Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Yeah, you're fine.
Hey there, I'm Jacqueline Cox,but you might know me as
ListenLinda.
Um, where do I even begin?
I guess you could say I wearmany hats Podcast host,
entrepreneur, Mrs Illinois, USA,and so much more but it all
(00:23):
started with a simple passion totell stories and empower others
.
Building a platform wasn't easy.
There were days when I wonderedif anyone was even listening.
But then something amazinghappened.
I realized the power of myvoice.
Suddenly, my words werereaching people, touching lives,
making a difference.
Now I see my mission clearly tocreate spaces where every voice
(00:47):
can be heard, Because when welisten to each other's stories,
we grow, we connect, we becomestronger.
Every voice matters, Everystory has power.
So what's your story?
I'm here to listen and togetherwe can make our voices echo far
and wide.
To be a guest on Listen Linda,contact Jacqueline Cox on
Facebook Messenger.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Hey, hey, family,
welcome to tonight's special
Listen Linda Book Club meeting.
I'm your girl, jacqueline Cox,bestsellingselling author,
visionary and founder of Lishand Linda Publishing, and let me
tell you tonight is going to beone for the books, literally
and spiritually.
(01:33):
We are spotlighting none otherthan Dr Velma Bagby's beautiful,
heartwarming testimony, wrappedin teenage love, baby, my 70s
love story.
Now, this ain't a book, it's ablueprint, okay, it's a reminder
that God's timing is real.
(01:55):
Prayer works and true lovedoesn't always wait until you're
grown.
Sometimes it finds you whileyou're still becoming so, before
we get started.
I'm going to open with prayerFather, we come to you, we come
(02:16):
before you tonight with heartsfull of gratitude.
Thank you for stories that stirour souls, that remind us of
your faithfulness in everyseason.
Bless this meeting, everyreader here and the author,
whose transparency is atestimony of how you make all
(02:37):
things beautiful in your time.
May this conversation inspireus, lord God, to wait well, to
trust fully and to love withintention.
In Jesus' name, amen.
Now, now, now, dr Thelma Bagby,can you tell the audience just
(03:00):
a little bit about yourself andwhat it is that you do?
Speaker 4 (03:06):
just a little bit
about yourself and what it is
that you do.
Well, I am an award-winningbest-selling, internationally
best-selling author of close to25 books now, and I've only been
writing since 2018, afterretirement, so I was long into
those years before I actuallygot started.
I am also a certified datingand relationship coach.
(03:27):
I'm an ordained minister aswell as a speaker and trainer,
so I'm excited to be with youall today to share my story.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
And we are super
excited that you're here.
If you guys don't know anythingabout Dr Valmont, she is a very
, very good friend to the show,to all of my shows.
Actually, she's one of thefirst, one of my first guests on
Listen Linda about what?
Two and a half years ago?
And she has been storming theListen Linda way since then.
(03:58):
Y'all, I'm telling you with thebook, the catch, the catch
series um, so many differentbooks, I can't even know every
book she come out where shegonna hit this show.
Just know that, okay.
So this one in particular is areally, really, really special
one.
It's called my 70s love story.
It's right now a bestseller onamazon.
(04:21):
It's in the top 100.
I think it's number 62 today.
So congratulations, thank you.
Thank you On that.
I got a few questions for you.
What inspired you to finallytell this story after all these
years of?
Speaker 4 (04:39):
living it.
At the time it was very earlyin my stage of writing and I
connected with the ChristianBook Lovers Retreat and they put
the call out aboutparticipating in an anthology,
which is why I always encouragethose who are kind of sitting on
the sideline thinking they needto write a book but don't know
how.
I always encourage them toconnect with the people that I
(05:02):
know who are producinganthologies, and it's a
wonderful way to get yourpractice in and that's what I
was doing when I wrote this book.
It was an opportunity to writebecause at the time I was
writing truth nonfiction.
So my very first book wasnonfiction and this one was
nonfiction.
So I said, well, let me tell howmy husband and I met and that's
(05:22):
what inspired me, because Iremember promoting it around the
pandemic and it just took off.
It was off the charts with thehigh school audience.
They couldn't believe thethings we experienced in high
school and what we had to dealwith when we met someone.
So they were just eating it up.
So I'm just excited about beingable to tell that time and
(05:45):
share some of the tips and toolswe did not have that today can
be helpful but also harmful andhow just going back to some of
the basic things we had toaccept back then is really kind
of the better way and the saferway, and so I'm just excited
that it's actually resonatingwith the 70s audience as well as
(06:07):
those who are just now hearingthe story.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Absolutely absolutely
Now.
You know, I got to ask becausea lot of people want to know,
right?
You know I'm queen of questions, oh my gosh.
Speaker 4 (06:20):
Now, this is easy.
Let me get my wait.
Let me put my seatbelt on.
Okay, I'm ready.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
No, this is easy.
How did?
How did Pastor Bruce respondwhen you told him you were
writing this?
Speaker 4 (06:31):
story.
He's always been a part of mywriting.
The character in the catchseries, pastor Grayson, is
modeled after my husband and Ialways touch bases with him
whenever I'm talking aboutsomething that's related to a
male.
I always touch bases with himwhenever I'm talking about
something that's related to amale.
Just validating is this true?
You guys think like this.
So he's been involved in theprocess.
So he's read through this story.
When I was writing it, heunderstood what I had to say,
(06:54):
and then there's a section inthe back where there were
questions I had that I never gota chance to ask him about, and
so, as I was writing this book,I got those questions answered
and included that in the back ofthe book.
So I wanted him to be a part ofthat as well.
So we kind of understand whatwas on his mind as a man and
some of the things that justseemed curious and strange to me
, or I didn't understand whatwas going on, and so he was able
(07:17):
to provide me answers to that.
So he's been involved in theprocess.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
That's so awesome.
And for those who don't know,what is the catch series about,
let's just, let's just.
We're not going off topicbecause everything aligns into
one with Dr.
