From Addiction to Redemption: How Loss Led Us Back to God

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The path through grief is never straight, but for Kyle and Paige Schelts, it twisted in ways they never imagined. After losing their infant daughter, Layla at just 14 days old, they found themselves navigating both spiritual awakening and devastating loss simultaneously. Their raw, emotional story unfolds as they share how this tragedy became the catalyst that eventually led them to faith—only to face the unthinkable when their son Henry also passed away at six weeks old.

Kyle's confession of contemplating suicide the day they lost Layla reveals the depths of their despair, while the divine intervention of a neighbor who stopped him showcases how hope can appear in our darkest moments. The couple candidly discusses how grief led them both into addiction—Kyle using substances to cope with guilt and absence during their first loss, and Paige returning to addiction after eight years of sobriety when facing their second loss.

What makes this episode profoundly moving is witnessing how the Christian community responded not with judgment but with support, prayer, and accountability. The Schelts family's journey demonstrates the transformative power of bringing hidden struggles into the light, as they explain how confession and community became crucial to their healing. Now approaching two years of sobriety, they've turned their testimony into ministry, helping others who face similar battles.

Whether you're struggling with grief, addiction, or questioning where God is in your suffering, this conversation offers a powerful reminder that redemption is possible even from the darkest places. Their message that "no darkness is too great for God's light to penetrate" stands as both comfort and challenge to anyone facing seemingly insurmountable pain. Listen, be encouraged, and remember—there is always hope in Christ.

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Intro music by Joey Blair

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_01 (00:15):
What's up, Life Talk family?
Welcome back to the Life TalkPodcast.
This is Nate coming to you todaywith two very special guests
here that are part of LifeHouse.
I have Paige and Kyle Scheltz.
How are you guys doing today?
Doing good.

SPEAKER_02 (00:30):
Doing great.

SPEAKER_01 (00:30):
Doing good, man.
Good.
I I would be very worried if youguys said bad.
We'd have to, you know, cancelthe podcast today.
So somebody eventually isprobably going to say that,
right?
So, well, great to have youguys.
And for our listeners, we arejourneying through the month of
October.
Our faithfully different themefor the month is we hope, really

(00:51):
about the hope that we have inChrist, uh, the salvation that
that is available to us.
It just gives us great hope inall circumstances.
And so I know Paige and Kylehave some amazing testimony of
just how that hope has playedout.
Uh, so just really excited forour listeners to hear from you
all to be encouraged.
And so thank you all for takingthe time today.
But uh, I guess since it'sladies first, will uh Kyle agree

(01:15):
to uh let his lovely wife gofirst?
So, Paige, maybe just share alittle bit about who Paige is
growing up, your background, youknow, what we should know about
Paige.

SPEAKER_02 (01:25):
Uh so I was born in Columbia, Maryland, on the
western shore of the um over theBay Bridge, I should say.
Um I moved around a lot while Iwas growing up, um, but I was
raised in a what I would say aChristian home.
My parents did their very bestto um bring us up in that way.

(01:47):
My dad's parents have a verystrong faith.
Um, my grandmother on my mom'sside, Maomi, she had a very,
very strong relationship withthe Lord.
Um, so it definitely is anexample I've seen in my family.
Um, but my parents' marriagekind of um was different behind
closed doors, which made it verydifficult growing up.

(02:08):
Um, and when I got to, I wouldsay probably around the same age
uh as Kyle will share, uh, like13 years old, 14, where I kind
of just kind of started gettingconfused, feeling confused about
what's real and what wasn't, uh,as far as faith in God, because
what I was growing up and seeingat home was different than what

(02:31):
I was seeing at church.
Um, my dad was very involvedwith the church.
Um, and I have, you know, someof my earliest memories of being
at church are me being up by theworship team, dancing, praise
dancing um with the praise uhteam, the worship dance team.
And I fell in love, I would say,with the Lord from a very young

(02:52):
age.
Um, and I wanted to pursue arelationship with him.
But as I said, things got harderfor me.
Um, and I would say that Idefinitely, you know, had my
wilderness season.
I I steered away from that.
And then um, as I got older, Istarted, you know, um, we moved

(03:12):
to Kent Island, so to theEastern Shore.
Sorry, I'm jumping around alittle bit, but um, moved to the
Eastern Shore when I was goinginto fifth grade.

unknown (03:21):
Okay.

SPEAKER_02 (03:22):
And then we eventually moved to Kent County
when I uh was going into mysophomore year of high school,
which is where I ended upmeeting Kyle, actually.
So um it's a blessing.
So we uh so moving to KentCounty, um, I would say that's
really when I started to umstruggle um with substance abuse

(03:46):
on and off.
Um I was hanging out with peoplewho glorified that lifestyle.
And so I lived in that kind ofatmosphere and lifestyle for I
would say several years.
Um, and then when I was about17, so this wasn't um long
before um, you know, meetingKyle, but I ended up going to a

(04:08):
um a Christian camp with mycousins, where I absolutely felt
the presence of the Holy Spirit.
Um, and it was overwhelming, um,honestly.
And I asked for forgiveness andI wanted and had full intention,
you know, of um following himfrom that point forward.
Uh, but returning home kind ofmade that a little hard.

(04:31):
Um, same people, sameenvironment.
Um, and so uh, and at thatpoint, my mom and my dad were no
longer together.
So they got divorced um rightaround that age when I was about
17 to 18 years old, I would say.
And that was really hard.
It was also something that Ithink me and my siblings saw

(04:52):
coming.
Um, if that makes sense.
We kind of we grew up in achaotic environment that uh
really made us, um, like I said,question our faith, but also um
make not very good choices.
But our parents' um divorce wasinevitable.

(05:13):
Uh so leading after that, uh at18, 19 years old, I met or 20,
20 years old, met Kyle.

SPEAKER_01 (05:23):
And um at that point, I was the love of your
life, right?
Yes.
So well, maybe a good point.
So you're about that age andyeah, I'm just coming to meet
Kyle, some challenging times.
I know my parents divorced whenI was nine, and yeah, it can be
a challenge to your faith,right?
So you're hearing all thesethings, but then you know,
having that divided home life isvery challenging.

SPEAKER_02 (05:44):
So yeah, and I would say it's very it was like a very
um almost performative, so likeworks-based kind of faith is
what I was seeing play out.
Um, so that was all I reallyknew.
Um, and I didn't know anydifferent.
Uh, but I also think that justthe choices, it was like the
further I got into thewilderness, the harder it became

(06:05):
for me to turn around, it feltlike at that point.
Um, but when um I met Kyle, Idefinitely wasn't expecting for
him to be the person that I hadspent the last 13 years with.
But uh the Lord definitely umbrought us together for a
reason.
So we were 20 years old, young,still very much in that um, I

(06:31):
would say, lifestyle of notliving for the Lord necessarily
at this point.
And I would say it wasn't reallyuntil we lost our first child
that we were our world wasrocked to its core.
Um, and I think that whensomething like that happens, it

(06:55):
makes you slow down and take astep back and examine things.
And I didn't really know whereto turn.
Um a lot to process, um, a lotof pain.
And I didn't understand why umat that point.
That was the biggest question.
I I wanted to understand whysomething like that would
happen.

(07:15):
Um and I am grateful to God umthat I had a friend reach out
who attended Life House um andwas persistent in messaging me
and um, you know, guiding me andtelling me this is this is where
you need to turn.
This is this is what you'remissing, and this is where your
healing is going to come from.

