Right Time Right Marriage

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Is there really a perfect time to say “I do”? In this episode, we explore the pros and cons of marrying young versus later in life, from divorce stats to financial readiness, health benefits, and gender differences. Plus, we dive into real-life dilemmas on respect and boundaries that every couple can learn from. 

Thanks for rocking with us! Don’t forget to follow Life After I Do so you never miss an episode. Got a relationship situation you want us to weigh in on? Hit us at https://linktr.ee/lifeafteridopodcast — we just might talk about it in a future episode.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
where you are earning the minimum.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
I could cut my income in half and live by myself,
perfectly fine, exactly so.
What I'm trying to express toyou right now is the added
expense of you and my child thathas caused me to earn and to
attempt to earn more, that'swhat it is.

Speaker 1 (00:31):
Hey, everyone, and welcome back to another episode
of Life After I Do Podcast, areyou?

Speaker 2 (00:56):
practicing that one this week.
I'm going to make you a shirtthat says Are you?

Speaker 1 (00:59):
Yeah, I don't know when I'm going to get around to
it, but the idea is nice.
I just saw that just remindedme.
I saw this shirt in one of mycrafting groups and her daughter

(01:21):
is like she's been dealing witha lot of fatigue and so she
made her daughter thissweatshirt.
And it says at the top it saysI know.
And then it has like thecheckboxes and it says at the
top it says um, I I know.
And then it has like the checkboxes and it says my labs are
normal.

Speaker 2 (01:32):
Um, it might be anxiety like, so you need that
shirt.

Speaker 1 (01:33):
I need that shirt.
I took a screenshot of itbecause those are all.
Those are all all of the thingsthat they tell you.
It could be anxiety.
Your lab, your lab work, cameback normal there's definitely
anxiety for me so, uh, I don'tclaim that.

Speaker 2 (01:48):
I don't claim that hey, muskies, hi, how you doing?
I got hot off of something.
I mean you are hot.
Thank you, paul, I'm married.
Um, my gosh, I'm married.
Stop coming.
Look, I wear the ring.
I was, I think.
I think the free workout'sstill working.

Speaker 1 (02:04):
Or the light?
Were you taking thermogenics?
Yeah, yeah, that's dumb, that'sreally dumb.

Speaker 2 (02:10):
How was your week Like why do?

Speaker 1 (02:12):
you want your Like, I can.

Speaker 2 (02:14):
How was your week?
No, we're talking.

Speaker 1 (02:16):
I know I can try to get around, like the concept of
it, but like I mean, you'regoing to warm up when you start
working out.
Okay, babe, how was your week?
My week was fine.
I'm about to go get a napkinright now.

Speaker 2 (02:27):
I'm sweating, oh my gosh, I'm going to pop them out.

Speaker 1 (02:29):
I was like well, I can see it starting to come
through.
You were perfectly fine before.
Maybe it's the lights Hold on,just keep talking.
I'll be right back um.
So let's see my week.
I had a really good week.
Um, my nephew did move in thisweekend, which was really,

(02:52):
really great.
It was a move-in week for mynephew.
Um, what's?
What's their mascot?
Cats, or?

Speaker 2 (02:59):
what is their mascot?
Who cares?

Speaker 1 (03:01):
it's you, it's uc irvine.
I completely forgot who theirmascot is, but yeah, so.
Anyway, it was move-in week, sowe got to help him move into
his dorm, go buy things that heneeded, go have lunch as a
family, just hung out as afamily that was really nice and
special.

Speaker 2 (03:15):
That's all you wanted to do.
Huh, you just wanted to go tolunch, eat and eat as a family.

Speaker 1 (03:21):
Oh, of course, Family is everything.

Speaker 2 (03:23):
Is it here's?

Speaker 1 (03:24):
the thing.
It's funny that you bring it upthat way.
Ok, I think I think the older Iget, especially now because,
like we have, because, we have achild.
And when I see how like manyaunts I have left, how many
uncles I have left like the ageof my parents and like her
cousins and stuff like that, itjust makes you like really

(03:45):
realize like family is important, you know even even if your
family is not super tight knit,even if you feel like you don't
have that village style family,like having family and when you
do get the opportunity to bewith family and when we have the
opportunity where she can bewith the family, that's that's
extremely important.
Like when I see how excited shegets when she's around her

(04:06):
cousins, that just fills myheart.
Like it fills my heart whenshe's like, instead of asking to
go play at a friend's house,she's like I miss my cousins.
Like can we go visit my cousins.

Speaker 2 (04:17):
She don't know them like I know them.

Speaker 1 (04:19):
Marie, stop it, just stop.
So, yeah, but no, it is reallyimportant, and especially for us
because we only have one child,right?
So, as she gets older, I thinkabout, even just like my side of
the family, like my, her greataunts she's not.
She's not going to know hergreat aunts, she's not going to
know her great uncles.

(04:39):
You know what I mean, andthat's on both sides.
Exactly that's what.

Speaker 2 (04:44):
I'm saying and that's on both sides.
Exactly that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (04:47):
But I mean she was fighting, losing battle with me
anyway, because my mom is, mymom is the baby.

Speaker 2 (04:50):
Yeah, my mom is the baby too, and my mom's the baby
third.
My uh, my mom's uh.
Next youngest sister's thirdwas 13, was 13 when my mom was
born right we were fighting,losing that we're both.

Speaker 1 (05:00):
We're both in the same predicament like but she
has.

Speaker 2 (05:04):
She has her TTs and her uncles.

Speaker 1 (05:06):
Yeah, she does, and that's why her cousins and
everything is really important,because I also want her to grow
up to feel like I do have familyobviously she also has her
funcle.
Yes, yes, she does have herfuncle, yep, yep, and her TT
jazz.
So I know that she has people,you know.
But I'm just saying I get backto what I was saying.

(05:26):
Especially now, as I'm gettingolder in life, it's like it's
just, it's just more solidifiedfor me of how important family
is and how much of a blessingand like a treat it is to be
with family when you can be,especially when everything is
super uncertain, right, we'vehad situations where you spend

(05:48):
time with somebody and literallynot knowing that's the last
time you spend with them.
you know, like, oh gosh, I don'teven know why that came up, but
I think about, like my grannyand I if I would have known that
that was the last time I wouldsee her.
You know, like we never knowcome to the house or we go out

(06:21):
there.
Whatever the case is, it's likeI feel like now, as an adult,
and because we've experiencedloss so much, that it's it's it
plays on my mind.
You know what I mean.
Like we can be in a momentwhere we're all sharing each
other's company and having agood time and we're laughing and
we're talking, and you know,and just being and being present

(06:45):
in the moment and being excitedfor whatever reason brought us
together, and then you not knowthat when you wake up the next
day, you get a phone call Likethat's how quick it is, you know
.
So that's why I say like whenyou, when you like, make fun,
like you just wanted to go tolunch, like, yes, but sitting at
that table and having my nephewthere, having my mom there, my

(07:06):
great niece, my sister, you, ourdaughter, and the reason why we
were brought together like that, was that what?
That felt great for me.
That was exciting for me.

Speaker 2 (07:15):
You know everything about your state was fun except
for the traffic.
Well, yeah, it was.
You was on your phone, so howyou know about?

Speaker 1 (07:20):
it.
I was still in traffic, um Ididn't expect to cry, but yeah,
so anyway.

Speaker 2 (07:27):
I feel like the older you get, the more emotion you
get.

Speaker 1 (07:29):
That is also true, that is also true.

Speaker 2 (07:31):
That's a fact.

Speaker 1 (07:32):
And I think listen, it comes with getting older in
life, and I think it's also, too, because your perspectives
about things start to change.

