Rings, Riches & Regrets

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This episode dives into the pitfalls of marrying for aesthetics, exploring how materialism overshadows genuine emotional connections. Through personal stories and insightful analysis, the hosts challenge societal norms that equate love with lavish weddings and extravagant rings. Tune in to rethink the foundation of your relationships and prioritize emotional intelligence over superficiality.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
I need you to explain to me why you deserve a $30,000
ring, and her only response wasbecause I deserve it.
Hey, everybody, and welcomeback to another episode of A

(00:38):
Life After I Do the Podcast.
How's everyone this wonderfulWednesday?
I'm sorry, are you expecting?

Speaker 2 (00:43):
them to answer.

Speaker 1 (00:45):
I like to think that they answer in my head.

Speaker 2 (00:47):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (00:49):
Whatever, hope everyone is having a lovely
Wednesday morning, afternoon,night.
Whenever you're listening tothis, I hope it's started off to
be a great day.
I hope it's sunshine andrainbows sunshine, rainbows,
unicorns All of the above.
I just hope that you have agreat day.
I'll get you a puppy.

Speaker 2 (01:12):
I want to get a puppy .

Speaker 1 (01:14):
Hey, babe, hey.

Speaker 2 (01:15):
Booskies, how's it going.
Meh.

Speaker 1 (01:22):
Why is it meh, meh, nah, I don't feel no way.
I feel, uh.
How was your week that's?

Speaker 2 (01:29):
indifferent.
Okay, talk about it.
I want you to talk about yourweek first.
Why?

Speaker 1 (01:33):
because you just go first okay, I mean, I had a
pretty decent week, that's greatum, I hope everybody had a
great valentine's day.
I had a good valentine's daythat's great I loved my flowers.
My husband got me some reallynice flowers.
They were beautiful, favoritecolor.

Speaker 2 (01:52):
They got two more days than they did.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
Let's hope not.
I put the plant food in there,not the plant food, the flower
food stuff in there.

Speaker 2 (02:02):
How many times have you changed the water?

Speaker 1 (02:04):
Twice.

Speaker 2 (02:06):
Have you cut the ends ?

Speaker 1 (02:07):
yes, okay they might have a, they might have a higher
chance of survival this time.
I mean, you know, I I don'thave a strong track record of
keeping flowers alive.
You don't have no record.

Speaker 2 (02:17):
So I mean I do have a record I think your longest
stint of letting flowers livewas 46 hours.

Speaker 1 (02:26):
Okay, now you just want to.
Actually, no, you're justtrying to play in my face.

Speaker 2 (02:29):
This might be your longest.

Speaker 1 (02:30):
You're just trying to play in my face.

Speaker 2 (02:32):
It's been almost four days and you're going strong
with these ones.
So this is I am impressed.
You should be, I am impressed.

Speaker 1 (02:38):
You should be.
I mean, don't expect them to behere probably another week.
Expect them to be here probablyanother week.
I don't, I didn't expect to behere just long.
I mean I like to say that I'mI've stepped my game up.
I'm doing a little better, um,but anyway, yeah, so I had a
good valentine's day.
I hope everybody else out therehad a great valentine's day.
Um, valentine's day isn't likeit's not.
It's not one of those holidaysthat I get like super, super

(03:01):
giddy about.
I don't know, I've never beenlike super huge on.
No, you do, but I've never been.
I've never been like you know,like oh my gosh, valentine's Day
and making this big hoopla LikeI.
You know you notice me andrecognize me all throughout the
year, but Valentine's Day I dolike the extra little oomph,

(03:22):
which is nice, but it'sprimarily extra little oomph
which is nice, but it'sprimarily extra little oomph,
but it's primarily for the kid.
Now, because I just think it'sreally important for you to set
that bar.
Set that bar high for her.
Yeah, she was really excited,though, like seeing her
excitement when you were like oh, I got you something and she

(03:43):
was looking like what For me?
And I'm like Phoenix.
I got you something and she waslooking like what for me, and
I'm like Phoenix.
It's been like this every year.
Relax, like stop trying to makeit seem like you didn't get a
Valentine's and give last year,calm down.

Speaker 2 (03:55):
She didn't eat yesterday.

Speaker 1 (03:57):
But anyway, yeah.
So I had a good week there.
Um, just been busy with thetypical stuff, you know, the kid
keeping up with her schedule,going to the gym.
That's been working out reallygood.
My show my elbow is starting tofeel a little bit better.
In case you guys didn't know, Ihad a little bit of like, I
guess, tennis elbow, but it'sgetting a little better.
I mean, I'm still not able tofully extend my arm all the way

(04:20):
out when it's like in front ofme, but you know, I don't really
notice it as much when I'mlifting weights and I it could
be because I'm trying to ignoreit too, because I'm like Mind
over matter.

Speaker 2 (04:31):
Push, push, push, push.
Mind over matter.

Speaker 1 (04:33):
Yeah, and then when I'm done with my workout, I'll
be like, oh gosh, my elbow'sabout to fall off.

Speaker 2 (04:46):
Mm-hmm, okay so, but yeah, I had a pretty good week I
was yours.

Speaker 1 (04:49):
This week showed me a lot of things.
Oh my gosh, why, what, what,what did it show you?

Speaker 2 (04:56):
Everyone in this house.

Speaker 1 (04:57):
Uh-huh.

Speaker 2 (04:57):
On Valentine's Day got something.

Speaker 1 (04:59):
Uh-huh.
By me, uh-huh I didn't getnothing.
Okay.

Speaker 2 (05:06):
No one thought about me.

Speaker 1 (05:07):
That's not true.
What do you always say?
What do I say?
Never to get you anything.
That's not what I say.

Speaker 2 (05:15):
That's what you always say I accept all gifts.

Speaker 1 (05:17):
Okay, Next Valentine's Day.
We are going to make it thebest Valentine's Day ever.

Speaker 2 (05:22):
You're going to forget about this after we
finish recording.
No, so my weekend was just along weekend.

Speaker 1 (05:32):
Okay, I need you to snap out of it.
I need you to snap out of it.
I'm telling you my week Cut itout.
Cut it out Because he was noteven behaving this way before.
Now, all of a sudden, thecameras are rolling and the
lights is on.
Now he trying to be allmelancholy.
Stop it.
Stop it, it was me, stop it.

Speaker 2 (05:53):
It was me.

Speaker 1 (05:55):
I gotta let the people know how I feel about my
week.
Okay, but don't switch up howyou feel when we start recording
.

Speaker 2 (06:02):
You know, the one thing I would say I did, I got.
I went to one of my favoriterestaurants with some friends on
Valentine's Day, so I treatedmyself, so I got myself
something, but my family didn'tgive me anything.
Diabolical.

Speaker 1 (06:15):
My family didn't give me anything Diabolical, so you
got yourself some dinner, yes,or did we go on a double date?

Speaker 2 (06:21):
I got myself a dinner with some friends.
I'd like to thank my goodfriend Julie and Eric for their
company.