Speaker 4 (07:36):
Velma's book, because
it's all about love and
discovering the love of yourlife, that kind of thing.
And I just got so tired.
And then, plus, my husband wasa pastor for at least 10 years
when we sat through pre-marriagecounseling sessions and we're
sitting there and the couple'sexpecting us to fix a problem or
help them resolve a problem.
That really was the fact thatthey were trying to marry
somebody they should not havebeen married, and so all of
(07:56):
those things came back to mymind after writing my first book
and then this, and I justthought, okay, let me figure out
a way to get the message outthere about all the problems
that many women are experiencingand why they're experiencing
them.
But put it in a fictional way,kind of like the pattern that
Jesus used in the parables.
(08:17):
He didn't try to hit anybodyover the head about what you
need to do and this is whyyou're doing this, and I don't
like that.
He didn't.
He talked, he told a story andin his story he used something
that was relatable to the personand by doing that he also as
they, as he intrigued them witha story.
They actually heard in thatstory the way to change, the way
(08:37):
to get out the way to changethings around.
He never said now I'm done withthe story, now what are you
going to do?
He didn't do that In many cases.
He just ended the story andwalked away.
So I said that's what I wantedto do with the catch series.
How do I talk about dating,relationship, tell stories,
weave them in the way thatpeople can relate to what's
happening in the stories and andthen provide a way of escape in
(08:59):
the stories.
And that's what I did with thecatch series.
And it was.
It's so resonated with so manyof the reading audience that
they asked for more.
So that's why it's now a fivebook series.
At some point I did feel thatPastor Grayson presented a lot
of principles that we can'treally go into detail about in a
(09:19):
fictional book.
But I added a couple ofnonfiction books just to kind of
go into detail that peoplewould have them.
The Affirmation Journal that'sone of the books as well.
As in response to the smallpocket of male readers I found
that I had.
They were asking me, what aboutthe wrong women to date?
So I added one to the catchseries about the wrong women to
date as well.
(09:40):
So it's a couple.
And then the Book of FoolsPastor Grayson talks about.
God has given us the keys, andyet we don't know what's on our
key ring.
And they're sitting right there.
What a fool looks like, what afool acts like.
And why would you not want touse that Not only in dating, but
also in business and friendship?
Speaker 3 (10:00):
God has given us
those descriptions.
Speaker 4 (10:03):
So why are we paying
attention to what he said?
Speaker 3 (10:05):
this is what a fool
looks like, so that's why, that
was one of my favorites, thatone and she'll tear down the
house.
You know she'll tear down thehouse.
Had me up in arms.
It made me cook more in myhouse because ain't no clean up
microwave woman coming up inhere.
So y'all look, y'all think sheis not female bashing, she is
(10:28):
not male bashing.
I'm telling you the cat series.
It really helped me and myhusband.
We will be married 10 years thisyear and we met Dr Velma and Dr
Bruce three years ago and whenI met Dr Velma she had just
released all the preachers,wives, and we met on Clubhouse
(10:48):
and she prayed for me and whenshe prayed for me we ended up
getting connected that way.
But then we met back up againon the summit that she said yes
to herself unapologetically,summit, and we became very, very
close and I started reading herbooks because, like I said, she
would come on my show and wewould discuss the books and me.
If you come on my show andwe're discussing a book, you
(11:10):
have to send me the book becauseI want to do my research, I
want to read it so I can reallyunderstand the book and have
real questions for you and notgenerated questions from Chad
GPT.
So I mean, that's just me.
So I do my research and I wasreading the books and I said, me
and my husband, we startedreading these books and we
actually started learning a lotof things about each other that
(11:35):
we, we could fix withinourselves and that we can fix,
you know, collaboratively,collaboratively as a team, like
as a partnership, and it really,really helped our marriage,
like really and and and she'lltear down the house.
Um, because my husband, he hadthe same thought processes past
the booths, like we ain't gonnatalk about the ladies, it's the,
(11:57):
it's the messed up ladies outhere too.
So when she came out with thatbook, I read, of course, I read
that one and had my husband intears, crying, laughing, because
he, because he was like he metsome people, child and she was
naming some people and thestories in there they were deep.
They were deep, like they weredeep, and.
But I ended up reading thestory about the microwave woman.
(12:19):
Now, of course, I'm not amicrowave woman.
I know how to cook, but I don'tcook a a lot.
And why didn't I then?
But, uh, I read that book, baby, and I get the vermin in the
kitchen now because you ain'tabout to?
Ain't no microwave, ain't nocleanup woman about to come take
my hood.
Speaker 4 (12:34):
That was wisdom from
my grandmother.
She called her Mabel.
Mabel will hop the fence andcook.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
I'll talk about that
best on the cleanup woman.
You ain't no cleanup womanain't about to come up in here,
so uh, that, that really youknow, uh, dr velma and dr bruce,
they really, really um, we, wewere in a good place, but we're
in a in an even better place now.
We're back in like honeymoonstages now and it's it's really
(13:02):
beautiful, um.
So, going into that, I want totalk more about my 70s love
story.
When you wrote your husbandlist, did you ever imagine it
would become like a publictestimony?
Speaker 4 (13:15):
No, not at all.
I had no thinking about thatbecause actually when I look
back on that, I'm going.
You know she had thisconversation with 16 year olds,
but when you think about it, 16year olds were like 25 year olds
, Today's 25 year olds.
We were more mature, moreprepared.
All of our classes were gearedtowards life skills and
preparation for your life.
(13:36):
We knew how to manage your bankaccount, your checkbook, all.
We were taught all the lifeskills we needed Home ec.
You know you don't hear thosekind of life skill classes
anymore.
So we were well prepared as at16 for those who wanted to get
married right after high school.
But it was just better training.
(13:57):
We were just more mature aswell.
