In this powerful episode, Toni's daughter Jess, a passionate youth worker at The Foyer, shares heartbreaking stories from the frontlines of youth accommodation support. She opens up about the struggles faced by young people who arrive in Australia from war-torn countries, only to have their parents deported upon arrival, leaving them to navigate life alone while fighting the system to bring their families back.
Jess also speaks candidly about her own past, including her experience with bullying at school, and how those difficult years shaped her empathy and commitment to helping others.
This is a raw and eye-opening conversation about youth homelessness, family separation, resilience, and the real-life impact of Australia's immigration system on vulnerable young people.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Every day brings a new story. The life isn't perfect,
but it's perfectly ours, with raw conversations, inspiring stories and
laugh until you cry moments we hit them. I unpack
it all and figure it out together, one episode at
a time. This is Life as we know it, Unfiltered
with Tony Tanalia and Lisa Cameron.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Our guest in this episode is my daughter Jess. Now,
if you have listened to past episodes, you'll know that
you know we've had our challenges over the years.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
These are some of the things that we talk about
in our episodes.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
In fact, if you missed the last episode with her,
when you get some time, please haven't listen to it
for now, please enjoy this one.
Speaker 4 (00:48):
So, Jess, you work at.
Speaker 5 (00:50):
The foyer, Yeah, tell us a little bit more about
what the foyer is and what you do there. Yeah.
Speaker 6 (00:55):
So at the moment, there's three Floyers in Victoria, in Shepperdon,
one in Glenn Waverley, and I work at the one
in broad Meadows. So it's basically like transitional housing. So
we provide housing support for young people between sixteen to
twenty four years old who have been through like some
form of hardship or like have experienced are at risk
(01:17):
of homelessness. And it's called the Education First Youth for
your so. I guess as the name implies, the purpose
is for them to focus on pursuing like full time
education while they're there. So it could be like finishing
high school, like doing a TAFE course, doing an apprenticeship.
That's not really limited to like what sort of education
they can explore, but while so, we do like casework
(01:41):
with them while they're there, and we focus on They
call it six service offers, so education, employment, housing and living,
social connections, civic participation, and I forgot the other one,
but whatever, you get the picture. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry,
if my boss ever listens to it, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
You've done well with somebody with ADHD.
Speaker 4 (02:04):
You got trying my best hang on.
Speaker 6 (02:11):
Yeah, So we do case work with them and yeah,
just support them with any needs like goals they might
want to pursue. Teach like yeah, housing and living skills
like I do a weekly Dungeons and Dragons group every
Thursday as well.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Do you know what you did too? They had a
spare room and you turned it into.
Speaker 6 (02:32):
What would you call it sensory room? Sensory room there
was just this little bland like meeting room that no
one ever used. So yeah, we made that into a
sensory room. There's pigeons living above it now, and I
think they're like dying, so it in the room, no,
like above the room, So it smells like corpse every
time you go in there.
Speaker 4 (02:51):
So it's kind of yeah, like you go in there
to calm down and like chill out and smell dead pigeons. Yeah,
so that's a bit grow.
Speaker 6 (03:01):
Oh my god.
Speaker 4 (03:02):
Yeah, but I mean the kids still use it like
it's a great, great space to be in.
Speaker 5 (03:07):
Okay, So you were saying that the kids that come
in they have generally gone through some sort of hardship.
What's the main sort of hardship that you see.
Speaker 6 (03:14):
We have a lot of like kids from refugee backgrounds
who have come over and like their family hasn't been
able to come over with them, so they're kind of
just wow.
Speaker 4 (03:21):
Yeah, catch on it.
Speaker 6 (03:23):
There's yeah, there's a few who have been trying for
like over three years to get their parents.
Speaker 5 (03:29):
How did they come over with the parents?
Speaker 3 (03:32):
How does that happen?
Speaker 4 (03:34):
Oh my god.
Speaker 6 (03:35):
Yeah, the way they process those applications. I assume that's
the main reason why they get in and their parents don't.
I know, there was one person who like their mum
was turned away, Like they arrived in Australia and their
mum was basically deported back.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
Oh my god. Yeah, how old was the kid?
Speaker 4 (03:50):
Like nineteen eighteen nineteen.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
You come into a country you don't know the language, yeah,
and you're on your own, Like we hate it, and.
Speaker 6 (03:57):
Like, yeah, this kid was like suffering from it, you know,
like having panic attacks, Like it would be fucking terrifying
and yeah, especially fleeing from like you know, war or
like dangerous.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Yeah, because you've already carrying that anxiety from being in
a war torn country.
Speaker 6 (04:12):
Totally knowing that your family is like still back there
and you're doing all you can as like pretty much
a kid, to try and get them over. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:20):
It's so tough.
Speaker 5 (04:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (04:22):
A lot of like refugees, like a lot of kids
that come from like the countryside and just move up
here because they've come from like abusive families.
Speaker 4 (04:30):
Like some of the shit we hear.
Speaker 6 (04:31):
Is like fucked.
Speaker 4 (04:32):
It makes me lose faith and like a lot of humanity.
Speaker 6 (04:35):
But I gain it back from like interacting with the
kids and shit, because they're all awesome, Yeah, and like
so strong considering the shit they've gone through, like just
such positive outlooks and like just willing to fucking give
everything a go.
Speaker 5 (04:46):
Yeah, it's so cool seeing the hardships that they've gone through.
