Ep. 6: Why are we afraid of being happy?

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Are you afraid of happiness? 

Do you actively sabotage happiness so as to avoid bad feelings?

In this episode I share:

• What cherophobia (happiness anxiety) is and looks like.
• A true story about when I believe this began to manifest in my life.
• Tips that have helped me to combat happiness anxiety.

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Episode Transcript

Vernae (00:00):
Hey everybody, you are tapped into the Listening Ears
Podcast with your host, meVernae Bezear.
Picture it 2019, I b egan myself-help self-care journey.

(00:23):
As I put it taking my life back.
I tu rned t o self-helpprograms, books on t he topic,
reflecting stargazing, and justtrying to change things in my

(00:44):
life.
In m y career, I began to feelthat I was finally a driver and
not a passenger on this tripcalled life.
I p ublished my first book, achildren's book.

(01:07):
I b ooked reading engagements atda ycare c enters and literacy
events.
I started my own tutoringcompany, motivated readers an d
b egan creating videos forparents to support them with

(01:28):
their child's reading.
And then no m o re t han three,four months later.
Boom, there it was COVID hit andeverything seemed to stop.

(01:51):
I t ook it as a sign of"seethat's what happens when you let
your guard down and thinkeverything is good and going
well gets taken right from you.
So Why be h appy?
What, is gained when you'reexcited about something?

(02:17):
And then all of a sudden it'sgone and you feel sad.
Now I am in no way, shape orform Saying that COVID affected

(02:37):
or had this profound effect onmy life.
Like it did some people, butbear with me and I'll explain to
you what I mean, Cherophobia isthe feeling of dread that comes

(03:03):
along when you've justexperienced something wonderful.
Plainly speaking.
It is a fear of, or aversion tohappiness.
It may present itself as anoverwhelming feeling of self

(03:24):
doubt, a feeling of fear, utterfear, or the worst scenario
happening right on the heels ofsomething wonderful happening.
Cherophobia for me presenteditself at a very young age.

(03:44):
I remember being in my mom's newcar then boom.
Out of nowhere.
Literally out of nowhere, we gots ideswiped by another car.
We were just coming back from avacation a nd we were listening

(04:06):
to music i n the car and we werelaughing and we were singing and
we were happy.
And we were just, you know, justbeing, I had seen the car on the
right side, out of my window, Iwas sitting in t he back and the

(04:32):
car had just came off.
I guess you would call it theacceleration lane.
I don't drive.
So I'm not too certain.
And the car was coming closerand closer into our lane.
And try as my mother might, wecouldn't avoid being sideswiped

(04:57):
by this car, the car we werein-our car spun out of control.
And we ended up facing theopposite way on the highway with
myself and my grandmother beingstuck in the back.

(05:21):
My grandmother stuck in herseatbelt in the front and myself
with my shoulder, basicallylodged under my sister's car
seat.

(05:42):
We managed to be taken out ofthe car and besides a few
bandages, my arm and a slingfrom a dislocated shoulder, we
were all in okay shape.
But the theme of the day, right,the resounding theme of the day

(06:03):
is, or was, that's why you can'thave too much fun.
As my grandmother put it, wewere laughing and having a grand
old time in my mom's new car.
And you know what happens, youknow, when you get something

(06:24):
nice and you like it a lot, itcould be taken away from you.
And don't be so happy in lifeand don't play around so much
and don't show off because whenyou do those kind of things, you

(06:48):
know, Things get taken away fromyou.
I held on to this notion formany years, not allowing myself
to be totally free, let my hairdown or just enjoy what, what

(07:10):
life had to offer me.
I was always waiting for theother shoe to drop because I
knew, I mean, the happier I got,the more likely things were
gonna turn bad.
So I just didn't allow myself toget too happy, right?
No pain, no gain early birdcatches the worm, no rest for

(07:34):
the weary and so on with thecolloquialisms and sayings and
the things I, I used to explainthe feelings I was having,
right.
too in a way make it.

(07:55):
I use that event, I guess, in away to dictate my life and my
movements, right?
Are these people really yourfriends?
Does this man really love you?
Are you really a good mother?

(08:15):
Do you deserve the things youworked for?
Don't ask for too much or actlike, you know, too much or get
too happy, or get toocomfortable, be happy, act like
things aren't a big deal and soon and so forth.
Exhausting.
Yeah.

(08:39):
Happiness to me was somethingthat I had linked to foolishness
playing around, Chilling out, orjust being plain lazy.
Everything I did had bepurposeful things couldn't be
spontaneous.
There was a plan for everything.

(09:01):
And the plan that I had createdor made for these things was so
that something wouldn't go wrongso that things wouldn't go awry
in any time things were goingtoo good.

(09:22):
I would in some way, shape orform sabotage it so that things
wouldn't work out.
I wouldn't follow up return thephone call complete the last
step.

(09:44):
Be too happy about something Idid or was almost done with
because you know, what's gonnahappen if, if you get too
excited.
So as of late, I've beenlearning to celebrate my highs,

(10:12):
congratulate myself on mysuccesses and have an occasional
glass of wine on a weekday.
Some things that I've done in mylife to help me combat phobia or

(10:34):
happiness, anxiety have been thejournaling that I've been doing
in my notebook, practicingmindfulness, deep breathing and

(10:54):
relaxing.
And yes, I do see a therapistand finally daily exercise.
I'm not an expert.
I am not means on this and whatI know and experiences.

(11:20):
And, and what I do know Is thatnothing is permanent.
Things are always moving andconstantly changing and I'm

(11:42):
worthy of happiness.
I am worthy of happiness with nostrings attached.
My outlook now is just, thisbrings me happiness.
This is something I would liketo and I'm.

(12:11):
Do you believe that you areworthy of happiness?
Do you suffer from happinessanxiety?
If anything I've said in thispodcast episode resonated with
you, you can shoot me a messageon all social media platforms.

(12:37):
You can also send me an email atVernae@listeningearspodcast.
com, like follow subscribe,download, share, and thanks for
always listening.
Catch you.