April 18, 2025 ā¢ 22 mins
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
What if your worst moment, the one you regret most,
the one you've grown from,followed you into every new
relationship?
What if love today was judgedby the sins of your past?
We live in a world where asingle screenshot, an old tweet
or a long-forgotten mistake canbe enough to get someone
canceled.
But what happens when cancelculture invades your personal
(00:20):
life, your love life?
Can a person really change, ordo we just pretend to forgive
while secretly keeping score?
In this episode, we'reunpacking the rise of
relationship cancel culture,when accountability turns into a
weapon and redemption getsburied under judgment.
Because here's the realquestion Should your past define
your capacity to be loved?
Before we dive deep into thispowerful conversation, I want
(00:44):
you to take a moment and makesure you're fully tapped in with
Life Points with Rhonda.
Subscribe to the podcast onSpotify, apple Podcasts or
wherever you get yourinspiration.
Follow me on YouTube, instagram, facebook and TikTok at Life
Points with Rhonda for real talk, real healing and real
(01:05):
relationships.
Got a story, a question or needone-on-one coaching?
Email me atLifePointsWithRhonda at gmailcom
, or visitLifePointsWithRhondacom, and
don't forget to check out ourmerch.
Support the movement and becomea part of this amazing
community.
All right, now let's get into it, because this episode is going
(01:26):
to challenge how you viewforgiveness, growth and love.
What's up y'all?
Welcome back to anotherpowerful episode of Life Points
with Rhonda, the podcast, wherewe have real conversations about
relationships, self-love,emotional healing, financial
wellness and everything inbetween.
I'm your host, rhonda, yourfavorite relationship coach,
(01:48):
your sister in growth and yourguide through the lessons life
keeps throwing our way.
Now listen around here.
We don't sugarcoat the truth,but we also don't judge the
journey.
We create space for healing,honesty and high vibrations.
Every episode is designed tohelp you level up, love yourself
deeper and understand thepeople you connect with on a
(02:09):
whole new level.
So, whether you're in asituationship, committed
relationship recentlyheartbroken, or just doing the
beautiful work of healing yourrelationship with yourself, you
are in the right place.
This is your sanctuary for thereal, the raw and the
transformative, and today, whowe're going in?
(02:31):
Cancel culture is loud in thestreets, but now it's getting
real loud in our bedrooms too.
So let's talk about whathappens when someone's past
becomes a prison in theirpresent, and whether it's fair,
forgivable or just flat-outtoxic.
When the court of publicopinion comes home, cancel.
Culture used to be something weassociated with celebrities,
(02:54):
politicians or influencers,people in the spotlight who were
held accountable by the publicfor something offensive, hurtful
or straight-up wrong they saidor did.
But now cancel.
Culture has made its way intoour homes, into our
relationships and into ourhearts.
(03:14):
Now, I'm not talking about thenecessary boundaries we create
when someone repeatedlydisrespects us or violates our
trust.
That's called protecting yourpeace, and I fully support that.
I'm talking about when we dragsomeone's past into every
disagreement.
I'm talking about when growthis ignored because a mistake is
(03:36):
easier to remember.
I'm talking about people whoget emotionally exiled from love
because of who they used to be.
This new trend let's call itrelationship cancel culture
shows up in many ways whensomeone shares their trauma and,
instead of offering empathy,their partner uses it against
them later.
When someone admits theycheated in a past relationship
(03:58):
and now their current partnerchecks their phone like it's a
part-time job.
Or when someone's old socialmedia posts get resurrected in a
heated argument to prove apoint about who they really are.
Let's keep it real the digitalage doesn't forget Screenshots,
shared posts, old messages.
They all become digital ghostshaunting the people who are
(04:18):
actually trying to grow.
And worse cancel culture andrelationships doesn't come with
nuance and, worse, cancelculture and relationships
doesn't come with nuance.
It doesn't ask have theychanged?
It only asks did they do it?
And that's the danger, rightthere.
Because when we start treatingpeople like they're nothing more
than the worst thing they'veever done, we strip away their
humanity, we deny the process oftransformation, we lock the
(04:41):
door on redemption.
And, baby, isn't love supposedto be one of the few safe spaces
where you can heal and evolve?
Accountability versuscancellation Where's the line in
love?
Let's be clear.
There's a huge differencebetween holding someone
accountable and canceling thementirely.
And too often in relationshipswe blur those lines until all
(05:08):
that's left is shame, silenceand unresolved hurt.
Accountability says hey, I washurt by what you did, let's talk
about it, let's work through it, let's grow from it.
Cancel culture says you messedup once and now.
That's who you are forever.
I can't trust you, I don'tbelieve you can change.
I'm done.
Now I get it.
People have a right to protecttheir hearts.