Has that helped you in any way with your like
mental health challenges, like because it made you have give
yourself another perspective, a new perspective, you know, when you
see someone else who's in a worse situation than you
and your and you go, actually, maybe I'll get through
(05:07):
this or has has it.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
Been like that for you totally?
Speaker 5 (05:10):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (05:10):
I mean yeah, just adding that extra perspective kind of
like what I said before, like seeing the amount of
shit these kids have gone through and are actively trying
to manage and deal with, but they're still like attending
all their appointments, like getting into full time study, like
pursuing like jobs and careers that they really want to do.
Like we have a lot of kids who are studying nursing,
community services, like working with people, and like, yeah, it's
(05:36):
just crazy to me. I'm like, if these kids can
like do this while actively managing all this fucking shit
that they're going through in their lives. I've got no excuse, man, Like, yeah,
it's yeah, it is like inspirational. Not to sound like
fucking corny, yeah, but it is, like it's really inspirational.
Speaker 5 (05:51):
It would be totally because those sort of things really
do make you just go. You know, like I was
having a bit of a c this morning, and then
I just start thinking about other people in other situations,
and I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, I've really got a
good life here.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
Just hotally back it up a little bit, you know
what I mean.
Speaker 5 (06:10):
And that perspective really helps to actually deal with how
you're feeling totally, like not even to just invalidate your
own feelings, but just expand the viewpoint of like, oh
there are ways I can get around this, and you
just let myself purl up and like competty myself.
Speaker 4 (06:28):
Yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5 (06:29):
Because that's what can happen kind of you can just
really pity yourself. But then yeah, having the other perspective,
you're like, actually, it's not it's not that bad.
Speaker 4 (06:37):
Totally, yeah, I can get through it.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
So you obviously, having lived at the Foyer now working
with kids there as well, do you feel like what
you've gone through and what and how you've come out
of it that that's now helping the other kids, because obviously,
you know, like do they know that you used to.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Live there and because they connect with you really well,
don't they? Yeah?
Speaker 6 (07:04):
Yeaheah, And I'm really open with them about the fact
that I did used to live there. And like when
when I lived at the foyer, you know, interacting with
all the different workers, there were some that were very
much like kind of they would tell you what you
should be doing, or they'd be like, no, it's after
ten am, you can't have cereal. We put the breakfast
trolley away like that.
Speaker 4 (07:22):
Type of shit. And I was like, I was always like,
yet fucked like that way.
Speaker 6 (07:27):
Yeah, I'm like they're not there to like parent them
or dictate what they do or tell them you should
be doing this, you should be doing that. Where they're
to like encourage them to make their own decisions and
like support them with whatever goals or needs they might
need support with. And yeah, like I was so lucky
when I lived there. I had a fucking amazing youth worker.
I had to shout out to both of them. I
(07:49):
won't name them for confidentiality reasons, but yeah, I was
really lucky to work with like some really good youth workers,
and like just the way that they even just like
fostered like my creative passions. Like you know, one of
them would bring in like art supplies for me to
use and like take me to galleries and stuff and
like encourage me to apply. I think I applied for
(08:11):
like a Bachelor of Fine Arts at one point.
Speaker 4 (08:13):
I didn't get in. Yeah fuck VC eight you can
sorry or don't no, I fucking.
Speaker 6 (08:18):
See Yeah yeah yeah, but yeah, like just fostering an
environment where I can explore like all of my passions
and interests because even like back then, I was like,
you know, I can't do this.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
I'm broke.
Speaker 6 (08:30):
I had like minimal self belief and I'm like, oh,
I could try this, but I'd be shit whatever. And
just having someone just push you and be like, nah,
like give.
Speaker 5 (08:38):
It a go.
Speaker 6 (08:39):
You never know what's gonna happen, even if it's shit,
Just fucking give it a go anyway. Yeah, you know,
even if you're trying to write lyrics and you don't
know what to write, just just write about the fact.
Speaker 4 (08:47):
That you don't know what to write.
Speaker 6 (08:48):
Kind of thing, Like just having someone there to like
kick my ass and be like chill out, just give
it a go. Helped so much. So I try to
kind of bring that same approach in and not tell
the kids what to do, but be like, hey, if
you're going to smoke curones in your room, use the
stovetop fans so you don't get caught.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
Like you know, experience, because that's what I did.
Speaker 4 (09:08):
Yeah exactly, you.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Know, like, and yeah, just give me because the thing is,
at the end of the day, they're still going to
do it.
Speaker 4 (09:15):
Yeah exactly.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
You know. And like you said to not telling them
what to do, yeah, right, because you were.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Getting that at home.
Speaker 5 (09:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
Well, and that's some of the reasons you left.
Speaker 6 (09:25):
Yeah, And if I tell them don't go and smoke weed,
they're going to shut off from me. They're not going
to trust me. They're going to be like, oh, they're
going to be afraid that I'm going to judge them,
and they're not going to open up to me. Yeah,
not going to want.
Speaker 4 (09:34):
To work effectively with me. Yeah, it's not going to
be effective if they don't.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
So do you then get to a point where, rather
than say don't do this, you find another way to
encourage them not to do it. Do you word things differently,
like yeah, yeah.
Speaker 6 (09:49):
It's more you know, if the kid's going to go
out and like do graph pieces like around Broady.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
Or something, I'll be like, what's graph pieces?
