Red Flags, Green Flags

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Potential is attractive, but patterns never lie. In this episode, we dig into the messy, funny, and painfully real difference between red flags and green flags—why intensity feels like intimacy, how chaos can make stability uncomfortable, and what someone’s actions reveal long before their words do. We break down emotional unavailability, blame-shifting, hot-and-cold affection, jealousy disguised as passion, and secrecy habits that signal trouble. Then we highlight the green flags that build real, lasting connection: clean apologies, dependable consistency, everyday empathy, and initiative that makes love feel safe instead of confusing.

We also unpack three AITA stories that expose the truth about boundaries—from ending a relationship after rejected proposals, to open marriage dynamics gone wrong, to locking your bedroom door to protect your space. Each story drives home the same lesson: boundaries aren’t aggression; they’re clarity. By the end, you’ll have a sharper lens for choosing partners who make peace feel normal, not fragile. If this episode hits home, follow Life After I Do Podcast across all platforms, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review to help more people find the show.

Thanks for rocking with us! Don’t forget to follow Life After I Do so you never miss an episode. Got a relationship situation you want us to weigh in on? Hit us at https://linktr.ee/lifeafteridopodcast — we just might talk about it in a future episode.

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_05 (00:00):
What am I?
Like, like mid, and he'sbasically like, Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (00:07):
Like you're not the hottest thing out here.

SPEAKER_04 (00:08):
That's what he said.

SPEAKER_00 (00:09):
That's what you ain't ugly.
You ain't ugly.

SPEAKER_05 (00:15):
That's literally what he said.
He was like, like, you're notthe most, like, most attractive
woman.
But you're not ugly either.
Like, I wouldn't have chosen, Iwouldn't have chosen you if you
were like super ugly.
But he was like, but think aboutit, he's like, the most
attractive women are the mosttoxic.

(00:49):
Hey everybody, and welcome backto your weekly Bells of the Life
after I do podcast.
Kick back, relax, enjoy the next45 minutes to an hour.

SPEAKER_02 (01:03):
Just kick it.
Just kick it.
Kick off your shoes.
Relax your feet.
No.

SPEAKER_01 (01:12):
Oh.
Yeah, no.
I'm not a big SK fan anyway.

SPEAKER_05 (01:16):
Just kick back, relax for the next 45 minutes to
an hour and hang out with us.
You know, chit-chat.
Just take a load off.
Whether you're driving the car,if you're listening to this in
the car or at home or whereveryou're at.
The gym.

SPEAKER_03 (01:31):
In the bath.

SPEAKER_05 (01:32):
In the okay.
Okay.
I mean, some people do listen topodcasts in a bath.
I don't, but I guess some peoplecould.
I mean, I've listened topodcasts in the shower, so I
guess, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (01:45):
It's crazy.
You listen to murder mysterywhile you're cleaning yourself.
Yeah.
Getting dirty while you'regetting clean.
Crazy work.

SPEAKER_05 (01:51):
Goodbye.
Hey Booskies.
Hi, Booskies.
How's it going?

SPEAKER_03 (01:54):
It's going.

SPEAKER_05 (01:56):
Nobody wants to hear you drink on uh they're not
gonna hear that.
They're not gonna hear that.

SPEAKER_03 (02:00):
They not, don't worry about that.

SPEAKER_05 (02:02):
Okay.

SPEAKER_03 (02:02):
How was your week?
Okay, we're happy they're donewith that.
My week was great.

SPEAKER_05 (02:10):
Tell me about your week.
I have like, can you hear it?

SPEAKER_03 (02:13):
Hard to breathe, huh?

SPEAKER_05 (02:14):
No, it's not.
I can I can breathe, but itfeels like there's like phlegm
or something in there, but it'sit won't come up, but it won't
come out.

SPEAKER_03 (02:20):
I've been known to take your breath away.
Okay.
Okay.
You're gonna put me to sleep.

SPEAKER_05 (02:26):
I've been known to do that too.
You hear it?

SPEAKER_03 (02:31):
Baby, they're not gonna hear you.
That's crazy.

SPEAKER_05 (02:39):
Like, I'll do I did not cough your direct.
I mean, I did cough yourdirection, but I covered my
mouth.
I used my elbow and I'm wearinga long sleeve.
Okay.
Relax.
Anyways, yeah, so I'm still inrecovery mode.

SPEAKER_03 (02:53):
Are you?

SPEAKER_05 (02:53):
Crazy from last week.
I'm feeling much better.
Um, I feel like I don't sound ascongested as I once did, and I'm
not as congested, but I still dohave moments of congestion.
What?
Congestion.
Is that what the French say?
Yes, congestion.
And um, yeah, like in my mind, Iguess I feel better, but But

(03:15):
you're not.
But my my body has it to catchup.

SPEAKER_03 (03:17):
So I was gonna say something, but I can't say it.
I get canceled.
Okay.
Yeah, don't say it.

SPEAKER_05 (03:22):
Um, but my body has to catch up.
But other than that, I'm justreally grateful to be feeling
more like myself.
Or really mustard.
Bye.
Or really.
Really?
Remember you guys you sayreally.
Um, yeah, but I'm happy to befeeling a lot better than I was
last week, that's for sure.

(03:42):
Uh last week's episode, I wasstill kind of like going through
it, but that was like one of thefirst days where I felt better
enough to get up and like recordbecause the day we had
originally planned to record notgonna happen.

SPEAKER_03 (03:55):
You know what?
You I I told you, like, when youcalled in, I said, look here.
When I called in, yeah, I'm anice boss, but I can't make
these days off.
Go ahead and do somedisciplinary action.

SPEAKER_05 (04:08):
Speaking of bosses, okay, so I was at the gym today.

SPEAKER_01 (04:11):
Horrible.

SPEAKER_05 (04:11):
And um, no, that I was at the gym and they posted
that they have um some positionsopen.

SPEAKER_01 (04:16):
I saw that.

SPEAKER_05 (04:17):
Did you see it?
I'm thinking, I'm thinking aboutgoing.
I'm thinking about going to theinterview process, even just to
interview.
Because I haven't interviewedfor anything in like years.

SPEAKER_02 (04:26):
That means we'll get free.
So we'll get free passes.

SPEAKER_05 (04:28):
So I was I'm really thinking about it though.
They said that they're doinginterviews on uh Thursday and
Friday, and I was like, huh.
I mean, I'm there five and sixdays a week anyway.
Mine as well get paid to bethere, you know?

SPEAKER_03 (04:41):
I don't mind just like I mean, I could take my my
complaints direct to the boss.

SPEAKER_05 (04:46):
Okay.

SPEAKER_02 (04:47):
Bye.

SPEAKER_03 (04:47):
Y'all, someone to recover.

SPEAKER_05 (04:49):
Okay.
You know what?
I would be on it because the waythe the dumbbell rack be
looking, it pisses me off.

SPEAKER_03 (04:56):
They find a new way to what?

SPEAKER_05 (04:57):
Piss me the hell off.
That would I will make it mypersonal mission to keep that
damn thing organized.
And when it's not organized,when I'm not working, I'm gonna
make it my personal mission totalk shit about everybody who
has worked since the last time Iworked when I recovered it.

SPEAKER_02 (05:12):
Okay.

SPEAKER_05 (05:13):
Yeah.
That would be my area.
I will give it as my area ofpride.
Okay.
That's what I used to assignwhen I worked areas of pride.

SPEAKER_03 (05:22):
Crazy work.
That that right there alonewould piss me off.

SPEAKER_05 (05:26):
Why?
Everybody was assigned an areaof pride.
What do you mean?
Why would that piss you off?

SPEAKER_03 (05:31):
My week was cool.
It it I felt like we were infull-blown holiday season mode.
We are.
And it's like every day there'ssomething.
Every weekend we have somethingto do.
Yep.
The schedule is busting at itsscenes.

SPEAKER_05 (05:45):
I wouldn't say it's busting at the scenes, but we
are big.

SPEAKER_03 (05:48):
Buddy love turning back into Sherman.
That's how it's packed.
Buddy love turning back intoSherman.

SPEAKER_02 (05:55):
Okay.
Oh, Hercules, Hercules,Hercules.
Wow.
No, I mean, I'm with the child.

SPEAKER_03 (06:03):
I ain't no 300 pounds.
How you doing?
Um, so yeah, it's just like it'sit's just getting like life is
getting exhausting.

SPEAKER_05 (06:12):
I mean, it gets this way every year.

SPEAKER_03 (06:14):
And like every year, I always say, I'm gonna try to
be more festive this year thanlast year.
And I just realized that I'mjust not a festive person.
I don't like this time of year.

SPEAKER_05 (06:23):
You must have not grown up in a festive household.
We celebrate this time of year.
But you know what?
That's what I'm starting to kindof like realize.
I feel like our level offestivities also reflect the
level in which we grew up in aschildren and what type of
attachments we have to it.
Because I also take it back tolike the Disney attachment,
right?
Like typically kids who grew uplike having the experience of

(06:44):
going to Disney when they were achildren or having multiple
trips, I feel like they havesome type of connection to
Disney.
Like, you know, all my adultDisney friends, and I, for the
life of me, can't figure it out.
Can't can't understand it.
Like when they're like, oh,we're just gonna go to downtown
Disney to hang out andunderstand it.
I understand hanging out,hanging out sometimes, but I'm
not going to Disney like that.

