September 25, 2023 • 34 mins
Are your children being influenced by diet culture without you even knowing? We're peeling back the layers on how diet culture sneaks into classrooms, curriculum, standardized tests, and sports teams. As parents, it's impossible to shield our children entirely from these harmful messages. Instead, we need to arm them with the ability to challenge these narratives with sound critical thinking. We'll talk about the importance of maintaining a calm presence and best practices to handle unsettling situations related to diet culture at school.
Understand that your child's behaviors often communicate their emotional state. We'll explore how to tune into these signals and comprehend how their environment may be impacting them. The creation of a hierarchy around food can have unintended consequences, leading to confusion, shame, and anxiety in children. We delve into the necessity of advocating for our children in such scenarios. Learn how to effectively approach conversations with teachers and send clear messages to your child's school. Together, we can lift the shame around food and body image, creating a healthier relationship with food for our children. Let's start this important conversation.
Show Links:
- Lunch Box Card
- Letter Regarding Harmful School Assignment With Diet Culture
- Letter Regarding Food Policing at School
- Lift the Shame - Free Virtual Support Group for Parents
Questions about today's episode or do you have topic requests for future episodes? Please send your feedback via email to hello@crystalkarges.com or connect with Crystal on Instagram.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey there, mama, you're listening to the Lift the
Shame podcast.
I'm your host, crystal, mama ofFive and your family's
intuitive eating dietitian, hereto help you cut through the
diet culture clutter so you canenjoy freedom with food as a
family.
I'm on a mission to help youend the generational legacy of
diet culture in your home so youcan experience motherhood free
(00:22):
from food guilt and body shame.
Listen in weekly for guidanceon how you can ditch diet
culture, heal your relationshipwith food in your body and
confidently raise intuitiveeaters.
Let's dive in and lift theshame together.
Hey, mama, welcome back to theshow.
I'm so grateful to share thistime and space with you today
(00:43):
and appreciate you tuning in.
Last week we started a newmini-series here on the show,
all about diet culture, how itshows up in our kids' schools
and how we can support themthrough it.
I know this can be a reallychallenging topic and my hope is
that I can bring you someresources and support to empower
you through this so that youcan help your kids become
(01:05):
impervious to those diet culturemessages that are so subtle and
sneaky and show up in reallyunexpected ways.
Last week, we talked about thedifferent ways that diet culture
can show up in the schoolsetting, in the classroom, in
curriculum, on standardizedtests, on sports teams.
There's various ways in whichdiet culture can show up.
(01:27):
Sometimes it can really catchus off guard.
I know I shared this last week,but when I was helping my
daughter with a test online andsaw a question about how many
calories this child needed toburn off based on what she had
eaten and this was a mathquestion that she had to solve
it just totally caught me offguard.
This may be true for you too,that you're hearing different
(01:51):
things.
Your child might be asking youquestions, or your child might
regurgitate some things thatthey've heard in the classroom
or from other children, and itcan be a little unsettling.
I think one of the things wewant to just keep in mind as
we're approaching this withourselves and with our children
is that we can't keep our kidsin a bubble.
I know I mentioned this beforeas much as so many of us would
(02:14):
like to, because we understandthe negative effects and the
negative implications of beingbombarded with these diet
culture messages and we want tobe able to shield our kids from
that.
I just want to encourage you toalso think about some of the
long-term goals when it comes toapproaching this.
We want our children to developcritical thinking skills.
(02:35):
We want them to be able to callout these falsehoods, these
lies that show up in theireveryday, and to be able to
learn how to self-advocate forwhen something doesn't feel
right to them or someone isasking them to do something that
feels contradictory to whattheir body wants or needs.
We want our children to be ableto identify those things and
(02:55):
learn how to advocate forthemselves.
But, of course, in the meantime, especially while our children
are still young, they need ourguidance, they need our support
and we want to be able to showup for them and help them.
I do think it's important toalso just examine how we're
showing up and what's coming upfor us, because being able to
regulate with our kids and beingable to share our calm,
(03:19):
especially in situations thatcan feel unsettling, can be
really helpful to help them feelsafe and to know that we are
safe people in their lives tocome and share when something
feels uncomfortable or unsafefor them and I know that can be
hard to do.
I know this is easier said thandone, because oftentimes the
things that our kids areencountering can feel really
triggering to us as parents, andI want you to just be aware of
(03:42):
that as you're navigating thiswith your child.
So many of us were victims todiet culture in our school
settings in some way growing up,and it may feel painful for you
when you look back at yourchildhood experiences and
realize that you maybe didn'thave a caregiver who came
alongside you and supported youor advocated for you or was just
(04:03):
a safe place for you to sharesome of the things that you were
questioning or maybe confusedabout.
A lot of us didn't have that,unfortunately, and so it can be
painful and hard when we see ourkids maybe going through
similar things and also remindedof our own wounding around this
, where maybe we fell victim tosome of the things that we heard
, or different assignments thatwe were given, or peers who were
(04:26):
engaging in dieting ordisordered behaviors and never
had anyone to come alongside us,and so I just want you to be
aware of that and what's comingup for you as you're thinking
about some of these things asyou're navigating them.
Maybe you still have youngerchildren who are not yet being
exposed to this in differentways, or maybe your child hasn't
just encountered this yet.
(04:47):
However, I do think it'simportant to realize and just be
cognizant of the fact that ourkids likely will encounter diet
culture in some shape or form,whether it's from well meeting
family members or teachers orproviders, from their peers.
It shows up and that is becauseour society is so inundated
(05:09):
with these messages and, again,we want our children to be able
to develop the skills to learnhow to recognize them and
challenge them and also justprotect their bodies and what
they need and their mentalhealth and all those things are
so important to having a goodrelationship with food and their
bodies.
So today I just wanted to giveyou some practical things to
(05:30):
think through if and when yourchild is encountering diet
culture in some shape or form atschool.
And much of this is shaped frommy own experience with my own
children right now, at the timeof this recording, we have five
kids ranging from ages five to13.
So we have elementary andjunior high right now, and I
will tell you that it shows upin many different forms along
(05:53):
the spectrum of school age years.
So I broke this down into fourdifferent things that I want you
to think about and convenientlythey all start with A so can
help you remember as you'rethinking through some of these
things, and I'm also going toshare a couple of resources from
colleagues of mine who havedone so much great work in this
(06:13):
area and will link them in theshow notes for you as I talk
through some of these things.
So let's dive in here.
And first step here is justawareness, and we've been
talking about this.
I think, when we are vigilantin remembering that while in our
own home we might take anapproach to food and bodies that
is positive and trusting andfocusing on building a trusting
(06:37):
feeding relationship between usand our children, we are working
towards cultivating that withinour families and with our homes
.
And while that might be thenorm within your own home, again
it's important to remember whatmainstream culture is like.
It's very centered and groundedin diet culture and again, your
(06:58):
child is going to encounterthis and it's honestly not a
matter of if but when.
