December 1, 2025 • 46 mins
Holidays can feel like a sensory obstacle course when you’re healing from a concussion or navigating post-concussion syndrome. We unpack a clear, compassionate plan to trade overwhelm for ease—without opting out of the moments that matter. With returning guest Chaandani Khan, we explore how to choose fewer, more meaningful events, set time limits that prevent crashes, and skip the infamous "Minnesota goodbye" by aligning expectations with your host. You’ll get practical boundary scripts that don’t feel awkward, plus mindset shifts that protect identity and fuel progress.
We go deep on managing sensory load in real time. Learn how to claim the best seat in the room and use casual strategies to reach quieter corners without missing out. If masking drains you, we talk through honest check-ins and how to leave before your system tips into a multi-day setback.
Food and drink play a bigger role than most realize. We break down how gut permeability and a stressed blood-brain barrier can turn sugar and alcohol into headache and brain fog triggers. Get solutions you can use immediately: eat before you go, bring safe snacks and non-alcoholic options, and answer dietary questions simply—no long explanations needed. By combining sensory smarts, recovery-day buffers, and steady nutrition, you’ll keep your energy for connection, not recovery spirals.
If this conversation helps, tap follow, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a quick review—it’s the best holiday gift you can give our show. What strategy will you try first?
Connect with Chaandani at www.returntolife.ca and discover how her work is helping bridge the gap between patients and practitioners in the concussion recovery journey.
Email Chaandani: hello@returntolife.ca
Get 20% off your first order of Puori protein with code LIFEAFTERIMPACT by following this link.
Dr. Wolf's book Concussion Breakthrough: Discover the Missing Pieces of Concussion Recovery is now available on Amazon!
What topics do you want to hear more about? What questions do you have? Email us at lifeafterimpact@gmail.com
Follow us on Instagram @lifeafterimpact
Website: lifeafterimpact.com
Medical disclaimer: this video or podcast is for general informational purposes only, and does not constitute the practice of medicine or other professional healthcare services, including the giving of medical advice. No doctor patient relationship is formed. The use of this information and materials included is at the user's own risk. The content of this video or podcast is not intended to be a substitute for medical advice diagnosis or treatment. Consumers of this information should seek the advice of a medical professional for any and all health related issues.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (00:00):
One of the things that has become more obvious
for a lot of my patients is thatbefore they had their brain
injury, maybe they couldtolerate sugar and it wasn't
they didn't notice any illeffects from it.
And then after the braininjury, all of a sudden eating
sugar became a very obvioustrigger for them to have a
(00:20):
headache or to feel more brainfog or to feel horrible the next
day as far as energy levels.
If we have an increasedpermeability of the blood-brain
barrier and an increasedpermeability of the gut barrier,
well, then we're probably goingto be much more sensitive to,
you know, sugar and alcohol andprocessed foods and just stuff
like that that maybe somebodydidn't quite notice ill effects
(00:43):
from prior to their injury.
And now those things are reallyproblematic.
Welcome to Life After Impact,the Concussion Recovery Podcast.
I'm Dr.
Ayla Wolf, and I'll be hostingtoday's episode where we help
you navigate the oftenconfusing, frustrating, and
overwhelming journey ofconcussion and brain injury
(01:04):
recovery.
This podcast is your go-toresource for actionable
information, whether you'redealing with a recent
concussion, struggling withpost-concussion syndrome, or
just feeling stuck in yourhealing process.
In each episode, we dive deepinto the symptoms, testing,
treatments, and neurologicalinsights that can help you move
(01:24):
forward with clarity andconfidence.
We bring you leading experts inthe world of brain health,
functional neurology, andrehabilitation to share their
wisdom and strategies.
So if you're feeling lost,hopeless, or like no one
understands what you're goingthrough, know that you are not
alone.
This podcast can be your guideand partner in recovery, helping
(01:44):
you build a better life afterimpact.
Chaandani Khan, welcome backto Life After Impact.
It's so good to see you again.
Thank you.
It's always great chatting withyou.
Chaandani Khan (01:58):
Yeah, what's new since I talked to you last?
What's new?
What a question.
There are so many things sincewe spoke last as I had a really
packed uh summer season.
Um, just a lot of excitingbusiness building, um, some
pivots in what I'm doing aswell.
On a personal level, um, youknow, it was so busy.
I did a little bit of travel,so I got to go to New York,
(02:20):
which is really nice, and acouple other smaller local
trips.
So I've just been on the gosince we chatted last.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (02:27):
And how'd you do with New York?
I know that can be a bit of asensory overload.
Chaandani Khan (02:32):
New York is definitely sensory overload, I
think, for a lot of people,whether you are functioning um
in a neurotypical way or or in aneurodiverse way as well.
Um, I, you know, if I practicewhat I preach, I have all my
strategies stacked up.
So I felt pretty good when Iwas there.
Um, but I definitely did havesome moments where I thought
about uh the times when I wasreally in the depths of my
struggle years ago and how thatwouldn't have been possible for
(02:55):
me to just walk down the streetand and feel like anything in my
system was relaxed and calm andsafe.
Um, so it was actually I didactually specifically have a
couple of moments there where Ijust really recognized how great
things are for me right now andin my system and in my my space
of recovery.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (03:13):
Well, and that's one of the reasons why I wanted
to uh do this particular episodewith you today, because I feel
like you would have a lot ofinsights into our topic, which
is uh surviving the holidays,where we often are doing more
than we're used to, oftencommitting to more social events
and putting ourselves in placeswhere there's going to be a lot
(03:35):
of people, a lot of noise, alot of lights.
And so I thought it would begreat to do an episode that is
not just a holiday uh survivalepisode, but a thrival episode.
Chaandani Khan (03:47):
I love that.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (03:48):
A thrival.
Oh my gosh, that's so cute.
I'm going to borrow that word.
Please do, please do.
So uh so this is our holidaythrival episode.
And I figured we could um maybestart out by talking about just
planning, right?
So planning ahead.
And I know it can be easy tosay yes to everything or feel
(04:08):
like we have to do everything.
So one of the things that Ithink would be a good thing to
keep in mind is choosing yourevents wisely, right?
Yeah.
And so not feeling obligated toattend every single gathering,
but maybe picking the ones thatmatter the most emotionally.
Like who are the people thatyou really want to see or spend
(04:29):
time with, as opposed to feelingobligated to just do everything
that comes your way.
Chaandani Khan (04:36):
Yeah, I think that's such a great point.
And this is this is actuallyadvice that, you know, people
who are neurodiverse orexperiencing neurodiversity
definitely will uh resonate withthem, but also people who are
not.
I think this is just solidadvice anyway, just to really
anchor into what will move theneedle forward most for you
emotionally, is so to say.
What's going to feel the best,what's going to light you up the
(04:57):
most?
You know, if we hyper focus onthe concept of brain injury and
overstimulation and all thesedifferent things that we can
struggle with.
I think really, again, justleaning into what lights me up
the most in this moment is agreat space to be in.
It definitely involves amindset shift.
Um, but when you're able to dothat for yourself, everything
becomes a little bit easieraround you.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (05:19):
Yeah, for sure.
And I know for me, it is easyto kind of like what how do I
want to say it?
I I think that I'm alwayscapable of just adding more and
more and more to my plate.
Um and then all of a suddenit's like then you realize,
oops, I just stepped over myedge, right?
And so that's it.
Chaandani Khan (05:40):
And especially for people who have, you know,
you and I share this, this uminner A-type, or maybe I
sometimes refer to myself aslike a recovering A-type, which
is not a dirty word.
Really, it isn't.
Like I, it's something thatI've always loved.
Um, and I say with a with prideand with support for.
Um, but when you have thattendency and then have an
injury, and then you recover,it's very easy to go back into
(06:02):
that tendency, or just to say,this is my set point, this is
the familiar, this is how I'vealways shown up.
So I like what you're saying.
I think it makes a lot ofsense, and just actively
choosing um what to partake inis really important.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (06:14):
And then the the follow-up to that in terms of
like sometimes we could set atime limit on, okay, I have to
go or I I feel like I have to goto this event, or I want to go
to this event.
Maybe I put a time limit on howlong I'm gonna be there.
Chaandani Khan (06:30):
Yes, yeah.
It is the concept of just kindof re-exploring what that could
look like.
Maybe you can attend the twoevents that you have that week,
but maybe you just need to shifthow you're doing it.
I think that this involves alittle bit of creativity as well
as some flexibility and mindsetagain.
Just saying, you know, perhapslike in my old self or before I
felt the way that I feel rightnow, I would have gone to the
entire events.
(06:50):
They're four hours each,they're 10 hours each, you know.
Um, but just you still can bethere.
It's just how does that look?
Dr. Ayla Wolf (06:57):
Yeah.
And so I you're from Canada,but in Minnesota, we have this
concept called the Minnesotagoodbye.
I would like to know what thisis.
Okay, so this is basically whenyou're ready to leave, you feel
obligated to say goodbye toevery single person at the
event.
Chaandani Khan (07:15):
Okay, so then I have that inside me.
Like that is me in theMinnesota goodbye.
I had no idea.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (07:21):
Yeah, and so before you know it, like you're
you're you hit your your limit,you're ready to leave, and then
all of a sudden you're there anhour and a half later because
you then had to have aconversation with every single
person in the room your way outthe door.
Chaandani Khan (07:36):
You know what?
That is very solid advice toavoid the Minnesota goodbye, to
sit with yourself probablybefore you go into the event and
really just set your mind onwhen I'm ready to leave, this is
the process I will follow, orat least have some kind of a
framework of what that lookslike.
Yeah.
I didn't know it was calledthat.
Now I know I feel seen.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (07:54):
I have a friend who this back when I was living
in Oregon, he was notorious forshowing up to a party and then
disappearing.
And he he was like the oppositeof the Minnesota goodbye.
And so you never knew.
It was always like, oh, where'dhe go?
Where is he?
Oh, I guess he and it's youknow, I so I think that maybe we
should embrace the the oppositeof the Minnesota goodbye and
(08:16):
just practice a disappearing actand be okay with that.
Chaandani Khan (08:20):
You know what?
You're not wrong on that.
And you know what?
To be very honest, that issomething that okay, so my
natural set point is apparentlynow I know the Minnesota
goodbye.
That's how I used to operate.
Um, but since my brain injury,I've really I've done a deep
dive into into boundaries andinto mindset and into just
re-exploring how I show up.
And so, I mean, I am a personthat nowadays at least I do
(08:40):
attend a lot of events.
Um, and so I am frequentlyaround a high volume of people.
I'm probably speaking with alot of them.
And I have to say that I'veI've done pretty well in means
of deciding internally.
I'm like, okay, well, you know,it's time to wrap my night up.
And the people I'm talking toin the immediate group, I'll,
you know, wish a good night,maybe just kind of make eye
contact across the room, buy itwas nice talking, and then, you
(09:01):
know, see myself out.
So it's kind of it's kind of ablend of those two worlds, but
but it definitely does takeintention for me to do that
because it's so easy just to popby and especially if you're
networking, you know, running, Irun a business.
So you're networking and youwant to say, hey, it was great
chatting with you.
Let's, you know, let's connecton Wednesday or you know,
whatever it is.
So exactly.
Yeah.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (09:21):
And for I mean, for me, I always do well with
one-on-one.
And so if I am in an event likethat, I think it's helpful for
me to maybe see it as anopportunity to say a quick hello
to somebody and then use thatopportunity to be like, oh, and
you and I should get together ata later date, just the two of
us, where there's not like allthis chaos happening.