SPEAKER_03 (07:06):
The food in downtown Disney is fire.

SPEAKER_05 (07:07):
Yeah, but I just can't, like, I for me, I don't
know.
I'm not at that level where Iwould justify having an um
annual pass.
Okay.

SPEAKER_03 (07:14):
The prices don't justify it.
Well, that too.
So, you know, that that's reallyall it is.
I mean, nothing really negativeto report.

SPEAKER_05 (07:22):
Oh.

SPEAKER_03 (07:23):
Um, life is just life.
Yeah.
We're getting through it.

SPEAKER_05 (07:26):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (07:26):
And we're gonna be all right.

SPEAKER_05 (07:28):
Um, why you sound like an old hymn?

SPEAKER_03 (07:31):
I still I still got a uh a sickness for the
thickness.
Okay.
You're going straight to sleepafter this.
Sickness for oh yeah, I am.
After I get that thickness, no,you couldn't.

SPEAKER_05 (07:43):
You can't even gotta make it.
If you guys are watching this,look how tired my baby looks.

SPEAKER_03 (07:48):
I want that thickness, though.

SPEAKER_05 (07:50):
My baby looked tired, too.

SPEAKER_03 (07:51):
So yeah, it was it was a um, look here.
I'm gonna be tired all month.

SPEAKER_05 (07:56):
I'm gonna be tired all month.

SPEAKER_03 (07:58):
Just catch me in February.
I I literally looked at mylooked at the the calendar and I
was like, it is something everyweekend.

SPEAKER_05 (08:06):
We have two, we have two birthdays at the same time
in the city.
In a retarded in the same day.
I said in the same day.
So we gotta drive to one part ofthe city, leave our city, go to
one city, and then drive twohours to a whole nother city to
do two birthday parties at thesame time, at the same location.

SPEAKER_03 (08:24):
And then we gotta hang out with Mimi on Friday.

SPEAKER_05 (08:28):
Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (08:29):
Yeah, apparently.
Fifi.

SPEAKER_05 (08:31):
Our daughter's best friend has made a request that
they they need a play date thisFriday.
And we were trying to convincethem to do a play date next
Friday because it's their lastday at school, and we were like,
it'll be better.
Because last well, we did thatlast year, right?
On the last day of school, wetook her with us.

SPEAKER_03 (08:46):
We took the girls and let them do their I think
that was the last day beforespring break.

SPEAKER_05 (08:51):
Spring break.
Okay, yes.
Our summer break, yes, and itwas on a Friday.
They had a minimum day.
Her parents let us take her, andwe took them to the trampoline
park, took them to lunch, wentand got ice cream.
They lived their best life.
They lived their best life, andwe're trying to like tell them
we'll do the same thing, it'lljust be better if we do it next
Friday.
They both looked at us and waslike, Nah, yeah, no, Friday.

SPEAKER_03 (09:13):
They sung Die with a smile seven million times.
Oh gosh.
Oh my god.
They was taking turns of play uhsinging different parts.

SPEAKER_05 (09:20):
Uh see uh being Bruno, Bruno Mars's part.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (09:23):
I said, y'all see.

SPEAKER_05 (09:25):
I said, nobody trying to be Gaga, huh?
It was taking turns.
Everybody's Bruno.
But yeah, so I mean, that's theholiday season.
I'm excited.
I'm excited for her.
Oh, yeah.
Also, Phoenix wanted me to lety'all know that um she said,
tell the booskies to follow her.
To follow her on Instagram.
Because in her mind, we areselling all her followers.

(09:45):
She said, tell the booskies tofollow me on Instagram.
Her Instagram is uh PhoenixRain2035.

SPEAKER_03 (09:52):
On Instagram.
So yeah.
So ma'am, you don't even, you'renot even, we don't even allow
you to be on social media likethat.
Calm down.

SPEAKER_05 (09:57):
Well, every now and then she'll she asks me, she's
like, Mom, can I check, can Icheck my followers?
Or she'll be like, Can I checkNova's videos?
Because she loves looking atNova's videos.
So I let her kind of like lookat what Nova's posted recently.
She could check Nova's form andcopy it.
Bye.
But um, so yeah.
So if y'all if take a littletime out of your day and go
follow my baby at Phoenix Rain.

(10:18):
What we got today?
2035.
What we got today.
I had to do that for my babybecause she asked.
Um, we've got red flag, greenflag.

SPEAKER_03 (10:26):
What what do you mean coming over there shit on
the fly?
Is it is this some new adultgame you're trying to create?
Red flag, green flag.
I don't know why, because womenavoid red flags.
Really?
I said it.

SPEAKER_05 (10:38):
Well, if you guys would stop masking as green
flags.

SPEAKER_03 (10:41):
No covering the fellas.
I'm here, I'm here to protectus.

SPEAKER_05 (10:45):
So, uh, yeah.
So what are what are red flags?
What are green flags?
Red flags are like warning signsthat showcase someone's
behavior, mindset, or lifestyle,right?
That can lead to emotional harm,instability, or unhealthy
patterns in a relationship.

SPEAKER_03 (11:01):
It's emotional, emotional, it's physical harm,
too.

SPEAKER_05 (11:04):
It can include things like poor communication,
anger issues, lack ofaccountability, um, inconsistent
behavior, lack of emotionalsafety.
Really?
Really?
What happened?
Really?
Okay, I see.
I see what you want to do, Jay.

(11:25):
Um, disrespecting boundaries.
That's a big one.

SPEAKER_02 (11:29):
Big one.
Big, big one.
Hey.

SPEAKER_05 (11:33):
Uh green flags, the opposite.
Positive indicators.
Positive indicators.
Like Maurice.
Negative.
Wow.
Um crazy.
That can lead to more healthyand safe and prosperous
relationships.
Things that include consistency,emotional health,
accountability, kindness, andrespect.

(11:55):
Oh my God, this is clearcommunication, supportiveness,
integrity, and healthyboundaries.

SPEAKER_01 (12:02):
Tell them about me.

SPEAKER_05 (12:03):
Okay.
So we see, we see it all thetime.
People talking about, oh, he wassuch a red flag, or asking
social media, was this is this ared flag, or is this a green
flag?
Or, you know, my man throws somany green flags that would send
other men into orbit.
Like, red flag, green.
Send other men into orbit?
Yes.

SPEAKER_03 (12:22):
Who said that?

SPEAKER_05 (12:23):
It's all you ever you ever see that?

SPEAKER_03 (12:25):
No, my algorithm is very vast.

SPEAKER_05 (12:27):
Our algorithm is very different.
So there's mine is fire.
So there's a whole like trend,and it's um it's mainly with
like married women, and it'slike um the things things that
my husband do, things that myhusband does that will send
other married men into or likeyou know, red flag men into like
orbit, and they name all thelike special things or special

(12:47):
treatments into which oh I can'tbecause you know I'm a red flag,
because mine doesn't do anythingthat would send anybody else
into orbit.
I'm just teasing don't make melaugh.

SPEAKER_03 (13:04):
It says here that people often miss red flags
because they want companionship.
They fall for potential overreality.

SPEAKER_05 (13:12):
Okay, let's stop there for a second.

SPEAKER_03 (13:16):
Because we get on the slap of you.

SPEAKER_05 (13:19):
The thing really, the thing about potential,
potential could be reallydangerous.
I know.
Potential could be reallydangerous because that's how I
ended up here.
Okay, here we go.

SPEAKER_01 (13:30):
All right, let's go.

SPEAKER_05 (13:32):
No, I'm no, but on a serious note, potential could be
really dangerous because thereare some men that he could have
a ton of potential, and off thepotential, you want to give him
a chance.
Same with women, but that's alsobecause you're assuming that
because he has the potentialthat he's gonna tap into it.
Yeah, that he's gonna act on it.
That she's gonna tap into it.
That she's gonna be everything.

(13:54):
He's gonna act on it, or thatyou could be the support that
he's lacking to help him reachhis fullest potential.

SPEAKER_03 (14:01):
All she needs is a little direction to get her
there, and she that's it becauseshe got that potential, but then
you get in there, you realizethat she got no motivation.
Okay, you're sleepy, she's she'sready, she's content where she
at.
You're sleepy, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 (14:15):
Um, so yeah, so potential, it can be uh a pretty
dangerous thing.
I think that people like datinga spouse or have or dating
somebody or you know, beinginvolved with somebody who has
potential is isn't necessarily abad thing.
However, if they have not shownyou any type of indicators that

(14:37):
they can potentially live up totheir potential, or that they
could, or that they're activelypursuing, you know, their
greatest self or highest self orbest self from the potential
that you see, then that's whereI think it can get a little get
a little get a little dicey.
You know, you don't want toenter into something and be

(14:57):
like, he has so much potential,but he also isn't showcasing
anything, and also say they uhignore uh intuition, trauma or
toxic patterns feel normal orfamiliar because people don't be
healing.