(07:36):
And I wanted everything that shewas saying.
I wanted healing, I wanted tofeel free from the grief and the
pain.
And so I decided to check outLife House Church.
I came one Sunday by myself.
And then I would say thefollowing Sunday, I believe it
was, uh, Kyle came with, and wedefinitely felt that first

(08:00):
sermon.
It was um Danny Ford speakingand he was speaking about, I
think it was it was aboutfather, father specifically, I
want to say parent parenting.
And um it it just it was what weneeded to hear in that moment.
Um, and then you know, movingforward, I think we we continue

(08:24):
to come.
I don't know if I'm jumpingahead a little bit, but we
continued to come to LifehouseChurch.
Um and I would say looking atlike our timeline, we were
writing down, you know, lookingat just how the Lord has um
worked from the time that westarted, you know, pursuing him
and coming to Lifehouse Churchup until today, present time.

(08:45):
And he, you know, uh it happenedwhat looks like pretty quickly
in the beginning.
Um, and it's just been a slowprocess of just sanctification
and um him stripping away andrevealing um and convicting me
and Kyle of the things um thatwere in our life that just were
not of him and not not not whathe wanted for us either.

SPEAKER_01 (09:10):
So and so kind of between that time when you got
married, you were kind of awayfrom church.
Sounds like you're still in thatwilderness timeline before
really being called back toLifehouse Church at that time.
Yeah.
Well, and I think so, Kyle, tellus a little bit, you know, I
know we're kind of up to thatpoint and some difficulties, and
I know we want to get to that,but maybe just share a little

(09:31):
bit about growing up and youknow how Kyle journeyed through
the early years before meetingPaige and kind of your time
together.

SPEAKER_00 (09:39):
Yeah.
So um growing up, I I rememberattending church once in a while
as a child.
Once we got older, we didn'treally go to church much.
And uh in doing so, you know,kind of veered off with the
wrong crowd.
Uh grew up right in Galena,small town, you know, everybody
knows everybody.
But during when I was growingup, um, you know, got into some

(10:00):
trouble, I guess around the ageof 14, I was I got in trouble
with uh the law and I was put ina boys home for about two and a
half years.
It was uh, you know, going intohigh school.
So um from high school, from myfreshman year to about 10th
grade, um I I still attended thesame school locally, was just in
a different and just in thishome for you know the things I'd

(10:21):
done.
But um, you know, graduated highschool, completed the program
that I was in, and um then metPaige.
Um, and you know, we just uh youknow got married, ended up
getting married, falling inlove.

SPEAKER_01 (10:33):
She was uh we got to hear the story of how you met.
You know, we can't have coupleson.
So what's what's the story?

SPEAKER_00 (10:39):
Is there a so um I guess initially um we kind of
ran into each other.
It was at um a party, and uh wejust kind of kind of you know
was talking, kicked it off, uh,you know, just talking, and then
uh just ended up hanging out,taking her on a date, and uh
just love at first sight, youknow.

SPEAKER_01 (10:58):
Yes, yes it was like the light opened from heaven and
that kind of yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (11:03):
I I I knew that she was the uh the one for me uh
about a day or two after.
God had plans, right?
Yes, he did.
He did, but yeah, so and when Iwas growing up, you know, I like
I said, I was you know, a prettymuch a problem child.
I was bad, and um, I got in alot of trouble.
And even out of high school, umI continued to get in trouble

(11:23):
before I met Pai.
Um, you know, I was ended upgoing to jail for a little bit
of time, um, didn't make all theright choices, and it just was
the consequences of my actions.
Um, but looking back, you know,that was just just the road that
God had planned for me.
Um, I was left, you know, to myown sin, and my sin is uh what
got me where I was at.

SPEAKER_01 (11:46):
So you guys met.
So how were the early years ofyou know, kind of your
relationship and marriage?
You know, again, maybe you kindof sounds like both kind of away
from the Lord at that point.
I know Paige, you kind of saidyou grew up, so you kind of knew
and and had that early desire,but just kind of walking
through.
So how were those early years ofmarriage, you know, and and the
things that you guys weredealing with?

(12:06):
How would you guys characterizethose?

SPEAKER_02 (12:08):
Um, I would say, I mean, so we we didn't um get
married until uh 2020.
So right in the middle of thepandemic.

SPEAKER_01 (12:20):
Pandemic, sure.
So we had been in the Do youhave to do a virtual wedding?
Was it all on the no?
Okay.

SPEAKER_02 (12:27):
I mean, we did follow, I guess, some of the
protocols.

SPEAKER_01 (12:30):
The guidelines, yeah.
Yeah, like it was uh like didyou have masks on and limited
amount of okay just check it.
There's funny stories, you know.

SPEAKER_02 (12:39):
Somebody did give us um white masks that said Mr.
and Mrs.
on them for us to have forafterwards.

SPEAKER_00 (12:47):
I don't know who made it I think we took some
pictures in them too, just youknow, given the time.

SPEAKER_02 (12:51):
Yeah, just to be funny.
But um, so we um had beenengaged at that point for five
years.

SPEAKER_03 (12:58):
Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 (12:59):
Um and engagement.
Yeah, long engagement.
We had dated for five, and wehad walked through, you know,
trials, um, nothing quite um assignificant as the loss of our
children, but um, we definitelyhad faced um, you know, small
battles and small hiccups.
Um, and then we had McKenzie.

(13:21):
Uh well, I'm like way, I'mjumping all around.

SPEAKER_01 (13:24):
So married in 2020.
Yeah.
So then what was kind of thenext steps you guys were still
living in the area?
Yeah, we um how it was adaptingto married life and getting it.

SPEAKER_02 (13:35):
It was definitely, I don't know if it's like we were
it, we kind of already felt likewe were married.
Yeah, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 (13:44):
And that's how it kind of felt because we were
together for, like I said, wewere we were dating for five
years and we were engaged forfive years.
And then um, so we're and we'reall getting ready to celebrate
our what fourth year ofmarriage?
Fifth, fifth year of marriage,yeah.
Yeah, five years.
Yeah.
So um, you know, when in thebeginning of the marriage, we s
we still hadn't found our ourwell, she had her faith.

(14:07):
I I was kind of like anagnostic.
I I didn't um really believe umin in God, and I didn't believe
the Bible.
I thought that um you know theBible was was put out by the
government, honestly.
I thought it was to controlpeople, and I was wrong, thank
God.
But um, you know, I I didn't umI I lived an unholy life, a life
that was unpleasing to the Lord.

(14:29):
Um that was honestly probablythe last thought on my mind.

SPEAKER_01 (14:34):
So you had kind of like wandering on page's side
and kind of like just wasn'tthere, right?
Like just kind of had neverreally seen that.

SPEAKER_00 (14:42):
I was still, you know, I still had a job.
I I I ran an appliance repairbusiness for a few years and a
commercial waterman.
So you know, just raisingraising kids, just living life,
but just not in a holy way or orpart of a church in any way
either.

unknown (14:56):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (14:56):
Just very easily giving into fleshly desires.
Um with and and it wasn't even athought back then, you know, but
now it's like unimaginable.
Like I just I mean, I know we'renot perfect, but I just mean
it's just when I look back, Ijust can't believe, you know,
just some of the things, youknow, that we, you know,
experienced or walked through.

(15:18):
But um I would definitely saylike uh, you know, beginning
years, it was, you know, kind ofliving, well, it was I want to
say we got married, and thenonce we got back from our
honeymoon, wasn't reallyhoneymoon, it's family vacation.
We took our children with us.

(15:39):
Uh, but it was nice.