Speaker 4 (09:56):
Like graffiti?
Speaker 6 (09:57):
Oh, chuck up big graffiti pieces and stuff you can like, hey,
that's super cool, Like you know it's a creative outlet
for you.
Speaker 4 (10:03):
But you just you know, you're like obviously just be
weary of.
Speaker 6 (10:06):
Like turf wars or you know what I mean, like,
don't go out and get stabbed, Like is it don't
go over someone else's peace.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
Like really yeah graffiti?
Speaker 4 (10:15):
Oh yeah totally, but it's more just the world.
Speaker 6 (10:19):
Yeah, it's more just like hey, like you can do
this with gangster just be aware of the risk associated.
But whatever you do, hell yah, like go for your
life as long as you're aware of the risk.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
And so you don't tell them not to do it. No, no, no, right, totally.
Speaker 3 (10:33):
Even though they shouldn't be doing it.
Speaker 6 (10:35):
Yeah, I mean, if it's something real narrowly, I'll be like,
I don't know about that, man, but like I can't
tell you what to do, but I can share my
own opinions, but I'm not going to tell them like,
don't do that, you should go and do this.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
Yeah fuck that.
Speaker 5 (10:47):
Yeah, that's the thing like with my son. So, I mean,
Tony knows about my middle son. We've we've had a
couple of years where it's just been like like I
broke down, you know, at the end of one of
the years, and but we've always parented him in that Okay,
if you're going to do that, these are the consequences. Yeah,
(11:09):
it's on you. So I'm not saying don't go and
do it. I'm just as a parent, I've got to
make you aware that if you get caught, you could
get arrested.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
Da da da, So.
Speaker 5 (11:20):
What are you going to do? And just leaving it
there with him, because he's a sort of kid that
if you say to him, don't do this, he'll just
punch a hole in the wall, He'll break through a window, whatever.
He will find a way to get out and go
and do it. So it's like, Okay, you're a free spirit,
you can choose what you want to do. But I'm
just letting you know. And I've also said to him,
(11:41):
I'm this sort of parent too that if you get
caught by the police, I'm not going to be going,
oh my god, that's my son. Please let him go
because it's on you. Yeah, right, you've got you have
to deal with it, So go out and do your thing.
And that's look, it's still it still had been very
hard parenting him because he is that sort of person
(12:02):
wants to get out and do stuff. But it's also
taken a lot of heat out as well, just saying
that's okay, if you're going to do X, there's a
I've let you know, go live your life now. So yeah, So,
I mean he's finding his way, like he's sort of
coming back around. And school was a big issue for him.
He just never felt like he fitted into the school system,
(12:23):
and he knew that from grade two. So it has
been a long few years of him trying to find
his way. He's out of trade school now and I've
never heard him say he enjoys going to school, and
he's saying that now.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
But that was like with Jess.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
So when Jess was doing year ten, because you were
bullied at school, this is something I didn't see. I
had no idea she was being bullied until I think
it was year eleven, and it was still year ten
maybe and then what had happened was we got to
the point where she wasn't turning out for maths class.
(12:58):
And then I remember one of you, was it the
year coordinator or somebody contacted me and yeah, and we
sort of sat down and we tried to try and
work at a plan.
Speaker 3 (13:08):
Like I said, I had.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
No idea she was being bullied, but you know, like
from what Jess tells me, like you know, the girls,
it was more the girls calling her a lesbian. So
she used to then just hang out with the boys,
boys in the band.
Speaker 6 (13:22):
Nowadays, if they called it that, mind you, I'd be like, hell, yeah, bitch,
I know, I'd hang out with all the music guys
because we're all in the same class, in the same class.
Speaker 4 (13:33):
We just jammed together and yeah, just chill.
Speaker 6 (13:35):
There are a few girls that would hang out with us,
but it was you know, primarily the sort of cliquy
like popular girls that yeah, you know and like teenagers
and decks too.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
True.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
So we worked out this plan.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
In the end, what we did we took Jess out
of high school and she then went to c AE,
which is the center of adult education. Right, so I
remember this as clear as thing. I don't know if
you remember this, but there was a you had to
do a speech in class, and you were taught it
was about the drug not not really really bit really
(14:14):
I can't say that for the mod you know, yeah, no,
but you know how they got the drug places you
can go in and shoot up and safe injecting, safe injecting.
So this was so you're you're telling me this. You
had to talk about that, or you you decided to
talk about that, and you were going on about how
it was a great idea, yes and the other and
all the students attacked her, yeah, and called her a
(14:34):
drug taking lesbian and all of this stuff.
Speaker 4 (14:38):
I guess there's a terminal endearment.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
So this was in year ten, year eleven, year ten. Yeah,
So anyway, we took her out of the high school
and we put her into c AE, and I remember,
as clear as anything, she rang me she had to
do a speech and she hadn't prepared for it because
she'd forgotten about it or whatever. So she did that
that topic, and I remember her ringing me after she'd
(15:03):
done it, being so excited because nobody called her a
drug taking lesbian or how to go at her. They
accepted her for what she was talking about now Cere's
she was probably the youngest in the class, won't you. Yeah,
one of the youngest.
Speaker 5 (15:20):
Yeah, it's because it's for adults doing each subjects.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
So yeah, yeah, and.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
I just remember that more and like I just remember
at the time thinking we should have taken her out
of high school years ago.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
Because she's too mature for what where she was.