Chaandani Khan (09:42):
That's a great way to do it as well.
I mean, I mean, to be honest,like even getting together with
somebody without all thebackground noise and chaos, like
that's just a betterconversation, probably.
At least I could say um you'duse energy more efficiently and
perhaps be able to dive in alittle bit deeper, remember
things a little bit better.
There's a lot to be said aboutthat.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (10:01):
Yeah, yeah.
Especially for people like uswho maybe aren't super
interested in just having abunch of shallow surface level
conversations with you.
Chaandani Khan (10:09):
You know what?
You say that, and I absolutelygrin because I was just speaking
with somebody else who's also asurvivor, uh, very
high-functioning individual.
Um, she's a keynote speaker inthe brain injury space as well.
We were just speaking yesterdayand we just had a little giggle
over that exact concept.
So feeling feeling really seenin that.
Um, you know, and and along thelines of um of kind of mentally
(10:31):
preparing yourself for yourdeparture, mentally preparing
yourself to be at this event,another idea uh is to kind of
communicate ahead of time withthe host, maybe either what your
needs are or what your timeframe is, just so that kind of
helps to relieve a bit of likeanxiety or pressure that you're
feeling and also setexpectations for others.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (10:49):
Yeah.
And if you are going to anevent where there is a host that
you are close with or that youknow well, maybe as you're doing
your non-Minnesota goodbye, yousay goodbye to the host, and
then they can now be yourspokesperson for saying, Oh
yeah, they they left already.
Chaandani Khan (11:05):
That that is a powerful strategy, yes,
completely.
At least when the host knows,and if someone is looking for
you, that's fantastic.
The host can inform them.
Um not that it's not that it'sthe onus is on them to do so,
but at least they're aware ofwhere you are.
Yeah.
Um yeah, and I, you know, Ithink you and I had spoken and
you'd mentioned how importantwording can be um when you're
communicating with anybody, butespecially in this case,
(11:26):
communicating with the host.
Did you want to share somethoughts that you have on that?
Dr. Ayla Wolf (11:31):
Yeah, I I think one of the things I pay
attention to, especially whenI'm working with my patients in
the clinic, is I'm I'm payingattention to how people are
phrasing things.
And I think that for mepersonally, when I use a phrase
like instead of I have a braininjury, to say a phrase like I'm
(11:51):
recovering from a brain injury,it leaves room for for the it
leaves room for recovery, itleaves room for the hope, it
leaves room for the fact thatimprovements are happening
rather than having kind of anidentity that says, I am
injured, right?
Or I have a brain injury, Ijust like to use a phrasing that
(12:12):
doesn't necessarily create anidentity around being stuck, but
an identity around I'm workingthrough this.
And so I sometimes thatphrasing, even though it may be
subtle, I think it's profound inthe way that we are wiring
pathways in our brain and theway that we're thinking about
things and the way that we'recommunicating things.
(12:34):
Uh, and so that's just one ofthe things I like to throw out
there to you know the patientsthat I work with as well.
Chaandani Khan (13:51):
I love that.
And I think it's reallyimportant, like what you're
sharing from an innerself-dialogue perspective, as
well as when you're speakingexternally to others.
I just want to echo what yousaid about really the body is
always listening to us.
And so, whatever you're feedingit, our subconscious is just
constantly receiving and saying,Great, I hear you, I'm going to
pull that into my existence,right?
Just to take this like a leveldeeper.
(14:12):
Um, and so to your point, likewhether you're sharing with
others externally and reallyjust helping them to understand
that I'm in a period ofrecovery.
Maybe you don't have to say,This is what it looks like or
this is my end date, because youdon't know those things.
But you know, let them know.
And your body is also listeningto everything you say.
And, you know, it might soundlike the most granular,
smallest, silliest thing to somepeople, depending on your
(14:33):
mindset, depending on where youare in your recovery.
But genuinely, these things alldo add up and and they do make
a difference overall.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (14:39):
Yeah, I remember one time my mom coming up to me
and saying, you know, I justrealized that I have spent the
last 20 years of my life saying,I have insomnia.
And so she kind of had thisepiphany of like, man, I've been
telling myself I have this,right?
Yeah, right.
He just literally that one daywas like, I'm never saying those
words again.
(14:59):
Like, I'm not gonna say that.
Chaandani Khan (15:00):
I love that.
Was that after speaking withyou?
Was that a conversation you hadwith her?
I wonder if you just naturallyyou show up this way and she
kind of picked that up in aconversation or just the way you
were speaking.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (15:10):
I don't, I don't think so.
I won't, I'm not gonna takecredit for that one, but I do
remember her saying that aftershe intentionally stopped saying
and telling herself on a dailybasis that she has insomnia,
she's like, My sleep actuallygot better when I stopped
telling myself this every singleday.
Chaandani Khan (15:26):
It's so true.
And I mean, oh my gosh, thereare things like neurolinguistic
programming, there's loopaffirmations, there are there
is, you know, universal lawsbehind this we could dive into.
Perhaps we'll stay on track fortoday's purposes, but but
really, you know, it is, I mean,or not.
Let's just see where we go,right?
Absolutely.
Um, but but but really there'sso much behind what you're
(15:46):
saying.
And I just really want to likeagain like highlight this point
for anybody listening who'sworking through a brain injury,
regardless of if you're at, youknow, the early, like you're
early into it, whether you'vebeen at it for years in your
recovery, it is so important.
And it's not something that youjust, it's not a strategy you
just use and you instantlyreceive gratification and you
instantly see a difference in,but very much over a period of
(16:07):
time.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (16:08):
Yeah, yeah.
I would agree with him.
And yeah, it's definitely um aphilosophy that can be can be
applied to all areas of life,um, whether you're talking about
money or anything, right?
Um, we we could dive deep.
I sense another episode coming.
Chaandani Khan (16:24):
Um on the note of events, there's something
that is really important.
This is something that I stillvery much actively need to talk
to myself and tell myself andintentionally choose to do the
strategy.
But scheduling rest daysbetween events.
This is something that iscritical to be able to show up
(16:44):
as your fullest self and alsonot totally get to the end of
your energy and then justexhaust yourself for days after.
Um, you know, referring to themas neuro recovery days.
I think this is something youcould speak to a little bit as
well.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (16:58):
You know, I think this is one of those things
that almost happensunconsciously in my mind, where
if I know, like for example, um,you know, my sister's planning,
we have a book club that we'rein that she started like 16
years ago.
And so we always do a holidaybook club event.
And so I actually have to seepatients that entire day, which
(17:19):
is gonna mean that I'm gonnadrive 40 minutes to work.
I'm gonna see patients back toback all day long, and then I
have to drive an hour and 40minutes right to her house to
get there late for book club,and then I'm probably gonna stay
the night.
And so already in my brain, I'mlike, ooh, that's gonna be a
long day.
Chaandani Khan (17:38):
Yeah, I mean, you're saying that, and I'm just
like catching my breath alittle bit for you.
One, because I totally relatewith taking that kind of a day
on, but also two, because thatis a long day and you don't have
that critical downtime, thatcritical rest period in between.
Even if it's if it's 15 minutesof rest or silence or just like
a calm environment.
Um, yeah, so I'm I'm catchingmy breath for you.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (17:58):
Well, and sometimes when I I need a moment
like that, even if I'm in thecar, I will just I mean, I live
out in the country, so the driveis gonna be lovely.
Okay, that's nice.
Um, and so sometimes I do justturn the radio off, I turn the
podcast off.
I I literally just drive insilence and focus on my
breathing and take that minuteof okay, let's just like have no
(18:21):
nothing external stimulatingour brain other than just
driving through the country.
Chaandani Khan (18:26):
So yes, no, that sounds like a really good
reset.
Um, just a note on that piece.
Um, you know, I I am reallyglad to hear that that is
something for your system wherethat is peaceful and that's not
full downtime, but but prettyclose to it, it sounds like
you're able to strip away theexternal stimuli.
Um, just a note for otherpeople, um, myself, for example,
driving was a task that wasextraordinarily challenging and
(18:49):
really just zapped my energy tothe point where, you know,
again, when I was in the pit ofmy of my experience and the pit
of my recovery, so to say, um,you know, there were a lot of
times where I wouldn't drive avehicle because I didn't feel
safe.
I didn't feel that I had enoughwithin me to be able to operate
that vehicle.
Um, so this just also just goesto say, you know, how
subjective the experience can beand how, you know, perhaps if
(19:10):
somebody lives in a similar areato you, maybe that is something
that they could try as well onthose, on those days.
I um again, the concept ofscheduling rest days between
events.
I'm thinking about my upcomingholiday season, which for me I
celebrate Christmas.
Um, and you know, I was justtalking to my partner about this
yesterday and saying, I haveoverscheduled, hard stop.
(19:31):
I need to, I need to bake somerest periods, some downtime into
what we're doing because it'sjust so full on.
Um, and so that's somethingthat I'm personally working on.
And just wondering,reenvisioning how this could
look because I don't want to.
I don't want to do that.
I want to show up, I want mystack days, I want to see all
the family members in threedifferent cities in a short
period of time.
(19:51):
Um, however, this is somethingthat you know I'm actively going
to uh work on as well.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (19:57):
Yeah.
Chaandani Khan (19:57):
And just see when and how I can do that.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (19:59):
Yeah, exactly.
And I think when you bring thatintention to it, uh it's then
then it's gonna happen, right?
If you don't intentionallyfocus on it, it's not gonna just
naturally happen.
Chaandani Khan (20:10):
Absolutely.
That like that's it.
Like a huge piece in braininjury recovery is learning that
skill of intentionality andlearning how how what that can
look like for you and how topull that into your experience.
Because you know, when you whenyou are in an experience of
your brain no longer operatingthe exact way that you always
knew it to, something has tochange.
Right.
And if you I I mean, in I willjust put myself out there and
(20:34):
say that for the first year, Iwas I struggled a lot and I
really fought against my brain.
And that didn't do me anyjustice, right?
So, you know, it's not if iffor people who are listening, if
it sounds like it's easy for meto say right now, it's it's
just that I've gone through itand have really reworked that
and heard from so many otherpeople who are in a space where
they are fighting it indifferent ways, but
(20:54):
intentionality is something thatcan really, really help.
Yeah.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (20:57):
And you've had those experiences where you
didn't listen and you thoughtyou could just push through it
and then you suffered the theconsequences after fact after
the fact.
Chaandani Khan (21:04):
Yes, yes.
I have deeply humbled myself ona number of occasions, and
that's exactly genuinely, eventhough I am so many years out,
this is something that I amcognizant of for me that I still
partake in is scheduling, youknow, downtime and rest periods,
just so that I can show up asmy fullest.
So it's still an act ofpractice for me.
I'm six and a half years out.
Um, just to, you know, sharewith others, like, you know,
(21:26):
hopefully you feel seen in inwhat I'm sharing and and what
you're sharing as well, Ayla.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (21:31):
Yeah, I think the place where I haven't done a
great job of that is a lot oftimes if I'm teaching a weekend
workshop, I will be trying tocram as many patients into my
schedule before I have to leavetown.
And so I'm like working,working, working, working, and
then also simultaneouslypreparing for the seminar.
And then by the time I get tothe seminar, I'm already feeling
exhausted and burnt out.
(21:52):
Absolutely.
A terrible feeling because Iwant to give these people who
are paying to hear me speak mybest, right?