Speaker 2 (07:42):
Especially when you realize you only 35 summers left
by Demel.

Speaker 1 (07:45):
I don't know how many summers I have left and I'm
definitely not going to put anumber on it so.
But you just become moreself-aware and I think it's just
like my emotional barometer andbrain trying to realign things
that are like that are genuinelyimportant and other things that
are just what I thought wasimportant and what I thought

(08:07):
what I should be focusing on inlife is really, at the end of
the day, it doesn't serve a lotof purpose for me to be stressed
over, for me to harp on, for meLike that's why I told you like
when I feel like I've beensaying like a lot, but like I
had told you um mecompartmentalizing things, it's
like in my brain I'm puttingthings into little boxes as to

(08:30):
this is important and itdeserves my attention, my focus,
my emotional um, energy,everything, and then it just
starts working its way downRight.
So if it's not, if it'ssomething that's becoming
detrimental to like my dailyschedule that helps me in a
positive way so that I canmaintain a certain energy level
to get through the day, to takecare of my house, to take care
of you, to take care of ourdaughter and anything that

(08:52):
interrupts that, it's like yougot to go lower on the list
because now you're impeding.
You know what I'm saying?
It's just the older that I'mgetting, my brain is starting to
be like okay, girl, we got tostart fishing out all the things
that we thought were of highpriority in the people that we
thought were of high priority.
That just don't serve thepurpose of what we're trying to
get done Like right now to getus to where you say you want to

(09:15):
be during that retirement stage.
You know, like I know what lifeI want to live when we go into
retirement.
I know what type of likerelationships I want to have and
hold on to.
I know the type of relationshipI would like to have with my
child Like, and right now I feellike I'm in the the nitty
gritty of it all, of trying tolike fish through all that so

(09:37):
that I can get to that point.
You know what I'm saying.
So I feel like that went offall on a tangent.
But, all that to say, I had agreat weekend spending time with
family.
Um, it was move-in day for mynephew at UC Irvine.
Uh, he's a political sciencemajor, super, super, super,
super proud of him.
I couldn't tell him enough howmuch, how proud of him I was, um

(09:58):
, but when we went to thebookstore to buy, like the
grandparent of a UC um UCstudent and the mom, I was a
little butthurt they didn't haveone for like auntie and uncle
and I was like that's reallycrazy, because I taught him how
to read.
So the fact that you know theydidn't want to honor the aunt is
really, it's really crazy,because it all started like the

(10:21):
educational journey.
You know what?
I'm saying it started with me,but yeah.
So I'm proud of him for that,and then my other.
My highlight for the week alsowas hitting.
Y'all know it wouldn't becomplete if we don't talk about
our gym week.
I hit 175 pounds on bench theother day and I was.

(10:45):
It took me by surprise and Iwant to thank you, my, my
wonderful supportive husband oh,now I'm supportive who pushed
me to do it because I wasn'teven going to do it, I was only
going to go for the 170.
And he's like if you can do 170, then clearly you can do 175.
And I was like you know thosemarshmallow weights they be

(11:08):
getting people stuck in achokehold.
So I hit the 175.
And then, of course, his way ofthinking was well, if you hit
175, then surely you can hit 185.
And I was like Damel, like notyet, I really don't, I don't
know 185, because bycalculations it says my one rep
is like 182.
And so he was like then youshould be able to hit 185.

(11:30):
But, mind you, this was afterdoing like a full set of five at
160.
Yeah, I was very fatigued andand I think I still get caught
in my head in the hole when Ihave the weight and I'm pulling
it down, I'm like okay, and thenwhen I feel the weight from the
hole, my mind be like you triedit, you so cute, ask for help

(11:53):
to get this off.
But I'm just, I was reallyexcited, I was really proud of
myself because I was like we arewithin that 200 range once I.
Once I that 205, it's going tobe a great day.

Speaker 2 (12:08):
It's over for you bitches.

Speaker 1 (12:09):
It's over for you bitches.
So yeah, but other than that itwas a great week.

Speaker 2 (12:17):
That's good.
How was your week?
Did we have time?
Did we have time for my week?

Speaker 1 (12:23):
Yes, how was your week?

Speaker 2 (12:25):
My week was not as great as yours, oh my gosh.
Okay, uh, I did enjoy.
I do enjoy any time I get withmy family.
Sometimes, even even though thebonus family was there, it was
still enjoyable the bonus family, yeah, your inherited family,
yeah you know, even though it berough sometimes, it's really
your mother.

Speaker 1 (12:46):
Okay, goodbye.

Speaker 2 (12:49):
Your mother be she be irritating me sometimes, but
you know I love her she's, butshe irritate me but I love her.
Yeah.
So I mean my week overall.
I mean just maintaining this isSeptember is always a hard
month for me.
I struggle.
Yeah.
On top of that, I got otherstuff going on.
Yeah, that I'm struggling with.

(13:10):
So I'm just trying to leantowards the positive.

Speaker 1 (13:14):
Stay above water.

Speaker 2 (13:15):
Because the negative is there and, as you have saw,
recently I have been eating myfeelings and I need to stop.
You got to stop that.

Speaker 1 (13:23):
I mean eating my feelings, then I need to stop.
You got to stop that.
I mean I'd be there trying tohelp and support, but you shit
on me and be like, yeah, you'dbe like move Otis.

Speaker 2 (13:31):
Gotcha.
So yeah, I mean it was cool.
I mean just work, work and workand work.

Speaker 1 (13:39):
Work, work, work, work, work work.

Speaker 2 (13:42):
Work, work and more work, More work.
Okay, you know.

Speaker 1 (13:46):
So there was no highlight of your week?
No, not really.
You're just not, your brain'snot looking for it, because
you're letting all the negativetake over.

Speaker 2 (13:56):
No, I just I just maintained yeah, that's the
highlight.
I maintained I didn't stoopbelow, okay.

Speaker 1 (14:04):
I mean, the highlight is that you're still here to
maintain, so there's that too.
Yeah, I mean we can't.
We can't take the big things aslike what we got today.

Speaker 2 (14:13):
I'm not gonna bring it, bring it down.

Speaker 1 (14:15):
What we got today you're not bringing it down.

Speaker 2 (14:18):
Uh, today is about wait, I forgot to say something
what go birds?
Okay, go ahead, what we gottoday.
I forgot to say something whatGo birds, okay go ahead.

Speaker 1 (14:26):
What do we got today?
Oh my gosh.
Marrying young versus marryinglater in life.

Speaker 2 (14:33):
What's later in life, 70?

Speaker 1 (14:37):
Like mid-30s 40s which is crazy, like later,
crazy work that's crazy work,crazy work, crazy work, crazy
work, that's crazy work, crazywork, crazy work, crazy work, my
word.
But yeah, so, before we evenget into it, just based off of
that, do you think it's morebeneficial to marry young or do

(14:58):
you think it's more beneficialto marry later in life?
And when I say young, excuse me, I'm thinking like 22, between
22 and like 28 I.

Speaker 2 (15:06):
I think this is another one of those things
where it's on a case-by-casebasis of course, but I'm just
saying speak in general ingeneral, I would say it's
probably more beneficial for youto marry later, and when I say
later, I'm talking like late 20sso like early 30s, like 27, to
like 32 to 34.
That's still considered youngthough, babe.
Yeah, it is to me 32, 34.
That's still considered youngthough, babe?
Yeah, it is to me.

Speaker 1 (15:26):
Okay, so what's considered later in life for you
?
Then 40s Okay.
So comparison between the 20sversus the 40s I would say the
20s.
So you're saying that it's morebeneficial to marry younger.
Yeah, why do you think that isBecause I feel like when you're
younger, you're more adaptable.

