August 14, 2025 • 21 mins
Angela and Vanessa explore why humans struggle with feelings of perpetual dissatisfaction despite living with unprecedented comfort and abundance. We dive into the evolutionary psychology behind our restless minds and why contentment feels so elusive in modern life.
• The evolutionary advantage of dissatisfaction: it drives innovation and progress
• Research showing people would rather electrocute themselves than sit alone with their thoughts for 15 minutes
• The four psychological components of dissatisfaction: boredom, negativity bias, rumination, and hedonic adaptation
• Why external achievements and possessions rarely create lasting happiness
• Finding contentment through internal peace rather than external acquisition
• The relationship between purpose, interconnection, and meaningful satisfaction
• How helping others and standing up for those who cannot stand up for themselves brings deeper fulfillment
Live your life on 10, your 10.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hello and welcome to Life on 10.
Hello, friends and family, it'sAngela and Vanessa.
Hey everyone, it's still summer.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
It's still summer and you know, I mean, as long as
I'm not as much of a loser as Itend to be with posting our
episodes it will still be summerwhen you hear this.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Hopefully it will not be Hopefully it's not.
Hopefully we're not going to go.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Welcome to our latte pumpkin spice latte after that.
No, I hope not, you won't.
I promise, I promise, I promiseaudience.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
We'll get you.
Hey, you know what Someone Ipromise I promise audience.
We'll get you.
Hey, you know what Um someoneum heard our uh podcast on
menopause.
A couple of women reached out.
Oh nice.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
I actually had someone talk to me about it too.
Really.
Yeah, I was like that's so cool.
I'm so happy that we were ableto share that information.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Um, and yeah, it's always nice when people reach
out and say, hey, I listen toyou guys.
Yeah, one of our doctor friendslistens to every podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Oh really.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Gwaine, oh I love this.
When I see him, he's like andyou and Vanessa were talking the
other day about ADHD.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Yeah, because I had daughters, it's all just posted.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
And I was like, yeah, that's right, we were, so I
love him.
And I was like, yeah, that'sright, we were.
So, I love him.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
I love him for listening, thank you.
Thank you, gawain.
Yes, yeah, the Green Knight.
He does a blog post called theGreen Knight.
I need to read his post.
Yeah, reciprocate.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
We need to reciprocate, we need to be
better.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
I need to, and he and the other.
Dr Vaughn also has.
They have their podcast.
Not podcast, but I bet you theyhave a podcast.
I think he has a podcast too,but they have their YouTube
channel.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
They do lots of stuff for their Auburn medical group.
That's an amazing practice.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
It is Everybody's looking for a doctor in that
area, that's right in that area.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
They're awesome, so we shout them out Boom free
advertising.
Yeah, look at that.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Doctors Awesome, so we shout them out Free.
Free advertising, yeah Look atthat.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Doctors Vaughn, there you go, you're welcome.
Okay, what are we talking abouttoday?
This is a topic that Vanessahas some, some feelings about.
She has some feelings.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
I just I, I you know part part of Angela and I, you
know decide what we want to talkabout based off of just things
that we see, we, we, someonesays something to us, we read an
article that's interesting, andthe reason why I want to talk
about this was because Roberttold me I'm bored and it just
made me think about, like theconcept Poor Robert.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Poor Robert's bored.
I throw him under the bus,putting, putting Robert out
there.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Putting Robert, he's bored you know, but it just made
me think about you know, hejust said it the other day he's
like I'm bored, and I went intoa tirade about all the things
that he could do to not be bored, and we're going to leave that
alone, but it made me just thinkabout the concept of boredom,
right.
And and then I also startedthinking about, like the idea of
(03:08):
you know, like wanderlustpeople who want to, you know,
who want to go and travel andsee new things, because, like
they, just they never want tosit still, right, right, they're
like constantly on there.
They're the nomads in the, inthe vans, across country or
whatever.
You know, those types of peopleLike I was thinking about them,
like this, giving you my trainof thought folks, okay, okay, I
was thinking about them.
And then it made me wonderabout, like why do they do that?
(03:32):
Are they?
Are they chasing something?
Like what are they looking forand do they ever find it?
And then it made me just thinkabout satisfaction generally,
like with your life, and thereare people out there who are
just not satisfied, right.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
No matter what no matter what.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
And I thought about my life and how it's.
A lot of physicians are likethis because you, everything is
always the next step.