And so, you know, movingforwards, like one of my kind of
resolutions, not necessarily anew year resolution, but just
one of my resolutions.
Okay.
You know, juggling a clinic anda teaching schedule, really
(22:17):
wanting to make sure that I canshow up when I have to teach and
feel like I am refreshed and Ido have energy and I'm not
showing up exhausted and burntout and frazzled and yes.
Chaandani Khan (22:28):
And and important to say that, you know,
when you are showing up, and Iknow that you are you are in a
you have an incredibly highcapacity, you are incredible in
the space, you lead a lot ofchange, a lot of thought, you
help others in so many differentways.
And it's important to say that,you know, when what you're
describing, I think a lot ofpeople do relate with, whether
they are they have the samelevel of capacity or if they
(22:49):
have a different capacity, butwhatever their body feels is a
lot for them.
You know, and it's just thisfeeling, and and I and I
understand it personally, thisfeeling of I can do it, I can
show up, I can have a smile onmy face, I can be charming and
delightful and educate people.
Um, but it's the way that youfeel inside.
And like I just want tohighlight that that's what
you're sharing.
If you know people arelistening and maybe they haven't
(23:09):
had our shared experience thatwe're talking about with brain
injury, it's it's that you cando these things and people can
see you in a certain way, butit's it's a mask that you know
we're putting on still indifferent ways to be able to
show up, to be able to serve,um, or even just to be able to
have a casual hangout with yourpartner on the couch after a
long day and and really bepresent in that moment.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (23:29):
Yeah, because wearing that mask is also work.
Chaandani Khan (23:32):
It takes work, it takes effort.
It's hard, it's hard work.
It's very hard.
It's those moments that, youknow, maybe you haven't, you
being Vu, being everyone,perhaps universally, maybe
someone hasn't, you know, theyhaven't balanced their day very
well, they haven't balancedtheir week very well.
And even wearing a mask, youget home, you take the mask off.
And for me, you know, I I trynot to do that too often, but
(23:53):
it's not perfect, right?
Like sometimes I do end updoing that.
And it's just this level ofweight that you feel, even when
the mask comes off.
Just because you're like, whoa,my whole system has been just
firing at every, every singlepart has been firing away, and
now I can breathe.
And it's almost more tiring inthat moment.
So, you know, bouncing backfrom that is a bit harder than
if you just have downtime andand really balance how your body
(24:16):
needs.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (24:16):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
I'm saying this publicly sothat I then have to stick to it,
right?
It's like the easier you tell,the more you're like, okay.
Chaandani Khan (24:26):
As soon as you said this is my resolution,
instantly, I was like, Oh, she'sholding herself to this for
sure now.
This is out.
Not only with me, but witheverybody listening.
Yeah.
So yeah.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (24:36):
I'm kind of notorious for having really
bizarre New Year's resolutions.
Um I come up with some prettyinteresting ones.
Chaandani Khan (24:44):
Okay, listen, here's the thing is we're we're
talking on your podcast.
Part of me was just like, okay,give me a really weird one.
But I don't know that I'll putyou on that spot.
We could also, you know, moveour conversation along.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (24:54):
We can, okay.
So I think one of the funniestones was I one day or like one
moment, I felt like I'm such arule follower.
So my New Year's resolution wasto just try to break a few
rules.
Like break a few more rules.
You know what?
Chaandani Khan (25:07):
I like that.
I like the for you.
It's like it's it's it's likeflexibility and mindset as well
that you're you're challenging.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (25:13):
Yeah, it's like you know, the court says no
public access.
Maybe I just cracked the dooropen.
See what's behind it.
Chaandani Khan (25:18):
And her life of crime begins.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (25:22):
Well, that was probably that was probably back
in like, I don't know, a coupleyears ago.
I I'm not in jail.
So uh we're good.
Chaandani Khan (25:30):
We're good.
I'm I'm teasing.
No, no, I mean what you'resharing, I think there are such
such manageable ways to do that.
And and I can see like theapplication to like more like
greater parts of your life aswell with doing something like
that.
And just it's reallychallenging yourself to think
outside the box in ways that youwouldn't normally.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (25:45):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
And I think one time I didactually crash a private party
at Prince's recording studio.
And so, and that's like one ofthe best stories I've ever had
in my life, right?
So I'm like, maybe I need tobreak more rules and just bring
a little bit more excitementinto my life.
Chaandani Khan (26:03):
Maybe and maybe excitement into the life of
others, right?
Like all those people, I'm surethey were so happy to receive
you.
They're like, Who is this?
Great, we're glad she's herenow.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (26:12):
I don't know about that.
Chaandani Khan (26:13):
I did get kicked out very politely.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (26:16):
Okay, okay.
Chaandani Khan (26:17):
Yeah, yeah.
Doesn't mean they didn't enjoythe interaction, even if they're
asking you to leave, right?
Dr. Ayla Wolf (26:21):
That's right.
That's right.
Um yes, but anyway, okay, somoving on.
Yeah, okay.
Yes, next, let's talk aboutmanaging the sensory load.
Because when when I thinkholidays, right, you think
bright lights, flashing lights,loud music, obnoxious music, all
the things.
And uh, when I was a teenager,I had a job at uh wrapping gifts
(26:46):
at the buckle.
And so I had to listen to likeholiday music playing on a loop
for eight hours a day as Iwrapped presents.
Uh yeah.
If that's not feeling, youknow, holiday or Christmas, I
don't know what is.
Right.
Yeah.
So and there was one particularannoying song that just every
time it came on, I was justokay, please, please, can we not
play this 20 times an hour?
(27:08):
But anyway, so um so avoidingsensory stacking uh in the sense
of if we know that we're goingto a place where there's a lot
of lights or sounds andconversation and people.
I know for me personally, ifI'm talking to somebody and I'm
having a hard time hearing themor I'm having a hard time
(27:29):
concentrating because there's somuch happening, I will
frequently say to that person,like, can we just step into
another room where it's a littlebit quieter?
Yes.
And I take myself out of thesituation where I know I'm not
how I'm not doing so well.
Chaandani Khan (27:43):
That's so smart.
And it also speaks to just howyou've gained this level of
comfort in asking for what youneed, which is so important in
the space.
It's a skill that I think itcomes over time and it does
involve intention.
Surprise, the word intentioncoming back for us again.
Um, and I think that's abeautiful strategy.
That's, you know, I I very muchrelate with what you're saying
(28:04):
as well, and I know a ton ofpeople listening do as well.
Just when you think about theholidays, it's true.
Like it's not just brightlights, it's flashing bright
lights, it's different colors oflights.
It's that stacks with with withmovement, with people around
the room, with laughing, withfood, with eating, with, you
know, with oh my gosh, all thesounds as well.
So that's a great strategy.
And I hope other people trythat out.
(28:24):
Um, what I do as well is if I'mtalking to somebody and you
know, maybe I'm further awayfrom a place that would be
quiet, I often say, Hey, can youjust come with me and I'll find
a wall and put myself against awall with my back against a
wall because that limits thesounds behind me.
Um, if there is a chance whenyou're coming into a space or
maybe a dinner or maybe anevent, and there is a chance to
sit in a chair with my backagainst a wall, I will always do
(28:47):
that.
And sometimes I will just soboldly ask someone, hey, like,
would you be open to meswitching seats with you?
I had a brain injury and Istruggle to hear.
And although there are morecomplex processes happening than
struggling to hear, quoteunquote, it's something short
and sweet that a lot of peopleare able to easily understand.
Absolutely.
And then, you know, make adecision of if that's okay to
switch seats, for example.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (29:09):
Yeah, and like you said, you just you kept it
brief, you kept it sweet, andmost people would not hesitate
to say, of course, I'd be happyto switch seats with you.
Chaandani Khan (29:18):
Exactly.
Or even if we're having a chat,like I'll just, I don't know, I
try to be kind of charmingabout it and giving my secrets
away.
Now, if people listen and I'mnetworking with them, they will
know what I'm up to.
But you know, I might say,like, we're in the middle of
chatting and I'll say, Hey, walkand talk with me.
And I just they're intrigued.
So we just we just drift intoyou know an area that's a bit
quieter and much like you'resaying.
Yeah, yeah, love it.
(29:39):
Um earplugs as well.
Though I I used to carry, I'mnot kidding you, three types of
earplugs with me to every eventthat I went to just because it
would give me the option.
They had, you know, varyinglevels of um, I guess you would
say like sound protection orbackground noise um canceling,
if you will.
And to be honest, you know, itwas to the point where I would
(30:01):
not leave the house, or if I hadleft the house and I'd
forgotten even one pair ofearplugs, then I would be late
going to the event.
I would take time, I would gohome, I would find them, I would
pack them, and then I wouldleave again.
Which, as you know, does it canchip away at your precious
energy source, especially whenyou're in a space of really
struggling in that way.
Um, but to me, it was just soworth it.
I would often wear um, Ipreferred um in-ear earplugs.
(30:23):
I won't give any names rightnow, but there are different
names that are really big on themarket.
Um, and I would usually justwear one in my ear at events
because it would, in my the waythat I would describe it, it
would cut background noiseenough so that I was able to
just focus with my one ear.
The only thing is that itworked really well for me
personally, just with how, youknow, I was struggling in really
(30:43):
chaotic, noisy environments.
Um, but when speakingone-on-one, it was a little bit
more challenging to speak withsomebody and I would find myself
turning my ear to them, whicheventually I just gave into.
And I was like, you know what?
I can't hear that well.
Can I so if I'm leaning intoyou with my ears, I'm just
really focusing on what you'resaying.
Again, another strategy.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (31:02):
I think that's a great one.
And I know some people also llike to use just tinted lenses,
what you know, wear glasses thatjust And everybody has a unique
preference for what color lensseems to give them the most
sense of relaxation.
I know for some people, greenworks great, for other people,
the rose tinted or the red couldtinted.
(31:23):
Um, but so that's right.
For some people, just kind ofremoving a certain wavelength of
light, just filtering outcertain light, is enough to just
uh get a little bit more of arelaxation effect into their
nervous system in a place wherethey're already feeling
overstimulated.
Chaandani Khan (31:39):
Exactly.
And this is something that Ithink more people need to know
about because you know, I what Iknow now, of course I wish I
knew then when I was strugglingthe most, but there were a lot
of gaps in in my treatment plansand my recovery.
And I really could have usedsome type of lenses, like cloudy
days, cloudy days when it'sjust overcast but really bright
outside, those were soexhausting for me.
(32:00):
Like I would just be flattened.
And, you know, now I realize alittle bit more about the visual
system and tinted lenses andall they could do for you.
Yeah.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (32:08):
And I think, you know, obviously where I live,
there's lots of snow.
And so when you have the whitesnow and the sun glaring off
that snow, I've also done a lotof research into just sunglasses
in general.
And there is a big differencein the quality of polarized
lenses in terms of how well theywork and help your eyes to
(32:28):
relax.
And sometimes, you know,certain brands or less expensive
brands might not actually beworking as well.
And they might cause you tostill have some eye strain that
could be relieved by a higherquality lens.
So the quality of the lensreally does matter, especially
when you're trying to cut out alot of that glare.
Chaandani Khan (32:49):
It really, really does.
It makes a difference.
And I, you know, when you talkabout polarized lenses, I even
think back to growing up.
I for some reason I had a lotof friends who are lifeguards
and um they would wear polarizedlenses when they were working.
And even, you know, in thatcase, they weren't working
through a brain injurynecessarily, but they saw a
great, a great difference intheir energy and their eye
strain and their ability toactually do their job for eight
plus hours a day and you know,be under the sun at water and
(33:11):
such.