And I think it can just behelpful to keep your eyes and
ears open, to just be on thealert and just aware of
different things that your childis engaging in, and some things
that really come to mind hereare your child's lunch eating
(07:21):
situations if your child's onsports teams and any wellness
curriculum that might be comingup for your child and sometimes
it's just showing up in physicaleducation, so in PE, and just
kind of keeping an eye on thoserealms and assessing, like
what's going on and even justhaving conversations with your
child and leading with curiosityhere to understand maybe what
(07:43):
they're being exposed to and isdiet culture showing up in any
shape or form.
And we may not be able to catcheverything of course.
You know that's not necessarilyrealistic or the objective here
.
However, we just want to beaware of how this might be
surfacing and where it's showingup and, I think, when we can
just keep an eye on those bigareas because this is where it
(08:05):
tends to show up in the schoolsetting, in PE or wellness
focused activities or class, inyour child's eating environment.
So is there food policinghappening?
Is there talk about food?
Is your child maybe beingpressured to eat in a certain
way or maybe not allowed to havepackaged items or is feeling
stressed about being able tohave something sweet?
(08:26):
You know, just keeping an eyeon those type of things and also
sports teams.
So if your child is engaging ina sport or an athletic venture,
you do want to be aware of whatis the culture like on their
team with the coaches.
All of that because that canalso be a prime breeding ground
(08:47):
for diet culture, and these arethings that we want to keep at
the forefront of our mind.
So awareness is definitely thefirst step.
The second step here is just toassess how any potential
encounters that your child ishaving with diet culture topics
or things that are coming uparound food or their bodies you
want to carefully assess.
(09:09):
How are these things impactingyour child and their individual
relationship with food, how theyfeel about their bodies and how
they are eating.
Now, this can be a littletricky, but one thing that I
look at here I tend to try totriage things because, again,
not every single thing that ourchild encounters is necessarily
(09:31):
going to warrant a conversationwith the teacher or the
principal, and those things arenecessary at times.
However, that may not always bethe case, and so that's why it
does take some assessment abouthow your child is doing, how
this is affecting your child, tounderstand if you need to
intervene and how.
(09:51):
Now I tend to look at this intwo different categories.
So are there invasive dietculture approaches that are
directly impacting how yourchild is moving through their
day at school and feeling aboutfood and eating and their bodies
when they're at school.
If so, those things typicallydo require some more direct
(10:12):
intervention.
The other category to consideris maybe indirect.
So maybe your child heardsomeone make a comment, maybe
they heard their coach saysomething about you know, don't
drink Gatorade, it's not healthyfor you.
Whatever that might be, some ofthese might be having an impact
, but it may not be as invasiveas other things that may
(10:35):
potentially be coming up, and so, really, I just encourage you
you know your child best toreally have an awareness of how
some of these things are comingup and then, number two,
assessing how they may bepotentially affecting your child
.
So, just to give you an examplehere, this is something that
came up with a really closefriend of mine who was sharing
(10:57):
with me how her daughter wasstarting to feel anxious about
her lunch and going to school,and it really required her
taking a deeper look and askingsome questions, and this is
always my suggestion too,because sometimes, when we're
aware of what's coming up, wewant to just jump in.
It's like mama bear shows upfull force.
What is happening here?
(11:18):
Let me figure this out, and Ithink it's important again to
lead in with curiosity andreally try to understand what is
happening.
And this is where open-endedquestions feeling out.
How is your child feeling?
How is your child responding?
How is your child beingaffected by anything that's
potentially happening?
And my friend was telling me howher daughter would come home
(11:40):
with, oftentimes, her sweetportion of her lunch saved in
her lunchbox and she's like soweird, I can't figure it out,
because she always loves thesethings, she's always asking
about them and she was beingreally intentional about
incorporating those aspects offood that her child loves in her
lunch and her daughter wascoming home with them uneaten,
(12:02):
unopened, still intact in herlunch, and she seemed stressed
and anxious.
And this is where I think myfriend did an amazing job
attuning to her own child and toher child's emotional state.
And this is something I alsowant to encourage you with as
well, when we can attune and beattuned to our kids and their
(12:22):
emotional states, and alsoremembering that with our
children, their behaviors, thatthey're engaging in, are forms
of communication.
Oftentimes our children don'tyet have the language or the
vernacular to describe what ishappening for them emotionally
or what's coming up for them,and so we might see this
expressed in different behaviors.
And so when we can be attunedto our children, this can help
(12:46):
clue us in is something going on?
And now, how can I assess howthis is affecting my child?
And so my friend was telling me.
You know, she just seemedstressed, she worries about
lunch, and she started askingsome open-ended questions.
And, sure enough, she found outfrom her daughter, who's seven
and in second grade, that herteacher was asking their kids
(13:09):
not to eat their treats.
So she was telling them it'sreally important that we eat our
healthy foods and we eat oursandwiches and our fruit and we
save our treats for later.
And I know there was goodintention and, as my friend was
sharing this story with me,recognizing too how affected our
kids' teachers often are bydiet culture, messaging and
(13:32):
again, the thought likely behindthis being that when kids can
eat different foods or a varietyof different foods, it might
help them focus better.
However, unintended consequencesof this hierarchy around food
can create confusion, it cancreate shame around having
sweets and actually even makethem more desirable in a child's
(13:54):
mind, and in the case of myfriend and her daughter.
It was clear that her daughterwas starting to feel anxious
about bringing a food that sheactually loved and enjoyed
eating to school and felt thatmaybe she wasn't allowed to have
that.
That unintentional attachmentof guilt and shame to food often
happens when we create ahierarchy around food, and those
(14:17):
are the things that canactually separate our kids from
their innate intuitive eatingabilities.
And my friend is someone who isputting so much work and effort
into really helping support herkids build a positive
relationship with food and theirbodies, and so naturally she
was alarmed when she uncoveredthis and figured this out.
And so that is an example ofsomething that is having a
(14:40):
direct impact on a child'sability to eat, to feel safe in
their bodies at school.
And it just makes me think, too, of so many children who have
sensory sensitivities or who arejust more anxious eaters, and
maybe the packaged item that'spacked in their lunchbox is one
of their accepted foods, andwhen we take those things away
(15:03):
from our kids, that can justmake eating feel even more scary
for them.
But again, these are nottypical topics that teachers or
aides are educated around, andthere is so much good intention.
However, we have to look at theimpact.
What is the impact of some ofthese approaches to food and is
it negatively affecting our kids?
(15:25):
And in the case of my friend,she did take some steps to
connect with the teacher andhave a conversation because her
daughter was definitely feelinganxious and not eating a whole
lot when she was going to schoolas a result of the way that
food was being approached in theclassroom.
And thankfully, her daughter'steacher was very open minded and
(15:46):
open to hearing her point ofview and having a discussion
around it, and so the end resultdid see some changes in that
approach to food in theclassroom.