So you're like I'm in, I'm inhigh school, and now I want to
go to college, and now I want tobecome a medical student.
So then I do this, and now I'ma medical student, and now I'm
going to try to get intoresidency, and now I go through
the match and now I'm a resident, and now I'm going to become a
fellow and I go through that.
(04:13):
So there's always this nextthing.
Okay.
And I found that when I becameand I left fellowship and I
became an attending physicianwhich means I'm no longer
training that it was a littlehard for me at first because it
was the first time in my adultlife where I had not had a next
thing to go to.
It was done, I was, I was atthe thing that I had worked so
(04:37):
hard to get to and I'm like,well, shit now.
I'm here, um, and it took me.
It just took me some time tojust get used to that, that and,
like Robert and I had movedevery few years we were moving.
So then we bought our firsthouse and then it felt weird
because after a few years I waslike, well, I want to buy
another house again, right,because I'd always just we had
just moved, and so it felt weird.
(04:58):
And now here I am, like eightyears in this house, and it just
feels weird that this is thelongest I've lived in one place
since I was a kid and, um, Ijust so it made me just think
about that.
Like what, what is satisfaction?
Like what?
What is it?
And why do some of us feel justrestless and just never really
(05:24):
quite happy Nothing, nothingreally fills us up, exactly.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Yeah, like you're just still so.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
I was doing some research about it, like trying
to find, you know, like what,what is that?
And I found this really awesomearticle from psychology today
where they're talking about, um,just throughout history.
It's not unusual for people tojust not be satisfied, but that
it has actually some reason whywe're not satisfied.
(05:53):
And part of it is becausecontentment is not terribly
inventive, right?
If you're content, then youreally have no reason to change
Like.
Why do I want to change thiswonderful feeling I have?
Because I'm good, right.
(06:13):
Like I'm good, what do I wantto do anything differently?
And so I think it has served inan evolutionary standing, like
an evolutionary purpose to driveus to do man, I'm really tired
of it being cold all the time.
Well, I'm going to figure out away to heat.
I'm really tired of living inthe dark all the time.
(06:34):
How do I get this stupid candleto be on all the time and then,
boom, electricity.
So innovation innovation stemsfrom not being satisfied with
the status quo, yes, with whatthings are now and constantly.
So I, I thought that wasinteresting, like that was the
concept of it's a necessarything, and to be dissatisfied,
(06:58):
no, and I think that I thinkthat that is the extreme of it.
Okay, right, like there's thenot necessarily to be fully
satisfied, like, just hey, howcan something be different?
Okay, how can something beimproved?
How can we do?
How can we change to?
To just then, then to justfeeling dissatisfied, right,
(07:20):
like, uh, I think that's likethe I'm not going to say it's
pathological cause.
I don't know enough about it tosay that, but I feel like that
is the negative aspect of that.
Like everything has a good anda bad right and that constant
need to change and improve andto do and to invent.
The negative side of that isnever sitting and being content
(07:40):
with what you have.
Yes, so there were in this thethings that they brought up.
This was a great study aboutboredom.
Okay, shockingly and I'm punintended on this humans do not
like being bored, right?
I think we all could say that,and there was a study published
in 2014 in science that observedparticipants who were asked to
sit in a room and think for 15minutes.
(08:03):
That's all they had to do issit in a room, I know, just
think.
For 15 minutes the room wasempty, nothing in it except for
a device that allowed theparticipants to mildly but
painfully electrocute themselvesRight?
And when asked beforehand,every participant in the study
said that they would pay moneyto avoid being shocked.
(08:24):
Oh that they were like.
No, I would not want to beshocked.
But when left alone in the roomwith the machine and nothing
else to do for 15 minutes, 67%of the men and only 25% of the
women which is interestingshocked themselves, and many did
so multiple times.
Oh my God, because they justcould not handle the boredom,
(08:46):
right.
Oh my God, because they justcould not handle the boredom,
right.
Yep, and so I just I thoughtthat was a rather hilarious
thing that we did that.
But the other thing that wasdriving part of the reason why
another psychological factorthat like it's kind of like that
(09:08):
drives us is something calledthe negativity bias, and it's
defined as a phenomenon in whichnegative events are more
salient and demand attentionmore powerfully than neutral or
positive events.
Yes, so it's as a pervasivefact of psychology that bad is
stronger than good, and so youknow that you can.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
You can all test this theory yourselves.