(05:33):
We've all been through enough.
We've seen red flags wave likeparades.
So when someone comes into ourlives with a complicated past,
especially one that mirrors ourtrauma, our natural instinct is
to be cautious.
But here's the thing Caution isnot the same as punishment.
There's power andaccountability.
There's healing in being ableto say that behavior hurt me and
watching your partner take realsteps to be better.
But when we turn every mistakeinto a permanent label, we
(05:57):
cancel the very possibility ofintimacy.
We cancel the process ofhealing for them and for
ourselves.
Because, baby, listen, if yousay you're in a relationship but
your forgiveness is justperformance, if your partner is
constantly walking on eggshells,afraid to say the wrong thing,
(06:19):
because they'll be thrown backinto the fire of who they used
to be, that's not love.
That's surveillance with a sideof resentment.
Cancel culture in love creates acourtroom, not a covenant.
One person becomes the judge,jury and emotional executioner
and the other becomes a prisoner, constantly defending their
(06:40):
character.
There's no room for growth inthat.
There's no space forvulnerability in that.
And here's the truth you cannotpunish someone into being a
better partner.
That's not how transformationworks.
True accountability invitesgrowth.
Cancel culture in relationships.
It suffocates it.
The root of the cancel reflexhurt people, cancel people.
(07:02):
So why are we so quick tocancel the people we say we love
?
Why do we bring that same coldcut-off energy from Twitter
threads and TikTok call-outsinto our most intimate spaces.
The truth is simple, but it'sheavy because we haven't healed.
We carry wounds that stillbleed under the surface, past
betrayals that were neveracknowledged, cheating that was
(07:24):
never fully forgiven,gaslighting that left us
questioning our worth.
So when we see a glimpse, evena shadow, of those past hurts in
someone new, we don't justflinch, we fire.
Unhealed trauma turns love intoa battlefield and cancel culture
becomes our shield.
We think if we cancel someonefast enough, cut them off, call
(07:45):
them out, stack up receipts, wecan prevent getting hurt again,
and cancel culture becomes ourshield.
We think if we cancel someonefast enough, cut them off, call
them out, stack up receipts, wecan prevent getting hurt again.
But all we're really doing isrunning from the hard work of
healing and communicating.
Let's be real.
A lot of folks mistakehypervigilance for boundaries.
But there's a differencebetween protecting your peace
and being emotionallyunavailable, and when your
(08:06):
entire relationship becomes anemotional courtroom, baby,
nobody wins.
And don't even get me startedon social media's role in all
this.
Social media has trained us tobelieve that a single mistake
equals a life sentence.
We scroll through viral clipsof messy breakups, cheating
scandals and trauma-dumpingconfessionals.
We watch strangers get draggedscandals and trauma-dumping
confessionals.
We watch strangers get dragged,exposed and dismissed and then
(08:29):
we subconsciously apply thatsame standard to the people in
our real lives.
Now we've got peopleinvestigating each other like
FBI agents.
Oh, he liked her pic in 2019?
She was friends with her exuntil six months ago Boom
Canceled.
She was friends with her exuntil six months ago boom
canceled.
But love can't thrive in acancel culture mindset.
Why?
Because love requires a levelof grace.
(08:50):
Love requires time.
Love requires the understandingthat humans are flawed and
still worthy of compassion.
And let me say this for thepeople in the back there is a
difference between discernmentand destruction.
You can acknowledge someone'spast without using it as a
weapon.
You can ask for transparencywithout turning every
(09:10):
conversation into aninterrogation.
You can set boundaries withoutsetting the relationship on fire
, because when you cancel aperson who's genuinely trying to
do better, you're not justcutting them off, you're cutting
off the part of yourself thatstill believes in change, red
flag or road to redemption.
How to discern the difference?
Let's talk about it, becausethis is where so many
(09:34):
relationships fall apart.
Before they even begin, youfind out something about your
partner's past.
Maybe they cheated in aprevious relationship.
Maybe they used to live areckless lifestyle.
Maybe they said or didsomething in their younger years
that makes you question theirmaturity or values.
Today, now what You've got twochoices you either put on your
(09:57):
detective hat and startgathering evidence for your
internal case against them, oryou take a deep breath, listen
with your spirit, not your ego,and ask the most important
question in relationships whoare you right now and how are
you showing up for me today?
Not all red flags are createdequal.
Some are warnings that a stormis coming emotional manipulation
(10:18):
, gaslighting, abuse,narcissistic behavior and you
should take those seriously.
But other times, what we call ared flag is just someone's past
that hasn't been put in context.
It's a testimony without thestory of transformation.
Here's how you know thedifference.
A red flag is a repeatedpattern, something that shows up
(10:40):
in their current behavior andcauses you harm.
