 2 (09:42):
Don't sit here, trying to scam me into yo.

Speaker 1 (09:45):
It's the fact how she say restaurant meal like she'd
be like.
Okay, I'm gonna give youoptions of the restaurant.
I'm just letting it be knownthat I have no intentions on
eating at home today, I'm gonnakeep it a bug door.

Speaker 2 (09:55):
If we didn't have to record, we wouldn't have been
able to.

Speaker 1 (10:01):
If we didn't have to record, she definitely would
have won today.

Speaker 2 (10:04):
She would have.

Speaker 1 (10:05):
She would have won.

Speaker 2 (10:06):
She would have won today.

Speaker 1 (10:07):
But you still would have played it off like it was
your idea Of course, becauseit's Father's Day.
Yes, we're recording this onFather's Day, guys.
You see, I don't get nothingdone myself.
Oh, my gosh Cut it out sir.
Y'all see how she did me.
I have acquiesced to all yourrequests today the three.

(10:28):
It doesn't matter.
Whatever requests you've put in, I've acquiesced to them.
So it doesn't matter.
Am I supposed to come up withthe request for you?

Speaker 2 (10:38):
whatever you've requested that's what I've given
you.
So your week was a week youpushed through you, happy.
You didn't miss it.
Well, through you, happy youdidn't miss it.

Speaker 1 (10:47):
Well, yeah, I'm happy I didn't miss it.
It was a good week.
The family survived.
I'm feeling better, a littlelow energy, but I mean I'll be
fine.
Because my what, my frequency.

Speaker 2 (10:59):
Your vibration.

Speaker 1 (11:00):
You wouldn't even know anything about that.
Your vibration is so low youdon't even feel vibrations.
Stop it.
Why are you coming for me?
Because that's what happenswhen I feel like you're coming
for me.
I don't know when you're goingto learn.
It's been 23 years.
If I feel attacked, I only knowone response it's to stomp you

(11:20):
in the ground.

Speaker 2 (11:21):
I don't understand why you're coming for me.

Speaker 1 (11:23):
You tried to come for me.
You quite literally just triedto come for me.
I did not.
Okay, it felt that way.

Speaker 2 (11:30):
But anyway, what we got today, booski.

Speaker 1 (11:32):
I love you anyway.

Speaker 2 (11:33):
This is what I go to be Every day.

Speaker 1 (11:35):
He goes through so much she makes me want to cry.
His life is so difficult withme, but yet he's still here, he
still sticks around.
Okay, really, really, really,I'm going to let him finish his
song.
I can't stand you and I loveyou at the same time.

(11:59):
So we had got a couple ofmessages and there was this
video.
Who was we?
Okay, me.

Speaker 2 (12:07):
No, don't be messaging me people.
I'm married.

Speaker 1 (12:10):
I was married.
Now it's actually somethingwe've kind of touched on before.
Okay, but apparently like it'scome back around and people are
like still talking about it.

Speaker 2 (12:20):
That's good, because my PMI has changed.

Speaker 1 (12:21):
I don't even know what it is.
My PMI has changed.

Speaker 2 (12:25):
Your PMI has changed.
I don't even know what it?
Is my PMI.
Has changed your PMI, myopinion might have changed.

Speaker 1 (12:25):
Oh, your opinion might have changed, but it's the
age-old relationship question.

Speaker 2 (12:31):
That's why you got to trigger me, I do got a PMI
coming up.

Speaker 1 (12:34):
Listen, privacy in marriage.
More specifically oh, I said it, allowing your partner to have,
like the passcodes to yourphone and your social media.

Speaker 2 (12:52):
I'm not with that.

Speaker 1 (12:52):
That's my life is that the story you're singing?
Yes, because I quite literallyhave access to all of yourself.
They don't know they don't knowquite literally have access to
all of your stuff, okay, butlike, should couples have each
other's phone passwords?
Or is privacy still a thing ina committed relationship?

(13:13):
And I'm gonna say, I'm gonnasay really, from the perspective
of, like, I guess, long-termrelationship or marriage, more
specifically, having privacywithin your marriage, do you
believe that there is a formlike having a form of privacy in
marriage, in our marriage?
Yes, no, I'm talking about inmarriage in general, in a

(13:35):
relationship I don't know aboutthat.

Speaker 2 (13:38):
I don't know about my marriage.
Okay In my marriage.
Yes, okay, because I'm moretechnologically savvy.

Speaker 1 (13:43):
Say that again I'm more technologically savvy Say
that again.

Speaker 2 (13:46):
I'm more tech savvy.

Speaker 1 (13:47):
You're more tech savvy, so I'm not Okay.
So what does that mean?

Speaker 2 (13:49):
I can lock stuff up.

Speaker 1 (13:51):
Okay, if I really want to be about it, okay, but
that's not the question.

Speaker 2 (13:57):
That's literally not the question we have our privacy
, because I don't go throughyour purse?
No, you don't.
Because they're like.
I don't go through your birthno, you don't.
You could be having love notesin there for all I know.

Speaker 1 (14:06):
But here's the thing, what I'm saying is the question
is okay.
Yes, you don't go through myphone.
I don't go through your phone.
However, if I were to pick upyour phone and I wanted the
passcode, if I didn't have thepasscode, would you feel
comfortable giving me yourpasscode?

Speaker 2 (14:24):
If your daughter's not around.
Yes, okay, because once shelearned it, it's a wrap.

Speaker 1 (14:28):
Okay, but what?
But that's?
But that's what I'm saying.
Should I be able to have accessto your phone in that way?
Should you be able to haveaccess to my phone in that way?
Should I be able to have accessto your social media?
No-transcript.

(14:53):
Do you feel like that's rightIf we're in a committed
relationship and there'ssomething on your phone that
you're not comfortable with?
Do you see?

Speaker 2 (15:01):
There's a lot of gray area.
Okay, first of all, if there'ssomething on my phone that I'm
not comfortable with, what yousee, that depends on that's a
gray area.
Because why am I notcomfortable, like, am I doing
something?

Speaker 1 (15:13):
shady, and I'm happy that you said that, because that
was going to be my nextquestion.

Speaker 2 (15:16):
Am I doing something shady, or is it like I just
don't want you to see it,because maybe this is a hobby I
haven't told you about yet,maybe you don't know about this,
or maybe I got this over heresaved because I'm doing
something for you that you don'tneed to know.
Okay, because Lord knowssomebody, when her little
detective ears roll up and shethinks she part of, when she

(15:38):
thinks she on the team, I'mgoing to need to run through and
here.
See, it doesn't really botherme or affect me because you know
, like we have, you know we haveApple products.

Speaker 1 (15:56):
All of our stuff is linked, yeah, and you know, even
if my phone's moving, my iPad'salways here, I it's always here
and I know how to get into theipad, so it's not like you can't
, and I can just watcheverything that's happening
throughout the day.
It's like it's pretty boring itis pretty boring, but, like I
say, back to the question.
Do you think that should belike?
Do you think that that shouldbe a boundary within a

(16:19):
relationship?