And I think that is such agreat tip for people who live in
snowy environments.
To your point, um, yes, theycan definitely, they generally
are more expensive.
But if someone is able to, ifyou're able to kind of pick and
choose types of tools that werereally meant for your brain
injury, um, that I think that'sa really important one.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (33:30):
Yep, for sure.
And then you kind of alluded tothis one already, but one of
the tips is this idea ofpositioning yourself
strategically.
So whether that means if you'rein a room, like you said, you
put your back against the wall,all of a sudden there's not a
bunch of sound coming frombehind you.
Um but also I think for somepeople, like I had a patient who
(33:52):
um suffered from psychogenicseizures and flashing lights
were a trigger.
And so if she was out at arestaurant and they would have a
Christmas tree or somethingthat had lights on it and it was
flashing, she just knew rightout of the cage, like I should
not sit in a place where thattree is in my line of sight
because it's probably gonnatrigger a seizure.
(34:13):
And so even for people whomaybe it's not that extreme, but
they know sometimes you can sitsomewhere and just you're
immediately kind of irritated bywhat you're having, what what
is happening in front of you,right?
And that's it, yes.
And so again, going back to uh,you know, we talk about the
Minnesota goodbye.
There's also in Minnesota, wetalk about this Minnesota nice
(34:35):
thing where a lot of timespeople won't advocate for
themselves because they don'twant to appear rude.
And so I feel like I am uh I'vestruggled with that where I
don't want to appear rude bysaying, I can't sit here, or can
you turn your lights off, orcan you like, can you change
your environment for me?
Um and so I've kind of learned,I I think I learned this
(34:57):
behavior of let me just sit andsuffer through it.
And I think as I get older, I'mnow a little bit more uh
willing to say, let me just, I'mgonna change spots or I'm gonna
move or I'm gonna do somethingso that I'm not sitting here
feeling super irritated and asense like have sensory
overwhelmed because of thisflashing light that I have to
(35:17):
stare at from this particularscene.
Chaandani Khan (35:20):
Yeah.
No, absolutely.
And I mean, I'm so glad to hearabout that evolution that
you've experienced just in meansof social convention, in means
of you know, familiarity, inmeans of your own internal,
internal dialogue as well.
That's huge.
And that's something whethersomeone is, you know, in
Minnesota has grown up in or haslived in that type of
environment, or I think that'strue in a lot of different
(35:41):
cities, a lot of differentcountries.
This is something that, youknow, even you know, I'm yes,
Canadian, born and raised here,lived in, you know, however, um,
A, I've spoken to a lot ofpeople from a lot of different
areas of the world.
Um, B, I've I've traveled quitea lot in my life, and I see
this quite consistently that,you know, it's it's a way of
being polite.
You don't want to impose uponothers, right?
But enter brain injury into thechat, right?
(36:03):
Like this becomes a verydifferent conversation and a
very different topic.
And I often refer to, you know,when I had my brain injury
being being enrolled in what Icall boundaries 101 because
really, well, you're laughing,and you know, people on us
insiders, we know it's it justbrings a different lens on your
entire existence.
And it's kind of up to us toeither, you know, in these
(36:25):
moments like what you'redescribing, sitting in a room
with flashing lights or justfeeling so deeply irritated
because there's so muchstimulation around you and your
system's overloaded.
It just, it all of a suddenwith brain injury, it becomes a
question of, you know, well, uhprotecting yourself and your
needs, it's self-preservation ina sense, right?
And there are ways to havethose conversations with others.
(36:46):
There are ways to ask, but Ithink it starts with coming,
coming from within.
It starts with you finding away to be comfortable and in in
asking someone to switch seatswith you, or or maybe wearing
your tinted lenses in a publicspace, even though you're like
no one else is wearing green orred lenses.
I feel silly.
But just finding ways to say,like, hey, like this is what I'm
doing.
And to me, that lumps under thelumps, it can be lumped under
(37:09):
under the category of boundarieswhere you're like, I want to be
in this space.
What's happening is not okayfor my system.
I am going to do XYZ to be ableto change this for myself.
Absolutely.
And it's not something thathappens overnight.
It, you know, really makes methink about, you know, for the
first year and a half, twoyears, I had an extraordinarily
(37:29):
hard time putting to words allthat I was experiencing.
The levels of loss, the levelsof struggle, you know, and I was
constantly having to check inwhether it was with doctors or
well-meaning friends and lovedones, right?
Saying, like, how are youtoday?
And I'd be like, oh, not good,but I wouldn't really go into
it.
And then one day it was a verydistinct moment.
I was sitting at my at thekitchen table and I just had
(37:52):
this moment where I was tryingto do a little bit of
journaling, although I couldn'twrite very well either after my
brain injury.
I had a lot of spelling errors,etc.
And I just had this momentwhere I thought, no, I I am no,
I'm just not doing this anymore.
The next time someone asks mehow I am, I choose in myself to
be very honest.
And if that makes themuncomfortable, I'm okay with
(38:14):
that.
That's not my purpose to makethem uncomfortable, but I
actively choose to speak mytruth.
And I'm not kidding, it verymuch happened like that one day.
And I just did.
And I did see, you know, whensomeone asked me how I was, I
was like, actually, I've had uma headache for five days
straight.
Um, I've only eaten like acouple fruits because I can't
remember how to cook.
I'm forced to drive to a lot ofappointments, but sometimes I
(38:35):
can't remember what a green orred light means.
Um, and I have anxiety.
And that was, you know, a goodfriend.
And, you know, keeping in mindthe concept of emotional dumping
and such and sharing and likewhere that where that lays.
Um, but just being able tospeak so honestly and share
things like that really changeda lot internally in showing up
for myself in the ways that Ineeded.
And again, not emotionallydumping.
(38:56):
But that was just sort of mygateway into being like, oh my
gosh, I can share these reallyhard things that I've been
hiding for so long.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (39:03):
Yeah, because that's exhausting too.
When again, it comes back tothe idea of like having to wear
a mask can be so exhausting ifyou feel like you have to act
like everything's fine.
I'm gonna hide just howuncomfortable I am in in this
moment or in this day.
Chaandani Khan (39:17):
Right, exactly, exactly.
Um, you know, and so we'rewe're talking a lot about like
overstimulation and just beingaware of environments, and I
think we should segue into howto support your system.
Um, there are lots of differentways that, you know, when you
think about the holidays, youthink about attending events,
you think about being social.
Maybe it's social in a massive,you know, massive group, like
(39:39):
you're at a festival in yourcity.
Maybe it's social with having,you know, three friends in in
someone's home having a bookclub night or having some kind
of like a Christmas craft orholiday craft that you're
making, right?
Um, I know that you like youtalk often about food and
supplementing your system thatway.
Did you want to, did you wantto start us off?
Dr. Ayla Wolf (39:57):
Yeah, I mean, I think one of the things that was
helpful for me was the factthat I I needed to go
gluten-free a long time ago.
But when I did that, it startedto become so obvious to me,
just the the food industry as amarketing system that really
just takes advantage of everysingle holiday.
And so when you can't eat thepink cupcakes for Valentine's
(40:21):
Day and the green cupcakes forSt.
Patrick's Day and the bluecupcakes for Easter, whatever it
is, right?
It's like you start to justrealize wow, every single
holiday just becomes anopportunity for the food
industry to sell me somethingthat is um artificially colored
and completely sugar laden.
And since I was forced to giveall that up, I was kind of
(40:43):
grateful that I'm like, thisisn't even an option for me.
And I always actually developeda sense of um, I don't know if
pride is the right word, but Iwas, you know, a lot of people
say, oh, I've gained 15 poundsover the holidays.
And I never wanted to have ayo-yo diet and I never wanted to
have a yo-yo weight.
And so for me, the this wholeidea of just overindulging or
(41:08):
eating or drinking too muchbecause you've got celebration
after celebration, I knew thatmy body was just way too
sensitive and I didn't want toeven create that challenge in my
life.
And so for me, it was alwaysokay, how do I, how do I
modulate this?
Like I need a game plan goinginto this event, whether that
game plan is I'm gonna eatdinner before I go to the
(41:30):
dinner, or I'm going to, youknow, bring food with me, or I'm
gonna bring my own beverages.
And I think now that's becomepretty normal because so many
people do have foodsensitivities or food allergies,
or you know, don't drinkalcohol.
And so I think at this point insociety, that is so normal,
it's become normalized.
(41:51):
It's it's no longer like you'rethe weird person if you have to
bring your own gluten-freewhatever.
Like yeah, right.
So that's the good news.
That is good news.
Chaandani Khan (42:00):
Yeah, like for all of you who are entering this
space uh now, um, your path iscarved for you in means of
dietary um requests orrestrictions or preferences.
It's true, it's it's very muchnormalized, like just the
concept of having a differentdiet.
And you know, for someone witha brain injury who, like
yourself, maybe you're bringingyour own beverages, maybe
they're non-alcoholic, you'rebringing your own food, your own
(42:22):
snacks.
Um, you know, at this point,you could probably even tell
hosts, and people hostssometimes are asking too like,
do you have any preferences?
And it doesn't even require youto go down the whole, oh, I've
experienced a brain injury, I'mworking through it, etc.
It might just be like assurface level as okay, no
gluten.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (42:39):
That's it.
And I think one of the thingsthat has become more obvious for
a lot of my patients is thatbefore they had their brain
injury, maybe they couldtolerate sugar and it wasn't,
they didn't notice any illeffects from it.
And then after the braininjury, all of a sudden eating
sugar became a very obvioustrigger for them to have a
(43:03):
headache or to feel more brainfog or to feel horrible the next
day as far as energy levels.
And I think sometimes that's ahard connection for people to
make.
And maybe sugar is just anexample.
If we have an increasedpermeability of the blood-brain
barrier and an increasedpermeability of the gut barrier,
well, then we're probably goingto be much more sensitive to,
(43:25):
you know, sugar and alcohol andprocessed foods and just stuff
like that that maybe somebodydidn't quite notice ill effects
from prior to their injury.
And now those things are reallyproblematic.
Chaandani Khan (43:39):
It is.
It absolutely is.
And I'm so glad to hear justhow you broke that down because
so many people don't know aboutany of what you just shared.
They don't know about the bloodbrain barrier, they don't know
about the gut brain access, theydon't know these things.
And I was one of those people,you know, after my injury, it's
something that I learned afterbeing, after struggling, after
feeling challenged, afterdigging myself into the
concussion space, after, youknow, meeting with some
(44:00):
incredible professionals.
These are things that I startedto take on and learn.
And now I kind of tuck thoseaway, and those are my fun facts
that I'll just like drop onpeople sometimes.
I'm like, did you know?
Um, but but it's so importantthat, you know, your people, I
think if someone doesn't comefrom a sporting background or a
medical background, um, nor havepeople in their lives in those
spaces, they perhaps just arenot as aware of the brain's
(44:23):
connection to the entire bodybeyond the brain controls
everything we do, right?
But when you actually have aninjury, it's something that just
really puts the brakes on yourlife and forces you at a certain
point to kind of look at thesethings under a magnifying glass.
And if something isn't working,generally also as you know, in
this space, if people arechronic, if their symptoms are,
you know, lasting longer than afew weeks to a few months, um,
(44:44):
you you kind of become a littledesperate to start understanding
what's going on and what can Itake on.
And so people go down this, youknow, research rabbit hole, if
you will.