If somebody said and they,somebody says something very
positive to you oh, that's abeautiful dress You're like,
thank you.
Someone says, my gosh, what doyou have on?
That's horrid.
You're going to remember thatall day long.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
All day long, you're going to ruminate over it, so
ruminate over it.
So, yes, yeah, we focus on thatExactly.
So I think that's part of thedissatisfied part is.
One of the driving things isthat we, we don't remember all
the good stuff about what'sgoing on and we ruminate
sometimes on the negative thingsand so, um, with that, that was
(10:06):
kind of like the.
These are the some of the mainreasons.
So that first factor isnegative, or, I'm sorry, the
first factor was what we talkedabout as boredom.
That's one of the fourcomponents of dissatisfaction.
Boredom is one.
The next one is negativity,bias, which we just talked about
.
You know, you're it's kind oflike a pessimism thing.
You remember the negative, umand, but that was apparently.
(10:29):
That has a good point, becauseif you know what's bad, you know
what to avoid.
So, once again, an evolutionarything.
It is an evolutionary thing.
We really want to remember theberry that killed my buddy or
the plant that poisoned us right, your brain protecting you.
Exactly so.
It's all rooted in in um, inevolution.
The third factor is rumination,our tendency to keep thinking
(10:52):
about bad experiences, right, um?
And then the fourth factorwhich I love is hedonic
adaptation or hedonic adaptation, I don't know how to say it
right guys, the tendency toquickly return to a baseline
level of satisfaction, no matterwhat happens to us in life.
So it says hedonic adaptationis mother nature's bait and
(11:12):
switch.
All sorts of life events wethink would make us happier
actually don't, or at least notfor long.
And it's totally true, like youthink about.
For me, the quickest thing I canthink about is food.
Yeah, yeah, oh, my God, that'show I got so fat.
Right, like a hundred percentis that I wanted the food.
I wanted to feel it, it tasted,and get it there.
(11:33):
But, my God, as soon as thatdonut was gone, it was gone, and
so that was actually one of myweight loss tools.
Was that when I would want toeat something very sweet?
And this is after the weightloss surgery and all that,
because that was what I reallyneeded.
But the thing that has helped mekeep the weight off is that
when I have a severe craving forsomething, I say to myself,
(11:55):
you're going to feel like this.
Like the way you're feelingright now, you're going to feel
like this as soon as you're doneeating that.
And so I tell myself that overand over again, to just kind of
like remind myself like it's notworth it.
Literally as soon as you'redone eating that, you're going
to feel just the same way you doright now.
It's temporary, it's verytemporary.
(12:17):
So I, just to me, I thoughtabout the concept of
dissatisfaction and or just not,why, why are some people not
satisfied?
And that's what I read and Ithought I found it to be super
interesting and in general, I'mactually a quite satisfied
person.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
You're weird.
No, I'm a super weird.
Yeah, you're, you're one, butI'm not inventive either?
Speaker 2 (12:36):
ah no, not at all, I'm not creative or inventive at
all.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
I'm good.
I'm not innovative at all whenyou were a little girl you
didn't do like projects and yeah, I mean.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
I'm no, I.
I like talking to people.
I would like put on plays formy parents, but it was more
performative.
I like to perform, I like toentertain, I like people to look
at me and talk to them Likethat's what I love, but that's,
I feel like that's.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
That is being creative.
You're, you're performing,you're acting.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
That's being creative .
It is, but I'm not like I is,but I'm not like I said I'm not
innovative.
I don't think of new things.
Okay, I do not think of thosethings.
Yeah, yeah, very robert issuper innovative.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
He is, he is, he is.
So when he said that he wasbored, what was your?
Speaker 2 (13:21):
I'm curious well, that's a whole other
conversation okay, right, likeyou know, I'm sitting there
going like what are you boredabout?
we have all this stuff.
Look at this, amazing, youcould do this, this, this, this,
this, this, this.
And I just start naming all thethings that he could do, which
is probably not helpful, becauseI feel like I think he already
knew those things that he coulddo.
So there's another reason whyhe's bored, and he'll have to
(13:43):
figure that out.
I don't know, you know that'she's going to have to work on, I
don't know Right, yeah, um, butI do think that a lot of people
in our society are justgenerally not satisfied with
their life for a variety ofreasons.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Yeah, 100%, and it's interesting because I think it
we can go back to our otherpodcast.
I don't know which one you'redoing.
