The Weight of Leadership

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What does real leadership look like in a marriage? Spoiler: It’s not about making all the decisions or being “the man of the house.”

In this eye-opening episode of Life After I Do, we explore how true leadership in a relationship is rooted in emotional stability, service, and setting the tone for love—not control. ❤️

🚨 From flooded garages to midnight medicine runs, we share powerful personal stories that reveal how small, everyday moments can define what kind of leader you are in your relationship.

📌 You’ll learn:

• Why calm leadership during chaos builds trust
• How emotional safety is more powerful than “being in charge”
• What it means to serve without ego
• Why listening is often more impactful than fixing
• The deeper meaning behind: “When men lead in love, women rise in peace”

Leadership in marriage isn’t about gender roles—it’s about creating a space where both partners thrive. Whether you're newly married or rebuilding your relationship, this conversation will challenge you to reflect on how you lead and how you love.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Like I'm pandering, but I say your leadership is the
direct result of your household.
Yeah, so if your household'snot moving the way you think it
should move, you need to askyourself what are you doing?

Speaker 2 (00:34):
hey everybody, and welcome back to another episode
of life.
After I do, how y'all doing,how y'all doing, how y'all doing
, how y'all doing, how y'alldoing, I'm trying doctor now I'm
trying, we gotta I, we gottastop I just we gotta stop that.

Speaker 1 (00:47):
I just I retain a lot of water.

Speaker 2 (00:49):
You are not 700 pounds of water.
When he said that he was likeyou're not 700 pounds of water,
I was like Dr.
Now, that don't mean that sheain't retaining a lot of water.
He said what do you thinkYou're?
Not gonna starve, you've eatenenough for the next two years.
You're not going to starve.
That's crazy work, hey Booskies.
Hi, how you doing.

(01:09):
I've been better, are you?
Yeah, my nose is running.
Don't if you do it, maurice.
Do not press the button.
I swear I will pinch you.

Speaker 1 (01:18):
You always threaten me with violence.
I have to.

Speaker 2 (01:22):
You have a running nose.
I'm like I'm not 100% guys.
I know I feel like I haven'tbeen 100% like for the past
month or so it's a running themeat this point.

Speaker 1 (01:35):
The thing, is?
Is that anytime?
I don't?

Speaker 2 (01:36):
feel good.
Oh my, you bet you better nottry, Boy stop.

Speaker 1 (01:41):
When I don't feel good, she got to piggyback no,
no stop.
When I don't feel good, she gotto piggyback no no, no, my
husband picks up on everything.

Speaker 2 (01:46):
If my left elbow hurts, guess who's going to
start having left elbow pain inlike the next day or two.
Guess who starts coming to metalking about babe, you know, my
left elbow, it's like tender,it's like that's what you do.
Don't come for me, don't comefor me.
Oh okay, don't do it, not atall.
How was your week, booskies?

(02:07):
It was okay.
I mean, you look good.
I appreciate that, thank you.

Speaker 1 (02:12):
I got a lot of good video of you in the gym.

Speaker 2 (02:14):
No, you didn't get video of me.
You got video of my body parts.
There's a difference.
What's wrong with that?
He was supposed to be spottingme on the bench press just in
case if I drop weight on my neckand my life ends, and instead
he's sitting there recording mybackside and my tops and fronts
and everything else talkingabout.

Speaker 1 (02:35):
I check in every now and then to see if you're
struggling she was good sheobviously she did not die
because she's still here and Igot.
I've been telling her for weeks.
It's been giving, I can't, andevery time it's given, I'm
trying to take, because if shewant to give, I'm going to
receive.

Speaker 2 (02:53):
I wasn't giving anything, I was working out.

Speaker 1 (02:56):
It was given.

Speaker 2 (02:58):
I appreciate it, though it was given.
Thanks, yes, it was given and IThanks, yes, it was giving.
When I got a high five From mygym babe, she came and put From
your what A gym babe.
It was a girl yeah see, that'swhat she gonna, that's what she
gonna tell me y'all.
It was a girl we high fived.

(03:20):
You do it and I pinch you.
You press the button and Ipinch you.

Speaker 1 (03:25):
Are you done?
Okay, okay, somebody said helpshe's abusing me.

Speaker 2 (03:31):
I was telling her.
I was like girl, I'm so underthe weather so I appreciate that
.
She was like, no, your lipslook.
She was like they were chef'skiss and I was like I really
appreciate that because I feellike crap.
But you know, I'm leaning on.
I was leaning on disciplinethat day because I mean, it's
not like I'm like dog sick orsomething, where I feel like I'm
going to get people sick,otherwise I would have not gone

(03:51):
to the gym guys.
But I have it's sinuses, goodbye.
Anyway, I pushed through, Ipushed through and I messaged my
trainer and I my coach and Itold him I don't know what
today's lifts are going to looklike, but I just want you to
know that I did it.
That was hot dog water.

(04:11):
I didn't use it as an excuse tojust like stay in bed, you know
, because I've got a little bitof sinuses going on.
But I don't know what it'sgoing to look like today, but
I'm going to push through.
And he was like intensity isgood.
He was like but our healthalways comes number one.
So he was like do?

Speaker 1 (04:28):
what you can.
Today you might as well havestayed in bed because them lips
was hot dog water, spoiled meat.
It was not up to par.
I said is she struggling with135?
This is her warm up, really.

Speaker 2 (04:44):
I did not.
I didn't even have 135 on thebar.
What are you talking?
About you did when, when I wasloading up the bar, your bench
press.
I'm talking about on my likefor deadlifting stuff and squat.
That was still like, and Ididn't have 135 on the bar for
my bench either.
I had 145.

(05:04):
You were struggling, you know146 reps and I was struggling.
You were struggling for fivesets.
That's crazy work.
It was such a struggle, yeah,but it felt heavy, don't get me
wrong, because I was a littleunder the weather, but I still
managed to push out six reps atfive sets, but it was crazy it
felt what I said.
It did feel a little heavy Wait,but I still did it.
Pockets, what, what, anyway,yeah, yeah, but I still.

(05:28):
I still managed to push through, so that was good she did.
My biggest struggle right nowis just making sure that my
nutrition is on point, that'sbeen a little, that's been a
little bit of a running joke forthe past week.

Speaker 1 (05:43):
Running joke the a little bit of a running joke for
the past week.
Running joke the joke done ranoff.
You talking about running joke.
The joke done ran off on theplug twice.
You talking about running joke.

Speaker 2 (05:56):
And you know what's funny, I wait like every day.
Last week I woke up I was likeokay, today is the day.
I'm going to eat all mycalories.

Speaker 1 (06:05):
I am going to do what I need to do.

Speaker 2 (06:09):
It was like one meal a day.
Oh okay, it was crazy work.
But I'm a work in progress.
And you know like, yeah, I'm awork in progress, but I was
getting some good recoverybecause you sure didn't sleep a
lot.
I didn't sleep a lot, stop it.
I didn't sleep a lot, Stop it.
I know I did.
Yeah, you slept a lot.
I don't know what's going to bethis week.
You've been in the bed.

(06:30):
You and the bed have been one.
My best buddy.
People, let me tell you about mybest friend, I don't know.
I feel like we're just likegoing through this kind of
transition in life now wherewe're just like dude.
I just want to prioritizerelaxing.
It's crazy because I'm not atthat age yet, but I really want

(06:50):
to be, I think.

Speaker 1 (06:51):
I think for us it's the, the change in the seasons.
Yeah, it's really kind of likemessing up, messing with us,
because we both got a littlesinus thing yeah it started with
the little one.
Yeah, well, you know what?
In the words of my, my friendandy, our resident outbreak
monkey, the one that getseverybody sick.
Um, yeah, but I don't feel likeI was sick no, I mean we, we

(07:16):
just we all had like a little.

