August 30, 2025 • 31 mins
Classroom behavior challenges have reached unprecedented levels, with more than 70% of teachers reporting increased disruptions post-pandemic. As educational professionals and parents navigate this complex landscape, we unpack the multifaceted impact these behaviors have on everyone involved in the classroom ecosystem.
Disruptive behaviors don't just affect the student exhibiting them – they create ripple effects throughout the entire learning environment. Teachers lose valuable instructional time, students miss learning opportunities, and the classroom community experiences a diminished sense of belonging and connection. For educators, these constant interruptions contribute to stress, burnout, and ultimately, the decision to leave the profession altogether.
Our conversation explores practical strategies for all stakeholders. For parents of children with behavioral challenges, we emphasize the power of parent-teacher partnerships and teaching children to process situations logically rather than emotionally. Rather than immediately defending your child, ask questions to understand what happened: "Walk me through this. How did we get here?" This approach helps children learn accountability while still feeling supported.
Teachers need to maintain consistent expectations while building positive relationships with both students and parents. Sharing successes (not just concerns) creates trust and cooperation. Meanwhile, parents of other students in the classroom can use these situations as opportunities to teach compassion, understanding differences, and developing empathy – life skills that extend far beyond academic learning.
The classroom represents a microcosm of the larger world, where children learn how to interact with others who have different needs, abilities, and responses. When we teach children to navigate these differences with grace and understanding, we're preparing them to become compassionate adults who can build meaningful connections across differences.
Want to join our conversation? Let us know if you'd be interested in a "Life in the IEP Tribe: Don't Be a Turd" shirt by messaging us on Facebook or emailing lifeintheiptribe@gmail.com. We'd love to hear your experiences and strategies for addressing classroom behavior challenges.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
And just like that, we're recording episode number
two of our second season and Iam still just as excited as I
was in the last recording, butI'm just tired right now, so my
woohoos are are not going to bevery, uh, loud and boisterous.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
I get it oh.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Cardi, how you doing today.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
I'm doing all right that's good.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
so for those of you that don't know, I don't even
know why I started that way,because that really doesn't
matter we were talking and wethought, you know, it'd be a
good idea to kind of pick upwhere we left off and do some
chit-chatting and conversationsabout behavior.
Behavior seems to be a prettybig deal, right, and it's easy
for us.
I think when we're in aclassroom and we work with
(01:05):
different students that havedifferent behavioral expressions
, that sometimes it's easy tofeel like we live in our own
little world that other peopledon't understand, right, because
we're inside of our walls.
I've known parents that havechildren with special needs that
(01:35):
have said that there's a lot oftimes when things are getting
crazy, that they feel alone.
Student is exhibiting crazybehaviors.
You almost feel.
You almost feel, I don't know,like inadequate and lost because
you don't know what to do to.
I mean, I guess you couldapproach it one of two ways.
(01:56):
Some people are how do I justfix this kid?
And then others are like, okay,so there's something going on
that they're trying to help usunderstand, and it can be very
frustrating.
Well, I've been reading a fewthings, because I do that on
occasion, and what I have foundis that behavior issues in the
(02:19):
classroom are.
They're not going anywhere.
It's a continuing trend,unfortunately, training upwards
and there's a lot that goes intothat and a lot that shapes the
behavior of students.
But I was reading somethingjust the other day, and actually
I'm reading it right nowbecause it's in front of me too,
(02:40):
this report in 2023 said morethan 70 percent of teachers
report an increase in disruptivebehavior.
An increase in disruptivebehavior 70, that's a lot, yes
and and.
So in in the report, they talkabout different things to look
(03:02):
at and different things to tofocus on.
And and, of course, whereveryou in this story, it's going to
play a big part into what it isthat you're responding to.
Right, if you're a teacher,you're going to deal with it a
little bit different way than,say, a parent would, or maybe
you know.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Service provider Right.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Right, Because we do know that there's different
settings, and different settingsare going to invoke different
behaviors and there's going tobe different ways to deal with
them.
In May of 2024, right, that wasjust last year that 80% of
(03:47):
public school leaders reportedthat they agree or strongly
agree with the statement thatCOVID-19 pandemic and its
lingering effects continue tonegatively impact the behavioral
development of students at myschool.
When asked a slightly differentquestion in May of 2022, 83% of
(04:07):
public school leaders reportedthat they agree or strongly
agree with this statement.
The COVID-19 pandemicnegatively impacted the
behavioral development ofstudents at my school, and so
I'm pretty sure that anybodythat just heard that is shaking
their head going oh, yeah, yeah,I get that.
And so then when you take that,mrs Curtis, and we pair it with
(04:29):
the research that shows us thatinappropriate or unwanted
behavior oftentimes ties withstudents that have disabilities,
that there's behavioral issuesthat tend to walk hand in hand
with that, yet it's continuingto grow, and we know that our
(04:54):
students with disabilitiespopulation continues to grow, so
we've got to figure some thingsout.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Sorry.
Yes, we do need to figuresomething out Right now.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
What's the answer?
What are?
Speaker 2 (05:10):
you going to figure out Figure it out, Curtis.
Do the solution?
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Solution.
So, with all that being said,where do we start?
Speaker 2 (05:20):
Well, we touched a little bit on the impact of
disruptive behaviors in thelearning environment.
We know that it impacts theteacher and all the students,
and not just the students thatare.
