Michelle's journey from the cotton fields of West Texas to Navy Commander reveals a life defined by resilience through seemingly insurmountable challenges.
Raised by a cotton farmer in a small Texas town where children chased rattlesnakes for fun, Michelle's childhood foundation of toughness would serve her well. When her parents divorced during her teenage years, both seemingly trying to relive their own adolescence, she navigated the tumult of small-town gossip and dangerous rebellious behavior without stable adult guidance.
Facing financial reality after high school, Michelle pragmatically chose nursing because "it was going to be a way to pay my bills." Without family support for college, she joined the Navy's Bachelor Degree Completion Program, trading education for service commitment. This decision led her to Guam, where she met her husband Chris and faced an unexpected revelation – Chris had fathered a child during his military discharge process. Rather than continuing her planned career path, Michelle requested reassignment to be near his son, beginning a journey of blended family that transformed her priorities.
Through financial ruin that once had them living in their restaurant, deployment to Germany treating wounded warriors, and two battles with breast cancer, Michelle's faith remained her cornerstone. "I've had that anger of 'why me?'... and I kind of came to 'why not me?'" she reflects. Her story powerfully demonstrates that resilience isn't about avoiding suffering but finding meaning within it.
Have you faced unexpected challenges that seemed to derail your plans? Michelle's journey shows how our greatest difficulties often reveal our higher purpose and unexpected blessings. Subscribe to hear more stories of resilience and Living Life to the Max despite circumstances.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
I, we're just trying to get by.
Just a couple of puns alltrying to get by.
Just a couple of teens alltrying to survive.
Live to the max, because youdon't live it twice.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Cup of green thumbs all heights hello, oh no you're
not so happy welcome back toanother episode of life to the
max.
I'm your host with the most MaxGross and today I have Michelle
(00:49):
with me, which is a good friendof mine stepmom, stepmom and
she has an amazing story and I'mlike super excited to, like you
know, get to know herthroughout this like podcast.
I hope you guys enjoy theepisode, michelle.
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
Thanks for having me.
This is fun.
I've never done anything likethis, so it's a little
intimidating, but it's fun.
It's more like Gen Z type thing.
Absolutely, I'm kind of older,that's okay.
I'm a grandma, I'm okay beingold, let's just get.
I'm a grandma, I'm okay beingold.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
So let's get straight into it, if you're okay with
that.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
Where are you from?
So I am from West Texas.
So you know Texas is a massivestate.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
And.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
I grew up all the way west kind of the bottom of the
panhandle.
I grew up all the way west kindof the bottom of the panhandle.
It's pretty much cotton fieldsand tumbleweeds and no trees,
kind of a desert area.
My dad was a cotton farmer.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Cotton farmer.
So what was the city?
Seminole, Seminole.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
Texas Seminole.
Seminole, Little tiny countrytown.
Nothing there but farmers.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Were you helping your father in the field I did yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
So since I'm old enough, some of the certain
technology with cotton farmingwasn't there yet.
So my dad would drive thetractor and what they called
stripping the cotton, and mybrother and I would stand
outside these trailers.
So my dad would drive thetractor and what they called
stripping the cotton and mybrother and I would stand
outside these trailers that wereon wheels, that he would dump
the cotton into the trailers andthen you'd drag it to the gin
(02:35):
to be processed, right Well, andmy brother and I would stand
there until the basket gotpretty full and then we'd climb
up in it and we'd tromped it.
It's called tromping cotton.
So we would jump up and downand smooth and pack the cotton
in there best we could so hecould put a lot of cotton in
there, and my brother wouldalways try to kill me.
He would roll me back in thebasket and my, because we'd see,
(02:57):
we'd know that my dad was aboutto dump more cotton in the
basket and I'd be like okay,okay, we got to climb out, he's,
he's coming, it's getting full,and so my brother would climb
up the ladder first and wait,and then he'd kind of push me
back in the cotton and all that,hundreds of whatever pounds of
cotton would just dump on top ofme.
I wasn't going to die, but Iwas seven, right, and I thought
(03:18):
my dad would have been.
You know, dad had a cigarettehanging out of his mouth driving
tractor.
We were to stay out of the way,right, and I just knew that one
day I would just suffocate inthat cotton and my brother was
kind of mean to me.
You know that's what brothersdo.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
but I survived.
I have to say this thosesouthern farm people, those
small towns, they're rowdy, theyare very rowdy.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
We were tough as nails.
Our parents didn't reallyparent us and you know, we were
out there chasing rattlesnakesdown with a hoe and cutting
their head off first and thencutting the rattle off, and we
had a shoebox full of rattlers,because there was tons of
rattlesnakes everywhere.
But we weren't afraid of them,we were looking for them because
we wanted to get their rattlers.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
So yeah, we were rough and tumble kids.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
Why do you want the rattle?
Because they're just cool.
I mean, if you've ever seen one, you get a really really big
rattlesnake they're really large, and then the littler ones, and
it was just a collection.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
I don't know I'm sure people are like, oh my gosh,
why did you kill?
Speaker 3 (04:20):
all those rattlesnakes.
But yeah, that's just.
It was something you did out onthe farm when there was nothing
else, we had no neighbors toplay with, so it was the
rattlesnakes.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
So you talk about your brother trying to suffocate
you in cotton.
Yep, yep, so you were sevenyears old at that time, usually.
So how was your adolescencelike growing up in a small town?
Speaker 3 (04:46):
So you know small town, everybody knows
everybody's business well when Iwas 13, my parents divorced and
um, of course the whole townknew it and um, I I say that my
my parents when I turned 13because they got married really
young.
My mom was 20 when she had meand they kind of lost their mind
(05:08):
.
I think they felt like they hadmissed out because they got
married so young.
So they both just wanted torelive their adolescence.
So they split when I was 13.
Mom started dating guys muchyounger than her she was a
beautiful woman and my dad, mybrother, when I turned 16, so
there was a lot of turmoil inthose developmental teenage
(05:30):
years, with both of my parentskind of losing their mind and
the whole town knowing they bothstarted partying and acting
like fools when I was 16 and mybrother was 18, my mom and my
dad married a 20-year-old.
So you can imagine I'm 16, 16,my stepmom's 20.
We hated each other, needlessto say, but yeah so adolescence
(05:51):
was rough.
Um, and that same west texastown when you're kind of a rebel
and looking for something to dobecause now the rattlesnakes
aren't entertaining you uh wewould climb.
You know what a pump jack is Idon't?
So a pump jack is.
You've probably seen them likeon tv and stuff.
(06:12):
I don't know if they have themaround here, but it's a big
metal.
It looks like a metal horsethat does this.
It's going up and down and it'spumping oil or gas from under
the big metal thing looks like,you know, like a metal horse,
right?
Speaker 2 (06:24):
yes, so.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
Yes, so we would.
At parties you'd have to.
Everybody would get a keg.
I don't know how we bought kegsat 16, but we could drive
across to the New Mexico acrossthe border and buy a keg at 16.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Nobody had a night.
These country kids, thesecountry kids right.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
And they were just going.
As long as we had the money,they didn't care.
And we would park out by thesepump jacks because there's no
trees, so everybody would meetout pump jack number one, or
pump jack number two, andeverybody would have a party.
A kegger, a kegger, right, yeah.
And then we would climb up thepump jacks and scoot down to the
head of them and ride them likethey were a Six Flags carnival
(07:00):
ride or something.
And you know, of course you'redrunk and you think you're just
invincible and it's fun, eventhough my graduating class,
three years prior to that kidshad done that and got killed,
because it just kind of grindsyou up.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
That's what I thought .
Oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
It's stupid.
There's nothing to hang on to.
It's just a big piece of metalthat you just kind of, and so we
knew kids had died of it.
But it wasn't going to happento us because we were smarter,
right?
I don't.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Yeah, so it's kind of like the shower generation
there's in like New York they dosomething called subway surfing
.
Oh, yes, I've, seen that You'veseen that yes.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
Yeah, so the same thing as city kids would do that
, these are us country kids, we,you know we're going to find
some way to entertain ourselves.
So yeah, so that was myadolescence.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
It was a bit of a mess Rightfully so, though I
mean so.
When I took my psychology class, I took the Erickson's Lifespan
.
When I took my psychology class, I learned about Erickson's
lifespan, development theory.
And then, in adolescence age,you go through role confusion
(08:14):
versus identity, and it seemslike you were going through role
confusion.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
And a lot of people do.
I did the same thing.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
Yeah, and when you don't have some mature adults in
your life to kind of speak intoyour life or help guide you,
which we had, none, you know itwas.
It's a free for all.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Yeah, same for me.
My parents were uninvolved andlike.
I can understand that so, but Iget what you're saying.
I really do a lot in common,just different.
Like scenery, you have thefields.
(08:55):
I have the towns, yeah so whatwas it like when you like heard
that your step mom was like 20years and you were 16 in high
school?
Did anybody come at you forthat?
Speaker 3 (09:14):
Well, there was some obviously in school, some nasty
things said.
I know that they had said oh,didn't your mom used to babysit
her when your mom was younger?
Cruel remarks like oh yeah,your mom used to bounce her on
the bed, now your dad is.
(09:34):
I got all sorts of cruel thingsand as a teenager I'm trying to
make sense and trying to growup, but my parents have lost
their minds and so it was tough.
My mom ended up remarrying gosh, I guess right before my junior
year of high school, and Ididn't like him, but at the
(09:59):
moment he was good for a mom andI was just a mess.
I was just such a rebel and I'dkind of made a.
I was just a mess I was.
I was just such a rebel andjust such a mess.
So when she remarried before myjunior year, they moved to east
Texas almost Louisiana, and soand I was living with my dad and
my 20 year old stepmom at thetime and we were not liking each
other, so I moved in with my.
(10:21):
I moved to east Texas with mymom and her new husband.
Okay and yeah, at least I wasable to finish high school and
graduate without killing myself.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Yeah, when did you join the?
Speaker 3 (10:31):
military.
So you know, I think, when Igraduated high school, for my
parents' poor examples becausethey just struggled paycheck to
paycheck of what to do.
And then my mom no, she wasn'tdivorced yet again.
But so I didn't know anythingabout college and I had nobody
(10:52):
to explain it to me.
But I knew the only way I wasgoing to be able to feed myself
is if I went to college, becausethat was my generation.
Right, get a college degree ofsome sort.
I don't think it's necessarilytrue now, but at the time, just
get college and you won't.
Generation right, get a collegedegree of some sort.
I don't think it's necessarilytrue now, but at the time, just
get college and you won't starve, right.
So my focus and of course youthink about this before the
(11:13):
internet, I would look at thenewspapers because I'm always
working.
I've worked since I was 15.
So I'm looking at the paper andgoing where are they hiring?
And it was always nurses.
It was always the want.
Ads for employment constantlywas nurses.
And I said I'm going to go tocollege and be a nurse and that
(11:35):
kind of was my driving force ishunger, because I needed a way
to support myself.
So that's how I got intocollege, which, again, I had no
idea.
I didn't know how to sign upfor classes.
I didn't know what the creditsmeant, so I was—.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Me too.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
It was tough.
It was tough getting into it,but I got—so I went to college,
changed my major a couple timesand then finally I'm like
nursing is the way.
Not that I have—I think somepeople have great stories of
saying you know, it was acalling I knew all along I was
supposed to be a nurse.
That's not for me.
It was just it was going to bea way to pay my bills.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
So for me it's kind of the same thing.
Like I told you, like myparents weren't really involved.
They put food on the table, solike I had that, you know, and
they bought me things.
But it wasn't like, because myparents got divorced when I was
seven, so there was a few issueshere and there and people
(12:36):
always talking.
I would hear different storiesas a child.
And then it would grow up and Iwould hear the same stories and
I went through that same phasereal confusion versus identity
and I didn't know my identity.
And then I was just like youknow what?
I'm going to join the military,I'm going to do it.
And when I first got there Iwas like what the hell did?
Speaker 3 (12:59):
I just do, it does everybody.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Can you elaborate more on the nursing job like a
cna?
Speaker 3 (13:08):
job, so have I worked .
I was in houston at the time inof nursing school and they had
if you were already in a nursingprogram you got hired on like a
cna, but it was, as they callit, student nurse assistant and
so it was a CNA job.
So I was, and you think aboutthis was 89 and 90 those years I
(13:30):
worked.
So I was looking at thehospital.
They were wanting studentnurses and the seventh floor of
this little hospital in Houstonwas the AIDS floor.
So this is 89, 90, the peak ofthe AIDS epidemic and all this
and everybody was stillterrified.
Everybody was so, still weren'tsure, like, oh, can you get it?
Just by somebody coughing onyou that has AIDS, you know they
?
Just there was still a lot offear there and I said, oh,
(13:56):
you'll pay me an extra dollar anhour to work on the AIDS floor.