I've also had friends andcolleagues who were aware of
just more food policing in theclassroom and maybe it was more
(16:07):
benign and more kind of indirectbut maybe just comments being
made, not necessarily pressuringor forcing a child to eat
certain things, but just subtlecomments put out there and
sometimes just taping a note toyour child's lunchbox saying
something as simple as I trustmy child, writing their name in
there to eat what they need fromthe food that I've provided
(16:30):
Thank you for your concern orsomething simple and
straightforward like that wheremaybe, if your child is still
too young and cannot necessarilyadvocate for themselves in that
way.
That can be a way of sharing amessage and also advocating for
your child.
I have an amazing colleague inthe feeding space who actually
(16:52):
has what she calls a lunchboxcard.
This is written by Dr KatyaRoel and I am going to link that
for you in the show notesbecause it's brilliant how she
words it.
And so just making printing out.
It's a little downloadable, youcan print out, you can cut up,
you can write your child's namein there to customize it to them
and stick it in their lunchbox.
(17:14):
If you're worried about commentsbeing made, whether it's by a
teacher's aide or a teacher inthe classroom, again there may
be good intention, but we alwayshave to look at the impact and
this is why I say assess, assesshow your child is being
impacted by these various formsof diet culture in the school
setting.
For some children, if they'rehearing some of these comments,
(17:36):
they may not necessarily fullyunderstand what's being
implicated or they may just notbe taking it in.
So for some kids it kind ofjust rolls off their back where
they.
There may be some commentsbeing made, but it's not
anything that your child isnecessarily internalizing or
caring with them.
That's why it's reallyimportant to assess your
individual child.
(17:57):
You know your child best.
You understand theirtemperament, you understand
their feelings and theiremotions and their behaviors,
and this is where you, as aparent, have that superpower of
being able to attune to yourchild and assess.
All right, I know some of thesethings might be coming up.
Something seems off.
Let me figure out what'shappening and how is this
affecting my child?
(18:18):
And this leads me to the thirdpoint here, which is advocating.
So certainly in thosesituations where there's a
direct effect happening on yourchild as a result of certain
approaches to food or justsubtle ways that diet culture is
showing up in the classroom orin the school setting or in a
curriculum or maybe anassignment that your child is
(18:40):
given, there will likely be sometimes where your child does
need you to step in and advocatefor them, and this can go many
different ways.
And I also think it's importantto understand what is your
capacity.
There are so many things thatwe can be doing to advocate for
our kids and we just want toburn diet culture to the ground
(19:03):
so that it's not something thatour kids have to deal with, but
unfortunately it's not that easy.
It's a hard road ahead andwe're doing the best we can, and
I do think it's important tojust honor whatever season
you're in and whatever capacityyou may have.
I know parents who are inseasons of life where they do
have more capacity and can takeon more advocacy, work at the
(19:25):
state level and are talking andmeeting with legislators and
curriculum writers and doingamazing work, and I also
recognize that you might be in aseason of life where getting
your child out the door forschool with two matching shoes
on is enough in itself, and so Ijust want to put that out there
, because sometimes we can puteverything on our shoulders and
(19:49):
burden ourselves with thatresponsibility to change
everything.
And just remember that this isa systemic issue and it takes
multiple people speaking up,coming together, working
together to create the changesthat we want to see for our
children and future generations.
So you don't have to take itall on yourself.
It's not going to changeovernight, and the work that
(20:11):
you're doing and whatevercapacity that you have matters
and your voice matters, andthere's various ways that we can
advocate, and I just wanted toshare a couple things here that
I think are important to keep inmind as you're approaching this
for yourself and for your kids.
So, one being, it can be helpfulto first connect with your
child about anything that feelsoff, anything that you feel like
(20:35):
I need to speak up, I need toshare something on behalf of my
child, I need to protect themand shield them from this, and
it's important to have aconversation with your child,
and this is something that Ihave found valuable myself, as
various incidences have come upin our own home.
Sometimes our kids don't wantus to make a big deal about it
(20:57):
or they might feel capable ofadvocating for themselves, and
I've seen this more true aschildren get older, as they move
into high school, let's say,and have built those critical
thinking skills where they mightfeel more comfortable and
confident Having a directconversation with their teacher
or maybe, and saying you knowwhat?
I don't feel comfortable doing?
(21:18):
This food tracking assignment,is it OK if I have a different
assignment, can I do somethingelse?
And said, sometimes our kidsmight feel comfortable and
capable of doing that themselves, and we want to honor also what
our kids are capable of doingand not just kind of override
them in the process of trying toadvocate.
(21:38):
So I think starting with ourchild and having a conversation
leading with curiosity andunderstanding how is this
affecting them?
What do they need from me?
And that's often a questionthat I suggest is asking your
child if they are able tocompute that question Like what
would be helpful for you in thissituation.
Sometimes they don't know andsometimes they do, and this
(22:00):
really depends on the age andtemperament of your child, but
again, something to keep in mind.
The other thing here abouthaving a conversation with our
children is to understand whatmeaning they are assigning to
the various forms of dietculture that may be coming up
for them, because oftentimeswhat I see especially if you are
(22:21):
a parent in eating disorderrecovery, if you are working on
healing your relationship withfood you may have different
meanings to experiences thatyour child is going through
because of your past experiences.
So it's really easy to assignthe same meaning that we have to
things that our kids are goingthrough when they might not have
(22:41):
the same meaning attached to it.
Having clarifying conversationswith our children, no matter
what their age, can be soinsightful and so helpful to
gauge where they're at and howthey're being impacted by some
of these things, and this iswhere I really believe those
critical thinking skills canstart to develop.
And this is why I say it'simportant to just be aware of
(23:04):
your reaction.
How are you reacting when yourchild's telling you about
different things that they heardin school or heard from their
coach or teacher?
Because we don't want to stifletheir space and we don't want
to project our reactions and ourmeanings on them without having
an opportunity to delve into itwith more curiosity with them.
(23:26):
So, as an example of this, oneof my daughters was asking me if
apples were healthy, and itkind of came out of nowhere and
I was just like, oh, that's aninteresting question.
And she was in the kitchen andI was in the kitchen and she was
just like, mom, or appleshealthy for you?
And I, of course, was caught alittle off guard but just was
like hmm, that's a reallyinteresting question.
(23:48):
And the first thing I asked herI said where did you hear that
word from?
I'm just curious.
And she was like, oh, I heardthe teacher saying in school
that we should eat our healthierfoods.
And I just asked her.
I said you know, healthy is areally interesting word.
What do you think the wordhealthy means?
And she kind of thought aboutit for a while and didn't really
(24:09):
have a whole lot to say and Ijust asked her.
I said you know what, ifsomeone was allergic to apples,
do you think it would be healthyfor them to eat apples?
And she was like thinking aboutit.
I'm like no, definitely not.
