October 6, 2020 • 24 mins
Are you ready to step into your power? Letting go of relationships that no longer serve you, and making space for new uplifting, supportive friends and partners may be the start of re-discovering yourself. Join Jill & Renee as they also explore the power of talk therapy, dealing with depression, and how to lead by example.
In this unique episode, Jill and her close friend Renee share some excellent life advice on becoming your most authentic self and dealing with racial injustice in the US.
In this episode they discuss:
(1:15) What spurred your choice to become a lawyer from such a young age
(3:32) What has helped Renee step into her power and become unapologetically herself
(6:18) Tips and advice on vetting your social circle to live your more authentic life.
(7:05) How has Renee been affected by all the recent political and racial injustice that the US has dealt with recently?
(8:40) How difficult has it been for Renee to go about explaining all the racial issues in the US to her interracial family?
(11:20) What is Seasonal Affective Disorder and what are some tips on dealing with it?
(16:29) What is some of the best advice Renee has been given in her life?
(18:28) The importance of building in relaxation time to your days.
(20:59) Renee shares some of the foods she grew up with in Jamaica.
(21:51) Care for yourself just like you would care for your most prized guest.
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Learn More: https://www.curtco.com/lifedonebetter
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Hosted by: Jill de Jong
Produced and edited by: AJ Moseley
Theme Music by: Chris Porter
A CurtCo Media Production
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
From Kurt Coe media this week on Life done better.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
I think that if nothing else if people are going
to improve their life you need to have a friend
partner someone that you can share authentically and three things.
It's just so nice to release it because it's energy
that's stuck in your body that you need to get out.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
And I really think venting is so important that's probably
half the reason I have it like you are here
to listen to whatever is going to come out of
my mouth. Welcome to life. Done better. I'm your host.
For the young.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
Rene thanks for being on the show. I know how
busy you are. And I am thrilled to hear you
with all the listeners you've been such an amazing friend.
Oh well thank you Joe. I'm very grateful even just
to have this opportunity here today. What a great break
it is that I get to just chat with my
best friend for an hour and a half.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
You and I share so much. And over the years
I've seen you evolve in ways that you know I
just find really impressive. And I've always been intrigued by
the clarity of your life's mission to become a lawyer.
And I think it's quite unusual for a child to
know at an early age what she wants to be.
Did you experience injustice or other emotions at that very
(01:16):
young age that you used as fuel to step into
this career.
Speaker 5 (01:20):
I certainly did. And so it was interesting living in Jamaica.
You know I was we were very poor and we
had like one TV and one channel and on the
channel there was a show called Matlock that came on
and it was it's the Andy Griffith Show Way back
in the 80s. You know he's this old white guy
who is a criminal defense lawyer who specialized in murder cases.
(01:41):
And what I loved about him is that he was
a little quirky but he kept winning and he kept
digging in to make sure he had the right facts
so that he could represent his clients well. And it
was just really impressive to me and I think also
is also the only thing that was on television. But
it's interesting that I saw myself in that character. But
as I went through my years of schooling I was
(02:03):
always very passionate about history and law and you know
the inequalities that especially in America that I saw. And
so I moved to America and when I was 6
years old and I could recognize the difference from you
know even at that young age from from living in
Jamaica to America and how I was looked at differently
because I had an accent I was brown and just
(02:25):
I was different. And so going to school as I
went through my course of studies and saw where impacts
were really made in society and people's lives. It's because
of lawyers lawyers and judges who worked hard to understand
what the issues are. And so that we can have
changes in the law to make society a little bit
more equal for everyone. And we still have a lot
of work to do but I'm an advocate and I
(02:47):
can't go out and fight but I can fight in
a courtroom. And so that's what I do as I
try and fight for the disenfranchised the marginalized people and
for people who need help.
Speaker 6 (02:57):
Absolutely and not only like when you when you talk
about being a warrior like some fun facts about Rene.
Speaker 7 (03:03):
For many many years Rene's Halloween costume is Xena Warrior
and her love for the Game of Thrones is off
the charts. She'd organized like custom parties Games of Thrones
food and even a birthday cake. This is just so
authentically you. Yeah. You know you seem like an unapologetic
version of yourself and I do know that it's not
(03:23):
always been like that because when you were younger you
know you had your own struggles and insecurities.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
So you've grown into you like being you. Do you
remember some of the events in your life or decisions
that you've made that make you step into your power
more and more and more.
Speaker 8 (03:39):
I find it interesting when I see particularly other women
who are trying to find themselves and they're trying to
do all these different things to get to where they are.
When if you really just sit with what is it
that you like what is it that you love to
do what seems right to you. What seems like a
good use of your time you know. And for me
especially as busy as I got practicing lot I wasn't
able to chip away at the things that were with me.
(04:01):
And so when I find something or someone that is
more in line with who I am and my values
it's really easy to choose that choice.
Speaker 5 (04:09):
So I would say that I have been proud of
pretty much every decision I've made in my life and
because I don't make decisions lightly. And I would say
that one of the decisions that I made that really
helped me become more authentically myself is unfortunately getting divorced.