First is the gentleman thatyour driver and how he was
content.
Yeah, with so little you know.
Compare what I'm saying, solittle compared to what you know
(14:22):
the average American have overhere.
So I have some thoughts aboutthat whole thing, about being
bored and not satisfied.
All the things that you readfrom the research is true.
I mean that's why we're heretoday, how we survived and
(14:44):
evolved.
That dissatisfaction and alsothat negativity, bias, it all.
It kept us.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
we, our ancestors, were like save her to tiger run,
okay.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Yes, that's why we're here.
The thing is that there thereare no others.
Save, save.
We're not running from a tigeranymore, but the brain has not
changed that much Totally and sosmall things could seem as a
threat.
Yeah, yep, and insult could bea threat, absolutely.
(15:15):
Finding someone gossiping aboutyou.
So your brain is responding thesame way.
That's that.
But the other part of that isthe boredom and the what's next?
I need something next.
I need something next.
You're never going to feel that, because it is some beliefs.
(15:37):
Is that what you're looking foris not outside of you, exactly,
it's an inside job.
What do I mean by that?
You can take a look at certaincelebrities, certain very
wealthy people.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
And and see that they are unhappy.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
They have everything.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
They have it.
And that's one of the things,like when someone unfortunately,
you know, sadly take their lifeor they're on drugs or they're
doing all of this crazy stuff,you're like what is wrong with
them.
Oh my God, if I had all of thatmoney, I'd be great, I would be
so happy.
Well, there's a reason for that.
Yeah, there's a reason for that.
(16:24):
There's a reason for thatdisconnect.
Anytime something happens toyou know some known person and
they're very successful and theyhave all this wealth.
It just reminds me that all ofthe things, the things, the
things, the things, it's not theanswer Exactly.
It's what's going on inside.
Yeah, it's being happy withbeing you.
(16:47):
It's that appreciation thatthat gentleman, tom, said to you
hey, I, I have a mango somebodyelse has a banana, exactly
share is.
He didn't even like.
I wake up in the morning and Igo fishing.
Yeah, I find my food.
Yeah, it's that thing rightthere, and I feel like we are.
So we are at a loss because welive in supposedly the richest
(17:14):
country in the entire world, yetwe are the most unhappy.
Yeah, there's a reason behindthat that it's because we chase
things.
We chase things outside ofourselves, so it's like what is
going on with me?
I need to be happy with angela.
I need to appreciate justfreaking, being alive, being a
(17:36):
human being, appreciating family, appreciating what we're doing
right here Simple things, it'sthe simple things.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
And not blaming or displacing the things that,
because a lot of times peoplewill feel bad about their
situation or something and theydon't understand that they have
a big part of it or that theyhave control over it, but they
reach out and they blame it onpeople who they think that.
I mean, that's what we wereseeing, unfortunately and I know
(18:07):
we're trying not to be superpolitical, but that's what we're
seeing with our immigrantpopulation right now.
The reason why you're notmaking enough money and the
reason why cost of living ishigh is the reason why X, y and
Z is not because of yourimmigrant picking olives or
picking um, you know pistachios,shaking pistachio trees, right,
though those people are not theproblem.
(18:30):
No, they are not the cause ofall of the societal ills and
what's bothering you.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
They are the scapegoat, yep, and the thing
about it and we're not going tobe political, but I feel like I
don't care, because I have to bevery honest for me.
I struggle when people saythings like oh, I can't.
I just can't look at it.
(18:57):
It's too much for me.
Oh, I can't, I can't.
I feel like, how could you not?
How could you not?
Do you have no heart?
Do you have no soul?
How could you turn it off likethat?
These are human beings.
And what happens?
(19:18):
When all of that is turnedaround and it's towards you,
towards your family member,towards your children, you would
want someone standing up andfighting for you.
You would pray that people werenot putting their heads down
looking the other way.
(19:39):
You would want somebody tofight for you.
So that is like my I have zerotolerance for those people, zero
, zero tolerance.
But back to what we were sayingabout it's an inside job.
So, no matter how big the houseis, how many cars you have, how
many, whatever it is, it'sabout finding the purpose,
(20:05):
meaning of life, and I thinkthat purpose is to be here to
help each other, to live fully,enjoy it and also also, most
importantly, to know that we'reall interconnected and we have
(20:27):
to support and stand up for eachother.