SPEAKER_03 (15:11):
Y'all guys are healing from your trauma.

SPEAKER_05 (15:12):
Okay, well, you gotta you have to recognize it
first.

SPEAKER_03 (15:16):
They mistake intensity for intimacy.
A mistake what?
Intensity.
Intensity for intimacy.
Sometimes you get some intenselove making.
Rr.
Oh my gosh.
Rarr.
You need a nap.
And ultimately, they always hopethat the person will change.

SPEAKER_05 (15:35):
Oh, of course.

SPEAKER_03 (15:36):
That is a big red thing.

SPEAKER_05 (15:37):
I think that falls into the the potential thing.

SPEAKER_03 (15:39):
Because at our big red at our at our big age, our
big red age, you were about tosay in our big red age.
At our big age, ain't nobodyfinna change.

SPEAKER_05 (15:46):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (15:47):
Especially our Khanisha.

SPEAKER_05 (15:48):
Yeah, so um they also uh they're also guarded and
not healed.
Okay.
And they don't trust stability,which is crazy because we all
kind of like strive forstability.
So to be into something and notor like be afraid of the
stability.
But I guess if you're used tochaos, that would make sense.

(16:12):
Because if chaos feels stable,it's what's normal, it's what's
normal.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (16:17):
It's like it's like that one video when when she was
like, I was so used to being inchaos that I didn't understand
how much I um I needed peace.
Yeah.
Because the peace felt likechaos to us.
Yes, yeah.
Because he wasn't going back andforth with it.

SPEAKER_05 (16:28):
Yeah, it's like being being in a noisy room for
so long that it becomes yournorm that when you experience a
quiet room, it feels loud.
And that's why I don't go backand forth, people.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (16:38):
Is that why?
That's why.
I'll say something and be like,boom, here you go.

SPEAKER_05 (16:43):
You'll say something in what?

SPEAKER_03 (16:44):
Boom, here you go.
I'm not gonna go back and forthwith you.

SPEAKER_05 (16:47):
Not boom, here you go.
Boom, here you go.
Okay.
So some of the red flags towatch out for.

SPEAKER_03 (16:54):
Carnacea.

SPEAKER_05 (16:55):
Okay.
Someone who's emotionallyunavailable.

SPEAKER_03 (16:58):
Carnesia.
Okay.

SPEAKER_05 (17:00):
What does that look like to you when someone's
emotionally unavailable?

SPEAKER_02 (17:05):
Like, what does that mean?
When I just need you to feel me.
It's late.
Yeah, you don't want to feel me.
It's late.
I need you to feel me becauseyou ain't can't feel me.
That's what it means.

SPEAKER_03 (17:17):
Okay.

SPEAKER_05 (17:18):
Um frequent blame shifting.

SPEAKER_03 (17:23):
Can't you see this all the time?
I am the blame.
Excuse me?
Uh lack of follow-through.
That's huge.
Yes.
Now when you tell somebodythey're gonna get their soup and
then you renege.
Right.

SPEAKER_02 (17:39):
Right.

SPEAKER_03 (17:39):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (17:40):
Yeah.
High and cold affection.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (17:42):
Yeah.
Like what one minute she wantsme to touch her.
The next minute she's like, getyour hands off me.
Show how much of red flags itis.

SPEAKER_05 (17:50):
Goodbye.
Now look who's coughing.

SPEAKER_03 (17:53):
Right.
Negative communication patterns.

SPEAKER_05 (17:55):
Oh, yeah, that's a huge one.

unknown (17:56):
What?

SPEAKER_03 (17:57):
Where's it?
You're a walking red flag, butI'm with you because I love you.
Okay.
Jealousy disguised as a few.

SPEAKER_05 (18:02):
Jealousy?

SPEAKER_03 (18:03):
Jealousy.
Jealousy.
That's not what I said.

SPEAKER_05 (18:05):
You said jealousy.

SPEAKER_03 (18:06):
Jealousy.
Jealousy.
Disguised as passion.

SPEAKER_05 (18:10):
Ooh.
Interesting.
Jealousy disguised as passion.
Yeah.
Mm.
That's like having somebody fakesupport you in the front, but
really stabbing you behind yourback in the back.
That's crazy work.
Crazy work.
That is crazy work.

SPEAKER_03 (18:30):
Controlling tendencies.
That's you.
That's me.
Crazy.
Because I don't try to controlnothing.

SPEAKER_05 (18:36):
That's you.
No, it kind of.
No, you try, but you fail at it,but you try.

SPEAKER_03 (18:40):
Okay, people.
This is in another episode.
It says disrespect towards expartners, family, or strangers.

SPEAKER_05 (18:49):
What if the ex kind of deserves it though?
Like sometimes sometimes.

SPEAKER_03 (18:53):
Sometimes you gotta take it up to the line.

SPEAKER_04 (18:54):
Yeah, right up to the line.

SPEAKER_03 (18:57):
Sometimes they kind of deserved it.
Right.
So not prioritizing youremotional needs.
Yeah.
That's a red flag.
That's it.
That is a red flag because yougot uh you're a partner.
You know, fellas, as crazy assome of these women are, okay,
you gotta you gotta feed intotheir emotions sometime.

(19:17):
Or just just just just water thegrass so they can shut up.

SPEAKER_05 (19:22):
But if you have you're such an asshole.
If you have a if you have agood, strong, nice, attractive
partner in your life.
You're welcome.
Some green flags that you shouldbe appreciating in them would
include someone who's able tocommunicate clearly and

(19:44):
thoughtfully with respect.

SPEAKER_03 (19:46):
Respectfully.

SPEAKER_05 (19:47):
With respect.

SPEAKER_03 (19:48):
Of course.

SPEAKER_05 (19:49):
Okay.
Respectfully, of course.
Respectfully, of course.

SPEAKER_03 (19:55):
Okay.

SPEAKER_05 (19:56):
Um, somebody who can apologize without excuses.
Now this is

SPEAKER_03 (20:00):
Look here.
Sometimes the excuse is there.

SPEAKER_05 (20:02):
Okay, no, no.
Sometimes sometimes you justneed to apologize and then put a
period there.
Okay.
Not apologize and be like, um,like, I'm sorry that you felt
that way.
No, I apologize.
Period.
All right.
Okay.

(20:22):
Um someone who follows throughon promises.

SPEAKER_03 (20:26):
Oh, okay.
So show up.

SPEAKER_05 (20:27):
So a person who lives by their word.
Okay.
They show empathy.
I think that's a really big one.

SPEAKER_03 (20:35):
Oh, damn.
Showing empathy.
I've talked about empathy a lotthis week.
You what?
Talked about empathy a lot.

SPEAKER_05 (20:41):
You talked a lot about, well, I mean, because
it's more than I wanted to.
Empathy is one of those thingsthat it doesn't want to.
It's not just limited to whenyou're in a relationship.
Girl?
And like uh an intimaterelationship, like a boyfriend,
girlfriend, husband, wife.
Empathy is something you shouldbe carrying with you as part of
your character that you can haveempathy for other human beings

(21:02):
and other people and theirsituations.

SPEAKER_03 (21:04):
So I mean saying that a lot this week.

SPEAKER_05 (21:06):
Yeah, empathy, empathy goes beyond just you and
your person.

SPEAKER_03 (21:11):
I'm starting to feel like you'd be in my
conversation.

SPEAKER_05 (21:13):
No, babe.
Are you tracking me?
It's because it's because I haverubbed off on you so much that
you are starting to think thatthe things that you say are the
words of your own.

SPEAKER_02 (21:23):
Okay, and they're not.
You don't but you haven't rubbedoff on me, you rubbed me off.
Keep going.
Okay.
I'm not.
What's that?
I'm not doing my my screenfroze.

SPEAKER_03 (21:34):
They support your goals?

SPEAKER_05 (21:35):
Um, they support your goals, they resolve
conflict with care.
I like that.

SPEAKER_03 (21:39):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 (21:39):
I like that.

SPEAKER_03 (21:40):
I try to always handle you with kid gloves.

SPEAKER_05 (21:42):
What you try to do and what you're successful at
are two different things.
Moving on.
Um, they uplift you, not drainyou.
I was drained.
Let me let me put that into themic.
Not drain you like Draino.

SPEAKER_03 (22:01):
I was out niggard.

SPEAKER_05 (22:02):
Like what?

SPEAKER_03 (22:05):
And I promise to never be out niggard again.

SPEAKER_04 (22:11):
What?

SPEAKER_03 (22:12):
They're consistent and not confusing.

SPEAKER_05 (22:15):
Oh yeah.
Because you girl.
Because sometimes you can talkin circles.
Okay, shut up.
Most importantly.
You can talk in circles, and Ihave to like weed through all
that and try to like map it outand then give it back to you.

SPEAKER_03 (22:28):
Most important, most importantly, most important.
They respect boundaries.
They respect your boundaries.

SPEAKER_05 (22:34):
They respect your boundaries.
That's true.
So now that we have the formatfor red flags, green flags, I'm
gonna ask you a few questions.

