May 15, 2025 • 22 mins
In this episode, Toni's daughter Jess joins us and together we sit down to explore the power of music, self-reflection, and the things we often leave unsaid.
Music was once her escape - now she plays in two bands, finding joy and expression through every note. She opens up about the importance of work-life balance, what advice she would give her teenage self.
But the most powerful moment? When Toni and Jess finally say out loud what they love and admire about each other - things they’ve felt for years but never expressed…until now.
This episode is about connection, creativity, healing, and the beauty of finally speaking from the heart.
Follow us on Facebook "Life As We Know It Podcast"
and Instagram @LifeAsWeKnowIt.Podcast @tonitenaglia @lisacameroncoaching
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Every day brings a new story.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
The life isn't perfect, but it's perfectly ours, with raw conversations,
inspiring stories and laugh until you cry moments we hit them.
I unpack it all and figure it out together, one
episode at a time. This is Life as we know It,
Unfiltered with Tony Tanalia and Lisa Cameron.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Our guest in this episode is my daughter Jess. Now,
if you've heard past episodes, you would know that she
and I have faced several challenges over the years and
some of the things that we talk about in these episodes.
If you haven't heard the previous episodes to this one
with her, please take some time to have listened to
them if you can, but now enjoy this one.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
So, Jess, you're in a heavy heavy heavy metal band.
Speaker 5 (00:55):
It's like a thrash metal metal grind core one of
the right and then the other is like improv like
electronic noise. I don't even know how to describe it,
right if you know, like the band Death Grips picture that,
but like way less impressive and like all improv. Yeah,
(01:20):
we call it like group stimming because we pretty much
just get together and like stem out and like to
make a.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Bunch of that's an autistic thing. Stimming, so you know
you know when Yeah, so like tapping your hands or
you know, the fidget spinner to those So just sitting
it playing with the fidget spinner, that's stemming.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
Right, Okay, So you just that that's part of the band,
just like stimming.
Speaker 5 (01:43):
Yeah, because we're all just like it's all improv So
we're all just like letting loose. And I just do
vocals in that band.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
So do you do that screaming vocal? Yeah, this is
the weirdest thing, right, I don't know whether you know
what the screaming vocal is. Well, when I think of
thrash metal, can you give us a it's going to
be loud? Okay, stand back a bit then and do it.
Speaker 5 (02:04):
I'm not prepared.
Speaker 4 (02:05):
Hang on, Just just just some noise, make a noise, okay.
Speaker 5 (02:11):
So so say that.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Noise that came out of her mouth the first time
I went to see her band, I heard that noise
and I'm looking on the stage, going where the fuck's
that coming from? And it's coming out of her mouth
and I went, what the how does that noise come
out of her?
Speaker 4 (02:27):
Yeah? Yeah, I would never expect them no noise.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
Yeah, living with her for eighteen years and then seeing
that that, hearing Mac come out of her mouth, Yeah,
it was just like.
Speaker 5 (02:37):
What the I remember? Dad came to a Budgy gig. Sorry,
that's what we called the band just plog in my
band so budgy and then scasm as the grindcore band
hut us out on band camp. We're dropping an album
in April. Oh cool, just plug in my shit.
Speaker 4 (02:50):
Yeah yeah.
Speaker 5 (02:52):
Dad came to a Budgy gig like maybe two months ago,
and like he didn't even know what kind of music
we played, and he came. He came with Amber, his partner,
and like they watched this. Dad's always been like I
think I.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
Did warn him.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
Yeah yeah yeah, but.
Speaker 5 (03:06):
He watched the set and then afterwards he just came
up to me was like that was really good. Love,
that was really cool. I'm like, are you sure? I
feel like I need to apologize to you guys like
they liked it. I mean, Dad's always been cool like that.
He just loves creative shit. But I was like, is
Amber okay?
Speaker 4 (03:22):
Like like what drew you to that type of music?
Speaker 5 (03:27):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (03:28):
Man?
Speaker 5 (03:29):
I mean I think I was chronically online as a kid,
Like I would be on the internet like all day
every day and just discovering music and stuff, and I
got into like I think the first like heavy bands
I got into were like Gorgoroth and like Slipknot like
black metal and stuff, like really extreme stuff. But I
remember like just thinking, like, fuck, this is so cool
because it felt so I guess like taboo and like different.
(03:52):
And I always felt so different and out of place
and kind of like fuck everyone, and this music just
resonated with me so hard. So I just kept exploring it,
and like the more I listened to it, I was like,
how do they do this? Like surely I can because
it was all men too. Back then there were like
way less female vocalists. Now there's like so many, like
it's fucking awesome, but like back then, so many of
(04:12):
those like big bands I would listen to were all
like male vocalists, and I was like I can do this.
I can do it. I can go deeper than them,
like you know with my really shit and yeah, So
I just listened to the music and try and like
mimic it, like yes, yeah, like you make the vocal techniques,
how does that.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Not who your throat?
