March 12, 2025 • 52 mins
Feeling emotionally drained, easily irritated, and disconnected from your partner? You might be experiencing relationship burnout – and you’re not alone! Studies show 40% of people believe high stress negatively impacts their relationships.
In this episode, we dive deep into "mankeeping" – the hidden emotional labor where one partner (often women) carries the weight of their significant other’s moods and reactions. Ever found yourself walking on eggshells, waiting for the right moment to talk about something important? That’s mankeeping in action, and over time, it creates an exhausting imbalance that wears down your connection.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I always say and my wife knows that I am a lot more
agreeable the morning after.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
We can get a lot more out of you If you put it on me
you want to do it today?
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Yeah, sure, that's fine.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Yeah, we can do that, no problem.
You can be like babe, whateveryou want, it's whatever you want
.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
I had this plan, but I can cancel it.
You know, you did a great joblast night or cancel it you know
, you did a great job last night, or you wake up and you'd be
like hey, babe, what do you needtoday?
Speaker 2 (00:27):
What do you want?
I'm telling you what do youwant.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
And I'd be like I don't know when you put it on me
.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
It motivates me to be a better husband hey everybody
(00:54):
and welcome back to anotherepisode of life after I do
podcasts with nisha gmo lethal.
It is wednesday again.
If you have made it to anotherWednesday, bless you.
So excited, so excited, soexcited.
(01:15):
I heard something on TikTok.
It was a creator I forget hisname, but he's a pretty big
creator on TikTok too and hesaid he was talking to his
friend and he asked his friendlike how's your day, or whatever
, and his friend was like oh,it's a great day.
He was like every day is agreat day and he looked at his
friend.
He was like every day is not agreat day and he was like no try
(01:36):
missing one.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
And he was like that, just put everything into
perspective for me.
He said every day is not agreat day.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Try missing one.
Don't miss the day.
Just miss work.
No, just try, no, just misswork.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Don't miss the day.
Yeah, no, but you know what themessage was in it.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
I know Like yeah, he was like you can try missing one
and see how that works out foryou.
So I was like, yeah, that'spretty good.
So if you made it back hereagain and you woke up this
morning and you're listening toour podcast and you've decided
to join us today, you areblessed and today is a great day
.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
have the day you deserve well, let me switch
places with bill gates, uh hey,booskies, I wouldn't want this,
I just want the money hey,booskies hey how's it going it?
Going, it's going.
How's your week?
Speaker 2 (02:25):
My week is no one really.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
We don't really want like a 15-minute week with crap
because you seem to always belong-winded.
We need the cliff notes becausepeople come here for the meat
and potatoes.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
What's the meat and potatoes?
The?
Speaker 1 (02:38):
episode.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
My week is part of the episode.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
No, your week is the appetizer.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
And sometimes it don't be a lot of people like
are you trying to say my lifeisn't interesting?
Sometimes that's a low blowcoming from somebody like you
first of all, I don't want aninteresting life, uh you don't.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
No, that's sad I like that is sad routine um, that
don't mean it can't beinteresting.
I mean I have you.
It's always interesting.
I'm just saying we want thecliff notes because you know,
you know I've been told you liketo ramble and by I told myself
that wow, I just feel like.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
I just feel like you're just a hater of me,
that's all you're my biggestsupporter, but you're also my
biggest hater I like to keep meon my toes like I have to keep
you humble yeah, like okay.
So, for instance, the way youspoke to me last night in the
gym although I can understandyou were being motivating and
you were like trying to push meno, I had to talk to get to,
like you know, to really pushthrough my set, I get it.
(03:41):
But so you know, I had some,some heads turned like oh, I had
to talk to you.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
He's laying in on her I had to because you were
saying that you acting like alittle weak b first of all, I
was not acting like a week and Isaid what you're not gonna do
in this house.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
When you carry this last name, you're gonna push and
I did push we don't, we don'tquit I didn't quit, so I didn't
tell you's what I had to tellyou so anyway tell the people
what I said.
I was on the leg extensionmachine and I was doing my leg
extensions.
What was it?
Speaker 1 (04:14):
170 or something like that, whatever he was
sandbagging it he says I wassandbagging it.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
But whatever, I don't even think he can do 170 in leg
extensions.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
I can.
I did 12 today.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Okay, we're gonna put that to a.
I don't even think he can do170 in leg extensions.
I can.
I did 12 today.
Okay, we're going to put thatto a video, because last time we
had this conversation and Itold you that I was leg
extending 170, like full sets,you were like get back to the
story.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Anyway, I was doing my leg extensions.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
My husband was like my filling coach last night.
So last night I had a squat day, so everything that surrounded
my squats.
So he was like my filling coach, my motivator, last night.
And after my first or secondset on doing the leg extensions,
he was like I think you Iforgot what you were doing,
whether you were checking theweight or something like that.
(05:00):
But he's like listen, if you'regoing to fucking do this, then
you're going to do this andwe're not going to bitch out and
we're not.
And I was just like sir, Iliterally just did the entire
set, like I finished all threesets completely, but he wasn't
saying anything, like you know,like a coming at me.
It was just kind of like amotivating, like keep going, you
(05:21):
got this, like do it, you know,and I get where he was coming
from.
That's why I was like okay,like you know, it's cool, but
some people and then plus, wehad headphones on and I don't
think we realized how loudly wespeak when we have headphones on
.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
But I had some heads turn like ooh, like he digging
into her and I was like it ain'teven made the decision to be a
power lifter and you're notgoing to bitch out now.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
You're going to push this goddamn weight.
It wasn't even that much weight, it was 170 pounds.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
That's why I was acting like it wasn't even that
much weight, and that's why Iwas looking at you like why are
you acting like this heavy?
Why are you acting like thisheavy?
Well, because it's just a cable.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Also.
Also, you were trying to likepick at me too, because you're
like, but my form wasn't bad.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Your squat form was perfect.
Your squat was really good.
Thank you Now, when it comes tothose leg extensions, I fixed
it.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Okay, I'm going to take a video for my trainer.
I'm not going to be there.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
And I'm going to take it from the trainer.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Okay, and I'm going to send it.
My coach there, I'm going totake it from the trainer, I'm
going to send it to my coach andI'm going to send it to him and
see what he says Now, if he,says the complete opposite of
what you say, which is usuallywhat happens.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Okay, look here.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
You going to listen to your husband or you going to
listen to another man?
Speaker 1 (06:35):
When you got off the leg, did you feel your quads?
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Were they burning?
Speaker 1 (06:47):
I always feel my qu okay, anyway, my week was uh,
yeah, yeah.
I don't even think we ever gotto my week so excited, yeah, so
go ahead finish your week.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Go ahead.
Nothing exciting.
Cliff note version there wasnothing exciting, are you done?
Go ahead, go ahead.
Your behavior is right in linewith today's topic okay go ahead
.
You're pushing me, okay,pushing me guys.
Okay, push another button, I'mgonna pinch you.
(07:13):
Push another button, go ahead,I dare you push it.
Finish your week.
Anywho, my week was good,that's good.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
I enjoyed my week what was good about it?
Speaker 2 (07:25):
I made it through.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
The fact that I wasn't here.
That's what was really goodabout it.
Get to the real.
Get to what's real.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Your week was good.
You want these sister-in-law tobe about you.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
so bad your week was good because I wasn't here, but
I was out there making money foryou.
At that damn job missing you.
I, at that damn job missing you.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
I don't make this money for me.
It's funny because you and yourdaughter come home and say the
same thing.
What?
Did we say she was like.
She came home, she was likeMommy.
I was like, yes, baby, she waslike I just missed you so much
today.
Okay, and I said, I said youdid.
I said about me.
(08:05):
I said what do you miss aboutme?
I just miss your cuddles and Ineeded kisses.
And then you come home, you'relike I just missed you and I'm
like I miss my family too.
No, you didn't miss us.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Y'all see this.
This woman is over herecomplaining about being loved,
not complaining about beingloved.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
I'm okay, that's what she's gonna.
Anywho, I'm not complaining.
I love that my family loves mebecause I absolutely adore and
love and obsess with my family.
Questionable.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Anyway, my week was cool.
Back at the damn job.
It hasn't been too bad.
I do miss my wife.
I miss all the time I got tospend with her.
I miss my daughter some bit, alittle bit.
I miss her a little bit.
She'd be getting on my nerveswith her behavior.
But outside, of that.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
He's a typical kid.
She doesn't do anything out ofthe ordinary but outside of that
he allows his emotions first ofall this is my week.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Outside of that, it's been it's been a pretty good
it's.
Outside of that, it's been apretty good week.
Um, I'm dropping these weights.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
You know I'm back literally dropping them on the
floor.
Are you done?
I'm not, because you messedwith me, so I'm going to mess
with you.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
I am now officially under my pre-baby weight.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Good job.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
And I never got a push gift.
You won't.
Why I never got a push gift?
You won't.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Why would you get a push gift?
What have you pushed?
Speaker 1 (09:32):
I had to push through the situation.
You don't know how hard youwere gripping my hand.
Demille, please shut up.
I'm pretty sure you dislocatedthree fingers.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Please shut up.
First of all, that was sevenyears ago.
I had to go downstairs and andget my fingers.
That was seven years ago.
Okay.
So anyway, like I said, I wishI had a whole kid.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
Anyway, you know great week.
You know I'm making greatprogress with my weight loss.
I'm down over 60 pounds now.
Good job, congratulations, Igot about 15 to go, but now I'm
thinking I might actually golike another 25 so I could bulk
and then cut again, cause I'mtrying to look like that doesn't
make sense.
I'm trying to.
You gotta, you gotta bolt, Igotta gain the weight to cut.
(10:11):
It don't matter, it don'tmatter, I'm just trying to.
I'm trying to look like a, I'mtrying to get a certain look now
.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Like I'm now that I'm close to chasing an aesthetic.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
So the weight now is about.
It's starting to be about thelook.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Okay, so Should be about your health.
It's about the look, but, yes,the look as well.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
And the way my wife been talking about me.
I'm going to have to.
I do not talk about you.
Yeah, you said I ain't got noass, so I got to start doing
something.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Okay, but you've never had an ass, even when you
were 60 pounds heavier.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
I'm not.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
You don't have calves or ass.
It's fine you know what?
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Okay, what we got today.
No, what we're done.
What is the problem?
She's done nothing, but takeshots at me all day, all day,
she told me, my calves is little, my legs is little.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
I did not say anything that neither one of us
have discussed or we know to betrue or factual.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Are you done?
Speaker 2 (11:00):
No, I'm not Okay.
I Are you done?
No, I'm not Okay.
I love my husband and his smallshins and calves.
Okay, okay, okay.
And the?
Speaker 1 (11:08):
way his, the way his quad, the way his quads are
starting to form around aroundhis kneecaps.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
It's, it's making it better.
It looks good.
You come for me every day, allday.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
I'm just happy that I'm no longer a B cup.
I could probably fit an A cupdown.
Actually, I think I can gobrawless.
I think I can go brawless nowwhen have you ever worn a bra?
I'm just saying, my titties areshrinking oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Yeah, I can go brawless now.
When have you?
Speaker 1 (11:47):
ever worn a bra.
I'm just saying my titties areshrinking.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah, I can't Dang.
I mean, pretty soon I'm notgoing to be able to call myself
a big boy.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
It's been a part of your identity for so long.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
I mean, I can still say I'm a big boy.
In other words, see, this iswhat I'm talking about, what we
got today, because I'm because.
Because what we got today, I'mabout to relate to go ahead.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Oh, before we hop into that, I wanted to, um, I
was gonna ask you, like you know, current events, like anything
that's happening, current eventwise with you that you like to
share, like anything newsworthylooking for lawyers what are you
looking for a lawyer for?
Speaker 1 (12:28):
see, see how much I'm gonna lose if I leave not much
because I'm not welcome hereyou're not gonna lose much I'm
not welcome here.
Just half, you can have it halfin the house.
That's it yeah, actually I cansleep in my car.
Hey, I can shower at workbetter you than me.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
I can shower at work in the gym.
That's it.
I can sleep in my car.
Hey, I can shower at work.
Better you than me.
I can shower at work in the gymBetter you than me.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
According to our friend Jennifer, it's not that
bad.
The showers in the gym are notthat bad.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
At least it's not like old school, like 80s open
shower.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
If it was, I'd just be in there day out.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Wouldn't bother me.
Have you ever been to a men'slocker room like I played sports
, like you just are you.
You guys have individualshowers though in your locker
room, right?