Speaker 2 (16:20):
I feel like, if you, if an individual feels like that
in the boundary that they need,then I feel like, yes, it it
should be.
I think like this is somethingthat will vary from people, from
person to person, because somepeople care about it, some
people don't really care aboutit okay.

Speaker 1 (16:33):
But what happens if you have one person who doesn't
want, a person who doesn't.

Speaker 2 (16:35):
Again, that's a conversation.
The marriage is about give andtake.
Somebody's's going to have to,somebody's going to have to act
yes to the other, that's justwhat's going to have to happen.
And I mean fortunately for me.
I'm in a relationship where, ina marriage where we don't
really care here.

Speaker 1 (16:50):
Like hold on.
First of all, let me say thisSometimes I'll actually like
going down your social mediabecause your feed be different
than mine.
So I'll go down your feed andthen send all the posts to my
feed, everything.
You start getting my feed, butthat's the point.

Speaker 2 (17:03):
I'll be trying to get some some of the people that
pop up on your page.
I'll be trying to get some ofthese people.

Speaker 1 (17:07):
And then I have to what if, when my feed starts to
change too much, I just startscrolling it like until they get
the picture like stop showingme this.

Speaker 2 (17:15):
I don't need this.

Speaker 1 (17:16):
I feel like that's a benefit okay, but but back to
the question do you think thereshould be privacy within a
marriage?

Speaker 2 (17:26):
yes, because I believe every every person as it
pertains to this.
I believe every person isentitled to something, that some
form of privacy, some form ofprivacy, something, some form or
something that they feel thatis their own.
Okay, I, I do agree with that.

Speaker 1 (17:39):
So, when it comes to the passcode, do you think, if
you are a man in a marriage,long-term committed relationship
, excuse me, do you think thatyour wife has a right?
Listen to the question.
Has a right?
No, you have a right to nothing, you don't think?

Speaker 2 (17:59):
that she has a right.
Listen to the question.
Has a right?
No, you have a right to nothing, it's from my last name.

Speaker 1 (18:01):
You don't think that she has a right?

Speaker 2 (18:02):
You have a right to nothing from my last name.

Speaker 1 (18:04):
No, okay.

Speaker 2 (18:06):
That's where I stand.

Speaker 1 (18:07):
I'm going to have to play the clip of you answering
this question prior I told you Imight have changed.
Mm-hmm, I'm going to have toplay that clip because you sing
in a whole different tune, am I?
Yeah, you are.

Speaker 2 (18:18):
That's fine.
I don't think you have a right.
That sounds like you'reobligated to my information.
I don't think you're obligatedto my information.
I do think that there's privatethings, like, for instance,
like with us, like with medicalthings.
Right, I don't always come outand just tell you everything I'm

(18:40):
feeling, because one I don'twant you to worry.
I don't want you to freakingstress.
Let me talk to the doctor first.
If it's something serious, thenI'll bring it to you.

Speaker 1 (18:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (18:47):
Right.
So I don't think it'snecessarily a right.
I think that if you ask forthis information, I'll give it
to you different, because havinga right means to me when I hear
that it seems like you feel asif that's my right, I'm entitled
to this part of your life,right, whereas if I, if I openly

(19:08):
share this part of my life withyou, that's different but you
made a commitment to openlyshare your life with me when you
invited me into your life byasking me to marry you.

Speaker 1 (19:18):
So do you see how you ask no, but no, I did Hell.
No, I did not ask you.
Don't.
Don't sit there and lie tothese people.
No way in hell.
I asked a man to marry me.
Cut it out.

Speaker 2 (19:28):
I I do feel this is my feeling that on this
particular topic, it reallydepends on the individual
marriage or relationship.

Speaker 1 (19:42):
Oh well, of course.

Speaker 2 (19:43):
That's usually how those things work.
There's so many nuances aroundthis right, Because I know
people who are like they wouldprobably never share social
media, never share passwords,and nine times out of ten people
who are like that either,there's a history there.
Uh, there's insecurity thereand there's a slight chance that

(20:05):
you do some shit you ain'tsupposed to be doing yeah, now
me, I'm not doing shit.
I ain't supposed to be doing, soI don't care.
Yeah, and, like I said, you canpick up the ipad up at any time
and see right.

Speaker 1 (20:14):
So it's not like but you could be hiding things
because you're so technologysavvy I.

Speaker 2 (20:18):
I mean, I could, I could, but I don't.

Speaker 1 (20:20):
You could black site some stuff.

Speaker 2 (20:22):
I don't have the time nor the patience.

Speaker 1 (20:25):
I don't have the care to do that much digging Right.
Right, I also feel like whenyou get.
I also feel like when there'slike when you get to a certain
point in your relationship.
It's not that we don't carewhat each other does, it's just
that I don't spend a lot of timeand energy like wondering what
it is you're doing on socialmedia or with your phone.

(20:47):
Because I've never been given areason to like feel some type
of way where I feel like I needto snoop.

Speaker 2 (20:54):
But that's also part of like what I said when I say
the nuances right to snoop.
But that's also part of when Isay the nuances right Like
history.
In this, on this type ofsubject matter, the history
matters Because if I have ahistory of entertaining other
women or reaching out, doingthings like that, and now I have
developed or fed into aninsecurity of yours, now in that

(21:20):
instance I do feel like as yourpartner, it is my
responsibility to reassure youbecause I'm the reason why
you're insecure in that, in thatarea to begin with that's what
I'm saying anything never giveyou any reason and there's been

(21:41):
no sudden change in behavior orattitude.

Speaker 1 (21:44):
You buying new underwear, stuff like that.

Speaker 2 (21:48):
Wow.
First of all, I buy newunderwear once every seven years
.
If there's been nothing likethat, Like there's been no
indication that, hey, he's doingsomething different, yeah, I
don't see why you would pressthe issue.

Speaker 1 (22:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (22:07):
Right, yeah, but then again, like I say, if there's a
history of it.

Speaker 1 (22:12):
That's different, that's different.

Speaker 2 (22:13):
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
When it comes to something likethis, the nuances of everything
Is Is important, because Okay,that's what I'm saying when it
comes to something like this,the nuances of everything is
important, because I think in asituation like ours, we've, for
the most part, been pretty standup with each other.

Speaker 1 (22:31):
I don't know what you've been doing on the side.

Speaker 2 (22:33):
I mean, yeah, I know, or there really is no, I don't
think there's really no need forus to share because I'm not
going to snoop.
I know you're not going tosnoop, yeah.
And it's to the point now where, if something was to come up,
it's, like you said earlier,like we have access to each
other's phone anyway.

Speaker 1 (22:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (22:54):
And like the same thing, like just like my iPad.
I can go get it on your MacBookor I can get your iPad Right.

Speaker 1 (22:58):
And I can see all your stuff and you have access.

Speaker 2 (23:00):
And so it doesn't really change anything.