Speaker 6 (15:37):
And then this like the schooling, the way they've set
it up, it's so linear and it's like it's designed
for like one type of brain.
Speaker 4 (15:45):
So even your Lisa like struggled with it.
Speaker 6 (15:48):
Yeah, it makes so much sense. Like most kids, if
not all that live at the Foyer for example, like
struggling with school, you know what I mean. I've dropped
out school, even all my colleagues, like, yeah, so many
people struggle.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
With You ended up then leaving CIA. So you didn't
even finish year twelve. Yeah, but what happened She was
doing music as a VCE.
Speaker 4 (16:09):
Subject be subject.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Yeah, so yeah, so it was English and English whatever
were your VCE subjects, And then you were doing music
as a VET subject. And I remember you had said
that they had asked her to do it full time.
And I remember going to meet with the lecturers at
Kangan Institute and talking about the course and what it
(16:32):
was about and all this sort of stuff. She hadn't
told them that I worked in radio and that, you know,
I knew a bit about music and you know, artists
who had tried to make it big.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
So selling this to me.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
And I was sitting and thinking, you don't know what
I do for a living. Then she came out with
this degree and she'ld be a musician and she can
do this and that and the o other. And I said,
I said to them, I said, did just tell you
what I do for a living? And they're like, no,
I said, I'm a music director at a radio station.
So I said, to sell to me that she can
have this career as a musician. I'm sorry, I see
(17:04):
the other end of it every day. But what ended
up happening, though, was she ended up going to Kangan
and did that cause full time because I just knew
because what had happened was when she was at home
going to high school, couldn't.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Get her out of bed to go to school.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Okay, Then when she started at CE, she was up
at like five o'clock in the morning, getting up, getting
ready to get into the city, and then because she
wanted to do music full time, that then started to
waive her off and so we ended up then making
a deal and I said, Okay, if you make sure
you get to school for this term whatever it was,
(17:38):
then I'll let you go and do music full time.
Because for me, at the end of the day, my
first reaction was, oh, fuck, she's not going to do
year twelve, she's not going to get her VCE.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
And that again that was you know, what are people
going to think?
Speaker 2 (17:54):
You know, it was all of that going on, and
then the end of it, hang on a second, what
the fuck am I doing?
Speaker 3 (17:59):
No? If I can get her out of bed and get.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
To school doing something she enjoys, yep, then that's what
we're going to do. Yeah.
Speaker 6 (18:05):
And it's funny too because when I did start studying
music full time, that was the longest travel I've ever done.
Yeah school, I traveled for like two and a half
hours sometimes more yep, to get to fucking broad matters
from Caroline Springs.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
Yeah, but like I.
Speaker 6 (18:17):
Would do it every day because I just loved Yep,
even for like a two hour class.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
She was a different person. Like I said, we lived
around the corner from high school. She's supposed to be
at school at nine o'clock and she was still in bed.
I couldn't get her out of bed. You know, it
made a huge difference.
Speaker 5 (18:30):
Yeah, yeah, that's what I think. I've never been a
fan of school. I just I didn't finish school. I
only turned up really because it was a social thing.
I did my work, but yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:42):
Totally, totally the best part of school.
Speaker 5 (18:45):
Absolutely, Like I'm still mate with my high school girlfriends,
and it was just a social event. And when I
got to year twelve, the essays, and I mean, I
feel like anxiety just thinking about it, and I'm like,
I do not want to be graded on this shit
in intense pressure situations.
Speaker 4 (19:05):
This isn't me.
Speaker 5 (19:06):
And I started thinking, no one is. No one's judging
me on, grading me on my kindness, my humor, my
social skills, none of that, All of that is just
out the window. And like what you're saying, school is
tended really or created really for one type of person.
And you see them all they get awards. I mean,
(19:26):
I remember when my son got his VCE, which minds you,
this is my oldest one. He just scraped in getting
that but all the kids that got up for awards,
they were all the same kids. So every award it
was like, Oh, that'll be that person again, and there's
just a group of them. They're celebrated. What about the
rest of the kids, who are they in the school environment?
(19:48):
You know, it's totally I see the point of it
for some people, but for others, I just feel that
there's too much pressure to have to finish it and
to be someone You're already someone.
Speaker 6 (20:01):
Yeah, people feel shame for not finishing school, but then
go on to like do an apprenticeship or like work
an awesome job that they don't need fucking BC for.
Speaker 5 (20:11):
You know what.
Speaker 6 (20:12):
It's like, there's no shame in dropping out of school
and pursuing something that you're actually interested in. There's so
many amazing careers you can do. I remember at one
point I was like going to do a chef's apprenticeship.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
You did you started.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
You started doing that at Westwaters, which is not far
from our place, And.
Speaker 6 (20:30):
I'm excited because I was like, Oh, this is like
a passport. I can go and do this anywhere. Yeah,
like just enjoyed cooking then, yeah I loved cooking. Yeah,
but like hospital is a bit intense, and I think
I just got over it.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Yeah, but it could have also been overwhelming at the
time without knowing why. Now that you've been diagnosed, now
you probably look back at that and go, Okay, I
felt like that because of that reason. Yeah, as opposed
to hate what I'm doing totally. You know you enjoyed
that episode with my daughter Jess. There's a lot that's
been covered there. There's another episode still to come.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
You've been listening to Life as we Know It Unfiltered
with Tony Tanalia and Lisa Cameron. If you liked this episode,
please leave us a review or drop a comment on
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(21:26):
us yet, catch up with you in our next episode.
