April 15, 2025 • 24 mins
We’ve heard glimpses of Toni’s difficult relationship with her mum, but in this episode, we go deeper. After her mum passed, Toni began seeing her in dreams, each one bringing back the same anxious feeling she had during her mum’s life. In 2013, after one powerful dream, she asked her mum to move on, and the dreams stopped.
But recently, her mum returned in a dream, this time with serious confrontation. While it might sound a little woo woo, stay with us, there’s more to unpack.
Toni reflects on how her past was shaped by her mum’s insecurities, and poses a powerful question: Do I need to forgive her? Her answer is raw and honest. and might challenge the way we think about healing. Hear all about it in this episode.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:09):
Every day brings a new story. Life isn't perfect, but
it's perfectly ours, with raw conversations, inspiring stories and laugh
until you cry moments we hit them. I'm pack it
all and figure it out together, one episode at a time.
This is life as we know it, Unfiltered with Tony
Tanalia and Lisa Cameron.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Hello and welcome back. I can't wait to share this
story with you. I was I was going to tell
you did we talk about again? I don't know whether
you and I had this conversation outside the podcast or
in the podcast because we talk all the time, but
you know, we were talking about with my mum and
how my mum used to come into my dreams and
(00:54):
then stopped this conversation. Did you and I have this conversation?
Speaker 3 (01:00):
Can I just.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Imagine it was with Steph? Maybe so basically like my
mum when when she passed away early in the piece,
she would come into my dreams, right and the first
I'm actually now starting to get Daja val I think
it was with Steph.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
So it's probably a video of me going, oh yeah, and.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
I sitting here going did we really talk about this
or not? I don't remember. So when she passed away.
One of the first dreams I had of her was
she was in the dream all in white, but not
saying anything and just looking. I just remember the eyes
looking around and it was almost like she was like,
what's going on here? I don't know where I am
(01:46):
or what's going on, you know. And I think at
the time I said to her that she had passed away,
it was time to move on. And then after that,
the other few times she would come in my dream,
we would argue and She's like, no, I'm not dead,
what are you talking about. I'm still here. I was like, no, Mum,
you've passed away. You've got to go.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
Yeah, right.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
But I was always time I work up by this
freaking anxiety like I used to have when she was here.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
Yeah right.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
So got to the point where I had said to
her pretty much, don't come back, right, you need to go.
Don't come back. And my mum has never appeared in
any of my dreams really, yeah, until about a week ago.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Are you serious?
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Yes, I'm serious, And I'm wondering whether this has to
do with you know, the the RTT session that I
told you I had, I went under hypnosis and right,
so we were working on it. Yes you know, I'm
going now danger. So we were The thing we were
working on is me losing weight and working you know
with my weight. And one of the things that came
(02:48):
up was the weight gain started after the appendicitis, and
we worked out that the weight gain was due to
being like a protection mechanism. So during the RTT sessions,
what was coming up was a lot of stuff to
do with my mum yep. And I just remember at
(03:08):
one point towards the end of this session, I had
to I was told things that I had to say,
like affirmations type thing, right, and there was at one
point I couldn't say it. It was me talking to
my mum saying a certain thing. Anyway, long story short,
I actually wonder whether that brought up stuff to do
it well, obviously did. But about a week ago and
(03:28):
I wrote this down right because I thought this was
so significant, and I was looking at it today and
I thought, I've just just seen another connection in here.
So the dream was that I was at my house,
but it wasn't my house. It was another house, but
it was like this is where I was living, yep,
And my brother and my sister in law from the
Gold Coast. They live on Cold Coast. They were in Melbourne,
(03:51):
the kids were with them. Then there was Tanya Doco
Right now, Tanya lives in far North, New South Wales,
almost in Queensland, okay, but there was her and her son,
and then there was another friend of mine who also
lives in Queensland. Now I'm saying this where they live
because this registered with me today right right when I
(04:14):
was writing this down, didn't even click that they're all
in Queensland or up in that area. So anyway, So
in this dream, mum was at my house and looking
at all my staff to see what I had kept
of hers and just going through everything and oh, okay,
so yeah, you still got that of mine. And then
I was thinking, is that because I've been doing this
(04:35):
clean out now, I cleaned up my garage, was getting
rid of a lot of stuff, and I thought, did
she pop in just to see what I've kept? And
when I haven't cared what I got rid of? Oh
my god, I know, I know, you know what this
would be my mum, Yeah, this would be so anyway,
So then she gets into the car with my brother
and my sister in law and the kids and I
(04:56):
just let rip at her really in my dream, and
I'm like, why are you like this with me? What
have I done that you make me feel this way?
That you know that I'm not important to you, that
I mean nothing to you, that you don't like me?
And as I'm saying this, does this not ring a bell?