Speaker 1 (23:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (23:02):
Now, again, like I say, like I can see the benefits
and I can see the benefits andthe drawbacks of this Right,
Because I can see this beingused as a way to control someone
, as a way to constantly makesomeone feel like they're being

(23:22):
watched or they have to watcheverything they do, or you're
targeting them, or you alwaysare always suspecting them, or
something Like.
I can see how this can go bothways.
That's why I say something likethis with the sharing of the
past goals and all that stufflike that, I feel like it really
does matter on a situationbasis.

Speaker 1 (23:38):
I get that, but if we're talking just in general,
right, like, let's take it backa little bit.
In general, let's say thatthere isn't any previous history
.
Okay, you know from yourhusband or from your wife, but
your wife or your husband justfeels the need.
Because some people just feelthe need Like it creates more of

(23:59):
a need because you're acting sointuition huh like you know
you're just acting like so, um,you know, secured with it, like
why can't I have the passcode toyour phone?
Like what's the big deal?
And then if you hit yoursignificant other with because
it's like it's private, it'sprivacy, it's my phone that's
their.

Speaker 2 (24:16):
but see, my thing is, I have to respect their stands.
That's just my.
It's private, it's privacy,it's my phone, that's their.
But see, my thing is I have torespect their stance.
That's just my.

Speaker 1 (24:22):
But in a marriage.
If you've been in a marriagefor 30 years, okay, let's just
hypothetical.
Okay, We've been married 30years.
Okay, what decade is this?
Stop, we've been married 30years, okay, okay.
And you go to pick up my phoneone day and you don't know the
passcode and you're like, oh hey, I wanted to get those pictures

(24:43):
.
Can you send me those pictures?
Can I get the passcode to yourphone and I take my phone out
your hand and I'm like I'll sendthem to you.
That's suspicious.
But why is it suspicious?
How is it suspicious?
I've never given you a reasonto be suspicious of me, but the
fact that I won't give you mypasscode Because of the way you
handled it.

Speaker 2 (25:04):
How did I handle it?
You took the phone out of myhand.

Speaker 1 (25:06):
I will send it to you .
And then if you say, but holdon.
But if you say, oh, just giveme the passcode, and my response
is no, you don't need topasscode to my phone, Then
that's going to inquire you tosay why not?
But I've never given you anyreason, right, but right off the
bat it's like but you're mywife, We've been married for 30
years.
Why can't I have the passcodeto your phone?

(25:29):
It's not like we're dating.

Speaker 2 (25:29):
Now I'm replaying every conversation we ever had.

Speaker 1 (25:31):
But what I'm saying is it's not like we've been in a
relationship for six months.
We have been in a committedmarriage for the past three
decades.
You can pass, they're not goingto see you.
We have been in a committedmarriage for the past three
decades.
And I can't have the passcode.
You can have it.
But what I'm saying, I'm sayinghypothetical, you know.

(25:56):
But if I hit you with, oh, no,like that, my phone is my
privacy.
Again, babe, I'm not.
I know you're going to saysituational, but I'm just saying
like for the majority, I'm not.
I can't speak for everybody.
I'm just going to go out on alimb and say for the majority
that would probably be an issuefor majority I'm going to say
out on a limb, y'all, let meknow in the comments if I'm

(26:16):
wrong or not.
But there, how, how?
Comments if I'm wrong or not.
But there, how how much privacydo you need?

Speaker 2 (26:22):
if you are in especially a marriage when you
talk, hold on, hold on when youtalked about the whole medical
thing, right?

Speaker 1 (26:28):
If I'm ready to invite you into that portion of
my, you have already invited meto every portion of your life
when you invited me into themarriage and I agreed but that's
where.

Speaker 2 (26:38):
That's what I don't agree with.
Hold on.
I said I will let you know ifit's something serious.

Speaker 1 (26:42):
Okay, but no, you said if I want to invite you
into that area of my life,that's what you said, right?
Yes, what I'm trying to get youto understand is that when and
this is like forever when youpropose to a woman, you already
invite her into that aspect ofyour life.

(27:04):
She's invited.
It's an invite.
You have invited me into yourlife because two become how many
when they say marriage.
Two become how many, seven, twobecome how many, seven, they
become one, do they?
Yeah?
So you invited me.
Seven, they become one, do they?
Yeah?
So you invited me.
You invited me into thatportion of your life, right?

(27:24):
So don't invite me and tell methat you're inviting me into all
of these areas of your life.
And then, once I get in here,now you're talking about, oh and
, by the way, I have parametersin which you're not inviting.

Speaker 2 (27:37):
Let me say this, let me say this, let me say this I'm
trying to be like unbiased here, okay, but I will say this it
is my opinion and my feelingthat any healthy relationship
shares passcodes, because,obviously, everything's out

(27:58):
front, everything's out front,everything's up front, right.
I do feel like, if there'ssituations where passcodes and
stuff that are not being shared,like I said, there's been some
type of history, whether good orbad, there's been some type of
history that warrants a littlehesitation on that part, right,
and I can understand that.

(28:18):
The reluctance to sharesomething, if you're trying to
avoid a repeating history,whether you're doing right or
wrong, that I can understand,right, but again, like I said,
like in a situation like ourswhere we don't have any history
of well, at least I don't knowof of, if it's private.

Speaker 1 (28:41):
So Infidelity yeah, but it's that's a private matter
for me, so Okay.

Speaker 2 (28:47):
You're right, go ahead.
But it's like Like, forinstance, in our case right, I
wouldn't find you doing dirt inyour phone, absolutely not.
I'd have to look in your trunkof your car and catch you hiding
bags.

Speaker 1 (29:03):
Goodbye, deville, I would get rid of them.

Speaker 2 (29:06):
I've learned my lesson, I know how to get rid of
all my evidence now.
But I mean, as a man, I can seereasons why right and like this
is.
I think this is another thingthat where it's based off the
personality of each personwithin said, within said
relationship, right If I knowfor a fact that I don't want you

(29:31):
, I don't want to seem to beaccused of something, I don't
want to seem to be accused ofsomething, if there are certain
conversations that I've had thatare private between me and my
friends, or me and my family.

Speaker 1 (29:46):
Like a group chat.

Speaker 2 (29:47):
Right, I don't want you to be part of things like
that.
There could be reasons I don'talways think that hey, no, I
don't want you in my phone meansstrictly I'm talking to some
bitches Right.
I don't think that's what thatmeans.
I got bitches you in my phonemeans strictly.
I'm talking to some bitches,right?
I don't think that's what thatmeans.
I think bitches really, babe,sorry, right, right.
And then I can also see thepoint where some people will say

(30:08):
well, if I share everythingelse, let me have this I've
heard that, let me have the one.
I've heard that let me have theone thing that's mine and and I
just just trust me that I'm I'mdoing right by you.
Yeah, so I can like, like Isaid, like this, this thing here
it's a, it really is asituational, a situational um,
uh, the, the situational nuancesthat impact the, the decision

(30:32):
and what's really going on.
It's not necessary that if wedon't share, if we do share
because sometimes people sharebecause of shit in the past yeah
, so now.
So now the agreement was I'llshow you my clothes To make you
comfortable, to put you at ease.

