August 5, 2025 • 50 mins
Amanda Goff, known publicly as Samantha X, was once Australia’s highest paid escort.
After leaving a career as a respected journalist, she entered the sex industry and built a multimillion-dollar brand... before walking away from it all.
In this raw and revealing conversation, Amanda shares her story like never before. From the stigma and secrecy to the truth about clients, money, power, addiction, motherhood, and what she regrets most.She opens up about life behind the headlines, the fallout from her double life, and why she finally chose to step away, despite the fame and financial success.
This is an unfiltered look at the human side of a story most people never hear.
👇Here’s what’s inside:
- Why she became Samantha X — and how it saved her life
- The brutal cost of fame, stigma, and addiction
- What she really thinks about OnlyFans, power, and regret
- The hardest part about leaving the industry
- Her advice to fathers raising daughters in today’s world
Amanda didn’t flinch. Nothing was off limits. Enjoy legends!
📺 Prefer video? Watch it on YouTube
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You were the highest paid escortin Australia.
It has had consequences for those close to me and I think it
would be foolish not to acknowledge that I came from
that industry. There is also a dark side to it
that people don't really want toadvertise.
Only fans, Only fans. The dark side about only fans,
Well, I went public 10 years ago. 10 years ago it was really
(00:23):
controversial. Now it's not controversial at
all. Bonnie Blue have slept with 1000
guys in a 24 hour period. Yeah.
What's your take on that? Would I do it?
Absolutely not. And I just wonder how women like
that in five 10/15/20 years are going to cope with their past.
You know there's nothing wrong with being a sex worker, but do
you? 51 Amanda, what would you say is
(00:46):
the thing that still haunts you today the most?
I would say haunt me because I would do it all again.
I really enjoyed the job itself.It wasn't the job that haunts me
per SE. It was more.
Amanda, thanks coming back. Thanks for having me.
Being one of our best performers.
Well, the comment. I've heard that before and.
The comment The jokes have started.
Well, we might have been nervouslast time, so we.
(01:09):
Are you nervous? Now probably.
Well, we're basically friends now, you know, So it's all good
and. If anyone goes back to that
other episode, there was some nervous moments.
So for people that don't know, Samantha Rex was your alias when
you were working in the sex industry?
Yep. And the context highest paid at
the. Time I was at the time.
Highest paid escort in Australia.
At the time, which was why I went public, 10 years ago, I
(01:33):
released my first book and went and then ten years ago it
wasn't. It was a really controversial.
Now it's not controversial at all.
You know, everyone's doing it now.
It's. Pretty much because it Yeah,
people seem to because only fans, everyone it's.
Yeah, there was none of that when I was, you know, when I
went forward, there's no only fans.
There's no podcasts on sex workers.
There was nothing. Yeah.
So it's it was controversial. Now it's more unusual if you
(01:56):
don't have an only fans account or you know.
Well, I'm looking for some extracash.
Cost of living pressures are high.
Not that I'd do any good 'cause I did think when we're doing the
research. Yeah, Amanda, I was like.
That would have been hard. The research on only fence and.
Stuff no research on you but like yeah you would have
dominated. Well, ten years ago, yes, but if
(02:18):
I'd gone public now, no one would care.
It would have been. Competition as well.
Yes, seriously. I mean Trail Blazer back then.
Well, you would have made it back, yes, but you know, now
it's the Bonnie blue types and. Wow, you bought it?
Up. No.
OK, you can ask. Lily Phillips, we have to, Yes,
of course it would be remiss of us not to ask about.
(02:41):
So it's it's Bonnie Blue and Lily Phillips have slept with
1000 guys in a 24 hour period plus.
Yeah. What's your take on that?
Is that look? Is that empowerment?
Or is that look, I'm torn, to behonest, because I do believe,
you know, women can do what theywant.
It's. Either empowerment or.
Well, yeah, yeah. I don't want to say too much
(03:06):
about those women because they are sex workers and, you know, I
came from that industry. But would I do it?
Absolutely not. And, and yeah, I just wonder how
women, I'm not going to talk about those, I'm not going to
name them, but women like that in 10-5, ten, 1520 years are
going to cope with their past because I know I've had to deal
(03:27):
with my past. And it's it's a, it is a battle
sometimes. And while I was, you know, you
know, excited, empowered, all those things, there is also a
dark side to it that people don't really want to advertise.
And I just worry about women, girls because they're young
girls, how they're gonna feel ina few years time about that.
(03:50):
And it's so public and forever out on the world wide.
Yeah, World Wide Web. Yeah, like it's forever.
And I said in my third book that, you know, there's nothing
wrong with being a sex worker, but do you always want to be
known for that? You know, in, in, you know, you
most sex workers, Well, they certainly used to when I in my
day didn't identify themselves, they were anonymous for good
(04:14):
reason. And now there's so much out
there, women, you know, men and women who talk about the job
and, and fair enough. There's nothing to be ashamed
of, but it will take it from me.I'm, I'm living it now, you
know, I've left the industry. I will always be known as that
girl. So these, these women will
always be known as the women that slept with 1000 men in 24
(04:35):
hours. And you may think that's great
now, but in 20 years, what do you think?
That's great, you know. Yeah, and I feel it would
correct me if I'm wrong, but youknow, when you're in, you know,
when you were working, you know,getting, you know, you
transitioning out into a different space now be harder
for these girls when you know. Like not this impossible
(04:55):
they're. Just like they're they're,
they're famous worldwide. Look, I had a career, I was a
journalist before I became Samantha and I'm, I've gone back
to being a journalist. So I'm lucky I had that skill,
that career, you know, and I've had a family and I've done all
of that. Those girls might not want to
work forever in that industry, but it to go back into a normal
(05:17):
conventional life, conventional job is going to be near
impossible for them. Rightly or wrongly, there will
always be discrimination and stigma and and I don't make
those rules, society does. And with those girls, the big
difference between them and you as well, Samantha, like you say,
you still struggle with it now, yours isn't.
Your whole journey isn't documented online that people
(05:38):
can still go back and view. So theirs is almost like an
archive. So when they get to your age and
maybe they're in your position. 51 now, yeah.
Which is 51 and you're looking amazing for 51, but but you
know, when they get to 50, 51 and they maybe start to try and
distance themselves or it's not them because it's not going to
be them. Everyone changes.
(05:59):
They can say it's going to be them forever as much as until
they're blue in the face. Yeah, yeah, everyone changes.
There's going to be a day when they're not going to be want to
be that person. But the problem for them is for
you, if you didn't talk about itand didn't put it out there
public, it would fade away unless people would know and it
wouldn't be as significant in your life because it doesn't,
there's not an archive of it back, you know, for people to go
(06:22):
and visit and remind themselves of, oh, that was Samantha X,
right? These girls, no matter what they
do, it's always going to follow them around because the archives
of the videos and the clips and all that.
So it's almost like what you're,they're going to have to deal
with what you're dealing with now and have had to deal with,
you know, internally, but they're going to, I feel like
it's going to be on steroids. Yeah, totally.
(06:43):
And also the month, I mean, they'll say, well, I'm making
millions. I made a lot of money too, but I
spent a lot of money and I and you know, when I left the
industry, I I wasn't a multi millionaire.
And, you know, smart girls invest their money and they
don't buy Ferraris, you know, and I just.
Are those girls buying Ferraris?I think Bonnie Blue's just
bought a Lamborghini or a Ferrari.
(07:05):
But it's yeah, and totally agree.
Like, I don't know, I see it's not gonna last for some of these
people. Make.
Yeah. They're making proper money
though today, aren't they? Yeah, it it, but it won't last
forever. That I thought my money was
gonna last forever. I thought I would always make
the money I made. Yeah, but as soon as you retire,
yeah. I don't know whether in porn you
make money every time someone still view like you.
(07:26):
Know if you get. I don't know if that still
happens. If that happens, I don't know
the money. Only fans contracts as written.
I don't know how it is. I don't know, but there will be
there'll be someone new coming on on the scene and that you
know, that she's, she's very much the porn star of the day.
But someone else will take over soon, yeah?
Can I ask 51 Amanda, you know, you're open, which is amazing
(07:47):
because hopefully some other girls will say this bit like for
the Bonnie Blues of the world. But what is what, what would you
say is the thing that still haunts you today the most?
Just internally to yourself, in your head, is the people's
perception of you or that you can.
It's all what you're always going to be known as.
Does that make sense? Yeah, totally.
I would say haunt me because I don't.
(08:08):
I would do it all again. I would.
I would do. It all again.
So you're not that I guess, beaten up by that you would go
if I had my time again, I wouldn't.
