February 7, 2024 • 48 mins
Hey Lifers!
Today's episode is a little unhinged...
Producer Keeshia is filling in for Britt and we simply couldn't not address the girlfriend in the room watching you with her best friend. If you haven't seen MAFS this week, a very twisted retribution attempt was confessed about a past relationship & over coming infidelity.
We have many thoughts...
Our vibes for the week:
Keeshia - at home brow lamination brow code lustre
Laura - Ready for it a Taylor Swift inspired podcast
Then we jump into your questions!
-My partner sees a female barber (this is fine), however she lives 30+ mins away, works from her house, wears skimpy aprons and gave him chocolates for Christmas. She also gave him a game to try recently… He sees her every 3 weeks and the last time he went, he shaved EVERYTHING. I’ve expressed my concerns and he said that I’m being insecure. Am I being insecure or is this weird?
-Can you ever put conditions on an engagement? One of my close friends (male) wants to propose to his long term girlfriend. They are in their late 20s. She has never got her driving licence. There is no trauma/history around driving preventing her getting it. She just never learnt to drive as everyone drives her around. He drives her to all her uni exams, appointments etc. Friends drive her to all events. I know it does upset him as it can be a burden to always be the driver. There are no other relationship issues. He has asked me if it’s ok to bring up with her that he will only propose if she gets her licence. I am SO unsettled by this. I cannot work out if it is ok to put this condition on someone. Any advice?
-My husband of 6 years and I have two beautiful boys aged 5 & 3. We always said we wanted 3 kids. Our perspective did change a little after our second as he was a handful. Now that they’re a little older I’m getting clucky again; except my husband is very adamant that he’s done having kids! I guess I just don’t know how to move past this feeling of having another baby. I’ve been thinking about it every day for a good 6 months I’d say. I know that if my husband isn’t on board then it is what it is- but how do I move past this feeling?
-My recent ex of 5 years is back on tinder a week after breaking up with me. We had a kind and respectful relationship and he had said he would take a long time before being able to move on. I think he may have checked out a long time ago but kept saying future affirming things which masked a lot of his behaviour in the lead up. He has technically done nothing wrong in terms of timing but how do I move on from this and the feeling of being so replaceable?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Life on Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose
lands were never seated.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
recorded on d rug Wallamuta Land. Hi guys, and welcome
back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
I'm Laura and I'm.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Producer Keisha feeling in for brit hang on, sorry, sorry
my headphones.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Fox Sake, Keisha, fox Sake. Have you seen that meme?
Speaker 2 (00:38):
You think being a.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Producer, I'd have this shit sorted before we were recording.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Have you.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Have you seen the meme of the go No the bubbles?
It's the bubbles.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
My favorite thing is to just watch like YouTube videos
or memes of little kids swearing and the little kid.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
He's like, look a bubble, bubbles and then the bubbles
are floating away and she's like, come back, bubbles. Fux sake.
She's like three years old. I actually have I think
you showed this to me.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
What about the one where where the girls look out
the window and she's like, look, mom, a fucking goat
and the mom's like, sweetheart's just to go. She goes, nah,
it's a fucking goat. It tickles me. I'm deeply moved
by it.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
I think it's because they don't realize, you know, like
they don't understand that it's a different word, it's a
different type disagree.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
They know everything, and they know that it punctuates the air.
The thing that I'm okay with this probably is controversial.
I don't care if my kids swear, but they swear
in context and it's not at someone. So if Marley's
like Fox's sake and she's in her little carp swearing
her pretend cars.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
I'm like, yeah, that's what. Yeah, sure, she's like traffic's
she's so bad. I know how that feels. That guy
wouldn't let you in. Marley did he something? She uses
it in context, It's okay. I'm okay with it. I
tell you that back.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
I'm not really I do say, Marley, don't say that,
And then inside I'm like, because hearing kids swear is funny.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
When it's her own kid, they know they're funny, they
know everything.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
They get the validation and the positive reinforcement when you laugh, so.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
They do it more so then they do it again. Yeah.
So when you go home today and Malli cours you'll
come anyway.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Hey guys, it's us Kunkert where we answer you deep.
You're duck and you're burning questions. Anyway, Brick couldn't be
here today, the poor thing.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
She's had the worst.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
Migraines recently, and so she punked out of the very
last overseas record. I also think maybe maybe she wants
to spend some time with Ben.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
She's got two more days left with him. Yeah, she's
very in that loved ut phase.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
It's so hard because anyone who's done long distance knows
how much this period of time sucks when you've got
two days or one day left. Like Britney flies out
on Friday, so we're recording this on Wednesday. She's got
literally two more days with Ben. Then she flies out
knowing that she's not going to see him for X
amount of time. These couple of days suck because you
want time to go slower. So I do feel for her.
(02:54):
And then she also has a migraine, so she's just
in orbits.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
But anyway, it would be hard to be present because
you actually just feel so deeply sad about the fact
that it's going to be the last time you have
dinner together for sixteen months.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
It's going to be the last time you shout, you know,
like all those little things.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Hopefully Britt doesn't listen to this, because she's like, thanks, guys.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
If I wasn't sad, I am now. Well.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
I did message her last night and I said, Hey,
I think we should have a Delilah coming home party.
Let's get salmon and go for sweet miss Delilah. And
Britt walks in the door and Delilah's like, cook you.
I think she would be like, I don't know whose
mom mom?
Speaker 1 (03:26):
And you look look like it used to be my mom,
but now I live with this mom.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
I wanted to before we get into unpacking your questions,
I wanted to talk about what happened on Married at
First Sight last night. We'll keep it jazzy and snappy
because I think we could talk about this for an
entire episode. But if you guys don't know what I
am speaking about. There is a guy on the show.
His name is Jaden. He's Mitch's brother. Mitch was on
a previous season partnered up with Ls and now he's
(03:54):
married to a woman named Eden. And the reason why
this week is always the controversial week Firstly, it's like
the ranking where they bring people in order of hotness
never goes down.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Well, when will they learn? But we talk about that
every year.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
What also is is that it's confessions week and now
I think that they have really they've just topped it
in terms of confessions this year, and Jaden has broken
the internet with the confession that he has made.
Speaker 4 (04:17):
My ex girlfriend cheeted on me. She was going on
dinner dates, movie dates, and I even had guys openly
admit to me in person that they had slept with her.
I told her that I was willing to give her
another chance, but I'm going to sleep with her best
(04:45):
friend while she watches. One of her friends agreed to
do it. So after a little bit of chatting for
a few days, it happened. Do you regret that? Though
(05:13):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Regret it now.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
The reason why I wanted to talk about this is
because people were absolutely an uproar last night once this
played out. I have many strong feelings about it, but
the more that I've spoken to people about it today,
the more that I've realized that there are conflicting views.
So even when yeah, I know, Keisha, you look shocked,
like how could anybody.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Sorry, I forget that this is an audio platform and
my facial expressions.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Don't tell you what I'm thinking. Speak your thoughts. My
thoughts were, Oh, I just had so many.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
I had so many, but the main one was what
the fuck, which I think is most people's. Secondly, how
did you get a friend who would agree to this?
Speaker 2 (05:56):
I think we can unpack the how, what, why.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
But one of the things in thes I was having
today which made me question everything is because I think
Jayden is getting all of the backlash, like he is
receiving so much vitriol around this around he should regret
his actions XYZ. And now I won't say who it was,
but you know, we were talking about this in our
meetings for radio, so you know other people who work
within media, and their opinion was, well, it's not our
(06:20):
place to yuck their yum like. If that's what works
in their relationship, if that were the rules of engagement
as to how they want to navigate such a sticky
and precarious situation, then that's on them.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
And if everyone's.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Consenting to it, then why are we all being so
judgmental of what works for them? And then so think
about no for one second I sat there and I
was like, yeah, maybe I need to be more open minded.
And then I was like, no, close your mind, Laura,
and be more narrow minded, because I don't think that
this is a consensual situation. I think it is such
emotional manipulation where yes, his girlfriend has done the wrong thing,
(06:53):
she has cheated, she has betrayed his trust, all of that.
But saying to someone in order to be with me,
I need to hurt you, you need to be hurt.
I am going to ruin another relationship that you care
about with a friend that means something to you, and
I want you to watch and be in pain as
a way of trying to get back for the pain
that you're feeling. Is so deeply fucking problematic. And it
(07:16):
is just as bad as when people turn around and go, oh,
they cheated, so I cheated, or they did this, so
I did this. Like an eye for an eye makes
everyone blind in the world, and I just think, like
everyone does. There's so many layers of this conversation that
are problematic, and there's so many layers of it that
just shows how toxic people's behavior can be within relationships.
(07:36):
And that is why I fucking love merrit at first sight,
because it is a social experiment that has us unpacking
how people are actually behaving in some relationships.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
The information was concerning enough, but then the fact that
he didn't regret it, And I don't actually think it's
that he didn't regret it. I think it's the fact
that he didn't regret or have any negative feelings around
the fact that that's the solution that they came to ye,
around the shame of it. Yeah, Like I'm trying to
think of what would have to happen for me to go, Yeah,
(08:06):
that's a fair enough punishment that I have to endure.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
But what's the retribution in that?
Speaker 1 (08:11):
The other thing as well as is I do think
that Jaden has been targeted so so profusely for this,
But to me, everybody in that situation is shit, Like
the girlfriend who's doing the cheating, the friend who is
happy to be used as a pawn in that situation,
and then the guy who's like, well, okay, you hurt me,
so I'm going to hurt you back. Like this is
just the most toxic tread of a relationship.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
This triangle that's been created.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
That it's almost unfathomable, and I think it's really really
problematic the way in which mass casting cast people who
are going to inflame the biggest insecurities in their partner.
And the reason I say that is because if you've
been following along, you would know that Eden's ex boyfriend
actually cheated on her with her best friend. So she's
already had a relationship breakdown, so finding out this information
(08:56):
would have been incredibly triggering.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
For her, which is exactly how she described it.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
Yeah, and I also think going back to this whole
like kink shaming situation, I mean, different strokes for different
folks and all of that.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
If you want to fuck my friend, I'm okay with it,
but I get to watch because I'm into voyeurism.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Different story.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
Absolutely, cox is a category of like people can be
into that. And I actually know someone in my personal
life who is really into this with her husband.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
They in it was called Cox. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
I think that's saying yeah, Well, her and I have
had a conversation about this, exactly as you said. I
didn't want to put my judgment onto her relationship because
whatever they agree to is you know, essential totally, it's
up to them, I asked her like, what is it
about this interplay of having sex with someone else and
having your partner watch that really does it for you?
Speaker 2 (09:44):
Because I'm very true fascinating. I am such a jealous wench.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
I was about to say, I'd like to be a
fly on the wall, but that would make me the
person watch that makes you a boyer literally, So she
said that in their dynamic, he enjoys to watch her
have sex with other men and it gets him off.
He thinks it's really hot. He's like, he finds it
really attractive. And they don't have the role play where
(10:09):
he'll come in and you know, satisfy her more than
the other person. Because that can be a thing as well,
that can be like a dominatrix style of well, I'm
going to pleasure you more. That doesn't completely exist in
their relationship.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
But yeah, like I said, different strokes with different folks.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
For me, having to watch my partner have sex to
someone else is probably the worst form of torture that
I could think of, Like, I would rather be physically harmed.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
I also think for some people this type of behavior
could indicate the beginning of the end, and it may
also have been the case for Jaden since he's now
on merrit At First Site and single. Do you think
that her agreeing to that situation was like a this
isn't all encompassing. Everything will be forgiven from this point
for it.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Do you know what I mean? Do you know what?
