She Asked

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The dating rules are changing fast. In this episode, Nesha G and Moelethal dive into the rising trend of women making the first move—from flirty DMs to full-on marriage proposals.

They explore how rejection, confidence, and clarity all play a role when women step up in the dating game. Plus, they unpack stats from dating apps and challenge traditional ideas around proposals.

If you’re dating, partnered, or just fascinated by relationship shifts, this one’s for you.

🎙️ Don’t miss these weekly episodes breaking down real-life love with honesty and edge.

Thanks for rocking with us! Don’t forget to follow Life After I Do so you never miss an episode. Got a relationship situation you want us to weigh in on? Hit us at https://linktr.ee/lifeafteridopodcast — we just might talk about it in a future episode.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
when men approach women, it's not so foreign for
men to have a level of anxietyor something for being rejected,
because you don't know how thatwoman's going to react.
You don't know what herrejection is going to look like.
Right, and not all women handlemen who are approaching them
with kits and gloves Okay.
But on the flip side, when youhave a woman who's more

(00:23):
aggressive, more assertive, whoapproaches a man if he's not
interested, I do think that menare different in the way that
women are, where men will stilltry to let her down a bit more
gently, I mean if the rejectionthe rejection is not going to be
the same at all.

(00:59):
Hey everybody, and welcome backto another episode of Life After
I Do Podcast.
You already know the spiel Ifyou've been here this long.
You're here with Kynesha andMaurice.
Kynesha and Maurice yes, I meanMario Molito, he's so silly.

(01:22):
Nisha G and Molito.

Speaker 2 (01:25):
It's Maurice Molito.
Hey Boos, nisha G and Molito,it's Maurice.

Speaker 1 (01:29):
Molito, hey Booskies, Hi Booskies.

Speaker 2 (01:29):
How you feeling today , how you?

Speaker 1 (01:30):
doing Much better how you been you doing better.
I'm doing much better Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:34):
Did you get you a soda?
No, I didn't get a soda.

Speaker 1 (01:41):
Soda Actually.

Speaker 2 (01:41):
I had a soda.
Like my friend Eric said alwaysfix your problems, Get you a
soda.

Speaker 1 (01:46):
Shouts out to Eric.

Speaker 2 (01:48):
Get you a soda.

Speaker 1 (01:49):
Get you a good.
It's got to be cold.
A good soda, a good soda, it'sgot to be cold.

Speaker 2 (01:54):
A good soda he's like it's so good, I miss him too.
We're going to hang, we'resupposed to hang out soon or
whatever they say yeah, but yeah, so another week.
Another week.

Speaker 1 (02:04):
Another week.

Speaker 2 (02:05):
Boy has it been.

Speaker 1 (02:07):
Yeah, I mean, it hasn't been a bad week, has it
Not for you?
Not for you, has it been bad it?
Ain't been bad but it ain'tbeen the best.
I think it's all.
You know me what I'm aperspective type of gal.

Speaker 2 (02:19):
Make sure you don't miss one.
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho ho.

Speaker 1 (02:25):
What I can see.
You're a little defensive todayand a little hostile oh okay,
is it my reading?

Speaker 2 (02:32):
Because I spit hot fire, I spit hot fire you spit.
Okay, you know what we're about.
To end this episode short todaybefore we even start.
Hey Booskies.

Speaker 1 (02:44):
How was your week?
Week, yeah, let's talk about it.

Speaker 2 (02:46):
Let's get the people the 30 minute rundown of your
lifts this week, because that'swhat we do every week.

Speaker 1 (02:51):
First, of all, I don't give a rundown of my lifts
for the week, but if you mustknow, no, we don't want it, we
don't want to know you must knowwe don't want to know I did hit
a new uh jim pr.
Oh, that's good, yeah, that'sgood, let's give her.

Speaker 2 (03:06):
I mean, you know, let's give her some claps,
people.
She hit a new PR.
Oh, thank you, oh thank you oh,thank you oh that girl.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
Good 5 sets of 5 and 285 on my dance, that girl good
that girl good, that girl good,that girl good Shut up yeah
buddy Anyway, but I had a prettydecent week, that's good babe
my sister's in town, so I mean.

Speaker 2 (03:26):
I always love hanging out with my sister.
When is she leaving?

Speaker 1 (03:29):
Goodbye you love having my sister here.

Speaker 2 (03:31):
You know I have an ovary count limit in my house.
Once I get to a certain numberof ovaries I'm like it's too
much, too much estrogen in theair.
I don't like all these ovariesin my house just walking around.

Speaker 1 (03:43):
Anyway, my sister's in town.
Y'all trying to sync up.
And I love having my sister.
She's back, she's back in town.
She was in Colorado for likethe past eight months or
whatever, so I've missed mysister.

Speaker 2 (03:55):
You don't even call her.
How do you miss her?

Speaker 1 (03:56):
I literally talk to my sister almost every day.

Speaker 2 (03:58):
I talk to my sister way more than you talk to yours,
yours?
Probably not, but okay, okayit's not a competition, like you
always try to make life butanyway, so I've just been
enjoying my sister's presencebecause I like having my sister
around, which is crazy, becausewhen we were younger that was
not the case couldn't stand her.

Speaker 1 (04:19):
I can't stand her now , probably between the age of
like seven and 32 13, 13, no, Iwould probably say like seven
and 16, 17 was she trying toplay your?
Life.
Yeah, she was not like thegreatest you know, and there and
there was that little stint inmy early 20s where I was like

(04:40):
you could kick rocks.
I kick rocks.
but but now you know, you knowlike how they say you catch up,
you and your siblings catch upwith each other in life, and I
think that's kind of like what'shappened she's in her 40s.
I'm going into my 40s.
We've got some life experience.

Speaker 2 (04:54):
We're sisters, we're mothers, you know.

Speaker 1 (04:56):
So it's like.

Speaker 2 (04:57):
We're brothers.

Speaker 1 (04:59):
We're happy and we're singing and we're going to do,
do, do do.
Give me a high five Shut up.
So, yeah, I kind of feel likewe've met up with each other in
life, and so it's like it's justa different.
It's a different relationship.

Speaker 2 (05:15):
You know it's good.
You guys have a joint cause tofight against.
Now Are you talking about our?

Speaker 1 (05:21):
parents.
Yes, we don't have a joint, wedon't fight.
Wait a minute.
But I did see something funnytoday on tiktok.
It was this video and this guy.
He was just standing there andthe caption thing said um, when
your mom calls asking about youruh sibling, but you haven't got
the script from your siblingyet to tell them anything.
And so I went to the commentsand it was like one of the

(05:42):
comments was like hey, have youtalked to your brother?
And he was like one of thecomments was like hey, have you
talked to your brother?
And he was like brother, I havea brother, who's my brother.
And then the other one says um,I'm sorry, I'm not at Liberty
to discuss my client situation.
And then the other one said um,mom calls hey, where's your
sister?
Sister standing next to me inthe kitchen.
Sister says I'm not here.
Me to my mom.

(06:02):
I have no idea, I haven'ttalked to her All day.
She's going to go If my sisterhasn't given me the script to
give you, yet I don't know.
I don't know what you want meto do, because I can't discuss
my client's situation right now.
Like I always say, me and mysiblings.

Speaker 2 (06:19):
We're in the trenches together.
I'm sorry to my parents.
My, my loyalties did not rise,but rise.

Speaker 1 (06:27):
Lie with you, my loyalty to my siblings and I go
to my nieces and nephews.
I love y'all.
Oh, have you seen the videowhere it's like, uh, my niece,
uh, sitting there venting to meabout her mama, and I'm looking
at her?
Like you do know, that's mysister right, but keep going,
look, but keep going.
Not too much of my sister, butthat's still my sister, not too
much of my sister.

(06:48):
No, the best one was, uh, whenshe was like, um, when, uh, it
was her, she was like, if my momand my sister don't get along,
you know she was like my mamacalled her her sister, my aunt,
for backup.
My sister called me.
She was like you're not gonnacall your sister for backup and
my sister not gonna call me forbackup.
My sister called me.
She was like you're not goingto call your sister for backup
and my sister's not going tocall me for backup.
She was like it's me and mysister.

Speaker 2 (07:08):
You got to even the playing field.

