February 14, 2024 • 36 mins
Hey Lifers,
Hope you had a nice Valentine's Day, and that you didn't deeply shame a certain gift that your partner was about to give you...like we did.
Vibes for the week:
Britt: Society of the Snow on Netflix
Keeshia: Luc Longley: One Giant Leap on Australian Story
Laura: Lover, Stalker, Killer on Netflix
(sorry fam, can't link netflix because it takes you to the sign in page)
Then we jump into your questions!
- Last night I had a dream about another guy. Nothing particularly scandalous happened but I felt guilty so I told my boyfriend and it upset him quite a bit. Is he overreacting or is it better to not tell your partner about a dream involving another guy?
- My partner of 5 years recently had some significant family troubles and it's taken a toll on his mental health. He's found himself thinking about his ex, and wondering whether his life was happier when they were together. He says he wants to be with me, but I'm wondering if this is a reflection of his current mental state or if it's a reflection on our relationship.
-
My boyfriend is a corporate king on $500k+. Although, whenever he does the groceries he walks out and never pays.. or sometimes pays for only part. I’m talking about meat, fruit, veggies, yogurt, pasta etc.. substantial items.. not like picking a grape and quickly putting it in your mouth whilst shopping. This does not sit well with me. He does it because “no one’s watching, and why would I pay if I don’t have to?" I think he also likes the “rush” he gets from it. He has very strong morals and values elsewhere and this can be seen a little off brand with the rest of his character. I’ve brought it up and said I don’t like it but he doesn’t see it as a big deal. I’m worried he’ll get caught and I also don’t want his young children to see this behaviour and think it’s right. Thoughts, opinions on how to navigate this?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Lifelun Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders
past and present.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
recorded on Drug Wallamuta Land.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Ononker.
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is therapy Thursday. Well,
do you know what a real spanner has been thrown
in the works because normally we record on a Wednesday,
but it's a Tuesday, a spicyle Tuesday, the day before
Valentine's Day, so you know, really keeping your guess, and
do you know Valentine's Day comes around really quick and
I feel like we only just spoke about it yesterday.
(00:45):
To me, No, to me, I feel like last year
was the longest year of my life. Why is that?
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
But when I think back of what was happening this
time last year, it honestly could be another lifetime ago.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Do you think that's because you did Dancing with the
Stars last year, so like you damn for like two months,
so that changes your life. I was training, Yeah, you
were actually training and then you never did anything again. Literally,
I have not exercised since Dancing with the Stars. I
did Dancing with the Stars, and I exercised so much.
I'm talking six hours a day. I was a rig.
It was great. You were ripped. You looked by the time,
(01:18):
I mean, I could see it slowly progressing over the dancing,
and by the time we went to watch you dance,
I was like, this looks like a super model. I
had like a six pack, the longest legs I've ever
seen history. You were like a daddy long legs. I'm like,
how do this dancing work? No, it just lifted my ass,
my had It removed my ass from being on the
(01:38):
back of my knees and brought it back up. No,
and then you know, we got a peloton. Have been
doing that, but now it's kind of a bit of
a close horse. At the moment. You sporadically peloton. I
sporadically peloton. But I'm trying to make it more like, well, no,
because that was my news resolution. I was like, I
did the lame news resolution, guys. I was like, hashtag
fitness year of health. Then you nearly die and then
I got pneumonia, and I was so good. For the
(02:00):
first week of January. I was like, Oh, I'm going
to be so fit, and then I fell off the
bandwagon and I haven't clambered my way back on yet.
So that's really quiet, you know, spiraling out of control.
Seem we're going to be in December and nothing's going
to have happened. I still think you're doing okay, but
I remember so Valentine's Day, so yes, we're recording this
the day before Valentine's Day. I'm one of those people
(02:21):
that's really annoying, right, Like I don't care about Valentine
to do with Valentine's Day. I don't like it, don't
love it. But then also, yes, I want a present,
like like, I don't believe in Valentine's Day. But if
someone was like, I would like to get your present
for Valentine's Day, I'm not gonna say no, right, but
if I didn't get one, it wouldn't offend me, if
that makes sense. No, I think that's a lie. I
think you know no, I think you say I didn't
(02:43):
get ben anything for Valentine. I genuinely do not care
about Valentine's Day one iota, but I love getting gifts
so any day of the week you want to send
me a gift, I'm never gonna say no, but I
will not be offended if I didn't get anything on
Valentine's Day? What if you didn't get a phone call
or a card or nothing. And Ben just completely steamrolled through.
I think he was dead. He calls me twice a
day every day. If he didn't call me on Valentine'sda,
(03:05):
I'd be like, Okay, he's died in his sleep or something.
But last year it made me laugh. So last year
on Valentine's Day, I don't think I told you guys this.
Ben and I were still pretty new. When I say
pretty new, actually four months but only like two months
officially from when we actually knew each other, but four
months from when we no, like three months, like not
even you met in December three months yeah, cook, whatever,
(03:29):
But I only went over in December New Years So yes,
it was very fresh. It was probably only under two months.
So it was at that point where like you're obsessed
with each other and you want to impress each other
all the time, and like you just whatever. You're in
the honeymoon phase. And that was amplified by the fact
that it was long distance. Anyway. Last year, on the
(03:50):
Valentine's Dy episode, we did like your Worst Valentine's Day Gifts.
That's what we talked about in the podcast, and producer
Keisha and I were car pulling to work and that's
when speaking to Ben on the phone and I said, Hey, Ben,
we're talking about worst Valentine's Day gifts becuse it's Valentine's
Day tomorrow. Have you ever had one? Like, I'm trying
to get some more, gather some more information, have you
(04:10):
ever had one? And he's like, to be honest, he's like,
I've never really had a Valentine's Day gift, so I
guess I haven't had a bad one. And I said
have you ever given a bad one? And he was like, no,
I don't think so I think I nail it. And
then he asked me and he's like what about you?
And Kish like, have you guys ever had bad ones?
Or what do you think? Keisha and I went into
this rampage of what gives us the ick for a
(04:31):
Valentine's Day present and we were like teddy bears, Like
for me, it's a no, don't give a teddybar on
Valentine's Day. You do that when you're twelve years old.
I feel like we've passed that adults don't need a
teddy Bear on Teddy Bears or an instant dick. I agree.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
I lent in and said, it feels really infantile, like
it makes me feel like a child, and that's a
weird dynamic with someone you want to have sex like.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
I went hard. Yeah, so we were going hard, right,
and I was like, ill, why would you do that?
I would never let a man inside me after he's
giving me a Teddy Bear. Then I also said the
other thing I don't get. Why do people send flowers
in a box? Fucking box? Boxed flowers like a box.
Send them with the stems. You can put me in
(05:09):
a vase. No one wants a big box with a
boat sitting around their house. I disagree. I think that
the box and I don't want anything in a box.
That's not what I'm saying. But the box protects them.
I think it actually is. It's meant to be for
a reason. In the post, you want to in your box?
No no, no sorry, how to box to get in
my box? No no, no, no no sorry. I don't
mean a box that protects roses. Like you've got long
(05:31):
stem roses that comes in a box. I mean it's
a tiny box and the stem of the flowers is
like five centimeters and you don't take the flowers out
of the box into a vase. They just live in
the box. I know exactly what you're talking about.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Like the little box for the little yes, like they're
vertical standing, the little white box that goes on the
bottom and all the flowers are sitting.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
It's just like half a box. It's not a box flower.
They've got that like mesh stuff that you stab the stem. Yeah, yeah,
and they stay there.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
I don't know what that's called. So for me, it
was box flowers, right, don't get the point a teddy bears. Yeah.
And then on top of that, as a joke, it's
not the end of the world, but like you know,
sometimes roses still trigging me. Okay, went on the Bachelor,
got dumped on National TV. Whatever. So Keisha and I
are going hardcore to Ben on the phone, talking about
how much we have the X of these things, and then,
(06:16):
bless his soul, he doesn't say anything. He's like, oh,
oh interesting, And then the next day on Valentine's Day
to my house, which was already pre ordered, turns up
a box, a box of roses in the shape of
a giant teddy bear. He couldn't script it. You would
(06:38):
not script it. Everything I had said in one and
when Keisha and I are going hardcore to him in
the phone, he knew that that's what he had ordered.
He was like, oh my god. I just thought it
was a funny thing. Could have been satire. He could
have been like, what could I get Britt that would
really trigger her? And I felt genuinely terrible. That's why
I didn't talk about it last year in the podcast,
because I was like, I feel so bad. But now
(06:58):
he and I laugh about it all the time, so
I think it's funny. I was still very appreciative of
the present. I just felt horrific that I was like,
I just told this guy all these three things that
I hate and he sent them to me. But he'll
never make that mistake. Can I tell you what else happened?
I convinced him that I loved it, right, and I'm
talking to this dude. It's about half a meter tall.
