Ep. 9: Rewards & Punishment-How to find JOY in everyday life!

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How do you find JOY in your everyday life?

In this episode (#9) I share:

• How I used rewards and punishment to shape my entire existence.
• How I frame tasks with intentionality.
• 7 Ways I find JOY in my everyday life.

Listen in...

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
You are tapped into episode nine of the listening
ears podcast with me, your hostfor neighbor's ear.
This week's episode is calledrewards and punishment.
I learned very late in life.

(00:23):
Okay.
Maybe six months ago that youdon't have to punish yourself in
order to receive a rewardgrowing up like everybody else.
I was told that if you eat yourvegetables or all your dinner

(00:45):
you'll get dessert, or once youclean your room, you can go
outside.
I began adopting that concept ata very young age, not being able
to do something enjoyable untilafter I finished something

(01:09):
unenjoyable, but I continuedthat and started with, once you
finish your homework, you canread your fashion magazine, you
know, like 17 or teen Vogue, oras I got older, once you finish

(01:35):
those report card grades, youcan eat dinner or later on, once
you meet with those threeteachers, take a meeting in the
principal's office for twohours, respond to these three
emails.
You can use the bathroom or eatyour breakfast, or just sit and

(02:00):
breathe, you know, deep breathsfor at least 10 seconds.
But why for what?
Why did I equate Pushing myselfto such extremes to then receive

(02:25):
something from it?
It was almost like a no pain, nogain kind of mantra in my head,
right?
Like why did I have this notionthat to feel good about
something I had to do a gruelingtask or punish myself sweat

(02:52):
first?
I, I, I use these things as likea reward system until I realized
that it was just getting out ofhand.
So from, I guess you can say sixmonths ago until now I've

(03:21):
committed myself and amcommitted to doing things that
bring me joy.

Speaker 2 (03:28):
If,

Speaker 1 (03:29):
If I'm doing the things that I enjoy, then it is
in punishment.
It's just me living my life.
It's me living my life withrewards that don't have to come
after doing some type ofunbearable task or, or, or

(03:52):
feeling like I'm at the end ofmy rope and about to break

Speaker 2 (03:57):
For

Speaker 1 (03:57):
Me to do something that brings me joy.
As I sit here, when, when Ithink about rewards and
punishment, can't help, butconsider choices and, and

(04:18):
consequences as well.
Any choice that is made is comeswith the results.

Speaker 2 (04:30):
It

Speaker 1 (04:30):
Could be positive, or it could be negative, right?
We talk about pros and cons in asituation, or, you know, some
sometimes when you sit there,you think, Hmm, if I choose
this, what, what would be theoutcome?
So for me now, I frame myrewards with a sense of

(04:56):
intentionality.
So what is the outcome of thischoice that I'm making?
Does this choice lead me closerto my ultimate goals?
Do these choices align to mybigger purpose?

(05:21):
So for example, what, what am Igaining by not using the
bathroom or not

Speaker 2 (05:33):
Eating?

Speaker 1 (05:38):
I mean, when you think about it in those
situations, and I know aseducators or as moms, we don't,
we don't consider those thingsat the moment.
But when you think about it,those, those questions are

(06:01):
important.
Like, what is the outcome of menot eating or using the
bathroom?
Does that choice of not eatingor using the bathroom?
Lead me closer to my ultimategoals.
You know?

(06:22):
So I have to ask myself what,what brings me joy and what are
those things that

Speaker 2 (06:36):
Bring

Speaker 1 (06:36):
Me closer to my ultimate goals or my bigger
purpose or the outcome that Iwant

Speaker 2 (06:47):
And

Speaker 1 (06:49):
Things that bring me joy are this podcast.
My family, my friends,

Speaker 2 (06:59):
Birds

Speaker 1 (06:59):
Chirping the sunlight on my face.
Awesome, inspiring motivationalquotes and messages.
I mean, I can, I can go on andon, which is funny because these

(07:22):
, I didn't even have theseanswers a few months ago, so I'm
no longer telling myself afteryou do this, you can do this

(07:43):
because I'm constantly thinkingabout the things that bring me
joy, and I'm incorporating thatinto everything I do.
Now, don't get me wrong.
I'm not, I'm not sitting heresaying that.
I only do things that bring mejoy.