Speaker 2 (07:18):
I said I had a head cold and some sinuses yeah um I
don't know, maybe, maybe, if weall had it, then maybe that was
what like a cold.

Speaker 1 (07:26):
Yeah, I think we all, because that wasn't her
diagnosis, her diagnosis, that'swhat she told me.

Speaker 2 (07:31):
She was like.
She was like mom, I have totake care of you.
I was like, okay, phoenix, shecomes up to me, she checks my
forehead.
She was like you don't have afever.
I was, was like I know, and shegoes, but I have a diagnosis.
And I said what's yourdiagnosis?
You have a cold.
I said, oh my gosh, do I?
And she was like, yeah, so I'mgoing to have to sleep in your

(07:52):
bed tonight.

Speaker 1 (07:54):
I like how her prescription was making herself
comfortable.

Speaker 2 (08:01):
I told her.
I said, Phoenix, you are notgoing to use that as a ploy to
be in this bed tonight.
And she was like no, no, no, no, mom, no, no, no, no, it's
because I have to keep an eye onyou, I have to watch you.
How you watching me?
When I was up till midnightwatching a movie and you was
knocked out drooling but she wassupposed to be monitoring me.
She was like yeah, I got tostay.

Speaker 1 (08:19):
I got to stay tonight .
Wife has taken 20 minutes totell us about her week no, I
haven't.

Speaker 2 (08:24):
So we're going.
Now I have like this little drycough coming out of nowhere oh
man, it's rough.

Speaker 1 (08:29):
Ah, please yourself, please yourself, look at you.
I think I'm gonna just say myweek was exhausting.
Excuse me, I was.
I was really extra tiredtowards the end of the week, I
don't know why.
Um, stop doodling, I don't whoacalm down.
They can't see that.

Speaker 2 (08:47):
I was really.

Speaker 1 (08:47):
The people on YouTube can quite literally see it dang
, I'm gonna leave all this in sopeople can see how you talk to
me.
She is really mean to me y'all.
She really no one's mean to himthe way I push through with
love and this marriage.
She is really mean to me.
Anyway, like I was saying, Iwas very, very tired and then I
realized it's because I actuallythis was the first time I

(09:08):
worked five days in a long timeand I think that really played a
part in it.
It just took you out, took meout, took you out, I might not
be able to do it this week,because if that's the result, I
Because if that's the result, Igot shit to do the rest of the
week.

Speaker 2 (09:25):
Cut the tape.
Cut the tape.

Speaker 1 (09:27):
Cut the tape, oh my gosh, because I even felt like
my lips were lacking.
I mean, okay, you know whatthat's it.
This has been another episode.
You come for me, I don't comefor you, you, literally just, I
don't come for you you literallyjust talked about how my lifts
were dog crap.
I feel like my lifts were onThursday.
I felt like my lifts werelacking because I was kind of

(09:49):
like, oh, I got to work, so Iwas like, oh, I'm not used to
having to work on Thursday, so Iwas going to be pushed through.

Speaker 2 (09:57):
But my lifts on Friday.

Speaker 1 (09:59):
Huh, okay, what we got today, what we got today,
what we got today, people.

Speaker 2 (10:07):
No, I want to finish hearing about your week and your
lifts.

Speaker 1 (10:09):
That's it, I'm done.
No, you're not.
I'm done, I'm not done.

Speaker 2 (10:14):
See, see, this is the problem.
You can dish it, but you can'ttake it, I'm not dishing
anything.

Speaker 1 (10:19):
Love you did.

Speaker 2 (10:19):
You literally was talking about how my lips were
hot.
You literally said hot dogwater.
Trash.
You said trash, that's becauseyou were sick, hot dog water.

Speaker 1 (10:32):
That's because you were sick.

Speaker 2 (10:34):
That's because you were sick?

Speaker 1 (10:35):
I was not.
You didn't have all the energy.

Speaker 2 (10:40):
That's cool though.

Speaker 1 (10:41):
The male.

Speaker 2 (10:41):
That's cool, though I am actively progressing, and
today let me tell you today howwas today, because you didn't
tell me about today Chef's kiss,always when I'm not there,
though.
What's that about?

Speaker 1 (10:56):
I don't know.
It's no different from whenyou're there, because we don't
walk out together.
No, we don't.

Speaker 2 (11:01):
I mean, but you randomly come across the whole
other side of the room to markyour territory.

Speaker 1 (11:08):
They have to know.
I know what was different today.
That sprinkle party was hittingoh my gosh.

Speaker 2 (11:14):
He listens to Gabby's dollhouse that sprinkle party.
Who does that?

Speaker 1 (11:21):
I got the French toast with the Moe's.
Come on, hey, gabby, me to behidden Every day.

Speaker 2 (11:30):
It's a Spreaker party .

Speaker 1 (11:33):
Look here, don't sing it too loud, she's going to be
mad.
I have a couple of random kidssongs thrown in.
Maybe that's a little weirdThrown into my playlist.
I got the thing songs, um, uh,charlie's colorful city.

Speaker 2 (11:50):
Oh, that actually used to be my favorite, yeah,
yeah and then the motown onefrom the motown show which one?
Uh, oh, the motown hits thingon the.
Yeah, I know, I know the show,yeah, yeah I got, I got, I got
swing in there.

Speaker 1 (12:04):
Look at when you a dad, look at you start watching
these shows.

Speaker 2 (12:07):
They have to become your favorite, otherwise they
annoy you, you get attached.

Speaker 1 (12:10):
Yeah, Because I I.
I have now known the sceneparty in the USA at the top of
my lung Because that's my baby'shit.
We be singing party.
She requests that SZA Kendrickthose are like her top requests
when she gets, when she gets inthe car.

Speaker 2 (12:29):
She was like can we listen to TV?
Off, play TV.

Speaker 1 (12:31):
Off.
She just wanna yell mustard.
That's all she really wanna domustard but it's funny, she's
funny.
I love her.
But what we got today,buscaroni?

Speaker 2 (12:40):
we're kinda elaborating, I think, a little
bit off of last week's episodeof Accountability.
We're kind of elaborating, Ithink, a little bit off of last
week's episode of accountability, which seemed to be really a
really good one for everyone, sojust kind of taking it in the
direction of more from theleadership role, the male
perspective leadership role thatwe had watched not too long ago
and it was a man discussing howthey can't hold women

(13:06):
accountable if they're notholding themselves accountable.
And you and I have all.
I've always said this, we'vealways had this conversation.
We talked about it a little bitlast week too.
In accountability, where men arelooked at as the leaders.
There are men who want to belooked at as leaders, but it
goes far beyond just you beingthe man as the leaders.
There are men who want to belooked at as leaders, but it

(13:27):
goes far beyond just you beingthe man of the relationship.
Like, what does all that entail?
You know what I mean.
You can't be the man and be theleader and be the manager of
everything, but decide in whicharea you want to be the leader
in.

Speaker 1 (13:42):
I mean, it seems like you pick and choose when you
show up.

Speaker 2 (13:46):
I don't see why I can't match the energy.
Listen here, I don't pick andchoose when I decide to show up.
I don't see why I can't matchthe energy, so yeah, so
basically, you know the weightof leadership right.

Speaker 1 (14:00):
The weight of leadership.
The weight of leadership, it'sheavy, is it?
It's rough, it's rough overhere.

Speaker 2 (14:07):
Okay, so wait.
So okay, remember, I told youyesterday when I had I can't
remember her name, but I likeunfollow all her videos.
But she was talking about howshe was having a conversation
with her friend and she is likewe hear all these women talk
about oh, you can't call on noman.
You can't call on no man, youcan't depend on no man.
She was like, uh, yeah, I'mcalling my husband.