Speaker 1 (30:46):
Yeah, and I get that Right, but OK.
So do you think the same rulesapply?
Do you think those same rulesapply for people who are married
and people who are dating?
Because if so, then what then?
What's the point?
What's the point?

Speaker 2 (31:00):
I would say dating.
I would say those rules onlyapply, like if you are in, like
you said earlier, if you're in along term relationship, right,
you, you've been locked in, I'dsay three, three years plus, and
this is going towards marriageor this.
And especially if you'vealready, if you skip marriage
and already got kids involvedand now you guys are living and

(31:22):
living together day to dayactivities, now you guys are
intertwining finances.
Yeah, this is a conversation Ineed to have.

Speaker 1 (31:28):
No, I mean as far as like having your privacy within
your relationship.
Well, because if the same rulesare going to apply for marriage
and people who are inrelationship because you know,
as far as, like most society,like even on black and white, if
you're, if you're not married,you're considered single.
So if the same rules apply,then what would be?

(31:52):
Some people married, okay, butthen what would be the the
difference in being in amarriage and being in a
relationship?
because I can see that I can seethat, being in relationship, I
could be like no babe, like Idon't.
I don't feel comfortable givingyou my passcode.

Speaker 2 (32:05):
But, in marriage I'm like OK, yeah, that's my husband
, you should have my passcodehere, because here's the thing
and when you're in a long termrelationship, technically, you
are technically single, butyou're, but you're single with
the intent and you're coming upon the decision to marry.

Speaker 1 (32:19):
Yeah, but you haven't yet, so we don't know how long
that could be, because if youdate in three years, hey look
here, Different strokes fordifferent folks.
But do you see what I mean?
Like what's going to be thedifference?
The rules have to be different,babe, the rules.

Speaker 2 (32:37):
The rules have to be different, babe, the rules, the
rules have to be different Allright babe, it depends on the
relationship.
Some people don't care.
I know some people don't care,some people have a boyfriend and
girlfriend and they shareeverything with each other.

Speaker 1 (32:50):
Absolutely Pass codes .

Speaker 2 (32:53):
Shit.
Some of them got joint Facebookaccounts, which is weird.

Speaker 1 (32:56):
Oh yeah, I've seen that.
I've seen joint email accounts.
The joint email account is whatgets me.
I was like how are you and yourhusband sharing an email?
Who cleans it out?
Because I know y'all get,because, listen, I know how I
clean my email and that woulddrive you nuts.
You couldn't share an emailaddress with me.

Speaker 2 (33:11):
I can't share anything electronic with you?

Speaker 1 (33:13):
Oh, absolutely not.
Oh, absolutely not, I don'tkeep any of my widgets or
anything organized at all.
It would drive you bananas,bananas, but yeah.
So that's why I say like, whenyou're here's the thing I don't
want.
I don't want you to think likeyou can't have, I guess,
boundaries within a marriage,right.

(33:35):
But when we talk about thingsas simple as passcodes to phones
, social media, your socialmedia passwords and things like
that, for me personally, mepersonally that's an open
territory.

Speaker 2 (33:52):
What do you mean?

Speaker 1 (33:52):
open, I mean you can have full access.

Speaker 2 (33:55):
I mean you have access to mine.

Speaker 1 (33:57):
Exactly, but I'm just speaking like in general.
But here's the thing you keepwanting to say it's situational.

Speaker 2 (34:02):
I get it situational I say it's situational because
not everybody's the same and Iand I can understand like, like,
if you're, if you're a man andyou're dealing with a woman that
has security issues, who isjealous and and can be somewhat
controlling, and so you feellike her attempts to having 100%
access to you.

Speaker 1 (34:23):
Has control over you somehow.

Speaker 2 (34:24):
It's just her attempt to kind of micromanage
everything you're doing, becauseshe wants to be able to come in
and check and see what you'redoing and that can feel like
you're challenging my manhood.

Speaker 1 (34:36):
Okay, that's no Wait.

Speaker 2 (34:37):
What.

Speaker 1 (34:37):
Because now I disagree, because now you're
challenging my manhood.

Speaker 2 (34:39):
Okay, that's no.
Wait, what?
Because now I disagree, becausenow you're trying to have
control over every aspect of mylife.
I'm not saying based off justthe past, I'm saying based off
everything I said in that.
Okay, because she's insecure.
Okay, so I have to constantlyvalidate her, right?
She's jealous.
So if another woman looked atme too long, so I have to
constantly validate her.
She's jealous so if anotherwoman looked at me too long, if
I compliment her, if I smile toolong.

(35:01):
Now that's the issue.
Are you like this or you mustlike her?

Speaker 1 (35:04):
you know what I'm saying okay, but chances are
nine times out of ten if you'redealing with a spouse like that,
those are qualities and traitsthat they had prior to you
making such a huge commitmentnot always, and even hold on,
not always miss he ain't thatdamn funny.

Speaker 2 (35:18):
Okay, such a huge commitment Not always, and even
Now, hold on.
Okay, but even if it's post,hold on, not always miss he
ain't that damn funny.

Speaker 1 (35:22):
Okay, listen, goodbye , goodbye.
Not always, even if it's anewfound characteristics,
post-marriage okay, like you hadjust said yourself, either
something was said or done toinvoke that Right.

(35:44):
And even if it wasn't, like youjust said yourself not too long
ago, if that is theresponsibility on you to put
your partner at ease, and that'swhat will put them at ease
again, what is the point?
Cause, the more you withholdand you know that this is the
type of person you're dealingwith but your only reasoning for

(36:05):
not trying to put them at easeis because it's somehow
threatening your manhood,because, god forbid you feel
like your woman has any type ofcontrol over your life.

Speaker 2 (36:15):
You don't want to have control, but if some shit
was to happen and you were down,bad and couldn't do nothing for
yourself, guess don't want herto have control, but if some
shit was to happen and you were,down bad and couldn't do
nothing for yourself.

Speaker 1 (36:21):
Guess who would want them to have control?

Speaker 2 (36:25):
You would want her to take care of you.
You would want her to take careof you.

Speaker 1 (36:28):
You would want her to take care of your children.
You would want her to take careof your household.
You would want her to make surethat you don't lose all your
shit because you are no longerable to take care of it.

Speaker 2 (36:38):
I'm going to just let you go.
Yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 1 (36:42):
Oh my gosh, I'm looking at a mosquito right now.
That's terrifying, okay.
Well, now the world knows.
Oh sorry, I just saw a mosquito.
Guys, I'm trying not to geteaten, right.

Speaker 2 (36:52):
I think the For the ones who will be reluctant to
share, I think they would try.
They would try to see, theywould try to come up with a
reason why it would be necessary.
Okay, right, because I know alot of times a lot of men feel
like, if it's not necessary, Idon't have to do it.
Why is this necessary?
Right, and oftentimes I feellike it's only necessary to

(37:16):
again provide her with security.
Yeah, to sure up theinsecurities that she's having,
right, mm-hmm, um, I, it couldbe again, I, I.
I do believe that pastexperiences and jealousy is, is
is a problem because if, let'ssay, for instance, you follow a

(37:39):
certain person on, on a certainsocial, and she's like why are
you following her?
This person can be a celebrity.
Okay, right, women have, womenhave been known to compare
themselves to, to the, the womenthat their husbands either see
or follow or react to, and thenthat that becomes a thing.