Speaker 1 (07:10):
She was like it's me and my sister all day.
But I think it's really funnybecause I don't think I mean
there are some people who growup really close with their
siblings but sometimes you don'tgrow up close with your
siblings and you meet up laterin life and it's you know it's a
different story, but yoursister made your week a good
week, huh, yeah, okay, yep, Itold her we're going to go to

(07:31):
the mall tomorrow.

Speaker 2 (07:32):
Oh y'all got it planned.
So, while you know your husbandis out there slaving away.

Speaker 1 (07:37):
Oh, here we go.
You are not, you don't slave.

Speaker 2 (07:40):
You don't slave, you don't sin and you're not a slave
.
I'm out there, just.

Speaker 1 (07:45):
So you're just going to be out there in the hot sun
Just slaving away, just slavingaway.
Just ask my mom and then me,fee and my sister are going to
drive past you with ourStarbucks, blasting our music.

Speaker 2 (07:57):
Only thing y'all missing is y'all top down, huh.

Speaker 1 (07:59):
That's it.
Oh my gosh.
But when, when we were at herhouse and she had the the the
bug, the convertible bug yes, itwas a vibe we were blasting
music, like always drinkingthree hours of her week, so I'll
keep my week short.
Oh my gosh, that's because youslave all week, so there's not
much to talk about.
He went to work, he came home,he ate, he shit showered and

(08:20):
shaved and did it all over again.
Now that we got that out theway since, you want to be a
butthole.

Speaker 2 (08:25):
I also worked out.
I would just say that mytherapy this week was good, very
therapeutic, if I must say itwas what I needed.
Had some troubles workingthrough them, processing these
emotions.
I'm going to just keep sayingit until y'all believe me, my

(08:46):
wife, it's been giving, it'sbeen giving.

Speaker 1 (08:51):
What's been giving.

Speaker 2 (08:52):
Everything.

Speaker 1 (08:53):
You don't care to hear about my lifts, so what's
been giving?

Speaker 2 (08:56):
Everything.

Speaker 1 (08:57):
Like what.

Speaker 2 (08:58):
Face hair, ass titties.

Speaker 1 (09:03):
Are you singing a song?

Speaker 2 (09:04):
Giving it's been giving.
Are you singing a song?
Giving it's?

Speaker 1 (09:06):
been giving.
I'm telling y'all it's beengiving.

Speaker 2 (09:10):
That's all I'm gonna say.
It's been giving.
My wife is looking good.

Speaker 1 (09:13):
I appreciate that.
Getting thick, thick, thick.
No, you gotta say it like thisThick.

Speaker 2 (09:20):
Thick, thick, thicker than a snack.
I know I'm trying to than asnacker.
I know I'm trying to get one.

Speaker 1 (09:26):
I woke up this morning feeling very thick and
puffy.
No, because yesterday.

Speaker 2 (09:30):
Oh my God, Yesterday I must have you had some good
meat yesterday.
Huh, I had all the thingsyesterday.

Speaker 1 (09:36):
Oh yeah, you did.

Speaker 2 (09:37):
I had Tell them about it.

Speaker 1 (09:39):
Just all the foods Okay and foods okay, and when I
really think about it, I onlyate.
I didn't eat that much.
I only ate like two solid mealsyesterday, but it was the
snacking in between that got me,because I only had my meal,
like my post-workout meal, whichwas like before we left for the
house, and that was chicken andrice, my measured out chicken

(10:00):
and rice, which was perfectly.
That was like my first meal ofthe day.
So I was already riding a high.
And then I don't know whathappened in between, after I had
that meal and then getting to,uh, we went to a friend's house
to go swimming and she has a newstore that opened up by her
house.
And so we were like, oh yeah,let's go check out the store.

(10:21):
And we went to the grocerystore, we was supposed to be
checking it out, and walked outwith like seven packs of steaks,
chips, dips, agua frescas,snacks, bobas, like I'm not sure
what happened.
And then, after all, that westill went to Dunkin' Donut and
got iced coffee with cold foam Idon't know what happened.

Speaker 2 (10:42):
You know what happened Women be shopping,
women be shopping, women beshopping.
That might be what it was,because when we walked because
the the grocery.

Speaker 1 (10:49):
You know when things are new, like when stores first
open up, the building is stillpristine and all nice and white.
The dirt ain't got to it yet.
You walk into the store and allthe apples are perfectly lined
up.
Still, everything is stillbrand new and looks good, and so
everything looks vibrant.
You know it's a marketing thing.
Everything is vibrant and theyhave all the fresh fruits and
stuff right there in the frontand so, of course, you're

(11:10):
looking at everything and youknow what I do want some, some
cucumber lime and I want somewatermelon and I want some like.
You didn't even need all that.
We were sitting there eatingceviche chips.

Speaker 2 (11:23):
So y'all ate.
Before y'all came back, let'shold eating ceviche chips, so
y'all ate before y'all came back.

Speaker 1 (11:25):
That's all I'm hearing.
No, we were like Nah.

Speaker 2 (11:28):
What we got today Booskies.

Speaker 1 (11:29):
We were like taste testing stuff.

Speaker 2 (11:31):
What we got today Booskies.

Speaker 1 (11:34):
Today we're going to be talking about females taking
the lead.

Speaker 2 (11:37):
Okay, well, lead me.

Speaker 1 (11:39):
It's kind of like you know this modern day type deal.
If you want to be a leader, bea leader.
Well, let me specify.

Speaker 2 (11:47):
Nah, nah, big bro.

Speaker 1 (11:48):
No, I'm not talking about me.
I'm just saying like in general, like in general about the
whole topic of women asking menout on dates, women asking men
to marry them, you know, liketaking control, taking the lead,
being autonomous withthemselves, like putting their
best foot forward, no bs,getting straight to the point,

(12:09):
not waiting on a man, notwondering if he's interested or
not, like I need to know, so I'mgonna just, you're gonna, nip
it in the bud.
Huh, nip it in the bud, like ifyou're gonna drag your feet.
Let me know what we doing.
Like I'm gonna, just I'm gonnalet you know where I am.
You let me know where you are.
Okay, like I'm gonna, just I'mgonna let you know where I am.
You let me know where you are.
If we can meet up in the middleto make something happen,
captain, then we can.

(12:31):
So what, what's your thoughtsabout that babe?
About women leading, yeah,about take, not women leading,
women taking the lead ininitiating like relationships or
initiating marriage Um a simple.
I mean if, if you know who don'tlike you know somebody, come up
to a shooting shot I know itsounds like it's an ego boost

(12:55):
for you because you got a bigsmile on your face.

Speaker 2 (12:58):
Look here it don't happen a lot to men.
Like I told you before, man, wedon't get a lot of compliments,
so we get a compliment likethat, that one compliment.
Let's some random broadcompliment me okay, but
compliments are different.
I'm talking about let me finishwhat I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (13:12):
Okay, what were you saying?

Speaker 2 (13:13):
let's some random broad comment that that's gonna
carry me through the day.
I'm gonna.

Speaker 1 (13:16):
I'm gonna start feeling like oh so my
compliments don't carry youthrough the day because you love
me.

Speaker 2 (13:21):
oh, it's different, it's different.
Different, it's different, it'sdifferent.
Okay, when you get it fromoutside the relationship, you
feel like you know what.

Speaker 1 (13:30):
You feel like you just gave them their opportunity
.

Speaker 2 (13:33):
That now there's a window.

Speaker 1 (13:34):
No, because now you have this big-ass smile on your
face.

Speaker 2 (13:37):
No, I kind of know.

Speaker 1 (13:37):
And it's carrying you through the day.

Speaker 2 (13:39):
Okay, so you're always trying to make something
into something.

Speaker 1 (13:42):
I'm just letting you know.
I'm just letting you know If Igo to the gym if I go to the gym
.
No, if I go to the gym and Iwalk up to uh to um, what's his
name?

Speaker 2 (13:52):
I don't know how I got it was about me.
Now it's back back to her inthe gym and all her boyfriends
in the gym.

Speaker 1 (13:59):
You literally just said to me that if another woman
gives you a compliment, it'sgoing to carry you through your
day.

Speaker 2 (14:07):
Look, here you.
Let me finish my statement andmy thought.

Speaker 1 (14:10):
Okay, go ahead, because I'm interested in
hearing it.
No, you're not, you were justsaying hello to me, peace.