I was stuck in a marriage where someone was not
uplifting me at all. And in fact chipping away at
(04:31):
the essence and the core of who I was and
I just had to get out of that toxic relationship
which was really hard because I had a child with
this person and it wasn't just breaking up my family
was breaking up her family. And it was a tough
decision to make. And I'm gosh almost six years out
from my divorce now. And it was literally like just
(04:51):
someone just took a veil off and this was like
Ben's Rene you know when you have someone that's not
aligned with who you are and actually chipping away at
the core of who you are you forget. And so
I have spent the last six years I think just
reintroducing myself to me. And part of that being you
know now with a current husband who really gets me
who gets my nerdy side. So for instance my ex-husband
(05:14):
he hated the fact that I watched Xena over and
over again. And the thing is I have a really
tough job right. I'm in the world. I'm in all
the societal issues. I represent all types of clients businesses everything.
Speaker 8 (05:27):
It's a tough job. So when I am ready to
unwind I want to watch some silly little show or
I want to watch Star Wars or I want to
watch Lord of the Rings because this is me. It
was to the point where if I wanted to watch
Xena and yes I've seen them all a million times
but if I just wanted to decompress and just have
it on. He criticized me and then said I don't
know why you keep watching the same thing over and over.
(05:50):
And that's not even the point. So as hard as
that decision was that was probably the one I'm the
most proud of because I can definitely say that I
am authentically myself today.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yeah that was a real turning point. We've been through
it together and you've you know you've helped me with
my divorce too. And so we both needed that in
our lives to really uncover who we truly are. And
and you know we just needed a new start.
Speaker 8 (06:13):
Yeah. And I've done that actually with a lot of
friendships too. If it's not serving you and I think
especially lately Life is short. I mean think about what
we've just dealt with in 2014. You know the amount
I've lost people we keep losing people it's like live
your authentic life like let's say there's someone that isn't
serving you and if you're gonna just talk to them
about it and say hey you did this and you
(06:34):
know this is really not what I needed or this
is how I felt about it and I've had hard
conversations with people and then they just couldn't take it.
You know that's not something I want to change or
deal with. So they've moved on and I've moved on.
It's been fine. In fact it just allows my life
to be uplifted with more wonderful people that actually can
serve my needs.
Speaker 9 (06:53):
Absolutely. You know who do you invite to your home.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
You've had obviously to deal with all the emotional turmoil
that came into our lives with all the political issues
the police brutality droughts Floyd. How is that affecting you
pretty greatly.
Speaker 5 (07:10):
I would say you know culvert was one thing and
it's like you're already isolated and you are not able
to see people that you normally can see you're not
able to do the things you love and then you're
now tied to the news and what's going on because
you're trying to figure out what's going on in the
world and to see all the racial and inequity in
the discord in our society right now particularly with the
(07:31):
election that's coming up. It is it's overwhelming. And what
it did for me was it just recreate it all
the trauma that I felt living in this country as
an immigrant black woman and the amount of prejudice that
I have had to endure and see and that I've
actually helped fight it kind of all came to a
head watching the divide in our country with people just
(07:51):
not getting it. And it's exhausting because there are particularly
a lot of white people that are like hey I
didn't know this was happening we didn't realize that you
know I lived in the foothills of Denver and I
was it for many miles in my community. And you
know everyone would stare at me in the grocery store
and they'd stare at me when I go to my
kid's school because I'm the only brown person and you're
(08:12):
beautiful too.
Speaker 8 (08:13):
Don't forget don't forget that. Thank you. My husband always
says just because you're beautiful like whatever maybe you don't
go unnoticed.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
That's what you're saying don't go unnoticed. I do know
that you also woke me up. I'm like really you're
dealing with that daily I knew you know you had
to deal with in your life but is it really
something that you feel is part of your everyday life.
You're like yeah. Let me explain to you I'm like real.
And I also believe that you have to explain your
husband quite a few and and his daughter. Right. How
(08:40):
do you explain that to them.
Speaker 5 (08:42):
So I have my husband is white and my ex-husband
was also white. And so I have a mixed race child.
And there is a certain privilege that he has as
a white male who lives in this country who owns
his own business that I will never get to experience.
And so as much as he tries to be an
ally and understand I said you're looking at things from
the lens of your experience which is vastly different from mine.
(09:05):
Not to say that your experiences aren't great and they're
not yours but you didn't necessarily have to work to
overcome some of the things that I had overcome. You're
getting stopped by the police is not fear based. Those
are things that I have to deal with. If if
ever I'm experiencing that. So yes it's hard and it's
hard especially since I'm in a mixed race household to
explain to my white husband and his wife daughter and
(09:26):
my mixed. And it's really about how am I educating
Jade my daughter to deal with the society as a
mixed race child. Like I need to make sure in
my household that we need to all be on the
same team.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
And it's so good that you keep communicating because little
things can really start adding up like if something is
said or done and you don't say it out loud
and you just kind of deal with it deal with it.
You start boiling and something else comes up and you're
like wow. So if you just deal with all these
little things to come up it's like hey you know what.
Let's just address this now instead of it being build
(09:59):
up and then you know make a big deal out
of it.
Speaker 8 (10:02):
I think at this point I'm no longer silence but
when I see racism or I see an inequity I
call it out in the moment I've done it at
work I've done it in social settings I've done it
with my husband. Absolutely. I applaud you for that. Wonderful.
Speaker 10 (10:16):
Let's take a quick break and we'll be right back.
Speaker 11 (10:23):
A moment of your time.
Speaker 12 (10:24):
A new podcast from Kirk tell media currently 21 years
old and today like magic Reed extended from her fingertips
down to the blood to take care of yourself because
the world needs you and just me every do gooder
that asked about me was ready to spit on my
dream fingers were face. You can feel like your purpose
in your work is really being done to stop me
(10:44):
from playing the piano. She buys walkie talkies wonders to
whom she should give the second dolls love humans.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
We never did. We never will.
