May 21, 2025 • 33 mins
When a woman says yes to your proposal, she's not just saying yes to a ring or a wedding. She's saying yes to a lifetime of trust, leadership, love, and safety. In this convicting yet hopeful episode, Nick Chybrzynski breaks down the spiritual, emotional, physical, and cultural weight behind a man's responsibility when he asks a woman to marry him. Whether you're newly engaged, married for years, or preparing your heart to lead in the future—this episode will wake you up to what it really means to be a husband God designed and a wife truly needs.
Thank you for taking the time to jump into Life, Hope, and Leadership with me. I hope you are encouraged today by our time together. Grab something to take notes with, and know I am praying for you and cheering you on in your walk with God. If you have questions about Jesus and Christianity, please take a moment to check out the following links: www.ghow.net/saved or www.pastornick.net.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
You are listening to the Life, Hope and Leadership Podcast with
Nick Sabrinsky, A transparent, honest and encouraging podcast
to equip you through real life experiences.
(00:23):
Yo, what's up guys? Thank you for being a part of
the Life Hope and Leadership podcast.
I hope that you realize how encouraged and how motivated I
am encouraged by the fact that Ithat that I hear from you and
that you guys message me or meetme and or come up to me at
(00:44):
church or in the community and tell me you're listening.
But also motivated. My motivation is to help you
walk with God is to help mentor from whether whatever part I get
to be a part of your life, whether it's a a little bit of
inspiration, a little bit of wisdom, or maybe even you know,
(01:06):
just affirmation to things mightbe that you already believe
things that you you might already know and it's just
hearing it again, the redundancyis affirming you and keeping you
going. That's all I want to do.
I want you to walk in your fullness of purpose.
I want you to know God and his plan for your life and means the
(01:27):
world. So do me a favor if you are
watching mash a subscribe buttonsomewhere like follow, send,
share. The more that we get it out, the
more that that I can continue toreach more people and we get to
do that together because you were a part of sharing it and
getting it into somebody else's hands.
If you find it valuable. If you don't, don't tell me no,
(01:49):
I'm playing, let me know. Also, you can support the
podcast directly through Spotify.
There is a link in the video or the audio description.
That being said, I do not ever want to drop these things and
start doing advertisements in the middle.
I have podcasts that I love listening to and I, I just, I'm
(02:10):
not going to lie, guys, I hate when I'm in the middle of a
groove and it's like, we'll be right back and the next thing
you know, and it's everybody I listen to and they just drop
some stupid brand. I do have a product review thing
on YouTube that I do and that iswhere I talk about products and
things that I use. But I just, if you want an ad
free podcast, hit the subscribe or the support button through
(02:32):
Spotify. All that being said, let's get
into this. I am a pastor.
You may not know this, you may know this.
I pastor a church and the churchis 10 years old.
I've been in ministry for almost30 years.
I have been in a lot of rooms where I was a family on the
wall. Sometimes I was a microphone in
the room, sometimes I was a partof of the of the process in the
(02:59):
meeting. And one of the greatest things
that I am eternally grateful forwas the opportunities from my
pastors over the years to be in rooms where they were
counselling, mentoring, pastoring, loving, coaching,
challenging people in marriage. And the reason I say that I'm
eternally grateful for it is because my wife and I have been
(03:23):
married for 15 years as of this month.
And knowing how hard it has beenand knowing the the shortcomings
that I've had and the struggles we've had, the ups and downs
that come along with any marriage, I cannot imagine where
I would have been had I not had the opportunity to be with other
leaders in my life when I was a single guy.
(03:46):
And that is something important when it comes to leadership.
I do want to encourage all of you coaches out there, all of
you pastors, all of you leaders,all of you counselors, do your
best to bring some shadows in the room.
What I always say is if you're walking in the light, you should
always have a shadow, somebody following you.
And obviously there's like HIPAAlaws and things like that and
(04:08):
anonymity. So you got to find the right
place and the right people that you can trust.
But you know, if you wait to putthe right person or or a person
in the room until they're qualified or ready, it might
extend their process of preparation.
And so you actually are are giving momentum to people's
persons and their their purposesand their dreams whenever you
(04:31):
bring them around. And I'm grateful that I was able
to be around because not only did it equip me to help others,
it helped me get through stuff with my wife in our marriage and
now helping others with our marriage.
Monday on a Tuesday live streamsand as a pastor.
And so the reason I say that is I've I've had some recent
(04:54):
opportunities to to invest in some couples with my wife and I
noticed that there's just a lot of neglect in marriages in
general. I think we're safe to say over
50% divorce rate in the United States of America.
So we know there's a lot of marital neglect, but also I
think that there's a lot of things that we just the the
things that go without saying that have not been said.
(05:18):
And so there's a lot of people that are missing out on some of
the practicals of marriage and also some of the very, very
intrinsic parts of marriage thatthere really are no if ands or
buts about. However, all we're hearing is if
ands or buts. And so I wanted to to make this
(05:38):
specific episode specifically towards men.
So men, this is your podcast, ladies, if you're listening,
that's fine. But what I do ask you to do is
not to turn this podcast into a knife to stab or jab your
husband with, but rather an invitation of love and grace to
(05:59):
maybe have some aha moments. I realize there's a lot of
things that is lacking when it comes to the the principles of
marriage and God's design for the home.
Now, I personally, based on the conviction that I have on the
word of God, I, I believe that God designed the home for a
(06:20):
husband and a wife, a man and woman born man and woman.
This is not to offend. This is not hate speech.
If you are in the LGBTQ community, I love you.
I'm I'm here for you. But although I I disagree on the
our view of sex, sexuality in the sacredness of the home, that
(06:40):
doesn't mean just because we disagree with lifestyles doesn't
mean you cannot lean in on the our podcast.
That's up to you. Ioffer you that invitation.
I have many friends in that community and love them dearly.
But this is specifically coming from the principles of what I
believe God's standard for home and the marriage is.
(07:01):
And I believe that when a man says to a woman, will you marry
me, they are creating a covenantial contract between
them and their to be wife. Now I believe that just because
you're engaged does not mean you're married.
I believe just 'cause you're in love does not mean you're
married. And I have seen the chaos of
(07:24):
living in a marital lifestyle outside of that covenant.
So I believe you are husband andwife when you legally by the
state and by the community of, of your faith, stand in front of
your community and in the eyes of God and the state, you are
legally married. That is what I believe because
according to the word of God, that is what I see.
(07:47):
The Bible talks about us living in order and decency.
And so I want to talk about that.
And I think that what happens iswe have dumbed a lot of times
marriage down to I like you, youlike me.
Let's have sex, make babies, buya home, live real long.
Soon one of us will die and thenwe'll be alone.
And there's just so much to thatand there's so much more to it.
(08:09):
And I think what's happened is it's the process of degradation.