SPEAKER_01 (22:44):
Okay.

SPEAKER_05 (22:44):
Whether these certain scenarios or situations
are red flags or green flags.
And you tell me if it's red flagor green flag, and then you tell
me why.
Okay, let's get into it.
All right.
Is it a red flag or a green flagwhen a woman struggles to take
accountability?

SPEAKER_03 (23:05):
Flag on the play.
Red.

SPEAKER_04 (23:08):
Why?

SPEAKER_03 (23:09):
It's a red flag.
Because if she struggles to takeaccountability, that means she's
always gonna be looking to shiftthe blame.

SPEAKER_04 (23:18):
You learned a whole new some new count words.

SPEAKER_03 (23:22):
Shift the blame.
Okay.
So you she gotta be ready to,and it's honestly that's not
just that's on both sides.
You gotta be ready to takeaccountability for for your for
your actions.
Because I always say thatregardless of what side of the
situation that you're on, you'reaccountable for something.
Yeah, accountabilityaccountability doesn't
necessarily mean a bad thing,and it doesn't necessarily mean

(23:43):
you're wrong, it don't, or thatyou're admitting guilt or
wrongdoing.

SPEAKER_05 (23:47):
You're accepting or acknowledging your part, and
yeah, and how in the situation,I agree.
Um red flag or green flag, awoman still has close ties to
her ex.

SPEAKER_03 (24:00):
That's a red flag.
Now it's a red flag.
Because in my mind.
Okay, go ahead.
Go ahead, go ahead and shootthem bell.
Show them, go ahead.

SPEAKER_05 (24:13):
What if they have a child together?
They're gonna have to have sometype of tie.

SPEAKER_03 (24:19):
Close.

SPEAKER_05 (24:20):
Oh.

SPEAKER_03 (24:20):
Well, I mean I mean they have a cordial co-parenting
situation.

SPEAKER_05 (24:23):
Yeah, core.
I mean, wouldn't that still kindof be kind of close though?
Like you're still close in somesense.

SPEAKER_03 (24:28):
It depends on how old the child is.
I think we need to once thatchild's like eight, nine, you
ain't gotta be that close.

SPEAKER_05 (24:34):
I think we need to establish the word close and
what we mean by close.

SPEAKER_03 (24:39):
You mean next to.
Oh, okay.
Let me ask you this.
Is it a red flag or a green flagif a man avoids difficult
conversations?
Red flag.
That's a red flag.
So tell me why.

SPEAKER_05 (24:50):
I because first of all, if you are to be looked at
like the leader, right?
You can't be afraid to open yourmouth and have tough
conversations.
Okay.
That's that's like yourcommunication, you your
communication can't be limitedto you having tough

(25:12):
conversations.
Okay.

SPEAKER_03 (25:14):
Then let me ask you this one then.
Is it a red flag or a green flagif he's easily angered?
That's a red flag.
But what if he's just passionateabout you?

SPEAKER_05 (25:21):
That's not passion.
Anger.
That's not passion.
No, no, no woman wants to bewith an angry man or a man who's
easily the anger.
It doesn't matter.
And that's that's an even biggerred flag because now you're
blaming me for your lack ofself-control.

SPEAKER_03 (25:37):
Well, I have self-control.
You just won't get the goddamncake anime.

SPEAKER_05 (25:40):
Okay.
Bye.
Huh?
Bye.
Huh?

SPEAKER_03 (25:44):
Okay.

SPEAKER_04 (25:47):
Okay, goodbye.

SPEAKER_05 (25:53):
Um, red flag or a green flag.
A woman who expresses her needsclearly and directly.

SPEAKER_03 (25:59):
That's a green flag.

SPEAKER_05 (26:00):
Obviously.

SPEAKER_03 (26:01):
That's a green flag.
Let me tell you what.
Don't look here.
Look here now.
Look here now.
Don't nothing I enjoy more thanwhen I don't have to figure out
what the fuck you mean.

SPEAKER_05 (26:10):
Okay.

SPEAKER_03 (26:11):
You understand what I'm saying?
When it's clear, it's clear.
And when it's written in stone,this is what she means.
I can handle that because now Ihave a direct goal.
I just need to accomplish whatshe's called.

SPEAKER_05 (26:26):
So now you don't have to use your complex crazy
work.
I can't make it easy for you.
Um, is it a red flag or a greenflag if she has long-term stable
relationships?

SPEAKER_02 (26:40):
That's a green flag.
Friendships.

SPEAKER_03 (26:42):
That's a green flag.

SPEAKER_05 (26:43):
Yeah, obviously.
That's a green flag.
Why is that a green flag?
Because what does that indicateto you?

SPEAKER_03 (26:48):
A good judgment and choice of friends, number one.
That's number one.

SPEAKER_05 (26:52):
But you could still be friends with them for this
long.

SPEAKER_03 (26:55):
It means that she has a she has a pretty good
judge of character.

SPEAKER_05 (26:58):
Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 (26:59):
That that's number one.

SPEAKER_05 (27:01):
Okay.
Red flag or green flag if yourwoman shuts down when she's
stressed.

SPEAKER_02 (27:09):
Oh.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 (27:11):
It's a little that's iffy.
That's like a yellow flag, huh?

SPEAKER_03 (27:16):
It can go either way.

SPEAKER_04 (27:18):
It can go either way.

SPEAKER_03 (27:19):
Either way.
Because if you recognize it,then you know how to.
I don't think that's either way.

SPEAKER_02 (27:25):
Yeah.
I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, Iwould say green flag.
I'm gonna say maroon.

SPEAKER_05 (27:41):
Um, I know the answer to this, but I'm gonna
ask you.
Red flag or green flag?
A woman who is financiallyresponsible.

SPEAKER_03 (27:48):
That's a green flag.
Because I need to know that Ican count.
I can trust you with the bankaccount.

SPEAKER_05 (27:54):
I need to trust that if we only got$7, you're not
gonna go to the store and spend$6.99.

SPEAKER_03 (28:00):
Because I know someone who will.
Your daughter?

SPEAKER_05 (28:04):
Wait a minute.
Side note.

SPEAKER_03 (28:05):
She's gonna be like, you just gotta get more money.

SPEAKER_05 (28:07):
Side note.
You just reminded me of the sidestory.
So she got another gift card inthe mail day before yesterday
from her birthday.
It was a$25 gift card to Target.
So I told her I would take herup to Target.
Now, every time we have gone tolike get her um like birthday
gifts or whatever, would shehave money?
I make it a point to, you know,how we try to like teach her
about budgeting and stuff likethat.

(28:28):
So I make it a point to nevergive her extra if she goes over
her spending or whatever.
So, same thing yesterday.
She was like, How much is mygift card?
And I gave her a gift card.
I was like, Your gift card's$25,so your budget is$25, but that's
also going to include your tax.
And she's like, Okay, the waythat baby was trying to budget
that$25 to get as much as shepossibly could.

(28:49):
Because it's her money.
She ended up spending like$22.63.
We get to the register, and sheshe always does this thing where
she like puts her hands togetherlike she's praying that she has
enough money to cover what shewants to get.
And she was like, Oh, I hope Ihave enough money.
Mama really got trauma already.

unknown (29:03):
Right.

SPEAKER_05 (29:04):
And that's the part I don't like, you know?
And so then she had asked me,she was like, are she was like,
um, is there is it possible tolike put more money with a gift
card?
And I was like, absolutely.
And she was like, Oh, I think,well, maybe you can put some
more money with it.
And I said, Oh no, I'm not gonnado that.
I'm not, because you're gonnastick to the budget.
So she gets to the register, shepays for her things, she's

(29:26):
excited.
The lady behind us was like, Oh,are you spending your own money?
And she was like, Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (29:31):
Like, get out here.
Let's go get out here.

SPEAKER_05 (29:36):
And I was like, and I said, and she stayed within
her budget, and then the ladywas like, Good job, mom.
I was like, I'm not gonna addnothing extra.
This baby gonna learn how tobudget.
She even asked about hersavings.
Oh, wow.
She said, Can I add, can I getsome from a and then put it?
I said, Babe, that's not how thesavings works either.
No, ma'am.

SPEAKER_03 (29:53):
Is it is it a red flag or green flag when a man
has ambition?

SPEAKER_05 (29:56):
Is it a what?

SPEAKER_03 (29:58):
Red flag or a green flag when a man has ambition.

SPEAKER_05 (30:00):
Oh, that's a green flag.
Absolutely.
Who wants to be with a man withno ambition?
That's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 (30:06):
What if it's misguided ambition?

SPEAKER_05 (30:08):
Like, what do you mean?
Example.

SPEAKER_03 (30:09):
Like, like his drive ain't taking him nowhere but
down.
Because our ambition ain't goodambition.

SPEAKER_05 (30:15):
Like, if he was like a uh street pharmaceutical rep,
but he's ambitious to be assuccessful.
I can still respect the ambitionwith the hustle.
I can't be there because I don'tplan on doing jail time.
Um, and I'm no snitch.
Okay.
But nonetheless, his ambition isstill a green flag.

SPEAKER_03 (30:35):
Is that a red flag or a green flag?