It impacts the children doingthe behavior as well as the ones
(05:44):
that are not doing thebehaviors, and when the teacher
has to stop to intervene, thenit leads to lost instructional
time and then, with that, loweracademic achievement for the
students in the classroom, forthe students in the classroom,
(06:05):
and then also yeah, the wordsaren't working very well this
evening, so it impacts all thepeople in the room.
And then also one of the thingsthat you would we found that it
also decreases a sense ofbelonging for all involved
(06:33):
because it disrupts theenvironment and it disrupts
what's going on.
A student or multiple studentsin there that are causing
disruptions and making itdifficult for other students to
learn, and it creates friction.
And then the behaviors willalso impact the teacher and it
(06:59):
will make them more stressed outbecause they're dealing with
the behavior and that we knowwe've discussed a little bit
that their you know theirtimelines for instruction is
gotten more intense, like, no,they need to learn this, learn
(07:19):
this material, and they need tolearn it within this time and so
, but they have to stop it.
It impacts their timeline andthen they get behind and they
feel stressed and they get burntout and it can also impact the
turnover rate.
They're like never mind, Idon't want to do this anymore.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
So we've identified, and of course, there's more that
play into it, but let's look atjust three key pieces to this
conversation.
We have the teacher, we havethe student that is exhibiting
the behavior, and then we havethe students who are observing
the behavior and having itimpact their education
(08:01):
experience, impact theireducation experience.
So of those three, there's onlyone person that has direct I'm
going to use the word controlbecause they are in that
situation so they can controlwhat they're doing that might be
(08:23):
listening to this.
There's three people.
So let's talk a little bitabout what we might want to
share with the teacher, what wemight want to share with the
parent of the student that isstruggling with inappropriate
behavior.
And then what do we say to theparent who, who has the student
(08:48):
in that classroom, that thebehavior issue isn't theirs, but
they are going to.
Uh, I experience theconsequences of others actions
because we see that a lot inlife.
Right, sometimes we do dumbthings and we, you know we pay
for that because you know youput your finger in the fire and
(09:11):
it's going to get burned.
Right, put your hand on thestove, it's going to get burned.
That's a direct consequence ofour actions.
But then there's times, youknow where, if I'm standing in
front of an oven or a stovetopand somebody bumps me because
they're horse playing and Idon't see them and I stick my
hand out to stop myself, I'mgoing to burn myself right, and
(09:32):
so that's kind of the product ofsomebody else's choice.
Regardless of how it comes to be, we all do take some ownership.
And what do we do with that?
Like, what can I do?
What is my part in all of this?
In making the best of thesituation?
So, said all of that, I comeback around and say what is it
(09:54):
that we would say first to theparent of the child that's
exhibiting this behavior?
What is it that we shouldchallenge and encourage that
parent to do in approaching thissituation?
Speaker 2 (10:14):
I think one thing that comes to mind is and I
think we touched on this alittle bit last time too is that
parent-teacher relationship andmaking that stronger.
It's important for students tosee that, okay, my parent and my
(10:37):
teacher are a team and theyboth want the same thing out of
me.
Um, and you know, not not everytime that you're not going to
always get along with each other.
However, for the sake of thestudent, uh, I would challenge
teachers and and parents to tryyour best.
(11:01):
And you know, children arechildren, don't want to get in
trouble, and also they have a adifferent perspective.
They say they see things fromlike we all do.
They, you know, you see thingsfrom where you are.
And, um, sometimes, what thechildren think happened, they go
(11:23):
home and tell their parent thathappened.
It isn't exactly what happened,and so I'd also challenge
parents to, before getting upsetwhen their child comes home and
says, my, you know, my teachergot onto me or I had time out or
I lost something that I wantedand to just take a breath and
(11:48):
ask the child to, okay, tell mewhat happened, Ask questions
instead of jumping right up andcalling the teacher and say, hey
, this is what happened and toask those questions this is what
happened and to ask thosequestions.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Yeah, I, you know, I, we would never disagree with
the idea of a parent umprotecting their child,
defending their child, but oneof the best ways that you can
defend your child is to helpthem to structure a worldview
that allows for logic andwalking through situations.
Now, I know that in somesituations, it's really easy for
(12:32):
us to look at our I'm going tosay our kid because now I'm
talking from the parent side andto say, well, they have this,
they have this learningdisability, or they have this
exceptionality, or they havewhatever.
They don't quite understand X,y and Z, and there is truth to
that.
Nobody's suggesting that, say,a child that has a traumatic
(12:57):
brain injury is going to beexpected to process things in
the same way as somebody that islike a neurotypical person.
But it's important to not sellyour kids short either, and so
take every moment to teach them,to help them get past, because
one of the things that we do ashuman beings is we get lost in
(13:19):
emotion, and this is me again,from experience.
It's one thing to know what'sright to do, but it's another
thing to do it when you're mad,and that's hard, that is hard.
That's hard.
And so then you end up likeapologizing for a bunch of stuff
.
And if you haven't noticed, yes, I have a list of those too.
(13:42):
And if you haven't noticed, yes, I have a list of those too.
But we got to teach our kids towalk through things and to take
ownership, okay.
This reminds me of a story youonce told me about something on
a bus with Brandon.