Speaker 1 (06:30):
Just F me huh.

Speaker 2 (06:32):
On Valentine's Day, my wife didn't care she ate.
She was there, she just didn'tcare about me.
I'd like to thank my goodfriends for trying to salvage my
Valentine's Day.
Oh, for trying to salvage yourValentine'sine's day.

Speaker 1 (06:48):
For trying to salvage your valentine's day, my wife
made sure that's so funnybecause you were like talking
about how you're having so muchfun and that you were so excited
to be out with me and that wewere just gonna like enjoy the
evening and you were so hyperand I was putting on a brave
face, to make sure to make surethat you enjoyed your day.

Speaker 2 (07:08):
Since you don't want to make it about me, I'm not
doing this with you today.
So I'm not doing this with youtoday.

Speaker 1 (07:13):
You know I don't want to do this, so that was, that
was most of my week.

Speaker 2 (07:17):
On a positive tip, you know um, I've gotten a
little stronger, pushing alittle more heavier weight a
little bit, a little bit.
See, this is the more heavierweight.
A little bit A little bit.

Speaker 1 (07:26):
See, this is the attitude you bring out of me.
See what I'm saying.
This is it.

Speaker 2 (07:30):
And yeah, I mean I just look forward to.
Oh, actually, I did have agreat week.

Speaker 1 (07:37):
Hold on, you see how that.
You see the switch up.

Speaker 2 (07:40):
I thought about it.
He was trying to like keep itlike I thought about it.

Speaker 1 (07:43):
He was trying to keep it like I thought about it, and
now he's like oh, I did have agood week.
I'm telling y'all that he beputting on.
Let me tell you something.
Let me tell you something.

Speaker 2 (07:51):
Obviously, I just thought about something that
made me very happy.
So my Valentine's Day wasterrible, because my wife didn't
think about me at all.

Speaker 1 (07:58):
Oh my gosh, but my week was great.

Speaker 2 (08:00):
So, about around last Thursday I get a call from my
tax guy.
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 (08:09):
Bye, maurice.

Speaker 2 (08:09):
Shout out to Robert, if you don't need a tax guy,
call me.
I got a good tax guy and hecalls me and he's like hey,
Maurice, I got some numbers foryou, do you want to know?
And I said, look here, robert,I got enough bad news in my life
.
Oh my gosh, if I owe them, justsend the paperwork.
I'll see the amount when I signthe paper for you to file.
If I don't owe them, then tellme the good news.

(08:32):
And I got good news we don'towe this year, we don't owe, so
that's a good news.

Speaker 1 (08:38):
We don't owe that.
Actually, that was good newsfor me too, but I wasn't about
you.

Speaker 2 (08:42):
I realize now, as your punishment for leaving me
out of that time of day, youwill not be seeing any of my tax
money.
What Y'all know she will not beseeing any A dime of our tax
money Of my tax money, becauseall that tax money is coming
from the hours I worked.

Speaker 1 (09:02):
The hours that we worked.
The hours that we workedtogether, y' that we worked, we
worked together.

Speaker 2 (09:08):
Y'all might see I might post a picture or two.
When my taxes come in me and mydaughter will be acting
different.
We'd be a little bougie.

Speaker 1 (09:15):
There will be signs.
Take her to Chick-fil-A.

Speaker 2 (09:19):
We're going to go to Louis Vuitton and say let me
talk to Louis.

Speaker 1 (09:23):
It's not a person.
We came here to talk to Louis.
Oh gosh, it's never a dullmoment with you.
That's so funny.

Speaker 2 (09:40):
That was actually that was really great, Really
great.
That was good.
And then a good friend of minetold me how much he was getting
and I said I need three morekids.

Speaker 1 (09:48):
No, absolutely not.

Speaker 2 (09:50):
So my plan is to work on that later.
I'm going to just try to shootfor triplets, oh, okay.

Speaker 1 (09:57):
And then you know, yeah, until they change it and
be like, oh no, if they were allborn on the same day, then you
can only Shit.
Could you imagine Shit?
Could you imagine Like what ifsomebody had five kids, right,
but they can only Count as one?

Speaker 2 (10:16):
Diabolical.

Speaker 1 (10:16):
Because it was one pregnancy that produced five
children.
So in the eyes of the law'relike oh no, sorry, that's one.

Speaker 2 (10:26):
I think it's wild that I've been able to make.
I don't know how much I make,but I've been able to make the
same amount working less in thelast two years that's numbers
for you, that's numbers how am Iworking less, making the same?

Speaker 1 (10:44):
yeah, it's numbers for you.

Speaker 2 (10:46):
Shout out to Big Brown because my raise is coming
up soon.

Speaker 1 (10:50):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (10:51):
It's going to be nice for me and my daughter.

Speaker 1 (10:56):
I'm not worried about you.
I'm not worried about you atall.

Speaker 2 (11:01):
My daughter and I we are going to live a great life.

Speaker 1 (11:04):
Oh are you, yes, Interesting.
We're just trying to seewhether or we are going to live
a great life.
Oh, are you yes?

Speaker 2 (11:05):
Interesting.
We're just trying to seewhether or not we're going to
include her mother.

Speaker 1 (11:10):
I mean, you don't have to make an effort to
include me because I'm like, I'mso a part of it that you don't
have to include me.
I'm like there, it's like rightthere.

Speaker 2 (11:21):
We like the separation of church and state.
Okay, smo and fee, and thenthere's just guy.

Speaker 1 (11:30):
This is, you know, marriage is like like 80%, just
like you and your spouse Talkingshit, just talking shit.

Speaker 2 (11:42):
No, you can get them triplets though.
Okay, no, you gotta take thatup with the good lord sir you
either gotta let her be a bigsister or get her a cat listen
here.

Speaker 1 (11:53):
Okay, the whole topic of the, the cat topic that's
been happening within ourhousehold since december, it it
needs to stop.
Okay, it needs to stop.
Okay, it needs to stop, becauseI feel as though you guys are
trying to break me down and youfeel like if you just chip at me
just a little bit each day thatI'm just going to give in and

(12:17):
just give the kid a cat.

Speaker 2 (12:19):
But my daughter on the way to the park.
Yesterday, when we were walkingto the park, she said Dad, I
just wish I had a cat.

Speaker 1 (12:25):
Okay.
So what's funny?
I think I had told you when Iwas watching her from practice
the other night.
Well, like a week ago, twoweeks ago, there was this gray
and white cat that, just like,was walking past the gym and I
looked at it for a second and Iwas like I mean I could just
swoop you up and take you to thevet and make sure you're not
sick or something, and then giveher the cat.

(12:46):
But you know, I was like butthen I would have to touch it,
then it would have to be in mycar and it's a cat.
And I was like ugh, likeimmediately.
I was like ugh, it's a cat.

Speaker 2 (12:55):
We over time because your week took too long.