Every day brings a new story. The life isn't perfect,
but it's perfectly ours, with raw conversations, inspiring stories and
laugh until you cry moments we hit them. I unpack
it all and figure it out together, one episode at
a time. This is Life as we know it, Unfiltered
with Tony Tanalia and Lisa Cameron.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Our guest in this episode is my daughter Jess. Now,
if you have listened to past episodes, you'll know that
you know we've had our challenges over the years.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
These are some of the things that we talk about
in our episodes.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
In fact, if you missed the last episode with her,
when you get some time, please haven't listen to it
for now, please enjoy this one.
Speaker 4 (00:48):
So, Jess, you work at.
Speaker 5 (00:50):
The foyer, Yeah, tell us a little bit more about
what the foyer is and what you do there. Yeah.
Speaker 6 (00:55):
So at the moment, there's three Floyers in Victoria, in Shepperdon,
one in Glenn Waverley, and I work at the one
in broad Meadows. So it's basically like transitional housing. So
we provide housing support for young people between sixteen to
twenty four years old who have been through like some
form of hardship or like have experienced are at risk
(01:17):
of homelessness. And it's called the Education First Youth for
your so. I guess as the name implies, the purpose
is for them to focus on pursuing like full time
education while they're there. So it could be like finishing
high school, like doing a TAFE course, doing an apprenticeship.
That's not really limited to like what sort of education
they can explore, but while so, we do like casework
(01:41):
with them while they're there, and we focus on They
call it six service offers, so education, employment, housing and living,
social connections, civic participation, and I forgot the other one,
but whatever, you get the picture. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry,
if my boss ever listens to it, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
You've done well with somebody with ADHD.
Speaker 4 (02:04):
You got trying my best hang on.
Speaker 6 (02:11):
Yeah, So we do case work with them and yeah,
just support them with any needs like goals they might
want to pursue. Teach like yeah, housing and living skills
like I do a weekly Dungeons and Dragons group every
Thursday as well.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Do you know what you did too? They had a
spare room and you turned it into.
Speaker 6 (02:32):
What would you call it sensory room? Sensory room there
was just this little bland like meeting room that no
one ever used. So yeah, we made that into a
sensory room. There's pigeons living above it now, and I
think they're like dying, so it in the room, no,
like above the room, So it smells like corpse every
time you go in there.
Speaker 4 (02:51):
So it's kind of yeah, like you go in there
to calm down and like chill out and smell dead pigeons. Yeah,
so that's a bit grow.
Speaker 6 (03:01):
Oh my god.
Speaker 4 (03:02):
Yeah, but I mean the kids still use it like
it's a great, great space to be in.
Speaker 5 (03:07):
Okay, So you were saying that the kids that come
in they have generally gone through some sort of hardship.
What's the main sort of hardship that you see.
Speaker 6 (03:14):
We have a lot of like kids from refugee backgrounds
who have come over and like their family hasn't been
able to come over with them, so they're kind of
just wow.
Speaker 4 (03:21):
Yeah, catch on it.
Speaker 6 (03:23):
There's yeah, there's a few who have been trying for
like over three years to get their parents.
Speaker 5 (03:29):
How did they come over with the parents?
Speaker 3 (03:32):
How does that happen?
Speaker 4 (03:34):
Oh my god.
Speaker 6 (03:35):
Yeah, the way they process those applications. I assume that's
the main reason why they get in and their parents don't.
I know, there was one person who like their mum
was turned away, Like they arrived in Australia and their
mum was basically deported back.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
Oh my god. Yeah, how old was the kid?
Speaker 4 (03:50):
Like nineteen eighteen nineteen.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
You come into a country you don't know the language, yeah,
and you're on your own, Like we hate it, and.
Speaker 6 (03:57):
Like, yeah, this kid was like suffering from it, you know,
like having panic attacks, Like it would be fucking terrifying
and yeah, especially fleeing from like you know, war or
like dangerous.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Yeah, because you've already carrying that anxiety from being in
a war torn country.
Speaker 6 (04:12):
Totally knowing that your family is like still back there
and you're doing all you can as like pretty much
a kid, to try and get them over. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:20):
It's so tough.
Speaker 5 (04:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (04:22):
A lot of like refugees, like a lot of kids
that come from like the countryside and just move up
here because they've come from like abusive families.
Speaker 4 (04:30):
Like some of the shit we hear.
Speaker 6 (04:31):
Is like fucked.
Speaker 4 (04:32):
It makes me lose faith and like a lot of humanity.
Speaker 6 (04:35):
But I gain it back from like interacting with the
kids and shit, because they're all awesome, Yeah, and like
so strong considering the shit they've gone through, like just
such positive outlooks and like just willing to fucking give
everything a go.
Speaker 5 (04:46):
Yeah, it's so cool seeing the hardships that they've gone through.
Has that helped you in any way with your like
mental health challenges, like because it made you have give
yourself another perspective, a new perspective, you know, when you
see someone else who's in a worse situation than you
and your and you go, actually, maybe I'll get through
(05:07):
this or has has it.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
Been like that for you totally?