Speaker 1 (10:54):
I could talk about marrit at First Site all day long,
because honestly, every year, firstly, it is an in terms
of juggernauts, Like two point two million was the ratings
for the first two episodes, and there is no other
free to air TV show, especially on the reality side
of things, that gets the type of consistent ratings that
Married at First Sight does. It's the water cooler chat
that used to once upon a time be The Bachelor,
(11:16):
but it has completely superseded where they are standing out.
I mean, we all know no one's watching The Bachelor.
We're not even recapping it anymore.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
I actually think that, funnily enough, the reason that we
like it so much is because it's voyeuristic into other
relationship dynamics. So we're putting other people's relationships under a microscope,
and I think there's a massive element of going my
problems don't seem so big anymore because my.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Boyfriend hasn't asked me to do that.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Everything is fine, everything is awesome.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
I totally agree. Well, what is your vibe for this week?
Speaker 4 (11:47):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (11:48):
My vibe for this week?
Speaker 3 (11:49):
And I want to just preface this by saying I
have the utmost respect for beauticians around this country, anyone
who works in the beauty industry.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
I think you do incredible things for people's confidence.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Which is hilarious because after Twoday's episode, we just ripped
a hole in a whole heap of cosmetologists.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
So yeah, yeah, we did. That's fine, keep going well.
I have a lot of respect for you. But my
current situation is that I've moved house. My rent is
through the roof, and I've had to kind of pull
the purse strings a little tighter in other areas.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Of my life.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
So I have got my own brow lamination kit. See
how they look a nice and fluffy.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
They really are. But I don't trust myself for that stuff.
What is it that you don't trust? We follow the instructions.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
I don't usually read instructions, so that could be my
first problem point of call. But no, I just don't.
I feel like I would make a mistake. Maybe I
feel a bit better about this. My first job.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
I worked in a hair salum when I was a teenager.
Speaker 3 (12:40):
For four years, and so the solution that they use
is the same as perm solution. So it has this
really bad smell to it. So if you are going
to do this at home, that's normal. It has this
really discomonia chemical smell. I don't know what it is,
but it's gross.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Anyway. There's this brand it's called Luster.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
I purchased it from Mecha and it it was ninety
nine dollars for five sachets, so like five goes of
the brow lamination.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
And I reckon, I did a good job. Your eyes
look amazing.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Eyebrows, I mean sisters, not twins, but they look great.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
They do look really good. They're supposed to be sisters,
not twins.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
Would they be a close enough friend for Jaden to
think that Jayden would do the left one not the
right one.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
He'd made the right one. Watch anyway.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
So I'm not trying to take away from the beauty industry.
What you do is God's work. And I'm still going
to go and get them done. Like I don't really
get my brows done that much anyway. I probably get
them done once a year and then I do the
maintenance myself, Like I just get a professional to get
the shape back, and then gradually throughout the course of
the year, I lose the shape because I just pluck
where I need to and add some tint every now and.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
They look great. Kisha, thank you.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
So you'll put in the show notes where everyone can
go and get their brow limination kits from.
Speaker 3 (13:56):
Yeah, there's a whole bunch of different brands. This is
a particular one that I tried and I thought it
was so okay.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Well I once, actually it's alive, done it several times.
But you know, like derma blading, as I was called
derma planing, you literally shave your face, but with a
razor that looks more feminine, so you don't have to
tell everyone that you shave your face. If you've seen
it look like a little scalpel. You can get them.
I think I spoke about shaving once on the podcast
and then a like a Gillette type brand sent me
(14:23):
a whole heap of female face raisors, and I was like,
that's offensive, but I'll take them anyway.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
I use them.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
This is that speaking about at home treatments and I
cut my neck and I was like I now literally
look like a dude who shaves his face because I've
got tissue papers walking on the house. Matt looked at me,
was like, how did you do that? And I was like,
female face shaving, which is a whole different thing. It's
called them blaeding, planing whatever.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
I have one that's like an electric I guess it's
an electric shaver, but it's specifically for the same thing.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
But it gets rid of the peach fuzz. That's whatever.
Everyone has it.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
Okay, I'm not here to We are not shaming female's
growing facial hair.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
It's a thing. If you have peacos, which I do,
it's definitely a thing. No, and I'm not shaming it.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
I think we should be talking about it more because
I think if you are somebody who has peach fuzz, firstly,
it's not peach fuzz. It's just facial hair. But we've
been told to call it peach fuzz because it makes
it more lady like. It doesn't fucking matter me too.
I have thick sideburns sometimes and now I shave them
and no one needs to know, and everybody trying to like,
what the fuck am I listening to.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
In this room?
Speaker 1 (15:22):
But it's true. I think like this whole idea of
derma planing. Yes, I'm sure it exfoliates, but let's stop
lying to ourselves. We are shaving our faces. If you
do it on the reg you're a face shaver. Just
join the club, all right. That's gonna weird some people out,
and I'm okay with it. My recommendation for this week
is a podcast. Now. The reason why I'm recommending this
(15:43):
is it's run by Georgie Taney and Kirsten. We spoke
to Kurston on the radio show this week. But I
think for anybody who's going to Taylor Swift aerostores, if
you are in to the Tailor Swift fandom, this is
absolutely for you. It is called Ready for It. And
they're very small, bite sized episodes. They're fantastic. They're eight
minut and it's to about twenty minutes long. And what
each episode does is it goes into the songs and
(16:05):
the errors of Taylor Swift's different personalities. So you know,
they'll unpack songs from nineteen ninety eight, the little easter
eggs are in those songs, the meaning behind them, what
different albums have meant, and how she's kind of come
to the creative storytelling that she has. So if you're
into Taylor Swift, it's very cool to chronologically work through
all the parts of her life and the things that
(16:27):
have influenced her music and at the end of the day,
the songs that she's written. But also if you're not
someone who's that end to Taylor Swift, but maybe your
friends are, and maybe your friends talk about it and
you want to know a little bit more, I think
that there's so much about Taylor Swift and her career
and lifespan that it's almost too big to get into.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Now.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
You either are like you're a Swifty or you're not
a Swifty, And if you're not a Swifty, the idea
of becoming one is like so all encompassing that no
one even knows where to start.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
And the thing about the podcast.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
That's really cool is the reason why they started this
is because, and I think the story behind it's so wholesome.
Kirson and Georgie Tanney had seen a TikTok video and
it was about a dad who was taking his two
twin girls to one of the concerts in the States,
and they were so deeply obsessed and so entrenched in
the information around Taylor Swift and what she is and represents,
(17:16):
and he was like, I don't understand anything, and I
don't feel like I can connect with my kids. So
I think it's also a really cool thing from that
perspective as well. Maybe we have older parents who are
listening who feel like it's something that they'd love to
connect with their kids with.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
This could be a really, really nice place to start.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
Yeah, I think the whole Taylor Swift thing, I mean,
obviously she's got one of the biggest impacts in pop
culture ever.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
But not even just pop culture. It's an economic impact.
It's literally it has so deeply gone beyond just pop
culture impact to the point where, I mean we were
speaking about it and you're like, presidents are asking her
to come because it brings an increase in income into
the country. Like the cultural phenomena that is Taylor Swift
is something that I think is unparalleled. Everyone is talking
(17:59):
about Taylor Swift at the moment, So if you want
to get up to speed with it, that's my recommendation.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Ready for it.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Georgie Tuney from The Project She's brilliant, and also Kirsten
who Interestingly, Kirston, who's the other host. She used to
be a booker on the project, so she used to
do like celebrity bookings for them, and now she does
it for the Kyle.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
And JACKIEO Show.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
So she's really really cool and she's kind of like
knows all the ins and outs of celebrity news.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Oh, she'd have some behind the scenes. Yeah, yeah, Should
we get into the questions all right? Question number one?
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Now, this one was posted into the Facebook group anonymously
and so many people had opinions on this. It was
also sent to our dms as well, so it was
so nice they sent it twice, which meant we felt
as though we had to give this one some airtime
because I think we have slightly conflicting views to what
seemed like the majority of response on the Facebook thread. Okay,
(18:50):
so this is the question. My partner sees a female barber,
which is fine. However, she lives thirty minutes away from him.
She also works from her own house and wears skimpy aprons,
and she also gave him chocolates for Christmas. She gave
him a game to try. Recently, he sees her every
three weeks and the last time he went, he shaved
and I'm talking, he's shaved everything. I've expressed my concerns
(19:15):
and he has said that I am being insecure? Am
I insecure? Or is this just weird?
Speaker 2 (19:22):
Keisha?
Speaker 3 (19:24):
Hang on, I'm just gonna reach into my bag and
pull out the red flag to wave.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
You think he's being bad naughty? Why are you shaving everything?
Speaker 1 (19:33):
Okay? The shaving everything could have just been a coincidence.
I think yeah, he could have been.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
But if it was, would his response have been your
being insecure? Or would you have been like, oh, I
can understand that you notice that I shaved all of
my ball.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
I went and saw my barber. I'm so sorry that
my balls are covered in Natella.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
I just want to to try out this new thing
before going there.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
I don't know how you got the impression that you did.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
Okay, firstly, I don't think you're being insecure. I think
that you are being suspicious and you have been given
enough reasons that I would raise a question for me.
The issue here is not the fact that she's asked
the question or kind of like brought it up as
a subject of something that's a little bit odd. It's
the fact that he kind of shut it down and
(20:26):
tried to flip it back on you.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
I don't like that.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
Yeah, I guess when I saw this in the Facebook group,
I think we don't have enough information to make a
decision as to whether your boyfriend is or isn't doing
the wrong thing. And I actually don't think that this
question is around whether he is cheating on you or
whether he's not cheating on you. I think that this
is a broader question around being validated. So if you
have an insecurity in your relationship because your partner is
(20:49):
doing things that make you feel not safe, not stable,
and you know what, there's enough things in this list
that if you wrote them down as you did, the
majority of women reading them as they were in the
Facebook group would say, yeah, that's weird, and I would
feel the same. I think feel validated in the fact
that almost every person who read that question thought that
(21:09):
this was the sign of red flags, as did.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
You, Cash.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
But I think it's too little information to make the
decision that, Okay, he's doing the wrong thing, but it's
not too little information to make the decision that he's
not validating your concerns.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
And I think when your concerns go completely disregarded.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
When you're told that you're being insecure, you feel as
though you're being gas lit and you feel crazier. So
even if it is no reason to be concerned, that
means that it just it kind of snowballs into a
bigger thing than it needs to be. So I would,
in the same way that you have laid everything out
to us, sit down and have an actual conversation with
your partner, not accusatory, not saying, well, you shaved balls
(21:50):
and then you went saw Sarah and she was in
a skimpy apron shavy balls for me, because genuinely it
could have been a coincidence in timing. And also, I
think like your definition of skimpy clothing versus what she's
actually wearing could be two completely different things. She could
be wearing bike shorts with an apron over the top,
(22:10):
do you know what I mean? And if that makes
you feel insecure, then that probably says more about you
and the things that make you insecure than it necessarily
does about him, right, And that's a whole different thing
to unpack. But I think it's a conversation of this
does make me feel insecure. I'm a bit embarrassed that
it makes me feel insecure. And I'm letting you know
because you know, I'm giving you an opportunity to give
(22:32):
me that security.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
That's literally what you're doing here.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
And he could turn around and say, oh my god, baby,
you've got nothing to worry about. Come with me to
the next appointment meet her. Maybe you've already been there
and that's how you know x y Z. But I
think give him the opportunity to show you that your
fears are more important to him than his haircut, and
that's really important. When you just.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
Put it like that, it's so funny because we're actually
talking about the fact. I mean, like, I understand that
traveling more than thirty minutes to someone else's home and
going every three weeks, When you listed out like that,
it can make you raise your.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Eyebrows and go, that's a little odd.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
But my boyfriend goes to the barber every three weeks,
and I swear to God. He comes home and I'm like,
didn't you have an appointment for a haircut?