SPEAKER_01 (15:40):
We went to kids before you married.
We yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_02 (15:44):
Two we had two prior to getting married.
We had Mackenzie and Piper.
Um, and McKenzie is actuallygonna be 11 in February, and
then Piper will be seven uh thisDecember, which is unreal.
Uh, but I'm so grateful forevery day that we've had with
them.
And uh we had two kids at thatpoint.

(16:06):
Um, went on our vacation in themountains, came back.
And at that point, we had beentrying, I would say for seven
months to conceive.
Um and build the family.
Yeah, yeah.
Um, and we kind of decidedbefore the wedding, prior to the
wedding, just kind of like putit on pause um and just you

(16:29):
know, focus on, you know, thewedding, getting through the
wedding and the the honeymoonand getting home.
And then it was honestly just afew months later um that I found
out I was pregnant with ourthird child, Layla.
Um and it was obviously expectedbecause we definitely had been

(16:51):
trying.
Um, but it wasn't always umwasn't always easy during that
time either.
Um, you know, Kyle has alwaysbeen, I would say, the number
one income provider in the home.
There has been definitelyseasons and times where I've

(17:12):
worked, but for the most part,I've been once we started having
kids, I was at home a lot withthe children while he was
working.
But it also kind of um broughtsome loneliness and just things
that I I battled and I struggledwith, um, which also kind of
shaped the way that I perceivedmy own husband, um, if that
makes sense, you know.

(17:33):
And once the Lord was broughtinto um, you know, our life and
became the foundation of ourlife, it I've just seen the
transformation um and and justhow uh the redeeming work of the
Lord and the cross is able tochange the lens in which I see
my husband and being able toforgive him and let go of those

(17:56):
things and and recognize throughconviction that I was operating
from that kind of space.

SPEAKER_01 (18:04):
Um and I would say, I mean, do you want to take it
from so kind of yeah, so marriedand now pregnant with the third
child and still kind of in thatyeah, going through that part of
life, you know.
So what was kind of the nextsteps there?

SPEAKER_00 (18:22):
Yeah, I'll share some.
Um, so you know, she like shesaid, she was pregnant, um
staying at home.
I think Kenzie was in school atthat time.
Piper was young, she might havebeen two, maybe.
So she was home with Piper alot.
I was I was working, you know,five, six days a week.
Um when we were on ourhoneymoon, I actually licensed
my apply my appliance repaircompany.

(18:43):
Um, I left the company that Iwas working for and started my
own business.
So I was in the ground level ofgetting a business up and
running, took a lot of time outof me.
It was, and in in between doingall that, um I was you know
crabbing on the weekends, just alittle extra income.
And um, you know, so theappliance repair took a lot out

(19:04):
of me, took me out of the homefor you know, six to eight hours
a day, five to six days a week.
Um, so I got kind ofdisconnected and and lost in my
work as well.
So, which, you know, is not agood place to be, putting your
family by the wayside and andyour work in front of your
family.
But um, after after um theappliance repair business got up

(19:26):
and running, it kind of smoothedout a little bit.
But um, it's just it just tooktime, you know, away from me and
went away from the as the familyunit, the leader of the family.

SPEAKER_01 (19:37):
And without kind of the faith foundation, right?
That's what the world would saydo, you know, face this
business, you know, these arethe things you you should be
doing, right?
So just like you said, you know,when we look back, you know, I
have much of the same, you know,thing in terms of my marriage.
So, you know, how God redeemsthat.
But maybe kind of kind of walkus through then, you know, you
kind of mentioned the pregnancyand yeah, you know, where the

(19:59):
marriage was, you know, whatwere kind of the next steps, you
know, that led up to that, youknow, coming to Lifehouse.

SPEAKER_02 (20:05):
I would say so um it was July 21st was the was was
when I had Layla.
I don't know if that's where Ishould start off, but I feel
like that's the right place.

SPEAKER_01 (20:18):
So it's 2021.

SPEAKER_02 (20:20):
Yes.
So um 2021, July 21st, 2021, Igave birth to Layla.
Um, and we were actually um inthe hospital for I want to say
about four or five days uh withher um just for monitoring and
and things like that.
So once we were released fromthe hospital, um, took her home.

(20:42):
And of course, you know, ourgirls were overjoyed, very
excited to have a sibling.
Um, and uh it was an excitingtime, you know, for our family.
Um, so I would say we reallydidn't see what was coming
before it came.
Um, but we were only home withLayla for about a week when

(21:06):
unfortunately um the Lord calledher home.
And she had been losing someweight um prior to her passing.
And I had taken her to thepediatrician just literally the
day before she passed away.
Um, and it was just like aheaviness I can't explain that I
felt in my, I mean, I'm in my inmy spirit, I could feel

(21:30):
something was just not right.
As a mom, I just didn't knowwhat it was exactly.
Um, and leaving that doctor'soffice, I remember crying to
Kyle's mom and saying, I justfeel, I don't feel like I should
be leaving right now, and Idon't know why.
Um, and I don't know if thatwould have even changed, you
know, um the way things ended upbecause this is, you know, this

(21:54):
is the this this is ourtestimony and this is the road
that the Lord um the the storythat the Lord wrote for us and
we've been able to see why, youknow, now later on past the the
loss and the grief, but um wegot up, it was um August 8th,

(22:15):
August 8th of 2021.
So she was only 14 days old.
Um got up like every othermorning for the last two weeks,
woke up to her crying and got upand uh I noticed that Kyle was
still home, which was not normalbecause he was crabbing at that
time.
And uh so I knew he shouldn't behome because it was much later

(22:38):
on in the morning, still earlyhours, but later um than when he
would have been leaving.
So he uh was still dead asleep,woke him up, he hurried up and
rushed out the door and youknow, kissed us both goodbye.
Um I sat down and uh nursed her,put her back in her uh bassinet,

(23:02):
and I dozed back off.
My other two girls were asleepas well.
And uh I woke up, I would say,about an hour later, maybe, and
she was gone.
And that was really hard.
I I honestly froze.
I was in shock.
I didn't really even know whatto do because I had never
experienced um I experiencedloss.

(23:24):
I had lost a grandmother and afew other family members, but
nothing this significant before.
So it was a shock.
Um called 911.
Actually, I couldn't even call911.
I had to call my best friend andhad my best friend call 911
because I was trying to tend tomy two kids and then Layla,
obviously, and wanting to startCPR and all of those things.

(23:46):
And so um, you know, the policecame, ambulance came, Kyle found
out and was rushing to get tous.
Um, and we had to leave thehouse to go to the hospital
because they were, you know,doing everything that they
could.
They were trying to save her andbring her back.
And um it was just really hard.

(24:07):
Like the the time between 911being called and them getting
there felt much longer.

SPEAKER_01 (24:14):
Time just slows down.

SPEAKER_02 (24:15):
Yeah, it just feels like everything stops.
And it I just looking like whenI think about it, I can see it
like it was yesterday, just likeambulances in the driveway, and
we live down a long lane, so itwas just very chaotic and
jumbled, all the vehicles andemergency vehicles and
everything.

(24:36):
And uh I rode with I'm not whomy mom, your mom, someone drove
with me to the hospital, and umKyle ended up coming with a
police officer, I believe.
And uh I remember standingoutside of the room where they
had Layla, and um he wasn't hehadn't made it to the hospital

(25:00):
yet, um, which I've never everum, you know, held any kind of
um bitterness or anything,anything negative in my heart
towards him from not being by myside at that moment, because I
knew he was doing everythingthat he could to get to us.
Um, but they were, you know,working on her and the doctor
and the nurse came out and theyboth came on either side.