We have taken the marriage example from the previous
marriage that we saw the family that we grew up in, who saw it
from their family, who saw it from their family.
And So what we're getting is translations of what marriage
should be rather than just looking at the original context
of creation. When you proposed, you probably
had some some nerves to work up.You probably had a ring.
(08:31):
You had a plan, you had a hope. Please say yes.
I like you. I love you.
You make me feel butterflies inside.
I want to have sex with you. I want to grow old with you.
I want to buy a house with you. I want to get a boat with you.
I want to go on drives and vacations and honeymoons.
And your your dream woman that you standing there with.
She says yes. I mean you hope.
You said she says yes, so she says yes.
(08:54):
But just because she said yes inthe moment, we have to still
weigh out the lifetime. A lifetime of trust, a lifetime
of leadership, a lifetime of love, a lifetime of safety that
she believed men that you would provide.
Your wife married you under a a hope and an aspiration and a
(09:14):
premise that you may not have have realized.
But I want to say it this way, whoever, whatever woman you
married, there was fine print written in the contract in the
depths of her soul. There were, there was fine print
on that contract that was written in the depth of her
soul. I want you to catch that.
There are things that when you proposed it, it, it goes without
(09:40):
saying that there were things that she was expecting, things
that she was hoping that necessarily she doesn't know how
to say. But they are there and they're
assumed now just because they'reassumed and just 'cause they're
the fine print. You know, I always laugh.
My wife walks by the store. She goes, Oh my gosh, babe,
everything in there is half off.I walk in, I'm like, well, let's
(10:01):
go get you something. I walk in and I go, babe, that's
not half off, girl. That is buy one, get one half
off, except for buy one, get oneis fine print.
It's very small and so they get my wife hook, hook, line and
sinker. A lot of times are the things we
love about our spouse are in thebig print.
But there's these covenantial things that are in the fine
(10:23):
print and I want to talk about what her yes, what it really
means men, and I hope that you'll be humble enough.
I hope you'll be open enough. I hope you'll be sensitive
enough to to go. You know what, maybe I need to
freaking listen to this. Let me ask you first and
foremost. On a scale of one to 10, what is
the quality of your marriage looking like?
(10:44):
Not just your sex life, not justyour, you know, I go to work, I
come home or I do this or I do that.
We laugh every once in a while, we go out, whatever.
No, really, where, where is the excitement?
On a scale of one to 10, where is the intimacy?
On a scale of one to 10, what isyour date life with your spouse
look like? On a scale of one to 10, what's
the quality of your parenting? On a scale of one to 10, where's
(11:04):
your finances for your home? On a scale of one to 10?
There's so many things we're going to talk about and I hope
that this really pings because that your wife is looking to you
to lead in so many ways. And the reality is, is you
should know that. And sadly, a lot of these things
are missed. When a woman says yes to a
(11:26):
proposal, she's not just saying yes so she can dress up, look
pretty, get a wedding ring and have a big awesome wedding.
I always say this, a lot of people have big weddings and
small marriages. They have expensive, elaborate
weddings and minimalistic, weak and lethargic marriages.
(11:48):
Your wife to be your wife that she is.
If you're engaged. Think about this.
If you're single, I'm all this over.
She's saying I trust you. She's saying I believe you will
protect me. Now there's going to be people
out there. I don't need a husband.
I don't need a man. That's fine.
That's this isn't for you, then it's cool.
(12:08):
Go to the next podcast. I believe you'll protect me.
She said I believe in her soul. She said I believe that you will
choose me even when I'm not easyto love.
She's saying I believe you will carry this family spiritually,
emotionally and physically. And ladies, let me tell you
something. You are responsible to qualify
(12:28):
that you're going to marry a manthat can do these things and
will do these things. But men, you cannot do these
things up to the I do and then put them on the back burner.
We live in a culture that glorifies romance but ignores
responsibility. This is one of the problems that
I have with a lot of the easy get.
Hey, man, I want to look sexy, but I don't want to work out.
(12:50):
So I'll just go, you know, take the easy route.
We have so many people that thatthey they, they glorify romance.
We have Tinder, grinder, you know, all these different apps
to just go have sex and and hookup and then there's no
responsibility. It's insane.
So a lot of men are walking in amarriage und undeveloped or
(13:13):
underdeveloped. And men, let me tell you
something. This isn't to beat you.
This is to call you to the to the ring.
Let's get in there. Let's train together.
Let's grow. Because it's You might have
entered into the marital season underdeveloped, underprepared,
maybe not even aware of what it is you actually were signing up
for. But the truth is, when you
proposed to your wife or your wife to be, you made a silent
(13:37):
promise to her that you would cover her spirit, soul and body.
Spirit, soul and body. God's design for you is in
Ephesians chapter 5. I love it.
It's one of my favorite chaptersin the Bible.
Husbands, love your wives the same way that Christ loved the
church and gave his life for her, He gave his life for her.
(14:02):
I'm giving my I know men that would die for their family, but
they won't live for them. I've seen men who would kill for
their wives and their kids, but they but they will not change in
their life for them. I'll give my life for my family,
but I won't live for my family. And he was like, what do you
mean? I would live?
I work hard. I do this.
Yeah. Great, great, great.
(14:22):
When's the last time that you went on a walk or you know, my
wife, baby, you want to go on a walk?
I don't want to go on a walk. But man, I said I'd die for you.
You tell me. I'm No, I'm not going to go and
walk every time you want to go. But every once in a while you
got to get up there, man. And then you got to ask yourself
why you don't want to. You just lazy, you tired or you
just in a rut. So the, you know, the, it's the,
the weddings are cute, but Ephesians 5 is a job
(14:45):
description, man, the wedding. Oh, it's beautiful.
Look, everyone gets studded up. You got all these guys that get
their tuxedos, They get all the boys.
Oh, let's party for the wedding.Great guys, but let's have a
great marriage. Jesus did not just love the
church with his words, He loved the church with his actions.
He bled for her. He defended her, he restored
(15:07):
her, he met her, he walked with her.
And that's what your our role isa husband is a reflection of
Christ and that so you might be watching us to listen to this.
I'm not a Christian. OK, great, that's fine.
But listen, I'm telling you, I don't care how you got in the
position. I don't care if you believe in
Christ or not. I believe that in the beginning
God made man, he made woman and he put them together and they
(15:30):
are helpmates to one another. And the husband was there.
He's supposed to protect her, care for her nurturer.
Now you can take God out of the picture.
The role still remains. You don't get to opt out.
You don't get to coast, you do not get to disengage and expect
your wife to carry spiritual weight, physical weight.
You don't you don't get to do it.
If you said, if you said yes to the girl, then you also need to
(15:52):
realize you said yes to the calling.
If I hire you to be a landscaperto work for me and I said, hey,
get on that mower and go cut that grass.
You go, I don't cut grass. I said we don't have a job.