When you think of a 16 year oldback then versus a 16 year old
today, we were a lot more matureokay and um, I can agree with
that too.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
Um, back, because
even now, like um I, the way
that I was raised, I was raisedby all older, you know, black
women, um, um, and during thattime, like even when I was
raised, like in the nineties andearly two thousands, you know,
they sat us down and they talkedto us and they gave us, they
(14:31):
gave us wisdom and knowledgethat a lot of the parents these
days don't give their kids.
So um but for for people whohave grandchildren and children,
who just don't want to listento you or think you don't know
everything.
Everything.
Get on these books because it'snot really telling them you
know what to do or how to do.
But it's a great story and itcan give a lot of insight on um,
(14:54):
the way that they should goabout dating um.
And she does it and she spendsit.
Dr velma spends it in a fun waywhere it's not um, it's not
judgmental, you know, it's just.
It's just telling you know whatshe did and how it worked for
her, instead of saying, hey, youshould do it like this, you
should do it like that.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
No, she just tells
her truth, she speaks her truth
and and the truth is evident uh,she's been married over 50
years, so evidently she didsomething right well, there's a
lot more dangers today and, interms of how we have to meet and
greet a person and get to knowthem, there's a lot more dangers
today, and so we have to take adifferent approach and be
careful as we get to know theperson.
(15:34):
I just think that so manypeople are so quick to just jump
on a date and you don't youwith a stranger, and there's so
many tragic stories that we canread about what happened with
that.
And then when I did my researchand then this was concerning
the Catch series I found thatmarriages were on the decline,
(15:54):
starting in the 70s and actuallylate 60s, 70s, and what they
tied it to was the fact that westopped the training and
preparation.
Like you said, some of us hadgrandparents, older aunts who
could pour into us.
A lot of that didn't happen.
And then we moved into the 80swhere young people were saying
you can't tell me what to do,and so they rejected wisdom,
(16:17):
which God tells us.
A fool rejects wisdom.
Wise counsel they rejected wisecounsel.
They thought they can do it ontheir own.
So we just had a pretty messedup experience for several years
because of that kind of thinking, and so now it's kind of going
back to well, you know what?
Let me call my aunt.
Oh, you know what?
Let me call sister so-and-so.
(16:38):
She's been married blah, blah,blah years, because if you've
been married two minutes, youcan't tell me anything.
Just talk on the phone.
Don't offer me two minutes.
Where can you tell me?
So it's about those who havethe experience and have that
wise counsel that can help topour into you and that's what
you want to gravitate towardsand that was what I tried to do
(16:59):
in that book.
If you didn't have that, atleast you had something you can
go to and get some understandingabout what you should be
looking at and what yourperspective should be regarding
meeting a person.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Absolutely.
I agree with that 100%.
So, dr Velma, she didn't justwrite a book, she left us a
legacy.
She didn't just write a book,she left us a legacy.
So we created something tohonor that love story, something
visual, something cinematic.
(17:32):
What did she?
Choose to do Somethingunforgettable.
So grab your tissues and takethis in, because here is the
official trailer for my 70s lovestory.
Oh, don't cry now, dr bm,because we don't got time.
Speaker 4 (17:51):
We're gonna be crying
today okay, let me not get my
glasses foggy.
Let me take that off I wasn'tlooking for love.
Speaker 7 (18:00):
I was just trying to
get through 10th grade with good
grades, strong faith and cleanedges.
But then he looked at me.
He chose someone else.
(18:20):
I didn't care, he was still akid, but I knew enough to take
it to God.
I made a list and I left it inhis hands.
I stayed focused on school, onministry and on becoming who I
was meant to be.
But God, he was working behindthe scenes and when the time was
right, he came back.
He's still tender, still true,still seeing me the same way he
(18:49):
did in 10th grade.
My 70s love story by dr velmabagby, because some love stories
don't need decades.
But it was just my imagination.
Speaker 4 (19:09):
Running away with me.
It was just my imaginationRunning away with me.
I don't know what you're tryingto do to me today.
(19:30):
How did you like it?
You even played one of ourfavorite songs.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
Yes, Now you know I
know that song because I got it
for you for your anniversary.
Remember, you said that wasyour song.
Wow, Did you like it?
Speaker 4 (19:46):
like it.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
Yes, it was really
wonderful okay, good, I'm gonna
have to tone that music down,because it was a little high so
you couldn't really hear it.
Speaker 4 (19:53):
But no, it was nice
it was nice.
Speaker 3 (19:55):
Okay, good, I'm glad
you liked it.
That was my little surprisethat I have for you.
I'm glad.
I'm gonna make sureall send itto you so you can have it.
Thank you, um.
So now we are gonna get ready,um, for a game and I'm gonna
bring up the ladies who are inattendance from the book club.
(20:18):
Have Myra Cook.
We have Audrey Ann Moses, wehave Carolyn Coleman, we have
Katrina Fuller.
Hello, ladies, it's time toplay a game.
So the first person to get thisquestion I mean get their
(20:43):
question correct will win a $25cash app.
Okay, courtesy of Listen, linda.
Book Club.
The first question is going togo to Myra.
(21:04):
I want you to tell me which onecame from Velma.
I'll read you a quote.
You tell me if it's from Velmaor from the Bible.
(21:25):
You ready?
Speaker 8 (21:27):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 3 (21:35):
I wrote a list and
gave it to God.
I wrote a list and gave it toGod.
Speaker 8 (21:44):
Okay, it came from
the bible, I believe, because
she said the lord said no ma'amwrong, wrong wrong I was
debating between the two becauseI remember you know her saying.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
But now that's right,
because it was in the classroom
well, you're gonna have to waittill next time, sorry, okay.
Next person will be dr audreyann.
I want you to tell me if it'sfrom velma.
(22:32):
Good job, good job, you won a25 cash, congratulations
congratulations remain, myfriend, you know I love you, dr
velma, love you, dr Velma, loveyou back.
All right, carolyn, this game iscalled Name that Book.