Of course I'm trying to feedmyself and pay for college.
Sign me up.
So I worked on the AIDS unitand it paid $9.20 an hour, which
was good money back then as astudent nurse.
So I worked on the age unit,went to school full time and
(14:17):
then once I started into heavierclinicals in nursing school, it
was so demanding I felt like mygrades were starting to drop.
So I went to a recruiter'soffice.
I said, well, if I join themilitary maybe they'll help me.
And I went to Air Forcerecruiter and they're like well,
we'll pay you a sign on bonusonce you graduate nursing school
.
But I was like no, I need moneyto pay bills now.
(14:41):
I can't wait.
I'm not going to get throughnursing school if I have to keep
working like this.
And so the Navy had a programand it was called the BDCP
program, which stood for abachelor degree completion
program, and so if you were innursing school, they would pay
you.
You got, you were, I guess,enlisted as an E3.
So I got E3 pay, I had fullhealth coverage and all that.
(15:05):
And then when I graduatednursing school, I was going to
owe them four years.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
So it was a great program, it's like a trade-off?
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
Yeah, I was like.
You know, there was a height ofnursing shortage at that time.
So when I graduated, all myfriends from nursing school were
like oh, you're an idiot, youknow.
They said they're getting thesehuge sign-on bonuses and
getting to choose where theywant to work.
I was stuck going to whereverthe Navy told me to go and I was
(15:35):
getting paid a lot less thanthem.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Well, let's explain it, let's go a little further
than that.
What year?
Speaker 3 (15:42):
was this.
I graduated nursing school in91.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
That's like close to the Gulf War.
I think that is the Gulf War,yeah, because it was 90.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
And so I was considered, quote, quote, active
duty at 90, but I I was innursing school okay, and when
you graduated, what was like?
Speaker 2 (16:02):
it wasn't a culture shock.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
When you joined the navy.
It was, you know, I have noneof.
Well, I'd had a couple unclesbut didn't really know them, had
done a little bit of servicebut we weren't like a big.
Everybody in the family was inthe military.
My dad was like mad at me, mymom was, everybody was angry
like why are you doing this?
And I'm thinking you weren'toffering to help me pay for
college.
You know, I really didn't havea choice.
(16:25):
So again, it was all driven by.
I'm not going to take out loans, I'm not going to ask for money
, I'm going to do this myself.
So my first assignment was inOakland, california.
Back then there was a big Navyhospital, oak Knoll, and that
was a culture shock.
I'd lived in Texas my wholelife and here I was, 22, going
(16:48):
off to California.
They assigned me to a med-surgunit.
They assigned me to a med-surgunit, you know, 22, I was an
officer, so I was an ensign,like 01.
And I've got these corpsmen.
The enlisted were like themedics in the Army, your
corpsmen, and you know some ofthem older than me, and they're,
yes, ma'am, and saluting me.
(17:08):
And I'm thinking, how did I gethere?
What am I doing?
Oh, you were getting saluted.
Get here, what?
What am I doing?
Oh, you were getting saluted.
Yeah, because I was an officer.
An officer, okay, yep, I was anofficer, I was no one funny
story.
So if you graduate, if you'relike a nurse, a doctor, dentist,
attorney, those high demand,that's hard to get them into the
(17:31):
military.
You go to ois, which is officerindoctrination school, and it's
six weeks and they teach youhow to, you know, be an officer.
And so we get there and they'relike okay, this is your uniform
, we have all these classes togo through and this is how you
salute.
And it's just, it's hilarious.
So I'm walking across thegrinder there where we'd have to
(17:55):
march, and an OCS student NowOCS, those are going to be your
line officers, so they're goingthrough.
They're not officers yet,they're officers in training.
Well, one passed me and hesaluted me.
I'd never been saluted in mylife.
So I waved at him and I hearhim laughing as he's walking
past me.
He's like a new ensign that hasno idea what they're doing.
(18:19):
And after he passed, I'm like,oh my gosh, that was my first
salute and I missed it.
You know I waved at him.
I'm an idiot, so it was kind offunny, but um yeah.
So I've went to California, wasworking as a nurse.
You know, just got my asshanded to me learning what to be
(18:39):
as an officer and as a brandnew nurse.
It was quite the adventure.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
What was the physical training like, and when you got
out of the nursing school part,did you have to go through a
certain type of boot camp orlike OCS, the OCS?
Speaker 3 (18:56):
It was OCS.
So I graduated from nursingschool on a Friday.
That Monday I was in Newport,rhode Island, going through OIS
and you know we had physicaltherapy, we had some PT to do.
Of course you went through bootcamp.
So I didn't have to go throughboot camp so they didn't yell at
us and they didn't scream at us.
So I didn't have to go throughboot camp so they didn't yell at
us and they didn't scream at us.
We did have to exercise butthey couldn't scream and yell
(19:18):
because we were allprofessionals and we wouldn't
have taken it.
You know we're like, no, I'llgo somewhere else and make twice
as much money.
So it was a little different.
Yeah, my, my husband, when youtalk to Chris, he'll laugh
because he went, went to bootcamp.
He was an enlisted.
(19:38):
Oh, you know, yeah, he was, hewas a medic.
So of he laughs about oh,you're club med, ois, you're
going through the navy.
So it wasn't club med, but youknow we did, it was fun and what
was world island like?
it was so cool it's.
You know that's the only timeI've ever been there.
I've always wanted to go back.
Um, it's beautiful, and I wentin the summer, so you know, the
season was a perfect time to bethere.
I skipped out on my militarylaw classes and would go sailing
(20:01):
and I'd have somebody sign mein.
This is before computers, right?
I'm like sign me in for thatclass I'm going down and doing
so.
I embraced being a Navy officer100 percent by learning how to
sail.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
It seems like that's I, I, uh.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
I was gonna like do green to gold.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
That's called like switching from enlisted officer.
I was going to do that when Igot to the like special forces
that was my plan, like, but Iwanted to pass special forces
and then I wanted to like becomea Green Beret and all those
things, but unfortunately youdon't got it.
Speaker 3 (20:40):
You had different plans, yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
So when you got to Oakland were you assigned to a
certain ship.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
No.
So as a nurse in the Navy, it'spretty hard to get on a ship
because because there's just fewand far between you think of a
carrier.
So a navy carrier has probably5 000 people working on the ship
.
That's a little town yeah, alittle small town, right.
And those carriers, there's onenurse and it's an
administrative role and then theidc's independent duty corpsman
(21:12):
, your chiefs, you know yourhigher ranking enlisted.
They're doing most of all themedical work and you're just
administratively kind of beingover stuff.
So I knew my chances of gettinga carrier were probably.
You know, most nurses in theNavy can go through the whole
time and never step foot on aship because you're in hospitals
(21:32):
, you're in clinics and otherthings.
So after Oakland then I hadmarried my college sweetheart
and I was young and stupid and Ijust married him because he was
model material and he had lotsof muscles, but he was a real
jerk Junkie wars.
(21:53):
Yeah, he was all that and it wasjust pure lust, right.
The marriage was so.
We were married two years andthen he found a girl when we
moved to California.
That was prettier than me, sohe dumped me like a rock, but in
California.
So I was like, oh, I'm going tobe one of those Navy people I'm
(22:18):
going to leave a so um.
So I left and went uh, nextassignment was Guam.
And, um, so after my divorce, Ifeel like a failure and just an
idiot and you know all theseself-talk that you do to
yourself.
And, um, I, I called thedetailer.
They help you find your nextassignment.
And I said where's the furthestplace in the world you can send
me?
And she said, well, and at thistime I'm an ICU nurse.
(22:40):
And she said, well, with yourexperience, she goes.
I could send you to DiegoGarcia, and that's a little
island in the middle of theIndian Ocean.
We've got a Navy hospital thereand it just has two flight
nurses.
And she goes you with your ICU,you could become a flight nurse
and we could send you there.
And I said sign me up.
And she said, well, it's on arotation, so the next rotation
(23:04):
is not for another six months,but I'll put you in in six
months to rotate there.
And I'm like, no, I just got adivorce, I'm mad at the world, I
need to get out of California.
So she goes.
Well, I could send you to Guamand I go.
What's Guam?
I'd never heard of it.
So, again, I'm in this country.
(23:25):
You know, girl, this farmer'sdaughter, I don't.
I just got out of Texas, I'm inCalifornia, I know nothing.
And so she sent me and I thinkI was gone in about six weeks.
I was off to Guam and I workedICU there in Guam and that's
where I met my current husband.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
You know I was going to get to that?
Yeah, Because Nick, yourstepson, told me that you guys
got married in Guam.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
Well, we met in Guam.
Oh, you met in Guam.
We met in Guam, we workedtogether.
I'm going to have to correctthat young man.
So, no, we met in Guam andstarted going out and again, I
was at not a real good spot inmy life.
I was kind of mad and I'm aChristian.
(24:17):
I grew up knowing who God wasat a very young age and I know
how I'm supposed to live andoften I just go to the opposite
of what I'm supposed to do and Iam the biggest sinner.
You'd meet right and especiallythrough my adolescence and
young adulthood, I chose thewrong path.
Often, through my adolescenceand young adulthood, I chose the
wrong path often and evenknowing, knowing that I was
(24:39):
deeply loved by God and he waswatching me, I often went the
wrong direction and I think helaughs at me sometimes.
(25:01):
He knows how incrediblystubborn I am.
And so Chris and I met with mein a and not in a good state of,
and then we find out that andwe were kind of I don't know.
I was like are we going to staytogether?
I'll probably never get marriedagain.
All men are jerks.
I'm just going to have fun andparty and I don't care, right
that was kind of my attitude andthat's how we met.
Well, then we find out that he'sgoing to be a daddy and this
whole thing, because it's a longstory.
(25:23):
But he was in the military andthen he in the Navy.
He went to Great Lakes toprocess out and in his
processing out guess what?
There was a baby created thatwe didn't know about.
And so when this all came out Ithink I've told Nick this
several times I 100% believethat there's never a child born
(25:47):
by mistake or accident ever, andI've told Nick this when he was
little I said you know, ittakes two adults to consent to
sex, but then it takes apowerful God that breathes your
spirit.
If God chooses not to breathe aspirit, because I'm more than
this flesh and blood.
I am who I really am.
(26:07):
Who I truly am is my spirit,and that was breathed by God.
And I said Nick, god wanted youhere, and Nick's our little
angel, because the reality ofhim coming into our life changed
mine and Chris's mindset.
(26:27):
Nick's not your stepson, he ismy stepson.
Oh, he is your stepson, he is.
And so when we found out thatChris was a daddy, life got real
serious.
All of a sudden, life wasserious because a human was
coming into this world that wasChris's son.
And what were we going to doabout it?
(26:51):
I know there's nothing that youwould tell me different, that
God didn't plan that, because Ithink I was probably headed to
self-destruction and partying,and partying and I was just
being an idiot, and the gravityand the heaviness and the
bigness of a human life, that Iknew that God permitted, that
(27:13):
there was no mistake, that God,I knew that God permitted that
there was no mistake.
So we, chris and I at that time, we said, okay, what are we
going to do?
You know, there's this littleboy and that's your son.
What are we going to do?
And so we prayed about it.
Life got serious.
We got, we found a church, wehad friends praying for us.
What are we supposed to do?
(27:35):
And I had orders that I wassupposed to be leaving Guam and
now Chris is out of the militaryat this time.
And then I was supposed to goto Tennessee More kind of an
administrative type job thereand we said we can't because
this little boy is going to bein Illinois and we would just be
(28:02):
financial parents, we wouldjust send money, but we wouldn't
be able to be involved in hislife.
So I called the detailer andsaid if you can get me in Great
Lakes, I'll stay in the military, but if you can't get me to
Great Lakes, I'm resigning mycommission and getting out of
the Navy.
That's how serious.
We were just going to move towhere Nick was, and so she
canceled my Tennessee orders andgave me Great Lakes orders.
And we moved to Great Lakes andbegan having Nick every weekend
and became as much involved aswe could in his life and that
(28:26):
was the best thing we could haveever done.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
Yeah yeah, that's a beautiful story.
Honestly, I didn't expect that.
I mean a little't expect thatyeah.
I mean a little tearjerkerright there.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
Well, and you know, I tell Nick all the time I'm like
, man, god put you in my lifeand the first Nick was 11 months
old when the first time I gotto hold him.
And I've never.
You know, they say love atfirst sight.
You know I never had that withany guy I ever met, but it was
(28:59):
love at first sight.
I mean, like when I held him,like he was my son just as much
as his mom's To me.
I'm like I gave birth to him.
I'm like how could you ever inyour life love anybody more than
?
And then God blessed us withchildren, you know, and you
think, oh, okay, I love thischild so much, there's no way I
(29:20):
could love another.
And then God increases yourcapacity and you're like, okay,
I can love two at a time.