SPEAKER_05 (30:36):
That is a green flag.
You must have a good sense ofhumor.

SPEAKER_03 (30:39):
What if he's what if he what is everything is
humorous?

SPEAKER_05 (30:42):
Like everything's like he can't take anything
serious?
That's a red flag.
Because now it's like, what areyou deflecting from?
That means you can't have aserious moment.
Because then that would justpiss me off.

SPEAKER_03 (30:52):
So women just want the world.

SPEAKER_05 (30:54):
Just like you guys.

SPEAKER_03 (30:57):
No, I just want that ass.

SPEAKER_02 (30:58):
Okay.

SPEAKER_03 (31:02):
Is it a red flag or a green flag if a man is overly
attached to his mother?

SPEAKER_05 (31:06):
That's a red flag.

SPEAKER_03 (31:07):
Crazy world.

SPEAKER_05 (31:08):
That's a red flag.
Overly attached?
That's a red flag.
I love my mama.
I'm your woman now.

SPEAKER_03 (31:15):
I didn't say my mama was.

SPEAKER_05 (31:17):
Yeah, but if you're overly attached, you should be
treating her like she's yourwoman.
I'm not, I didn't say I do.
Because then what are you overlyattached for?
You can be normally attached toyour mom.
Okay, but why'd you gotta beoverly attached?
Why do you gotta be jealous ofher?
Ain't nobody jealous.
It's just creepy.
Why are you overly attached?

SPEAKER_03 (31:33):
I'm laying next to you every night.

SPEAKER_05 (31:34):
Okay.

SPEAKER_03 (31:34):
It's not a competition.

SPEAKER_05 (31:35):
Yeah, but at any at any given moment, you'd rather
lay next to your mama.
No.
That's crazy work.
My mama snore in her sleep.
Bible.
Stupid.
My mama snores in her sleep.
Um, red flag or green flag.
A woman who cannot apologize.
That's a red flag.
Why?

SPEAKER_03 (31:53):
Because she's not taking accountability.
Compounded.

SPEAKER_05 (31:57):
I don't see it that way.

SPEAKER_03 (31:58):
Two flags on the play.

SPEAKER_05 (31:59):
I don't see it that way.

SPEAKER_03 (32:00):
Strength determination.
I'm teasing.
Strength determination.

SPEAKER_05 (32:04):
Red flag or green flag, she initiates affection or
intimacy.
That's a great flag.
Green flag.

SPEAKER_03 (32:10):
That's one you don't never pull out.

SPEAKER_05 (32:12):
That's the green flag.
That's when you don't pull out.

SPEAKER_04 (32:14):
What?
What'd you say?

unknown (32:16):
Oh wait.

SPEAKER_04 (32:17):
Wait, what did you what did you say?
Wait, did she what did you say?
That's when you never pull out.

SPEAKER_03 (32:26):
That's when you don't pull out.
I said that's one that you neverpull out.

SPEAKER_04 (32:33):
I was like, that works too.
What?

SPEAKER_03 (32:37):
Like I always say, my couch pulls out.
I don't.
Your couch doesn't.
Because he learned from me.

SPEAKER_04 (32:46):
Bye.

SPEAKER_03 (32:48):
Is it a red flag or a green flag?
Ooh.
Yeah, what's that?
Yeah, think about it.
Dwell in it.

SPEAKER_05 (32:57):
I like a little cockiness.
Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (32:59):
You like a little cock, huh?
But not a lot.
Okay.

SPEAKER_05 (33:02):
Um, I'm gonna save red flag then.
Why?
Demon.
If it's overall.
Because if we're thinking aboutin the extreme sense, um I don't
need him to be so cocky that hecan't like back it up.
You know what I mean?
Like being cocky oroverconfident is is cool
sometimes.
It's kind of great sometimes ifyou really can back it up.

(33:24):
But like, you know, with today'spickings, it might be something
like What do you know abouttoday's pickings?
No, I'm just saying.
You're trying to pick?

unknown (33:33):
No.

SPEAKER_02 (33:33):
You trying to be trolls?
No, not at all.
Oh, no, not at all.

SPEAKER_05 (33:37):
I literally was just having this conversation with my
sister uh yes yesterday, day no,day before yesterday.
And she was telling me about,you know, the date thing and the
guy.
And I was like, you know, I partof me kind of feels as though if
I were single, like right now,and at my big grown age, I
probably would be most contentin an apartment of my choice

(34:00):
decorated like how I want itwith my little puppy who won't
be more than seven pounds, uhlike a good book, and just like
weekends going to the movies bymyself or something.
Of course, there will bedownsides.
Obviously, there would bedownsides, but we're not looking

(34:23):
at the downsides.

SPEAKER_03 (34:25):
Is it a red flag or a green flag when he apologizes
without making excuses?

SPEAKER_05 (34:30):
It's it's the the most beautiful green flag
possible.
Okay, a man who can takeaccountability, apologize, be
genuine about it, and convey thebeing genuine about it.

SPEAKER_03 (34:48):
Chef's kiss.
Chef's kiss.
It's it's crazy because y'allknow what's going on.

SPEAKER_05 (34:53):
It's it's almost it's like it's almost like a
black man who avidly reads.
It's Chef's kiss.

SPEAKER_03 (34:58):
Chef's kiss.
This motherfucker get on booktalk for one week.

SPEAKER_05 (35:04):
No, I'm not, I'm not on book talk.
I'm on black men who read booktalk.

SPEAKER_03 (35:10):
So you're chef's kiss.
You are really that's crazybecause you didn't give me that
same energy when I was readingall my comic books.

unknown (35:17):
Okay.

SPEAKER_04 (35:18):
Bye, Maurice.

SPEAKER_03 (35:20):
I got I got about a hundred series up there I can
tell you all about, but youdon't care about that stuff.
I guess only I guess you onlywant the black men that read
that smut if you're reading.

SPEAKER_02 (35:29):
I don't read smut.
You need reading porn.
I read.

SPEAKER_04 (35:32):
I don't.

SPEAKER_02 (35:33):
You be reading porn.

SPEAKER_04 (35:35):
I remember.
I'm not gonna read I read.
I'm not gonna read porn.
You love stories.

SPEAKER_03 (35:40):
Okay, with a lot of fucking.

SPEAKER_04 (35:41):
They have plots.

SPEAKER_03 (35:43):
Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 (35:44):
They have a lot of storytelling.

SPEAKER_03 (35:46):
Yeah, okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, she moaned loudly.
That's that's what it tells.
Is it a red flag or green flagif he hides his phone?

SPEAKER_05 (35:55):
Oh, that's a red flag.

SPEAKER_03 (35:56):
Of his business.
I don't give a shit what you'rehiding it for.
Stop looking at my phone.
It's my phone.

SPEAKER_05 (36:00):
First of all, I'm probably not even I'm I mean,
for me personally, I'm probablynot even checking it.
But why are you taking the extrameasure to hide it?
That's weird.
Why not?
It's weird.

SPEAKER_03 (36:10):
Why not?
It's weird.
It's none of your business wouldhappen over here.
Okay.

SPEAKER_05 (36:14):
It it won't you're right.
It wouldn't be my businessbecause I wouldn't be around.

SPEAKER_03 (36:18):
You know, I don't even care.
Where I leave my phone at, Icouldn't find it for a couple
for a couple hours.
Sometimes I'd be so attached,detached, I'd be like, oh,
whatever.

SPEAKER_05 (36:28):
Red flag or green flag?
She's a jealous woman.

SPEAKER_03 (36:32):
That's a green flag.

SPEAKER_02 (36:34):
You just like drama.

SPEAKER_03 (36:36):
She's gonna show up every day.

SPEAKER_05 (36:39):
She's gonna show up every day.
What do you mean she's gonnashow up every day just randomly,
huh?
You randomly at work and she'sright there on your route.

SPEAKER_03 (36:47):
Oh my gosh, she always checks on me.
She's so caring.

SPEAKER_05 (36:54):
She always checks on me.
At any given moment, I can turnmy head and she's there.

SPEAKER_03 (37:00):
That's a red flag.
You're gonna end up beingoverbearing.
I can I need I need my space.
You think so?
Yeah, you know I like you know,I wouldn't.

SPEAKER_05 (37:06):
You need just space?
Really?
That's funny because you're allup in mind always.

SPEAKER_03 (37:10):
I got a sickness for the thickness.
If you would cure my sickness,okay, you can get some space.
Um, yeah, I just like I don'tknow, jealousy is too much,
overwhelming.

SPEAKER_02 (37:23):
Okay.
I can't do that.

SPEAKER_03 (37:25):
Because I'm not a jealous person, yeah.
You know, uh, but I what I willsay is in that new prank trend
going around where the dudes outthere holding and grabbing uh
men's woman's hands in storesand and making them statements.
I'm like that one guy where it'slike when he was like, Man, do
you do you do you like do youlove your life?
That's around.

SPEAKER_05 (37:44):
I mean, but he was like he was making a point.
He's like, You see, she'sstruggling to reach.