(22:56):
I'll read a quote or a theme,and you guess which Dr Velma
Bagby book it came from, whenyou're in your down season I
(23:22):
want to think it came from um.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Is that the wrong
catch?
Speaker 3 (23:29):
no, ma'am, it came
from a place called down.
Sorry, you do not win the $25cash app just yet.
The next one, the next one.
I'm going to go back to Myra.
Your yes is all god needs.
(23:52):
Your what.
Your yes is all god needs drvelma, it is dr velma, but I
need you to tell me which book.
Speaker 8 (24:11):
Oh, oh, oh which book
I don't remember.
Speaker 3 (24:14):
I don't read it so
many, oh lord your yes is all
God needs um the one aboutFinding your Boy no, ma'am, I'm
(24:34):
sorry this book was called myyes to God.
Speaker 8 (24:39):
I haven't read that
one yet.
Speaker 3 (24:43):
I didn't know me
either okay, katrina Fuller, are
you there?
Yes, ma'am, I'm here I'm gonnaneed you to tell me is this a
quote, or is it from the bible?
(25:03):
He who finds a wife finds agood thing.
Speaker 10 (25:10):
That's from the
Bible.
Do you know the scripture?
It's in Proverbs 31.
You was?
Speaker 3 (25:20):
close.
It's Proverbs, but it's 1822.
But, that's okay, that's allright.
You'll get a $10 cash out.
You'll get a $ dollar cash out.
Okay, you'll get a ten dollarcash out.
Congratulations.
And last but not least, I'mgonna spin it back around.
Uh, one more time, one moretime.
(25:41):
Um, carolyn coleman, okay, Ineed you to tell me which book.
Okay, I need you to tell mewhich book.
Princess, adjust your crownwhat which number book?
(26:02):
No, which the name of the book?
Okay, princess adjust yourcrown.
Yeah, I'm looking at this book.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
Princess, adjust your
crown.
Yeah, I'm looking at this book.
I like to have me out here withno zebra.
Speaker 4 (26:23):
Carolyn, what are you
doing?
Speaker 2 (26:26):
She's looking at my
book.
I got that book, baby.
I got all of Dr Delma's stuff.
Princess, hold your head up.
Speaker 3 (26:36):
You got it.
It's okay, you got it.
You got it.
Hold your head up, princess.
You put, princess, hold yourhead up, but you close, you
close, you close.
So you get the $25 cash out Onemore time.
I got you, I got you.
One more time.
I got you.
I got you, myra.
I got you, you ready.
Speaker 4 (26:57):
Come on, myra, you
can do it.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
I really want Myra to
get this Now.
Is this a scripture or a quote?
He looked at me like he alreadyknew the ending.
Is that, dr Velma, or the Bible?
Dr Velma, yes, it is.
Congratulations, you got those25 dollars.
(27:23):
Come on, andre.
Come on, I know you cookingbaby.
I hope it's good.
Okay, scripture or, dr Velma,for I know the plans I have for
you.
Scripture, good job, everybodywins $25.
(27:44):
Cash out, congratulations,congratulations, congratulations
.
Okay, now, since we got youguys here, I need you guys.
It's uh.
Now I want to open the floorfor our readers, dr velma.
So if anyone has a question, umfor dr velma, um, can you?
(28:05):
Um unmute your mic?
And we're talking about the my70s love story.
So if you guys read the book,we're only going to go over the
first maybe 10 pages, becauseit's only 27 pages.
So I don't want to do anyspoiler alerts because we still
have another show next week,okay, so if you guys want to ask
her any questions about thebook, you can can Anybody have
(28:37):
any questions?
Speaker 2 (28:42):
Carolyn Myra, I do
this is Carolyn.
I have a question or maybe Ihave a statement.
Anyway, dr Bellman, the ball'sin your court, do you think?
Speaker 4 (28:57):
and I think we
touched on it just a few minutes
ago women are more in a rush toget married than to get to know
their partner.
I think there's two problemsthere.
What I found is that women arefocused on the wedding and not
on how to be a wife.
That's one and so, yes, that's.
(29:20):
That's where the rush is.
They were really not takingtheir time to really get to know
the person and wondering andalso confirming that this is who
God wants you to marry.
So they're leaving God out ofthe equation, because if they
had, if they were trusting Godto help them to make that
decision, they would take theirtime to make sure they're
looking at the qualitycharacteristics that this man
(29:40):
has, and that's what you want tofall in love with.
They fall in love with theconditions, what they see, what
they think the person does.
Some women even fall in lovewith the positions they have in
the church, which is crazy,because that doesn't qualify
anybody to become a husband, andso it's important that they
take their time and reallyexamine.
(30:00):
I have a daughter right now inher 30s and we're going through
this process now and we've had,we're having conversations along
the way in our process Samething and so it's important that
they take their times, and Ikeep reminding her of those
conditions that you don't focuson and what they focus on.
How much money is he making?
How does he look?
(30:21):
And I said, conditions changeover time.
I've seen you know I don't yousee the picture that how we
looked on our wedding day.
We don't look like that anymore.
And so what if my husband basedhis requirements on how I
looked back then, or I basedmine on that Afro I loved
braiding up at night?
It's all gone, and so we haveto be careful that we focus on
what's what's important, and Godteaches us that in his word.
(30:44):
Anyway, again I mentioned thekeys.
God has provided us the keys toso much wisdom, but we forget
what's on our key ring we reallydo.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
Thank you, I agree, I
agree, totally.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
Thank you, thank you
so much for that, and we're
going to take a small break toget a word from our sponsors and
then we're going to come rightback.
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Speaker 3 (33:47):
We are back and we
are getting ready to get some
more questions answered.
So, myra, do you have aquestion for the author of the
month?
Speaker 8 (34:02):
yes, you know how.
You said you titled it my 10thgrade love.
You said you titled it my TenthGrade Love.
Okay, when y'all met, what didyou think of him exactly when
(34:25):
you looked at him and you sawthat he was interested in you?