Speaker 13 (10:52):
We just find the beauty of rock climbing. Is that
you can only focus on what's right in life.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
And so are American life begins.
Speaker 11 (11:01):
We may need to stay apart but let's create together
available on all podcast platforms. Submit your piece that Kirkham
slash a moment of your time.
Speaker 4 (11:14):
We're back. And you're now in your apartment in Denver.
Speaker 7 (11:19):
Been telling me that it's been snowing and you're not
exactly excited about that because you are dealing every year
with seasonal affective disorder right.
Speaker 5 (11:28):
Yeah. So like I said I was born in Kingston
Jamaica and Jamaica is a warm up lovely island and
this country is like right between the Tropic of Cancer
Capricorn and the equator. I actually took my husband there
in January and it was winter and the temperature average
was 80 85 degrees. So you cannot deny biology and
(11:51):
there's a reason people were born where they were. And
you know you have physical evolution to get you where
you are. And there's a reason why a lot of
particularly people of color but island people they don't do
well in the winter. There's this is people that live
in Scandinavian countries or countries where you know in the
winter where the light is there's less sunlight. And never
(12:12):
mind the cold. It's a time to think to be
more inward like think about animals like even bears when
it's winter time they're sleeping for three months. And so
I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder which I just really
diagnosed or had diagnosed in the last two years when
I was living in Chicago which is where I went
to law school. I mean there's no colder place in Chicago.
(12:33):
People have spent a winter there where the wind just
cuts through you and no matter how exciting and great
the city was and how I wanted to start practicing
law there it was miserable to go outside for about
five months out of the year.
Speaker 8 (12:47):
And so I would just work my ass off during
that time so instead of going out and anything fun
I just build hours. But that was a distraction. I'm
dealing with the issue of the fact that I was
unbalanced and it's very simple that your serotonin level is
just lowered because you don't have as much sunlight. You
don't have much things bringing you joy and bringing that
happiness up and then you know moving to Denver. The
(13:09):
thing about Colorado that people don't know it actually has
over 300 days of sunshine even more so than Hawaii
and Florida and even California. And living in the foothills
because we're at such a high elevation. It gets cold
and the weather is volatile. It's something where the weather
does affect more people more than they think. And it
(13:29):
certainly affects me and it's that hot cold it's that
my body has to work extra hard.
Speaker 5 (13:34):
You know in the winter I'm not as hungry and
you're tired and don't necessarily want to work out. So
I've really had to work hard to like manage that
serotonin level including this year in particular are starting to
take medication. So I was on Prozac for six months
and it was literally to deal with winter weather affects
you and affects all of your chemicals and if you're
(13:56):
in tune with your body which I really have worked
really hard the last few years to be I can
hopefully manage it and I know you take how that's frequently.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
But yeah like I do remember how hard it was
for you to start Prozac. You were like God I've
tried everything for many many years like I've been dealing
with some type of depression and that could last for
months and wintertime and you know you have tried so
many things. And so you were on Prozac for how
many months.
Speaker 8 (14:22):
Six months. So in October which was only a month.
Now we had like three stopped snowstorms in the span
of two weeks that were just huge. And I'm like
driving in it and it's just car accidents and it's
just miserable. My therapist said you know what Renee. Maybe
we just need to take the edge off and taking
the edge off with was just getting your serotonin level up.
(14:42):
So I luckily was on a really super low dose
only 20 milligrams. And honestly it really helped it. It
brought me back to myself where I was. I'm generally
a very happy fun person and I love to make
jokes and I'm. You know when you're yourself you can.
It's a feeling. And it was something that it came
to me like about a month into the Prozac. Cain
(15:03):
was like oh man this is his work. This is
me and as much as I just tend to be
a very natural person I prefer plant medicine and you
know using my food to heal me. But this is
just something that that wasn't available or at least this
time as you know John I'm working on the opioid
lawsuit for the city and I really understood addiction medication
(15:23):
and just the whole system. And it is not something
that I want to in any way contribute to but
I get that there's some things that your body needs
that medicine can help with. So once the weather got
better it was like right around April May when the
snow storm stopped happening and I just was able to
stop and I still felt like me and it really
(15:43):
felt great to know that I used it for the
tool that it was and and I don't need it.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
I'm glad it worked for you too because it's just
terrible when you're just trying to get through to day
day in day out. And also you know you are
so hard working and you were referring to your therapist
and I always love hearing you like what you guys
talk about. I'm like OK so you know what did
you discuss this time. Like what is important to you
what are you dealing with. And I always loved listening
(16:08):
because I do feel like we have a lot in
common and I can learn from the advice that she
gives you the epiphanies that you have. I think talk
therapy is wonderful. It's just absolutely wonderful. Like you this
process assimilate information with the emotions like I want to
ask you what is some of the best advice you
were given in your life.
Speaker 8 (16:29):
I will say a lot of it came from you Joe.
And just to piggyback off of what you said before
I answer that question is you know there was a
lot of times or you would ask me a question
that would make me say I should ask my therapist
about that. I think that if nothing else if people
are going to improve their life you need to have
a friend partner someone that you can share authentically everything.
(16:52):
It's just so nice to release it because it's energy
that's stuck in your body that you need to get out.
And I really think venting is so important that's probably
half the reason I have a therapist is like you
are here to listen to whatever is going to come
out of my mouth and just knowing someone's listening to you.