Have done that? No, because I think that with
regret you either with decisions, you're either if you
regret them, it either takes youspiraling down into a very dark
hole. And I've been to that place or
(08:29):
you learn from it and I've learned from it.
And I know I've helped a lot of people as Samantha, even myself.
It saved me, I think being Samantha, which I talked about
my book, which I talk about my book because I had undiagnosed
bipolar. So I reckon creating that
character probably saved my life.
But hindsight's a wonderful thing.
(08:49):
And had I known what I know now,I would have done things a bit
differently. I probably wouldn't have been so
public about it because, and I discussed this in my book, it
has had consequences for those close to me.
And I think it would be foolish not to acknowledge that.
You know, even though a lot of people don't judge a lot there
are people that do. And sex work will always be
(09:10):
stigmatized. Even though people say they
don't, they do. And while I was really happy to
go out public and as you say, Trailblaze for sex workers, it
came at a cost. But has it made me closer with
those that I love? Yes.
And have I learnt from it? Yes.
So, but the hardest thing has been acknowledging that, you
(09:33):
know, when I'm being medicated, seeing the the wood for the
trees and thinking, shit, did I really do that?
You know, I know. While I'm not blaming bipolar at
all, it helps me understand. Do you have vivid memories?
Is there certain specific memories of that time that stand
out or, or moments or or do you sort of more looking forward?
(09:53):
Does that make sense? And you're not.
You're not constantly. No, it took me.
Taunted by memories or things that trigger.
God I remember when I was here last.
Fuck, that wasn't. The job itself was I really
enjoyed the job itself. It wasn't the job that that that
haunts me per SE. It was more the publicity, I
think, and the feeling I couldn't shake off that deep
(10:16):
down I knew it really wasn't me.Talk to us a bit about the the
bipolar because you're bipolar when you're Samantha Amanda.
Like for people that don't understand it, what, what's that
like, living like that? And now knowing, yeah, that that
that's that that was a real thing.
And and now obviously you're sort of dealing with it.
(10:38):
And I didn't know what bipolar was you.
Know. Yeah, so bipolar.
Everyone thinks bipolar people are crazy and mad, and I'm not
saying we're not, but it is. It's can be, it's genetic.
It can be genetic, and it can becaused by trauma as well.
And it is typically there's bipolar 1 and bipolar 2 and I
(10:59):
have bipolar 2. Bipolar 1 is the one where you
have extreme mania and what's another word for mania anyway?
You have extreme mania and hallucinations and you can't
sleep. I don't have that one.
I have the one where a cycle between hyper mania and
depression, hypermia, depression.
Right. So you're up.
(11:19):
Yeah. So, so visually a normal person
sitting here. Yeah, their mood and your mood
is either up here. Skyrocketing.
Which is, you know, yeah, but the hyper mania.
So yeah, a normal person's maniawould be there.
Yeah, you're hyper mania. So you're up here.
And you make stupid decisions. And then you're back all the.
Way down here, yeah. And it just your life cycle.
(11:42):
Yeah, and the normal person would be sitting in the middle
and when they have mania peak bedistressed, they just go up a
little bit. Yeah, and then they come back
down, whereas hyper mania. Takes you on a ride.
All the way up here, Yeah. And then you're all the way back
down there. Yeah, and a lot of people in the
creative industries have bipolarsportsmen particularly.
So, so during those sort of cycles like you call it, was it
(12:03):
a little bit sort of Samantha? Yeah, Samantha, Amanda,
Samantha, Amanda, Samantha, Amanda.
And and in my mania, I achieved so much.
I wrote my best selling books inrecord time.
I, you know, became Samantha. I became the the, the most
famous and the most expensive. You know, I I was on like this,
this train hurtling out of control.
What kind of manic behaviours though, would you say?
(12:24):
So if you've you're locked into something and you've decided.
Yeah, I did it, you know, like Ithought I'm going to be an
escort, I'm going to be the bestin Australia.
I did it. You know, I'm going to write
books about I did it. I'm going to go out.
You know, once I and I've written about this, I had a one
stage, I had three dogs and two cats in a cage in my kitchen,
even though I had no spare, you know, I'd go out and buy Tiwara
(12:45):
instead of the shopping, you know, I'd come back with an
Irish wolfhound. You know, I've got a Great Dane
I couldn't fit, you know, it's just, it was just madness.
But hey, I've got a I was on thebeach once and I decided to go
and get a convertible BMW in my bikini.
So I went to BM. I had no money.
You know, it's ridiculous, thosethoughts of destructive, I got
into debt. You know, destructive habits, I
(13:05):
got into debt. Decision making just.
Just decision making that that that that I truly believe was
the right thing at the time. You know, I decided I was going
to be a politician at one stage.So I went and met all these
politicians. You know, I went to Victoria, I
came to Melbourne and had a meeting with the politician and
asked her for a job and then went into the cafe and said I'm
going to be working here. There was no job.
(13:27):
You know, I was completely delusional.
I said to, you know, it was justand.
And not aware not. But I didn't, I thought it was
the right thing, you know, and Ithink being Samantha, being so
vocal about it and going on TV, going to London and going on TV
and going to LA and going on TV,I think that was part of the
(13:47):
couldn't get off the, the, the Mania cycle.
And Mania can last weeks, months, years, and then you come
down again. And then the enormity of my
decisions would leave me bedridden and.
Then so and then you decided to go get some help, speak to
someone and then you got got diagnosed well.
It was accident. I got diagnosed accidentally,
(14:07):
right? Yeah.
And yeah, I got diagnosed accidentally.
Not accidentally, but in passing.
And then I went to two psychologists and they sent me
to Professor Gordon Parker, who's the founder of Black Dog
Institute, who's written the forward of my book, and he
diagnosed me. Yeah, he said usually he's 80%
(14:28):
sure his patients are bipolar, but with me he's 100%.
So at least I did it well. Yeah, there was no doubt.
No. Doubt, which is why I look back
a lot. I look at these young girls
today and I'm not saying, oh, they must have bipolar, but I do
recognise myself in in that a little bit, you know, the
madness of it all. Yeah.
(14:49):
Do you think there needs to be alittle bit of madness to get
into that, into the industry a little bit, a little bit of?
Well, you could say that about any industry really.
I think there needs to be a certain type of person, yes.
Yeah. Yeah, definitely a certain type
of person. How's, how do you think it's
evolved? Obviously we've talked about
(15:10):
only fans and that sort of thing.
How, how has it evolved? You know, do you sort of still
keep in touch with maybe young women that you know you?
No one's reaching out. Sometimes they do and I, I
always say, you know, especiallyyoung women, I always advise
them to get it. I've always advised young women
to get a career 1st and if they want kids, go and have kids.
Because once in the industry, they're pretty much stuck in the
(15:32):
industry. It's hard to leave.
But you know, it's just like I said earlier, it's it's such a
like, it's a saturated market now, like or you know, like go
on maths. And then they have an only fans
account. I was actually thinking of
having an only fans account recently.
No, no, but not a lot, not like a porn one.
But I thought, oh, you know, howcan I still keep a little bit of
(15:53):
me and then. See your only fan account by the
sounds of it. Only fans accounts don't need to
be used for porn either, that's just what they're synonymous
for. Do you know what I mean?
Yeah. So it's really just a pay rate.
Yeah yeah, you could pay to see someones feet.
Would you do it for? $1,000,000.
No, Show me feet. Do what?
Do what? I don't know, like what's your
(16:15):
price? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, I. Feel like everyone has a price
don't they? Well that's a great question.
What is your price to to show myfeet no to become an A male
escort and are we taking me back?
I just need contacts. Am I married with three kids
like now or am I going back to Ben That was 16 or say 18/19/20?
When did you get? Married.
(16:35):
I got married. When I was 18 years ago, in
about four days. Oh, not you met.
You met. You met married in four days?
No. Yeah, in.
Four days time. Anniversary, yeah.
Yeah. I'd say right now, what's your
price? What's my price?
Yeah, there's no price right there. 5 million.
I wouldn't do it. For 5 million now 10 Would it
(16:57):
have to be a career or just no, just a?
One off Oh. Man if the boss was 5 if.
I said no. No, I'm back talking.
If the boss was on board, I'd doit for 500.
Ah guess guess what I got an Uber yesterday and no word of a
lie I said to the Uber driver I see I was feeling really sick I
said as soon as I went in I saidwhy do you have to be good
(17:19):
looking and I feel so shit. Anyway, he's a male escort and
he said I've just come from a job.
Didn't you guys just hit it off?Well, I, I think he expected me
to be shocked and I go and I waslike, oh really?