Speaker 1 (38:00):
I kind of feel like that's both ways.
But okay, I didn't say itwasn't okay, I'm just saying
defensive, patty calm down okay,I am not defensive look here,
I'm just making a statement sir,this is not the fourth quarter.

Speaker 2 (38:11):
You're not down by three.
You don't have to play a lot ofdown defense.

Speaker 1 (38:13):
I'm not down at all.

Speaker 2 (38:15):
You're down how many pounds?
Goodbye.
I got you there, I don't lose,you don't lose, I don't lose
Okay, I'm done.
And also it could also make theman feel like they're not being
trusted.
Feel like they're not beingtrusted.
So what is it about my behaviorthat you're mistrusting,
especially when I know I'm doingeverything right and I know I'm
not doing anything wrong.

(38:35):
Why do you mistrust me so much?

Speaker 1 (38:38):
Probably because you probably said some slick shit
during an argument.

Speaker 2 (38:41):
Here we go.

Speaker 1 (38:42):
That's what I'm saying.
That's what I'm saying.
Those types of characteristicsdon't just pop up out of nowhere
.
They don't just pop up out ofnowhere.
So even they don't just pop upout of nowhere.
So, even if you haven't doneanything misleading or as
egregious as cheating orsomething maybe it's something
you said, maybe it's how youcarried yourself those types of
feelings in, whether it's men orwomen don't just sprout out of

(39:03):
nowhere so then you want mypasscode to find the evidence
that you think you're gonna findI don't, because I mean you
know how I feel you don't care,I don't really care um.
But you know how I feel youdon't care, I don't really care
Um.

Speaker 2 (39:14):
But okay, miss, he ain't that damn funny.

Speaker 1 (39:18):
You know what I mean.
I don't mean that I don't care.
Like you know you go off intowonderland and do whatever you
want to do.
I'm just saying like I'm not, Idon't care that much to go
rabbit hole of searching throughyour things.
I will say this.
That's what I mean.
I always say that Because Iknow there's holes out there.
I know they real.
Okay, it's a lot of them tryingto get saved.

Speaker 2 (39:38):
I can't save them.

Speaker 1 (39:39):
Oh, I know, I know.
That's why I always say I'll belike, okay, you think you can
have him, you can have him, butI promise you once I'm done with
him babe, You're not.
He's not going to be of anyvalue to you.

Speaker 2 (39:51):
I can't, I can't save him.

Speaker 1 (39:52):
He can't save you.
I'm sorry, I can't save him, soyou know you can try.
You know like laugh at hisjokes and stuff.
He ain't that damn funny Wow,but you know it's cool.

Speaker 2 (40:05):
Look here the sharing of the passcodes, or password,
is the problem.
I think the problem is tryingto figure out is it are you
looking for transparency?
Are we having a trust issue?

Speaker 1 (40:21):
Right, I think it's a deeper issue.
Yes, I agree.

Speaker 2 (40:24):
And what is the intention behind this?
Yeah, right, because, again, Ido believe that privacy is a
right, okay, and because I wantprivacy or because you want
privacy, that's not necessarilyyour red flag.
Right, right, because again Ialways say when let's say, like
for me personally, right Alongmy healing journey, right, there

(40:47):
were things I was feeling andgoing through that you
necessarily didn't know Right,and it wasn't until I got into a
place where I was feeling andgoing through that you
necessarily didn't know Right,and it wasn't until I got into a
place where I was comfortableenough to tell you right that
you learned about these things.

Speaker 1 (41:00):
But while you didn't know about these things, Because
you were talking to a therapistabout it, right yeah.

Speaker 2 (41:05):
Okay, but it was still my privacy.
The conversation I had betweenme and the therapist was still
in my privacy, right?
So even when you would comeinto the, the, the call or
whatever she would ask, is itokay if we discuss?
This right so it's notnecessary having demanding
privacy or wanting privacy.

Speaker 1 (41:24):
It's not a red flag.

Speaker 2 (41:25):
Well, that's why I set the boundary right because
it is something where it is asituation to where maybe people,
people want to have that bubblein which they feel safe and
which they feel like, forinstance, like, uh, a couple
months ago when we did thereaction about the guy with his
hobbies and now how they gotmarried.
Now it turns out that she hatedhis hobbies and now he's.

(41:46):
Now he's trying to collect hishobbies in private, right,
because it becomes public.
She's to get rid of them, right, right.
So it's like it's noteverything.
Everything would surroundingprivacy.
It's not necessarily a badthing, yeah, and that's why I do
agree, like I always say, likeit depends on the situation.
But again, why is there a lackof trust?

(42:08):
What is your intention behindthis?
Right, and then you need to betransparent with me of why you
need these things and don't giveme some fluff answer.
Yeah, just to try to you knowwhat I mean?

Speaker 1 (42:20):
Yeah, I mean, but I agree, like, when it comes to,
like how you said, with thetherapist and stuff like that.

Speaker 2 (42:27):
She agreed this has been another episode.

Speaker 1 (42:30):
I can't stand you, cut it here.
She agreed.
This has been another episode.
I can't stand you, but likeI've said before and earlier in
the episode with something likethis Like this.

Speaker 2 (42:41):
I'm sorry, I'm bleeping.

Speaker 1 (42:43):
Passcodes to phones, okay, and social media is not
the same as what.
As you having a therapy session, privacy is privacy with a
therapist, privacy is privacy.
I get, I know, I get that.
Okay, here's the thing.
I totally get that.
Here's the thing?

Speaker 2 (42:58):
here's the thing.
Would you feel different if Igave you my passcode?
But now, because this is afeature with Apple, but now I
can require apps to only beunlocked Just by you, my face.

Speaker 1 (43:13):
Okay.
Is that a problem For me?
It's not.
Okay, that's not a problem forme.
If that's not a problem, fine,that's not a problem for me.

Speaker 2 (43:20):
Because what if I?
Because most people, but that'swhat I'm saying, hold on,
because what if I got some stuffin my text messages I don't
want you to see, because Iwouldn't see them?
Then I've been havingconversations with the boys or
with my sisters or my family,like you said earlier Right.
And there's information inthere that I don't want you to
know.

Speaker 1 (43:37):
Okay, so if it's information in there that you
don't want me to know and you'reso, as you said earlier today,
you're so techno savvy I'm notjust talking about you can
create a way where you give mewhat I'm asking for, which is
access to your phone, and thenyou can deaden all the things
that you don't want me to see,and I don't know what I don't
know, don't know.
I don't know what I don't know,don't know, because all I've

(43:59):
asked for is the passcode toyour phone.

Speaker 2 (44:03):
And that's why you think it's short-sighted.
Anyway, you should be askingfor my banking passcode.
What for?