This conversation rings a bellt doesn't it? And so when
(05:19):
I woke up and I'm writing all this down, I've gone,
oh my god, I've got goosebumps now saying this right,
I sit sitting there thinking I've been channeling those thoughts
into the wrong area because I remember I said I've
got goosebumps now. Yes, I was saying the reason I
felt like that was I reckon when I was a
little kid at school and the principal dragged me up
(05:41):
in front of the school and right, and then as
I'm writing this stuff down, I went, oh my god,
this is my mom. My mom has made me feel
this way like I have felt insignificant, like I mean nothing,
nobody likes me because of what she was like with me,
someone letting rip, Oh my god in this dream, like
(06:04):
haven't fallen go at her? And then she just said
nothing did not say a word, and I thought, yeah,
that'd be right, don't say anything. And this was also
what came up when I did the RTT session, because
it was asked of me. You know, I want you
to picture this, say this to your mum what she's saying.
(06:27):
And I said nothing, she's not saying a word. My
mom never would apologize for anything. My mom never said
I love you. But in this, like I said, in
this situation, this dream, I was letting rip and having
to go at it full and she said nothing. I
walked away, though, feeling even stronger, and as I came
away from the car, like my brother and my sister
(06:47):
in law looking at me like are you okay, but
not in the sense of you've just gone natsy you okay?
Like are you okay? You know what I mean? And
then Tanya is there with her and she's looking at
me going are you okay?
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Other friend from Queensland also just appeared like he wasn't
there to start with, and just after hearing me yell
and whatever else appeared and they're all looking at me
like are you okay?
Speaker 4 (07:14):
And I remember looking at them going yeah, I'm fucking great, yes,
But I thought, how funny is it that this mother
of mine never appeared in any of my dreams all
of these years after that session makes.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
An appearance to go, yes, like you've let it go there,
like I've led so much, go oh my god.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
But I just, like I said, as I'm writing all
this stuff down, I'm sitting there going, oh my god.
And it's connecting other dots. But today when I was
looking at this, and I looked at the fact that
all of these people are in Queensland that I haven't
been able to figure out, well, I was curious about that.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
What is that?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
I don't know they?
Speaker 3 (07:56):
I mean, are they you know, I know ten years
a close? Like are they friends that you shared this
with that not really well?
Speaker 2 (08:05):
The other the male friend, knew none of this stuff.
So I still can't work out why he's in there.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
I wonder if ten who is like the Italian connection
or something.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
I don't know. Yeah, But like I said, I just
like today, I've gone these people in Queensland. Where does
that come into this? Maybe I felt that too. Yeah,
we moved to Queensland. I don't know, but it was
so bizarre. And then and then I went to see
(08:35):
Shirley Valentine with Natalie Basinthwaite.
Speaker 4 (08:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
Do you remember the movie Shirley Valentine.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
Yes, like that's that was like eighties.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
Yeah, yeah, Yeah. It's funny because I don't I remember
seeing it, but I don't remember a lot about it.
I do know. It's about this woman whose marriage is
you know, stale and goes on a holiday and this,
that and the other. But just even that, like, there
was certain lines in that show that hit hard, the
not feeling like anybody liked you, because there was one
(09:06):
thing that she said. And I'm just gonna try and
find this because again I wrote this down, she wrote.
She says that, you know, she thinking about her neighbor
who's always trying to one up her. Is Shirley Shirley Yes,
in a churl in Churlie Valentine, Shirley Valentine, And she
says that she thought her neighbor didn't like her, and
(09:28):
she told her neighbor that she was going away on holiday.
So she's buying lingerie for herself, right, just because she
wanted to feel good about herself. She's buying lingerie. The
neighbor sees her buying this lingerie and it's like, oh,
you know, what are you doing that side of thing.
She goes, I'm going to go meet my lover. All right,
bullshit story, but was so sick of this neighbor one
upping her. And the neighbor said, oh, you know what,
(09:50):
silk feels better than the material. This was right, so again,
so this is how she feels like, there's always yours
is always better than mine type thing. But what she
what the neighbor then does is she buys her this
silk like a like a srong you throw over yourself,
(10:11):
over your bathies and like those kimono kind of yeah. Yeah,
So the neighbor buys her that as a gift and
gives it to her, and she didn't know what was coming,
and she was like, oh, here we go type thing.
And as she opens it, she sees what it is
and the neighbor says to her, you are so brave.
(10:32):
I'm about to I'm getting really emotional thinking about this. Yeah. Yeah,
the neighbor says to her, I've envied you for so long.