Speaker 2 (23:16):
And he's like, yeah, I had my haircut.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
And Matt goes every five weeks, and I think it's
weird because I've been to the hairdresser once in a year,
which he thinks is crazy. He thinks, I'm like, what's
that thing from Adam's family that has the hair alait
cousin it, cousin it. Yeah, He's like, you've got something
wrong with you because you don't go to the hairdressers.
But like guys shaving faces, shaving my face myself, I
do a dear wide job.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
But I mean it though, like a lot of men
take their personal.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Grooming quite seriously, especially when it comes to hair maintenance,
and they go very frequently because they have short haircuts
and it needs to be maintained. That to me is
not the alarm bells and it is weird that he
shaved everything. But okay, the big question is does he
do it every time? Like was it a one off
that coincided? You know, he jumped in the shower, was
in the shower, and then was like, oh, just shave everything,
and then I'm getting my haircut later. So it's a
(24:03):
day of maintenance or is it always the day of maintenance?
That's the big question, because you may have loads of
reasons to be worried, and you may have none at all,
but it comes down to how he reacts to your insecurities.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
That really outlines what is a good partner. Absolutely agree, okay.
Speaker 3 (24:18):
Question number two can you ever put conditions on an engagement?
One of my close friends, who is a man, wants
to propose to his long term girlfriend. They are in
their late twenties. She has never got her driving license.
There's no trauma or history around driving preventing her getting it.
She just never learned to drive, as everyone drives her around.
(24:39):
He's a nice he drives her to all her UNI exams, appointments, etc.
Friends drive her to all her events. I know it
does upset him, as it can be a burden to
always be the driver. There are no other relationship issues.
He has asked me if it's okay to bring up
with her that he will only propose if she gets
her license. I'm so unsettled by and I cannot work
(25:01):
out if it is okay to put a condition on
proposing to someone.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
I liked this question because I think normally I would
have said it's not okay to put a condition on
someone like I think I would have said it's not
okay to have ultimatums and conditions in relationships.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
When I say that out loud.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
I'm like, no, that's really stupid, because it is okay
to have conditions in relationships. It's actually really okay to
say what you do and don't want and outline the
type of relationship you want. And I think the reason
why I'm okay with this is because I don't think
it's about the driving. I think it's about this idea
of independence. I think he very much is saying I
(25:40):
don't want a relationship where it is a requirement of
our relationship that I am having to be a n
uber driver to my partner, where I have to drive
them everywhere. And also it goes beyond at this point
in time, just driving them to UNI appointments or driving
them to you know, wherever they've got to go. If
you have kids with this person, it means that you
then are the one who's always driving to the shops
(26:01):
to go and pick up the stuff you're driving to
get the nappies and X y Z. And I just
want to make something clear because this is a very
privileged take right, Like not everyone has the privilege of
being able to afford a car, and not everyone has
the privilege of being able to get a license, but
some people have the privilege to choose, and that's what's
different about her situation is that she is so privileged
that she can choose that she doesn't want to because
(26:23):
she has people to do it for her. And now
I would say to my friends if they were in
a relationship I'm talking heterosexual relationship with a guy who
everything was great, but he didn't know how to clean,
he didn't know how to turn a washing machine on,
he couldn't take care of himself. In that way, I
would say it's okay to have a standard in your relationship,
which is I'm not going to marry you until you
(26:45):
can figure out how to use the fucking washing machine
and do your own washing, because I'm not going to
have a relationship where I look after you and tend
to you for the rest of my life. So I
think genders flipped, it's okay to say, well, I don't
want to be in a relationship where it's a requirement
that I drive you everywhere. And I think that at
the end of the day, it comes down to independence,
and it comes down to the type of relationship you
(27:06):
want mutually moving forward.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
You haven't specifically said it, but I think I'm reading
between the lines, and it sounds as though there's a
little bit of entitlement here.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
You know, this.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
Idea that her life is it's pretty easy because everyone
else does stuff for me. Everyone else is more than
happy to take me from A to B. And I'm
going to expect that for forever on. And that's if
there isn't an actual reason that she doesn't want it.
I mean, you've said that there isn't any trauma or anything,
but I guess you don't necessarily know that for sure
(27:37):
because you haven't asked her specifically about it. I would
assume that her fiance would probably be privy to that information.
But I mean, look, I love to be a passenger princess.
I hate driving. I absolutely love being driven around. When
I went to Europe with Tobleboro and my boyfriend, because
I wasn't thirty yet, it was a lot more expensive
for us to render car.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
To get the insurance, You're like, well, well, baby, I
have to try.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
I was like, well, we could save a couple hundred
Europe wasn't even that much.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
It was like seventy five euros or something. But I
do this as well.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
I think there's definitely two types of people like if
we Matt and I are walking towards the car he's
driving because I hate driving, so I will always opt
for him to do it. But the thing is is
I have the ability to so if there's an instance
where he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to take
one hundred percent of the load. If he wants to
be the one who sits on his phone while he
gets chauffeured around, he's allowed to be that person every
(28:30):
so often. And you know he will say, I'm not
driving today. It's on you, and it's okay.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
I completely agree, And I was going to say that
when we did that trip around Europe, there was a
little bit of not resent but I could tell he
was a bit pissed off about the fact that the
burden of driving was always on him. But also, if
you're living life together and you are the type of
people who may go and have a couple of drinks
when you go out for dinner or go to a
friend's barbecue, it also automatically puts them as the person
(28:57):
who cannot They have to be, you know, at having
a good time. You can't take it in turns totally.
It's not going to be a one for one.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
But the other thing about this, I mean, I have
two more things I want to say. One is, if
you're someone who doesn't want to drive and you don't
want to get your license and you're listening to this
and you have the option, but you've chosen you don't
want to do that, that's okay. I'm not pooh poohing
people who make that decision. But what I'm saying is
you also have to be okay with getting public transport.
That you have to also be okay with having the
(29:25):
independence and autonomy to figure out your own shit and
be an adult and not expect other people to pander
to you, because I think you can't make one decision
when that decision is based on the expectation that other
people are going to do things for you. The person
who wrote this question in I mean, I love that
you have had the thought, you know, is this a problem?
And you've had the thought to write in the question,
(29:48):
and you do think kind of more laterally around well
should relationships be conditional or unconditional?
Speaker 2 (29:53):
And is this an issue?
Speaker 1 (29:55):
I think sometimes we need to worry less about our friends' relationships.
If that's what he wants for his relationship, and that's
a caveat that he has and a conversation he wants
to have with his partner. And I think, like, don't
exhaust yourself with their relationship problems. And I know he
asked the question, but I would almost be like, you
do you like the way in which you wrote the
(30:15):
question is though it's such a deep problem, I think
it's really not like there's much bigger fish that they
could be frying in their relationship than whether or not
she's going to drive a car.
Speaker 3 (30:24):
See, I might see this a little bit differently. It
also could be that he is the type of guy who,
you know, there's been a lot of progression in terms
of gender roles in the past ten twenty years, and
he might be the type of guy who is like,
I want to do the right thing, and I don't
want to have a bit of a fucked view of this,
And so I'm going to turn to my female friend
and ask for her opinion on this. The main question
(30:45):
is can you ever put conditions on an engagement? I
think absolutely, I would have so many conditions on my engagement.
I remember, Laura, you said something to me years ago,
and I've never forgotten it. When people say we will
love each other unconditionally. It's actually not as healthy as
what I think people have romanticized it to be.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
Your love with your partner should be conditional. It's hundred traditional.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
That they treat you properly, that there is trust in
the relationship, that.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
They respect you.
Speaker 3 (31:12):
You know, like this idea of not having conditions, it's
actually being used to flatten people.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
We actually wrote about this in Well We Love Love
the book. I can't remember the chapter, so go by
the book read the whole thing. But I wrote about
this in the book and it came off the back
of something that I saw Hamish Blake had posted.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
So it's a very sweet story.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
Basically, during their wedding vows, Zoe made a mistake and
she said I will love you conditionally, unconditionally, and then
you know, she corrected her wedding vows and Hamish had
a post years later and he was like, I'll never
forget on our wedding day when Zoe said that she
was going to love me conditionally, And what a smart
woman she is, because great relationships have conditions, because they're
(31:53):
the rules of which you show up to your relationship
to be your best self. And I so deeply agree
with this. I think that maybe this is a silly condition.
The whole driving thing feels silly, but it does pertain
to a bigger thing, which comes down to independence, and
that comes down to how you want your partner to
behave in a relationship and how codependent you want them
(32:13):
to be to you and to what you provide.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
And I don't think he's asking you know, he's not saying,
I will propose to you on the day that you
successfully get your peace. I think what he's asking more
so is for her to initiate the process of contributing
to the team of the burden that is driving. All right,
Question number three, Laura, Very interested to get your opinions
on this one, because my opinions are based off of nothing.
(32:37):
My husband of six years and I have two beautiful boys,
aged five and three. We have always said that we
wanted to have three kids. Our perspective did change a
little after our second as he was a handful. Now
that they're a little older, I'm getting clucky again, except
my husband is very adamant that he's done having kids.
I guess I just don't know how to move past
(32:58):
this feeling of having another baby. I've been thinking about
it every day for a good six months. I know
that if my husband isn't on board, then it is
what it is. But how do I move past this feeling?
Speaker 2 (33:10):
I feel like this is my question? Did I write
this in?
Speaker 1 (33:13):
Is this my question to ask gun cup Keisha, please
answer it with all of your wise wisdom. I so
deeply relate to this because this is exactly this is
exactly the situation that Matt and I are going through
at the moment. So I mean slightly different. I never
thought I wanted to have three kids. I kind of
was the one who always said I wanted to have two.
And then I thought when I had two, I would
(33:34):
feel this feeling of completeness. I thought I would push
out lalla and I'd be like, well, that's my family done.
You know how you sometimes see those Instagram posts which
are like the perfect piece of the puzzle, and now
our family is complete. I thought I would feel like that,
And then that feeling never came, and Matt always wanted
to have three, so then I was like, oh, okay,
I guess we're gonna have three kids. In the last year,
(33:54):
Matt has been the one that has progressively become more
resolute the idea that he's happy to only have two children,
and now we're at the place where he absolutely has
zero interest in having another baby, and he's been very,
very very vocal about it and says that shop shut.
And I very much am on the other complete end
(34:15):
of the spectrum and really would love the opportunity to
have another baby. It's fucking hard, and it's hard for
two reasons. One because you're not on the same page
with your partner, so you feel like, well, one of
us is going to not get what we want, like
one of us is going to lose out. There's no
compromising on having a baby. I can't have half.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
I'll just take the top off, actually the bottom half.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
I don't even know what half is better, but you know,
like you can't compromise on having a kid. And the
second thing is is that you almost feel as though
you're ungrateful and you're not able to talk about it,
because anyone who has children knows the privilege that comes
with being able to say that you have children and
to have that experience, because there's so many people who
can't have one or who are going through fertility issues,
(34:55):
So it feels almost selfish to say, well, the issue
I'm having with my partner is that I can't have three, Like,
how fucking greedy of me, you know?