So, finding that peace within,for me, the peace within comes
when I'm hey, I'm standing upfor those who can't stand up for
themselves.
Um, I don't need all of thethings I don't need all of the
things.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
I agree.
I agree and I think that'swhere that's where I was kind of
was my take home with all, witha lot of this, was I need to
start focusing on the, the whatI do have, and not necessarily
what I don't have 100.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Yeah, okay, um, as always, friends and family, live
your life on 10, your 10.
Bye.
Hello and welcome to Life on 10.
Hello, friends and family, it'sAngela and Vanessa.
Hey everyone, it's still summer.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
It's still summer and you know, I mean, as long as
I'm not as much of a loser as Itend to be with posting our
episodes it will still be summerwhen you hear this.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Hopefully it will not be Hopefully it's not.
Hopefully we're not going to go.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Welcome to our latte pumpkin spice latte after that.
No, I hope not, you won't.
I promise, I promise, I promiseaudience.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
We'll get you.
Hey, you know what Someone Ipromise I promise audience.
We'll get you.
Hey, you know what Um someoneum heard our uh podcast on
menopause.
A couple of women reached out.
Oh nice.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
I actually had someone talk to me about it too.
Really.
Yeah, I was like that's so cool.
I'm so happy that we were ableto share that information.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Um, and yeah, it's always nice when people reach
out and say, hey, I listen toyou guys.
Yeah, one of our doctor friendslistens to every podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Oh really.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Gwaine, oh I love this.
When I see him, he's like andyou and Vanessa were talking the
other day about ADHD.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Yeah, because I had daughters, it's all just posted.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
And I was like, yeah, that's right, we were, so I
love him.
And I was like, yeah, that'sright, we were.
So, I love him.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
I love him for listening, thank you.
Thank you, gawain.
Yes, yeah, the Green Knight.
He does a blog post called theGreen Knight.
I need to read his post.
Yeah, reciprocate.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
We need to reciprocate, we need to be
better.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
I need to, and he and the other.
Dr Vaughn also has.
They have their podcast.
Not podcast, but I bet you theyhave a podcast.
I think he has a podcast too,but they have their YouTube
channel.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
They do lots of stuff for their Auburn medical group.
That's an amazing practice.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
It is Everybody's looking for a doctor in that
area, that's right in that area.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
They're awesome, so we shout them out Boom free
advertising.
Yeah, look at that.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Doctors Awesome, so we shout them out Free.
Free advertising, yeah Look atthat.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Doctors Vaughn, there you go, you're welcome.
Okay, what are we talking abouttoday?
This is a topic that Vanessahas some, some feelings about.
She has some feelings.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
I just I, I you know part part of Angela and I, you
know decide what we want to talkabout based off of just things
that we see, we, we, someonesays something to us, we read an
article that's interesting, andthe reason why I want to talk
about this was because Roberttold me I'm bored and it just
made me think about, like theconcept Poor Robert.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Poor Robert's bored.
I throw him under the bus,putting, putting Robert out
there.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Putting Robert, he's bored you know, but it just made
me think about you know, hejust said it the other day he's
like I'm bored, and I went intoa tirade about all the things
that he could do to not be bored, and we're going to leave that
alone, but it made me just thinkabout the concept of boredom,
right.
And and then I also startedthinking about, like the idea of
(03:08):
you know, like wanderlustpeople who want to, you know,
who want to go and travel andsee new things, because, like
they, just they never want tosit still, right, right, they're
like constantly on there.
They're the nomads in the, inthe vans, across country or
whatever.
You know, those types of peopleLike I was thinking about them,
like this, giving you my trainof thought folks, okay, okay, I
was thinking about them.
And then it made me wonderabout, like why do they do that?
(03:32):
Are they?
Are they chasing something?
Like what are they looking forand do they ever find it?
And then it made me just thinkabout satisfaction generally,
like with your life, and thereare people out there who are
just not satisfied, right.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
No matter what no matter what.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
And I thought about my life and how it's.
A lot of physicians are likethis because you, everything is
always the next step.
So you're like I'm in, I'm inhigh school, and now I want to
go to college, and now I want tobecome a medical student.
So then I do this, and now I'ma medical student, and now I'm
going to try to get intoresidency, and now I go through
the match and now I'm a resident, and now I'm going to become a
fellow and I go through that.
(04:13):
So there's always this nextthing.
Okay.