And let me tell you something, it's easier to fix a marriage
than it is to go to another one.Because you ask anybody who's
been divorced and had to heal and had to, you know, evaluate
(16:16):
and and walk through stuff. You're not going to find
somebody typical unless you werein an abusive relationship.
But most of the time, whatever you're leaving, you're walking
into because a lot of the times the problems that you're having
in your marriage are you, whether you like to believe it
or not, it takes two people to make the party rumble.
(16:37):
Let's talk about it though, psychology, OK, we're talking
about spirituality. Let's talk about the way you
think. When a woman enters a marriage,
she is neurologically, her nerves, her brain, her emotions
are wired to seek security and connection.
It's it's one of the the most essential needs of a human
being. One of them is security, another
(16:58):
is connection. So that's what your wife is
looking for. That's why emotionally neglect
is so damaging. That is you.
You may not be an abusive husband.
You may not even be arguing as ahusband.
But if you're unavailable, if you're cold, if you are
withdrawn, if you are too busy, she is being wired that she has
(17:26):
been abandoned. Now there is also a reality
ladies, if you're listening, youcan't just expect 24/7 non-stop
relationship and you need girlfriends.
But husbands, there needs to be intimacy and connection.
Studies in psychology show us that a woman's sense of safety
(17:47):
comes from consistency and engagement.
So not just consistency and not just, well, we engage.
No. Are we engaging consistently?
My wife and I, we have a standard.
Every seven days we go on a date.
Every seven weeks, we get away for 24 hours at least.
We go somewhere off the grid, out of the shop, you know, and
we and we spend time together, usually off a beaten path
(18:10):
somewhere. And then every seven months we
go away. We get away.
I can't afford that. You can't afford not to do that.
You need consistency and those 77 sevens hold us accountable.
Hey, it's been 8 weeks we haven't done something and then
drop it. Let's go.
We got to go. You must husbands, men, you must
be emotionally grounded. That is a form of protection.
(18:33):
I you know me, I've I have been short tempered.
I have been a quiet. I used to shut in and shut down.
I grew up with a lot of rejection and pain.
So with things would get chaos or I didn't like the way things
felt, I would just shut down andit would push my wife out and I
and I and I realized that was a,a, be a pattern, a behavior and
other relationships and other friendships and other dating
(18:55):
relationships historically. And I realized, man, this is
something following me and it makes me seem ungrounded, which
makes her feel unprotected because if she can't trust me to
be emotionally balanced, then she's not going to feel safe.
Are you pursuing her heart? Are you caring about her
emotions or is it just her body?I had a, someone I love dearly
(19:18):
and they went through a, a separation and there was a, you
know, sadly there was an affair that happened and some other
things. And I said, well, what, what's
going on? Well, she know, she left me a
letter. I said, well, let me, let me see
the letter. And they read it to me.
And one of the things was you don't want to do anything with
me. And I said, well, what do you
mean you don't want to do anything?
And you know, the, the guy was like, well, you know, she bought
(19:39):
me, I bought her golf clubs and I bought her a bowling ball.
And I'm like, wow, So you, you wanted her to do all this stuff
you like to do. I said, well, what are some
things that that. And ladies, you need to
understand that if you're, if your man is inviting you into
their hobbies, they're trying toconnect.
OK. But men, you also need to
understand she may not want to do that.
I said, well, what are some things that she want to do?
(20:00):
She wanted me to go to the tanning bed and do this.
And I said, are you telling me that right?
What, rubbing your wife down andsome oil and watching her get
into a tanning bed without any clothes on is a bad.
Thing and could save your marriage and he just looked at
me like Oh my God yeah obviouslyit's going to take 1/2 hour an
hour out of your life but OK youget to rub some oil on your
wife's back and watch her go tanning do it Why?
(20:23):
Because it makes her feel protected and cared for and
valued. And this is the fine print
written on the soul of her hearttelling you it's hidden in
there. It's in her soul, man.
If we're honest, we're silent. We shut down.
(20:45):
I'm here. I'm physically present.
Why are you bugging me? The lights are on.
Car's working. I got gas in there.
But really, guys, come on. Let's be honest.
Your presence without pursuit islike a locked door with the
lights on. She sees you, but she can't get
any. She can't get in.
She's in. She's.
(21:05):
She's locked out. And it's one thing to say, oh,
we live together, but if she's locked out, she feels like she's
living on the street. Let me ask you something.
You're going to let your wife feel like she should be living
on the street. When's the last time that you
can say you actually took time to connect?
(21:27):
I'm not talking about sex, talking about conversation.
The TV off, the phone is away. You're holding her.
How are you feeling? How can I be there for you?
What's going on? So now, you know, we got to get
into some of the other things that sadly, this is something
(21:50):
that's bothering me and it's bothering me because I'm living
with a little bit of pain increase in my back that's
become intolerable. And a lot of it is because of
neglect of my physical fitness over the years and me grinding
and working hard and working toomuch but not taking care of
myself. I want to, I want you to think
(22:12):
about this. Can you pick your wife up?
Seriously, I don't care how muchyour wife weighs.
I don't care how big she is or little she is.
You married her and her body, whether it's from too many
Cheetos because you guys go out to eat too much or eating junk
food too much or because you built a family with her and her
body shifted and changed. Can you pick your wife up?
(22:36):
I mean, literally, can you carryher out of a burning house?
Could you physically protect herif something went down?
Now there's expectations, the exceptions.
I mean, when we're, when we're, there's expectations from her
and there should be expectationsfrom you, but there are
exceptions to the rules. Because like, I want you to
(22:58):
think about, like if you, you know, there might be a physical,
you might have a, you might havea, an injury, you might have a
handicap, maybe something that happened after you were
together, or maybe you were bornwith a handicap of some sort.
Maybe you're an amputee, who knows?
But are you operating at your optimal fitness?
Could you actually say I am doing my best to give you the
(23:21):
best of me? A man who asked for the role of
protector should be doing their part.
I'm, I get frustrated when I seelaw enforcement and they're so
out of shape. I see videos on YouTube, people,
you know, you watch stuff and there's highlights and reels and
whatnot, but it breaks my heart.So I'm thinking, dude, you have
to be an optimal position to be able to protect a society.
(23:45):
Well, men, you need to be in an optimal place to protect your
wives. And I'm not talking just
physically from protection. I'm talking guarding your
physical heart so you can live along life and be there for her.
This is stewardship. The Bible says your body is a
(24:06):
temple of the Holy Spirit. Honor God with your body.
First Corinthians chapter 6. I'm watching a video the other
day guys preaching his heart, ohJesus this, Jesus that.
And he had to be 400 lbs could barely, he couldn't even stand
up. They had him sitting in a seat.
And this is not body shaming. This is discipline and
stewardship of the body God has given you.
(24:28):
People don't want to talk about it.