Speaker 1 (13:10):
yeah, well in high school.
Just one big ass shower.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
You just out there, dig out yeah, you want your
balls to be clean.
Yeah, no, you're gonna look atit or not?
No, I've been in the stallswhere you have to buy like your
own little curtain, but it'slike the not the full curtain
that goes all the way up, it'sjust like the half curtain.
I did that when I was.
I did that two weeks day.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Oh, we got today.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
So today we're going to be talking about relationship
burnout.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
I'm spent.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Right, right Same.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
I'm spent.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
Same Relationship burnout?
Ok, have Relationship burnout.
Okay, have you experiencedrelationship burnout?
I'm currently experiencing it.
If so, dial the number at thebottom of your screen, ain't?
Speaker 1 (13:54):
no number going to be there.
I don't know why you said thatI'm not putting no number.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
I just feel like saying it.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
I'm going to put your phone number up there.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
Boy, you better not put my damn number up on the
interwebs.
That's going to be terrible foryou.
No, it's not.
Yeah, it is.
You don't answer the phoneanyway.
It's not about me answering thephone, it's the safety and
well-being of your family.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Oh, you get a new number, but apparently you don't
care If I got you a new phonewith a new number.
That would throw your wholelife off.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Oh my gosh, don't do that.
Don't do that.
That's.
That's like using the passwordthat they recommend for you.
That would throw your wholelife off.
No, because you know whatalready through sorry side.
No, guys, we're gonna get intoit, but you know what already
throws me off the fact that youset my phone to um automatically
send any calls that are notpart of my contact to voicemail
(14:45):
yeah so like my sister's friendhad called me because she wanted
to uh leave a message.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Oh, you can't, yeah, so and so she had.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
She ended up texting me and she was like girl, every
time I'm calling is goingstraight to voicemail and I was
like I could have sworn.
I had your number saved but itwasn't saved.
So every call that I get itgoes straight.
If you're not in my contacts,it goes straight to voicemail I
don't know how you set that up,but you did.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
You're welcome because that's how I live my
life.
It is it is suffering.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
You better leave a message because the only people
that's getting through are thepeople I know, and if you're not
a person, I know that it mustnot be important.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
You see how I do it.
If you, if you have my numberand you're supposed to have it,
you're saved.
Okay, if you're not supposed tohave it.
You're not saved, which means Iain't going to get the call
anyway, but let's get into it.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
I think that's a lot, babe.
I think I might have you.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
I think I might have you change that, okay, anyway,
I'm not um.
So relationship burnout this iswhat this episode is about.
Um, as you guys can see, we'vehad burnout in this in this
marriage multiple times.
Um, we typically, we typically,you know, what do you do?
Speaker 2 (15:49):
what do?
Speaker 1 (15:49):
we do.
We go reset.
We typically, you know, shut up.
Y'all see how I do it.
She know that I have a speechimpediment and she make fun of
me all the time, make fun ofthis.
She know that I have a speechimpediment and she make fun of
me all the time, make fun ofthis man.
She know that sometimes it'shard for me to say.
This is how we love on eachother.
She know that sometimes it'shard for me to say things with a
certain P and S.
It's fine.
It's fine it took me you beentrying to get sympathy points so
(16:13):
bad and it took me over 30years to say steak instead of
snake, so don't come for me.
You could have kept that toyourself.
See, see how you been playing.
She supposed to love me.
Y'all see this, I love him.
Okay, this is going to be ashort episode.
Let's go, go ahead, come on, itmight be because I got the
(16:34):
giggles oh.
Lord.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Okay, so relationship burnout.
All right guys.
What is relationship burnout?
I'm sure if you've been in along-term relationship it kind
of goes without explaining, foryou know what I mean.
But for those who may have notbeen in a long-term relationship
, long enough for your partnerto just be draining the life out
(16:56):
of you sometimes it's emotional.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
In a bad way.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
It's emotional exhaustion.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Draining the life out of you in a bad way, not a good
way.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
And feeling drained.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
But if they drain the life out of you in a good way.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Oh my gosh, increased irritability or resentment
toward your partner oh okay.
Feeling disconnected orindifferent toward your partner
Okay.
Or avoiding intimacy or qualitytime okay quick question have
you ever avoided quality timewith?
Speaker 1 (17:24):
me, yes, yes same.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Yes, yeah, I'm thinking about it today.
You're not, I am, you're not Imight just leave no, you won't
leave you with your child no,you won't, because if you leave
me with her, then her and I Iwill just leave, and then that
would defeat your whole Anyway.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Yes, yes.
And so the studies indicatethat 40 percent of individuals
believe that high stress levelsadversely affect their
relationships with their theirrelationships and 34 percent
feel like it impacts theirpartnerships their relationships
and 34% feel like it impactstheir their partnerships.
So meaning, 34% of peoplebelieve that the high stress is
what leads to the relationshipburnout.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
I think that I think that directly relates to the
things in your individual life.
So usually it's things likework, um, kids, it could be.
Kids could be money.
It could be uh, it could bekids could be money.
It could be your social status,it could be just how you're
feeling about yourself ingeneral and you allow that to
(18:26):
affect you so much that youbring it into the relationship
and it's like all that negativeenergy that you're not
processing all the negativeemotion and then you're bringing
it into the relationship.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
And for a lot of people it's pushing off onto
their partner.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
I'm happy you said that.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
I'm happy.
I said that too, because I wasgoing somewhere with it but let
me cut you off, okay, becausethey people should state that
emotion, emotional labordisparity as a reason for
burnout, right, and so Iactually wanted to get your
opinion on something, becausethe concept of mankeeping right
this is what they call it, theconcept of mankeeping.
(19:03):
Right mankeeping, and this iswhat they say it is.
I ain't never heard of this.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
I've never heard of that either.
Please enlighten me.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
But they say mankeeping is where women show
the emotional burdens of theirmale partners and it adds to
their mental load, potentiallyleading to burnout and
resentment.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
So do you believe that you're over here,
mankeeping?
Speaker 2 (19:20):
I don't think I mankeep from that by that
definition.
I don't think that I mankeeplike on a continuous clock, a
continuous basis, but I domankeep.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Okay.
Are you able to mankeep on acontinuous clock at a continuous
basis?
Speaker 2 (19:34):
You know what?
Speaker 1 (19:36):
I'm just trying to see how much I could dump, dump
over here you dump quite a bit,but for me about 20 listen here,
but for me, hold on what so doyou think that you is that valid
?
Do you think that's part from awoman's point of view?
You think that's why they'rethey're just they're being
emotionally overloaded?
Speaker 2 (19:53):
it could be that they're being emotionally over,
but I'm speaking from, like, theaspect of, for instance,
knowing your mood, right.
So I know if I need to come toyou with something, but I'm
already gauging your mood.
It's not going to be theopportune time for me to come to
you with it, because I don'twant to have to deal with your
(20:15):
reaction.
The emotional reaction you'regoing to have to what I'm coming
to you with and therefore nowI'm finding myself like that's a
part of me managing youremotions, because I know at this
point I'm trying to keep himstable.
Or when you're happy, at thispoint I'm trying to keep him
happy, you don't mean off thecliff, huh.
Well, it's not just about that,it's that I just don't want to
(20:35):
deal with it because obviouslyI'm already dealing with
something right.
So, to come to you withsomething else, and I know that
it's going to alter your, yourattitude, further, and that's
going to be something else that,emotionally I have to navigate
through, emotionally have to.
You know, uh, work, work with.
I'm just it's cut the tape justcut the tape.
(20:56):
Okay, just just cut the tape.
You know it, just cut the tape.
You know it's like I'm lookingat you and I'm looking at the
people.
You know what I'm saying.
Yeah, it's like managing youremotions.
I don't.
I don't think that you areaware of how much.
It sounds weird and maybe I'mnot explaining it the right way,
but I don't think youunderstand how much I try to.
(21:19):
Not necessarily maybe manage isnot the appropriate word manage
your emotions, but I guess, like, consider your emotions, if
that makes sense you don't thinkI consider you okay, but see
you what you just did there Iwas, but here's the thing but do
you see what you just?
Did there.
I'm talking to you from myperspective and immediately you
(21:41):
interjected yourself as me, likesaying you don't do something.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
Hold on, let me tell you why I did that.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Because when.
I heard that my spidey sensesaid hold up.
No, you felt attacked.
We did an episode on thisbefore, guys.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
My spidey sense said hold up now, because I feel like
that's that's a two-way streetit is a two-way street, but I'm
just telling you from myperspective.
I will admit that you probablydo a lot more than I do, because
sometimes, especially if I'm ina, if I'm in a mood, well,
because you're always in a moodokay, that's the thing, you're
all okay.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
For example, prime example, guys, I I can see when
my husband's attitude is altered, right, I can see when his
emotional's attitude is alteredright, I can see when his
emotional state is altered,excuse me.
So he says, when I had told himI was like okay, now you're
getting frustrated and you'regetting an attitude.
(22:31):
He's like I don't have anattitude.
I keep telling you I don't havean attitude.
Okay, what are you feelingright now?
I'm just annoyed.
That's an emotion.
The emotion don't have anattitude.
Okay, what are you feelingright now?
I'm just annoyed.
That's an emotion.
The emotion is altering yourattitude.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
Therefore, I'm telling you, you have an
attitude.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
It was not, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to
pick up on it Otherwise Iwouldn't have been able to pick
up on it.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
I'm not going to argue with you in front of these
people.
We're not I'm going to keep thefacade of a happy, healthy
marriage and I don't want peoplenot the facade Jesus.
I don't want people to see yourtrue colors and how I am you
guys should see, if you'relistening, I'm double blinking.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
I was just going to say are you double blinking for
help?
Speaker 1 (23:13):
oh my gosh, how I need help here, because I'm
being held wait how you going todouble blink and then ask for
help.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Hold on.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
So double blink wants to help, I know I know another,
another I think for us, I thinkanother form of burnout or
cause of burnout, I think for uspersonally was major and I
think this is where our burnoutkind of happened or kind of
recurrently happened in ourrelationship.
What?
And it's the work-inducedrelationship strain.
Okay, so, basically Explainit's the burnout from work that
(23:48):
can spill over into yourpersonal life, right.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
Leading to irritability, detachment,
reduced libido and just kind ofoverall strain, right.
So reduce libido and just kindof overall strain, right.
So like when, when work isstressing you out, because we
went through this a lot, causelike when you were out there in
the job market.
Say it like that Okay.
When I was, when I was in thejob market when you were out
there in the working field, whenyou're out there in them work
(24:13):
streets and you was working andyou were, you know, you had your
little manager hat on and youwas, I was very tunneled vision.
You were very, very tunneledvision.
But then when things was goingawry at work and then how you
would come home and work andthen like your life became like
85% work and then so then it waslike the stress from that.
(24:34):
You were always irritable aboutwork.
So when you came home I had tolisten to about work for an hour
, right, and then you, you werea lot of times you were
completely detached to my needs.
Okay, what I wanted, okay, right, and we're not gonna talk about
the libido because all you wantto do is cuss bitches out.
You weren't.
Even that doesn't have anythingto do.
You were.
So they were.
You were just like you knowwhat you were.
(24:56):
So good, work would take somuch out of you that when you
got home all you wanted to dowas sleep, yeah, but I didn't.
But then when you got up, allyou would do was work.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Yeah.
So, it was very tunnel vision.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
Work with your life.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
It wasn't my life, but it took up a large portion
of my life, but it was.
But I mean you knew, but youknew.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
But what I'm saying is that that was a situation in
which I had to you had burnout.
We had burnout and I knew thatthe only way I could get you out
of this rut is I had to takeyou.
I had to go.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
You had to save me, babe.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
I had to go spend time with Vacation Bay.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
You love Vacation Bay .
Speaker 1 (25:35):
That's who I married.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
He's still referring to me.
You guys, Just FYI.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
I married Vacation Bay Work Kynesha.
I wanted to divorce her.
Vacation Bay was what kept ustogether.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
Okay.
Okay, so that time Taking meout of my element.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
Became very, very crucial Right, and that's
something I had to be mindful of, because the stress of work,
the stress of being a new mom,the stress of you know doing a
lot.
You know you were doing a lot.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
I just wasn't on that list where I wanted to be.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
You were on the list I wasn't where I wanted to be.
Okay, that's better put.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
That's what I said had you not been defensive and
listened to me the first time.
I wasn't where I wanted to beRight.
So there's a lot like you said.
So, like I was saying, there'sother cause, there's a lot of
causes that cause a relationshipburnout.
Yes, I feel like work is one ofthose.