And I was like, yeah, healthymeans different things to
different people and there's somany different things that our
bodies need in order to befunctional, be strong, to be
(24:33):
able to live our lives and enjoyour lives, and food is just one
small piece of that.
And the message I wasultimately trying to reinforce
in that conversation with her isthat she's safe to eat a
variety of different foods andthe best teller of what her body
needs is her body, and beingable to listen to our body helps
(24:54):
us know what our bodies needand when we can tune into our
body's cues.
That is our best guide, and soreinforcing that message that
your body is safe, all foods aresafe can really help counter
some of the other diet culturemessaging that's happening out
there.
But it was a good conversationand it was helpful to ask some
(25:18):
open-ended questions to justunderstand where she was at.
Again, we tend to come intothese conversations with our
kids with our emotions and ourreactions and the meaning that
we have assigned to thoseexperiences being attached to
them, and sometimes that canprevent us from really
connecting to our child and justkind of evaluating how they are
(25:40):
perceiving some of theseapproaches or messages, and this
better helps us understand howwe might need to advocate for
them.
So I wanted to share that.
And another point under advocacyis to also keep in mind your
teacher's hearts for yourchildren.
Learning to navigate dietculture and to shift away from
(26:04):
these legacies of diet culturethat are so prominent in so many
people's lives is a process,and when we can come into this
advocacy space with compassionfor other people and for the
journeys that they might be on,it allows us to better connect
and to better voice what wemight need and how we might need
(26:27):
help.
And this is something that Ihave learned myself that when I
can come into theseconversations not from a place
of anger I mean, yes, angertowards diet culture, but not
towards the people that arestuck in diet culture and that
perspective shift has reallyhelped me and allowed me to
better advocate for my childrenin situations where I felt like
(26:48):
they were being affected in someway by an approach to food that
was rooted in diet culture, andyou may have heard this
approach.
It's called different things.
I've heard it called thesandwich approach or the Oreo
approach, but basically it's atechnique to conversations where
, when you're communicatingabout something maybe that's
challenging or somethingdifficult, maybe something that
(27:10):
you need, you are layering itwith gratitude and compassion on
both ends.
So it's like you're startingthe conversation with gratitude,
you're expressing what you needor what's concerning to you,
and then you're sandwiching,ending it with gratitude and
compassion.
And I have found that approachto be so helpful with teachers
(27:31):
especially who are being sooverworked and underpaid, that
when we can have thoseconversations and just say you
know, I'm aware that this cameup, but I just want to recognize
how hard you're working to helpour kids.
I know that you are such anamazing teacher.
I see how you connect with them.
When we can lead with that, itmakes it easier to advocate and
(27:54):
ask for what we need.
I have also found that in personcommunication can be so much
more effective than an email ora phone call.
Sometimes it's hard to readsomeone's tone in a phone call
or email, especially right whereyou're just reading and you're
not hearing the tone behind itand there can be room for
(28:14):
misinterpretation ormiscommunication, and so I have
found that just being able toconnect with someone in person
and just being concise, alsojust being gracious and
compassionate, can go such along way, and usually, when I
frame it from a sense of this iswhat we are working on towards
a family, and we could so useyour help in this way.
(28:37):
When so and so is here atschool with you, it is better
received.
And for me, from my point ofview, this is something that I
have shared with my children'steachers before when there was
concerning things coming up,just sharing a little personal
bit about my own journey, and itcan be as much or as little as
you feel comfortable with, butsomething I've shared before is,
(28:58):
you know, we have this familyhistory of eating disorders, and
I just so want my child to beable to have confidence in her
body and have a goodrelationship with food and not
worry about having this or that,and so one thing we're working
on is keeping all foods neutraland just really trusting her to
eat the things that she needs orwants from the things that
(29:20):
we're sending her and thisapproach has worked so well for
her and we would love if we cancontinue this at school and
coming from that, lens I havealways felt has been so well
received, and sometimes it mightbe necessary to go beyond the
teacher, and that's alsosomething to keep in mind too.
Some things might need moreintervention, but it can always
be helpful to start where it'shappening and to come at it just
(29:44):
with compassion, knowing thatour anger and our frustration is
towards diet, culture and thesystem, not the people who are
part of it.
So I just wanted to share thosetips for you to consider when
you're thinking about advocacyand how to help your child do
this.
The last thing I want to sharewith you today, the last A here,
is just to continue to affirmyour child and the things that
(30:07):
you are working on together athome and the values that you
hold true as a family, andultimately, this is what will
help cultivate the foundationthat your child needs to be
confident in their body, to bean intuitive eater, to have a
positive relationship with foodand their bodies is when the
(30:28):
foundation that they're standingon is what is their truth and
everything that is contradictoryto that is what is false, and
they can identify that, they cansee the difference, they can
understand the contrast and knowwhat is their truth and what
shouldn't be part of their lives.
And that can happen when wecontinue to affirm what is true
(30:49):
in our homes and the messagesthat we want our children to
internalize.
I think I've shared this before, but some of the prominent
messages or messaging of dietculture centers around food
being unsafe, these being wrongand not being able to trust our
bodies, and this is what causesmost people to look outside
(31:09):
themselves.
When you feel like my body isnot safe, or I can't trust my
body, or I can't eat this or Ican't eat that, starting to
dissociate from your body andrely on external rules to help
you navigate the world becauseit can feel so overwhelming and
chaotic.
But of course, we know thatthat is not a solution and
knowing that that is at the coreof diet culture messages, we
(31:32):
can understand, then, what ourchildren need to constantly hear
affirmed from us in our ownhomes, and that centers around
body trust and helping our kidsunderstand like you are the best
expert of your body, you cantrust your body, you can listen
to your body.
I trust you to listen to yourbody.
All foods are good, all foodsare safe.
This kind of messaging over timeeventually becomes part of our
(31:56):
children's vernacular, becomespart of who they are, becomes
part of their truth, and theseare things that we can be
consistent with over time andwhen we think about that, it can
help us better withstand thedifferent forms that diet
culture will show up in theschool settings or just in the
world.
Right Like this is beyondschool itself, because our kids
(32:20):
are going to encounter it invarious shapes and forms, and
the more they can hear thesetruths from us and we are
affirming those things, thoseare the things that they will
internalize and anything that iscontrary to that will feel
false to them.
They'll be able to call it outand recognize like, hey, that's
not true, because this is what Igrew up believing, this is what
(32:41):
I know is my truth, so I wantedto leave you with that.
I hope this was helpful for you.
I know there's a lot ofdifferent aspects connected to
this.
There's a lot of nuance to thistopic.
So if you have any feedback orif you've encountered diet
culture with your child atschool or you have found certain
approaches or things to behelpful for you, please feel
(33:02):
free to connect with me and letme know.
I would love to hear from you.
Lastly, be sure to check theshow notes for some resources.
I will put a link to thatlunchbox card.
I also have some colleaguesthat have written a beautiful
letter that can help youadvocate for your child.