But for others who haven't donethat, it's so important to hear
what you're sharing.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (44:58):
This was part one of my conversation with
Chondani Khan about not justsurviving the holidays, but
thriving during the holidayseason.
Please join us next week forthe second half of our
conversation, and we wish you avery happy holiday.
If you have a holiday survivaltip you'd like to share, please
email us at lifeafterimpact atgmail.com.
(45:21):
And the one gift I would loveto receive for this holiday is a
review of our podcast on yourfavorite streaming platform.
Thanks for listening to LifeAfter Impact, the Concussion
Recovery Podcast.
Medical disclaimer.
(45:42):
This video or podcast is forgeneral informational purposes
only and does not constitute thepractice of medicine or other
professional healthcareservices, including the giving
of medical advice.
No doctor-patient relationshipis formed.
The use of this information andmaterials included is at the
user's own risk.
(46:02):
The content of this video orpodcast is not intended to be a
substitute for medical advice,diagnosis, or treatment, and
consumers of this informationshould seek the advice of a
medical professional for any andall health related issues.
A link to our full medicaldisclaimer is available in the
notes.
One of the things that has become more obvious
for a lot of my patients is thatbefore they had their brain
injury, maybe they couldtolerate sugar and it wasn't
they didn't notice any illeffects from it.
And then after the braininjury, all of a sudden eating
sugar became a very obvioustrigger for them to have a
(00:20):
headache or to feel more brainfog or to feel horrible the next
day as far as energy levels.
If we have an increasedpermeability of the blood-brain
barrier and an increasedpermeability of the gut barrier,
well, then we're probably goingto be much more sensitive to,
you know, sugar and alcohol andprocessed foods and just stuff
like that that maybe somebodydidn't quite notice ill effects
(00:43):
from prior to their injury.
And now those things are reallyproblematic.
Welcome to Life After Impact,the Concussion Recovery Podcast.
I'm Dr.
Ayla Wolf, and I'll be hostingtoday's episode where we help
you navigate the oftenconfusing, frustrating, and
overwhelming journey ofconcussion and brain injury
(01:04):
recovery.
This podcast is your go-toresource for actionable
information, whether you'redealing with a recent
concussion, struggling withpost-concussion syndrome, or
just feeling stuck in yourhealing process.
In each episode, we dive deepinto the symptoms, testing,
treatments, and neurologicalinsights that can help you move
(01:24):
forward with clarity andconfidence.
We bring you leading experts inthe world of brain health,
functional neurology, andrehabilitation to share their
wisdom and strategies.
So if you're feeling lost,hopeless, or like no one
understands what you're goingthrough, know that you are not
alone.
This podcast can be your guideand partner in recovery, helping
(01:44):
you build a better life afterimpact.
Chaandani Khan, welcome backto Life After Impact.
It's so good to see you again.
Thank you.
It's always great chatting withyou.
Chaandani Khan (01:58):
Yeah, what's new since I talked to you last?
What's new?
What a question.
There are so many things sincewe spoke last as I had a really
packed uh summer season.
Um, just a lot of excitingbusiness building, um, some
pivots in what I'm doing aswell.
On a personal level, um, youknow, it was so busy.
I did a little bit of travel,so I got to go to New York,
(02:20):
which is really nice, and acouple other smaller local
trips.
So I've just been on the gosince we chatted last.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (02:27):
And how'd you do with New York?
I know that can be a bit of asensory overload.
Chaandani Khan (02:32):
New York is definitely sensory overload, I
think, for a lot of people,whether you are functioning um
in a neurotypical way or or in aneurodiverse way as well.
Um, I, you know, if I practicewhat I preach, I have all my
strategies stacked up.
So I felt pretty good when Iwas there.
Um, but I definitely did havesome moments where I thought
about uh the times when I wasreally in the depths of my
struggle years ago and how thatwouldn't have been possible for
(02:55):
me to just walk down the streetand and feel like anything in my
system was relaxed and calm andsafe.
Um, so it was actually I didactually specifically have a
couple of moments there where Ijust really recognized how great
things are for me right now andin my system and in my my space
of recovery.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (03:13):
Well, and that's one of the reasons why I wanted
to uh do this particular episodewith you today, because I feel
like you would have a lot ofinsights into our topic, which
is uh surviving the holidays,where we often are doing more
than we're used to, oftencommitting to more social events
and putting ourselves in placeswhere there's going to be a lot
(03:35):
of people, a lot of noise, alot of lights.
And so I thought it would begreat to do an episode that is
not just a holiday uh survivalepisode, but a thrival episode.
Chaandani Khan (03:47):
I love that.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (03:48):
A thrival.
Oh my gosh, that's so cute.
I'm going to borrow that word.
Please do, please do.
So uh so this is our holidaythrival episode.
And I figured we could um maybestart out by talking about just
planning, right?
So planning ahead.
And I know it can be easy tosay yes to everything or feel
(04:08):
like we have to do everything.
So one of the things that Ithink would be a good thing to
keep in mind is choosing yourevents wisely, right?
Yeah.
And so not feeling obligated toattend every single gathering,
but maybe picking the ones thatmatter the most emotionally.
Like who are the people thatyou really want to see or spend
(04:29):
time with, as opposed to feelingobligated to just do everything
that comes your way.
Chaandani Khan (04:36):
Yeah, I think that's such a great point.
And this is this is actuallyadvice that, you know, people
who are neurodiverse orexperiencing neurodiversity
definitely will uh resonate withthem, but also people who are
not.
I think this is just solidadvice anyway, just to really
anchor into what will move theneedle forward most for you
emotionally, is so to say.
What's going to feel the best,what's going to light you up the
(04:57):
most?
You know, if we hyper focus onthe concept of brain injury and
overstimulation and all thesedifferent things that we can
struggle with.
I think really, again, justleaning into what lights me up
the most in this moment is agreat space to be in.
It definitely involves amindset shift.
Um, but when you're able to dothat for yourself, everything
becomes a little bit easieraround you.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (05:19):
Yeah, for sure.
And I know for me, it is easyto kind of like what how do I
want to say it?
I I think that I'm alwayscapable of just adding more and
more and more to my plate.
Um and then all of a suddenit's like then you realize,
oops, I just stepped over myedge, right?
And so that's it.
Chaandani Khan (05:40):
And especially for people who have, you know,
you and I share this, this uminner A-type, or maybe I
sometimes refer to myself aslike a recovering A-type, which
is not a dirty word.
Really, it isn't.
Like I, it's something thatI've always loved.
Um, and I say with a with prideand with support for.
Um, but when you have thattendency and then have an
injury, and then you recover,it's very easy to go back into
(06:02):
that tendency, or just to say,this is my set point, this is
the familiar, this is how I'vealways shown up.
So I like what you're saying.
I think it makes a lot ofsense, and just actively
choosing um what to partake inis really important.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (06:14):
And then the the follow-up to that in terms of
like sometimes we could set atime limit on, okay, I have to
go or I I feel like I have to goto this event, or I want to go
to this event.
Maybe I put a time limit on howlong I'm gonna be there.
Chaandani Khan (06:30):
Yes, yeah.
It is the concept of just kindof re-exploring what that could
look like.
Maybe you can attend the twoevents that you have that week,
but maybe you just need to shifthow you're doing it.
I think that this involves alittle bit of creativity as well
as some flexibility and mindsetagain.
Just saying, you know, perhapslike in my old self or before I
felt the way that I feel rightnow, I would have gone to the
entire events.
(06:50):
They're four hours each,they're 10 hours each, you know.
Um, but just you still can bethere.
It's just how does that look?
Dr. Ayla Wolf (06:57):
Yeah.
And so I you're from Canada,but in Minnesota, we have this
concept called the Minnesotagoodbye.
I would like to know what thisis.
Okay, so this is basically whenyou're ready to leave, you feel
obligated to say goodbye toevery single person at the
event.
Chaandani Khan (07:15):
Okay, so then I have that inside me.
Like that is me in theMinnesota goodbye.
I had no idea.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (07:21):
Yeah, and so before you know it, like you're
you're you hit your your limit,you're ready to leave, and then
all of a sudden you're there anhour and a half later because
you then had to have aconversation with every single
person in the room your way outthe door.
Chaandani Khan (07:36):
You know what?
That is very solid advice toavoid the Minnesota goodbye, to
sit with yourself probablybefore you go into the event and
really just set your mind onwhen I'm ready to leave, this is
the process I will follow, orat least have some kind of a
framework of what that lookslike.
Yeah.
I didn't know it was calledthat.
Now I know I feel seen.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (07:54):
I have a friend who this back when I was living
in Oregon, he was notorious forshowing up to a party and then
disappearing.
And he he was like the oppositeof the Minnesota goodbye.
And so you never knew.
It was always like, oh, where'dhe go?
Where is he?
Oh, I guess he and it's youknow, I so I think that maybe we
should embrace the the oppositeof the Minnesota goodbye and
(08:16):
just practice a disappearing actand be okay with that.
Chaandani Khan (08:20):
You know what?
You're not wrong on that.
And you know what?
To be very honest, that issomething that okay, so my
natural set point is apparentlynow I know the Minnesota
goodbye.
That's how I used to operate.
Um, but since my brain injury,I've really I've done a deep
dive into into boundaries andinto mindset and into just
re-exploring how I show up.
And so, I mean, I am a personthat nowadays at least I do
(08:40):
attend a lot of events.
Um, and so I am frequentlyaround a high volume of people.
I'm probably speaking with alot of them.
And I have to say that I'veI've done pretty well in means
of deciding internally.
I'm like, okay, well, you know,it's time to wrap my night up.
And the people I'm talking toin the immediate group, I'll,
you know, wish a good night,maybe just kind of make eye
contact across the room, buy itwas nice talking, and then, you
(09:01):
know, see myself out.
So it's kind of it's kind of ablend of those two worlds, but
but it definitely does takeintention for me to do that
because it's so easy just to popby and especially if you're
networking, you know, running, Irun a business.
So you're networking and youwant to say, hey, it was great
chatting with you.
Let's, you know, let's connecton Wednesday or you know,
whatever it is.
So exactly.
Yeah.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (09:21):
And for I mean, for me, I always do well with
one-on-one.
And so if I am in an event likethat, I think it's helpful for
me to maybe see it as anopportunity to say a quick hello
to somebody and then use thatopportunity to be like, oh, and
you and I should get together ata later date, just the two of
us, where there's not like allthis chaos happening.
Chaandani Khan (09:42):
That's a great way to do it as well.
I mean, I mean, to be honest,like even getting together with
somebody without all thebackground noise and chaos, like
that's just a betterconversation, probably.
At least I could say um you'duse energy more efficiently and
perhaps be able to dive in alittle bit deeper, remember
things a little bit better.
There's a lot to be said aboutthat.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (10:01):
Yeah, yeah.
Especially for people like uswho maybe aren't super
interested in just having abunch of shallow surface level
conversations with you.
Chaandani Khan (10:09):
You know what?
You say that, and I absolutelygrin because I was just speaking
with somebody else who's also asurvivor, uh, very
high-functioning individual.
Um, she's a keynote speaker inthe brain injury space as well.
We were just speaking yesterdayand we just had a little giggle
over that exact concept.
So feeling feeling really seenin that.
Um, you know, and and along thelines of um of kind of mentally
(10:31):
preparing yourself for yourdeparture, mentally preparing
yourself to be at this event,another idea uh is to kind of
communicate ahead of time withthe host, maybe either what your
needs are or what your timeframe is, just so that kind of
helps to relieve a bit of likeanxiety or pressure that you're
feeling and also setexpectations for others.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (10:49):
Yeah.