A growth marker is when someoneowns their past, acknowledges
who they were and shows you withconsistent action who they've
worked to become.
If someone says, yeah, Icheated five years ago and
here's why I did it, here's howit destroyed me, here's the work
(11:01):
I did in therapy, here's thevalues I live by now.
That's not a red flag.
That's a grown person doinggrown healing.
But if they say I cheated backthen but it wasn't a big deal
and anyway, everyone cheats Babyrun, that's not a growth
opportunity, that's a warning.
(11:23):
You have every right to askquestions, you have every right
to want honesty, but what you doafter they answer, that reveals
where you are in your healingjourney.
Can you hold space for whosomeone used to be while still
honoring who they're trying tobecome?
Remember, growth requires room.
If you want a relationshipwhere you're allowed to evolve.
Remember, growth requires room.
If you want a relationshipwhere you're allowed to evolve,
(11:43):
you have to extend that samegrace to your partner, not
blindly, but with discernment.
That's maturity, that'sspiritual alignment.
That's what real love lookslike in action.
Because, listen, love isn'tjust about how someone treats
you when everything's goingright.
It's about how they respondwhen their past gets brought to
the table.
Do they hide, do they lie, ordo they lean in with truth,
(12:07):
humility and accountability?
Those are the moments that tellyou everything you need to know
Forgive without forgetting thepower of loving Honestly, not
perfectly.
Let's have a grown folksconversation right now.
Forgiveness is not the same asamnesia.
You don't have to forget whatsomeone did in order to forgive
them.
You don't have to erase thepast in order to build a future.
(12:29):
But here's the key you do haveto stop living in it.
So many people say they'veforgiven their partner, but what
they really mean is I'vetemporarily stopped bringing it
up until I get mad again.
That's not forgiveness, that'semotional storage and, baby,
eventually it overflows.
Forgiveness means I see yourpast, I acknowledge what
(12:50):
happened and I choose, with fullawareness, to build something
new, not based on who you were,but based on who you've become
and how you show up today.
But let's be real, that's hard,especially when you've been
burned before, especially whenyou've watched someone promise
change and deliverdisappointment.
That's why trust doesn't justlive in words.
(13:13):
It lives in patterns.
You want to know if someone'sreally changed.
Watch how they respond whenthey're stressed.
Watch how they speak abouttheir past.
Do they own it or excuse it?
Do they blame everyone else orreflect on what they could have
done differently?
That's where the truth lives Inthe little moments, in the
consistency.
Here's the beautiful part,though Truth is stronger than
(13:36):
perfection.
Too many relationships arebreaking down because people are
trying to perform rather thanbe honest.
They're trying to curate theperfect image instead of
standing in their truth.
They're terrified that if theirpartner sees all of them the
mess, the mistakes, the shamethey'll get canceled instead of
embraced.
But a healthy relationshipdoesn't require perfection.
(13:57):
It requires truth, transparency, tenderness, the kind of love
that says I know what you did, Isee who you are and I'm still
here because I believe in theperson you're becoming.
When we build relationships onperfection, we set ourselves up
to fail, because eventually themask slips, the truth leaks out
(14:17):
and the pressure becomes tooheavy to hold.
But when we build on truth,when we lead with honesty and
mutual respect, that's when wecreate the kind of love that can
survive real storms.
That's when cancel culture hasno place, because grace, growth
and accountability have alreadymoved in.
When you're the one beingcanceled, living in the shadow
(14:39):
of who you used to be.
Let's talk to the folks who areon the other side of this
conversation, the ones who'vemade mistakes, the ones who have
grown, evolved, repented, donetherapy, changed their habits,
prayed, fasted, got their mindright and still feel like their
partner is holding their pastover their head like a weapon.
If that's you, I see you and Iwant you to hear this loud and
(15:02):
clear you are not your past.
Yes, you did what you did.
Yes, you hurt people.
Yes, you made choices that youwish you could undo, but you are
not frozen in that version ofyourself and you deserve to be
loved for who you are, not whoyou were.
Now let's keep it honest.
If you're being held hostage byyour partner's mistrust, even
(15:23):
after you've consistently shownup, apologized and demonstrated
change, it may be time to ask isthis person loving me or just
managing me like a problem thatneeds to be controlled?
Because here's the truthForgiveness is a gift, not a
tactic.
If someone says they'veforgiven you but constantly uses
your past to belittle you,manipulate you or keep you small
(15:46):
, that's not love.
That's punishment dressed up asprotection and baby.
You don't have to earn lovethrough suffering.
Now, if you've done wrong, takefull accountability.
Don't rush your partner'shealing.
Give them time, space andreassurance, but don't let that
turn into a permanent prisonsentence.