I'm probably not going to winany like parent points for this
one, but so one day Brandon was,he was in elementary school and
(14:07):
he came in off the bus and hehad this big red mark on the
side of his face and I said whathappened?
He said this kid punched me andI said no, I didn't.
I didn't respond with well, didyou hit him back?
(14:28):
Which is typically our thing,right?
I said okay.
Well, why, like?
Why did he punch you in theface?
Because typically not always,but typically people don't just
walk up and punch you in themouth, right, for no reason.
Just say, I'm walking down theaisle at Walmart and while I'm
looking at the Fruity Pebbles,somebody just bam right in the
(14:48):
mouth.
Doesn't happen often, right?
So I asked him and he said Idon't know.
I said well, that seems kind ofstrange to me.
Why don't you walk me throughthe process?
He says well, I stepped on thiskid's backpack by accident and
he said hey, don't step on mybackpack, oh, and then he
(15:10):
punched you in the mouth, no,well, what happened?
Well, I stepped on it again Onpurpose, yes.
And then he punched you in themouth, yes.
So don't step on his backpack.
Am I gonna get mad because mykid got punched in the mouth for
(15:31):
being a turd?
Speaker 2 (15:32):
no, he's being a turd right, but you asked, okay, so
what happened?
Instead of flying to the schooland demanding to talk to this
kid's parent because let's watchthe video the bus video they
punched your kid in the mouth.
Yeah you, you ask thosequestions.
Well, walk me.
Walk me through this.
And how do we get there?
Speaker 1 (15:55):
well, and that's not to, and that's not necessarily
going to guarantee that you'realways going to get where you
want to.
However, you start this, I'mgoing to use the word training.
I hate using that in thissituation, but you're starting
this process where you'reteaching your kid to process
through what's going on andagain that's not saying that you
(16:19):
just check your kids to thewolves and they're always wrong
or anything like that, but it'salways important to find
ownership.
Ownership's a big deal in everysituation, and so start
teaching your kid that.
So if you're the parent thathas the behavior issues, has a
child with behavior issues,start walking them through the
(16:41):
understanding, because I tellyou what you know I've been in
the school system, working inspecial education, for almost a
decade.
I worked with families throughour church for almost a decade
and I've had the opportunity tosee and work with a lot of kids,
(17:03):
a lot of different backgroundsand so on and so forth, and then
they don't understand why thereare negative consequences for
that, not because they'reincapable of understanding, but
(17:34):
because parents didn't take thetime to walk them through that,
to identify those things.
So instead you have these kidsthat are growing up that they
can't understand why they'regetting in trouble outside of
the house when it's like theydidn't do, from their
perspective, anything wrong, andso there's that.
(17:57):
So we have that for the parentwho and ask for help that's
another thing I threw out.
There, too, is it's okay to askfor help?
And that's another thing Ithrew out.
There, too, is it's okay to askfor help?
Nobody's got this thing figuredout.
You know you'll sit in meetingswith people who you know your
kid better than anybody else,like you're gonna know their
(18:18):
likes, their dislikes, you knowthose types of things.
You got people sitting on theother side of the table that
have committed their lives toresearch and studying the
different things that your childis dealing with at the same
time.
So why not pull that togetherinstead of me versus you?
Right, and the way we do thatis we ask for help.
(18:40):
We do that.
Teachers ask for help, parentsask for help.
So now let's move on to theteacher side.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Mrs Curtis, if I'm a teacher and I have these
behaviors happening in myclassroom.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
I just want these kids to learn.
That's like that's my wholething.
I don't know that there's'sanybody.
I don't know that I've met ateacher, and I've met some great
teachers that love math, butthey love watching kids learn
math like they love watchingthat light bulb.
(19:19):
Come on, um.
I don't know that that I've metany reading teachers.
That's just.
I just love reading and they may, but that's not why they're
teachers All right, because theylove to see the light bulb go
off in that little kid's face ormiddle school or whatever as
they're walking them throughthese subjects, and there's an
(19:40):
excitement in seeing again thoselight bulbs going off and
they're learning something new.
So what do we say to thatteacher who's in a classroom,
who is I don't know?
I mean, they may be even on theverge of a nervous breakdown
because they can't do what it isthey feel they are in that
(20:02):
position to do because of thisone particular child.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
Well as with the parent, the teacher.
I would recommend the teacherreaches out to the parent and
have that communication.
And one thing that is, I think,important to remember and I had
(20:29):
to learn this too is whenyou're communicating with the
parent, don't always call themor message them or write in
little Johnny's notebook all thebad things.
Let the parent know when theyhave had a great day or a great
morning.
Maybe it wasn't a whole greatday, but hey, listen, the
afternoon was tough.
(20:49):
However, this morning he madesome really good choices.
So that communication and alsoknowing that you see their child
can make good choices as well.
So do focus on that positive andthen also communicate when
you're having struggles.
(21:09):
And I think that it will comethrough to the parents better.
If every time they're seeing anemail from you or a dojo or a
message that they know you'regoing to complain about their
kid, that's not going to helpthat relationship.
And once again, we talked aboutthat parent-teacher
relationship is probably themost important part to help
(21:33):
these behaviors.
And then consistency beingconsistent when you, if you
allowed it today but don't allowit tomorrow, and then the next
day you allow it again, thechild won't understand.
(21:55):
They need to know what isallowed and what is not allowed.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
As an adult, I don't understand that Right.
And what is not allowed.