Speaker 2 (15:44):
Okay, in your 40s, how you are is how you are.
Yeah, and either you're goingto get with it or not.
Yeah, and it's a lot harder tochange behaviors and baseline
activities to accommodatesomeone else, Right, once you're
older.
Okay, that's fair.
You know they say you can'tteach an old dog new tricks and

(16:07):
that's the saying on the streeta lot of old dogs don't want to
learn new tricks.
They want to lay their ass down,okay, and bring you that food,
bring them their food so theycan lay their ass down okay.
I feel like when you're, I feellike later 20s is a good point
because by that time you havelife experience, you have a, you
have you've gone through thoselate teen, early 20 years of

(16:28):
discovering yourself and whatyou like or what you may be
interested in, and now you havean idea of what you want.
Your goals are more clear toyou.
Like in your earlier years,yeah, like once you hit like mid
, mid, mid to late 20s, 30s.

Speaker 1 (16:46):
I think I can.
I can agree with that.
Obviously, both sides has itspros and its cons.
I think marrying a little bitlater in life not necessarily
like in the 40s, like you say,but anywhere, I guess, between,
like starting in the mid 30swould be considered later in
life.
There are some benefits to thattoo, I believe, and I think,

(17:07):
like you say, it could be on acase-by-case basis.
But typically, going into likefrom the mid-30s into like the
early 40s and beyond, you havepeople who are already
pre-established.
Right when we think about someof the major cause for concerns
when it comes to divorce rates,about some of the major cause
for concerns when it comes todivorce rates financial
stability, accountability,emotional access, emotional

(17:30):
stability, all of that stuffright.
When you're a little bit older,a little bit later in life, I
think that the intentions are abit more clear with people who
are dating, because we can cometo each other and say I have
accomplished this in my life,which is I've had time to focus
on it.
I've had time to stabilizemyself.
I've had time to build mycareer.

(17:52):
I've had time to, I've had time.
Does that make sense?
I've had time.
This is me as a package, andthis is what I'm presenting.
And this is what I'm looking for.

Speaker 2 (18:02):
I feel like it's very more direct to the point.

Speaker 1 (18:05):
It's more of a deal it's, yeah, it's like we both
understand that.
I can do life without you, youcan do life without me, but the
only thing that we're missing isthe companionship.
The only thing we're missing isthe connectivity, the human
connectivity.
So I kind of feel like, whenyou do something like marriage
later in life and you come tocome to each other with that

(18:25):
level of like quote unquotecompleteness, yeah, it's like we
already have an understanding.

Speaker 2 (18:30):
Because if you're, if you're 35 and you've been
single and you haven't reallybeen married or had a lot of
like long term committedrelationships, whatever, by this
point you've had, you figuredout life, how to live life by
yourself.

Speaker 1 (18:41):
Yeah, and you know.
You know what you want by whatyou don't want from your past
experiences.
So now you have a betterunderstanding of what you're
willing to deal.
It's kind of like when you'rein college right Before we all
go off to college, right, butbefore going off to college you
had an idea of what you thoughtyou wanted to take as a career

(19:01):
path.

Speaker 2 (19:02):
What you?

Speaker 1 (19:02):
thought was a career path right.
Then you get because I went toschool.
When I was in college there wasone, one of my friends in
particular.
She changed her major legitlike three times right.
So I think about things likethat because they always say you
start as one thing you startgoing through the motions of it.

(19:28):
I should have changed mine.
You start going through themotions of it and you quickly
realize I cannot vision myselfdoing this for the rest of my
life.
But you only got that visionbecause you got the experience
of knowing.
So it's like the same thing withthe relationship.
I've been through six badrelationships to know that these
are non-negotiables when itcomes to my partner.
So when we meet up later inlife and you come to me as a
package and I come to you as apackage and I say, hey, you know

(19:48):
you not showing up on time,based on my past research and
experience, that does not settlewell with like my lifestyle and
what I'm looking for in apartner.

Speaker 2 (19:59):
So we don't have to you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (20:02):
So I feel like there's a little bit more,
there's a little bit moredirectness, so there's not too
many.
You didn't know or you changed.

Speaker 2 (20:12):
And I think that leads towards the statistic that
people who a couple who marriedbefore 25 are twice as likely
to divorce.
Right, right, as opposed to ifyou wait to 25 or older, you're
more, you're more likely to letit.
Yeah, because you be successful.

Speaker 1 (20:28):
right, because you've developed a little bit more
life experience.
So it kind of goes back toremember when I was in my 20s
and people would always say whatto me, you're just a, just a
baby.
You're just a baby, and it usedto, and we do the same thing now
, but it used to burn my britch,like burn my britches when
people would be like you're justa baby and I'm like I'm a whole

(20:50):
freaking adult, like I pay myway, I work every day, you know.
So now, when we see like youngpeople younger people, because
I'm young, but when we seeyounger people who have like
this, this idea of like my lifeis figured out I have, you know,
and don't get me wrong, thereare some really good, strong

(21:13):
headed, you know, young peoplewho do have a lot figured out
and kudos to you, but that isnot the majority.
But when we see younger peoplewho haven't really experienced a
lot of like I don't want to sayturmoil, but just challenges in
life, and when you have aconversation with them and
they're telling you like oh no,I do this, or you know, this is

(21:33):
how we set our life up, you'relike that's cute because you
haven't had anything to reallyinterrupt that you haven't had
any experiences.

Speaker 2 (21:38):
You haven't had any experiences, you haven't gone
through the dark doors.

Speaker 1 (21:41):
Right right, you haven't gone through the dark
doors, right right, you haven'tgone through the space yet where
you look at your partner andyou're like I really do need to
like Bye Maurice, likesignificant hardships, where it
almost made you question thedecision that you've made to be
with this person for the rest ofyour life.

(22:10):
You know what I'm saying, and soI think when it talks about
that there are two more timesmore likely to get divorced
without that experience, it'seasy for you to latch onto the
emotions of.
You know, this doesn't seemlike it's going to work out for
me, because we're in such arough spot right now and I don't
know how long this rough spotis going to last.
But I know that I don't want todo it.
It makes me uncomfortable, itmakes me unhappy, it makes me
unsettled, so I'm I'm gonnapeace out.
You know what I mean, asopposed to somebody who got

(22:31):
married in their late 40s orlike mid 40s or something it's
like.
Okay, we can understand thatwe're having a disagreement and
maybe you need a little bit ofspace.
I need a little bit of space,and then we can talk about it
like mature adults and come backto it, and then we can.
We can work that we can work itout yeah, because, because,
guess what, I have no plans ondoing this shit again, because
I'm already.
I'm already, I'm halfwaythrough.

Speaker 2 (22:54):
According to statistics, I only have 20 more
summers, so so, like I tell youall the time I said, when I tell
you you don't believe me, but Itell you, I said don't believe
me, but I'm not doing this again.

Speaker 1 (23:06):
I am not doing this again, yeah, I mean, I, I listen
, it makes sense, you know, um,but also so marrying young
versus marrying old when itcomes to things like financial
stability, right.
So, um, the average marriagefor the average age for your
first marriage for men is about30, okay, okay, and for women

(23:30):
it's about 28, okay, which Iguess that kind of is more on
par, because we got married whenI was what?

Speaker 2 (23:35):
29, yeah, when I was 29 so you were 30, I was 29.
So you were 30.
I was 30.
Yep.
And then we had our first child, I was 30, but turning 31.

Speaker 1 (23:45):
No, you were turning 30.

Speaker 2 (23:46):
I was 29, turning 30.
Yep.

Speaker 1 (23:48):
Damn got me young.

Speaker 2 (23:49):
It was that once, damn got me young, got me young.