It's really great. So I would say some of the
best advice one of the ones that I really tried
(17:14):
to imitate a lot which came from you Joe was
Be the change that you want to see in the world.
Now obviously my job is what it is but at
home I want my work. I wanted to have that balance.
I wanted to feel healthy I wanted to feel good.
I wanted to inspire people particularly other women maybe a
good example to my daughter. Then I had to make
some changes to do all of those things. And you
(17:36):
know the biggest thing for me to feel good is
to eat healthy and to workout. This is not something
anyone has told. This is not new. It's really that simple.
And now that I'm more in tune with my body
and who I am I can say yeah as much
as I really want that one or two or three
wheels of cheese. It is not going to serve me
right now. You don't have to overdo it. Moderation. Figure
(17:58):
out yes your joys and your love of things but
also do it in a way that's not going to
make you feel bad. And then the other really good
piece of advice that I actually got this from Elizabeth
Gilbert who wrote Eat Pray Love but she said only
cultivate the most enlightening of friendships when I'm around people
that are that have low energy or I can't let
(18:19):
it bring me down because I am very much an
empath and I feel other people's stuff and it might
take me a little while to get out of it
and it took a while to learn that it really did.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
You know you also helped me tremendously with that because
recently when you were verbally with me and you and
I naturally like we always want to help in any
way we can but it also means that we have
to recharge more and really take care of ourselves to
be able to give in those amounts that we get.
So it was probably Saturday or Sunday or it was
(18:51):
weekend and I was going to sit in that lounge
chair next to the pool that I had and sit
in for months probably months.
Speaker 7 (18:58):
I was just staring at it and I'm like one
day I'm going to sit there. Bring your towel.
Speaker 9 (19:03):
We're going to sit at the pool and do nothing.
And then I got the news that my man invited
friends over and they were going to bring in their son.
And I'm like Oh no. Like I need to Russ
and you looked at me and you're like well you
can rest. It doesn't mean that you have to host
or do anything for them. You're adults if they're hungry
(19:24):
they can get grab some food that they know you
know their way around in your kitchen they know you
know your home if you want to relax then decide
that you're not going to let that be disturb. And
how was this like huh. It's that easy. And so
I practiced that day and I was amazed. I was
just like wow I'm learning to let go and I
(19:46):
got to tell you it's come up quite a few
times after you left.
Speaker 5 (19:49):
I was like Thank you Rene but I'm so glad
I can help you. And the thing is that you
and I are givers right. We're nurturers. I want to
make sure that everyone's having and that is so draining.
Speaker 8 (19:59):
Right. Yeah. You can't control it all anyway. Yeah. And
it is really letting go and there has been times
and I similar this weekend my my husband had his
family over and it was like All right. So I
have to cook and do this but I got to
the point where I have no problem with saying I
I'm done and I just go to a different room
and do and I'm like you they will figure it out.
Again we have we set that high expectation for ourselves
(20:20):
because that's what we would want but most people they
don't need all that.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
And if they do they can tell us Yeah we
need to like sometimes feel it and understand that it's
OK to let go more and more and that's also
being authentically yourself. I think that we you know we
both continue to learn wonderful lessons from one another and
the one thing I find really funny because we both
are foodies. We both love cheese. And actually for everyone
(20:46):
is listening it's really handy to have a lawyer as
a friend anytime I need legal advice or a contract
to be looked at.
Speaker 7 (20:53):
Is on it and I get to pair in bricks
of cheese. Yeah and care packages. But the one thing
that we don't share is the love of organ food
and what did you eat the other day.
Speaker 9 (21:04):
Chicken legs or chicken feet. Oh my God.
Speaker 8 (21:08):
Yeah. Liver is actually a made liver for me and
my dad last night for lunch because growing up in
Jamaica you ate what was put in front of you.
And that's honestly if you really care and love food
like that's where the flavors really are. And I know
that you're not a big fan of cooking a lot
of red meat but I love that when I was
there and. And Eric in particular just wanted to like
(21:29):
oh man he's here let's have steak. The lamb.
Speaker 7 (21:32):
Oh I so enjoy your cooking. You like. I mean
I wouldn't eat the chicken feet or the organ meat
but all the other stuff I'm like. You see it's
flavorful it's different. You know like I mean it's actually
all that you are. Because you bring so many different
flavors to my leg.
Speaker 8 (21:47):
Oh well thank you. It's so sweet. You know we
were just talking about getting others and having that high bar.
I think one of the other things that I've learned
to just keep myself more balanced is doing that level
of self care. But it's like I'm going to do
that level of self care for me the same way
that I host a party. If I'm going to do
that for someone else why am I not going to
(22:08):
do that for me. And you know there's many times
where I'm exhausted I'm like I don't want to. I
don't do this like no you take care of yourself first.
I mean I don't even need to fill up the
cup I just need to get it halfway but to
fill it up and it is like do what you
would do for your most prized guest for yourself.
Speaker 9 (22:25):
Well I really like that thought.
Speaker 8 (22:27):
I really love that that extra level of care that
every person needs to show in for themselves. But particularly
women because never mind jobs and husbands and how you
know children and taking care of the house those are
all things that are fallen upon us. It's ourselves it's
usually last. And so I have worked very hard probably
the last two years to put myself near the top
(22:47):
of the list. I can't say that it's the top
all the time but closer to the top of the
list so that I can be a more happy balanced
individual and that really helped me more than anything helped
get out of my depression from the winter.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
Do you first and do it at the highest possible
level without any guilt really with enjoyment and let it
not be on the to do list but let it
be on the. I love myself lists. I care so
much about you. And and truly embody being your own
best friend. Yes.