Speaker 5 (04:28):
Oh, there's ways of doing it. Sometimes it does, like
especially after a budge said, I'll go pretty fucking hard
and afterwards I'll be like, I'll be like smoking a city,
like yeah, thanks man, that was really fun sound like
Tom Waits like that's.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Really funny though, right, So so chest to be sitting
there listening to Metallica and heavy metal bands, and I
remember this one day I walked past a bedroom upstairs.
Speaker 5 (04:55):
Can he flick with Mac around?
Speaker 4 (04:57):
Going with Mac?
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Coming from yeah, the right rope?
Speaker 4 (05:06):
Where's my daughter?
Speaker 3 (05:07):
Like this?
Speaker 4 (05:08):
Who are you? Yeah? So you enjoy all sorts of music, Yeah,
depends on.
Speaker 5 (05:13):
The like what mood I'm in In terms of what
I play, it's all heavy music and like depressing ship.
But I listened to I Love Charlie.
Speaker 4 (05:20):
XX, like, oh she's so cool.
Speaker 5 (05:23):
Yeah, yeah, like all kinds of ship. If it's for me, Like,
if it's good, it's good. If I like it, I
like it no matter what it is.
Speaker 4 (05:32):
That's what I think with music as well. If it
makes you feel something like if I if I feel
connected to it, I just yeah, I love it. Yeah,
So okay, so I did want to ask you something
else with the music as well, and now bloody forgot.
(05:55):
I was going to ask something along the lines of
so with like thrash metal, I find it's probably the
only music that I find really difficult to listen to
and it's almost like vibrationally, it's this I don't know,
it's so extreme, like my body can't connect to it.
Do you find I don't know, do you feel like
(06:17):
to play that sort of music you have to be
in a dark place or or not? Can you be
in a joyful space and seeing that sort of music.
Speaker 5 (06:26):
You totally can be. Yeah, I don't think there's really
a space you need to be in to like play
that type of music. But it's like it's so cathartic,
you know what I mean, Like, oh, going into a gig,
I could be in like such a dark place and
like it would come out so different to like if
I played a show while I was in a really
happy space, but it would still be just as heavy
(06:48):
and like, yeah, I think it depends on the person.
I feel. Like with me, I'm always like I have
a lot of chaos in my brain. Regardless of what
mood I'm in, my brain's just very like chaotic and like,
so I feel like that's the maybe like the source
of that energy for me. And then like whatever mood
I'm in kind of like acts as like a filter
(07:10):
for how it comes out or like yeah, like a
lot of the time, it's just therapeutic, like super cathartic. Okay,
it's fun.
Speaker 4 (07:18):
It's like that female rage, you know, just being able
to get that out because that's such a hard thing
for women to do is and he express themselves at
that level doing that sound that you made before. I mean,
I'm like, where can I find that in myself?
Speaker 5 (07:32):
There's no work I could do that.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
You could.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
I totally could, though, well I had plenty years of screaming,
so you would think that that could be a good.
Speaker 4 (07:39):
Place to start.
Speaker 5 (07:40):
Yeah, but even to do that like as a woman
and be taken seriously Like again nowadays, like the scene
that I'm a part of, the scenes whatever that I'm
a part of, Like there's so many like just fucking awesome,
like queer and like female trans like all these different
people doing it and it's so open, no, like it's
(08:01):
so balanced. It doesn't feel like it's dominated by men
or whatever. But I remember playing at a band when
I was seventeen, like kind of like a death metal
band and like we play shows to like just a
room of like dudes, like old, like white dudes, and
they'd come up to me after a set and they'd
be like like just drunk and like spitting on me. Like, man,
that was fucking sick. I've never seen a chick do that.
(08:23):
And you're a chick, and I've never seen a chick
do that, And I'm like, you fucking need to expand
your brain, like we can do anything. I just found
it so like, like.
Speaker 4 (08:37):
Yeah, yeah, do you think it might be a ted
cleric in this one? Little? For sure?
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Jesus.
Speaker 5 (08:46):
She's a mother's daughter.
Speaker 4 (08:47):
Oh my god. But it's amazing, like just so different,
you know, like in you, I mean you've both got
the passion for music and everything like that, but this
is a thing. You have kids and you never know
what sort of soul you're going to get and how
they're going to express themselves and everything like that, and
your kids are so different, Oh my god, as well.
(09:08):
But just even like the range of stuff that Jess
has done and can do, Like her art is amazing,
even though she will say I'm not that good because
you do, you know, but her art and her art
(09:28):
is so different, Like she's taken down a lot of
her stuff from Instagram, which not that upset, but I'm like, oh,
you need to get it back up right. Jess's art
is how do you describe? It's like dot form, isn't
it draw? She draws these tiny little circles and creates
an image with them.
Speaker 5 (09:44):
It's really trick patterns, like zooming and like real hard
on the page. But that's the thing. I haven't drawn
like that for so long. Yeah, Like, and that's why
I removed a lot of my stuff because it just
didn't resonate with me nowadays. Yeah, Like it was so
old and I was like, make new shit, And I
was like, I feel like I'm kind of on something
differ different page now.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
So what sort of stuff you're doing now?