Speaker 1 (23:57):
This one also is more true when it comes to.

Speaker 2 (24:00):
I will say this I do say like granted, we've been
together two and a half decades,right Plus, but we did not get
married until we werefinancially stable, like at that
point.

Speaker 1 (24:15):
Better off, I would say.

Speaker 2 (24:17):
No, we were way financially better off.

Speaker 1 (24:19):
Oh well than before in our earlier twins, absolutely
when we got married.

Speaker 2 (24:24):
You were a manager.
You have an eyelash that'sabout to attack your life.

Speaker 1 (24:27):
No, it's really going to make your day adorable, not
doable.

Speaker 2 (24:32):
You were a manager, you were making good money.
I was full time Before.
Groceries were crazy, right,and so we were literally like we
had we were living that dinklife in a real way we literally
we got married at a point towhere two of my checks covered
all of our monthly experiences,so we was out there a while,
yeah it was a good time.

Speaker 1 (24:53):
Good time, great back in the day, it was a really
good time.
You don't feel like cookingback in the day, it was a really
good time.
You don't like cooking, that'sfine, but we never felt like
cooking and we stayed insomebody's restaurant so that I
can see that being financiallystable.

Speaker 2 (25:12):
I do think that's a key point.

Speaker 1 (25:14):
I think that's a huge key point for marrying later
while we did have our years ofstruggle.

Speaker 2 (25:18):
we weren't tied to one another, we were struggling
we were tied to each other, likeemotionally.

Speaker 1 (25:22):
Yeah, but we could have walked away at any time.
Thank, gosh.

Speaker 2 (25:26):
She didn't because I would have to be— but so I can
see that.
And also going back to what youwere saying about the fertility
thing, that's also importantbecause— Very important that's
where marrying younger—.
Yes, because that's wheremarrying younger is very
beneficial Because you know youwomen folk have your clock where

(25:46):
it gets harder, you women folk,where it gets harder as you get
older.
And one day you look up andyou're pregnant at 35 and the
paperwork say geriatric.

Speaker 1 (25:54):
Yeah, that's so crazy .
And then you and your feelings,that's some crazy stuff.

Speaker 2 (25:58):
Because you're 35 and now you're ger feelings.
That's some crazy.
That's some crazy stuff.
Because you 35 and now yougeriatric that's crazy geriatric
pregnancy but it's not.
But it's not just women, mentoo, I mean men.
We do a lot of stupid stuffthat probably hinders our sperm
count yeah, but it don't stop itjust, it just hinders it, just
it.

Speaker 1 (26:12):
Don't stop the show.
It just it jazz tangents forsure.

Speaker 2 (26:17):
So I mean, I honestly feel like if you want a big
family, that is probably one ofthe very few benefits of
marrying a girl.

Speaker 1 (26:23):
Yeah, A 2023 study from the CDC shows that women
who basically marry 35 and olderand who want to start trying to
conceive a child have a higherrisk of infertility than
somebody who obviously isyounger than 35.
So I mean, that makes sense Forthose types of purposes.

(26:44):
I do think it makes sense.
But for us, as an example, Iwas always hell-bent on waiting.

Speaker 2 (26:52):
Because she would have had 10.
Yeah, by 25.

Speaker 1 (26:56):
And I don't know if subconsciously I felt that like
being with you and knowing yourupbringing and knowing how you
spoke about family and stufflike that.
I don't know if subconsciouslyyou did that was just an
arbitrary number that I had set,but it was but I also felt, I
also felt as though in my 30s,again going back to lives, that

(27:17):
we thought you know, I was aplanner.
I was very much a lister and aplanner.
You still are.
I am.
But back then it was very likeno, we have to stick to this
schedule, you know.
So I knew what, how thingsshould have looked all the way
up to 25, 26, you know.
And so I always said, by thetime I was in my 30s, things

(27:39):
should be very nice, bright andsunny enough for me to be more
comfortable with bringing achild into the world.
And so I stuck to that and Iwas like I'm not having kids to
my 30s.
I don't care what, what, whosays what you know.

Speaker 2 (27:52):
But now that I stuck to that plan you wish you would
say I wish I was I do see thebenefits in starting earlier and
that's a whole nother episodewe're talking about, because I,
I had a completely like.
Granted, I was not trying tohave babies at like 22, but I
probably for 25.
To me it was like 25 26, I waslike okay like, let's like like

(28:16):
we should probably get a start.
Let's get this ball rolling.
And my wife was like no, I gotlike six more years, yeah.
Like yeah, calm down, yeah.

Speaker 1 (28:25):
And I knew, and I knew that if we had gotten
married that time, like I wouldhave pressured you, you would
have pressured me, and soanother reason.
Like I said, because I knewyour history and because I knew
what type of man you were, I waslike if I marry him right now.
I'm going to be under thepressure and clock to have his

(28:47):
children.

Speaker 2 (28:48):
My wife knew.
My wife knew that I told herwhen we were dating I wanted a
lot of kids.

Speaker 1 (28:53):
He didn't say he wanted a lot of kids, I said
five.
He wanted a family.
He didn't say a lot of kids.
I told her I wanted five.

Speaker 2 (29:04):
I said I wanted five, maybe six.
I needed.
I needed a starting five plus asub.
I don't remember that I neededa starting five.
I don't remember thatconversation and all I got was
the sub.

Speaker 1 (29:13):
It's the best sub in the sub history okay, she was
like she, she would trick me.

Speaker 2 (29:17):
We're going to go back to back.

Speaker 1 (29:18):
Okay, listen.
No, we are going off on atangent, right now.

Speaker 2 (29:23):
Let me talk, let me talk it, we're going to go,
we're going back to back.
And then she experienced thechildbirth, childbirth and, and
and the postpartum that camewith that.

Speaker 1 (29:33):
And she said no way in hell, Boy, hell, you're
touching me right now.

Speaker 2 (29:35):
She looked at me and said I don't even like you, no
more what you did to me.
I was like I didn't do nothing.

Speaker 1 (29:40):
All right, listen, that was always my intention,
because I was like, if we can goback to back, I could be like
okay, kynesha, you can be awriter and do it and get it done
.
You know you strong, you a thugabout it, you a gangster.

Speaker 2 (30:01):
But research also shows that people that marry in
their late 20s or early 30s havehigher satisfaction rates, and
that's mainly because when youmarry later, you're more mature
yeah, you're more, a little bitmore stable, you have your
habits.
Uh, you know, um, yep, um, youhave your habits, but you're
also, you know, you're willingto see both sides, whereas when
you marry younger, you're alittle immature, you're kind of
setting your ways, whereas whenyou marry younger, you're a

(30:22):
little immature, you're kind ofsetting your ways and you don't
want to compromise because youfeel like you know everything.

Speaker 1 (30:26):
I feel like I feel as though there's a lot of of the
like mushy emotion in it too.
You know what I mean.
Like the whole, that's myhusband, that's my wife, like
I'm loving on you and things aregoing to feel like this forever
.
You know what I mean.
You're my person when you're abit older and you had a little
bit of life experience.

(30:46):
And this doesn't go foreverybody, because we know some
people there are in theirforties that still think they're
19.
So this isn't for everybody.
But typically, when you look atstatistics like that, it makes
sense because, like we saidbefore, you've had a little bit
of life experience, you've gonethrough some things.
You know what you like, basedoff of what you don't like.
So there's a little bit morelife stability there and not as

(31:09):
much wiggle room with thingsyou're willing to put up with.

