May 29, 2024 • 41 mins
Hey Lifers!
Welcome back to Ask Uncut where we answer all of your deep and dark dilemmas!
Britt is particularly chirpy today because her 5 month unintentional celibacy is over! Ben is in town! Laura doesn't have the time for p*rn but she does have the time for an instagram trend that involves you all breathing out all the way and screaming... This isn't our most intellectual episode!
Vibes for the week:
Britt - Apples Never Fall on Binge
Keeshia - "Hale" on Spotify Hale Breathwork.
Laura - We the wild Neem Oil Spray
Then we get into your questions:
- PUTTING A FAKE AGE ON DATING APPS
I matched with a guy on a dating app and we met up for lunch yesterday. I made a comment about how he and I were of a similar age and generation (me being 38 and him 40) to which he said, “Oh, no, I’m actually 45.” This is not the first, second or third time this has happened. I have had this happen innumerable times and there is always the excuse that, “the app wouldn’t let me change it.” To which my thought is, “well if you were honest in the first place, you wouldn’t need to change anything.”
Questions:
1. Do women put an incorrect age in the dating apps too? My experience is with dating men and I am curious about whether this is something everyone does or not.
2. He was otherwise lovely so is it better to just brush it aside as being a mistake and go on another date? Or do I take this as a sign of being insincere and an amber flag and move on to another match?
- HIS EX KEEPS REACHING OUT TO MY PARTNER AND HIS FAMILY
My partner of 2 years (he is wonderful, definitely my penguin, we own a house together, but currently doing long distance due to work) has let me know that his ex (they were together for 8 years and separated amicably) has been in contact with him (sending lots of one way messages asking to catch up which he hasn’t replied to) but she has also been in contact with his family and grandparents and has organised to meet up with them in the next few weeks 😬 and has also asked to see him and his mum. He told me straight away and has said that it’s up to me whether he goes to see her or not. I trust him completely so it’s not like I am concerned anything will happen between them, but the situation has made me feel really uneasy! I know that 8 years is a long time to be in a relationship, and that you can get pretty close with family, but to continue be in contact after 2+ years of being separated and continue to organise catch ups does make me feel unsure about the situation, and also where I stand with his family (we have always gotten along swimmingly). For context I live in a different state to him and his family. What should I do? I feel like I really can’t be the one to say that she shouldn’t be in contact with him/family anymore because I’ll be the “bad guy”, and am I just being insecure about the fact that the ex and my partner's family have a close relationship! - PARTNER DOESN'T WANT TO WATCH ME GIVE BIRTH
The most recent podcast about pregnancy/ childbirth got my boyfriend and I talking about when we are in the situation. He just told me that he doesn’t know if he will be able to watch! Is that a normal reaction for blokes? I’m so offended he wouldn’t want to watch. I also think that when he is actually in the situation it’ll be different
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
were never seeded. We pay our respects to their elders
past and present.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
recorded on gadigal Land. Hi, guys, and welcome back to
another episode of Life on Cut.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
I'm Laura, I'm no longer horny, and I'm also Brittany.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
That's wow.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
We it is amazing how much we've spoked about your
sex life recently.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
And I'm not I'm not mad about it. I'm wild
for you. It's because eighty percent of the year, I
don't have a sex life. So for that tiny little
smidge of a year. And if you're new to the podcast,
welcome to Life on cart where brittin Laura.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Where we only discuss how britt orgasms, how hard she
orgasm is, how much sex she has, and how excited
she was to see her briefriender.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
No, actually, the entire podcast, that's all we discussed. I
don't have a relationship in the physical flag should have
a long distance relationship. But my partner Ben has just arrived.
She usually calls him her husband, yeah, which is definitely
not called manifestation or look it up. No, So I
haven't seen him in like four and a half months,
and he came two days ago and came this morning too.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Forgets in the car this morning. And the first thing
that she said is.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
How much, how much she deeply appreciates.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
And I want to say this on your behalf because
I don't want to get away without thank you. All
of the life is how much she appreciates. How many
of you are invested in her sex life. Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Okay, so my dms have been absolutely blowing up and
I can't tell you how many people, and I love it.
So many people have written to me in the last
twenty four hours saying it's concerning to me how much
I've been thinking about your sex life for the last
twenty four hours. Like I am thinking about you having
sex all day, not in a creepy way, but apparently
everyone's like, oh, are they doing it right now? Like
(01:55):
what's happening right now? Waiting for the updates? So I'm
not going to go into detailed up but I love
how invested you guys are in my sex life. I
don't know how I feel about you imagining the sex
happening I'm fine with it.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
You describe it so much that you've actually just brought
this on yourself though, Like you talk about it, but
I don't.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
I never describe it. I just say it's happening, It's
going to happen. I can't wait. I don't sit there
and talk through my what happened.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
I'm pretty sure on last week's episode you said he's
going to be coming in me on me, and.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
I think that's a volcano. Yeah, it's pretty descriptive, though,
one might argue.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
And I feel like I've had a lot of descriptions
in my mind around it, which was whether I was
voluntarily asking for them or not. Like they're there, They're
like imprinted in my brain now and I can't get
them out.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
You're welcome, Laura.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
You guys like porn, It's fine. I'm not others into
porn as I used to be, are you not? I'm
too fucking lazy these days.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Yeah, but you don't have to. Porn is the ultimate laziness.
You lay there and watch TV. You watch it.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
I don't know that even porn feels like effort now,
it really does. Hey, I have okay across this Instagram
is real. That's gone viral the other day. Fuck, I
found it so funny. Okay, I want you to do
this exercise. Breathe all the air out of your lungs,
like push it all out. Yeah, I'm doing so you
like like a big one. Breathe it all out and
(03:14):
then scream. Keep going all the air, breathe it out,
push it out. Ah.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
It's so why do I have so much air in me?
I know that answer? Ye just hold air. This is
not a good audio medium thing to do, Laura.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Let's just try it you Actually, I feel like there's
too much air left and her lungs.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
It's so funny exercises. You're so good at the unique
New York.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Unique New York.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
You just said New North, Laura. I didn't have enough
time on my hands to watch porn. Also, Laura, Hey,
I've been watching this reall where you breathe all your
air out, you try and scream. You should try it.
Maybe you should use your time differently, Laura.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Okay, so what is this is true? I probably should,
but I don't want to. I think I'm happy with
where I'm at in life now. I'm just not as
horny as I used to be. And got me pregnant
two kids. Saw back, how do you think you're gonna
have another kid?
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Then you know how you have to do it right.
You got to putiness in the page.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
Thank you for that, Thank you for that description. What's
been the best part now that Ben's been here?
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Okay, so this is I mean, this makes me sound
like a wenker, But two things happened yesterday. No one
thing happened yesterday with Ben on our very first day.
One thing that I usually don't like, but I liked
it this time. So Ben and I walked outside of
our house yesterday and there were paparazzi, Like I could
not actually believe it. They're there for him, not me,
but maybe because we're never together that they wanted to
(04:54):
get a photo. And I was like so annoying, like
we just want to be I just want to be
with you, like no paparazzi or whatever, Like it's just weird,
Like who wants a photo of us? Anyway? It makes
me gross.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
They wanted to see you cover from head to toe
and seem, yeah, that's what it was, but.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
I don't have the lead the lens for that into
my room anyway. So we're walking around and it was
it was pretty annoying. And then I saw the article
come out and I frothed it. I realized the paparazzi
now have had to go upper level. So paparazzi have
to do videos now because I guess they can't keep
up with social media, like they're on tiktoks and stuff.
Now I don't have TikTok. One of you guys actually
(05:30):
sent me in a TikTok that a paparazzi had put
together of Ben and I of our day out, and
I was like, oh, here we go. And I watched
it and I loved it. It was like, we never
get photos together because who's going to take your photo rights?
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Just the two of you.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
But this paparazzi had put together a reel, a sizzle
reel of Ben and I and bond time getting around
with Delilah, and we're like laughing walking across the road.
There's some kissing moments, like at a cafe, and I
was like, there's such an invasion of privacy. But I
was like, we have this memory now that they put
together this music back in music too. It's actually so funny.
I have that memory now. I've been of our first
(06:04):
day together.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Well, I mean you already had the memory, but now
you have something that you can add to the shrine,
but you need as an LCD screen and you can.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
Have that playing online.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Anyway, We're heading up and off to the Gold Coast
this weekend. I'm going to show Ben the Gold Coast,
which is, you know, really nice because one day I
hope to maybe live up there, like you know, down
the track in the future.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
I've got family up there.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
My sister's shows up there, so I'm trying to like
show him different parts of Australia that he hasn't seen yet,
and I think he'll fall in love with it up there.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Like a part of this is that Britt and I
were both heading up to Byron on the weekend and
I was going first, you we're all going to be
there at the same time because we love each other
and can't get we'll get away from each other.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
It's very cute.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
I can tell you where we're going for lunch on
Friday if you want to meet us there.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Where are you going?
Speaker 1 (06:46):
I'm not gonna tell everyone on the podcast Paparazza. Actually
that could be cute. Byron bases are let's get into
our vibes and unsubscribes.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
What are you unsubscribing from?
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Nothing? Unsubscribing from zero? Stop it? Sorry, my brain is
in the garter tap. My vibe is a TV It's
Ben's penis Ben's peenis. My vibe is sex. My unsubscribed
is Saturday? All right, bumble No, my vibe is a
(07:20):
TV show. And I am going to thank you all
of you listeners, well people on Instagram. I was really
drive TV shows last week and I put a box
up what have you guys been loving?
Speaker 3 (07:29):
And watching?
Speaker 1 (07:30):
So many responses and there was one response that came
through that didn't come through a lot. Actually, I don't
know why I picked it because only probably two people
out of a lot wrote this show. It's on Binge
and it's called Apple's Never Fall. There's only I think
seven episodes. I watched it in one hit. It's got
Sam Neil in it as the lead. Now Sam Neil
from Jurassic Park, brilliant like New Zealand actor. He did
(07:53):
all those lamb commercials when we were growing up. Do
you remember because of pork? One of them it was
a red meat. I get some on your I can't remember,
well he does wall Now I think as well, like
he's I think he must be on the New Zealand
Sheep Farm or something anyway relevant. Samuel brilliant Jurassic Park.
And one of the other actors you might know Jake Lacy,
who played Pete Miller in the Office. Like The Office
was obviously huge, but it's really brilliant. I'm not going
(08:15):
to go into too much detail. It's bite size seven episodes.
I was hooked from the start. It's a I guess
you would say, a mystery drama about a family member
that goes missing and then what happens within that family
to find the missing person. I actually really loved it. It's
been a long time since I've sat down and been
hooked to a TV series. So it's short and sweep.