Speaker 2 (35:02):
And I understand how that is.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
My feelings of grief do not even remotely compare to
the feelings of grief that someone has who can't have
a baby or who is going through fertility struggles.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
And I absolutely understand that.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
But I think in order to answer this question, it's
important to at least validate that everybody is allowed to
have feelings about, you know, whatever place they are in
their motherhood journey, whether it be one child, two children,
no children, whatever that is, and that one person's feelings
doesn't necessarily take away from another person's experience at all.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
I guess the thing I.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Wanted to add to this is the two things that
have helped me very much so is asking myself two questions.
One is what am I gonna get that I don't
already get from my two beautiful children? What more is
a third child going to bring to my life? And
if I was to push Matt to have a baby
when he doesn't want it, what damage would that cause
to my relationship? Because above everything, my relationship to him
(35:56):
is the most important thing to me, because I think
if we'd don't cherish that and work on that and
keep ourselves at the top of the list, then we
won't have a marriage in ten years time. So I
value his opinion. But it does mean that it's like
a process of grief that you have to go through.
It's a process of acceptance.
Speaker 3 (36:14):
Can I ask you? And I don't know if this
is maybe better? I mean, I don't know if this
exists on life on cut but if this is actually
a bit too personal, if you're to answer the question
of what more can I get out of having a
third child?
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Is there a part of you that feels a.
Speaker 3 (36:29):
Little bit guilty for even thinking about that, because it
almost I don't know if it implies the inverse is
that you're not getting something in your existing children.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
The cup hasn't been filled by those existing kids. Is
that something that enters your mind?
Speaker 1 (36:44):
It's not that, I mean, there's many reasons why people
want to have bigger families. You know, it's because some
people have this ideology of what you want Christmas to
look like in ten years time. You know, you want
all the kids and you want to be this old
granny with children around the dinner table, and like, who
even knows if your kids are going to like you
when they're grown up. They might, you know, they might
move to another country and not be around the dinner table.
And that's all big possibilities as well. I think we
(37:07):
can't project what we expect our kids to.
Speaker 2 (37:09):
Be like for us when we're older. That's not fair
on them either.
Speaker 1 (37:12):
But what I think is different about having little kids
is that And what I think I've come to accept
is it's not about getting more, it's not about that
something is missing. But every child is so different you
get something different from them. So what I get from
Lola I don't get from Mali, and what I get
from Mali I don't get from Lola, because there's such
different personalities and there's this incredible joy in discovering their personalities.
(37:35):
And I think for me, it's understanding and accepting the
fact that as a three year old now, like Lola
just turned three last week, she's out of the baby
phase and she's out of the toddler phase and we're
going into a whole new phase. But if I don't
have another baby, I'm never going to experience that phase.
Again and I loved it so much and it was
such a beautiful, magical, transformative time in my life that
(37:58):
I feel is the way. Want to do it one
more time and then maybe I'll feel as though I'm finished.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
But maybe not.
Speaker 3 (38:05):
There's an element of grieving what you aren't going to
have again, because you might not have thought that that
was the last time you were going to have those experiences,
especially if you expected to have another child, which in
this particular situation, you and your husband did expect that.
Speaker 1 (38:20):
Yeah, And I think it's the same. I don't know
what do you do? Your question was like, what do
you do to get over it? What do you do
to stop thinking about it? I think it's the same
thing about what do you do to get over a
bad breakup? What do you do to get over any
type of like heartbreak or feeling as though your life
didn't go on the trajectory that you wanted it to go.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
It's really shit.
Speaker 1 (38:38):
It takes time, and it also takes reminding yourself of
all the positive, amazing things that you have in your
life already.
Speaker 3 (38:44):
I also think that it would be important to understand
the reasonings as to why your husband has changed his
mind totally, so having an understanding of the sacrifice that
would be involved. Is it a financial consideration, is it
an emotional consideration. Does he feel as though he is
at his capacity providing for the family. I don't know
(39:05):
what your working situation is. I don't know what your
housework situation is or your child load.
Speaker 1 (39:10):
You know how your personal love cut between each other.
I always mentioned it, but it really does like you
just deprioritize your relationship when you have kids.
Speaker 3 (39:20):
He could be really excited about the fact that you've
now got a five year old and a three year
old and you guys are gonna get a bit more
of you back, you know, like you're going to have
the possibility of going on date nights again and not
doing the nappy situation. And he could be more excited
about gaining that back from your relationship. And this is
under the assumption that you've lost it, which, like you said, Laura,
(39:42):
most people do. And I'm not saying it's gone, but
it's probably decreased.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
Totally to a degree, you know, like that there's an
element of it.
Speaker 3 (39:49):
Yeah, And also I'm sorry because it sucks like it sucks,
and like we said, you can't meet halfway. We often
land on Well, this is a compromise you could make. Unfortunately,
in this situation, there isn't one, and I feel you,
I know.
Speaker 2 (40:04):
Slide into a lawer's DMS and you guys can chat.
Slide into Matt's DMS. He'll tell you why he doesn't
want to have more kids. Okay, last question.
Speaker 1 (40:12):
My recent ex of five years is back on Tinder
after only one week of breaking up with me. We
had a kind and respectful relationship, and he has said
that he would take a really long time before being
able to move on. I think he may have checked
out a long time ago, but he kept saying future
affirming things to me, which masked a lot of his
behavior in the lead up. I know he hasn't technically
(40:34):
done anything wrong in terms of timing, but how do
I move on from this and the feeling of being
so replaceable? Oh it's so shit, isn't it.
Speaker 3 (40:44):
I've been in this situation, except mine wasn't even a year.
So like I'm going to times the pain I felt
by five, it just feels this is a week.
Speaker 2 (40:53):
What are you talking about? No, they were together for
five years.
Speaker 1 (40:55):
Oh I thought you meant I thought you meant, you've
been broken up for a year, and I was like galling.
Speaker 2 (40:59):
For a two shop, get your whole onto things.
Speaker 1 (41:03):
You saw him on Tinder a year later, Oh my god, No,
I meant my.
Speaker 3 (41:09):
Relationship was so much shorter, so less future plans, but
we did have them, and it just sucks. I know
that you know the technicalities of they can do whatever
they want and all of that exists when you're in
a relation with shit with someone, especially if you've been
with them for five years, you think that you're really special,
like you think that you're but you are special, of
(41:30):
course you are, but when you find out a week
later that they're trying to fill the gap, it really
can have you feeling as though what you had together
was somewhat insignificant.
Speaker 1 (41:41):
I can completely relate from both sides because I've been
the person who's done this, and I've also been the
person who is in your situation where I've seen x'es
very soon afterwards. Like I said, I have done this,
and I think for me it came from a place
of normally, when you're in a long term relationship, you
have someone to love you, the validation, you have, the
(42:01):
comfort you're not lonely. All the things that the relationship
provides has been taken away from him as well. Relationship
breakups are so hard for people who are broken up with,
but they're also really hard for the person who's doing
the breaking up. And I'm not trying to play a
devil's advocate here. I'm not trying to be like, let's
think of the poor guy. But what I'm saying is,
as he swipes.
Speaker 2 (42:20):
And gets LARRISI in his thumb.
Speaker 1 (42:22):
What I mean is is that seeing someone who you
are in a relationship with on Tinder doesn't mean that
he's over the relationship, and it doesn't mean that the
relationship is instantly replaceable. It is a band aid and
a distraction for how he is feeling. And I think
even if he says it's going to take me a
really long time to get over this, it may it
may not, But him being on Tinder is not an
(42:44):
indication that he is over the breakup or that he's
in a great place. When you're in a relationship, you
think you know someone so well, you think you know
how they're going to respond in adverse situations. But people
do really shit things in breakups, and they act in
a way that you think, oh my god, I didn't
even know that person. I don't even know who they are,
(43:04):
because the person I love would have never done xyz.
It's so easy to look at things black and white,
but like, people do shitty things, and it doesn't mean
that what existed wasn't real. Him going on Tinder now
doesn't completely mean that the last ten months or six
months of your relationship wasn't important, or that he wasn't
working through whatever. And I say this because it's kinder
(43:25):
to yourself than being like I meant nothing because of
this one thing that he's doing now, or sometimes we
go they cheated, so they didn't love me at all.
People can have multifaceted feelings. You can cheat on someone
that you love. It doesn't mean that it's healthy. It's
fucking super toxic. But people do many things and life
is not black and white. I would say go and
(43:45):
listen to our episode that we did all around breakups,
because right now you need to focus less on what
he is doing right now and more on what you
can do to heal yourself, and that is stuff like
going no contact, going and spending time with your friends.
If you're friends, see him on Tinder or see him
doing stuff and make sure that they know not to
report back to you because this information is not going
(44:07):
to help you and it's only going to hurt you further.
I also think that Tinder dating apps in general that
soon after a relationship.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
I know for myself when I experienced this, there.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
Was this guttural feeling of oh my god, they're going
to be sleeping with someone tomorrow. I think we can
catastrophize the situation and we can give ourselves the worst
case scenario.
Speaker 2 (44:29):
I mean, look, he.
Speaker 3 (44:29):
Might be going on dates, he might be hooking up
with people. Like all of the above may be true.
Speaker 1 (44:33):
He might be getting some validation because he's you know,
feels lonely, he feel shit.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
It's likely that.
Speaker 3 (44:40):
The scenario you have painted in your head is the
worst case scenario.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
So I just want to bring you.
Speaker 3 (44:44):
Back a little bit from that edge, because it's not
likely to be as bad as what you have told yourself.
It is depending on how you found out about it.
I mean, if he has come to you and told you,
that's kind of cruel. If you've found out in a
different way. I just want to remind you that you know,
is he hasn't done this to deliberately hurt you. However, typically,
(45:05):
and this is very stereotypically of gender norms, girls often
process the breakup really really really bad at the start.
You know, we go through that grieving process immediately, we're
super upset. We do the crying, we do the Taylor
Swift songs, like we do the binge eating ice cream.
And I think anecdotally it sometimes takes men a little
bit longer, Like often it will be two or three
(45:26):
months down the track before it kind of sets in.
How different their life is compared to what it was
when they were with you, and they grieve a breakup
in a very different way. Wouldn't it be a plot
twist if the reason why she saw he was on
Tinder was because she was on tinder.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
This it's happened to it is really small. I was like,
I know you're on here. I will find you. Maybe
he was on there because he was checking if you
were on there. It could wait.
Speaker 3 (45:52):
The breakup er is not checking to see if the
breakup he is on there.
Speaker 1 (45:57):
Maybe you never know, but really, if that was the case,
think about how you're feeling.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
Yeah, fucking don't super like, don't block.
Speaker 1 (46:06):
Him anyway, guys, that is it from us and Brittany
is back from Scotland next week, so we're gonna be
in the same room, which is wild and we are
all so excited for it. And if you have a
question for asking Cut for Britain and I to answer
slide in the DMS. You can do that a Life
on Cut podcast on Instagram. You can join us on
the Facebook discussion group which is Life on Cut Discussion Group.
Speaker 3 (46:25):
Also, just want to interject what a Facebook discussion group
is so great?
Speaker 2 (46:31):
Keisha lives in there.
Speaker 3 (46:32):
I actually spend an unhealthy amount of time in there.
If you're in the Facebook group, you're probably like, yeah,
I see you comment on the fuck of everything?
Speaker 2 (46:40):
Get a live I lurk. I'm there, but I'm lurking.
Speaker 3 (46:43):
I love it so much and I feel as though
it's such a nice point of connection for me to
feel as though I know everyone in this community and
I know that it exists within other life as as well.
Like there's these friendships that are quite weird parasocial style
of friendships that exist across the country.
Speaker 2 (47:00):
It's so cool.