If you feel like healthcurriculum is strongly rooted in
diet culture and you want tosay something but aren't sure
(33:25):
what to say or how to advocatefor your child, this can be an
amazing place to start.
So I will put links to thosethings in the show notes for you
and hope that these resourcescan be helpful.
Thank you, as always, forspending this time with me and
just being part of thiscommunity.
I so appreciate you and cannotwait to see you again next week.
Thank you for listening to thisweek's episode of the Lift the
(33:47):
Shame podcast.
For more tips and guidance onyour motherhood journey, come
connect with me on Instagram atCrystalCarGays.
Until next week, mama, I'll becheering you on.
Bye for now.
Hey there, mama, you're listening to the Lift the
Shame podcast.
I'm your host, crystal, mama ofFive and your family's
intuitive eating dietitian, hereto help you cut through the
diet culture clutter so you canenjoy freedom with food as a
family.
I'm on a mission to help youend the generational legacy of
diet culture in your home so youcan experience motherhood free
(00:22):
from food guilt and body shame.
Listen in weekly for guidanceon how you can ditch diet
culture, heal your relationshipwith food in your body and
confidently raise intuitiveeaters.
Let's dive in and lift theshame together.
Hey, mama, welcome back to theshow.
I'm so grateful to share thistime and space with you today
(00:43):
and appreciate you tuning in.
Last week we started a newmini-series here on the show,
all about diet culture, how itshows up in our kids' schools
and how we can support themthrough it.
I know this can be a reallychallenging topic and my hope is
that I can bring you someresources and support to empower
you through this so that youcan help your kids become
(01:05):
impervious to those diet culturemessages that are so subtle and
sneaky and show up in reallyunexpected ways.
Last week, we talked about thedifferent ways that diet culture
can show up in the schoolsetting, in the classroom, in
curriculum, on standardizedtests, on sports teams.
There's various ways in whichdiet culture can show up.
(01:27):
Sometimes it can really catchus off guard.
I know I shared this last week,but when I was helping my
daughter with a test online andsaw a question about how many
calories this child needed toburn off based on what she had
eaten and this was a mathquestion that she had to solve
it just totally caught me offguard.
This may be true for you too,that you're hearing different
(01:51):
things.
Your child might be asking youquestions, or your child might
regurgitate some things thatthey've heard in the classroom
or from other children, and itcan be a little unsettling.
I think one of the things wewant to just keep in mind as
we're approaching this withourselves and with our children
is that we can't keep our kidsin a bubble.
I know I mentioned this beforeas much as so many of us would
(02:14):
like to, because we understandthe negative effects and the
negative implications of beingbombarded with these diet
culture messages and we want tobe able to shield our kids from
that.
I just want to encourage you toalso think about some of the
long-term goals when it comes toapproaching this.
We want our children to developcritical thinking skills.
(02:35):
We want them to be able to callout these falsehoods, these
lies that show up in theireveryday, and to be able to
learn how to self-advocate forwhen something doesn't feel
right to them or someone isasking them to do something that
feels contradictory to whattheir body wants or needs.
We want our children to be ableto identify those things and
(02:55):
learn how to advocate forthemselves.
But, of course, in the meantime, especially while our children
are still young, they need ourguidance, they need our support
and we want to be able to showup for them and help them.
I do think it's important toalso just examine how we're
showing up and what's coming upfor us, because being able to
regulate with our kids and beingable to share our calm,
(03:19):
especially in situations thatcan feel unsettling, can be
really helpful to help them feelsafe and to know that we are
safe people in their lives tocome and share when something
feels uncomfortable or unsafefor them and I know that can be
hard to do.
I know this is easier said thandone, because oftentimes the
things that our kids areencountering can feel really
triggering to us as parents, andI want you to just be aware of
(03:42):
that as you're navigating thiswith your child.
So many of us were victims todiet culture in our school
settings in some way growing up,and it may feel painful for you
when you look back at yourchildhood experiences and
realize that you maybe didn'thave a caregiver who came
alongside you and supported youor advocated for you or was just
(04:03):
a safe place for you to sharesome of the things that you were
questioning or maybe confusedabout.
A lot of us didn't have that,unfortunately, and so it can be
painful and hard when we see ourkids maybe going through
similar things and also remindedof our own wounding around this
, where maybe we fell victim tosome of the things that we heard
, or different assignments thatwe were given, or peers who were
(04:26):
engaging in dieting ordisordered behaviors and never
had anyone to come alongside us,and so I just want you to be
aware of that and what's comingup for you as you're thinking
about some of these things asyou're navigating them.
Maybe you still have youngerchildren who are not yet being
exposed to this in differentways, or maybe your child hasn't
just encountered this yet.
(04:47):
However, I do think it'simportant to realize and just be
cognizant of the fact that ourkids likely will encounter diet
culture in some shape or form,whether it's from well meeting
family members or teachers orproviders, from their peers.
It shows up and that is becauseour society is so inundated
(05:09):
with these messages and, again,we want our children to be able
to develop the skills to learnhow to recognize them and
challenge them and also justprotect their bodies and what
they need and their mentalhealth and all those things are
so important to having a goodrelationship with food and their
bodies.
So today I just wanted to giveyou some practical things to
(05:30):
think through if and when yourchild is encountering diet
culture in some shape or form atschool.
And much of this is shaped frommy own experience with my own
children right now, at the timeof this recording, we have five
kids ranging from ages five to13.
So we have elementary andjunior high right now, and I
will tell you that it shows upin many different forms along
(05:53):
the spectrum of school age years.
So I broke this down into fourdifferent things that I want you
to think about and convenientlythey all start with A so can
help you remember as you'rethinking through some of these
things, and I'm also going toshare a couple of resources from
colleagues of mine who havedone so much great work in this
(06:13):
area and will link them in theshow notes for you as I talk
through some of these things.
So let's dive in here.
And first step here is justawareness, and we've been
talking about this.
I think, when we are vigilantin remembering that while in our
own home we might take anapproach to food and bodies that
is positive and trusting andfocusing on building a trusting
(06:37):
feeding relationship between usand our children, we are working
towards cultivating that withinour families and with our homes
.
And while that might be thenorm within your own home, again
it's important to remember whatmainstream culture is like.
It's very centered and groundedin diet culture and again, your
(06:58):
child is going to encounterthis and it's honestly not a
matter of if but when.
And I think it can just behelpful to keep your eyes and
ears open, to just be on thealert and just aware of
different things that your childis engaging in, and some things
that really come to mind hereare your child's lunch eating
(07:21):
situations if your child's onsports teams and any wellness
curriculum that might be comingup for your child and sometimes
it's just showing up in physicaleducation, so in PE, and just
kind of keeping an eye on thoserealms and assessing, like
what's going on and even justhaving conversations with your
child and leading with curiosityhere to understand maybe what
(07:43):
they're being exposed to and isdiet culture showing up in any
shape or form.
And we may not be able to catcheverything of course.