Routine and monotony, right,lack of communication, that's
(26:32):
always a big one.
I feel like we did have aperiod where I was not
communicating to you enough orproperly, and that's something
that I had learned and that wassomething I learned to do myself
and I had to takeaccountability for that.
I said, Lord Jesus, I can't bemad at the woman if I ain't
telling her.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Yeah, Because I was just like the more you can keep
to yourself, the better.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
You know what?
Speaker 2 (26:58):
That's the cycle we were in and that was the cycle
and for me personally.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
I think my number one cause of burnout is the
overcommitment.
I think oftentimes I overcommitand under deliver and then when
I get into it I'm like damn, Idon't want to do all this.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
And what do I always tell you?
Don't overcommit.
I always tell him the one thingyou cannot do.
I'm not even going to say justme, I'm going to say for women
in general I'm going to go aheadand speak for women in general.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Please don't.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
One of the worst things you can do as a partner,
especially as a man, isovercommit and underdeliver.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
I always put it down.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
When it comes to your wife, always put it down Point
blank and period.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
Look here.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Don't tell me all of the things.
Don't tell me, oh, I'm planningthis, I'm doing this.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
And that's why I just stopped telling you everything
and you don't deliver.
That's why.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
That's why it is the worst.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Okay, and that's like okay, we're doing it today, I'm
letting her today.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
now, that way, I can't, I can't mess it up I'm
gonna let her know today becauseI know like I'm already on
track to get it done today seemy personality people is.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
I might have a really good tuesday and I'm like man.
I'm right you be feeling it I'mriding a high and I'm like, hey
, babe, on friday or saturday wedoing this, this, this, this
did this, and then I have areally bad thursday and'm like
man.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
F, Friday and Saturday.
I don't want to do thatDiabolical.
That Thursday affects theweekend.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
That's why I'm saying like you know, my vibe has to
be consistent, for me to keepgoing, even when it gets like
like you said, like you saidbefore, like if something angers
me and I can't get over it, I'mnot fun to be around because
I'm going to harp on whatangered me and then now you're
leaving me to manage thatbecause you ain't got to manage
(28:43):
it.
You're choosing to manage it.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
No, but I have to because, especially, we have a
child.
So when you are in thatheadspace and you have your
attitude going on, she can comeover and be as innocent as
possible or tell you that shewants to spend time with you,
tell you that she misses you, orwhatever, and you're snappy.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
And then when you get hold on, and then when you get,
when you get snappy, or when Ican see the irritation.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Not like snappy, like you yelling at her but, I can
see like the irritation andclean that up.
I can see the irritation thatyou're having because maybe you
just want to have a moment toyourself, or maybe because yeah,
or anything like that.
Now it's like I have to come inwith the softer angle and be
like babe, okay, how about youand mommy do something, because
(29:28):
you know daddy's a little tiredand you know, then I'm kind of
catering to you like babe, yougood, you need anything like
that's the, that's theemotionally like the emotional
handling, that's the, that'swhere that comes from.
That can be emotional, but thatcan be emotionally fatiguing.
Oh, okay, so that's that's apart of relationship, and I do
it because I love you, but it'salso that's the man keeping
(29:50):
that's the man keeping.
That's the man keeping right.
So you know.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
But it is important to address the stressors, both
absolutely, both externally, andinternal stressors you have to
address now.
I will say shout out to mytherapist, dr williams.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
Y'all shout out to dr williams y'all can't, y'all
can't have her um.
She has other clients um.
She doesn't really like them.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
Um, she has helped me , or guided me through this
process of addressing myinternal things.
Right, because for me theinternal things greatly affect
the external thing Absolutely.
So I have to.
I've learned to process mythoughts and emotions internally
(30:35):
first.
Like, honestly, this week atwork was a good test, because
there was a couple of timeswhere I just wanted to go off on
people, but I was like you said, three, two, one, one, two
three, no, no.
In my mind, I said bitch, andthen I just walked away.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
With a long one Bitch .
Speaker 1 (30:52):
You said that, though you said that, I looked her
right in the eye and in my mindI said right, so that you have
to address these things, andthat's part of communicating,
because sometimes you got tocommunicate with yourself.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
Yeah, absolutely, sometimes you got it and you
used to call me crazy fortalking to myself.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
You talk to yourself out loud.
That's the crazy part.
You're talking to yourself outloud, Shut up baby, you talk to
yourself out loud.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
Now, that's different .
Speaker 1 (31:20):
You're having a full-on conversation, like
you're talking to two differentpeople.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
But I don't answer my own questions.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
Like you were talking to Dennis and Victoria at the
same time.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
Okay, they probably didn't even catch that.
They probably didn't even catchthat, but let me ask you this.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
So what are some ways to prevent and overcome burnout
?
Some ways to prevent andovercome burnout.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Well, like we always say, I mean it's a relationship,
marriage.
Podcast communication Okay,Communication's always going to
be.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
But what about?
I want to talk to you.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
Then you need to take some time, talk to your
therapist, get yourself straightand then come talk to me, okay,
because you can't avoidcommunication.
If you're going to try to avoidcommunication in your
relationship, please break up.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
Okay, look here, I was just joking.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
That's odd.
I love talking to you.
That's odd.
Unless y'all can be on the samepage, that both of y'all just
don't like to talk and y'allhave a quiet relationship.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Sometimes you tell me to shut up.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
That's interesting.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
No, we're not gonna have a quiet relationship.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
I got some shit to say.
We should test it for like 24hours.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
We can have a silent moment.
We're not going to have asilent relationship.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
We should have like a silent 24 hours.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
No, we're not doing that.
Another way to prevent andovercome burnout, like I was
mentioning earlier, is toreconnect intentionally.
Now this is where I shine,because I want to reconnect.
You know you want to have thedate nights.
You want to break the routine.
You want to go out.
You know you want to have the.
You want to have the datenights.
You want to break the routine.
You want to go out and dosomething fun together.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
We talked about that a little bit last week too,
about the routine and howroutines can be a little bit
mundane.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
You got to break it up every now and then, guys, you
got to go out there, you got togo out there and court.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
Right, somebody on the stroll and he just pulled up
.
Okay, first of all, don't dothat.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
Don't do that.
What Real quick Don't do thatBecause if I, if I pull up and
I'm gonna ask you how much towin an argument.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
I love their video.
I can't remember their name,but that video is priceless.
How much to win an argument?
A hundred bucks, all right, getin so.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
I love it.
It is important, yeah, becauseyou have to experience each
other out of the normalexperience.
Okay, you know what I'm saying,outside of mom and dad, outside
of your roles you play in thehouse, just to go outside and
just have the conversation anddo the things you would do
before the burdens of life wason top of you.
(33:34):
Yeah, you know what.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
I'm saying, but I think to the self-care
boundaries Okay, right, rightokay like my gym so that's what
I was gonna say.
So okay, for instance I'll usethis as an example the gym right
, we both we both haveprioritized the gym, the gym
(33:56):
right and it's like, even thoughwe have things that we have to
do together, like like ashusband and wife or as parents,
and we got to get certain thingsdone, we both have set a
boundary that, regardless ofwhat you're going through, what
you say, I still have to getthis done for myself.
I'm going to the gym you knowwhat I mean Like when you need
(34:25):
to take your walks.
It's like, hey, can we manageto where you get back at one
o'clock so I can try to take mywalk by two o'clock.
And then I'm like okay, let metry to make sure I get to the
gym on time for myself so thatyou can have your turn right.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
I always say I said I don't want to walk in the dark,
but I will right, like, like Idid, I didn't want to work out
at 9 pm last night, but I did.
That was your fault.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
You had a job well, I worked yesterday and, oh gosh,
I forgot, that's what I forgotto say in how my day went
earlier today.
But it's neither here nor there.
Um, but yes, but I the.
The point is is that that was apriority and I know that I, I
think I it's safe to say priorto us making this a priority.
It when it being late, andespecially if it was like a
(35:01):
night you had to work orsomething you probably would
have been like, can, like, canyou come home or can you just do
it tomorrow?
Speaker 1 (35:06):
because we have regardless.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
I mean now yes, that's what I'm saying, but I'm
talking about, like prior, youprobably been like it's late and
I don't want you out there lateand you don't need to be.
You know what I mean.
But now it's that we both haveset that as like a boundary.
You know what I mean.
Like, just so you know.
But regardless, I'm gonna dothis for me, because this is
where I am right now and this iswhat I've said as a priority.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
I'm gonna say this, but I I do attempt to go in
times where it doesn't reallynecessarily affect you, so like
I'll get up early, even when I'moff to go to the gym, so that
it doesn't really affect what wehave going on for the week.
Well, that's just you carvingout the time, though, for
yourself, and that's the wholepoint, the self-care, because I
think a lot of people are likeit's diabolical that you're
getting up at four o'clock to goto the gym.
Well, it's important to me.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
And, honestly, like I enjoy it.
It's one of my happy placeuntil I look across the room and
I see the same lady on thegoddamn adductor machine for 20
minutes looking at her damnphone.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
Yeah, that's frustrating, but um, so yeah,
the self-care boundaries, uh,balancing your togetherness
while balancing your individual,your personal space, your
personal space, and we've we'vetalked about that before Like it
is so important for you to havean individual kind of
personality, even if you're in amarriage like listen, I love my
(36:24):
husband, I love this man.
We'll go to the ends of theearth for this man, but I also
enjoy my time to myself sheenjoys, I enjoy a nice cup of
hot tea on the couch.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
Say the real.
She enjoys a nice bowl, a niceacai bowl, and parked at the
back of Michael's when she can'tbe bothered.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
First of all, I park in the back of Jerome's, not
Michael's.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
Like a common streetwalker.
Speaker 2 (36:57):
I park in the back of Jerome's where they make the
deliveries, and it's under atree where I'm still seen.
But I also have time to sitthere and watch my movie and eat
my acai bowl.
Okay.
Speaker 1 (37:08):
These are the things I like to do by myself, okay, so
self-care and boundaries areare important, and we've done a
good job at establishing thosein our marriage.
Another thing is you is to tryto seek new experiences, right
Again, getting out of theroutine.
Try to do something new, eitherby yourself or even with your
partner.
Try to have new experiences,because even if you do something
(37:28):
new without your partner now,you come back to them with
something else to talk about.
And then here's the thing wehave a new subject matter.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
I get excited when I literally do, and I'm not just
saying this for like word candy.
I get excited when you haveexperienced something that has
made you excited and when youcome back to me and you're
talking about it and you're like, babe, oh my gosh, like the
like the other day, I know when,like when you came to me and
you're like, oh, you've been ATVwriting before, but it's been a
(37:56):
while.
So I know, like you going ATVwriting with your friend, and
then the stories that I'll hearwhen you come back and I'm just
like like that brings me joy,but I don't want you to do the
ATV riding, but it brings me joyto see the excitement.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
I made a couple of bins.
Speaker 2 (38:09):
What.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
I made the bin.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
Okay, but it just makes me excited when you're
having new experiences or you'vedone something that you haven't
done in a long time and youcome back to me with such
excitement to tell me about it.
I get excited too, because Ienjoy seeing you light up, I
enjoy seeing your smile, I enjoyseeing you in a happy type of
(38:31):
attitude.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
You know what I'm saying, so I think that's really
important I can I canreciprocate that like, but to
you like, you don't really goout there and do new things.
I don't know you, but but whatyou do is you go, you go to your
same I do the things that makeme happy you go to your same
spot and you're like babe, I wasin sephora today and I've been,
I've been really wanting to trythis, I've been really wanting
(38:55):
to try and they just and theyjust happen to have my or you'd
be like, I walked in, babe, theyonly had one left.
So you know I had to get it.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
I had to get it.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
It was meant to be.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
And I'd be like she really excited about whatever
this one item is.
I remember that one time yougot excited I think it was for
like you wanted to try out likethis lip balm or something it.
But it was for like you wantedto try out like this lip balm or
something it's a lip balm.
I don't know what it is, I don'tknow all the technical stuff,
but you have been looking for itfor so long.
When you finally found it, youwere so excited and then you
(39:27):
were like, well, and then youtried it and you actually liked
it.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
And you're like well, I got to use this apparently
because I don't know if I'mgoing to be coming back in stock
.
So once you make your firstpurchase, and then that's when
you get into the headspace ofwhy I should just buy three, you
see, I bought four Greekyogurts last time.
I'm playing with these peoplebuying all of them yogurts he
went to Target and he was likethey only have four left, so I
(39:53):
bought them all.
I'm not playing these games.