And if you are going to anevent where there is a host that
you are close with or that youknow well, maybe as you're doing
your non-Minnesota goodbye, yousay goodbye to the host, and
then they can now be yourspokesperson for saying, Oh
yeah, they they left already.
Chaandani Khan (11:05):
That that is a powerful strategy, yes,
completely.
At least when the host knows,and if someone is looking for
you, that's fantastic.
The host can inform them.
Um not that it's not that it'sthe onus is on them to do so,
but at least they're aware ofwhere you are.
Yeah.
Um yeah, and I, you know, Ithink you and I had spoken and
you'd mentioned how importantwording can be um when you're
communicating with anybody, butespecially in this case,
(11:26):
communicating with the host.
Did you want to share somethoughts that you have on that?
Dr. Ayla Wolf (11:31):
Yeah, I I think one of the things I pay
attention to, especially whenI'm working with my patients in
the clinic, is I'm I'm payingattention to how people are
phrasing things.
And I think that for mepersonally, when I use a phrase
like instead of I have a braininjury, to say a phrase like I'm
(11:51):
recovering from a brain injury,it leaves room for for the it
leaves room for recovery, itleaves room for the hope, it
leaves room for the fact thatimprovements are happening
rather than having kind of anidentity that says, I am
injured, right?
Or I have a brain injury, Ijust like to use a phrasing that
(12:12):
doesn't necessarily create anidentity around being stuck, but
an identity around I'm workingthrough this.
And so I sometimes thatphrasing, even though it may be
subtle, I think it's profound inthe way that we are wiring
pathways in our brain and theway that we're thinking about
things and the way that we'recommunicating things.
(12:34):
Uh, and so that's just one ofthe things I like to throw out
there to you know the patientsthat I work with as well.
Chaandani Khan (13:51):
I love that.
And I think it's reallyimportant, like what you're
sharing from an innerself-dialogue perspective, as
well as when you're speakingexternally to others.
I just want to echo what yousaid about really the body is
always listening to us.
And so, whatever you're feedingit, our subconscious is just
constantly receiving and saying,Great, I hear you, I'm going to
pull that into my existence,right?
Just to take this like a leveldeeper.
(14:12):
Um, and so to your point, likewhether you're sharing with
others externally and reallyjust helping them to understand
that I'm in a period ofrecovery.
Maybe you don't have to say,This is what it looks like or
this is my end date, because youdon't know those things.
But you know, let them know.
And your body is also listeningto everything you say.
And, you know, it might soundlike the most granular,
smallest, silliest thing to somepeople, depending on your
(14:33):
mindset, depending on where youare in your recovery.
But genuinely, these things alldo add up and and they do make
a difference overall.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (14:39):
Yeah, I remember one time my mom coming up to me
and saying, you know, I justrealized that I have spent the
last 20 years of my life saying,I have insomnia.
And so she kind of had thisepiphany of like, man, I've been
telling myself I have this,right?
Yeah, right.
He just literally that one daywas like, I'm never saying those
words again.
(14:59):
Like, I'm not gonna say that.
Chaandani Khan (15:00):
I love that.
Was that after speaking withyou?
Was that a conversation you hadwith her?
I wonder if you just naturallyyou show up this way and she
kind of picked that up in aconversation or just the way you
were speaking.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (15:10):
I don't, I don't think so.
I won't, I'm not gonna takecredit for that one, but I do
remember her saying that aftershe intentionally stopped saying
and telling herself on a dailybasis that she has insomnia,
she's like, My sleep actuallygot better when I stopped
telling myself this every singleday.
Chaandani Khan (15:26):
It's so true.
And I mean, oh my gosh, thereare things like neurolinguistic
programming, there's loopaffirmations, there are there
is, you know, universal lawsbehind this we could dive into.
Perhaps we'll stay on track fortoday's purposes, but but
really, you know, it is, I mean,or not.
Let's just see where we go,right?
Absolutely.
Um, but but but really there'sso much behind what you're
(15:46):
saying.
And I just really want to likeagain like highlight this point
for anybody listening who'sworking through a brain injury,
regardless of if you're at, youknow, the early, like you're
early into it, whether you'vebeen at it for years in your
recovery, it is so important.
And it's not something that youjust, it's not a strategy you
just use and you instantlyreceive gratification and you
instantly see a difference in,but very much over a period of
(16:07):
time.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (16:08):
Yeah, yeah.
I would agree with him.
And yeah, it's definitely um aphilosophy that can be can be
applied to all areas of life,um, whether you're talking about
money or anything, right?
Um, we we could dive deep.
I sense another episode coming.
Chaandani Khan (16:24):
Um on the note of events, there's something
that is really important.
This is something that I stillvery much actively need to talk
to myself and tell myself andintentionally choose to do the
strategy.
But scheduling rest daysbetween events.
This is something that iscritical to be able to show up
(16:44):
as your fullest self and alsonot totally get to the end of
your energy and then justexhaust yourself for days after.
Um, you know, referring to themas neuro recovery days.
I think this is something youcould speak to a little bit as
well.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (16:58):
You know, I think this is one of those things
that almost happensunconsciously in my mind, where
if I know, like for example, um,you know, my sister's planning,
we have a book club that we'rein that she started like 16
years ago.
And so we always do a holidaybook club event.
And so I actually have to seepatients that entire day, which
(17:19):
is gonna mean that I'm gonnadrive 40 minutes to work.
I'm gonna see patients back toback all day long, and then I
have to drive an hour and 40minutes right to her house to
get there late for book club,and then I'm probably gonna stay
the night.
And so already in my brain, I'mlike, ooh, that's gonna be a
long day.
Chaandani Khan (17:38):
Yeah, I mean, you're saying that, and I'm just
like catching my breath alittle bit for you.
One, because I totally relatewith taking that kind of a day
on, but also two, because thatis a long day and you don't have
that critical downtime, thatcritical rest period in between.
Even if it's if it's 15 minutesof rest or silence or just like
a calm environment.
Um, yeah, so I'm I'm catchingmy breath for you.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (17:58):
Well, and sometimes when I I need a moment
like that, even if I'm in thecar, I will just I mean, I live
out in the country, so the driveis gonna be lovely.
Okay, that's nice.
Um, and so sometimes I do justturn the radio off, I turn the
podcast off.
I I literally just drive insilence and focus on my
breathing and take that minuteof okay, let's just like have no
(18:21):
nothing external stimulatingour brain other than just
driving through the country.
Chaandani Khan (18:26):
So yes, no, that sounds like a really good
reset.
Um, just a note on that piece.
Um, you know, I I am reallyglad to hear that that is
something for your system wherethat is peaceful and that's not
full downtime, but but prettyclose to it, it sounds like
you're able to strip away theexternal stimuli.
Um, just a note for otherpeople, um, myself, for example,
driving was a task that wasextraordinarily challenging and
(18:49):
really just zapped my energy tothe point where, you know,
again, when I was in the pit ofmy of my experience and the pit
of my recovery, so to say, um,you know, there were a lot of
times where I wouldn't drive avehicle because I didn't feel
safe.
I didn't feel that I had enoughwithin me to be able to operate
that vehicle.
Um, so this just also just goesto say, you know, how
subjective the experience can beand how, you know, perhaps if
(19:10):
somebody lives in a similar areato you, maybe that is something
that they could try as well onthose, on those days.
I um again, the concept ofscheduling rest days between
events.
I'm thinking about my upcomingholiday season, which for me I
celebrate Christmas.
Um, and you know, I was justtalking to my partner about this
yesterday and saying, I haveoverscheduled, hard stop.
(19:31):
I need to, I need to bake somerest periods, some downtime into
what we're doing because it'sjust so full on.
Um, and so that's somethingthat I'm personally working on.
And just wondering,reenvisioning how this could
look because I don't want to.
I don't want to do that.
I want to show up, I want mystack days, I want to see all
the family members in threedifferent cities in a short
period of time.
(19:51):
Um, however, this is somethingthat you know I'm actively going
to uh work on as well.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (19:57):
Yeah.
Chaandani Khan (19:57):
And just see when and how I can do that.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (19:59):
Yeah, exactly.
And I think when you bring thatintention to it, uh it's then
then it's gonna happen, right?
If you don't intentionallyfocus on it, it's not gonna just
naturally happen.
Chaandani Khan (20:10):
Absolutely.
That like that's it.
Like a huge piece in braininjury recovery is learning that
skill of intentionality andlearning how how what that can
look like for you and how topull that into your experience.
Because you know, when you whenyou are in an experience of
your brain no longer operatingthe exact way that you always
knew it to, something has tochange.
Right.
And if you I I mean, in I willjust put myself out there and
(20:34):
say that for the first year, Iwas I struggled a lot and I
really fought against my brain.
And that didn't do me anyjustice, right?
So, you know, it's not if iffor people who are listening, if
it sounds like it's easy for meto say right now, it's it's
just that I've gone through itand have really reworked that
and heard from so many otherpeople who are in a space where
they are fighting it indifferent ways, but
(20:54):
intentionality is something thatcan really, really help.
Yeah.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (20:57):
And you've had those experiences where you
didn't listen and you thoughtyou could just push through it
and then you suffered the theconsequences after fact after
the fact.
Chaandani Khan (21:04):
Yes, yes.
I have deeply humbled myself ona number of occasions, and
that's exactly genuinely, eventhough I am so many years out,
this is something that I amcognizant of for me that I still
partake in is scheduling, youknow, downtime and rest periods,
just so that I can show up asmy fullest.
So it's still an act ofpractice for me.
I'm six and a half years out.
Um, just to, you know, sharewith others, like, you know,
(21:26):
hopefully you feel seen in inwhat I'm sharing and and what
you're sharing as well, Ayla.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (21:31):
Yeah, I think the place where I haven't done a
great job of that is a lot oftimes if I'm teaching a weekend
workshop, I will be trying tocram as many patients into my
schedule before I have to leavetown.
And so I'm like working,working, working, working, and
then also simultaneouslypreparing for the seminar.
And then by the time I get tothe seminar, I'm already feeling
exhausted and burnt out.
(21:52):
Absolutely.
A terrible feeling because Iwant to give these people who
are paying to hear me speak mybest, right?
And so, you know, movingforwards, like one of my kind of
resolutions, not necessarily anew year resolution, but just
one of my resolutions.
Okay.
You know, juggling a clinic anda teaching schedule, really
(22:17):
wanting to make sure that I canshow up when I have to teach and
feel like I am refreshed and Ido have energy and I'm not
showing up exhausted and burntout and frazzled and yes.
Chaandani Khan (22:28):
And and important to say that, you know,
when you are showing up, and Iknow that you are you are in a
you have an incredibly highcapacity, you are incredible in
the space, you lead a lot ofchange, a lot of thought, you
help others in so many differentways.
And it's important to say that,you know, when what you're
describing, I think a lot ofpeople do relate with, whether
they are they have the samelevel of capacity or if they
(22:49):
have a different capacity, butwhatever their body feels is a
lot for them.
You know, and it's just thisfeeling, and and I and I
understand it personally, thisfeeling of I can do it, I can
show up, I can have a smile onmy face, I can be charming and
delightful and educate people.
Um, but it's the way that youfeel inside.
And like I just want tohighlight that that's what
you're sharing.