Speaker 1 (12:57):
My week took too long .
You started off in a depressivestate and then had something
that you remembered, and nowit's like because I was sad
Friday no one, oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 (13:10):
No one cared about me but Eric and Julie no one.

Speaker 1 (13:14):
That's funny because I made reservations.
That's diabolical.

Speaker 2 (13:18):
My phone.

Speaker 1 (13:19):
That's diabolical.
No, I did not.
It's diabolical that I madereservations to what I know to
be his favorite restaurant andcalled him and told him that I
made reservations for hisfavorite restaurant that we
always end up having to wait for.
So I was like, oh, I knowexactly what my husband's going

(13:41):
to want to eat tonight.
I know exactly what would put asmile on his face I'm going to
make reservations for hisfavorite restaurant.
And then you sit up here andsay that I didn't care about you
on Valentine's Day, that Ididn't think of you on
Valentine's Day.
The cat is people.

Speaker 2 (13:57):
Wild people.
This is the last I'm going tosay about this.
Don't believe her height.
My wife wanted the orangechicken from this place and
that's why she made thereservation.

Speaker 1 (14:07):
I made the reservation.
Is it or is it not one of yourfavorite restaurants?

Speaker 2 (14:10):
It's my favorite place to get egg rolls.

Speaker 1 (14:12):
Is it or is it not, one of your favorite?
Well, we got the label.
No, uh-uh, I'm not movingingyou.
Yep, is it or is it not?

Speaker 2 (14:27):
They have great egg rolls and great guozi.
I'm going to pull your beard,you wouldn't be the first time.

Speaker 1 (14:33):
You like the restaurant I do like the
restaurant.

Speaker 2 (14:35):
You have made the claim that it is your favorite.

Speaker 1 (14:36):
You have made the claim.
It's not my favorite restaurant.

Speaker 2 (14:40):
It's my favorite place.
It's my favorite local place toget egg rolls in.

Speaker 1 (14:43):
Guadalupe.

Speaker 2 (14:47):
It ain't.

Speaker 1 (14:48):
Dwayne's Life with you is interesting.

Speaker 2 (14:50):
It ain't Dwayne's, it ain't Bungalow.

Speaker 1 (14:52):
I don't even think the Bungalow is even in business
anymore.

Speaker 2 (14:55):
Yes, it is, I looked it up.

Speaker 1 (14:56):
When did you look it up?
A couple weeks ago.
Why are you going to lie?
I'm not lying.
I just saw your lie face.
I'm not lying.

Speaker 2 (15:03):
Someone has an anniversary coming up.

Speaker 1 (15:04):
Okay, but.

Speaker 2 (15:05):
And I'm actually planning something for you, but
I shouldn't, because obviously Iwouldn't thought about.
But you know, I digress what wegot today, booskies, what we
got today.

Speaker 1 (15:18):
Something I should have done.
Married for aesthetics, becauseyou call me ugly.

Speaker 2 (15:25):
Because I'm out, I'm done, okay, wow oh no, no.

Speaker 1 (15:35):
Today I wanted to talk to you and just kind of
shoot the shit about.
You know people who marry foraesthetics and materialism.
Some pros and cons to marryingfor aesthetics and materialism
go ahead oh my gosh, I'm teasingyou he was tasting me for those

(15:59):
of you who got that referencerip bernie yeah.
Rest in peace, Bernie Mac.
But yeah, so people who marryfor aesthetics and materialism.
So, I had came across thisanother clip and they were
discussing how, you know, womenare asking for big rings and

(16:21):
expensive rings, and he had afemale who said that her ring
needed to be a minimum of 30 K,and he was like what makes you
think you deserve a ring that'sworth $30,000?
And you want to be like?

(16:43):
Her claim is that she wants a1% man and she wants a wedding
ring or an engagement ringthat's at least a minimum 30 K.
So she want to walk around herewith a model three basically.
And so he was like I'm a.
He was like I just looked ather because that's what a man
who's in the 1% would do, whichis just look at you and I need
you to explain to me why youdeserve 30, a $30,000 ring.

(17:06):
And her only response wasbecause I deserve it.
And that's probably that's a lotof people's mentality.
It is a lot of people'smentality.
So I was just thinking cause ofcourse you know me and the
rabbit holes so if you stay onsomething too long, that's
exactly what social media willdo.
It just shows you more of it.
So then I went down the rabbithole about the vast majority

(17:29):
videos that I kept finding aboutpeople talking that they don't
want the marriage if they can'tget pretty much the aesthetic,
like the wedding day, the dress,the ring, and I was just
thinking, like people are notreally out here considering
trying to spend even a half of alifetime with somebody if

(17:51):
things don't look good or ifthey can't get the material
effect out of it.
What do you think about that?

Speaker 2 (18:00):
I think people are naive.

Speaker 1 (18:02):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (18:03):
And you can.
You can look well put togetheror you won't.
That don't mean you're notdealing with turmoil and
depression and a whole slew ofthings on the inside.
Looks don't equal how you feelor the reality in which you're
living in Right, because you canhave every worldly possession

(18:25):
you want and be miserable.

Speaker 1 (18:27):
That is true.
That is true, but not only that.
What happens if?
Because the only thing I canthink about is what happens if
someone sells you the facaderight, or even if they don't
sell you the facade.
What if things start off whereyou're living the lavish life,
you had the lavish wedding,you've got the big ring, you do

(18:50):
the vacations, everything looksgood.
You marry someone, a 1% man ora man who's at the top of his
game financially, then whathappens when he loses it all?

Speaker 2 (19:04):
9 times out of 10.

Speaker 1 (19:05):
She's probably going to leave because she wasn't
winning for the right reason tostart with yeah, that's true,
but do you think that she wouldhave to look at me like that?

Speaker 2 (19:16):
no, I just thought about, uh, I just thought about
julie oh uh, but do you thinkthat hold?
On because she's gonna hearthat I thought about what she
said.
You can't see a wall in thepicture oh, no, no, that wasn't
it.

Speaker 1 (19:33):
That was an inside, an inside joke with a few of our
um, one of our best friendmarried couples, um, but yeah,
so I it.
But it just made me think about, okay, I, I think.
I think what I can't wrap myhead around, okay, right, is

(19:55):
considering going throughsomething as heavy and as legal
as a marriage, on the foundationthat this person provides you
with things Right with thingsright, and then, once the things

(20:21):
are not there, it's just likeyou're not there like if that,
if that's a mutual agreement.
If it's an understanding, Ithink that's different.
Like don't get me wrong, right?
I think that's different.
If it's like a mutualunderstanding, the mutual
understanding is you take careof me and the other mutual
understanding is you look goodand do what I need for you to do
.
Like if that's the terms inagreement of your relationship,
by all means, who am I who?