SPEAKER_03 (37:47):
I'm not I'm not talking about that one.
Which one?
I'm talking about he walked upand grabbed her hand and he and
he slapped that shit away soquick.
He's like, You value your life.
But see, I wouldn't slap itaway.
I'd sit wait to see yourreaction.

SPEAKER_05 (37:58):
Oh, like the there was a one couple where uh he had
asked her because he didn't doanything, and he asked her, um,
oh, is this your boyfriend?
And she was like, I don't know.
Yeah, I don't know.
And he was like, I thought youwere supposed to do something.
When he said that, right?
I would have been like, andwe're no, he's not my boyfriend.
Oh, right.

(38:18):
He's not because I'm looking forcrazy work.
Oh no.
How how are you gonna standthere and watch another man sit
there and like touch me andstuff and you not say nothing?
Right, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 (38:31):
That's crazy.
Red flag and green flag.
He takes initiative.

SPEAKER_05 (38:34):
What is it?
Red flag or green flag?
What?
He takes initiative.
Oh, that's a green flag.
You know, that's a that's thoseare big words in our house.
Yeah, you know, I always usethat.
Take initiative, which is crazybecause you never do.
Take initiative.

SPEAKER_03 (38:46):
You never do.

SPEAKER_05 (38:46):
Really?
Crazy work, crazy work.
Take initiative.

SPEAKER_03 (38:50):
Crazy work.

SPEAKER_05 (38:51):
Um, I was gonna say red light, green light.

SPEAKER_03 (38:54):
This is not square games.

SPEAKER_05 (38:56):
Red flag, red flag or green flag.
Uh, she's a woman who uhprioritizes family
relationships.
That's a green flag.

SPEAKER_03 (39:06):
Okay, because that means I know she's gonna take
care of good care of my kids.

SPEAKER_05 (39:11):
Red flag or green flag.
She's a woman who oversharesdetails online or seeks
attention from social media.
Red flag.
Why?

SPEAKER_03 (39:21):
On the plot.
What if it's a drop?
Because she's lacking inhappiness.
What?

SPEAKER_05 (39:25):
How does how do you correlate that to be searching
for validation?

SPEAKER_03 (39:28):
Why are you oversharing?

SPEAKER_05 (39:30):
Isn't everybody searching for validation?
You don't want to be validated.

SPEAKER_03 (39:34):
I am.
You tell me I ain't shit.
My daughter tell me I ain'tshit.

SPEAKER_05 (39:40):
What more validation do I need?
Whatever.
Okay, one more.
Let's see.
Um, red flag or green flag.
Um, she's a woman who's easilyangered or very reactive.

SPEAKER_03 (39:56):
Now, see the Responsible side of me said
that's a red flag because she'sjust hot tempered all the time.

SPEAKER_05 (40:06):
But the drama side of you, but the man side of me
says, Oh, she just a littlespicy, like a little attitude,
and never looked a little finecracker.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
So wait a minute.
There was this video that wentviral.
That went viral.
Went what?
Went viral.
And it was it was it wassomething to the effect of like

(40:29):
how men say the most likevolatile women are also like the
best looking women, right?
And then the like, you know,like she's so toxic, toxic, the
top the crazy ones, but she'salso the most attractive.
So like the most attractivewomen are also the most crazy
ones, right?
And then, you know, obviouslyit's the opposite on the other

(40:50):
end.
And so he was talking aboutthat's why you get you try to
find a woman like seven in themiddle.
He was like, you find one thatis like attractive but doesn't
have that much toxic toxicness.
You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 (41:03):
It's like that chart, the more you fuck around.

SPEAKER_05 (41:06):
Yeah.
So then she was so she so sheset herself up.
She asked her husband, hestarted explaining all this.
So she was like, So what am I?
Like, like mid, and he'sbasically like Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (41:20):
Like you're not the hottest thing out here.

SPEAKER_04 (41:22):
That's what he said.
That's what he's like.

SPEAKER_03 (41:23):
But you ain't ugly.

SPEAKER_00 (41:26):
You ain't ugly.

SPEAKER_04 (41:29):
That's literally what he said.

SPEAKER_05 (41:30):
He was like, like, you're not the most, like, most
attractive woman.
Yeah, but you're not uglyeither.
Like, I wouldn't have chosen, Iwouldn't have chosen you if you
were like super ugly.
But he was like, but think aboutit, he's like, the most
attractive women are the mosttoxic.
And of course, that's like, he'slike, that's fun, but that's not
who we marry.
Like, it's cool, but that's notwho we marry.

(41:52):
She was like, she turned thecamera to herself and she was
like, Are you fucking kiddingme?
Was like, not your husbandtelling you you mid, but at
least he was honest.

SPEAKER_03 (42:01):
The whole time you thought she was accused.

SPEAKER_05 (42:04):
The whole time you thought your husband thought you
was a 10.
Crazy work only to find out youwere 6.5.
10 to my eyes, but you whathomeboy said?
He said she might be a seven ofyou, but over here on this
roster, she might be a 10.
So you don't know.

SPEAKER_03 (42:19):
That was the homeboy.
That was uh that was um Bumbi.

SPEAKER_05 (42:22):
Bumby, yeah.
I mean, but you never know.
She might be a six on somebodyelse's.

SPEAKER_03 (42:28):
That's why I cut her off the first one.

SPEAKER_05 (42:29):
What?
When I grab your BR.
When I grab your BR.

SPEAKER_03 (42:36):
I cut my because you sit there, you grab it, then you
tangle it up, then I gotta eatit.

SPEAKER_05 (42:40):
No, I was I'm detangling it when I do that.
It feels like I'm tangling it,but I'm detangling it.

SPEAKER_03 (42:45):
What's the biggest green flag a man can show?

SPEAKER_05 (42:48):
Uh for me, that's probably gonna be like lying or
lack of follow-through.

SPEAKER_03 (42:54):
I said biggest green flag.

SPEAKER_05 (42:56):
Oh, green flag.
Sorry.

SPEAKER_03 (42:59):
I'm being too honest.

SPEAKER_00 (43:01):
Shit.

SPEAKER_03 (43:02):
Well, goddamn.

SPEAKER_05 (43:03):
Um, being a man of his word.
Being kind.

SPEAKER_03 (43:08):
Being respectful.

SPEAKER_05 (43:10):
Mm-hmm.
Being a man of his word, beingkind.
Um, the opposite of that, redflag, like I said, not being
able to follow through.
I mean, that's like a really bigone.
Like being unkind, being a pieceof shit.
You know, just like the guy whomy sister's friend went out with

(43:32):
who lied about his age.

SPEAKER_03 (43:33):
That's crazy.

SPEAKER_05 (43:34):
Yeah, that's crazy work because we're we're too
damn old to be lying about ourage.
All right, guys.
Let's move on to the comment ofthe week.
Ah, you thought I forgot.
You thought I forgot, and Ididn't.
I did not.
Don't look at me like that.

SPEAKER_03 (43:52):
The comment of the week is What's the comment of
the week?
Come from, I want to say this iswhat would you say that is?
Shouldn't it?
Let me see.
I don't want to butcher.
I'll be butchering people.

SPEAKER_05 (44:02):
Shalea Murray.

SPEAKER_03 (44:03):
I don't think that's why you say that, but we're
gonna go with that.

SPEAKER_05 (44:06):
Shila.

SPEAKER_03 (44:06):
And she says, he's my spirit twin.
Referring to me.

SPEAKER_02 (44:11):
Oh gosh, you want to be checking.

SPEAKER_03 (44:12):
His initial response to most things is what is what
automatically comes to my head.
And this is from the post aboutthe uh the lady who uh wanted uh
asked if she could have an openuh relationship with her
friend's husband, husband, and Isaid what I said.

SPEAKER_05 (44:28):
What did you say?
I forgot I said what I said, Isaid, but I said what I said.
But I said what I said, um andthis comes from the second
comment comes from life is hard,bitches life underscore is

(44:50):
underscore hard, bitches.

SPEAKER_03 (44:53):
He says, I'm assuming it's a he.
I agree.
I want that energy.
I I want you to goddamn callTina, call Tina, call her and
tell her to come get your shit.
Now, this is in response to thevideo about old girl that said
she was the prize when she thegirlfriend that was sleeping on
the couch.

SPEAKER_05 (45:11):
Oh, the one that was that lost her job was sleeping
on her boyfriend's couch, andshe said that she is.

SPEAKER_03 (45:16):
And I read it, I said, this gotta be a black
person to change Erica's lyricsand change uh Tyrone into Tina.

SPEAKER_05 (45:22):
It's crazy.
Tell Tina you better call Tina.

SPEAKER_02 (45:27):
Call Tina come tell her, come get your shit.
That's funny.

SPEAKER_05 (45:31):
All right, guys.
Let's uh move this along.

SPEAKER_03 (45:35):
Let's head right on into all of you got some good
ones this time.

SPEAKER_05 (45:41):
Uh let me see.
Am I the asshole for ending myrelationship after my girlfriend
said no to marriage?
Okay.
I'm a 41-year-old male and I'vebeen dating my ex-girlfriend,
who's 39, for nearly six years.
Our relationship was a good one.
Four years ago, I informed herfamily and friends I was gonna
propose to her while we were ona family vacation and received
their blessing and theirwell-wishes.