You are such a brave person and what you're about
to do is such a brave thing. And I don't
know what it was about that particular scene for me
that felt like, you know, I was like Shirley that
(10:52):
I felt like for so long, you know, people tried
to one up me or didn't like me or put
me down or whatever else. And hearing her say you
are so brave, I sat there going, fuck you, Yes,
I'm a fucking brave like this around Oh my god,
you know I and I didn't, like I said, there,
(11:13):
going I don't have to tell anybody this. I am
now on the podcast obviously, but I just I just
felt like I within a week, it was not even
I suppose a week, it was within days that I
had all of this emotional stuff come up. And I
and I just feel like it's that you know, you
say it often, Lisa, It's like the software upgrade. Yeah,
(11:36):
And I feel like that I've just had another one
of those, Yes, absolutely, and that I've just stepped into
another chapter of my life. And the thing that you know,
I've been thinking a lot about is that I'm only
a few years off being sixty and just saying that,
I'm like, no, I'm not closer to sixty than I'm not,
(12:00):
you know, but that sort of hits you a little bit. Yeah,
because all of a sudden you feel your mortality. And
I was talking to somebody yesterday. It's actually my big
boss and he is now leaving his role, so he's
stepping out of the role of CEO of the company
(12:21):
content and like it didn't shock me. It didn't. It
didn't right. I sort of felt like it was going
to come, but you know, having had past conversations with him,
knowing what he's doing, like it made sense. And he says,
I'm at sixty, I'm thinking more about the fact that
I'm closer to the other side and I might only
(12:44):
have thirty years left as opposed to what I've just lived,
which is like sixty years. And I said to him
that I just I totally understand where you're coming from
because I've been thinking about that more and more. You're
realizing your mortality more, but you're also realizing what you
want in life and the people you want around you,
(13:05):
and how you want to live the rest of your life.
And he sent me this poem, oh nice and this.
When I was reading this, I went, this is exactly me,
because he said to me, he said, I'm going to
send you this, he said, because this is me. And
he says, I know you'll be able to relate to it.
By a guy named Mario dra Day, I think. I
think that's say it's called maturity. I counted my years
(13:28):
and discovered that I have fewer years left to live
compared to the time I have lived until now. I
feel like a boy who won a package of treats.
The first he eats with pleasure, and he realizes that
there are few left. He then starts to contemplate upon them.
I no longer have time for endless meetings that achieve
nothing as statuses, rules, procedures, and regulations are discussed. Neither
(13:52):
do I have time to give encouragement to absurd people who,
despite their age, have not grown up. I have time
to deal with mediocrity. I don't want to be in
meetings where egos parade. I won't tolerate manipulators and opportunists.
I am bothered by envious people seeking to discredit the
able ones to ussurp their places, talents and accomplishments. I
(14:15):
hate to witness the ill effects generated by the struggle
for a better job among ambitious people. I detest people
who do not argue about content but titles. My time
is precious to discuss titles. I want the essence. My
soul is in a hurry. Not many treats are left
in the packet. I want to live among human people,
(14:35):
very human people who can laugh at their mistakes, who
do not become full of themselves because of their triumphs,
who do not consider themselves elite before they have really
become one, who do not run away from their responsibilities,
who defend human dignity, who do not want anything else,
to walk along with truth, righteousness, honesty, and integrity. The
(14:56):
essential thing is what makes life worthwhile. I want to
surround myself with people who can touch the hearts of others,
people who, despite the hard knockouts of life, grew up
with a soft touch in their soul. Yes, I'm in
a hurry so that I can live with the intensity
which only maturity can give me. I intend not to
waste any of the treats I have left. I'm sure
(15:16):
they will be more exquisite compared to the ones I
have eaten so far. My goal is to reach the
end satisfied and at peace with my loved ones and
my conscious. I hope yours is the same, because the
end will come anyway. And I was just like, oh
my god, this is where I am now.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Really yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
It's like you get to that point in your life
where you think, I've dealt with so much bullshit in
the past, and I never stood up for myself or
I never had the courage to say what I thought,
or never had the courage to step away from a
situation or people that were in my life because I
was like, nah, But now I've gone, I don't need
(15:59):
that bullshit anymore. I've got less years on this earth
left than what I've lived, and I just yeah, I
just it just feels like that within the last few
weeks there's been this whirlpool going on in my life,
but it's clearing out a lot of the crap and going, Okay,
new chapter, new life, go for it.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
You're exciting so highty.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
It's just isn't it weird?
Speaker 3 (16:25):
But how amazing You've got to this point in your
life where you can actually see that and you're excited
to live this next chapter. There's so many people that
have lived for over fifty years and they're grumpy and
this is duskiness.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
It's gonna be one of those grumpy old peoples here.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
And it's like, how.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Are you going to live out your life?
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Yeah, just being bitter, Yeah, senseful, I.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Know You'm ful, angry?
Speaker 3 (16:49):
What is that?
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Yeah, well what is that?
Speaker 3 (16:52):
So that's amazing that you've come to that place and
you can you can see these things, these parts of
you that are falling away when you're accepting that, and
you're like, this is exciting.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Yeah it is.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
I know, I really use and I can see that
beautiful glow in you. And you know, I mean Steph
said that you look different, you feel different, you sound different,
you know, but you've gotten to that place where you're like,
I just don't want to hold onto all that that
baggage anymore. I don't want to be that person exactly.
And doing this work, this hypnosis stuff obviously brought up,
(17:25):
I know, stuff.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
With your mom. Oh my god, how did that dream
make you feel like?
Speaker 3 (17:29):
When you got up?
Speaker 2 (17:30):
How did you I didn't feel anxious. I did not,
And whereas in the past when she would come into
my dreams, I would have that anxiety that I used
to have when she was here. Yeah, but I didn't.