My vibe today, but it's apples never fall on binge.
(08:38):
Can't recommend enough produce, Kisha, what is your vibe?
Speaker 4 (08:40):
My vibe for the week. I'm kind of back in
my woo woo phase. I've had some really really bad
sleep lately. This is not a sleep recommendation though, but
I have never been a meditation girlie.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
How about you guys? Are you meditation people. I'm looking
at Laura, I already know. I did a whole study
on meditation and the effects of meditation on the white
and gray matter in the brain via functional MRI scans.
I'm super into meditation. Interesting.
Speaker 4 (09:05):
I've never been able to do it. I can recognize
the benefits for other people. But we have a friend actually,
this guy we became friends with, yeah, Rory at the
dog park years and years and years ago. I later
found out that he does breath work. A couple different
things that I like about him, specifically is that he
has a background in science, and the breath work that
(09:25):
he does is physiological based, so if you're after something
a little bit more spiritual, this probably isn't for you.
He has free breathwork compilation kind of tracks on Spotify.
They're quite new. It's called HAIL, so it's h al.
There's two types, so there's guided or there's non guided.
I've obviously been doing the guided because otherwise my brain
(09:46):
scatters into a million pieces. But I've just been trying
to do the five minute ones just before I go
to bed, so I've been laying down and doing my
guided breath work. He's got a beautiful Scottish accent. I
find them other they're like short enough that I can
get through it.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
So I'm starting my breathwork journey. It's felt good.
Speaker 4 (10:04):
It's felt good to kind of just try and do
five minutes at the end of the day to kind
of center my brain and calm at the fuck down.
And I really really have enjoyed this one. So if
you are wanting to maybe start attempting breathwork, this is
a really easy entry. It's free on Spotify. You can
kind of access it however you want. There are also
different lengths, so there's one that's two minutes. They go
up to ten minutes, so you can pick.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
I always find it's so funny that if you're someone
who doesn't meditate and you meet someone who does meditate,
the very first thing they say to you is how
you're the exact person that needs to meditate. Like that's
always the feedback that you get. We are the people
are the person that can benefit from this.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
He well, he also takes his breath work very seriously.
He'll do marathons with his mouth tape shut so that
he can just breathe through like the pal of breath.
He has done so much research in him, like he'll
do a whole marathon just breathing through his nose.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Yeah, I sure Matt met this guy and did some
like stuff with him.
Speaker 4 (10:53):
Yeah, he also does stuff with like Zydney Swan's and
like he's really in with athletes. He's an ultra marathon runner,
so he practices what he preaches.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
I can say that much.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
This is when Matt got really into swimming underwater and
he was like dedicated to swimming laps.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
We forget, that's how you're going back to Viron.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
Isn't it.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
So we can do the elements pool every time. It's
his favorite thing is to try and see how many
laps he can do with so he wanted to get
to doing fifty meters and then like it just became
a s obsession. And yeah, I'm pretty sure he got
into the mouth taping sleeping and.
Speaker 4 (11:20):
Stuff and anyway, interesting, I'll send him hail on Spotify
so we can get practicing before you go to viral.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
And I think that men who like to do underwater
swimming for as far as possible, that's like the equivalent
of a female house plan obsession. Like that's you guys
know that that's where I'm at in my middle agedom
and Matt's at the swimming laps underwater part of his
middle aged That's where we're at.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Different goals. Yeah, different strokes, man, different ways.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
Okay, so my speaking of house plants that leads me
to my vibe perfectly. We spoke about this a couple
of months back, Keisha. That's because you guys, for my birthday,
got me a whole heap of.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
We the Wild.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Oh yeah, Britt, you owe me for that. Oh yeah,
So We the Wild.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
It's a brand of it's been.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
It's been my vibe on here before. Oh I got
you guys onto it. You guys forget that I was
the og plant person and then you guys knocked me,
and now it's come full circle and now you're frothing it.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
It's so funny that the og plant person actually really
sucks at keeping plants alive, and your go to for
keeping plants alive is to just put them outside and
let nature do its work.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
But that's the thing.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
I don't suck at it.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
They're thriving because they're outside in your house.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
It's because this is not sponsored. It's because of We
the Wild.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Okay, So We the wild and that they have several
products they have. They have a fertilizer. It's a liquid fertilizer.
You just add it to your water, which is great
because use that. I mean it does if you were
to so I use the reusable pack. So it's like
a liter that you can pour into another bottle if
you cut that open. Yeah, it smells because it's made
from worm decomposting stuff. Anyway, you don't smell it though,
(12:49):
because you pour it into a small container and has
a sealed lid on it, so it really doesn't smell.
But it's this fertilizer concentrate. But that's actually not what
I was going to recommend, even though that is fantastic.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
I'm recommending their name.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
So if you are a little plant galley or you
love your houseplants and you want to know how to
make the leaves really shiny and to protect them from
like all of the pests and stuff that do get
into your house if you don't keep them outside like
Bridge does get kneem oil.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
It's amazing.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
You can spray the leaves, you can wipe them down,
and mine since I started doing that have absolutely it's
gone up a fucking notch.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
My house is a forest. My fiddle leaf which is inside,
and it's the same one now. So the leaves sometimes
if you have a fiddle leaf, you see sometimes the
leaves start to grow a little bit down, like they're
not up and happy. I literally got one of these
products from with Wild. It's in a spray bottle. Sprayed
the leaves because I saw it online and I was like, bullshit,
there's no way that happens. In twenty four hours. Spray
every leaf under and on the top overnight and because
(13:42):
they're all facing down, came out in the morning and
you would think it was a different plant, like to
a sky it leaves up to the sky. It was thriving,
and I was like, oh my god, you just needed
that extra little something, something.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
Just juice.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Laura.
Speaker 4 (13:56):
You taught me that I had to wipe my fiddle
leaf because they would getting dusty.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
I will admit, good tip.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
It has helped. Yeah, guys, love my plants. I'm here
for any plant tips you need. Slide into my DMS.
I love that you already do. But also, if you
have a fiddle fig or a fucking monsterra wipe its leaves.
Goddamn it. The poor thing can't photosynthesize. It's why it's dying. There.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Let's get into the questions, all right.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Question Number one. I match with a guy on a
dating app and we met up for lunch yesterday. I
made a comment about how he and I were of
similar age and generation, me being thirty eight and well
him being forty, to which he said, oh, no, sorry,
I'm actually forty five. This is not the first, second,
or third time that this has happened to me. I
have had this happen an innumerable amount of times, and
(14:41):
there is always that excuse of like, oh, the app
wouldn't let me change it, to which my thought is, well,
if you were honest in the first place, you wouldn't
need to change anything. My question is one, do women
put an incorrect age in the dating app too? My
experience is with dating men, and I am curious about
whether it's something everyone one does or not.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Number two he was otherwise lovely.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
So is it better to just brush this aside and
accept that it was a mistake go on another date,
or do I take this as being insincere and potentially
an amber flag. I like that she's not calling it
a red flag. An amber flag that the guy could
be a jak. No, it's fine. Everyone lies on dating apps.
I'm not saying it's I'm not saying it's okay to lie.
(15:23):
I'm not saying it's okay to lie.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
But when I say it's fine, it's fine because he
hasn't lied to your face like on the app it's incorrect.
But he told you straight away. I think the problem
would be here if he had lied to you for
however long you'd hooked up, you were sleeping together, whatever,
and then he was like, psych, you know, I'm ten
years old or whatever. I think that's the problem. But
I know a lot of people, and again i'm not
(15:47):
saying it's okay. I know a lot of people lie
about their age on dating apps, and some people it's unintentional.
Sometimes your age goes in incorrectly for whatever reason. Maybe
you lied about it ten years ago. Some apps won't
let you change because they think you put it in
honestly at the start and now you're trying to change
it to lie. So some apps only give you like
two date changes. So if someone fucked around on an
(16:08):
app with their age ten years ago, that's gonna be like,
ah ah, ain't let you change it.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Part of me is like, Okay, I agree with you.
I don't think it's a big deal. It's like, what
five years if and he told you whether he's forty
or forty five, Like, I'm still going to date the
guy if the guy is a great guy, right, I
don't think I'm not going to care about that level
of an age gap.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
The only thing that makes me go a bit like.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Oh, yuck is the fact that it's normally men, I
would say, and they usually age themselves down, and the
reason for that is because they want to date younger women, right,
So they don't want to age themselves out of a
younger woman's age category, and that's why they've put a
younger age in the first place, which is part of
me is just like, oh, you're a fucking grubby But
I know, also, I don't know the fact that he
(16:48):
didn't lie about you on the first date, Like you've
got there, you can make up your own mind.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
I think if there's honesty there, then I would.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Feel less deceived that if you've gone on several dates
with someone they have lied on their dating app about
their age and then they wait until you're invested in
them to tell you their age.
Speaker 3 (17:03):
I think that that's really shit.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
This happened to me once and I actually felt really gross.
I remember, and I feel gross thinking back to the time. Now,
I was in my twenties and late twenties. I matched
with this guy online and we vibed. He was really nice,
like we got along really well. He definitely looked older
than his age, but I didn't hold that against him
because I still knew his age right. He told me
(17:25):
his age. I must have been twenty eight or something
and he was mid thirties. So I was like fine,
like you're like, okay, I can get ten year but
he looked older, but I was like okay. He was
a surfar. I was like, you wea it. You spend
your time in the sun, like whatever. The Australian ozone
layer is rough. And it didn't bother me because I
was going off how I felt. We went on a
couple of days. We've seen each other for a couple
of weeks? Did you have sex with them? We had
(17:45):
sex because we were I reckon. We I probably saw
him maybe for five six weeks we had sex, and
then after that amount of time he had said something
and I don't remember what he had said, but he
said something where I realized the timeline and the age
didn't add up, and I was like, oh, but I
thought you had done this by that age. I thought
you were over here, you know, you said it that
(18:05):
And he was like, oh, oh, like so almost like
you got me. He's like, oh, I'm actually my age
is incorrect on the dating map.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
And I was like, oh, but was it incorrect when
you told me your actual age as well?
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Exactly? And when he verbalized it, yeah, And it wasn't
a couple of years. He was in his late forties, yeah,
and it was probably a twelve year line, which I
know a lot of you thinking now, which is how
twenty two years difference? Well, I know you're thinking now
like how did I not see it? But I just
didn't because I trusted him. But he looked In my head,
(18:39):
I was like, you do look a bit older, but
he didn't. Having said that he didn't look as old
as his age. Once I knew his late forties, I
was like, oh, you don't look that old, but you
looked older than what I thought. Yeah, And I just
immediately felt so gross. I was like, I just felt ill.