And then, and then God givesyou another and like your
capacity, it doesn't make sense,I mean, and from our mind, but
like God is, he just increasesyour capacity for love and for
forgiveness and and so, yeah,and me and Nick's mom have a
(29:41):
great relationship and, um, itwasn't always that way.
There was difficult years, uh,a lot of emotions involved and
stuff like that but, always,always, it's always, it's always
rough, but it's all worth it,right?
Speaker 2 (29:56):
There's this crazy thing we have a roller coaster
called life.
We do.
You've got your ups and downs,your swirls and all that stuff.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
Usually it ends and then you stay, and then it just
goes again.
It does it does.
How long were you in themilitary?
20 years.
So there's two things I want totalk about that I kind of think
it's really badass like youhave a scuba license.
I do advanced diver yeah yeah,that's what oh man that I look
(30:32):
up to very much he has.
He was in the military as well.
He went to scuba school in KeyWest.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
So much fun.
It's funny because growing upin West Texas, where there's no
lakes or rivers or anything, Iwas always a little timid around
water.
We'd go water skiing when I wasa teenager and I could water
ski, I could swim, but I was alittle timid around the water
where my brother and sister wereboth like fish.
(31:01):
They would just jump to it.
So when I got scuba certified,my family was like you're what,
you're going underwater andyou're what?
And I'm like I will scuba diveover swim any day.
I said, because you got my eyes, aren't you know?
I've got the mask on, sothere's no water in my eyes.
There's no water in my nose.
(31:21):
I've got a little breather.
I'm breathing my air.
No water's getting out of mymouth.
I've got fins so I can, likeyou know superhuman, go through
the water.
I'm like I'll scuba dive allday, but I don't really care to
swim.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
Now were you close to your family this whole time.
Speaker 3 (31:38):
You know I would keep in touch with them, yeah.
And you know, my mom remarriedand then divorced, and then my
dad had several differentgirlfriends and then he ended up
marrying my mom just recentlydied.
She died in February February30th in February, I'm still
grieving.
Grief is a bizarre, bizarrething.
(32:01):
And I was reading a book by CSLewis on his grief when his wife
died and he said you know, whensomebody that you love dies, so
they're're not here on earth inyour brain, it takes a while to
catch up with that, especiallyI'm 57 years old.
(32:21):
So for 57 years I've had my momand we were not always close in
miles, but I could pick up thephone, I could text her and then
her absence like so you stilllove the person that died, right
, you don't quit loving them.
But that love doesn't knowwhere to go.
There's nowhere for it to land.
And I never understood that,because my mom grieved her mom
(32:43):
and dad and her brother and I'dalways say are we not enough?
I mean, what about us, thegrandkids, the great, are we not
enough to fill that void?
And it's not that you're notenough, it's just that love is
for that person and so it kindof floats around it.
It's un that you're not enough,it's just that love is for that
person and so it kind of floatsaround it.
It's unguided love for my momand it just kind of lands on
everything and it just I don'tknow where to put it because
(33:06):
it's for her, so that that griefis very real and it's um
walking through that and I think, with my faith of knowing I
will see her again in heaven,because we are spirits, we're
not flesh and blood.
Only that's a comfort, but itdoesn't take away.
I mean, I still cry every day alittle bit.
(33:27):
It's not as long, and then thewhole grieving process, and then
I'm mad.
It's still right at the surfaceand and I think it'll, it'll be
with me forever.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
You know just, I can have joy and happiness and good
times, but that, that grief man,it's, it's a lot so like first
of all, I'm very sorry for youand last year my stepdad passed
away and it was strange to meBecause he was like an alcoholic
(34:03):
, but he was like a super niceguy.
He would get his shirt off withhis back, you know, and like it
was hard for me, like I neverlike it was hard for me.
It's like like I didn't I neverlike cried or anything.
Like I'm very hard with likegrief and stuff.
Like a lot of my friends passedaway with overdoses and stuff
(34:28):
and like when my stepdad passedaway, like my mom was just like
crying on the phone FaceTimingme, and I'm just stoic and I
don't know how to react.
So what I did was, when I hungup the phone with my mom, I
(34:48):
played his favorite song.
Oh, I love that.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
And I was like maybe this can get me closer and it
did.
I love that, yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:56):
and I was like maybe this can get me closer and it
did.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
I love it.
What I would do is I wouldthink of all the happy times I
had with him.
You know, like I, I'm not afuneral person.
Yeah, I don't really like goingto funerals because I like
thinking of like the happy timesI had with that person.
So I mean it was hard, so likeit still is a little bit.
(35:20):
I told my buddy because we usedto party in his garage and he
was awesome.
He was just an awesome dude,super nice to my family.
He treated us like his kidsLove that.
And he nice to my family liketreat, treat us like his kids,
yeah, um, and he, he died in themost cruel way oh, no I know
(35:42):
it's a bone cancer.
He didn't even know.
Oh, he went to the doctor andthey're like yeah, you're
covered, you're gonna die in 48hours.
Wow, yeah, yeah, wow.
And it's like it's stilldifficult to this day, but I try
to think of the happy times.
Speaker 3 (36:02):
I had with him.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
You know like he like came to my court when I got my
blue cord for infantry.
You know my graduation yeah,you know he was always there for
me.
so I um, it's uh and I I had, Ihadn't seen him in like three
years, so that was another thingyeah, that like like it just
(36:26):
like hit me, like like a ton ofbricks, but I, I um, like you
said he was, was a spirit.
I still feel his spiritAbsolutely and I have a blanket
that he gave me.
Well, I think I stole it fromhim, I can't remember.
Speaker 3 (36:44):
Did you really give it or did you just acquire it?
Speaker 2 (36:47):
It's a Mexican wool blanket because he was Mexican.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
He was from Texas as well, okay, okay, oh, wow, so he
was from Texas as well, okayokay, he's a Longhorns fan.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
Oh, wow, yeah, so he was from Texas as well, I love
that.
And he had this like amazingblanket and I have pictures of
it like when I was in themilitary.
I love that.
I have pictures of it like whenI was, like you know, growing
up, and I have it in my roomright now.
Speaker 3 (37:18):
See, and I think you've got it, that is exactly
with grief, like it's.
I think I've had to learn that.
Talk about her, of the funnythings she did or said, and like
these rings are hers that.
I'm wearing and like, I justwear them and look at them and
touch them and I'm like and justremember all the, the good
(37:39):
stuff and that their spirit'sstill with us.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
Yeah, it's weird that tangible object.
Can you like bring it closer?
Speaker 3 (37:46):
It does.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Absolutely so.
Well, so you end up, so let'slike circle back.
Okay, so you see, so you end upmoving to Grayslake because
they gave you Grayslake correct.
And you served your 20 years.
Nick told me that you were in avery high position in the
(38:08):
military.
Speaker 3 (38:10):
Is that correct?
I retired as a commander, whichis a commander.
I was an O5 when I retired, sofor the Army that's lieutenant
colonel.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
yeah that's colonel smith to me.
That's the guy I was talkingabout.
Yeah, yeah, he was my oldbattalion commander, so how many
people did you have?
Speaker 3 (38:29):
under you.
Um gosh, it depends on, like,where I was, that I, when I was
on the ship, so ended up did.
I did get on a hospital ship.
It was just a three, threemonth Pacific tour of when we
were in Germany, so so circleback, so 10 years yeah.
So 10 years active duty and thenstarted having babies and so I
(38:50):
got off active duty and rolledto be in a reservist.
Got off active duty and rolledto be in a reservist and while I
was in the reserves we wereliving in East Texas and I would
do my drill weekends inShreveport, louisiana.
There's so much I mean, chrisand I need to write a book.
So we were both working in theER as nurses civilian but then I
(39:18):
was in charge of the reserveunit in Louisiana, so one
weekend a month I'd do that.
And then we owned restaurantsand we were raising babies and
homeschooling the kids and wewould yeah, it was, we were
idiots, but we were.
We were just super crazy busyand so I got called to active
duty.
I was running betweenrestaurants.
I had gone to one to pick up acase of pepperoni to bring it
(39:40):
back to the other.
I get a call from BUMED and hegoes how would you like to go to
a one-year all-paid vacation toGermany?
And I said no, thank you, I amreally busy with restaurants and
I work at the ER and I'm in myunit.
And he said well, we, you, I'mreally busy with restaurants and
I work at the ER and I'm in myunit and he said, well, we're
looking for ER nurses and I'vegot 12 nurses on my list and I
(40:02):
need six.
And I said, well, I'm acommander and I'm expensive, so
find you a cheap Lieutenantnurse, and you know you send
them.
And he said, well, if I can'tfind anybody that that meets the
spot, I'm going to call youback and you're going to have to
go.
I said, well, I'm sure you canfind a cheaper person, cheaper
nurse than me.
(40:22):
And he called back three dayslater and said pack your bags,
you're going to Germany in sixweeks.
And so at the time and this ismaybe Chris can tell you this
part we were living in therestaurant, because there's so
much to unpack it's hard to say.
Speaker 2 (40:39):
When you lived in a restaurant.
Speaker 3 (40:45):
We had to live in the restaurant because there's so
much.
We had two small pizzarestaurants and we were doing
all the crazy living in thehouse and ER pizza restaurants
reserve the crazy living in thehouse and er pizza restaurants
reserve.
And then I had to go topensacola to work at the navy
hospital for a three-monthlittle special job there and
while I was gone and left chrisunattended and I've learned you
(41:06):
don't leave him unattendedbecause he gets into stuff.
And when I get back after thethree months, of course he had
all the kids and was doing thathe goes I found a restaurant in
indiana and it's a bargain andwe're moving to indiana.
We're going to run this newrestaurant.
It's fine dining, it's got amartini lounge, it's really cool
.
And I was like oh my gosh.
(41:26):
And so we put the sisters incharge of the larger pizza
restaurant.
We sold the small pizzarestaurant to friends and we it
was amazing, it was the best, weonly used quality ingredients.
It's a pro, it's a pro.
Speaker 2 (41:47):
I'm not saying he's a pro, that's definitely a pro.
Speaker 3 (41:52):
Free pizza?
We did.
We ate lots of pizza.
We had lots of good food.
We were never lacking in thefood area, and so that's one
thing you're worried about.
No, and we and I, they wastotally taken care of.
So my husband has theentrepreneur type I'm not as big
of a risk taker as he is, but Ikind of jump on some of his
risk and it's been fun.
(42:12):
But so we put everything inplace, put friends to rent our
house from us quote, you know,friends of a friends of a friend
thought we'd take, they'd takecare of the house.
We moved to indiana.
We changed everything over.
Well, this was not pizza, thiswas steak and lobster, fine
dining, and we hired a new chef.
We changed the menu.
We got live bands in.
In about nine months we weretotally broke and it ate us
(42:40):
alive.
So we closed.
What year is this?
It was 2009.
Speaker 1 (42:48):
Okay, 2009.
Speaker 3 (42:50):
Seven something like that.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
That's when the crash happened.
The stock market crash.
Okay, so no, no, no, it wasbefore that, no, no, it was 2005
.
That's when the crash happened.
The stock market crash.
Okay, so no, no, no, it wasbefore that, no no, it was 2005.
Speaker 3 (43:00):
That's right, 2005.
I'm getting, yeah, 2005.
And so we lost lots of money,all our savings.
You know we could always dothese things because we both had
good W-2, you know, working asnurses, being in the military.
We had money to risk and wealways lived below our means.
(43:21):
We didn't drive fancy cars oranything, didn't have a fancy
house, so we invested it inrestaurants and different things
.
This restaurant smacked us, youknow, taught us a big lesson,
so we closed the door.
Everybody in the world wassuing us from the lease.
People were leasing thebuilding from to everybody in
the world.
Everybody was after us and wehad no money.
So we moved back to Texas andthe house we rented to the
(43:41):
friends of the friend of friendhad destroyed the house beyond
living in.
And so our one restaurant wehad left, which was the big
pizza place we had a roomattached to it was called the
Tuscany room and you could rentit out for parties and stuff.
So I got there, chris wasdealing with legal problems and
(44:03):
us being broke again, and I wentback to Texas and told the
manager of that place.
I said I'm renting a storageshed.
We're moving all the tables andchairs out call, cancel all the
parties for the next year.
I said we're going to live,live in the Tuscany room because
our house is destroyed beyondliving in and we're broke and we
got to start over.
So we moved into the Tuscanyroom and the kids their memory,
(44:25):
they think it was so much funbecause there was no, it was
just one big empty room and soall our beds were lined up and
we'd all sit up and go goodnight, good night, good night,
and we'd all lay down.
It was just like it was thefunniest.
They think, oh, that was somuch fun.
And then we could just go intothe restaurant and we would just
go to get whatever we wanted.
You know, the cook would makeus whatever and I'm like, oh my
(44:47):
gosh, if you only knew what anightmare.