(20:43):
Who am I to judge?
You know what I'm saying, but Ijust think that it sets this
type of like foundation,especially for the younger, that
these things outweigh people'smental health, people's
character.
You know what I'm saying.
Like for them to see thingslike that, because they see like

(21:06):
, oh, she got the pretty bigring, oh, they take vacations,
oh, he has money, and then it'slike it's easy to love, it's
easy to love someone or you knowwhat I mean, you know what I'm
saying.
It's easy to have the lovefeelings and the love chemicals
in your brain when everythingappears to be smooth sailing, or
if you are on, you know, akaeasy street or things you have,

(21:29):
all of the things that make youhappy.

Speaker 2 (21:32):
But then again, like I said, it's like a lot of times
that's just a facade.
That's just a facade, it's.
They want to appear one way and, like I said, they could be
going through turmoil.
Yeah, constantly, because he'swith her for her looks, she's
with him for what he provides.
But on a more, on a, on adeeper level, on a spiritual

(21:56):
level, they don't mesh Right,you know so.
They they're never in agreeanceon anything.

Speaker 1 (22:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (22:02):
You know and I, and the thing is, you can get
married for those, for thosereasons.
But if you're talking aboutbeing married in a sense of
sustainability, the connectionor the compatibility has to
start from within.
It's not necessarily on amaterial or well.

(22:23):
I mean aesthetics is therebecause you have to be visually
pleasing to one another to evenengage in the conversation with
one another.
Yeah, you do.
But as far as the materialthings like that, material
things are something for mepersonally I would say is it's,

(22:43):
it's on the bottom of the listbecause I care more about who my
partner is on the inside, likeI wouldn't be able to go out and
do the things I do, work thehours I work, if I felt like he
wasn't deserving of my efforts.
You know what I'm saying and Iknow me in particular.

(23:06):
I'm just not the guy.
I'm not going to just dosomething Cause you look pretty
Like I don't, because I meanit's kind of harsh to say but I,
there's plenty of uh, there'suh plenty fish in the pond and
I'd rather go find the fish I'mcompatible with and and and bust
my ass for her than just foryou because you think you at the
top of the other chain because,because you, because you think,

(23:28):
because you can use the baitjust as quick, right?
so that's just, that's just mymentality.
I don't think, um and I and Iand I really would hope and
think that people wouldunderstand that you have to have
some kind of connection, andbut I understand that there's
people out here who are, um,from a woman's point of view,
just looking for stability, andthey will.

(23:49):
They will, uh, acquiesce orsettle for things or for men
that they necessarily wouldn'tsee themselves with or don't
have really connection with,because he provides stability
and they're okay with that.
And that's where their level ofconcern stops.
They're not looking foranything.
They will forego the deepconnection, the deep bond, the

(24:10):
deep love, the deep mutualrespect.
If he, he's able to providethem with a good, stable life in
which they can be thestay-at-home mother, they can
drive the newest thing, they canhave the latest clothes or
whatever the case may be, if heprovides her with that level of

(24:31):
status in life, they're morethan willing to play that role
for their own stability.
Especially, I feel like,especially when it's in a
situation to where they comefrom, a situation to where they
necessarily are not used tohaving things and now they're
saying, oh okay, I can, I can, Ican maintain this level of
dress up to make my life easier.

Speaker 1 (24:52):
I mean, and I and I and I can understand that and I
can get that, and that's alsolike I think it would be
dismissive to say that thatdoesn't play a part, even with
women who don't just marry, foryou know aesthetics or you know
money or whatever stability isis like it's right there.

(25:13):
You know what I mean.
Like you, of course, you wantto marry for stability, for life
stability, financial stability.
There is nothing wrong withthat.
I think what I'm saying is iswhat they were saying in the
clip that I was gathering is,that being just the only reason,
the only reason right Cause I'mnot saying like I'm not saying

(25:34):
stability isn't something youshouldn't look for right right,
but again I'll take us forexample.

Speaker 2 (25:41):
Right it's, we were not.
We were in no way shape or formstable for most of the
relationship right right.
We were day to day, check bycheck, week by week.
We got through this week but wewere working towards stability,
right.
And then when we achieve that,now that we have achieved

(26:01):
stability, and we reflect onwhat we went through in our past
, our trials, our earlier years,our trials, our tribulations
and our growth, and how we stoodby each other and stood for
each other.
I think we have a mutual respectand a mutual loyalty to each
other because we are literallyin a phase in life where we were

(26:22):
able to be with each otherthrough all phases of life.
Yeah Right, like I always tellyou, like you held me down when
I had nothing Right, so youdeserve everything when I obtain
, except for my tax money.
You observe everything when Iattain it right, so like I would
not be where I am in life nowwithout you I am not blind or

(26:46):
oblivious to that that thestrength that you gave me, the
strength that you stood by me,the support that you gave me,
put me in this position toevolve and become into the role
I play as your husband.
I'm aware of that.
So in my eyes, it doesn'treally matter.

(27:09):
It doesn't really matter goingforward, what may be pleasing or
easy on the eyes of me, I feellike in my eyes, you have earned
my loyalty throughout, nomatter what.
There is no other option for me.

Speaker 1 (27:27):
There's no BBL big enough.

Speaker 2 (27:29):
I don't like BBLs anyway.
There's no woman that could comein and take your place in a
position where she could evereven have your position Right,
because your position that canonly be filled by you.
Because the level of trust andthe level of support that I get

(27:50):
from you and that I have for youI cannot personally provide
this, to personally provide thisto anyone else because you're
the only woman that I trust withall my being Like I, I, like I,
I can.
I have full, full, I have fullfaith and confidence in you that
when I leave here, if I leavehome, if I go do anything, that

(28:11):
the version of you, that you,that I was around when I was
here, is the same version that'sgoing to be here when I got
back and the same version that'sgoing to maintain you
throughout your day, no matterwhere you go.
I know that you're not going todeviate from who you are based
on, who's around you.
I know that the version ofKinesha I get is the version of

(28:31):
Kinesha everyone gets, and Ithink that that part is really
crucial to the longevity and thestability of our own, of our
own marriage, because we are ata place where the stability and
the comfort in each other canoutweigh any, any level of
temptation, like even when you,even when things are rocky or

(28:55):
maybe we have some troubles,it's still nothing else out
there.
That's more appealing to methan you.

Speaker 1 (29:01):
Now I can't speak for you.
Yeah, I know Hefty.
Oh my gosh, Really that was alow blow, yeah you like them low
?
No.

Speaker 2 (29:13):
You like them?
Shorts low.