Speaker 2 (14:14):
Go ahead.
Anyway, it is a confidencebooster because, outside
validation like of course you'regoing to validate me You're
going to say, oh, babe, you lookgood, you outside validation,
like of course you're going tovalidate me.
You're going to say, oh, baby,you look good, you look nice.
Yeah, but you told me I looknice when I was goddamn, almost
300 pounds.

Speaker 1 (14:28):
So can I really trust you?
Yes, because, okay, can I trustyou.
You did the same thing too,because you did, you did though.
And I genuinely found youattractive at every size what I
would.

Speaker 2 (14:41):
Okay, who care what I was, what I was saying.
So, like when, when, when, whenyou come across someone that
gives you a compliment, or awoman that is direct for me
personally, like when you'redirect with me, I do like that
because it it leaves, it removesany doubt of what the situation
is okay, right, yeah it lets meknow up front, like, okay, like
, like when you like.

(15:01):
Like the other night, you'relike when you like, you'll come
get this award.
You're like, well, you're likeyou'll come get this award.
I was like I'm coming to get it, I'm coming to get it Express
first, first class.
Bye, goodbye, I'm coming.
So me personally, I like it.

(15:23):
Now, I know that traditionallyis, you know the the, you know
all of the women saying thatthey don't like being catcalled,
they don't like beingapproached, and so I think I do
think a lot of men have havebacked off from that, because
it's like we listen, like thegood men have listened, and like
the one lady I said on TikTokyeah, the good men listen, but
now, but all the bad ones, theystill catcall us, but now, so,

(15:49):
now, the ones we want to call usdon't call us.
But you know, tomato, tomato,you got, you get what you get.
So but I do feel like in thatenvironment, where you know the
good men who have listened towomen and don't necessarily try
to approach them in a whateverthey deem to be an appropriate
setting and try to make themfeel uncomfortable, when, when
the roles are reversed and shecomes up to you and is like okay
, well, all right.

Speaker 1 (16:08):
You know what it is.

Speaker 2 (16:09):
I know what it is off the bat.
I don't have to waste anyenergy or time.

Speaker 1 (16:13):
You don't have to deal with any rejection or
anything Because.
I think that's the biggestportion.

Speaker 2 (16:19):
That's it?
I think that's.
I mean.
I've been with this woman for23 years and every time she
rejects me I hurt.
Goodbye.

Speaker 1 (16:24):
And, I believe, don't goodbye my rejection.
I believe that situations aredifferent, obviously, when it
comes to men and women.
Right, when men approach women,it's not so foreign for men to
have a level of anxiety orsomething for being rejected,
because you don't know how thatwoman is going to react.

(16:45):
You don't know what herrejection is going to look like.
Right, and not all women handlemen who are approaching them
with kits and gloves Okay.
But on the flip side, when youhave a woman who's more
aggressive, more assertive, whoapproaches a man if he's not
interested, I do think that menare different in the way that
women are, where men will stilltry to let her down easily, a

(17:08):
bit more gently, I mean if therejection the rejection is not
going to be the same at all youyou can just watch pop the
balloon and see this.

Speaker 2 (17:18):
If you watch pop the, balloon.
You can see the difference yeah, like the men for the most part
.

Speaker 1 (17:22):
Yeah, I was gonna say for the most part, because
there are some assholes most ofthe guys try to be just.
They try to keep like oh, she'sjust not my vibe yeah, and they
always say but she's beautiful,she's beautiful, she's
beautiful.
They always give her acompliment, she's just not for
me, right, yeah, but the womanyeah, especially if she feels
like you didn't came for herespecially, especially the ones
that ain't healed.

Speaker 2 (17:39):
Yeah she's gonna run you through the mud no, it's so.

Speaker 1 (17:43):
It's the ones that I I find.
It's the ones where, if youlike, listen, you know how I
always say when I feel like youcoming for me the only, the only
thing that's left to do is forme to put you under my shoe and
twist my foot and push you intothe ground.
Okay, so that that's what.
That's what I'm saying.
It's's like the men they willlet the woman down, they will be

(18:05):
, they will reassure, like.
Reassure her, like oh, butshe's still beautiful.
She's just not my type.
It's not to say that she's not.
You know what I mean.
Like, her body type is not whatI prefer, but I'm also not
trying to call you fat oranything.
It's just not my preference.
But the women, and especiallyif she feels like he popped and
it's because her face orwhatever she immediately is like

(18:28):
he's your type, no, he's not mytype.
And then it's like now it goesuntil you gotta drag on him when
he was just trying to be niceand be like no, you're not my
type, I've seen it so many timeswhere the guy has done his best
to not say anything offensiveand even and I'd be like even if
he was her type.
He no longer is.

(18:48):
Now no longer is Because sheright no longer is.

Speaker 2 (18:52):
Yeah, and I've seen that happen so many times, but I
do feel like, when it comes tothe men we have, we grow up
accustomed to rejection.

Speaker 1 (19:00):
It's almost like you're inadvertently taught
rejection and how to deal withit no, we're taught that it
happens.

Speaker 2 (19:06):
A lot of people are not taught how to deal with it.

Speaker 1 (19:08):
That's why you're right, you're right, they can't
handle it I agree, they snap andthey start doing wild stuff.

Speaker 2 (19:15):
You, you do have those.

Speaker 1 (19:17):
They get wild they get crazy.

Speaker 2 (19:21):
So but I do feel like rejection is for men at least
it's.
It's.
It's something that wenaturally we get, we get used to
from, even as something asearly as like trying out for
sports teams, trying out forright, for four positions, and
it's like just when you like youget that in like
pre-adolescence.
Then, once you start talking togirls, it's always it's.
It never seemed, it alwaysnever seems to feel like the

(19:41):
first girl.
You like the first girl youtalk to.
It's uh, it's like.
Almost for most guys I was, Iwould bet there's probably no,
she didn't like me.
Now it then it determines wasshe nice about it, what she mean
about it?
A lot of girls you know howkids are yeah, no like I wasn't
that way, bitch.

Speaker 1 (19:59):
I wasn't that type of gal, it wasn't.
I wasn't.
Oh okay, no, and when I let youdown in junior high school I
let you down easy.

Speaker 2 (20:06):
Well, why you gotta bring that?

Speaker 1 (20:08):
up, you bring that up every chance you can don't.

Speaker 2 (20:11):
I'm just saying does that, but does that matter,
because I have you now thatyou're right, you won.

Speaker 1 (20:16):
So who won?
You did who was?
So stop bringing.
Actually I won, actually.
I'm gonna be honest.
I feel like I hit the lotteryLike hand on Bible.
I hit the lottery with you.

Speaker 2 (20:27):
Okay, go ahead, I'm done.
I'm done with my talking points.

Speaker 1 (20:30):
I did.
I'm trying to pay you acompliment and I appreciate that
.
And see, this is exactly whyguys I appreciate that Got to
put him under the shoe and do alittle twist.
What did I do?
How did I do?
For I'm trying to pay him acompliment and he's like
brushing me off.
Just like how he said mycompliments don't carry him
through the week, but somerandom broad compliment is going

(20:51):
to carry him through the week.

Speaker 2 (20:52):
It's always nice when you get something from
somewhere unexpected.
I expect you to compliment me.

Speaker 1 (20:58):
It's an expectation.
I expect you to compliment me.

Speaker 2 (21:02):
I bet you go a couple of days without saying
something nice to me.
What the hell wrong with you?
What's wrong with you?

Speaker 1 (21:09):
Cause I know I look good.

Speaker 2 (21:10):
And I know I put that shit on on Saturday.
I've been putting that shit on.

Speaker 1 (21:14):
And you didn't say nothing.

Speaker 2 (21:15):
You say you like a man in a uniform.
You say no one have my uniformon.
You just got my arms looking atthat uniform.
Now you better say something.
I look at you like oh, youain't said nothing.
A couple, you must need you asoda shut up a soda.

Speaker 1 (21:28):
Needs you a soda?
You thirsty, need some soda.
Stupid, you ain't seen all thisum I think I think another
reason why women are becoming alittle bit more assertive in the
dating realm and taking more ofan aggressive approach, because
it just takes the confusion outof things right, and especially
as we get older, especially ifyou're dating in like, your

(21:50):
mid-30s and up.
If you're dating in yourmid-30s and up, oh Lord, why do
you say it like that?
Oh Lord, why do you say it like?