So this is the living conditionwe're in when I You're going to
Germany.
You got six weeks, so I packedup my bags, chris and the kids
took me to the airport and, withthe problems we went through in
(45:08):
Indiana and that restaurant andthe financial strain and the
lawsuits and everything that wasgoing on, it was very stressful
on our marriage, if you canimagine, and I felt like.
I felt like God was trying tocrush me.
I was like I didn't know.
I thought like, is God mad atme?
(45:30):
Did I do something wrong?
I was like, because all of this, we're living in a restaurant
and then you're going to sayyou've got to leave your
children and your husband,you're going to be gone for a
year to Germany.
I mean like it to me.
And so when, when I got on thatplane and that was you could
walk somebody all the way toboard the plane, right, and
Chris and the kids were thereand I remember walking down
there, I'm like I don't thinkI'll come back, I'll finish up
(45:51):
this.
They can raise the kids.
I'm done, I'm done, I'm, I'mdone.
I mean that's kind of I justdidn't know how I could manage.
You know, there was just toomuch to think about.
And looking back now I go okay,god rescued me.
He pulled me out because heknew I was at a breaking point,
(46:12):
and so I got to Germany and Iworked.
It was called the DWIMIC is whatwe called it Deployed Wounded
Warrior Management Center.
Deployed Wounded WarriorManagement Center.
And so all the Army nurses thisis an Army hospital and it's a
launch tool and all the Armynurses were deployed to Iraq,
(46:38):
afghanistan, and so they sent.
They didn't have extra Armynurses deployed to Iraq,
afghanistan, and so they didn'thave extra Army nurses.
So they sent a group of us Navynurses that had the ER skill
and we were kind of like inthese trailers outside the ER
and we ran this 24-hour serviceof bringing all the wounded guys
from the Horn of Africa, bagram, wherever they were at overseas
(47:01):
, and we'd process them here.
We loaded up these buses wemade into two-tier ambulances so
they'd bring the wounded intoAnderson.
Speaker 2 (47:13):
I'm sorry the Air Force Base.
I'm sorry, so these are thepeople that were hurt more.
They would go to Germany, Iremember it like that I remember
that vaguely.
They were saying if you gethurt, you're going to Germany,
You're going to Germany.
Speaker 3 (47:28):
So we were there processing that you could get
blown up and lose all four limbs, and they could save you I mean
you would live, but then theywould wrap them up of they could
save you.
I mean you would live, but thenthey would wrap them up, send
them to bagram, do a couple ofsurgeries, get them stable
enough to send them to us ingermany.
And so of it was a um, it waslike a controlled mass casualty
(47:53):
daily of bringing woundedwarriors, some mental, some, you
know small things, but stillcouldn't be there that needed to
come out of that was probablythe hardest and we would.
So you would either meet the busand kind of eyeball as people
were coming in, making sure theywere going yes, he needs to go
(48:14):
to the ic or no, this person,you know.
We need to switch things up, soyou kind of triage and real
quick to see make sure everybodywas going to the right place.
Um, yeah, it was.
It was a challenging job but Ican imagine very rewarding, I
can imagine.
Speaker 2 (48:29):
Uh, if you like, save a soldier too, like that's like
the best feeling.
Speaker 3 (48:35):
Oh, yeah, I mean, and that was a hard going, you know
, you see a Marine that has hadhis legs blown off and saying,
hey, can they fit me withprosthesis so I can go back?
I hate leaving my guys andyou're like what I mean?
That was the spirit, that wastheir mentality.
It is, you guys are.
Just it's a different as afemale and as a nurse, I'm not.
(48:55):
That's not me as a female andas a nurse, that's not me.
But I want to take care ofthose that are doing that,
because it's amazing.
It's amazing.
I can't wrap my mind around it.
So it was my privilege to carefor all the wounded guys and
gals.
Speaker 2 (49:11):
Yeah, so you get back from Germany.
Nick told me recently that youhad breast cancer twice.
Yeah, and when did this occur?
Speaker 3 (49:28):
first.
So that was in 2018, was thefirst time and I had worked a
shift as a nurse and I wasretired.
I'd worked a shift as a nurseand I had I was retired out of
the Navy because I retired fromthe Navy in 2013.
So now I'm working civilian andI had put my pajamas on and I
(49:51):
my hair was long at the time andI kind of brushed my hair off
my shoulder and I'm like there'sa little what's that.
So I found the lump.
Now I had changed jobs and hadmissed my mammogram, but I was
pretty good at I'm take.
I try to take care of myself,right.
But, I'd missed one, just thebusyness of life.
And uh got in right away andsure enough, yeah, it was cancer
(50:11):
.
It had moved to my lymph node,um, so it removed all the lymph
nodes and they did, so it didsurgery.
I just went ahead as a nurse.
I was like, okay, if this isgoing to, I don't want this to
kill me.
You know, you're all of asudden faced with mortality and
I'd had a friend die of breastcancer.
So I know it is lethal but it'streatable if you get it early.
(50:32):
Mine wasn't early, but itwasn't super late, um, and so
what surgery?
Uh, to be something like thatyeah and I'm not an oncology
nurse.
So I was like just a regularcivilian.
I would say yes, I'm a nurse,but I know nothing about cancer.
You know, and I've never workedthat area.
(50:52):
I've worked with young guysthat get blown up and stuff.
I don't you know.
So that was a learning curve forme.
But I said let's be aggressive.
You know the bilateralmastectomy, let's cut everything
off, let's not have any.
So again I'm thinking, I'mtaking care of this.
So cancer so it came back in 23, which I would was like what
(51:15):
you know.
I did everything they told meto do, I did the surgery, I did
radiation.
That's why I have this chroniccough, kind of messed up one of
my lungs did you do radiation?
Like what you know, I dideverything they told me to do.
I did the surgery, I didradiation.
That's why I have this chroniccough.
It kind of messed up one of mylungs.
Did you do radiation?
The first time I did I did, andso that was kind of another,
like okay, now is it going tokill me.
You know, like now is this thetime.
(51:35):
So, facing that, you know, youstart start going.
What do I need to do different?
And and you know, and I alsothink health care has changed
after covid, like nobody truststhe health care system anymore
because we, we didn't manage itwell, we as a system, as health
care, workers it was mismanaged.
But we didn't know.
You know, we, we had no idea.
(51:56):
We, we did not know, nobodyknew it.
How could have anybody known?
But so going through cancer atpre-covid and post-covid was a
little bit different.
So this time I went, I had todo surgery and chemo and of
course I have to show you 23 in23.
I'll show you pictures of melater of when I was bald.
(52:19):
So this is since May of 23,.
My hair that's grown back.
So it's grown back pretty fast,thank you, and it came back a
totally different color.
I was always kind of a dirtyblonde and now I'm like what's
this?
It's like salt and pepper.
Speaker 2 (52:33):
I don't know Very chic.
Very chic right and I'm like,okay, I'll take salt and pepper.
That's amazing that you had thestrength to go through that.
I mean, like I don't know howserious cancer is at times.
But then, like I find out, whenI was like holy crap, like this
(52:55):
is like a serious thing andbreast cancer is no joke.
And for you to beat it twice, Ihave one question I was going
to ask you.
Have you ever been mad at God?
Speaker 3 (53:11):
Oh, yeah, oh yeah.
He's big enough he can handlemy anger.
Speaker 2 (53:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (53:17):
I've been mad at God before and I've told him, and
you know you said oh, you're sostrong, you beat this twice.
Well, I am a wimp and aweakling.
I know only by God's help thatI've gone through this.
But yeah, I've had that angerof like why, why did I get it
(53:39):
the first time, why am I gettingit a second time?
And I kind of this last timecame to why not me?
I mean, like, am I better thansomebody else?
I'm not.
Why not?
I have done nothing in my life,that you know.
And I used to have thatconversation because my mom
smoked her whole life, you knowshe started smoking when she was
13, and she never had a coughin her life.
(54:00):
I had this chronic cough fromradiation.
I'm like, why is that so unfair?
You've got great lungs andyou're still smoking, mom, and I
have this wimpy lung because Ihad cancer and you know it's
easy to get into those.
But then I've kind of reversedit and said you know, I've had
(54:23):
other Christians say to me, youknow, oh well, god knew that you
were strong enough that youcould do it.
And I said I kind of flippedthings on the head.
I said I think he knows what astubborn person I am and he
knows how weak I am.
So I don't think he made mebecause he's a loving God, but I
think he allows things and Ithink he allowed it because he
(54:45):
knows me and if that kept me inhumility and in submission to
the kingdom and I live in akingdom and he's the king and I
choose to honor him I don'talways do it, it I'm always
missing the mark, right.
But you go back and say he is aloving god, why does he allow
things?
(55:05):
Like I'm saying you're thetoughest guy I've probably ever
met in my life.
Just watching your podcast andstuff I'm like how do you keep
your spirit up?
How do you?
Speaker 2 (55:15):
I mean, I asked the question because I've been mad.
I got a lot, sure, a lot, a lotof things that came to me like
deception from the closestpeople you think there are in my
life.
Like, even from the beginning,like I used to, I feel like I
was dating a girl that I thoughtwas the one and then I got car
(55:36):
accident.
Car accident and she's gone twomonths later when I was in the
hospital, you know, so like, andthat just tests you.
It tests you, yes, and then youjust keep getting tests and
tests and tests, and then like,and then you kind of like find
(55:56):
like this, like middle ground,and then you start progressing.
So for me it was like, okay,I'm going to use my voice,
because a lot of people say I'man inspiration.
I don't like to hear that.
I like to hear that.
I motivate people.
That's my biggest thing I liketo hear.
And they say I'm an inspirationand I sit here and I'm like I
(56:20):
didn't an inspiration and I sithere and I'm like I didn't go to
war, I didn't do this, I didn'tdo that.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, I'm just sitting in achair.
What makes me such aninspiration?
Do you know what I mean?
Like, and then uh, but I alwayshear it and I uh, I guess I've
accepted it.
So, but I, I do know that I doknow how to motivate people
(56:42):
because I was a team leader inthe military.
Yeah, and.
I was only in the military for ayear and a half Like active and
then like a lot of it.
Like if I didn't go to themilitary and this happened to me
A lot of it Like if I didn't goto the military and this
happened to me I don't know if Iwould have been able to like
(57:05):
have the intestinal fortitude toget through this.
And one thing I wanted to sayabout you, Michelle, is that
this podcast, like this wholepodcast, from when it started,
with your parents splitting up,you wanted to eat like and like
you're like, I just need to eat,so let me do this.
You had trouble with likefinding college and stuff
(57:27):
because, like I mean you, youdidn't have like anybody to help
you do it.
You know you didn't, I didn'tknow I had to go to a guidance
counselor, you know, right,right.
So you want this podcast.
The topic, topic, the.
The theme of the this podcastis resilience really resilient
(57:48):
resilience.
you are a very resilient personlike, and you're still living
life to the max with your family.
I'm blessed to know Nick.
I've known him for probably 15years.
Speaker 3 (58:09):
I don't know if he told you yeah, I know that you
guys go way back and I'm like heis again man.
God's always had a plan on hislife and I've always known that
and my life would not look thesame if Nick wasn't part of it.
Speaker 2 (58:24):
I know that, yeah, and like another thing about,
like the theme of this podcastis like God, has a plan
Absolutely.
And like one thing I always sayto people is you have to suffer
to succeed.
Speaker 3 (58:38):
And you know what?
The one thing in the Bible ittells us we will do Suffer.
I mean it's over and over.
I've got in my notes, likegoing through cancer, these both
times and I can share them withyou.
I have all of these scriptureand it's all about suffering.
But you can suffer good, but itis very much part of the fallen
(59:01):
world that we live in.
Speaker 2 (59:03):
We know on earth we will suffer yeah, definitely
will suffer, and you mentionedbefore the podcast I went to go
see jordan peterson.
He's all about not embracingsuffering but knowing that
you're going to suffer in life.
Yep, yep, yep, yep, uh, but uh,it's been amazing having you on
(59:25):
the podcast.
Speaker 3 (59:26):
Thank you.
Thanks for having me, yeah.
Speaker 2 (59:28):
I, uh, I learned a lot more than I thought.
I didn't know you were a rowdy,uh, teenager.
Yep, I need to get my shittogether.
I'm in the military and thenyou meet, your go off, and then
you stay together because of theunion for family.
Speaker 1 (59:50):
That's why you stay together.
Speaker 2 (59:54):
It's kind of like they beat cancer twice.
You're doing all these.
It's kind of like they beatcancer twice, you know, and
you're doing all these amazingthings helping out probably some
of my friends that were in themilitary, that went to Germany,
you know.
So I like kudos to you andeverything you've done in your
(01:00:15):
life and I'm happy we were ableto have this conversation.
I'm so glad I finally got tomeet you.