(25:23):
I mean, I think that's justbecause they knew that I was
going to probably fall.
And as soon as they told me myknees buckled, they just said
that they had done everythingthat they could do, and they
felt that they were hurting hermore than they were saving her,
and I had to make that decisionin that moment to tell them to

(25:44):
stop trying to resuscitate her.
And um it was really hard.
Um I had never had to make thatkind of decision in my life, and
I just never would have fathomedthat I would ever be in that
position.
Um but once Kyle got there, Imean naturally, of course, he

(26:07):
was in complete shock once hefound out.
Um he was, you know, we bothwere just weeping and we sat in
the room with her for a littlewhile, but then we just kind of
felt like we needed to removeourselves from that situation,
and they took us to like aprivate room.
But just like navigating thewhole process of what it looks

(26:30):
like after you lose an infant,it's it can be very invasive.
Um, um, and it feels um feelslike it's happening way too fast
considering what you'reexperiencing in the moment.
Uh but I would say that, youknow, so much like I mean, you
know, the word says what uh theenemy intends for evil, you

(26:55):
know, God uses it for his good,and he has definitely done that
through this.
But I mean, do you want to sharekind of like your perspective of
that?

SPEAKER_00 (27:04):
I just felt like I was, you know, 10 steps behind
the whole time that I was tryingto get to where they were.
So I was, you know, just laid mytrack line out, going down the
track line, very first run, andmy phone rang, and it was um
Paige.
She said, Um, I found Layla,she's not breathing.
I was like, call 911, and Isaid, I'm on the way in now.

(27:27):
So I hung up the phone, left mytrout lines where they were,
drove as fast as I could to theboat ramp where I launched the
boat at, and I just beached theboat, um, ran up to my truck,
uh, dropped the trailer rightwhere it was, and just took off.
And, you know, probablyexcessively drove a little bit
to uh get to where I was going.

(27:47):
But I was down in Langfordoutside of Chestertown, trying
to get up to Cecleton.
I mean, it's probably a good 40minutes.
Um, it took me a little bit toget there.
Um, about halfway through iswhen my mom called me.
She said that um she's ridingwith Paige up to the hospital.
Um, get to the rural farms,there'll be a police officer
there waiting for you to takeyou up to the hospital.

(28:09):
So um I finally get to Cecilton.
I mean, it feels like a lifetimehas gone by.
Been praying the whole time, youknow.
And at this point, like I said,I didn't I didn't have a strong
faith, um, but I was praying fora miracle.
Um, and so get to the policeofficer, he runs me up to the
hospital, and um I get in thereand she just see Paige and she's

(28:30):
you know a complete mess.
And um, she said that theycouldn't save her, they couldn't
resuscitate her, and just inshock.
Just, you know, like this is mybrand new child.
She's just so innocent and justa little baby, and it's just you
know, it's a whirlwind ofemotions coming over you, and
you don't know what the nextminute looks like.
You really don't.

SPEAKER_01 (28:51):
Something you don't wish on any parents, right?
No parent wants to lose a child,much less an infant.
So but so man, just tough time,you know.
So now you guys are walkingthrough this loss of a child,
you know, this is like we talkedabout fall of 21, you know, kind
of where were you guys at?
You know, I know Kyle Sharereally didn't have that

(29:11):
relationship with the Lord, pagebeing away.
You know, how did you guys kindof navigate this time, you know,
from there?

SPEAKER_02 (29:18):
I would say so.
We definitely um we were justkind of, I feel like you kind of
no, you weren't really workingafter losing her.
We both really just kind of likeI mean, like time stood, yeah,
time stood still for sure.

SPEAKER_00 (29:36):
For I didn't return to work for probably four or
five weeks.
I didn't go crab and I didn't doany appliance jobs.
I just kind of laid in bed andwas just in a really dark spot
and in a bad place for for awhile.
Um, you know, I was reallydepressed, um, really going
through it.
Um, I eventually, you know, gotthrough it, was able to, you

(29:58):
know, get back about going towork and Providing for the
family.
But like I said, I was in areally dark place.
I found myself searching forsomething.
I didn't know what to believe,where to begin to look.
But I knew I needed something.
At one point, I was sodepressed.

(30:19):
This was actually, I think itwas the it was the day that um
the day that we lost her.
I was contemplating to ending mylife, taking my life.
We were at the house.
It was probably, I mean, itmight have been maybe four or
five hours since the wholeordeal happened.
And um, we were everybody was athome, and um I got a gun, and I

(30:39):
had walked up our driveway.
It was a really long driveway,and there was, but there was
this neighbor, she lived at thefront of the driveway, and um, I
was about three quarters of theway up the driveway, and I was
just walking down, walking downthe driveway with my head down,
and uh I look up and she'sstanding um in the driveway, and
she she looks at me and says,Honey, is everything okay?

(31:00):
And I said, I said, No, ma'am.
She said, Um, you know, I seenall the ambulances and the
police officers.
She said, What's going on if youdon't mind me asking?
And I told her, I said, my mydaughter, we lost my daughter
today, and she just um shehugged me and she she said, Can
I pray over you?
I said, Yes, ma'am.
I said, You can.
And uh, she prayed over me, andthen she looked at me, she said,

(31:23):
Now go back up there and be withyour family.
They need you now.
And I just turned around andwent back home.
And um, you know, looking backat it now, it was divine
intervention, like that was God.
He yeah, and he had a plan forme.
He he was wanting to rescue me.
He he knew what I needed, andthat was him.

SPEAKER_01 (31:41):
Amen.
God looks out for us in theworld.
Yes, he does sometimes like aguardian angel, you know, for
sure.
So, how did you guys kind ofmove forward from there?
I know it was difficult, youknow, kind of still like you
say, God was looking out and hehad a plan, but how did how did
he kind of work with you guyslast year?

SPEAKER_02 (31:58):
Um, you know, we started um the process obviously
of like planning services andall of those things.
And I mean, I've shared thiswith so many people before I
remember sitting there at thefuneral home, and I'm like,
we're both, you know, we'reyoung, third child, and we're
planning, you know, services forour our infant daughter.

(32:22):
And I'm like, you know, I wouldhave never thought we would be
here, but I I was sure we wouldnever be there again.
Um, and I think that's what Iwas holding on to.
Um, it's like, well, this ifthis happened now, it it can't
happen again.
Like it wouldn't.
Like, I think in my head I wasthinking the Lord wouldn't allow
something like that, or youknow, divine who at that point,

(32:45):
I mean, I did believe that therewas definitely a God.
Like I said, I grew up with umjust Bible-believing parents,
but um, you know, going uhforward from that, I would say
we started attending LifehouseChurch.
Uh probably well, you had thedate written down.

SPEAKER_00 (33:04):
Yeah, it was um January, January of 2022.

SPEAKER_01 (33:08):
Um this was when your friend invited you and
started coming and kind of fromthat grief, you know, searching
to to find the Lord and I don'twhat's what's real.
So yeah, maybe share a littlebit.
So you came to Lifehouse and howdid that go?
How was Kyle?
Did you want to come?

SPEAKER_00 (33:27):
I know you kind of shared, you know, no, um
actually um at first I didn'twant to come, I didn't uh want
to hear anything about it.
Um I went once and I remember umyou know me after the first time
that I went, I told Paige, Isaid I'll never go back again.
And um I I remember her actuallyjust you know crying and she was

(33:48):
on the ground just pleading andbegging.
She was like, please come back.
And I was like, no, I don't Idon't have any interest in it um
at first.
And then um, you know, a coupleweeks probably went by, and but
I seen what her attending churchwas doing for her and what she
was bringing back to the homeand showing the kids, and that's

(34:09):
kind of what drew my interest alittle more.
Um, I just wanted what she had,and I saw the peace that she got
from coming here.
So um that's what that's reallywhat I was chasing when I when I
changed my mind about comingback to church.

