Leading with Gentleness

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In Episode 7 of Season 3, Desireé unpacks the sometimes-overlooked fruit of gentleness. She uses this episode to illustrate that the same God of the mountain is the same God of the valley – and he is our gentle protector. In this episode we unpack gentleness in our marriages, as parents and in all of the other roles we have. 

Topics include:

• True gentleness described through the story of Elijah (3:00)
• A story of Jesus’ incredible gentleness (6:19)
• Jesus’ invitation to all of us (8:09)

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Episode Transcript

Desireé Melfi Bozzo (00:06):
Ciao and welcome to Life out loud. I am
your host Desireé Melfi Bozzo.
We are going to use this spaceto share experiences and help
you find lasting unshakableunwavering unmessable-with joy
and gratitude. We're going to bethrowing around encouragement, a
little bit like confetti andgiving you support to live your
very best life.

(00:30):
Ciao Friends! Welcome to episodeseven of season three of the
life out loud podcast. I am yourhost as always Desireé Melfi
Bozzo. Thank you for being herewith me in this space. Your time
is your greatest commodity andI'm grateful that you're
spending it with me. This seasonwe are making our way through

(00:51):
the Fruits of the Spirit foundin Galatians five in the Bible.
If you've hung around theseason, you probably know that
the Fruits of the Spirit and howmuch of them we are bearing, or
not, are a good barometer in ourlife. If you aren't familiar
with them, as always head backto the first episode of this
season and take a quick listento get caught up.

(01:11):
Galatians five tells us that thefruits of the Spirit are love,
joy, peace, patience, kindness,goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness and self control.
Today finds us almost to the endof that list, talking about
gentleness. At first glance, youmight have kind of maybe turned
your nose up at this fruit, andif I can be honest in the safe

(01:35):
space, I definitely absolutelydid. And then I started learning
about gentleness and was like,oh, I need this in my life. I
need like all of this in mylife. I thought gentleness was
about being weak and maybe evenkind of a pushover. My thinking

(01:56):
was if you're gentle, thenyou're probably kind of weak and
like do you even lift bro? Itsounds terrible to say out loud,
but that's where my brain went,okay? Sometimes it's messy in
there. You're welcome for thatglimpse into my psyche. The more
I studied gentleness though, themore I understood that it is the

(02:19):
fruit of being kind and tenderand mild mannered. See why I
said Oh, right? In a world thatprides itself on strength and
power and ruthless success, thefruit of gentleness may seem out
of date and maybe even a littleout of touch. As I began to dig

(02:41):
deeper, my eyes were opened tothe depth and the beauty of the
truth of gentleness. And I wantto share some of that with you
today so that hopefully you cancultivate this fruit in your
life.
True gentleness comes from acontrolled strength and really a

(03:04):
complete humility. My mostfavorite picture of this rests
in First Kings. It’s the storyof when the Lord appeared to
Elijah. Now, I want to give youa little bit of backstory on
Elijah to really get howpowerful this story is. So
Elijah was a prophet in northernIsrael during the reign of King

(03:28):
Ahab. Commentary on his lifetells us that he was both
decisive and bold, and alsofearful and tentative. One
commentary that I love says“Elijah knew both the power of
God and the depths ofdepression.” Whoa, right? Like,

(03:50):
whoa! How many of us have beento the mountaintop only to
descend into that slippery slopeof the valley? Elijah had, and
that's why I love this example,so much. It's relatable.
In chapter 19, we find Elijahhe's on the run and fleeing. He
had just seen the power of Godin the two chapters before. And

(04:14):
then we find him, begging theLord to take his life because he
had had enough. The word of theLord found Elijah in the cave,
and the Lord tells him go standon the mountain, I'm coming by.
Right like this, the story theway this unfold blows my mind.
Like here, this man literallywas on a like mountaintop moment

(04:36):
in his life. He had seen thepower of God move. And then he's
like, God, take my life. I can'tdo this anymore. Right? So
thankfully as the Lord does, heshows up. So Elijah goes out, a
massive wind came and tore themountains apart. The Lord wasn't
there. There was an earthquake.
The Lord wasn't there. 1 Kings

19 (05:02):
12 blows my mind, “after the earthquake came a fire, but the
Lord was not in the fire. Andafter the fire, a gentle
whisper.” God's very nature isthe heart of gentleness. His
strength is powerful enough todestroy mountains, make the

(05:26):
earth quake and start fires. Andyet for us, his beloved he comes
as a gentle whisper. The sameGod of the mountain is the same
God of the valley, and He willprotect us anywhere. He will
find us anywhere and keep us.
Gentleness isn't weakness, butan all loving, peaceful, Grace

(05:47):
filled protection.
So now that we see the power ofthe fruit of gentleness, how do
we know that we can actuallyattain it in our day to day
life? Well, it's attainable Ithink, because Jesus showed us
it was time and time again. Heshowed gentleness in instances

(06:10):
where he could have showedanger, rejection, frustration,
all emotions that would havebeen much easier to show than
gentleness. In John eight wefind Jesus teaching in the
temple courts. The Phariseesbrought in a woman caught in
adultery. They were ready to puther to death by stoning her
because that's what the law saidto do. In verse seven, Jesus

(06:33):
replies, “let any one of you whois without sin be the first to
throw the stone at her.” Andthen it happens. They began to
walk away, one at a time, untilonly Jesus and the woman were
left. When I read this verse, Iheard stones fall from their

(06:54):
hands into the dirt. I heard thesilence that hung heavy in the
air. I heard their sandalsagainst the dirt is they walked
away feeling that convictionheavy on their heart. I see the
woman. I see her so broken. Isee her so in need of a Savior.