For everybody who likes thiscontent, please subscribe, like
and comment.
Please comment, we love to seeit.
I answer every single one andI'm paralyzed from the neck down
, breathing through a machine,but that doesn't stop me from
(01:00:37):
following my dreams and doingwhat I love to do.
I don't got any excuse, neckdown, breathing through a
machine, but that doesn't stopme from following my dreams and
doing what I love to do.
I don't got any excuse, andneither should breeze.
Damn, can't lie Today was agood day.
Speaker 1 (01:00:45):
Fell fly, new cool kicks and a kick-ass ride.
And I kick it with my dogs.
We just trying to get by.
(01:01:05):
Just a couple of puns alltrying to get by.
Just a couple of teens alltrying to survive.
I, we're just trying to get by.
Just a couple of puns alltrying to get by.
Just a couple of teens alltrying to survive.
Live to the max, because youdon't live it twice.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Cup of green thumbs all heights hello, oh no you're
not so happy welcome back toanother episode of life to the
max.
I'm your host with the most MaxGross and today I have Michelle
(00:49):
with me, which is a good friendof mine stepmom, stepmom and
she has an amazing story and I'mlike super excited to, like you
know, get to know herthroughout this like podcast.
I hope you guys enjoy theepisode, michelle.
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
Thanks for having me.
This is fun.
I've never done anything likethis, so it's a little
intimidating, but it's fun.
It's more like Gen Z type thing.
Absolutely, I'm kind of older,that's okay.
I'm a grandma, I'm okay beingold, let's just get.
I'm a grandma, I'm okay beingold.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
So let's get straight into it, if you're okay with
that.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
Where are you from?
So I am from West Texas.
So you know Texas is a massivestate.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
And.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
I grew up all the way west kind of the bottom of the
panhandle.
I grew up all the way west kindof the bottom of the panhandle.
It's pretty much cotton fieldsand tumbleweeds and no trees,
kind of a desert area.
My dad was a cotton farmer.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Cotton farmer.
So what was the city?
Seminole, Seminole.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
Texas Seminole.
Seminole, Little tiny countrytown.
Nothing there but farmers.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Were you helping your father in the field I did yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
So since I'm old enough, some of the certain
technology with cotton farmingwasn't there yet.
So my dad would drive thetractor and what they called
stripping the cotton, and mybrother and I would stand
outside these trailers.
So my dad would drive thetractor and what they called
stripping the cotton and mybrother and I would stand
outside these trailers that wereon wheels, that he would dump
the cotton into the trailers andthen you'd drag it to the gin
(02:35):
to be processed, right Well, andmy brother and I would stand
there until the basket gotpretty full and then we'd climb
up in it and we'd tromped it.
It's called tromping cotton.
So we would jump up and downand smooth and pack the cotton
in there best we could so hecould put a lot of cotton in
there, and my brother wouldalways try to kill me.
He would roll me back in thebasket and my, because we'd see,
(02:57):
we'd know that my dad was aboutto dump more cotton in the
basket and I'd be like okay,okay, we got to climb out, he's,
he's coming, it's getting full,and so my brother would climb
up the ladder first and wait,and then he'd kind of push me
back in the cotton and all that,hundreds of whatever pounds of
cotton would just dump on top ofme.
I wasn't going to die, but Iwas seven, right, and I thought
(03:18):
my dad would have been.
You know, dad had a cigarettehanging out of his mouth driving
tractor.
We were to stay out of the way,right, and I just knew that one
day I would just suffocate inthat cotton and my brother was
kind of mean to me.
You know that's what brothersdo.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
but I survived.
I have to say this thosesouthern farm people, those
small towns, they're rowdy, theyare very rowdy.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
We were tough as nails.
Our parents didn't reallyparent us and you know, we were
out there chasing rattlesnakesdown with a hoe and cutting
their head off first and thencutting the rattle off, and we
had a shoebox full of rattlers,because there was tons of
rattlesnakes everywhere.
But we weren't afraid of them,we were looking for them because
we wanted to get their rattlers.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
So yeah, we were rough and tumble kids.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
Why do you want the rattle?
Because they're just cool.
I mean, if you've ever seen one, you get a really really big
rattlesnake they're really large, and then the littler ones, and
it was just a collection.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
I don't know I'm sure people are like, oh my gosh,
why did you kill?
Speaker 3 (04:20):
all those rattlesnakes.
But yeah, that's just.
It was something you did out onthe farm when there was nothing
else, we had no neighbors toplay with, so it was the
rattlesnakes.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
So you talk about your brother trying to suffocate
you in cotton.
Yep, yep, so you were sevenyears old at that time, usually.
So how was your adolescencelike growing up in a small town?
Speaker 3 (04:46):
So you know small town, everybody knows
everybody's business well when Iwas 13, my parents divorced and
um, of course the whole townknew it and um, I I say that my
my parents when I turned 13because they got married really
young.
My mom was 20 when she had meand they kind of lost their mind
(05:08):
.
I think they felt like they hadmissed out because they got
married so young.
So they both just wanted torelive their adolescence.
So they split when I was 13.
Mom started dating guys muchyounger than her she was a
beautiful woman and my dad, mybrother, when I turned 16, so
there was a lot of turmoil inthose developmental teenage
(05:30):
years, with both of my parentskind of losing their mind and
the whole town knowing they bothstarted partying and acting
like fools when I was 16 and mybrother was 18, my mom and my
dad married a 20-year-old.
So you can imagine I'm 16, 16,my stepmom's 20.
We hated each other, needlessto say, but yeah so adolescence
(05:51):
was rough.
Um, and that same west texastown when you're kind of a rebel
and looking for something to dobecause now the rattlesnakes
aren't entertaining you uh wewould climb.
You know what a pump jack is Idon't?
So a pump jack is.
You've probably seen them likeon tv and stuff.
(06:12):
I don't know if they have themaround here, but it's a big
metal.
It looks like a metal horsethat does this.
It's going up and down and it'spumping oil or gas from under
the big metal thing looks like,you know, like a metal horse,
right?
Speaker 2 (06:24):
yes, so.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
Yes, so we would.
At parties you'd have to.
Everybody would get a keg.
I don't know how we bought kegsat 16, but we could drive
across to the New Mexico acrossthe border and buy a keg at 16.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Nobody had a night.
These country kids, thesecountry kids right.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
And they were just going.
As long as we had the money,they didn't care.
And we would park out by thesepump jacks because there's no
trees, so everybody would meetout pump jack number one, or
pump jack number two, andeverybody would have a party.
A kegger, a kegger, right, yeah.
And then we would climb up thepump jacks and scoot down to the
head of them and ride them likethey were a Six Flags carnival
(07:00):
ride or something.
And you know, of course you'redrunk and you think you're just
invincible and it's fun, eventhough my graduating class,
three years prior to that kidshad done that and got killed,
because it just kind of grindsyou up.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
That's what I thought .
Oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
It's stupid.
There's nothing to hang on to.
It's just a big piece of metalthat you just kind of, and so we
knew kids had died of it.
But it wasn't going to happento us because we were smarter,
right?
I don't.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Yeah, so it's kind of like the shower generation
there's in like New York they dosomething called subway surfing
.
Oh, yes, I've, seen that You'veseen that yes.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
Yeah, so the same thing as city kids would do that
, these are us country kids, we,you know we're going to find
some way to entertain ourselves.
So yeah, so that was myadolescence.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
It was a bit of a mess Rightfully so, though I
mean so.
When I took my psychology class, I took the Erickson's Lifespan
.
When I took my psychology class, I learned about Erickson's
lifespan, development theory.
And then, in adolescence age,you go through role confusion
(08:14):
versus identity, and it seemslike you were going through role
confusion.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
And a lot of people do.
I did the same thing.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
Yeah, and when you don't have some mature adults in
your life to kind of speak intoyour life or help guide you,
which we had, none, you know itwas.
It's a free for all.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Yeah, same for me.
My parents were uninvolved andlike.
I can understand that so, but Iget what you're saying.
I really do a lot in common,just different.
Like scenery, you have thefields.
(08:55):
I have the towns, yeah so whatwas it like when you like heard
that your step mom was like 20years and you were 16 in high
school?
Did anybody come at you forthat?
Speaker 3 (09:14):
Well, there was some obviously in school, some nasty
things said.
I know that they had said oh,didn't your mom used to babysit
her when your mom was younger?
Cruel remarks like oh yeah,your mom used to bounce her on
the bed, now your dad is.
(09:34):
I got all sorts of cruel thingsand as a teenager I'm trying to
make sense and trying to growup, but my parents have lost
their minds and so it was tough.
My mom ended up remarrying gosh, I guess right before my junior
year of high school, and Ididn't like him, but at the
(09:59):
moment he was good for a mom andI was just a mess.
I was just such a rebel and I'dkind of made a.
I was just a mess I was.
I was just such a rebel andjust such a mess.
So when she remarried before myjunior year, they moved to east
Texas almost Louisiana, and soand I was living with my dad and
my 20 year old stepmom at thetime and we were not liking each
other, so I moved in with my.
(10:21):
I moved to east Texas with mymom and her new husband.
Okay and yeah, at least I wasable to finish high school and
graduate without killing myself.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Yeah, when did you join the?
Speaker 3 (10:31):
military.
So you know, I think, when Igraduated high school, for my
parents' poor examples becausethey just struggled paycheck to
paycheck of what to do.
And then my mom no, she wasn'tdivorced yet again.
But so I didn't know anythingabout college and I had nobody
(10:52):
to explain it to me.
But I knew the only way I wasgoing to be able to feed myself
is if I went to college, becausethat was my generation.
Right, get a college degree ofsome sort.
I don't think it's necessarilytrue now, but at the time, just
get college and you won't.
Generation right, get a collegedegree of some sort.
I don't think it's necessarilytrue now, but at the time, just
get college and you won't starve, right.
So my focus and of course youthink about this before the
(11:13):
internet, I would look at thenewspapers because I'm always
working.
I've worked since I was 15.
So I'm looking at the paper andgoing where are they hiring?
And it was always nurses.
It was always the want.
Ads for employment constantlywas nurses.
And I said I'm going to go tocollege and be a nurse and that
(11:35):
kind of was my driving force ishunger, because I needed a way
to support myself.
So that's how I got intocollege, which, again, I had no
idea.
I didn't know how to sign upfor classes.
I didn't know what the creditsmeant, so I was—.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Me too.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
It was tough.
It was tough getting into it,but I got—so I went to college,
changed my major a couple timesand then finally I'm like
nursing is the way.
Not that I have—I think somepeople have great stories of
saying you know, it was acalling I knew all along I was
supposed to be a nurse.
That's not for me.
It was just it was going to bea way to pay my bills.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
So for me it's kind of the same thing.
Like I told you, like myparents weren't really involved.
They put food on the table, solike I had that, you know, and
they bought me things.
But it wasn't like, because myparents got divorced when I was
seven, so there was a few issueshere and there and people
(12:36):
always talking.
I would hear different storiesas a child.
And then it would grow up and Iwould hear the same stories and
I went through that same phasereal confusion versus identity
and I didn't know my identity.
And then I was just like youknow what?
I'm going to join the military,I'm going to do it.
And when I first got there Iwas like what the hell did?
Speaker 3 (12:59):
I just do, it does everybody.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Can you elaborate more on the nursing job like a
cna?
Speaker 3 (13:08):
job, so have I worked .
I was in houston at the time inof nursing school and they had
if you were already in a nursingprogram you got hired on like a
cna, but it was, as they callit, student nurse assistant and
so it was a CNA job.
So I was, and you think aboutthis was 89 and 90 those years I
(13:30):
worked.
So I was looking at thehospital.
They were wanting studentnurses and the seventh floor of
this little hospital in Houstonwas the AIDS floor.
So this is 89, 90, the peak ofthe AIDS epidemic and all this
and everybody was stillterrified.
Everybody was so, still weren'tsure, like, oh, can you get it?
Just by somebody coughing onyou that has AIDS, you know they
?
Just there was still a lot offear there and I said, oh,
(13:56):
you'll pay me an extra dollar anhour to work on the AIDS floor.
Of course I'm trying to feedmyself and pay for college.
Sign me up.
So I worked on the AIDS unitand it paid $9.20 an hour, which
was good money back then as astudent nurse.
So I worked on the age unit,went to school full time and
(14:17):
then once I started into heavierclinicals in nursing school, it
was so demanding I felt like mygrades were starting to drop.
So I went to a recruiter'soffice.
I said, well, if I join themilitary maybe they'll help me.
And I went to Air Forcerecruiter and they're like well,
we'll pay you a sign on bonusonce you graduate nursing school
.
But I was like no, I need moneyto pay bills now.
(14:41):
I can't wait.
I'm not going to get throughnursing school if I have to keep
working like this.