I felt like I'm standing up for myself.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
Yeah, so is it now? You can see that was
all about her. It was about her, all about her.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Funny. Yes, for so long I thought it was about others, yep,
but it was about her and how she was making
me feel.
Speaker 3 (17:56):
Yeah, it's and that's the thing in life, life, isn't it.
You know? We think that other people being nasty to
us and all that sort of stuff, you know. I
mean that's how I grew up with that mindset, was
all there a bitch and they're this and this or whatever.
But ninety nine percent of the time it's about them.
There are those times where you definitely feel it in
(18:17):
yourself and you're like, oh, hang on, that's about me,
you know what I mean, And you get that little
that's something about me. I either need to set a boundary,
there's something I need to change, whatever it is. But
most of the time it's the other person's insecurity, unhappiness,
whatever it is. But we make it about us, yes,
(18:37):
because we want to be liked, We want to be loved,
and especially coming from your mum, you would be desperate
for your mum to love you. Yeah, But she didn't
love herself.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
No, that's and that was the other thing that I
thought about afterwards as well, is that I'm trying to
work out who was that I heard say this, and
it might have been Drew barrymore So, I've been listening
to her book, and in the book she says, don't
quote me on this because I might have this wrong.
But she says that like with her dad, like she's like,
(19:07):
people have asked her, does she forgive her dad for
what he was like? And she's like, I don't have
to forgive him for that. She said, I can still
not forgive him for that, but I can move on
from that, you know. And so she was around him,
you know, later in life before he passed away, and
I thought to myself, how do I feel in that
(19:28):
respect with my mum? Do I forgive her? And I thought,
you know what, I don't have to forgive her, but
I can walk away going I understand why you were
like that, because of how you were brought up, the
fact that you didn't have the strength to change that
that I don't forgive you for that. You know. I've
made mistakes with my daughter. We've all made mistakes with
(19:51):
their kids. But I'm conscious of those mistakes and I
do what I can to not do them again. But also,
you know, like build a better relationship with my daughter,
and I.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
Can and that's that's happening now. And you have so
much self awareness Tony, you know what I mean. Like
you you're very quick to see like if you do something,
you go, hang on that might have made that person
feel like that, and you'll go did that make you?
You know, you're very quick on that. And that's a
high level of emotional intelligence. And I think people like
(20:24):
your mom, like my mom, they just didn't have the tools.
There was no conversation around this anyway. But they've got
that Maltese Italian old school mindset where you know, this
is who I am and this is what I do,
and you know, and that's kind of it. And they
don't talk about their their past and how they were
brought up. I mean, I know my mum had a
(20:45):
very strict Catholic upbringing, you know, and and she tried
not to give us that, but it certainly came through,
and she could rationalize with a lot of things. When
she was offered tools, she was like, I want that,
you know. She didn't want to change because there's so
much fear around that. Yeah, so it's amazing that you
(21:05):
can see that. I don't know, Elena Dokis spoken about
that with her father as well, that she won't ever
forgive her father, but she'll never hate him because the
feeling of hate is so much stronger and she's not
going to carry that energy around. And she said, I'm
not going to forgive his behavior because that's poor behavior
(21:27):
and that's unacceptable. And I thought, you know, that was
the first time I thought to myself, Yeah, you're right, Like,
you don't have to forgive the behavior, but it's the
way that you feel about the person. You can release
yourself from that feeling. Yeah, and that's what you've done
with your mom. I love it.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
I love it so cool.
Speaker 3 (21:50):
So what does the next chapter look like for you? Oh? Man,
are we getting the tinder?
Speaker 2 (21:58):
We're still talking about that.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
I feel like you're in a just like this really
joyful place, you know, where You've got this beautiful energy
that you could potentially share in a relationship that we
don't have to do. Well.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
It's funny because right now I'm happy. I'm still happy
not being in a relationship, but more so because I'm
happy with what I'm doing and I want to be
doing that for a little bit longer before all of
a sudd I'm going to start sharing my life with somebody.
I don't have an issue sharing my life with somebody,
but right now, I'm like, I know, I want to
(22:33):
be selfish now for a little while. Now that I've
got this freedom and feeling so much better about myself
and what I'm doing, I want to be able to
do what I want to do when I want to
do it. Yeah, Like, I just don't feel like I
need anybody in my life right now. We've been talking
about this for years, I know, you know, maybe I
(22:56):
wonder if there's a little opening there might be this
is a thing, there might be that opening that I'm
not seeing because at the end, we know this, We
speak about this a lot, right at the end of
the day, it's meant to be. It's going to happen. Yeah,
all right, even though I'm feeling like this, if somebody
Waltz is in and sweeps me away, well that's what's
meant to happen.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
Yeah, Yeah, it's so true, Yeah, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (23:19):
So true? Well, stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Stay tuned the next four.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
Years, folks, Tony God, Yeah, good luck with that.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
Don't know how wild I'm going to get you up to.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
Stay tuned to find out you've been listening to Life
as We Know It Unfiltered with Tony Tanalia and Lisa Cameron.