Speaker 5 (05:10):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (05:10):
I mean yeah, just adding that extra perspective kind of
like what I said before, like seeing the amount of
shit these kids have gone through and are actively trying
to manage and deal with, but they're still like attending
all their appointments, like getting into full time study, like
pursuing like jobs and careers that they really want to do.
Like we have a lot of kids who are studying nursing,
community services, like working with people, and like, yeah, it's
(05:36):
just crazy to me. I'm like, if these kids can
like do this while actively managing all this fucking shit
that they're going through in their lives. I've got no excuse, man, Like, yeah,
it's yeah, it is like inspirational. Not to sound like
fucking corny, yeah, but it is, like it's really inspirational.
Speaker 5 (05:51):
It would be totally because those sort of things really
do make you just go. You know, like I was
having a bit of a c this morning, and then
I just start thinking about other people in other situations,
and I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, I've really got a
good life here.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
Just hotally back it up a little bit, you know
what I mean.
Speaker 5 (06:10):
And that perspective really helps to actually deal with how
you're feeling totally, like not even to just invalidate your
own feelings, but just expand the viewpoint of like, oh
there are ways I can get around this, and you
just let myself purl up and like competty myself.
Speaker 4 (06:28):
Yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5 (06:29):
Because that's what can happen kind of you can just
really pity yourself. But then yeah, having the other perspective,
you're like, actually, it's not it's not that bad.
Speaker 4 (06:37):
Totally, yeah, I can get through it.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
So you obviously, having lived at the Foyer now working
with kids there as well, do you feel like what
you've gone through and what and how you've come out
of it that that's now helping the other kids, because obviously,
you know, like do they know that you used to.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Live there and because they connect with you really well,
don't they? Yeah?
Speaker 6 (07:04):
Yeaheah, And I'm really open with them about the fact
that I did used to live there. And like when
when I lived at the foyer, you know, interacting with
all the different workers, there were some that were very
much like kind of they would tell you what you
should be doing, or they'd be like, no, it's after
ten am, you can't have cereal. We put the breakfast
trolley away like that.
Speaker 4 (07:22):
Type of shit. And I was like, I was always like,
yet fucked like that way.
Speaker 6 (07:27):
Yeah, I'm like they're not there to like parent them
or dictate what they do or tell them you should
be doing this, you should be doing that. Where they're
to like encourage them to make their own decisions and
like support them with whatever goals or needs they might
need support with. And yeah, like I was so lucky
when I lived there. I had a fucking amazing youth worker.
I had to shout out to both of them. I
(07:49):
won't name them for confidentiality reasons, but yeah, I was
really lucky to work with like some really good youth workers,
and like just the way that they even just like
fostered like my creative passions. Like you know, one of
them would bring in like art supplies for me to
use and like take me to galleries and stuff and
like encourage me to apply. I think I applied for
(08:11):
like a Bachelor of Fine Arts at one point.
Speaker 4 (08:13):
I didn't get in. Yeah fuck VC eight you can
sorry or don't no, I fucking.
Speaker 6 (08:18):
See Yeah yeah yeah, but yeah, like just fostering an
environment where I can explore like all of my passions
and interests because even like back then, I was like,
you know, I can't do this.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
I'm broke.
Speaker 6 (08:30):
I had like minimal self belief and I'm like, oh,
I could try this, but I'd be shit whatever. And
just having someone just push you and be like, nah,
like give.
Speaker 5 (08:38):
It a go.
Speaker 6 (08:39):
You never know what's gonna happen, even if it's shit,
Just fucking give it a go anyway. Yeah, you know,
even if you're trying to write lyrics and you don't
know what to write, just just write about the fact.
Speaker 4 (08:47):
That you don't know what to write.
Speaker 6 (08:48):
Kind of thing, Like just having someone there to like
kick my ass and be like chill out, just give
it a go. Helped so much. So I try to
kind of bring that same approach in and not tell
the kids what to do, but be like, hey, if
you're going to smoke curones in your room, use the
stovetop fans so you don't get caught.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
Like you know, experience, because that's what I did.
Speaker 4 (09:08):
Yeah exactly, you.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Know, like, and yeah, just give me because the thing is,
at the end of the day, they're still going to
do it.
Speaker 4 (09:15):
Yeah exactly.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
You know. And like you said to not telling them
what to do, yeah, right, because you were.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Getting that at home.
Speaker 5 (09:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
Well, and that's some of the reasons you left.
Speaker 6 (09:25):
Yeah, And if I tell them don't go and smoke weed,
they're going to shut off from me. They're not going
to trust me. They're going to be like, oh, they're
going to be afraid that I'm going to judge them,
and they're not going to open up to me. Yeah,
not going to want.
Speaker 4 (09:34):
To work effectively with me. Yeah, it's not going to
be effective if they don't.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
So do you then get to a point where, rather
than say don't do this, you find another way to
encourage them not to do it. Do you word things differently,
like yeah, yeah.
Speaker 6 (09:49):
It's more you know, if the kid's going to go
out and like do graph pieces like around Broady.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
Or something, I'll be like, what's graph pieces?
Speaker 4 (09:56):
Like graffiti?
Speaker 6 (09:57):
Oh, chuck up big graffiti pieces and stuff you can like, hey,
that's super cool, Like you know it's a creative outlet
for you.
Speaker 4 (10:03):
But you just you know, you're like obviously just be
weary of.