Speaker 1 (29:18):
He's referring to.
You know, we give peoplenicknames at the gym and there's
this one guy at the gym and Ihave given him the nickname
Hefty because he a big boy.
You know, he a big boy, but hebe walking around with like nine
inch seam shorts, you know, andhe a big boy, but yeah, hey,

(29:38):
yeah, okay, be walking aroundwith like nine inch seam shorts.
You know I need a big boy, butyeah, same, yeah, okay, okay.
So I had found an interesting,um, an interesting uh data point
.
It says couples who marry atage 20 are 50 percent more
likely to divorce than those whowait till 25 or 28, which is
apparently seems to be the moststable age to get married at,

(30:00):
which is 28, for longevity.
So I thought that was reallyinteresting because when I was
doing my scrolling, more so thevideos that were popping up were
the young 20 something oh yeah,of course who were showcasing
the one without live experienceyeah, that, that's what it is

(30:21):
yes that's what it is.
so, but that's why I was alsosaying, that's why I think that
type of exposure for youngpeople to see that's where they
kind of get Like the values ofmarriage, like the important
aspects of marriage, get mixedup, because this is what they're

(30:44):
seeing.
They're seeing all of the, thefunds out, the fun stuff.
They're seeing all the funstuff.

Speaker 2 (30:50):
I just feel like another big problem is that
people are out here takingrelationship and marriage advice
from people who are not insuccessful relationships or
marriage.

Speaker 1 (30:59):
Okay, well, but I mean, what, what?
What deems a successfulrelationship?
Cause I kind of know whereyou're going with this too,
because that's like a really bigthing too, with the whole
relationship, um, the wholerelationship space, marriage
space and the advice space, um,what, what would you categorize

(31:20):
as a successful relationship?
What constitutes a successfulrelationship?

Speaker 2 (31:26):
It's.
It's two people who areemotionally intelligent enough
to understand that we can haveour feelings and we can still
come to a resolution, and thatI'm not going to act a certain
way because I feel a certain waytowards you.
You're not going to act acertain way because you feel a
certain way towards me.
We're going to be adults in thesituation.
And also a successfulrelationship is a relationship

(31:49):
that has been through the fireand they both walked out
together intact.
On the other side, A lot ofpeople have been married in
divorce multiple times butthat's still experience.
No it's experience, but it's notsuccess.
Okay, it's not success.
I can, I can go out there rightnow and start a tech company
and fell and fell on Tuesday.
I still have experience withonly a tech company.

(32:09):
That'll be.
I'm good at it.
So that don't mean I'm good atit.
So I, personally, I see anydivorce as a failed relationship
.
Yes, you have experience.
Yes, you may have learned whatyou like, what you don't like
what you can tolerate and youmay have a better insight of who
you are and what you need in apartner going forward Right, but

(32:31):
that situation is still.
For me personally, it's still afailed relationship.
It's still a failed marriage.
Because you could not work outyour problems inside the
marriage, so you had to dissolveit, and once you dissolved it,
it was a failure.

Speaker 1 (32:46):
But what if it's things out of your control?

Speaker 2 (32:50):
As of what I can't think of an example, but I'm
just saying but I'm just sayinghere's my thing If something's
out of your control, you can saylike cheating, right.
But even then I would say insome cases, when it comes to
cheating, it's not completelyout of your control, because I
subscribe to the notion of youhave a role in everything, okay,

(33:13):
right.
So what led to the cheating ofyou have a role in everything,
okay, right.
So what led to the cheatingoccurred?
Did you, were you, were you notin touch?
Were you not keeping?
Were you not keeping in touch?
Were you not having thoseintimate conversations?
Were you not continuing?

Speaker 1 (33:25):
Are you talking about for both parties?
For both parties?

Speaker 2 (33:27):
Okay, were you not continuing to date each other?
Were you not considering tohave those quality time with
each other, or did you driftapart?
Now, if you sat there andallowed yourself to drift apart
and now someone else cameappealing to your partner and
they went and cheated, or youwent and cheated, you still
failed, because the driftingapart is what shouldn't have
happened.
Right, the cheating is just theoutcome of the drifting apart.

Speaker 1 (33:47):
Okay.
So would they still beconsidered successful if the
cheating happened and theystayed together?
Is that still consideredsuccessful?
Because what it sounds like isthat you're saying the longevity
is what constitutes asuccessful relationship.
It's not just longevity.

Speaker 2 (34:03):
It's the trials right .
Trial by fire.
That's what I'm saying so, ifthe cheating, if the cheating
happened and they stayedtogether.
And they worked it out, it'sstill.
It's still a blemish on therecord right, because there was
like but you rectify like, yourectify the situation, like if
you rebuilt trust and whatcaused to, what led to the

(34:24):
cheating, has been addressed andnow you're now filling that
void in that person so thatperson's not looking outside.
Then I would say, yes, that wasa successful conflict
resolution path you took there,but the cheating is still a
blemish.
But I would say the cheating isnow.
It was a stepping stone, astepping stone right, and it's

(34:47):
going to tarnish the person whocheated more than the person who
got cheated on, but it's still.
It's still a stepping stone inthe marriage.

Speaker 1 (34:53):
Okay, but working through it, getting to the other
side of it, that is a success.

Speaker 2 (35:00):
Yes, that is a success.

Speaker 1 (35:02):
Okay, so are you, but I'm not.

Speaker 2 (35:04):
I'm not saying about their cheating, nobody, I'm not
saying, I'm not endorsingcheating.

Speaker 1 (35:08):
No, I didn't say you weren't.
I'm not saying that I knowyou're not endorsing cheating.

Speaker 2 (35:13):
I'm not saying that, but what I'm saying is that they
had a problem.

Speaker 1 (35:17):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (35:18):
Regardless of the problem.
It ain't got to be something asbig as cheating it could be a
financial problem right, thecards were put on the table, a
discussion was had and then workwas done.
Okay, to mediate and be oncommon ground.
Okay, that's a success.

Speaker 1 (35:32):
Okay, I guess I can.
I can write with that for now,cause I feel like there's.
I feel like there's more.
I could go in to that, but Ifeel like that would also lead
us off on the tangent.
But anywho.
So from the male perspectiveand the female perspective of
marrying for aesthetics,marrying for materialism,
obviously have different aspectsto them.

(35:55):
What are some of the aspects orperspectives of marrying for
aesthetics or materialism formen?

Speaker 2 (36:05):
for men.
I don't necessarily think it'smaterialistic, I think it's more
aesthetic right, okay, yeah, Ican agree with that I feel like
all men want to have that one, alady, on their arm.
The other men look at Uh-huhRight, they want to know that
they bagged a 10.

Speaker 1 (36:21):
Okay, you know what I'm saying.
They want to know that theywalking around with a die Right.

Speaker 2 (36:25):
They want to have someone.
That is, when they walk in withthat other person, like they're
looked at, like she's drawingattention Okay, you know, I do
think I think that's one thingthat men want drawing attention.
Okay, you know, I do think Ithink I think that's one thing
that men want they, they want to, they want to have a, um, a
partner that kind of likeelevates them visually.

(36:46):
You know what I'm saying.
Now, some, some men also want apartner that elevates they,
they meet them financially,which you know I'm, that's what
you want.
Yeah, that's cool too.
Yeah, Right, but I do thinkthat the visual aspect of it is

(37:07):
really what drives the visualaspect, the sexual aspect.