Speaker 5 (10:05):
Because I haven't seen anything. I mean, it's pretty much
the same subject matter if you call it that, Like
the same kind of like cartoonish things that I would draw,
but just a lot less like controlled and precise. Now
it's more just like chaotic, yeah, like messy.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (10:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
So she's got the art, she's got the music, you know,
like I said when she said before, she's done chef
work right, very good with cooking plants.
Speaker 4 (10:32):
Yeah, yeah, the nursery.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
It's just like, yeah, there's bits of everything everywhere.
Speaker 4 (10:38):
Yeah, but I love that and I just want it's
becoming so much more acceptable to be able to do
different jobs and everyone's cool with it. Like when we
were growing up, people in jobs forever twenty years, thirty years,
and if you didn't stay for a job that long,
there was something wrong with you. My energy is never
suited being a nine to five, five days a week person.
But it's taken me a really long time to accept that.
(11:01):
And I was actually talking to someone last night and
he was like, this is at my son's soccer and
he was like, oh, what do you do? And you know,
I told him that the jobs that I've got and
he goes, oh, that's a lot, and I go, yeah,
because that's how my energy works. Yeah, totally. It needs
to explore different things. I need the variety because that's
what keeps me sane. If I'm doing nine to five
(11:23):
five days work, I feel depressed. It makes me feel
really down. So yeah, it's really cool to hear that,
and that's awesome that it's so much more acceptable now
to do a bit of this and do a bit
of that and you can get through life. That's okay.
Speaker 5 (11:36):
Yeah, I think people are realizing too, like how important
work life balances, because yeah, doing five days a week,
nine to five, that's taking out such a huge chunk
of your life doing that, and some people need to
balance that more doing things they love and having down time.
And yeah, I think it's people are maybe they've always
felt it, but now they're like, actually, not fuck this,
(11:57):
Why are we doing this to ourselves? Yeah? Yeah, you
need work life balance.
Speaker 4 (12:03):
Yeah, totally. So this is like a reverse engineer question
because a lot of people ask what advice would you
give to your younger self? But I would like to
know what advice would your toddler self give to you?
Speaker 5 (12:17):
Now, Oh shit, that's a great question. I have to
think about that one. You can cut out the debt.
I'm trying to think what I was even like as
a toddler, like bag, I don't know, a happy little kid. Yeah,
maybe like like fuck everyone and just don't hold back
(12:41):
who you are and just keep being silly and stupid. Yeah,
because now now that i'm like outwardly, I feel like
I'm better at like not withholding myself and just being silly.
And I feel like that's what like people connect with
with me sometimes, Like it's a strong part of like
how I connect with people.
Speaker 4 (12:57):
Yeah, so yeah, i'd say just.
Speaker 5 (12:59):
Be silly and stupid and fuck everything, Like who.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
Cares one is silly, I've got one for you. Then,
so you're now twenty seven, you look back ten years
ago to all that shit you were going through at school,
which there are going to be a lot of kids
going through that as well. What would you say to
those kids or what would you say to yourself back then?
Speaker 5 (13:22):
Yeah, I would have said, don't take fucking shit. Like
it's easier said than done. Yeah, obviously, especially when it's
like a bunch of kids gang up and you you're
going to feel like small and like powerless, and you're
going to feel like you're the problem. But like it's
nice to be nice and like me. Now, if I
was in my body back then, if one of those
kids came to me and started giving me a shit,
I would have been like, go fuck yourself, or I
(13:44):
just would have punched that kid in the fucking face
just once, just a shock. Hey, he doesn't get anybody
around and find out, you know, yeah, I would have
stuck up for myself and been like, no, you're being
a dick, like fuck off, you know, yeah, not not
taking it as seriously because I feel like, you know,
by me kind of like submitting and taking it so
(14:06):
like personally, I was kind of giving them the power.
But if I could have just sat there and like
laughed and been like what are you fucking talking about?
Like leave me alone? Yeah, like that would have just
taken that power away from them.
Speaker 4 (14:17):
You know. Yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
Do you think a lot of what happened then affected
you over the years?
Speaker 5 (14:24):
Oh totally. Yeah, Like my confidence was so low and
like again maybe like pairing with like the autistic traits,
Like I just felt like there was something wrong with
me all the time, or like I was like bad,
there was something wrong with me, and that's they were
picking on me because you know I was bad, Like
I was the reason for that. Yeah, so what was
(14:47):
the question again?
Speaker 4 (14:50):
I feel like you were answering it.
Speaker 5 (14:53):
I felt like there was somewhere I needed to go
with that, But I kind.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
Of just I love it.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
It's gonna be a very interesting You should have me
on every week like.
Speaker 5 (15:12):
Her host.
Speaker 4 (15:14):
Okay, now I've got a question for both of you. So, Jess,
what is something that you love or admire about your
mum that you've never told her or you feel like
you never say enough?
Speaker 5 (15:27):
Well, I mean it kind of relates back to what
I was just saying, like you don't take shit and
you do have a very punk attitude where you are
just like everyone get fucked, I'm doing me. And you've
done all this by yourself too, like for so fucking
long and you've just smashed it. Like, yeah, you're punk
as hell.