(46:02):
The night I proposed, I tried tomake the night as memorable and
perfect as possible.
I asked her a nice, asked herout for a nice dinner surrounded
by family, and she said, no, notyet, anyways.
I was quite hurt, honestly, andwent back to our room to think
things out and not overreact.
A few hours later, she came tothe room and asked me what was
wrong and why I left the group.

(46:23):
We had a fairly longconversation as to my feelings
and her reasons for denying myproposal.
Turns out she didn't think thatI was ready for the commitment
just yet.
So I took her thoughts to heartand informed her.
I understood her reasoning.
However, I was raised in a waywhere, quote unquote, you take a
no for a no, not a maybe or anext time.
All right now.

(46:44):
She asked me to just wait a bitlonger until we were in a stable
place, and I agreed.
Eight to ten months later, shestarted dropping hints that she
was ready to be married.
I can't wait for our wedding.
Our wedding is gonna bespectacular.
I'm so looking forward to my dadwalking me down the aisle, etc.
A little over a year since myfirst proposal, I decided to
propose again.

(47:05):
This time, just us togetherafter a wonderful date night.
When I opened the ring box, shegot really quiet and once again
said no.
Oh, hell no.
Not yet.
Maybe a little bit more down theline.
Okay.
After the second refusal, I fellout of love with her.
It sounds cold, but it was thetruth.

(47:26):
We got back home.
I slept in our guest bedroom andspent the rest of the night
thinking of our relationship.
The next morning, she asked whyI didn't sleep in our bedroom,
and I told her the truth andinformed her that I think we
need to just end therelationship.
I informed her that I takemarriage very seriously and I do
not want to be let on.
And this time, this no was thefinal no on the subject.

(47:47):
I gave her a month to find a newplace to live.
And since then, I have beenreceiving text messages and
emails from her friends andfamily informing me I am a
heartless bastard and trying toget me to forgive her and ask
her one more time and not to bea callous asshole.
My friends have my back on thisand understand why I ended the
relationship.

(48:07):
But am I the asshole?
Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_03 (48:12):
Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_05 (48:14):
Not you proposing two times.

SPEAKER_03 (48:16):
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold
on.
The first time, she she kind ofshe broke his spirit a little
bit.

SPEAKER_04 (48:21):
Yeah, but he got back on the horse.

SPEAKER_03 (48:24):
But he clearly liked her.

SPEAKER_04 (48:25):
Yep.

SPEAKER_03 (48:25):
He loves her, he loved her, and he really wanted
to see if first of all, how yougonna tell me when I'm ready?
I don't think you're ready.
Bitch.
How do you know how I'm ready?

SPEAKER_05 (48:33):
Just say you're not ready.
That's right.
Just say you're not ready.

SPEAKER_03 (48:36):
Don't don't traject over here.
Don't project over here.

SPEAKER_05 (48:39):
This is one of those situations where she just gonna
have to propose to him.

SPEAKER_03 (48:43):
He finally found one.

SPEAKER_04 (48:44):
Finally found one.
This is the perfect situation.

SPEAKER_05 (48:49):
I would have told her, you know what?
When you think, when you thinkI'm ready, you just come to me.
I'll tell you what type ofwedding band I like.
This is this is see, I knew, Iknew there would be a situation
where it would be appropriatefor a woman to propose.

SPEAKER_03 (49:04):
I'm gonna say the second time, that would have
done it for me too.
Like, because what what onething, one thing, as a man, I
can love you, but I still havemy pride in that.
Right.
And I'm only gonna be shot shotdown so much.
Everybody ain't Steve Urkel.
Okay.
I'm gonna have that right now.
Everybody ain't Steve Urkel.

SPEAKER_05 (49:21):
No, but eventually Steve, Steve moved on, and then
what happened when he tried tomove on?
Laura came around, and then theyended up getting married.

SPEAKER_03 (49:29):
Everybody ain't Dwayne.
Yeah.
Okay.
Because Whitley would have beengone.

SPEAKER_02 (49:34):
Bye.

SPEAKER_03 (49:36):
That's for me, Whitley.

SPEAKER_02 (49:37):
Whitley would have been gone.
I don't know, Dwayne.
Me either, Whitney.

SPEAKER_04 (49:41):
Me either, Whitley.
We ain't gonna find outtogether.

SPEAKER_03 (49:45):
So I don't think you're asshole at all.
Yeah.
It's like, how many, how manytimes does she you have to she
needs to acknowledge the factthat every time she said no, she
somewhat broke your heart.
Yeah.
So she needs to.

SPEAKER_05 (49:56):
And he should have been really open about that.

SPEAKER_03 (49:58):
Be a green flag and take accountability.

SPEAKER_05 (50:00):
Bye.
I mean, he did, he did prettymuch tell her the second time.
He was like, okay.
That's it.
Because if it's not gonna goanywhere, then what's the point?

SPEAKER_03 (50:07):
I do so I I salute you if I'm kicking her out.
Okay.

SPEAKER_05 (50:11):
Yes, she he told her that she had you got a month to
find a place.
Right.
Bye.
You're so stupid.
Am I the asshole for findingsomeone else when my wife opened
our relationship?

SPEAKER_03 (50:25):
Oh okay, here we go.

SPEAKER_05 (50:27):
Um I'm a 29, I'm a 29-year-old male and my wife,
30, have been together for sevenyears and married for four
years.
Last year, she came up with theidea of an open relationship to
try new things.
I said it's not something I'mcomfortable that comfortable for
me, but would like to staymonogamous.
I felt weird because it came outof nowhere.
We were good and planning tobuild a family together.

(50:49):
After my reply, she insisted alot.
In the end, I decided to give ita try.
And here are the boundaries thatwe had set.
Um, you should always prioritizeyour spouse instead of the other
partner.
Always use protection.
Do not bring home anotherpartner to our shared home, and
do not form overly emotionalconnections.
I told her that I'm not sure ifI can do some of those things.

(51:10):
I'm an emotional person, thoughI love the physical part too.
She said it's okay.
I will be able to do it.
And it's hard for men for toform emotional relationships in
such cases anyway.
She found a partner quickly andeasily.
My wife was my firstrelationship partner, so I was
not confident in myself.
I did not have great chanceswhen I was in my 20s.
Eventually, after clearing outmost of my work, I decided to

(51:33):
try finding a partner in myspare time.
Surprisingly, I was flocked withinterest from younger or around
my age women.
All right now.
I knew maturing and aging did agreat job for me, but not to
this extent.
Glow up.
I started talking to multiplepeople, but decided to go ahead
with only one of them.
When I shared this informationwith my wife, she seemed

(51:54):
surprised, but congratulated.
In awe.
She said she is shocked and howbeautiful this woman is, and I
that I was able to get her.
It has been 10 months sincefinding a partner, but the more
I got to know them and spendtime with them, we have formed
an emotional connectiontogether.
You told her.
This woman is aware of mysituation and respects my

(52:15):
boundaries.
I realize that I have lostemotional and physical
connections with my wife overtime.
I know one of the boundarieswere about emotional connections
and prioritizing your spouse,but I told her that I was not
sure if I could comply with anyof those.
Okay.
I had a difficult talk with mywife last week about my
situation.
She immediately offered closingthe relationship and going to

(52:37):
couples counseling.
But I'm not interested, to behonest.
She feels no different than afriend to me now.
And I'm afraid I have builtresentment for her due to the
open relationship situation andall.
I told her that I would just, Itold her it would only extend
the misery for me and I wouldlike to have a divorce.
She flipped and cried, sayingthat I'm throwing everything

(52:59):
away for a fling.
Am I the asshole here?

SPEAKER_02 (53:03):
No, she threw everything away for a fling.

SPEAKER_05 (53:07):
But see how she was surprised that she was able to
get somebody?
It is.
That's because when a rabbit gotthe gun.
We have heard this story timeand time again.
It ends the same way.

SPEAKER_03 (53:19):
It always happens.
The person who wants to open therelationships ends up being
exactly what they don't want itto be.
Yep.
And the person who just happybeing with them realized that
shit, I got options.

SPEAKER_02 (53:28):
Yep.
Look here, player.
Pop your collar.

SPEAKER_05 (53:32):
Yeah.
It ends the same all the time.

SPEAKER_02 (53:35):
She's shocked.

SPEAKER_05 (53:36):
Yeah.
She was already, first of all,he was already shocked that he
got so many prospects.
He got motion.
He said, now look, I knew aging.
He got what I knew aging helpedme.
I didn't know it helped me tothis extent.

SPEAKER_03 (53:48):
Look here.
A lot of men don't understand.

SPEAKER_05 (53:51):
Like a little, you get a little age on you, get
your little something pepper.

SPEAKER_03 (53:54):
That, that, that, that, that, between 30 to 40,
that decade, that's when youstart glowing.

SPEAKER_05 (54:02):
Some will say it's the 40 to 50.
Some will say it's the 50 to 60.

SPEAKER_02 (54:05):
I don't say that you get your emotion.