Me too. And I'm Australia's biggest.
That's what I mean. It's a saturated market.
(17:39):
Like he had just come from a jobwhere there was an old man in
Richmond and two women. He was coked off his head, the
man. And he just wanted, am I allowed
to even talk about what he told me?
Yeah, absolutely. OK.
And he just, the old man just wanted him to have sex with the
women in front of him. And by the way, he picked me up
at 9:30 in the morning, he'd already done this also it.
(18:00):
Was ohh, that's a they've had a big night.
The night, yeah, he said. He had big night and then in the
morning, you know, you obviouslyknow what I'm talking about.
You obviously know what I'm talking about.
Was it you? Yeah.
Yeah. Oh.
God, what a that that's yeah, that's what it's the Uber
driver. He's running Uber and he's he's
(18:21):
got side services. Well, I.
I know and I just, I lay in the back thinking how much money
have I got in my wallet? No, I I wouldn't.
I can't done it. Couldn't do it now.
Pete got to skip before. What about you, Peter?
What's that? Would you?
Would you? You know what?
What's your what's your price? Yeah.
What's your price? Oh, there's a lot of context
(18:41):
that needs. No, it's a very.
Simple question. But no, MIL, that you were
talking about before sounds right.
Yeah, yeah. Easy with a man.
With a man. No.
Why 5? Mil No 10 mil No.
Come on, That's such a lie. That's such a lie.
That's a hard. Thing to do if Jem.
Was on board, you'd do it for a meal and no one.
(19:03):
Ever found out but? Man's pretty hard.
For but you're you're. Blowing your life up for money
and and money doesn't. Ever find it doesn't and I'd
tell. You what cost of living wig up
too. So Nah, Nah, no, the man's hard
like I don't think like I just can't just a blowjob.
I just can't. Oh, that's.
Different poo. Yeah, I just, I think I, I find
(19:27):
that really, really hard. That's a.
Confronting question for PK fromfrom Wang No well.
I just the whole boys. I'm not into boys.
I would find that very hard for whatever.
It would be hard, you know what I mean?
I'm not saying it wouldn't be done.
It would be hard. It would be very hard.
(19:48):
It would be very hard. Can I've got some questions
difference between a man that pays for sex and doesn't?
That was someone that some put put in the comments last time.
Could you tell a difference between those type of guys?
A client is usually much nicer, OK.
Oh so. You mean someone who does it so
dating someone? That dating in the.
(20:08):
Real world is really hard. I find that really challenging.
Actually I found working much easier.
Is there any clients that you actually miss?
Do you know what I mean? Oh, I love them.
All. Yeah, I love them all.
Yep. What?
What do you mean by What do you mean by them 'cause is that the
expectations like a line boundaries you never.
(20:28):
Know, you know, I'm actually, I think I'm like an, you know,
experience with men and what they, you know, how they think.
And I actually don't. I'm actually actually not.
Yeah. Well, that's the thing.
I'd say you'd be a guru, no? Wow.
But then you get. Out there, think I know them.
Too you get out there in. The wild and.
(20:49):
That's how I feel. I feel I'm in the wild and I've
lost my power. Yeah, that's how I feel.
Like a lion. That's been like tamed.
I'm just an And now they put youout there and you're getting
eaten by just a hyena or yeah, who does have?
The power in that situation, would you say so when they say
the workers? Do the workers.
Do and 'cause that would be, I guess the the client would think
(21:09):
that they would you like, I would assume the client would
think that they are since they've got the money in there.
No, it all depends. On the situation.
I mean, yeah, that's the thing. Like if that's your, that's your
arena, like you're comfortable, you know what's up usually maybe
very nervous. Yeah, that's it.
I would imagine if a bloke goes in there, yeah.
Are you? Imagining no.
Well, that's I'm just thinking how I felt last time and I was
(21:32):
nervous and she wasn't. So there you go.
So yeah, dating is really hard and.
Are you dating now? On and off.
On and off, but it's, you know, and.
When these people, when you meetsomeone, Amanda, do you feel
like you need to disclose this or how long?
How quickly do they figure it out or is it better for you to
(21:54):
go? I know they're going to figure
it out quick, so I'll disclose it straight.
Well, I mean, they say, what do you do, journalist, author, have
you written books? Yes, I've written books.
And then then that's how it usually goes.
But I sort of feel younger men don't really care that much.
There's going to be no long termrelationship.
Yeah, I sort of feel it's old news now.
(22:15):
You know, no one really cares. And because it's in the media so
much with other girls, I think people really care.
They're more interested. The fact that I don't drink is
is that that's what's interests them more that I'm sober.
You weren't always sober. I've been.
Cyber for six years. Alcohol wise, alcohol.
Wise. And what about four?
(22:36):
Years. Four years.
And illicit. Drugs I was trying.
To think I was gonna say party drugs.
Yeah. So what?
What was your, what would you say?
I was a you. Know champagne party girl and
what everything that came with it so I got sober and that's
when my bipolar was picked up when I was sober because my 46.
At this point, yeah, my. Late 40s, yeah, I'm only just
51, but I don't know what I whatever that is -6.
(23:01):
That's a journey, that's. A journey because I.
Remember the story you told lasttime, how you're with like the
mothers group or whatever and you got hammered on the
champagne that was in Bondi? Yes, Bondi, maybe.
Yes. Yes, yes, that's.
Like a little lunch. Get together and that's right.
Yeah, I do that. Yeah, I do remember that.
So my memories, I've blanked a lot of stuff out.
(23:22):
Oh yeah. But you've been.
On a journey, Amanda, Yes. You think about like you're 51
now and we're talking about fouryears ago.
You're still battling with, you know, yeah, you know, maybe
probably 5. Years ago, 4-5.
Years ago, which is yeah, five years is a long time, but at the
same time it's not that long in the context of 51 years.
(23:42):
Do you find now I I guess because it would have been a
progression, Definitely a progression.
Yeah. So it's been a progression of on
and off and a love hate relationship with drugs and
alcohol quitting. I'm offered.
I'm on it, I'm off it and on it.And sounds like five years ago
was when you finally put the pinin it, would you say?
Well, that's probably my question is the pin in it now,
(24:05):
would you said, you know, do youfeel like they, you know,
addiction is addiction still hard?
Well, addiction, they say addiction is not curable.
It's only manageable. So once you're an addict, you're
an addict for life. You're 1 bad decision away from
being back at square one. Right.
So, so I guess my question is like, how are you handling?
Like where are you at now? Because you sound, you seem like
you're in a really, really good place.
Yeah, but it's not that long agoyou've had to fight, you know,
(24:27):
46. You're still fighting for your
happiness and trying to find your, your, your, your centre, I
suppose. Yeah.
It's hard work, you know, I don't miss well, I do.
I do miss drinking particularly,but I never drank every day.
I never drank every week. You know, I just binged and I
would, it would be game over. So I would lose everything.
(24:49):
So, but I, you know, now I sort of trick myself into thinking I
can have a glass of wine with dinner, but there's no point or
I'm too scared that it will takeme back to that special.
Occasion. Yeah, just a special.
Yeah, there's always a reason. And one year.
Later, after that special occasion, you're still trying to
exactly. So it's not worth it for me and
now I always say I'm too vain tostart drinking again because it
(25:10):
will age a decade if I start my old ways.
But it is progressive. I never was a big drinker or
anything like that until I hit my 30s forties and then I think
it was the stress of dealing with Samantha and the publicity
that I struggled with a lot. So you've.
You've done the book. When did the book come out?
The third book. 'S just come out literally 2
weeks ago. Yeah.
Nice. And yeah, the forward has been
(25:33):
written by my psychiatrist, yes.And yeah, it's a different it's
written by the 1st 2 books I wrote under Samantha.
This one's written under my realname.
Yeah. And it's just basically about
how I've coped or coping with retiring from Samantha and
suddenly, you know, men treatingme a different way, not not
making the money I we used to make, you know, tell us about.
(25:53):
That not men treating you a different way.
Yeah. Well, yeah, tell us more about
it. But.
Just, you know, I had incidents where you know, you're
surrendering. That power because that made you
feel powerful, yeah. And then?
That just men would still I I sort of like in I'm I'm too
embarrassed to talk to you aboutit, to be honest.
Can't believe. We've made a man.
(26:14):
We're embarrassed. Table's a turn, mother.
Just they still had in their heads that I was Samantha, let's
just put it that way. And one man said to me, I just
wanted to manipulate you to see how I felt about my pregnant
girlfriend. Yeah, he, Oh yeah.