And so the Navy had a programand it was called the BDCP
program, which stood for abachelor degree completion
program, and so if you were innursing school, they would pay
you.
You got, you were, I guess,enlisted as an E3.
So I got E3 pay, I had fullhealth coverage and all that.
(15:05):
And then when I graduatednursing school, I was going to
owe them four years.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
So it was a great program, it's like a trade-off?
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
Yeah, I was like.
You know, there was a height ofnursing shortage at that time.
So when I graduated, all myfriends from nursing school were
like oh, you're an idiot, youknow.
They said they're getting thesehuge sign-on bonuses and
getting to choose where theywant to work.
I was stuck going to whereverthe Navy told me to go and I was
(15:35):
getting paid a lot less thanthem.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Well, let's explain it, let's go a little further
than that.
What year?
Speaker 3 (15:42):
was this.
I graduated nursing school in91.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
That's like close to the Gulf War.
I think that is the Gulf War,yeah, because it was 90.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
And so I was considered, quote, quote, active
duty at 90, but I I was innursing school okay, and when
you graduated, what was like?
Speaker 2 (16:02):
it wasn't a culture shock.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
When you joined the navy.
It was, you know, I have noneof.
Well, I'd had a couple unclesbut didn't really know them, had
done a little bit of servicebut we weren't like a big.
Everybody in the family was inthe military.
My dad was like mad at me, mymom was, everybody was angry
like why are you doing this?
And I'm thinking you weren'toffering to help me pay for
college.
You know, I really didn't havea choice.
(16:25):
So again, it was all driven by.
I'm not going to take out loans, I'm not going to ask for money
, I'm going to do this myself.
So my first assignment was inOakland, california.
Back then there was a big Navyhospital, oak Knoll, and that
was a culture shock.
I'd lived in Texas my wholelife and here I was, 22, going
(16:48):
off to California.
They assigned me to a med-surgunit.
They assigned me to a med-surgunit, you know, 22, I was an
officer, so I was an ensign,like 01.
And I've got these corpsmen.
The enlisted were like themedics in the Army, your
corpsmen, and you know some ofthem older than me, and they're,
yes, ma'am, and saluting me.
(17:08):
And I'm thinking, how did I gethere?
What am I doing?
Oh, you were getting saluted.
Get here, what?
What am I doing?
Oh, you were getting saluted.
Yeah, because I was an officer.
An officer, okay, yep, I was anofficer, I was no one funny
story.
So if you graduate, if you'relike a nurse, a doctor, dentist,
attorney, those high demand,that's hard to get them into the
(17:31):
military.
You go to ois, which is officerindoctrination school, and it's
six weeks and they teach youhow to, you know, be an officer.
And so we get there and they'relike okay, this is your uniform
, we have all these classes togo through and this is how you
salute.
And it's just, it's hilarious.
So I'm walking across thegrinder there where we'd have to
(17:55):
march, and an OCS student NowOCS, those are going to be your
line officers, so they're goingthrough.
They're not officers yet,they're officers in training.
Well, one passed me and hesaluted me.
I'd never been saluted in mylife.
So I waved at him and I hearhim laughing as he's walking
past me.
He's like a new ensign that hasno idea what they're doing.
(18:19):
And after he passed, I'm like,oh my gosh, that was my first
salute and I missed it.
You know I waved at him.
I'm an idiot, so it was kind offunny, but um yeah.
So I've went to California, wasworking as a nurse.
You know, just got my asshanded to me learning what to be
(18:39):
as an officer and as a brandnew nurse.
It was quite the adventure.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
What was the physical training like, and when you got
out of the nursing school part,did you have to go through a
certain type of boot camp orlike OCS, the OCS?
Speaker 3 (18:56):
It was OCS.
So I graduated from nursingschool on a Friday.
That Monday I was in Newport,rhode Island, going through OIS
and you know we had physicaltherapy, we had some PT to do.
Of course you went through bootcamp.
So I didn't have to go throughboot camp so they didn't yell at
us and they didn't scream at us.
So I didn't have to go throughboot camp so they didn't yell at
us and they didn't scream at us.
We did have to exercise butthey couldn't scream and yell
(19:18):
because we were allprofessionals and we wouldn't
have taken it.
You know we're like, no, I'llgo somewhere else and make twice
as much money.
So it was a little different.
Yeah, my, my husband, when youtalk to Chris, he'll laugh
because he went, went to bootcamp.
He was an enlisted.
(19:38):
Oh, you know, yeah, he was, hewas a medic.
So of he laughs about oh,you're club med, ois, you're
going through the navy.
So it wasn't club med, but youknow we did, it was fun and what
was world island like?
it was so cool it's.
You know that's the only timeI've ever been there.
I've always wanted to go back.
Um, it's beautiful, and I wentin the summer, so you know, the
season was a perfect time to bethere.
I skipped out on my militarylaw classes and would go sailing
(20:01):
and I'd have somebody sign mein.
This is before computers, right?
I'm like sign me in for thatclass I'm going down and doing
so.
I embraced being a Navy officer100 percent by learning how to
sail.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
It seems like that's I, I, uh.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
I was gonna like do green to gold.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
That's called like switching from enlisted officer.
I was going to do that when Igot to the like special forces
that was my plan, like, but Iwanted to pass special forces
and then I wanted to like becomea Green Beret and all those
things, but unfortunately youdon't got it.
Speaker 3 (20:40):
You had different plans, yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
So when you got to Oakland were you assigned to a
certain ship.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
No.
So as a nurse in the Navy, it'spretty hard to get on a ship
because because there's just fewand far between you think of a
carrier.
So a navy carrier has probably5 000 people working on the ship
.
That's a little town yeah, alittle small town, right.
And those carriers, there's onenurse and it's an
administrative role and then theidc's independent duty corpsman
(21:12):
, your chiefs, you know yourhigher ranking enlisted.
They're doing most of all themedical work and you're just
administratively kind of beingover stuff.
So I knew my chances of gettinga carrier were probably.
You know, most nurses in theNavy can go through the whole
time and never step foot on aship because you're in hospitals
(21:32):
, you're in clinics and otherthings.
So after Oakland then I hadmarried my college sweetheart
and I was young and stupid and Ijust married him because he was
model material and he had lotsof muscles, but he was a real
jerk Junkie wars.
(21:53):
Yeah, he was all that and it wasjust pure lust, right.
The marriage was so.
We were married two years andthen he found a girl when we
moved to California.
That was prettier than me, sohe dumped me like a rock, but in
California.
So I was like, oh, I'm going tobe one of those Navy people I'm
(22:18):
going to leave a so um.
So I left and went uh, nextassignment was Guam.
And, um, so after my divorce, Ifeel like a failure and just an
idiot and you know all theseself-talk that you do to
yourself.
And, um, I, I called thedetailer.
They help you find your nextassignment.
And I said where's the furthestplace in the world you can send
me?
And she said, well, and at thistime I'm an ICU nurse.
(22:40):
And she said, well, with yourexperience, she goes.
I could send you to DiegoGarcia, and that's a little
island in the middle of theIndian Ocean.
We've got a Navy hospital thereand it just has two flight
nurses.
And she goes you with your ICU,you could become a flight nurse
and we could send you there.
And I said sign me up.
And she said, well, it's on arotation, so the next rotation
(23:04):
is not for another six months,but I'll put you in in six
months to rotate there.
And I'm like, no, I just got adivorce, I'm mad at the world, I
need to get out of California.
So she goes.
Well, I could send you to Guamand I go.
What's Guam?
I'd never heard of it.
So, again, I'm in this country.
(23:25):
You know, girl, this farmer'sdaughter, I don't.
I just got out of Texas, I'm inCalifornia, I know nothing.
And so she sent me and I thinkI was gone in about six weeks.
I was off to Guam and I workedICU there in Guam and that's
where I met my current husband.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
You know I was going to get to that?
Yeah, Because Nick, yourstepson, told me that you guys
got married in Guam.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
Well, we met in Guam.
Oh, you met in Guam.
We met in Guam, we workedtogether.
I'm going to have to correctthat young man.
So, no, we met in Guam andstarted going out and again, I
was at not a real good spot inmy life.
I was kind of mad and I'm aChristian.
(24:17):
I grew up knowing who God wasat a very young age and I know
how I'm supposed to live andoften I just go to the opposite
of what I'm supposed to do and Iam the biggest sinner.
You'd meet right and especiallythrough my adolescence and
young adulthood, I chose thewrong path.
Often, through my adolescenceand young adulthood, I chose the
wrong path often and evenknowing, knowing that I was
(24:39):
deeply loved by God and he waswatching me, I often went the
wrong direction and I think helaughs at me sometimes.
(25:01):
He knows how incrediblystubborn I am.
And so Chris and I met with mein a and not in a good state of,
and then we find out that andwe were kind of I don't know.
I was like are we going to staytogether?
I'll probably never get marriedagain.
All men are jerks.
I'm just going to have fun andparty and I don't care, right
that was kind of my attitude andthat's how we met.
Well, then we find out that he'sgoing to be a daddy and this
whole thing, because it's a longstory.
(25:23):
But he was in the military andthen he in the Navy.
He went to Great Lakes toprocess out and in his
processing out guess what?
There was a baby created thatwe didn't know about.
And so when this all came out Ithink I've told Nick this
several times I 100% believethat there's never a child born
(25:47):
by mistake or accident ever, andI've told Nick this when he was
little I said you know, ittakes two adults to consent to
sex, but then it takes apowerful God that breathes your
spirit.
If God chooses not to breathe aspirit, because I'm more than
this flesh and blood.
I am who I really am.
(26:07):
Who I truly am is my spirit,and that was breathed by God.
And I said Nick, god wanted youhere, and Nick's our little
angel, because the reality ofhim coming into our life changed
mine and Chris's mindset.
(26:27):
Nick's not your stepson, he ismy stepson.
Oh, he is your stepson, he is.
And so when we found out thatChris was a daddy, life got real
serious.
All of a sudden, life wasserious because a human was
coming into this world that wasChris's son.
And what were we going to doabout it?
(26:51):
I know there's nothing that youwould tell me different, that
God didn't plan that, because Ithink I was probably headed to
self-destruction and partying,and partying and I was just
being an idiot, and the gravityand the heaviness and the
bigness of a human life, that Iknew that God permitted, that
(27:13):
there was no mistake, that God,I knew that God permitted that
there was no mistake.
So we, chris and I at that time, we said, okay, what are we
going to do?
You know, there's this littleboy and that's your son.
What are we going to do?
And so we prayed about it.
Life got serious.
We got, we found a church, wehad friends praying for us.
What are we supposed to do?
(27:35):
And I had orders that I wassupposed to be leaving Guam and
now Chris is out of the militaryat this time.
And then I was supposed to goto Tennessee More kind of an
administrative type job thereand we said we can't because
this little boy is going to bein Illinois and we would just be
(28:02):
financial parents, we wouldjust send money, but we wouldn't
be able to be involved in hislife.
So I called the detailer andsaid if you can get me in Great
Lakes, I'll stay in the military, but if you can't get me to
Great Lakes, I'm resigning mycommission and getting out of
the Navy.
That's how serious.
We were just going to move towhere Nick was, and so she
canceled my Tennessee orders andgave me Great Lakes orders.
And we moved to Great Lakes andbegan having Nick every weekend
and became as much involved aswe could in his life and that
(28:26):
was the best thing we could haveever done.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
Yeah yeah, that's a beautiful story.
Honestly, I didn't expect that.
I mean a little't expect thatyeah.
I mean a little tearjerkerright there.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
Well, and you know, I tell Nick all the time I'm like
, man, god put you in my lifeand the first Nick was 11 months
old when the first time I gotto hold him.
And I've never.
You know, they say love atfirst sight.
You know I never had that withany guy I ever met, but it was
(28:59):
love at first sight.
I mean, like when I held him,like he was my son just as much
as his mom's To me.
I'm like I gave birth to him.
I'm like how could you ever inyour life love anybody more than
?
And then God blessed us withchildren, you know, and you
think, oh, okay, I love thischild so much, there's no way I
(29:20):
could love another.
And then God increases yourcapacity and you're like, okay,
I can love two at a time.
And then, and then God givesyou another and like your
capacity, it doesn't make sense,I mean, and from our mind, but
like God is, he just increasesyour capacity for love and for
forgiveness and and so, yeah,and me and Nick's mom have a
(29:41):
great relationship and, um, itwasn't always that way.
There was difficult years, uh,a lot of emotions involved and
stuff like that but, always,always, it's always, it's always
rough, but it's all worth it,right?
Speaker 2 (29:56):
There's this crazy thing we have a roller coaster
called life.
We do.
You've got your ups and downs,your swirls and all that stuff.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
Usually it ends and then you stay, and then it just
goes again.
It does it does.
How long were you in themilitary?
20 years.
So there's two things I want totalk about that I kind of think
it's really badass like youhave a scuba license.