Speaker 4 (34:34):
what did you think?
Well, initially I thought I wascurious because I was shy.
I was not as well-dressed asmany of the other girls in our
high school because my motherhad minimal income, taking
raising, you know, seven kids byherself, and I had gotten
myself a part-time job so I wasable to buy myself some of my
(34:54):
clothes, but it was just reallystandard stuff, whereas all the
other girls who you knew hadmoney dressed the latest trends,
had makeup on hair, a specificway.
So I was curious as to why hewas interested in me.
You could tell the bad guys arethe ones who were up to no good
in high school, but you couldalso tell the ones I never
noticed.
(35:15):
My husband before saw him aroundcampus but never really noticed
him, even in my class.
It was the girl in my classthat had to point out point him
out to me which guy.
She said do you think I shouldgo talk to him?
I said which guy?
Because I'm not.
I was not focused in that way.
Let me hurry up and find me aguy that's interesting.
So I was curious as to whatmade him find me interesting
(35:40):
compared.
And the other thing too he wasso handsome in high school he
always had girls around him.
So that was something I noticedtoo and you see, in the back of
the book I asked him thosequestions when I wrote this
story.
I wanted to know too.
Let's clarify some of thesethings I had questions about.
Let me put it in the book.
And he said the reason he didnot look at the other girls.
(36:02):
He said because of the way theywere acting.
He didn't want anybody thatwere acting like that, being in
a hurry to chase after him.
He found me interesting becausewhat he saw me do around the
campus, I was focused, I wasinvolved in my books, in my
classroom, the same thing.
So I wasn't after any guy andso that was curious to me
(36:24):
because I thought I was playing.
I didn't wear much makeup and Iwas like I said in the book I
was the definition of a churchgirl.
I didn't wear much makeup and Iwas like I said in the book, I
was the definition of a churchgirl.
I didn't, you know, go to a lotof the after school events, in
the sense I went home or I wasalways at church.
So that was kind of what mylife was like and I was not
interested because my goal wasget myself a job go to school at
(36:47):
night after graduation, so Icould get off my mom's payroll
myself.
A job, go to school at nightafter graduation, so I could get
off my mom's payroll.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
I felt like I owed
her that.
Speaker 4 (36:54):
That was what I was
thinking at the time.
He was cute.
When I finally looked at him Isaid, yeah, he is cute and those
dreamy eyes, that's what I fellin love with.
But again, it's conditions.
You get to a place where youwant to punch them eyes out.
I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
That's how I had a
little humor.
Speaker 3 (37:14):
Oh yeah, you do get
to a place where you want to
punch them eyes out, that's forsure.
Speaker 4 (37:21):
So I hope that
answered your question.
Yeah, it did, thank you.
Speaker 3 (37:27):
You're welcome.
All right, katrina Fuller.
Do you have any questions forthe author of the month or a
statement?
Speaker 10 (37:39):
hello we can hear
you, sweetie, oh, um.
I was wondering, um, if, at anypoint in your marriage, because
you guys have been married forso long, did you, like lose your
identity in your role, or howwere you able to maintain who
(38:04):
you are as an individual, evenif that is possible, throughout
your 50 years of marriage?
Individual, even if that ispossible throughout your 50?
Speaker 4 (38:10):
years of marriage.
I'm not quite sure what youmean by your identity, because
understanding what your role is,god requires that you operate
as one unit.
So you have to figure out a wayto merge his personality with
my personality, his upbringing,my upbringing, my perspective,
his perspective.
And he's expecting us tooperate as a unit, as one.
(38:33):
Because when you think of thenumber one, the number one
doesn't compete with any othernumber in math.
It stands on its own, just likeGod is the only God.
So the goal was, according toGod's instructions, was to
operate in unity and agreementand however way we can make that
happen, that's what we have towork towards doing.
Didn't lose anything at all, andI know I've heard that
(38:56):
terminology before.
You don't lose anything.
You bring who you are to thetable, he brings who he is to
the table, and you both do that.
In terms of the marriage, I wasa deputy administrator with the
state of California, so Ioperated 10 offices and over a
hundred staff, but when I walkedinto my door at home, I was
(39:17):
just my husband's wife andthat's all.
I wanted to be at home, I washis wife.
I came home, I had my crock potand everything churning before
I left for work, came home andfinished up the dinner because I
love.
It was part of my love for himpreparing a meal to make sure
that we all ate healthy, andthat it was the best thing for
him.
So it's about your perspective.
(39:38):
There's no such thing as losinganything.
You really don't.
You should be able to bringsomething to the table that
benefits that relationship andthat's the way it should always
look.
You're bringing something, he'sbringing something, but nobody
loses anything.
And it's a pleasure to meet you, katrina.
(39:59):
I don't think I've met youbefore, but thank you for your
question, katrina is also one ofthe contributing authors for
the Through the Rain anthology.
I saw her name.
Speaker 3 (40:11):
Yes, she's
participating.
Katrina, did that answer yourquestion?
Speaker 10 (40:16):
Yes, it did I.
Just I understand her sayingthat we have to look at it from
a different perspective and Ireally did appreciate her
response.
It's just with reading somethings and hearing from
different people and theirperspectives.
(40:37):
I know we're talking aboutyours and I honor that about
yours and and I honor that um, Iguess I've heard of challenges
where women had a hard time withmaintaining their personal
relationship, like theyexplained that.
You know they had arelationship with God and then
that changed when they gotmarried.
But they still find itnecessary for them to spend that
(40:59):
alone time with God to, I guess, strengthen themselves as an
individual, to continue tocontribute to the marriage as a
couple and building as one.
Speaker 4 (41:12):
I'm interested.
That's curious to me, thatpeople and there's a lot of
misconceptions out there acrossreligions about a woman's role
in her marriage, and it'sunfortunate and I'm saddened by
it, which is one of the reasonsI began writing what I've been
writing, because it's so offtrack, which is why marriages
are falling apart in the churchas it is outside of the church,
(41:34):
because we have lost it, wedon't know what we're doing, and
then we give a perspectivethat's not biblically sound.