(08:10):
I mean, yes and no, right?
If I'm, if I'm folding clothesnow, I mean,

Speaker 2 (08:18):
I

Speaker 1 (08:18):
Dunno anybody who enjoys folding clothes, however,
I've been framing it.
I ask myself what is myintention?
And my intention is to haveclothes folded in the drawers or
hung up in my closet so I canchoose what I want to wear

(08:44):
without having to go throughbags and bags of,

Speaker 2 (08:51):
Of

Speaker 1 (08:51):
Clothes, right?
Just like looking through sixlaundry bags for a matching
sock, that doesn't feel good andI don't get pleasure from it,

(09:13):
but because I've set myintention and, and I under, I
understand that the choice I'mmaking can have a positive or
negative result.
I do everything from aperspective of what do I want

(09:34):
from this?
And like I said, I would like tosee clothes hung up in my drawer
, uh, in my closet and fold itin my drawer and be able to
choose calmly what I want towear.
So I'm framing it.

(09:59):
So in framing it, in thiscontext for me, the, the task of
folding clothes just becomes atask

Speaker 2 (10:13):
In,

Speaker 1 (10:14):
In doing this task.
I could listen to some reallygood music or I can catch up on
one of my shows or I can justsit there and fold the clothes
because I understand

Speaker 2 (10:35):
The

Speaker 1 (10:35):
Reason for it.
So I'm, I'm no longer pushingmyself for things that needs to
get done.
I'm, I'm no longer pushingmyself without taking a break.

(10:55):
I'm beginning to do things more

Speaker 2 (10:59):
Purposefully,

Speaker 1 (11:01):
Conscientiously, and incorporating joy into all of
it.
Here are seven ways that I'velearned to find joy in my
everyday life.

Speaker 2 (11:22):
Number one,

Speaker 1 (11:26):
Find and set your purpose for whatever it is
you're doing.
Move in intentionality.
Number two, practice gratitudein your everyday

Speaker 2 (11:50):
Life.

Speaker 1 (11:54):
For me, practicing gratitude was difficult at
first.
And it still sort of is.
But in thinking about findingjoy in my everyday life,

(12:14):
practicing gratitude is veryhigh on that list.
Number three, stop waiting to be

Speaker 2 (12:27):
Happy.

Speaker 1 (12:28):
Now life is short and yeah, stop waiting to be happy.
Number four, make a list ofthings that bring you joy making
that will not only make yousmile, but being able to go back

(12:55):
to that list is a really greatfeeling.
Number five time for make timefor yourself, by investing in
someone else, doing a task thatyou may not want to do, or that

(13:19):
you may be putting off orprocrastinating with.
Sometimes those things are alittle, a little pricey, but I
think if you do a littleinvestigating digging, you can
find that there are people outthere who are willing to help or

(13:44):
do the things that you may notwant to do.
So yeah, hire a housekeeper.
If you can.
There are many sites that have

Speaker 2 (14:00):
People

Speaker 1 (14:01):
Who you can PA two tiny things up.
And if that is something that'sgonna bring you joy and you're
able to do it, then do it.
Number six, slow down.

(14:22):
I mean, I, I, it, to me, itsounds so self explanatory now,
but a while back, that's notsomething I could even fathom
slow down for.
What?
Why, why slow down?

(14:44):
I'm I'm not a snail.
I'm why, why would I, why wouldI move slow?
That, that would've been myanswer.
Like I said, it, it's notsomething that is in a lot of
people's vocabulary, but infinding joy, slowing down and

(15:04):
being in the moment isdefinitely something that can
bring you

Speaker 2 (15:10):
Joy.

Speaker 1 (15:12):
Number seven, get rid of the clutter, eliminated
anything that you do not need,or that doesn't serve.
You get rid of.
And when I say get rid of, Imean, you can donate it.

(15:37):
You can throw it away, you cansell it, you can recycle it.
You can hang the clothes up orfold the clothes or clean up the
desk, whatever it is, get rid ofthe unnecessary things that are

(16:03):
clouding your mind.
And you'd be surprised whatreally neat and beautiful
workspace or home or countertopcan do to your mood.
Bottom line for me is thatliving with intentionality and

(16:32):
finding joy and purpose ineverything, I do, making choices
that make me feel good andaccepting the results of my
choices has helped me framerewards and punishment in just

(16:57):
such a wonderful way.
And it's helped me find theultimate balance in life.
If anything, in this podcastresonated with you, or if you'd

(17:21):
like to comment or send amessage, you can hit me up on
all social media platforms andyeah.
Episode nine,

Speaker 2 (17:36):
Signing

Speaker 1 (17:37):
Enough.