You don't have to live the restof your life apologizing for
(16:09):
the chapter you've alreadyclosed.
Sometimes people don't wanthealing, they want power, and if
they can keep you under theweight of guilt, they feel safer
, more in control, but that'snot partnership, that's a power
imbalance and that's notsustainable.
If this is resonating with you,I want to challenge you to do
two things Check your patterns.
(16:30):
Are you truly showing updifferently or are you just
saying the right things to avoidconflict?
Be honest with yourself first,speak your truth.
Have a real conversation withyour partner.
I know I hurt you.
I've been showing up with newenergy, I've been consistent,
but I also feel like I'm stillbeing punished.
(16:50):
Can we talk about how to moveforward together?
Because if someone needs tohold your past against you in
order to feel safe in thepresent, that's not healing,
that's hostage taking.
You deserve grace, you deservelove and, most of all, you
deserve to be in a relationshipthat honors the person you've
worked so hard to become, movingforward Together, choosing
(17:13):
growth over judgment and love.
So where do we go from here?
In a world that's quick to cutpeople off, quick to expose,
quick to dismiss, how do webuild relationships that still
leave room for humanity, forevolution and for deep,
meaningful love?
It starts with emotionalmaturity.
Real love isn't afraid of thetruth.
It doesn't run from hardconversations.
(17:34):
It sits down at the table andsays here's what I've been
through.
Here's what I've learned.
Here's how I want to grow.
Will you grow with me?
If you're someone who's beenhurt in the past and you're
struggling to fully trust yourpartner, ask yourself am I
reacting to them, or am I stillreacting to someone else who
(17:55):
hurt me long ago?
Because until you heal fromthat original wound, you're
going to keep bleeding on peoplewho didn't cut you.
That doesn't mean you ignorered flags.
That doesn't mean you abandonstandards, but it does mean you
learn the art of discernment.
Discernment is spiritual.
It says I see your flaws, but Ialso see your efforts.
(18:16):
It says I recognize whereyou've been, but I also see the
direction you're walking now.
And that's how you move fromfear-based love to faith-based
love.
Now, if you're the one who'smade mistakes, understand this.
People are allowed to feel hurt.
They're allowed to askquestions, they're allowed to
take time to rebuild trust, butthey're not allowed to use your
(18:37):
past as a leash to keep yousmall.
The key for both partners isgrace.
Grace doesn't mean lettingeverything slide.
Grace means allowing room forgrowth, and it's a two-way
street.
Here's the blueprint movingforward.
Communicate openly.
Say what's on your heart, notwhat sounds polished.
Acknowledge harm.
Don't gaslight or minimize.
(18:58):
Own it.
Track growth not just withwords, but actions.
Ask for feedback.
Track growth not just withwords, but actions.
Ask for feedback.
How can I support your healingas we move forward?
Release perfection it's theenemy of intimacy.
Be real, not flawless, becauseat the end of the day, love
isn't about finding someonewithout a past.
It's about finding someone whodidn't let their past define
(19:19):
them.
You deserve a relationship thathonors your healing, celebrates
your evolution and makes spacefor the real, imperfect,
beautifully complex human thatyou are, and the same goes for
your partner.
Cancel culture may be loud outthere, but in here in your heart
, let grace be louder.
Closing reflection who.
(19:41):
This conversation was necessarybecause cancel culture and
relationships is real and it'squietly destroying the potential
for true healing love.
Let me leave you with this weall want love that feels safe,
but safety isn't built bycanceling someone's humanity.
It's built by seeing someonefully, flaws and all, and still
choosing to grow with them.
(20:02):
It's built by being braveenough to say I'm not perfect
either, but I'm willing to showup with honesty, accountability
and compassion.
If we want real love notperformance, not convenience,
but real soul level connectionwe have to be willing to love
people past their past, notblindly, not recklessly, but
(20:25):
with the kind of discernmentthat comes from knowing your
worth and theirs.
You are allowed to grow, youare allowed to heal and, yes,
you are allowed to be loved evenafter you've made mistakes.
Let's stop canceling love.
Let's start cultivating lovethat's rooted in truth, grace
and growth.
Start cultivating love that'srooted in truth, grace and
(20:47):
growth.
If this episode spoke to yourspirit, if it challenged you,
healed you or opened your eyes,do me a favor, fam.
Subscribe to Life Points withRhonda on Spotify, apple
Podcasts or wherever you listen.
Head over to my YouTube channel, life Points with Rhondacom,
(21:27):
and don't forget to grab yourmerch.
Support this movement and wearyour healing journey with pride.
I love y'all deeply and I thankyou for trusting me with your
time and energy today.
Until next time, protect yourheart, honor your growth and
always choose love over fear.