I was like, I like, I just so deceptive, Like
I slept a true with you, and you probably know
I wouldn't have if you had have told me the truth,
(19:00):
So that is fucked. But in this situation, I think
five years he told you immediately on your very first
date at lunch, and if you think he's a great guy,
I don't think it's a red flag necessarily. Finnally Joanne McNally,
who we've had on the podcast before. She's the Irish comedian.
I was listening to her talk about something very similar
last week, and she's back on the dating apps. She
(19:21):
broke up with a partner. She's back on the dating apps,
and she was making a joke about the fact that
she wants to lie about her age because she's just
clicked over forty. She's like, a couple of years ago
on the apps, I was killing it. She's like, now
I'm not. I'm not getting the matches, and I've realized
why because once you click over. She's like, I think
I've clicked over into the forty brackets, so people's age brackets.
(19:42):
They're not finding me. She's like, but I look younger
than forty, and I act younger than forty, and I
want to be younger than forty. She's like, so I
wanted to change. She wanted to take a year or
two off on the app, just to stay in the
thirty bracket to match, just to match with people. But
it wouldn't let her because it said she's already changed
it twice, which I think is really funny. But when
the way she said it, I understood it. I was like,
(20:02):
I get that because you don't feel like a forty
one or forty two year old, and a lot of
people have cut you off at the age of forty
because that's what we put in our age bracket.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
And you're like, hey, just give me a chance.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
I'm still cool. Yes, I'm here. I agree with you.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
I think that the variance of a couple of years
is not a big deal, and the transparency early on
in dating it makes it fine. Your situation, though, Britt
is fucked, and that to me is very predatory. That
is the man who is like well above a certain
age bracket, who is prying on younger girls and knows
that if he puts his truthful age bracket in he
won't get swiped right too. Like that is clear deception.
(20:38):
Whereas this I feel a little bit differently about.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
I think I personally think it is weird that people
lie on dating apps about this sort of stuff, because
then you have to have that uncomfortable conversation on a
first aid anyway, that's so awkward to me. But I
also do understand why people don't feel as though they
have to be truthful because they also.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
Feel like they don't owe you anything.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Yet they're like, well, I don't know that person, Like,
what does it matter to anyone if I say X
y Z about myself that is or isn't true. So
I kind of there's part of me that has a
little bit of an allowance for it, but only to
a certain point, and only to a certain point in
terms of what's their objective, what are they trying to
achieve out of it? And yeah, there's definitely a line
that was crossed in your instance.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
I couldn't call that in I just sneezed my headphones off.
I just so lot.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Right.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Well, I feel like we wrapped on that question anyway.
Question number two, Wow, that was hegg I could have
just almost orgasm.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Okay, Question two, Oh, it wouldn't be the first time today,
I'm actually dizzy.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
That was a really hard sneeze. I've got a headspin.
My partner of two years, he's wonderful, definitely my penguin.
We own a house together but currently doing long distance
due to work. Has let me know that his X,
now they were together for eight years, separated amicably. His
ex has been in contact with him, sending lots of
one way messages ask him to catch up, and he
hasn't replied to any of these, but she has also
(22:05):
been in contact with his family and grandparents and has
organized to meet up with him in the next few weeks.
She's also asked to see him and his mum. He
told me straight away and has said that it is
completely up to me whether he goes to see her
or not. I trust him completely, so it's not like
I'm concerned anything's going to happen. But the situation has
made me feel really uneasy. I know that eight years
(22:26):
is a long time to be in a relationship and
that you can get pretty close to family, but to
continue to be in contact after two plus years of
being separated and continue to organize catch ups does make
me feel unsure about the situation. Also, where do I
stand with his family because we've always gotten along swimmingly.
For context, I live in a different state to him
and his family. What should I do? I feel like
(22:48):
I really can't be the one to say that she
shouldn't be in contact with him and his family anymore,
because then I'll be the bad guy. And am I
just being insecure about the fact that the ex and
my partner's family have a close relationship help wonderful life
on cut Wisdom want to put them in.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Okay, I think it is very important around the context
of the messages. Okay, fuck with fairy. No, it is
kind of weird. It's weird. It's weird.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
I think it's common. I think it is common.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
But I also think that it's okay for you to
feel a level of insecurity. I do think that when
you start a new relationship with someone or you guys
have been together for a long period of time now.
Unfortunately for a lot of people, and I know it's
not for everyone, when you go through a breakup, you're
not just breaking up with that person, you're also breaking
up with their family. And I say this because, like
I've also had six year relationships I'm still friends with
(23:38):
them on Facebook. But I'm not dropping in to hang
out with his mum to have morning tea. I think
that that would be disrespectful to Matt. So there is
sort of an onus to moving on. My question is
is if she's sending one way messages, if she's constantly
doing the outreach and your boyfriend is not writing back
to her, why is she doing it, Because clearly they
don't have a friendship. Clearly that friendship is not amicable.
(23:59):
It's not as though she's been a constant figure in
your life throughout the whole time that you've been in
a relationship, and now you're at a point where you're like,
I don't want him to be friends with her. This
is just spontaneously started happening, and it makes you feel uncomfortable,
and that is absolutely okay. You're not a bad guy
for verbalizing that. And I think it is odd that
after two years of your relationship, she's just spontaneously wanted
(24:20):
to come back into the family and come back into
everyone's life.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
So I don't think it's spontaneous. I actually think it's'
just like it just says sending lots of one way messages.
I reckon really always around there. Yeah, yeah, I don't know.
I mean I would be having a conversation.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
If it makes you feelunomfortable, it makes feel unomfortable, It would
probably make me feel that way too. I would have
a conversation with my partner, and especially if those messages
are one way and he's not writing back, I would
want to know what's the context of them, Like is
she just writing again, being like hey to.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Me again, just checking, just outside in the hedge, still
waiting for you to come out far Like how do
you write a one way?
Speaker 2 (24:52):
How do you have constant one way conversations with people
who aren't writing back to you?
Speaker 1 (24:56):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Do I think that he needs to send like a
stern hey please dot contact me message?
Speaker 1 (25:00):
Probably not. But at the.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Same time, I would kind of want to sit down
and have a bit more of an unpack with him
around the why is she doing that? And what is
the context of the messages, so that I felt more
at ease. But I will say this, and this is
just a personal, little anecdote. When I first started dating Matt,
one of his ex girlfriends started messaging and I was like,
(25:24):
it's cool, I trust you. Whatever, it's fine. If you
want to contact her? Like I was like, nothing untoward
is happening here. But I was like, if you want
to be in contact with her, that's okay with me.
And that's because I was wanting to play cool girl vibes, right.
I didn't want to be like yeah, but I mean
I was, but but I'm cool. Do you want like totally?
Speaker 1 (25:45):
I was like, I'm not overbearing, you know, I don't
get jealous, but give me her address and I'm going
to sit outside her house.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
Yeah, we all know those vibes. I was like, it's
so fine. I was like, if you want to message
her back, because he showed me the messages and he
was like, oh, you know this is happening. And I
was like, okay, cool, Like if you want a message
her back, like you do you like, I trust you?
Speaker 1 (26:07):
It's fine.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
I remember I went to bed that night and I
was like so in my head, I was like, this
is fine.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
I was so not cool.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
I was so far from being cool.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
I was so far from being cool, and it really
like kept me up all night. And the reason is
is because like that is exactly the sort of shit
that would happen in my past relationships. And then it
led to me of being a place of being insecure,
and I was like, okay, I feel like I need
to communicate this with him and either stamp this out
or have a bit more clarity around it. So in
the morning I woke up and I was like, Matt,
I just want to talk to you about the messages
(26:39):
and about what I said last night, because I know
I said I was okay with it, but I'm not
not okay with it, but it does make me feel insecure.
And his response was, well, thank fuck for that, because
I thought you were an absolute weirdo. He was like,
I was so confused that you were so cool with
it that it made me think you didn't care.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
He's like, it was weird.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
To me that you are fine with this, and I
was like, ah, okay, like cool because I'm not okay.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
I was like, oh so now I can show my crazy. Yeah.
I was like, this is no.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
I was like, I'm so far from being okay with this.
I'm so sorry. And he wrote back to her and
it was like, hey, you know what, like we're done.
I have a relationship now, and like, out of respect
to like, let's just you know, put some distance here.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
Yeah, and he handled it perfectly. Look, I think this
happens a lot because I think you do get really
close to a family when you're with them for eight years,
like that is a really, really long time, and I
understand the wanting to keep those connections. So I still
have a relationship with my ex of eight years with
his sister because we actually get along, we're friends. We
(27:45):
would still hang out, we still will talk.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
It's different, though, is it going around having cup of
tea with the mum?
Speaker 1 (27:51):
Is it though it's still a family member. It's actually
she's closer to him than the mum in all honesty.
But what I say is we're not best is we
don't hang out all the time, and we hang out
as a friendship. I don't hang out out and try
and get information from her, and I don't say telling
my set hi like I'm not infiltrating his life. There's
a high chance he probably doesn't even know how often
we would catch up, and I think that's okay. I
also think it's probably okay if she wants to maintain
(28:13):
this relationship with his family. But I think she doesn't
need to maintain a relationship with your partner with her ex,
like it's okay to want to check in on a
family that you were close to for nearly a decade
because you care about those people. I feel like there's
more to it, just from the fact that you said
she's constantly sending these messages and he's not responding. It
makes me feel like she hasn't maybe quite let go,
(28:33):
and this is I'm stretched out a stretch. I've got
no information here, But why else are you consistently sending
messages to catch up with your exit when he's not responding.
What I would do, genuinely is I don't think it's
fair for your partner to put the decision on you. You
tell me if I can meet her or not, and
I'll do it, because I just think that never works.
The time will come where it'll be used in a
(28:55):
conversation or like you never let me do that, or
you control me, or I did this for you, Like
I just feel like that stuff shouldn't be your decision.
I would tell him how it makes you feel and
then let him make the decision, So I would. Once
he knows, then that's on him. You say, Look, I
get that she wants to spend time with your family,
like decades a long time. I understand that they have
a love for each other. It makes me feel a
(29:18):
bit uneasy you meeting up with her, if I'm being honest,
because I feel like we've got our own life now
and I don't see what you've got to gain from it.
I've been thinking about this and it doesn't sit right
with me. But I never want to tell you what
to do, so I want you to do whatever you
feel like knowing that information, and that's what I would do.
I agree.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
I mean it's tricky because you know, we often say
it is possible to still be friends with an X.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
That is possible.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
However, it's not possible if it makes your partner feel
completely uncomfortable, if it's a situation where it feels like
the text messaging that's coming in though, like requesting to
meet up that is overbearing, or it infiltrates your relationship,
like you have to be totally fine with it. And
I think also the only way to actually be totally
fine with it would be if you had also met
(30:01):
the ex, if you had been brought into this relationship.