Speaker 6 (23:18):
Wonderful. I think I think this is a beautiful way
to close and I thank you so much Rene for
sharing all your wisdom and so much love.
Speaker 14 (23:27):
I love hearing your voice. You know this is like
my weekly therapy session and I'm so glad everyone could
enjoy it. I love you and we shall see you
too soon. Sounds great. Love you too sweetheart. This episode
was reported for Kurt Commedia produced and edited by AJ mostly.
Thank you so much for joining us today. Until next
(23:50):
time my friends.
Speaker 15 (23:57):
From Coco media media for your mind.
From Kurt Coe media this week on Life done better.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
I think that if nothing else if people are going
to improve their life you need to have a friend
partner someone that you can share authentically and three things.
It's just so nice to release it because it's energy
that's stuck in your body that you need to get out.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
And I really think venting is so important that's probably
half the reason I have it like you are here
to listen to whatever is going to come out of
my mouth. Welcome to life. Done better. I'm your host.
For the young.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
Rene thanks for being on the show. I know how
busy you are. And I am thrilled to hear you
with all the listeners you've been such an amazing friend.
Oh well thank you Joe. I'm very grateful even just
to have this opportunity here today. What a great break
it is that I get to just chat with my
best friend for an hour and a half.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
You and I share so much. And over the years
I've seen you evolve in ways that you know I
just find really impressive. And I've always been intrigued by
the clarity of your life's mission to become a lawyer.
And I think it's quite unusual for a child to
know at an early age what she wants to be.
Did you experience injustice or other emotions at that very
(01:16):
young age that you used as fuel to step into
this career.
Speaker 5 (01:20):
I certainly did. And so it was interesting living in Jamaica.
You know I was we were very poor and we
had like one TV and one channel and on the
channel there was a show called Matlock that came on
and it was it's the Andy Griffith Show Way back
in the 80s. You know he's this old white guy
who is a criminal defense lawyer who specialized in murder cases.
(01:41):
And what I loved about him is that he was
a little quirky but he kept winning and he kept
digging in to make sure he had the right facts
so that he could represent his clients well. And it
was just really impressive to me and I think also
is also the only thing that was on television. But
it's interesting that I saw myself in that character. But
as I went through my years of schooling I was
(02:03):
always very passionate about history and law and you know
the inequalities that especially in America that I saw. And
so I moved to America and when I was 6
years old and I could recognize the difference from you
know even at that young age from from living in
Jamaica to America and how I was looked at differently
because I had an accent I was brown and just
(02:25):
I was different. And so going to school as I
went through my course of studies and saw where impacts
were really made in society and people's lives. It's because
of lawyers lawyers and judges who worked hard to understand
what the issues are. And so that we can have
changes in the law to make society a little bit
more equal for everyone. And we still have a lot
of work to do but I'm an advocate and I
(02:47):
can't go out and fight but I can fight in
a courtroom. And so that's what I do as I
try and fight for the disenfranchised the marginalized people and
for people who need help.
Speaker 6 (02:57):
Absolutely and not only like when you when you talk
about being a warrior like some fun facts about Rene.
Speaker 7 (03:03):
For many many years Rene's Halloween costume is Xena Warrior
and her love for the Game of Thrones is off
the charts. She'd organized like custom parties Games of Thrones
food and even a birthday cake. This is just so
authentically you. Yeah. You know you seem like an unapologetic
version of yourself and I do know that it's not
(03:23):
always been like that because when you were younger you
know you had your own struggles and insecurities.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
So you've grown into you like being you. Do you
remember some of the events in your life or decisions
that you've made that make you step into your power
more and more and more.
Speaker 8 (03:39):
I find it interesting when I see particularly other women
who are trying to find themselves and they're trying to
do all these different things to get to where they are.
When if you really just sit with what is it
that you like what is it that you love to
do what seems right to you. What seems like a
good use of your time you know. And for me
especially as busy as I got practicing lot I wasn't
able to chip away at the things that were with me.
(04:01):
And so when I find something or someone that is
more in line with who I am and my values
it's really easy to choose that choice.
Speaker 5 (04:09):
So I would say that I have been proud of
pretty much every decision I've made in my life and
because I don't make decisions lightly. And I would say
that one of the decisions that I made that really
helped me become more authentically myself is unfortunately getting divorced.
I was stuck in a marriage where someone was not
uplifting me at all. And in fact chipping away at
(04:31):
the essence and the core of who I was and
I just had to get out of that toxic relationship
which was really hard because I had a child with
this person and it wasn't just breaking up my family
was breaking up her family. And it was a tough
decision to make. And I'm gosh almost six years out
from my divorce now. And it was literally like just
(04:51):
someone just took a veil off and this was like
Ben's Rene you know when you have someone that's not
aligned with who you are and actually chipping away at
the core of who you are you forget. And so
I have spent the last six years I think just
reintroducing myself to me. And part of that being you
know now with a current husband who really gets me
who gets my nerdy side. So for instance my ex-husband
(05:14):
he hated the fact that I watched Xena over and
over again. And the thing is I have a really
tough job right. I'm in the world. I'm in all
the societal issues. I represent all types of clients businesses everything.
Speaker 8 (05:27):
It's a tough job. So when I am ready to
unwind I want to watch some silly little show or
I want to watch Star Wars or I want to
watch Lord of the Rings because this is me. It
was to the point where if I wanted to watch
Xena and yes I've seen them all a million times
but if I just wanted to decompress and just have
it on. He criticized me and then said I don't
know why you keep watching the same thing over and over.