(14:28):
She was like I am calling myhusband, he is batting 10 for 10
.
And when you had made thatstatement the other day, when
you were asking, we were talkingabout like the light bill and
the mortgage and stuff like that, and I was just like, I mean
you, you batting 10 for 10.
So I'm just not sure why I needto Like if there's an issue,

(14:49):
I'm going to resort to him first.
Let's tell the people and thenwe'll move forward.
Like, if I can be here in anadvisory position, if I
something I can take the lead on, I will take the lead on it,
but I'm going to refer to myhusband first.

Speaker 1 (15:05):
I'm going to do that.
First, let's just take the timeto tell people about the other
night about the other night youasked me to go get you some
medicine, okay, and I was likebabe, I'm tired, you could have
told me that while I was out Iknow, but I didn't think about
it and I was like I'm not gonnado it and I literally told you
I'm not gonna do it and rememberand say all of it.

Speaker 2 (15:20):
He said he wasn't gonna do do it.
But right before that he waslike I'm hungry, yeah.
And I was like okay, I needmedicine.
And he was like I already wentout and I was like didn't think
about it.

Speaker 1 (15:31):
Then but here's the thing, that part don't matter,
that part don't matter.
So we was both upstairsstanding 10 toes down on our
stands, and then you know thelittle voice in my head.
They'd be like if you don'ttake care of her, somebody else
will.
And I and I remember you I saidwhy am I like this?

(15:53):
And I got up and you're like oh, are you going?

Speaker 2 (15:57):
Are you going, cause I also want some licorice.
And now the list is growing, Isaid if you're going to go, I
would also like some licorice.

Speaker 1 (16:05):
So then I was like you know what?
What can I do to make this afun trip?
And I was like I'm going totake my baby with me, and so
then I had to bribe her.
I said you can get some candy.
You go with dad.
She's like let me get my shoes.

Speaker 2 (16:15):
That's why she came in the room All like excited.
She was like I'm going with dad.
Like, okay, you hate going tothe store, so you must be
getting something.

Speaker 1 (16:23):
She said yeah.

Speaker 2 (16:25):
She went and got her candy, her trolleys, her
trolleys, her trolleys that sheate, 11 of, yeah, and then she
said she snuck two more.
So she said mama had 13.
Right.

Speaker 1 (16:37):
I said okay, that's fine so yeah, but the whale it's
heavy.

Speaker 2 (16:46):
It's heavy, but what?

Speaker 1 (16:47):
did I get up and do?

Speaker 2 (16:47):
what you're supposed to do.
Stop my food right exactly now.
Now ask yourself this, go ahead.
Would I have been asenthusiastic about?
Getting your food, but orbecause I'm just trying to be a
decent wife to you, like there'sthat too, but anyway the point
was on record go ahead.

Speaker 1 (17:07):
I don't want nobody else.
I know I'll be talking shit.
I'll be talking shit, but Ihave.
I have told my wife numeroustimes if this don't work out, I
would just be by myself.
I look here, get a littlesomething on the weekend.
Look, I am too invested in thisto put this much investment in

(17:28):
anything else.
Again, I'm not doing it.

Speaker 2 (17:30):
This is 23.
You're not getting up at 10 pmand going to get sinus medicine
If we're not together.

Speaker 1 (17:37):
If it's 10 pm and she's still here why still here?

Speaker 2 (17:47):
why are you here?
Go home, I'm gonna go to bed,um, okay, so, yeah, so, going
back.
That's that whole littleexample and scenario is exactly
what I I try to say aboutsetting the tone and taking the
leadership role and beinginspiring to your, to your
partner, right?

Speaker 1 (17:59):
so inspire you that night of course, of course.

Speaker 2 (18:02):
I mean, I was gonna cook, I was gonna get you food
anyway.
I knew that I was gonna get youfood anyway and but a little
part of me also knew that youwere gonna get your ass up and
go get me what I needed.
And I appreciated that.
And teamwork makes the dreamwork.

Speaker 1 (18:17):
But this is it.

Speaker 2 (18:20):
I'm about to leave but I say all that to say.
I say all that to say that thedifference between I guess me
getting up and getting your foodfor you and having an attitude
about it or half-assing it, wasyou taking the lead and setting
the tone and even though youmade it aware, made me aware

(18:42):
that you were, you were tired,you didn't feel like doing it.
I'm a get up, I'm not going tohave an attitude about it.
I'm going to try to change myperspective about it.
Like how you said, I'm going totry to make it a fun trip so
that I can ease my ownirritation, because I know I'm
tired and I don't want toportray that onto my wife.
And I'm going to get up and I'mgoing to go get my wife some
medicine because I know sheneeds it and in return, that

(19:03):
energy like that's I thinkthat's the biggest focal point
of it.
It was the energy behind it putme in a perspective of OK, I
don't really feel like doinganything anyway, but if he can
get up and even take ourdaughter and not have an
attitude about it and still havea smile on his face and like I
was smiling.
You were smiling with her andstill have a smile on his face.

(19:24):
I wasn't smiling, you weresmiling with her.
Oh yeah, that's my baby.
But have the energy to get upand go do it and not make me
feel bad that he's getting up togo do it.
You know you weren't trying tomake me feel guilty about you
getting up, because you weretired to go do it, I should do
it.
Goodbye.
So then, therefore, in my mind,I was like literally, I was
like literally, I was like getup and get up and get this man
some food.

Speaker 1 (19:42):
Like he said, he's hungry.

Speaker 2 (19:43):
So I'm going to get up and get him some food, and
I'm going to do it gladly.

Speaker 1 (19:48):
Well, that's like that's.
That's part of leadershipSetting the tone.
Setting the tone and beingconsistent.
You know it's consistency overcharm.
It's like I don't.
I don't do things to charm youand wow you.
In the moment I stay consistentso that you know what to expect
, like putting the gas in thecar Right, because that's one of
your hot topics.

Speaker 2 (20:04):
It's one of my hot topics, but it also irritates me
when you do have moments whereyou complain about it.

Speaker 1 (20:08):
Yeah, because I'll be like, look here.
Because I'll be like, look here, I know how much gas it should
take you to get through the week, and when you run out of gas
before it's time for you, burnedmore gas than normal, but that
should not be here or there tobother you.
Okay, yeah, it shouldn't.

Speaker 2 (20:26):
Gas is gas.
Okay, but keep going.

Speaker 1 (20:30):
Gas is gas, gas is gas and like there's many
leaders, like you were sayingearlier, leadership is just not
dictating how things move or howthings go.
It's not just about, it's moreabout navigating the ins and
outs of everything and holdingyourself responsible, taking

(20:53):
accountability without blame.
You know you have to holdyourself to a standard and you
have to keep that standard andyou have to be consistent with
that standard.
You can't pick and choose whenyou want to move the goalpost
for yourself, but then you wantto hold it firm for everyone
else, Right?
So that's another part about aleadership, Right?

(21:14):
I can't sit here and say, hey,I know I snapped at you, but I
wouldn't have done that if youwouldn't have talked to me this
way or if you wouldn't have saidthis to me, whatever.
No, that's, that's.
That's not me being accountableand that's not good leadership.
Good leadership in me saying,hey, I apologize for what I said
to you.
In the moment.
I should have had bettercontrols over my emotions and my

(21:35):
feelings.
I failed you.
I failed you and myself in thatmoment.
I apologize for that.
In that moment, I apologize forthat.
But let me.
But now let me.
I'm going to own my reaction tothe statement or to the whatever
happened, but now.
But I also need to have aconversation with you about how
we can avoid this going forwardRight.
And so it's like I'm going totake accountability for what I

(21:57):
did and my actions, but I'm notgoing to place blame on you for
that, because I control that.
But what I am going to do isI'm going to have a conversation
with you so that we can nowhave a way to work through this
Right.
And another thing and I think Ido this sometimes, Sometimes I
do this well, sometimes I do itnot so well it's keeping the

(22:18):
calm in the crisis, in the calmin the crisis.
And when I say that, I meanpart of leadership is that when
you call me with an issue andyou're up in arms and whatever,
I don't match the energy.