You know that's not necessarilyrealistic or the objective here
.
However, we just want to beaware of how this might be
surfacing and where it's showingup and, I think, when we can
just keep an eye on those bigareas because this is where it
(08:05):
tends to show up in the schoolsetting, in PE or wellness
focused activities or class, inyour child's eating environment.
So is there food policinghappening?
Is there talk about food?
Is your child maybe beingpressured to eat in a certain
way or maybe not allowed to havepackaged items or is feeling
stressed about being able tohave something sweet?
(08:26):
You know, just keeping an eyeon those type of things and also
sports teams.
So if your child is engaging ina sport or an athletic venture,
you do want to be aware of whatis the culture like on their
team with the coaches.
All of that because that canalso be a prime breeding ground
(08:47):
for diet culture, and these arethings that we want to keep at
the forefront of our mind.
So awareness is definitely thefirst step.
The second step here is just toassess how any potential
encounters that your child ishaving with diet culture topics
or things that are coming uparound food or their bodies you
want to carefully assess.
(09:09):
How are these things impactingyour child and their individual
relationship with food, how theyfeel about their bodies and how
they are eating.
Now, this can be a littletricky, but one thing that I
look at here I tend to try totriage things because, again,
not every single thing that ourchild encounters is necessarily
(09:31):
going to warrant a conversationwith the teacher or the
principal, and those things arenecessary at times.
However, that may not always bethe case, and so that's why it
does take some assessment abouthow your child is doing, how
this is affecting your child, tounderstand if you need to
intervene and how.
(09:51):
Now I tend to look at this intwo different categories.
So are there invasive dietculture approaches that are
directly impacting how yourchild is moving through their
day at school and feeling aboutfood and eating and their bodies
when they're at school.
If so, those things typicallydo require some more direct
(10:12):
intervention.
The other category to consideris maybe indirect.
So maybe your child heardsomeone make a comment, maybe
they heard their coach saysomething about you know, don't
drink Gatorade, it's not healthyfor you.
Whatever that might be, some ofthese might be having an impact
, but it may not be as invasiveas other things that may
(10:35):
potentially be coming up, and so, really, I just encourage you
you know your child best toreally have an awareness of how
some of these things are comingup and then, number two,
assessing how they may bepotentially affecting your child
.
So, just to give you an examplehere, this is something that
came up with a really closefriend of mine who was sharing
(10:57):
with me how her daughter wasstarting to feel anxious about
her lunch and going to school,and it really required her
taking a deeper look and askingsome questions, and this is
always my suggestion too,because sometimes, when we're
aware of what's coming up, wewant to just jump in.
It's like mama bear shows upfull force.
What is happening here?
(11:18):
Let me figure this out, and Ithink it's important again to
lead in with curiosity andreally try to understand what is
happening.
And this is where open-endedquestions feeling out.
How is your child feeling?
How is your child responding?
How is your child beingaffected by anything that's
potentially happening?
And my friend was telling me howher daughter would come home
(11:40):
with, oftentimes, her sweetportion of her lunch saved in
her lunchbox and she's like soweird, I can't figure it out,
because she always loves thesethings, she's always asking
about them and she was beingreally intentional about
incorporating those aspects offood that her child loves in her
lunch and her daughter wascoming home with them uneaten,
(12:02):
unopened, still intact in herlunch, and she seemed stressed
and anxious.
And this is where I think myfriend did an amazing job
attuning to her own child and toher child's emotional state.
And this is something I alsowant to encourage you with as
well, when we can attune and beattuned to our kids and their
(12:22):
emotional states, and alsoremembering that with our
children, their behaviors, thatthey're engaging in, are forms
of communication.
Oftentimes our children don'tyet have the language or the
vernacular to describe what ishappening for them emotionally
or what's coming up for them,and so we might see this
expressed in different behaviors.
And so when we can be attunedto our children, this can help
(12:46):
clue us in is something going on?
And now, how can I assess howthis is affecting my child?
And so my friend was telling me.
You know, she just seemedstressed, she worries about
lunch, and she started askingsome open-ended questions.
And, sure enough, she found outfrom her daughter, who's seven
and in second grade, that herteacher was asking their kids
(13:09):
not to eat their treats.
So she was telling them it'sreally important that we eat our
healthy foods and we eat oursandwiches and our fruit and we
save our treats for later.
And I know there was goodintention and, as my friend was
sharing this story with me,recognizing too how affected our
kids' teachers often are bydiet culture, messaging and
(13:32):
again, the thought likely behindthis being that when kids can
eat different foods or a varietyof different foods, it might
help them focus better.
However, unintended consequencesof this hierarchy around food
can create confusion, it cancreate shame around having
sweets and actually even makethem more desirable in a child's
(13:54):
mind, and in the case of myfriend and her daughter.
It was clear that her daughterwas starting to feel anxious
about bringing a food that sheactually loved and enjoyed
eating to school and felt thatmaybe she wasn't allowed to have
that.
That unintentional attachmentof guilt and shame to food often
happens when we create ahierarchy around food, and those
(14:17):
are the things that canactually separate our kids from
their innate intuitive eatingabilities.
And my friend is someone who isputting so much work and effort
into really helping support herkids build a positive
relationship with food and theirbodies, and so naturally she
was alarmed when she uncoveredthis and figured this out.
And so that is an example ofsomething that is having a
(14:40):
direct impact on a child'sability to eat, to feel safe in
their bodies at school.
And it just makes me think, too, of so many children who have
sensory sensitivities or who arejust more anxious eaters, and
maybe the packaged item that'spacked in their lunchbox is one
of their accepted foods, andwhen we take those things away
(15:03):
from our kids, that can justmake eating feel even more scary
for them.
But again, these are nottypical topics that teachers or
aides are educated around, andthere is so much good intention.
However, we have to look at theimpact.
What is the impact of some ofthese approaches to food and is
it negatively affecting our kids?
(15:25):
And in the case of my friend,she did take some steps to
connect with the teacher andhave a conversation because her
daughter was definitely feelinganxious and not eating a whole
lot when she was going to schoolas a result of the way that
food was being approached in theclassroom.
And thankfully, her daughter'steacher was very open minded and
(15:46):
open to hearing her point ofview and having a discussion
around it, and so the end resultdid see some changes in that
approach to food in theclassroom.
I've also had friends andcolleagues who were aware of
just more food policing in theclassroom and maybe it was more
(16:07):
benign and more kind of indirectbut maybe just comments being
made, not necessarily pressuringor forcing a child to eat
certain things, but just subtlecomments put out there and
sometimes just taping a note toyour child's lunchbox saying
something as simple as I trustmy child, writing their name in
there to eat what they need fromthe food that I've provided
(16:30):
Thank you for your concern orsomething simple and
straightforward like that wheremaybe, if your child is still
too young and cannot necessarilyadvocate for themselves in that
way.
That can be a way of sharing amessage and also advocating for
your child.