Speaker 1 (47:02):
How fucking lucky are we that we have this community
where if you guys do have questions. There's so many
anonymous questions that get posted in there. Everybody gives their
lived experience, their advice how they would show up in
the situations that you're experiencing. I know that we get
to answer questions here on the podcast, but even like
the one we did earlier today, there's so many that
get asked on there, and I would say overarchingly for
(47:23):
how many thousands of you in that group, it is
so supportive. Of course, at times things can go awry,
but we do our best to make sure that everyone
is playing safe. And honestly, we're so proud of you guys.
We fucking love this community so much.
Speaker 2 (47:35):
Don't know what The.
Speaker 1 (47:36):
Last thing I asked for advice in the Facebook group
was on brow elimination.
Speaker 2 (47:40):
Better contents insurance.
Speaker 1 (47:43):
Wow, you can really ask compare the market dot com.
Speaker 3 (47:47):
Literally though, there's the answer to everything in there, and
find it in the Facebook discussion group.
Speaker 2 (47:53):
The link will be in the show notes. And also
you can join us on TikTok and that's it from us.
Speaker 3 (47:58):
You know the drill, tay you, I'm tell you, I
tell you, don't tell your friends and share the love
because we love love
Life on Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose
lands were never seated.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
recorded on d rug Wallamuta Land. Hi guys, and welcome
back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
I'm Laura and I'm.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Producer Keisha feeling in for brit hang on, sorry, sorry
my headphones.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Fox Sake, Keisha, fox Sake. Have you seen that meme?
Speaker 2 (00:38):
You think being a.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Producer, I'd have this shit sorted before we were recording.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Have you.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Have you seen the meme of the go No the bubbles?
It's the bubbles.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
My favorite thing is to just watch like YouTube videos
or memes of little kids swearing and the little kid.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
He's like, look a bubble, bubbles and then the bubbles
are floating away and she's like, come back, bubbles. Fux sake.
She's like three years old. I actually have I think
you showed this to me.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
What about the one where where the girls look out
the window and she's like, look, mom, a fucking goat
and the mom's like, sweetheart's just to go. She goes, nah,
it's a fucking goat. It tickles me. I'm deeply moved
by it.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
I think it's because they don't realize, you know, like
they don't understand that it's a different word, it's a
different type disagree.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
They know everything, and they know that it punctuates the air.
The thing that I'm okay with this probably is controversial.
I don't care if my kids swear, but they swear
in context and it's not at someone. So if Marley's
like Fox's sake and she's in her little carp swearing
her pretend cars.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
I'm like, yeah, that's what. Yeah, sure, she's like traffic's
she's so bad. I know how that feels. That guy
wouldn't let you in. Marley did he something? She uses
it in context, It's okay. I'm okay with it. I
tell you that back.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
I'm not really I do say, Marley, don't say that,
And then inside I'm like, because hearing kids swear is funny.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
When it's her own kid, they know they're funny, they
know everything.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
They get the validation and the positive reinforcement when you laugh, so.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
They do it more so then they do it again. Yeah.
So when you go home today and Malli cours you'll
come anyway.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Hey guys, it's us Kunkert where we answer you deep.
You're duck and you're burning questions. Anyway, Brick couldn't be
here today, the poor thing.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
She's had the worst.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
Migraines recently, and so she punked out of the very
last overseas record. I also think maybe maybe she wants
to spend some time with Ben.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
She's got two more days left with him. Yeah, she's
very in that loved ut phase.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
It's so hard because anyone who's done long distance knows
how much this period of time sucks when you've got
two days or one day left. Like Britney flies out
on Friday, so we're recording this on Wednesday. She's got
literally two more days with Ben. Then she flies out
knowing that she's not going to see him for X
amount of time. These couple of days suck because you
want time to go slower. So I do feel for her.
(02:54):
And then she also has a migraine, so she's just
in orbits.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
But anyway, it would be hard to be present because
you actually just feel so deeply sad about the fact
that it's going to be the last time you have
dinner together for sixteen months.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
It's going to be the last time you shout, you know,
like all those little things.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Hopefully Britt doesn't listen to this, because she's like, thanks, guys.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
If I wasn't sad, I am now. Well.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
I did message her last night and I said, Hey,
I think we should have a Delilah coming home party.
Let's get salmon and go for sweet miss Delilah. And
Britt walks in the door and Delilah's like, cook you.
I think she would be like, I don't know whose
mom mom?
Speaker 1 (03:26):
And you look look like it used to be my mom,
but now I live with this mom.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
I wanted to before we get into unpacking your questions,
I wanted to talk about what happened on Married at
First Sight last night. We'll keep it jazzy and snappy
because I think we could talk about this for an
entire episode. But if you guys don't know what I
am speaking about. There is a guy on the show.
His name is Jaden. He's Mitch's brother. Mitch was on
a previous season partnered up with Ls and now he's
(03:54):
married to a woman named Eden. And the reason why
this week is always the controversial week Firstly, it's like
the ranking where they bring people in order of hotness
never goes down.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Well, when will they learn? But we talk about that
every year.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
What also is is that it's confessions week and now
I think that they have really they've just topped it
in terms of confessions this year, and Jaden has broken
the internet with the confession that he has made.
Speaker 4 (04:17):
My ex girlfriend cheeted on me. She was going on
dinner dates, movie dates, and I even had guys openly
admit to me in person that they had slept with her.
I told her that I was willing to give her
another chance, but I'm going to sleep with her best
(04:45):
friend while she watches. One of her friends agreed to
do it. So after a little bit of chatting for
a few days, it happened. Do you regret that? Though
(05:13):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Regret it now.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
The reason why I wanted to talk about this is
because people were absolutely an uproar last night once this
played out. I have many strong feelings about it, but
the more that I've spoken to people about it today,
the more that I've realized that there are conflicting views.
So even when yeah, I know, Keisha, you look shocked,
like how could anybody.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Sorry, I forget that this is an audio platform and
my facial expressions.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Don't tell you what I'm thinking. Speak your thoughts. My
thoughts were, Oh, I just had so many.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
I had so many, but the main one was what
the fuck, which I think is most people's. Secondly, how
did you get a friend who would agree to this?
Speaker 2 (05:56):
I think we can unpack the how, what, why.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
But one of the things in thes I was having
today which made me question everything is because I think
Jayden is getting all of the backlash, like he is
receiving so much vitriol around this around he should regret
his actions XYZ. And now I won't say who it was,
but you know, we were talking about this in our
meetings for radio, so you know other people who work
within media, and their opinion was, well, it's not our
(06:20):
place to yuck their yum like. If that's what works
in their relationship, if that were the rules of engagement
as to how they want to navigate such a sticky
and precarious situation, then that's on them.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
And if everyone's.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Consenting to it, then why are we all being so
judgmental of what works for them? And then so think
about no for one second I sat there and I
was like, yeah, maybe I need to be more open minded.
And then I was like, no, close your mind, Laura,
and be more narrow minded, because I don't think that
this is a consensual situation. I think it is such
emotional manipulation where yes, his girlfriend has done the wrong thing,
(06:53):
she has cheated, she has betrayed his trust, all of that.
But saying to someone in order to be with me,
I need to hurt you, you need to be hurt.
I am going to ruin another relationship that you care
about with a friend that means something to you, and
I want you to watch and be in pain as
a way of trying to get back for the pain
that you're feeling. Is so deeply fucking problematic. And it
(07:16):
is just as bad as when people turn around and go, oh,
they cheated, so I cheated, or they did this, so
I did this. Like an eye for an eye makes
everyone blind in the world, and I just think, like
everyone does. There's so many layers of this conversation that
are problematic, and there's so many layers of it that
just shows how toxic people's behavior can be within relationships.
(07:36):
And that is why I fucking love merrit at first sight,
because it is a social experiment that has us unpacking
how people are actually behaving in some relationships.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
The information was concerning enough, but then the fact that
he didn't regret it, And I don't actually think it's
that he didn't regret it. I think it's the fact
that he didn't regret or have any negative feelings around
the fact that that's the solution that they came to ye,
around the shame of it. Yeah, Like I'm trying to
think of what would have to happen for me to go, Yeah,
(08:06):
that's a fair enough punishment that I have to endure.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
But what's the retribution in that?
Speaker 1 (08:11):
The other thing as well as is I do think
that Jaden has been targeted so so profusely for this,
But to me, everybody in that situation is shit, Like
the girlfriend who's doing the cheating, the friend who is
happy to be used as a pawn in that situation,
and then the guy who's like, well, okay, you hurt me,
so I'm going to hurt you back. Like this is
just the most toxic tread of a relationship.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
This triangle that's been created.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
That it's almost unfathomable, and I think it's really really
problematic the way in which mass casting cast people who
are going to inflame the biggest insecurities in their partner.
And the reason I say that is because if you've
been following along, you would know that Eden's ex boyfriend
actually cheated on her with her best friend. So she's
already had a relationship breakdown, so finding out this information
(08:56):
would have been incredibly triggering.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
For her, which is exactly how she described it.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
Yeah, and I also think going back to this whole
like kink shaming situation, I mean, different strokes for different
folks and all of that.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
If you want to fuck my friend, I'm okay with it,
but I get to watch because I'm into voyeurism.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Different story.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
Absolutely, cox is a category of like people can be
into that. And I actually know someone in my personal
life who is really into this with her husband.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
They in it was called Cox. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
I think that's saying yeah, Well, her and I have
had a conversation about this, exactly as you said. I
didn't want to put my judgment onto her relationship because
whatever they agree to is you know, essential totally, it's
up to them, I asked her like, what is it
about this interplay of having sex with someone else and
having your partner watch that really does it for you?
Speaker 2 (09:44):
Because I'm very true fascinating. I am such a jealous wench.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
I was about to say, I'd like to be a
fly on the wall, but that would make me the
person watch that makes you a boyer literally, So she
said that in their dynamic, he enjoys to watch her
have sex with other men and it gets him off.
He thinks it's really hot. He's like, he finds it
really attractive. And they don't have the role play where
(10:09):
he'll come in and you know, satisfy her more than
the other person. Because that can be a thing as well,
that can be like a dominatrix style of well, I'm
going to pleasure you more. That doesn't completely exist in
their relationship.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
But yeah, like I said, different strokes with different folks.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
For me, having to watch my partner have sex to
someone else is probably the worst form of torture that
I could think of, Like, I would rather be physically harmed.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
I also think for some people this type of behavior
could indicate the beginning of the end, and it may
also have been the case for Jaden since he's now
on merrit At First Site and single. Do you think
that her agreeing to that situation was like a this
isn't all encompassing. Everything will be forgiven from this point
for it.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Do you know what I mean? Do you know what?
Speaker 1 (10:54):
I could talk about marrit at First Site all day long,
because honestly, every year, firstly, it is an in terms
of juggernauts, Like two point two million was the ratings
for the first two episodes, and there is no other
free to air TV show, especially on the reality side
of things, that gets the type of consistent ratings that
Married at First Sight does. It's the water cooler chat
that used to once upon a time be The Bachelor,
(11:16):
but it has completely superseded where they are standing out.
I mean, we all know no one's watching The Bachelor.
We're not even recapping it anymore.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
I actually think that, funnily enough, the reason that we
like it so much is because it's voyeuristic into other
relationship dynamics. So we're putting other people's relationships under a microscope,
and I think there's a massive element of going my
problems don't seem so big anymore because my.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Boyfriend hasn't asked me to do that.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Everything is fine, everything is awesome.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
I totally agree. Well, what is your vibe for this week?
Speaker 4 (11:47):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (11:48):
My vibe for this week?