Speaker 4 (15:47):
What a compliment. I love that. I'm just holding it
together now. Yeah, And tell you what about you? What's
something you love and admire about Jesse you've never said
to her or you don't say enough.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
She's amazing, Like she's gone through a lot and has
come through it, and like, you know, there's just so
much about her that people love and admire. But for me,
she's such a creative, artistic person but has the biggest
heart and just wants.
Speaker 5 (16:20):
To help people.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Yeah, to be that sort of a person, you know,
she's amazing.
Speaker 5 (16:27):
Love it.
Speaker 4 (16:28):
Yeah, a really beautiful And that's that's the thing I
think in life is like we just don't tell each
other enough. The things that we see in other people.
And it's nice to be able to say it, isn't
it and just go you are amazing, you know. And
I mean I've just loved seeing this interaction between you both,
and you know, given the things that you've talked about,
(16:50):
Tony and I just see this closeness coming through between
you two. And you definitely get your punk attitude from
your mum. Oh yeah, like Tony is a real like.
Speaker 5 (17:05):
You need a dress up, we get tattoos and ship
you're a true Yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
I mean, I don't know if you listened to the
episode about where we were celebrating when Tony got the
number one announcer afternoon's announcer and you know, saying you're
a trailblazer for so many women in radio, and she said,
I never saw it like that, because for me it
was just I can do this. I don't care if
that's a man or a woman sitting there, and I
(17:30):
can do it. And I was like, fuckow, just straight
up such a such a go getter. Yeah yeah, so yeah,
I can see where you get yours. I'm doing it
my way. I don't care what I am or who
I am. I'm going to do it.
Speaker 5 (17:48):
You know.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
The funny thing is like, obviously that's part of your
character anyway, you know. And like for my kids, for
most of their life growing up, they've had to have
that sort of attitude as well, because I mean the
amount of times I mean, they've had to be very independent,
you know, because you know the amount of times I
would be coming home from work at six o'clock at
(18:10):
night and they would be just having to organize dinner
for the boys and stuff like that. I think that
that sort of attitude is in there, but I think
it partly also is an independent attitude that you have
as well, that you know, I don't need anybody else.
Speaker 4 (18:28):
I can do this, you know, you all.
Speaker 5 (18:31):
It's powerful. I can do whatever the fuck I want.
I don't need to depend on anyone.
Speaker 4 (18:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (18:36):
Yeah, and you can you can literally do anything.
Speaker 4 (18:39):
Yeah. All right.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
So question that we ask all our guests who come
on the podcast, which celebrity death affected you or has
affected you?
Speaker 5 (18:52):
For me? One, like, the first thing that comes to
mind is the Vivian who won UK Drag Race. I
think it was season one or two. I can't actually
remember which season she won, yep, but she recently passed
away from suicide, and that genuinely usually celebrity debts, I'm like, oh,
that's sad, but I'm not attached to them, you know. Yeah,
(19:12):
I kind of detached from it. But that one made
me so fucking sad because like, you just wouldn't have
seen it coming. She was like the most vibrant, like
beautiful person that you could have like witnessed, and yeah,
I just would not have seen that coming at all. Yeah, Yeah,
that one really really got me.
Speaker 3 (19:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (19:32):
I don't know who that person is, but I find
it's really hard when they are a vibrant person, because
mine was let's see, say, twitch Twitch Twitch. He used
to work on the Allan Show, so he was like, I.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
Don't know, you know, so he yeah, so he would
be conducting the band or whatever else.
Speaker 4 (19:51):
Yeah. Yeah, he was just such a joy you know,
and so vibrant. And yours was Robin Williams. And again
someone who's so vibrant and joyful, and you just think,
what does this happen to these people?
Speaker 3 (20:03):
And this is the interesting thing that the three that
we're just talking about all suicide. Yeah, so not you know,
someone who passed away because they were sick or whatever else.
Speaker 4 (20:12):
These people took their lives.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
That's maybe what it is about those deaths as well,
and impacts us so much because it's like, I could
never imagine myself taking my own life. I have feared
for Jess, especially early in the piece. I feared that
Jess might do that, but we talked and even you
said you never went down that road. But the fact
that somebody is hurting that much that they feel the
(20:37):
only way out is to take their life.
Speaker 5 (20:39):
Yeah, and it's preventable, Like it is preventable, but it's
hard for people to get that support when they need it,
you know. It's just such a waste. Yeah, that to happen.
Speaker 4 (20:51):
Yeah, totally.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
Yeah, Okay, on that note, after.
Speaker 5 (21:00):
Way, thanks for coming in, Thanks for having me.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
It's been an interesting chat.
Speaker 4 (21:06):
Yes, and hectic. All my guests are being hectic. It's fine.
We've literally every guest has had ADHD and we're like,
what is going on? Going on? It's too funny. But
it's been awesome to have you, Jess, and finally they
get to meet you as well. And I love seeing
(21:27):
my friends creations. Yeah created that, Yeah you did.