It's a big rosed teddy bed box thing. Fucking cute. Anyway,
(07:23):
So I put it on the counter and I'm like,
I feel like I can't wait for them to die. Yeah,
so I was like, I absolutely love it. Anyway. A
week goes past and I've thrown them out and he goes,
show me the flowers. How are they going? I said, oh, babe,
I'm so sorry. I just threw them out today because
they died, and he goes, that's interesting. I said why,
and he goes, oh, because they said that they preserved
them for three months. They're flowers that are like cut
(07:47):
and sprayed so that they don't die. And I was like, no,
they definitely wil to get your money back. We sound okay,
we sound ungriev I know that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
There will be someone listening to this who's like, I
would love to receive a Teddy Bear and some flowers,
and I know I get it, so I look, you
want you soon's yum.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Some people would get off on a Teddy Bear and
box flowers and that's fine, but for me, it's my
undis are on with that. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
Also, sorry to the florists who make them. I know
that you've had a very very busy day yesterday and
you work very hard.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Yeah, this is true. I have nothing against florists. It's
not about that. You go where the demand takes you.
If people are buying Teddy Bears, you get the Teddy
Bears box. If people want a box, you get a box.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
We're just saying, you know, maybe like a little bit
more of like an organic shape to my flowers. Okay,
my issue is here.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
We go.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
This is the last one, and then I'll stop with
the flower bashing. Artists don't like a rounded posy. I
don't want like a perfectly round top of a posy,
like a little bit of an organic shape, get constructed.
Throw some I don't know, so very hard to please.
That's saying that it's the thought that counts. I really
believe that. So while it's not something that I would
have picked ever in my life, in the history of
(08:55):
my life, I still appreciated that he sent me something
and thought of me. So it's like, of course, you know,
to dislike. It's like when people get an engagement ring
that they hate. Like We've had so many people running
and being like, I hate my engagement ring what I do,
But obviously I love him and don't want to hurt
his feelings. It's the same thing. It's the thought that
you want to marry me, and you went out and
picked this and you love it, that you're going to
have to put up with it. No.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
See my debate with this though, and I genuinely mean
this as someone who makes engagement rings as a living
like you know, and I work with couples to make them.
The reason why I don't agree with that is because
often it's not the thought. They're not being thoughtful.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
They're picking a ring that they like, not realizing or
not knowing anything about their partner's style, or even worse,
We've had people come in and be like, she likes this,
but I prefer this, so I'm going to pick this,
And I'm like, you know what an engagment ring is
in the time for you to flex your style muscle. Yeah,
And that's why I think sometimes when people get it
so deeply wrong, it's actually the opposite to the thought
that counts. It's the thoughtless present that makes you feel
(09:49):
as though your partner doesn't know you. I feel like,
if it's the wrong color metal, that's really a red flag.
They're down on one knee and you wear gold and
they've got white gold or the reverse. That would be
a little bit of a question. I still stick by this.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
I think sometimes that you don't have to be grateful
for every single gift that you get given. If it
is a thoughtless gift, that's all. And I'm not saying
that you should be ungrateful for being thought of, But
sometimes it's the lack of thought. It's the like we
said on Tuesday's episode, it's the people buying flowers at
four pm on Valentine's Day and it's like whatever's left
over at Woolies.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
That's not a thoughtful gift. Just give nothing in that case,
speaking from the person who gave nothing this year so forever. Anyway,
let's do our vibes and unsubscribes. What have you been
vibing this week? So my vibe this week is a
Netflix show, but it's also has been made into a
book and it is a true story, and I've also
(10:42):
listened to podcasts on it now. I listened to podcasts
on it a long time ago, and I know I
recommend the old podcasts crossover to Netflix a lot, but
I genuinely enjoy a show once I know a story better,
and I love to see it now. It's called Society
of the Snow. I don't know if you guys have
heard about it. Absolutely brilliant. It is about I don't
(11:02):
know if you remember hearing this. It is about the
plane crash in the Andes Mountains in nineteen seventy two
that had twenty thirty people on it. There were all
school age kids and had some teachers. Now this true story. Obviously,
it crashed into the Andyes' Mountains and it's the story
of survival in literally the harshest, coldest, most horrific conditions.
(11:24):
So some of them died straight away, and about sixteen
of them survived, and nobody could find them for a
ridiculously long time, and they ended up having to eat
each other. I remember this story. This is so awe cool. Yeah,
So they've made it into a show that was brilliantly done.
So Society of the Snow. The way it tells the story,
(11:46):
I think they did it in a really respectful way.
Like when you think about it, people lost their lives
and their friends really did eat them to survive. It's
a horrific story. But I think that the way that
this was filmed and directed and produced did a really
really good job, producer, Keisha, What do you got this week?
Speaker 3 (12:02):
So on Sunday night, I went to the basketball to
see the Hawks play the Kings, and I sent you
guys a photo while I was there of someone that
I was lucky enough to meet, and neither of you
knew who he was.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
I knew he was a basketballer, but I didn't know
who he.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Was, but I wrote what and then I was like,
that covers everything that comes what I don't know who
this is, and also like what, that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
I was like, just.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
So when we were sitting in the second row and
all of a sudden, this really tall person sat down
in front of me, so I couldn't seem much and
initially I was like, yeah, I can't see the game.
And it took me about three seconds until I was like,
wait a second, Holy shit, is that live lonely?
Speaker 1 (12:40):
And the reason that I was so excited is because
Keisha really likes tall men, which she likes basketball, and
she likes men who are disproportionately large to her. That's
actually yeah, they go. She likes me at the height
of their dick. She's like, you have to be seven
foot plus because I'm five. My days, so we'll be back.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
In twenty twenty, when The Last Dance went huge on Netflix,
it was all about the Chicago Bulls and it focused
a lot on Michael Jordan.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
So there was another player in that team who was
quite behind the scenes.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
But you know the people behind the scenes that are
actually very, very impactful to the success of any team.
Luke was one of those people. So he played throughout
the nineties. He was there for their three consecutive championships.
He was their starting center, so he was one of
the main players, and he grew up in Fremantle in
Western Australia. In the Netflix docuseries of The Last Dance,
(13:30):
he wasn't featured. You can see him in little cutaway shots,
and as it turns out, there were quite a few
people that were a little bit miffed about this, and
I think Luke may have even been quite personally disappointed
that he wasn't included in the docuseries or anything about
him wasn't really a part of it. So Australian Story,
the ABC program that do docuseries on really impactful Australians,
(13:53):
did this two part series on him in twenty twenty two,
and I had seen it and it's.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
Called Luke Longley One Giant Leap.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
Part one is thirty two minutes and Part two is
thirty four minutes, so it's not very long. But what
was quite interesting about it is that they got interviews
from both Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen. Australian Story don't
pay anyone to come on the program, and we're talking
about Michael Jordan, like this guy doesn't do anything for
lesson like a hundred million dollars, like he's worth a
lot of money, and he gave a thirty minute interview
(14:23):
for free to the Australian broadcaster for Australian Story. So yeah,
my recommendation for this week is the two part series
on Abciview, which is the app I checked last night.
It is still available. It is really really good. It
shows how Luke was such a different player. He was
the first Australian to ever play in the NBA. He
wasn't this really competitive, gritty person. He's quite a calm
(14:48):
and collected and warm person and he still is that person.
I mean, I met him on Sunday for the first
time and I just thought he was such a lovely man,
a real gentle Giant and that was in massive contrast
to how Michael Jordan wanted the team to operate, so
they didn't always get on, they didn't always see.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Eyther to eye.
Speaker 3 (15:04):
And so if you liked the Last Dance and you
want to know about the Australian who contributed to it,
it's on YouTube and it's on ABC iView.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
Well, I have another thing for you to watch.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
So you guys are getting a lot of TV time,
like everyone, doctor your screen time. This week I watched
the new documentary that's out on Netflix. It is called
Love a Stalker Killer. It is fucking brilliant. So it's
all around a man in the States who was stalked
by a lover. It goes over many years. It's so
thrilling and there are so many aspects to this and
I think you don't ever really hear about female stalkers
(15:35):
because statistically it is not as common. But this had
such a profound impact on his life.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
And obviously, as you can tell from the title Love
a Stalker Killer, you are left questioning throughout the series
as to whether.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
There is or isn't a murder involved. And when I
say series, it's actually just one episode it's a fascinating story.
It really had us on the edge of our seats,
and I just put it on because it was like there.
I was like, oh, that's the next thing Netflix is recommending,
and did not expect to be.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
As absolutely hooked as what I was.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
It is brilliant and I would say put that at
the very top of your list if you're wanting to
watch something this week, because it has just come out
and fucking wild.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
It is on my list because I've seen it, keeps
recommending it to me, I'll watch that it also. I mean,
I think in terms of what I found fascinating about
this is like, you know, sometimes you think about stalkers
and you think, surely that they would lose steam, right Like,
surely over time something more important would come up in
their life. And I think for me, the thing that
I just couldn't it was almost unbelievable, was the layers
and the levels to which this person went to over
(16:35):
so many years, like it had become their fixation to
ruin his life. It's a very very sad story, but
it's so incredibly well done the storytelling of it. Question
number one. Last night, I had a dream about another guy.