Speaker 3 (11:49):
And I want to just preface this by saying I
have the utmost respect for beauticians around this country, anyone
who works in the beauty industry.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
I think you do incredible things for people's confidence.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Which is hilarious because after Twoday's episode, we just ripped
a hole in a whole heap of cosmetologists.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
So yeah, yeah, we did. That's fine, keep going well.
I have a lot of respect for you. But my
current situation is that I've moved house. My rent is
through the roof, and I've had to kind of pull
the purse strings a little tighter in other areas.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Of my life.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
So I have got my own brow lamination kit. See
how they look a nice and fluffy.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
They really are. But I don't trust myself for that stuff.
What is it that you don't trust? We follow the instructions.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
I don't usually read instructions, so that could be my
first problem point of call. But no, I just don't.
I feel like I would make a mistake. Maybe I
feel a bit better about this. My first job.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
I worked in a hair salum when I was a teenager.
Speaker 3 (12:40):
For four years, and so the solution that they use
is the same as perm solution. So it has this
really bad smell to it. So if you are going
to do this at home, that's normal. It has this
really discomonia chemical smell. I don't know what it is,
but it's gross.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Anyway. There's this brand it's called Luster.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
I purchased it from Mecha and it it was ninety
nine dollars for five sachets, so like five goes of
the brow lamination.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
And I reckon, I did a good job. Your eyes
look amazing.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Eyebrows, I mean sisters, not twins, but they look great.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
They do look really good. They're supposed to be sisters,
not twins.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
Would they be a close enough friend for Jaden to
think that Jayden would do the left one not the
right one.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
He'd made the right one. Watch anyway.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
So I'm not trying to take away from the beauty industry.
What you do is God's work. And I'm still going
to go and get them done. Like I don't really
get my brows done that much anyway. I probably get
them done once a year and then I do the
maintenance myself, Like I just get a professional to get
the shape back, and then gradually throughout the course of
the year, I lose the shape because I just pluck
where I need to and add some tint every now and.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
They look great. Kisha, thank you.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
So you'll put in the show notes where everyone can
go and get their brow limination kits from.
Speaker 3 (13:56):
Yeah, there's a whole bunch of different brands. This is
a particular one that I tried and I thought it
was so okay.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Well I once, actually it's alive, done it several times.
But you know, like derma blading, as I was called
derma planing, you literally shave your face, but with a
razor that looks more feminine, so you don't have to
tell everyone that you shave your face. If you've seen
it look like a little scalpel. You can get them.
I think I spoke about shaving once on the podcast
and then a like a Gillette type brand sent me
(14:23):
a whole heap of female face raisors, and I was like,
that's offensive, but I'll take them anyway.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
I use them.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
This is that speaking about at home treatments and I
cut my neck and I was like I now literally
look like a dude who shaves his face because I've
got tissue papers walking on the house. Matt looked at me,
was like, how did you do that? And I was like,
female face shaving, which is a whole different thing. It's
called them blaeding, planing whatever.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
I have one that's like an electric I guess it's
an electric shaver, but it's specifically for the same thing.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
But it gets rid of the peach fuzz. That's whatever.
Everyone has it.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
Okay, I'm not here to We are not shaming female's
growing facial hair.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
It's a thing. If you have peacos, which I do,
it's definitely a thing. No, and I'm not shaming it.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
I think we should be talking about it more because
I think if you are somebody who has peach fuzz, firstly,
it's not peach fuzz. It's just facial hair. But we've
been told to call it peach fuzz because it makes
it more lady like. It doesn't fucking matter me too.
I have thick sideburns sometimes and now I shave them
and no one needs to know, and everybody trying to like,
what the fuck am I listening to.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
In this room?
Speaker 1 (15:22):
But it's true. I think like this whole idea of
derma planing. Yes, I'm sure it exfoliates, but let's stop
lying to ourselves. We are shaving our faces. If you
do it on the reg you're a face shaver. Just
join the club, all right. That's gonna weird some people out,
and I'm okay with it. My recommendation for this week
is a podcast. Now. The reason why I'm recommending this
(15:43):
is it's run by Georgie Taney and Kirsten. We spoke
to Kurston on the radio show this week. But I
think for anybody who's going to Taylor Swift aerostores, if
you are in to the Tailor Swift fandom, this is
absolutely for you. It is called Ready for It. And
they're very small, bite sized episodes. They're fantastic. They're eight
minut and it's to about twenty minutes long. And what
each episode does is it goes into the songs and
(16:05):
the errors of Taylor Swift's different personalities. So you know,
they'll unpack songs from nineteen ninety eight, the little easter
eggs are in those songs, the meaning behind them, what
different albums have meant, and how she's kind of come
to the creative storytelling that she has. So if you're
into Taylor Swift, it's very cool to chronologically work through
all the parts of her life and the things that
(16:27):
have influenced her music and at the end of the day,
the songs that she's written. But also if you're not
someone who's that end to Taylor Swift, but maybe your
friends are, and maybe your friends talk about it and
you want to know a little bit more, I think
that there's so much about Taylor Swift and her career
and lifespan that it's almost too big to get into.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Now.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
You either are like you're a Swifty or you're not
a Swifty, And if you're not a Swifty, the idea
of becoming one is like so all encompassing that no
one even knows where to start.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
And the thing about the podcast.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
That's really cool is the reason why they started this
is because, and I think the story behind it's so wholesome.
Kirson and Georgie Tanney had seen a TikTok video and
it was about a dad who was taking his two
twin girls to one of the concerts in the States,
and they were so deeply obsessed and so entrenched in
the information around Taylor Swift and what she is and represents,
(17:16):
and he was like, I don't understand anything, and I
don't feel like I can connect with my kids. So
I think it's also a really cool thing from that
perspective as well. Maybe we have older parents who are
listening who feel like it's something that they'd love to
connect with their kids with.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
This could be a really, really nice place to start.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
Yeah, I think the whole Taylor Swift thing, I mean,
obviously she's got one of the biggest impacts in pop
culture ever.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
But not even just pop culture. It's an economic impact.
It's literally it has so deeply gone beyond just pop
culture impact to the point where, I mean we were
speaking about it and you're like, presidents are asking her
to come because it brings an increase in income into
the country. Like the cultural phenomena that is Taylor Swift
is something that I think is unparalleled. Everyone is talking
(17:59):
about Taylor Swift at the moment, So if you want
to get up to speed with it, that's my recommendation.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Ready for it.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Georgie Tuney from The Project She's brilliant, and also Kirsten
who Interestingly, Kirston, who's the other host. She used to
be a booker on the project, so she used to
do like celebrity bookings for them, and now she does
it for the Kyle.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
And JACKIEO Show.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
So she's really really cool and she's kind of like
knows all the ins and outs of celebrity news.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Oh, she'd have some behind the scenes. Yeah, yeah, Should
we get into the questions all right? Question number one?
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Now, this one was posted into the Facebook group anonymously
and so many people had opinions on this. It was
also sent to our dms as well, so it was
so nice they sent it twice, which meant we felt
as though we had to give this one some airtime
because I think we have slightly conflicting views to what
seemed like the majority of response on the Facebook thread. Okay,
(18:50):
so this is the question. My partner sees a female barber,
which is fine. However, she lives thirty minutes away from him.
She also works from her own house and wears skimpy aprons,
and she also gave him chocolates for Christmas. She gave
him a game to try. Recently, he sees her every
three weeks and the last time he went, he shaved
and I'm talking, he's shaved everything. I've expressed my concerns
(19:15):
and he has said that I am being insecure? Am
I insecure? Or is this just weird?
Speaker 2 (19:22):
Keisha?
Speaker 3 (19:24):
Hang on, I'm just gonna reach into my bag and
pull out the red flag to wave.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
You think he's being bad naughty? Why are you shaving everything?
Speaker 1 (19:33):
Okay? The shaving everything could have just been a coincidence.
I think yeah, he could have been.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
But if it was, would his response have been your
being insecure? Or would you have been like, oh, I
can understand that you notice that I shaved all of
my ball.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
I went and saw my barber. I'm so sorry that
my balls are covered in Natella.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
I just want to to try out this new thing
before going there.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
I don't know how you got the impression that you did.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
Okay, firstly, I don't think you're being insecure. I think
that you are being suspicious and you have been given
enough reasons that I would raise a question for me.
The issue here is not the fact that she's asked
the question or kind of like brought it up as
a subject of something that's a little bit odd. It's
the fact that he kind of shut it down and
(20:26):
tried to flip it back on you.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
I don't like that.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
Yeah, I guess when I saw this in the Facebook group,
I think we don't have enough information to make a
decision as to whether your boyfriend is or isn't doing
the wrong thing. And I actually don't think that this
question is around whether he is cheating on you or
whether he's not cheating on you. I think that this
is a broader question around being validated. So if you
have an insecurity in your relationship because your partner is
(20:49):
doing things that make you feel not safe, not stable,
and you know what, there's enough things in this list
that if you wrote them down as you did, the
majority of women reading them as they were in the
Facebook group would say, yeah, that's weird, and I would
feel the same. I think feel validated in the fact
that almost every person who read that question thought that
(21:09):
this was the sign of red flags, as did.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
You, Cash.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
But I think it's too little information to make the
decision that, Okay, he's doing the wrong thing, but it's
not too little information to make the decision that he's
not validating your concerns.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
And I think when your concerns go completely disregarded.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
When you're told that you're being insecure, you feel as
though you're being gas lit and you feel crazier. So
even if it is no reason to be concerned, that
means that it just it kind of snowballs into a
bigger thing than it needs to be. So I would,
in the same way that you have laid everything out
to us, sit down and have an actual conversation with
your partner, not accusatory, not saying, well, you shaved balls
(21:50):
and then you went saw Sarah and she was in
a skimpy apron shavy balls for me, because genuinely it
could have been a coincidence in timing. And also, I
think like your definition of skimpy clothing versus what she's
actually wearing could be two completely different things. She could
be wearing bike shorts with an apron over the top,
(22:10):
do you know what I mean? And if that makes
you feel insecure, then that probably says more about you
and the things that make you insecure than it necessarily
does about him, right, And that's a whole different thing
to unpack. But I think it's a conversation of this
does make me feel insecure. I'm a bit embarrassed that
it makes me feel insecure. And I'm letting you know
because you know, I'm giving you an opportunity to give
(22:32):
me that security.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
That's literally what you're doing here.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
And he could turn around and say, oh my god, baby,
you've got nothing to worry about. Come with me to
the next appointment meet her. Maybe you've already been there
and that's how you know x y Z. But I
think give him the opportunity to show you that your
fears are more important to him than his haircut, and
that's really important. When you just.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
Put it like that, it's so funny because we're actually
talking about the fact. I mean, like, I understand that
traveling more than thirty minutes to someone else's home and
going every three weeks, When you listed out like that,
it can make you raise your.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Eyebrows and go, that's a little odd.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
But my boyfriend goes to the barber every three weeks,
and I swear to God. He comes home and I'm like,
didn't you have an appointment for a haircut?
Speaker 2 (23:16):
And he's like, yeah, I had my haircut.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
And Matt goes every five weeks, and I think it's
weird because I've been to the hairdresser once in a year,
which he thinks is crazy. He thinks, I'm like, what's
that thing from Adam's family that has the hair alait
cousin it, cousin it. Yeah, He's like, you've got something
wrong with you because you don't go to the hairdressers.
But like guys shaving faces, shaving my face myself, I
do a dear wide job.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
But I mean it though, like a lot of men
take their personal.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Grooming quite seriously, especially when it comes to hair maintenance,
and they go very frequently because they have short haircuts
and it needs to be maintained. That to me is
not the alarm bells and it is weird that he
shaved everything. But okay, the big question is does he
do it every time? Like was it a one off
that coincided? You know, he jumped in the shower, was
in the shower, and then was like, oh, just shave everything,
and then I'm getting my haircut later. So it's a
(24:03):
day of maintenance or is it always the day of maintenance?