Oh, I got the power of God. It doesn't matter.
The fruit of the Holy Spirit is self-control.
And we got to we look, I'm telling you, I'm guilty guys,
and I have I have made it my goal to live a life of greater
discipline. You might be disciplined, but
it's time to go to a greater place of discipline.
Can you protect your wife? Can you carry her get out of the
(24:52):
house? Can you carry her through the
threshold? Too many guys let themselves go
and they justify it with I'm toobusy.
And you staying healthy isn't just for you.
It's for your wife, it's for your kids, it's for the those
that you're leading. I'm not saying you got to be
jacked, but what I am saying is are you taking care of yourself?
(25:13):
Because what you're ignoring today is going to dominate you
tomorrow. What's controlling you today is
what you're What you're ignoringtoday is going to control you
tomorrow. I promise.
You know, across history, cultures took marriage very
seriously. Jewish traditions, A man built a
house before the wedding, built a house physically.
(25:35):
Why? Because I'm going to do the
physical work as a representation of my spiritual
responsibility. My job is to build you a home to
protect you. And African tribes men will had
to complete rites of passage before the hey man, we need to
see these rites of passage before you can even marry.
I was ministering to a Hmong community.
(25:56):
And if you had to come with a dowry of savings and a gift.
And it's like I tell men all thetime, you need to start saving
now. But while you're single, you
need to, you know, get a home, get stop living with your Mama
and your daddy and go get a house for a wife to come into
have something set up for her healthy and protected in the I'm
(26:16):
just saying to learn to lead andtake care of things.
And you don't got to know everything.
There's, there's thing, there's people out there.
I'm not telling you to go build a house, but I am saying build a
home. OK, We have men right now, they
don't want to work. They have no self-control.
They're making babies everywhere, but they're not
making sons or daughters like mydad.
(26:36):
My dad stuck around long enough to make me, but he didn't stick
around long enough to raise me. Thank God for daddy #3 you got
guys no job, no self-control, novision for their future, no
prayer life. Their wives are begging them
come to church for me, please come to church for me and mean
the world for you to come. I'm not going drinking that
kool-aid man. Are you freaking kidding me?
What you're really just saying is you're a punk, you're lazy,
(26:58):
and you don't love your wife enough to freaking support her
in her walk with God. That's what you're really saying
and what you're saying and is your opinion and your
frustration and your fatigue andwhatever it is.
Most of the time what you're saying, I'm not saying it's,
it's not 100% OK because there are situations you might have a
job on Sundays that you just can't get out.
There's different things. But what I'm talking about is
(27:20):
the, the consistent behaviors that become excuses rather than
you evaluating yourself. Men and someone's got to say you
can get pissed, you can come knock, you know, knock on the
door and be like, you're a jerk,whatever.
Call me, message me, you know, shoot me an e-mail, cuss me out.
But I'm telling you, if you ain't listening to your wife, if
you ain't caring for her, if youain't nurturing her feelings, if
(27:42):
you're neglecting her non negotiables, the things that she
said, I, I, I can't have this. You, you, you did not tell me
this is going to be this way. You didn't tell me you were
going to abuse me. You didn't tell me you were
going to neglect me. You said, will you marry me?
You promised me the world and you ain't even giving me squat.
Marriage was never meant to be acrash course.
It's meant to be something that you are growing and being
(28:04):
prepared for. It is an assignment from God and
I want to encourage you that youcan do it.
But you got to you got to shake off that couch and that beer and
that laziness and that beer belly and you got to shake off
that TV sometimes and you need to man, there's things you got
to put down. I got a brother in my life.
I'm so proud of him. He's six months, no beer and his
whole cholesterol levels, his heart, his blood pressure, his,
(28:28):
his, he feels great, He looks great and his family's following
him to church because they're going, man, I love my dad so
much. I love my husband so much.
I love my father-in-law so much.I love my granddaddy so much.
They love him so much and they see the, the, the, the fact that
this dude was willing to put it down so he could pick his family
up and he's doing it and he. Is he's picking his family?
(28:51):
Up. Not physically he could.
He's strong, but he's. Picking them up first.
And foremost, the most importantly, spiritually.
Whether you know it or not, you made promises.
And it's up to you today, under the sound of my voice.
Are you a promise keeper? Or are you a promise?
Breaker Are you a deceiver? Are you a thief?
(29:14):
Did you steal some man's daughter?
Would you be OK if someone neglected, ignored, abused,
cussed at, handled, rejected your babies, your daughter the
way you might be your wife? Because that's someone's
daughter who trusted you to protect her, lead her, cover
(29:39):
her, pursue her, be safe with you.
And if you haven't said it in a while, I hope that these words,
I hope they're frustrating you, but I hope you're, I hope you
hear my heart. This podcast isn't to beat you
this. Is to inspire you to.
Walk in the fullness of that covenant that you promised.
(30:00):
Because she wrote fine print designed by God.
It was written on this, on the fine print of her soul.
So here's my challenge for you men.
Ladies, once again, this is not a tool for you to use against
your husband's. If they are trying, then for the
love of God celebrate their effort but you.
(30:21):
Can tell them hey my. Pastor, my friend, one of my
leaders, a podcast. I came across it Really, I
thought it would encourage you. I thought it might challenge you
and I would love if you would listen to it and then follow up.
Did you listen? What did you think?
How can I help you? What can I do better?
OK, ladies, so men, let's get back to it.
Take a moment this week, write your wife an intentional
(30:42):
covenant. Sit.
Down I love you. Tell her what you feel.
Tell her what your promises are.Write your wife a love letter
with with what your intentions are.
Even if you've been married for 15 years like my wife and I,
even if you messed up, say what you would have said when you
proposed. Speak life over her.
(31:03):
Write it down. You cannot lead the world but
lose your home. God.
Forbid you knock. It out at work, but do you knock
out your your wife? You knock out your marriage,
can't ask for submission from others when you can't be
submitted to the truth yourself.You can't expect her to thrive
(31:25):
under a man who is spiritually asleep.
You don't got to be perfect, butyou got to be awake.
Say it awake. Oh come on, say it awake.
Present and willing. I.
Hope this helps you. If it's helping you, do me a
favor, send this to someone. Hit me up if you're near me, a
(31:50):
generations House of worship in the Pittsburgh area.
Come to generations, get connected to other men, get into
groups, grow your marriage, get around some brothers who can
encourage you if you're trying to lay down some addictions, if
you're you're looking at pornography, if you're drinking
all the time, if you're high allthe time, you're out at the club
(32:11):
and the bar all the time withoutyour what?
It's time for some changes. OK.
Your wife didn't doesn't deservethat.
And she did not sign up for that.
Well, she knew what I was going to be at.
No, no, it doesn't matter what she what you think.
She doesn't matter what you think she knew when she said
yes, she thought it was about her.
Let me ask you, is it about her?I hope so.