(07:29):
In verse 10, Jesus asks her“Woman, where are there now? Has
no one condemned you?” “No onesir.” She said. Jesus declared,
“Then neither do I condemn yougo now and leave your life of
sin.” There are so manyresponses Jesus could have had
to this woman and her situation.
He could have ridiculed her. Hecould have let them put her to

(07:49):
death because it would have beenokay in that time. But he
didn't. Our sweet Savior choseto deal with her gently and in
love. He embodied the veryessence of gentleness, my
friends. In Matthew 11:28,teaching and preaching in the

(08:11):
towns of Galilee, Jesus offersan invitation and it wasn't just
to the people at the time. It'san invitation to us all. “Come
to me, all you who are weary andburdened and I will give you
rest.” My sweet listeners, Idon't know about you, but I
could use some of that. In thevery next verse, He tells us to

(08:34):
learn from him because he isgentle and humble in heart. What
a beautiful rest this offers oursouls. We get the rest our weary
bodies and minds desire throughthe gentleness of Jesus that is
offered to us today. Friends, weare called to be gentle. For a

(08:55):
generation that is one of themost divided and disconnected in
human history, Gentleness inthis world can be really, really
hard to come by.
So where do we even begin? Itruly believe that it begins in
our homes for each and every oneof us. If you're married, it

(09:17):
starts by being gentle in yourmarriage. Wives, respecting your
husbands and husbands lovingyour wives. When it is deserved,
when it is undeserved, and allof it in between. I've been with
my husband for 20 years. That'stwo decades. My friends that's a
really really long time. I canconfidently say being gentle

(09:42):
isn't the easiest thingsometimes for either of us.
We're human and we know exactlyhow to push each other's buttons
in a way that drives the otherone absolutely bananas. That
being said, we've been marriedlong enough to know that when we
lead with gentleness in allcircumstances. Oh man, life is

(10:04):
incredible. Happiness ispalpable. And what we can
accomplish side by sidefortifies our family for
generations. Ladies, our men canbe rough with hard exteriors,
but at the heart of our men, isthe need for gentleness, in our

(10:24):
words, in our touch in ouractions, as wives, we must lift
them up at every pass. In doingso we are helping them become
unstoppable forces for good inthis world. I promise you!
After we start being gentle inour marriages, gentleness in our

(10:45):
home continues by being gentleas parents, shepherding our
children and raising them forJesus. Gentle in the ways we
speak in our homes, no matterhow hard and stressful our days.

Proverbs 15 (10:58):
4 says “a gentle word is a tree of life, but a
harsh tongue crushes thespirit.” I'm talking to the
women out there - as Mama’s,it's our job to set the
temperature in our homes. Wehave the power to infuse
gentleness at the very core ofthe people Jesus has charged us
to care for. If we can achievethis, they can go out in this

(11:23):
world empowered and share thatgentleness with the world. We as
moms and wives have the power tocreate a tidal wave of
gentleness that reaches furtherthan we could ever imagine.
Gentleness continues outside ourhomes, when we're in this world
with each other. The way weconduct our day to day lives

(11:44):
should bear the fruit ofgentleness. This includes our
co-workers, our friends,extended family, random people
we engage with. We are called tobe gentle with all of them just
like Jesus was. Now I canimagine what some of you might
be thinking this is real cuteDez, but it's not that easy.

(12:06):
Friends, I'm not saying any ofthis is easy. And as a matter of
fact, it's hard to be gentle. Ican promise you. If you know me,
this is no surprise. Gentlenessis not my first go to. I love I
love living on relentlessness. Ilove it. ruthlessness,
relentlessness going hard at alltimes. I have to work a

(12:31):
gentleness because there aredays and moments when it's super
hard. But you know what? It'scool because we can do hard
things. I don't believe we areas different as our social media
algorithms like to portray weare. We can be patient with each
other. We can show empathy foreach other. We can speak

(12:51):
respectfully even if we don'tagree. We can seek peace among
all of our relationships. Whenwe show up in a gentle way, we
create space for good fruit togrow and for relationships to
flourish. Cultivating the fruitof gentleness my sweet
listeners, it's a choice. Andguess what? The choice is yours.

(13:18):
I hope you enjoyed episode sevenof season three. We're almost to
the end. I hope you areencouraged to let gentleness
bloom in your life. Send me amessage and let me know what
profound changes start to occurwhen you leverage this fruit in
your days. Join me next time forthe very last episode of season

(13:41):
three. We will throw moreencouragement around like
confetti. But be careful if youget too close. You just might
get some on you and rememberfriends there is always always
always something to be thankfulfor. Ciao!
Thank you for joining me,Desireé Melfi Bozzo for this
episode of Life out loud. Iwould love to hear from you.

(14:03):
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