I don't know when they're goingto restock.
I'm not playing these gameswith these people.
I bought them all, so we havelike a refrigerator full of
yogurt.
I'm not playing with thesepeople Because you just never
know, because how fast we go.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
I would go do it right.
And finally, I mean, if youtried all these things and
nothing seemed to work, then youknow, charla, maybe a little
counseling, a little therapymight help you.
I don't think we've ever got tothe part where we need a
therapy.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
I think, I think therapy.
Here's the thing.
I think therapy is also goodfor maintenance.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
Explain, I think, elaborate, I think it's always
it could be a good idea to havean objective opinion or an
objective say about um somethingyou may an unbiased opinion
about something.
it may not even be somethingmajor in your relationship, but
(40:46):
if it's like, maybe, adisagreement that you guys
continuously have over and over,okay right, and it's like it's
something you just you can't getpast, it's not like a deal
breaker, it's not got you guysin a bad mood all the time, but
it's something that youconstantly keep coming back to,
I would say it's not such a badidea to go to therapy and get
you know an unbiased point ofview about how to look at a
(41:10):
certain situation.
Because, again, going back tocommunication, nine times out of
10, it's the way something'sbeing communicated and the way
something's being understood.
Nine times out of 10, it's theway something's being
communicated and it's the waysomething's being understood and
having somebody on the outsidebeing able to pull that out of
both and say this is what'shappening, this is what they
mean.
This is what, yeah, and this isthe experience the other
(41:31):
person's happening having.
And then you know, this is whatI'm telling you guys as a
professional.
Speaker 1 (41:43):
This is how we can work through something like this
because it's not as big as youguys make it seem to me.
There's just a breakdownsomewhere and it's.
We're going to build it backtogether, okay, I mean I, I
agree to some point, okay.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
What's the point in which you don't agree?
I mean it can't.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
It's very expensive for maintenance.
I mean I'm not going to havesessions.
We ain't got nothing going on,you know, but it's very
expensive for.
I will say that one-on-onetherapy we're going to just go
on to see a therapist foryourself.
Yes, it's very, very beneficialIf you're being honest with
yourself in your therapy.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
I was going.
Speaker 1 (42:11):
I was just about to say that in there, trying to
make yourself look good tryingto make yourself look good, so
you can be like, so you can havesomebody just back on your side
, so you can have somebody justback up what you feel, then no,
if you're not going to therapyto take accountability, then
you're really just wasting yourtime.
Speaker 2 (42:26):
I mean, and if you have a good therapist, they will
know the difference.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
Yeah, but some people just want the check.
That's true, because I wouldWow, maurice, you're right.
She is wrong for you, wrong foryou Pay me all my money.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
Pay the receptionist on your way out.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (42:42):
Actually you were supposed to pay her on your way
in.
We don't take.
Look, we don't do partialpayments anymore.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
We don't do payment plans and we don't take
insurance.
Speaker 2 (42:53):
This will be a cash-only session today, as soon
as they walk into my office,just your friendly reminder that
this is a cash-only sessiontoday.
I can write you a receipt ifyou need, but I will need cash
and I do not have change.
Don't forget to throw that in.
Speaker 1 (43:10):
So let's recap.
What are some?
What are the?
They're going to take away fivethings, three to five things.
What we say, what do you wantthem to take away?
Speaker 2 (43:18):
I would say break up the routine.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
I would say find a better way to communicate, if
you're not already doing so, andI would say have a lot of sex.
Speaker 1 (43:34):
I triple on that last one.
Speaker 2 (43:38):
You also will be surprised how many issues you
can get past very quickly, justby having some intimate moments,
some physical intimate moments,some genuine physical down and
okay, I'm getting a little.
Speaker 1 (43:55):
Yeah, you're getting out there.
Um, I always say and my wifeknows that I am a lot more
agreeable the morning after youput it get a lot more out of you
if you put it on me you want todo it today?
Yeah, sure, that's fine.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
Yeah, we can do that, no problem, you'd be like babe,
whatever you want, it'swhatever you want.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
I had this plan, but I can cancel it.
Speaker 2 (44:17):
You know, you, you did a great job or you wake up
and you be like hey, babe, whatdo you need today?
What do you need today?
What do you want?
I'm telling you, what do you?
Speaker 1 (44:25):
want and I'll be like hmm, I don't know when you put
it on me it motivates me to be abetter husband.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
You'd be surprised.
You know the physical intimacybringing each other together.
I'm not saying it's just goingto blanket or mask whatever the
issue could be, but as far aslike what we're talking about
today, as far as like theburnout and stuff because we
know what starts to suffer andwhat starts getting left behind
is the intimacy right.
When all these attitudes isflying and people ain't feeling
(44:59):
each other and you emotionallyoverloaded and all that, the
last thing you want to do is becoddled up with somebody or have
somebody rubbing and touchingon you.
But I'm telling you, if you cango ahead and get past that
little hump right and we canjust be like you know what,
let's just come together forthis.
It'll even make theconversations a little bit
easier to bear about what it isthat's bothering and then
(45:21):
sometimes it's just a littleaggression is needed to get out
the aggression.
Speaker 1 (45:24):
You know what I mean.
Oh my gosh.
Okay, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (45:26):
I don't, I don't, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
Sometimes you gotta, just you know yeah, sometimes
you just gotta what?
Yeah, you know, I don't never Iain't, we ain't never had a
problem.
A couple backstrokes couldn'tfix.
I.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
I'm not, I don't, I don't really have, I don't
really have anything to sayabout that actually, so you
ain't gotta say it, it's alreadybeen said, okay, it's already
been said.
Alright, good discussion, babe,it was cool, it was good
actually.
So you ain't gotta say it'salready been said.
Okay, it's already been said.
All right, good discussion,babe, it was cool, it was good,
it was cool.
All right, guys, heading oninto our next segment of our two
(46:11):
cents, our two cents.
Okay, this is what I've got foryou today, babe.
Am I the asshole for leaving mydate at the bar after she
insulted my kids?
Okay, about a month ago, I meta girl We'll call her Hope At
this gaming group, hope or HoHope, oh, wow, hope.
(46:32):
At this gaming group I attend.
Okay, we're just in the talkingstage now, but I like her a lot
.
Something to know about me isthat I am divorced and I have
two daughters, five and three,and I split custody with my
ex-wife.
I have the kids every otherweekend and on Wednesdays and
Thursdays.
I guess Hope didn't know that Ihad kids, though she 100% knew
(46:53):
that I was divorced.
She and me were going to a pub,trivia last Sunday and I just
dropped the girls off at my ex'splace.
I said something about it whilewe were ordering drinks and
hope acted offended.
She said that she didn't likekids and she didn't want kids
and never wanted to hear or seemy kids.
(47:14):
That's okay with me, noteverybody likes kids.
But then she started gettingvery vulgar and calling them
things like crotch goblings andsex fruits and stuff like that.
I nicely told her to stop orthat I would leave, but she just
kept going on and on and on.
I told her that I was ready togo and I canceled my drink and I
(47:35):
went home.
We haven't talked since andit's been almost a week.
Am I the asshole for leavinghope at the pub when she called
my kids crotch goblings?
Not at all, not at all, not atall.
Speaker 1 (47:47):
She she crossed the line that you wasn't willing to
let her cross, and you did theright thing.
You didn't.
You didn't cuss her out, youdidn't call out her name, you
didn't.
You didn't, uh, advance aaggressive situation in any way,
shape or form you.
You simply just removedyourself from the conversation
yeah now I will say this I as a,as a, as a parent, I I do call
(48:08):
children many things, but I havethat right because I'm a parent
oh, is that what it is ifyou're not a parent, you can't
say things like f them kidscrotch gobbling cross gobbling
sex fruit that's the one thatthrew me off Sex Fruit.
Speaker 2 (48:20):
Well, you know, I've never heard that.
Speaker 1 (48:22):
You know all of our baristas at Starbucks know our
child as the Gremlin.
Oh, yes, because I call her theGremlin.
Yeah, yeah, she's at home withthe Gremlin, you know, because
she's sweet until she gets herhair wet and she's cute.
Speaker 2 (48:36):
That's why I call her the gremlin she's sweet until
she that girl do not likegetting their hair done, so
until she and when her hair getwet.
And when her hair get wet, it'sover that's why I call you.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
Never, you just picked up.
That's why I call her thegremlin, so I can say these
things I have child yeah becauseI say it in a joking matter
right, obviously I love my child.
Right, but for her to be thisdisgusted First of all, sir, you
should have when she said thatshe didn't want kids and she
didn't want to see your kids orlike kids.
Speaker 2 (49:04):
why are we entertaining her?
Speaker 1 (49:05):
At this point you should know that she's not for
you, because you're not.
Speaker 2 (49:08):
The relationship's going nowhere Because if you're
willing to abandon your kids forthis brawl.
You're just as bad as she is.
Well, he's not because he left.
He left, but I think okay.
So she knew that he wasdivorced.
I would think the next questionwould be do you have kids?
Right?
Like she should have known thathe had kids prior to the date,
right?
Or he should have mentionedthat he had kids prior to the
(49:30):
date, especially when she 100knew that he was already
divorced.
Right, chances are that there'ssome children involved, right?
But I do not think that you'rethe asshole for basically
leaving Hope out there on HopeStreet.
Speaker 1 (49:43):
Hope better Hope she got some luck.
Speaker 2 (49:44):
Because I would any person that speaks that way
about children, whether theyhave children or not.
I wouldn't want them around mychildren at all.
Speaker 1 (49:52):
Let me ask you this Do you think Hope is salty?
Speaker 2 (49:53):
because she can't want kids?
The point is, is that the wayshe speaks about children, it's
not right.
It's not right.
It makes me uneasy, andespecially when you are a parent
and you have someone speakinglike that about kids, or
speaking that way about yourchildren, it's like red flag red
flag Like you will never bearound them, but she's already
made it clear that she don'twant to hear them, she don't
(50:21):
want to be around them she ain'ttrying to do drop off like
nothing.
Hope said listen, I got kids, Iain't trying to drop off, listen
.
She said them kids, them kids.
Speaker 1 (50:25):
You got over there, keep them kids over but she also
struck me as a type of personwhere she probably feels this
way, but if she had a kid she'dbe due to 180.
You know, you know some peopledo that people do.
Oh, I thought you like it, yeah, but my kid is different.
No, it's not.
It's just like well, like yourlittle ball of snot.
Speaker 2 (50:38):
It's not different like people who say um, just
because I have kids, don't be,don't mistake that for me liking
.
I don't, I don't like kids, Ilike my kid there.
That's what people say.
Speaker 1 (50:48):
I like my there's a small group of kids that I like.
I'm not gonna list their namesbecause I don't want nobody to
be hurt, but I do have a list Idon't want to hurt.
Speaker 2 (50:58):
No feelings I don't want to hurt no feelings.
Speaker 1 (50:59):
I don't want to hurt no feelings, but there is a list
, mm-hmm, and I mean, if I'mbeing honest with y'all,
sometimes my kid get her nametaken off, oh gosh.
Okay, I'm just keeping upbecause this list is revolving.
Speaker 2 (51:12):
So you can come on, you can go off, you can come on,
you can go off, but if I takeyou off more than twice, then
you're on probation.
Speaker 1 (51:18):
Now you got to go to Now.
Speaker 2 (51:19):
I just got to reconsider.
Even knowing you, you're onprobation.
Speaker 1 (51:22):
Now I got to go to the review board.
Now I got to talk to yourparents to see what they're
doing at home, Because sometimesit ain't the kids' fault, it's
the parents' fault, and you knowso by Maurice.
Speaker 2 (51:31):
Okay, all right, guys .
This has been another episodeof the Life After I Do podcast.
Don't forget to like and followus on our social media
platforms and Instagram,facebook, youtube.
Speaker 1 (51:50):
TikTok, we do not have an OnlyPans.
Speaker 2 (51:52):
You can also write into the podcast at
lifeafteridopodcast at gmailcom.
We would love to hear from youguys and if you have not already
joined the party, that is thecomment section on TikTok.
Speaker 1 (52:06):
You're missing it.
Speaker 2 (52:07):
You're missing it Because our comments it'd be a
straight party up in there, okay.
So head on over to TikTok, headon over to YouTube, head on
over to Insta and Facebook.
Give us a follow and share,guys.
Speaker 1 (52:19):
We appreciate the love on TikTok.
We appreciate the love.
Can y'all show us some love onYouTube and Instagram as well?
Tiktok be lit though weappreciate y'all.