But the reason why you feel so shit is because
you're still triangulated. She's like, hey, I want to catch
up with you, and hey, I want to see your family.
But she's not like, oh my god, it would be
so nice to meet your new girlfriend. You're not friends,
you know what I mean. And that's the thing that's
kind of weird, and it would make you feel insecure.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
But there's also the fact that like, you're in a
different state, so cool, You're in a different state alone
while your partner, his ex, his entire family or hanging
out together, Like, of course, it's not going to sit
right with you.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
And also, I think if you take anything from my story,
it's okay to not always be the cool girl. It's
okay to say that something makes you feel uncomfortable. And
I know would never want to seem like we're being irrational,
or we're being overbearing, or we're telling our partners what
to do. But it is absolutely fine to communicate something
that doesn't make you feel okay. And if I was
in your situation, this would make me feel uncomfortable as well.
(30:53):
It has all the ingredients to breed in security in you.
And so even though he has been totally honest, it
does come down to the way he manages it and
not putting it on you to make decisions for him,
but him being like, you know what, that was part
of my past, and as much as I respect her,
I want to make sure that my new relationship feels
totally safe and appreciated and valued and all those things.
(31:15):
And so I would absolutely be having this conversation with him,
and you know what, he might turn around and be like, yeah,
I just wanted you to have that. I wanted that
validity from you as well. I'm gonna tell her, actually
it's not appropriate.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
The end. That's the walk on to my ted top. Okay, thanks, bye, okay,
thanks bye okay. Question three. The most recent podcast about
pregnancy and childbirth got my boyfriend and I talking about
what we're gonna do when we're in that situation. He
just told me that he doesn't know if he'll be
able to watch me give birth. Is that a normal
reaction for men. I'm so offended that he wouldn't want
(31:46):
to watch me, but I also think when he's actually
in that situation, it could be different thoughts, feelings. Shut
the fuck up me, no, him, shut up. Shut up.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
If Matt was.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
Like, I'm sorry, I don't want to watch you give birth, well,
actually no, that's so funny because Matt didn't want to
cut the umbilical cord.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
It wigged him out.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
I was like, I just pushed you think I wanted
to push that out of my vagina. If I can
push that out of my vagina, you can cut the cord.
That is your job. And he was like, oh, cutting
the cord.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
I think I can't be sure if this means he
doesn't want to watch, like be in the room at all,
or he doesn't want to be down the vagina action end,
because I think it's okay if he wants to be
in the room and be at the head end. Not
everyone can stomach it.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
I'm interpreting this as though he doesn't want to be
in the vicinity of the birth.
Speaker 1 (32:31):
I'm just going to be a pub call me when
it's done.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
So yeah, So like I mean, it's okay to stay
up the party end and not be at the business end.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
That's fine.
Speaker 3 (32:40):
I don't have a problem with that.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
But I do have a problem with being like, oh,
this is too much for me because guess what.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Pal we don't get to opt out of the childbirth part.
It's too much for my vagina to be real.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
Pushing it out vaginally, the being cut, whatever way it's
coming out of my body, and that's a bit too
much for me.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
It's traumatic.
Speaker 2 (32:57):
So you are going, oh, it doesn't know, it's not true.
I don't want to say its TRM because it's definitely
not for everyone.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
No, but it's no. Sorry. I mean, anyway that a
baby comes out is trauma to a woman's body. Whether
it is a c section, whether it's natural, whether you
have drugs, your body is going to go through a
level of trauma totally, totally.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
And I think it's so important when we're talking about it.
And I just say this because I know it can
be triggering for people. It's trauma to your body, but
it's not traumatic, no trauma to your body like physically totally.
So I and I'm sorry if that was like too harsh,
But when I read this, I was like, I hate
that some partners feel as though they are allowed to
(33:32):
unsubscribe from something that we cannot unsubscribe from. When Matt
very briefly was like, oh, I don't want to cut
the umbilical cord. After I had just had an episiotomy
with no pain relief and I was in shock, I
was like, you know what, pal, you don't get that
option right now.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
Fucking He looked at me and was like, okay, a,
he did such a bad job.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
Tea cut it like thirty It was like thirty centimeters long,
like still dangling off the baby.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
The doctor to come come back around and cut it
closer to dinner. With his eyes closed, He's like, but
at least he did it.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
But look, I understand why some people don't want to
be down the business end.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
It can be too overwhelming.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
You know that, maybe they are a bit squirmish to
blood and guts and everything else they get everyone. I
totally get that, and I respect that, and I'm not
saying that someone has to be down there at the
coal phase. But it is childish to me to have
a conversation with someone who says, oh, I just can't
do it. You can do it, and you will do it,
and you'll suck it up and you will love it.
I think the expectation has changed a lot in terms
of the role that partners play in that room and
(34:36):
their job to be a support person and not to
be someone who complains. Yeah, oh, I've had a lot
of feeling sorry that just came out.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
Now, I feel the same way. I will say as
someone that worked you know, I worked in an operating
theater for a decade and I saw some very gruesome stuff.
I've also seen people come in and I love that stuff.
I've seen students come in and watch that faint and
can't watch it. Watching this kind of stuff isn't for everyone.
So I one hundred percent understand if some like because
you're going to be no help to anyone if you're
on the floor, if you're watching that and you've passed
(35:04):
out and you're going to take the doctor's attention. I
totally get that. But that doesn't mean you can't be
in the room. It doesn't mean you can't be holding
the hand, giving water, helping support network, like, you can
still be up there and not in it totally.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
Also, like I mean, people react differently to how they
think they're going to react. Like I have so many
male friends who are like, oh, it's goood, No, not
for me, and then as soon as they get in it,
they're like, this is the most incredible thing I've ever seen,
and they're like down there helping to pull the baby out.
You know, I think you never know how you're going
to be in that situation, there's probably people who think
that they can handle it and then they end up fainting.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
You know, you genuinely don't know.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
But I think for me, the thing that would be
the most frustrating about this conversation is how he is
blanketing something one that he's never experienced before, and how
juvenile it feels to have someone who doesn't have to
do any work, who doesn't have to do anything, tell
you that it's too much for them.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
So yeah, so sorry, I sorry if I got a
bit too heated on that one.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
But I think you are right, she said, Look, when
he's actually there, it'll be different. It probably will be.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
Probably, it probably will be. But interestingly, I remember when
I when I gave birth to Maley, and this whole
situation around the unbillical cord. Like, Matt was incredible. He
was a great birthing partner. He absolutely stepped up to
the plate. I don't want anyone to think that he
wasn't all of those things, but he was very squeamish
around the business end. Totally different second pregnancy actually, which
is weird, but I remember we were talking to the
(36:26):
midwife at the time and Matt had done this stupid
skit video when I was in labor around the things
that you should and shouldn't say in labor, and the
midwife was like, you would not believe the amount of
things that birthing partners have said, and how infuriated it's
made me over the years. She's like, I have hicked
a husband out of the room for making jokes about
(36:47):
having husbands stitch. So you know that there's that whole
adage that if you give birth vaginally and then they
have to sew you up, like give a few extra
stitches for you know, the husband's pleasure. And the midwife
I was speaking at the time, it was like, she's like,
you know, back in the day, we would all just
kind of.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
Be like ha ha and just like let it slide.
Speaker 2 (37:05):
She's like, but now if someone makes that type of joke,
unless I can see that their relationship is obviously quite
jovial with each other and they take the piss out
of each other, She's like, some men will make that
comment and I'll tell them to get that get out
of the room.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
So you're like, is now the wrong time to also
request the lebectomy asking for a friend?
Speaker 2 (37:25):
But I think I agree conversations around pregnancy have changed
a lot over the years, and the role in which
partners play in that room has changed a lot, because
back in the day, men didn't even come into the room.
It was a woman's place. They used to just wait
for the call that the baby had been born. And
now it's like, sorry, I don't get to get out
of doing this, and neither do you.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
And then they get to go and wet the baby's head.
Where it's like the woman goes home and she's she's
gone through the trauma, and the men's like, I'm going
to the pub with my friends to celebrate. Bro, you're
going back home and you're gonna look after your new baby,
and you're gonna look after your partner.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
I mean, they're divorced now I have I don't know
if you call them friends. They've got acquaintances. This many
years ago they got divorced. But I remember she had
just given birth to their first baby, and the baby
was like two weeks old, and I had gone to
visit her and they were in all sorts as in
like they had been having quite a few fights. And
the thing that had kicked off these fights was that
not even twenty four hours after her giving birth. I
(38:18):
think it was like she just had the baby, and
nine hours after having a baby, he was at the
pub with his friends, celebrating the going and doing like
the head wedding. Like, what sort of culture do we
have if men, specifically, it doesn't happen in same sex
relationships in the same way if men think it's okay
to boycott parenting responsibilities. When a woman is the most
tired they've ever been, the most sore they've ever been,
(38:41):
they are dressed sol responsible. Yeah, you're having that massive
hormone dump. They're solely responsible for taking care of this
baby now, and you leave to celebrate when you've done nothing,
which is involved getting drunk.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (38:53):
It's so fucking yeah. But it's so common. I know
so many people that still do it. I think it's
a lot less common than what it used to be.
I don't know anyone apart from this couple, but I
know heaps of people. It's really common, and I guess
it's an excuse. They use it as an excuse, like
it's wedding the head. It's a thing that everyone does,
but it's an escapism. You want to go and have
a be call it what it is like. You don't
want to be home for that WoT second? You want
(39:14):
to go to the hub?
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Yeah, I mean, look each their own and every relationship
is different, and I'm sure there's a lot of people
whose partners have done it and they were cool with it,
cool girl vibes, not me.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
Ok, you go to the Bahamas for a couple of weeks.
Well that is it from us. Guys now. If you
have your ask on cuts, please keep them rolling into Instagram,
Life and Cut podcasts. If you have your accellent in
filter it's anything you want to send, please send in there.
That's where we check them the most. And please don't forget.
We have a YouTube channel now, so you get to
watch all of these episodes. If you want to sit
back on a weekend or at night, you can put
(39:44):
it on the big screen. You can literally watch us,
listen to us as you go about your day the
big screen. Like they go, I think it's just a TV.
Get your popcorn, Get your popcorn, sit back on the
big screen at home, watch life on Cut. But we
do have a really incredible episode for you to watch.