Speaker 2 (22:29):
Yeah, you have to de-escalate.
I have to calm you down.

Speaker 1 (22:32):
You have to be even.
I have to calm you down andassess the situation First, like
the situation we had last weekwith the hot water heater and
called me and you're like babeand I thought it was the wash
machine.
You said, babe, there's watereverywhere, the wash machine
going on and I was like it's,it's not the wash.
He did.

Speaker 2 (22:47):
He was like super calm.
I called him and I was like,babe, there's a puddle in the
garage.
I was like I think the washmachine is flooding.
And he's like literally calm.
He goes it's not, it's not thewash machine, kinesha, and I was
like it's not.
And he goes check the hot waterheater.
And I checked the hot waterheater and I was like, yep, it's
water at the hot water heater.
He was like, OK, I'm going tocall you back.
I got to call the plumber and Iwas like, whew, let me go get

(23:08):
my smoothie.

Speaker 1 (23:12):
Let me get my smoothie.

Speaker 2 (23:14):
I was stressed.
I was like oh, I'm stressed.

Speaker 1 (23:18):
But the come of that, but the come of the calm, is
that when you are in crisis andwe're going through like this
big thing, right, I now have tonot only calm you down.
I now have to effectivelycommunicate, with clear
communication, what needs to bedone and what the plans are,

(23:38):
yeah.
So, like that day, I say, hey,babe, I'm already talking to
them, they're on their way, Ineed you to be here at this time
, yeah.
This is who's coming, yeah, andI'll let you know when they're
on their way.
I need you to be here at thistime.
Yeah, this is who's coming,yeah, and I'll let you know when
they're on their way.
This is the plan, and I saidthey already know the situation.
If we got a kid you got to gopick up.
Yeah, like you could just leavethe garage open.
They'll take care of it, right?
So it's like, even when we likechaos is happening or we have

(24:02):
things coming up that like, like, like a gymnastics camp or
whatever the case is coming up,I have to be able to, in a calm
and clear way, portray to youhey, this is the plan of action.
Yeah, this is how we executethis and this is what I need.
Yeah, this is what I need fromyou, right, because Lord knows,
like today I don't want to work,I don't.

Speaker 2 (24:23):
I told y'all at the top I do not want to go to work
today.

Speaker 1 (24:26):
I told y'all at the top that this working the five
days is for the birds.
So if y'all can run thesenumbers up, I will greatly
appreciate it.

Speaker 2 (24:32):
So we're just trying to go for me so you can take a
day off for work, right?

Speaker 1 (24:37):
because, like I was saying, like I said on my other
podcast this week, I'm going toneed help with these gymnastics
feeds too, because thisgymnastics is like because now
hunting and travel is startingto hit and it's like whoo, but
it's like I'm going to go backto work.

Speaker 2 (24:55):
y'all Don't worry about it.
No, she's not.
I'm going to go back to work.

Speaker 1 (24:58):
But even with all that, I come to you and say, hey
, here's the plan.
Right, we got XYZ coming up,even like with the hot water
heater.
This is the plan.
All right, I know, off top wehave the money.
It just ain't liquid, it ain'tliquid.
So this is what we're going todo.
We're going to put it here.

(25:21):
We're going to move some thingsaround.
We're going to charge this card, this card and this card.
I'm going to pay them out ofthis account and then I'm going
to make this money over hereliquid and then pay all that
back.
You know what I'm saying.
So it's like I have to.
I have to come to you withthese plans and solutions.
Like part part of being aleader is it's like the

(25:42):
dictating and delegating leader.
Is it's like the dictating anddelegating.
That's part of it, right, but Ihave to.
But it's not about justdelegating you tasks that I
don't want to do yeah it's aboutdelegating and putting
everybody in positions wherethey're.
They're strong, is that?
Right it's like I wouldn't haveyou grill my steak.
I have no faith in a scandal.
I have no faith.

Speaker 2 (25:59):
Zero, scandalous Zero faith, but you would have me
make you turkey burgers.

Speaker 1 (26:03):
Yeah, I would, yeah, yeah, yeah, I would, I would.
So it's like I have to setthese standards and I think
another part of a leadership,especially in marriage, is that
it's the.
You can interject anytime youwant.
So I'm just like rambling, butanother part of the leadership
is the emotional leadership,right.

Speaker 2 (26:26):
Yeah, I think that's a big thing.

Speaker 1 (26:27):
And I always say, like, as men, this is something
we're not taught.
This is something that weliterally have to work and
develop.

Speaker 2 (26:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (26:33):
Right To be emotionally available to our
wives and our partners.

Speaker 2 (26:37):
Which is crazy because I think one of the
biggest things that men complainabout is women being
emotionally unstable and theylike to think of themselves as
very like neutral ground, veryemotionally stable.

Speaker 1 (26:51):
Here's the thing.
When I hear you guys say thatand I would say it's not that
we're more emotionally stablethan women, right, we just we
just, nine times out of 10, holdour, hold our shit in, and then
we have one big episode where,as women, let they shit out over
time.
As it happens, as it happens,that's that's.

(27:12):
That's my take.

Speaker 2 (27:12):
OK, don't kill me in the comments.
That's my take.

Speaker 1 (27:16):
Right, but emotional leadership, that's something
that I really had to learn todevelop because, I mean, 10
years ago I wouldn't come to youby a bed.
I'm overwhelmed, but now in aheart, look here, right, it's a
rough day.
Yeah, I'm gonna need you totake care of this Cause.

Speaker 2 (27:28):
Like even in the moments like back to the hot
water heater issue, um, evenafter you're like, okay, I'm
calling the plumber, set off anyalarms for me.
But I can also hear the stressin your voice because you know
like, okay, now this is anunexpected cost.
You know what I mean.
Like we, we just did all thethings that we needed to do for

(27:50):
summer and now here we go, wegot to come out of pocket.

Speaker 1 (27:54):
What else you want from me.

Speaker 2 (27:56):
What else am I supposed to do so?
I can hear that in your voice.
So I'm like okay'm like okay,but I I know how I am sometimes,
because when I try to take over, that starts to annoy you too.
Because then you're like, okay,I'm telling you I'm gonna take
care of it, and you keep tryingto like, interject to that.
So that's why I was just likeokay.

Speaker 1 (28:15):
He said he's gonna call the plumber.

Speaker 2 (28:16):
He said he's yeah, like he said, he's gonna take
care of it.
I'm gonna be here if you needme to make a phone call.
If you need me to go somewhere,if you need me to pick up the
hot water heater, let me know.
But let me just step back andlet him take care of it.

Speaker 1 (28:28):
And if you need me, tap me in coach, Like that's the
approach I'm trying to take andI'm going to pat myself on the
back, Because literally all youreally had to do that day was
would just be here to let themin.
You didn't have to go pick upnothing, Nothing, Everything was
pre-mapped.
But the funny you said thatbecause you called me.
And then when I because I was,you know, I was talking to my

(28:50):
buddy at work and when Iswitched back over, he was like
instantly, he was like what'swrong?
He said because your wholeenergy just shifted.
It's life right now.
It's life.

Speaker 2 (29:01):
I said I'm about to call you back, I gotta make some
phone and you had literallyjust said that you're like
everything in the house, likewe've updated, replaced, we've
renovated, and you're like thelast thing is that damn hot
water heater.
And then, a week later,literally everything we've
updated in the house and thelast thing, who was the hot
water heater?
Then a week later the hot waterheater goes out and I was like,

(29:22):
well, no time like the present.

Speaker 1 (29:24):
And I said you couldn't give me one more year,
you funky.