And I found that when I becameand I left fellowship and I
became an attending physicianwhich means I'm no longer
training that it was a littlehard for me at first because it
was the first time in my adultlife where I had not had a next
thing to go to.
It was done, I was, I was atthe thing that I had worked so
(04:37):
hard to get to and I'm like,well, shit now.
I'm here, um, and it took me.
It just took me some time tojust get used to that, that and,
like Robert and I had movedevery few years we were moving.
So then we bought our firsthouse and then it felt weird
because after a few years I waslike, well, I want to buy
another house again, right,because I'd always just we had
just moved, and so it felt weird.
(04:58):
And now here I am, like eightyears in this house, and it just
feels weird that this is thelongest I've lived in one place
since I was a kid and, um, Ijust so it made me just think
about that.
Like what, what is satisfaction?
Like what?
What is it?
And why do some of us feel justrestless and just never really
(05:24):
quite happy Nothing, nothingreally fills us up, exactly.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Yeah, like you're just still so.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
I was doing some research about it, like trying
to find, you know, like what,what is that?
And I found this really awesomearticle from psychology today
where they're talking about, um,just throughout history.
It's not unusual for people tojust not be satisfied, but that
it has actually some reason whywe're not satisfied.
(05:53):
And part of it is becausecontentment is not terribly
inventive, right?
If you're content, then youreally have no reason to change
Like.
Why do I want to change thiswonderful feeling I have?
Because I'm good, right.
(06:13):
Like I'm good, what do I wantto do anything differently?
And so I think it has served inan evolutionary standing, like
an evolutionary purpose to driveus to do man, I'm really tired
of it being cold all the time.
Well, I'm going to figure out away to heat.
I'm really tired of living inthe dark all the time.
(06:34):
How do I get this stupid candleto be on all the time and then,
boom, electricity.
So innovation innovation stemsfrom not being satisfied with
the status quo, yes, with whatthings are now and constantly.
So I, I thought that wasinteresting, like that was the
concept of it's a necessarything, and to be dissatisfied,
(06:58):
no, and I think that I thinkthat that is the extreme of it.
Okay, right, like there's thenot necessarily to be fully
satisfied, like, just hey, howcan something be different?
Okay, how can something beimproved?
How can we do?
How can we change to?
To just then, then to justfeeling dissatisfied, right,
(07:20):
like, uh, I think that's likethe I'm not going to say it's
pathological cause.
I don't know enough about it tosay that, but I feel like that
is the negative aspect of that.
Like everything has a good anda bad right and that constant
need to change and improve andto do and to invent.
The negative side of that isnever sitting and being content
(07:40):
with what you have.
Yes, so there were in this thethings that they brought up.
This was a great study aboutboredom.
Okay, shockingly and I'm punintended on this humans do not
like being bored, right?
I think we all could say that,and there was a study published
in 2014 in science that observedparticipants who were asked to
sit in a room and think for 15minutes.
(08:03):
That's all they had to do issit in a room, I know, just
think.
For 15 minutes the room wasempty, nothing in it except for
a device that allowed theparticipants to mildly but
painfully electrocute themselvesRight?
And when asked beforehand,every participant in the study
said that they would pay moneyto avoid being shocked.
(08:24):
Oh that they were like.
No, I would not want to beshocked.
But when left alone in the roomwith the machine and nothing
else to do for 15 minutes, 67%of the men and only 25% of the
women which is interestingshocked themselves, and many did
so multiple times.
Oh my God, because they justcould not handle the boredom,
(08:46):
right.
Oh my God, because they justcould not handle the boredom,
right.
Yep, and so I just I thoughtthat was a rather hilarious
thing that we did that.
But the other thing that wasdriving part of the reason why
another psychological factorthat like it's kind of like that
(09:08):
drives us is something calledthe negativity bias, and it's
defined as a phenomenon in whichnegative events are more
salient and demand attentionmore powerfully than neutral or
positive events.
Yes, so it's as a pervasivefact of psychology that bad is
stronger than good, and so youknow that you can.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
You can all test this theory yourselves.
If somebody said and they,somebody says something very
positive to you oh, that's abeautiful dress You're like,
thank you.
Someone says, my gosh, what doyou have on?
That's horrid.
You're going to remember thatall day long.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
All day long, you're going to ruminate over it, so
ruminate over it.
So, yes, yeah, we focus on thatExactly.
So I think that's part of thedissatisfied part is.