(32:31):
I love you guys. This might.
Be hard, but there's. Fine print on her soul and just
'cause you didn't read it doesn't mean you're out of the
contract. That being said, change your
marriage this week. We'll talk to you later.
You. Are listening to the.
Life, Hope and Leadership Podcast with Nick Shabrinsky A
(32:52):
transparent, honest and encouraging podcast to equip you
through real life experiences.
You are listening to the Life, Hope and Leadership Podcast with
Nick Sabrinsky, A transparent, honest and encouraging podcast
to equip you through real life experiences.
(00:23):
Yo, what's up guys? Thank you for being a part of
the Life Hope and Leadership podcast.
I hope that you realize how encouraged and how motivated I
am encouraged by the fact that Ithat that I hear from you and
that you guys message me or meetme and or come up to me at
(00:44):
church or in the community and tell me you're listening.
But also motivated. My motivation is to help you
walk with God is to help mentor from whether whatever part I get
to be a part of your life, whether it's a a little bit of
inspiration, a little bit of wisdom, or maybe even you know,
(01:06):
just affirmation to things mightbe that you already believe
things that you you might already know and it's just
hearing it again, the redundancyis affirming you and keeping you
going. That's all I want to do.
I want you to walk in your fullness of purpose.
I want you to know God and his plan for your life and means the
(01:27):
world. So do me a favor if you are
watching mash a subscribe buttonsomewhere like follow, send,
share. The more that we get it out, the
more that that I can continue toreach more people and we get to
do that together because you were a part of sharing it and
getting it into somebody else's hands.
If you find it valuable. If you don't, don't tell me no,
(01:49):
I'm playing, let me know. Also, you can support the
podcast directly through Spotify.
There is a link in the video or the audio description.
That being said, I do not ever want to drop these things and
start doing advertisements in the middle.
I have podcasts that I love listening to and I, I just, I'm
(02:10):
not going to lie, guys, I hate when I'm in the middle of a
groove and it's like, we'll be right back and the next thing
you know, and it's everybody I listen to and they just drop
some stupid brand. I do have a product review thing
on YouTube that I do and that iswhere I talk about products and
things that I use. But I just, if you want an ad
free podcast, hit the subscribe or the support button through
(02:32):
Spotify. All that being said, let's get
into this. I am a pastor.
You may not know this, you may know this.
I pastor a church and the churchis 10 years old.
I've been in ministry for almost30 years.
I have been in a lot of rooms where I was a family on the
wall. Sometimes I was a microphone in
the room, sometimes I was a partof of the of the process in the
(02:59):
meeting. And one of the greatest things
that I am eternally grateful forwas the opportunities from my
pastors over the years to be in rooms where they were
counselling, mentoring, pastoring, loving, coaching,
challenging people in marriage. And the reason I say that I'm
eternally grateful for it is because my wife and I have been
(03:23):
married for 15 years as of this month.
And knowing how hard it has beenand knowing the the shortcomings
that I've had and the struggles we've had, the ups and downs
that come along with any marriage, I cannot imagine where
I would have been had I not had the opportunity to be with other
leaders in my life when I was a single guy.
(03:46):
And that is something important when it comes to leadership.
I do want to encourage all of you coaches out there, all of
you pastors, all of you leaders,all of you counselors, do your
best to bring some shadows in the room.
What I always say is if you're walking in the light, you should
always have a shadow, somebody following you.
And obviously there's like HIPAAlaws and things like that and
(04:08):
anonymity. So you got to find the right
place and the right people that you can trust.
But you know, if you wait to putthe right person or or a person
in the room until they're qualified or ready, it might
extend their process of preparation.
And so you actually are are giving momentum to people's
persons and their their purposesand their dreams whenever you
(04:31):
bring them around. And I'm grateful that I was able
to be around because not only did it equip me to help others,
it helped me get through stuff with my wife in our marriage and
now helping others with our marriage.
Monday on a Tuesday live streamsand as a pastor.
And so the reason I say that is I've I've had some recent
(04:54):
opportunities to to invest in some couples with my wife and I
noticed that there's just a lot of neglect in marriages in
general. I think we're safe to say over
50% divorce rate in the United States of America.
So we know there's a lot of marital neglect, but also I
think that there's a lot of things that we just the the
things that go without saying that have not been said.
(05:18):
And so there's a lot of people that are missing out on some of
the practicals of marriage and also some of the very, very
intrinsic parts of marriage thatthere really are no if ands or
buts about. However, all we're hearing is if
ands or buts. And so I wanted to to make this
(05:38):
specific episode specifically towards men.
So men, this is your podcast, ladies, if you're listening,
that's fine. But what I do ask you to do is
not to turn this podcast into a knife to stab or jab your
husband with, but rather an invitation of love and grace to
(05:59):
maybe have some aha moments. I realize there's a lot of
things that is lacking when it comes to the the principles of
marriage and God's design for the home.
Now, I personally, based on the conviction that I have on the
word of God, I, I believe that God designed the home for a
(06:20):
husband and a wife, a man and woman born man and woman.
This is not to offend. This is not hate speech.
If you are in the LGBTQ community, I love you.
I'm I'm here for you. But although I I disagree on the
our view of sex, sexuality in the sacredness of the home, that
(06:40):
doesn't mean just because we disagree with lifestyles doesn't
mean you cannot lean in on the our podcast.
That's up to you. Ioffer you that invitation.
I have many friends in that community and love them dearly.
But this is specifically coming from the principles of what I
believe God's standard for home and the marriage is.
(07:01):
And I believe that when a man says to a woman, will you marry
me, they are creating a covenantial contract between
them and their to be wife. Now I believe that just because
you're engaged does not mean you're married.
I believe just 'cause you're in love does not mean you're
married. And I have seen the chaos of
(07:24):
living in a marital lifestyle outside of that covenant.
So I believe you are husband andwife when you legally by the
state and by the community of, of your faith, stand in front of
your community and in the eyes of God and the state, you are
legally married. That is what I believe because
according to the word of God, that is what I see.
(07:47):
The Bible talks about us living in order and decency.
And so I want to talk about that.
And I think that what happens iswe have dumbed a lot of times
marriage down to I like you, youlike me.
Let's have sex, make babies, buya home, live real long.
Soon one of us will die and thenwe'll be alone.
And there's just so much to thatand there's so much more to it.
(08:09):
And I think what's happened is it's the process of degradation.
We have taken the marriage example from the previous
marriage that we saw the family that we grew up in, who saw it
from their family, who saw it from their family.
And So what we're getting is translations of what marriage
should be rather than just looking at the original context
of creation. When you proposed, you probably
had some some nerves to work up.You probably had a ring.
(08:31):
You had a plan, you had a hope. Please say yes.
I like you. I love you.
You make me feel butterflies inside.
I want to have sex with you. I want to grow old with you.