If you know people arelistening and maybe they haven't
(23:09):
had our shared experience thatwe're talking about with brain
injury, it's it's that you cando these things and people can
see you in a certain way, butit's it's a mask that you know
we're putting on still indifferent ways to be able to
show up, to be able to serve,um, or even just to be able to
have a casual hangout with yourpartner on the couch after a
long day and and really bepresent in that moment.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (23:29):
Yeah, because wearing that mask is also work.
Chaandani Khan (23:32):
It takes work, it takes effort.
It's hard, it's hard work.
It's very hard.
It's those moments that, youknow, maybe you haven't, you
being Vu, being everyone,perhaps universally, maybe
someone hasn't, you know, theyhaven't balanced their day very
well, they haven't balancedtheir week very well.
And even wearing a mask, youget home, you take the mask off.
And for me, you know, I I trynot to do that too often, but
(23:53):
it's not perfect, right?
Like sometimes I do end updoing that.
And it's just this level ofweight that you feel, even when
the mask comes off.
Just because you're like, whoa,my whole system has been just
firing at every, every singlepart has been firing away, and
now I can breathe.
And it's almost more tiring inthat moment.
So, you know, bouncing backfrom that is a bit harder than
if you just have downtime andand really balance how your body
(24:16):
needs.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (24:16):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
I'm saying this publicly sothat I then have to stick to it,
right?
It's like the easier you tell,the more you're like, okay.
Chaandani Khan (24:26):
As soon as you said this is my resolution,
instantly, I was like, Oh, she'sholding herself to this for
sure now.
This is out.
Not only with me, but witheverybody listening.
Yeah.
So yeah.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (24:36):
I'm kind of notorious for having really
bizarre New Year's resolutions.
Um I come up with some prettyinteresting ones.
Chaandani Khan (24:44):
Okay, listen, here's the thing is we're we're
talking on your podcast.
Part of me was just like, okay,give me a really weird one.
But I don't know that I'll putyou on that spot.
We could also, you know, moveour conversation along.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (24:54):
We can, okay.
So I think one of the funniestones was I one day or like one
moment, I felt like I'm such arule follower.
So my New Year's resolution wasto just try to break a few
rules.
Like break a few more rules.
You know what?
Chaandani Khan (25:07):
I like that.
I like the for you.
It's like it's it's it's likeflexibility and mindset as well
that you're you're challenging.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (25:13):
Yeah, it's like you know, the court says no
public access.
Maybe I just cracked the dooropen.
See what's behind it.
Chaandani Khan (25:18):
And her life of crime begins.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (25:22):
Well, that was probably that was probably back
in like, I don't know, a coupleyears ago.
I I'm not in jail.
So uh we're good.
Chaandani Khan (25:30):
We're good.
I'm I'm teasing.
No, no, I mean what you'resharing, I think there are such
such manageable ways to do that.
And and I can see like theapplication to like more like
greater parts of your life aswell with doing something like
that.
And just it's reallychallenging yourself to think
outside the box in ways that youwouldn't normally.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (25:45):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
And I think one time I didactually crash a private party
at Prince's recording studio.
And so, and that's like one ofthe best stories I've ever had
in my life, right?
So I'm like, maybe I need tobreak more rules and just bring
a little bit more excitementinto my life.
Chaandani Khan (26:03):
Maybe and maybe excitement into the life of
others, right?
Like all those people, I'm surethey were so happy to receive
you.
They're like, Who is this?
Great, we're glad she's herenow.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (26:12):
I don't know about that.
Chaandani Khan (26:13):
I did get kicked out very politely.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (26:16):
Okay, okay.
Chaandani Khan (26:17):
Yeah, yeah.
Doesn't mean they didn't enjoythe interaction, even if they're
asking you to leave, right?
Dr. Ayla Wolf (26:21):
That's right.
That's right.
Um yes, but anyway, okay, somoving on.
Yeah, okay.
Yes, next, let's talk aboutmanaging the sensory load.
Because when when I thinkholidays, right, you think
bright lights, flashing lights,loud music, obnoxious music, all
the things.
And uh, when I was a teenager,I had a job at uh wrapping gifts
(26:46):
at the buckle.
And so I had to listen to likeholiday music playing on a loop
for eight hours a day as Iwrapped presents.
Uh yeah.
If that's not feeling, youknow, holiday or Christmas, I
don't know what is.
Right.
Yeah.
So and there was one particularannoying song that just every
time it came on, I was justokay, please, please, can we not
play this 20 times an hour?
(27:08):
But anyway, so um so avoidingsensory stacking uh in the sense
of if we know that we're goingto a place where there's a lot
of lights or sounds andconversation and people.
I know for me personally, ifI'm talking to somebody and I'm
having a hard time hearing themor I'm having a hard time
(27:29):
concentrating because there's somuch happening, I will
frequently say to that person,like, can we just step into
another room where it's a littlebit quieter?
Yes.
And I take myself out of thesituation where I know I'm not
how I'm not doing so well.
Chaandani Khan (27:43):
That's so smart.
And it also speaks to just howyou've gained this level of
comfort in asking for what youneed, which is so important in
the space.
It's a skill that I think itcomes over time and it does
involve intention.
Surprise, the word intentioncoming back for us again.
Um, and I think that's abeautiful strategy.
That's, you know, I I very muchrelate with what you're saying
(28:04):
as well, and I know a ton ofpeople listening do as well.
Just when you think about theholidays, it's true.
Like it's not just brightlights, it's flashing bright
lights, it's different colors oflights.
It's that stacks with with withmovement, with people around
the room, with laughing, withfood, with eating, with, you
know, with oh my gosh, all thesounds as well.
So that's a great strategy.
And I hope other people trythat out.
(28:24):
Um, what I do as well is if I'mtalking to somebody and you
know, maybe I'm further awayfrom a place that would be
quiet, I often say, Hey, can youjust come with me and I'll find
a wall and put myself against awall with my back against a
wall because that limits thesounds behind me.
Um, if there is a chance whenyou're coming into a space or
maybe a dinner or maybe anevent, and there is a chance to
sit in a chair with my backagainst a wall, I will always do
(28:47):
that.
And sometimes I will just soboldly ask someone, hey, like,
would you be open to meswitching seats with you?
I had a brain injury and Istruggle to hear.
And although there are morecomplex processes happening than
struggling to hear, quoteunquote, it's something short
and sweet that a lot of peopleare able to easily understand.
Absolutely.
And then, you know, make adecision of if that's okay to
switch seats, for example.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (29:09):
Yeah, and like you said, you just you kept it
brief, you kept it sweet, andmost people would not hesitate
to say, of course, I'd be happyto switch seats with you.
Chaandani Khan (29:18):
Exactly.
Or even if we're having a chat,like I'll just, I don't know, I
try to be kind of charmingabout it and giving my secrets
away.
Now, if people listen and I'mnetworking with them, they will
know what I'm up to.
But you know, I might say,like, we're in the middle of
chatting and I'll say, Hey, walkand talk with me.
And I just they're intrigued.
So we just we just drift intoyou know an area that's a bit
quieter and much like you'resaying.
Yeah, yeah, love it.
(29:39):
Um earplugs as well.
Though I I used to carry, I'mnot kidding you, three types of
earplugs with me to every eventthat I went to just because it
would give me the option.
They had, you know, varyinglevels of um, I guess you would
say like sound protection orbackground noise um canceling,
if you will.
And to be honest, you know, itwas to the point where I would
(30:01):
not leave the house, or if I hadleft the house and I'd
forgotten even one pair ofearplugs, then I would be late
going to the event.
I would take time, I would gohome, I would find them, I would
pack them, and then I wouldleave again.
Which, as you know, does it canchip away at your precious
energy source, especially whenyou're in a space of really
struggling in that way.
Um, but to me, it was just soworth it.
I would often wear um, Ipreferred um in-ear earplugs.
(30:23):
I won't give any names rightnow, but there are different
names that are really big on themarket.
Um, and I would usually justwear one in my ear at events
because it would, in my the waythat I would describe it, it
would cut background noiseenough so that I was able to
just focus with my one ear.
The only thing is that itworked really well for me
personally, just with how, youknow, I was struggling in really
(30:43):
chaotic, noisy environments.
Um, but when speakingone-on-one, it was a little bit
more challenging to speak withsomebody and I would find myself
turning my ear to them, whicheventually I just gave into.
And I was like, you know what?
I can't hear that well.
Can I so if I'm leaning intoyou with my ears, I'm just
really focusing on what you'resaying.
Again, another strategy.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (31:02):
I think that's a great one.
And I know some people also llike to use just tinted lenses,
what you know, wear glasses thatjust And everybody has a unique
preference for what color lensseems to give them the most
sense of relaxation.
I know for some people, greenworks great, for other people,
the rose tinted or the red couldtinted.
(31:23):
Um, but so that's right.
For some people, just kind ofremoving a certain wavelength of
light, just filtering outcertain light, is enough to just
uh get a little bit more of arelaxation effect into their
nervous system in a place wherethey're already feeling
overstimulated.
Chaandani Khan (31:39):
Exactly.
And this is something that Ithink more people need to know
about because you know, I what Iknow now, of course I wish I
knew then when I was strugglingthe most, but there were a lot
of gaps in in my treatment plansand my recovery.
And I really could have usedsome type of lenses, like cloudy
days, cloudy days when it'sjust overcast but really bright
outside, those were soexhausting for me.
(32:00):
Like I would just be flattened.
And, you know, now I realize alittle bit more about the visual
system and tinted lenses andall they could do for you.
Yeah.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (32:08):
And I think, you know, obviously where I live,
there's lots of snow.
And so when you have the whitesnow and the sun glaring off
that snow, I've also done a lotof research into just sunglasses
in general.
And there is a big differencein the quality of polarized
lenses in terms of how well theywork and help your eyes to
(32:28):
relax.
And sometimes, you know,certain brands or less expensive
brands might not actually beworking as well.
And they might cause you tostill have some eye strain that
could be relieved by a higherquality lens.
So the quality of the lensreally does matter, especially
when you're trying to cut out alot of that glare.
Chaandani Khan (32:49):
It really, really does.
It makes a difference.
And I, you know, when you talkabout polarized lenses, I even
think back to growing up.
I for some reason I had a lotof friends who are lifeguards
and um they would wear polarizedlenses when they were working.
And even, you know, in thatcase, they weren't working
through a brain injurynecessarily, but they saw a
great, a great difference intheir energy and their eye
strain and their ability toactually do their job for eight
plus hours a day and you know,be under the sun at water and
(33:11):
such.
And I think that is such agreat tip for people who live in
snowy environments.
To your point, um, yes, theycan definitely, they generally
are more expensive.
But if someone is able to, ifyou're able to kind of pick and
choose types of tools that werereally meant for your brain
injury, um, that I think that'sa really important one.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (33:30):
Yep, for sure.
And then you kind of alluded tothis one already, but one of
the tips is this idea ofpositioning yourself
strategically.
So whether that means if you'rein a room, like you said, you
put your back against the wall,all of a sudden there's not a
bunch of sound coming frombehind you.
Um but also I think for somepeople, like I had a patient who
(33:52):
um suffered from psychogenicseizures and flashing lights
were a trigger.
And so if she was out at arestaurant and they would have a
Christmas tree or somethingthat had lights on it and it was
flashing, she just knew rightout of the cage, like I should
not sit in a place where thattree is in my line of sight
because it's probably gonnatrigger a seizure.
(34:13):
And so even for people whomaybe it's not that extreme, but
they know sometimes you can sitsomewhere and just you're
immediately kind of irritated bywhat you're having, what what
is happening in front of you,right?