SPEAKER_01 (34:23):
That's a beautiful, I think it was first Peter we
went through when the wife canwin the husband without a word.
But maybe Paige to share.
I know you came back and youinvited Kyle, but he didn't
come.
So how did God really kind ofchange you and being back in
church and and uh seeking duringthat time?

SPEAKER_02 (34:40):
I mean, you know, that it's it was that that peace
that surpasses allunderstanding.
I couldn't understand how I hadsuch a peace um knowing what I
had just what we had just walkedthrough.
Um, but it was just anoverwhelming sense of peace.
Um, and just like a knowing oncewe definitely started coming to

(35:01):
church, and once we got savedand gave our lives to the Lord,
which I would say happened oncehe returned to church and
started coming back on Sundayswith me, it wasn't long after
that, maybe oh, two weeks, Iwant to say, because I felt the
stirring the first Sunday, andactually I didn't go down, and I

(35:22):
probably should have.
But um, the following Sunday, Ifelt the same stirring in my
heart.
And I looked at Kyle and said,I'm going down there.
Are you coming with me?
And he said, Yeah, I'm ready,I'm ready.
And we went down there andPastor Mark prayed with us, and
we, you know, accepted Jesusinto our hearts and dedicated

(35:44):
our lives to the Lord.
And uh yeah, and it's just, Imean, the best, best thing
literally that could have everum happened at that time.
And just, you know, uh, like Isaid, the peace, but the comfort
and just being able to, like hesaid, bring that back into the
home and being able to pour itinto my children and show them

(36:08):
how to how I was carryingmyself.
And at the time I didn't realizeI thought I was not doing a good
job of carrying the grief infront of them.
And it was actually my mom who,you know, was sharing wisdom
with me and just kind of toldme, you know, like what you're
showing them is how to walkthrough something so traumatic

(36:30):
and so hard, but walk through itwith grace.
But I knew that grace was comingfrom outside of me.
It was coming from the Lordpouring into me, coming out of
me.
And uh, you know, just going tochurch regularly after that.
Um, and we ended up gettingbaptized in February.

SPEAKER_00 (36:51):
Yeah, a few months after um, a few months, yeah, a
month and a half after we umprofessed saving faith.

SPEAKER_02 (36:57):
Yeah.
February 27th of 2022 is when wedecided that we wanted, we felt
um called and led by the Lordand by the Holy Spirit to um be
baptized by immersion.
And um, you know, I had beenbaptized when I was younger, and
actually coming to Life House iswhat kind of brought this

(37:18):
curiosity and conversationbetween me and my mom, where I
asked her, you know, I know Iremember, I have memory of being
baptized as a child.
Did had I accepted the Lord?
Like, did I profess savingfaith?
Like, did that happen?
And she said it was kind ofassumed.
So it happens sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 (37:38):
Yeah, that's why we always had to be careful with
kids.
It sounds like I have a similarstory, you know, I had to be
re-baptized, properly baptized,you know, before I really knew
the Lord.

SPEAKER_02 (37:47):
So yeah.
So, but it was um definitelyjust think I would say it's just
the way like uh the sermons aretaught here at Life House that
really kind of drew us in aswell.
Like um, just the expositorypreaching, verse by verse,
really being able to dig in andunderstand and think that was
something that was um seriouslylacking, even though I was young

(38:09):
at the time, the church we wentto while I was growing up, uh,
it was not verse by verse.
It was very cherry-picked.
So, like I said, it created alot of confusion for me as a kid
and even coming into thissituation.
But really, Life House broughtclarity for me.
Um, and I was finally able to uhunderstand God's word in a way

(38:33):
that I didn't before.

SPEAKER_01 (38:36):
Really beautiful together, right?
Like God brought you guys bothhere.
And Kyle, you're seeing thatstarting to change, those seeds
being planted, and then youcoming.
Was there anything particularabout you know how God called
you to that that moment in time?

SPEAKER_00 (38:52):
And you know, kind of not in particular, but um, I
will just share that um, youknow, from in between me being
in a really dark spot, coming toSaving Faith, I was also
struggling with an addiction.
Um, an addiction that my wifedidn't know anything about.
I kept it hidden from her.
So that caused, you know, issuesthroughout all of this situation

(39:14):
as well.
Um, and it wasn't until you knowafter my addiction came out that
we we were got have got clarityand and now are free from that
addiction.
But um, so just in the midst ofit all, you know, I was
attending church.
I was I I believed, but I wasstill I was still struggling.
Stuck.
Yes.
And um I just, you know, there Iwould get you know a week or

(39:36):
two, you know, clean and then Iwould just fall right back into
it.
Um, so in throughout thethroughout all of that, that was
like the biggest thing.
It's like, you know, why won'tGod remove this sin from my
life?
Um, I want it gone.
I wish it to be gone, but I justkeep you know going back to it.
But um, yeah, so that was just aa big part of you know my

(39:58):
journey as well, my story aswell.

SPEAKER_01 (40:01):
So that kind of started before you came to faith
and was something you say youwere kind of working through,
kind of as a result of losingLayla.
Yes, that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_00 (40:10):
I was I was definitely using to cope with um
the things that I felt, um, Ifelt like I wasn't there for my
wife, and that really weighed onme um because she was by herself
when during the whole loss.
So um, you know, that wassomething that weighed on me.
Um and I was just using thedrugs to just get out of my own
head and just to cope, just torelieve the the stress and the

(40:35):
the depression and the all thethings that come with you know
such a massive loss like that.

SPEAKER_01 (40:41):
So we've come to faith, but still you're battling
this addiction.
So, how did kind of the next fewyears of how that came out, how
you guys kind of navigated sothrough that time?

SPEAKER_02 (40:52):
Um we eat so we uh had you know been attending, and
like you said, he was stillcoming to church with me.
Now there were some Sundayswhere and that's and because it
was hidden, I think it createdeven more confusion, at least
for me on my end, because Icould feel that there was a
separation, um, not only betweenme and Kyle, but just between I

(41:13):
could see where the separationwas starting to happen between
him and like the Lord, um, whichwas very hard.
And I think that's why I had thereaction when he told me he
wasn't gonna come back, becauseit was not only like a fear of
being unequally yoked, but alsoum that I wanted him to feel the

(41:33):
peace and all of the things thatI had already been experiencing.
But we had come, you know, manySundays and he didn't come in
with me some Sundays.
Um, and that was hard becausepeople began to notice because
they care.
Um, and that's you know, one ofthe things we loved the most
about Life House Church is justthat we felt so welcomed, um,

(41:56):
like a family.
It just feels like a family.
Um, and so there were Sundayswhere I would walk up and we
used to sit right behind PastorMark.
So it was kind of, I mean, he hewould tell he could tell if Kyle
wasn't with me.
So he turned around and, youknow, was like, where's Kyle?
And I said he's in the parkinglot, he won't come in.

(42:16):
And he would, you know, stopwhat he was doing.
And he's like, Let's pray rightnow.
And um, you know, and we did.
We prayed every Sunday where,you know, the enemy tried to
attack, or Kyle didn't like westill just prayed, um, and just
I believed um that he would geta hold of Kyle and that he would

(42:37):
um soften his heart.

SPEAKER_01 (42:40):
And so, Kyle, how did that happen?