It was a long like men, certain men treated me still a certain
(26:38):
way that made me remember why I became Samantha in the 1st
place. So I just thought and I, it was
like a year of me thinking if men are going to treat me like
this still, then I may as well be Samantha again.
But that's, you know, because I've changed a little bit and
I've put more boundaries up because when I left Samantha,
Samantha was good for me in the way it taught me boundaries with
men. And so when I left Samantha, I
sort of lost those boundaries a bit.
(26:59):
It's, it's hard to explain to two guys.
I guess I was I. Would have thought yeah, I would
have thought the opposite though.
I would have thought the opposite.
Like would be true that your boundaries were pretty, pretty
liberal as Samantha and then no,they're.
Watertight, Yeah, right. Yeah, with.
Samantha And then so now I'm in the real world again.
Yeah. You know, I guess I would liken
(27:20):
it to a sports person, a sports star who suddenly stops playing
footy and is really struggling to come to terms with not having
that life anymore and not knowing who he is or Yeah,
absolutely. And and finding that thrill or,
or whether, even if it's not even a thrill, it does
definitely was a. Thrill.
Yeah. And but, and how do you replace
that? Yeah, it's, it's challenging a
big part of your identity, whichis what I was saying before,
(27:42):
like, and you had to surrend that, right?
Because when you're walking around and Samantha and you're
like you said, you're the you'renot the vulnerable one.
You're you're alpha. Yeah, you're the alpha.
You're calling the shots, your name and the price.
You're fucking the time, the allof that stuff.
And then all of a sudden, yeah, you're just, you're just a
civilian. Exactly where?
No one gives a fuck and also having to deal with my past as
(28:06):
well and but what is the hardest?
Part of that, when you say that,is it the things that you did or
could you keep? Saying some of the headlines I
remember because that's what I was.
Going to say you keep saying thepress some.
Of the headlines, Yeah, well. What it is about it just?
Wasn't me, you know, I thought Ihad to behave a certain way and
(28:27):
look a certain way. You know, I've had surgery since
I gave up Samantha and my boobs reduced.
I'm embarrassed to talk about that on a male podcast.
This is the place ordinary. Stories, Let's go.
You know, I even dress differently.
Everything's different, and it'sjust the writing.
The book was quite cathartic, soit helped me come back to Earth
(28:50):
a little bit. Yeah, Really.
I would imagine therapeutic because like you said, you block
a lot of it out, but if you write a book, it makes you
actually go back there and relive it and then put a pin in
it and move on. Yeah, my books.
My first two books were so explicit like and I I can't now.
I look back at them and I cannotbelieve I wrote them.
I'm like, who the fuck wrote these books?
(29:12):
You know, because they are pretty explicit sexually.
And were Souls much different experience writing it as Amanda?
Yes. Than a Samantha.
Yeah, that's wild. That is wild.
Say. So you're still on your journey
now or you're feeling a bit more?
I'm feeling a bit. More settled.
I want to move to Melbourne. I want, you know, I want to have
a fresh start here and you've got and.
Can I ask about the pod you had the pod?
(29:33):
Yeah, I do. I.
Have a podcast called Expose Expose.
That's right. Can you tell us some of the
people that you've had on and maybe why is there, what's the
most interesting one that you can share with us because you
had some, it was really around that same industry, right?
So some of them. Were, yeah, I mean, I had male
escort. Male escort stories always do
well. Always do well.
People are fascinated with male escorts.
(29:54):
Yeah, that's, you know, magic Mark.
Yeah. But they're really normal guys.
You know, one used to work in the disability industry.
You know, I'm fascinated when they talk about having sex with
82 year old women and stop it. Yes, to me it's fat even.
And I was in the industry and I'm still fascinated.
Is that? Is that actually happening?
(30:14):
Yes, there's a very good male escort agency called Her
Confidante and I will link it down below.
It's it's based in Melbourne andthere she has loads of male
escorts that work for her. It's a thing like women these
days, they're choosing not to get married, they're choosing to
be single and they're buying intimacy.
It's really turned on its head. Really.
(30:36):
Yes. It is a thing, I wonder.
If only fans has slowed down thefoot traffic at the brothels or
escort agencies and stuff. Do you know what I mean?
Because maybe they're getting access, you know, instant
gratification. They can, you know, maybe, but.
People want connections. Question.
Yeah. Have you had an only fans go
(30:57):
here? No, we haven't.
That's disappoint. That is a good point.
Yeah, you should get. Angela White on here.
Angela. White, Do you know Angela White?
No, I. Don't Do you know Angela White?
I've heard of Angela. White PK.
I'm tipping PK hasn't. No.
There's another girl that you may know that she's got Tik
Toks, which my wife watches and is fascinated by and she tells
(31:19):
her stories about, oh, last night I was, I just got home and
she shows the money. Oh yeah.
Yeah, she talked about the PeggySue, I think.
So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,yeah.
OK, I was interested. I I I sort of heard about her.
Yeah, Yeah, my wife. Showed me, showed me and I was
send it to Lil. She would be a good one too I
reckon. But she's just completely open.
She's just like they all are. These days they're completely
(31:40):
open, so I got just. Got home two hours ago.
I made X money. Yeah, it's pretty crazy, Angela.
White when you look up someone that has their net worth like in
the in the question and I've been asked now what's.
What's her net worth? Saying 1010 million. 10 million.
Yep. Question, what do you reckon
(32:01):
your revenue over What How? How long were you answering
that? Because the tax department.
Were you in the millions though?Oh no, no, didn't make a.
Sense did not make a sense. So 10 mil and everything I made,
I gave the tax department. Yeah, 10 million.
(32:22):
I reckon she's worth more than that.
So what does? She do for contest so she got an
only fan. She's a porn star so she's
sleeping with people on her onlyfans.
Is there like an active? Yeah.
Does that make sense? Yeah, look, I'm.
So far out of it now like there is an active industry I'd
imagine. There would be more so now than
back then because of the connectivity and because of the
(32:42):
the sheer numbers of people thatwould be doing it.
Because I'd imagine this girl's one that we know of, there'd be
girls all over the state. That it's honestly saturated
market. I can't keep up with it and I
don't, you know, I don't honestly choose to look at it
much. I don't, I don't have much to do
with it these days. It's like going back into
something I don't, you know, I want to move away from.
(33:04):
Yeah. Is that, is that the goal now?
So you've wrote the second, the third book?
Yeah. You've written it in your own
name. Yeah.
It's sort of like putting it, nopun intended.
Putting it to bed. Put it.
Yeah. You know.
Move. I've just given you to a dad
joke. It's yeah, it's it, it, Yeah.
(33:24):
And where do we go? From here then, so we, we, we
the books are so I want to wish.Melbourne, which I've always
loved. I love Melbourne so much and
keep writing. Freelancing for Daily Mail
particularly, is that so you're.Writing for the Daily Mail?
Yeah, mostly. And what kind of is that?
What kind of journalism you. Know real people.
Real. I just love being a journalist.
Actually, you know what it did? I, I spent 10 years with
(33:47):
Samantha, just over 10 years. Had I stayed a journalist, I do
wonder where I'd be now, you know, would I be an editor of
something or, you know, but I wouldn't have written my book.
So I don't regret, you know, I wrote three books and it
wouldn't be on the. I wouldn't be on.
The Stories podcast. Because that sounds like a
boring. That's so true.
(34:09):
I'm glad. Yeah, Yeah.
So we're glad you did. We've got 2 episodes out of 100%
one. 100% But yeah, it sounds like maybe you're you're just
going to go under the radar now.Which I don't know about that.
Or maybe the journalism career. You look out.
There looking for love or you get 51 are you you're still
hopeful do you know what I mean look I'm very.
(34:31):
Happy by myself. I've I've been on my own a long
time. Of course I've flings.
When was the last? Sort of, I guess, serious, you
know, where you had a partner and ended it together and what
you're about to say. I remember.
One that ended in disaster. My love life always ends in
disaster. I know the court here Well,
yeah. Right.
Yeah, that's disaster. The restraining order court, you
(34:54):
know. They call me Amanda.
Are you are you on the on? You know, I've been with my
wife, as we were saying before, for 18 years.
So I've never been on any of theyes, the apps and stuff.
But are you on the apps and stuff?
I'm on one-on-one app. I've got banned.
From 2 do you? Do you get recognized?
I did get panned. Do you reckon you have you ever
been recognized? Yes.
Yes. And then they send me messages
(35:15):
on my Instagram. Yeah, hang on.
I just. Yeah.