One of the driving things isthat we, we don't remember all
the good stuff about what'sgoing on and we ruminate
sometimes on the negative thingsand so, um, with that, that was
(10:06):
kind of like the.
These are the some of the mainreasons.
So that first factor isnegative, or, I'm sorry, the
first factor was what we talkedabout as boredom.
That's one of the fourcomponents of dissatisfaction.
Boredom is one.
The next one is negativity,bias, which we just talked about
.
You know, you're it's kind oflike a pessimism thing.
You remember the negative, umand, but that was apparently.
(10:29):
That has a good point, becauseif you know what's bad, you know
what to avoid.
So, once again, an evolutionarything.
It is an evolutionary thing.
We really want to remember theberry that killed my buddy or
the plant that poisoned us right, your brain protecting you.
Exactly so.
It's all rooted in in um, inevolution.
The third factor is rumination,our tendency to keep thinking
(10:52):
about bad experiences, right, um?
And then the fourth factorwhich I love is hedonic
adaptation or hedonic adaptation, I don't know how to say it
right guys, the tendency toquickly return to a baseline
level of satisfaction, no matterwhat happens to us in life.
So it says hedonic adaptationis mother nature's bait and
(11:12):
switch.
All sorts of life events wethink would make us happier
actually don't, or at least notfor long.
And it's totally true, like youthink about.
For me, the quickest thing I canthink about is food.
Yeah, yeah, oh, my God, that'show I got so fat.
Right, like a hundred percentis that I wanted the food.
I wanted to feel it, it tasted,and get it there.
(11:33):
But, my God, as soon as thatdonut was gone, it was gone, and
so that was actually one of myweight loss tools.
Was that when I would want toeat something very sweet?
And this is after the weightloss surgery and all that,
because that was what I reallyneeded.
But the thing that has helped mekeep the weight off is that
when I have a severe craving forsomething, I say to myself,
(11:55):
you're going to feel like this.
Like the way you're feelingright now, you're going to feel
like this as soon as you're doneeating that.
And so I tell myself that overand over again, to just kind of
like remind myself like it's notworth it.
Literally as soon as you'redone eating that, you're going
to feel just the same way you doright now.
It's temporary, it's verytemporary.
(12:17):
So I, just to me, I thoughtabout the concept of
dissatisfaction and or just not,why, why are some people not
satisfied?
And that's what I read and Ithought I found it to be super
interesting and in general, I'mactually a quite satisfied
person.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
You're weird.
No, I'm a super weird.
Yeah, you're, you're one, butI'm not inventive either?
Speaker 2 (12:36):
ah no, not at all, I'm not creative or inventive at
all.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
I'm good.
I'm not innovative at all whenyou were a little girl you
didn't do like projects and yeah, I mean.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
I'm no, I.
I like talking to people.
I would like put on plays formy parents, but it was more
performative.
I like to perform, I like toentertain, I like people to look
at me and talk to them Likethat's what I love, but that's,
I feel like that's.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
That is being creative.
You're, you're performing,you're acting.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
That's being creative .
It is, but I'm not like I is,but I'm not like I said I'm not
innovative.
I don't think of new things.
Okay, I do not think of thosethings.
Yeah, yeah, very robert issuper innovative.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
He is, he is, he is.
So when he said that he wasbored, what was your?
Speaker 2 (13:21):
I'm curious well, that's a whole other
conversation okay, right, likeyou know, I'm sitting there
going like what are you boredabout?
we have all this stuff.
Look at this, amazing, youcould do this, this, this, this,
this, this, this.
And I just start naming all thethings that he could do, which
is probably not helpful, becauseI feel like I think he already
knew those things that he coulddo.
So there's another reason whyhe's bored, and he'll have to
(13:43):
figure that out.
I don't know, you know that'she's going to have to work on, I
don't know Right, yeah, um, butI do think that a lot of people
in our society are justgenerally not satisfied with
their life for a variety ofreasons.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Yeah, 100%, and it's interesting because I think it
we can go back to our otherpodcast.
I don't know which one you'redoing.
First is the gentleman thatyour driver and how he was
content.
Yeah, with so little you know.
Compare what I'm saying, solittle compared to what you know
(14:22):
the average American have overhere.
So I have some thoughts aboutthat whole thing, about being
bored and not satisfied.
All the things that you readfrom the research is true.
I mean that's why we're heretoday, how we survived and
(14:44):
evolved.
That dissatisfaction and alsothat negativity, bias, it all.