Speaker 2 (52:28):
We appreciate you guys and, as you know, every
Wednesday it's going to be a newepisode, so we will check in
with you guys next week.
Speaker 1 (52:35):
Until next time go birds.
Speaker 2 (52:37):
Peace booskies, Go birds.
I always say and my wife knows that I am a lot more
agreeable the morning after.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
We can get a lot more out of you If you put it on me
you want to do it today?
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Yeah, sure, that's fine.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Yeah, we can do that, no problem.
You can be like babe, whateveryou want, it's whatever you want
.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
I had this plan, but I can cancel it.
You know, you did a great joblast night or cancel it you know
, you did a great job last night, or you wake up and you'd be
like hey, babe, what do you needtoday?
Speaker 2 (00:27):
What do you want?
I'm telling you what do youwant.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
And I'd be like I don't know when you put it on me
.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
It motivates me to be a better husband hey everybody
(00:54):
and welcome back to anotherepisode of life after I do
podcasts with nisha gmo lethal.
It is wednesday again.
If you have made it to anotherWednesday, bless you.
So excited, so excited, soexcited.
(01:15):
I heard something on TikTok.
It was a creator I forget hisname, but he's a pretty big
creator on TikTok too and hesaid he was talking to his
friend and he asked his friendlike how's your day, or whatever
, and his friend was like oh,it's a great day.
He was like every day is agreat day and he looked at his
friend.
He was like every day is not agreat day and he was like no try
(01:36):
missing one.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
And he was like that, just put everything into
perspective for me.
He said every day is not agreat day.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Try missing one.
Don't miss the day.
Just miss work.
No, just try, no, just misswork.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Don't miss the day.
Yeah, no, but you know what themessage was in it.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
I know Like yeah, he was like you can try missing one
and see how that works out foryou.
So I was like, yeah, that'spretty good.
So if you made it back hereagain and you woke up this
morning and you're listening toour podcast and you've decided
to join us today, you areblessed and today is a great day
.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
have the day you deserve well, let me switch
places with bill gates, uh hey,booskies, I wouldn't want this,
I just want the money hey,booskies hey how's it going it?
Going, it's going.
How's your week?
Speaker 2 (02:25):
My week is no one really.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
We don't really want like a 15-minute week with crap
because you seem to always belong-winded.
We need the cliff notes becausepeople come here for the meat
and potatoes.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
What's the meat and potatoes?
The?
Speaker 1 (02:38):
episode.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
My week is part of the episode.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
No, your week is the appetizer.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
And sometimes it don't be a lot of people like
are you trying to say my lifeisn't interesting?
Sometimes that's a low blowcoming from somebody like you
first of all, I don't want aninteresting life, uh you don't.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
No, that's sad I like that is sad routine um, that
don't mean it can't beinteresting.
I mean I have you.
It's always interesting.
I'm just saying we want thecliff notes because you know,
you know I've been told you liketo ramble and by I told myself
that wow, I just feel like.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
I just feel like you're just a hater of me,
that's all you're my biggestsupporter, but you're also my
biggest hater I like to keep meon my toes like I have to keep
you humble yeah, like okay.
So, for instance, the way youspoke to me last night in the
gym although I can understandyou were being motivating and
you were like trying to push meno, I had to talk to get to,
like you know, to really pushthrough my set, I get it.
(03:41):
But so you know, I had some,some heads turned like oh, I had
to talk to you.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
He's laying in on her I had to because you were
saying that you acting like alittle weak b first of all, I
was not acting like a week and Isaid what you're not gonna do
in this house.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
When you carry this last name, you're gonna push and
I did push we don't, we don'tquit I didn't quit, so I didn't
tell you's what I had to tellyou so anyway tell the people
what I said.
I was on the leg extensionmachine and I was doing my leg
extensions.
What was it?
Speaker 1 (04:14):
170 or something like that, whatever he was
sandbagging it he says I wassandbagging it.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
But whatever, I don't even think he can do 170 in leg
extensions.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
I can.
I did 12 today.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Okay, we're gonna put that to a.
I don't even think he can do170 in leg extensions.
I can.
I did 12 today.
Okay, we're going to put thatto a video, because last time we
had this conversation and Itold you that I was leg
extending 170, like full sets,you were like get back to the
story.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Anyway, I was doing my leg extensions.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
My husband was like my filling coach last night.
So last night I had a squat day, so everything that surrounded
my squats.
So he was like my filling coach, my motivator, last night.
And after my first or secondset on doing the leg extensions,
he was like I think you Iforgot what you were doing,
whether you were checking theweight or something like that.
(05:00):
But he's like listen, if you'regoing to fucking do this, then
you're going to do this andwe're not going to bitch out and
we're not.
And I was just like sir, Iliterally just did the entire
set, like I finished all threesets completely, but he wasn't
saying anything, like you know,like a coming at me.
It was just kind of like amotivating, like keep going, you
(05:21):
got this, like do it, you know,and I get where he was coming
from.
That's why I was like okay,like you know, it's cool, but
some people and then plus, wehad headphones on and I don't
think we realized how loudly wespeak when we have headphones on
.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
But I had some heads turn like ooh, like he digging
into her and I was like it ain'teven made the decision to be a
power lifter and you're notgoing to bitch out now.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
You're going to push this goddamn weight.
It wasn't even that much weight, it was 170 pounds.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
That's why I was acting like it wasn't even that
much weight, and that's why Iwas looking at you like why are
you acting like this heavy?
Why are you acting like thisheavy?
Well, because it's just a cable.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Also.
Also, you were trying to likepick at me too, because you're
like, but my form wasn't bad.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Your squat form was perfect.
Your squat was really good.
Thank you Now, when it comes tothose leg extensions, I fixed
it.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Okay, I'm going to take a video for my trainer.
I'm not going to be there.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
And I'm going to take it from the trainer.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Okay, and I'm going to send it.
My coach there, I'm going totake it from the trainer, I'm
going to send it to my coach andI'm going to send it to him and
see what he says Now, if he,says the complete opposite of
what you say, which is usuallywhat happens.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Okay, look here.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
You going to listen to your husband or you going to
listen to another man?
Speaker 1 (06:35):
When you got off the leg, did you feel your quads?
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Were they burning?
Speaker 1 (06:47):
I always feel my qu okay, anyway, my week was uh,
yeah, yeah.
I don't even think we ever gotto my week so excited, yeah, so
go ahead finish your week.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Go ahead.
Nothing exciting.
Cliff note version there wasnothing exciting, are you done?
Go ahead, go ahead.
Your behavior is right in linewith today's topic okay go ahead
.
You're pushing me, okay,pushing me guys.
Okay, push another button, I'mgonna pinch you.
(07:13):
Push another button, go ahead,I dare you push it.
Finish your week.
Anywho, my week was good,that's good.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
I enjoyed my week what was good about it?
Speaker 2 (07:25):
I made it through.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
The fact that I wasn't here.
That's what was really goodabout it.
Get to the real.
Get to what's real.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Your week was good.
You want these sister-in-law tobe about you.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
so bad your week was good because I wasn't here, but
I was out there making money foryou.
At that damn job missing you.
I, at that damn job missing you.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
I don't make this money for me.
It's funny because you and yourdaughter come home and say the
same thing.
What?
Did we say she was like.
She came home, she was likeMommy.
I was like, yes, baby, she waslike I just missed you so much
today.
Okay, and I said, I said youdid.
I said about me.
(08:05):
I said what do you miss aboutme?
I just miss your cuddles and Ineeded kisses.
And then you come home, you'relike I just missed you and I'm
like I miss my family too.
No, you didn't miss us.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Y'all see this.
This woman is over herecomplaining about being loved,
not complaining about beingloved.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
I'm okay, that's what she's gonna.
Anywho, I'm not complaining.
I love that my family loves mebecause I absolutely adore and
love and obsess with my family.
Questionable.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Anyway, my week was cool.
Back at the damn job.
It hasn't been too bad.
I do miss my wife.
I miss all the time I got tospend with her.
I miss my daughter some bit, alittle bit.
I miss her a little bit.
She'd be getting on my nerveswith her behavior.
But outside, of that.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
He's a typical kid.
She doesn't do anything out ofthe ordinary but outside of that
he allows his emotions first ofall this is my week.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Outside of that, it's been it's been a pretty good
it's.
Outside of that, it's been apretty good week.
Um, I'm dropping these weights.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
You know I'm back literally dropping them on the
floor.
Are you done?
I'm not, because you messedwith me, so I'm going to mess
with you.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
I am now officially under my pre-baby weight.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Good job.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
And I never got a push gift.
You won't.
Why I never got a push gift?
You won't.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Why would you get a push gift?
What have you pushed?
Speaker 1 (09:32):
I had to push through the situation.
You don't know how hard youwere gripping my hand.
Demille, please shut up.
I'm pretty sure you dislocatedthree fingers.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Please shut up.
First of all, that was sevenyears ago.
I had to go downstairs and andget my fingers.
That was seven years ago.
Okay.
So anyway, like I said, I wishI had a whole kid.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
Anyway, you know great week.
You know I'm making greatprogress with my weight loss.
I'm down over 60 pounds now.
Good job, congratulations, Igot about 15 to go, but now I'm
thinking I might actually golike another 25 so I could bulk
and then cut again, cause I'mtrying to look like that doesn't
make sense.
I'm trying to.
You gotta, you gotta bolt, Igotta gain the weight to cut.
(10:11):
It don't matter, it don'tmatter, I'm just trying to.
I'm trying to look like a, I'mtrying to get a certain look now
.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Like I'm now that I'm close to chasing an aesthetic.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
So the weight now is about.
It's starting to be about thelook.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Okay, so Should be about your health.
It's about the look, but, yes,the look as well.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
And the way my wife been talking about me.
I'm going to have to.
I do not talk about you.
Yeah, you said I ain't got noass, so I got to start doing
something.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Okay, but you've never had an ass, even when you
were 60 pounds heavier.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
I'm not.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
You don't have calves or ass.
It's fine you know what?
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Okay, what we got today.
No, what we're done.
What is the problem?
She's done nothing, but takeshots at me all day, all day,
she told me, my calves is little, my legs is little.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
I did not say anything that neither one of us
have discussed or we know to betrue or factual.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Are you done?
Speaker 2 (11:00):
No, I'm not Okay.
I Are you done?
No, I'm not Okay.
I love my husband and his smallshins and calves.
Okay, okay, okay.
And the?
Speaker 1 (11:08):
way his, the way his quad, the way his quads are
starting to form around aroundhis kneecaps.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
It's, it's making it better.
It looks good.
You come for me every day, allday.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
I'm just happy that I'm no longer a B cup.
I could probably fit an A cupdown.
Actually, I think I can gobrawless.
I think I can go brawless nowwhen have you ever worn a bra?
I'm just saying, my titties areshrinking oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Yeah, I can go brawless now.
When have you?
Speaker 1 (11:47):
ever worn a bra.
I'm just saying my titties areshrinking.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah, I can't Dang.
I mean, pretty soon I'm notgoing to be able to call myself
a big boy.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
It's been a part of your identity for so long.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
I mean, I can still say I'm a big boy.
In other words, see, this iswhat I'm talking about, what we
got today, because I'm because.
Because what we got today, I'mabout to relate to go ahead.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Oh, before we hop into that, I wanted to, um, I
was gonna ask you, like you know, current events, like anything
that's happening, current eventwise with you that you like to
share, like anything newsworthylooking for lawyers what are you
looking for a lawyer for?
Speaker 1 (12:28):
see, see how much I'm gonna lose if I leave not much
because I'm not welcome hereyou're not gonna lose much I'm
not welcome here.
Just half, you can have it halfin the house.
That's it yeah, actually I cansleep in my car.
Hey, I can shower at workbetter you than me.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
I can shower at work in the gym.
That's it.
I can sleep in my car.
Hey, I can shower at work.
Better you than me.
I can shower at work in the gymBetter you than me.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
According to our friend Jennifer, it's not that
bad.
The showers in the gym are notthat bad.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
At least it's not like old school, like 80s open
shower.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
If it was, I'd just be in there day out.
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Wouldn't bother me.
Have you ever been to a men'slocker room like I played sports
, like you just are you.
You guys have individualshowers though in your locker
room, right?
Speaker 1 (13:10):
yeah, well in high school.
Just one big ass shower.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
You just out there, dig out yeah, you want your
balls to be clean.
Yeah, no, you're gonna look atit or not?
No, I've been in the stallswhere you have to buy like your
own little curtain, but it'slike the not the full curtain
that goes all the way up, it'sjust like the half curtain.