And I thought and. Oh God anyway that's how I got
banned from Tinder and bumble because someone reported my
accounts as fake so I I joke I can't even get laid online so
so. One of the biggest things I, I,
I'd imagine to get used to, apart from the thrill is, you
know, the money, like I imagine it's the easiest or it's the not
(35:38):
the easiest, but the best, you know, well, potentially easiest,
the best money that you've ever made that 10 year period.
And I would also imagine that ifyou came back now, you could
make a shit ton more money than you made back then, right.
So the the bag or the carrot is is even greater today because
the opportunity is bigger and whatever.
How do you not go for the bag A or B?
(36:00):
And has that been one of the biggest mine things?
Do you know what I mean? Where you where you go?
You know, I can get. Yeah, because that.
That life could be very. Simple over here.
Yeah, there's. A lot of money out there and
because. Money makes life simple.
Oh, it's tempting. Me.
It doesn't. Well, it doesn't make it.
It doesn't make you happy, whichwe all agree, but it does make
life simple. Yeah, I was.
Fine till I came in here mate, you got me thinking about it.
(36:25):
Actually put the link down below.
Get you off and running. When you pimps.
Yeah, it's hard. Like I'm not going to lie to
you, it's really hard. You know, I'd love to say that
That was it. And I sailed off into the sunset
and happily ever after. But of course, I know if I went
back now, I'd make a fortune, you know, absolute fortune.
(36:48):
At what cost, though, you know, And would it ever be enough?
What would I do with the money? I don't need more clothes, you
know. Yeah, I could do with more
property. Yeah.
No, I I think it's hard to go back to anything, you know,
marriages, people, jobs. It's hard to go back.
I I. Weren't that when I was younger?
More around the job part? But yeah, I've always been told
(37:09):
that you never go back. If you leave, you never go back.
There's a reason you left. Then you should never go back.
Yeah. And.
I'm a lot healthier now. I did the best with the tools I
had at the time and I've got healthier tools now and I don't
think I'll go back. I don't think I can go back even
if I wanted to. You got any other?
Passions that are sort of I like, I love.
Writing and that's my passion. I've got another book coming out
(37:31):
at the end of the year and I've going to start writing my 5th
book soon. What are?
These diff these. They can't all be.
Talking about the stilettos, youknow?
No, no. No, no, that's be like.
Rocky 6 You know Samantha X6 What was?
There a rocky set, yeah, yeah. So, no, I don't know.
(37:51):
Yeah. So was there.
Yeah, I think there was Apollo Creed.
I don't know. So what are what are the
subjects? So what's your passion?
What do you want to write about?Well.
That the publishers are very keen on erotic fiction these
days, so I'm not feeling very erotic these days, so I'll have
to come to you guys for inspiration.
(38:12):
So you hate? To channel your Samantha, I have
to channel. Samantha for that, but then
you're. Taking yourself back.
No, because it wouldn't necessarily be about the
industry, right? Gotcha.
Yeah. Fresh.
Yeah. Fresh meat like 50.
Shades of Grey maybe? Oh, I can imagine writing the
next one of those I haven't read.
It but I, I. Try to sounds like.
You would try to? No, I did.
Try to read it, I couldn't why? Why not?
(38:33):
I just, I don't know it just. Wasn't for me.
I'm the only one in the whole world.
I just know it's. A big.
Deal. Yeah.
Erotic fiction is huge for women.
Yeah. At the moment, yes.
What about? Podcasts or Roddy?
This is erotic. You have an erotic podcast?
Yeah, well. I wonder if that like that's a
niche that's getting tapped intoPK.
We're looking for a new. Direction now this is good
(38:58):
Amanda, I appreciate you coming on and and it's great to hear
that you're healthy and well as well.
After, yeah, after a turbulent time.
Like that's the thing anyone we didn't go crazy into the
turbulence because that's back in the original app, one of our
best performing EPS. But yeah, it was turbulent.
Samantha was pretty full on. What was the?
Turbulent I I can't even remember what we talked about.
Wow. All I can.
Think about is you getting drunkwith a Mason.
(39:21):
Disappointment. Like you said, you were just,
she was full on, Yeah. I was she was full on I've I've
blanked a lot of it out and you definitely.
Feel more relaxed this time as well.
Yeah, well, I was. Probably hyper, yeah, but now
I'm just on medication. No, no, their medication just
stabilizes you. So yeah, correct.
Well. I can.
Well, again, going back to my myvisual here.
(39:44):
So the average person's here. Yeah.
You're living in a state of mania.
Yeah, extreme mania is up here. That when you're having the
medicine, it just brings you back down to where everyone else
is, right? Yeah.
More. Or less.
You still get that. You still get the cycles, but
they're not just so extreme. Well, they're not.
Going as high because of Yeah, they're not.
Going as high, so I'm not going to go out and get a BMW.
Bikini or Labrador? Oh, my God.
(40:06):
I had a Chihuahua, three dogs. I'd go out shopping to Coles,
come back with another dog, thengot 2 cats and then just had
nowhere to put them. Couldn't even fit them in my
car. It was just Matt.
It was just. It was just.
And I didn't pay bills. I had two lots of car insurance.
I didn't know I was paying. You know, it's just, it was I
didn't know how to cope with everyday tasks.
But Samantha was really successful.
(40:27):
So the behind closed. Yeah.
So it was, you know, I was really successful on the on the
outside. On the inside, my life was
absolute fucking disaster. And you're making.
Enough money for for the accounting didn't need to be
perfect and the decision making I just have to be I.
Don't know how I got through it.You know, I just fumble my way
through and I just put on this front that I was super
(40:49):
empowered, super strong, super confident.
And that really probably saved me at the time I needed saving.
And then when I was diagnosed, when I was on the medication,
the psychiatrist said you'll finally know who Amanda is.
And that's when I started to realize I didn't need to create
that other character anymore. Got one more?
Question for you. Go on.
For all. Because we're 25 to 45 or, you
(41:10):
know, male sort of dominated podcast.
So I'm not going to ask you for advice for any of the girls out
there looking to get into the industry, but for but for their
dads out there, right? For the dads out there that have
got girls and you know, it's saturated because it's so
prevalent and so many people aredoing it.
I've got two young girls. I fucking don't want to wake up
(41:31):
one day. And you know, then one of them
may be on only fans or whatever.What would the advice be to the
dads if my daughter came to me one day and God forbid she came
to me and or someone else came to me and said, Hey, did you
know that this your daughter? Do you know what I mean?
What would you do? How would you?
How would you? What would your advice be being
(41:52):
the you were that daughter? What would Oh my God, that's.
Really hard. For dad to come in.
I was 30. 8 you know. I.
Made my decision at 38 because. How does Dad handle that?
How does that show the advice? You know.
So your advice, I actually, I don't really know how to answer
that because it's really hard for me to answer that because if
(42:13):
your 18 year old daughter is doing something like that, then
she's an 18 year old girl and you can't stop.
Him right, like I'm sitting herethinking, give me some advice on
what I could do to make her to change her mind, but the reality
is at that point you're not trying to change their mind.
You just, well, I think it's. What Amanda was talking about
earlier when you were talking about the lessons and the what
you're going through now. And, and like you said, not to
(42:35):
say there's full regret there, but there's probably some things
you might have done done differently.
And and they're going to have tounderstand that potentially is
going to follow them around forever and they may not
appreciate that at that point. Everything, yeah.
Look, your your instinct is probably to go ballistic and and
be really upset and angry and disbelief.
I personally think a more productive way of dealing with
(42:58):
it is to sit her down and ask her why she's doing it.
And is there anything you can doto stop her And to think about,
you know, think about the future, think about her career
that she may want to the repercussion repercussions.
And look, I just want to make make one thing very clear.
Sex work is not bad. That's what I was going to like
that. Was my next question.
My next question is, yeah, because that's the blurred line
(43:19):
there as well. Like you're not necessarily
advocating to turn around and say, well, no, well, no, no.
Like if she wants to do it and she's doing it, you're like,
it's not the end. Do you know what I mean, Dad?
Chill out. Like, it's her choice.
Is that your position somewhere?It's not chill.
Out because I know I'm not naiveenough to know that you're not
going to chill out about it. Yes, you know, I don't mean.
Yeah, I mean, hypothetically, more like a dad.
(43:42):
You know, you're would you be onthe side of the would you're
where do you sit if I. If someone I love in my family,
my child, was doing it, I would be unhappy about it, to be
honest. Yeah, fair.
Yeah. That's I'd like, yeah.
And I think. That's the most powerful thing
anyone watching at home could probably take that you know,
(44:02):
you, if you were unhappy about it, then deep, deep, deep, deep,
deep down, it's you know, it's, it's not.
I would just, I would just question it's.
Not a lot that you would want your kid.