Speaker 2 (21:59):
that Just the climate ?
I hear that what climate is?

Speaker 1 (22:01):
But that has a lot to do with it too, because I I
hear that, what time it is, butthat that has a lot to do with
it too, because I have gone backand forth with myself.
I don't think I, I don't thinkI would be the assertive type
Like if there was an, a gentleman that I was interested in.
I don't think I would be asassertive to be like hey, you

(22:21):
want to go out on a date?

Speaker 2 (22:21):
Or, if we got that far down the line, to be like
proposing to him I don't thinkthat that's me but let me tell
you something right now ifsomething was happening, that
was the only way I would be in arelationship, because if she
don't approach, me.

Speaker 1 (22:34):
I'm not looking for nobody.
That's not true.
You think I look, I.
I think you're too much.
I think you're too much of alike a lover.
I love you, I don't like.
I love you.
I don't love these bitches.
I love you.
There's a difference.

Speaker 2 (22:51):
But I love you.
I have.

Speaker 1 (22:53):
I have 23 years of history I know, can't nobody
come and feel that?
And no, and no one will try.
Like once they know yourhistory, no one will try to
replace me.
But I mean, I hope she don'tthink she can replace me, but I
don't think that you are.

Speaker 2 (23:12):
It's a cold.

Speaker 1 (23:12):
It'll be a cold day to hell, because I don't think
you're the type to live, to bealone.
Oh, I'm not gonna be alone.
I have my daughter.
Okay, well, she's gonna grow upand she's gonna leave and live
her own life and I would hatefor you to put a guilt trip on
her like she has to be aroundfor you, I wouldn't do that at
all.

Speaker 2 (23:30):
I would just stay active.

Speaker 1 (23:32):
I wouldn't be lonely and just collect your
compliments.
That's it, that'll ride youthrough your day.
Yeah, you'll find somewhere.

Speaker 2 (23:39):
I can just put 40 on the address and leave.

Speaker 1 (23:42):
Okay, that's a little much.
Before you on the address andleave.
Okay, that's a little much.
Anyways, but I think it shows alevel of confidence and not
desperation in some instances.
Okay, now, in the instance oftrying to get to know a man
better because you areinterested, I don't think that

(24:04):
is desperation, because thedebate is women asking men out,
women proposing to men.
It looks desperate right To who?
To general society.

Speaker 2 (24:16):
Let me ask you another question.
This is unrelated.
Are you one of those women thatgatekeep your happy marriage?
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 (24:22):
DeMille, stay on topic.
I don't think it is a sign ofdesperation.
I do think that it can beviewed as a sign of confidence
when it comes to getting to knowa gentleman.

Speaker 2 (24:38):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (24:39):
If there is a fellow that I find myself interested in
, you know, hypotheticallyspeaking, obviously.
But if there's a fellow that Ifound myself interested in, you
know, hypothetically speaking,obviously.
But if there's a fellow that Ifound myself interested in and I
was a single woman, especiallyin my mid thirties, right, um, I
would.
For me, I wouldn't mind tryingto develop like a friendship and
if it got to a point where Iwas potentially interested in

(25:01):
him on a second level of like aromantic level I, you know, I I
probably wouldn't be the one toinitiate that, but the women who
initiate that.
I don't see it as desperation, Isee it as being confident, I
see it as trying to cut downtime, because what if he is
interested?
But he's also one of thosepeople who can't really deal

(25:24):
with rejection much and so it'slike, if I can, you know, if I,
if I peep that and I was aassertive person in that way and
I peep that, I wouldn't mindbeing like, what are you doing
on Saturday?
Like let's, let's go to a movie, let's go to dinner.

Speaker 2 (25:38):
Let's hang out.
You're such a liar Never inthat capacity.
Never, you ain't.

Speaker 1 (25:48):
Maurice, I use my card all the time.
I use my card all the time whenwe go out.
I have taken you on so manydates.

Speaker 2 (25:58):
You use your card inside the.

Speaker 1 (25:59):
Arbenz account.
I use my card, okay.
So when you see the charge,what does it say?

Speaker 2 (26:05):
Because when I look at, my statement.

Speaker 1 (26:07):
I see my charges.
Okay, I see my charges when Ilike bought you a gift, when I
took you out to eat, when I sentyou money.
Okay, yeah, I see, I see allthat.
All right, so I'm not sure whatstatements you see um.
I also think that is.

Speaker 2 (26:25):
I feel like I feel like I don't think there's any
problem with that, because Ifeel like shooters are gonna to
shoot, Because I feel like evenbefore today I feel like women
shot, they shot.
It was just in other ways.
Women will let you know whenthey're interested, Like they
may not like blatantly ask, comeon and say, hey, you want to go
out, but they'll let you know.
They smile in your face alittle longer.

Speaker 1 (26:47):
Right, that's what I'm saying.
A little subtle contact.
They let you know that they'reinterested.
They let you know that's whatI'm saying.
I'm that type of type of womanI'm gonna just give you hints,
like it's okay for you to ask meout it's just like now.

Speaker 2 (27:00):
You know, let's just be honest, because I'm one of
them.
Most guys don't take hints, sonow they're like but I'm like,
well, I'm not gonna let.
If she feels like he's goodenough or he might has the
potential to be good enough, shewould just shoot her shot.
You know, I don't see nothingwrong with that.
Shoot your shot, I don't seeanything wrong with it.

Speaker 1 (27:17):
I think also in today's, today's modern age,
when it comes to social mediaand technology, I think that
plays a huge part in it too.
You can, you know.

Speaker 2 (27:28):
I don't know if you can really say you can be fine
with their personality, like youdon't know if people are being
real or not, but you can get aglimpse of what people portray
themselves to be.

Speaker 1 (27:35):
Yeah, but I think with social media in particular,
it's more easier for women tobe a little bit more assertive
too.
If you're communicating viatechnology, yeah, you know what
I'm saying.
We were all everybody who's onsocial media was in a room.
I'm sure it's a high percentageof number of people who would
not, or women who would notapproach a man or be or tell him

(27:58):
like, oh, you're so handsome orcute, but behind the screen, if
I see your picture, I'm goingto like it and then I might like
shoot you a message in the DM,and that's because it's
protecting me from beingrejected, because if you do
reject me, I can just go awayand you never know who I was in
the first place.
You only know the pictures thatI posted.

Speaker 2 (28:15):
So it's easier, the risk is lower.
The studies show that on datingapps, women initiate 70% of the
time 74% yeah On Bumble, one ofthe dating apps, 74% of women
initiate.
And they don't mind initiating.

Speaker 1 (28:38):
They out here shooting a shot.
But again, that goes back toyou're on a dating app, right,
it's a protection, like I'mbehind a shield.
So if I see a man that I likeand I shoot him a message, I
like his picture, and he comesback and be like, oh you're
beautiful, but I'm notinterested, I can just move on
and my, my feelings might be alittle hurt because it's like,
damn, you look good and I'm notbad looking either, but if I'm
not what you're looking for,that's cool, and then I can just
I could just move on.
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (28:58):
You are.
You are very easy on the eyes.
Thank you, honey.

Speaker 1 (29:01):
I could just move on and it's the protection that I
have of communicating viatechnology.
But if we were at a restaurantand I've never seen you before
and you have never seen mebefore and I so happen to muster
up the courage to walk up toyou and tell you you are such a
handsome man, I appreciate that.
Like are you dating anybody?

(29:22):
Would you like to go to dinner,or anything?

Speaker 2 (29:24):
I'm at dinner right now.

Speaker 1 (29:25):
That's that's.
I'm at dinner right now with mywife.
That's going to feel, um,that's gonna feel.
That's gonna feel a littledifferent, right, because it's
it's face to face.

Speaker 2 (29:36):
But if I'm behind my phone screen, I mean I'm gonna
just move on to the next but Ialso think like cause when I
think about, like my life, right, let's, let's just say, let's
say, I was not married, I wasnot married, I was not married.
I'm just thinking about my lifeand my daily routine.
I would not run into very manysituations where I would run

(29:58):
into a situation or a placewhere I could meet single women
Just living my life.

Speaker 1 (30:04):
Oh, you mean like on your day to day, on my day to
day.