Bianca Unwen a really important message surrounding domestic violence, which
I know is something that everyone is talking about right now,
(40:06):
But the reason everyone is talking about it right now
is because we need to make a change and we
need to continue those conversations.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
Yeah, I mean, this is a crazy one, this conversation
that we had with Bianca and when you might remember her,
we spoke to her two years ago around her sister
Katie's It is horrific the story she was brutally murdered
by her partner at the time. The details around it
are absolutely horrifying. And the reason why we're catching up
with Bianca as well on this episode again is because
(40:33):
there's been a lot of conversation around this legislation that
exists in the Victorian government, and basically what it means
is that when a prison is not operating properly, prisoners
are able to request days reduction in their sentencing. So
for every one day that a prison doesn't operate in
the way that it's supposed to, a prisoner can request
four days reduction.
Speaker 1 (40:53):
Called an EMD an emergency management day.
Speaker 2 (40:55):
Yeah, which I mean, it makes sense in theory, but
there is a massive loophole that's being at exploited because
of COVID. So think about how many days prisons were
not able to operate properly in the same way that
we as people were not able to operate properly during
this time. These prisoners are being able to request four
days for every one day during that COVID period, so
they are having.
Speaker 3 (41:15):
Literal years taken off their sentencing.
Speaker 1 (41:17):
It is huge reductions.
Speaker 2 (41:18):
Yeah, and look Bank, she is advocating for change and
reform to this law and for these sort of incredible
circumstances surrounding this to be revised. It's a really important episode.
It's also one that we would love you to get
behind in terms of the petition that's being currently held
and all.
Speaker 1 (41:33):
That is available on the book. God, have a listen,
don't forget to you, mum, tea dad, tea dog. Tear
friends and share the love because we are there.
Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
were never seeded. We pay our respects to their elders
past and present.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
recorded on gadigal Land. Hi, guys, and welcome back to
another episode of Life on Cut.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
I'm Laura, I'm no longer horny, and I'm also Brittany.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
That's wow.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
We it is amazing how much we've spoked about your
sex life recently.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
And I'm not I'm not mad about it. I'm wild
for you. It's because eighty percent of the year, I
don't have a sex life. So for that tiny little
smidge of a year. And if you're new to the podcast,
welcome to Life on cart where brittin Laura.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Where we only discuss how britt orgasms, how hard she
orgasm is, how much sex she has, and how excited
she was to see her briefriender.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
No, actually, the entire podcast, that's all we discussed. I
don't have a relationship in the physical flag should have
a long distance relationship. But my partner Ben has just arrived.
She usually calls him her husband, yeah, which is definitely
not called manifestation or look it up. No, So I
haven't seen him in like four and a half months,
and he came two days ago and came this morning too.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Forgets in the car this morning. And the first thing
that she said is.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
How much, how much she deeply appreciates.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
And I want to say this on your behalf because
I don't want to get away without thank you. All
of the life is how much she appreciates. How many
of you are invested in her sex life. Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Okay, so my dms have been absolutely blowing up and
I can't tell you how many people, and I love it.
So many people have written to me in the last
twenty four hours saying it's concerning to me how much
I've been thinking about your sex life for the last
twenty four hours. Like I am thinking about you having
sex all day, not in a creepy way, but apparently
everyone's like, oh, are they doing it right now? Like
(01:55):
what's happening right now? Waiting for the updates? So I'm
not going to go into detailed up but I love
how invested you guys are in my sex life. I
don't know how I feel about you imagining the sex
happening I'm fine with it.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
You describe it so much that you've actually just brought
this on yourself though, Like you talk about it, but
I don't.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
I never describe it. I just say it's happening, It's
going to happen. I can't wait. I don't sit there
and talk through my what happened.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
I'm pretty sure on last week's episode you said he's
going to be coming in me on me, and.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
I think that's a volcano. Yeah, it's pretty descriptive, though,
one might argue.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
And I feel like I've had a lot of descriptions
in my mind around it, which was whether I was
voluntarily asking for them or not. Like they're there, They're
like imprinted in my brain now and I can't get
them out.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
You're welcome, Laura.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
You guys like porn, It's fine. I'm not others into
porn as I used to be, are you not? I'm
too fucking lazy these days.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Yeah, but you don't have to. Porn is the ultimate laziness.
You lay there and watch TV. You watch it.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
I don't know that even porn feels like effort now,
it really does. Hey, I have okay across this Instagram
is real. That's gone viral the other day. Fuck, I
found it so funny. Okay, I want you to do
this exercise. Breathe all the air out of your lungs,
like push it all out. Yeah, I'm doing so you
like like a big one. Breathe it all out and
(03:14):
then scream. Keep going all the air, breathe it out,
push it out. Ah.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
It's so why do I have so much air in me?
I know that answer? Ye just hold air. This is
not a good audio medium thing to do, Laura.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Let's just try it you Actually, I feel like there's
too much air left and her lungs.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
It's so funny exercises. You're so good at the unique
New York.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Unique New York.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
You just said New North, Laura. I didn't have enough
time on my hands to watch porn. Also, Laura, Hey,
I've been watching this reall where you breathe all your
air out, you try and scream. You should try it.
Maybe you should use your time differently, Laura.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Okay, so what is this is true? I probably should,
but I don't want to. I think I'm happy with
where I'm at in life now. I'm just not as
horny as I used to be. And got me pregnant
two kids. Saw back, how do you think you're gonna
have another kid?
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Then you know how you have to do it right.
You got to putiness in the page.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
Thank you for that, Thank you for that description. What's
been the best part now that Ben's been here?
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Okay, so this is I mean, this makes me sound
like a wenker, But two things happened yesterday. No one
thing happened yesterday with Ben on our very first day.
One thing that I usually don't like, but I liked
it this time. So Ben and I walked outside of
our house yesterday and there were paparazzi, Like I could
not actually believe it. They're there for him, not me,
but maybe because we're never together that they wanted to
(04:54):
get a photo. And I was like so annoying, like
we just want to be I just want to be
with you, like no paparazzi or whatever, Like it's just weird,
Like who wants a photo of us? Anyway? It makes
me gross.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
They wanted to see you cover from head to toe
and seem, yeah, that's what it was, but.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
I don't have the lead the lens for that into
my room anyway. So we're walking around and it was
it was pretty annoying. And then I saw the article
come out and I frothed it. I realized the paparazzi
now have had to go upper level. So paparazzi have
to do videos now because I guess they can't keep
up with social media, like they're on tiktoks and stuff.
Now I don't have TikTok. One of you guys actually
(05:30):
sent me in a TikTok that a paparazzi had put
together of Ben and I of our day out, and
I was like, oh, here we go. And I watched
it and I loved it. It was like, we never
get photos together because who's going to take your photo rights?
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Just the two of you.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
But this paparazzi had put together a reel, a sizzle
reel of Ben and I and bond time getting around
with Delilah, and we're like laughing walking across the road.
There's some kissing moments, like at a cafe, and I
was like, there's such an invasion of privacy. But I
was like, we have this memory now that they put
together this music back in music too. It's actually so funny.
I have that memory now. I've been of our first
(06:04):
day together.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Well, I mean you already had the memory, but now
you have something that you can add to the shrine,
but you need as an LCD screen and you can.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
Have that playing online.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Anyway, We're heading up and off to the Gold Coast
this weekend. I'm going to show Ben the Gold Coast,
which is, you know, really nice because one day I
hope to maybe live up there, like you know, down
the track in the future.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
I've got family up there.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
My sister's shows up there, so I'm trying to like
show him different parts of Australia that he hasn't seen yet,
and I think he'll fall in love with it up there.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Like a part of this is that Britt and I
were both heading up to Byron on the weekend and
I was going first, you we're all going to be
there at the same time because we love each other
and can't get we'll get away from each other.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
It's very cute.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
I can tell you where we're going for lunch on
Friday if you want to meet us there.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Where are you going?
Speaker 1 (06:46):
I'm not gonna tell everyone on the podcast Paparazza. Actually
that could be cute. Byron bases are let's get into
our vibes and unsubscribes.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
What are you unsubscribing from?
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Nothing? Unsubscribing from zero? Stop it? Sorry, my brain is
in the garter tap. My vibe is a TV It's
Ben's penis Ben's peenis. My vibe is sex. My unsubscribed
is Saturday? All right, bumble No, my vibe is a
(07:20):
TV show. And I am going to thank you all
of you listeners, well people on Instagram. I was really
drive TV shows last week and I put a box
up what have you guys been loving?
Speaker 3 (07:29):
And watching?
Speaker 1 (07:30):
So many responses and there was one response that came
through that didn't come through a lot. Actually, I don't
know why I picked it because only probably two people
out of a lot wrote this show. It's on Binge
and it's called Apple's Never Fall. There's only I think
seven episodes. I watched it in one hit. It's got
Sam Neil in it as the lead. Now Sam Neil
from Jurassic Park, brilliant like New Zealand actor. He did
(07:53):
all those lamb commercials when we were growing up. Do
you remember because of pork? One of them it was
a red meat. I get some on your I can't remember,
well he does wall Now I think as well, like
he's I think he must be on the New Zealand
Sheep Farm or something anyway relevant. Samuel brilliant Jurassic Park.
And one of the other actors you might know Jake Lacy,
who played Pete Miller in the Office. Like The Office
was obviously huge, but it's really brilliant. I'm not going
(08:15):
to go into too much detail. It's bite size seven episodes.
I was hooked from the start. It's a I guess
you would say, a mystery drama about a family member
that goes missing and then what happens within that family
to find the missing person. I actually really loved it. It's
been a long time since I've sat down and been
hooked to a TV series. So it's short and sweep.
My vibe today, but it's apples never fall on binge.
(08:38):
Can't recommend enough produce, Kisha, what is your vibe?
Speaker 4 (08:40):
My vibe for the week. I'm kind of back in
my woo woo phase. I've had some really really bad
sleep lately. This is not a sleep recommendation though, but
I have never been a meditation girlie.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
How about you guys? Are you meditation people. I'm looking
at Laura, I already know. I did a whole study
on meditation and the effects of meditation on the white
and gray matter in the brain via functional MRI scans.
I'm super into meditation. Interesting.
Speaker 4 (09:05):
I've never been able to do it. I can recognize
the benefits for other people. But we have a friend actually,
this guy we became friends with, yeah, Rory at the
dog park years and years and years ago. I later
found out that he does breath work. A couple different
things that I like about him, specifically is that he
has a background in science, and the breath work that
(09:25):
he does is physiological based, so if you're after something
a little bit more spiritual, this probably isn't for you.
He has free breathwork compilation kind of tracks on Spotify.
They're quite new. It's called HAIL, so it's h al.
There's two types, so there's guided or there's non guided.
I've obviously been doing the guided because otherwise my brain
(09:46):
scatters into a million pieces. But I've just been trying
to do the five minute ones just before I go
to bed, so I've been laying down and doing my
guided breath work. He's got a beautiful Scottish accent. I
find them other they're like short enough that I can
get through it.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
So I'm starting my breathwork journey. It's felt good.