I want to buy a house with you. I want to get a boat with you.
I want to go on drives and vacations and honeymoons.
And your your dream woman that you standing there with.
She says yes. I mean you hope.
You said she says yes, so she says yes.
(08:54):
But just because she said yes inthe moment, we have to still
weigh out the lifetime. A lifetime of trust, a lifetime
of leadership, a lifetime of love, a lifetime of safety that
she believed men that you would provide.
Your wife married you under a a hope and an aspiration and a
(09:14):
premise that you may not have have realized.
But I want to say it this way, whoever, whatever woman you
married, there was fine print written in the contract in the
depths of her soul. There were, there was fine print
on that contract that was written in the depth of her
soul. I want you to catch that.
There are things that when you proposed it, it, it goes without
(09:40):
saying that there were things that she was expecting, things
that she was hoping that necessarily she doesn't know how
to say. But they are there and they're
assumed now just because they'reassumed and just 'cause they're
the fine print. You know, I always laugh.
My wife walks by the store. She goes, Oh my gosh, babe,
everything in there is half off.I walk in, I'm like, well, let's
(10:01):
go get you something. I walk in and I go, babe, that's
not half off, girl. That is buy one, get one half
off, except for buy one, get oneis fine print.
It's very small and so they get my wife hook, hook, line and
sinker. A lot of times are the things we
love about our spouse are in thebig print.
But there's these covenantial things that are in the fine
(10:23):
print and I want to talk about what her yes, what it really
means men, and I hope that you'll be humble enough.
I hope you'll be open enough. I hope you'll be sensitive
enough to to go. You know what, maybe I need to
freaking listen to this. Let me ask you first and
foremost. On a scale of one to 10, what is
the quality of your marriage looking like?
(10:44):
Not just your sex life, not justyour, you know, I go to work, I
come home or I do this or I do that.
We laugh every once in a while, we go out, whatever.
No, really, where, where is the excitement?
On a scale of one to 10, where is the intimacy?
On a scale of one to 10, what isyour date life with your spouse
look like? On a scale of one to 10, what's
the quality of your parenting? On a scale of one to 10, where's
(11:04):
your finances for your home? On a scale of one to 10?
There's so many things we're going to talk about and I hope
that this really pings because that your wife is looking to you
to lead in so many ways. And the reality is, is you
should know that. And sadly, a lot of these things
are missed. When a woman says yes to a
(11:26):
proposal, she's not just saying yes so she can dress up, look
pretty, get a wedding ring and have a big awesome wedding.
I always say this, a lot of people have big weddings and
small marriages. They have expensive, elaborate
weddings and minimalistic, weak and lethargic marriages.
(11:48):
Your wife to be your wife that she is.
If you're engaged. Think about this.
If you're single, I'm all this over.
She's saying I trust you. She's saying I believe you will
protect me. Now there's going to be people
out there. I don't need a husband.
I don't need a man. That's fine.
That's this isn't for you, then it's cool.
(12:08):
Go to the next podcast. I believe you'll protect me.
She said I believe in her soul. She said I believe that you will
choose me even when I'm not easyto love.
She's saying I believe you will carry this family spiritually,
emotionally and physically. And ladies, let me tell you
something. You are responsible to qualify
(12:28):
that you're going to marry a manthat can do these things and
will do these things. But men, you cannot do these
things up to the I do and then put them on the back burner.
We live in a culture that glorifies romance but ignores
responsibility. This is one of the problems that
I have with a lot of the easy get.
Hey, man, I want to look sexy, but I don't want to work out.
(12:50):
So I'll just go, you know, take the easy route.
We have so many people that thatthey they, they glorify romance.
We have Tinder, grinder, you know, all these different apps
to just go have sex and and hookup and then there's no
responsibility. It's insane.
So a lot of men are walking in amarriage und undeveloped or
(13:13):
underdeveloped. And men, let me tell you
something. This isn't to beat you.
This is to call you to the to the ring.
Let's get in there. Let's train together.
Let's grow. Because it's You might have
entered into the marital season underdeveloped, underprepared,
maybe not even aware of what it is you actually were signing up
for. But the truth is, when you
proposed to your wife or your wife to be, you made a silent
(13:37):
promise to her that you would cover her spirit, soul and body.
Spirit, soul and body. God's design for you is in
Ephesians chapter 5. I love it.
It's one of my favorite chaptersin the Bible.
Husbands, love your wives the same way that Christ loved the
church and gave his life for her, He gave his life for her.
(14:02):
I'm giving my I know men that would die for their family, but
they won't live for them. I've seen men who would kill for
their wives and their kids, but they but they will not change in
their life for them. I'll give my life for my family,
but I won't live for my family. And he was like, what do you
mean? I would live?
I work hard. I do this.
Yeah. Great, great, great.
(14:22):
When's the last time that you went on a walk or you know, my
wife, baby, you want to go on a walk?
I don't want to go on a walk. But man, I said I'd die for you.
You tell me. I'm No, I'm not going to go and
walk every time you want to go. But every once in a while you
got to get up there, man. And then you got to ask yourself
why you don't want to. You just lazy, you tired or you
just in a rut. So the, you know, the, it's the,
the weddings are cute, but Ephesians 5 is a job
(14:45):
description, man, the wedding. Oh, it's beautiful.
Look, everyone gets studded up. You got all these guys that get
their tuxedos, They get all the boys.
Oh, let's party for the wedding.Great guys, but let's have a
great marriage. Jesus did not just love the
church with his words, He loved the church with his actions.
He bled for her. He defended her, he restored
(15:07):
her, he met her, he walked with her.
And that's what your our role isa husband is a reflection of
Christ and that so you might be watching us to listen to this.
I'm not a Christian. OK, great, that's fine.
But listen, I'm telling you, I don't care how you got in the
position. I don't care if you believe in
Christ or not. I believe that in the beginning
God made man, he made woman and he put them together and they
(15:30):
are helpmates to one another. And the husband was there.
He's supposed to protect her, care for her nurturer.
Now you can take God out of the picture.
The role still remains. You don't get to opt out.
You don't get to coast, you do not get to disengage and expect
your wife to carry spiritual weight, physical weight.
You don't you don't get to do it.
If you said, if you said yes to the girl, then you also need to
(15:52):
realize you said yes to the calling.
If I hire you to be a landscaperto work for me and I said, hey,
get on that mower and go cut that grass.
You go, I don't cut grass. I said we don't have a job.
And let me tell you something, it's easier to fix a marriage
than it is to go to another one.Because you ask anybody who's
been divorced and had to heal and had to, you know, evaluate
(16:16):
and and walk through stuff. You're not going to find
somebody typical unless you werein an abusive relationship.
But most of the time, whatever you're leaving, you're walking
into because a lot of the times the problems that you're having
in your marriage are you, whether you like to believe it
or not, it takes two people to make the party rumble.