And that's it, yes.
And so again, going back to uh,you know, we talk about the
Minnesota goodbye.
There's also in Minnesota, wetalk about this Minnesota nice
(34:35):
thing where a lot of timespeople won't advocate for
themselves because they don'twant to appear rude.
And so I feel like I am uh I'vestruggled with that where I
don't want to appear rude bysaying, I can't sit here, or can
you turn your lights off, orcan you like, can you change
your environment for me?
Um and so I've kind of learned,I I think I learned this
(34:57):
behavior of let me just sit andsuffer through it.
And I think as I get older, I'mnow a little bit more uh
willing to say, let me just, I'mgonna change spots or I'm gonna
move or I'm gonna do somethingso that I'm not sitting here
feeling super irritated and asense like have sensory
overwhelmed because of thisflashing light that I have to
(35:17):
stare at from this particularscene.
Chaandani Khan (35:20):
Yeah.
No, absolutely.
And I mean, I'm so glad to hearabout that evolution that
you've experienced just in meansof social convention, in means
of you know, familiarity, inmeans of your own internal,
internal dialogue as well.
That's huge.
And that's something whethersomeone is, you know, in
Minnesota has grown up in or haslived in that type of
environment, or I think that'strue in a lot of different
(35:41):
cities, a lot of differentcountries.
This is something that, youknow, even you know, I'm yes,
Canadian, born and raised here,lived in, you know, however, um,
A, I've spoken to a lot ofpeople from a lot of different
areas of the world.
Um, B, I've I've traveled quitea lot in my life, and I see
this quite consistently that,you know, it's it's a way of
being polite.
You don't want to impose uponothers, right?
But enter brain injury into thechat, right?
(36:03):
Like this becomes a verydifferent conversation and a
very different topic.
And I often refer to, you know,when I had my brain injury
being being enrolled in what Icall boundaries 101 because
really, well, you're laughing,and you know, people on us
insiders, we know it's it justbrings a different lens on your
entire existence.
And it's kind of up to us toeither, you know, in these
(36:25):
moments like what you'redescribing, sitting in a room
with flashing lights or justfeeling so deeply irritated
because there's so muchstimulation around you and your
system's overloaded.
It just, it all of a suddenwith brain injury, it becomes a
question of, you know, well, uhprotecting yourself and your
needs, it's self-preservation ina sense, right?
And there are ways to havethose conversations with others.
(36:46):
There are ways to ask, but Ithink it starts with coming,
coming from within.
It starts with you finding away to be comfortable and in in
asking someone to switch seatswith you, or or maybe wearing
your tinted lenses in a publicspace, even though you're like
no one else is wearing green orred lenses.
I feel silly.
But just finding ways to say,like, hey, like this is what I'm
doing.
And to me, that lumps under thelumps, it can be lumped under
(37:09):
under the category of boundarieswhere you're like, I want to be
in this space.
What's happening is not okayfor my system.
I am going to do XYZ to be ableto change this for myself.
Absolutely.
And it's not something thathappens overnight.
It, you know, really makes methink about, you know, for the
first year and a half, twoyears, I had an extraordinarily
(37:29):
hard time putting to words allthat I was experiencing.
The levels of loss, the levelsof struggle, you know, and I was
constantly having to check inwhether it was with doctors or
well-meaning friends and lovedones, right?
Saying, like, how are youtoday?
And I'd be like, oh, not good,but I wouldn't really go into
it.
And then one day it was a verydistinct moment.
I was sitting at my at thekitchen table and I just had
(37:52):
this moment where I was tryingto do a little bit of
journaling, although I couldn'twrite very well either after my
brain injury.
I had a lot of spelling errors,etc.
And I just had this momentwhere I thought, no, I I am no,
I'm just not doing this anymore.
The next time someone asks mehow I am, I choose in myself to
be very honest.
And if that makes themuncomfortable, I'm okay with
(38:14):
that.
That's not my purpose to makethem uncomfortable, but I
actively choose to speak mytruth.
And I'm not kidding, it verymuch happened like that one day.
And I just did.
And I did see, you know, whensomeone asked me how I was, I
was like, actually, I've had uma headache for five days
straight.
Um, I've only eaten like acouple fruits because I can't
remember how to cook.
I'm forced to drive to a lot ofappointments, but sometimes I
(38:35):
can't remember what a green orred light means.
Um, and I have anxiety.
And that was, you know, a goodfriend.
And, you know, keeping in mindthe concept of emotional dumping
and such and sharing and likewhere that where that lays.
Um, but just being able tospeak so honestly and share
things like that really changeda lot internally in showing up
for myself in the ways that Ineeded.
And again, not emotionallydumping.
(38:56):
But that was just sort of mygateway into being like, oh my
gosh, I can share these reallyhard things that I've been
hiding for so long.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (39:03):
Yeah, because that's exhausting too.
When again, it comes back tothe idea of like having to wear
a mask can be so exhausting ifyou feel like you have to act
like everything's fine.
I'm gonna hide just howuncomfortable I am in in this
moment or in this day.
Chaandani Khan (39:17):
Right, exactly, exactly.
Um, you know, and so we'rewe're talking a lot about like
overstimulation and just beingaware of environments, and I
think we should segue into howto support your system.
Um, there are lots of differentways that, you know, when you
think about the holidays, youthink about attending events,
you think about being social.
Maybe it's social in a massive,you know, massive group, like
(39:39):
you're at a festival in yourcity.
Maybe it's social with having,you know, three friends in in
someone's home having a bookclub night or having some kind
of like a Christmas craft orholiday craft that you're
making, right?
Um, I know that you like youtalk often about food and
supplementing your system thatway.
Did you want to, did you wantto start us off?
Dr. Ayla Wolf (39:57):
Yeah, I mean, I think one of the things that was
helpful for me was the factthat I I needed to go
gluten-free a long time ago.
But when I did that, it startedto become so obvious to me,
just the the food industry as amarketing system that really
just takes advantage of everysingle holiday.
And so when you can't eat thepink cupcakes for Valentine's
(40:21):
Day and the green cupcakes forSt.
Patrick's Day and the bluecupcakes for Easter, whatever it
is, right?
It's like you start to justrealize wow, every single
holiday just becomes anopportunity for the food
industry to sell me somethingthat is um artificially colored
and completely sugar laden.
And since I was forced to giveall that up, I was kind of
(40:43):
grateful that I'm like, thisisn't even an option for me.
And I always actually developeda sense of um, I don't know if
pride is the right word, but Iwas, you know, a lot of people
say, oh, I've gained 15 poundsover the holidays.
And I never wanted to have ayo-yo diet and I never wanted to
have a yo-yo weight.
And so for me, the this wholeidea of just overindulging or
(41:08):
eating or drinking too muchbecause you've got celebration
after celebration, I knew thatmy body was just way too
sensitive and I didn't want toeven create that challenge in my
life.
And so for me, it was alwaysokay, how do I, how do I
modulate this?
Like I need a game plan goinginto this event, whether that
game plan is I'm gonna eatdinner before I go to the
(41:30):
dinner, or I'm going to, youknow, bring food with me, or I'm
gonna bring my own beverages.
And I think now that's becomepretty normal because so many
people do have foodsensitivities or food allergies,
or you know, don't drinkalcohol.
And so I think at this point insociety, that is so normal,
it's become normalized.
(41:51):
It's it's no longer like you'rethe weird person if you have to
bring your own gluten-freewhatever.
Like yeah, right.
So that's the good news.
That is good news.
Chaandani Khan (42:00):
Yeah, like for all of you who are entering this
space uh now, um, your path iscarved for you in means of
dietary um requests orrestrictions or preferences.
It's true, it's it's very muchnormalized, like just the
concept of having a differentdiet.
And you know, for someone witha brain injury who, like
yourself, maybe you're bringingyour own beverages, maybe
they're non-alcoholic, you'rebringing your own food, your own
(42:22):
snacks.
Um, you know, at this point,you could probably even tell
hosts, and people hostssometimes are asking too like,
do you have any preferences?
And it doesn't even require youto go down the whole, oh, I've
experienced a brain injury, I'mworking through it, etc.
It might just be like assurface level as okay, no
gluten.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (42:39):
That's it.
And I think one of the thingsthat has become more obvious for
a lot of my patients is thatbefore they had their brain
injury, maybe they couldtolerate sugar and it wasn't,
they didn't notice any illeffects from it.
And then after the braininjury, all of a sudden eating
sugar became a very obvioustrigger for them to have a
(43:03):
headache or to feel more brainfog or to feel horrible the next
day as far as energy levels.
And I think sometimes that's ahard connection for people to
make.
And maybe sugar is just anexample.
If we have an increasedpermeability of the blood-brain
barrier and an increasedpermeability of the gut barrier,
well, then we're probably goingto be much more sensitive to,
(43:25):
you know, sugar and alcohol andprocessed foods and just stuff
like that that maybe somebodydidn't quite notice ill effects
from prior to their injury.
And now those things are reallyproblematic.
Chaandani Khan (43:39):
It is.
It absolutely is.
And I'm so glad to hear justhow you broke that down because
so many people don't know aboutany of what you just shared.
They don't know about the bloodbrain barrier, they don't know
about the gut brain access, theydon't know these things.
And I was one of those people,you know, after my injury, it's
something that I learned afterbeing, after struggling, after
feeling challenged, afterdigging myself into the
concussion space, after, youknow, meeting with some
(44:00):
incredible professionals.
These are things that I startedto take on and learn.
And now I kind of tuck thoseaway, and those are my fun facts
that I'll just like drop onpeople sometimes.
I'm like, did you know?
Um, but but it's so importantthat, you know, your people, I
think if someone doesn't comefrom a sporting background or a
medical background, um, nor havepeople in their lives in those
spaces, they perhaps just arenot as aware of the brain's
(44:23):
connection to the entire bodybeyond the brain controls
everything we do, right?
But when you actually have aninjury, it's something that just
really puts the brakes on yourlife and forces you at a certain
point to kind of look at thesethings under a magnifying glass.
And if something isn't working,generally also as you know, in
this space, if people arechronic, if their symptoms are,
you know, lasting longer than afew weeks to a few months, um,
(44:44):
you you kind of become a littledesperate to start understanding
what's going on and what can Itake on.
And so people go down this, youknow, research rabbit hole, if
you will.
But for others who haven't donethat, it's so important to hear
what you're sharing.
Dr. Ayla Wolf (44:58):
This was part one of my conversation with
Chondani Khan about not justsurviving the holidays, but
thriving during the holidayseason.
Please join us next week forthe second half of our
conversation, and we wish you avery happy holiday.
If you have a holiday survivaltip you'd like to share, please
email us at lifeafterimpact atgmail.com.
(45:21):
And the one gift I would loveto receive for this holiday is a
review of our podcast on yourfavorite streaming platform.
Thanks for listening to LifeAfter Impact, the Concussion
Recovery Podcast.
Medical disclaimer.
(45:42):
This video or podcast is forgeneral informational purposes
only and does not constitute thepractice of medicine or other
professional healthcareservices, including the giving
of medical advice.
No doctor-patient relationshipis formed.
The use of this information andmaterials included is at the
user's own risk.
(46:02):
The content of this video orpodcast is not intended to be a
substitute for medical advice,diagnosis, or treatment, and
consumers of this informationshould seek the advice of a
medical professional for any andall health related issues.
A link to our full medicaldisclaimer is available in the
notes.
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