I did that when I was.
I did that two weeks day.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Oh, we got today.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
So today we're going to be talking about relationship
burnout.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
I'm spent.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Right, right Same.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
I'm spent.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
Same Relationship burnout?
Ok, have Relationship burnout.
Okay, have you experiencedrelationship burnout?
I'm currently experiencing it.
If so, dial the number at thebottom of your screen, ain't?
Speaker 1 (13:54):
no number going to be there.
I don't know why you said thatI'm not putting no number.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
I just feel like saying it.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
I'm going to put your phone number up there.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
Boy, you better not put my damn number up on the
interwebs.
That's going to be terrible foryou.
No, it's not.
Yeah, it is.
You don't answer the phoneanyway.
It's not about me answering thephone, it's the safety and
well-being of your family.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Oh, you get a new number, but apparently you don't
care If I got you a new phonewith a new number.
That would throw your wholelife off.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Oh my gosh, don't do that.
Don't do that.
That's.
That's like using the passwordthat they recommend for you.
That would throw your wholelife off.
No, because you know whatalready through sorry side.
No, guys, we're gonna get intoit, but you know what already
throws me off the fact that youset my phone to um automatically
send any calls that are notpart of my contact to voicemail
(14:45):
yeah so like my sister's friendhad called me because she wanted
to uh leave a message.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Oh, you can't, yeah, so and so she had.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
She ended up texting me and she was like girl, every
time I'm calling is goingstraight to voicemail and I was
like I could have sworn.
I had your number saved but itwasn't saved.
So every call that I get itgoes straight.
If you're not in my contacts,it goes straight to voicemail I
don't know how you set that up,but you did.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
You're welcome because that's how I live my
life.
It is it is suffering.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
You better leave a message because the only people
that's getting through are thepeople I know, and if you're not
a person, I know that it mustnot be important.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
You see how I do it.
If you, if you have my numberand you're supposed to have it,
you're saved.
Okay, if you're not supposed tohave it.
You're not saved, which means Iain't going to get the call
anyway, but let's get into it.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
I think that's a lot, babe.
I think I might have you.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
I think I might have you change that, okay, anyway,
I'm not um.
So relationship burnout this iswhat this episode is about.
Um, as you guys can see, we'vehad burnout in this in this
marriage multiple times.
Um, we typically, we typically,you know, what do you do?
Speaker 2 (15:49):
what do?
Speaker 1 (15:49):
we do.
We go reset.
We typically, you know, shut up.
Y'all see how I do it.
She know that I have a speechimpediment and she make fun of
me all the time, make fun ofthis.
She know that I have a speechimpediment and she make fun of
me all the time, make fun ofthis man.
She know that sometimes it'shard for me to say.
This is how we love on eachother.
She know that sometimes it'shard for me to say things with a
certain P and S.
It's fine.
It's fine it took me you beentrying to get sympathy points so
(16:13):
bad and it took me over 30years to say steak instead of
snake, so don't come for me.
You could have kept that toyourself.
See, see how you been playing.
She supposed to love me.
Y'all see this, I love him.
Okay, this is going to be ashort episode.
Let's go, go ahead, come on, itmight be because I got the
(16:34):
giggles oh.
Lord.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Okay, so relationship burnout.
All right guys.
What is relationship burnout?
I'm sure if you've been in along-term relationship it kind
of goes without explaining, foryou know what I mean.
But for those who may have notbeen in a long-term relationship
, long enough for your partnerto just be draining the life out
(16:56):
of you sometimes it's emotional.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
In a bad way.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
It's emotional exhaustion.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Draining the life out of you in a bad way, not a good
way.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
And feeling drained.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
But if they drain the life out of you in a good way.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Oh my gosh, increased irritability or resentment
toward your partner oh okay.
Feeling disconnected orindifferent toward your partner
Okay.
Or avoiding intimacy or qualitytime okay quick question have
you ever avoided quality timewith?
Speaker 1 (17:24):
me, yes, yes same.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Yes, yeah, I'm thinking about it today.
You're not, I am, you're not Imight just leave no, you won't
leave you with your child no,you won't, because if you leave
me with her, then her and I Iwill just leave, and then that
would defeat your whole Anyway.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Yes, yes.
And so the studies indicatethat 40 percent of individuals
believe that high stress levelsadversely affect their
relationships with their theirrelationships and 34 percent
feel like it impacts theirpartnerships their relationships
and 34% feel like it impactstheir their partnerships.
So meaning, 34% of peoplebelieve that the high stress is
what leads to the relationshipburnout.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
I think that I think that directly relates to the
things in your individual life.
So usually it's things likework, um, kids, it could be.
Kids could be money.
It could be uh, it could bekids could be money.
It could be your social status,it could be just how you're
feeling about yourself ingeneral and you allow that to
(18:26):
affect you so much that youbring it into the relationship
and it's like all that negativeenergy that you're not
processing all the negativeemotion and then you're bringing
it into the relationship.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
And for a lot of people it's pushing off onto
their partner.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
I'm happy you said that.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
I'm happy.
I said that too, because I wasgoing somewhere with it but let
me cut you off, okay, becausethey people should state that
emotion, emotional labordisparity as a reason for
burnout, right, and so Iactually wanted to get your
opinion on something, becausethe concept of mankeeping right
this is what they call it, theconcept of mankeeping.
(19:03):
Right mankeeping, and this iswhat they say it is.
I ain't never heard of this.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
I've never heard of that either.
Please enlighten me.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
But they say mankeeping is where women show
the emotional burdens of theirmale partners and it adds to
their mental load, potentiallyleading to burnout and
resentment.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
So do you believe that you're over here,
mankeeping?
Speaker 2 (19:20):
I don't think I mankeep from that by that
definition.
I don't think that I mankeeplike on a continuous clock, a
continuous basis, but I domankeep.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Okay.
Are you able to mankeep on acontinuous clock at a continuous
basis?
Speaker 2 (19:34):
You know what?
Speaker 1 (19:36):
I'm just trying to see how much I could dump, dump
over here you dump quite a bit,but for me about 20 listen here,
but for me, hold on what so doyou think that you is that valid
?
Do you think that's part from awoman's point of view?
You think that's why they'rethey're just they're being
emotionally overloaded?
Speaker 2 (19:53):
it could be that they're being emotionally over,
but I'm speaking from, like, theaspect of, for instance,
knowing your mood, right.
So I know if I need to come toyou with something, but I'm
already gauging your mood.
It's not going to be theopportune time for me to come to
you with it, because I don'twant to have to deal with your
(20:15):
reaction.
The emotional reaction you'regoing to have to what I'm coming
to you with and therefore nowI'm finding myself like that's a
part of me managing youremotions, because I know at this
point I'm trying to keep himstable.
Or when you're happy, at thispoint I'm trying to keep him
happy, you don't mean off thecliff, huh.
Well, it's not just about that,it's that I just don't want to
(20:35):
deal with it because obviouslyI'm already dealing with
something right.
So, to come to you withsomething else, and I know that
it's going to alter your, yourattitude, further, and that's
going to be something else that,emotionally I have to navigate
through, emotionally have to.
You know, uh, work, work with.
I'm just it's cut the tape justcut the tape.
(20:56):
Okay, just just cut the tape.
You know it, just cut the tape.
You know it's like I'm lookingat you and I'm looking at the
people.
You know what I'm saying.
Yeah, it's like managing youremotions.
I don't.
I don't think that you areaware of how much.
It sounds weird and maybe I'mnot explaining it the right way,
but I don't think youunderstand how much I try to.
(21:19):
Not necessarily maybe manage isnot the appropriate word manage
your emotions, but I guess, like, consider your emotions, if
that makes sense you don't thinkI consider you okay, but see
you what you just did there Iwas, but here's the thing but do
you see what you just?
Did there.
I'm talking to you from myperspective and immediately you
(21:41):
interjected yourself as me, likesaying you don't do something.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
Hold on, let me tell you why I did that.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Because when.
I heard that my spidey sensesaid hold up.
No, you felt attacked.
We did an episode on thisbefore, guys.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
My spidey sense said hold up now, because I feel like
that's that's a two-way streetit is a two-way street, but I'm
just telling you from myperspective.
I will admit that you probablydo a lot more than I do, because
sometimes, especially if I'm ina, if I'm in a mood, well,
because you're always in a moodokay, that's the thing, you're
all okay.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
For example, prime example, guys, I I can see when
my husband's attitude is altered, right, I can see when his
emotional's attitude is alteredright, I can see when his
emotional state is altered,excuse me.
So he says, when I had told himI was like okay, now you're
getting frustrated and you'regetting an attitude.
(22:31):
He's like I don't have anattitude.
I keep telling you I don't havean attitude.
Okay, what are you feelingright now?
I'm just annoyed.
That's an emotion.
The emotion don't have anattitude.
Okay, what are you feelingright now?
I'm just annoyed.
That's an emotion.
The emotion is altering yourattitude.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
Therefore, I'm telling you, you have an
attitude.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
It was not, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to
pick up on it Otherwise Iwouldn't have been able to pick
up on it.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
I'm not going to argue with you in front of these
people.
We're not I'm going to keep thefacade of a happy, healthy
marriage and I don't want peoplenot the facade Jesus.
I don't want people to see yourtrue colors and how I am you
guys should see, if you'relistening, I'm double blinking.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
I was just going to say are you double blinking for
help?
Speaker 1 (23:13):
oh my gosh, how I need help here, because I'm
being held wait how you going todouble blink and then ask for
help.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Hold on.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
So double blink wants to help, I know I know another,
another I think for us, I thinkanother form of burnout or
cause of burnout, I think for uspersonally was major and I
think this is where our burnoutkind of happened or kind of
recurrently happened in ourrelationship.
What?
And it's the work-inducedrelationship strain.
Okay, so, basically Explainit's the burnout from work that
(23:48):
can spill over into yourpersonal life, right.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
Leading to irritability, detachment,
reduced libido and just kind ofoverall strain, right.
So reduce libido and just kindof overall strain, right.
So like when, when work isstressing you out, because we
went through this a lot, causelike when you were out there in
the job market.
Say it like that Okay.
When I was, when I was in thejob market when you were out
there in the working field, whenyou're out there in them work
(24:13):
streets and you was working andyou were, you know, you had your
little manager hat on and youwas, I was very tunneled vision.
You were very, very tunneledvision.
But then when things was goingawry at work and then how you
would come home and work andthen like your life became like
85% work and then so then it waslike the stress from that.
(24:34):
You were always irritable aboutwork.
So when you came home I had tolisten to about work for an hour
, right, and then you, you werea lot of times you were
completely detached to my needs.
Okay, what I wanted, okay, right, and we're not gonna talk about
the libido because all you wantto do is cuss bitches out.
You weren't.
Even that doesn't have anythingto do.
You were.
So they were.
You were just like you knowwhat you were.
(24:56):
So good, work would take somuch out of you that when you
got home all you wanted to dowas sleep, yeah, but I didn't.
But then when you got up, allyou would do was work.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Yeah.
So, it was very tunnel vision.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
Work with your life.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
It wasn't my life, but it took up a large portion
of my life, but it was.
But I mean you knew, but youknew.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
But what I'm saying is that that was a situation in
which I had to you had burnout.
We had burnout and I knew thatthe only way I could get you out
of this rut is I had to takeyou.
I had to go.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
You had to save me, babe.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
I had to go spend time with Vacation Bay.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
You love Vacation Bay .
Speaker 1 (25:35):
That's who I married.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
He's still referring to me.
You guys, Just FYI.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
I married Vacation Bay Work Kynesha.
I wanted to divorce her.
Vacation Bay was what kept ustogether.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
Okay.
Okay, so that time Taking meout of my element.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
Became very, very crucial Right, and that's
something I had to be mindful of, because the stress of work,
the stress of being a new mom,the stress of you know doing a
lot.
You know you were doing a lot.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
I just wasn't on that list where I wanted to be.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
You were on the list I wasn't where I wanted to be.
Okay, that's better put.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
That's what I said had you not been defensive and
listened to me the first time.
I wasn't where I wanted to beRight.
So there's a lot like you said.
So, like I was saying, there'sother cause, there's a lot of
causes that cause a relationshipburnout.
Yes, I feel like work is one ofthose.
Routine and monotony, right,lack of communication, that's
(26:32):
always a big one.
I feel like we did have aperiod where I was not
communicating to you enough orproperly, and that's something
that I had learned and that wassomething I learned to do myself
and I had to takeaccountability for that.