SPEAKER_00 (42:43):
Um it it uh it happened uh slowly over time.
Um, and it wasn't until you knowI finally overcome the addiction
that I feel like I actuallystepped into the role as you
know the leader of the house,um, you know, the leader of my
wife, um, you know, becauseeverything else just got in the

(43:03):
way.
Um it made a bad situationworse.
Um, and it it just it rolled outinto every every facet of my
life, the way I parented my mykids, it affected that, the way
I loved my wife.
Um, you know, going to work, Iwork for myself, but just the
way I ran my business, it justaffected everything around me.

SPEAKER_01 (43:26):
So, how did God work definitely?
I think you said you had toadmit it, you know, you had to
put it on the table.
Well, I don't know how it was.

SPEAKER_02 (43:33):
Well, it kind of was really six months after losing
Layla.
Um, sorry, I don't mean to likeinterject, but six months after
losing Layla um is when we foundout we were pregnant.
Again, again, which was veryunexpected because we weren't
trying, we were just navigatingthis, you know, new road and the

(43:58):
healing and the grief andraising the girls.
And what does that look likeafter um child loss?
And uh we, you know, were notexpecting it at all, but it was
a huge blessing.
We felt like it was somethingthat was um, you know, divine,
you know, divinely sent.
We felt like it was um a hugeblessing following such a

(44:21):
traumatic loss.
And uh that was a hardpregnancy, really was.
Um, because in the midst of allof that, he was battling, you
know, uh uh addiction, a hiddenaddiction and hidden sin um at
that, which just kind of made itreally hard um being pregnant
with Henry, but you know, umcarried him all the way through

(44:46):
full term and had him.

SPEAKER_00 (44:49):
And so my sin didn't come out until I kept it hidden
for over a year after we lostLayla.

SPEAKER_02 (44:57):
No, I didn't find out until That's what I'm
saying.

SPEAKER_00 (45:00):
It didn't come out until after, like way after.

SPEAKER_02 (45:03):
After Henry, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (45:03):
Yeah, like I I was in this sin, stuck in this sin
for a year and a half, maybelike you know, a good while, um,
all the way up until she wasabout to um give birth to Henry.
And um I confronted you.
Yeah, she confronted me andfound out about it, and then it
was you know out on the table.
So I was in that season of sinfor you know two years and it

(45:25):
wreaked havoc.
Looking back at it now, it itreally did wreak havoc over our
lives.
And um I mean we lost our home.
Yeah, we had to we lost, we didlose our home, um, had to move
in with her mother.
Um, I I ultimately ended up uhstopped running the business and
I just went to work full-time onthe water, um, which is still

(45:47):
good money, but it wasn't themoney that I was making, which
in turn, like I said, lost lostthe house we had.
Um, and I was just in a in a badand I'm still in a bad spot,
dealing with a lot of depressionum still, and um, you know,
getting ready to have anotherbaby, it just brought a whole
lot of a lot of stuff up again.

SPEAKER_01 (46:09):
So, Henry, and so this is coming out, and yeah, I
mean chat, a lot of emotions,and I'm sure for you navigating
pregnancy and and these thingsgoing on.
So kind of coming to that point,you know.
So, how did you guys workthrough you know that time?

SPEAKER_02 (46:24):
Um, I would say, you know, I just kind of came to him
and just told him that I just itwasn't um, you know, I didn't
really not that I didn't need toknow everything about it, but at
that time I was like, you know,we're about to have this baby,
um, and we've been through somuch.
And I want us to be together andI want us to stay together, and

(46:45):
I will fight for our marriage,but I cannot have you doing this
and being around him.
Um, and you know, he assured methat he was really trying his
best and his hardest to, youknow, get free from the
addiction itself.
And uh we had Henry on um, ohgosh, December 8th of 2023.

(47:12):
Yeah, 2023.
And uh beautiful baby boy, whichwas not expected at all.
We thought for sure we wouldhave uh all girls, but our um
baby boy Henry surprised us, sohe uh was such a blessing and
we're grateful that we had youknow six weeks um with him.

(47:36):
And you know, he was aboutthree, I would say he was like
three and a half weeks old.
And you know, keep in mind we'recarrying all that, all that
grief still, even though we werehealing and the Lord was helping
us um, you know, navigate all ofthat.
Uh we definitely were still, youknow, we had fears and and and

(47:57):
it was scary.
Um, but at three and a halfweeks old, he ended up uh
sounding like he was, you know,just really kind of congested.
And we ended up taking him rightin as soon as we heard it
because of just how vigilant wewere being um with all of our
kids at that point in time.
And so we uh took him to thedoctor, had him tested.

(48:19):
Uh, and sadly, obviously thatwas around COVID time.
Uh, and at three and a halfweeks old, Henry had sadly
caught COVID.
Uh, at the time they said COVIDand RSV.
So that was not something anymother wants to hear for their
infant um because it can bereally hard on them.
At that point, that's what theywere saying, um, that it was

(48:41):
really hard for the infants.
And so we uh took him to AIDuPont three different times uh
to have him seen by doctorsbecause he was just having a
hard time breathing, and thatwas creating, you know, a lot of
uncertainty for us.
We just didn't feel comfortablehaving him home after what we
had gone through.
We didn't, we didn't want tomiss something, I think is what

(49:01):
we were worried about.
So we were, you know, vigilantabout going back until they
admitted us.
And then we were in the hospitalfor like three or four days, I
would say.
And then we came home.
Um, he had been doing better atthat point.
He had um, you know, cough wasclearing up his, he was able to

(49:22):
breathe much better.
But um we attended church andlife group.
And this was the day before hepassed away.
Um and we uh everyone had methim that night.
That was the first timeactually, I think that everyone
um from our life group familywas had um held him, met him,

(49:46):
um, and they knew our story.
Um, so it was just a very anight that was filled with a lot
of joy, just passing.
He was the end pass around likea hot potato.
Um, but he loved it.
Uh so he was getting all thelove and attention.
And then um, do you wanna do youwant me to share following that?

SPEAKER_00 (50:08):
Yeah, you can share.

unknown (50:09):
Okay.

SPEAKER_02 (50:10):
Um, so we, you know, went home after life group, um,
like any other Sunday when wehad life group.
And uh we went home to my mom'sactually at that point.
We were living at my mom's, buta different house that she was
living at at this point.
So during all of this, there wasa lot of like displaced feeling.

(50:32):
We didn't really have like ourown home, um, but we were still
navigating the grief, and thenwe, you know, surprise
pregnancy.
It was just so many thingshappening, um, but still, you
know, pursuing the Lord andcoming to church on Sundays.
And um we went home and did ournighttime routine with our kids
and laid him down.

(50:53):
And it was about five o'clock inthe morning.

SPEAKER_03 (50:57):
Four thirty.

SPEAKER_02 (50:58):
Four thirty in the morning.
Um, and at that point he was sixweeks old.
And I was, you know, we wereboth exhausted, really, from
just being in the hospital andjust a lot.
It was very draining at thattime.
And so uh coming home to mymom's and then him waking up

(51:19):
early in the morning with Henry,I was asleep.
Um, the girls were both asleep.
Um, sounds very familiar, samescenario, you know.
Um, and I remember waking up, Iguess, around uh shortly after
five o'clock, I want to say itwas.
And uh I sat up and immediately,I don't know how to explain.

(51:40):
I I hadn't even realized thatHenry was in the bed with us.

SPEAKER_00 (51:46):
I just felt kind of like we were squished on a bed,
and it was just and I woke up umlike I it was like 4 45 and I
had you know nighttime routine,bottle diaper, early morning
routine.
Early morning, bottle diaper, uhre-swaddled, and um, I was
burping him on my chest, uh,leaned back against the

(52:07):
headboard, and um, I guess I hadjust fallen asleep.
And um, that's when she wassaying about the time that she
woke up about I guess 5 05,shortly after 5.