Speaker 3 (21:34):
You burst her into the world and I remember too,
so well, come out get Me.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
You've been listening to Life as we Know It Unfiltered
with Tony Tanalia and Lisa Cameron. If you liked this episode,
please leave us a review or drop a comment on
our socials.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
We love hearing from you.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
You can also come hang out with us on Instagram
at Life as we Know It dot pog and on
Facebook at Life as we Know It. Oh and please
see that follow button on your favorite podcast app.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
If you're not following us yet, catch up with
Speaker 2 (22:08):
You in our next episode.
Every day brings a new story.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
The life isn't perfect, but it's perfectly ours, with raw conversations,
inspiring stories and laugh until you cry moments we hit them.
I unpack it all and figure it out together, one
episode at a time. This is Life as we know It,
Unfiltered with Tony Tanalia and Lisa Cameron.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Our guest in this episode is my daughter Jess. Now,
if you've heard past episodes, you would know that she
and I have faced several challenges over the years and
some of the things that we talk about in these episodes.
If you haven't heard the previous episodes to this one
with her, please take some time to have listened to
them if you can, but now enjoy this one.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
So, Jess, you're in a heavy heavy heavy metal band.
Speaker 5 (00:55):
It's like a thrash metal metal grind core one of
the right and then the other is like improv like
electronic noise. I don't even know how to describe it,
right if you know, like the band Death Grips picture that,
but like way less impressive and like all improv. Yeah,
(01:20):
we call it like group stimming because we pretty much
just get together and like stem out and like to
make a.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Bunch of that's an autistic thing. Stimming, so you know
you know when Yeah, so like tapping your hands or
you know, the fidget spinner to those So just sitting
it playing with the fidget spinner, that's stemming.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
Right, Okay, So you just that that's part of the band,
just like stimming.
Speaker 5 (01:43):
Yeah, because we're all just like it's all improv So
we're all just like letting loose. And I just do
vocals in that band.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
So do you do that screaming vocal? Yeah, this is
the weirdest thing, right, I don't know whether you know
what the screaming vocal is. Well, when I think of
thrash metal, can you give us a it's going to
be loud? Okay, stand back a bit then and do it.
Speaker 5 (02:04):
I'm not prepared.
Speaker 4 (02:05):
Hang on, Just just just some noise, make a noise, okay.
Speaker 5 (02:11):
So so say that.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Noise that came out of her mouth the first time
I went to see her band, I heard that noise
and I'm looking on the stage, going where the fuck's
that coming from? And it's coming out of her mouth
and I went, what the how does that noise come
out of her?
Speaker 4 (02:27):
Yeah? Yeah, I would never expect them no noise.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
Yeah, living with her for eighteen years and then seeing
that that, hearing Mac come out of her mouth, Yeah,
it was just like.
Speaker 5 (02:37):
What the I remember? Dad came to a Budgy gig. Sorry,
that's what we called the band just plog in my
band so budgy and then scasm as the grindcore band
hut us out on band camp. We're dropping an album
in April. Oh cool, just plug in my shit.
Speaker 4 (02:50):
Yeah yeah.
Speaker 5 (02:52):
Dad came to a Budgy gig like maybe two months ago,
and like he didn't even know what kind of music
we played, and he came. He came with Amber, his partner,
and like they watched this. Dad's always been like I
think I.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
Did warn him.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
Yeah yeah yeah, but.
Speaker 5 (03:06):
He watched the set and then afterwards he just came
up to me was like that was really good. Love,
that was really cool. I'm like, are you sure? I
feel like I need to apologize to you guys like
they liked it. I mean, Dad's always been cool like that.
He just loves creative shit. But I was like, is
Amber okay?
Speaker 4 (03:22):
Like like what drew you to that type of music?
Speaker 5 (03:27):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (03:28):
Man?
Speaker 5 (03:29):
I mean I think I was chronically online as a kid,
Like I would be on the internet like all day
every day and just discovering music and stuff, and I
got into like I think the first like heavy bands
I got into were like Gorgoroth and like Slipknot like
black metal and stuff, like really extreme stuff. But I
remember like just thinking, like, fuck, this is so cool
because it felt so I guess like taboo and like different.
(03:52):
And I always felt so different and out of place
and kind of like fuck everyone, and this music just
resonated with me so hard. So I just kept exploring it,
and like the more I listened to it, I was like,
how do they do this? Like surely I can because
it was all men too. Back then there were like
way less female vocalists. Now there's like so many, like
it's fucking awesome, but like back then, so many of
(04:12):
those like big bands I would listen to were all
like male vocalists, and I was like I can do this.
I can do it. I can go deeper than them,
like you know with my really shit and yeah, So
I just listened to the music and try and like
mimic it, like yes, yeah, like you make the vocal techniques,
how does that.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Not who your throat?
Speaker 5 (04:28):
Oh, there's ways of doing it. Sometimes it does, like
especially after a budge said, I'll go pretty fucking hard
and afterwards I'll be like, I'll be like smoking a city,
like yeah, thanks man, that was really fun sound like
Tom Waits like that's.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Really funny though, right, So so chest to be sitting
there listening to Metallica and heavy metal bands, and I
remember this one day I walked past a bedroom upstairs.
Speaker 5 (04:55):
Can he flick with Mac around?
Speaker 4 (04:57):
Going with Mac?