As an adult, I don't understandthat Right.
If I go to work and I walk inone day and I follow these set
of procedures and I mean, maybenobody says I'm doing great, but
if they don't tell me I'm doingit wrong, I'll probably
continue to do it.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Right, so I'll come in the next day and do it, and
then I have that person, or Ihave that supervisor come after
me and chew me up and downbecause I did it this way.
Well, it's really confusing,because I just did it like that
yesterday and it was fine, right.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
So being consistent and knowing your expectations
and your rules.
I had something I was going tosay, but then I forgot.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
It's my fault, isn't it?
Well, you know, in talking to,like I said, I've met whose
(23:20):
children have behavior issues.
They know it.
They know their kid hasbehavior issues.
Now they want to stand up fortheir child, they want to defend
their child, and so when ateacher is constantly coming at
them complaining about their kid, I mean their natural instinct
is to defend their kid.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Right.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
So what I would like to add to this conversation and
it's something that,interestingly enough, that my
dad has used for years in likemarriage counseling and he'll
ask this question, and if peopleare honest with themselves
(24:03):
first time around hearing thisquestion, you'll think to
yourself oh yeah, probably not.
So here's what he asks.
He'll say can you honestly lookat the relationship and say
that you've done everything thatyou can, everything you can
control, to make therelationship work?
(24:23):
So now let's take that and putit into the educational system.
I am not questioning the heartof a teacher.
I'm not questioning the driveof a teacher.
I'm not questioning the driveof a teacher.
I'm not questioning the passionof a teacher.
But what I will ask is this inthat relationship with the
(24:44):
parent, have you done everythingyou possibly can to make the
relationship work?
Because, again, what we weretalking about with the parent of
(25:10):
the child, that's exhibitingthese behaviors that are
inconducive to a successfulclassroom.
The teacher needs to take thattoo.
Am I doing everything I can topossibly foster a relationship
that leads, not fix the kid?
That's not what I'm saying.
I'm not saying can you go downa checklist and say, well, I did
this, I did this.
I did this because I'm tryingto get them to just sit in their
seat.
No, the relationship that youare forming with the child and
(25:32):
the parent are you doingeverything you can to and I'm
just stressing the same thingyou said earlier to keep that
communication open, be a team towork together?
So that's the teacher, theparent of the rambunctious one.
(25:53):
What can we share with parentsof students that have to share
that space, which oftentimeseven presents itself in a manner
of what do we tell our kids?
So if I have a student in myclass that's having a meltdown,
(26:16):
I don't know why.
You don't know why Little Jimmyover there doesn't know why
Little Janie over there doesn'tknow why?
As parents of little Jimmy andlittle Janie, or whoever I said,
what can we share with thoseparents that they might share
with their kids who observethose situations in the
(26:37):
classroom?
Speaker 2 (26:41):
I would start with having those parents talk to
their children about everybody'sdifferent.
Everybody has different needs,everybody learns different,
everybody has differentresponses, especially to
different sensory inputs.
A lot of times that ourstudents with disabilities that
(27:04):
are in the general educationclassroom you know talking about
these meltdowns, but you know,and that's usually they're due
to some sort of sensory eitherdeficit or need or
overstimulated, and look forbooks to read with your child
(27:29):
about students being different,and I know that it's hard
because you want to say, well,my kid's not learning and you
know this kid's taking the timeand help them foster some grace,
because a lot of times thesestudents aren't.
(27:56):
They don't want to disrupt theclass.
Now, some do, some that's whatthey want to do.
However, if you're havingstudents with disabilities and
they're having struggles withthe behavior due to sensory
problems, then it's notsomething that's under their
(28:16):
control, and so that's where Iwould start is.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
So our responsibility inside of the school room is
reading, writing, arithmetic.
These are the things that we'reexpected to teach, but it's
important to remember thatinside those classrooms are
snapshots, right A microcosm ofthe world outside, and if we can
(28:47):
teach our children to becompassionate in the classroom,
they will become adults that arecompassionate in the world.
And one of the areas that westruggle with as human beings is
that we live in our head and wesee the world happen around us.
Now I was that weird kid thatwould you know, sit on a bench
(29:09):
and you see people drive by inthe car and I'm like I wonder
what they're thinking.
Like I'm sitting here on thisbench and I see all these people
around me.
I wonder if anybody else isjust sitting in their car on a
bench and feeling the same way,like I'm stuck inside of my body
, seeing the whole world aroundme, and we all operate that way.
We all operate that way, andthe way we see all of that is
(29:33):
shaped primarily by theexperiences that we have, the
interactions that we have, andso, of course, we need our
parents and our grandparents andour teachers and our preachers
and the people in the communityto help us take those
experiences and shape theperspective properly, because
(29:56):
you know, if I burn my hand onthe stove, my instinct might be
to say the stove is bad.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
Right.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
Right, and so we need help shaping all of that.
Said, all that to say.
When we look at the classroom,and no matter what part of that
picture you are emphasizing,compassion is huge.
If little Jimmy doesn't quiteget how to find the volume of a
(30:30):
rectangular sphere nope notsphere prism, prism.
Thank you.
Yep, I'm tired.
Square ball, right.
It's like how does that even?
I mean I know they call, like awrestling ring, the squared
circle.
But but yeah, if they don't getthat today, but they get how to
(30:52):
care about somebody else intheir classroom, to me that's a
win.