Speaker 4 (10:04):
It's felt good to kind of just try and do
five minutes at the end of the day to kind
of center my brain and calm at the fuck down.
And I really really have enjoyed this one. So if
you are wanting to maybe start attempting breathwork, this is
a really easy entry. It's free on Spotify. You can
kind of access it however you want. There are also
different lengths, so there's one that's two minutes. They go
up to ten minutes, so you can pick.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
I always find it's so funny that if you're someone
who doesn't meditate and you meet someone who does meditate,
the very first thing they say to you is how
you're the exact person that needs to meditate. Like that's
always the feedback that you get. We are the people
are the person that can benefit from this.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
He well, he also takes his breath work very seriously.
He'll do marathons with his mouth tape shut so that
he can just breathe through like the pal of breath.
He has done so much research in him, like he'll
do a whole marathon just breathing through his nose.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Yeah, I sure Matt met this guy and did some
like stuff with him.
Speaker 4 (10:53):
Yeah, he also does stuff with like Zydney Swan's and
like he's really in with athletes. He's an ultra marathon runner,
so he practices what he preaches.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
I can say that much.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
This is when Matt got really into swimming underwater and
he was like dedicated to swimming laps.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
We forget, that's how you're going back to Viron.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
Isn't it.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
So we can do the elements pool every time. It's
his favorite thing is to try and see how many
laps he can do with so he wanted to get
to doing fifty meters and then like it just became
a s obsession. And yeah, I'm pretty sure he got
into the mouth taping sleeping and.
Speaker 4 (11:20):
Stuff and anyway, interesting, I'll send him hail on Spotify
so we can get practicing before you go to viral.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
And I think that men who like to do underwater
swimming for as far as possible, that's like the equivalent
of a female house plan obsession. Like that's you guys
know that that's where I'm at in my middle agedom
and Matt's at the swimming laps underwater part of his
middle aged That's where we're at.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Different goals. Yeah, different strokes, man, different ways.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
Okay, so my speaking of house plants that leads me
to my vibe perfectly. We spoke about this a couple
of months back, Keisha. That's because you guys, for my birthday,
got me a whole heap of.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
We the Wild.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Oh yeah, Britt, you owe me for that. Oh yeah,
So We the Wild.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
It's a brand of it's been.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
It's been my vibe on here before. Oh I got
you guys onto it. You guys forget that I was
the og plant person and then you guys knocked me,
and now it's come full circle and now you're frothing it.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
It's so funny that the og plant person actually really
sucks at keeping plants alive, and your go to for
keeping plants alive is to just put them outside and
let nature do its work.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
But that's the thing.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
I don't suck at it.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
They're thriving because they're outside in your house.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
It's because this is not sponsored. It's because of We
the Wild.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Okay, So We the wild and that they have several
products they have. They have a fertilizer. It's a liquid fertilizer.
You just add it to your water, which is great
because use that. I mean it does if you were
to so I use the reusable pack. So it's like
a liter that you can pour into another bottle if
you cut that open. Yeah, it smells because it's made
from worm decomposting stuff. Anyway, you don't smell it though,
(12:49):
because you pour it into a small container and has
a sealed lid on it, so it really doesn't smell.
But it's this fertilizer concentrate. But that's actually not what
I was going to recommend, even though that is fantastic.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
I'm recommending their name.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
So if you are a little plant galley or you
love your houseplants and you want to know how to
make the leaves really shiny and to protect them from
like all of the pests and stuff that do get
into your house if you don't keep them outside like
Bridge does get kneem oil.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
It's amazing.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
You can spray the leaves, you can wipe them down,
and mine since I started doing that have absolutely it's
gone up a fucking notch.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
My house is a forest. My fiddle leaf which is inside,
and it's the same one now. So the leaves sometimes
if you have a fiddle leaf, you see sometimes the
leaves start to grow a little bit down, like they're
not up and happy. I literally got one of these
products from with Wild. It's in a spray bottle. Sprayed
the leaves because I saw it online and I was like, bullshit,
there's no way that happens. In twenty four hours. Spray
every leaf under and on the top overnight and because
(13:42):
they're all facing down, came out in the morning and
you would think it was a different plant, like to
a sky it leaves up to the sky. It was thriving,
and I was like, oh my god, you just needed
that extra little something, something.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
Just juice.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Laura.
Speaker 4 (13:56):
You taught me that I had to wipe my fiddle
leaf because they would getting dusty.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
I will admit, good tip.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
It has helped. Yeah, guys, love my plants. I'm here
for any plant tips you need. Slide into my DMS.
I love that you already do. But also, if you
have a fiddle fig or a fucking monsterra wipe its leaves.
Goddamn it. The poor thing can't photosynthesize. It's why it's dying. There.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Let's get into the questions, all right.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Question Number one. I match with a guy on a
dating app and we met up for lunch yesterday. I
made a comment about how he and I were of
similar age and generation, me being thirty eight and well
him being forty, to which he said, oh, no, sorry,
I'm actually forty five. This is not the first, second,
or third time that this has happened to me. I
have had this happen an innumerable amount of times, and
(14:41):
there is always that excuse of like, oh, the app
wouldn't let me change it, to which my thought is, well,
if you were honest in the first place, you wouldn't
need to change anything. My question is one, do women
put an incorrect age in the dating app too? My
experience is with dating men, and I am curious about
whether it's something everyone one does or not.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Number two he was otherwise lovely.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
So is it better to just brush this aside and
accept that it was a mistake go on another date,
or do I take this as being insincere and potentially
an amber flag. I like that she's not calling it
a red flag. An amber flag that the guy could
be a jak. No, it's fine. Everyone lies on dating apps.
I'm not saying it's I'm not saying it's okay to lie.
(15:23):
I'm not saying it's okay to lie.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
But when I say it's fine, it's fine because he
hasn't lied to your face like on the app it's incorrect.
But he told you straight away. I think the problem
would be here if he had lied to you for
however long you'd hooked up, you were sleeping together, whatever,
and then he was like, psych, you know, I'm ten
years old or whatever. I think that's the problem. But
I know a lot of people, and again i'm not
(15:47):
saying it's okay. I know a lot of people lie
about their age on dating apps, and some people it's unintentional.
Sometimes your age goes in incorrectly for whatever reason. Maybe
you lied about it ten years ago. Some apps won't
let you change because they think you put it in
honestly at the start and now you're trying to change
it to lie. So some apps only give you like
two date changes. So if someone fucked around on an
(16:08):
app with their age ten years ago, that's gonna be like,
ah ah, ain't let you change it.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Part of me is like, Okay, I agree with you.
I don't think it's a big deal. It's like, what
five years if and he told you whether he's forty
or forty five, Like, I'm still going to date the
guy if the guy is a great guy, right, I
don't think I'm not going to care about that level
of an age gap.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
The only thing that makes me go a bit like.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Oh, yuck is the fact that it's normally men, I
would say, and they usually age themselves down, and the
reason for that is because they want to date younger women, right,
So they don't want to age themselves out of a
younger woman's age category, and that's why they've put a
younger age in the first place, which is part of
me is just like, oh, you're a fucking grubby But
I know, also, I don't know the fact that he
(16:48):
didn't lie about you on the first date, Like you've
got there, you can make up your own mind.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
I think if there's honesty there, then I would.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Feel less deceived that if you've gone on several dates
with someone they have lied on their dating app about
their age and then they wait until you're invested in
them to tell you their age.
Speaker 3 (17:03):
I think that that's really shit.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
This happened to me once and I actually felt really gross.
I remember, and I feel gross thinking back to the time. Now,
I was in my twenties and late twenties. I matched
with this guy online and we vibed. He was really nice,
like we got along really well. He definitely looked older
than his age, but I didn't hold that against him
because I still knew his age right. He told me
(17:25):
his age. I must have been twenty eight or something
and he was mid thirties. So I was like fine,
like you're like, okay, I can get ten year but
he looked older, but I was like okay. He was
a surfar. I was like, you wea it. You spend
your time in the sun, like whatever. The Australian ozone
layer is rough. And it didn't bother me because I
was going off how I felt. We went on a
couple of days. We've seen each other for a couple
of weeks? Did you have sex with them? We had
(17:45):
sex because we were I reckon. We I probably saw
him maybe for five six weeks we had sex, and
then after that amount of time he had said something
and I don't remember what he had said, but he
said something where I realized the timeline and the age
didn't add up, and I was like, oh, but I
thought you had done this by that age. I thought
you were over here, you know, you said it that
(18:05):
And he was like, oh, oh, like so almost like
you got me. He's like, oh, I'm actually my age
is incorrect on the dating map.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
And I was like, oh, but was it incorrect when
you told me your actual age as well?
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Exactly? And when he verbalized it, yeah, And it wasn't
a couple of years. He was in his late forties, yeah,
and it was probably a twelve year line, which I
know a lot of you thinking now, which is how
twenty two years difference? Well, I know you're thinking now
like how did I not see it? But I just
didn't because I trusted him. But he looked In my head,
(18:39):
I was like, you do look a bit older, but
he didn't. Having said that he didn't look as old
as his age. Once I knew his late forties, I
was like, oh, you don't look that old, but you
looked older than what I thought. Yeah, And I just
immediately felt so gross. I was like, I just felt ill.
I was like, I like, I just so deceptive, Like
I slept a true with you, and you probably know
I wouldn't have if you had have told me the truth,
(19:00):
So that is fucked. But in this situation, I think
five years he told you immediately on your very first
date at lunch, and if you think he's a great guy,
I don't think it's a red flag necessarily. Finnally Joanne McNally,
who we've had on the podcast before. She's the Irish comedian.
I was listening to her talk about something very similar
last week, and she's back on the dating apps. She
(19:21):
broke up with a partner. She's back on the dating apps,
and she was making a joke about the fact that
she wants to lie about her age because she's just
clicked over forty. She's like, a couple of years ago
on the apps, I was killing it. She's like, now
I'm not. I'm not getting the matches, and I've realized
why because once you click over. She's like, I think
I've clicked over into the forty brackets, so people's age brackets.
(19:42):
They're not finding me. She's like, but I look younger
than forty, and I act younger than forty, and I
want to be younger than forty. She's like, so I
wanted to change. She wanted to take a year or
two off on the app, just to stay in the
thirty bracket to match, just to match with people. But
it wouldn't let her because it said she's already changed
it twice, which I think is really funny. But when
the way she said it, I understood it. I was like,
(20:02):
I get that because you don't feel like a forty
one or forty two year old, and a lot of
people have cut you off at the age of forty
because that's what we put in our age bracket.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
And you're like, hey, just give me a chance.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
I'm still cool. Yes, I'm here. I agree with you.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
I think that the variance of a couple of years
is not a big deal, and the transparency early on
in dating it makes it fine. Your situation, though, Britt
is fucked, and that to me is very predatory. That
is the man who is like well above a certain
age bracket, who is prying on younger girls and knows
that if he puts his truthful age bracket in he
won't get swiped right too. Like that is clear deception.