Speaker 2 (31:13):
And, like you said, going to what you said, life
stability, life stability, andthat's another thing.
When you marry later, you havetime to explore yourself, yeah,
your identity, your goals, andhave a a, a, a, a, a better
level of independence, right,and it also, uh, leads to you
having like stronger, likesocial support, because now you

(31:35):
have mentors, you have stablefriendships yeah, and you
probably have friends who havealready been married, right?

Speaker 1 (31:40):
yeah, yeah, I mean.

Speaker 2 (31:41):
And then you're like girl, when are you gonna join me
?
Because I can't, I can't begoing to brunch all these single
ladies but I do think thatthere is.

Speaker 1 (31:52):
I see both sides of it honestly.
I can definitely see both sidesof it, but there are obviously
benefits to marrying younger andgetting a quote unquote start
on life.

Speaker 2 (32:06):
I really think it.
Like I said at the top, Ireally think it all depends.
I feel like our situation isunique to us as everyone else's
situation will be unique to them.
Us as everyone else thesituation will be unique to them
.
It's just in case we were born,not born, but we were in a
situation to where we decidednot to give up on one another.

(32:27):
Yeah, so we kind of like wealways say, we grew one another.
Yeah, and through that processwe didn't venture far enough off
of who we originally were.
Yeah, so where it made itcapable for us to still be
together and still have our corevalues, still have what
attracted each of us to eachother at the same time.
So, we didn't change a lotthrough our 20s for the maturity

(32:48):
you know.
For, like, our maturity didn'treally change that much.
We're kind of somewhat matureas young adults.
Our morals didn't change, ourbeliefs really didn't change.
Our beliefs really didn'tchange.
Now we, we, we had our, we hadour role.
Bumps, lord knows.
Life was life, yeah, but wewere rooted enough in each other
and the love we have for eachother to go through that

(33:09):
together yeah, I mean, and thething is is obviously we're
still living life, so we don'tknow what life has in store for
us.

Speaker 1 (33:19):
You know what I'm saying.
But, um, like couples marryinglater also, studies show that
typically stay married longer,um, because they delayed
marriage until they felt likethey were ready.
So kind of like with us withthe baby, it was delayed until.

Speaker 2 (33:40):
I felt as though you felt like you were ready.

Speaker 1 (33:42):
I mean I had to do 99% of the work.

Speaker 2 (33:46):
I feel like I would have been a great dad, no matter
what I mean.

Speaker 1 (33:48):
I don't Listen.
I didn't stay with you as longas I did because I thought you
would be a deadbeat.

Speaker 2 (33:53):
Oh wait, are you leaving me?

Speaker 1 (33:54):
now I'm talking about in the beginning.

Speaker 2 (33:55):
But I'm just saying as long as I did Like she got a
date picked in the future.

Speaker 1 (34:00):
I wouldn't have been around if I thought that you
would be a deadbeat because,based on my history and
conversations that we've had,you know how important that is
for me, but now that I see howgood some of these deadbeats got
it, Okay, I'm not doing thiswith you today.
I'm not doing this with youtoday Because I don't think you

(34:20):
have me on child support.
No, as long as you take care ofyour child, there's no reason
to be out there.
Just live my life.
You could do whatever.

Speaker 2 (34:25):
You quite literally can do whatever you want to do,
because that's the only you'regonna have to answer for your
actions.

Speaker 1 (34:31):
I'm not gonna be standing up there with you.
Oh, you can't.
No, lord, give me one second.
Let me go get.
Let me go get kind.
She'll tell you what theexperience was like.
Hold on, jesus, give me asecond.
So, yeah, ok.
But so, going to some of theimpacts that marriage has on

(34:56):
both men and women, ok, let'stalk about it.
Married women are more likelyto experience a marriage pay gap
, earning less than unmarriedwomen due to caregiving
expectations.
What do you think about that?

Speaker 2 (35:09):
I can see how that can be a thing if you're not
working as much or if you're notworking at all.
If you're a stay-at-home mother, you don't have an income, so I
can see that, and if you'refocusing on taking care of your
children and that's the way yourdynamic is set up, yeah, that
makes sense.

Speaker 1 (35:23):
That makes sense.
Married women live three tofive years longer than unmarried
women.

Speaker 2 (35:29):
Okay, However, I think that's true only because
you know they want to win thewar.

Speaker 1 (35:37):
Okay.
However, the health benefits donot speak the same to married
men, and I feel like we havetouched on that before okay.
So even though married women Iguess you know on average, based
on a harvard study that wasdone lived three to five years
longer than unmarried women,married women definitely do not

(35:58):
outlive married men.
That's funny.

Speaker 2 (36:03):
I don't think it's funny Because all the marriages
I know the woman outlived theman.

Speaker 1 (36:10):
And the man died.
What did they die from?

Speaker 2 (36:14):
Well, my grandfather died at old age.
Yeah, well, not old age, but hehad cancer.
Yeah, I don't know.
What's your grandfather diefrom?

Speaker 1 (36:21):
I never knew my grandfather.

Speaker 2 (36:23):
But you knew your granny your whole life.

Speaker 1 (36:26):
But you knew your granny your whole life.

Speaker 2 (36:28):
So I'm saying my research says differently.

Speaker 1 (36:30):
Okay, that's one and that's one.
So that's one and one, that'stwo, but we're talking in
general, so, and that's based onhold on.

Speaker 2 (36:39):
Monty may I lived her husband, okay.
Okay, monty jean, I live hers,okay.
Oh, there's a thing going onhere, huh, like I said in my
experience, and you're in yourexperience.

Speaker 1 (36:49):
Okay, that's fair, do them a little longer.

Speaker 2 (36:52):
They're more resilient, I guess I fully
expect you to live longer thanme.
Okay, strictly, because I don'twant to go first.
I mean, I want to go firstBecause I don't want to have to
deal with it.

Speaker 1 (37:02):
Well, you know, I always say we're going to be in
bed together, cuddly.

Speaker 2 (37:07):
In your fantasy world .
Yes, yeah.

Speaker 1 (37:09):
I mean, if I keep.

Speaker 2 (37:10):
But even if we're in the bed together cuddling, I'm
going to tell God because thatsecond of me realizing you're
not there, you won't, you'd beunconscious I don't want to deal
with it you mean like when youshow up and you're like damn,
where's my sister?

Speaker 1 (37:25):
sister, we're not married in heaven.

Speaker 2 (37:29):
Oh, you know me forever um, let's see.

Speaker 1 (37:34):
uh, women still perform about 70 percent of
unpaid housework Thoughts.
I don't see no problem withthat.
I can't stand you Women are.
Hold on.

Speaker 2 (37:48):
I'll only say that that depends on your dynamic.
If you are like in oursituation, right, you are a
stay-at-home mom.
Yeah, I'm not going to do 50%of the housework when you are at
home.
Like, I'll come home onoccasion and help you with some
dishes, it's not, yes, wellhelping, but like wash your

(38:09):
dishes in your house.
Right, I'll come, like I sweptthe floor this morning.
Like you know, I'll do stuff,it's just it ain't on top of my
list.

Speaker 1 (38:17):
It's not like it's set in your schedule, Like on
Mondays.
I do the dishes.

Speaker 2 (38:22):
What's important to me is that when you turn shit on
, it actually turns on.
When you open the refrigerator,there's actually food in there.
That's how I do my part.
Okay, it may not be the foodyou want.

Speaker 1 (38:33):
But it is, it's there , it's there.

Speaker 2 (38:42):
It might be a beans and rice type of wheat.

Speaker 1 (38:44):
I like beans and rice , I know especially red beans.
I'm not making more red beans.
Cut it out.
This man has had me make redbeans like three times.
Look here.

Speaker 2 (38:54):
I'm not making any more damn beans.
It's about to get chilly.