SPEAKER_02 (52:17):
Well, and you were also five days sober at this
point.
He was trying to get clean onhis own.
Um, so and I didn't realize thisuntil after I didn't know any of
this until after the fact.
But um, so he had fallen asleep,and I woke up and found him in
the bed with us and immediately,you know, responded and just was

(52:41):
like Kyle waking him up, tellinghim like Henry's unresponsive.
He's he was in the bed with us.
Um, and immediately I went outof the bedroom.
My niece woke up, my herboyfriend, um, who really is
like family.
I mean, they've been togetherfor a while and they were both
there and they came and she isactually, you know, been going

(53:02):
to school for nursing andeverything.
So she knew CPR and all of thosethings.
And I I did not know how to doany of that.
And I honestly froze.
Um, and I struggled with feelingguilty in those moments too.
Like, should I be the one doingtrying to tend to to to um Henry
because I had already walkedthrough losing Layla and Kyle

(53:24):
wasn't there when that happened.
So I felt like I almost feltguilty, like I needed to protect
him, but he was, you know,already down on the ground with
Nadia working on Henry.
And um, they were, you know,trying to resuscitate him.
And we called 911, and the girlswake up to that again, just
confusion and you know, weeping.

(53:46):
And people, we I mean, we wereit was very, it feels like I
said, it it happens fast, but atthe same time, it feels like
time slows down.
So we um called 911, and ofcourse, everyone small county,
um, like Kyle said, so everyoneknew our story from the our
county too.

(54:07):
And they said as soon as that itcame, as soon as it came across
the radio that it was an infant,that they all were hoping and
praying that it wasn't me andKyle.
And um, unfortunately, it itwas.
Um, and I just remember sittingat the hospital, um, you know,

(54:27):
when we got there.
I mean, I literally I felt likeI I was gonna be sick because it
just felt unreal.

SPEAKER_00 (54:34):
Like Yeah, we both rode into the to the hospital in
Chestertown with the ambulance.
Um and uh we got to the to thehospital and I remember them
just, you know, taking himinside.
And um it was just a few minuteslater they said that they
couldn't there's nothing elsethey could do, and you know, I

(54:54):
just the same thing, instantlyjust felt sick again to our to
my stomach.
Um remember sitting on the curboutside just sobbing and like
vomiting and just really goingthrough it.

SPEAKER_02 (55:06):
Yeah.
And um, you know, they uh Iactually sat down once we they
took us into a very similarroom.
This was a different hospital,so it was also a different
experience um from us losingLayla um just because it was our
small town hospital.
They shut the whole ER down.

(55:27):
They didn't let anybody elseknow.
They redirected all theambulances and everything
because they wanted us to haveas much time as we needed to say
goodbye to him in the traumaroom that he was in, um, which
we're so grateful that they justwere, they just they were so um
gentle with the way that theyhandled the situation.

(55:47):
It was just very considerate,very respectful of us and what
we were, you know, dealing with.
And um, I remember typing amessage, sitting in that like
family conference room, and itwas to the same friend who
invited me to Life House.
Um, and even my friends at thattime probably would have never

(56:09):
thought in a million years theywould get that text from me like
that following one loss.
And it was uh just a text Icouldn't even get anything else
out except for we lost Henry andwe're at the hospital.
And she immediately was like,What happened?

(56:29):
Oh my like, couldn't evenbelieve it, rushed to the
hospital.
I mean, everybody just likerushed to get to us um and to be
there during that time.
And you know, we had I would sayunlimited time, but we took
probably a good 30, 20 minutes,maybe 20 minutes, uh, 15 minutes

(56:53):
um to just hold him.
Um you know, my friend at thetime asked if I was comfortable
with her taking pictures.
Um, and at first I didn't knowhow to feel about that, but I'm
I'm we haven't actually at thispoint um sat down to ever look
at those pictures.
And that's definitely somethingthat we've talked about on and

(57:15):
off in the last year, I wouldsay, is just feeling like ready,
feeling led to maybe do that.
Um, because I think it'll add asome healing, maybe.
I it's just the sense I get fromthe Lord is that it's a
necessary step um in kind ofconfronting the grief.
Um, because it can be somethingthat you try to run away from,

(57:36):
which is what I found myselfwanting to do um after losing
Henry.
So um at that point I was eightyears sober from a prior
substance addiction that Istruggled with.
Um and we went to, you know, theuh OBGYN doctor that day, and I

(57:58):
I didn't want to go there atall.
I didn't even want to return tothat office because then you
have to explain it to thepeople.
And it's that's hard, and youdefinitely don't want to do it a
second time when you've gonethrough it once.
And um once we left there, Ijust remember looking at Kyle
and saying, I don't want to feelanything, you know.
And one thing led to another,and we both began struggling

(58:22):
with um an addiction.
And because people cared andpeople loved us, um, a few
people, um, friends fromLifehouse brought it to
leadership.

unknown (58:36):
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (58:37):
So, yes, a really challenging time, you know,
second loss of a child, like yousay, kind of having that
history.
I don't, you know, Kyle, you'retrying to get sober and Paige
kind of having that history.
So those are tough times, youknow, walking through the grief,
and and that's when you knowSatan can really prey on us.
So it sounds like that became astruggle for you all.
And and you said kind of howlong did that take to kind of

(59:01):
you know come to light, or youknow, how did that kind of you
know walk there in terms of justthat journal part of the
journey?

SPEAKER_02 (59:07):
I don't think that it it took very long.
Um it was only like a month,maybe a month and a half before
you know, people startedrecognizing obviously something
was different, um, differentabout both of us, but definitely
different about me because I hadclose friendships and
relationships um with people inLife House Church at that time.

(59:29):
And just so um there was adefinite shift in our behavior,
um, but still trying, I wasstill trying to fight against my
my desires of my flesh, though,and and the the desire to kind
of escape that the the the griefand and feeling um anything at
all.
But um I definitely felt just uman urge to like you know try to

(59:58):
do my best to.
Just kind of like lean into theLord as much as I could.
And I think once it came tolight, because I was already
struggling with like wanting toget away from it.
And it hadn't even been thatlong, but it was just very dark.
It was one of just a very darktime, scary, honestly.
But um, I'm grateful that theLord, you know, was able to

(01:00:20):
bring us out of that.
And it was really through thesin being brought, you know, out
of the darkness and into thelight that allowed um him to
work through um the situation.
And we were able to then havesupport around us.
And uh just the elder team andeveryone was just so amazing
with just coming around us andit's like, what do you all need?

(01:00:42):
And how can we help?
How can we pray for you all?
Um, and we, you know, made apromise to leadership and also
ourselves and God that we would,you know, uh get sober and that
if we, you know, could not do iton our own, that we would go
into treatment.
Um, and luckily, um, you know,we were able to work with local,

(01:01:07):
um, well, really it was childprotective services was the one
kind of um driving the vehicle,um, if you want to say that,
like of what the steps we had totake after um losing Henry.
And once the addiction came out,it became hyper focused on, you

(01:01:27):
know, getting us well so wecould take care of our children.
Um, and so through continuing tocome to church um and starting
to attend actually the JesusProject, um, we were able to
share openly with people aboutum our struggles with addiction
and about our um battle with thegrief and the pain and the loss

(01:01:52):
and um in sharing and in hearingother people share, uh the Lord
did a work in both of us.
Um and he was able to uh youknow set us free and help us get
to almost two years of sobrietyfrom you know from all of that.