Speaker 6 (10:06):
Like turf wars or you know what I mean, like,
don't go out and get stabbed, Like is it don't
go over someone else's peace.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
Like really yeah graffiti?
Speaker 4 (10:15):
Oh yeah totally, but it's more just the world.
Speaker 6 (10:19):
Yeah, it's more just like hey, like you can do
this with gangster just be aware of the risk associated.
But whatever you do, hell yah, like go for your
life as long as you're aware of the risk.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
And so you don't tell them not to do it. No, no, no, right, totally.
Speaker 3 (10:33):
Even though they shouldn't be doing it.
Speaker 6 (10:35):
Yeah, I mean, if it's something real narrowly, I'll be like,
I don't know about that, man, but like I can't
tell you what to do, but I can share my
own opinions, but I'm not going to tell them like,
don't do that, you should go and do this.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
Yeah fuck that.
Speaker 5 (10:47):
Yeah, that's the thing like with my son. So, I mean,
Tony knows about my middle son. We've we've had a
couple of years where it's just been like like I
broke down, you know, at the end of one of
the years, and but we've always parented him in that Okay,
if you're going to do that, these are the consequences. Yeah,
(11:09):
it's on you. So I'm not saying don't go and
do it. I'm just as a parent, I've got to
make you aware that if you get caught, you could
get arrested.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
Da da da, So.
Speaker 5 (11:20):
What are you going to do? And just leaving it
there with him, because he's a sort of kid that
if you say to him, don't do this, he'll just
punch a hole in the wall, He'll break through a window, whatever.
He will find a way to get out and go
and do it. So it's like, Okay, you're a free spirit,
you can choose what you want to do. But I'm
just letting you know. And I've also said to him,
(11:41):
I'm this sort of parent too that if you get
caught by the police, I'm not going to be going,
oh my god, that's my son. Please let him go
because it's on you. Yeah, right, you've got you have
to deal with it, So go out and do your thing.
And that's look, it's still it still had been very
hard parenting him because he is that sort of person
(12:02):
wants to get out and do stuff. But it's also
taken a lot of heat out as well, just saying
that's okay, if you're going to do X, there's a
I've let you know, go live your life now. So yeah, So,
I mean he's finding his way, like he's sort of
coming back around. And school was a big issue for him.
He just never felt like he fitted into the school system,
(12:23):
and he knew that from grade two. So it has
been a long few years of him trying to find
his way. He's out of trade school now and I've
never heard him say he enjoys going to school, and
he's saying that now.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
But that was like with Jess.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
So when Jess was doing year ten, because you were
bullied at school, this is something I didn't see. I
had no idea she was being bullied until I think
it was year eleven, and it was still year ten
maybe and then what had happened was we got to
the point where she wasn't turning out for maths class.
(12:58):
And then I remember one of you, was it the
year coordinator or somebody contacted me and yeah, and we
sort of sat down and we tried to try and
work at a plan.
Speaker 3 (13:08):
Like I said, I had.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
No idea she was being bullied, but you know, like
from what Jess tells me, like you know, the girls,
it was more the girls calling her a lesbian. So
she used to then just hang out with the boys,
boys in the band.
Speaker 6 (13:22):
Nowadays, if they called it that, mind you, I'd be like, hell, yeah, bitch,
I know, I'd hang out with all the music guys
because we're all in the same class, in the same class.
Speaker 4 (13:33):
We just jammed together and yeah, just chill.
Speaker 6 (13:35):
There are a few girls that would hang out with us,
but it was you know, primarily the sort of cliquy
like popular girls that yeah, you know and like teenagers
and decks too.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
True.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
So we worked out this plan.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
In the end, what we did we took Jess out
of high school and she then went to c AE,
which is the center of adult education. Right, so I
remember this as clear as thing. I don't know if
you remember this, but there was a you had to
do a speech in class, and you were taught it
was about the drug not not really really bit really
(14:14):
I can't say that for the mod you know, yeah, no,
but you know how they got the drug places you
can go in and shoot up and safe injecting, safe injecting.
So this was so you're you're telling me this. You
had to talk about that, or you you decided to
talk about that, and you were going on about how
it was a great idea, yes and the other and
all the students attacked her, yeah, and called her a
(14:34):
drug taking lesbian and all of this stuff.
Speaker 4 (14:38):
I guess there's a terminal endearment.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
So this was in year ten, year eleven, year ten. Yeah,
So anyway, we took her out of the high school
and we put her into c AE, and I remember,
as clear as anything, she rang me she had to
do a speech and she hadn't prepared for it because
she'd forgotten about it or whatever. So she did that
that topic, and I remember her ringing me after she'd
(15:03):
done it, being so excited because nobody called her a
drug taking lesbian or how to go at her. They
accepted her for what she was talking about now Cere's
she was probably the youngest in the class, won't you. Yeah,
one of the youngest.
Speaker 5 (15:20):
Yeah, it's because it's for adults doing each subjects.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
So yeah, yeah, and.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
I just remember that more and like I just remember
at the time thinking we should have taken her out
of high school years ago.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
Because she's too mature for what where she was.
Speaker 6 (15:37):
And then this like the schooling, the way they've set
it up, it's so linear and it's like it's designed
for like one type of brain.
Speaker 4 (15:45):
So even your Lisa like struggled with it.