Speaker 1 (38:57):
It's not getting chilly.
It was like 90 degrees where wewere yesterday.

Speaker 2 (39:01):
It's about to get chilly.
We finna be a bean and souphouse.

Speaker 1 (39:05):
The soup?
Definitely Did you see all theveggies and stuff I bought for
the soup I'm gonna be making her.
I'm gonna a side note I'm gonnaattempt to make like from
scratch homemade pho.

Speaker 2 (39:16):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (39:19):
It should take me two days.
I'll report on it next week.
Bye, I'll report on it, let'ssee.
So these are just like somestatistical facts and stuff that
, based on research, marriageprovides financial and emotional
stability for women raisingchildren.
I agree for I would say for themost part.
I guess single mothers are at a31% poverty risk versus 5% for
married women in the US.

(39:39):
So I mean.

Speaker 2 (39:43):
I suppose I feel like they just married a guy
pregnant by the wrong one.

Speaker 1 (39:47):
I mean, there's women who are married, who got
married to the wrong one,married men lived 8 to 10 years,
longer on average thanunmarried men 8 to 10 years
longer oh yes, on average thanunmarried.

Speaker 2 (39:59):
Men live eight to ten years longer on average than
unmarried men Eight to ten yearslonger, oh yes, on average,
than unmarried men, isn't that?

Speaker 1 (40:02):
crazy though Eight to ten for men and it's only three
to five for women.

Speaker 2 (40:07):
Crazy, but you women are still outpacing us.

Speaker 1 (40:10):
Crazy?
No, they're not.

Speaker 2 (40:13):
It says that they benefit strongly from a stable,
from the stability and care ofmarriage.
Now I do agree with that,because while I do worry about
the financials, I don't worryabout anything else.

Speaker 1 (40:28):
I'm happy we have that on record, you saying that
and then also saying how Hold onBecause that leaves literally
every other emotional and mentalload for the woman, hold on.

Speaker 2 (40:40):
But I do worry about I guess that's still kind of
financially.
I do worry about yourwell-being, my daughter's
well-being.
That's financial.
Well, I worry about the mentalpart of it too.
I see when you're mentallydrained and I try to help out by
sweeping the floor.
Okay, first of all, you are notmentally drained today.
I'm mentally drained.
So I feel like I do what I haveto do when needed.

(41:00):
Ok, that that is my philosophyDo what you, do what you must.

Speaker 1 (41:04):
You feel you fill in where you, where you feel like
the gap is growing, I get what?
I can, when I have it to giveRight, right it also says here
that married men earn 10 to 40percent more than unmarried men,
partly due to stability, focusand spousal support.
Yeah and okay.

(41:27):
So that makes sense, because Ihad also saw a clip where this
guy was essentially saying partof the reason behind that is
because if you didn't have thepressures of a wife or a family
to push you to want to earn more, to, you know, to be in a
higher tax bracket to bring homemore money, then you would be
more comfortable being rightwhere you are earning the
minimum.

Speaker 2 (41:47):
I could cut my income in half and live by myself.
Perfectly fine, exactly,exactly so.
What I'm trying to express toyou right now is the added
expense of having a family.

Speaker 1 (41:58):
That has caused me to earn and to attempt to earn
more so that's what it is so,essentially, you wouldn't be
striving for better in life ifit wasn't for your family.

Speaker 2 (42:10):
It's not better life because I'm not trying.
I'm not trying to get betterfor me, I'm trying to be better
for y'all.

Speaker 1 (42:14):
Okay, but in in essence, that makes you, that
makes you have to step your gameup to be a better person as men
.

Speaker 2 (42:23):
It's the small things make us happy.
Men don't really need a lot.

Speaker 1 (42:29):
Okay, see, and that is you try to bring it down to
like one little thing, like allI need is an apple and I'm happy
.

Speaker 2 (42:38):
And if you gave me, an apple a day, like okay.
It also says here that marriedmen report lower rates of
depression and substance abuse.
Wives often act as healthmanagers.
Now I will say this this healthmanagers health managers.
Yes, I will say this, that istrue, because my wife she will,
she, she Will.

(42:59):
You need to go to the doctor,me to death?

Speaker 1 (43:01):
Did I not just make you a doctor?
Did I not just make you adoctor's appointment?
Oh, my, god, my toe hurt.

Speaker 2 (43:05):
Go to the doctor.

Speaker 1 (43:05):
Go to the doctor.

Speaker 2 (43:06):
Oh my, my elbow Go to the doctor.

Speaker 1 (43:09):
I made him a doctor's appointment.
He got one next month.
And then what I just told youIn other doctors yep, you need
to go see the eye doctor.
Because you ain't?
Because I have noticed thatthere has not been an eye doctor
appointment on there.
So, matter of fact, you justreminded me.
I'm getting on it tomorrow.
Everyone get an eye doctorappointment.

Speaker 2 (43:24):
Well, I do agree with the lower depression rates,
because when you're married, asa married man, you can't afford
to be depressed because you gotshit you got to do, you got now.
I don't know if I agree withthe substance abuse, because it
may.
It just may be alcoholism,because sometimes, dealing with
these, women.
It may just be alcoholismbecause sometimes, dealing with

(43:44):
these women, you need to do alittle drink, a drink, something
to take the edge off.

Speaker 1 (43:46):
But you don't even drink not anymore.

Speaker 2 (43:49):
I used to.

Speaker 1 (43:49):
I know, but you don't even drink.
Remember I was drinking it, Iwas coming home okay, here we go
.
You finna say that.
You finna say that again andI'm gonna still disagree that
that never happened.

Speaker 2 (43:57):
But okay, you was like you, just slow down, okay.
Okay, I was knocking on back.
It says here men are more like,men are more men rely more
heavily on spouses for emotionalsupport.
Without marriage, men oftenhave weaker social networks, and
I will say this is 100% true,because I would not talk to most
of you.
I talk to most of the people Italk to now, especially now, if

(44:18):
this butterfly mouth woman here.

Speaker 1 (44:22):
Oh, now we're name calling.
That's wild, it's pretty.

Speaker 2 (44:26):
Thanks If she didn't talk to me, because most people
know me through my wife.
I have the same two friendsI've had for the last 12 years
with a bunch of extensions I'vehad from my wife.
You're welcome.
I got to tell you all the timemy social life is catered around
this woman.
So when this woman is no longerhere, the social life is gone

(44:48):
and honestly Expect not to seeme.
It doesn't, it won't evenbother me.
I'm good, you don't know.
And also it says divorced menare more likely than women to
struggle with loneliness,financial hardship and health
decline.
And I can understand that 100percent completely.
Because he's divorced and shetook him to the bank.

(45:08):
So now he has financialhardship and since he's worried
about how he's going to survive,his health is declining and
he's lonely because he's outthere fighting by himself
because that woman has drainedhim of everything he's worked
for.

Speaker 1 (45:21):
I don't even, I'm not even going to respond to that,
because she knows it's true.

Speaker 2 (45:29):
Okay, Men experience high, okay.
So, with all the stats andnumbers, men experience stronger
gains across nearly allcategories Health wealth,
longevity and mental well-beingwhen married and women get
emotional support through childrearing stability.

Speaker 1 (45:49):
When you have willing participants, I'm willing, some
health benefits, I love howit's like some health benefits,
but with men it says health andwealth like it's you, it's
definitive.
With women it's some okay, um,but face a disproportionate
household, labor, career andsacrifice more and are like

(46:11):
unlikely that's case by case,because I know, I know more.

Speaker 2 (46:15):
I know a lot of women that are, that have thriving
careers with their children.
Oh, of course okay, nothing is.