Be well, thank you.
What if your worst moment, the one you regret most,
the one you've grown from,followed you into every new
relationship?
What if love today was judgedby the sins of your past?
We live in a world where asingle screenshot, an old tweet
or a long-forgotten mistake canbe enough to get someone
canceled.
But what happens when cancelculture invades your personal
(00:20):
life, your love life?
Can a person really change, ordo we just pretend to forgive
while secretly keeping score?
In this episode, we'reunpacking the rise of
relationship cancel culture,when accountability turns into a
weapon and redemption getsburied under judgment.
Because here's the realquestion Should your past define
your capacity to be loved?
Before we dive deep into thispowerful conversation, I want
(00:44):
you to take a moment and makesure you're fully tapped in with
Life Points with Rhonda.
Subscribe to the podcast onSpotify, apple Podcasts or
wherever you get yourinspiration.
Follow me on YouTube, instagram, facebook and TikTok at Life
Points with Rhonda for real talk, real healing and real
(01:05):
relationships.
Got a story, a question or needone-on-one coaching?
Email me atLifePointsWithRhonda at gmailcom
, or visitLifePointsWithRhondacom, and
don't forget to check out ourmerch.
Support the movement and becomea part of this amazing
community.
All right, now let's get into it, because this episode is going
(01:26):
to challenge how you viewforgiveness, growth and love.
What's up y'all?
Welcome back to anotherpowerful episode of Life Points
with Rhonda, the podcast, wherewe have real conversations about
relationships, self-love,emotional healing, financial
wellness and everything inbetween.
I'm your host, rhonda, yourfavorite relationship coach,
(01:48):
your sister in growth and yourguide through the lessons life
keeps throwing our way.
Now listen around here.
We don't sugarcoat the truth,but we also don't judge the
journey.
We create space for healing,honesty and high vibrations.
Every episode is designed tohelp you level up, love yourself
deeper and understand thepeople you connect with on a
(02:09):
whole new level.
So, whether you're in asituationship, committed
relationship recentlyheartbroken, or just doing the
beautiful work of healing yourrelationship with yourself, you
are in the right place.
This is your sanctuary for thereal, the raw and the
transformative, and today, whowe're going in?
(02:31):
Cancel culture is loud in thestreets, but now it's getting
real loud in our bedrooms too.
So let's talk about whathappens when someone's past
becomes a prison in theirpresent, and whether it's fair,
forgivable or just flat-outtoxic.
When the court of publicopinion comes home, cancel.
Culture used to be something weassociated with celebrities,
(02:54):
politicians or influencers,people in the spotlight who were
held accountable by the publicfor something offensive, hurtful
or straight-up wrong they saidor did.
But now cancel.
Culture has made its way intoour homes, into our
relationships and into ourhearts.
(03:14):
Now, I'm not talking about thenecessary boundaries we create
when someone repeatedlydisrespects us or violates our
trust.
That's called protecting yourpeace, and I fully support that.
I'm talking about when we dragsomeone's past into every
disagreement.
I'm talking about when growthis ignored because a mistake is
(03:36):
easier to remember.
I'm talking about people whoget emotionally exiled from love
because of who they used to be.
This new trend let's call itrelationship cancel culture
shows up in many ways whensomeone shares their trauma and,
instead of offering empathy,their partner uses it against
them later.
When someone admits theycheated in a past relationship
(03:58):
and now their current partnerchecks their phone like it's a
part-time job.
Or when someone's old socialmedia posts get resurrected in a
heated argument to prove apoint about who they really are.
Let's keep it real the digitalage doesn't forget Screenshots,
shared posts, old messages.
They all become digital ghostshaunting the people who are
(04:18):
actually trying to grow.
And worse cancel culture andrelationships doesn't come with
nuance and, worse, cancelculture and relationships
doesn't come with nuance.
It doesn't ask have theychanged?
It only asks did they do it?
And that's the danger, rightthere.
Because when we start treatingpeople like they're nothing more
than the worst thing they'veever done, we strip away their
humanity, we deny the process oftransformation, we lock the
(04:41):
door on redemption.
And, baby, isn't love supposedto be one of the few safe spaces
where you can heal and evolve?
Accountability versuscancellation Where's the line in
love?
Let's be clear.
There's a huge differencebetween holding someone
accountable and canceling thementirely.
And too often in relationshipswe blur those lines until all
(05:08):
that's left is shame, silenceand unresolved hurt.
Accountability says hey, I washurt by what you did, let's talk
about it, let's work through it, let's grow from it.
Cancel culture says you messedup once and now.
That's who you are forever.
I can't trust you, I don'tbelieve you can change.
I'm done.
Now I get it.
People have a right to protecttheir hearts.