I have an amazing colleague inthe feeding space who actually
(16:52):
has what she calls a lunchboxcard.
This is written by Dr KatyaRoel and I am going to link that
for you in the show notesbecause it's brilliant how she
words it.
And so just making printing out.
It's a little downloadable, youcan print out, you can cut up,
you can write your child's namein there to customize it to them
and stick it in their lunchbox.
(17:14):
If you're worried about commentsbeing made, whether it's by a
teacher's aide or a teacher inthe classroom, again there may
be good intention, but we alwayshave to look at the impact and
this is why I say assess, assesshow your child is being
impacted by these various formsof diet culture in the school
setting.
For some children, if they'rehearing some of these comments,
(17:36):
they may not necessarily fullyunderstand what's being
implicated or they may just notbe taking it in.
So for some kids it kind ofjust rolls off their back where
they.
There may be some commentsbeing made, but it's not
anything that your child isnecessarily internalizing or
caring with them.
That's why it's reallyimportant to assess your
individual child.
(17:57):
You know your child best.
You understand theirtemperament, you understand
their feelings and theiremotions and their behaviors,
and this is where you, as aparent, have that superpower of
being able to attune to yourchild and assess.
All right, I know some of thesethings might be coming up.
Something seems off.
Let me figure out what'shappening and how is this
affecting my child?
(18:18):
And this leads me to the thirdpoint here, which is advocating.
So certainly in thosesituations where there's a
direct effect happening on yourchild as a result of certain
approaches to food or justsubtle ways that diet culture is
showing up in the classroom orin the school setting or in a
curriculum or maybe anassignment that your child is
(18:40):
given, there will likely be sometimes where your child does
need you to step in and advocatefor them, and this can go many
different ways.
And I also think it's importantto understand what is your
capacity.
There are so many things thatwe can be doing to advocate for
our kids and we just want toburn diet culture to the ground
(19:03):
so that it's not something thatour kids have to deal with, but
unfortunately it's not that easy.
It's a hard road ahead andwe're doing the best we can, and
I do think it's important tojust honor whatever season
you're in and whatever capacityyou may have.
I know parents who are inseasons of life where they do
have more capacity and can takeon more advocacy, work at the
(19:25):
state level and are talking andmeeting with legislators and
curriculum writers and doingamazing work, and I also
recognize that you might be in aseason of life where getting
your child out the door forschool with two matching shoes
on is enough in itself, and so Ijust want to put that out there
, because sometimes we can puteverything on our shoulders and
(19:49):
burden ourselves with thatresponsibility to change
everything.
And just remember that this isa systemic issue and it takes
multiple people speaking up,coming together, working
together to create the changesthat we want to see for our
children and future generations.
So you don't have to take itall on yourself.
It's not going to changeovernight, and the work that
(20:11):
you're doing and whatevercapacity that you have matters
and your voice matters, andthere's various ways that we can
advocate, and I just wanted toshare a couple things here that
I think are important to keep inmind as you're approaching this
for yourself and for your kids.
So, one being, it can be helpfulto first connect with your
child about anything that feelsoff, anything that you feel like
(20:35):
I need to speak up, I need toshare something on behalf of my
child, I need to protect themand shield them from this, and
it's important to have aconversation with your child,
and this is something that Ihave found valuable myself, as
various incidences have come upin our own home.
Sometimes our kids don't wantus to make a big deal about it
(20:57):
or they might feel capable ofadvocating for themselves, and
I've seen this more true aschildren get older, as they move
into high school, let's say,and have built those critical
thinking skills where they mightfeel more comfortable and
confident Having a directconversation with their teacher
or maybe, and saying you knowwhat?
I don't feel comfortable doing?
(21:18):
This food tracking assignment,is it OK if I have a different
assignment, can I do somethingelse?
And said, sometimes our kidsmight feel comfortable and
capable of doing that themselves, and we want to honor also what
our kids are capable of doingand not just kind of override
them in the process of trying toadvocate.
(21:38):
So I think starting with ourchild and having a conversation
leading with curiosity andunderstanding how is this
affecting them?
What do they need from me?
And that's often a questionthat I suggest is asking your
child if they are able tocompute that question Like what
would be helpful for you in thissituation.
Sometimes they don't know andsometimes they do, and this
(22:00):
really depends on the age andtemperament of your child, but
again, something to keep in mind.
The other thing here abouthaving a conversation with our
children is to understand whatmeaning they are assigning to
the various forms of dietculture that may be coming up
for them, because oftentimeswhat I see especially if you are
(22:21):
a parent in eating disorderrecovery, if you are working on
healing your relationship withfood you may have different
meanings to experiences thatyour child is going through
because of your past experiences.
So it's really easy to assignthe same meaning that we have to
things that our kids are goingthrough when they might not have
(22:41):
the same meaning attached to it.
Having clarifying conversationswith our children, no matter
what their age, can be soinsightful and so helpful to
gauge where they're at and howthey're being impacted by some
of these things, and this iswhere I really believe those
critical thinking skills canstart to develop.
And this is why I say it'simportant to just be aware of
(23:04):
your reaction.
How are you reacting when yourchild's telling you about
different things that they heardin school or heard from their
coach or teacher?
Because we don't want to stifletheir space and we don't want
to project our reactions and ourmeanings on them without having
an opportunity to delve into itwith more curiosity with them.
(23:26):
So, as an example of this, oneof my daughters was asking me if
apples were healthy, and itkind of came out of nowhere and
I was just like, oh, that's aninteresting question.
And she was in the kitchen andI was in the kitchen and she was
just like, mom, or appleshealthy for you?
And I, of course, was caught alittle off guard but just was
like hmm, that's a reallyinteresting question.
(23:48):
And the first thing I asked herI said where did you hear that
word from?
I'm just curious.
And she was like, oh, I heardthe teacher saying in school
that we should eat our healthierfoods.
And I just asked her.
I said you know, healthy is areally interesting word.
What do you think the wordhealthy means?
And she kind of thought aboutit for a while and didn't really
(24:09):
have a whole lot to say and Ijust asked her.
I said you know what, ifsomeone was allergic to apples,
do you think it would be healthyfor them to eat apples?
And she was like thinking aboutit.
I'm like no, definitely not.
And I was like, yeah, healthymeans different things to
different people and there's somany different things that our
bodies need in order to befunctional, be strong, to be
(24:33):
able to live our lives and enjoyour lives, and food is just one
small piece of that.
And the message I wasultimately trying to reinforce
in that conversation with her isthat she's safe to eat a
variety of different foods andthe best teller of what her body
needs is her body, and beingable to listen to our body helps
(24:54):
us know what our bodies needand when we can tune into our
body's cues.
That is our best guide, and soreinforcing that message that
your body is safe, all foods aresafe can really help counter
some of the other diet culturemessaging that's happening out
there.
But it was a good conversationand it was helpful to ask some
(25:18):
open-ended questions to justunderstand where she was at.