Speaker 1 (46:20):
It's not like a definitive thing, but this is
just like based overall, okay,but I know a lot of women that
have thriving careers with theirchildren.
Oh, of course, it's not like adefinitive thing, but this is
just based overall.
But overall research doesconsistently show that men
benefit from marriage far morethan women do in measurable ways
.
I still don't agree with that,but okay, how do you not agree
with that, based on the thingsyou just said by saying like
Four more, I think it's equal.

Speaker 2 (46:42):
Four more is wild.
Women benefit if the marriageis high quality, yes, but if
it's not, they are more likelyto walk away.

Speaker 1 (46:59):
Men.
On the other hand, often 71% ofdivorces are initiated by women
.

Speaker 2 (47:08):
See, it says for men marriage almost always pays
dividends.
I can say my marriage has paidsome dividends.
I have a lovely daughter that Iadore.
That is my dividend she'samazing Right.
It says for women it only payswhen they have the right partner
.
That is absolutely true, so itgoes back to what I say all the
time ladies, choose wisely, yeah.

Speaker 1 (47:30):
Choose wisely, and here's the thing, and that's not
to paint it in such a terriblelight either.
But we also can't ignore thefact that reasonings behind
getting married differs for menand women at different stages in
life, whether it be younger,whether it be older.
My purposes for finding aspouse are completely different

(47:52):
than your purposes of finding aoh gosh, the personality matched
it, this man and it was a match.

Speaker 2 (48:03):
This man, this man what did I tell you yesterday?

Speaker 1 (48:07):
I don't know what did you tell?

Speaker 2 (48:08):
me, you tell me things all the time.

Speaker 1 (48:10):
But yeah, so that does make sense when it says
marriages are only good whenwomen find the right one, the
right one because, I feel like Idid oh.

Speaker 2 (48:22):
She feels like it, she doesn't know.
Okay, all right.

Speaker 1 (48:28):
My experience is completely different than the
majority.
Okay, so.

Speaker 2 (48:32):
I was asking you about your experience and you
felt like you did.
You didn't know, you felt likeit.
Okay.

Speaker 1 (48:38):
Listen, all right.
Like I was saying, the purposesin which people seek out
companionship, partnership,marriage for women is completely
different than that of men.
So it also makes sense when astatement like that is made that
marriage only benefits or worksout greatly for a woman if she

(48:58):
picks the right partner.
Okay, okay, because I, you know,for me I would say, even
majority of the time, even if aman has chosen, uh, someone who
is not like his ideal, he isstill going to, just on maybe a
day-to-day basis, benefit a lotmore from that relationship than

(49:20):
the woman does.
And even if we're just, even ifwe're just talking about his
basic needs being met, him beingfed, him being emotionally
supported, her holding a mentaland emotional space for him and
not, you know, coming down onhis shortcomings or reminding
him of things that he needs todo, just creating that level of
comfort for him to be able to,you know, go through life and

(49:41):
make the necessary adjustments,he's still benefiting more than
she would be benefiting if she'snot getting the emotional
support, if she's not gettingthe financial support, things
like that.
So her experience in therelationship is going to be
completely different than his,things like that.
So her experience in therelationship is gonna be
completely different than his,even if he's not 100 satisfied,
agreed, agree yes okay, that wasa great conversation, babe.

(50:04):
Let's hop on and finish this offwith everyone's favorite.
What is it, babe?
Go ahead and hop on right intoour two cents.
Okay, am I overreacting forbeing upset?
My boyfriend upgraded his seatto first class and left me an

(50:25):
economy.
Let's get into it for ourflight.
My 32 year old boyfriend andI'm a 29 year old female booked
flights for vacation together.
We both bought economy tickets.
At the gate he got an offer toupgrade to first class for a
discount and he took it.
He looked at me and said sorry,babe, I'll see you when we land

(50:47):
.
I ended up sitting in the back,squeezed between two strangers,
while he enjoyed champagne andleg room up front.
When I told him afterwards thatI felt hurt, he said that I was
overreacting and that he quoteunquote deserved it to treat
himself because he paid for hisown ticket.
It honestly felt soinconsiderate, like he just

(51:10):
ditched me out of nowhere.
But now I'm questioning if I'mblowing this out of proportion
or am I seriously overreacting?

Speaker 2 (51:18):
I don't think you're overreacting.
I don't think you'reoverreacting.

Speaker 1 (51:20):
But this is hilarious .
But see, this goes for me.
This goes back to what we weretalking about.
I know.

Speaker 2 (51:26):
Because now I didn't have this and I didn't have an
experience.

Speaker 1 (51:29):
Now, so, moving forward, because when we break
up because I'm adding this tothe list when we break up, I'm
adding this to the list of why.
And when I go into my nextrelationship, when I'm looking
for marriage, I'm going to say Iexpect you to cover me at every
point in your life if we gointo an agreement of marriage.

(51:51):
OK so that also means notleaving me in economy when you
get the chance to upgrade inlife, because that tells me,
when you get the chance toupgrade in life, if I don't fit
in that, guess who's not comingand guess who's going to leave
me behind.
Guess who's not protected.
And that's what I'm in thisrelationship for, right?
So again, you still benefitingfrom being in a relationship
with a woman, but a woman is notgetting what she needs out the

(52:13):
relationship.
All from that.
One little thing, that's.

Speaker 2 (52:15):
That's the way my brain works okay, well, I'm
gonna just say this okay, okayum, I don't think she's, I don't
think you're overreacting.
I do side with you on this andI I see this as a red flag
because I me personally, who Iam, I I wouldn't upgrade, um if
I couldn't upgrade both, bothseats that's what I was going to
say If you would have asked ifyou could upgrade both seats.

(52:37):
Because essentially he just leftyou.
So in my mind, my logical mind,I would probably say and maybe
the guy's not going to agreewith me If he can leave you that
easily on a flight.

Speaker 1 (52:51):
Say it again for the people in the back, babe,
because that's exactly where mybrain went.

Speaker 2 (52:59):
If he can leave, leave that easy on the flight.
If something, if somethingyoung and better, come by, he
gonna leave you that easy again.
So I don't think he's notreally for you.
I I wouldn't do it.
So I don't think you'reoverreacting.
I I think he's, uh, I thinkit's a red flag.

Speaker 1 (53:08):
So add it to the list , baby girl, because that's what
if you're out in a differentcountry, you at a nightclub, and
they offer him to go to VIP andhe say can?
I bring somebody hold on that'dbe flipped hold on and he'd be
like and he'd be like oh babe,they only offer me and I can't
bring bring nobody.
But enjoy the club and I'llmeet you back at the hotel later

(53:28):
.

Speaker 2 (53:28):
Wow crazy work.

Speaker 1 (53:30):
I am, I'm leaving.
Okay, I'm leaving Becausethat's for me, like that's what
I'm saying For women, it's likethat's a huge red flag.

Speaker 2 (53:39):
It's a red flag for me, because I would have said
the same shit.

Speaker 1 (53:41):
Hold on, you didn't do what.
You're leaving me Right.
And then you tell me that it'snot.

Speaker 2 (53:45):
We're leaving together or not, right?

Speaker 1 (53:56):
And the reason need you to pay for the ticket?
It's gonna be for the movers tocome get your shit at my place
too.
Um, let's see, am Ioverreacting for locking my
bedroom door after mymother-in-law kept entering
without permission?
oh, okay I'm a 23 year oldfemale and I've been married to
my husband, who's 31, for threeyears and we're currently
expecting our first child.
We both expected, but alsowe're also.
We're excited, but alsostressed.