(05:50):
And that's not even the point. So as hard as
that decision was that was probably the one I'm the
most proud of because I can definitely say that I
am authentically myself today.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yeah that was a real turning point. We've been through
it together and you've you know you've helped me with
my divorce too. And so we both needed that in
our lives to really uncover who we truly are. And
and you know we just needed a new start.
Speaker 8 (06:13):
Yeah. And I've done that actually with a lot of
friendships too. If it's not serving you and I think
especially lately Life is short. I mean think about what
we've just dealt with in 2014. You know the amount
I've lost people we keep losing people it's like live
your authentic life like let's say there's someone that isn't
serving you and if you're gonna just talk to them
about it and say hey you did this and you
(06:34):
know this is really not what I needed or this
is how I felt about it and I've had hard
conversations with people and then they just couldn't take it.
You know that's not something I want to change or
deal with. So they've moved on and I've moved on.
It's been fine. In fact it just allows my life
to be uplifted with more wonderful people that actually can
serve my needs.
Speaker 9 (06:53):
Absolutely. You know who do you invite to your home.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
You've had obviously to deal with all the emotional turmoil
that came into our lives with all the political issues
the police brutality droughts Floyd. How is that affecting you
pretty greatly.
Speaker 5 (07:10):
I would say you know culvert was one thing and
it's like you're already isolated and you are not able
to see people that you normally can see you're not
able to do the things you love and then you're
now tied to the news and what's going on because
you're trying to figure out what's going on in the
world and to see all the racial and inequity in
the discord in our society right now particularly with the
(07:31):
election that's coming up. It is it's overwhelming. And what
it did for me was it just recreate it all
the trauma that I felt living in this country as
an immigrant black woman and the amount of prejudice that
I have had to endure and see and that I've
actually helped fight it kind of all came to a
head watching the divide in our country with people just
(07:51):
not getting it. And it's exhausting because there are particularly
a lot of white people that are like hey I
didn't know this was happening we didn't realize that you
know I lived in the foothills of Denver and I
was it for many miles in my community. And you
know everyone would stare at me in the grocery store
and they'd stare at me when I go to my
kid's school because I'm the only brown person and you're
(08:12):
beautiful too.
Speaker 8 (08:13):
Don't forget don't forget that. Thank you. My husband always
says just because you're beautiful like whatever maybe you don't
go unnoticed.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
That's what you're saying don't go unnoticed. I do know
that you also woke me up. I'm like really you're
dealing with that daily I knew you know you had
to deal with in your life but is it really
something that you feel is part of your everyday life.
You're like yeah. Let me explain to you I'm like real.
And I also believe that you have to explain your
husband quite a few and and his daughter. Right. How
(08:40):
do you explain that to them.
Speaker 5 (08:42):
So I have my husband is white and my ex-husband
was also white. And so I have a mixed race child.
And there is a certain privilege that he has as
a white male who lives in this country who owns
his own business that I will never get to experience.
And so as much as he tries to be an
ally and understand I said you're looking at things from
the lens of your experience which is vastly different from mine.
(09:05):
Not to say that your experiences aren't great and they're
not yours but you didn't necessarily have to work to
overcome some of the things that I had overcome. You're
getting stopped by the police is not fear based. Those
are things that I have to deal with. If if
ever I'm experiencing that. So yes it's hard and it's
hard especially since I'm in a mixed race household to
explain to my white husband and his wife daughter and
(09:26):
my mixed. And it's really about how am I educating
Jade my daughter to deal with the society as a
mixed race child. Like I need to make sure in
my household that we need to all be on the
same team.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
And it's so good that you keep communicating because little
things can really start adding up like if something is
said or done and you don't say it out loud
and you just kind of deal with it deal with it.
You start boiling and something else comes up and you're
like wow. So if you just deal with all these
little things to come up it's like hey you know what.
Let's just address this now instead of it being build
(09:59):
up and then you know make a big deal out
of it.
Speaker 8 (10:02):
I think at this point I'm no longer silence but
when I see racism or I see an inequity I
call it out in the moment I've done it at
work I've done it in social settings I've done it
with my husband. Absolutely. I applaud you for that. Wonderful.
Speaker 10 (10:16):
Let's take a quick break and we'll be right back.
Speaker 11 (10:23):
A moment of your time.
Speaker 12 (10:24):
A new podcast from Kirk tell media currently 21 years
old and today like magic Reed extended from her fingertips
down to the blood to take care of yourself because
the world needs you and just me every do gooder
that asked about me was ready to spit on my
dream fingers were face. You can feel like your purpose
in your work is really being done to stop me
(10:44):
from playing the piano. She buys walkie talkies wonders to
whom she should give the second dolls love humans.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
We never did. We never will.
Speaker 13 (10:52):
We just find the beauty of rock climbing. Is that
you can only focus on what's right in life.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
And so are American life begins.
Speaker 11 (11:01):
We may need to stay apart but let's create together
available on all podcast platforms. Submit your piece that Kirkham
slash a moment of your time.
Speaker 4 (11:14):
We're back. And you're now in your apartment in Denver.
Speaker 7 (11:19):
Been telling me that it's been snowing and you're not
exactly excited about that because you are dealing every year
with seasonal affective disorder right.