I said, Lord Jesus, I can't bemad at the woman if I ain't
telling her.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Yeah, Because I was just like the more you can keep
to yourself, the better.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
You know what?
Speaker 2 (26:58):
That's the cycle we were in and that was the cycle
and for me personally.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
I think my number one cause of burnout is the
overcommitment.
I think oftentimes I overcommitand under deliver and then when
I get into it I'm like damn, Idon't want to do all this.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
And what do I always tell you?
Don't overcommit.
I always tell him the one thingyou cannot do.
I'm not even going to say justme, I'm going to say for women
in general I'm going to go aheadand speak for women in general.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Please don't.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
One of the worst things you can do as a partner,
especially as a man, isovercommit and underdeliver.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
I always put it down.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
When it comes to your wife, always put it down Point
blank and period.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
Look here.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Don't tell me all of the things.
Don't tell me, oh, I'm planningthis, I'm doing this.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
And that's why I just stopped telling you everything
and you don't deliver.
That's why.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
That's why it is the worst.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Okay, and that's like okay, we're doing it today, I'm
letting her today.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
now, that way, I can't, I can't mess it up I'm
gonna let her know today becauseI know like I'm already on
track to get it done today seemy personality people is.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
I might have a really good tuesday and I'm like man.
I'm right you be feeling it I'mriding a high and I'm like, hey
, babe, on friday or saturday wedoing this, this, this, this
did this, and then I have areally bad thursday and'm like
man.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
F, Friday and Saturday.
I don't want to do thatDiabolical.
That Thursday affects theweekend.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
That's why I'm saying like you know, my vibe has to
be consistent, for me to keepgoing, even when it gets like
like you said, like you saidbefore, like if something angers
me and I can't get over it, I'mnot fun to be around because
I'm going to harp on whatangered me and then now you're
leaving me to manage thatbecause you ain't got to manage
(28:43):
it.
You're choosing to manage it.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
No, but I have to because, especially, we have a
child.
So when you are in thatheadspace and you have your
attitude going on, she can comeover and be as innocent as
possible or tell you that shewants to spend time with you,
tell you that she misses you, orwhatever, and you're snappy.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
And then when you get hold on, and then when you get,
when you get snappy, or when Ican see the irritation.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Not like snappy, like you yelling at her but, I can
see like the irritation andclean that up.
I can see the irritation thatyou're having because maybe you
just want to have a moment toyourself, or maybe because yeah,
or anything like that.
Now it's like I have to come inwith the softer angle and be
like babe, okay, how about youand mommy do something, because
(29:28):
you know daddy's a little tiredand you know, then I'm kind of
catering to you like babe, yougood, you need anything like
that's the, that's theemotionally like the emotional
handling, that's the, that'swhere that comes from.
That can be emotional, but thatcan be emotionally fatiguing.
Oh, okay, so that's that's apart of relationship, and I do
it because I love you, but it'salso that's the man keeping
(29:50):
that's the man keeping.
That's the man keeping right.
So you know.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
But it is important to address the stressors, both
absolutely, both externally, andinternal stressors you have to
address now.
I will say shout out to mytherapist, dr williams.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
Y'all shout out to dr williams y'all can't, y'all
can't have her um.
She has other clients um.
She doesn't really like them.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
Um, she has helped me , or guided me through this
process of addressing myinternal things.
Right, because for me theinternal things greatly affect
the external thing Absolutely.
So I have to.
I've learned to process mythoughts and emotions internally
(30:35):
first.
Like, honestly, this week atwork was a good test, because
there was a couple of timeswhere I just wanted to go off on
people, but I was like you said, three, two, one, one, two
three, no, no.
In my mind, I said bitch, andthen I just walked away.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
With a long one Bitch .
Speaker 1 (30:52):
You said that, though you said that, I looked her
right in the eye and in my mindI said right, so that you have
to address these things, andthat's part of communicating,
because sometimes you got tocommunicate with yourself.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
Yeah, absolutely, sometimes you got it and you
used to call me crazy fortalking to myself.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
You talk to yourself out loud.
That's the crazy part.
You're talking to yourself outloud, Shut up baby, you talk to
yourself out loud.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
Now, that's different .
Speaker 1 (31:20):
You're having a full-on conversation, like
you're talking to two differentpeople.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
But I don't answer my own questions.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
Like you were talking to Dennis and Victoria at the
same time.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
Okay, they probably didn't even catch that.
They probably didn't even catchthat, but let me ask you this.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
So what are some ways to prevent and overcome burnout
?
Some ways to prevent andovercome burnout.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Well, like we always say, I mean it's a relationship,
marriage.
Podcast communication Okay,Communication's always going to
be.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
But what about?
I want to talk to you.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
Then you need to take some time, talk to your
therapist, get yourself straightand then come talk to me, okay,
because you can't avoidcommunication.
If you're going to try to avoidcommunication in your
relationship, please break up.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
Okay, look here, I was just joking.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
That's odd.
I love talking to you.
That's odd.
Unless y'all can be on the samepage, that both of y'all just
don't like to talk and y'allhave a quiet relationship.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Sometimes you tell me to shut up.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
That's interesting.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
No, we're not gonna have a quiet relationship.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
I got some shit to say.
We should test it for like 24hours.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
We can have a silent moment.
We're not going to have asilent relationship.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
We should have like a silent 24 hours.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
No, we're not doing that.
Another way to prevent andovercome burnout, like I was
mentioning earlier, is toreconnect intentionally.
Now this is where I shine,because I want to reconnect.
You know you want to have thedate nights.
You want to break the routine.
You want to go out.
You know you want to have the.
You want to have the datenights.
You want to break the routine.
You want to go out and dosomething fun together.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
We talked about that a little bit last week too,
about the routine and howroutines can be a little bit
mundane.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
You got to break it up every now and then, guys, you
got to go out there, you got togo out there and court.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
Right, somebody on the stroll and he just pulled up
.
Okay, first of all, don't dothat.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
Don't do that.
What Real quick Don't do thatBecause if I, if I pull up and
I'm gonna ask you how much towin an argument.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
I love their video.
I can't remember their name,but that video is priceless.
How much to win an argument?
A hundred bucks, all right, getin so.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
I love it.
It is important, yeah, becauseyou have to experience each
other out of the normalexperience.
Okay, you know what I'm saying,outside of mom and dad, outside
of your roles you play in thehouse, just to go outside and
just have the conversation anddo the things you would do
before the burdens of life wason top of you.
(33:34):
Yeah, you know what.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
I'm saying, but I think to the self-care
boundaries Okay, right, rightokay like my gym so that's what
I was gonna say.
So okay, for instance I'll usethis as an example the gym right
, we both we both haveprioritized the gym, the gym
(33:56):
right and it's like, even thoughwe have things that we have to
do together, like like ashusband and wife or as parents,
and we got to get certain thingsdone, we both have set a
boundary that, regardless ofwhat you're going through, what
you say, I still have to getthis done for myself.
I'm going to the gym you knowwhat I mean Like when you need
(34:25):
to take your walks.
It's like, hey, can we manageto where you get back at one
o'clock so I can try to take mywalk by two o'clock.
And then I'm like okay, let metry to make sure I get to the
gym on time for myself so thatyou can have your turn right.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
I always say I said I don't want to walk in the dark,
but I will right, like, like Idid, I didn't want to work out
at 9 pm last night, but I did.
That was your fault.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
You had a job well, I worked yesterday and, oh gosh,
I forgot, that's what I forgotto say in how my day went
earlier today.
But it's neither here nor there.
Um, but yes, but I the.
The point is is that that was apriority and I know that I, I
think I it's safe to say priorto us making this a priority.
It when it being late, andespecially if it was like a
(35:01):
night you had to work orsomething you probably would
have been like, can, like, canyou come home or can you just do
it tomorrow?
Speaker 1 (35:06):
because we have regardless.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
I mean now yes, that's what I'm saying, but I'm
talking about, like prior, youprobably been like it's late and
I don't want you out there lateand you don't need to be.
You know what I mean.
But now it's that we both haveset that as like a boundary.
You know what I mean.
Like, just so you know.
But regardless, I'm gonna dothis for me, because this is
where I am right now and this iswhat I've said as a priority.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
I'm gonna say this, but I I do attempt to go in
times where it doesn't reallynecessarily affect you, so like
I'll get up early, even when I'moff to go to the gym, so that
it doesn't really affect what wehave going on for the week.
Well, that's just you carvingout the time, though, for
yourself, and that's the wholepoint, the self-care, because I
think a lot of people are likeit's diabolical that you're
getting up at four o'clock to goto the gym.
Well, it's important to me.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
And, honestly, like I enjoy it.
It's one of my happy placeuntil I look across the room and
I see the same lady on thegoddamn adductor machine for 20
minutes looking at her damnphone.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
Yeah, that's frustrating, but um, so yeah,
the self-care boundaries, uh,balancing your togetherness
while balancing your individual,your personal space, your
personal space, and we've we'vetalked about that before Like it
is so important for you to havean individual kind of
personality, even if you're in amarriage like listen, I love my
(36:24):
husband, I love this man.
We'll go to the ends of theearth for this man, but I also
enjoy my time to myself sheenjoys, I enjoy a nice cup of
hot tea on the couch.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
Say the real.
She enjoys a nice bowl, a niceacai bowl, and parked at the
back of Michael's when she can'tbe bothered.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
First of all, I park in the back of Jerome's, not
Michael's.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
Like a common streetwalker.
Speaker 2 (36:57):
I park in the back of Jerome's where they make the
deliveries, and it's under atree where I'm still seen.
But I also have time to sitthere and watch my movie and eat
my acai bowl.
Okay.
Speaker 1 (37:08):
These are the things I like to do by myself, okay, so
self-care and boundaries areare important, and we've done a
good job at establishing thosein our marriage.
Another thing is you is to tryto seek new experiences, right
Again, getting out of theroutine.
Try to do something new, eitherby yourself or even with your
partner.
Try to have new experiences,because even if you do something
(37:28):
new without your partner now,you come back to them with
something else to talk about.
And then here's the thing wehave a new subject matter.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
I get excited when I literally do, and I'm not just
saying this for like word candy.
I get excited when you haveexperienced something that has
made you excited and when youcome back to me and you're
talking about it and you're like, babe, oh my gosh, like the
like the other day, I know when,like when you came to me and
you're like, oh, you've been ATVwriting before, but it's been a
(37:56):
while.
So I know, like you going ATVwriting with your friend, and
then the stories that I'll hearwhen you come back and I'm just
like like that brings me joy,but I don't want you to do the
ATV riding, but it brings me joyto see the excitement.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
I made a couple of bins.
Speaker 2 (38:09):
What.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
I made the bin.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
Okay, but it just makes me excited when you're
having new experiences or you'vedone something that you haven't
done in a long time and youcome back to me with such
excitement to tell me about it.
I get excited too, because Ienjoy seeing you light up, I
enjoy seeing your smile, I enjoyseeing you in a happy type of
(38:31):
attitude.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
You know what I'm saying, so I think that's really
important I can I canreciprocate that like, but to
you like, you don't really goout there and do new things.
I don't know you, but but whatyou do is you go, you go to your
same I do the things that makeme happy you go to your same
spot and you're like babe, I wasin sephora today and I've been,
I've been really wanting to trythis, I've been really wanting
(38:55):
to try and they just and theyjust happen to have my or you'd
be like, I walked in, babe, theyonly had one left.
So you know I had to get it.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
I had to get it.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
It was meant to be.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
And I'd be like she really excited about whatever
this one item is.
I remember that one time yougot excited I think it was for
like you wanted to try out likethis lip balm or something it.
But it was for like you wantedto try out like this lip balm or
something it's a lip balm.
I don't know what it is, I don'tknow all the technical stuff,
but you have been looking for itfor so long.
When you finally found it, youwere so excited and then you
(39:27):
were like, well, and then youtried it and you actually liked
it.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
And you're like well, I got to use this apparently
because I don't know if I'mgoing to be coming back in stock
.
So once you make your firstpurchase, and then that's when
you get into the headspace ofwhy I should just buy three, you
see, I bought four Greekyogurts last time.
I'm playing with these peoplebuying all of them yogurts he
went to Target and he was likethey only have four left, so I
(39:53):
bought them all.
I'm not playing these games.
I don't know when they're goingto restock.
I'm not playing these gameswith these people.
I bought them all, so we havelike a refrigerator full of
yogurt.
I'm not playing with thesepeople Because you just never
know, because how fast we go.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
I would go do it right.