That's the big question, because you may have loads of
reasons to be worried, and you may have none at all,
but it comes down to how he reacts to your insecurities.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
That really outlines what is a good partner. Absolutely agree, okay.
Speaker 3 (24:18):
Question number two can you ever put conditions on an engagement?
One of my close friends, who is a man, wants
to propose to his long term girlfriend. They are in
their late twenties. She has never got her driving license.
There's no trauma or history around driving preventing her getting it.
She just never learned to drive, as everyone drives her around.
(24:39):
He's a nice he drives her to all her UNI exams, appointments, etc.
Friends drive her to all her events. I know it
does upset him, as it can be a burden to
always be the driver. There are no other relationship issues.
He has asked me if it's okay to bring up
with her that he will only propose if she gets
her license. I'm so unsettled by and I cannot work
(25:01):
out if it is okay to put a condition on
proposing to someone.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
I liked this question because I think normally I would
have said it's not okay to put a condition on
someone like I think I would have said it's not
okay to have ultimatums and conditions in relationships.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
When I say that out loud.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
I'm like, no, that's really stupid, because it is okay
to have conditions in relationships. It's actually really okay to
say what you do and don't want and outline the
type of relationship you want. And I think the reason
why I'm okay with this is because I don't think
it's about the driving. I think it's about this idea
of independence. I think he very much is saying I
(25:40):
don't want a relationship where it is a requirement of
our relationship that I am having to be a n
uber driver to my partner, where I have to drive
them everywhere. And also it goes beyond at this point
in time, just driving them to UNI appointments or driving
them to you know, wherever they've got to go. If
you have kids with this person, it means that you
then are the one who's always driving to the shops
(26:01):
to go and pick up the stuff you're driving to
get the nappies and X y Z. And I just
want to make something clear because this is a very
privileged take right, Like not everyone has the privilege of
being able to afford a car, and not everyone has
the privilege of being able to get a license, but
some people have the privilege to choose, and that's what's
different about her situation is that she is so privileged
that she can choose that she doesn't want to because
(26:23):
she has people to do it for her. And now
I would say to my friends if they were in
a relationship I'm talking heterosexual relationship with a guy who
everything was great, but he didn't know how to clean,
he didn't know how to turn a washing machine on,
he couldn't take care of himself. In that way, I
would say it's okay to have a standard in your relationship,
which is I'm not going to marry you until you
(26:45):
can figure out how to use the fucking washing machine
and do your own washing, because I'm not going to
have a relationship where I look after you and tend
to you for the rest of my life. So I
think genders flipped, it's okay to say, well, I don't
want to be in a relationship where it's a requirement
that I drive you everywhere. And I think that at
the end of the day, it comes down to independence,
and it comes down to the type of relationship you
(27:06):
want mutually moving forward.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
You haven't specifically said it, but I think I'm reading
between the lines, and it sounds as though there's a
little bit of entitlement here.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
You know, this.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
Idea that her life is it's pretty easy because everyone
else does stuff for me. Everyone else is more than
happy to take me from A to B. And I'm
going to expect that for forever on. And that's if
there isn't an actual reason that she doesn't want it.
I mean, you've said that there isn't any trauma or anything,
but I guess you don't necessarily know that for sure
(27:37):
because you haven't asked her specifically about it. I would
assume that her fiance would probably be privy to that information.
But I mean, look, I love to be a passenger princess.
I hate driving. I absolutely love being driven around. When
I went to Europe with Tobleboro and my boyfriend, because
I wasn't thirty yet, it was a lot more expensive
for us to render car.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
To get the insurance, You're like, well, well, baby, I
have to try.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
I was like, well, we could save a couple hundred
Europe wasn't even that much.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
It was like seventy five euros or something. But I
do this as well.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
I think there's definitely two types of people like if
we Matt and I are walking towards the car he's
driving because I hate driving, so I will always opt
for him to do it. But the thing is is
I have the ability to so if there's an instance
where he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to take
one hundred percent of the load. If he wants to
be the one who sits on his phone while he
gets chauffeured around, he's allowed to be that person every
(28:30):
so often. And you know he will say, I'm not
driving today. It's on you, and it's okay.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
I completely agree, And I was going to say that
when we did that trip around Europe, there was a
little bit of not resent but I could tell he
was a bit pissed off about the fact that the
burden of driving was always on him. But also, if
you're living life together and you are the type of
people who may go and have a couple of drinks
when you go out for dinner or go to a
friend's barbecue, it also automatically puts them as the person
(28:57):
who cannot They have to be, you know, at having
a good time. You can't take it in turns totally.
It's not going to be a one for one.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
But the other thing about this, I mean, I have
two more things I want to say. One is, if
you're someone who doesn't want to drive and you don't
want to get your license and you're listening to this
and you have the option, but you've chosen you don't
want to do that, that's okay. I'm not pooh poohing
people who make that decision. But what I'm saying is
you also have to be okay with getting public transport.
That you have to also be okay with having the
(29:25):
independence and autonomy to figure out your own shit and
be an adult and not expect other people to pander
to you, because I think you can't make one decision
when that decision is based on the expectation that other
people are going to do things for you. The person
who wrote this question in I mean, I love that
you have had the thought, you know, is this a problem?
And you've had the thought to write in the question,
(29:48):
and you do think kind of more laterally around well
should relationships be conditional or unconditional?
Speaker 2 (29:53):
And is this an issue?
Speaker 1 (29:55):
I think sometimes we need to worry less about our friends' relationships.
If that's what he wants for his relationship, and that's
a caveat that he has and a conversation he wants
to have with his partner. And I think, like, don't
exhaust yourself with their relationship problems. And I know he
asked the question, but I would almost be like, you
do you like the way in which you wrote the
(30:15):
question is though it's such a deep problem, I think
it's really not like there's much bigger fish that they
could be frying in their relationship than whether or not
she's going to drive a car.
Speaker 3 (30:24):
See, I might see this a little bit differently. It
also could be that he is the type of guy who,
you know, there's been a lot of progression in terms
of gender roles in the past ten twenty years, and
he might be the type of guy who is like,
I want to do the right thing, and I don't
want to have a bit of a fucked view of this,
And so I'm going to turn to my female friend
and ask for her opinion on this. The main question
(30:45):
is can you ever put conditions on an engagement? I
think absolutely, I would have so many conditions on my engagement.
I remember, Laura, you said something to me years ago,
and I've never forgotten it. When people say we will
love each other unconditionally. It's actually not as healthy as
what I think people have romanticized it to be.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
Your love with your partner should be conditional. It's hundred traditional.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
That they treat you properly, that there is trust in
the relationship, that.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
They respect you.
Speaker 3 (31:12):
You know, like this idea of not having conditions, it's
actually being used to flatten people.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
We actually wrote about this in Well We Love Love
the book. I can't remember the chapter, so go by
the book read the whole thing. But I wrote about
this in the book and it came off the back
of something that I saw Hamish Blake had posted.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
So it's a very sweet story.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
Basically, during their wedding vows, Zoe made a mistake and
she said I will love you conditionally, unconditionally, and then
you know, she corrected her wedding vows and Hamish had
a post years later and he was like, I'll never
forget on our wedding day when Zoe said that she
was going to love me conditionally, And what a smart
woman she is, because great relationships have conditions, because they're
(31:53):
the rules of which you show up to your relationship
to be your best self. And I so deeply agree
with this. I think that maybe this is a silly condition.
The whole driving thing feels silly, but it does pertain
to a bigger thing, which comes down to independence, and
that comes down to how you want your partner to
behave in a relationship and how codependent you want them
(32:13):
to be to you and to what you provide.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
And I don't think he's asking you know, he's not saying,
I will propose to you on the day that you
successfully get your peace. I think what he's asking more
so is for her to initiate the process of contributing
to the team of the burden that is driving. All right,
Question number three, Laura, Very interested to get your opinions
on this one, because my opinions are based off of nothing.
(32:37):
My husband of six years and I have two beautiful boys,
aged five and three. We have always said that we
wanted to have three kids. Our perspective did change a
little after our second as he was a handful. Now
that they're a little older, I'm getting clucky again, except
my husband is very adamant that he's done having kids.
I guess I just don't know how to move past
(32:58):
this feeling of having another baby. I've been thinking about
it every day for a good six months. I know
that if my husband isn't on board, then it is
what it is. But how do I move past this feeling?
Speaker 2 (33:10):
I feel like this is my question? Did I write
this in?
Speaker 1 (33:13):
Is this my question to ask gun cup Keisha, please
answer it with all of your wise wisdom. I so
deeply relate to this because this is exactly this is
exactly the situation that Matt and I are going through
at the moment. So I mean slightly different. I never
thought I wanted to have three kids. I kind of
was the one who always said I wanted to have two.
And then I thought when I had two, I would
(33:34):
feel this feeling of completeness. I thought I would push
out lalla and I'd be like, well, that's my family done.
You know how you sometimes see those Instagram posts which
are like the perfect piece of the puzzle, and now
our family is complete. I thought I would feel like that,
And then that feeling never came, and Matt always wanted
to have three, so then I was like, oh, okay,
I guess we're gonna have three kids. In the last year,
(33:54):
Matt has been the one that has progressively become more
resolute the idea that he's happy to only have two children,
and now we're at the place where he absolutely has
zero interest in having another baby, and he's been very,
very very vocal about it and says that shop shut.
And I very much am on the other complete end
(34:15):
of the spectrum and really would love the opportunity to
have another baby. It's fucking hard, and it's hard for
two reasons. One because you're not on the same page
with your partner, so you feel like, well, one of
us is going to not get what we want, like
one of us is going to lose out. There's no
compromising on having a baby. I can't have half.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
I'll just take the top off, actually the bottom half.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
I don't even know what half is better, but you know,
like you can't compromise on having a kid. And the
second thing is is that you almost feel as though
you're ungrateful and you're not able to talk about it,
because anyone who has children knows the privilege that comes
with being able to say that you have children and
to have that experience, because there's so many people who
can't have one or who are going through fertility issues,
(34:55):
So it feels almost selfish to say, well, the issue
I'm having with my partner is that I can't have three, Like,
how fucking greedy of me, you know?
Speaker 2 (35:02):
And I understand how that is.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
My feelings of grief do not even remotely compare to
the feelings of grief that someone has who can't have
a baby or who is going through fertility struggles.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
And I absolutely understand that.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
But I think in order to answer this question, it's
important to at least validate that everybody is allowed to
have feelings about, you know, whatever place they are in
their motherhood journey, whether it be one child, two children,
no children, whatever that is, and that one person's feelings
doesn't necessarily take away from another person's experience at all.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
I guess the thing I.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Wanted to add to this is the two things that
have helped me very much so is asking myself two questions.
One is what am I gonna get that I don't
already get from my two beautiful children? What more is
a third child going to bring to my life? And
if I was to push Matt to have a baby
when he doesn't want it, what damage would that cause
to my relationship? Because above everything, my relationship to him
(35:56):
is the most important thing to me, because I think
if we'd don't cherish that and work on that and
keep ourselves at the top of the list, then we
won't have a marriage in ten years time. So I
value his opinion. But it does mean that it's like
a process of grief that you have to go through.
It's a process of acceptance.
Speaker 3 (36:14):
Can I ask you? And I don't know if this
is maybe better? I mean, I don't know if this
exists on life on cut but if this is actually
a bit too personal, if you're to answer the question
of what more can I get out of having a
third child?