It kept us.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
we, our ancestors, were like save her to tiger run,
okay.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Yes, that's why we're here.
The thing is that there thereare no others.
Save, save.
We're not running from a tigeranymore, but the brain has not
changed that much Totally and sosmall things could seem as a
threat.
Yeah, yep, and insult could bea threat, absolutely.
(15:15):
Finding someone gossiping aboutyou.
So your brain is responding thesame way.
That's that.
But the other part of that isthe boredom and the what's next?
I need something next.
I need something next.
You're never going to feel that, because it is some beliefs.
(15:37):
Is that what you're looking foris not outside of you, exactly,
it's an inside job.
What do I mean by that?
You can take a look at certaincelebrities, certain very
wealthy people.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
And and see that they are unhappy.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
They have everything.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
They have it.
And that's one of the things,like when someone unfortunately,
you know, sadly take their lifeor they're on drugs or they're
doing all of this crazy stuff,you're like what is wrong with
them.
Oh my God, if I had all of thatmoney, I'd be great, I would be
so happy.
Well, there's a reason for that.
Yeah, there's a reason for that.
(16:24):
There's a reason for thatdisconnect.
Anytime something happens toyou know some known person and
they're very successful and theyhave all this wealth.
It just reminds me that all ofthe things, the things, the
things, the things, it's not theanswer Exactly.
It's what's going on inside.
Yeah, it's being happy withbeing you.
(16:47):
It's that appreciation thatthat gentleman, tom, said to you
hey, I, I have a mango somebodyelse has a banana, exactly
share is.
He didn't even like.
I wake up in the morning and Igo fishing.
Yeah, I find my food.
Yeah, it's that thing rightthere, and I feel like we are.
So we are at a loss because welive in supposedly the richest
(17:14):
country in the entire world, yetwe are the most unhappy.
Yeah, there's a reason behindthat that it's because we chase
things.
We chase things outside ofourselves, so it's like what is
going on with me?
I need to be happy with angela.
I need to appreciate justfreaking, being alive, being a
(17:36):
human being, appreciating family, appreciating what we're doing
right here Simple things, it'sthe simple things.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
And not blaming or displacing the things that,
because a lot of times peoplewill feel bad about their
situation or something and theydon't understand that they have
a big part of it or that theyhave control over it, but they
reach out and they blame it onpeople who they think that.
I mean, that's what we wereseeing, unfortunately and I know
(18:07):
we're trying not to be superpolitical, but that's what we're
seeing with our immigrantpopulation right now.
The reason why you're notmaking enough money and the
reason why cost of living ishigh is the reason why X, y and
Z is not because of yourimmigrant picking olives or
picking um, you know pistachios,shaking pistachio trees, right,
though those people are not theproblem.
(18:30):
No, they are not the cause ofall of the societal ills and
what's bothering you.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
They are the scapegoat, yep, and the thing
about it and we're not going tobe political, but I feel like I
don't care, because I have to bevery honest for me.
I struggle when people saythings like oh, I can't.
I just can't look at it.
(18:57):
It's too much for me.
Oh, I can't, I can't.
I feel like, how could you not?
How could you not?
Do you have no heart?
Do you have no soul?
How could you turn it off likethat?
These are human beings.
And what happens?
(19:18):
When all of that is turnedaround and it's towards you,
towards your family member,towards your children, you would
want someone standing up andfighting for you.
You would pray that people werenot putting their heads down
looking the other way.
(19:39):
You would want somebody tofight for you.
So that is like my I have zerotolerance for those people, zero
, zero tolerance.
But back to what we were sayingabout it's an inside job.
So, no matter how big the houseis, how many cars you have, how
many, whatever it is, it'sabout finding the purpose,
(20:05):
meaning of life, and I thinkthat purpose is to be here to
help each other, to live fully,enjoy it and also also, most
importantly, to know that we'reall interconnected and we have
(20:27):
to support and stand up for eachother.
So, finding that peace within,for me, the peace within comes
when I'm hey, I'm standing upfor those who can't stand up for
themselves.
Um, I don't need all of thethings I don't need all of the
things.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
I agree.
I agree and I think that'swhere that's where I was kind of
was my take home with all, witha lot of this, was I need to
start focusing on the, the whatI do have, and not necessarily
what I don't have 100.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Yeah, okay, um, as always, friends and family, live
your life on 10, your 10.
Bye.
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