Speaker 2 (29:26):
Bye, you, funky bitch , you couldn't give me one more
year, you, funky bitch, youcouldn't give me one more year.
But I always say, just begrateful that you had the
resources to take care of itwhen it needed to be done.
And that's like another thingyou know for, for for women,
it's the sense of security,right, like I can see how hard

(29:47):
you work, I can see, like, howyou manage our, our life and our
day to days and stuff like that.
But being able to call you andI know, even even when I know
this is going to be somethingwhere I'm like, damn, this is
going to feel like another brickon my baby's wall, but it's
life and what can you do but youbatten 10 for 10 right now.

(30:08):
You batten 10 for 10 right now.
Like I called you, you tookcare of it.
I had hot water to bathe mychild in by the end of the night
.
You know what I'm saying, andit was extra hot, oh it's.
it's so hot now.
We was living in such a fool'sparadise.
I was like how long have webeen living with that hot water?

Speaker 1 (30:25):
heater.

Speaker 2 (30:26):
That must have been from the last owners.

Speaker 1 (30:28):
But also, it's like with the emotional leadership, I
also have to create a space ofemotional safety for you.

Speaker 2 (30:38):
Yeah, and I think that's something you've been
working on, so it's not, I can't.

Speaker 1 (30:41):
Just, you can't just come to me with your problems
and I just immediately like,okay, let me go.
I can't go straight to fix itmode Right.
I know a lot of times as menand as guys, that's what you
want to do, we go straight tofix it mode.

Speaker 2 (30:51):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (30:51):
But sometimes we got to, we got to have a little
listen.
The longer I listen, the lesstime I got to fix this shit.
Let me just fix this shit so wecan all go back to being happy.

Speaker 2 (31:07):
Really, that's what we be thinking, so we can go
back to being happy and I don'thave to sit here and listen to
her draw out the same subjectover and over.

Speaker 1 (31:17):
Why are we going to sit here and dwell on something
that can be addressed?
And let's try to get it fixedso we can move on.

Speaker 2 (31:24):
But y'all be like oh, oh, my gosh, do not put me in
that category.
That is not me.

Speaker 1 (31:33):
I be like you doing too much.
I'm going to give you yourspace.
Go ahead and cry on my shoulder, but the whole time I got my
phone behind your back textingwhoever I need to help me fix
this problem.
Bye.
So when you done crying, I'mlike babe, it's already taken
care of, Whatever.

Speaker 2 (31:50):
You said I'm 10 for 10?
.
Recently you said Recently.
Listen here Recently I thinkthis whole thing kind of comes
up too, because, like, even whenI think about our, about our
past right, I say he's beenbatting 10 for 10 recently.
We have literally grown uptogether.
Okay, this was not apre-packaged man, I wasn't a

(32:13):
pre-packaged woman.
We are both.
We are both, uh, we still westill baking okay, but I can
appreciate our growth and I candefinitely appreciate shut up.
I can definitely appreciateyour growth because there was a,
there was a moment in ourrelationship where I was just
like, dude, listen, we're yougotta get it together.

(32:37):
I don't know what you want meto say at this point.
Like I have to straight shoothim.
Like not shoot him in theliteral sense like a straight
shooter, but like I had to giveit to him straight, like I don't
.
I don't know what you are goingto expect for the next 10 years,
but if you don't do the work onyourself to get to like your
own expectation not even theexpectation that I have on you,

(32:58):
but the expectation that youhave for yourself I can't sit
around and wait for that tohappen.
If I don't, if I don't even seeany active like participation
from you, you know what I'msaying.
So to see where you are now andwhen I say you're batting 10
for 10, it makes me, it makes meproud to know that I have a

(33:20):
husband that I can call to likefix problems or to at least
navigate through an issue thatI'm having.
I can come to you with myissues and we can try to
navigate them together and youknow, or you try to come up with
a game plan to try to fix itand you batting 10 for 10 in
being the problem solver andcoming up with a resolution.

Speaker 1 (33:40):
I'm like, oh yeah, I can, I can call on him, I calls
my husband, okay, but I will saythat the heartfelt conversation
we had was probably the firsttime I probably said okay, let's
fix this.
And it wasn't about my ego,right, right.
And that's one of the big keysin leadership is to remove your

(34:04):
ego Right and to choose the calmover the ego Right, because a
lot of times when you choose,when you, when you self inflate
and you choose ego, you're nottaking into account what the
other person is saying orfeeling and you're just trying
to get you just, you're tryingto get how you feel off, right,
and it goes back.
Well, I don't know.
You're trying to get how youfeel off, right, right, and it

(34:26):
goes back.
Well, I don't know how manyepisodes ago, when we talked
about validation, right, it'slike when, if you have two
people, that's constantly notbeing validated.
It's going to be a bunch ofturmoil because no one, no one
is feeling heard Right, and whenno one is feeling heard,
nothing can.
Nothing can progress Right.
So, and a part of leadership islike, hey, look here, you feel
the way you feel, I feel the wayyou feel.
Okay, I'm going to set my egoover here and let's try to work

(34:47):
this out.
So what do you need from me?
I'm going to tell you what Ineed from you going forward,
like that's another part ofleadership and in our situation
and many other people'ssituation, me trying to be as
active of a father as possible,that also helps you.
Oh, yeah, because that givesyou time to be you, to be me.

(35:07):
Right, sometimes you don't wantto be a wife or a mother,
sometimes you just want to beNisha G.

Speaker 2 (35:14):
Yeah, and I love being your wife, I love being
her mom, but I think I'm prettyfly too you are right.

Speaker 1 (35:20):
I mean, I'll let you, I'll say hey, shawty.

Speaker 2 (35:26):
But you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (35:27):
But that's part of it .
Part of leadership is also mebeing able to look across the
room with my wife and say I needto take something off her
shoulders this week.
I need to remove some stressfrom her life so that she can
decompress a little bit, get herbounce back and then we can go
back to running and decompress alittle bit, get her bounce back
and then we can go back torunning.
And that's why we never say,that's why I always say
nothing's never 50-50.
Yeah, it's never going to be50-50.

(35:47):
Yeah, Lord knows, even thoughin our situation right now, I
pay everything because I'm theone that's working, I'm still
only doing 30% of the work.

Speaker 2 (35:56):
Right, and I think when people talk about the whole
50-50 thing, it's always inreference to finances, Like it's
.
It's always in reference tofinances and there's so many
other aspects of a relationshipand relationship and especially
marriage.
I mean, if taking finances, youknow, out of the equation.
Obviously finances is a hugepart of the equation, but I just

(36:17):
noticed that people always makethe reference of 50, 50 in
reference to the finances, butthere is a lot of other aspects
of marriage and of relationshipand of partnership that are
still not going to be 50-50.
It's still not going to be 50-50.

Speaker 1 (36:34):
Because we are apples and oranges.
Oh, we are apples and orangesthe way our biology are
different.

Speaker 2 (36:42):
Yeah, our needs are different.
Our needs are the way we act.

Speaker 1 (36:46):
The fact that you are literally four to five
different people every month,because every week you're going
through a different transmission.
Goodbye, you know, my hormonesare.

Speaker 2 (36:58):
That's them, that's them.
They there, they're right here,kind of riding at a line and
they just we cruising.

Speaker 1 (37:06):
Every once in a while they get a little spike and
then they, then they level out,are you, on the other hand?
It's well, she's free falling,oh, she's climbing that hill.

Speaker 2 (37:17):
What did the guy say?
She's going around that curve,curve.
He said his wife was goingthrough peri-menopause and he
said her, he was like I have toremember that she's fighting for
her life, she's in a constantbattle of who she gonna be he
said.
He said her personalities arefighting on who's gonna have the
will for the remainder of herlife and I'm just hoping he said
, I'm hoping the one that Well,wait, what did she say?

(37:38):
He was like.
I simply asked her so what arewe eating for dinner?
And she responded with, Ipresume food.
Right he said where is myloving wife?