Nothing particularly scandalous happened, but I felt guilty, so I
told my boyfriend about it. It upset him quite a bit.
(16:57):
Is he overreacting? Or is it better to not tell
your partner about a dream involving another guy. Don't tell him.
Don't fucking tell.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Okay, if you are getting reamed in your dreams, do
not wake up and roll over and say, hey, honey,
oh my god's so wild. I feel a bit guilty
about this, but I was.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
A dream function last night. I was fucking David in
my sleep last night. Don't tell someone that, because all
that does is it breeds insecurity. Is that maybe you're
thinking about them in real life, which obviously we all
know that dreams and your real thoughts don't have to correlate.
Like I've had sex with many people in my dreams
that I would literally never have sex within my real life.
But like, sometimes you can't control, your brain just goes
(17:35):
there and then you wake up in the morning you're like,
that was weird. Do I have a crush on them? No?
I don't. Oh, thank god, I don't really sex dream
a lot, don't you nu? Nuh? And it's funny. The
only sex dream I've had was with a female friend
ages ago, and I wasn't breath and I and I
woke up feeling so awkward. And I hadn't even seen
(17:56):
that friend in a while. So dreams are weird. But
what would you do if you'd had a sex dream
about me? Would to quit? Would you tell me? Or
would you not tell me? I couldn't look at you
that I'd have to do the podcast looking over here
at the wall. I mean, we've spoken about my laber
so much the last episode. I would feel surprised it
hasn't happened yet. I feel viscerally uncomfortable if I had
to dream about sex. What if you had to dream
about sexy? And Okay, I'm pretty good. Actually I know,
(18:18):
I know, I know, I know, I have no doubt.
I have no doubt, but I know what I'm doing
in the Saclaura. It would be like having said, Okay,
let's go back to the question. That was like, that
was a derailing that I didn't need. Let's go back
to the railing. Okay, so you got railed in your dream? No, actually,
I don't even know if she did, laws because she
says nothing particularly scandalous happened. So I reckon. Maybe she
was just like flirting with the guy or something like. So,
(18:41):
I'm wondering if she's just said, oh my god, like
I had old bait was in my dream last night
and he happens to know him. But what do you
What are you going to gain from that? Because it's
your Your boyfriend is going to sit there and think cool,
she's going to bed, and we know that this isn't
how it works. But he's going to think. She's going
to bed thinking about someone else. She's dreaming about someone else,
and now she's telling me about someone else. Is there
(19:02):
something going on?
Speaker 2 (19:03):
We do this sometimes in relationships where we feel something. Remember,
feelings are not always fact. Like you know, you're going
to feel many things. You wake up feeling guilty, or
you feel stressed, or you feel upset about something. And
what we can sometimes do is in part that feeling
because we want to get rid of it, right. We
don't want to keep that feeling anymore, so then we
give it to our partners. You said exactly that you
(19:25):
woke up feeling guilty, and so therefore you wanted to
be honest with your partner. Firstly, you have nothing to
feel guilty for. When it's a dream. But by passing
that on, your partner is going to have a reaction
to it, right, Like he's going to have some sort
of feeling towards the fact that you felt guilty.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
You share this.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Information, and his feeling is like he feels insecure or
it feels weird that you thought that was necessary to
tell him. So I don't think his feelings are an overreaction.
I think you needing to tell him everything that you
think or dream is an overreaction. All that does is
it creates in securities when insecurities don't need to be there.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
But I also believe that you shouldn't feel guilty for
what your dream. But totally you're unconscious, Like you are unconscious,
and sometimes you dream things in situations you've never even
been in, or people you've never even had anything to
do with you cannot control out. I think just roll
with it, wake up and be like that was fun,
I was wild.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
I agree with you, Brett, but that's what I mean
by it creates a bigger situation. Imagine if Ben woke
up and I think, like anyone put themselves in that position.
Imagine if your partner woke up and said, oh my god,
I had a really intense sex dream about x y Z.
All that's gonna do is put a thought in your head.
It doesn't need to be there because you and I
and everyone knows that dreams are not real.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
But like, it's the same thing. I mean, fuck, I
take it out on Matt.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
If I have like a dream where he's cheated on me,
I'll wake up in the morning and be like, Dreamat.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Sucked last night, And he goes, oh god, what did
I do? And I'm like, Dreamatt was he was a
naughty boy and he did this, this and this, But
it doesn't actually impact our real life. And I think
those things are very weird. See if Ben, if that
happened in that situation and Ben woke up and was like,
hey had so with his chig my dream last night, crazy,
I wouldn't be upset that he had sex with someone
in his dream. I'd be upset that he told me.
(21:07):
So I don't get jealous of people's dreams. There's nothing
positive that I can do the information. Keep your dream
sex to yourself, to yourself. Yeah, don't pass your feeling
of guilt onto me. Whatever feelings you have when you
wake up the next day. I don't need to know
about it one hundred pecents. Just go to sleep the
next day and start again. Yeah, question number two.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
My partner and ire in our thirties and have been
together for five years and living together for the past three.
In the last year and a half, he has had
some significant family troubles that's taken a toll in his
mental health, and he's most likely depressed and working on
ways to improve this. He has found himself thinking about
his ex girlfriend and wonders if a life with her
might have been happier. He also has been feeling unfulfilled
(21:47):
and having thoughts and uncertainties about his current career that
used to give him a lot of purpose. They have
not been in contact at all since they broke up,
and he doesn't plan on reaching out to her. He
tells me he loves me and wants to keep working
on this relationship. I guess I'm having trouble figuring out
if his current thought processes and considering of his past
relationship is simply a reflection of his mental state slash
(22:08):
potential depression, and if it's something that will get better
with time, or if this has more to do with
our relationship.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
I don't like this at all, and I know that
she's preloaded it with like you know, he's had a
tough time with his family, he's got mental health issues.
But I don't think that is an excuse to go
to your partner and say I think about my ex
and wonder if I'm happier with her. That's not cool
at all, And I don't care what the situation is.
(22:35):
It's only cool if you are then going to follow
it up with I don't think we should be together.
Like if you are thinking about your ex more than
your current partner enough that you go to your partner
and tell them, I wonder if I'm happier with somebody
I was with before you, What do you think is
going to happen in your relationship? What do you think
your partner is going to think? What's the point? What's
(22:56):
the purpose unless you're gonna make a decision to say,
I need to go and find out, Because now you
are never ever going to stop thinking about that. You're
gonna be like everything I do, You're gonna be walking
around on eggshells because you're like, I know that, like
that he could potentially leave me because you think something's better.
If somebody comes to me and say, I think I
could be happy with my ex, fucking go get them there,
Go and find out. Like if somebody literally comes to
(23:18):
me and said that if I am not enough for
you right now to the point that you feel the
need to tell me, I would say, figure it out
and we can talk about it later. But I'm not
gonna sit here while you amnah. And I'm currently the
best thing in your life, so you'll keep me around
because I'm good enough but not the best. It's really cruel.
It's cruel.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
But the way that you describe that brute just there,
when you said that, it makes you walk on eggshells
because what he's doing is he's saying, I'm committed, but
I'm seeding you with doubt. I'm making you feel as
though this isn't stable, And it almost is like you
get to a point in yourself where you almost feel
grateful that they're still choosing you.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
You're like, you know he has these thoughts, but like
he's still here. It's such a way of manipulating without
him necess sssarily intentionally meaning to do it, but you're
manipulated into feeling sorry for him. In so many ways.
And I guess part of this that I really.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
Think that we should recognize is that depression presents itself
in many ways. And I don't think that we can
just completely gloss over and be like, oh my god,
he's an asshole, He's this. He very well may be
going through depression, and he very well may be going
through a challenging mental state in terms of whatever's happened
in his family, you haven't gone into details. When you
are in that phase of life, you can sometimes lack
(24:31):
empathy for how the things that you say will impact
other people. That's a very real thing because you don't
feel anything yourself, so you don't feel anything about the
way in which other people feel around the things that
you do and say too. That could be a possibility,
but it doesn't mean that you need to be in
a relationship where someone is cruel with the things that
they say, even if depression is a participating factor. And
(24:51):
I think ultimately the way in which he's set up
this conversation of being like, well, I wonder if I
would have been happier, but I'm going to stay and
not do anything about it.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
It makes you feel as.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
Though your second best and you know, things may get
better in time if he's going and getting treatment. But
I guess the big questions I would be asking myself
and this is what is he doing? What is he
actually doing on a day to day or a week
to week to try and improve his mental health to
try and overcome this depression that he's feeling. Is he
going to a therapist, has he been medicated? You know,
what are the solutions that he has? And does he
(25:26):
recognize that there's a problem, Because there's a very big
difference between being made to feel as though the depression
is what's causing this, or being made to feel.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
As though you are the problem. The relationship is the problem.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
It could be the case that the only way for
him to find out whether the relationship is the problem
is by not having it anymore. And if all of
these feelings are still there when you're not there, well
that's going to be a real indicator that actually it
wasn't the relationship, it was him and the things that
he was experiencing. But it's not your job to convince
someone that the relationship you have now will be better
(25:58):
than the one that he could have had with you totally.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
And I'm one hundred percent, not taking anything away from
the feeling of depression. But when you are in that position,
there are going to be times in a relationship where
one person has to show up eighty percent of the
time because one only has the capacity for twenty Knowing
that in the future that will flip and you're allowed
to have your twenty percent and they'll have the eight
and they'll show up for you. But in this situation,
(26:21):
that's not happening. Obviously, there are a lot of other
problems that he's experiencing in the relationship and he's not
able to show up in a lot of ways. But
he's also not relying on you and bringing it together.