I do advanced diver yeah yeah,that's what oh man that I look
(30:32):
up to very much he has.
He was in the military as well.
He went to scuba school in KeyWest.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
So much fun.
It's funny because growing upin West Texas, where there's no
lakes or rivers or anything, Iwas always a little timid around
water.
We'd go water skiing when I wasa teenager and I could water
ski, I could swim, but I was alittle timid around the water
where my brother and sister wereboth like fish.
(31:01):
They would just jump to it.
So when I got scuba certified,my family was like you're what,
you're going underwater andyou're what?
And I'm like I will scuba diveover swim any day.
I said, because you got my eyes, aren't you know?
I've got the mask on, sothere's no water in my eyes.
There's no water in my nose.
(31:21):
I've got a little breather.
I'm breathing my air.
No water's getting out of mymouth.
I've got fins so I can, likeyou know superhuman, go through
the water.
I'm like I'll scuba dive allday, but I don't really care to
swim.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
Now were you close to your family this whole time.
Speaker 3 (31:38):
You know I would keep in touch with them, yeah.
And you know, my mom remarriedand then divorced, and then my
dad had several differentgirlfriends and then he ended up
marrying my mom just recentlydied.
She died in February February30th in February, I'm still
grieving.
Grief is a bizarre, bizarrething.
(32:01):
And I was reading a book by CSLewis on his grief when his wife
died and he said you know, whensomebody that you love dies, so
they're're not here on earth inyour brain, it takes a while to
catch up with that, especiallyI'm 57 years old.
(32:21):
So for 57 years I've had my momand we were not always close in
miles, but I could pick up thephone, I could text her and then
her absence like so you stilllove the person that died, right
, you don't quit loving them.
But that love doesn't knowwhere to go.
There's nowhere for it to land.
And I never understood that,because my mom grieved her mom
(32:43):
and dad and her brother and I'dalways say are we not enough?
I mean, what about us, thegrandkids, the great, are we not
enough to fill that void?
And it's not that you're notenough, it's just that love is
for that person and so it kindof floats around it.
It's un that you're not enough,it's just that love is for that
person and so it kind of floatsaround it.
It's unguided love for my momand it just kind of lands on
everything and it just I don'tknow where to put it because
(33:06):
it's for her, so that that griefis very real and it's um
walking through that and I think, with my faith of knowing I
will see her again in heaven,because we are spirits, we're
not flesh and blood.
Only that's a comfort, but itdoesn't take away.
I mean, I still cry every day alittle bit.
(33:27):
It's not as long, and then thewhole grieving process, and then
I'm mad.
It's still right at the surfaceand and I think it'll, it'll be
with me forever.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
You know just, I can have joy and happiness and good
times, but that, that grief man,it's, it's a lot so like first
of all, I'm very sorry for youand last year my stepdad passed
away and it was strange to meBecause he was like an alcoholic
(34:03):
, but he was like a super niceguy.
He would get his shirt off withhis back, you know, and like it
was hard for me, like I neverlike it was hard for me.
It's like like I didn't I neverlike cried or anything.
Like I'm very hard with likegrief and stuff.
Like a lot of my friends passedaway with overdoses and stuff
(34:28):
and like when my stepdad passedaway, like my mom was just like
crying on the phone FaceTimingme, and I'm just stoic and I
don't know how to react.
So what I did was, when I hungup the phone with my mom, I
(34:48):
played his favorite song.
Oh, I love that.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
And I was like maybe this can get me closer and it
did.
I love that, yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:56):
and I was like maybe this can get me closer and it
did.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
I love it.
What I would do is I wouldthink of all the happy times I
had with him.
You know, like I, I'm not afuneral person.
Yeah, I don't really like goingto funerals because I like
thinking of like the happy timesI had with that person.
So I mean it was hard, so likeit still is a little bit.
(35:20):
I told my buddy because we usedto party in his garage and he
was awesome.
He was just an awesome dude,super nice to my family.
He treated us like his kidsLove that.
And he nice to my family liketreat, treat us like his kids,
yeah, um, and he, he died in themost cruel way oh, no I know
(35:42):
it's a bone cancer.
He didn't even know.
Oh, he went to the doctor andthey're like yeah, you're
covered, you're gonna die in 48hours.
Wow, yeah, yeah, wow.
And it's like it's stilldifficult to this day, but I try
to think of the happy times.
Speaker 3 (36:02):
I had with him.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
You know like he like came to my court when I got my
blue cord for infantry.
You know my graduation yeah,you know he was always there for
me.
so I um, it's uh and I I had, Ihadn't seen him in like three
years, so that was another thingyeah, that like like it just
(36:26):
like hit me, like like a ton ofbricks, but I, I um, like you
said he was, was a spirit.
I still feel his spiritAbsolutely and I have a blanket
that he gave me.
Well, I think I stole it fromhim, I can't remember.
Speaker 3 (36:44):
Did you really give it or did you just acquire it?
Speaker 2 (36:47):
It's a Mexican wool blanket because he was Mexican.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
He was from Texas as well, okay, okay, oh, wow, so he
was from Texas as well, okayokay, he's a Longhorns fan.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
Oh, wow, yeah, so he was from Texas as well, I love
that.
And he had this like amazingblanket and I have pictures of
it like when I was in themilitary.
I love that.
I have pictures of it like whenI was, like you know, growing
up, and I have it in my roomright now.
Speaker 3 (37:18):
See, and I think you've got it, that is exactly
with grief, like it's.
I think I've had to learn that.
Talk about her, of the funnythings she did or said, and like
these rings are hers that.
I'm wearing and like, I justwear them and look at them and
touch them and I'm like and justremember all the, the good
(37:39):
stuff and that their spirit'sstill with us.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
Yeah, it's weird that tangible object.
Can you like bring it closer?
Speaker 3 (37:46):
It does.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Absolutely so.
Well, so you end up, so let'slike circle back.
Okay, so you see, so you end upmoving to Grayslake because
they gave you Grayslake correct.
And you served your 20 years.
Nick told me that you were in avery high position in the
(38:08):
military.
Speaker 3 (38:10):
Is that correct?
I retired as a commander, whichis a commander.
I was an O5 when I retired, sofor the Army that's lieutenant
colonel.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
yeah that's colonel smith to me.
That's the guy I was talkingabout.
Yeah, yeah, he was my oldbattalion commander, so how many
people did you have?
Speaker 3 (38:29):
under you.
Um gosh, it depends on, like,where I was, that I, when I was
on the ship, so ended up did.
I did get on a hospital ship.
It was just a three, threemonth Pacific tour of when we
were in Germany, so so circleback, so 10 years yeah.
So 10 years active duty and thenstarted having babies and so I
(38:50):
got off active duty and rolledto be in a reservist.
Got off active duty and rolledto be in a reservist and while I
was in the reserves we wereliving in East Texas and I would
do my drill weekends inShreveport, louisiana.
There's so much I mean, chrisand I need to write a book.
So we were both working in theER as nurses civilian but then I
(39:18):
was in charge of the reserveunit in Louisiana, so one
weekend a month I'd do that.
And then we owned restaurantsand we were raising babies and
homeschooling the kids and wewould yeah, it was, we were
idiots, but we were.
We were just super crazy busyand so I got called to active
duty.
I was running betweenrestaurants.
I had gone to one to pick up acase of pepperoni to bring it
(39:40):
back to the other.
I get a call from BUMED and hegoes how would you like to go to
a one-year all-paid vacation toGermany?
And I said no, thank you, I amreally busy with restaurants and
I work at the ER and I'm in myunit.
And he said well, we, you, I'mreally busy with restaurants and
I work at the ER and I'm in myunit and he said, well, we're
looking for ER nurses and I'vegot 12 nurses on my list and I
(40:02):
need six.
And I said, well, I'm acommander and I'm expensive, so
find you a cheap Lieutenantnurse, and you know you send
them.
And he said, well, if I can'tfind anybody that that meets the
spot, I'm going to call youback and you're going to have to
go.
I said, well, I'm sure you canfind a cheaper person, cheaper
nurse than me.
(40:22):
And he called back three dayslater and said pack your bags,
you're going to Germany in sixweeks.
And so at the time and this ismaybe Chris can tell you this
part we were living in therestaurant, because there's so
much to unpack it's hard to say.
Speaker 2 (40:39):
When you lived in a restaurant.
Speaker 3 (40:45):
We had to live in the restaurant because there's so
much.
We had two small pizzarestaurants and we were doing
all the crazy living in thehouse and ER pizza restaurants
reserve the crazy living in thehouse and er pizza restaurants
reserve.
And then I had to go topensacola to work at the navy
hospital for a three-monthlittle special job there and
while I was gone and left chrisunattended and I've learned you
(41:06):
don't leave him unattendedbecause he gets into stuff.
And when I get back after thethree months, of course he had
all the kids and was doing thathe goes I found a restaurant in
indiana and it's a bargain andwe're moving to indiana.
We're going to run this newrestaurant.
It's fine dining, it's got amartini lounge, it's really cool
.
And I was like oh my gosh.
(41:26):
And so we put the sisters incharge of the larger pizza
restaurant.
We sold the small pizzarestaurant to friends and we it
was amazing, it was the best, weonly used quality ingredients.
It's a pro, it's a pro.
Speaker 2 (41:47):
I'm not saying he's a pro, that's definitely a pro.
Speaker 3 (41:52):
Free pizza?
We did.
We ate lots of pizza.
We had lots of good food.
We were never lacking in thefood area, and so that's one
thing you're worried about.
No, and we and I, they wastotally taken care of.
So my husband has theentrepreneur type I'm not as big
of a risk taker as he is, but Ikind of jump on some of his
risk and it's been fun.
(42:12):
But so we put everything inplace, put friends to rent our
house from us quote, you know,friends of a friends of a friend
thought we'd take, they'd takecare of the house.
We moved to indiana.
We changed everything over.
Well, this was not pizza, thiswas steak and lobster, fine
dining, and we hired a new chef.
We changed the menu.
We got live bands in.
In about nine months we weretotally broke and it ate us
(42:40):
alive.
So we closed.
What year is this?
It was 2009.
Speaker 1 (42:48):
Okay, 2009.
Speaker 3 (42:50):
Seven something like that.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
That's when the crash happened.
The stock market crash.
Okay, so no, no, no, it wasbefore that, no, no, it was 2005
.
That's when the crash happened.
The stock market crash.
Okay, so no, no, no, it wasbefore that, no no, it was 2005.
Speaker 3 (43:00):
That's right, 2005.
I'm getting, yeah, 2005.
And so we lost lots of money,all our savings.
You know we could always dothese things because we both had
good W-2, you know, working asnurses, being in the military.
We had money to risk and wealways lived below our means.
(43:21):
We didn't drive fancy cars oranything, didn't have a fancy
house, so we invested it inrestaurants and different things
.
This restaurant smacked us, youknow, taught us a big lesson,
so we closed the door.
Everybody in the world wassuing us from the lease.
People were leasing thebuilding from to everybody in
the world.
Everybody was after us and wehad no money.
So we moved back to Texas andthe house we rented to the
(43:41):
friends of the friend of friendhad destroyed the house beyond
living in.
And so our one restaurant wehad left, which was the big
pizza place we had a roomattached to it was called the
Tuscany room and you could rentit out for parties and stuff.
So I got there, chris wasdealing with legal problems and
(44:03):
us being broke again, and I wentback to Texas and told the
manager of that place.
I said I'm renting a storageshed.
We're moving all the tables andchairs out call, cancel all the
parties for the next year.
I said we're going to live,live in the Tuscany room because
our house is destroyed beyondliving in and we're broke and we
got to start over.
So we moved into the Tuscanyroom and the kids their memory,
(44:25):
they think it was so much funbecause there was no, it was
just one big empty room and soall our beds were lined up and
we'd all sit up and go goodnight, good night, good night,
and we'd all lay down.
It was just like it was thefunniest.
They think, oh, that was somuch fun.
And then we could just go intothe restaurant and we would just
go to get whatever we wanted.
You know, the cook would makeus whatever and I'm like, oh my
(44:47):
gosh, if you only knew what anightmare.
So this is the living conditionwe're in when I You're going to
Germany.
You got six weeks, so I packedup my bags, chris and the kids
took me to the airport and, withthe problems we went through in
(45:08):
Indiana and that restaurant andthe financial strain and the
lawsuits and everything that wasgoing on, it was very stressful
on our marriage, if you canimagine, and I felt like.
I felt like God was trying tocrush me.
I was like I didn't know.
I thought like, is God mad atme?
(45:30):
Did I do something wrong?
I was like, because all of this, we're living in a restaurant
and then you're going to sayyou've got to leave your
children and your husband,you're going to be gone for a
year to Germany.
I mean like it to me.