Speaker 2 (30:06):
Okay, like outside of , because, honestly, outside of
work the only technical socialplace I go to is the gym.

Speaker 1 (30:12):
Right and we know how women feel there's a lot of
single women there.

Speaker 2 (30:15):
Yeah, but we know how women feel like being
approached in the gym and that'snot.
You know, I'm locked in.
Yeah, I'm not looking atnothing like that, maybe on a
treadmill.

Speaker 1 (30:23):
Maybe when they walk out to the parking lot that
might be a little creepy, though.

Speaker 2 (30:31):
Don't, you know, don't approach me in the parking
lot.
That's weird, um, but I just Ithink, like, so I do think in,
like, in that case, I do feellike, like you were saying, like
the social media, thetechnology, the dating apps.
I feel like that is a waybecause, with the lives of most
people, leave lead, they don'treally have time for um to get
out into social settings,especially I know I mean for me
personally.
I know I wouldn't, because I'mnot'm not.
I'm not a club goer, Nope me.

(30:52):
Neither I'm not a jazz.
Oh, I might hit a jazz lounge.
I'll do a comedy club, For sure.
But it's like, like an improvyeah but if I'm at the comedy
club I'm there for the community.
Do see how the technology andall that stuff helps the cause,
and I do think that it does likeyou said.

(31:13):
It does give the added securityso they feel a little more safe
and protected and it and itkind of does protect men's ego a
little bit, because it's if, ifshe's shooting my shot, her
shot at me, I don't have to dealwith rejection, right, because
a man and she don't have to dealwith a lot of ghosting right
and a man, because a man puttingbeing put in a spot where you

(31:33):
get a chance to reject that'snot something we feel often.
Yeah, that's a lot of power andI.

Speaker 1 (31:38):
that's why I say, when women take the lead in the
dating sense, um, it avoids someconfusion too, because you do
have men who don't want to letyou know.
Some women down or like maybe hethought he was interested and
then he asks her out and sheagrees.
Then all of a sudden he decideshe's not interested and he

(32:00):
ghosts her, not to say that thatwouldn't happen if she
approached him.
But I think women taking theinitiative when it comes to
trying to get to know a man inthe dating realm and asking him
out, it cuts down on some of theconfusion.
It cuts down on some of theanxiety of whether, if he's
interested in me or not, right,it cuts down on some of the
anxiety of him potentiallyghosting me because I'm the one

(32:23):
who initiated.
So the ball was really in hiscourt.
The ball is in his court.
So if you're really genuinelynot interested in me, this is
the opportunity to just say youknow what?
I think you're a lovely lady,but but it's not gonna work yeah
, and then for the right, andthen the woman, although I'm
sure I don't think anybodyreally handles rejection?

(32:43):
yeah like it's, it's, but, butit'll be easier, I think, for
women to just be like okay, nowI can move on, because the truth
of the matter is, especially ifyou're dating middle aged and
up, if you have goals such ashaving a family or starting a
family, we need things to happenlike now, and I need to know we
own the clock.
We own the clock and I need toknow if you're interested or not

(33:05):
, because I have a whole careergoing on.
I still have a household that Itake care of by.
I still have a household that Itake care of Bye.
I still have a household that Itake care of and you're a man
that I'm interested in andyou're a man that I can see that
fits into what I already havegoing on.
So if you're going to drag yourfeet, I don't have time for
that.
So let me just see if you'reinterested.
Are you interested?
Would you like to go out?
Do you find me interesting?
And then we can go from there.

(33:26):
That works, yeah.
Now when we talk about marriage, however Different, I don't
feel the same.
You got a bet.
I don't feel the same.
You got proposed.

Speaker 2 (33:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (33:40):
I'm not, I'm not going to initiate that.

Speaker 2 (33:42):
I'm not going to initiate that.
Get down on one knee for me,absolutely not.
That's why you're not gettinginvolved with no one.
Because you didn't ask me forone Bye, you got to get on both
knees, okay, well, I guess it'llnever happen.
You renew your love I guess itwill never happen.

Speaker 1 (33:55):
It will never happen.
Now, to each his own.
We listen and we don't judge.

Speaker 2 (34:01):
Oh, I judge every time.

Speaker 1 (34:03):
But for me, I think, when it comes to such a huge
commitment and step, when itgets to the point where either
you're considering marriage oryou feel like you want to be
married Um, usually couples havehad that conversation right.
It's like making sure we'restill aligned in the sense that

(34:25):
we both are on the track formarriage.
We are both are on the trackand on board for children.
We are on track and we are onboard for how we want to
structure our lives as a marriedcouple with kids, with a home
structure, if we're going to bechurchgoers or not.
Our faith like whatever that isRight Usually there gets to.

(34:49):
Usually people get to a pointwhere these things are
thoroughly discussed and so thewoman gets to a point where
we've talked about all thesethings.
I know where he is on them, heknows where I am on them.
I'm just gonna wait until he,until he surprises me, right?
I think that it's important fora few different reasons that it

(35:14):
be the man who initiates.
Go ahead and tell us whoinitiates marriage.
Right, go ahead and tell usHold on.

Speaker 2 (35:21):
Do you feel like if a woman initiated, that means the
man either was on the fenceabout her or wasn't really ready
for marriage?
Kind, of.
And she's trying to force hishand.

Speaker 1 (35:32):
Maybe not force his hand?
Um, not for maybe not force hishand.
Some women might look at it asshe was just like helping along
the process, okay, but the thingis I say that the the things
that men and women expect ofeach other are different, yeah,
and the expected expectationsthat most a lot of women I'm not
going to even say most, I'mjust going to say a lot of women
have of men.

(35:52):
If he is not already likemeeting that expectation, or if
there's an expectation that hehas for himself that you are not
aware of, or that he's, or thathe's expressed to you but he
has not yet achieved, you askinghim in marriage and then
locking him into the marriagebefore he feels that he has the

(36:13):
capacity to be the properhusband that you need him to be,
that you know that you've putan expectation on him to be and
he doesn't.
He doesn't like quote unquotelive up to it or perform.
I think that's going to cause ariff.
Okay, right, but that's not.

Speaker 2 (36:32):
But is that a riff?
Because he's not living up tothe standards she set in her
mind?

Speaker 1 (36:38):
That's why I say it could be both.
It could be both, but I dobelieve that expecting a man to
quote unquote, be a leader,because we know that's a loaded
word too a leader because weknow that's a loaded word too.
But from my perspective, andwhat I I view as leadership in
my own relationship.
Expecting a man expecting a manto be a leader and to take

(36:59):
control and to have a level ofassertiveness.
That's a huge responsibilityand I would for, for, for both,
but for him, right.
So him asking me to marry him.
In my mind, you have crossedall your T's, you've dotted all
your I's, you've gone throughthe scenarios of what you think

(37:19):
you could potentially face andyou are still making a conscious
decision to invite me into yourlife, to be a part of your life
experience.

Speaker 2 (37:27):
Let me ask you this I hear everything you said, I
received it.
Life experience.
Let me ask you this I heareverything you said, I received
it.
What if the man is a young 20year old?
He doesn't have the full scopeof knowledge about life.
Are you still going to hold himto those standards?

Speaker 1 (37:43):
Well, it's OK.
It's not even about holdingstandards.
That's why I say usually, likeI said before, the major topics
have been addressed in therelationship about where we're
going.
You know that you want children, I know that I want children.
You know that you want to be ahomeowner, I know that I want to
be a homeowner.
You know that you don't want tomove out of state at any point
in your life.

(38:03):
I know that I can be okay withthat, even if it's something I
do want to do.
But I can get on board withthat because I want to be with
you.
You know, if you want to livein an apartment, the whole your
whole life, and you know, if youwant to live in a trailer, your
whole life, I can get on boardwith it.
Those are conversations thatusually happen right.

Speaker 2 (38:19):
I just say that.

Speaker 1 (38:20):
Hold on.
That doesn't say like, oh,obviously, if you're a 20
something, everyone's lifeexperience is different.
But if you're a 20 something,there may not have been a full
scope of life experience tounderstand the gravity of what
you're getting into by askingsomeone to marry you, right, but
I, I believe that, as the male,the male figure, the leader,

(38:45):
right, you want to be respectedas a leader.
You want to be held to a certainstandard.
As a man, right, you are askingsomething of me.
You are asking me to be a partof your life.
You're asking me to be a partof your life experience, right,
I understand how heavy thatcould possibly be.
You understand how heavy thatcould possibly be.