Speaker 1 (44:09):
What, what for what are you trying to say?
What are you trying to say?
Anywho, I just think this hasbeen Bye.
I just think me personally whenit's on this topic, because I
mean, I've seen it in thecomments, the messages guys,
when it comes to this,specifically the passcode to the
phones and the passcodes to thesocial media accounts, and

(44:33):
especially if you are married Ijust think for me personally I
think, it's something that's sofrivolous that I don't
understand why it has to be anissue.
I don't, I don't, really, Idon't and I just and I just
think that, okay, maybe I, maybeI shouldn't use the word
entitled, but for lack of betterverbiage, you are entitled.

(44:53):
Lack of better verbiage I.
I feel that, okay, call itentitlement.
I guess that I should haveaccess if I, if I want to, if I
want to take a look and I feellike I should be president.

Speaker 2 (45:04):
That don't mean it don't mean it's gonna happen,
hey so feel entitled.

Speaker 1 (45:08):
You want, I mean, I have access, do you I?

Speaker 2 (45:11):
do.
I'm shutting it down tonight.

Speaker 1 (45:14):
You can try.

Speaker 2 (45:15):
Shutting it down.

Speaker 1 (45:16):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (45:17):
I'm not.

Speaker 1 (45:17):
I can shut it down too.
I'm not going to shut it downtoo.
No, I need your timeline.

Speaker 2 (45:22):
No, I can, I can shut it down too.
So no.

Speaker 1 (45:27):
I can, I can shut it down too.
I mean, because it's like you,you, you are telling your
partner no, you can't haveaccess to this portion of my
life.
Um, okay, you can't have a guysay it it.

Speaker 2 (45:37):
This is such the nuances of this conversation is
there's so many they vary yeahand I would say the history and
past will matter, and I can't Ican't just assume every
relationship or marriage isbuilt like ours, where we don't

(45:57):
really care.
There's been times that youleft and had my phone with you,
yeah, and vice versa, I don'tcare, yeah.

Speaker 1 (46:06):
But now that I know you know how to hide the
portions that you think that Iwould go snooping in.

Speaker 2 (46:13):
You want to see some shit you don't want to see.

Speaker 1 (46:15):
I'm just teasing.
I'm just teasing.

Speaker 2 (46:18):
I show you everything I know.
I don't.

Speaker 1 (46:22):
Why are we talking about this?
We have to see at year 30 tosee if you still feel the same.

Speaker 2 (46:26):
We're at 23.

Speaker 1 (46:27):
Well, we got to see year 30 to see if you still feel
the same.

Speaker 2 (46:32):
Only thing different between now and year 30 is I'm
going to have full abs at 30.
Oh, my gosh, oh gosh.
That's the only thing different.

Speaker 1 (46:40):
I can't, you can't what I can't.

Speaker 2 (46:42):
You can't what, I can't with you.
You can't what.

Speaker 1 (46:44):
Okay, so what would you say in conclusion?

Speaker 2 (46:54):
I would say that I personally don't see any issue
with it.
Same, I agree.
I don't, I don't care, I agree.
If you've locked in you 10 toesdown, that's your person.
What's the problem?
Because if that's really yourperson, you ain't got nothing to
hide.
Anyway, right, right, that's mything, right.
But again I say, if you're withsomeone who's jealous, who's
looking to start arguments, andyou're trying to avoid shit like
that, I get not, I get notdoing it or maybe create dummy
accounts.

Speaker 1 (47:14):
That's terrible.
Wow, that's terrible adviceguys, I'm not sure why that came
to my mind because that's whatshe does.

Speaker 2 (47:21):
She got burners, she got burners.

Speaker 1 (47:24):
I'm just trying to help you keep the peace in your
home they're called burneraccounts, burner accounts.
You got burners.
I don't have burners.
I barely even keep up with myown social media.
What makes you think I'm goingto keep up with a burner account
?

Speaker 2 (47:36):
I know you ain't got burners because you ain't going
to have all them emails.

Speaker 1 (47:40):
And even if I did, I use the same password.

Speaker 2 (47:46):
Why would you say that?

Speaker 1 (47:47):
No, I don't mean.
You know, babe, you know Idon't use the same password
Literally, it's figurativelyspeaking.
But yeah, like you would, youwould be able to get into it
anyway.
So I don't care, I'm notlooking for it, I know.

Speaker 2 (48:00):
But I'm just saying I'm just you know blanketedly
saying I care about is you feedmy child, you feed me and you be
here when I come home.

Speaker 1 (48:10):
But I agree, the password isn't the issue, it's
the intention Right, it's thetrust Right, it's the
transparency Right, and I thinkpeople may confute transparency
with control Come on Bishop Okay.
Come on, bishop, I think peopleconfute transparency with

(48:35):
control, and that just made methink about your earlier
statement about trying tocontrol your manhood, or trying
to control, and I genuinely do,and I say this mainly on,
probably, the male perspective.
I can't really speak too muchon the male perspective because
I'm not a male, but just from myexperience, I could see that I

(48:56):
could see that, as men thinkingwomen are trying to have a form
of control over them.

Speaker 2 (49:02):
The one thing a man does not want to be is
questioned.
That's wild.

Speaker 1 (49:08):
We don't want to be questioned, then maybe you
shouldn't be with women we allowourselves.

Speaker 2 (49:11):
You shouldn't want to be questioned Then maybe you
shouldn't be with women we allowourselves.
You shouldn't be with women,then we allow ourselves to be
questioned by a select few, andthose are the ones we have
respect for, the ones we knowthat the questioning is not
coming from a harmful place.
But once we sense that it iscoming from a harmful place, I
kind gotta let you know that mychest said hi, I'm like this

(49:34):
ain't gonna go easy for you.

Speaker 1 (49:36):
Because she asked a question Depend on it's the type
of question.
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter, go on, I'mdone Anyway, if trust requires
surveillance is it?
Really trust at all.
I love them.
If trust requires surveillance,Listen to this guys If trust

(50:04):
requires surveillance, is itreally trust at all?
It's not trust.
Is it really trust at all?

Speaker 2 (50:11):
You know why it's not trust, why it's not trust?
Tell them you know what trustis.
Trust is.
I can sit my soda here.

Speaker 1 (50:19):
And trust that no one's going to drink it.

Speaker 2 (50:21):
That's trust, that's trust.
But if I'm constantly comingback looking over it, See if
anybody took a sip.
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 (50:34):
So do you trust your soda with me?
I don't trust it with.
I trust it with you.

Speaker 2 (50:36):
I don't trust it with her.

Speaker 1 (50:37):
I don't trust anything that has a bit of
flavor around her.
I just took a little bit, justa little bit of the time, just a
little bit, just a little bit.

Speaker 2 (50:43):
I just wanted to try.
I had never tried it before.
I just wanted to try it.
I can't.

Speaker 1 (50:48):
I can't All.
The all right guys, let's headon into our hope.
These are good uh well, thisone pertains to boundaries, okay
, um, but here we go.
Okay, so am I the asshole forenforcing basic boundaries on my
daughter's sleepover.