If you like this episode, please leave us a review
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(23:51):
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Every day brings a new story. Life isn't perfect, but
it's perfectly ours, with raw conversations, inspiring stories and laugh
until you cry moments we hit them. I'm pack it
all and figure it out together, one episode at a time.
This is life as we know it, Unfiltered with Tony
Tanalia and Lisa Cameron.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Hello and welcome back. I can't wait to share this
story with you. I was I was going to tell
you did we talk about again? I don't know whether
you and I had this conversation outside the podcast or
in the podcast because we talk all the time, but
you know, we were talking about with my mum and
how my mum used to come into my dreams and
(00:54):
then stopped this conversation. Did you and I have this conversation?
Speaker 3 (01:00):
Can I just.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Imagine it was with Steph? Maybe so basically like my
mum when when she passed away early in the piece,
she would come into my dreams, right and the first
I'm actually now starting to get Daja val I think
it was with Steph.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
So it's probably a video of me going, oh yeah, and.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
I sitting here going did we really talk about this
or not? I don't remember. So when she passed away.
One of the first dreams I had of her was
she was in the dream all in white, but not
saying anything and just looking. I just remember the eyes
looking around and it was almost like she was like,
what's going on here? I don't know where I am
(01:46):
or what's going on, you know. And I think at
the time I said to her that she had passed away,
it was time to move on. And then after that,
the other few times she would come in my dream,
we would argue and She's like, no, I'm not dead,
what are you talking about. I'm still here. I was like, no, Mum,
you've passed away. You've got to go.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
Yeah, right.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
But I was always time I work up by this
freaking anxiety like I used to have when she was here.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
Yeah right.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
So got to the point where I had said to
her pretty much, don't come back, right, you need to go.
Don't come back. And my mum has never appeared in
any of my dreams really, yeah, until about a week ago.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Are you serious?
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Yes, I'm serious, And I'm wondering whether this has to
do with you know, the the RTT session that I
told you I had, I went under hypnosis and right,
so we were working on it. Yes you know, I'm
going now danger. So we were The thing we were
working on is me losing weight and working you know
with my weight. And one of the things that came
(02:48):
up was the weight gain started after the appendicitis, and
we worked out that the weight gain was due to
being like a protection mechanism. So during the RTT sessions,
what was coming up was a lot of stuff to
do with my mum yep. And I just remember at
(03:08):
one point towards the end of this session, I had
to I was told things that I had to say,
like affirmations type thing, right, and there was at one
point I couldn't say it. It was me talking to
my mum saying a certain thing. Anyway, long story short,
I actually wonder whether that brought up stuff to do
it well, obviously did. But about a week ago and
(03:28):
I wrote this down right because I thought this was
so significant, and I was looking at it today and
I thought, I've just just seen another connection in here.
So the dream was that I was at my house,
but it wasn't my house. It was another house, but
it was like this is where I was living, yep,
And my brother and my sister in law from the
Gold Coast. They live on Cold Coast. They were in Melbourne,
(03:51):
the kids were with them. Then there was Tanya Doco
Right now, Tanya lives in far North, New South Wales,
almost in Queensland, okay, but there was her and her son,
and then there was another friend of mine who also
lives in Queensland. Now I'm saying this where they live
because this registered with me today right right when I
(04:14):
was writing this down, didn't even click that they're all
in Queensland or up in that area. So anyway, So
in this dream, mum was at my house and looking
at all my staff to see what I had kept
of hers and just going through everything and oh, okay,
so yeah, you still got that of mine. And then
I was thinking, is that because I've been doing this
(04:35):
clean out now, I cleaned up my garage, was getting
rid of a lot of stuff, and I thought, did
she pop in just to see what I've kept? And
when I haven't cared what I got rid of? Oh
my god, I know, I know, you know what this
would be my mum, Yeah, this would be so anyway,
So then she gets into the car with my brother
and my sister in law and the kids and I
(04:56):
just let rip at her really in my dream, and
I'm like, why are you like this with me? What
have I done that you make me feel this way?
That you know that I'm not important to you, that
I mean nothing to you, that you don't like me?
And as I'm saying this, does this not ring a bell?
This conversation rings a bellt doesn't it? And so when
(05:19):
I woke up and I'm writing all this down, I've gone,
oh my god, I've got goosebumps now saying this right,
I sit sitting there thinking I've been channeling those thoughts
into the wrong area because I remember I said I've
got goosebumps now. Yes, I was saying the reason I
felt like that was I reckon when I was a
little kid at school and the principal dragged me up
(05:41):
in front of the school and right, and then as
I'm writing this stuff down, I went, oh my god,
this is my mom. My mom has made me feel
this way like I have felt insignificant, like I mean nothing,
nobody likes me because of what she was like with me,
someone letting rip, Oh my god in this dream, like
(06:04):
haven't fallen go at her? And then she just said
nothing did not say a word, and I thought, yeah,
that'd be right, don't say anything. And this was also
what came up when I did the RTT session, because
it was asked of me. You know, I want you
to picture this, say this to your mum what she's saying.