And so I'm saying to you you'renot going to lose anything, and
I invite you to go back toscripture, specifically looking
at those where God talks aboutwhat he's expecting from a
couple, because whoever andwhatever God has called you to
(41:54):
be hasn't changed just becauseyou meet a husband.
That your assignment hasn'tchanged just because you get
married.
None of that does.
I've met people who havemarried someone in the church
and they were an abuser.
So it's not about any of that,because when I hear that a woman
feels like she's losing who sheis, either she didn't marry,
(42:16):
said I do to the wrong person,or she's in the wrong marriage,
and so that's what I would getconcerned about when I hear
things like that, that it soundslike to me that maybe this
wasn't ordained at all, and sobecause what will happen?
Just like I talked about earlier, my husband supports my writing
.
My husband supports the thingsthat I do.
He worked in.
(42:37):
He was a mechanic for a bustransit system.
He worked his way up over theyears, but when he first got
started he was a mechanic for abus transit system.
He worked his way up over theyears, but when he first got
started he was a bus mechanic.
I was the one that had theelevated role, but it didn't
matter.
I didn't wear that on my sleeve, neither did I make him bow to
me because I had that position.
So it's about what you do withwhat you got.
(42:58):
I didn't have to prove anythingat home because my husband was
proud of what I did, and so Iwould suspect that when I hear
things like that, something'snot right in that relationship.
It doesn't matter to me whatthey're saying.
What God ordains, you should besupported.
What God ordains you shouldfeel very comfortable with who
(43:20):
you are, because you bless thatman who you are, and your
anointing blesses that man.
It adds to his life.
The reason you're called acrowning achievement of his life
you're his crown is becauseyou're his crowning achievement.
That's who God made you to be,and he will not move into many
of the things God has called forhim until you arrive, and so
it's the same thing for you ashe gives you the into many of
(43:41):
the things God has called forhim until you arrive, and so
it's the same thing for you ashe gives you the same level of
support.
I'm not trying to preach onthis, but I'm going to stop.
Speaker 2 (43:52):
No, it's okay, no, dr
Bama, I mean Jack.
I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (43:59):
Hold on Carolyn, I
finished with Katrina first.
Yeah, katrina, katrina, goahead, Katrina, because Katrina
was going to say something else.
Speaker 10 (44:08):
Oh, I was just going
to say thank you.
Speaker 4 (44:11):
I hope it helps.
I'm telling you something's notright in those relationships you
just mentioned to me and I'mtelling you there are so many
so-called marriages out therethat all they are are
arrangements.
So be careful.
I always invite people tosurround themselves with a wise
counsel, people who are maturein their belief, people who are
(44:31):
mature in their relationship,people who understand what God
has called them to do and be ina marriage.
Refer to them, surroundyourself with them.
But I I've heard a lot of stuffand junk out there and and my
ears are shut to those peoplebecause they don't know what
they're talking about,absolutely.
Speaker 3 (44:50):
Absolutely.
I can say the same thing toowith um, with my husband.
Like when we got together, um,he was retired military, he was
in school and he was a.
He was driving trucks, truckdriver and I was finishing
(45:14):
school.
I was, I was working, you know,corporate DCFS, but I still
didn't really started reallygetting into my craft and what
God called me to do, which is doministry through my words and
through my poetry and through mywriting.
When I was doing CNA, when I wasdoing Uber, when I whatever it
(45:45):
is if I said I wanted a store,he, he invested in the store.
When I said I wanted a clothingline for the kids, he invested
in that.
It's like, whatever it is, he'sthe type of person that,
whatever it is that God callsyou to do, even with our kids,
he invests a hundred percent inhe's.
He's totally invested, he'stotally supportive.
He's not one of those peoplethat feels like, oh, she's doing
(46:08):
this and I'm only doing this.
So you know.
He's not one of those peoplewho will make you feel like you
have to dim your light, you know, in order for him to feel like.
You know, real masculine ormacho.
He's not that guy.
He's real laid back, just supersupportive of everything I do.
You guys see it all the time.
(46:29):
He's the first one on.
I think he's like the biggestsupporter.
He got like a badge on my page.
He be on there so much puttinghearts and stuff on there.
So it's like when you havesomeone and you have that person
, you will never lose yourself,because that man will never
allow you to lose yourself.
He will be so wrapped up insupportive of you and whatever
it is that God called you to do,that you guys will elevate
(46:50):
together.
You will grow together.
You will grow in the word, inthe scripture and just in life,
together as a team.
So I agree with Dr Velma withthat.
Speaker 4 (47:02):
And Carolyn, you had
something you wanted to add to
that, let me just say quicklythat those are signs that you
should recognize in the verybeginning in meeting that person
.
Those people showed signs earlyon and they probably married
the person, carolyn go ahead.
Speaker 2 (47:19):
I was going to say,
you know, be ensuring, ensuring
that you're equally yoked,because people will say one
thing and do another and once,sometimes once people the I do's
are done, then another personcomes in and you're're like
(47:43):
where's the person I was dating?
So just ensuring and prayingand asking you know, god, you
know, is this the person for me?
Because if they are, they'renot going to switch up and
change on you like no say it um,they're, you know, supportive
of you.
Uh, that's the way I look at it,but ensuring that you're
(48:05):
equally yoked, because I seewomen taking on the man's role,
the man's role in their role,and I'll be like, oh, that hey,
and they're not gonna let itfail because they don't want the
public to see them fail.
But but you've already failed,yeah.
(48:28):
There's a lot of them out there, but you know, I'm sorry.
Speaker 9 (48:34):
I was saying could I?
Speaker 4 (48:34):
chime in.
Come on in Dr.
Speaker 9 (48:39):
I was listening to.
Is it Kimberly?
Speaker 4 (48:45):
Katrina, katrina.