And so when, when I got on thatplane and that was you could
walk somebody all the way toboard the plane, right, and
Chris and the kids were thereand I remember walking down
there, I'm like I don't thinkI'll come back, I'll finish up
(45:51):
this.
They can raise the kids.
I'm done, I'm done, I'm, I'mdone.
I mean that's kind of I justdidn't know how I could manage.
You know, there was just toomuch to think about.
And looking back now I go okay,god rescued me.
He pulled me out because heknew I was at a breaking point,
(46:12):
and so I got to Germany and Iworked.
It was called the DWIMIC is whatwe called it Deployed Wounded
Warrior Management Center.
Deployed Wounded WarriorManagement Center.
And so all the Army nurses thisis an Army hospital and it's a
launch tool and all the Armynurses were deployed to Iraq,
(46:38):
afghanistan, and so they sent.
They didn't have extra Armynurses deployed to Iraq,
afghanistan, and so they didn'thave extra Army nurses.
So they sent a group of us Navynurses that had the ER skill
and we were kind of like inthese trailers outside the ER
and we ran this 24-hour serviceof bringing all the wounded guys
from the Horn of Africa, bagram, wherever they were at overseas
(47:01):
, and we'd process them here.
We loaded up these buses wemade into two-tier ambulances so
they'd bring the wounded intoAnderson.
Speaker 2 (47:13):
I'm sorry the Air Force Base.
I'm sorry, so these are thepeople that were hurt more.
They would go to Germany, Iremember it like that I remember
that vaguely.
They were saying if you gethurt, you're going to Germany,
You're going to Germany.
Speaker 3 (47:28):
So we were there processing that you could get
blown up and lose all four limbs, and they could save you I mean
you would live, but then theywould wrap them up of they could
save you.
I mean you would live, but thenthey would wrap them up, send
them to bagram, do a couple ofsurgeries, get them stable
enough to send them to us ingermany.
And so of it was a um, it waslike a controlled mass casualty
(47:53):
daily of bringing woundedwarriors, some mental, some, you
know small things, but stillcouldn't be there that needed to
come out of that was probablythe hardest and we would.
So you would either meet the busand kind of eyeball as people
were coming in, making sure theywere going yes, he needs to go
(48:14):
to the ic or no, this person,you know.
We need to switch things up, soyou kind of triage and real
quick to see make sure everybodywas going to the right place.
Um, yeah, it was.
It was a challenging job but Ican imagine very rewarding, I
can imagine.
Speaker 2 (48:29):
Uh, if you like, save a soldier too, like that's like
the best feeling.
Speaker 3 (48:35):
Oh, yeah, I mean, and that was a hard going, you know
, you see a Marine that has hadhis legs blown off and saying,
hey, can they fit me withprosthesis so I can go back?
I hate leaving my guys andyou're like what I mean?
That was the spirit, that wastheir mentality.
It is, you guys are.
Just it's a different as afemale and as a nurse, I'm not.
(48:55):
That's not me as a female andas a nurse, that's not me.
But I want to take care ofthose that are doing that,
because it's amazing.
It's amazing.
I can't wrap my mind around it.
So it was my privilege to carefor all the wounded guys and
gals.
Speaker 2 (49:11):
Yeah, so you get back from Germany.
Nick told me recently that youhad breast cancer twice.
Yeah, and when did this occur?
Speaker 3 (49:28):
first.
So that was in 2018, was thefirst time and I had worked a
shift as a nurse and I wasretired.
I'd worked a shift as a nurseand I had I was retired out of
the Navy because I retired fromthe Navy in 2013.
So now I'm working civilian andI had put my pajamas on and I
(49:51):
my hair was long at the time andI kind of brushed my hair off
my shoulder and I'm like there'sa little what's that.
So I found the lump.
Now I had changed jobs and hadmissed my mammogram, but I was
pretty good at I'm take.
I try to take care of myself,right.
But, I'd missed one, just thebusyness of life.
And uh got in right away andsure enough, yeah, it was cancer
(50:11):
.
It had moved to my lymph node,um, so it removed all the lymph
nodes and they did, so it didsurgery.
I just went ahead as a nurse.
I was like, okay, if this isgoing to, I don't want this to
kill me.
You know, you're all of asudden faced with mortality and
I'd had a friend die of breastcancer.
So I know it is lethal but it'streatable if you get it early.
(50:32):
Mine wasn't early, but itwasn't super late, um, and so
what surgery?
Uh, to be something like thatyeah and I'm not an oncology
nurse.
So I was like just a regularcivilian.
I would say yes, I'm a nurse,but I know nothing about cancer.
You know, and I've never workedthat area.
(50:52):
I've worked with young guysthat get blown up and stuff.
I don't you know.
So that was a learning curve forme.
But I said let's be aggressive.
You know the bilateralmastectomy, let's cut everything
off, let's not have any.
So again I'm thinking, I'mtaking care of this.
So cancer so it came back in 23, which I would was like what
(51:15):
you know.
I did everything they told meto do, I did the surgery, I did
radiation.
That's why I have this chroniccough, kind of messed up one of
my lungs did you do radiation?
Like what you know, I dideverything they told me to do.
I did the surgery, I didradiation.
That's why I have this chroniccough.
It kind of messed up one of mylungs.
Did you do radiation?
The first time I did I did, andso that was kind of another,
like okay, now is it going tokill me.
You know, like now is this thetime.
(51:35):
So, facing that, you know, youstart start going.
What do I need to do different?
And and you know, and I alsothink health care has changed
after covid, like nobody truststhe health care system anymore
because we, we didn't manage itwell, we as a system, as health
care, workers it was mismanaged.
But we didn't know.
You know, we, we had no idea.
(51:56):
We, we did not know, nobodyknew it.
How could have anybody known?
But so going through cancer atpre-covid and post-covid was a
little bit different.
So this time I went, I had todo surgery and chemo and of
course I have to show you 23 in23.
I'll show you pictures of melater of when I was bald.
(52:19):
So this is since May of 23,.
My hair that's grown back.
So it's grown back pretty fast,thank you, and it came back a
totally different color.
I was always kind of a dirtyblonde and now I'm like what's
this?
It's like salt and pepper.
Speaker 2 (52:33):
I don't know Very chic.
Very chic right and I'm like,okay, I'll take salt and pepper.
That's amazing that you had thestrength to go through that.
I mean, like I don't know howserious cancer is at times.
But then, like I find out, whenI was like holy crap, like this
(52:55):
is like a serious thing andbreast cancer is no joke.
And for you to beat it twice, Ihave one question I was going
to ask you.
Have you ever been mad at God?
Speaker 3 (53:11):
Oh, yeah, oh yeah.
He's big enough he can handlemy anger.
Speaker 2 (53:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (53:17):
I've been mad at God before and I've told him, and
you know you said oh, you're sostrong, you beat this twice.
Well, I am a wimp and aweakling.
I know only by God's help thatI've gone through this.
But yeah, I've had that angerof like why, why did I get it
(53:39):
the first time, why am I gettingit a second time?
And I kind of this last timecame to why not me?
I mean, like, am I better thansomebody else?
I'm not.
Why not?
I have done nothing in my life,that you know.
And I used to have thatconversation because my mom
smoked her whole life, you knowshe started smoking when she was
13, and she never had a coughin her life.
(54:00):
I had this chronic cough fromradiation.
I'm like, why is that so unfair?
You've got great lungs andyou're still smoking, mom, and I
have this wimpy lung because Ihad cancer and you know it's
easy to get into those.
But then I've kind of reversedit and said you know, I've had
(54:23):
other Christians say to me, youknow, oh well, god knew that you
were strong enough that youcould do it.
And I said I kind of flippedthings on the head.
I said I think he knows what astubborn person I am and he
knows how weak I am.
So I don't think he made mebecause he's a loving God, but I
think he allows things and Ithink he allowed it because he
(54:45):
knows me and if that kept me inhumility and in submission to
the kingdom and I live in akingdom and he's the king and I
choose to honor him I don'talways do it, it I'm always
missing the mark, right.
But you go back and say he is aloving god, why does he allow
things?
(55:05):
Like I'm saying you're thetoughest guy I've probably ever
met in my life.
Just watching your podcast andstuff I'm like how do you keep
your spirit up?
How do you?
Speaker 2 (55:15):
I mean, I asked the question because I've been mad.
I got a lot, sure, a lot, a lotof things that came to me like
deception from the closestpeople you think there are in my
life.
Like, even from the beginning,like I used to, I feel like I
was dating a girl that I thoughtwas the one and then I got car
(55:36):
accident.
Car accident and she's gone twomonths later when I was in the
hospital, you know, so like, andthat just tests you.
It tests you, yes, and then youjust keep getting tests and
tests and tests, and then like,and then you kind of like find
(55:56):
like this, like middle ground,and then you start progressing.
So for me it was like, okay,I'm going to use my voice,
because a lot of people say I'man inspiration.
I don't like to hear that.
I like to hear that.
I motivate people.
That's my biggest thing I liketo hear.
And they say I'm an inspirationand I sit here and I'm like I
(56:20):
didn't an inspiration and I sithere and I'm like I didn't go to
war, I didn't do this, I didn'tdo that.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, I'm just sitting in achair.
What makes me such aninspiration?
Do you know what I mean?
Like, and then uh, but I alwayshear it and I uh, I guess I've
accepted it.
So, but I, I do know that I doknow how to motivate people
(56:42):
because I was a team leader inthe military.
Yeah, and.
I was only in the military for ayear and a half Like active and
then like a lot of it.
Like if I didn't go to themilitary and this happened to me
A lot of it Like if I didn't goto the military and this
happened to me I don't know if Iwould have been able to like
(57:05):
have the intestinal fortitude toget through this.
And one thing I wanted to sayabout you, Michelle, is that
this podcast, like this wholepodcast, from when it started,
with your parents splitting up,you wanted to eat like and like
you're like, I just need to eat,so let me do this.
You had trouble with likefinding college and stuff
(57:27):
because, like I mean you, youdidn't have like anybody to help
you do it.
You know you didn't, I didn'tknow I had to go to a guidance
counselor, you know, right,right.
So you want this podcast.
The topic, topic, the.
The theme of the this podcastis resilience really resilient
(57:48):
resilience.
you are a very resilient personlike, and you're still living
life to the max with your family.
I'm blessed to know Nick.
I've known him for probably 15years.
Speaker 3 (58:09):
I don't know if he told you yeah, I know that you
guys go way back and I'm like heis again man.
God's always had a plan on hislife and I've always known that
and my life would not look thesame if Nick wasn't part of it.
Speaker 2 (58:24):
I know that, yeah, and like another thing about,
like the theme of this podcastis like God, has a plan
Absolutely.
And like one thing I always sayto people is you have to suffer
to succeed.
Speaker 3 (58:38):
And you know what?
The one thing in the Bible ittells us we will do Suffer.
I mean it's over and over.
I've got in my notes, likegoing through cancer, these both
times and I can share them withyou.
I have all of these scriptureand it's all about suffering.
But you can suffer good, but itis very much part of the fallen
(59:01):
world that we live in.
Speaker 2 (59:03):
We know on earth we will suffer yeah, definitely
will suffer, and you mentionedbefore the podcast I went to go
see jordan peterson.
He's all about not embracingsuffering but knowing that
you're going to suffer in life.
Yep, yep, yep, yep, uh, but uh,it's been amazing having you on
(59:25):
the podcast.
Speaker 3 (59:26):
Thank you.
Thanks for having me, yeah.
Speaker 2 (59:28):
I, uh, I learned a lot more than I thought.
I didn't know you were a rowdy,uh, teenager.
Yep, I need to get my shittogether.
I'm in the military and thenyou meet, your go off, and then
you stay together because of theunion for family.
Speaker 1 (59:50):
That's why you stay together.
Speaker 2 (59:54):
It's kind of like they beat cancer twice.
You're doing all these.
It's kind of like they beatcancer twice, you know, and
you're doing all these amazingthings helping out probably some
of my friends that were in themilitary, that went to Germany,
you know.
So I like kudos to you andeverything you've done in your
(01:00:15):
life and I'm happy we were ableto have this conversation.
I'm so glad I finally got tomeet you.
For everybody who likes thiscontent, please subscribe, like
and comment.
Please comment, we love to seeit.
I answer every single one andI'm paralyzed from the neck down
, breathing through a machine,but that doesn't stop me from
(01:00:37):
following my dreams and doingwhat I love to do.
I don't got any excuse, neckdown, breathing through a
machine, but that doesn't stopme from following my dreams and
doing what I love to do.
I don't got any excuse, andneither should breeze.
Damn, can't lie Today was agood day.
Speaker 1 (01:00:45):
Fell fly, new cool kicks and a kick-ass ride.
And I kick it with my dogs.
We just trying to get by.
(01:01:05):
Just a couple of puns alltrying to get by.
Just a couple of teens alltrying to survive.
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