He's actually making it worse. He's saying, I'm thinking of
someone else in my lowest time, and that's what I'm
thinking about, like the person in when I should be thinking,
how am I going to get through this for you?
With you together? What can we do? How can I
(26:43):
lean on you? It's not. He's gone to somebody else,
and I think that's where the problem lies. Well.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
The reason why he's doing that, though, is because often
when you're in a low state, you think about times
when you were happy. Maybe he attributes a happy time
in his life to six years ago. Seven years ago,
and that was a time when he was with his ex.
It's not that his X made him happy, It's just
that he didn't have all these other contributing factors that
you are now dealing with in your relationship because of
whatever else has happened that's influenced him. My big thing
(27:12):
about this and I want to tread carefully because I
know that depression is such a sensitive topic for anyone
who has been the partner alongside someone with depression or
the person who has had it themselves. It is not
as simple as being a get out of jail free card.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
It doesn't mean that you can.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Treat anyone the way that you want to treat them
because you have depression. However, sometimes that is the byproduct,
because it is hard to have empathy when you're already
in such a dark place yourself. It's hard to care
about other people's feelings when you don't feel anything. So
I'm not saying he's being intentionally cruel, but the things
he's saying are cruel things to say, and they will
(27:48):
impact your relationship, even if you are the most supportive, loving, stable,
all of those things, it still has an impact on you,
and that's okay as well. The only thing that I
would say is the fact that it is affecting his work.
He's not showing up to his work that used to
give him a lot of purpose with any sort of joy.
He's not showing up to your relationship with joy. That
(28:08):
to me says these are pretty clear indicators of depression
and he needs to be taking some responsibility and doing
something about it. So I guess it's up to you
to kind of look at the relationship from an aerial
perspective and go, what can I forgive as being not
his behavior but something that's happening to him. What is
it that he's saying that's very different to how he
(28:29):
normally would be, But also what is he doing to
try and improve this situation? And if he is doing
lots of things and you guys are working together, then
I would say give it time. If he's not doing anything,
if he's blaming you, if he's not taking responsibility and
nothing's changing, then I would say you are in a
position where nothing will change, and so I wouldn't be
giving it the time or the energy.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
What I do recommend is sitting down and actually having
a conversation with him about why try to get there
for him say, Okay, I'm not gonna lie. This doesn't
make me feel very good to know that you're yeah,
to know that you're thinking about her like a Why
did you feel the need to tell me? Because you're
at the point where you want me to know, so
we have the conversation so that you can potentially leave
(29:10):
go a little bit deeper. Why do you think you're
thinking about her? Do you think it's just because you
feel so down in your life right now that you
are grasping for past happier times. Do you think you're
thinking about it because you're unhappy in this relationship? Is
that a direct byproduct of the fact that you're feeling
down or are you genuinely unhappy in this relationship? Why
are you unhappy in this relationship? I think just a
(29:32):
really honest conversation to get to the bottom of it.
Because maybe he hasn't figured that out for himself either,
whatever that reason is, I don't know, but he's voiced
him for a reason, so maybe he does want to
have that conversation, and maybe that is something you can
get to the bottom of. It together. You have been
together for five years, so you are going to have
hard conversations. It doesn't mean he necessarily wants to leave
and you could get back to being better than ever.
(29:53):
But you need to just have a really open communication.
It's so lame to always be like communicate, but it's
definitely the found of every relationship. If you don't completely
understand why, you can't make a rational decision.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
Yeah, But also it goes back to what we said
in the first question though, and I think sometimes people
trauma dump. He's had thoughts and feelings and he is
sad and feels a certain way, and so he was like, well,
I'm going to tell you I've been thinking these things.
What are you meant to do with that information? That
information is so damaging to how you feel in your relationship.
It's so damaging to your feelings of respect, stability, reassurance,
(30:28):
all the things that you need to feel secure in
your relationship. It has undone all of that. And so
I think you are completely entitled to feel the way
that you feel. And I think it is important to
really understand how much support can you give someone and
where does your personal boundary lie, because there's only so
long that a relationship can be one starded. You cannot
(30:50):
be in a relationship where you're made to feel as
though you were second choice.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
Question number three. My boyfriend is a corporate king with
a very healthy salary. I'm talking five hundred k plus,
although whenever he does the groceries, he walks out and
never pays, or sometimes he'll only pay for part I'm
not talking about where you put like a CAP's come
through and say it's an apple. I'm talking meat, veggies, yogurt, pasta,
(31:19):
the full shop, substantial items. He just walks out. He
just walks straight through, self served. Yep. This does not
sit well with me. The point is he's not struggling financially.
He does it because no one's watching, and why would
I have to pay for it if I don't have to.
I think he also likes the rush that he gets
from it. He has very strong morals. Lol. He has
(31:40):
very strong morals and values everywhere, and this can be
seen a little off brand with the rest of his character.
I've brought it up and said I don't like it,
but he doesn't see it as a big deal. I'm
worried he'll get caught. I think it's bad juju lol.
And I also don't want his young children to see
this behavior and think that it's right. Thoughts and opinions.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
Dick not a loser, Okay, it's very okay. I have
many feelings about this, but the thing that's a loser
this is the biggest ick. Imagine being in a relationship
with someone who earns five hundred thousand dollars a year
and he's got to steal yoga.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
That is the top one percent of income.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
The thing I've hate about this is that if he
was homeless, if he was impoverished, if he was somebody
who needed to steal from a shop to be able
to get by, he wouldn't be able to do it
because he would walk in there and people would be like,
what's that person doing. I'm going to keep an eye
on them. The reason why he's able to do it
and get away with it so seamlessly is because he
(32:40):
looks like someone who wouldn't do it. He looks like
someone who has everything that they need because he does
have everything that he needs because he earns five hundred
thousand dollars a year, and so he's able to just
cruise on by and doesn't get questioned. It's embarrassing that
that is where he gets a rush from. And for me,
on the scale of massive crimes, does it that highly No,
(33:01):
it's just a huge ick though, Like to be dating
a guy who can't pay for yogurt because he enjoys
getting away with something that is seemingly a bit naughty.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
But it's not yoga, it's an entire shop. Is he
just wheeling? What's he doing putting the shops? Just wheeling
the whole shopping can't out the door, and just being
like thanks and walking off like is it the confidence?
For me, morals is such a huge part of a relationship,
and this would be the I couldn't date him. I
could not date somebody that was putting a whole shopping
cart of food in and walking out When you know
(33:32):
you have money, you also have kids that are looking
up to you, like are your kids? Are you doing
the shopping with your kids?
Speaker 2 (33:37):
I think the other part of though, is like it
says a lot about when you say he's actually got
great morals. In other areas, it says a lot about
the type of person. When people do things because they
can get away with it. I actually think that that's
a real indicator of pretty shitty morals. And I kind
of liken it to people who talk bad lead to
wait staff. If you think you can get away with something,
so therefore you do it, then that doesn't actually mean
(34:00):
that you have very good morals. It means the only
reason why you don't do things is because you think
you'll get caught. Yeah, And I think that that's not
the litmus for the type of relationship i'd be in.
Like that, to me, I'd be like, Okay, well, and
I know it's a big stretch, but I'm like, well,
would you just cheat if you thought you couldn't get caught?
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Like, what are the other things that you would do
in this relation?
Speaker 2 (34:18):
And you know, maybe that is a stretch, but like,
what are the other things that you would do in
your character because you know you can get away with it.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
At the end of the day, it's a boundary for you.
What are you okay with? And because we're not gonna
tell you to break up with them, we're not going
to tell you to stay. We can't tell you that,
But you have to decide within yourself what is a
boundary you're okay with? And is this crossing it is
he gonna walk into an appling store and walk out
with the washing machine, Like, what's next, where's the end?
Speaker 2 (34:44):
No, the thing that's annoying about this situation is like
he probably will get caught one day. They probably will
an instance where he walks out and doesn't pay for something,
but he'll just be able to be like, oh my god,
I'm so sorry, how embarrassing I forgot and get away
with it. Because of the situation, the way in which
he's going u about it, and also because of how
he would dress and present and all those things, he
would be able to play that off and get away
(35:06):
with it, which is so infuriating because he's not going
to learn the lesson, and I say, this is someone
I can this is embarrassing. But like the other day,
I had both kids in the prem I put through
a whole trolley of food and then I was like, well,
that's me done and went to walk out, and the
guy was like, you haven't put your card through, and
I just was distracted with the kids, and I was like.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
Oh, all right, you're this guy. I was like, how embarrassing,
Oh my god, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
But he knew he was standing there and he saw
my kids trying to like open food and get stuff out.