Speaker 1 (37:08):
I can't say sexual aspect because I don't know.
I'm I'm pretty sure if they'rea one percenter.
I don't know, I just that's,that's gonna be I mean if
they're maybe they're onepercent, that that would be like
really high, because heunderstands that his pocket is
really high on her list.
So the way she looks and howshe performs is going to be very
high in his book.

Speaker 2 (37:28):
I would assume I'm not a man, so I don't know.
I associate the hotter a womanis, the more likely she
starfishes.

Speaker 1 (37:38):
Not if she wants to keep the bag.
Not, if she wants to keep thebag, she can't be starfishing it
.
I think it's a mentality thing.
Okay, you have the woman thatthink that they the prize.
Okay, we're not going to getinto that conversation because
you already know how I feelabout that.
But okay, don't look at me likethat, but all right.

(38:10):
So okay, I'll say what I'msaying.
We're going to have to.
We're going to have to dive,dive into that.

Speaker 2 (38:20):
We're going to have to dive into that, into what um
the whole, the whole prizeconversation.
But yeah, like, they, they,they, they want a partner.
That kind of like elevates thesocietal standards of beauty,
right, okay, no man wants to bewith a woman and like, and when
other guys hear like, oh, that'syour girl, damn Right I didn't
give her a shit, damn.
No, nobody, nobody wants that.

Speaker 1 (38:42):
Okay, um, I think I.
I think that also plays a part.
From the female perspectiveLooks obviously plays a part.

Speaker 2 (38:50):
Can I?

Speaker 1 (38:50):
say this too what?

Speaker 2 (38:51):
I feel like sometimes people, like a lot of men,
focus on um, like power torising, like physical attraction
.
Okay, I think that's part ofthe like them looking for
ecstatic.

Speaker 1 (39:03):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (39:03):
Over the long-term compatibility right.

Speaker 1 (39:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (39:06):
But I also say if you're going to just solely pick
a mate off of physicalattraction, see what her mama
look like.

Speaker 1 (39:14):
To see how she going to look down the line.
But what does she take moreafter her daddy?
See what her dad look like andher grandmama check them all the
whole point is I need to seethe family tree.

Speaker 2 (39:25):
I need some family.

Speaker 1 (39:26):
I need some family photos I need to see mother,
father, grandmother, aunties,auntie, yeah, aunties, because
you don't know who she's, youdon't know who she's after.
Um, yeah, the physicalattraction, obviously, I think
that's that's high on both maleand female.
Um, women is the security andthe stability, for obvious

(39:49):
reasons.
Um, I think, for especially theyounger girls, like I said, the
media, the culture.
They want to be able to be onsocial media, be on tiktok, be
on instagram, show off what boolook like, show off the the ring
, what he got, yeah, what boogot me?

(40:11):
um having the influence ofmaking them appear like they've
won in life.
You know what I mean.
Like life.
Life is secured for me already.
I didn't secure the boo, Ididn't secure the ring, I didn't
secure the bag, I didn't I'mfinna secure this house, like
you know, I have one at life.
So the whole culture aspect ofit, the whole social media, the

(40:33):
influence of it, all um thematerialistic value, obviously,
because that's like the main one.
They want the orientations ofprioritizing the financial
aspects over the emotionalstability, just like you said,
because I mean, what would be,what would be the point like if

(40:53):
I'm not stable, if you and youknow we equate, you know we
equate stability with moneybecause it's like, okay, but
what?
what's his mental health Like?
What's his, what's his physicalhealth?
Like, cause, I don't think.
Listen here, I'm not takingshots at you.
I'm not taking shots at you.

(41:16):
I'm saying when, when womenrefer to stability nine times
out of ten, we ain't talkingabout nothing but money.

Speaker 2 (41:25):
Yeah, but I don't think a lot of women care about
their health, but they should.

Speaker 1 (41:37):
If he has to work for the money, and physically work
for the money, you really shouldcare about his his health as
long as he got enough put up sothat when he gone he she could
still live she not looking thatfar, she not looking that far
into it?
was she, was she planning wrong?
You look at you, playedyourself.
Look at you, you playedyourself, worry about the wrongs
, plagiarism.

(41:58):
So yeah, but I think, I think,all in all, we social media in
general, a lot of differentplatforms, really need to get
back to the, the I, the, theoriginal ideas of you know,
marriage, not just the glam ofeverything.

Speaker 2 (42:15):
No, but see no one's posting their lowlights and I
get that Very few are postingtheir lowlights.
I don't know the dude's name,but the dude used to come on and
say roll with me.
He posted his lowlights andwhat he went through and I

(42:36):
applauded him for that.

Speaker 1 (42:37):
Because it's not an easy thing to do.

Speaker 2 (42:39):
It's not easy, especially to admit you're wrong
to a mass of people.
And then the influx of commentsand-.

Speaker 1 (42:46):
Ridicule judgment.

Speaker 2 (42:48):
Yeah, that's not an easy thing to do, but I said
through my whole time, followingthe young man or the gentleman,
I said this is probably themost authentic he's ever been
Right, right, transparent, right.
Because not only is he takingaccountability, he's showing the
receipts, you know, and he'sowning up to what.

(43:08):
And in my mind I was like youdidn't really have to do this
because your partner wasn't onhere airing you out.
You literally chose to airyourself out, right, and I think
that's like.
I think that now, granted, whathe did was he went against a
lot of shit.
He said.

Speaker 1 (43:25):
Right, but he owned up to it.
But, he owned up to it, right,he owned up to it.

Speaker 2 (43:30):
And I think those types of videos and just so
y'all.

Speaker 1 (43:37):
Those types of videos .
I applaud.

Speaker 2 (43:40):
Because it's not easy , I champion.

Speaker 1 (43:43):
Right.
Yeah, I'm sure it's not easy,but especially when you have a
large following and then youhave people, because what tends
to happen is people startlooking to your relationship
like that's it, like you guyshave figured it out.
You Like, that's it, like youguys have figured it out, you
have the perfect relationship,your marriage is like A1.

(44:03):
You know what I'm saying, andso you have to be really careful
about that too.

Speaker 2 (44:15):
Because you don't want to set this false facade
that you found the cheat code oryou have it all figured out
when you don't have it allfigured out.
And that's why, when people saythings like that about us, I
said we're not perfect by anymeans.
We argue all the time.
By any means, we fight a lot,not all the time.
No, we don't fight a lot.

Speaker 1 (44:25):
I mean Right, I feel like we dig at each other A lot.
That's what helps keep usstrong.

Speaker 2 (44:30):
What I always say is that we're just at the two kids
that decided not to give up onone another.

Speaker 1 (44:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (44:37):
And we just held that true to each other.
That's far in life?

Speaker 1 (44:42):
Huh, I said, that's far in life.

Speaker 2 (44:44):
Oh, I guess she, unless she changes her mind.
But this is what we have doneand it's like we have.
We've had to grow into theposition we are now.
Lord knows I have.
I was not all this.
I was not all this.
I was not always this mature.
I was not okay, I'm donediabolical, and this is what
she's the digs that listen, shekeep a shovel on listen.