Again, we tend to come intothese conversations with our
kids with our emotions and ourreactions and the meaning that
we have assigned to thoseexperiences being attached to
them, and sometimes that canprevent us from really
connecting to our child and justkind of evaluating how they are
(25:40):
perceiving some of theseapproaches or messages, and this
better helps us understand howwe might need to advocate for
them.
So I wanted to share that.
And another point under advocacyis to also keep in mind your
teacher's hearts for yourchildren.
Learning to navigate dietculture and to shift away from
(26:04):
these legacies of diet culturethat are so prominent in so many
people's lives is a process,and when we can come into this
advocacy space with compassionfor other people and for the
journeys that they might be on,it allows us to better connect
and to better voice what wemight need and how we might need
(26:27):
help.
And this is something that Ihave learned myself that when I
can come into theseconversations not from a place
of anger I mean, yes, angertowards diet culture, but not
towards the people that arestuck in diet culture and that
perspective shift has reallyhelped me and allowed me to
better advocate for my childrenin situations where I felt like
(26:48):
they were being affected in someway by an approach to food that
was rooted in diet culture, andyou may have heard this
approach.
It's called different things.
I've heard it called thesandwich approach or the Oreo
approach, but basically it's atechnique to conversations where
, when you're communicatingabout something maybe that's
challenging or somethingdifficult, maybe something that
(27:10):
you need, you are layering itwith gratitude and compassion on
both ends.
So it's like you're startingthe conversation with gratitude,
you're expressing what you needor what's concerning to you,
and then you're sandwiching,ending it with gratitude and
compassion.
And I have found that approachto be so helpful with teachers
(27:31):
especially who are being sooverworked and underpaid, that
when we can have thoseconversations and just say you
know, I'm aware that this cameup, but I just want to recognize
how hard you're working to helpour kids.
I know that you are such anamazing teacher.
I see how you connect with them.
When we can lead with that, itmakes it easier to advocate and
(27:54):
ask for what we need.
I have also found that in personcommunication can be so much
more effective than an email ora phone call.
Sometimes it's hard to readsomeone's tone in a phone call
or email, especially right whereyou're just reading and you're
not hearing the tone behind itand there can be room for
(28:14):
misinterpretation ormiscommunication, and so I have
found that just being able toconnect with someone in person
and just being concise, alsojust being gracious and
compassionate, can go such along way, and usually, when I
frame it from a sense of this iswhat we are working on towards
a family, and we could so useyour help in this way.
(28:37):
When so and so is here atschool with you, it is better
received.
And for me, from my point ofview, this is something that I
have shared with my children'steachers before when there was
concerning things coming up,just sharing a little personal
bit about my own journey, and itcan be as much or as little as
you feel comfortable with, butsomething I've shared before is,
(28:58):
you know, we have this familyhistory of eating disorders, and
I just so want my child to beable to have confidence in her
body and have a goodrelationship with food and not
worry about having this or that,and so one thing we're working
on is keeping all foods neutraland just really trusting her to
eat the things that she needs orwants from the things that
(29:20):
we're sending her and thisapproach has worked so well for
her and we would love if we cancontinue this at school and
coming from that, lens I havealways felt has been so well
received, and sometimes it mightbe necessary to go beyond the
teacher, and that's alsosomething to keep in mind too.
Some things might need moreintervention, but it can always
be helpful to start where it'shappening and to come at it just
(29:44):
with compassion, knowing thatour anger and our frustration is
towards diet, culture and thesystem, not the people who are
part of it.
So I just wanted to share thosetips for you to consider when
you're thinking about advocacyand how to help your child do
this.
The last thing I want to sharewith you today, the last A here,
is just to continue to affirmyour child and the things that
(30:07):
you are working on together athome and the values that you
hold true as a family, andultimately, this is what will
help cultivate the foundationthat your child needs to be
confident in their body, to bean intuitive eater, to have a
positive relationship with foodand their bodies is when the
(30:28):
foundation that they're standingon is what is their truth and
everything that is contradictoryto that is what is false, and
they can identify that, they cansee the difference, they can
understand the contrast and knowwhat is their truth and what
shouldn't be part of their lives.
And that can happen when wecontinue to affirm what is true
(30:49):
in our homes and the messagesthat we want our children to
internalize.
I think I've shared this before, but some of the prominent
messages or messaging of dietculture centers around food
being unsafe, these being wrongand not being able to trust our
bodies, and this is what causesmost people to look outside
(31:09):
themselves.
When you feel like my body isnot safe, or I can't trust my
body, or I can't eat this or Ican't eat that, starting to
dissociate from your body andrely on external rules to help
you navigate the world becauseit can feel so overwhelming and
chaotic.
But of course, we know thatthat is not a solution and
knowing that that is at the coreof diet culture messages, we
(31:32):
can understand, then, what ourchildren need to constantly hear
affirmed from us in our ownhomes, and that centers around
body trust and helping our kidsunderstand like you are the best
expert of your body, you cantrust your body, you can listen
to your body.
I trust you to listen to yourbody.
All foods are good, all foodsare safe.
This kind of messaging over timeeventually becomes part of our
(31:56):
children's vernacular, becomespart of who they are, becomes
part of their truth, and theseare things that we can be
consistent with over time andwhen we think about that, it can
help us better withstand thedifferent forms that diet
culture will show up in theschool settings or just in the
world.
Right Like this is beyondschool itself, because our kids
(32:20):
are going to encounter it invarious shapes and forms, and
the more they can hear thesetruths from us and we are
affirming those things, thoseare the things that they will
internalize and anything that iscontrary to that will feel
false to them.
They'll be able to call it outand recognize like, hey, that's
not true, because this is what Igrew up believing, this is what
(32:41):
I know is my truth, so I wantedto leave you with that.
I hope this was helpful for you.
I know there's a lot ofdifferent aspects connected to
this.
There's a lot of nuance to thistopic.
So if you have any feedback orif you've encountered diet
culture with your child atschool or you have found certain
approaches or things to behelpful for you, please feel
(33:02):
free to connect with me and letme know.
I would love to hear from you.
Lastly, be sure to check theshow notes for some resources.
I will put a link to thatlunchbox card.
I also have some colleaguesthat have written a beautiful
letter that can help youadvocate for your child.
If you feel like healthcurriculum is strongly rooted in
diet culture and you want tosay something but aren't sure
(33:25):
what to say or how to advocatefor your child, this can be an
amazing place to start.
So I will put links to thosethings in the show notes for you
and hope that these resourcescan be helpful.
Thank you, as always, forspending this time with me and
just being part of thiscommunity.
I so appreciate you and cannotwait to see you again next week.
Thank you for listening to thisweek's episode of the Lift the
(33:47):
Shame podcast.
For more tips and guidance onyour motherhood journey, come
connect with me on Instagram atCrystalCarGays.
Until next week, mama, I'll becheering you on.
Bye for now.
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