(39:06):
But if you're the one who needsto take control and you're the
one who wants to drive the busand you want me to sit beside
you or sit behind you while youdrive this bus, remember that it
was you and your leadership andyour decisions that invited me
to be a part of your, your lifeexperience and what I'm telling
you is I was young, I I didn'thave okay, I'm talking about me
personally I didn't have a fullunderstanding, that's fine, and

(39:27):
you were alone that.

Speaker 2 (39:29):
So I feel like you're holding me up to unfair
standards because I'm justplaying.

Speaker 1 (39:33):
Get down by Maurice.
But I'm just saying when itcomes to the capacity of the
proposal, asking someone tomarry them.
Don't get me wrong.
You can do whatever you want to.
I don't really care one way oranother.
If a woman asks a man to marryher, I'm saying from my personal
like my personal preference, Ipersonally wouldn't ask a man to

(39:57):
marry me.
Do you know what I'm?
Do you know what I'm saying?
Because I'm not going to andlike how you said, like okay,
but what if he's like dragginghis feet or something?
If you are wanting to be heldto a certain standard as a man,
okay, because men like to talkabout wanting to be held to a
certain standard as a man.
Okay, because men like to talkabout wanting to be leaders,
protectors, providers, that is aposition.

(40:18):
If you're not going to take thelead on starting the, the, the
official commitment, that's ahuge first step.
So if I take the lead onstarting the commitment and then
we get into the marriage andnow I'm going to say, okay, now
I expect you to drive the bus.

(40:38):
No, I don't know, like I don'tknow.
Am I explaining myselfcorrectly?

Speaker 2 (40:44):
I don't know you seem to have this is an ECG episode.

Speaker 1 (40:47):
No, but I'm just saying like, but don't get me
wrong.
Like I said, to each his own.
To each his own.

Speaker 2 (40:54):
Tomato to model.

Speaker 1 (40:55):
Right, it's fine.
Cherries and apples, I'm justsaying Plums and oranges, my two
cents and the whole debaclethat goes on with social media
about the videos with the womenproposing to the men.

Speaker 2 (41:08):
You think it's wild?

Speaker 1 (41:09):
It's not for me.
Okay, but if it's for her andshe know her relationship and
she know her man and and thosemen standing up there with their
hand out and the twinkle intheir eyes and the family and
the family surrounding them all,and everybody like clapping and
stuff.
If that's what y'all want to do, do it.

(41:30):
I have no.
I have no quorums with it.
My personal opinion, because Igot an asshole like everybody
else, so I got an opinion likeeverybody else.
I personally pretty assholethough I personally, I'm not
getting down on no knee topropose to no man.
I don't care how empowered Ifeel.
Ok, I'm not doing it.

(41:51):
And if I feel as though, wherewe get to a point where we have
to have the discussion of whyhaven't I been proposed to yet?
Right, and we have to like, ifthis becomes an ongoing thing
where we constantly have todiscuss it, then I also know how
to bow out.
Gracefully Right, because, aswe discussed, if we are in our

(42:13):
mid-30s and up and I've got life, goals that involve biology.
I gotta go.
Come on now, Bishop, I gotta go.
I gotta go.
It's been great.
I think you are amazing.
I received his word.
I don't know what are yourthoughts.

Speaker 2 (42:39):
I do feel like me personally.
I agree with you.
I would not stand up there withmy hand out as a woman, you're
not going to stand like this.
No, I'm not doing that.
A little too sassy for me.

Speaker 1 (42:47):
Okay, but what if she's standing in front of you
on one knee?
Are you going to pick her uplike girl if?

Speaker 2 (42:50):
you don't get your ass off that floor.
Get your ass up.

Speaker 1 (42:53):
If you don't get your ass off that floor, why not?

Speaker 2 (42:57):
Because I would feel embarrassed.

Speaker 1 (42:59):
Okay, and so right there.
So right there, but why wouldyou feel embarrassed?
Because what does that say?
What do you think that says tothe crowd?

Speaker 2 (43:06):
Okay, hold on, because, because for me I am
traditional.

Speaker 1 (43:10):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (43:11):
I live a traditional lifestyle.
Right, I have a traditionalhousehold.

Speaker 1 (43:15):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (43:17):
I am not finna sit here and allow this woman To be
at her dress.
And propose to me Because, likeyou were saying earlier, if I
felt that strongly that I wasready or that I wanted to, I
would have, you would have.
That's the point and that's forme.
Yeah Right, and I am not goingto just sit here, because a lot

(43:37):
of times I do feel like women dothat to pressure him into that,
because maybe he's not unsureof it or maybe he doesn't want
it.

Speaker 1 (43:43):
Or she thinks like no , you're, you're fine, you will
be fine.

Speaker 2 (43:53):
We got each other.
You got me uh-huh right, so forme personally, that is not
something.

Speaker 1 (43:55):
I'm not.

Speaker 2 (43:55):
I'm not finna stand up there and be sassy with your
family around.

Speaker 1 (43:56):
I'm not why.
I mean it doesn't have to besassy I'm not.
This is it okay, come on, youdon't have to bend the wrist.
Straighten out your wrist andstraighten out your hand there
but she's below you sostraighten your whole arm out,
your whole elbow that's sassy.

Speaker 2 (44:12):
Now I do understand that relationship dynamics are
changing.

Speaker 1 (44:16):
And they're different and that you know.

Speaker 2 (44:18):
women are a lot more confident nowadays and they are
more decisive and direct.

Speaker 1 (44:24):
Yeah, they're independent.

Speaker 2 (44:26):
They're strong and they go right.
And I know I understand thatwith that shift and the power
that women feel, they have notfeel, but in the power that
women now have, I understandthat norms and identities have
changed and it affects the waypeople see certain things.
Yeah, but for me personally,don't propose to me, because I'm

(44:47):
going to, because I'm going tosay no, I'm going to say no.

Speaker 1 (44:51):
You got to say yes.

Speaker 2 (44:52):
if it's in front of a crowd, I'm going to say no
Because if, like I said, if Iwas ready I would have done it,
I would have done it.

Speaker 1 (45:02):
Yes, and I think and I think too now that you brought
that up when you said I wouldfeel embarrassed, would feel
embarrassed.
In my mind, what came to mindwas, if you're feeling
embarrassed or you feel likeshe's embarrassed you on some
level, that must also likeyou're also thinking about what
everybody else is thinking,right like you got this girl

(45:23):
proposing, proposing to you,right?
So either we know that you hadno intentions- or she's trying
to rush it along or yes, orshe's trying to rush it along,
or you had that girl waiting solong that she had to come to you
and propose to you, and that'sanother thing for me.

Speaker 2 (45:40):
If I felt like a situation where she's trying to
rush thing along, that wouldinstantly turn me off and I
probably walk away from therelationship.
But she's probably not thinkingabout it that way because I
would think like, if you'retrying to force me into this,
what else?
What are you going to try toforce me into if I actually go
through with this?

Speaker 1 (45:54):
But see, and that's why I, that's why I say, when it
comes to something likemarriage, why I think that still
needs to be on the, you know,the, the responsibility or the
ball needs to be in the court ofthe man, is because I feel as
though that also sets aprecedent for, for the
relationship for the marriage.
Right, as though that also setsa precedent for for the
relationship, for the marriage.

(46:14):
Right, it does.
That's.
That's what I'm saying.
It sets a precedent because,like I always tell you, like it
come hell or high water, youasked me to be here, bro.
I mean, did I?
You did, did I?

Speaker 2 (46:23):
yeah, I still have the letter you asked me, I asked
the, I asked the 20 yearversion.
Okay, good damn, bye, goodbyeanyway.

Speaker 1 (46:30):
Different version but I still think it.
It primarily, it primarily isin the man's court.
I agree, because it sets aprecedent for the relationship,
but at the same time there'snothing wrong for the one I
there's.

Speaker 2 (46:44):
There's nothing wrong no, there I let's be 100 clear.

Speaker 1 (46:48):
There is nothing wrong with that, and I'm pretty
sure and I'm sure there's lotsof successful marriages in which
the woman has proposed and theyhave lived a beautiful,
flourished life where they bothget everything they want.
Nothing is set in stone.