But that's exactly what someone could do if they weren't
being genuine to be able to get away with it.
I understand why it's something that you were like, it
just doesn't sit right with me. I think it goes
me on bad juju. It just kind of shows the
type of person that he is. Totally just gross. Anyway, Guys,
that is it from Ask for Asking. If you have
a question for next a week and slide into the
(35:49):
DMS at Life on Cup podcast, send in your question.
We love the juicy, saucy, sexy, crazy ones and we'll
do our best to ask them and if you want,
you can follow us on Instagram or you can also
join the discussion group at life. I have a quite
discussion group to get amongst the conversation to
Speaker 1 (36:03):
Montay Dunte Doug friends and she had a love because
we love love
Lifelun Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders
past and present.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
recorded on Drug Wallamuta Land.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Ononker.
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is therapy Thursday. Well,
do you know what a real spanner has been thrown
in the works because normally we record on a Wednesday,
but it's a Tuesday, a spicyle Tuesday, the day before
Valentine's Day, so you know, really keeping your guess, and
do you know Valentine's Day comes around really quick and
I feel like we only just spoke about it yesterday.
(00:45):
To me, No, to me, I feel like last year
was the longest year of my life. Why is that?
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
But when I think back of what was happening this
time last year, it honestly could be another lifetime ago.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Do you think that's because you did Dancing with the
Stars last year, so like you damn for like two months,
so that changes your life. I was training, Yeah, you
were actually training and then you never did anything again. Literally,
I have not exercised since Dancing with the Stars. I
did Dancing with the Stars, and I exercised so much.
I'm talking six hours a day. I was a rig.
It was great. You were ripped. You looked by the time,
(01:18):
I mean, I could see it slowly progressing over the dancing,
and by the time we went to watch you dance,
I was like, this looks like a super model. I
had like a six pack, the longest legs I've ever
seen history. You were like a daddy long legs. I'm like,
how do this dancing work? No, it just lifted my ass,
my had It removed my ass from being on the
(01:38):
back of my knees and brought it back up. No,
and then you know, we got a peloton. Have been
doing that, but now it's kind of a bit of
a close horse. At the moment. You sporadically peloton. I
sporadically peloton. But I'm trying to make it more like, well, no,
because that was my news resolution. I was like, I
did the lame news resolution, guys. I was like, hashtag
fitness year of health. Then you nearly die and then
I got pneumonia, and I was so good. For the
(02:00):
first week of January. I was like, Oh, I'm going
to be so fit, and then I fell off the
bandwagon and I haven't clambered my way back on yet.
So that's really quiet, you know, spiraling out of control.
Seem we're going to be in December and nothing's going
to have happened. I still think you're doing okay, but
I remember so Valentine's Day, so yes, we're recording this
the day before Valentine's Day. I'm one of those people
(02:21):
that's really annoying, right, Like I don't care about Valentine
to do with Valentine's Day. I don't like it, don't
love it. But then also, yes, I want a present,
like like, I don't believe in Valentine's Day. But if
someone was like, I would like to get your present
for Valentine's Day, I'm not gonna say no, right, but
if I didn't get one, it wouldn't offend me, if
that makes sense. No, I think that's a lie. I
think you know no, I think you say I didn't
(02:43):
get ben anything for Valentine. I genuinely do not care
about Valentine's Day one iota, but I love getting gifts
so any day of the week you want to send
me a gift, I'm never gonna say no, but I
will not be offended if I didn't get anything on
Valentine's Day? What if you didn't get a phone call
or a card or nothing. And Ben just completely steamrolled through.
I think he was dead. He calls me twice a
day every day. If he didn't call me on Valentine'sda,
(03:05):
I'd be like, Okay, he's died in his sleep or something.
But last year it made me laugh. So last year
on Valentine's Day, I don't think I told you guys this.
Ben and I were still pretty new. When I say
pretty new, actually four months but only like two months
officially from when we actually knew each other, but four
months from when we no, like three months, like not
even you met in December three months yeah, cook, whatever,
(03:29):
But I only went over in December New Years So yes,
it was very fresh. It was probably only under two months.
So it was at that point where like you're obsessed
with each other and you want to impress each other
all the time, and like you just whatever. You're in
the honeymoon phase. And that was amplified by the fact
that it was long distance. Anyway. Last year, on the
(03:50):
Valentine's Dy episode, we did like your Worst Valentine's Day Gifts.
That's what we talked about in the podcast, and producer
Keisha and I were car pulling to work and that's
when speaking to Ben on the phone and I said, Hey, Ben,
we're talking about worst Valentine's Day gifts becuse it's Valentine's
Day tomorrow. Have you ever had one? Like, I'm trying
to get some more, gather some more information, have you
(04:10):
ever had one? And he's like, to be honest, he's like,
I've never really had a Valentine's Day gift, so I
guess I haven't had a bad one. And I said
have you ever given a bad one? And he was like, no,
I don't think so I think I nail it. And
then he asked me and he's like what about you?
And Kish like, have you guys ever had bad ones?
Or what do you think? Keisha and I went into
this rampage of what gives us the ick for a
(04:31):
Valentine's Day present and we were like teddy bears, Like
for me, it's a no, don't give a teddybar on
Valentine's Day. You do that when you're twelve years old.
I feel like we've passed that adults don't need a
teddy Bear on Teddy Bears or an instant dick. I agree.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
I lent in and said, it feels really infantile, like
it makes me feel like a child, and that's a
weird dynamic with someone you want to have sex like.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
I went hard. Yeah, so we were going hard, right,
and I was like, ill, why would you do that?
I would never let a man inside me after he's
giving me a Teddy Bear. Then I also said the
other thing I don't get. Why do people send flowers
in a box? Fucking box? Boxed flowers like a box.
Send them with the stems. You can put me in
(05:09):
a vase. No one wants a big box with a
boat sitting around their house. I disagree. I think that
the box and I don't want anything in a box.
That's not what I'm saying. But the box protects them.
I think it actually is. It's meant to be for
a reason. In the post, you want to in your box?
No no, no sorry, how to box to get in
my box? No no, no, no no sorry. I don't
mean a box that protects roses. Like you've got long
(05:31):
stem roses that comes in a box. I mean it's
a tiny box and the stem of the flowers is
like five centimeters and you don't take the flowers out
of the box into a vase. They just live in
the box. I know exactly what you're talking about.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Like the little box for the little yes, like they're
vertical standing, the little white box that goes on the
bottom and all the flowers are sitting.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
It's just like half a box. It's not a box flower.
They've got that like mesh stuff that you stab the stem. Yeah, yeah,
and they stay there.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
I don't know what that's called. So for me, it
was box flowers, right, don't get the point a teddy bears. Yeah.
And then on top of that, as a joke, it's
not the end of the world, but like you know,
sometimes roses still trigging me. Okay, went on the Bachelor,
got dumped on National TV. Whatever. So Keisha and I
are going hardcore to Ben on the phone, talking about
how much we have the X of these things, and then,
(06:16):
bless his soul, he doesn't say anything. He's like, oh,
oh interesting, And then the next day on Valentine's Day
to my house, which was already pre ordered, turns up
a box, a box of roses in the shape of
a giant teddy bear. He couldn't script it. You would
(06:38):
not script it. Everything I had said in one and
when Keisha and I are going hardcore to him in
the phone, he knew that that's what he had ordered.
He was like, oh my god. I just thought it
was a funny thing. Could have been satire. He could
have been like, what could I get Britt that would
really trigger her? And I felt genuinely terrible. That's why
I didn't talk about it last year in the podcast,
because I was like, I feel so bad. But now
(06:58):
he and I laugh about it all the time, so
I think it's funny. I was still very appreciative of
the present. I just felt horrific that I was like,
I just told this guy all these three things that
I hate and he sent them to me. But he'll
never make that mistake. Can I tell you what else happened?
I convinced him that I loved it, right, and I'm
talking to this dude. It's about half a meter tall.
It's a big rosed teddy bed box thing. Fucking cute. Anyway,
(07:23):
So I put it on the counter and I'm like,
I feel like I can't wait for them to die. Yeah,
so I was like, I absolutely love it. Anyway. A
week goes past and I've thrown them out and he goes,
show me the flowers. How are they going? I said, oh, babe,
I'm so sorry. I just threw them out today because
they died, and he goes, that's interesting. I said why,
and he goes, oh, because they said that they preserved
them for three months. They're flowers that are like cut
(07:47):
and sprayed so that they don't die. And I was like, no,
they definitely wil to get your money back. We sound okay,
we sound ungriev I know that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
There will be someone listening to this who's like, I
would love to receive a Teddy Bear and some flowers,
and I know I get it, so I look, you
want you soon's yum.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Some people would get off on a Teddy Bear and
box flowers and that's fine, but for me, it's my
undis are on with that. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
Also, sorry to the florists who make them. I know
that you've had a very very busy day yesterday and
you work very hard.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Yeah, this is true. I have nothing against florists. It's
not about that. You go where the demand takes you.