(05:33):
We've all been through enough.
We've seen red flags wave likeparades.
So when someone comes into ourlives with a complicated past,
especially one that mirrors ourtrauma, our natural instinct is
to be cautious.
But here's the thing Caution isnot the same as punishment.
There's power andaccountability.
There's healing in being ableto say that behavior hurt me and
watching your partner take realsteps to be better.
But when we turn every mistakeinto a permanent label, we
(05:57):
cancel the very possibility ofintimacy.
We cancel the process ofhealing for them and for
ourselves.
Because, baby, listen, if yousay you're in a relationship but
your forgiveness is justperformance, if your partner is
constantly walking on eggshells,afraid to say the wrong thing,
(06:19):
because they'll be thrown backinto the fire of who they used
to be, that's not love.
That's surveillance with a sideof resentment.
Cancel culture in love creates acourtroom, not a covenant.
One person becomes the judge,jury and emotional executioner
and the other becomes a prisoner, constantly defending their
(06:40):
character.
There's no room for growth inthat.
There's no space forvulnerability in that.
And here's the truth you cannotpunish someone into being a
better partner.
That's not how transformationworks.
True accountability invitesgrowth.
Cancel culture in relationships.
It suffocates it.
The root of the cancel reflexhurt people, cancel people.
(07:02):
So why are we so quick tocancel the people we say we love
?
Why do we bring that same coldcut-off energy from Twitter
threads and TikTok call-outsinto our most intimate spaces.
The truth is simple, but it'sheavy because we haven't healed.
We carry wounds that stillbleed under the surface, past
betrayals that were neveracknowledged, cheating that was
(07:24):
never fully forgiven,gaslighting that left us
questioning our worth.
So when we see a glimpse, evena shadow, of those past hurts in
someone new, we don't justflinch, we fire.
Unhealed trauma turns love intoa battlefield and cancel culture
becomes our shield.
We think if we cancel someonefast enough, cut them off, call
(07:45):
them out, stack up receipts, wecan prevent getting hurt again,
and cancel culture becomes ourshield.
We think if we cancel someonefast enough, cut them off, call
them out, stack up receipts, wecan prevent getting hurt again.
But all we're really doing isrunning from the hard work of
healing and communicating.
Let's be real.
A lot of folks mistakehypervigilance for boundaries.
But there's a differencebetween protecting your peace
and being emotionallyunavailable, and when your
(08:06):
entire relationship becomes anemotional courtroom, baby,
nobody wins.
And don't even get me startedon social media's role in all
this.
Social media has trained us tobelieve that a single mistake
equals a life sentence.
We scroll through viral clipsof messy breakups, cheating
scandals and trauma-dumpingconfessionals.
We watch strangers get draggedscandals and trauma-dumping
confessionals.
We watch strangers get dragged,exposed and dismissed and then
(08:29):
we subconsciously apply thatsame standard to the people in
our real lives.
Now we've got peopleinvestigating each other like
FBI agents.
Oh, he liked her pic in 2019?
She was friends with her exuntil six months ago Boom
Canceled.
She was friends with her exuntil six months ago boom
canceled.
But love can't thrive in acancel culture mindset.
Why?
Because love requires a levelof grace.
(08:50):
Love requires time.
Love requires the understandingthat humans are flawed and
still worthy of compassion.
And let me say this for thepeople in the back there is a
difference between discernmentand destruction.
You can acknowledge someone'spast without using it as a
weapon.
You can ask for transparencywithout turning every
(09:10):
conversation into aninterrogation.
You can set boundaries withoutsetting the relationship on fire
, because when you cancel aperson who's genuinely trying to
do better, you're not justcutting them off, you're cutting
off the part of yourself thatstill believes in change, red
flag or road to redemption.
How to discern the difference?
Let's talk about it, becausethis is where so many
(09:34):
relationships fall apart.
Before they even begin, youfind out something about your
partner's past.
Maybe they cheated in aprevious relationship.
Maybe they used to live areckless lifestyle.
Maybe they said or didsomething in their younger years
that makes you question theirmaturity or values.
Today, now what You've got twochoices you either put on your
(09:57):
detective hat and startgathering evidence for your
internal case against them, oryou take a deep breath, listen
with your spirit, not your ego,and ask the most important
question in relationships whoare you right now and how are
you showing up for me today?
Not all red flags are createdequal.
Some are warnings that a stormis coming emotional manipulation
(10:18):
, gaslighting, abuse,narcissistic behavior and you
should take those seriously.
But other times, what we call ared flag is just someone's past
that hasn't been put in context.
It's a testimony without thestory of transformation.
Here's how you know thedifference.
A red flag is a repeatedpattern, something that shows up
(10:40):
in their current behavior andcauses you harm.