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Coming from yeah, the right rope?
Speaker 4 (05:06):
Where's my daughter?
Speaker 3 (05:07):
Like this?
Speaker 4 (05:08):
Who are you? Yeah? So you enjoy all sorts of music, Yeah,
depends on.
Speaker 5 (05:13):
The like what mood I'm in In terms of what
I play, it's all heavy music and like depressing ship.
But I listened to I Love Charlie.
Speaker 4 (05:20):
XX, like, oh she's so cool.
Speaker 5 (05:23):
Yeah, yeah, like all kinds of ship. If it's for me, Like,
if it's good, it's good. If I like it, I
like it no matter what it is.
Speaker 4 (05:32):
That's what I think with music as well. If it
makes you feel something like if I if I feel
connected to it, I just yeah, I love it. Yeah,
So okay, so I did want to ask you something
else with the music as well, and now bloody forgot.
(05:55):
I was going to ask something along the lines of
so with like thrash metal, I find it's probably the
only music that I find really difficult to listen to
and it's almost like vibrationally, it's this I don't know,
it's so extreme, like my body can't connect to it.
Do you find I don't know, do you feel like
(06:17):
to play that sort of music you have to be
in a dark place or or not? Can you be
in a joyful space and seeing that sort of music.
Speaker 5 (06:26):
You totally can be. Yeah, I don't think there's really
a space you need to be in to like play
that type of music. But it's like it's so cathartic,
you know what I mean, Like, oh, going into a gig,
I could be in like such a dark place and
like it would come out so different to like if
I played a show while I was in a really
happy space, but it would still be just as heavy
(06:48):
and like, yeah, I think it depends on the person.
I feel. Like with me, I'm always like I have
a lot of chaos in my brain. Regardless of what
mood I'm in, my brain's just very like chaotic and like,
so I feel like that's the maybe like the source
of that energy for me. And then like whatever mood
I'm in kind of like acts as like a filter
(07:10):
for how it comes out or like yeah, like a
lot of the time, it's just therapeutic, like super cathartic. Okay,
it's fun.
Speaker 4 (07:18):
It's like that female rage, you know, just being able
to get that out because that's such a hard thing
for women to do is and he express themselves at
that level doing that sound that you made before. I mean,
I'm like, where can I find that in myself?
Speaker 5 (07:32):
There's no work I could do that.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
You could.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
I totally could, though, well I had plenty years of screaming,
so you would think that that could be a good.
Speaker 4 (07:39):
Place to start.
Speaker 5 (07:40):
Yeah, but even to do that like as a woman
and be taken seriously Like again nowadays, like the scene
that I'm a part of, the scenes whatever that I'm
a part of, Like there's so many like just fucking awesome,
like queer and like female trans like all these different
people doing it and it's so open, no, like it's
(08:01):
so balanced. It doesn't feel like it's dominated by men
or whatever. But I remember playing at a band when
I was seventeen, like kind of like a death metal
band and like we play shows to like just a
room of like dudes, like old, like white dudes, and
they'd come up to me after a set and they'd
be like like just drunk and like spitting on me. Like, man,
that was fucking sick. I've never seen a chick do that.
(08:23):
And you're a chick, and I've never seen a chick
do that, And I'm like, you fucking need to expand
your brain, like we can do anything. I just found
it so like, like.
Speaker 4 (08:37):
Yeah, yeah, do you think it might be a ted
cleric in this one? Little? For sure?
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Jesus.
Speaker 5 (08:46):
She's a mother's daughter.
Speaker 4 (08:47):
Oh my god. But it's amazing, like just so different,
you know, like in you, I mean you've both got
the passion for music and everything like that, but this
is a thing. You have kids and you never know
what sort of soul you're going to get and how
they're going to express themselves and everything like that, and
your kids are so different, Oh my god, as well.
(09:08):
But just even like the range of stuff that Jess
has done and can do, Like her art is amazing,
even though she will say I'm not that good because
you do, you know, but her art and her art
(09:28):
is so different, Like she's taken down a lot of
her stuff from Instagram, which not that upset, but I'm like, oh,
you need to get it back up right. Jess's art
is how do you describe? It's like dot form, isn't
it draw? She draws these tiny little circles and creates
an image with them.
Speaker 5 (09:44):
It's really trick patterns, like zooming and like real hard
on the page. But that's the thing. I haven't drawn
like that for so long. Yeah, Like, and that's why
I removed a lot of my stuff because it just
didn't resonate with me nowadays. Yeah, Like it was so
old and I was like, make new shit, And I
was like, I feel like I'm kind of on something
differ different page now.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
So what sort of stuff you're doing now?
Speaker 5 (10:05):
Because I haven't seen anything. I mean, it's pretty much
the same subject matter if you call it that, Like
the same kind of like cartoonish things that I would draw,
but just a lot less like controlled and precise. Now
it's more just like chaotic, yeah, like messy.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (10:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
So she's got the art, she's got the music, you know,
like I said when she said before, she's done chef
work right, very good with cooking plants.
Speaker 4 (10:32):
Yeah, yeah, the nursery.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
It's just like, yeah, there's bits of everything everywhere.