(06:27):
And I said nothing, she's not saying a word. My
mom never would apologize for anything. My mom never said
I love you. But in this, like I said, in
this situation, this dream, I was letting rip and having
to go at it full and she said nothing. I
walked away, though, feeling even stronger, and as I came
away from the car, like my brother and my sister
(06:47):
in law looking at me like are you okay, but
not in the sense of you've just gone natsy you okay?
Like are you okay? You know what I mean? And
then Tanya is there with her and she's looking at
me going are you okay?
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Other friend from Queensland also just appeared like he wasn't
there to start with, and just after hearing me yell
and whatever else appeared and they're all looking at me
like are you okay?
Speaker 4 (07:14):
And I remember looking at them going yeah, I'm fucking great, yes,
But I thought, how funny is it that this mother
of mine never appeared in any of my dreams all
of these years after that session makes.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
An appearance to go, yes, like you've let it go there,
like I've led so much, go oh my god.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
But I just, like I said, as I'm writing all
this stuff down, I'm sitting there going, oh my god.
And it's connecting other dots. But today when I was
looking at this, and I looked at the fact that
all of these people are in Queensland that I haven't
been able to figure out, well, I was curious about that.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
What is that?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
I don't know they?
Speaker 3 (07:56):
I mean, are they you know, I know ten years
a close? Like are they friends that you shared this
with that not really well?
Speaker 2 (08:05):
The other the male friend, knew none of this stuff.
So I still can't work out why he's in there.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
I wonder if ten who is like the Italian connection
or something.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
I don't know. Yeah, But like I said, I just
like today, I've gone these people in Queensland. Where does
that come into this? Maybe I felt that too. Yeah,
we moved to Queensland. I don't know, but it was
so bizarre. And then and then I went to see
(08:35):
Shirley Valentine with Natalie Basinthwaite.
Speaker 4 (08:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
Do you remember the movie Shirley Valentine.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
Yes, like that's that was like eighties.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
Yeah, yeah, Yeah. It's funny because I don't I remember
seeing it, but I don't remember a lot about it.
I do know. It's about this woman whose marriage is
you know, stale and goes on a holiday and this,
that and the other. But just even that, like, there
was certain lines in that show that hit hard, the
not feeling like anybody liked you, because there was one
(09:06):
thing that she said. And I'm just gonna try and
find this because again I wrote this down, she wrote.
She says that, you know, she thinking about her neighbor
who's always trying to one up her. Is Shirley Shirley Yes,
in a churl in Churlie Valentine, Shirley Valentine, And she
says that she thought her neighbor didn't like her, and
(09:28):
she told her neighbor that she was going away on holiday.
So she's buying lingerie for herself, right, just because she
wanted to feel good about herself. She's buying lingerie. The
neighbor sees her buying this lingerie and it's like, oh,
you know, what are you doing that side of thing.
She goes, I'm going to go meet my lover. All right,
bullshit story, but was so sick of this neighbor one
upping her. And the neighbor said, oh, you know what,
(09:50):
silk feels better than the material. This was right, so again,
so this is how she feels like, there's always yours
is always better than mine type thing. But what she
what the neighbor then does is she buys her this
silk like a like a srong you throw over yourself,
(10:11):
over your bathies and like those kimono kind of yeah. Yeah,
So the neighbor buys her that as a gift and
gives it to her, and she didn't know what was coming,
and she was like, oh, here we go type thing.
And as she opens it, she sees what it is
and the neighbor says to her, you are so brave.
(10:32):
I'm about to I'm getting really emotional thinking about this. Yeah. Yeah,
the neighbor says to her, I've envied you for so long.
You are such a brave person and what you're about
to do is such a brave thing. And I don't
know what it was about that particular scene for me
that felt like, you know, I was like Shirley that
(10:52):
I felt like for so long, you know, people tried
to one up me or didn't like me or put
me down or whatever else. And hearing her say you
are so brave, I sat there going, fuck you, Yes,
I'm a fucking brave like this around Oh my god,
you know I and I didn't, like I said, there,
(11:13):
going I don't have to tell anybody this. I am
now on the podcast obviously, but I just I just
felt like I within a week, it was not even
I suppose a week, it was within days that I
had all of this emotional stuff come up. And I
and I just feel like it's that you know, you
say it often, Lisa, It's like the software upgrade. Yeah,
(11:36):
And I feel like that I've just had another one
of those, Yes, absolutely, and that I've just stepped into
another chapter of my life. And the thing that you know,
I've been thinking a lot about is that I'm only
a few years off being sixty and just saying that,
I'm like, no, I'm not closer to sixty than I'm not,
(12:00):
you know, but that sort of hits you a little bit. Yeah,
because all of a sudden you feel your mortality. And
I was talking to somebody yesterday. It's actually my big
boss and he is now leaving his role, so he's
stepping out of the role of CEO of the company
(12:21):
content and like it didn't shock me. It didn't. It
didn't right. I sort of felt like it was going
to come, but you know, having had past conversations with him,
knowing what he's doing, like it made sense. And he says,
I'm at sixty, I'm thinking more about the fact that
I'm closer to the other side and I might only
(12:44):
have thirty years left as opposed to what I've just lived,
which is like sixty years. And I said to him
that I just I totally understand where you're coming from
because I've been thinking about that more and more. You're
realizing your mortality more, but you're also realizing what you
want in life and the people you want around you,
(13:05):
and how you want to live the rest of your life.