A growth marker is when someoneowns their past, acknowledges
who they were and shows you withconsistent action who they've
worked to become.
If someone says, yeah, Icheated five years ago and
here's why I did it, here's howit destroyed me, here's the work
(11:01):
I did in therapy, here's thevalues I live by now.
That's not a red flag.
That's a grown person doinggrown healing.
But if they say I cheated backthen but it wasn't a big deal
and anyway, everyone cheats Babyrun, that's not a growth
opportunity, that's a warning.
(11:23):
You have every right to askquestions, you have every right
to want honesty, but what you doafter they answer, that reveals
where you are in your healingjourney.
Can you hold space for whosomeone used to be while still
honoring who they're trying tobecome?
Remember, growth requires room.
If you want a relationshipwhere you're allowed to evolve.
Remember, growth requires room.
If you want a relationshipwhere you're allowed to evolve,
(11:43):
you have to extend that samegrace to your partner, not
blindly, but with discernment.
That's maturity, that'sspiritual alignment.
That's what real love lookslike in action.
Because, listen, love isn'tjust about how someone treats
you when everything's goingright.
It's about how they respondwhen their past gets brought to
the table.
Do they hide, do they lie, ordo they lean in with truth,
(12:07):
humility and accountability?
Those are the moments that tellyou everything you need to know
Forgive without forgetting thepower of loving Honestly, not
perfectly.
Let's have a grown folksconversation right now.
Forgiveness is not the same asamnesia.
You don't have to forget whatsomeone did in order to forgive
them.
You don't have to erase thepast in order to build a future.
(12:29):
But here's the key you do haveto stop living in it.
So many people say they'veforgiven their partner, but what
they really mean is I'vetemporarily stopped bringing it
up until I get mad again.
That's not forgiveness, that'semotional storage and, baby,
eventually it overflows.
Forgiveness means I see yourpast, I acknowledge what
(12:50):
happened and I choose, with fullawareness, to build something
new, not based on who you were,but based on who you've become
and how you show up today.
But let's be real, that's hard,especially when you've been
burned before, especially whenyou've watched someone promise
change and deliverdisappointment.
That's why trust doesn't justlive in words.
(13:13):
It lives in patterns.
You want to know if someone'sreally changed.
Watch how they respond whenthey're stressed.
Watch how they speak abouttheir past.
Do they own it or excuse it?
Do they blame everyone else orreflect on what they could have
done differently?
That's where the truth lives Inthe little moments, in the
consistency.
Here's the beautiful part,though Truth is stronger than
(13:36):
perfection.
Too many relationships arebreaking down because people are
trying to perform rather thanbe honest.
They're trying to curate theperfect image instead of
standing in their truth.
They're terrified that if theirpartner sees all of them the
mess, the mistakes, the shamethey'll get canceled instead of
embraced.
But a healthy relationshipdoesn't require perfection.
(13:57):
It requires truth, transparency, tenderness, the kind of love
that says I know what you did, Isee who you are and I'm still
here because I believe in theperson you're becoming.
When we build relationships onperfection, we set ourselves up
to fail, because eventually themask slips, the truth leaks out
(14:17):
and the pressure becomes tooheavy to hold.
But when we build on truth,when we lead with honesty and
mutual respect, that's when wecreate the kind of love that can
survive real storms.
That's when cancel culture hasno place, because grace, growth
and accountability have alreadymoved in.
When you're the one beingcanceled, living in the shadow
(14:39):
of who you used to be.
Let's talk to the folks who areon the other side of this
conversation, the ones who'vemade mistakes, the ones who have
grown, evolved, repented, donetherapy, changed their habits,
prayed, fasted, got their mindright and still feel like their
partner is holding their pastover their head like a weapon.
If that's you, I see you and Iwant you to hear this loud and
(15:02):
clear you are not your past.
Yes, you did what you did.
Yes, you hurt people.
Yes, you made choices that youwish you could undo, but you are
not frozen in that version ofyourself and you deserve to be
loved for who you are, not whoyou were.
Now let's keep it honest.
If you're being held hostage byyour partner's mistrust, even
(15:23):
after you've consistently shownup, apologized and demonstrated
change, it may be time to ask isthis person loving me or just
managing me like a problem thatneeds to be controlled?
Because here's the truthForgiveness is a gift, not a
tactic.
If someone says they'veforgiven you but constantly uses
your past to belittle you,manipulate you or keep you small
(15:46):
, that's not love.
That's punishment dressed up asprotection and baby.
You don't have to earn lovethrough suffering.
Now, if you've done wrong, takefull accountability.
Don't rush your partner'shealing.
Give them time, space andreassurance, but don't let that
turn into a permanent prisonsentence.