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Is there a part of you that feels a.
Speaker 3 (36:29):
Little bit guilty for even thinking about that, because it
almost I don't know if it implies the inverse is
that you're not getting something in your existing children.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
The cup hasn't been filled by those existing kids. Is
that something that enters your mind?
Speaker 1 (36:44):
It's not that, I mean, there's many reasons why people
want to have bigger families. You know, it's because some
people have this ideology of what you want Christmas to
look like in ten years time. You know, you want
all the kids and you want to be this old
granny with children around the dinner table, and like, who
even knows if your kids are going to like you
when they're grown up. They might, you know, they might
move to another country and not be around the dinner table.
And that's all big possibilities as well. I think we
(37:07):
can't project what we expect our kids to.
Speaker 2 (37:09):
Be like for us when we're older. That's not fair
on them either.
Speaker 1 (37:12):
But what I think is different about having little kids
is that And what I think I've come to accept
is it's not about getting more, it's not about that
something is missing. But every child is so different you
get something different from them. So what I get from
Lola I don't get from Mali, and what I get
from Mali I don't get from Lola, because there's such
different personalities and there's this incredible joy in discovering their personalities.
(37:35):
And I think for me, it's understanding and accepting the
fact that as a three year old now, like Lola
just turned three last week, she's out of the baby
phase and she's out of the toddler phase and we're
going into a whole new phase. But if I don't
have another baby, I'm never going to experience that phase.
Again and I loved it so much and it was
such a beautiful, magical, transformative time in my life that
(37:58):
I feel is the way. Want to do it one
more time and then maybe I'll feel as though I'm finished.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
But maybe not.
Speaker 3 (38:05):
There's an element of grieving what you aren't going to
have again, because you might not have thought that that
was the last time you were going to have those experiences,
especially if you expected to have another child, which in
this particular situation, you and your husband did expect that.
Speaker 1 (38:20):
Yeah, And I think it's the same. I don't know
what do you do? Your question was like, what do
you do to get over it? What do you do
to stop thinking about it? I think it's the same
thing about what do you do to get over a
bad breakup? What do you do to get over any
type of like heartbreak or feeling as though your life
didn't go on the trajectory that you wanted it to go.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
It's really shit.
Speaker 1 (38:38):
It takes time, and it also takes reminding yourself of
all the positive, amazing things that you have in your
life already.
Speaker 3 (38:44):
I also think that it would be important to understand
the reasonings as to why your husband has changed his
mind totally, so having an understanding of the sacrifice that
would be involved. Is it a financial consideration, is it
an emotional consideration. Does he feel as though he is
at his capacity providing for the family. I don't know
(39:05):
what your working situation is. I don't know what your
housework situation is or your child load.
Speaker 1 (39:10):
You know how your personal love cut between each other.
I always mentioned it, but it really does like you
just deprioritize your relationship when you have kids.
Speaker 3 (39:20):
He could be really excited about the fact that you've
now got a five year old and a three year
old and you guys are gonna get a bit more
of you back, you know, like you're going to have
the possibility of going on date nights again and not
doing the nappy situation. And he could be more excited
about gaining that back from your relationship. And this is
under the assumption that you've lost it, which, like you said, Laura,
(39:42):
most people do. And I'm not saying it's gone, but
it's probably decreased.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
Totally to a degree, you know, like that there's an
element of it.
Speaker 3 (39:49):
Yeah, And also I'm sorry because it sucks like it sucks,
and like we said, you can't meet halfway. We often
land on Well, this is a compromise you could make. Unfortunately,
in this situation, there isn't one, and I feel you,
I know.
Speaker 2 (40:04):
Slide into a lawer's DMS and you guys can chat.
Slide into Matt's DMS. He'll tell you why he doesn't
want to have more kids. Okay, last question.
Speaker 1 (40:12):
My recent ex of five years is back on Tinder
after only one week of breaking up with me. We
had a kind and respectful relationship, and he has said
that he would take a really long time before being
able to move on. I think he may have checked
out a long time ago, but he kept saying future
affirming things to me, which masked a lot of his
behavior in the lead up. I know he hasn't technically
(40:34):
done anything wrong in terms of timing, but how do
I move on from this and the feeling of being
so replaceable? Oh it's so shit, isn't it.
Speaker 3 (40:44):
I've been in this situation, except mine wasn't even a year.
So like I'm going to times the pain I felt
by five, it just feels this is a week.
Speaker 2 (40:53):
What are you talking about? No, they were together for
five years.
Speaker 1 (40:55):
Oh I thought you meant I thought you meant, you've
been broken up for a year, and I was like galling.
Speaker 2 (40:59):
For a two shop, get your whole onto things.
Speaker 1 (41:03):
You saw him on Tinder a year later, Oh my god, No,
I meant my.
Speaker 3 (41:09):
Relationship was so much shorter, so less future plans, but
we did have them, and it just sucks. I know
that you know the technicalities of they can do whatever
they want and all of that exists when you're in
a relation with shit with someone, especially if you've been
with them for five years, you think that you're really special,
like you think that you're but you are special, of
(41:30):
course you are, but when you find out a week
later that they're trying to fill the gap, it really
can have you feeling as though what you had together
was somewhat insignificant.
Speaker 1 (41:41):
I can completely relate from both sides because I've been
the person who's done this, and I've also been the
person who is in your situation where I've seen x'es
very soon afterwards. Like I said, I have done this,
and I think for me it came from a place
of normally, when you're in a long term relationship, you
have someone to love you, the validation, you have, the
(42:01):
comfort you're not lonely. All the things that the relationship
provides has been taken away from him as well. Relationship
breakups are so hard for people who are broken up with,
but they're also really hard for the person who's doing
the breaking up. And I'm not trying to play a
devil's advocate here. I'm not trying to be like, let's
think of the poor guy. But what I'm saying is,
as he swipes.
Speaker 2 (42:20):
And gets LARRISI in his thumb.
Speaker 1 (42:22):
What I mean is is that seeing someone who you
are in a relationship with on Tinder doesn't mean that
he's over the relationship, and it doesn't mean that the
relationship is instantly replaceable. It is a band aid and
a distraction for how he is feeling. And I think
even if he says it's going to take me a
really long time to get over this, it may it
may not, But him being on Tinder is not an
(42:44):
indication that he is over the breakup or that he's
in a great place. When you're in a relationship, you
think you know someone so well, you think you know
how they're going to respond in adverse situations. But people
do really shit things in breakups, and they act in
a way that you think, oh my god, I didn't
even know that person. I don't even know who they are,
(43:04):
because the person I love would have never done xyz.
It's so easy to look at things black and white,
but like, people do shitty things, and it doesn't mean
that what existed wasn't real. Him going on Tinder now
doesn't completely mean that the last ten months or six
months of your relationship wasn't important, or that he wasn't
working through whatever. And I say this because it's kinder
(43:25):
to yourself than being like I meant nothing because of
this one thing that he's doing now, or sometimes we
go they cheated, so they didn't love me at all.
People can have multifaceted feelings. You can cheat on someone
that you love. It doesn't mean that it's healthy. It's
fucking super toxic. But people do many things and life
is not black and white. I would say go and
(43:45):
listen to our episode that we did all around breakups,
because right now you need to focus less on what
he is doing right now and more on what you
can do to heal yourself, and that is stuff like
going no contact, going and spending time with your friends.
If you're friends, see him on Tinder or see him
doing stuff and make sure that they know not to
report back to you because this information is not going
(44:07):
to help you and it's only going to hurt you further.
I also think that Tinder dating apps in general that
soon after a relationship.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
I know for myself when I experienced this, there.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
Was this guttural feeling of oh my god, they're going
to be sleeping with someone tomorrow. I think we can
catastrophize the situation and we can give ourselves the worst
case scenario.
Speaker 2 (44:29):
I mean, look, he.
Speaker 3 (44:29):
Might be going on dates, he might be hooking up
with people. Like all of the above may be true.
Speaker 1 (44:33):
He might be getting some validation because he's you know,
feels lonely, he feel shit.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
It's likely that.
Speaker 3 (44:40):
The scenario you have painted in your head is the
worst case scenario.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
So I just want to bring you.
Speaker 3 (44:44):
Back a little bit from that edge, because it's not
likely to be as bad as what you have told yourself.
It is depending on how you found out about it.
I mean, if he has come to you and told you,
that's kind of cruel. If you've found out in a
different way. I just want to remind you that you know,
is he hasn't done this to deliberately hurt you. However, typically,
(45:05):
and this is very stereotypically of gender norms, girls often
process the breakup really really really bad at the start.
You know, we go through that grieving process immediately, we're
super upset. We do the crying, we do the Taylor
Swift songs, like we do the binge eating ice cream.
And I think anecdotally it sometimes takes men a little
bit longer, Like often it will be two or three
(45:26):
months down the track before it kind of sets in.
How different their life is compared to what it was
when they were with you, and they grieve a breakup
in a very different way. Wouldn't it be a plot
twist if the reason why she saw he was on
Tinder was because she was on tinder.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
This it's happened to it is really small. I was like,
I know you're on here. I will find you. Maybe
he was on there because he was checking if you
were on there. It could wait.
Speaker 3 (45:52):
The breakup er is not checking to see if the
breakup he is on there.
Speaker 1 (45:57):
Maybe you never know, but really, if that was the case,
think about how you're feeling.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
Yeah, fucking don't super like, don't block.
Speaker 1 (46:06):
Him anyway, guys, that is it from us and Brittany
is back from Scotland next week, so we're gonna be
in the same room, which is wild and we are
all so excited for it. And if you have a
question for asking Cut for Britain and I to answer
slide in the DMS. You can do that a Life
on Cut podcast on Instagram. You can join us on
the Facebook discussion group which is Life on Cut Discussion Group.
Speaker 3 (46:25):
Also, just want to interject what a Facebook discussion group
is so great?
Speaker 2 (46:31):
Keisha lives in there.
Speaker 3 (46:32):
I actually spend an unhealthy amount of time in there.
If you're in the Facebook group, you're probably like, yeah,
I see you comment on the fuck of everything?
Speaker 2 (46:40):
Get a live I lurk. I'm there, but I'm lurking.
Speaker 3 (46:43):
I love it so much and I feel as though
it's such a nice point of connection for me to
feel as though I know everyone in this community and
I know that it exists within other life as as well.
Like there's these friendships that are quite weird parasocial style
of friendships that exist across the country.
Speaker 2 (47:00):
It's so cool.
Speaker 1 (47:02):
How fucking lucky are we that we have this community
where if you guys do have questions. There's so many
anonymous questions that get posted in there. Everybody gives their
lived experience, their advice how they would show up in
the situations that you're experiencing. I know that we get
to answer questions here on the podcast, but even like
the one we did earlier today, there's so many that
get asked on there, and I would say overarchingly for
(47:23):
how many thousands of you in that group, it is
so supportive. Of course, at times things can go awry,
but we do our best to make sure that everyone
is playing safe. And honestly, we're so proud of you guys.
We fucking love this community so much.
Speaker 2 (47:35):
Don't know what The.
Speaker 1 (47:36):
Last thing I asked for advice in the Facebook group
was on brow elimination.
Speaker 2 (47:40):
Better contents insurance.
Speaker 1 (47:43):
Wow, you can really ask compare the market dot com.
Speaker 3 (47:47):
Literally though, there's the answer to everything in there, and
find it in the Facebook discussion group.
Speaker 2 (47:53):
The link will be in the show notes. And also
you can join us on TikTok and that's it from us.
Speaker 3 (47:58):
You know the drill, tay you, I'm tell you, I
tell you, don't tell your friends and share the love
because we love love
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