Speaker 1 (37:47):
And then I'm going to just say these and then I'm
going to stop talking aboutleadership.
With leadership, you have tohave the ability to, you have to
have a humidity and you have tobe able to adapt.
Right, you have to have ahumidity and you have to be able
to adapt right.
You have to stay the course.
That is true.
You have to stay the course,but you also have to understand

(38:08):
that sometimes you have todeviate from the course,
depending on what needs of thefamily unit comes around, right,
that's important.
So you have to be able to adaptto whatever the settings would
be, because the one thing aboutlife is that, even though we
strive to kind of make thingsstable and constant, you're
going to get your curveballs,You're going to have your times

(38:29):
to where you don't have aplaybook on how to respond to
this issue or this, whatever'shappening.
You don't have anything to guideyou through this.
So you have to be able to adaptin the moment right, For
instance, like you justmentioned, like when you, when
you start getting into yourparamount puzzle, like I'm going
to have to adapt.

Speaker 2 (38:49):
I'm going to have to adapt too.
Right, that's going to besomething.
Let's hope she's far in thefuture.

Speaker 1 (38:54):
Praise him.

Speaker 2 (38:55):
Claim it, claim it, let's claim it, but for me.

Speaker 1 (39:01):
I feel like the biggest part of leadership for
me and this is where I'm goingto stop talking after this is I
have to encourage you, not limityou.
So for me to be a true leader,I need to help you and push you

(39:25):
to win, Because I understandthat all of your wins are in
some way, shape or form, partlymine, Just how all of my wins,
in some way, shape or form, arepartly yours.
And I need to be here for youin whatever capacity you need me
to be, whether that's physical,whether that's professional,
emotional, spiritual, whateverit needs to be.
I need to be here in thatcapacity for you in order so

(39:48):
that you can develop and blossom.

Speaker 2 (39:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (39:51):
Because when you blossom, I'm getting that nectar
.
Honey nut cheerio, you hear me,you hear me, you hear me,
because when you blossom, honeynut cheerio, good bye, honey nut

(40:13):
, goodbye.
Right, yeah, but that should bethe goal of any leader in any
position.
You want, want to make the teamoverall better.

Speaker 2 (40:23):
Well, because the team's success is a reflection
of your leadership.
You, that's the thing, and Isay this a lot.
It's a sport metaphor, I saythis a lot of times.

Speaker 1 (40:31):
A lot of times, when I see it, I have guys who kind
of look at me like I'm pandering.
But I say your leadership isthe direct result of your
household.

Speaker 2 (40:46):
So if your household is not moving the way you think
it should move, you need to askyourself what are you doing?
And that's that's literally whyI think this whole thing came
up, because there are some, somemale individuals, hand, there
are some male individuals whothink, just by way of them being
a male, them being a man, thatthey are the man of the house

(41:08):
right?

Speaker 1 (41:08):
Well, they are the man of the house.

Speaker 2 (41:13):
Yeah, you're the man in the physical sense, that
you're the only male that's inhere of the house, right, but
you're not taking care of anyresponsibilities when it comes
to your partner.
You're not taking care of anyresponsibilities when it comes
to your partner.
You're not taking care of anyresponsibilities when it comes
to your household.
You just think, because youwere told that you're the boy
and she's the girl, and this isthe hierarchy and this is the
way things are supposed to go,but you expect her to do all of

(41:37):
these things for you, take careof you, cook clean, do you know?
Provide for you in an emotionalcapacity, in a mental capacity
to be there for you, to listento your woes, but you don't even
get up and go do anything everyday.
Like that's crazy work.

Speaker 1 (41:54):
True leadership is understanding the deficiencies
of everyone that you are overRight, including your own and
navigating and strategizing toimprove those deficiencies and
enhance the strengths ofeveryone.
Yeah, so you need to be.
If your plan doesn't involveimproving everyone's well-being,

(42:17):
everyone's skill set,everyone's standard of living,
yeah, then your plan is not areal plan.
You're just going with the flow, and it's like I understand
that sometimes, that you willhave certain parties that are
reluctant to go with your plan,but then in that case, you have
to ask yourself why.

(42:37):
You have to ask yourself whywhat has transpired in the past?

Speaker 2 (42:41):
What have I shown?
What's my track record?
Right yeah, to get so muchpushback.

Speaker 1 (42:45):
That's it, and and while I am a firm believer that
our past dictates our future,but we say dictates.

Speaker 2 (42:54):
But let me, can I finish what I'm saying?
Go ahead, sorry.

Speaker 1 (42:56):
I am a firm believer that our past dictates our
future, but it's how we allow itto shape us, yeah, to shape us,
that we let it present us inthe future so you can say, oh
well, I never had this.
I was never emotionally, I wasnever taught to be vulnerable, I
never taught to be emotionallyavailable, I was never taught
how to be soft to a woman.
Okay, yeah, you never taughtthat.

Speaker 2 (43:15):
That doesn't mean you can't learn now, right, it's
not an excuse not to have thosequalities.
It's not an excuse.

Speaker 1 (43:19):
Like your upbringing and your passage is just a
foundation on which you build on, and sometimes foundations have
to be chipped away and brokenand repaired.
Yeah, because we all havedeficiencies in somewhere.
Yeah, everybody.
No one's birth perfect,everybody ain't Jesus.

Speaker 2 (43:38):
Yeah, no one is Not even everybody.
No one, I mean you Jesus.
Yeah, no, no one is Not eveneverybody.
No one, I mean you got somepeople that think they is.
Yeah, but no one but you're not.

Speaker 1 (43:45):
we're not perfect.
We are all born with some type.
We're perfectly imperfect,Right.
We're all born and raised withsome type of deficiencies.
We're lacking somewhere.

Speaker 2 (43:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (43:57):
And that's why we always say not only is marriage
work, life is work.
Yeah, if you want to be living,if you want to fulfill marriage
, you want to fulfill life, youhave to constantly be working on
yourself.

Speaker 2 (44:08):
Yeah, think about the goals you set for yourself.
Hitting goal, like the biggestone mostly everybody can relate
to is fitness goals.
Think about that If you'retrying to, like, lose a
significant amount of weight, orif you're trying to gain a
significant amount of muscle.
That's going to take.
That's going to take time andit's going.
You're going to have trials.
You're going to have momentswhere you fall off.

(44:30):
You're going to have momentswhere you get back on the
bandwagon.
It's, it's not about it's.
It's about the journey, it's ajourney, right.

Speaker 1 (44:42):
But if it's something that you really want, you're
going to work at it and you'regoing to get around those.
Those different trials, yeah,and I know for me and I I don't
know for me, but it always seemslike every time I'm in the
groove and I'm putting my bestfoot forward.

Speaker 2 (44:50):
That's when I'm faced , every time I'm uh, you feel
like you got your feet plantedI'm planted and I'm doing the
right thing.

Speaker 1 (44:55):
that's when the opposition comes.
But now I've come to realizethat the opposition is growth.
That's the growth, and it'sbecause here's the thing.
Whatever you ask for, it's notgoing to be given to you.
You're going to be put insituations to develop what you

(45:18):
need to be, what you ask for.
So if I ask for more patience,my patience is going to keep
being tested.
That's why I stopped asking forpatience, because every time I
asked for it, it was tested.

Speaker 2 (45:26):
And I didn't like it and I said look here, Jesus.
What did you say?
Look here, Jesus.
Look here, we got to have atalk.

Speaker 1 (45:40):
Like Cam on stage when he said that Smokey Norfolk
was doing the most, when hetold God, not another second,
not a minute, I said look here,jesus.
No more tips.
You don't talk, I don't learn,I'm not going to ask for it.
I'm not going to ask for it.

Speaker 2 (45:53):
I'm going to just get what I got.