You don't have to live the restof your life apologizing for
(16:09):
the chapter you've alreadyclosed.
Sometimes people don't wanthealing, they want power, and if
they can keep you under theweight of guilt, they feel safer
, more in control, but that'snot partnership, that's a power
imbalance and that's notsustainable.
If this is resonating with you,I want to challenge you to do
two things Check your patterns.
(16:30):
Are you truly showing updifferently or are you just
saying the right things to avoidconflict?
Be honest with yourself first,speak your truth.
Have a real conversation withyour partner.
I know I hurt you.
I've been showing up with newenergy, I've been consistent,
but I also feel like I'm stillbeing punished.
(16:50):
Can we talk about how to moveforward together?
Because if someone needs tohold your past against you in
order to feel safe in thepresent, that's not healing,
that's hostage taking.
You deserve grace, you deservelove and, most of all, you
deserve to be in a relationshipthat honors the person you've
worked so hard to become, movingforward Together, choosing
(17:13):
growth over judgment and love.
So where do we go from here?
In a world that's quick to cutpeople off, quick to expose,
quick to dismiss, how do webuild relationships that still
leave room for humanity, forevolution and for deep,
meaningful love?
It starts with emotionalmaturity.
Real love isn't afraid of thetruth.
It doesn't run from hardconversations.
(17:34):
It sits down at the table andsays here's what I've been
through.
Here's what I've learned.
Here's how I want to grow.
Will you grow with me?
If you're someone who's beenhurt in the past and you're
struggling to fully trust yourpartner, ask yourself am I
reacting to them, or am I stillreacting to someone else who
(17:55):
hurt me long ago?
Because until you heal fromthat original wound, you're
going to keep bleeding on peoplewho didn't cut you.
That doesn't mean you ignorered flags.
That doesn't mean you abandonstandards, but it does mean you
learn the art of discernment.
Discernment is spiritual.
It says I see your flaws, but Ialso see your efforts.
(18:16):
It says I recognize whereyou've been, but I also see the
direction you're walking now.
And that's how you move fromfear-based love to faith-based
love.
Now, if you're the one who'smade mistakes, understand this.
People are allowed to feel hurt.
They're allowed to askquestions, they're allowed to
take time to rebuild trust, butthey're not allowed to use your
(18:37):
past as a leash to keep yousmall.
The key for both partners isgrace.
Grace doesn't mean lettingeverything slide.
Grace means allowing room forgrowth, and it's a two-way
street.
Here's the blueprint movingforward.
Communicate openly.
Say what's on your heart, notwhat sounds polished.
Acknowledge harm.
Don't gaslight or minimize.
(18:58):
Own it.
Track growth not just withwords, but actions.
Ask for feedback.
Track growth not just withwords, but actions.
Ask for feedback.
How can I support your healingas we move forward?
Release perfection it's theenemy of intimacy.
Be real, not flawless, becauseat the end of the day, love
isn't about finding someonewithout a past.
It's about finding someone whodidn't let their past define
(19:19):
them.
You deserve a relationship thathonors your healing, celebrates
your evolution and makes spacefor the real, imperfect,
beautifully complex human thatyou are, and the same goes for
your partner.
Cancel culture may be loud outthere, but in here in your heart
, let grace be louder.
Closing reflection who.
(19:41):
This conversation was necessarybecause cancel culture and
relationships is real and it'squietly destroying the potential
for true healing love.
Let me leave you with this weall want love that feels safe,
but safety isn't built bycanceling someone's humanity.
It's built by seeing someonefully, flaws and all, and still
choosing to grow with them.
(20:02):
It's built by being braveenough to say I'm not perfect
either, but I'm willing to showup with honesty, accountability
and compassion.
If we want real love notperformance, not convenience,
but real soul level connectionwe have to be willing to love
people past their past, notblindly, not recklessly, but
(20:25):
with the kind of discernmentthat comes from knowing your
worth and theirs.
You are allowed to grow, youare allowed to heal and, yes,
you are allowed to be loved evenafter you've made mistakes.
Let's stop canceling love.
Let's start cultivating lovethat's rooted in truth, grace
and growth.
Start cultivating love that'srooted in truth, grace and
(20:47):
growth.
If this episode spoke to yourspirit, if it challenged you,
healed you or opened your eyes,do me a favor, fam.
Subscribe to Life Points withRhonda on Spotify, apple
Podcasts or wherever you listen.
Head over to my YouTube channel, life Points with Rhondacom,
(21:27):
and don't forget to grab yourmerch.
Support this movement and wearyour healing journey with pride.
I love y'all deeply and I thankyou for trusting me with your
time and energy today.
Until next time, protect yourheart, honor your growth and
always choose love over fear.
Be well, thank you.
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