And finally, I mean, if youtried all these things and
nothing seemed to work, then youknow, charla, maybe a little
counseling, a little therapymight help you.
I don't think we've ever got tothe part where we need a
therapy.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
I think, I think therapy.
Here's the thing.
I think therapy is also goodfor maintenance.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
Explain, I think, elaborate, I think it's always
it could be a good idea to havean objective opinion or an
objective say about um somethingyou may an unbiased opinion
about something.
it may not even be somethingmajor in your relationship, but
(40:46):
if it's like, maybe, adisagreement that you guys
continuously have over and over,okay right, and it's like it's
something you just you can't getpast, it's not like a deal
breaker, it's not got you guysin a bad mood all the time, but
it's something that youconstantly keep coming back to,
I would say it's not such a badidea to go to therapy and get
you know an unbiased point ofview about how to look at a
(41:10):
certain situation.
Because, again, going back tocommunication, nine times out of
10, it's the way something'sbeing communicated and the way
something's being understood.
Nine times out of 10, it's theway something's being
communicated and it's the waysomething's being understood and
having somebody on the outsidebeing able to pull that out of
both and say this is what'shappening, this is what they
mean.
This is what, yeah, and this isthe experience the other
(41:31):
person's happening having.
And then you know, this is whatI'm telling you guys as a
professional.
Speaker 1 (41:43):
This is how we can work through something like this
because it's not as big as youguys make it seem to me.
There's just a breakdownsomewhere and it's.
We're going to build it backtogether, okay, I mean I, I
agree to some point, okay.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
What's the point in which you don't agree?
I mean it can't.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
It's very expensive for maintenance.
I mean I'm not going to havesessions.
We ain't got nothing going on,you know, but it's very
expensive for.
I will say that one-on-onetherapy we're going to just go
on to see a therapist foryourself.
Yes, it's very, very beneficialIf you're being honest with
yourself in your therapy.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
I was going.
Speaker 1 (42:11):
I was just about to say that in there, trying to
make yourself look good tryingto make yourself look good, so
you can be like, so you can havesomebody just back on your side
, so you can have somebody justback up what you feel, then no,
if you're not going to therapyto take accountability, then
you're really just wasting yourtime.
Speaker 2 (42:26):
I mean, and if you have a good therapist, they will
know the difference.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
Yeah, but some people just want the check.
That's true, because I wouldWow, maurice, you're right.
She is wrong for you, wrong foryou Pay me all my money.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
Pay the receptionist on your way out.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (42:42):
Actually you were supposed to pay her on your way
in.
We don't take.
Look, we don't do partialpayments anymore.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
We don't do payment plans and we don't take
insurance.
Speaker 2 (42:53):
This will be a cash-only session today, as soon
as they walk into my office,just your friendly reminder that
this is a cash-only sessiontoday.
I can write you a receipt ifyou need, but I will need cash
and I do not have change.
Don't forget to throw that in.
Speaker 1 (43:10):
So let's recap.
What are some?
What are the?
They're going to take away fivethings, three to five things.
What we say, what do you wantthem to take away?
Speaker 2 (43:18):
I would say break up the routine.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
I would say find a better way to communicate, if
you're not already doing so, andI would say have a lot of sex.
Speaker 1 (43:34):
I triple on that last one.
Speaker 2 (43:38):
You also will be surprised how many issues you
can get past very quickly, justby having some intimate moments,
some physical intimate moments,some genuine physical down and
okay, I'm getting a little.
Speaker 1 (43:55):
Yeah, you're getting out there.
Um, I always say and my wifeknows that I am a lot more
agreeable the morning after youput it get a lot more out of you
if you put it on me you want todo it today?
Yeah, sure, that's fine.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
Yeah, we can do that, no problem, you'd be like babe,
whatever you want, it'swhatever you want.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
I had this plan, but I can cancel it.
Speaker 2 (44:17):
You know, you, you did a great job or you wake up
and you be like hey, babe, whatdo you need today?
What do you need today?
What do you want?
I'm telling you, what do you?
Speaker 1 (44:25):
want and I'll be like hmm, I don't know when you put
it on me it motivates me to be abetter husband.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
You'd be surprised.
You know the physical intimacybringing each other together.
I'm not saying it's just goingto blanket or mask whatever the
issue could be, but as far aslike what we're talking about
today, as far as like theburnout and stuff because we
know what starts to suffer andwhat starts getting left behind
is the intimacy right.
When all these attitudes isflying and people ain't feeling
(44:59):
each other and you emotionallyoverloaded and all that, the
last thing you want to do is becoddled up with somebody or have
somebody rubbing and touchingon you.
But I'm telling you, if you cango ahead and get past that
little hump right and we canjust be like you know what,
let's just come together forthis.
It'll even make theconversations a little bit
easier to bear about what it isthat's bothering and then
(45:21):
sometimes it's just a littleaggression is needed to get out
the aggression.
Speaker 1 (45:24):
You know what I mean.
Oh my gosh.
Okay, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (45:26):
I don't, I don't, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
Sometimes you gotta, just you know yeah, sometimes
you just gotta what?
Yeah, you know, I don't never Iain't, we ain't never had a
problem.
A couple backstrokes couldn'tfix.
I.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
I'm not, I don't, I don't really have, I don't
really have anything to sayabout that actually, so you
ain't gotta say it, it's alreadybeen said, okay, it's already
been said.
Alright, good discussion, babe,it was cool, it was good
actually.
So you ain't gotta say it'salready been said.
Okay, it's already been said.
All right, good discussion,babe, it was cool, it was good,
it was cool.
All right, guys, heading oninto our next segment of our two
(46:11):
cents, our two cents.
Okay, this is what I've got foryou today, babe.
Am I the asshole for leaving mydate at the bar after she
insulted my kids?
Okay, about a month ago, I meta girl We'll call her Hope At
this gaming group, hope or HoHope, oh, wow, hope.
(46:32):
At this gaming group I attend.
Okay, we're just in the talkingstage now, but I like her a lot
.
Something to know about me isthat I am divorced and I have
two daughters, five and three,and I split custody with my
ex-wife.
I have the kids every otherweekend and on Wednesdays and
Thursdays.
I guess Hope didn't know that Ihad kids, though she 100% knew
(46:53):
that I was divorced.
She and me were going to a pub,trivia last Sunday and I just
dropped the girls off at my ex'splace.
I said something about it whilewe were ordering drinks and
hope acted offended.
She said that she didn't likekids and she didn't want kids
and never wanted to hear or seemy kids.
(47:14):
That's okay with me, noteverybody likes kids.
But then she started gettingvery vulgar and calling them
things like crotch goblings andsex fruits and stuff like that.
I nicely told her to stop orthat I would leave, but she just
kept going on and on and on.
I told her that I was ready togo and I canceled my drink and I
(47:35):
went home.
We haven't talked since andit's been almost a week.
Am I the asshole for leavinghope at the pub when she called
my kids crotch goblings?
Not at all, not at all, not atall.
Speaker 1 (47:47):
She she crossed the line that you wasn't willing to
let her cross, and you did theright thing.
You didn't.
You didn't cuss her out, youdidn't call out her name, you
didn't.
You didn't, uh, advance aaggressive situation in any way,
shape or form you.
You simply just removedyourself from the conversation
yeah now I will say this I as a,as a, as a parent, I I do call
(48:08):
children many things, but I havethat right because I'm a parent
oh, is that what it is ifyou're not a parent, you can't
say things like f them kidscrotch gobbling cross gobbling
sex fruit that's the one thatthrew me off Sex Fruit.
Speaker 2 (48:20):
Well, you know, I've never heard that.
Speaker 1 (48:22):
You know all of our baristas at Starbucks know our
child as the Gremlin.
Oh, yes, because I call her theGremlin.
Yeah, yeah, she's at home withthe Gremlin, you know, because
she's sweet until she gets herhair wet and she's cute.
Speaker 2 (48:36):
That's why I call her the gremlin she's sweet until
she that girl do not likegetting their hair done, so
until she and when her hair getwet.
And when her hair get wet, it'sover that's why I call you.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
Never, you just picked up.
That's why I call her thegremlin, so I can say these
things I have child yeah becauseI say it in a joking matter
right, obviously I love my child.
Right, but for her to be thisdisgusted First of all, sir, you
should have when she said thatshe didn't want kids and she
didn't want to see your kids orlike kids.
Speaker 2 (49:04):
why are we entertaining her?
Speaker 1 (49:05):
At this point you should know that she's not for
you, because you're not.
Speaker 2 (49:08):
The relationship's going nowhere Because if you're
willing to abandon your kids forthis brawl.
You're just as bad as she is.
Well, he's not because he left.
He left, but I think okay.
So she knew that he wasdivorced.
I would think the next questionwould be do you have kids?
Right?
Like she should have known thathe had kids prior to the date,
right?
Or he should have mentionedthat he had kids prior to the
(49:30):
date, especially when she 100knew that he was already
divorced.
Right, chances are that there'ssome children involved, right?
But I do not think that you'rethe asshole for basically
leaving Hope out there on HopeStreet.
Speaker 1 (49:43):
Hope better Hope she got some luck.
Speaker 2 (49:44):
Because I would any person that speaks that way
about children, whether theyhave children or not.
I wouldn't want them around mychildren at all.
Speaker 1 (49:52):
Let me ask you this Do you think Hope is salty?
Speaker 2 (49:53):
because she can't want kids?
The point is, is that the wayshe speaks about children, it's
not right.
It's not right.
It makes me uneasy, andespecially when you are a parent
and you have someone speakinglike that about kids, or
speaking that way about yourchildren, it's like red flag red
flag Like you will never bearound them, but she's already
made it clear that she don'twant to hear them, she don't
(50:21):
want to be around them she ain'ttrying to do drop off like
nothing.
Hope said listen, I got kids, Iain't trying to drop off, listen
.
She said them kids, them kids.
Speaker 1 (50:25):
You got over there, keep them kids over but she also
struck me as a type of personwhere she probably feels this
way, but if she had a kid she'dbe due to 180.
You know, you know some peopledo that people do.
Oh, I thought you like it, yeah, but my kid is different.
No, it's not.
It's just like well, like yourlittle ball of snot.
Speaker 2 (50:38):
It's not different like people who say um, just
because I have kids, don't be,don't mistake that for me liking
.
I don't, I don't like kids, Ilike my kid there.
That's what people say.
Speaker 1 (50:48):
I like my there's a small group of kids that I like.
I'm not gonna list their namesbecause I don't want nobody to
be hurt, but I do have a list Idon't want to hurt.
Speaker 2 (50:58):
No feelings I don't want to hurt no feelings.
Speaker 1 (50:59):
I don't want to hurt no feelings, but there is a list
, mm-hmm, and I mean, if I'mbeing honest with y'all,
sometimes my kid get her nametaken off, oh gosh.
Okay, I'm just keeping upbecause this list is revolving.
Speaker 2 (51:12):
So you can come on, you can go off, you can come on,
you can go off, but if I takeyou off more than twice, then
you're on probation.
Speaker 1 (51:18):
Now you got to go to Now.
Speaker 2 (51:19):
I just got to reconsider.
Even knowing you, you're onprobation.
Speaker 1 (51:22):
Now I got to go to the review board.
Now I got to talk to yourparents to see what they're
doing at home, Because sometimesit ain't the kids' fault, it's
the parents' fault, and you knowso by Maurice.
Speaker 2 (51:31):
Okay, all right, guys .
This has been another episodeof the Life After I Do podcast.
Don't forget to like and followus on our social media
platforms and Instagram,facebook, youtube.
Speaker 1 (51:50):
TikTok, we do not have an OnlyPans.
Speaker 2 (51:52):
You can also write into the podcast at
lifeafteridopodcast at gmailcom.
We would love to hear from youguys and if you have not already
joined the party, that is thecomment section on TikTok.
Speaker 1 (52:06):
You're missing it.
Speaker 2 (52:07):
You're missing it Because our comments it'd be a
straight party up in there, okay.
So head on over to TikTok, headon over to YouTube, head on
over to Insta and Facebook.
Give us a follow and share,guys.
Speaker 1 (52:19):
We appreciate the love on TikTok.
We appreciate the love.
Can y'all show us some love onYouTube and Instagram as well?
Tiktok be lit though weappreciate y'all.
Speaker 2 (52:28):
We appreciate you guys and, as you know, every
Wednesday it's going to be a newepisode, so we will check in
with you guys next week.
Speaker 1 (52:35):
Until next time go birds.
Speaker 2 (52:37):
Peace booskies, Go birds.
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