(20:38):
Whereas this I feel a little bit differently about.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
I think I personally think it is weird that people
lie on dating apps about this sort of stuff, because
then you have to have that uncomfortable conversation on a
first aid anyway, that's so awkward to me. But I
also do understand why people don't feel as though they
have to be truthful because they also.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
Feel like they don't owe you anything.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Yet they're like, well, I don't know that person, Like,
what does it matter to anyone if I say X
y Z about myself that is or isn't true. So
I kind of there's part of me that has a
little bit of an allowance for it, but only to
a certain point, and only to a certain point in
terms of what's their objective, what are they trying to
achieve out of it? And yeah, there's definitely a line
that was crossed in your instance.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
I couldn't call that in I just sneezed my headphones off.
I just so lot.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Right.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Well, I feel like we wrapped on that question anyway.
Question number two, Wow, that was hegg I could have
just almost orgasm.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Okay, Question two, Oh, it wouldn't be the first time today,
I'm actually dizzy.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
That was a really hard sneeze. I've got a headspin.
My partner of two years, he's wonderful, definitely my penguin.
We own a house together but currently doing long distance
due to work. Has let me know that his X,
now they were together for eight years, separated amicably. His
ex has been in contact with him, sending lots of
one way messages ask him to catch up, and he
hasn't replied to any of these, but she has also
(22:05):
been in contact with his family and grandparents and has
organized to meet up with him in the next few weeks.
She's also asked to see him and his mum. He
told me straight away and has said that it is
completely up to me whether he goes to see her
or not. I trust him completely, so it's not like
I'm concerned anything's going to happen. But the situation has
made me feel really uneasy. I know that eight years
(22:26):
is a long time to be in a relationship and
that you can get pretty close to family, but to
continue to be in contact after two plus years of
being separated and continue to organize catch ups does make
me feel unsure about the situation. Also, where do I
stand with his family because we've always gotten along swimmingly.
For context, I live in a different state to him
and his family. What should I do? I feel like
(22:48):
I really can't be the one to say that she
shouldn't be in contact with him and his family anymore,
because then I'll be the bad guy. And am I
just being insecure about the fact that the ex and
my partner's family have a close relationship help wonderful life
on cut Wisdom want to put them in.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Okay, I think it is very important around the context
of the messages. Okay, fuck with fairy. No, it is
kind of weird. It's weird. It's weird.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
I think it's common. I think it is common.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
But I also think that it's okay for you to
feel a level of insecurity. I do think that when
you start a new relationship with someone or you guys
have been together for a long period of time now.
Unfortunately for a lot of people, and I know it's
not for everyone, when you go through a breakup, you're
not just breaking up with that person, you're also breaking
up with their family. And I say this because, like
I've also had six year relationships I'm still friends with
(23:38):
them on Facebook. But I'm not dropping in to hang
out with his mum to have morning tea. I think
that that would be disrespectful to Matt. So there is
sort of an onus to moving on. My question is
is if she's sending one way messages, if she's constantly
doing the outreach and your boyfriend is not writing back
to her, why is she doing it, Because clearly they
don't have a friendship. Clearly that friendship is not amicable.
(23:59):
It's not as though she's been a constant figure in
your life throughout the whole time that you've been in
a relationship, and now you're at a point where you're like,
I don't want him to be friends with her. This
is just spontaneously started happening, and it makes you feel uncomfortable,
and that is absolutely okay. You're not a bad guy
for verbalizing that. And I think it is odd that
after two years of your relationship, she's just spontaneously wanted
(24:20):
to come back into the family and come back into
everyone's life.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
So I don't think it's spontaneous. I actually think it's'
just like it just says sending lots of one way messages.
I reckon really always around there. Yeah, yeah, I don't know.
I mean I would be having a conversation.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
If it makes you feelunomfortable, it makes feel unomfortable, It would
probably make me feel that way too. I would have
a conversation with my partner, and especially if those messages
are one way and he's not writing back, I would
want to know what's the context of them, Like is
she just writing again, being like hey to.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Me again, just checking, just outside in the hedge, still
waiting for you to come out far Like how do
you write a one way?
Speaker 2 (24:52):
How do you have constant one way conversations with people
who aren't writing back to you?
Speaker 1 (24:56):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Do I think that he needs to send like a
stern hey please dot contact me message?
Speaker 1 (25:00):
Probably not. But at the.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Same time, I would kind of want to sit down
and have a bit more of an unpack with him
around the why is she doing that? And what is
the context of the messages, so that I felt more
at ease. But I will say this, and this is
just a personal, little anecdote. When I first started dating Matt,
one of his ex girlfriends started messaging and I was like,
(25:24):
it's cool, I trust you. Whatever, it's fine. If you
want to contact her? Like I was like, nothing untoward
is happening here. But I was like, if you want
to be in contact with her, that's okay with me.
And that's because I was wanting to play cool girl vibes, right.
I didn't want to be like yeah, but I mean
I was, but but I'm cool. Do you want like totally?
Speaker 1 (25:45):
I was like, I'm not overbearing, you know, I don't
get jealous, but give me her address and I'm going
to sit outside her house.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
Yeah, we all know those vibes. I was like, it's
so fine. I was like, if you want to message
her back, because he showed me the messages and he
was like, oh, you know this is happening. And I
was like, okay, cool, Like if you want a message
her back, like you do you like, I trust you?
Speaker 1 (26:07):
It's fine.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
I remember I went to bed that night and I
was like so in my head, I was like, this
is fine.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
I was so not cool.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
I was so far from being cool.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
I was so far from being cool, and it really
like kept me up all night. And the reason is
is because like that is exactly the sort of shit
that would happen in my past relationships. And then it
led to me of being a place of being insecure,
and I was like, okay, I feel like I need
to communicate this with him and either stamp this out
or have a bit more clarity around it. So in
the morning I woke up and I was like, Matt,
I just want to talk to you about the messages
(26:39):
and about what I said last night, because I know
I said I was okay with it, but I'm not
not okay with it, but it does make me feel insecure.
And his response was, well, thank fuck for that, because
I thought you were an absolute weirdo. He was like,
I was so confused that you were so cool with
it that it made me think you didn't care.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
He's like, it was weird.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
To me that you are fine with this, and I
was like, ah, okay, like cool because I'm not okay.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
I was like, oh so now I can show my crazy. Yeah.
I was like, this is no.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
I was like, I'm so far from being okay with this.
I'm so sorry. And he wrote back to her and
it was like, hey, you know what, like we're done.
I have a relationship now, and like, out of respect
to like, let's just you know, put some distance here.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
Yeah, and he handled it perfectly. Look, I think this
happens a lot because I think you do get really
close to a family when you're with them for eight years,
like that is a really, really long time, and I
understand the wanting to keep those connections. So I still
have a relationship with my ex of eight years with
his sister because we actually get along, we're friends. We
(27:45):
would still hang out, we still will talk.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
It's different, though, is it going around having cup of
tea with the mum?
Speaker 1 (27:51):
Is it though it's still a family member. It's actually
she's closer to him than the mum in all honesty.
But what I say is we're not best is we
don't hang out all the time, and we hang out
as a friendship. I don't hang out out and try
and get information from her, and I don't say telling
my set hi like I'm not infiltrating his life. There's
a high chance he probably doesn't even know how often
we would catch up, and I think that's okay. I
also think it's probably okay if she wants to maintain
(28:13):
this relationship with his family. But I think she doesn't
need to maintain a relationship with your partner with her ex,
like it's okay to want to check in on a
family that you were close to for nearly a decade
because you care about those people. I feel like there's
more to it, just from the fact that you said
she's constantly sending these messages and he's not responding. It
makes me feel like she hasn't maybe quite let go,
(28:33):
and this is I'm stretched out a stretch. I've got
no information here, But why else are you consistently sending
messages to catch up with your exit when he's not responding.
What I would do, genuinely is I don't think it's
fair for your partner to put the decision on you. You
tell me if I can meet her or not, and
I'll do it, because I just think that never works.
The time will come where it'll be used in a
(28:55):
conversation or like you never let me do that, or
you control me, or I did this for you, Like
I just feel like that stuff shouldn't be your decision.
I would tell him how it makes you feel and
then let him make the decision, So I would. Once
he knows, then that's on him. You say, Look, I
get that she wants to spend time with your family,
like decades a long time. I understand that they have
a love for each other. It makes me feel a
(29:18):
bit uneasy you meeting up with her, if I'm being honest,
because I feel like we've got our own life now
and I don't see what you've got to gain from it.
I've been thinking about this and it doesn't sit right
with me. But I never want to tell you what
to do, so I want you to do whatever you
feel like knowing that information, and that's what I would do.
I agree.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
I mean it's tricky because you know, we often say
it is possible to still be friends with an X.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
That is possible.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
However, it's not possible if it makes your partner feel
completely uncomfortable, if it's a situation where it feels like
the text messaging that's coming in though, like requesting to
meet up that is overbearing, or it infiltrates your relationship,
like you have to be totally fine with it. And
I think also the only way to actually be totally
fine with it would be if you had also met
(30:01):
the ex, if you had been brought into this relationship.
But the reason why you feel so shit is because
you're still triangulated. She's like, hey, I want to catch
up with you, and hey, I want to see your family.
But she's not like, oh my god, it would be
so nice to meet your new girlfriend. You're not friends,
you know what I mean. And that's the thing that's
kind of weird, and it would make you feel insecure.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
But there's also the fact that like, you're in a
different state, so cool, You're in a different state alone
while your partner, his ex, his entire family or hanging
out together, Like, of course, it's not going to sit
right with you.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
And also, I think if you take anything from my story,
it's okay to not always be the cool girl. It's
okay to say that something makes you feel uncomfortable. And
I know would never want to seem like we're being irrational,
or we're being overbearing, or we're telling our partners what
to do. But it is absolutely fine to communicate something
that doesn't make you feel okay. And if I was
in your situation, this would make me feel uncomfortable as well.
(30:53):
It has all the ingredients to breed in security in you.
And so even though he has been totally honest, it
does come down to the way he manages it and
not putting it on you to make decisions for him,
but him being like, you know what, that was part
of my past, and as much as I respect her,
I want to make sure that my new relationship feels
totally safe and appreciated and valued and all those things.