And that's where it all starts.
So, mrs Curtis, you gotanything else you want to add to
this?
Speaker 2 (31:05):
I don't think so.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Bottom line don't be a turd.
No matter where you are in thepicture, don't be a turd.
I'm more going to get a shirtmade that says life in the IEP
tribe don't be a turd.
Let me know if you would buythat shirt or bumper sticker.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
Or a turn.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Oh, that's another story for another day.
So, yeah, and if you would beinterested in it, let us know.
You can tell us on Facebook,you can message us, you can
shoot us an email atlifeintheeptribe at gmailcom and
we'll talk some more about it,but until next time.
Mrs Curtis, do you have anyclosing words, or did I do them
all?
I?
Speaker 2 (31:40):
think you may have done them all.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
I've done all the closing words, so we'll see you
next week.
Say bye, bye.
And just like that, we're recording episode number
two of our second season and Iam still just as excited as I
was in the last recording, butI'm just tired right now, so my
woohoos are are not going to bevery, uh, loud and boisterous.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
I get it oh.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Cardi, how you doing today.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
I'm doing all right that's good.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
so for those of you that don't know, I don't even
know why I started that way,because that really doesn't
matter we were talking and wethought, you know, it'd be a
good idea to kind of pick upwhere we left off and do some
chit-chatting and conversationsabout behavior.
Behavior seems to be a prettybig deal, right, and it's easy
for us.
I think when we're in aclassroom and we work with
(01:05):
different students that havedifferent behavioral expressions
, that sometimes it's easy tofeel like we live in our own
little world that other peopledon't understand, right, because
we're inside of our walls.
I've known parents that havechildren with special needs that
(01:35):
have said that there's a lot oftimes when things are getting
crazy, that they feel alone.
Student is exhibiting crazybehaviors.
You almost feel.
You almost feel, I don't know,like inadequate and lost because
you don't know what to do to.
I mean, I guess you couldapproach it one of two ways.
(01:56):
Some people are how do I justfix this kid?
And then others are like, okay,so there's something going on
that they're trying to help usunderstand, and it can be very
frustrating.
Well, I've been reading a fewthings, because I do that on
occasion, and what I have foundis that behavior issues in the
(02:19):
classroom are.
They're not going anywhere.
It's a continuing trend,unfortunately, training upwards
and there's a lot that goes intothat and a lot that shapes the
behavior of students.
But I was reading somethingjust the other day, and actually
I'm reading it right nowbecause it's in front of me too,
(02:40):
this report in 2023 said morethan 70 percent of teachers
report an increase in disruptivebehavior.
An increase in disruptivebehavior 70, that's a lot, yes
and and.
So in in the report, they talkabout different things to look
(03:02):
at and different things to tofocus on.
And and, of course, whereveryou in this story, it's going to
play a big part into what it isthat you're responding to.
Right, if you're a teacher,you're going to deal with it a
little bit different way than,say, a parent would, or maybe
you know.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Service provider Right.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Right, Because we do know that there's different
settings, and different settingsare going to invoke different
behaviors and there's going tobe different ways to deal with
them.
In May of 2024, right, that wasjust last year that 80% of
(03:47):
public school leaders reportedthat they agree or strongly
agree with the statement thatCOVID-19 pandemic and its
lingering effects continue tonegatively impact the behavioral
development of students at myschool.
When asked a slightly differentquestion in May of 2022, 83% of
(04:07):
public school leaders reportedthat they agree or strongly
agree with this statement.
The COVID-19 pandemicnegatively impacted the
behavioral development ofstudents at my school, and so
I'm pretty sure that anybodythat just heard that is shaking
their head going oh, yeah, yeah,I get that.
And so then when you take that,mrs Curtis, and we pair it with
(04:29):
the research that shows us thatinappropriate or unwanted
behavior oftentimes ties withstudents that have disabilities,
that there's behavioral issuesthat tend to walk hand in hand
with that, yet it's continuingto grow, and we know that our
(04:54):
students with disabilitiespopulation continues to grow, so
we've got to figure some thingsout.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Sorry.
Yes, we do need to figuresomething out Right now.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
What's the answer?
What are?
Speaker 2 (05:10):
you going to figure out Figure it out, Curtis.
Do the solution?
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Solution.
So, with all that being said,where do we start?
Speaker 2 (05:20):
Well, we touched a little bit on the impact of
disruptive behaviors in thelearning environment.
We know that it impacts theteacher and all the students,
and not just the students thatare.
It impacts the children doingthe behavior as well as the ones
(05:44):
that are not doing thebehaviors, and when the teacher
has to stop to intervene, thenit leads to lost instructional
time and then, with that, loweracademic achievement for the
students in the classroom, forthe students in the classroom,
(06:05):
and then also yeah, the wordsaren't working very well this
evening, so it impacts all thepeople in the room.
And then also one of the thingsthat you would we found that it
also decreases a sense ofbelonging for all involved
(06:33):
because it disrupts theenvironment and it disrupts
what's going on.
A student or multiple studentsin there that are causing
disruptions and making itdifficult for other students to
learn, and it creates friction.
And then the behaviors willalso impact the teacher and it
(06:59):
will make them more stressed outbecause they're dealing with
the behavior and that we knowwe've discussed a little bit
that their you know theirtimelines for instruction is
gotten more intense, like, no,they need to learn this, learn
(07:19):
this material, and they need tolearn it within this time and so
, but they have to stop it.