(16:37):
Let's talk about it though, psychology, OK, we're talking
about spirituality. Let's talk about the way you
think. When a woman enters a marriage,
she is neurologically, her nerves, her brain, her emotions
are wired to seek security and connection.
It's it's one of the the most essential needs of a human
being. One of them is security, another
(16:58):
is connection. So that's what your wife is
looking for. That's why emotionally neglect
is so damaging. That is you.
You may not be an abusive husband.
You may not even be arguing as ahusband.
But if you're unavailable, if you're cold, if you are
withdrawn, if you are too busy, she is being wired that she has
(17:26):
been abandoned. Now there is also a reality
ladies, if you're listening, youcan't just expect 24/7 non-stop
relationship and you need girlfriends.
But husbands, there needs to be intimacy and connection.
Studies in psychology show us that a woman's sense of safety
(17:47):
comes from consistency and engagement.
So not just consistency and not just, well, we engage.
No. Are we engaging consistently?
My wife and I, we have a standard.
Every seven days we go on a date.
Every seven weeks, we get away for 24 hours at least.
We go somewhere off the grid, out of the shop, you know, and
we and we spend time together, usually off a beaten path
(18:10):
somewhere. And then every seven months we
go away. We get away.
I can't afford that. You can't afford not to do that.
You need consistency and those 77 sevens hold us accountable.
Hey, it's been 8 weeks we haven't done something and then
drop it. Let's go.
We got to go. You must husbands, men, you must
be emotionally grounded. That is a form of protection.
(18:33):
I you know me, I've I have been short tempered.
I have been a quiet. I used to shut in and shut down.
I grew up with a lot of rejection and pain.
So with things would get chaos or I didn't like the way things
felt, I would just shut down andit would push my wife out and I
and I and I realized that was a,a, be a pattern, a behavior and
other relationships and other friendships and other dating
(18:55):
relationships historically. And I realized, man, this is
something following me and it makes me seem ungrounded, which
makes her feel unprotected because if she can't trust me to
be emotionally balanced, then she's not going to feel safe.
Are you pursuing her heart? Are you caring about her
emotions or is it just her body?I had a, someone I love dearly
(19:18):
and they went through a, a separation and there was a, you
know, sadly there was an affair that happened and some other
things. And I said, well, what, what's
going on? Well, she know, she left me a
letter. I said, well, let me, let me see
the letter. And they read it to me.
And one of the things was you don't want to do anything with
me. And I said, well, what do you
mean you don't want to do anything?
And you know, the, the guy was like, well, you know, she bought
(19:39):
me, I bought her golf clubs and I bought her a bowling ball.
And I'm like, wow, So you, you wanted her to do all this stuff
you like to do. I said, well, what are some
things that that. And ladies, you need to
understand that if you're, if your man is inviting you into
their hobbies, they're trying toconnect.
OK. But men, you also need to
understand she may not want to do that.
I said, well, what are some things that she want to do?
(20:00):
She wanted me to go to the tanning bed and do this.
And I said, are you telling me that right?
What, rubbing your wife down andsome oil and watching her get
into a tanning bed without any clothes on is a bad.
Thing and could save your marriage and he just looked at
me like Oh my God yeah obviouslyit's going to take 1/2 hour an
hour out of your life but OK youget to rub some oil on your
wife's back and watch her go tanning do it Why?
(20:23):
Because it makes her feel protected and cared for and
valued. And this is the fine print
written on the soul of her hearttelling you it's hidden in
there. It's in her soul, man.
If we're honest, we're silent. We shut down.
(20:45):
I'm here. I'm physically present.
Why are you bugging me? The lights are on.
Car's working. I got gas in there.
But really, guys, come on. Let's be honest.
Your presence without pursuit islike a locked door with the
lights on. She sees you, but she can't get
any. She can't get in.
She's in. She's.
(21:05):
She's locked out. And it's one thing to say, oh,
we live together, but if she's locked out, she feels like she's
living on the street. Let me ask you something.
You're going to let your wife feel like she should be living
on the street. When's the last time that you
can say you actually took time to connect?
(21:27):
I'm not talking about sex, talking about conversation.
The TV off, the phone is away. You're holding her.
How are you feeling? How can I be there for you?
What's going on? So now, you know, we got to get
into some of the other things that sadly, this is something
(21:50):
that's bothering me and it's bothering me because I'm living
with a little bit of pain increase in my back that's
become intolerable. And a lot of it is because of
neglect of my physical fitness over the years and me grinding
and working hard and working toomuch but not taking care of
myself. I want to, I want you to think
(22:12):
about this. Can you pick your wife up?
Seriously, I don't care how muchyour wife weighs.
I don't care how big she is or little she is.
You married her and her body, whether it's from too many
Cheetos because you guys go out to eat too much or eating junk
food too much or because you built a family with her and her
body shifted and changed. Can you pick your wife up?
(22:36):
I mean, literally, can you carryher out of a burning house?
Could you physically protect herif something went down?
Now there's expectations, the exceptions.
I mean, when we're, when we're, there's expectations from her
and there should be expectationsfrom you, but there are
exceptions to the rules. Because like, I want you to
(22:58):
think about, like if you, you know, there might be a physical,
you might have a, you might havea, an injury, you might have a
handicap, maybe something that happened after you were
together, or maybe you were bornwith a handicap of some sort.
Maybe you're an amputee, who knows?
But are you operating at your optimal fitness?
Could you actually say I am doing my best to give you the
(23:21):
best of me? A man who asked for the role of
protector should be doing their part.
I'm, I get frustrated when I seelaw enforcement and they're so
out of shape. I see videos on YouTube, people,
you know, you watch stuff and there's highlights and reels and
whatnot, but it breaks my heart.So I'm thinking, dude, you have
to be an optimal position to be able to protect a society.
(23:45):
Well, men, you need to be in an optimal place to protect your
wives. And I'm not talking just
physically from protection. I'm talking guarding your
physical heart so you can live along life and be there for her.
This is stewardship. The Bible says your body is a
(24:06):
temple of the Holy Spirit. Honor God with your body.
First Corinthians chapter 6. I'm watching a video the other
day guys preaching his heart, ohJesus this, Jesus that.
And he had to be 400 lbs could barely, he couldn't even stand
up. They had him sitting in a seat.
And this is not body shaming. This is discipline and
stewardship of the body God has given you.
(24:28):
People don't want to talk about it.
Oh, I got the power of God. It doesn't matter.
The fruit of the Holy Spirit is self-control.
And we got to we look, I'm telling you, I'm guilty guys,
and I have I have made it my goal to live a life of greater
discipline. You might be disciplined, but
it's time to go to a greater place of discipline.
Can you protect your wife? Can you carry her get out of the
(24:52):
house? Can you carry her through the
threshold? Too many guys let themselves go
and they justify it with I'm toobusy.