Speaker 2 (51:10):
Okay, first of all, I wouldn't have a sleepover.

Speaker 1 (51:13):
I'm a 42-year-old male.
I have two kids living with memy daughter, who's 17, and my
stepson, who's 14.
My stepson Noah's mom passed afew years ago and I've had full
custody ever since.
He's had a rough go of it, buthe's a good kid with his quirks.
He's not antisocial or shy, buthe does not appreciate having
his space invaded and he getsvery upset, which he will shut

(51:36):
down.
Anaya, who is the 17 year olddaughter, is much more outgoing,
has lots of friends and sheasked to have a sleepover this
past weekend with four of them.
I said yes, of course, butgiven that her friends who were
coming were pretty loud, havethe tendency to crowd around
Noah the stepson, I told her tomake sure that they do not go in

(51:56):
his room Don't bother him.
Also to keep things down after11 so the house can sleep.
In my opinion, these are notstrict rules.
They're not.
To my surprise, I came upstairsto check on them about 10.
They're 17 and I didn't eventhink that I needed to check on
them every hour or something,but anyway, and they were in
Noah's room.

(52:16):
They looked like they had beenthere for a while.
Two of them were literallysitting on his bed with him.
There, one of them was flippingthrough his sketchbook and the
other was messaging and messingwith his other stuff, and they
were all giggling in a weirdkind of way.
Noah was clearly upset.
He didn't say anything, hedidn't move, but there were
tears in his eyes and he did notrespond when I tried to talk to

(52:39):
him.
I told the girls to get out ofthere and then I said that I
would call every single one oftheir parents.
My daughter was upset with me,but I told her that I gave her
only two rules and she failedboth.
I did actually call all of theparents and I sent them home as
soon as possible.
My daughter blew up, sayingthat I embarrassed her.
I told her to go to her roomand that we would speak in the

(53:02):
morning.
I spent 20 minutes with my sonbefore he decided that he wanted
to cool down on his own and Iwent back to my daughter, who
chose not to speak to me.
It's late, but both of my kidsare asleep and I'm left
wondering am I the asshole ordid I do the right thing?
You did the right thing.
You absolutely did the rightthing, absolutely.
Like you said, it wasn't strict.
They're 17 years old, he's 14.

(53:25):
You only told her to keep itdown and stay away from your
brother, and I have to goupstairs to check on four 17
year olds and stay away fromyour brother and I have to go
upstairs to check on four17-year-olds and you guys are in
a 14-year-old's room botheringhim.
Let me say something that'sridiculous.

Speaker 2 (53:38):
My boy McFly always say I be doing shade when I say
this.
And this may be a little shadethis time.
He better than me.

Speaker 1 (53:46):
He better than me Because, first of all, the
sleepover wouldn't happen, right, four, four, the sleepover
wouldn't happen, right.

Speaker 2 (53:52):
Four.

Speaker 1 (53:52):
Four 17 year old girl yeah, it's not happening Period
.
No, they cannot come over here,they cannot.

Speaker 2 (53:59):
Y'all can FaceTime.

Speaker 1 (54:00):
I'm not going to listen to all that either and
the fact that they literallybroke both rules Only two, only
two Before 11.

Speaker 2 (54:10):
They even get good into the night.

Speaker 1 (54:14):
But not sitting on his bed, going through his
sketchbook and laughing.

Speaker 2 (54:17):
And he was what?
14?
14.
I think a couple were trying tothrow nose boozers.
No, I don't think so.

Speaker 1 (54:24):
And he's had a rough go, he's lost his mom yeah, he's
lost his mom, he's strugglingand y'all sitting there.
And when he describes how hewas sitting there with tears in
his eyes, you know that thatupset where you are so upset you
can't even speak, oh yeah, andall you can do is cry.
Oh, I know that, right, andyou're trying to hold back the
tears.
But the more you hold back thetears, the more the tears come
out and you can't even speakbecause you're I was similar to

(54:47):
Noah at 14.

Speaker 2 (54:49):
But I would have started swinging.
Give up.
I can't Look here.
Why are you in my space?
You're breaking the rules.

Speaker 1 (54:58):
Yeah, yeah, you had two rules and you broke both of
them.
Yeah, and you broke both ofthem.
That's wild, yeah, okay, let'sswitch gears and look here.

Speaker 2 (55:09):
Before they even ask in the comments.
I know they ain't black becauseblack people don't do
sleepovers first of all, you're17.

Speaker 1 (55:16):
There's no way in hell you finna have a sleepover.
Babe, you're 17.
The only way you having asleepover is at your apartment,
when your friends, stay thenight, the only way you having a
sleepover when you black is ifyour cousins are coming over,
that's it.

Speaker 2 (55:28):
You ain't, finna, have no friends and not four.
Everybody gonna be related.
These are the black rules.

Speaker 1 (55:38):
These are the black rules, it's not gonna happen.

Speaker 2 (55:40):
If you're not related , you can't stay sorry, call
your parents.

Speaker 1 (55:43):
Call your parents no, you gotta leave.
You can stay until about eightor nine, but you gotta go.

Speaker 2 (55:48):
You can't stay overnight and I'm not leaving my
.
You're not leaving my site.

Speaker 1 (55:52):
Yeah, yeah, not going to happen.

Speaker 2 (55:53):
Cause, if I don't call your, your mom or your or
your father, sister or brother,you can't be here.

Speaker 1 (56:00):
I can't.
All right, let's.
Let's switch gears on this one.
This one says advice needed.
I ain't got no, ok.
I'm a 26 year old female andI've been with my husband, who's
24, for four years and we'vebeen married for two.
We have a year and a half yearold daughter.
Since the beginning of ourrelationship, our mixed match

(56:20):
sex drives have been areoccurring issue.
He has a very high sex drive.
He could happily have sex fivetimes a day if the opportunity
was there.
Have sex five times a day ifthe opportunity was there.
I, on the other hand, havestruggled with vagasmus I don't
know, and sex is not somethingthat naturally crosses my mind

(56:42):
often.
With that said, I've alwaystried to be aware of his needs.
I make a conscientious effortto have sex with him almost
every day, excluding when I'mextremely tired or on my cycle,
but lately it's starting to giveme anxiety.
I sometimes dread even going tobed because I know he'll want
sex and I just don't always havethe energy or the desire.

(57:02):
He's always expressedfrustration that we only have
sex at night now, which he callsold people sex.
He feels like he goes above andbeyond for me in other areas of
our relationship and that I'mjust not doing my part by having
sex with him daily or multipletimes.
We've acknowledged thismismatch in libido since early
on, but we stayed togetherbecause we genuinely love and

(57:25):
care for each other.
Still, I feel guilty that Ican't meet his expectations, but
every day just feelsoverwhelming.
So am I the asshole for notwanting to have sex with him
every single day?
No, no, no, no not at all.
Look here it's like uh, and ifit's hold on before you start.