Speaker 1 (45:55):
I'm going to use what I got and use it wisely.
I said now I don't ask forpatience, now I just say, lord,
let me understand when mypatience is at its limit, so I
can remove myself from thesituation.
Because this is too much.
Stop, I don't want no more,just let me learn how to
maximize what I have.

Speaker 2 (46:13):
Take me off the patient list for 2025.
That's it.

Speaker 1 (46:17):
Lord knows, I don't want no more papers, just let me
maximize what I have now.
Take me off the list.
So that's it Like again.
It's funny because the day likegoing back to the hot water
heater the day before hot water,I was saying babe, I feel like
we're good, we're on a goodtrack.
Everything's going good andthen, literally, I get to work.
I get to my second stop of theday.

(46:39):
Babe, there's water everywhere.
I said Jesus.
I said, look here, we just hadthis conversation.

Speaker 2 (46:45):
I was just talking to you about this last night.

Speaker 1 (46:47):
Look, here I'm doing the work.
I got the therapy.
I'm being self-reflective.

Speaker 2 (46:54):
I'm doing everything.

Speaker 1 (46:55):
I'm trying to be accountable here.

Speaker 2 (46:56):
What else do you want from me, lord?
I'm doing all I can.
Well, at least you didn't gostraight to.
That's the devil.
You know what I'm talking about.
That's the devil trying tobring me down.

Speaker 1 (47:08):
Ain't nothing but the devil Ain't nothing but the
devil trying to bring me down.
Nothing but the devil.
Look at him.

Speaker 2 (47:14):
You won't win.
You won't win.
I said Lord, how many applesdid Eve eat?
Won't win, I said Lord.
I said how many apples did Eveeat?
Really, how many apples did Eveeat?
Why are we still suffering offof what she did so long ago?
Got us some slack, Not anotherminute, he told Jesus.
Not another minute, Not anotherhour, another day you can't

(47:38):
rest the Lord.

Speaker 1 (47:40):
You know so it's like you be.
You have to understand likeit's.
This, that's life and that'spart of the adaptation.
I'm saying, yeah, you have toadapt, because trust me when I
say I want it to crash out yeah,you gotta let it just move.

Speaker 2 (47:52):
You gotta let the moment kind of just move through
you.
I think that's that's thebiggest thing.
Like as we get older, it's likeevery time there's adversity or
every time there's an issuethat comes up, instead of
thinking about it like it'sDEFCON 9 and everything feels
heavy, just take it in.
Let it stop.
Just take it in.
It's happening, accept the factthat it's happening, and then

(48:16):
now let's be resourceful.
Okay, do we have the resourcesto take care of this?
Yes, I do, let me take care ofit.
It's not the most ideal.
Now let's be resourceful.
Okay, do we have the resourcesto take care of this?
Yes, I do, let me take care ofit.
You know it's not the mostideal situation, but think about
how blessed you are to be ableto navigate through it.
Think about how blessed you areto have people in your life to
help you get through it.
Think about how blessed you areto have resources to you.
Know what I'm saying?
So I think that also comesperspective as well you know,

(48:39):
but yeah, so I just wanted toend with this.
It says male leadership inmarriage isn't about hierarchy,
it's about harmony, it's aboutstepping into the role of
protector, planner, provider andemotional anchor.
But it's also about mutualrespect, because when men lead
in love, women rise in peace,and when leadership is shared,

(49:03):
marriage thrives.
You better preach, bishop.
I thought that was great.
I like the part where it sayswhen men lead in love, women
rise in peace.
That's true.
So when you're looking for thatpeace, when you're looking for
that peace, when you're lookingfor is she not my peace?

(49:25):
Are you leading in love?

Speaker 1 (49:31):
That's why I say you got to understand that if you
are a man and you're looking fora woman to give you peace, you
have to provide that woman witha safe space where she feels
loved and protected.
The security, uh-huh, and thesecurity Because she can't be
calm and peaceful if she'salways on guard.

Speaker 2 (49:42):
Anxiety is real in women.

Speaker 1 (49:43):
She can't Anxiety is very real in women.

Speaker 2 (49:46):
You can't be stressing her out.
You can't keep my stress levelup here and expect me to be warm
and cuddly towards you.

Speaker 1 (49:53):
You can't keep me stressed out you can't keep me
stressed out and expect for meto be enthusiastic about laying
down with you.
It's not going to happen.
If y'all listen to MotherPodcast, y'all know how much I
talk about.

Speaker 2 (50:05):
We tell y'all this because we've experienced this.

Speaker 1 (50:08):
Y'all know how much I talk about my wife and
balconies, oh gosh.
So I try to keep my wife in aconstant state of peace.
He's not always successful, buthe's getting better at it, so
them balconies can be morefruitful bye, goodbye.

Speaker 2 (50:22):
Do you want to do it?
No, no, what are you doing?
That had nothing to do withjesus.
That had nothing to do withjesus.
Don't bring jesus into that.
What are you doing?
Don't bring jesus into that Ithink he'll do it all right,
let's hop on into.
That was a good discussion babyWas it?

Speaker 1 (50:41):
I don't know about that.

Speaker 2 (50:42):
Okay, here we go.
Am I the asshole for turning upat the house my partner's car
was at, okay.
When he told me he was goingsomewhere else Okay, me and this
man have been together for overthree years now.
I suspected nothing.
He told me he was going over toone of his guy friend's house,
a guy friend who I know andwhose house I also know.

(51:04):
He left and around two hourslater my friend text me saying
who does insert partner's name?
No, who lives on said street?
She was passing by.
I said, as far as I'm aware,nobody.
Why?
She told me she saw his carparked in the driveway of a
house on a certain street in ourtown.
So clearly he wasn't at hisfriend's house.

(51:25):
I don't know if this is psychobehavior, but I asked her for
the address and I immediatelywent there.
I don't know why I didn't texthim first, or anything like that
, to see if he'd lie or maybe heand his friend had gone to
another person's house.
I have no idea.
But as soon as my friend saidthat, I just got in the car and
I went to see if the car wasthere myself it was I sat down

(51:49):
the street and then I text himasking if he was having a good
time.
He immediately text straightback and said that he and his
friends were building his new PCtogether.
So I knew instantly he waslying.
I went over to the house and Iknocked on the door.
A woman answered.
I had no idea who she was, butI could tell by the way her face

(52:09):
dropped that she knew exactlywho I was.
I kept my shit together and Ijust simply said tell him, his
shit will be out on the frontlawn when he wants to come and
get it.
And I left.
Another hour passed and hefinally came home.
While I was gathering up histhings, he had the nerve to
instantly start kicking off atme, telling me that me going

(52:31):
there was psycho behavior andthat I was crazy for pulling
that type of stud.
I didn't say anything, I justcarried on gathering his things.
He kept telling me to stop andI didn't.
He got in front of me and saidstop.
And that's when I lost it.
I shoved him out of the way andstarted crying.
I told him to get his stuff andto get out.
I then locked myself in myoffice room and waited for him

(52:52):
to leave.
This happened last night, soall of his stuff is still here.
He didn't take much, he justseemed to have taken a bunch of
his clothes and his toiletries.
I haven't heard from him and Ihaven't texted him either, but
was I the asshole for turning upat the house that he was at?

Speaker 1 (53:09):
I'm going to say no because your intuition told you
to this is true.
I'm going to say no.
I mean, look here, this is true.

Speaker 2 (53:16):
He should have had a better life he said, no, we
having a great time, we buildinga computer.

Speaker 1 (53:22):
Nah, I would have said, yeah, I had to come pick
some up at one of my buddy'sfriends' house.

Speaker 2 (53:26):
Gee, she's about to lie to something.
Better lie.
Well, he didn't know that shewas sitting outside, and how
would he have known that shewould have gotten the address?
I don't know, do you?
Don't think she's the asshole?

Speaker 1 (53:38):
I don't think she's the asshole I always say women's
intuition is the thing I mean.