It impacts their timeline andthen they get behind and they
feel stressed and they get burntout and it can also impact the
turnover rate.
They're like never mind, Idon't want to do this anymore.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
So we've identified, and of course, there's more that
play into it, but let's look atjust three key pieces to this
conversation.
We have the teacher, we havethe student that is exhibiting
the behavior, and then we havethe students who are observing
the behavior and having itimpact their education
(08:01):
experience, impact theireducation experience.
So of those three, there's onlyone person that has direct I'm
going to use the word controlbecause they are in that
situation so they can controlwhat they're doing that might be
(08:23):
listening to this.
There's three people.
So let's talk a little bitabout what we might want to
share with the teacher, what wemight want to share with the
parent of the student that isstruggling with inappropriate
behavior.
And then what do we say to theparent who, who has the student
(08:48):
in that classroom, that thebehavior issue isn't theirs, but
they are going to.
Uh, I experience theconsequences of others actions
because we see that a lot inlife.
Right, sometimes we do dumbthings and we, you know we pay
for that because you know youput your finger in the fire and
(09:11):
it's going to get burned.
Right, put your hand on thestove, it's going to get burned.
That's a direct consequence ofour actions.
But then there's times, youknow where, if I'm standing in
front of an oven or a stovetopand somebody bumps me because
they're horse playing and Idon't see them and I stick my
hand out to stop myself, I'mgoing to burn myself right, and
(09:32):
so that's kind of the product ofsomebody else's choice.
Regardless of how it comes to be, we all do take some ownership.
And what do we do with that?
Like, what can I do?
What is my part in all of this?
In making the best of thesituation?
So, said all of that, I comeback around and say what is it
(09:54):
that we would say first to theparent of the child that's
exhibiting this behavior?
What is it that we shouldchallenge and encourage that
parent to do in approaching thissituation?
Speaker 2 (10:14):
I think one thing that comes to mind is and I
think we touched on this alittle bit last time too is that
parent-teacher relationship andmaking that stronger.
It's important for students tosee that, okay, my parent and my
(10:37):
teacher are a team and theyboth want the same thing out of
me.
Um, and you know, not not everytime that you're not going to
always get along with each other.
However, for the sake of thestudent, uh, I would challenge
teachers and and parents to tryyour best.
(11:01):
And you know, children arechildren, don't want to get in
trouble, and also they have a adifferent perspective.
They say they see things fromlike we all do.
They, you know, you see thingsfrom where you are.
And, um, sometimes, what thechildren think happened, they go
(11:23):
home and tell their parent thathappened.
It isn't exactly what happened,and so I'd also challenge
parents to, before getting upsetwhen their child comes home and
says, my, you know, my teachergot onto me or I had time out or
I lost something that I wantedand to just take a breath and
(11:48):
ask the child to, okay, tell mewhat happened, Ask questions
instead of jumping right up andcalling the teacher and say, hey
, this is what happened and toask those questions this is what
happened and to ask thosequestions.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Yeah, I, you know, I, we would never disagree with
the idea of a parent umprotecting their child,
defending their child, but oneof the best ways that you can
defend your child is to helpthem to structure a worldview
that allows for logic andwalking through situations.
Now, I know that in somesituations, it's really easy for
(12:32):
us to look at our I'm going tosay our kid because now I'm
talking from the parent side andto say, well, they have this,
they have this learningdisability, or they have this
exceptionality, or they havewhatever.
They don't quite understand X,y and Z, and there is truth to
that.
Nobody's suggesting that, say,a child that has a traumatic
(12:57):
brain injury is going to beexpected to process things in
the same way as somebody that islike a neurotypical person.
But it's important to not sellyour kids short either, and so
take every moment to teach them,to help them get past, because
one of the things that we do ashuman beings is we get lost in
(13:19):
emotion, and this is me again,from experience.
It's one thing to know what'sright to do, but it's another
thing to do it when you're mad,and that's hard, that is hard.
That's hard.
And so then you end up likeapologizing for a bunch of stuff
.
And if you haven't noticed, yes, I have a list of those too.
(13:42):
And if you haven't noticed, yes, I have a list of those too.
But we got to teach our kids towalk through things and to take
ownership, okay.
This reminds me of a story youonce told me about something on
a bus with Brandon.
I'm probably not going to winany like parent points for this
one, but so one day Brandon was,he was in elementary school and
(14:07):
he came in off the bus and hehad this big red mark on the
side of his face and I said whathappened?
He said this kid punched me andI said no, I didn't.
I didn't respond with well, didyou hit him back?
(14:28):
Which is typically our thing,right?
I said okay.
Well, why, like?
Why did he punch you in theface?
Because typically not always,but typically people don't just
walk up and punch you in themouth, right, for no reason.
Just say, I'm walking down theaisle at Walmart and while I'm
looking at the Fruity Pebbles,somebody just bam right in the
(14:48):
mouth.
Doesn't happen often, right?
So I asked him and he said Idon't know.
I said well, that seems kind ofstrange to me.
Why don't you walk me throughthe process?
He says well, I stepped on thiskid's backpack by accident and
he said hey, don't step on mybackpack, oh, and then he
(15:10):
punched you in the mouth, no,well, what happened?