Speaker 2 (47:02):
I mean because nine times out of ten I'm most likely
going to say no, unless you'rerich.
Bye.

Speaker 1 (47:06):
But yeah.
So like that's neither here northere.
I'm not saying that there isanything wrong, inherently wrong
with it.
I'm just giving my opinion intotwo cents on the trending topic
.
You know what I'm saying.
But I just think it doesn't seta good precedent, or it

(47:26):
wouldn't set a good precedentfor the relationship, if it came
to a point where you felt theneed that you had to be the one
to propose because he hasn'tproposed yet, because the good
old saying, like you say, if hewould, I mean if he could, he
would.
If he wanted to, he would.
If he wanted to, he would.
So the fact that he hasn'tSometimes he ain't got the money
for the ring Listen and thatgoes back to knowing your

(47:51):
partner.

Speaker 2 (47:51):
We're not gonna go into all the nuances because
that goes, that goes into, thatgoes because we know how you
feel about nuances from lastepisode goodbye.

Speaker 1 (47:59):
No one likes you, um, but yeah, so I.
There's nothing wrong with it,I'm just saying for me for me,
for me, for me like if my kidwas to come to me and be like
Mom.
I think I wanna Propose thehell you do Right.

Speaker 2 (48:15):
Nigga please.

Speaker 1 (48:16):
The hell you do.
This is what you do If y'allbeen having the conversation and
y'all on board With wanting toPursue life together.

Speaker 2 (48:25):
Listen, you can give him A year, you can give him two
.

Speaker 1 (48:28):
I don't know, but you ain't getting on that man knee
and you ain't gonna stand onthat two feet and ask him to
marry you.

Speaker 2 (48:36):
This may be controversial, but I do feel
like in that situation, I feellike from the woman's
perspective, I feel like I wouldprefer, as a man, I would
prefer the ultimatum over theproposal.

Speaker 1 (48:52):
I get that, no, but.

Speaker 2 (48:53):
I get that.
No, I get that.
But understand, with theultimatum it may not happen the
way you want to, because youmight give an ultimatum You're
like all right, fine, let's justbreak up.

Speaker 1 (49:00):
But I feel like the pressure is still the same.
It is Because it is the same.

Speaker 2 (49:08):
It is the same.
My man brain says my man brain.
The proposal is she's trying toforce me into something.

Speaker 1 (49:17):
Yeah, put me on the spot, put me on the spot when
she knows that I'm not ready forthis.

Speaker 2 (49:21):
Yeah, the ultimatum is my man brain would say, okay,
this is something that shewants and she wants it with me.
Yeah, but if I'm not willing togive her that, she's willing to
walk away from me right, so Ihave time to process.

Speaker 1 (49:34):
So I have time to process that that's why I say I
would prefer the ultimatum overthe proposal, because at least
you have time to think about itand then you can make it,
because if you propose, I'msaying no yeah and now and now
you're down there with yourknees dirty for no reason but
then then it also I mean it alsocould be looked at that if you
do decide to propose.
you did it because you werepressured to, but I can see what

(49:57):
you mean.
It's like at least you had thattime space to be like okay,
it's my choice.

Speaker 2 (50:01):
But even if I was pressured to, I proposed after
the ultimatum yeah, that's whatI'm saying After I thought about
it.

Speaker 1 (50:07):
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
You had time to think about it.

Speaker 2 (50:09):
Because a lot of times, and you know, we start
thinking and we make baddecisions, but you know it is
what it is.
Yeah, tis is what tis is.

Speaker 1 (50:19):
Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 2 (50:21):
So I mean, I, just I personally would prefer the
ultimatum.
That's just me.

Speaker 1 (50:27):
How long do you think the ultimatum should be?

Speaker 2 (50:34):
and they're in their mid-thirties a year.
You don't have time to waste ayear a year yeah, okay alright,
good discussion.

Speaker 1 (50:44):
Glad to see where you , glad to see where you, where
you lie at on that cause youproposed to me.
I'm walking out.
No, you don't have to worryabout it, I'm walking out, you
don't?
You don't have to worry aboutit.

Speaker 2 (50:55):
I'm walking out, it's not gonna be.
You don't have to worry aboutit.
I'm walking out, it's not goingto be.
I don't want her to post to meat all.

Speaker 1 (51:01):
What?
Yeah, you don't have to worryabout that.
I'm walking out.
All right, guys, we're going togo ahead and move on into R2-D2
.
R2-d2.

Speaker 2 (51:11):
I hope they were the last weeks.
What?
Because you've been fumbling,y'all she's been fumbling.
No, I haven't.
Whatever.
I be sending her these juicyones.

Speaker 1 (51:21):
That's full of drama and mess and she be like nah,
that's too messy cause he, he's.

Speaker 2 (51:24):
I'm here for the mess he got.

Speaker 1 (51:26):
He got some toxic traits.
Y'all don't, don't let him foolyou.
It's not about marriage, no.

Speaker 2 (51:30):
I just like.
I like watching toxic shit.

Speaker 1 (51:32):
Happen be involved in it okay well, I want, I want
your reaction on this one.

Speaker 2 (51:36):
Oh, she knows, she wrong.
Bye okay.

Speaker 1 (51:39):
Would I be the asshole for still expecting full
child support if I remarry ormove in with my boyfriend?
Okay, let's go my ex, who is a40 year old male to female and I
am a 38 year old female havebeen divorced for a year and a
half after she came out as trans.

Speaker 2 (52:01):
I'm straight.

Speaker 1 (52:02):
So it ended our romantic relationship, but I've
supported her transition.
We share two kids, a nine yearold female and a seven year old
male.
Our relationship is strainedand although she has visitations
, she rarely sees our kids,mostly just Thursday night
dinners.
For the past seven months I'vealways encouraged her to see our
kids because I think it'sbetter for them to have her in

(52:24):
their lives.
She initially said she mightmove away out of state and fade
completely out of their livesbecause seeing the kids is too
painful.
Based on the advice of my lawyerand therapist, I pursued full
child support.
The kids are entitled to 25% ofher income.
She's an engineer and is a muchhigher earner than I am because
I'm a nurse and I receive noalimony.

(52:46):
I've been dating someone greatfor a little over a year.
He's wonderful with my kids andwhile he wanted kids, he
couldn't have any of his own.
Things are getting serious andwe've talked about moving in
together or even marriage.
When my ex found out Iintroduced the kids to my
boyfriend back in October, shesaid she might terminate her
parental rights altogether toallow a step-parent adoption.

(53:08):
I was surprised and thoughtmaybe she was speaking from a
dark place mentally and wouldrethink it once she was more
stable.
I recently asked if she stillfelt that way and she said yes,
though she liked somevisitations.
She then added that she'd bevery unhappy if she had to
continue to pay child support.

(53:28):
If I remarried or cohabitated,I was taken back.
I thought she wanted to put.
I thought she wanted to protecther mental health, but now it
seems more about avoidingfinancial responsibility of the
kids.
My boyfriend isn't a highearner and I work full time and
we live a modest life, but I dorely on the child support for my

(53:49):
personal budget.
Would I be an asshole for stillexpecting full child support
even if I remarry or move inwith someone else?
Is this even possible legally?
Advice, no, you will not be theasshole.
I don't think so.
I don't think so at all.
Look here I don't think youcan't say you're going to give
up your rights, but you stillwant to visit them and you don't

(54:10):
want to pay for them.

Speaker 2 (54:10):
I don't know this man's name, so I'm going to just
say some random names.
Take it how you take it, Idon't care.
Steve really steve helped youhave them kids, now that susan
don't want nothing to do withthem.
Susan used to be steve andsteve is still responsible and
susan got the same socialsecurity number as steve, so

(54:32):
susan gonna have to give youthat goddamn child support.
I don't give a damn damn.

Speaker 1 (54:36):
You got to pay.
You got to pay.
Them is your children, and how?

Speaker 2 (54:40):
selfish of you to just decide nine years after
your first child is born thatyou want nothing to do with the
kids.
I'm not even mad at thetransitioning part.
I'm not even going to go intothat.
Be who you want to be, yeah.
But now you're going to abandonyour kids, your children.

Speaker 1 (54:55):
Yeah, because it's too painful for you, because she
said it's too painful for her.