And he sent me this poem, oh nice and this.
When I was reading this, I went, this is exactly me,
because he said to me, he said, I'm going to
send you this, he said, because this is me. And
he says, I know you'll be able to relate to it.
By a guy named Mario dra Day, I think. I
think that's say it's called maturity. I counted my years
(13:28):
and discovered that I have fewer years left to live
compared to the time I have lived until now. I
feel like a boy who won a package of treats.
The first he eats with pleasure, and he realizes that
there are few left. He then starts to contemplate upon them.
I no longer have time for endless meetings that achieve
nothing as statuses, rules, procedures, and regulations are discussed. Neither
(13:52):
do I have time to give encouragement to absurd people who,
despite their age, have not grown up. I have time
to deal with mediocrity. I don't want to be in
meetings where egos parade. I won't tolerate manipulators and opportunists.
I am bothered by envious people seeking to discredit the
able ones to ussurp their places, talents and accomplishments. I
(14:15):
hate to witness the ill effects generated by the struggle
for a better job among ambitious people. I detest people
who do not argue about content but titles. My time
is precious to discuss titles. I want the essence. My
soul is in a hurry. Not many treats are left
in the packet. I want to live among human people,
(14:35):
very human people who can laugh at their mistakes, who
do not become full of themselves because of their triumphs,
who do not consider themselves elite before they have really
become one, who do not run away from their responsibilities,
who defend human dignity, who do not want anything else,
to walk along with truth, righteousness, honesty, and integrity. The
(14:56):
essential thing is what makes life worthwhile. I want to
surround myself with people who can touch the hearts of others,
people who, despite the hard knockouts of life, grew up
with a soft touch in their soul. Yes, I'm in
a hurry so that I can live with the intensity
which only maturity can give me. I intend not to
waste any of the treats I have left. I'm sure
(15:16):
they will be more exquisite compared to the ones I
have eaten so far. My goal is to reach the
end satisfied and at peace with my loved ones and
my conscious. I hope yours is the same, because the
end will come anyway. And I was just like, oh
my god, this is where I am now.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Really yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
It's like you get to that point in your life
where you think, I've dealt with so much bullshit in
the past, and I never stood up for myself or
I never had the courage to say what I thought,
or never had the courage to step away from a
situation or people that were in my life because I
was like, nah, But now I've gone, I don't need
(15:59):
that bullshit anymore. I've got less years on this earth
left than what I've lived, and I just yeah, I
just it just feels like that within the last few
weeks there's been this whirlpool going on in my life,
but it's clearing out a lot of the crap and going, Okay,
new chapter, new life, go for it.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
You're exciting so highty.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
It's just isn't it weird?
Speaker 3 (16:25):
But how amazing You've got to this point in your
life where you can actually see that and you're excited
to live this next chapter. There's so many people that
have lived for over fifty years and they're grumpy and
this is duskiness.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
It's gonna be one of those grumpy old peoples here.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
And it's like, how.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Are you going to live out your life?
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Yeah, just being bitter, Yeah, senseful, I.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Know You'm ful, angry?
Speaker 3 (16:49):
What is that?
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Yeah, well what is that?
Speaker 3 (16:52):
So that's amazing that you've come to that place and
you can you can see these things, these parts of
you that are falling away when you're accepting that, and
you're like, this is exciting.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Yeah it is.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
I know, I really use and I can see that
beautiful glow in you. And you know, I mean Steph
said that you look different, you feel different, you sound different,
you know, but you've gotten to that place where you're like,
I just don't want to hold onto all that that
baggage anymore. I don't want to be that person exactly.
And doing this work, this hypnosis stuff obviously brought up,
(17:25):
I know, stuff.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
With your mom. Oh my god, how did that dream
make you feel like?
Speaker 3 (17:29):
When you got up?
Speaker 2 (17:30):
How did you I didn't feel anxious. I did not,
And whereas in the past when she would come into
my dreams, I would have that anxiety that I used
to have when she was here. Yeah, but I didn't.
I felt like I'm standing up for myself.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
Yeah, so is it now? You can see that was
all about her. It was about her, all about her.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Funny. Yes, for so long I thought it was about others, yep,
but it was about her and how she was making
me feel.
Speaker 3 (17:56):
Yeah, it's and that's the thing in life, life, isn't it.