Well, I stepped on it again Onpurpose, yes.
And then he punched you in themouth, yes.
So don't step on his backpack.
Am I gonna get mad because mykid got punched in the mouth for
(15:31):
being a turd?
Speaker 2 (15:32):
no, he's being a turd right, but you asked, okay, so
what happened?
Instead of flying to the schooland demanding to talk to this
kid's parent because let's watchthe video the bus video they
punched your kid in the mouth.
Yeah you, you ask thosequestions.
Well, walk me.
Walk me through this.
And how do we get there?
Speaker 1 (15:55):
well, and that's not to, and that's not necessarily
going to guarantee that you'realways going to get where you
want to.
However, you start this, I'mgoing to use the word training.
I hate using that in thissituation, but you're starting
this process where you'reteaching your kid to process
through what's going on andagain that's not saying that you
(16:19):
just check your kids to thewolves and they're always wrong
or anything like that, but it'salways important to find
ownership.
Ownership's a big deal in everysituation, and so start
teaching your kid that.
So if you're the parent thathas the behavior issues, has a
child with behavior issues,start walking them through the
(16:41):
understanding, because I tellyou what you know I've been in
the school system, working inspecial education, for almost a
decade.
I worked with families throughour church for almost a decade
and I've had the opportunity tosee and work with a lot of kids,
(17:03):
a lot of different backgroundsand so on and so forth, and then
they don't understand why thereare negative consequences for
that, not because they'reincapable of understanding, but
(17:34):
because parents didn't take thetime to walk them through that,
to identify those things.
So instead you have these kidsthat are growing up that they
can't understand why they'regetting in trouble outside of
the house when it's like theydidn't do, from their
perspective, anything wrong, andso there's that.
(17:57):
So we have that for the parentwho and ask for help that's
another thing I threw out.
There, too, is it's okay to askfor help?
And that's another thing Ithrew out.
There, too, is it's okay to askfor help?
Nobody's got this thing figuredout.
You know you'll sit in meetingswith people who you know your
kid better than anybody else,like you're gonna know their
(18:18):
likes, their dislikes, you knowthose types of things.
You got people sitting on theother side of the table that
have committed their lives toresearch and studying the
different things that your childis dealing with at the same
time.
So why not pull that togetherinstead of me versus you?
Right, and the way we do thatis we ask for help.
(18:40):
We do that.
Teachers ask for help, parentsask for help.
So now let's move on to theteacher side.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Mrs Curtis, if I'm a teacher and I have these
behaviors happening in myclassroom.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
I just want these kids to learn.
That's like that's my wholething.
I don't know that there's'sanybody.
I don't know that I've met ateacher, and I've met some great
teachers that love math, butthey love watching kids learn
math like they love watchingthat light bulb.
(19:19):
Come on, um.
I don't know that that I've metany reading teachers.
That's just.
I just love reading and they may, but that's not why they're
teachers All right, because theylove to see the light bulb go
off in that little kid's face ormiddle school or whatever as
they're walking them throughthese subjects, and there's an
(19:40):
excitement in seeing again thoselight bulbs going off and
they're learning something new.
So what do we say to thatteacher who's in a classroom,
who is I don't know?
I mean, they may be even on theverge of a nervous breakdown
because they can't do what it isthey feel they are in that
(20:02):
position to do because of thisone particular child.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
Well as with the parent, the teacher.
I would recommend the teacherreaches out to the parent and
have that communication.
And one thing that is, I think,important to remember and I had
(20:29):
to learn this too is whenyou're communicating with the
parent, don't always call themor message them or write in
little Johnny's notebook all thebad things.
Let the parent know when theyhave had a great day or a great
morning.
Maybe it wasn't a whole greatday, but hey, listen, the
afternoon was tough.
(20:49):
However, this morning he madesome really good choices.
So that communication and alsoknowing that you see their child
can make good choices as well.
So do focus on that positive andthen also communicate when
you're having struggles.
(21:09):
And I think that it will comethrough to the parents better.
If every time they're seeing anemail from you or a dojo or a
message that they know you'regoing to complain about their
kid, that's not going to helpthat relationship.
And once again, we talked aboutthat parent-teacher
relationship is probably themost important part to help
(21:33):
these behaviors.
And then consistency beingconsistent when you, if you
allowed it today but don't allowit tomorrow, and then the next
day you allow it again, thechild won't understand.
(21:55):
They need to know what isallowed and what is not allowed.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
As an adult, I don't understand that Right.
And what is not allowed.
As an adult, I don't understandthat Right.
If I go to work and I walk inone day and I follow these set
of procedures and I mean, maybenobody says I'm doing great, but
if they don't tell me I'm doingit wrong, I'll probably
continue to do it.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Right, so I'll come in the next day and do it, and
then I have that person, or Ihave that supervisor come after
me and chew me up and downbecause I did it this way.
Well, it's really confusing,because I just did it like that
yesterday and it was fine, right.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
So being consistent and knowing your expectations
and your rules.
I had something I was going tosay, but then I forgot.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
It's my fault, isn't it?
Well, you know, in talking to,like I said, I've met whose
(23:20):
children have behavior issues.
They know it.
They know their kid hasbehavior issues.