If people are buying Teddy Bears, you get the Teddy
Bears box. If people want a box, you get a box.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
We're just saying, you know, maybe like a little bit
more of like an organic shape to my flowers. Okay,
my issue is here.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
We go.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
This is the last one, and then I'll stop with
the flower bashing. Artists don't like a rounded posy. I
don't want like a perfectly round top of a posy,
like a little bit of an organic shape, get constructed.
Throw some I don't know, so very hard to please.
That's saying that it's the thought that counts. I really
believe that. So while it's not something that I would
have picked ever in my life, in the history of
(08:55):
my life, I still appreciated that he sent me something
and thought of me. So it's like, of course, you know,
to dislike. It's like when people get an engagement ring
that they hate. Like We've had so many people running
and being like, I hate my engagement ring what I do,
But obviously I love him and don't want to hurt
his feelings. It's the same thing. It's the thought that
you want to marry me, and you went out and
picked this and you love it, that you're going to
have to put up with it. No.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
See my debate with this though, and I genuinely mean
this as someone who makes engagement rings as a living
like you know, and I work with couples to make them.
The reason why I don't agree with that is because
often it's not the thought. They're not being thoughtful.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
They're picking a ring that they like, not realizing or
not knowing anything about their partner's style, or even worse,
We've had people come in and be like, she likes this,
but I prefer this, so I'm going to pick this,
And I'm like, you know what an engagment ring is
in the time for you to flex your style muscle. Yeah,
And that's why I think sometimes when people get it
so deeply wrong, it's actually the opposite to the thought
that counts. It's the thoughtless present that makes you feel
(09:49):
as though your partner doesn't know you. I feel like,
if it's the wrong color metal, that's really a red flag.
They're down on one knee and you wear gold and
they've got white gold or the reverse. That would be
a little bit of a question. I still stick by this.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
I think sometimes that you don't have to be grateful
for every single gift that you get given. If it
is a thoughtless gift, that's all. And I'm not saying
that you should be ungrateful for being thought of, But
sometimes it's the lack of thought. It's the like we
said on Tuesday's episode, it's the people buying flowers at
four pm on Valentine's Day and it's like whatever's left
over at Woolies.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
That's not a thoughtful gift. Just give nothing in that case,
speaking from the person who gave nothing this year so forever. Anyway,
let's do our vibes and unsubscribes. What have you been
vibing this week? So my vibe this week is a
Netflix show, but it's also has been made into a
book and it is a true story, and I've also
(10:42):
listened to podcasts on it now. I listened to podcasts
on it a long time ago, and I know I
recommend the old podcasts crossover to Netflix a lot, but
I genuinely enjoy a show once I know a story better,
and I love to see it now. It's called Society
of the Snow. I don't know if you guys have
heard about it. Absolutely brilliant. It is about I don't
(11:02):
know if you remember hearing this. It is about the
plane crash in the Andes Mountains in nineteen seventy two
that had twenty thirty people on it. There were all
school age kids and had some teachers. Now this true story. Obviously,
it crashed into the Andyes' Mountains and it's the story
of survival in literally the harshest, coldest, most horrific conditions.
(11:24):
So some of them died straight away, and about sixteen
of them survived, and nobody could find them for a
ridiculously long time, and they ended up having to eat
each other. I remember this story. This is so awe cool. Yeah,
So they've made it into a show that was brilliantly done.
So Society of the Snow. The way it tells the story,
(11:46):
I think they did it in a really respectful way.
Like when you think about it, people lost their lives
and their friends really did eat them to survive. It's
a horrific story. But I think that the way that
this was filmed and directed and produced did a really
really good job, producer, Keisha, What do you got this week?
Speaker 3 (12:02):
So on Sunday night, I went to the basketball to
see the Hawks play the Kings, and I sent you
guys a photo while I was there of someone that
I was lucky enough to meet, and neither of you
knew who he was.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
I knew he was a basketballer, but I didn't know
who he.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Was, but I wrote what and then I was like,
that covers everything that comes what I don't know who
this is, and also like what, that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
I was like, just.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
So when we were sitting in the second row and
all of a sudden, this really tall person sat down
in front of me, so I couldn't seem much and
initially I was like, yeah, I can't see the game.
And it took me about three seconds until I was like,
wait a second, Holy shit, is that live lonely?
Speaker 1 (12:40):
And the reason that I was so excited is because
Keisha really likes tall men, which she likes basketball, and
she likes men who are disproportionately large to her. That's
actually yeah, they go. She likes me at the height
of their dick. She's like, you have to be seven
foot plus because I'm five. My days, so we'll be back.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
In twenty twenty, when The Last Dance went huge on Netflix,
it was all about the Chicago Bulls and it focused
a lot on Michael Jordan.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
So there was another player in that team who was
quite behind the scenes.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
But you know the people behind the scenes that are
actually very, very impactful to the success of any team.
Luke was one of those people. So he played throughout
the nineties. He was there for their three consecutive championships.
He was their starting center, so he was one of
the main players, and he grew up in Fremantle in
Western Australia. In the Netflix docuseries of The Last Dance,
(13:30):
he wasn't featured. You can see him in little cutaway shots,
and as it turns out, there were quite a few
people that were a little bit miffed about this, and
I think Luke may have even been quite personally disappointed
that he wasn't included in the docuseries or anything about
him wasn't really a part of it. So Australian Story,
the ABC program that do docuseries on really impactful Australians,
(13:53):
did this two part series on him in twenty twenty two,
and I had seen it and it's.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
Called Luke Longley One Giant Leap.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
Part one is thirty two minutes and Part two is
thirty four minutes, so it's not very long. But what
was quite interesting about it is that they got interviews
from both Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen. Australian Story don't
pay anyone to come on the program, and we're talking
about Michael Jordan, like this guy doesn't do anything for
lesson like a hundred million dollars, like he's worth a
lot of money, and he gave a thirty minute interview
(14:23):
for free to the Australian broadcaster for Australian Story. So yeah,
my recommendation for this week is the two part series
on Abciview, which is the app I checked last night.
It is still available. It is really really good. It
shows how Luke was such a different player. He was
the first Australian to ever play in the NBA. He
wasn't this really competitive, gritty person. He's quite a calm
(14:48):
and collected and warm person and he still is that person.
I mean, I met him on Sunday for the first
time and I just thought he was such a lovely man,
a real gentle Giant and that was in massive contrast
to how Michael Jordan wanted the team to operate, so
they didn't always get on, they didn't always see.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Eyther to eye.
Speaker 3 (15:04):
And so if you liked the Last Dance and you
want to know about the Australian who contributed to it,
it's on YouTube and it's on ABC iView.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
Well, I have another thing for you to watch.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
So you guys are getting a lot of TV time,
like everyone, doctor your screen time. This week I watched
the new documentary that's out on Netflix. It is called
Love a Stalker Killer. It is fucking brilliant. So it's
all around a man in the States who was stalked
by a lover. It goes over many years. It's so
thrilling and there are so many aspects to this and
I think you don't ever really hear about female stalkers
(15:35):
because statistically it is not as common. But this had
such a profound impact on his life.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
And obviously, as you can tell from the title Love
a Stalker Killer, you are left questioning throughout the series
as to whether.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
There is or isn't a murder involved. And when I
say series, it's actually just one episode it's a fascinating story.
It really had us on the edge of our seats,
and I just put it on because it was like there.
I was like, oh, that's the next thing Netflix is recommending,
and did not expect to be.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
As absolutely hooked as what I was.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
It is brilliant and I would say put that at
the very top of your list if you're wanting to
watch something this week, because it has just come out
and fucking wild.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
It is on my list because I've seen it, keeps
recommending it to me, I'll watch that it also. I mean,
I think in terms of what I found fascinating about
this is like, you know, sometimes you think about stalkers
and you think, surely that they would lose steam, right Like,
surely over time something more important would come up in
their life. And I think for me, the thing that
I just couldn't it was almost unbelievable, was the layers
and the levels to which this person went to over
(16:35):
so many years, like it had become their fixation to
ruin his life. It's a very very sad story, but
it's so incredibly well done the storytelling of it. Question
number one. Last night, I had a dream about another guy.
Nothing particularly scandalous happened, but I felt guilty, so I
told my boyfriend about it. It upset him quite a bit.
(16:57):
Is he overreacting? Or is it better to not tell
your partner about a dream involving another guy. Don't tell him.
Don't fucking tell.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Okay, if you are getting reamed in your dreams, do
not wake up and roll over and say, hey, honey,
oh my god's so wild. I feel a bit guilty
about this, but I was.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
A dream function last night. I was fucking David in
my sleep last night. Don't tell someone that, because all
that does is it breeds insecurity. Is that maybe you're
thinking about them in real life, which obviously we all
know that dreams and your real thoughts don't have to correlate.
Like I've had sex with many people in my dreams
that I would literally never have sex within my real life.
But like, sometimes you can't control, your brain just goes
(17:35):
there and then you wake up in the morning you're like,
that was weird. Do I have a crush on them? No?