Speaker 2 (53:43):
But me personally.
Sometimes it works for them,sometimes it works against right
.
Me personally, I would havedragged it out all right I know.
I would have dragged it out.
I would have like, took thepictures, saw him coming out.
Then I would head back home,act like I was sitting there
waiting, waiting for him to comein the house.
I would have let him tell meall about how he just spent the
past few hours with his boys.
I would have asked about thecomputer.

(54:04):
I would have asked about whatparts they put.
I would have dragged itcompletely out, like I would
have seen the facial expressionshe gave me and everything, and
I would have just been sittingthere and I would have a smile
on my face and you would justwait and just be like oh my gosh
, oh my gosh, oh my gosh oh mygosh, it sounds like you had a
great time, babe.

Speaker 1 (54:20):
And then you were slowly leaning back.
You know you done fucked upright.

Speaker 2 (54:23):
No, what I probably would have done is like had a
backpack and then put it in thecar before he came home, or
something.

Speaker 1 (54:29):
And just left.

Speaker 2 (54:29):
For him and then left the pictures there and then,
like, went to work the next daywith a note and been like I'm
off at three.

Speaker 1 (54:42):
You be out.
Oh, you need to be out.
So, and then at the end of the.

Speaker 2 (54:44):
Enjoy your new pc.
Oh, wow, so you got a whole.
You got this mapped out.
Oh, I have you played this inyour head before, because now
I'm wondering.
I'm just saying like I wouldhave, oh, because very detailed
yeah, I would have played thatout, because you know me, don't,
don't threaten.
Don't threaten me with a goodtime.

Speaker 1 (54:58):
Okay, don't threaten her with a good time.

Speaker 2 (55:01):
Okay, next one Am I the asshole for telling my
neighbor I have no desire orobligation to babysit her
children because I'm astay-at-home mom?

Speaker 1 (55:12):
No, you're not the asshole.

Speaker 2 (55:19):
It says.
I'm new to my area and I'vemade friends with a few
neighbors through a Mommy and Megroup.
I've been in the group now fora little over a month and I have
a nine week old.
I have a neighbor who's in thegroup and she's asked me last
week in an emergency if I couldwatch her three and five year
old.
Oh hell, no.
She looked desperate.
So I agreed.
I was like well, it's just once.
I am a full time stay at homemom and I enjoy all of my time
with my little one.
That day I watched her childrenwas hectic as hell.

(55:42):
My daughter was fussy, thechildren were rambunctious, just
to say the least.
I was happy when she came andgot them.
Six hours later she came to metoday saying she needed me to
watch the kids in the afternoon.
I told her no, I'm not afull-time babysitter and I have
no desire to take that much timeaway from my own child and
navigating life with my childand my husband.
Her response well, was not like, I'm not asking a lot, it's

(56:06):
just the afternoon.
I said it may not be a lot toher, but it's a lot to me at
this point.
My husband works from home andhe needs the house to be quiet
to work, and I'm a new mom andI'm not interested on taking any
other responsibilities otherthan what I have right now.
She told me that I was beingselfish.
I told her she was beingentitled to think that I should

(56:27):
help her just because I'm athome with my little one.
Am I the asshole for being soforward?

Speaker 1 (56:33):
No, this is fucking triggered me.
Look here I remember when Itold you that you didn't have to
work and that you could stayhome, and how everybody
instantly it's like I have allthe time in the world Instantly
started filling your day up withshit they wanted you to do.

Speaker 2 (56:52):
No boo-boo.
Come here, go there.

Speaker 1 (56:53):
No boo-boo I am allowing my wife to stay at home
with my child so that she cando the things that my family
needs to get done.
No, ma'am, you are not theask-hole.
Fuck her and her kids.
Oh, that's a little much.
And if her husband can't affordfor her to stay home, okay,
okay, that's a bit much.

(57:14):
Look here, look here I'm goingto say, look here, she hating on
her, she hating on her becauseshe ain't got it.
Oh, girl ain't got to work, shecan stay at home.

Speaker 2 (57:23):
I don't think she's hating on her I honestly think
she thinks okay, if you're athome all day and you have one
child.

Speaker 1 (57:28):
You ain't doing nothing.

Speaker 2 (57:29):
Yeah, like what's the big deal?
Like you're in the mommy and megroup because we're supposed to
be here to help each other, Ido have one child.

Speaker 1 (57:37):
It's my first child.
I'm still trying to figure thisshit out and I'm not going to
deal with Joe Choo Choo, threeand five.

Speaker 2 (57:42):
Rambunctious.
Yeah Shit, that's a lot Shit,did it say.
If they were boys or not, itdon't matter, it don't matter
what they are.

Speaker 1 (57:49):
They're rambunctious.

Speaker 2 (57:54):
And here's the other thing she told, thinking you
guys have a nine-month-old, thehouse isn't quiet.
It's quiet enough.
It's quiet enough.
We're not going to add two morevoices.
Right, but there is an edit, soit says for edit.
So she went into the group chattrying to disparage me, saying
that I'm selfish, blah, blah,blah.
One of the moms asked her whyshe felt that I had a

(58:14):
responsibility as a stay-at-homewife or a stay-at-home mom to
watch her children.
Then another mom confessed andreminded her in the group chat
that she tried that with her andwas told that the stay-at-home
moms in the group are not herbabysitters and that she needs
to make arrangements forchildcare independent of the
group.
She attempted to double down.
Then the moderator slashcreator of the group told her

(58:35):
that it would be best if shefound another mom group to
socialize in.
Then she came back backtrackedand apologized.
She was separately contacted bythe moderator and told that if
she contacts me or another momfor the reason again that she
would be expelled from the group.

Speaker 1 (58:57):
I'm glad.
Hold on, fuck her and them kids, kids, that's a bit much.
It's not my people.
I don't look here if I was towin the lotto tomorrow and I can
do whatever I want to do withany of my day.
It is not my responsibility towatch my nieces and nephews.

Speaker 2 (59:19):
I love them.
What it's not my responsibilityto watch my nieces and nephews
I love what it's not myresponsibility just because I
got the time now.

Speaker 1 (59:24):
They might come kick it on a couple days, but I but
if I'm going to hit the city,I'm hitting the city now.
You know, me and talia, wemight, might be out there
together but other than that,that's his oldest niece.

Speaker 2 (59:38):
You know what I'm saying.
She's of age, so you know whatI'm saying.

Speaker 1 (59:43):
But it's not about look ma'am, look here you're not
the asshole.

Speaker 2 (59:47):
You're not point blank period, bottom of the line
.
Bottom of the story.
Bottom of the story, bottomline.

Speaker 1 (59:52):
You're not the asshole and I would've just
kicked their ass out the groupwell, they did kick her.

Speaker 2 (59:56):
The moderator was like you got to cut it out.
She was like the stay-at-homemoms in the groups is not your
way of getting out of child care.
Because it looks like she'slooking for free child care.
I mean probably rightfully so,because child care is
astronomically expensive.
Then you shouldn't close yourlegs, stop it, that's not even
Close.

Speaker 1 (01:00:14):
If you can't afford to hold child, close your legs.
That's not even a thing.
Cut it out, close them.

Speaker 2 (01:00:21):
Anyway, this has been another episode of the Life
After I Do podcast.
If you're not doing so already,we would really appreciate it.
If you liked, followed.
Share all of the above on allof our social media platforms
and Life After I Do podcast onInstagram, TikTok, Facebook,
YouTube.

Speaker 1 (01:00:38):
You can also write into the podcast at
lifeafteridopodcast at gmailcomand, as always, you get a new
episode every Wednesday and justremember from beginning to end
365 days of the year you get thesame Onitsha G, and all that I
want to do is make sweet love toher until next time peace

(01:01:00):
booskies, peace booskies, peaceBooskies.