Speaker 4 (10:38):
Yeah, but I love that and I just want it's
becoming so much more acceptable to be able to do
different jobs and everyone's cool with it. Like when we
were growing up, people in jobs forever twenty years, thirty years,
and if you didn't stay for a job that long,
there was something wrong with you. My energy is never
suited being a nine to five, five days a week person.
But it's taken me a really long time to accept that.
(11:01):
And I was actually talking to someone last night and
he was like, this is at my son's soccer and
he was like, oh, what do you do? And you know,
I told him that the jobs that I've got and
he goes, oh, that's a lot, and I go, yeah,
because that's how my energy works. Yeah, totally. It needs
to explore different things. I need the variety because that's
what keeps me sane. If I'm doing nine to five
(11:23):
five days work, I feel depressed. It makes me feel
really down. So yeah, it's really cool to hear that,
and that's awesome that it's so much more acceptable now
to do a bit of this and do a bit
of that and you can get through life. That's okay.
Speaker 5 (11:36):
Yeah, I think people are realizing too, like how important
work life balances, because yeah, doing five days a week,
nine to five, that's taking out such a huge chunk
of your life doing that, and some people need to
balance that more doing things they love and having down time.
And yeah, I think it's people are maybe they've always
felt it, but now they're like, actually, not fuck this,
(11:57):
Why are we doing this to ourselves? Yeah? Yeah, you
need work life balance.
Speaker 4 (12:03):
Yeah, totally. So this is like a reverse engineer question
because a lot of people ask what advice would you
give to your younger self? But I would like to
know what advice would your toddler self give to you?
Speaker 5 (12:17):
Now, Oh shit, that's a great question. I have to
think about that one. You can cut out the debt.
I'm trying to think what I was even like as
a toddler, like bag, I don't know, a happy little kid. Yeah,
maybe like like fuck everyone and just don't hold back
(12:41):
who you are and just keep being silly and stupid. Yeah,
because now now that i'm like outwardly, I feel like
I'm better at like not withholding myself and just being silly.
And I feel like that's what like people connect with
with me sometimes, Like it's a strong part of like
how I connect with people.
Speaker 4 (12:57):
Yeah, so yeah, i'd say just.
Speaker 5 (12:59):
Be silly and stupid and fuck everything, Like who.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
Cares one is silly, I've got one for you. Then,
so you're now twenty seven, you look back ten years
ago to all that shit you were going through at school,
which there are going to be a lot of kids
going through that as well. What would you say to
those kids or what would you say to yourself back then?
Speaker 5 (13:22):
Yeah, I would have said, don't take fucking shit. Like
it's easier said than done. Yeah, obviously, especially when it's
like a bunch of kids gang up and you you're
going to feel like small and like powerless, and you're
going to feel like you're the problem. But like it's
nice to be nice and like me. Now, if I
was in my body back then, if one of those
kids came to me and started giving me a shit,
I would have been like, go fuck yourself, or I
(13:44):
just would have punched that kid in the fucking face
just once, just a shock. Hey, he doesn't get anybody
around and find out, you know, yeah, I would have
stuck up for myself and been like, no, you're being
a dick, like fuck off, you know, yeah, not not
taking it as seriously because I feel like, you know,
by me kind of like submitting and taking it so
(14:06):
like personally, I was kind of giving them the power.
But if I could have just sat there and like
laughed and been like what are you fucking talking about?
Like leave me alone? Yeah, like that would have just
taken that power away from them.
Speaker 4 (14:17):
You know. Yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
Do you think a lot of what happened then affected
you over the years?
Speaker 5 (14:24):
Oh totally. Yeah, Like my confidence was so low and
like again maybe like pairing with like the autistic traits,
Like I just felt like there was something wrong with
me all the time, or like I was like bad,
there was something wrong with me, and that's they were
picking on me because you know I was bad, Like
I was the reason for that. Yeah, so what was
(14:47):
the question again?
Speaker 4 (14:50):
I feel like you were answering it.
Speaker 5 (14:53):
I felt like there was somewhere I needed to go
with that, But I kind.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
Of just I love it.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
It's gonna be a very interesting You should have me
on every week like.
Speaker 5 (15:12):
Her host.
Speaker 4 (15:14):
Okay, now I've got a question for both of you. So, Jess,
what is something that you love or admire about your
mum that you've never told her or you feel like
you never say enough?
Speaker 5 (15:27):
Well, I mean it kind of relates back to what
I was just saying, like you don't take shit and
you do have a very punk attitude where you are
just like everyone get fucked, I'm doing me. And you've
done all this by yourself too, like for so fucking
long and you've just smashed it. Like, yeah, you're punk
as hell.
Speaker 4 (15:47):
What a compliment. I love that. I'm just holding it
together now. Yeah, And tell you what about you? What's
something you love and admire about Jesse you've never said
to her or you don't say enough.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
She's amazing, Like she's gone through a lot and has
come through it, and like, you know, there's just so
much about her that people love and admire. But for me,
she's such a creative, artistic person but has the biggest
heart and just wants.