SPEAKER_05 (54:07):
But you get a little age on you, get your little
something pepper, get yourlittle currr.
A little what?
A little current.
A little bit what?
A little current.
What would it do to you?
And get your paper up.
Get your paper up.
You be surprised the prospectsyou got.
Right.
You be surprised.

SPEAKER_03 (54:22):
Right.
We're not opening nothing.

SPEAKER_05 (54:24):
Oh, I don't have any interest.
It's too much.
I have a headache.

SPEAKER_03 (54:28):
I don't like talking to people as it is.

SPEAKER_05 (54:30):
Yeah, I know.
I don't know.
I have enough people rubbing myass.
So how many?
Hold up.
You and my daughter.
She hits me too.
So I don't know why she copiedeverything I do.
Yeah, I'm good.
Thanks so.
Okay, we got one more.
All right.
Um, am I the jerk for locking mybedroom when my family visits

(54:51):
and refusing to give my mother akey?

SPEAKER_03 (54:53):
Nope, not at all.

SPEAKER_05 (54:55):
I'm a 27-year-old female and I just bought a small
condo last year, and I'm reallyproud of it.
I finally have my own spaceafter years of sharing rooms
with siblings.
Every few weeks, my parents andyounger cousins come over for
dinner.
Every few weeks.
Right.
First couple of times, it wasfine until I noticed my makeup
bag moved and some jewelrymissing from the tray on my
dresser.
Oh Lord.

(55:15):
Then my little cousin posted amirror selfie from my bedroom on
our story with my open closet inthe background.
I never gave anyone permissionto hang out in there.
I talked to my mom and she justbrushed it off, saying, They're
just kids.
You should be flattered thatthey like your style.
Next visit, I caught my auntsitting on my bed going through
my bookshelf to see what I wascurrently reading these days.

(55:38):
After that, I put a cheap lockon my door, and now I just keep
the room locked when people comeover.
Last weekend, my family came by,found the door locked, and my
mom got offended.
She pulled me into the kitchenand said that I was treating
family like strangers and that Ishould at least give her the key
so that she could check onthings.

(55:58):
The fuck you gotta check on.
I told her no, my room is myprivate space, and that they had
to respect it, and that I wouldnot give her a key.
She called me paranoid in frontof everyone, and now my siblings
are texting saying that I havemade the vibe weird.

SPEAKER_02 (56:18):
Am I the jerk?
No, they ain't gotta come overno more.

SPEAKER_05 (56:22):
First of all, why, why, okay, when you go to
somebody's house, even if it's afamily member, even if it's like
like why is that your number onepriority to be in their personal
space?

SPEAKER_02 (56:32):
First of all, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 (56:33):
Crazy word.
That's weird.
The auntie, that's my number onepet peeve.

SPEAKER_05 (56:39):
Oh, people sitting on the bed.
I don't like you.
You can't sit on my bed.
I don't know where you've been.
You can't sit on my bed.
Do not sit your ass on my bedwhere I laid my head.
Yeah, do not sit on my bed.

SPEAKER_03 (56:49):
I don't even like people.
Look here.

SPEAKER_05 (56:50):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (56:51):
I don't even like people in our bedroom.

SPEAKER_01 (56:54):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (56:54):
And the fact that your family is just so
comfortable walking their ass inthere when they want to talk to
us when they are everybody overhere.

SPEAKER_04 (57:05):
It really I'll really be like, hey, I'll be
like, hold on, guys.

SPEAKER_03 (57:09):
I really do practice restraint because I'll be like,
get in my head, I'll be like,get the f out of here.

SPEAKER_05 (57:15):
Like, hold on, guys.
Let me come out.

SPEAKER_03 (57:17):
I do naked activities in here.
I don't need you in here.

SPEAKER_05 (57:20):
I'm barely naked activities.

SPEAKER_03 (57:22):
I barely want my child in here.

SPEAKER_05 (57:24):
Naked activities.
You know what I'm talking about?
You know what I do?
I'm gonna have to make a shirt.
Naked activities.

SPEAKER_03 (57:30):
So you're not a first, you're not a jerk jerk at
all.

SPEAKER_05 (57:32):
No, you're not a jerk at all.
The thing is is that you'regonna be a- And tell your mama
to kick rocks because you ownthat right.
Right.

SPEAKER_03 (57:37):
The thing is, you tried to set boundaries, they
didn't want to uh adhere tothem.
No, so you did what wasnecessary.
Yeah.
I I tell me, take a stepfurther.
Lock the condo.

SPEAKER_05 (57:48):
Bye.
They come over for dinner.

SPEAKER_03 (57:51):
We take out it is we eat in the hallway.

SPEAKER_05 (57:54):
Okay, Marie.
Someone's gonna eat in thehallway.
Don't be able to do that.

SPEAKER_03 (57:56):
And my thing is, what are you checking on?

SPEAKER_05 (57:58):
Yeah, that's that's what I'm saying.
Just so I can check on things.
What are you what are exactlyare you checking on?
Y'all going through my stuff.
That's what it is.
You're being nosy.
That's all it is.
You just want to be nosy.
That's because they're used tobeing in an environment where
all the space was shared.

(58:20):
And now that she has autonomyover her environment, it feels
foreign to other people.
It's like, why do you have to beso?

SPEAKER_03 (58:26):
I'm gonna tell you right now.
I'm gonna tell you right now.
If it went for that little oneupstairs, we'd probably move
somewhere when we get noaddress.
Can we come over?
No, we'll meet we'll meet y'allsomewhere.
Bye.
You don't need to know where welive.
No, we don't need to know.
You don't need to know.
We do adult activity.
We do naked activities here.

SPEAKER_05 (58:42):
Okay.
In the whole house.
Shut up.
We do naked activities here.
You trust me.
You don't want to be here.

SPEAKER_02 (58:49):
You don't want to be here.
You don't want to be here.
It's a sticky situation.

SPEAKER_05 (58:52):
Okay.
Too much.
Too far.
Too far.
Way too far.
All right, guys.
This has been another episode ofthe Life After I Do podcast.
If you are not doing so already,you already know the drill.
If this is not your first timehere, if it is your first time
here, you can always follow uson all of our social media
platforms.

(59:12):
Life After I Do Podcast onTikTok, Instagram, Facebook,
YouTube, Life After Do Podcast.
You can also write into thepodcast, which you guys have
been utilizing so frequently,and we really appreciate you.
And let me say writing into thepodcast at LifeAfter Do Podcast
at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_03 (59:30):
Let me say this before you finish.
People, we appreciate all theall the responses to the the
text fan mail, but when you textus via the film the the fan mail
the fan mail link on the audioversions, we cannot reply to
those.
Oh so we've had people ask usquestions and like I can't reply
to that.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 (59:49):
So you either So don't think we're ignoring you
because we're not.
So either shoot us an email oror get in the comment section of
one of the videos on likeInstagram or YouTube.

SPEAKER_03 (59:59):
Because if When we see it, we respond.

SPEAKER_05 (01:00:02):
Yeah.
Thank you for doing that.
Um, but yeah, so follow us,like, share, let everybody know.
Tell a friend to tell a friend.

SPEAKER_03 (01:00:12):
It's the one motherfucker that said we
shouldn't go live.
It was hilarious.
I'll say it's always one.

SPEAKER_05 (01:00:25):
It's always one.
They have to do it.
They have to do it.

SPEAKER_03 (01:00:29):
I thought it was hilarious firstly.

SPEAKER_05 (01:00:31):
Yeah, but you know, we're gonna we're gonna finish
this year off strong, guys.
Okay.
Y'all been rocking with us andwe appreciate it.
We're gonna be doing greatthings.
Yeah, you know, we got some funstuff coming up for y'all
because y'all, real ones outthere.

SPEAKER_03 (01:00:44):
And we're gonna have to place a discount uh a
disclaimer on some of thesesubmissions because honestly,
guys, we want to read all ofthese submissions, but some of
y'all are sending us livestories that are dissertations
that need to be chapter books.
And we can they're likenine-part series, and we only

(01:01:07):
got three minutes per reel.
So we gotta we're we're leaningtowards we gotta cut it down a
little bit.
We're leaning towards readingthose on the lives.

SPEAKER_05 (01:01:17):
Yeah, yeah, those will be perfect for the lives,
but we'll let you know.

SPEAKER_03 (01:01:21):
But we have received them and she's read them.
I I look at them like I'm notreading on that.
Since she liked to read, I lether read.

SPEAKER_05 (01:01:31):
And you know, I think I was thinking about I'm
gonna start uh updatingeverybody weekly on my my book.

SPEAKER_03 (01:01:37):
So I'm reading until next time.
We love y'all.
Thanks for keeping liking,commenting, subscribe.

SPEAKER_05 (01:01:44):
And don't forget to tell a friend to tell a friend.

SPEAKER_03 (01:01:46):
Tell a friend to tell a friend to tell you to
tell another friend to tell yourgrandma.
Because the grandma knoweverything.
Everybody knows that's trueuntil next time.

SPEAKER_06 (01:01:52):
Peace, Miss