Speaker 2 (55:00):
But think about the pain.
Think about the pain.

Speaker 1 (55:03):
Think about the pain that you're causing the children
, that they even have to gothrough the situation.

Speaker 2 (55:07):
You nearly upheaved their whole life and everything
they've known.
Yeah, for the past nine andseven years.
Yes, it's wild, yes, but nineand seven years.

Speaker 1 (55:17):
Yes, yes, it's wild, yes, but yes.

Speaker 2 (55:18):
And here's what I think.
Here's what I think wouldhappen.
He I'm sorry, I don't want tooffend nobody yeah, she, who's
really.
He feels that way now, yeah,and 10, 12 years, when them kids
are adults and he probablyfeels like he's no longer, he's
on one side of the relationshipwith them kids.
Maybe that's what it is.

(55:38):
Maybe, I think, he wants allhis money to himself so he can
live whatever lifestyle hethinks he wants to live away
from his family that he promisedthat he may and his wife that
he may, bow to that could be it.

Speaker 1 (55:48):
So no, ma'am, you are not that.
You're not the asshole.

Speaker 2 (55:53):
Ask for more, because if they play sports and do all
that, it's expensive childrenare expensive if they put them
in travel basketball and travelin gymnastics.

Speaker 1 (56:02):
Right, you're going to need a second mortgage okay,
brother of the year, who'sdemanding $300 a month from me
because I quote unquote don'thave kids to spend it on wait
what?
okay, go ahead my brother calledme yesterday.
Normal chit chat at first.
Then he started venting aboutkids expenses and how expensive

(56:22):
kids are.
Diapers, daycare formula all ofit is draining him.
I listened and I nodded along.
Then he says this you don't havekids, you kind of free with
money.
Maybe you could help out.
I laughed, thinking it was ajoke, but he wasn't joking.
He said even if you could giveme 300 a month, that would help.

(56:44):
So I asked him you want me topay you $300 every month?
He said yeah, because I don'thave quote unquote real
responsibilities, because I justhave money to spare.
This is why I told him no, Ididn't make that kid, so it's
not my job to fund it.
He said, quote unquote, that Iwouldn't understand because I'm

(57:05):
not a parent.
Classic Right Thing is thisisn't new.
He's always acted like having akid makes him more important.
He throws jabs when I buy stuffor when I take trips, or when I
buy clothes or dinner out, butapparently it's making me
selfish to enjoy my life.
Am I the asshole?

Speaker 2 (57:23):
No, this motherfucker jealous.
He wish he didn't have to takecare of them kids.
He wish he could spend hismoney on what he wanted to yeah.
Do you understand people thatevery month when I pay gymnastic
fees I go there, goes my truck?
Bye I can have my truck and allmy toys.

(57:45):
I want if I did not have thischild to care for.
He made the children.
It is part.
Look, I understand, this is myburden to bear and I only.
It's what you asked for and Ionly got 10 more years.

Speaker 1 (57:58):
That's not true In 10 more, she 18.

Speaker 2 (58:01):
In 10 more years I'll be able to get whatever I want,
because a lot of my money isgoing to be freed up.
You're not the asshole.
I wouldn't look at you If youwere like.
If you were like buying yourniece or nephew or whatever.
It's something every once in awhile, kind of help by owning
clothes yeah, like that's fine.

Speaker 1 (58:21):
Or if you want to spoil them on your terms, right.
But to sit here and say you canhelp out with $300 a month, how
you going to ask your brother?

Speaker 2 (58:28):
for child support.

Speaker 1 (58:30):
That's essentially what he did.
This is wild.
He did ask his brother forchild support.
How you finna sit here and askyour brother for child support?
His brother said I didn't makethat kid.
This is crazy.
I'm not even funded either.
Now listen, I might buy.
I might buy a Sylvester, a pairof Jordans every now and then,
not Sylvester if I have a son, Iswear I'm naming him Sylvester

(58:54):
no, no, no.

Speaker 2 (58:56):
I might buy Sylvester a pair of J's every once in a
while I can guarantee you hisname won't be Sylvester, because
I immediately thought aboutTweety Bird when you said that.

Speaker 1 (59:05):
I might buy Sylvester a couple of J's, you know, or I
might get him some schoolclothes every once in a while.
I might take him on a weekendwith me.

Speaker 2 (59:18):
And I might ball out on him so he can see what it's
like living with his uncle, andthen I'm gonna send him back to
you.
My nieces and nephews know eventhe ones that are extended, not
really blah blah they know thatuncle mo he good for when you
was young, I'm gonna buy yousome chucks oh, oh, my gosh.

Speaker 1 (59:29):
We were a chuck buying couple and I'm gonna buy
you some chucks our nieces andnephews stayed in chucks.
They might might even be custom.

Speaker 2 (59:37):
I'm going to get you some chucks because you got to
step out on them, but to giveyour parents $300 every month.

Speaker 1 (59:44):
I'm not doing it, sir .
I was not in that vagina withyou.
This was not a team effort.
We did not tap each other in.
We know definitively who thechild belongs to Like.
No, sir, I can't do it and Idon't even like your wife.
Bye, goodbye.
I told you to marry up and youmarried at eye level.

Speaker 2 (01:00:08):
You played yourself.

Speaker 1 (01:00:10):
I told you to marry up.
You married at eye level andthat's what you get you played
yourself.

Speaker 2 (01:00:14):
And now, here you are crying at me about some $300.

Speaker 1 (01:00:18):
Asking me for $300.
I'm on.
Hey, get out of here.

Speaker 2 (01:00:21):
I got football tickets to buy.
Buy Good buy, I'm going to beat the game.

Speaker 1 (01:00:25):
He said my Gucci Lovers is being delivered.

Speaker 2 (01:00:28):
I'm checking my tracking right right now, Right
now I got to buy my Gucci flipflops so I can F these bees out
here.

Speaker 1 (01:00:36):
No, you got to get that Versace robe that everybody
was wearing on T-Town.
I just got my Versace robe, soI ain't got it this month.
And I'm not going to have itnext month either, because I
just booked my trip to Bali.
So I'm not going to have itnext month either, because I'll
be in Bali with my Versace robe.

Speaker 2 (01:00:52):
Right.

Speaker 1 (01:00:53):
And taking pictures for Instagram.
This is wild.

Speaker 2 (01:00:54):
People I'm taking pictures for Instagram.
This is wild.
People are in their audacity.
This is crazy.

Speaker 1 (01:00:59):
Audacity is cheap right now.
It must be.
It must be free, it's like, 99%off Must be free, so everyone's
getting a little piece of it.

Speaker 2 (01:01:05):
Are they getting it at Costco?

Speaker 1 (01:01:07):
Probably because they finna get, Scan and Go.

Speaker 2 (01:01:09):
I told you, wait a minute.

Speaker 1 (01:01:15):
Why was I so excited about that, though I was like I
said, are they really talkingabout getting scan and go?
Because I just got reallyexcited.
That's just like yesterday whenwe uh went to the store.
When I walked into my friend'shouse she was like you know, we
got a new, uh, what is it right?
she was like we got a new oneand I was like you did, and all
three of us, we were like, oh mygosh, we should go.
I said when did we get to theage where we get excited for

(01:01:38):
store openings and scanninggoals?

Speaker 2 (01:01:41):
I know I'm old.
It's crazy.
I know I'm old because I'vebeen looking at the shirts in
Sam's Club and Costco.
That's a nice shirt.
That's a nice shirt.

Speaker 1 (01:01:47):
Okay, the shorts.
I'm going to go back and getthose shorts.
Did you see those Gap Softeningshorts?

Speaker 2 (01:01:58):
need.
No, this has been anotherepisode.
This is an episode of life.
I do a podcast.
If you're not already followingus, you can follow us on all
social media platforms atfacebook instagram, tiktok,
youtube and youtube.

Speaker 1 (01:02:09):
Yes, you can listen to us.

Speaker 2 (01:02:11):
You can listen to us anywhere you listen to podcasts
apple music, I'm sorry.
Apple Podcast, spotify, youtubePodcast, iheart all that stuff,
all that jazz.
You can write in to us atlifehackswithyoupodcast at
gmailcom.
You get a new episode everyWednesday because she makes me,
and until next time peacebooskies, peace booskies.