Now they want to stand up fortheir child, they want to defend
their child, and so when ateacher is constantly coming at
them complaining about their kid, I mean their natural instinct
is to defend their kid.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Right.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
So what I would like to add to this conversation and
it's something that,interestingly enough, that my
dad has used for years in likemarriage counseling and he'll
ask this question, and if peopleare honest with themselves
(24:03):
first time around hearing thisquestion, you'll think to
yourself oh yeah, probably not.
So here's what he asks.
He'll say can you honestly lookat the relationship and say
that you've done everything thatyou can, everything you can
control, to make therelationship work?
(24:23):
So now let's take that and putit into the educational system.
I am not questioning the heartof a teacher.
I'm not questioning the driveof a teacher.
I'm not questioning the driveof a teacher.
I'm not questioning the passionof a teacher.
But what I will ask is this inthat relationship with the
(24:44):
parent, have you done everythingyou possibly can to make the
relationship work?
Because, again, what we weretalking about with the parent of
(25:10):
the child, that's exhibitingthese behaviors that are
inconducive to a successfulclassroom.
The teacher needs to take thattoo.
Am I doing everything I can topossibly foster a relationship
that leads, not fix the kid?
That's not what I'm saying.
I'm not saying can you go downa checklist and say, well, I did
this, I did this.
I did this because I'm tryingto get them to just sit in their
seat.
No, the relationship that youare forming with the child and
(25:32):
the parent are you doingeverything you can to and I'm
just stressing the same thingyou said earlier to keep that
communication open, be a team towork together?
So that's the teacher, theparent of the rambunctious one.
(25:53):
What can we share with parentsof students that have to share
that space, which oftentimeseven presents itself in a manner
of what do we tell our kids?
So if I have a student in myclass that's having a meltdown,
(26:16):
I don't know why.
You don't know why Little Jimmyover there doesn't know why
Little Janie over there doesn'tknow why?
As parents of little Jimmy andlittle Janie, or whoever I said,
what can we share with thoseparents that they might share
with their kids who observethose situations in the
(26:37):
classroom?
Speaker 2 (26:41):
I would start with having those parents talk to
their children about everybody'sdifferent.
Everybody has different needs,everybody learns different,
everybody has differentresponses, especially to
different sensory inputs.
A lot of times that ourstudents with disabilities that
(27:04):
are in the general educationclassroom you know talking about
these meltdowns, but you know,and that's usually they're due
to some sort of sensory eitherdeficit or need or
overstimulated, and look forbooks to read with your child
(27:29):
about students being different,and I know that it's hard
because you want to say, well,my kid's not learning and you
know this kid's taking the timeand help them foster some grace,
because a lot of times thesestudents aren't.
(27:56):
They don't want to disrupt theclass.
Now, some do, some that's whatthey want to do.
However, if you're havingstudents with disabilities and
they're having struggles withthe behavior due to sensory
problems, then it's notsomething that's under their
(28:16):
control, and so that's where Iwould start is.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
So our responsibility inside of the school room is
reading, writing, arithmetic.
These are the things that we'reexpected to teach, but it's
important to remember thatinside those classrooms are
snapshots, right A microcosm ofthe world outside, and if we can
(28:47):
teach our children to becompassionate in the classroom,
they will become adults that arecompassionate in the world.
And one of the areas that westruggle with as human beings is
that we live in our head and wesee the world happen around us.
Now I was that weird kid thatwould you know, sit on a bench
(29:09):
and you see people drive by inthe car and I'm like I wonder
what they're thinking.
Like I'm sitting here on thisbench and I see all these people
around me.
I wonder if anybody else isjust sitting in their car on a
bench and feeling the same way,like I'm stuck inside of my body
, seeing the whole world aroundme, and we all operate that way.
We all operate that way, andthe way we see all of that is
(29:33):
shaped primarily by theexperiences that we have, the
interactions that we have, andso, of course, we need our
parents and our grandparents andour teachers and our preachers
and the people in the communityto help us take those
experiences and shape theperspective properly, because
(29:56):
you know, if I burn my hand onthe stove, my instinct might be
to say the stove is bad.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
Right.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
Right, and so we need help shaping all of that.
Said, all that to say.
When we look at the classroom,and no matter what part of that
picture you are emphasizing,compassion is huge.
If little Jimmy doesn't quiteget how to find the volume of a
(30:30):
rectangular sphere nope notsphere prism, prism.
Thank you.
Yep, I'm tired.
Square ball, right.
It's like how does that even?
I mean I know they call, like awrestling ring, the squared
circle.
But but yeah, if they don't getthat today, but they get how to
(30:52):
care about somebody else intheir classroom, to me that's a
win.
And that's where it all starts.
So, mrs Curtis, you gotanything else you want to add to
this?
Speaker 2 (31:05):
I don't think so.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Bottom line don't be a turd.
No matter where you are in thepicture, don't be a turd.
I'm more going to get a shirtmade that says life in the IEP
tribe don't be a turd.
Let me know if you would buythat shirt or bumper sticker.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
Or a turn.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Oh, that's another story for another day.
So, yeah, and if you would beinterested in it, let us know.
You can tell us on Facebook,you can message us, you can
shoot us an email atlifeintheeptribe at gmailcom and
we'll talk some more about it,but until next time.
Mrs Curtis, do you have anyclosing words, or did I do them
all?
I?
Speaker 2 (31:40):
think you may have done them all.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
I've done all the closing words, so we'll see you
next week.
Say bye, bye.
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