(54:17):
I've had a tough pregnancy, andrest is really important to me.
My mother-in-law, who's 55,lives about 20 minutes away and
has had a bad habit of justdropping by unannounced girl no
my husband has always brushed itoff, saying that's just how she
is and that she means well.
At first it was annoying but butlately she's been crossing
serious boundaries.
Last month she came over whileI was napping, let herself in

(54:41):
with the spare key we gave herfor emergencies and came into
our bedroom to quote unquotecheck on me.
I woke up standing.
I woke up with her standing bymy bed watching me sleep.
I told my husband it was creepyand that I wanted to spare a
key back.
He said that I was overreactingand that she was just being
motherly.
Then it happened again twice.

(55:02):
One time I was in just at-shirt and underwear and she
actually sat down at the edge ofthe bed to talk.
I told her firmly that I neededprivacy and rest, so I changed
the doorknob on our bedroom doorto one with a lock.
The next time she dropped byand couldn't get into our room,
she freaked out Apparently.

(55:23):
She tried the handle, knockedand even called my husband at
work saying she was worried thatsomething had happened.
Later that night she called mecontrolling and rude, saying I
was quote unquote shutting herout of her grandchild's life.
Already my husband asked if Icould just take the doorknob off
just to keep the peace.
I told him no, she doesn'trespect boundaries and the lock

(55:47):
stays.
Now his whole family is sayingthat I'm being dramatic and that
pregnancy hormones are makingme paranoid.
I honestly don't think that I'mwrong, but now I feel isolated
and ganged up on.
Am I wrong for locking mybedroom door?
no, no, no no you're not, no,it's that.
You're no, no tell your husbandto grow some balls okay, you

(56:11):
already chose when you marriedme, sir, like, like that, I
think that's First of all youhave to understand.
You chose when you married me.
This is why you chose when youasked me to be your wife and to
be the mother of your child.
You chose, you made a decision.
I'm going to say this again.

Speaker 2 (56:26):
I say it all the time If your partner is with child,
pregnant, your number onepriority should make sure that
she is extremely comfortable.
Give her whatever she needs,because her mental state is the
baby's mental state.
So you have to think about Idon't care how illogical it

(56:50):
sounds, dumb, how unnecessary itsounds to you.
If she deems it necessary, yougo along with it, at least until
that baby is out, right?
You don't even confront herabout this.
And your mother is weird sir,who watches someone sleep.
I would have locked the doortoo.
Look here as someone who hasbeen through this, not to this

(57:13):
extent.

Speaker 1 (57:14):
I was like you have not been through that.

Speaker 2 (57:17):
But we used to live close to my mother-in-law and
she would just pop up and,matter of fact, one of the
reasons for buying my house, Itold her.
I said it needs to be farenough away to where she would
have to call to verify ifsomebody would be here.
That was a rule, so Verify ifsomebody would be here that was
a rule, so she don't like wastethe trip, right.
Because she don't want to justpull up and be like man.

(57:39):
I just wasted an hour 45 minutesto an hour On the freeway to
get here and ain't not home.
So no, you're not wrong, you'renot overreacting, you're not
the asshole.

Speaker 1 (57:50):
I would lock I would change the front door lock?
Yeah, because would lock.
I would change the front doorlock.
Yeah, because listen here, andfrom, like the, the
mother-in-law's two perspective,I can understand this.
Being your first grandchild, Ican understand this.
Being like your, your son isyour baby.
I get that.
But you also have to respecthis life and his wife, right?
So it's not like his wife issaying that she doesn't want you

(58:12):
around.
That's not the complaint.
The complaint isn't you beingaround.
The complaint is you just notrespecting the boundaries and
her privacy.
Because even if she, like she,wants to take a nap in the
middle of the day, right?
If you wanted to check on hercall, send a text message, ask
if everything is okay, ask ifshe's in the mood for some

(58:32):
company, ask if you want me tobring you something, then I can
come over.
But you just on a randomWednesday being like, oh you
know what, Let me go check outmy son's house and bother his
wife, who's pregnant, and see ifI can get on her nerves.

Speaker 2 (58:46):
It's just like last week.
We told our boy the problem isthat you popped up, stop popping
up.

Speaker 1 (58:53):
Listen here.
Problem is that you popped it.
You popped up.
Stop popping up.
Yeah, people don't like listenhere people.
Some people are cool with itand that's fine.
I'm not not everybody's coolwith you, just popping up out
the blue and being like okay,well, I was just coming to check
in on you, I want to hang outor like with her, especially
because she is pregnant.
Call her and be like hey,daughter, like is everything
okay?
Can I bring you something?
I was thinking about stoppingby, like because she could

(59:15):
genuinely just want to be aroundyou because you're carrying her
grandchild and that's perfectlyokay, that's fine.
But you can't just do that whenyou feel like it.
That's the issue.
I don't mind you wanting to bearound me because I'm pregnant.
There are some people who lovebeing around pregnant people
like pregnant women.
They love it.
It's like the energy, likerubbing bellies, asking if they.
That's fine.

(59:35):
You just can't do it when youfeel like it.
You need to be courteous,respect the boundaries.
Her husband, your son, needs tosay hey, mom, we appreciate all
the support that you try togive us.
We love when you come by.
The only request that my wife ismaking is that you don't use
the key that we gave you foremergency purposes, for

(59:55):
non-emergency purposes.
It is not okay for you to justwalk into my house at any given
time, walk into our bedroom.
That's the problem.
That, like I my, I had a anissue with my friend who had
told me that her in-law, hermother-in-law, had went into
their house and went into theirbedroom saying she was looking

(01:00:17):
for a band-aid and somehow endedup looking through their
nightstands.
Baby, you wasn't searching forno band-aid in my nightstand.
You were not looking in mynightstand for a band-aid.
Who goes into somebody'snightstand and look for a
band-aid?
And not the medicine cabinet orthe bathroom?
But in any case, you shouldn'tbe walking your ass in my

(01:00:37):
bedroom in general without likepermission.

Speaker 2 (01:00:41):
I mean, you know how I feel about people sitting on
our bed.

Speaker 1 (01:00:44):
Oh well, no, yeah, no , you absolutely cannot sit on
my bed I would like to go to myroom.
That's not a thing, but themother-in-law just needs to
respect the boundaries,especially during this time
Especially.
The mother-in-law just needs torespect the boundaries,
especially during this time,especially during this time.
I don't think she's wrong forwanting to be around her
daughter-in-law.
I don't think she's wrong forwanting to go to the son's house
, whatever, she just needs torespect the boundary and I think

(01:01:04):
everything will be fine.
A simple phone call or textmessage and I honestly think it
will solve the issue.

Speaker 2 (01:01:09):
I'm going to say just stop popping up before you get
popped.

Speaker 1 (01:01:22):
Okay, maurice, you get popped.
Okay, marise, that's a littlemuch here.
That's a little dramatic.
No one's gonna get popped.
Are you a sex criminal?
Who's now?
I want to watch big bang theory.
No, I'm not a sex criminal.
All righty guys.
This has been another episodeof the life after I do podcast.
You can follow us on all of oursocial media.
You can follow us on TikTok,instagram, facebook.

Speaker 2 (01:01:36):
YouTube OnlyPans.

Speaker 1 (01:01:38):
Don't forget to like and comment and share if you've
been enjoying the podcast.
We appreciate all the new lovethat we've gotten over on the
platforms.
Would you stop tickling me?
And we enjoy recording theseepisodes for you guys.
Remember you can always writeinto lifeafteridoepodcasts at
gmailcom for any type of adviceor if you want to send us are

(01:02:01):
you the assholes or am Ioverreacting?
And you can continue to DM themto us too.
You guys seem to really like toDM us these things, so we
appreciate all the love andsupport.
You get a new episode everyWednesday, so until then, peace
booskies, peace booskies.