You know? We think that other people being nasty to
us and all that sort of stuff, you know. I
mean that's how I grew up with that mindset, was
all there a bitch and they're this and this or whatever.
But ninety nine percent of the time it's about them.
There are those times where you definitely feel it in
(18:17):
yourself and you're like, oh, hang on, that's about me,
you know what I mean, And you get that little
that's something about me. I either need to set a boundary,
there's something I need to change, whatever it is. But
most of the time it's the other person's insecurity, unhappiness,
whatever it is. But we make it about us, yes,
(18:37):
because we want to be liked, We want to be loved,
and especially coming from your mum, you would be desperate
for your mum to love you. Yeah, But she didn't
love herself.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
No, that's and that was the other thing that I
thought about afterwards as well, is that I'm trying to
work out who was that I heard say this, and
it might have been Drew barrymore So, I've been listening
to her book, and in the book she says, don't
quote me on this because I might have this wrong.
But she says that like with her dad, like she's like,
(19:07):
people have asked her, does she forgive her dad for
what he was like? And she's like, I don't have
to forgive him for that. She said, I can still
not forgive him for that, but I can move on
from that, you know. And so she was around him,
you know, later in life before he passed away, and
I thought to myself, how do I feel in that
(19:28):
respect with my mum? Do I forgive her? And I thought,
you know what, I don't have to forgive her, but
I can walk away going I understand why you were
like that, because of how you were brought up, the
fact that you didn't have the strength to change that
that I don't forgive you for that. You know. I've
made mistakes with my daughter. We've all made mistakes with
(19:51):
their kids. But I'm conscious of those mistakes and I
do what I can to not do them again. But also,
you know, like build a better relationship with my daughter,
and I.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
Can and that's that's happening now. And you have so
much self awareness Tony, you know what I mean. Like
you you're very quick to see like if you do something,
you go, hang on that might have made that person
feel like that, and you'll go did that make you?
You know, you're very quick on that. And that's a
high level of emotional intelligence. And I think people like
(20:24):
your mom, like my mom, they just didn't have the tools.
There was no conversation around this anyway. But they've got
that Maltese Italian old school mindset where you know, this
is who I am and this is what I do,
and you know, and that's kind of it. And they
don't talk about their their past and how they were
brought up. I mean, I know my mum had a
(20:45):
very strict Catholic upbringing, you know, and and she tried
not to give us that, but it certainly came through,
and she could rationalize with a lot of things. When
she was offered tools, she was like, I want that,
you know. She didn't want to change because there's so
much fear around that. Yeah, so it's amazing that you
(21:05):
can see that. I don't know, Elena Dokis spoken about
that with her father as well, that she won't ever
forgive her father, but she'll never hate him because the
feeling of hate is so much stronger and she's not
going to carry that energy around. And she said, I'm
not going to forgive his behavior because that's poor behavior
(21:27):
and that's unacceptable. And I thought, you know, that was
the first time I thought to myself, Yeah, you're right, Like,
you don't have to forgive the behavior, but it's the
way that you feel about the person. You can release
yourself from that feeling. Yeah, and that's what you've done
with your mom. I love it.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
I love it so cool.
Speaker 3 (21:50):
So what does the next chapter look like for you? Oh? Man,
are we getting the tinder?
Speaker 2 (21:58):
We're still talking about that.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
I feel like you're in a just like this really
joyful place, you know, where You've got this beautiful energy
that you could potentially share in a relationship that we
don't have to do. Well.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
It's funny because right now I'm happy. I'm still happy
not being in a relationship, but more so because I'm
happy with what I'm doing and I want to be
doing that for a little bit longer before all of
a sudd I'm going to start sharing my life with somebody.
I don't have an issue sharing my life with somebody,
but right now, I'm like, I know, I want to
(22:33):
be selfish now for a little while. Now that I've
got this freedom and feeling so much better about myself
and what I'm doing, I want to be able to
do what I want to do when I want to
do it. Yeah, Like, I just don't feel like I
need anybody in my life right now. We've been talking
about this for years, I know, you know, maybe I
(22:56):
wonder if there's a little opening there might be this
is a thing, there might be that opening that I'm
not seeing because at the end, we know this, We
speak about this a lot, right at the end of
the day, it's meant to be. It's going to happen. Yeah,
all right, even though I'm feeling like this, if somebody
Waltz is in and sweeps me away, well that's what's
meant to happen.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
Yeah, Yeah, it's so true, Yeah, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (23:19):
So true? Well, stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Stay tuned the next four.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
Years, folks, Tony God, Yeah, good luck with that.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
Don't know how wild I'm going to get you up to.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
Stay tuned to find out you've been listening to Life
as We Know It Unfiltered with Tony Tanalia and Lisa Cameron.
If you like this episode, please leave us a review
or drop a comment on our socials. We love hearing
from you. You can also come hang out with us
on Instagram at Life as we Know It dot podcast
and on Facebook at Life as we Know It. Oh
(23:51):
and please see that follow button on your favorite podcast app.
If you're not following us yet, catch up with you
in our next episode nine
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