Speaker 5 (16:20):
To help people.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Yeah, to be that sort of a person, you know,
she's amazing.
Speaker 5 (16:27):
Love it.
Speaker 4 (16:28):
Yeah, a really beautiful And that's that's the thing I
think in life is like we just don't tell each
other enough. The things that we see in other people.
And it's nice to be able to say it, isn't
it and just go you are amazing, you know. And
I mean I've just loved seeing this interaction between you both,
and you know, given the things that you've talked about,
(16:50):
Tony and I just see this closeness coming through between
you two. And you definitely get your punk attitude from
your mum. Oh yeah, like Tony is a real like.
Speaker 5 (17:05):
You need a dress up, we get tattoos and ship
you're a true Yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
I mean, I don't know if you listened to the
episode about where we were celebrating when Tony got the
number one announcer afternoon's announcer and you know, saying you're
a trailblazer for so many women in radio, and she said,
I never saw it like that, because for me it
was just I can do this. I don't care if
that's a man or a woman sitting there, and I
(17:30):
can do it. And I was like, fuckow, just straight
up such a such a go getter. Yeah yeah, so yeah,
I can see where you get yours. I'm doing it
my way. I don't care what I am or who
I am. I'm going to do it.
Speaker 5 (17:48):
You know.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
The funny thing is like, obviously that's part of your
character anyway, you know. And like for my kids, for
most of their life growing up, they've had to have
that sort of attitude as well, because I mean the
amount of times I mean, they've had to be very independent,
you know, because you know the amount of times I
would be coming home from work at six o'clock at
(18:10):
night and they would be just having to organize dinner
for the boys and stuff like that. I think that
that sort of attitude is in there, but I think
it partly also is an independent attitude that you have
as well, that you know, I don't need anybody else.
Speaker 4 (18:28):
I can do this, you know, you all.
Speaker 5 (18:31):
It's powerful. I can do whatever the fuck I want.
I don't need to depend on anyone.
Speaker 4 (18:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (18:36):
Yeah, and you can you can literally do anything.
Speaker 4 (18:39):
Yeah. All right.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
So question that we ask all our guests who come
on the podcast, which celebrity death affected you or has
affected you?
Speaker 5 (18:52):
For me? One, like, the first thing that comes to
mind is the Vivian who won UK Drag Race. I
think it was season one or two. I can't actually
remember which season she won, yep, but she recently passed
away from suicide, and that genuinely usually celebrity debts, I'm like, oh,
that's sad, but I'm not attached to them, you know. Yeah,
(19:12):
I kind of detached from it. But that one made
me so fucking sad because like, you just wouldn't have
seen it coming. She was like the most vibrant, like
beautiful person that you could have like witnessed, and yeah,
I just would not have seen that coming at all. Yeah, Yeah,
that one really really got me.
Speaker 3 (19:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (19:32):
I don't know who that person is, but I find
it's really hard when they are a vibrant person, because
mine was let's see, say, twitch Twitch Twitch. He used
to work on the Allan Show, so he was like, I.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
Don't know, you know, so he yeah, so he would
be conducting the band or whatever else.
Speaker 4 (19:51):
Yeah. Yeah, he was just such a joy you know,
and so vibrant. And yours was Robin Williams. And again
someone who's so vibrant and joyful, and you just think,
what does this happen to these people?
Speaker 3 (20:03):
And this is the interesting thing that the three that
we're just talking about all suicide. Yeah, so not you know,
someone who passed away because they were sick or whatever else.
Speaker 4 (20:12):
These people took their lives.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
That's maybe what it is about those deaths as well,
and impacts us so much because it's like, I could
never imagine myself taking my own life. I have feared
for Jess, especially early in the piece. I feared that
Jess might do that, but we talked and even you
said you never went down that road. But the fact
that somebody is hurting that much that they feel the
(20:37):
only way out is to take their life.
Speaker 5 (20:39):
Yeah, and it's preventable, Like it is preventable, but it's
hard for people to get that support when they need it,
you know. It's just such a waste. Yeah, that to happen.
Speaker 4 (20:51):
Yeah, totally.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
Yeah, Okay, on that note, after.
Speaker 5 (21:00):
Way, thanks for coming in, Thanks for having me.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
It's been an interesting chat.
Speaker 4 (21:06):
Yes, and hectic. All my guests are being hectic. It's fine.
We've literally every guest has had ADHD and we're like,
what is going on? Going on? It's too funny. But
it's been awesome to have you, Jess, and finally they
get to meet you as well. And I love seeing
(21:27):
my friends creations. Yeah created that, Yeah you did.
Speaker 3 (21:34):
You burst her into the world and I remember too,
so well, come out get Me.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
You've been listening to Life as we Know It Unfiltered
with Tony Tanalia and Lisa Cameron. If you liked this episode,
please leave us a review or drop a comment on
our socials.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
We love hearing from you.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
You can also come hang out with us on Instagram
at Life as we Know It dot pog and on
Facebook at Life as we Know It. Oh and please
see that follow button on your favorite podcast app.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
If you're not following us yet, catch up with
Speaker 2 (22:08):
You in our next episode.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!