Speaker 6 (15:48):
Yeah, it makes so much sense. Like most kids, if
not all that live at the Foyer for example, like
struggling with school, you know what I mean. I've dropped
out school, even all my colleagues, like, yeah, so many
people struggle.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
With You ended up then leaving CIA. So you didn't
even finish year twelve. Yeah, but what happened She was
doing music as a VCE.
Speaker 4 (16:09):
Subject be subject.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Yeah, so yeah, so it was English and English whatever
were your VCE subjects, And then you were doing music
as a VET subject. And I remember you had said
that they had asked her to do it full time.
And I remember going to meet with the lecturers at
Kangan Institute and talking about the course and what it
(16:32):
was about and all this sort of stuff. She hadn't
told them that I worked in radio and that, you know,
I knew a bit about music and you know, artists
who had tried to make it big.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
So selling this to me.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
And I was sitting and thinking, you don't know what
I do for a living. Then she came out with
this degree and she'ld be a musician and she can
do this and that and the o other. And I said,
I said to them, I said, did just tell you
what I do for a living? And they're like, no,
I said, I'm a music director at a radio station.
So I said, to sell to me that she can
have this career as a musician. I'm sorry, I see
(17:04):
the other end of it every day. But what ended
up happening, though, was she ended up going to Kangan
and did that cause full time because I just knew
because what had happened was when she was at home
going to high school, couldn't.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Get her out of bed to go to school.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Okay, Then when she started at CE, she was up
at like five o'clock in the morning, getting up, getting
ready to get into the city, and then because she
wanted to do music full time, that then started to
waive her off and so we ended up then making
a deal and I said, Okay, if you make sure
you get to school for this term whatever it was,
(17:38):
then I'll let you go and do music full time.
Because for me, at the end of the day, my
first reaction was, oh, fuck, she's not going to do
year twelve, she's not going to get her VCE.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
And that again that was you know, what are people
going to think?
Speaker 2 (17:54):
You know, it was all of that going on, and
then the end of it, hang on a second, what
the fuck am I doing?
Speaker 3 (17:59):
No? If I can get her out of bed and get.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
To school doing something she enjoys, yep, then that's what
we're going to do. Yeah.
Speaker 6 (18:05):
And it's funny too because when I did start studying
music full time, that was the longest travel I've ever done.
Yeah school, I traveled for like two and a half
hours sometimes more yep, to get to fucking broad matters
from Caroline Springs.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
Yeah, but like I.
Speaker 6 (18:17):
Would do it every day because I just loved Yep,
even for like a two hour class.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
She was a different person. Like I said, we lived
around the corner from high school. She's supposed to be
at school at nine o'clock and she was still in bed.
I couldn't get her out of bed. You know, it
made a huge difference.
Speaker 5 (18:30):
Yeah, yeah, that's what I think. I've never been a
fan of school. I just I didn't finish school. I
only turned up really because it was a social thing.
I did my work, but yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:42):
Totally, totally the best part of school.
Speaker 5 (18:45):
Absolutely, Like I'm still mate with my high school girlfriends,
and it was just a social event. And when I
got to year twelve, the essays, and I mean, I
feel like anxiety just thinking about it, and I'm like,
I do not want to be graded on this shit
in intense pressure situations.
Speaker 4 (19:05):
This isn't me.
Speaker 5 (19:06):
And I started thinking, no one is. No one's judging
me on, grading me on my kindness, my humor, my
social skills, none of that, All of that is just
out the window. And like what you're saying, school is
tended really or created really for one type of person.
And you see them all they get awards. I mean,
(19:26):
I remember when my son got his VCE, which minds you,
this is my oldest one. He just scraped in getting
that but all the kids that got up for awards,
they were all the same kids. So every award it
was like, Oh, that'll be that person again, and there's
just a group of them. They're celebrated. What about the
rest of the kids, who are they in the school environment?
(19:48):
You know, it's totally I see the point of it
for some people, but for others, I just feel that
there's too much pressure to have to finish it and
to be someone You're already someone.
Speaker 6 (20:01):
Yeah, people feel shame for not finishing school, but then
go on to like do an apprenticeship or like work
an awesome job that they don't need fucking BC for.
Speaker 5 (20:11):
You know what.
Speaker 6 (20:12):
It's like, there's no shame in dropping out of school
and pursuing something that you're actually interested in. There's so
many amazing careers you can do. I remember at one
point I was like going to do a chef's apprenticeship.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
You did you started.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
You started doing that at Westwaters, which is not far
from our place, And.
Speaker 6 (20:30):
I'm excited because I was like, Oh, this is like
a passport. I can go and do this anywhere. Yeah,
like just enjoyed cooking then, yeah I loved cooking. Yeah,
but like hospital is a bit intense, and I think
I just got over it.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Yeah, but it could have also been overwhelming at the
time without knowing why. Now that you've been diagnosed, now
you probably look back at that and go, Okay, I
felt like that because of that reason. Yeah, as opposed
to hate what I'm doing totally. You know you enjoyed
that episode with my daughter Jess. There's a lot that's
been covered there. There's another episode still to come.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
You've been listening to Life as we Know It Unfiltered
with Tony Tanalia and Lisa Cameron. If you liked this episode,
please leave us a review or drop a comment on
our socials. We love hearing from you. You can also
come hang out with us on Instagram at Life as
we Know It dot podcast and on Facebook at Life
as we Know It. Oh and please see that follow
button on your favorite podcast app. If you're not following
(21:26):
us yet, catch up with you in our next episode.
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