Speaker 1 (45:08):
This is how we stay connected.
If we didn't dig at each other,if he didn't take shots at me
every day, how would I know heloves me?

Speaker 2 (45:18):
because I paid you.
How would I know?

Speaker 1 (45:20):
I paid you like bill well, but that's also because
you like to use lights as wellno, I don't need the lights, I
need the internet it doesn'tmatter, you benefit from it, you
, you benefit from it.
So that's why I always tell them, like, just pretend, like you
know, if this was just yourplace by yourself, I'm just, I'm
just, you know, here justtaking advantage of what you're

(45:41):
already gonna pay anyway.
You would have to pay all ofthese things if you were on your
own anyway no, me and mydaughter wouldn't need this much
space.

Speaker 2 (45:48):
We could live in a two, two bedroom.
That's wild.
No, you're right, we need athree bedroom because she didn't
play room.

Speaker 1 (45:55):
That's wild well, I can't with you Anywho, but yes,
yes, I agree with you.
I think, going back to thevideo that you had mentioned,
those videos are reallyimportant and I do wish that we
saw more of those types oftransparency videos, especially
as it relates to relationshipsand marriages, so that the

(46:18):
younger generation could see,but not in such a negative way
that it deters them wanting tobe in a serious relationship.
You know what I'm saying,because then, of course, you
know you'll get to the other endof extreme.
Well, why would I want to bewith somebody, or one person, or
why would I want to be married?

Speaker 2 (46:35):
I saw something today .
It was, it was was, it was KurtFranklin, and I laughed because
I was short of years there.
But he was saying, like yourwhole life you've never been
monogamous, but now you'vechosen to get married and this
is the one time you want topractice Monogamy, the first
time, right?
And he was saying, like how canyou go into something when you

(46:58):
had no experience, right?
So he basically, you know, andI kind of agree Like if you
couldn't hold down and be tiedto one person for for a long
period of time before you gotmarried, right, you think you
really ready for marriage?

Speaker 1 (47:10):
too.
Yes, I get that part.
But when you say how can you gointo a marriage without having
the experience of practicingmonogamy there's a lot.
You go into a marriage nothaving experience in.
You know what I'm saying.
But I think that part is major.
That is kind of a bigger part,Especially when your norm is to

(47:34):
be with multiple people Tryingto cut that off cold turkey.

Speaker 2 (47:38):
So-and-so.
Made you mad on Monday, so youand somebody else is bad on
Tuesday.

Speaker 1 (47:41):
Oh, wow, there's people out there like that, I
know, and that's wild.
Holes in different areas,that's wild.
I'm going to leave it rightthere.
I'm not even going to sayanything.
Holes in different areas I'mgoing to leave it right there.
What?
No, I'm going to just leave itright there.
What?
I'm going to leave it rightthere.
Okay, are you sure?
Yeah, I'm sure.

(48:02):
Guys, listen For all of theyounger folk out there.
Relationships can be abeautiful thing.
Marriage can be a beautifulthing.

Speaker 2 (48:15):
Marriage is a beautiful thing.

Speaker 1 (48:17):
Yes, don't get so sidetracked with the appearance
and aesthetics of things,scrolling down your timeline
seeing the pretty dresses andthe rings yes, all that stuff is
fun.
I'm not saying don't have agreat wedding, don't get
involved and have fun and do allthe things.

(48:38):
But don't let that become somuch of a focus that you lose
sight of what marriage can bringand what you're doing it for,
like what marriage is for andwhat you're doing it for.

Speaker 2 (48:54):
You also got to understand that a house ain't
going to stand too long if thefoundation ain't strong.

Speaker 1 (48:59):
This is true.

Speaker 2 (49:01):
Preach Bishop Okay Julie.

Speaker 1 (49:04):
Shout out to Julie.
You're my favorite person,right now Preach Bishop, just
really quick.
So my friend just started goingto a predominantly
African-American church.
She loves it, I love her, andso she loves it, I love her and
she loves it.
I was telling her a story theother day.

Speaker 2 (49:25):
She was like preach Bishop.

Speaker 1 (49:26):
I was like what?
I was like oh, you're in it,now You're in it.
Shout out to Julie we love you.
All right guys.
So we're going to head right oninto R, into our two cents.
I feel like I should make thata sound, and then you can just
play it like our two cents, ourtwo cents okay, you ready, the

(49:49):
damn thing, you ready.
No, but that's am I the assholefor refusing to be a prisoner to
motherhood after my divorce?
Okay, I recently separated frommy ex-husband after years of
feeling like I was disappearing.
I was a wife, I was a mom, butme I didn't know who that
existed anymore.
My entire life revolved aroundmy marriage and our three kids

(50:12):
13, 5, and 2.
I love my children more thananything and I have them
majority of the time.
When they're with me, I givethem everything homework,
bedtime stories, family outings,etc.
And for the first time in years, I actually feel present
instead of trapped in the darkhole of exhaustion and self-hate
.
But on the rare days or weekthat they're with their dad, I

(50:36):
finally have a moment to breathe.
I've been using that time to dothe things that I never got to
do when I was married, likehiking in the mountains, camping
under the stars, going toconcerts, making friends,
playing my games and watching mymovies, figuring out who I am
outside of just being a mom or awife.
And now my ex is losing hismind over it.

(50:58):
He says that I'm quote unquoteabandoning our kids and being
selfish.
He's running around telling ourmutual friends and family that
I care more about having anadventure than being a mother
Apparently because I go onovernight camping trips.
I'm irresponsible.
What does he expect me to do?
Sit in an empty house, stare atthe walls and wait for my kids

(51:20):
to come back home?
For context, during ourmarriage he had plenty of
hobbies.
He had late night gamingsessions, concerts, night out
with friends and even planned aVegas trip with his coworkers.
He never once got questionedwhether he was quote unquote
abandoning his family.
But now that I'm doingsomething for myself, suddenly

(51:40):
I'm the villain.
I feel like I'm being a goodmom by taking care of my mental
health and showing my kids thatlife does not end when things
get hard.
But his words are starting toget to me.
So am I the asshole for finallychoosing me for once?

Speaker 2 (51:58):
I have a lot of questions.
I can't give up.
What's the question?
I need to know where you stayat home, mom.
Okay, that's number one.
Why?
Because that's going to.
Then I can understand how shefeels around it.
Because he's probably thinkingI was taking care of everything.
All you do is take care of thekids.

(52:19):
I was providing everything.
It could be that kind ofsituation.
So I need to.
Were you a stay-at-home mom,was he providing everything?

Speaker 1 (52:25):
Now, I'm not.