Why? Why would she feel the need to
do that? You know, is it lack of self
esteem? Is it money?
Is it validation she's looking for?
(44:24):
You know, and but that's I've got to be really careful to say
that sex work is not bad. Sex workers are not bad people.
They're not desperate. They're not, you know, they lots
of professional educated women. There's good and bad.
Ones the right and wrong ones, all of that.
Yeah, absolutely. But if you're a. 1718 I would
really question your motives. Is it just to get a Chanel
handbag or is it I think? That's what you said, survival.
(44:45):
You know, or is it, Yeah, right.Validation.
Where is, you know, mine was validation.
Where where where can you get your validation from apart from
doing an Only Fans account? Is it purely money?
A lot of girls are doing this for purely money financial
reasons. Validation in the context of
your beautiful Oh no. Just lack of self esteem in my
park and only talk about my story.
(45:05):
And you know, a little bit of I had, I needed a bit of
direction. I, I probably had, didn't have
great self esteem issues. You know, as most people, you
don't have to be a sex worker todo that.
So if, if someone I knew or my child was, was wanting to be an
only fan start at the age of 18,I would really sit down and talk
(45:25):
to her about it. But yeah, I would never disown
anyone. And if she wanted to do it, then
I couldn't stop her. But why does she want to do it?
And where does she think this went?
Does she understand what she's getting herself into?
She probably doesn't. Yeah, to say yeah.
And look, you know, we're talking about the women in the
industry. What about the men that are
(45:46):
paying for this? Yeah.
And you also said before there'smen doing this.
Well, there's men doing. I mean, like when we're talking
about there's dudes out there doing the exact same thing, we
just don't talk about exactly, but.
Also body blue, the body Blues of the world.
What about the men? Are you addressing the men that
line up for an hour dude? I know the the one the thousand
dudes that well, They're just. Buggered.
I don't know. They're too far gone, do you
reckon? Yeah.
(46:07):
Like they're, they're young kids, you know, a lot of them
are young kids, Yeah. So what about the consequences
for those people? Yeah.
The word It's near now. You know I know, and it's easy
to demonise. What do you think?
What? Why are they?
Yeah, why are they? Well, The thing is, I guess
those guys, you know, and then. It has to just be fame.
But they're not they're. Just famous from another.
(46:28):
They're a famous. Dude, but they they have.
Their faces covered and stuff. Yeah, like.
Oh, sorry, I'm thinking that the2 girls.
No, no, no. I'm.
Talking about the guys, you know, because there's 1000 men
that line up, that's 1000. People to tell their mates
they're probably, well, they they.
Hide their faces, though, yeah, yeah, but to say.
Oh, I did it, but I wouldn't. If I was with my mates, I
wouldn't be going. Oh, I did it.
(46:48):
I'd be going. I didn't do it, mate.
How were you talking about? Look, you wouldn't own up to
being one of 1000, surely? Like, I'm not.
I'm not sure. What's what's driving now?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you. I don't want to think about it
like. You've got to think about 18
years old. Yeah, at. 18 The only way you I
could think that you you're trying to have a laugh with your
mates, but you can't have 1000 blokes doing it for that reason.
(47:10):
You know what I mean? There's probably.
Some that maybe are battling a bit and, you know, might get a
few knockbacks, you know. What I'm saying?
Go home with you SO may not go. That, well, I'm a bit, yeah.
You're right. So the batting average is not
that good. Yeah.
And they just get. Their average up, I don't know.
Look, I'm not sure it's a tricky.
One, because it never happened, but you know.
(47:31):
Sex, Sex workers will always be there because the need is there.
You know, men will pay for the men pay for the industry,
basically. If you think about it, yeah, men
fund the industry, yet the womenare stigmatized, he said.
Can can I ask, would I don't even know if you would know
this? Is it a like because it's like
sort of lent into it or alluded to it before about the only
(47:54):
fans, but the physical these is that a growing industry or is
that dying out there in in the streets in the Collingwood
streets in Clifton Hill and stuff?
Oh, I don't. Know I don't relative to.
What's going on online? You mean like?
Street walkers, yeah. Yeah, I've no idea.
I I don't see in them anymore. I don't.
Yeah. I mean, Kings Cross used to be
like that in Sydney. I feel like it's.
All gone online. Yeah, I don't.
(48:14):
Know like like a lot of. Things but yeah, but I.
Think. I think establishments are still
busy. I think people still want human
connection before we all get robotic partners.
It's coming. It's I reckon it is.
I absolutely reckon it is. Well, isn't.
Yeah, well, I guess a long. A long be some of those workers.
(48:35):
Are going to be out of their jobs and you know I I.
Reckon it's really going to affect the industry?
No, I agree. I've seen somewhere like, yeah,
there's they reckon there's robots and yeah, right.
Well, you can buy one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You can like, did you see that Instagram thing where they have
that female robot maybe and she's actually very attractive?
Yeah. Well, if you're going to make
(48:55):
one. It's worth.
Doing worth doing right? Yeah, no, 100% but they're
they're. Like the, you know, the six star
blow up doll. Yeah, I was.
About to say back in the day thethe blow up.
Doll, whatever that. Shot was called, now call
Amanda. This has been great.
And yeah, glad to hear you're doing well.
And good luck with the next ball.
(49:16):
Thank you. Thank you very much for having
me on anything to leave. Us with is.
There anything you want me to leave you with?
Shout out. Shout out the pad the where?
Where do they find the book? When the Ah so.
Misfit Unravelling of Samantha Xis out in all good bookstores,
the airports online, Audible. It's my voice.
I Oh, you did the. Read.
Yes, I did the read. I was going to say narrative.
(49:37):
I can't never pronounce that word.
Narrated, narrated, narrated, narrated.
So you get to hear my English accent.
And yeah. And my my podcast Exposed is on
Spotify and all good podcast places.
All good. Podcast places, Benny, that's
where you find us. Go, let's go.
Like, share, subscribe. See you at the top.
(50:01):
People will be part of a winningteam.
People can. Find a better version of
themselves if they choose. You just need to go.
Start some shit action. Is all that matters.
See you man. If you would think I look.
Back now and I'm like, well, that took some guts.
We can't, we can't. We can't see you at the top.
You were the highest paid escortin Australia.
It has had consequences for those close to me and I think it
would be foolish not to acknowledge that I came from
that industry. There is also a dark side to it
that people don't really want toadvertise.
Only fans, Only fans. The dark side about only fans,
Well, I went public 10 years ago. 10 years ago it was really
(00:23):
controversial. Now it's not controversial at
all. Bonnie Blue have slept with 1000
guys in a 24 hour period. Yeah.
What's your take on that? Would I do it?
Absolutely not. And I just wonder how women like
that in five 10/15/20 years are going to cope with their past.
You know there's nothing wrong with being a sex worker, but do
you? 51 Amanda, what would you say is
(00:46):
the thing that still haunts you today the most?
I would say haunt me because I would do it all again.
I really enjoyed the job itself.It wasn't the job that haunts me
per SE. It was more.
Amanda, thanks coming back. Thanks for having me.
Being one of our best performers.
Well, the comment. I've heard that before and.
The comment The jokes have started.
Well, we might have been nervouslast time, so we.
(01:09):
Are you nervous? Now probably.
Well, we're basically friends now, you know, So it's all good
and. If anyone goes back to that
other episode, there was some nervous moments.
So for people that don't know, Samantha Rex was your alias when
you were working in the sex industry?
Yep. And the context highest paid at
the. Time I was at the time.
Highest paid escort in Australia.
At the time, which was why I went public, 10 years ago, I
(01:33):
released my first book and went and then ten years ago it
wasn't. It was a really controversial.
Now it's not controversial at all.
You know, everyone's doing it now.
It's. Pretty much because it Yeah,
people seem to because only fans, everyone it's.
Yeah, there was none of that when I was, you know, when I
went forward, there's no only fans.
There's no podcasts on sex workers.
There was nothing. Yeah.
So it's it was controversial. Now it's more unusual if you
(01:56):
don't have an only fans account or you know.
Well, I'm looking for some extracash.
Cost of living pressures are high.
Not that I'd do any good 'cause I did think when we're doing the
research. Yeah, Amanda, I was like.
That would have been hard. The research on only fence and.
Stuff no research on you but like yeah you would have
dominated. Well, ten years ago, yes, but if
(02:18):
I'd gone public now, no one would care.
It would have been. Competition as well.
Yes, seriously. I mean Trail Blazer back then.
Well, you would have made it back, yes, but you know, now
it's the Bonnie blue types and. Wow, you bought it?
Up. No.