Speaker 9 (48:47):
Katrina's question,
and so, katrina, I wanted to ask
you something Do you feel thatonce you're in a relationship,
or have you been in arelationship where the person
you was with did not honor yourrelationship with God?
Because I thought one of thethings you asked was would you
(49:11):
have to alter the way youworship or the way that you
honor God and your private timewith God?
And, like Carolyn said, ifyou're in a relationship that is
equally yoked, you won't haveto worry about that, because
that man needs private time withGod, just like you do, and you
(49:35):
all together will worship andwill study and will grow
stronger in God.
If you know when God gives youthe right person and several of
Dr Feldman's books hit on thatexact situation when you are not
with the person you're supposedto be with, then a lot of times
(49:58):
what happens?
Your, your worship times seemsto lack because you're so busy
trying to please somebody.
And and I know we've all beenthrough that, except dr velma,
because she's been married sinceshe was 14.
So um, so, but um, but you know.
(50:21):
You know, miss audrey, okay,but um, but you know we have to.
My sister got married out ofhigh school and and I want.
Her and my her husband havebeen married over 50 years and I
have watched them and grow andI have watched them, you know,
just throughout their their timeand and it's phenomenal.
(50:42):
So, once you find the rightperson, all of those questions
you're not going to have,because God's going to make sure
you get the right person thatyou're supposed to have.
Speaker 4 (50:52):
I remember writing a
post once and I've been posting
during this month, since this isLove Month.
I've been posting lessons onlove, these little captions, and
there was one post that I wroteabout the importance of making
sure that he can do more thanjust DM.
You.
Can he get a quick prayer toGod, Can he?
Can he reach God through prayerBesides his DM and you can do
(51:15):
that.
Does he have a relationshipwith God and one I even posted
only seek love with a person whoshares your faith and values,
and those are the things thatshe's talking about Pray, your
prayer, life, your time alongwith God.
If that's not existing, evenwhen you're dating this person
or getting to know that person,then that already is a red flag.
(51:37):
That's already telling youyou're trying to see the wrong
person.
That's already telling youyou're trying to see the wrong
person.
But what happens today isbecause the goal is the wedding
women marry them.
Speaker 3 (51:50):
Anyway, katrina, you
done.
Lit a fire.
Speaker 10 (51:54):
What you got to say.
Well, first let me say that I'mglad that you know she asked me
that question because I didwant to put out a disclaimer
that, yes, I was in arelationship that compromised my
relationship with God, but I'mcurrently not in that
relationship.
I've been married for fiveyears.
(52:16):
Yes, I've been married for fiveyears.
A clear understanding of wherewe're at spiritually as far as
you know, worshiping Godindividually and, you know,
together, and things of thatnature.
So that's not so.
I asked the question but Iwasn't speaking of my personal
experience.
I just know that I payattention with people that have
(52:40):
been married longer than I have,because we have questions.
I mean, this is not my firstmarriage, but I've been married
for five years.
So it's like you know, I hearof this seven year itch and you
know things of that nature, andI know that every marriage is
unique according to God's planfor that marriage, and I know
that each individual have tosubmit to God's will.
(53:03):
Um, and and.
But that's not what mysituation is now.
I'm just very inquisitive and,um, and and I just want to be
successful, um, you know, in inmy endeavors and I and I and I
like seeking wisdom.
So but, dr Velma, I do plan onreaching out to you
(53:24):
independently because, I do wantto hear more about.
You know what your experiencehas been and what you have to
offer as far as um, you know,counseling and things of that
nature.
Speaker 3 (53:35):
So, yeah, I'll reach
out to you, of course and make
sure that you also reach out toDr Audrey Ann, who's a spiritual
Christian life coach.
It's a lot of women on in ournetwork, especially in the
Through the Rain anthology, butDr Velma for sure for marriage,
for sure.
Speaker 4 (53:56):
You know, as an
ordained minister we're trained
to do counseling, so let me justput that out there.
I only got that certificationbecause there are people out
there who like to see it.
You know certified and datingrelationship from coach and
marriage.
But my ordination would havebeen fine and plus I have a PhD
in theology and my doctorate isin theology, so I understand
(54:18):
what God's word says for us.
The one thing I wanted to closewith she said something about
unique when I said that so manypeople are seeking the wedding
and forgetting how to learn howto be a wife.
That role comes withresponsibilities as well.
And what we don't understand isthere's an enemy that's going to
attack your marriage, that'snot happy with you trying to
(54:41):
unify and work as a unit becausehe hates unity and agreement.
So sometimes you have tounderstand that your enemy does
not always have a face.
So in your marriage you can'talways try to put a face on what
the enemy is doing between youall in your household.
Identify your true enemy first,because you cannot wrestle with
(55:02):
flesh and blood when you'refighting that spiritual foe.
It's not flesh and blood.
There's a way to attack him, tokeep him out of your home and
out of your life.
So that's one thing.
So it's important to understandwho your real enemy is, so
you're not blaming each otherall the time.
Know who the real enemy is insituations, and that's one thing
(55:22):
I would expect you to learn.
But also, as you go along, justunderstand that God has purpose
in every marriage.
He brings together every couple.
He has purpose.
It's not just me out thereministering, it's both of us.
God has a purpose for you both,and so you have to understand
what that is.
And sometimes that becomes aplace to attack as well.
(55:43):
You must learn to fighttogether in prayer.
You must learn to fighttogether and fasting and praying
together and making sure thatyou know who your real enemy is.
And I will not blame my husband, he will not blame you.
But together you guys will comeup against the one that does it
cause this kind of disruption.
You guys will come up againstthe one that does cause this
(56:08):
kind of disruption.
That's it.
We can't hear you, Jacqueline.
I can't hear you, Jacqueline.
Speaker 3 (56:27):
Your mic is mute girl
, I done, did that whole thing
and y'all couldn't hear me okaythank you again, dr Velma,
because I gave you a whole spill.