Speaker 2 (52:26):
Now of course you do, because you're a woman.
Now I can understand it and Ican relate to losing yourself in
the family dynamic.
I think we had an episode aboutthis and I can relate to not

(52:50):
knowing who you are outside ofthe roles you have been assigned
or taking on inside the familydynamic.
That I can understand and thatis a hard thing to do because
you do get into certain timeswhere you feel like you are, for
lack of better words, you'reabandoning your responsibilities
when you try to do somethingfor yourself.
I know what that feels like,because I feel that way
sometimes.
Right, I feel like so that Ican understand you, not knowing

(53:12):
who you are.
Right, I personally don't seeany issue of you doing what you
want with your time.
When he has his kids, I have noproblem with that whatsoever.
I don't see how you're not adivorce to motherhood.
For that case You're just,again, you're on your time.

(53:34):
He's on his father time.
You're in your time to be you.
I don't really see an issuehere for, say, while he feels
this way, maybe he just maybehe's controlling I don't know, I
don't know maybe he just don'twant to see her live her best
life now that he's no longer init.

Speaker 1 (53:54):
That could be that, which is why I thought that was
like crazy that it does.
It doesn't matter whether shewas a stay-at-home mom or not.

Speaker 2 (54:00):
That's completely irrelevant, but I feel like
there's context out of here.
Okay, and this is one of thosethings where I would like to
hear inside.

Speaker 1 (54:09):
Well, she did put some editing to answer some
questions.
She said my ex knows what I dobecause his sisters and his
daughters are stalking myInstagram.
My Instagram is private.
I post on it for my Scottishfamily who likes seeing me go
places, and I blocked my ex andhis entire family.
My ex was slash is abusive andI wasn't allowed to do anything.

(54:32):
I couldn't go to the storewithout him.
He tried to go to the gym withme to keep an eye on me.
He kept my credit cards in hiswallet for his use only If I
needed anything, such as clothes, shampoo, undergarments he told
me that I was wasting his money.
That's enough.

Speaker 2 (54:46):
Okay, so, like you said, the control thing.
So now I have a clearer picture.

Speaker 1 (54:50):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (54:51):
You are finally outside of a dynamic where he
cannot control your life Exactly.
And now he's in his feelings.

Speaker 1 (54:57):
Exactly so again.
I say Because she's living herbest life with him, not in it.
So again.

Speaker 2 (55:02):
I say you're not an asshole.

Speaker 1 (55:03):
Right.
So now, because she is.

Speaker 2 (55:06):
Of course I need the context.

Speaker 1 (55:07):
Doing all of the things that she wanted to do,
that she wants to do that arefulfilling to her.
Now he has to spin it thatbecause she's enjoying herself,
she's having a good time whenshe doesn't have the kids,
you're being an irresponsiblemother.

Speaker 2 (55:21):
I have a great time when I ain't got the kids.

Speaker 1 (55:25):
What you tell me.
The other day you said you'd bemilking it.
I said do you baby.
He texted me.
He was like you'd really bemilking it.

Speaker 2 (55:33):
Here's the thing about when you'd be milking it.
I don't mind, I know you don't.
The problem is her.
I have to deal with where'smommy.
I miss him.
I said look here, phoenix, yourmama's out there doing she
doing?

Speaker 1 (55:46):
she on mommy time.
I'm on mommy time.
Let her live her life.
I'm on mommy time.

Speaker 2 (55:50):
I was at the gym for three and a half hours the other
day Three Stop it, so we mightnot be on this podcast much
longer.

Speaker 1 (56:02):
We might not be around much longer.

Speaker 2 (56:05):
Might be a failure.

Speaker 1 (56:06):
No, I was at the gym for three and a half hours.
I went and got me coffee, Iwent and bought new makeup.
I just walked around the hobbystore.
You was out there.
I mean, I was doing my thing, Iwas enjoying my time.

Speaker 2 (56:18):
I'm going to tell was enjoying my time.
I'm gonna tell you somethingthat I'm gonna tell you
something.
I'm gonna tell you somethingyou probably don't know, oh gosh
.
So what I have to do now is,when she goes, where is my mom's
at the gym?
Are you, can you call her?
So I have to show you her yourlocation to show them at the gym
?

Speaker 1 (56:34):
yes, but what happens if I've already left?

Speaker 2 (56:36):
I I try to close it quickly Because she be, because
she be on some like where is mymother.

Speaker 1 (56:44):
And then when I do finally like call, or when
you've had enough of her beatingyou down about where I am,
he'll call or like put her onFaceTime and then she'll be in
there.
She'll be like Mom where?
Like mom, where are you?
And I'd be like Phoenix I'veliterally only been gone a few
hours Like we are together everysingle day, girl, I love it,

(57:05):
but I just need a minute.

Speaker 2 (57:07):
In her mind.
I need a minute In her mind.
You have a finite amount oftime.

Speaker 1 (57:11):
Right, because when I came home from the gym today,
the first thing she said I waslike oh, I'm going to go
upstairs and I'm going to shower.
She.
The first thing she said I waslike oh, I'm going to go
upstairs and I'm a shower.
She sat right in front of thebathroom and she said I just
want to be next to you.
I said that's fine, maybe, butif you could just not watch?
Me shower, that'd be great Ifyou could not watch me shower
that'd be great.
But yeah.
So I just think.
I just think that he is upsetBecause he can't control her

(57:36):
like he's used to controllingher.
So now, just like an abuser, hehas to spit it to make it seem
like she's doing something wrong.
You ain't doing nothing wrong.
You're never doing anythingwrong.
If you need a minute to takecare of yourself, okay, you
haven't abandoned your children.
Your children are with theirfather.
They're with their other parent.

(57:58):
It's not like you're droppingthem off at a friend's house so
you can go lay under the starsovernight.
Or lay up with some man, or layup with some man, right?
So no Girl boy, please.
No, You're fine.
You're fine, Do you boo-boo?
Enjoy your starry nights, yourconcerts and everything else.
Okay, man.

Speaker 2 (58:18):
Man you your concerts and everything else.

Speaker 1 (58:21):
Okay, oh, man man, you say what?
Man man, goodness, women, allright, anywho, this has been
another episode of life after Ido podcast.
If you're not doing so alreadyI know you know to run down go
ahead and head over to Tik TOK,instagram, facebook, youtube and
give us a follow.
Only pants, ready.
I know you know to run down, goahead and head over to tiktok,
instagram, facebook, youtube andgive us a follow.
Only pants.
Like share, tell your friends,tell a friend to tell a friend

(58:46):
who will probably tell a friendabout the podcast.
Okay, because I keep tellingy'all, like, when I'm
international, don't, don't becoming over here, acting like
like you know me, like don't becoming over here, acting like
you know we was cool and stufflike that, because I'm
international and stuff.
Now you know what I'm saying,so you might as well get on

(59:07):
early.
You know what I'm saying.
Get on early and build with usis what I'm trying to say.

Speaker 2 (59:11):
She the same OG.

Speaker 1 (59:12):
Same OG, all right, but you get a new episode every
Wednesday, so don't forget totune in.
And on Mondays, so don't forgetto tune in.
And until next time, peacebooskies.
Peace, booskies Peace booskies,Peace booskies.