And you staying healthy isn't just for you.
It's for your wife, it's for your kids, it's for the those
that you're leading. I'm not saying you got to be
jacked, but what I am saying is are you taking care of yourself?
(25:13):
Because what you're ignoring today is going to dominate you
tomorrow. What's controlling you today is
what you're What you're ignoringtoday is going to control you
tomorrow. I promise.
You know, across history, cultures took marriage very
seriously. Jewish traditions, A man built a
house before the wedding, built a house physically.
(25:35):
Why? Because I'm going to do the
physical work as a representation of my spiritual
responsibility. My job is to build you a home to
protect you. And African tribes men will had
to complete rites of passage before the hey man, we need to
see these rites of passage before you can even marry.
I was ministering to a Hmong community.
(25:56):
And if you had to come with a dowry of savings and a gift.
And it's like I tell men all thetime, you need to start saving
now. But while you're single, you
need to, you know, get a home, get stop living with your Mama
and your daddy and go get a house for a wife to come into
have something set up for her healthy and protected in the I'm
(26:16):
just saying to learn to lead andtake care of things.
And you don't got to know everything.
There's, there's thing, there's people out there.
I'm not telling you to go build a house, but I am saying build a
home. OK, We have men right now, they
don't want to work. They have no self-control.
They're making babies everywhere, but they're not
making sons or daughters like mydad.
(26:36):
My dad stuck around long enough to make me, but he didn't stick
around long enough to raise me. Thank God for daddy #3 you got
guys no job, no self-control, novision for their future, no
prayer life. Their wives are begging them
come to church for me, please come to church for me and mean
the world for you to come. I'm not going drinking that
kool-aid man. Are you freaking kidding me?
What you're really just saying is you're a punk, you're lazy,
(26:58):
and you don't love your wife enough to freaking support her
in her walk with God. That's what you're really saying
and what you're saying and is your opinion and your
frustration and your fatigue andwhatever it is.
Most of the time what you're saying, I'm not saying it's,
it's not 100% OK because there are situations you might have a
job on Sundays that you just can't get out.
There's different things. But what I'm talking about is
(27:20):
the, the consistent behaviors that become excuses rather than
you evaluating yourself. Men and someone's got to say you
can get pissed, you can come knock, you know, knock on the
door and be like, you're a jerk,whatever.
Call me, message me, you know, shoot me an e-mail, cuss me out.
But I'm telling you, if you ain't listening to your wife, if
you ain't caring for her, if youain't nurturing her feelings, if
(27:42):
you're neglecting her non negotiables, the things that she
said, I, I, I can't have this. You, you, you did not tell me
this is going to be this way. You didn't tell me you were
going to abuse me. You didn't tell me you were
going to neglect me. You said, will you marry me?
You promised me the world and you ain't even giving me squat.
Marriage was never meant to be acrash course.
It's meant to be something that you are growing and being
(28:04):
prepared for. It is an assignment from God and
I want to encourage you that youcan do it.
But you got to you got to shake off that couch and that beer and
that laziness and that beer belly and you got to shake off
that TV sometimes and you need to man, there's things you got
to put down. I got a brother in my life.
I'm so proud of him. He's six months, no beer and his
whole cholesterol levels, his heart, his blood pressure, his,
(28:28):
his, he feels great, He looks great and his family's following
him to church because they're going, man, I love my dad so
much. I love my husband so much.
I love my father-in-law so much.I love my granddaddy so much.
They love him so much and they see the, the, the, the fact that
this dude was willing to put it down so he could pick his family
up and he's doing it and he. Is he's picking his family?
(28:51):
Up. Not physically he could.
He's strong, but he's. Picking them up first.
And foremost, the most importantly, spiritually.
Whether you know it or not, you made promises.
And it's up to you today, under the sound of my voice.
Are you a promise keeper? Or are you a promise?
Breaker Are you a deceiver? Are you a thief?
(29:14):
Did you steal some man's daughter?
Would you be OK if someone neglected, ignored, abused,
cussed at, handled, rejected your babies, your daughter the
way you might be your wife? Because that's someone's
daughter who trusted you to protect her, lead her, cover
(29:39):
her, pursue her, be safe with you.
And if you haven't said it in a while, I hope that these words,
I hope they're frustrating you, but I hope you're, I hope you
hear my heart. This podcast isn't to beat you
this. Is to inspire you to.
Walk in the fullness of that covenant that you promised.
(30:00):
Because she wrote fine print designed by God.
It was written on this, on the fine print of her soul.
So here's my challenge for you men.
Ladies, once again, this is not a tool for you to use against
your husband's. If they are trying, then for the
love of God celebrate their effort but you.
(30:21):
Can tell them hey my. Pastor, my friend, one of my
leaders, a podcast. I came across it Really, I
thought it would encourage you. I thought it might challenge you
and I would love if you would listen to it and then follow up.
Did you listen? What did you think?
How can I help you? What can I do better?
OK, ladies, so men, let's get back to it.
Take a moment this week, write your wife an intentional
(30:42):
covenant. Sit.
Down I love you. Tell her what you feel.
Tell her what your promises are.Write your wife a love letter
with with what your intentions are.
Even if you've been married for 15 years like my wife and I,
even if you messed up, say what you would have said when you
proposed. Speak life over her.
(31:03):
Write it down. You cannot lead the world but
lose your home. God.
Forbid you knock. It out at work, but do you knock
out your your wife? You knock out your marriage,
can't ask for submission from others when you can't be
submitted to the truth yourself.You can't expect her to thrive
(31:25):
under a man who is spiritually asleep.
You don't got to be perfect, butyou got to be awake.
Say it awake. Oh come on, say it awake.
Present and willing. I.
Hope this helps you. If it's helping you, do me a
favor, send this to someone. Hit me up if you're near me, a
(31:50):
generations House of worship in the Pittsburgh area.
Come to generations, get connected to other men, get into
groups, grow your marriage, get around some brothers who can
encourage you if you're trying to lay down some addictions, if
you're you're looking at pornography, if you're drinking
all the time, if you're high allthe time, you're out at the club
(32:11):
and the bar all the time withoutyour what?
It's time for some changes. OK.
Your wife didn't doesn't deservethat.
And she did not sign up for that.
Well, she knew what I was going to be at.
No, no, it doesn't matter what she what you think.
She doesn't matter what you think she knew when she said
yes, she thought it was about her.
Let me ask you, is it about her?I hope so.
(32:31):
I love you guys. This might.
Be hard, but there's. Fine print on her soul and just
'cause you didn't read it doesn't mean you're out of the
contract. That being said, change your
marriage this week. We'll talk to you later.
You. Are listening to the.
Life, Hope and Leadership Podcast with Nick Shabrinsky A
(32:52):
transparent, honest and encouraging podcast to equip you
through real life experiences.
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