(01:02:14):
And um it's just been um amazingto see how um even you know when
you're in the midst of somethinglike that, and like I said, dark
times.
So it felt very hopeless, but Ibut I always knew um and
continue to try to keep my eyesand my heart fixed on, you know,

(01:02:34):
the fact that there was hope andit was in Jesus.
Um and that that is, you know, Ineeded to turn back to him.
That was my answer, and that'swhat I needed.
And so we both, you know,redirected everything and made
it solely about, you know,getting sober, but integrating
the Lord into all of that aswell.

(01:02:55):
And what does that look like?
And um, it's been prettyincredible how he's you know
used our story to beinstrumental in helping other
people, you know.

SPEAKER_01 (01:03:06):
I think that's always the beauty, several
things you said, the benefit ofChristian community, you know,
in your addiction, in your pain,it was the community that
recognized that and came aroundyou, right?
Like the leadership, people youknew that it come to life house.
So how much and you could maybeshare how your recovery, you
know, sounded like you didn'thave to go into the deep rehab

(01:03:28):
because you were able to give itto the Lord.
Not that that's everybody'sstory, but when you have that
Christian community, you havethat hope, you know, that's in
Christ, and everybody'sreminding you of that.
It really helps you throughthat.

SPEAKER_02 (01:03:39):
Yeah, absolutely.
Is there anything you want to umadd?
No.

SPEAKER_01 (01:03:46):
So two years clean, you know, you guys came through
it, you know, just to get abeautiful story of the impact of
leaning into the Lord, you know,certainly tough times, you know,
those are are hard, right?
You know, it's like, but and Ithink like you said, God uses
those times.
So why we're recording thispodcast?
Because, you know, people whomay be journeying through there,

(01:04:07):
what would you say?
You know, looking back to thosepeople who maybe are, you know,
kind of like in your case,trying to hide things or you
know, Paige dealing with thegrief, you know, how should uh
people feel and navigate, youknow, if they're they're working
through those times now, whatwould you say to those folks who
might be be listening?

SPEAKER_02 (01:04:25):
Um did you have something you want to say about
it?

SPEAKER_00 (01:04:28):
I would say just don't give up hope.
Um, and if if you what you ifyou know what you're struggling
with is sin, tell somebodybecause you just need
accountability.
Accountability will help youbeat it faster than anything, I
believe.
Just having somebody, I meanjust a you know, a like-minded
peer, maybe somebody that hasmore clean time than you.
Um, you gotta go to somebody.

unknown (01:04:49):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (01:04:49):
The power of confession, you know, being able
to just openly um sharesomething that is hard.
And, you know, like we said,inviting people into your your
your pain um or the hardchapters are, you know, what we
think are the hard chapters ofour story and of our life.
Um, it can be hard to invitepeople in, but that is when I

(01:05:13):
truly believe that the HolySpirit is able to do his
greatest work, um, is when weinvite people into those places
that are uncomfortable.
Um, because in opening up it itbreaks chains off of off of us
hearing people.
But then, you know, we've overthe course of the last several
years, just people that havecome to us and shared just how

(01:05:35):
we've been encouraging for them.
And that's even more encouragingbecause it just makes you want
to continue to stay focused.
But I would just say people who,yeah, just tell someone for
sure.
Confession is so important andsharing it with someone and
bringing it to light.
Um, and and just make sureyou're not isolating, that
you're turning to God's word.
Um, because in a time like that,the enemy is going to try

(01:05:59):
everything um to convince you uhthat you you cannot get free.
Um, you can get sober, you know.
But um, I knew that there wasactual true freedom that was
possible through Jesus Christ.
So um we both said that's likethe biggest difference that we

(01:06:21):
saw um not only like between thethe the grieving um the loss of
Layla and then grieving the lossof Henry having the Lord in our
life then, you know, but alsosame goes for you know our
battle with um substances.
We didn't have that prior to,and having it this time, it was

(01:06:44):
different because in laying itdown at the altar and giving it
to him, it we never picked itback up again.
And and that's amazing.
And I and not to say that that'syou know the story for everyone.
I know it can it's hard.
Um, addiction can be hard, butum, I do believe that there's
true freedom that is possible umin Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 (01:07:08):
Amen.
And we say God can heal anythingyou'll put out there, but a lot
of times Satan, like you say,wants to isolate, wants you to
make you feel like maybe you'rethe only one, or that you can't
have that freedom, that you'recaught up in this and you're
trying to end those things, andthose are all just lies.
And we have to walk in the truthand and why community and coming

(01:07:28):
together.
So, yeah, just an amazing story.
And I know the last couple ofyears, like you say, you guys um
for the Life Life Talk family,we have a Monday night.
You know, if you're in the MOTarea, uh have a great ministry,
reclaim and recover.
Paige and Kyle are part of that,helping share their story with
others who are caught in thesame thing, wanting to see that
same freedom and redemption.

(01:07:49):
Um, you know, we know the griefthat you guys went through.
A lot of people are battlingthat.
And so I think your story ofhope, you know, that even in the
midst of you know going throughthat, that God has plans, He
uses even in the midst of ourpain, he finds us and and brings
us through that and just thestories of redemption.
So I know it's been tough, butappreciate you guys sharing

(01:08:12):
anything as we you know bring itto a close.
You would, you know, kind of sayto those who may be walking
through tough times or have beenthe biggest, you know, lessons
for you all and in your walk sofar.
And I know God will continue touse you guys in big ways.
It's been awesome to see you allsharing that with others.

unknown (01:08:30):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (01:08:30):
I would go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 (01:08:31):
I would just say stay in prayer.
Um, you know, get a goodlike-minded community around you
and um just stay in the word.
Amen.

unknown (01:08:41):
Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 (01:08:41):
And I would just say, you know, one of the
biggest things too, um, in goingthrough the loss, we kind of
learned that a lot of marriagesend.
Um is a very high percentage ofmarriages.
I forget what the statistic is,but it's it's a pretty high
number of marriages that end umafter child loss because it just

(01:09:02):
creates, I think, division anduh a lot of people make the
mistake of blaming one another,pointing the finger at one
another.
Um, and so I would just say, youknow, there is um it is possible
to have a full um a fullmarriage that is filled with all

(01:09:24):
of the things that you couldpossibly imagine.
Um, but you know, the fruits ofthe spirit, just all the the joy
and the freedom um and theredeeming power that I've seen
just kind of work out in ourmarriage.
And I just I want people to knowum to just keep pressing
forward, you know, um, keep thefaith, stay strong, communicate
with your partner, um, forgiveum one another if you are

(01:09:49):
holding anything like that inyour hearts.
Just um invite the Lord into itand allow him to do what he does
best.

SPEAKER_01 (01:09:57):
Amen.
In the darkest times, there isstill hope.
There's always hope in Christfor marriage.
If you're in addiction, ifyou're in grief, uh take it to
the Lord, right?
Take it to him.
He can handle those griefs,those sorrows.
And um, so certainly thank youall.
I know it's uh can be tough,like you say, just being open
and honest.
And so appreciate you all beingwilling to come on today, uh,

(01:10:19):
share your story, Life TalkFamily.
I hope this is an encouragementto you, uh, just knowing what
they've walked through if you'rein the midst of it, or you may
have walked through the samethings, but there is always
hope.
We always have hope in Christ.
And he redeems, he saves.
You are never too far in anyplace that he cannot find you
and save you.
So, Kyle and Page, thank you allso much.

(01:10:41):
Life Talk Family, thanks forjoining us, and we will talk to
you all next time.
Thanks for tuning in to the LifeTalk Podcast.
If this episode encouraged you,please be sure to like, comment,
subscribe, and leave a review soothers can find this content as
well.
And we'll look forward to seeingyou next Monday for another

(01:11:02):
great episode.