OK, you can ask. Lily Phillips, we have to, Yes,
of course it would be remiss of us not to ask about.
(02:41):
So it's it's Bonnie Blue and Lily Phillips have slept with
1000 guys in a 24 hour period plus.
Yeah. What's your take on that?
Is that look? Is that empowerment?
Or is that look, I'm torn, to behonest, because I do believe,
you know, women can do what theywant.
It's. Either empowerment or.
Well, yeah, yeah. I don't want to say too much
(03:06):
about those women because they are sex workers and, you know, I
came from that industry. But would I do it?
Absolutely not. And, and yeah, I just wonder how
women, I'm not going to talk about those, I'm not going to
name them, but women like that in 10-5, ten, 1520 years are
going to cope with their past because I know I've had to deal
(03:27):
with my past. And it's it's a, it is a battle
sometimes. And while I was, you know, you
know, excited, empowered, all those things, there is also a
dark side to it that people don't really want to advertise.
And I just worry about women, girls because they're young
girls, how they're gonna feel ina few years time about that.
(03:50):
And it's so public and forever out on the world wide.
Yeah, World Wide Web. Yeah, like it's forever.
And I said in my third book that, you know, there's nothing
wrong with being a sex worker, but do you always want to be
known for that? You know, in, in, you know, you
most sex workers, Well, they certainly used to when I in my
day didn't identify themselves, they were anonymous for good
(04:14):
reason. And now there's so much out
there, women, you know, men and women who talk about the job
and, and fair enough. There's nothing to be ashamed
of, but it will take it from me.I'm, I'm living it now, you
know, I've left the industry. I will always be known as that
girl. So these, these women will
always be known as the women that slept with 1000 men in 24
(04:35):
hours. And you may think that's great
now, but in 20 years, what do you think?
That's great, you know. Yeah, and I feel it would
correct me if I'm wrong, but youknow, when you're in, you know,
when you were working, you know,getting, you know, you
transitioning out into a different space now be harder
for these girls when you know. Like not this impossible
(04:55):
they're. Just like they're they're,
they're famous worldwide. Look, I had a career, I was a
journalist before I became Samantha and I'm, I've gone back
to being a journalist. So I'm lucky I had that skill,
that career, you know, and I've had a family and I've done all
of that. Those girls might not want to
work forever in that industry, but it to go back into a normal
(05:17):
conventional life, conventional job is going to be near
impossible for them. Rightly or wrongly, there will
always be discrimination and stigma and and I don't make
those rules, society does. And with those girls, the big
difference between them and you as well, Samantha, like you say,
you still struggle with it now, yours isn't.
Your whole journey isn't documented online that people
(05:38):
can still go back and view. So theirs is almost like an
archive. So when they get to your age and
maybe they're in your position. 51 now, yeah.
Which is 51 and you're looking amazing for 51, but but you
know, when they get to 50, 51 and they maybe start to try and
distance themselves or it's not them because it's not going to
be them. Everyone changes.
(05:59):
They can say it's going to be them forever as much as until
they're blue in the face. Yeah, yeah, everyone changes.
There's going to be a day when they're not going to be want to
be that person. But the problem for them is for
you, if you didn't talk about itand didn't put it out there
public, it would fade away unless people would know and it
wouldn't be as significant in your life because it doesn't,
there's not an archive of it back, you know, for people to go
(06:22):
and visit and remind themselves of, oh, that was Samantha X,
right? These girls, no matter what they
do, it's always going to follow them around because the archives
of the videos and the clips and all that.
So it's almost like what you're,they're going to have to deal
with what you're dealing with now and have had to deal with,
you know, internally, but they're going to, I feel like
it's going to be on steroids. Yeah, totally.
(06:43):
And also the month, I mean, they'll say, well, I'm making
millions. I made a lot of money too, but I
spent a lot of money and I and you know, when I left the
industry, I I wasn't a multi millionaire.
And, you know, smart girls invest their money and they
don't buy Ferraris, you know, and I just.
Are those girls buying Ferraris?I think Bonnie Blue's just
bought a Lamborghini or a Ferrari.
(07:05):
But it's yeah, and totally agree.
Like, I don't know, I see it's not gonna last for some of these
people. Make.
Yeah. They're making proper money
though today, aren't they? Yeah, it it, but it won't last
forever. That I thought my money was
gonna last forever. I thought I would always make
the money I made. Yeah, but as soon as you retire,
yeah. I don't know whether in porn you
make money every time someone still view like you.
(07:26):
Know if you get. I don't know if that still
happens. If that happens, I don't know
the money. Only fans contracts as written.
I don't know how it is. I don't know, but there will be
there'll be someone new coming on on the scene and that you
know, that she's, she's very much the porn star of the day.
But someone else will take over soon, yeah?
Can I ask 51 Amanda, you know, you're open, which is amazing
(07:47):
because hopefully some other girls will say this bit like for
the Bonnie Blues of the world. But what is what, what would you
say is the thing that still haunts you today the most?
Just internally to yourself, in your head, is the people's
perception of you or that you can.
It's all what you're always going to be known as.
Does that make sense? Yeah, totally.
I would say haunt me because I don't.
(08:08):
I would do it all again. I would.
I would do. It all again.
So you're not that I guess, beaten up by that you would go
if I had my time again, I wouldn't.
Have done that? No, because I think that with
regret you either with decisions, you're either if you
regret them, it either takes youspiraling down into a very dark
hole. And I've been to that place or
(08:29):
you learn from it and I've learned from it.
And I know I've helped a lot of people as Samantha, even myself.
It saved me, I think being Samantha, which I talked about
my book, which I talk about my book because I had undiagnosed
bipolar. So I reckon creating that
character probably saved my life.
But hindsight's a wonderful thing.
(08:49):
And had I known what I know now,I would have done things a bit
differently. I probably wouldn't have been so
public about it because, and I discussed this in my book, it
has had consequences for those close to me.
And I think it would be foolish not to acknowledge that.
You know, even though a lot of people don't judge a lot there
are people that do. And sex work will always be
(09:10):
stigmatized. Even though people say they
don't, they do. And while I was really happy to
go out public and as you say, Trailblaze for sex workers, it
came at a cost. But has it made me closer with
those that I love? Yes.
And have I learnt from it? Yes.
So, but the hardest thing has been acknowledging that, you
(09:33):
know, when I'm being medicated, seeing the the wood for the
trees and thinking, shit, did I really do that?
You know, I know. While I'm not blaming bipolar at
all, it helps me understand. Do you have vivid memories?
Is there certain specific memories of that time that stand
out or, or moments or or do you sort of more looking forward?
(09:53):
Does that make sense? And you're not.
You're not constantly. No, it took me.
Taunted by memories or things that trigger.
God I remember when I was here last.
Fuck, that wasn't. The job itself was I really
enjoyed the job itself. It wasn't the job that that that
haunts me per SE. It was more the publicity, I
think, and the feeling I couldn't shake off that deep
(10:16):
down I knew it really wasn't me.Talk to us a bit about the the
bipolar because you're bipolar when you're Samantha Amanda.
Like for people that don't understand it, what, what's that
like, living like that? And now knowing, yeah, that that
that's that that was a real thing.
And and now obviously you're sort of dealing with it.
(10:38):
And I didn't know what bipolar was you.
Know. Yeah, so bipolar.
Everyone thinks bipolar people are crazy and mad, and I'm not
saying we're not, but it is. It's can be, it's genetic.
It can be genetic, and it can becaused by trauma as well.
And it is typically there's bipolar 1 and bipolar 2 and I
(10:59):
have bipolar 2. Bipolar 1 is the one where you
have extreme mania and what's another word for mania anyway?
You have extreme mania and hallucinations and you can't
sleep. I don't have that one.
I have the one where a cycle between hyper mania and
depression, hypermia, depression.
Right. So you're up.
(11:19):
Yeah. So, so visually a normal person
sitting here. Yeah, their mood and your mood
is either up here. Skyrocketing.
Which is, you know, yeah, but the hyper mania.
So yeah, a normal person's maniawould be there.
Yeah, you're hyper mania. So you're up here.
And you make stupid decisions. And then you're back all the.
Way down here, yeah. And it just your life cycle.
(11:42):
Yeah, and the normal person would be sitting in the middle
and when they have mania peak bedistressed, they just go up a
little bit. Yeah, and then they come back
down, whereas hyper mania. Takes you on a ride.
All the way up here, Yeah. And then you're all the way back
down there. Yeah, and a lot of people in the
creative industries have bipolarsportsmen particularly.
So, so during those sort of cycles like you call it, was it
(12:03):
a little bit sort of Samantha? Yeah, Samantha, Amanda,
Samantha, Amanda, Samantha, Amanda.