I don't. Oh, thank god, I don't really sex dream
a lot, don't you nu? Nuh? And it's funny. The
only sex dream I've had was with a female friend
ages ago, and I wasn't breath and I and I
woke up feeling so awkward. And I hadn't even seen
(17:56):
that friend in a while. So dreams are weird. But
what would you do if you'd had a sex dream
about me? Would to quit? Would you tell me? Or
would you not tell me? I couldn't look at you
that I'd have to do the podcast looking over here
at the wall. I mean, we've spoken about my laber
so much the last episode. I would feel surprised it
hasn't happened yet. I feel viscerally uncomfortable if I had
to dream about sex. What if you had to dream
about sexy? And Okay, I'm pretty good. Actually I know,
(18:18):
I know, I know, I know, I have no doubt.
I have no doubt, but I know what I'm doing
in the Saclaura. It would be like having said, Okay,
let's go back to the question. That was like, that
was a derailing that I didn't need. Let's go back
to the railing. Okay, so you got railed in your dream? No, actually,
I don't even know if she did, laws because she
says nothing particularly scandalous happened. So I reckon. Maybe she
was just like flirting with the guy or something like. So,
(18:41):
I'm wondering if she's just said, oh my god, like
I had old bait was in my dream last night
and he happens to know him. But what do you
What are you going to gain from that? Because it's
your Your boyfriend is going to sit there and think cool,
she's going to bed, and we know that this isn't
how it works. But he's going to think. She's going
to bed thinking about someone else. She's dreaming about someone else,
and now she's telling me about someone else. Is there
(19:02):
something going on?
Speaker 2 (19:03):
We do this sometimes in relationships where we feel something. Remember,
feelings are not always fact. Like you know, you're going
to feel many things. You wake up feeling guilty, or
you feel stressed, or you feel upset about something. And
what we can sometimes do is in part that feeling
because we want to get rid of it, right. We
don't want to keep that feeling anymore, so then we
give it to our partners. You said exactly that you
(19:25):
woke up feeling guilty, and so therefore you wanted to
be honest with your partner. Firstly, you have nothing to
feel guilty for. When it's a dream. But by passing
that on, your partner is going to have a reaction
to it, right, Like he's going to have some sort
of feeling towards the fact that you felt guilty.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
You share this.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Information, and his feeling is like he feels insecure or
it feels weird that you thought that was necessary to
tell him. So I don't think his feelings are an overreaction.
I think you needing to tell him everything that you
think or dream is an overreaction. All that does is
it creates in securities when insecurities don't need to be there.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
But I also believe that you shouldn't feel guilty for
what your dream. But totally you're unconscious, Like you are unconscious,
and sometimes you dream things in situations you've never even
been in, or people you've never even had anything to
do with you cannot control out. I think just roll
with it, wake up and be like that was fun,
I was wild.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
I agree with you, Brett, but that's what I mean
by it creates a bigger situation. Imagine if Ben woke
up and I think, like anyone put themselves in that position.
Imagine if your partner woke up and said, oh my god,
I had a really intense sex dream about x y Z.
All that's gonna do is put a thought in your head.
It doesn't need to be there because you and I
and everyone knows that dreams are not real.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
But like, it's the same thing. I mean, fuck, I
take it out on Matt.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
If I have like a dream where he's cheated on me,
I'll wake up in the morning and be like, Dreamat.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Sucked last night, And he goes, oh god, what did
I do? And I'm like, Dreamatt was he was a
naughty boy and he did this, this and this, But
it doesn't actually impact our real life. And I think
those things are very weird. See if Ben, if that
happened in that situation and Ben woke up and was like,
hey had so with his chig my dream last night, crazy,
I wouldn't be upset that he had sex with someone
in his dream. I'd be upset that he told me.
(21:07):
So I don't get jealous of people's dreams. There's nothing
positive that I can do the information. Keep your dream
sex to yourself, to yourself. Yeah, don't pass your feeling
of guilt onto me. Whatever feelings you have when you
wake up the next day. I don't need to know
about it one hundred pecents. Just go to sleep the
next day and start again. Yeah, question number two.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
My partner and ire in our thirties and have been
together for five years and living together for the past three.
In the last year and a half, he has had
some significant family troubles that's taken a toll in his
mental health, and he's most likely depressed and working on
ways to improve this. He has found himself thinking about
his ex girlfriend and wonders if a life with her
might have been happier. He also has been feeling unfulfilled
(21:47):
and having thoughts and uncertainties about his current career that
used to give him a lot of purpose. They have
not been in contact at all since they broke up,
and he doesn't plan on reaching out to her. He
tells me he loves me and wants to keep working
on this relationship. I guess I'm having trouble figuring out
if his current thought processes and considering of his past
relationship is simply a reflection of his mental state slash
(22:08):
potential depression, and if it's something that will get better
with time, or if this has more to do with
our relationship.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
I don't like this at all, and I know that
she's preloaded it with like you know, he's had a
tough time with his family, he's got mental health issues.
But I don't think that is an excuse to go
to your partner and say I think about my ex
and wonder if I'm happier with her. That's not cool
at all, And I don't care what the situation is.
(22:35):
It's only cool if you are then going to follow
it up with I don't think we should be together.
Like if you are thinking about your ex more than
your current partner enough that you go to your partner
and tell them, I wonder if I'm happier with somebody
I was with before you, What do you think is
going to happen in your relationship? What do you think
your partner is going to think? What's the point? What's
(22:56):
the purpose unless you're gonna make a decision to say,
I need to go and find out, Because now you
are never ever going to stop thinking about that. You're
gonna be like everything I do, You're gonna be walking
around on eggshells because you're like, I know that, like
that he could potentially leave me because you think something's better.
If somebody comes to me and say, I think I
could be happy with my ex, fucking go get them there,
Go and find out. Like if somebody literally comes to
(23:18):
me and said that if I am not enough for
you right now to the point that you feel the
need to tell me, I would say, figure it out
and we can talk about it later. But I'm not
gonna sit here while you amnah. And I'm currently the
best thing in your life, so you'll keep me around
because I'm good enough but not the best. It's really cruel.
It's cruel.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
But the way that you describe that brute just there,
when you said that, it makes you walk on eggshells
because what he's doing is he's saying, I'm committed, but
I'm seeding you with doubt. I'm making you feel as
though this isn't stable, And it almost is like you
get to a point in yourself where you almost feel
grateful that they're still choosing you.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
You're like, you know he has these thoughts, but like
he's still here. It's such a way of manipulating without
him necess sssarily intentionally meaning to do it, but you're
manipulated into feeling sorry for him. In so many ways.
And I guess part of this that I really.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
Think that we should recognize is that depression presents itself
in many ways. And I don't think that we can
just completely gloss over and be like, oh my god,
he's an asshole, He's this. He very well may be
going through depression, and he very well may be going
through a challenging mental state in terms of whatever's happened
in his family, you haven't gone into details. When you
are in that phase of life, you can sometimes lack
(24:31):
empathy for how the things that you say will impact
other people. That's a very real thing because you don't
feel anything yourself, so you don't feel anything about the
way in which other people feel around the things that
you do and say too. That could be a possibility,
but it doesn't mean that you need to be in
a relationship where someone is cruel with the things that
they say, even if depression is a participating factor. And
(24:51):
I think ultimately the way in which he's set up
this conversation of being like, well, I wonder if I
would have been happier, but I'm going to stay and
not do anything about it.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
It makes you feel as.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
Though your second best and you know, things may get
better in time if he's going and getting treatment. But
I guess the big questions I would be asking myself
and this is what is he doing? What is he
actually doing on a day to day or a week
to week to try and improve his mental health to
try and overcome this depression that he's feeling. Is he
going to a therapist, has he been medicated? You know,
what are the solutions that he has? And does he
(25:26):
recognize that there's a problem, Because there's a very big
difference between being made to feel as though the depression
is what's causing this, or being made to feel.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
As though you are the problem. The relationship is the problem.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
It could be the case that the only way for
him to find out whether the relationship is the problem
is by not having it anymore. And if all of
these feelings are still there when you're not there, well
that's going to be a real indicator that actually it
wasn't the relationship, it was him and the things that
he was experiencing. But it's not your job to convince
someone that the relationship you have now will be better
(25:58):
than the one that he could have had with you totally.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
And I'm one hundred percent, not taking anything away from
the feeling of depression. But when you are in that position,
there are going to be times in a relationship where
one person has to show up eighty percent of the
time because one only has the capacity for twenty Knowing
that in the future that will flip and you're allowed
to have your twenty percent and they'll have the eight
and they'll show up for you. But in this situation,
(26:21):
that's not happening. Obviously, there are a lot of other
problems that he's experiencing in the relationship and he's not
able to show up in a lot of ways. But
he's also not relying on you and bringing it together.
He's actually making it worse. He's saying, I'm thinking of
someone else in my lowest time, and that's what I'm
thinking about, like the person in when I should be thinking,
how am I going to get through this for you?