(57:46):
Look, I don't know, I'm justgoing to say but if you feel the
need to have sex five times, ifyou feel the need or feel like
you want to have sex five timesa day, every day, I'm gonna go
out on a limb and say thatthat's not healthy and that's
borderline addiction, becausethere are such things as sex

(58:07):
addicts.
You ready, you're my takewhat's your take?
Just how I'm not giving it upfive times a day, five days or
seven days a week.
It's funny that you read this.
It's not going to happen.

Speaker 2 (58:18):
It's funny that you read this, because I came across
this video today and the ladywas talking about how women get
bored quicker.

Speaker 1 (58:26):
Oh yeah, I saw that video.
Yes, yes, yes.
It's not that she doesn't wantto have sex with you, it's just
not.
It's not exciting enough forher to have the idea to want to
have sex.

Speaker 2 (58:36):
So I'm gonna say yep, if his dick is trash yes,
because the okay.

Speaker 1 (58:46):
So the clip was talking about.
It's actually a pretty viralclip.
The clip was basically talkingabout if you have a woman, like
if you guys have been, you know,together for a long period of
time, but you find that your,your spouse, your female spouse,
your woman doesn't have likethe desire or want to have sex
with you as often as you want tohave sex.
It's not that she doesn't wantto have sex, it's just that sex

(59:10):
for women has to be interesting.
It has to be different for usto desire, to want to have sex.

Speaker 2 (59:16):
It's like the comedian said if she getting in
positions before you asked herto, it may be time for you to
switch your shit up.
Player.

Speaker 1 (59:25):
If she already know what first position and second
position is this is where weturn.
Okay, it's like okay's, let'sspeed this up, because I know
how to finish them, so let mejust right, let me let me go
ahead and get on my stomach sowe can get this done, so I can
get back to law and order lookso I can get back to law and
order.
Let's, let's wrap this up no, Idon't like that.

Speaker 2 (59:47):
I mean, look, look, here Is she an asshole?
No, she's not an asshole.
Just tell him the dick is trash.

Speaker 1 (59:58):
But maybe it's not.
Maybe it's just the fact thathe thinks that he needs to have
sex five times a day for sevendays a week.
This will only be two things.
He's a sex addict, either thedick is trash oh gosh.

Speaker 2 (01:00:13):
Or that shit's on fire.
That's all he think about.
Let me tell you something whenthe shit is fire, he trying to
be in that shit.

Speaker 1 (01:00:22):
I mean okay, listen.

Speaker 2 (01:00:24):
But not like that Shit.

Speaker 1 (01:00:26):
Okay, we've already tested this theory, DeMille.
That's why I was tired.
We already tested this theory.
We have to Hold on.
I'm telling people.
We tried.
No, I proposed to my husband.
I said listen, we are going tomake a valid effort.
This is what we.
I came to him with this Right,go ahead.
And I told him.
I said I want to see if wecould have sex every day.

(01:00:50):
I said I, I'm gonna put you upto the challenge.
There is no, I'm tired.
Like I did my part, I made surethe house was straight, the kid
was asleep.
I was ready every night.
He came home from work and I waslike it's time to put in work,
sir, seven days straight.
I'm ready to go seven daysstraight this cat tapped out
after day three and I told himafter that I don't want to hear

(01:01:11):
shit else from you.
Let me tell you why after that,I don't want to hear shit else
from you, and let me tell youwhy I couldn't.
I don't want to hear nothingabout being tired.
He tapped out after day three.

Speaker 2 (01:01:18):
Let me tell you why.
People I was working, itdoesn't matter 13.
No, 14 hour days I literallyhad.

Speaker 1 (01:01:25):
Let me guess you didn't have it in you.

Speaker 2 (01:01:27):
huh, I had no energy, left no energy.

Speaker 1 (01:01:29):
Oh, so it's either one or two things, but it was no
.

Speaker 2 (01:01:34):
no, your shit was fire, I was just tired.

Speaker 1 (01:01:36):
It's either one or two things.

Speaker 2 (01:01:38):
I was tired, look here.
But that gave me.
You should be happy, becausethat gave me an understanding of
how I'd be like oh wow.
So when she's saying when I'mnot in the mood, I get it.
She tired I'm tired.
I want to.
Just I'm going to back off.
Yeah, I'm going to back offbecause look here.

Speaker 1 (01:01:54):
With his eyes halfway open.
He was like, I mean, but likeI'm here for you.

Speaker 2 (01:01:59):
Hey, hey, just climb on you and do my business.
Climb on top of your business.

Speaker 1 (01:02:06):
I get you there.
No, thank you, I'll get youthere.
No, thank you, sir.
All right, all right.
No, thank you.
You don't want to upset myheart actually.
No, that's horrible.
Don't even say that.
Huh, that is horrible.
Half-bath no, ma'am, you're notthe asshole, but here's the
thing.
That's all I can understandwhere she talks about how it

(01:02:28):
makes her feel bad because shedoesn't want him to feel like
she's not trying to be a willingparticipant, but I mean five
times he's.
He's willing to be able to beavailable five times a day.

Speaker 2 (01:02:41):
Seven days a week.
What does he do for a living?
Now, I know that I.

Speaker 1 (01:02:45):
I don't know if this is still true, but there was a
study or something that saidthat men can think about sex
every six seconds.

Speaker 2 (01:02:52):
Oh, that's true.

Speaker 1 (01:02:55):
Oh no, that's true, that's true.
Our brains are not like thatthat's true.
Our brains are not like that.

Speaker 2 (01:03:00):
I can turn the most non-sexual thing into a sexual
reference, like, yeah, I can doit.

Speaker 1 (01:03:05):
I feel like that would just be really tough to
live with a brain like that.

Speaker 2 (01:03:08):
It's great.
It's not I mean, it's notalways women don't think about
sex like that it's not alwaysgreat, but for the most part
some women probably do.

Speaker 1 (01:03:17):
But I'm willing to bet.
I'm willing to bet some moneythat majority of the women do
not think about sex.

Speaker 2 (01:03:21):
I've probably looked at you in a sexual way and had a
sexual thought maybe 45 timesin this episode every time you
give me one of those longstare-offs.

Speaker 1 (01:03:31):
I know it's something really nasty going on in that
head.

Speaker 2 (01:03:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:03:36):
Yeah, like when we were in the car the other day,
what'd I do?
You were just staring at me andI was like hey, like is there
anything I can do for you?
And he was like what?
And I was like why are youstaring at?

Speaker 2 (01:03:48):
me, don't worry about it.
That's why I can't wait toschool back in session, because
now I'm not going to be able tostare at you in the gym and get
my thoughts off.

Speaker 1 (01:03:55):
Get your thoughts off .
Yeah, that sounds terrible.

Speaker 2 (01:03:58):
Get my thoughts off.

Speaker 1 (01:04:00):
I'm not going to be able to get my thoughts off.
That's so terrible.

Speaker 2 (01:04:03):
I'm not going to get my thoughts off.

Speaker 1 (01:04:05):
Oh my gosh.
Guys, this has been another,another episode of the life
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(01:04:25):
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