Speaker 5 (11:28):
Yeah. So like I said I was born in Kingston
Jamaica and Jamaica is a warm up lovely island and
this country is like right between the Tropic of Cancer
Capricorn and the equator. I actually took my husband there
in January and it was winter and the temperature average
was 80 85 degrees. So you cannot deny biology and
(11:51):
there's a reason people were born where they were. And
you know you have physical evolution to get you where
you are. And there's a reason why a lot of
particularly people of color but island people they don't do
well in the winter. There's this is people that live
in Scandinavian countries or countries where you know in the
winter where the light is there's less sunlight. And never
(12:12):
mind the cold. It's a time to think to be
more inward like think about animals like even bears when
it's winter time they're sleeping for three months. And so
I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder which I just really
diagnosed or had diagnosed in the last two years when
I was living in Chicago which is where I went
to law school. I mean there's no colder place in Chicago.
(12:33):
People have spent a winter there where the wind just
cuts through you and no matter how exciting and great
the city was and how I wanted to start practicing
law there it was miserable to go outside for about
five months out of the year.
Speaker 8 (12:47):
And so I would just work my ass off during
that time so instead of going out and anything fun
I just build hours. But that was a distraction. I'm
dealing with the issue of the fact that I was
unbalanced and it's very simple that your serotonin level is
just lowered because you don't have as much sunlight. You
don't have much things bringing you joy and bringing that
happiness up and then you know moving to Denver. The
(13:09):
thing about Colorado that people don't know it actually has
over 300 days of sunshine even more so than Hawaii
and Florida and even California. And living in the foothills
because we're at such a high elevation. It gets cold
and the weather is volatile. It's something where the weather
does affect more people more than they think. And it
(13:29):
certainly affects me and it's that hot cold it's that
my body has to work extra hard.
Speaker 5 (13:34):
You know in the winter I'm not as hungry and
you're tired and don't necessarily want to work out. So
I've really had to work hard to like manage that
serotonin level including this year in particular are starting to
take medication. So I was on Prozac for six months
and it was literally to deal with winter weather affects
you and affects all of your chemicals and if you're
(13:56):
in tune with your body which I really have worked
really hard the last few years to be I can
hopefully manage it and I know you take how that's frequently.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
But yeah like I do remember how hard it was
for you to start Prozac. You were like God I've
tried everything for many many years like I've been dealing
with some type of depression and that could last for
months and wintertime and you know you have tried so
many things. And so you were on Prozac for how
many months.
Speaker 8 (14:22):
Six months. So in October which was only a month.
Now we had like three stopped snowstorms in the span
of two weeks that were just huge. And I'm like
driving in it and it's just car accidents and it's
just miserable. My therapist said you know what Renee. Maybe
we just need to take the edge off and taking
the edge off with was just getting your serotonin level up.
(14:42):
So I luckily was on a really super low dose
only 20 milligrams. And honestly it really helped it. It
brought me back to myself where I was. I'm generally
a very happy fun person and I love to make
jokes and I'm. You know when you're yourself you can.
It's a feeling. And it was something that it came
to me like about a month into the Prozac. Cain
(15:03):
was like oh man this is his work. This is
me and as much as I just tend to be
a very natural person I prefer plant medicine and you
know using my food to heal me. But this is
just something that that wasn't available or at least this
time as you know John I'm working on the opioid
lawsuit for the city and I really understood addiction medication
(15:23):
and just the whole system. And it is not something
that I want to in any way contribute to but
I get that there's some things that your body needs
that medicine can help with. So once the weather got
better it was like right around April May when the
snow storm stopped happening and I just was able to
stop and I still felt like me and it really
(15:43):
felt great to know that I used it for the
tool that it was and and I don't need it.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
I'm glad it worked for you too because it's just
terrible when you're just trying to get through to day
day in day out. And also you know you are
so hard working and you were referring to your therapist
and I always love hearing you like what you guys
talk about. I'm like OK so you know what did
you discuss this time. Like what is important to you
what are you dealing with. And I always loved listening
(16:08):
because I do feel like we have a lot in
common and I can learn from the advice that she
gives you the epiphanies that you have. I think talk
therapy is wonderful. It's just absolutely wonderful. Like you this
process assimilate information with the emotions like I want to
ask you what is some of the best advice you
were given in your life.
Speaker 8 (16:29):
I will say a lot of it came from you Joe.
And just to piggyback off of what you said before
I answer that question is you know there was a
lot of times or you would ask me a question
that would make me say I should ask my therapist
about that. I think that if nothing else if people
are going to improve their life you need to have
a friend partner someone that you can share authentically everything.
(16:52):
It's just so nice to release it because it's energy
that's stuck in your body that you need to get out.
And I really think venting is so important that's probably
half the reason I have a therapist is like you
are here to listen to whatever is going to come
out of my mouth and just knowing someone's listening to you.
It's really great. So I would say some of the
best advice one of the ones that I really tried
(17:14):
to imitate a lot which came from you Joe was
Be the change that you want to see in the world.
Now obviously my job is what it is but at
home I want my work. I wanted to have that balance.
I wanted to feel healthy I wanted to feel good.
I wanted to inspire people particularly other women maybe a
good example to my daughter. Then I had to make
some changes to do all of those things. And you
(17:36):
know the biggest thing for me to feel good is
to eat healthy and to workout. This is not something
anyone has told. This is not new. It's really that simple.