(31:15):
And so I would absolutely be having this conversation with him,
and you know what, he might turn around and be like, yeah,
I just wanted you to have that. I wanted that
validity from you as well. I'm gonna tell her, actually
it's not appropriate.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
The end. That's the walk on to my ted top. Okay, thanks, bye, okay,
thanks bye okay. Question three. The most recent podcast about
pregnancy and childbirth got my boyfriend and I talking about
what we're gonna do when we're in that situation. He
just told me that he doesn't know if he'll be
able to watch me give birth. Is that a normal
reaction for men. I'm so offended that he wouldn't want
(31:46):
to watch me, but I also think when he's actually
in that situation, it could be different thoughts, feelings. Shut
the fuck up me, no, him, shut up. Shut up.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
If Matt was.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
Like, I'm sorry, I don't want to watch you give birth, well,
actually no, that's so funny because Matt didn't want to
cut the umbilical cord.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
It wigged him out.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
I was like, I just pushed you think I wanted
to push that out of my vagina. If I can
push that out of my vagina, you can cut the cord.
That is your job. And he was like, oh, cutting
the cord.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
I think I can't be sure if this means he
doesn't want to watch, like be in the room at all,
or he doesn't want to be down the vagina action end,
because I think it's okay if he wants to be
in the room and be at the head end. Not
everyone can stomach it.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
I'm interpreting this as though he doesn't want to be
in the vicinity of the birth.
Speaker 1 (32:31):
I'm just going to be a pub call me when
it's done.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
So yeah, So like I mean, it's okay to stay
up the party end and not be at the business end.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
That's fine.
Speaker 3 (32:40):
I don't have a problem with that.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
But I do have a problem with being like, oh,
this is too much for me because guess what.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Pal we don't get to opt out of the childbirth part.
It's too much for my vagina to be real.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
Pushing it out vaginally, the being cut, whatever way it's
coming out of my body, and that's a bit too
much for me.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
It's traumatic.
Speaker 2 (32:57):
So you are going, oh, it doesn't know, it's not true.
I don't want to say its TRM because it's definitely
not for everyone.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
No, but it's no. Sorry. I mean, anyway that a
baby comes out is trauma to a woman's body. Whether
it is a c section, whether it's natural, whether you
have drugs, your body is going to go through a
level of trauma totally, totally.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
And I think it's so important when we're talking about it.
And I just say this because I know it can
be triggering for people. It's trauma to your body, but
it's not traumatic, no trauma to your body like physically totally.
So I and I'm sorry if that was like too harsh,
But when I read this, I was like, I hate
that some partners feel as though they are allowed to
(33:32):
unsubscribe from something that we cannot unsubscribe from. When Matt
very briefly was like, oh, I don't want to cut
the umbilical cord. After I had just had an episiotomy
with no pain relief and I was in shock, I
was like, you know what, pal, you don't get that
option right now.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
Fucking He looked at me and was like, okay, a,
he did such a bad job.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
Tea cut it like thirty It was like thirty centimeters long,
like still dangling off the baby.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
The doctor to come come back around and cut it
closer to dinner. With his eyes closed, He's like, but
at least he did it.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
But look, I understand why some people don't want to
be down the business end.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
It can be too overwhelming.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
You know that, maybe they are a bit squirmish to
blood and guts and everything else they get everyone. I
totally get that, and I respect that, and I'm not
saying that someone has to be down there at the
coal phase. But it is childish to me to have
a conversation with someone who says, oh, I just can't
do it. You can do it, and you will do it,
and you'll suck it up and you will love it.
I think the expectation has changed a lot in terms
of the role that partners play in that room and
(34:36):
their job to be a support person and not to
be someone who complains. Yeah, oh, I've had a lot
of feeling sorry that just came out.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
Now, I feel the same way. I will say as
someone that worked you know, I worked in an operating
theater for a decade and I saw some very gruesome stuff.
I've also seen people come in and I love that stuff.
I've seen students come in and watch that faint and
can't watch it. Watching this kind of stuff isn't for everyone.
So I one hundred percent understand if some like because
you're going to be no help to anyone if you're
on the floor, if you're watching that and you've passed
(35:04):
out and you're going to take the doctor's attention. I
totally get that. But that doesn't mean you can't be
in the room. It doesn't mean you can't be holding
the hand, giving water, helping support network, like, you can
still be up there and not in it totally.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
Also, like I mean, people react differently to how they
think they're going to react. Like I have so many
male friends who are like, oh, it's goood, No, not
for me, and then as soon as they get in it,
they're like, this is the most incredible thing I've ever seen,
and they're like down there helping to pull the baby out.
You know, I think you never know how you're going
to be in that situation, there's probably people who think
that they can handle it and then they end up fainting.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
You know, you genuinely don't know.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
But I think for me, the thing that would be
the most frustrating about this conversation is how he is
blanketing something one that he's never experienced before, and how
juvenile it feels to have someone who doesn't have to
do any work, who doesn't have to do anything, tell
you that it's too much for them.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
So yeah, so sorry, I sorry if I got a
bit too heated on that one.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
But I think you are right, she said, Look, when
he's actually there, it'll be different. It probably will be.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
Probably, it probably will be. But interestingly, I remember when
I when I gave birth to Maley, and this whole
situation around the unbillical cord. Like, Matt was incredible. He
was a great birthing partner. He absolutely stepped up to
the plate. I don't want anyone to think that he
wasn't all of those things, but he was very squeamish
around the business end. Totally different second pregnancy actually, which
is weird, but I remember we were talking to the
(36:26):
midwife at the time and Matt had done this stupid
skit video when I was in labor around the things
that you should and shouldn't say in labor, and the
midwife was like, you would not believe the amount of
things that birthing partners have said, and how infuriated it's
made me over the years. She's like, I have hicked
a husband out of the room for making jokes about
(36:47):
having husbands stitch. So you know that there's that whole
adage that if you give birth vaginally and then they
have to sew you up, like give a few extra
stitches for you know, the husband's pleasure. And the midwife
I was speaking at the time, it was like, she's like,
you know, back in the day, we would all just
kind of.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
Be like ha ha and just like let it slide.
Speaker 2 (37:05):
She's like, but now if someone makes that type of joke,
unless I can see that their relationship is obviously quite
jovial with each other and they take the piss out
of each other, She's like, some men will make that
comment and I'll tell them to get that get out
of the room.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
So you're like, is now the wrong time to also
request the lebectomy asking for a friend?
Speaker 2 (37:25):
But I think I agree conversations around pregnancy have changed
a lot over the years, and the role in which
partners play in that room has changed a lot, because
back in the day, men didn't even come into the room.
It was a woman's place. They used to just wait
for the call that the baby had been born. And
now it's like, sorry, I don't get to get out
of doing this, and neither do you.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
And then they get to go and wet the baby's head.
Where it's like the woman goes home and she's she's
gone through the trauma, and the men's like, I'm going
to the pub with my friends to celebrate. Bro, you're
going back home and you're gonna look after your new baby,
and you're gonna look after your partner.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
I mean, they're divorced now I have I don't know
if you call them friends. They've got acquaintances. This many
years ago they got divorced. But I remember she had
just given birth to their first baby, and the baby
was like two weeks old, and I had gone to
visit her and they were in all sorts as in
like they had been having quite a few fights. And
the thing that had kicked off these fights was that
not even twenty four hours after her giving birth. I
(38:18):
think it was like she just had the baby, and
nine hours after having a baby, he was at the
pub with his friends, celebrating the going and doing like
the head wedding. Like, what sort of culture do we
have if men, specifically, it doesn't happen in same sex
relationships in the same way if men think it's okay
to boycott parenting responsibilities. When a woman is the most
tired they've ever been, the most sore they've ever been,
(38:41):
they are dressed sol responsible. Yeah, you're having that massive
hormone dump. They're solely responsible for taking care of this
baby now, and you leave to celebrate when you've done nothing,
which is involved getting drunk.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (38:53):
It's so fucking yeah. But it's so common. I know
so many people that still do it. I think it's
a lot less common than what it used to be.
I don't know anyone apart from this couple, but I
know heaps of people. It's really common, and I guess
it's an excuse. They use it as an excuse, like
it's wedding the head. It's a thing that everyone does,
but it's an escapism. You want to go and have
a be call it what it is like. You don't
want to be home for that WoT second? You want
(39:14):
to go to the hub?
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Yeah, I mean, look each their own and every relationship
is different, and I'm sure there's a lot of people
whose partners have done it and they were cool with it,
cool girl vibes, not me.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
Ok, you go to the Bahamas for a couple of weeks.
Well that is it from us. Guys now. If you
have your ask on cuts, please keep them rolling into Instagram,
Life and Cut podcasts. If you have your accellent in
filter it's anything you want to send, please send in there.
That's where we check them the most. And please don't forget.
We have a YouTube channel now, so you get to
watch all of these episodes. If you want to sit
back on a weekend or at night, you can put
(39:44):
it on the big screen. You can literally watch us,
listen to us as you go about your day the
big screen. Like they go, I think it's just a TV.
Get your popcorn, Get your popcorn, sit back on the
big screen at home, watch life on Cut. But we
do have a really incredible episode for you to watch.
Bianca Unwen a really important message surrounding domestic violence, which
I know is something that everyone is talking about right now,
(40:06):
But the reason everyone is talking about it right now
is because we need to make a change and we
need to continue those conversations.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
Yeah, I mean, this is a crazy one, this conversation
that we had with Bianca and when you might remember her,
we spoke to her two years ago around her sister
Katie's It is horrific the story she was brutally murdered
by her partner at the time. The details around it
are absolutely horrifying. And the reason why we're catching up
with Bianca as well on this episode again is because
(40:33):
there's been a lot of conversation around this legislation that
exists in the Victorian government, and basically what it means
is that when a prison is not operating properly, prisoners
are able to request days reduction in their sentencing. So
for every one day that a prison doesn't operate in
the way that it's supposed to, a prisoner can request
four days reduction.
Speaker 1 (40:53):
Called an EMD an emergency management day.
Speaker 2 (40:55):
Yeah, which I mean, it makes sense in theory, but
there is a massive loophole that's being at exploited because
of COVID. So think about how many days prisons were
not able to operate properly in the same way that
we as people were not able to operate properly during
this time. These prisoners are being able to request four
days for every one day during that COVID period, so
they are having.
Speaker 3 (41:15):
Literal years taken off their sentencing.
Speaker 1 (41:17):
It is huge reductions.
Speaker 2 (41:18):
Yeah, and look Bank, she is advocating for change and
reform to this law and for these sort of incredible
circumstances surrounding this to be revised. It's a really important episode.
It's also one that we would love you to get
behind in terms of the petition that's being currently held
and all.
Speaker 1 (41:33):
That is available on the book. God, have a listen,
don't forget to you, mum, tea dad, tea dog. Tear
friends and share the love because we are there.
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