So thank you again, dr Velma,because I gave you a whole spill
.
So thank you again, dr Velma,for reminding us that true love
(56:47):
honors God's timing and thatpurpose always comes before the
partnership.
To every woman out here tonightif you've been waiting, keep
waiting.
If you've been praying, keeppraying.
And if you've made your list,never lower it.
Don't shrink, don't settle,don't chase, because when God
(57:12):
sends it, you won't have toquestion it.
So keep believing, keepbecoming and, as always, keep
listening.
Linda and I'm going to ask MsKatrina Fuller, the MVP of
tonight's episode, to close usout in prayer.
Speaker 4 (57:36):
Can we first?
Speaker 3 (57:37):
find out what Dr
Audrey is cooking.
Yes, because she's over therein the corner.
All I see is a bunch of pots onthe stove.
Speaker 4 (57:42):
What are you cooking?
Yes, dr Audrey, what's?
Speaker 3 (57:46):
on the menu.
Speaker 4 (57:48):
What's on the menu?
Speaker 9 (57:49):
Well, I'm leaving
tomorrow to go to camp meeting
for seven days, and so I'mreally cooking stuff to take
with me.
So, and I'm cooking uh,vegetarian so I'm cooking
cutlets, which is, um, just asnack kind of meat you can slice
(58:10):
it up or whatever.
And um, and I made some, uh,you know, like pool chicken.
I made that out of jackfruitand I've cooked some greens
yesterday, so I have that to go,and I brought cucumbers and
(58:34):
salad.
I'm going to send y'all apicture.
I brought cucumbers and saladout of my yard.
So that's what I'm doing.
That's awesome.
Speaker 4 (58:45):
Okay, yeah, we're
going to call her Chef Audrey.
I know that sounds good, allright.
Speaker 3 (58:51):
Ms Katrina Fuller,
can you close us out in prayer
for tonight?
Speaker 10 (58:58):
Yes, ma'am, father
in heaven, we come to you on
tonight with humble hearts, justthanking you, lord, for being
who you are.
You are the true and living God.
You are the most high God andthere is none more merciful,
more graceful than you are.
Lord, god, we thank you forthis fellowship on tonight with
this book club.
(59:19):
Father, we thank you for um drvelma and for her testimony,
lord, for we know that weovercome by the word of our
testimony and by the blood ofthe lamb, lord, and we know that
we cannot do anything withoutyou.
Father, we invite you to be thecenter of our lives, to
transform us in everyrelationship that you have
(59:40):
ordained to be in our lives.
We ask that you open up oureyes so that we can see you
clearly, and open up our ears sothat we can hear you more
clearly, lord, and guide us withyour divine steps in ministry
and what you shall have us to dohere on this earth as it is in
(01:00:01):
heaven.
And, father, we thank you foreverything that you are doing in
us and through us and for allthat you will continue to do,
and it's in Jesus' name that wepray, amen.
Speaker 3 (01:00:14):
Amen.
I want to close it out by alsosaying thank you, dr Velma Bagby
.
It out by also saying thank you, dr Velma Bagby, for becoming
the book club author of themonth, for blessing us with my
70s love story.
We will see you again next week.
Oh yeah, it's the whole month,so you have to come again next
(01:00:36):
Monday, and next Monday we'regonna finish up the book.
We're gonna actually readexcerpts from the book this time
, and then we'll have some morequestions from the audience and
more prizes, guys.
So tune in, be inspired.
And, dr Velma, I'm going to endby actually playing your
(01:00:57):
trailer from the upcominganthology Through the Rain.
Rain, when your chapter iscalled what again?
Speaker 4 (01:01:06):
destroying the yolk,
I'm just kidding.
Destroying the curse of divorcedestroying the curse of divorce
.
Speaker 3 (01:01:16):
Thank you guys again.
Um, if you guys would like to,um to the Listen Linda book club
, all proceeds go to the readersand the prizes you can donate
to the Listen Linda live throughCash App.
Dallas I Young Safe LeadersZelle there's the number there
(01:01:39):
and it goes towards the author'sbook trailers.
It goes towards the cash andthe gift prizes for the readers
and the members and I justappreciate everybody again and
thank you all again.
Thank you Myra Carolyn, drAdrienne, katrina and Sondra
Washington who tuned in earlierfor about 30 minutes, and
(01:02:03):
everybody who's watching now onFacebook, on LinkedIn, on
YouTube.
I seen Miss Queenie Clem comein earlier.
There's her comment hey, hey,hey, from YouTube.
So thank you, miss Queenie Clem.
Hopefully you can join us nextweek and that'll be all folks.
Have a wonderful night anddon't leave until you watch the
(01:02:27):
trailer.
Good night.
Speaker 1 (01:02:30):
Some storms shake
your home, others shake your
soul, but the ones god allows,they're designed to break chains
.
She's a pastor, a wife, a mama,a woman of faith with decades
invested in love and now staringdown the storm of her life.
He's God's servant too, apreacher of the word, a man who
stood at the altar and said I dowith every intention of keeping
(01:02:50):
it, god, what do I do with this?
They have the titles, the faith, the calling, but even covenant
can get caught in the crossfireof generational curses.
Speaker 7 (01:03:08):
Baby, what you gonna
do with all you done invested in
that man.
Just hand it over to the nextwoman.
Speaker 1 (01:03:18):
That was the moment
God stepped in, not to end it,
but to refine it.
He wasn't trying to break themapart.
He was burning off what hecouldn't use.
This isn't just a marriage.
It's a ministry, a movement, amiracle in motion.
Some couples survive storms,others rise from them with
(01:03:40):
purpose in their bones and firein their testimony.
Read the story, break the cycleand remember what God joins
(01:04:02):
together, no storm can tearapart.
Pre-order Through the Rainanthology and read all about Dr
Velma's journey of love and war,and love again, destroying the
Curse of Divorce Coming thisfall.
(01:04:22):
Contact Dr Velma Bagby topre-order now.