And now that I'm more in tune with my body
and who I am I can say yeah as much
as I really want that one or two or three
wheels of cheese. It is not going to serve me
right now. You don't have to overdo it. Moderation. Figure
(17:58):
out yes your joys and your love of things but
also do it in a way that's not going to
make you feel bad. And then the other really good
piece of advice that I actually got this from Elizabeth
Gilbert who wrote Eat Pray Love but she said only
cultivate the most enlightening of friendships when I'm around people
that are that have low energy or I can't let
(18:19):
it bring me down because I am very much an
empath and I feel other people's stuff and it might
take me a little while to get out of it
and it took a while to learn that it really did.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
You know you also helped me tremendously with that because
recently when you were verbally with me and you and
I naturally like we always want to help in any
way we can but it also means that we have
to recharge more and really take care of ourselves to
be able to give in those amounts that we get.
So it was probably Saturday or Sunday or it was
(18:51):
weekend and I was going to sit in that lounge
chair next to the pool that I had and sit
in for months probably months.
Speaker 7 (18:58):
I was just staring at it and I'm like one
day I'm going to sit there. Bring your towel.
Speaker 9 (19:03):
We're going to sit at the pool and do nothing.
And then I got the news that my man invited
friends over and they were going to bring in their son.
And I'm like Oh no. Like I need to Russ
and you looked at me and you're like well you
can rest. It doesn't mean that you have to host
or do anything for them. You're adults if they're hungry
(19:24):
they can get grab some food that they know you
know their way around in your kitchen they know you
know your home if you want to relax then decide
that you're not going to let that be disturb. And
how was this like huh. It's that easy. And so
I practiced that day and I was amazed. I was
just like wow I'm learning to let go and I
(19:46):
got to tell you it's come up quite a few
times after you left.
Speaker 5 (19:49):
I was like Thank you Rene but I'm so glad
I can help you. And the thing is that you
and I are givers right. We're nurturers. I want to
make sure that everyone's having and that is so draining.
Speaker 8 (19:59):
Right. Yeah. You can't control it all anyway. Yeah. And
it is really letting go and there has been times
and I similar this weekend my my husband had his
family over and it was like All right. So I
have to cook and do this but I got to
the point where I have no problem with saying I
I'm done and I just go to a different room
and do and I'm like you they will figure it out.
Again we have we set that high expectation for ourselves
(20:20):
because that's what we would want but most people they
don't need all that.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
And if they do they can tell us Yeah we
need to like sometimes feel it and understand that it's
OK to let go more and more and that's also
being authentically yourself. I think that we you know we
both continue to learn wonderful lessons from one another and
the one thing I find really funny because we both
are foodies. We both love cheese. And actually for everyone
(20:46):
is listening it's really handy to have a lawyer as
a friend anytime I need legal advice or a contract
to be looked at.
Speaker 7 (20:53):
Is on it and I get to pair in bricks
of cheese. Yeah and care packages. But the one thing
that we don't share is the love of organ food
and what did you eat the other day.
Speaker 9 (21:04):
Chicken legs or chicken feet. Oh my God.
Speaker 8 (21:08):
Yeah. Liver is actually a made liver for me and
my dad last night for lunch because growing up in
Jamaica you ate what was put in front of you.
And that's honestly if you really care and love food
like that's where the flavors really are. And I know
that you're not a big fan of cooking a lot
of red meat but I love that when I was
there and. And Eric in particular just wanted to like
(21:29):
oh man he's here let's have steak. The lamb.
Speaker 7 (21:32):
Oh I so enjoy your cooking. You like. I mean
I wouldn't eat the chicken feet or the organ meat
but all the other stuff I'm like. You see it's
flavorful it's different. You know like I mean it's actually
all that you are. Because you bring so many different
flavors to my leg.
Speaker 8 (21:47):
Oh well thank you. It's so sweet. You know we
were just talking about getting others and having that high bar.
I think one of the other things that I've learned
to just keep myself more balanced is doing that level
of self care. But it's like I'm going to do
that level of self care for me the same way
that I host a party. If I'm going to do
that for someone else why am I not going to
(22:08):
do that for me. And you know there's many times
where I'm exhausted I'm like I don't want to. I
don't do this like no you take care of yourself first.
I mean I don't even need to fill up the
cup I just need to get it halfway but to
fill it up and it is like do what you
would do for your most prized guest for yourself.
Speaker 9 (22:25):
Well I really like that thought.
Speaker 8 (22:27):
I really love that that extra level of care that
every person needs to show in for themselves. But particularly
women because never mind jobs and husbands and how you
know children and taking care of the house those are
all things that are fallen upon us. It's ourselves it's
usually last. And so I have worked very hard probably
the last two years to put myself near the top
(22:47):
of the list. I can't say that it's the top
all the time but closer to the top of the
list so that I can be a more happy balanced
individual and that really helped me more than anything helped
get out of my depression from the winter.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
Do you first and do it at the highest possible
level without any guilt really with enjoyment and let it
not be on the to do list but let it
be on the. I love myself lists. I care so
much about you. And and truly embody being your own
best friend. Yes.
Speaker 6 (23:18):
Wonderful. I think I think this is a beautiful way
to close and I thank you so much Rene for
sharing all your wisdom and so much love.
Speaker 14 (23:27):
I love hearing your voice. You know this is like
my weekly therapy session and I'm so glad everyone could
enjoy it. I love you and we shall see you
too soon. Sounds great. Love you too sweetheart. This episode
was reported for Kurt Commedia produced and edited by AJ mostly.
Thank you so much for joining us today. Until next
(23:50):
time my friends.
Speaker 15 (23:57):
From Coco media media for your mind.
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