With you together? What can we do? How can I
(26:43):
lean on you? It's not. He's gone to somebody else,
and I think that's where the problem lies. Well.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
The reason why he's doing that, though, is because often
when you're in a low state, you think about times
when you were happy. Maybe he attributes a happy time
in his life to six years ago. Seven years ago,
and that was a time when he was with his ex.
It's not that his X made him happy, It's just
that he didn't have all these other contributing factors that
you are now dealing with in your relationship because of
whatever else has happened that's influenced him. My big thing
(27:12):
about this and I want to tread carefully because I
know that depression is such a sensitive topic for anyone
who has been the partner alongside someone with depression or
the person who has had it themselves. It is not
as simple as being a get out of jail free card.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
It doesn't mean that you can.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Treat anyone the way that you want to treat them
because you have depression. However, sometimes that is the byproduct,
because it is hard to have empathy when you're already
in such a dark place yourself. It's hard to care
about other people's feelings when you don't feel anything. So
I'm not saying he's being intentionally cruel, but the things
he's saying are cruel things to say, and they will
(27:48):
impact your relationship, even if you are the most supportive, loving, stable,
all of those things, it still has an impact on you,
and that's okay as well. The only thing that I
would say is the fact that it is affecting his work.
He's not showing up to his work that used to
give him a lot of purpose with any sort of joy.
He's not showing up to your relationship with joy. That
(28:08):
to me says these are pretty clear indicators of depression
and he needs to be taking some responsibility and doing
something about it. So I guess it's up to you
to kind of look at the relationship from an aerial
perspective and go, what can I forgive as being not
his behavior but something that's happening to him. What is
it that he's saying that's very different to how he
(28:29):
normally would be, But also what is he doing to
try and improve this situation? And if he is doing
lots of things and you guys are working together, then
I would say give it time. If he's not doing anything,
if he's blaming you, if he's not taking responsibility and
nothing's changing, then I would say you are in a
position where nothing will change, and so I wouldn't be
giving it the time or the energy.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
What I do recommend is sitting down and actually having
a conversation with him about why try to get there
for him say, Okay, I'm not gonna lie. This doesn't
make me feel very good to know that you're yeah,
to know that you're thinking about her like a Why
did you feel the need to tell me? Because you're
at the point where you want me to know, so
we have the conversation so that you can potentially leave
(29:10):
go a little bit deeper. Why do you think you're
thinking about her? Do you think it's just because you
feel so down in your life right now that you
are grasping for past happier times. Do you think you're
thinking about it because you're unhappy in this relationship? Is
that a direct byproduct of the fact that you're feeling
down or are you genuinely unhappy in this relationship? Why
are you unhappy in this relationship? I think just a
(29:32):
really honest conversation to get to the bottom of it.
Because maybe he hasn't figured that out for himself either,
whatever that reason is, I don't know, but he's voiced
him for a reason, so maybe he does want to
have that conversation, and maybe that is something you can
get to the bottom of. It together. You have been
together for five years, so you are going to have
hard conversations. It doesn't mean he necessarily wants to leave
and you could get back to being better than ever.
(29:53):
But you need to just have a really open communication.
It's so lame to always be like communicate, but it's
definitely the found of every relationship. If you don't completely
understand why, you can't make a rational decision.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
Yeah, But also it goes back to what we said
in the first question though, and I think sometimes people
trauma dump. He's had thoughts and feelings and he is
sad and feels a certain way, and so he was like, well,
I'm going to tell you I've been thinking these things.
What are you meant to do with that information? That
information is so damaging to how you feel in your relationship.
It's so damaging to your feelings of respect, stability, reassurance,
(30:28):
all the things that you need to feel secure in
your relationship. It has undone all of that. And so
I think you are completely entitled to feel the way
that you feel. And I think it is important to
really understand how much support can you give someone and
where does your personal boundary lie, because there's only so
long that a relationship can be one starded. You cannot
(30:50):
be in a relationship where you're made to feel as
though you were second choice.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
Question number three. My boyfriend is a corporate king with
a very healthy salary. I'm talking five hundred k plus,
although whenever he does the groceries, he walks out and
never pays, or sometimes he'll only pay for part I'm
not talking about where you put like a CAP's come
through and say it's an apple. I'm talking meat, veggies, yogurt, pasta,
(31:19):
the full shop, substantial items. He just walks out. He
just walks straight through, self served. Yep. This does not
sit well with me. The point is he's not struggling financially.
He does it because no one's watching, and why would
I have to pay for it if I don't have to.
I think he also likes the rush that he gets
from it. He has very strong morals. Lol. He has
(31:40):
very strong morals and values everywhere, and this can be
seen a little off brand with the rest of his character.
I've brought it up and said I don't like it,
but he doesn't see it as a big deal. I'm
worried he'll get caught. I think it's bad juju lol.
And I also don't want his young children to see
this behavior and think that it's right. Thoughts and opinions.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
Dick not a loser, Okay, it's very okay. I have
many feelings about this, but the thing that's a loser
this is the biggest ick. Imagine being in a relationship
with someone who earns five hundred thousand dollars a year
and he's got to steal yoga.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
That is the top one percent of income.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
The thing I've hate about this is that if he
was homeless, if he was impoverished, if he was somebody
who needed to steal from a shop to be able
to get by, he wouldn't be able to do it
because he would walk in there and people would be like,
what's that person doing. I'm going to keep an eye
on them. The reason why he's able to do it
and get away with it so seamlessly is because he
(32:40):
looks like someone who wouldn't do it. He looks like
someone who has everything that they need because he does
have everything that he needs because he earns five hundred
thousand dollars a year, and so he's able to just
cruise on by and doesn't get questioned. It's embarrassing that
that is where he gets a rush from. And for me,
on the scale of massive crimes, does it that highly No,
(33:01):
it's just a huge ick though, Like to be dating
a guy who can't pay for yogurt because he enjoys
getting away with something that is seemingly a bit naughty.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
But it's not yoga, it's an entire shop. Is he
just wheeling? What's he doing putting the shops? Just wheeling
the whole shopping can't out the door, and just being
like thanks and walking off like is it the confidence?
For me, morals is such a huge part of a relationship,
and this would be the I couldn't date him. I
could not date somebody that was putting a whole shopping
cart of food in and walking out When you know
(33:32):
you have money, you also have kids that are looking
up to you, like are your kids? Are you doing
the shopping with your kids?
Speaker 2 (33:37):
I think the other part of though, is like it
says a lot about when you say he's actually got
great morals. In other areas, it says a lot about
the type of person. When people do things because they
can get away with it. I actually think that that's
a real indicator of pretty shitty morals. And I kind
of liken it to people who talk bad lead to
wait staff. If you think you can get away with something,
so therefore you do it, then that doesn't actually mean
(34:00):
that you have very good morals. It means the only
reason why you don't do things is because you think
you'll get caught. Yeah, And I think that that's not
the litmus for the type of relationship i'd be in.
Like that, to me, I'd be like, Okay, well, and
I know it's a big stretch, but I'm like, well,
would you just cheat if you thought you couldn't get caught?
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Like, what are the other things that you would do
in this relation?
Speaker 2 (34:18):
And you know, maybe that is a stretch, but like,
what are the other things that you would do in
your character because you know you can get away with it.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
At the end of the day, it's a boundary for you.
What are you okay with? And because we're not gonna
tell you to break up with them, we're not going
to tell you to stay. We can't tell you that,
But you have to decide within yourself what is a
boundary you're okay with? And is this crossing it is
he gonna walk into an appling store and walk out
with the washing machine, Like, what's next, where's the end?
Speaker 2 (34:44):
No, the thing that's annoying about this situation is like
he probably will get caught one day. They probably will
an instance where he walks out and doesn't pay for something,
but he'll just be able to be like, oh my god,
I'm so sorry, how embarrassing I forgot and get away
with it. Because of the situation, the way in which
he's going u about it, and also because of how
he would dress and present and all those things, he
would be able to play that off and get away
(35:06):
with it, which is so infuriating because he's not going
to learn the lesson, and I say, this is someone
I can this is embarrassing. But like the other day,
I had both kids in the prem I put through
a whole trolley of food and then I was like, well,
that's me done and went to walk out, and the
guy was like, you haven't put your card through, and
I just was distracted with the kids, and I was like.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
Oh, all right, you're this guy. I was like, how embarrassing,
Oh my god, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
But he knew he was standing there and he saw
my kids trying to like open food and get stuff out.
But that's exactly what someone could do if they weren't
being genuine to be able to get away with it.
I understand why it's something that you were like, it
just doesn't sit right with me. I think it goes
me on bad juju. It just kind of shows the
type of person that he is. Totally just gross. Anyway, Guys,
that is it from Ask for Asking. If you have
a question for next a week and slide into the
(35:49):
DMS at Life on Cup podcast, send in your question.
We love the juicy, saucy, sexy, crazy ones and we'll
do our best to ask them and if you want,
you can follow us on Instagram or you can also
join the discussion group at life. I have a quite
discussion group to get amongst the conversation to
Speaker 1 (36:03):
Montay Dunte Doug friends and she had a love because
we love love
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