And and in my mania, I achieved so much.
I wrote my best selling books inrecord time.
I, you know, became Samantha. I became the the, the most
famous and the most expensive. You know, I I was on like this,
this train hurtling out of control.
What kind of manic behaviours though, would you say?
(12:24):
So if you've you're locked into something and you've decided.
Yeah, I did it, you know, like Ithought I'm going to be an
escort, I'm going to be the bestin Australia.
I did it. You know, I'm going to write
books about I did it. I'm going to go out.
You know, once I and I've written about this, I had a one
stage, I had three dogs and two cats in a cage in my kitchen,
even though I had no spare, you know, I'd go out and buy Tiwara
(12:45):
instead of the shopping, you know, I'd come back with an
Irish wolfhound. You know, I've got a Great Dane
I couldn't fit, you know, it's just, it was just madness.
But hey, I've got a I was on thebeach once and I decided to go
and get a convertible BMW in my bikini.
So I went to BM. I had no money.
You know, it's ridiculous, thosethoughts of destructive, I got
into debt. You know, destructive habits, I
(13:05):
got into debt. Decision making just.
Just decision making that that that that I truly believe was
the right thing at the time. You know, I decided I was going
to be a politician at one stage.So I went and met all these
politicians. You know, I went to Victoria, I
came to Melbourne and had a meeting with the politician and
asked her for a job and then went into the cafe and said I'm
going to be working here. There was no job.
(13:27):
You know, I was completely delusional.
I said to, you know, it was justand.
And not aware not. But I didn't, I thought it was
the right thing, you know, and Ithink being Samantha, being so
vocal about it and going on TV, going to London and going on TV
and going to LA and going on TV,I think that was part of the
(13:47):
couldn't get off the, the, the Mania cycle.
And Mania can last weeks, months, years, and then you come
down again. And then the enormity of my
decisions would leave me bedridden and.
Then so and then you decided to go get some help, speak to
someone and then you got got diagnosed well.
It was accident. I got diagnosed accidentally,
(14:07):
right? Yeah.
And yeah, I got diagnosed accidentally.
Not accidentally, but in passing.
And then I went to two psychologists and they sent me
to Professor Gordon Parker, who's the founder of Black Dog
Institute, who's written the forward of my book, and he
diagnosed me. Yeah, he said usually he's 80%
(14:28):
sure his patients are bipolar, but with me he's 100%.
So at least I did it well. Yeah, there was no doubt.
No. Doubt, which is why I look back
a lot. I look at these young girls
today and I'm not saying, oh, they must have bipolar, but I do
recognise myself in in that a little bit, you know, the
madness of it all. Yeah.
(14:49):
Do you think there needs to be alittle bit of madness to get
into that, into the industry a little bit, a little bit of?
Well, you could say that about any industry really.
I think there needs to be a certain type of person, yes.
Yeah. Yeah, definitely a certain type
of person. How's, how do you think it's
evolved? Obviously we've talked about
(15:10):
only fans and that sort of thing.
How, how has it evolved? You know, do you sort of still
keep in touch with maybe young women that you know you?
No one's reaching out. Sometimes they do and I, I
always say, you know, especiallyyoung women, I always advise
them to get it. I've always advised young women
to get a career 1st and if they want kids, go and have kids.
Because once in the industry, they're pretty much stuck in the
(15:32):
industry. It's hard to leave.
But you know, it's just like I said earlier, it's it's such a
like, it's a saturated market now, like or you know, like go
on maths. And then they have an only fans
account. I was actually thinking of
having an only fans account recently.
No, no, but not a lot, not like a porn one.
But I thought, oh, you know, howcan I still keep a little bit of
(15:53):
me and then. See your only fan account by the
sounds of it. Only fans accounts don't need to
be used for porn either, that's just what they're synonymous
for. Do you know what I mean?
Yeah. So it's really just a pay rate.
Yeah yeah, you could pay to see someones feet.
Would you do it for? $1,000,000.
No, Show me feet. Do what?
Do what? I don't know, like what's your
(16:15):
price? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, I. Feel like everyone has a price
don't they? Well that's a great question.
What is your price to to show myfeet no to become an A male
escort and are we taking me back?
I just need contacts. Am I married with three kids
like now or am I going back to Ben That was 16 or say 18/19/20?
When did you get? Married.
(16:35):
I got married. When I was 18 years ago, in
about four days. Oh, not you met.
You met. You met married in four days?
No. Yeah, in.
Four days time. Anniversary, yeah.
Yeah. I'd say right now, what's your
price? What's my price?
Yeah, there's no price right there. 5 million.
I wouldn't do it. For 5 million now 10 Would it
(16:57):
have to be a career or just no, just a?
One off Oh. Man if the boss was 5 if.
I said no. No, I'm back talking.
If the boss was on board, I'd doit for 500.
Ah guess guess what I got an Uber yesterday and no word of a
lie I said to the Uber driver I see I was feeling really sick I
said as soon as I went in I saidwhy do you have to be good
(17:19):
looking and I feel so shit. Anyway, he's a male escort and
he said I've just come from a job.
Didn't you guys just hit it off?Well, I, I think he expected me
to be shocked and I go and I waslike, oh really?
Me too. And I'm Australia's biggest.
That's what I mean. It's a saturated market.
(17:39):
Like he had just come from a jobwhere there was an old man in
Richmond and two women. He was coked off his head, the
man. And he just wanted, am I allowed
to even talk about what he told me?
Yeah, absolutely. OK.
And he just, the old man just wanted him to have sex with the
women in front of him. And by the way, he picked me up
at 9:30 in the morning, he'd already done this also it.
(18:00):
Was ohh, that's a they've had a big night.
The night, yeah, he said. He had big night and then in the
morning, you know, you obviouslyknow what I'm talking about.
You obviously know what I'm talking about.
Was it you? Yeah.
Yeah. Oh.
God, what a that that's yeah, that's what it's the Uber
driver. He's running Uber and he's he's
(18:21):
got side services. Well, I.
I know and I just, I lay in the back thinking how much money
have I got in my wallet? No, I I wouldn't.
I can't done it. Couldn't do it now.
Pete got to skip before. What about you, Peter?
What's that? Would you?
Would you? You know what?
What's your what's your price? Yeah.
What's your price? Oh, there's a lot of context
(18:41):
that needs. No, it's a very.
Simple question. But no, MIL, that you were
talking about before sounds right.
Yeah, yeah. Easy with a man.
With a man. No.
Why 5? Mil No 10 mil No.
Come on, That's such a lie. That's such a lie.
That's a hard. Thing to do if Jem.
Was on board, you'd do it for a meal and no one.
(19:03):
Ever found out but? Man's pretty hard.
For but you're you're. Blowing your life up for money
and and money doesn't. Ever find it doesn't and I'd
tell. You what cost of living wig up
too. So Nah, Nah, no, the man's hard
like I don't think like I just can't just a blowjob.
I just can't. Oh, that's.
Different poo. Yeah, I just, I think I, I find
(19:27):
that really, really hard. That's a.
Confronting question for PK fromfrom Wang No well.
I just the whole boys. I'm not into boys.
I would find that very hard for whatever.
It would be hard, you know what I mean?
I'm not saying it wouldn't be done.
It would be hard. It would be very hard.
(19:48):
It would be very hard. Can I've got some questions
difference between a man that pays for sex and doesn't?
That was someone that some put put in the comments last time.
Could you tell a difference between those type of guys?
A client is usually much nicer, OK.
Oh so. You mean someone who does it so
dating someone? That dating in the.
(20:08):
Real world is really hard. I find that really challenging.
Actually I found working much easier.
Is there any clients that you actually miss?
Do you know what I mean? Oh, I love them.
All. Yeah, I love them all.
Yep. What?
What do you mean by What do you mean by them 'cause is that the
expectations like a line boundaries you never.
(20:28):
Know, you know, I'm actually, I think I'm like an, you know,
experience with men and what they, you know, how they think.
And I actually don't. I'm actually actually not.
Yeah. Well, that's the thing.
I'd say you'd be a guru, no? Wow.
But then you get. Out there, think I know them.
Too you get out there in. The wild and.
(20:49):
That's how I feel. I feel I'm in the wild and I've
lost my power. Yeah, that's how I feel.
Like a lion. That's been like tamed.
I'm just an And now they put youout there and you're getting
eaten by just a hyena or yeah, who does have?
The power in that situation, would you say so when they say
the workers? Do the workers.
Do and 'cause that would be, I guess the the client would think
(21:09):
that they would you like, I would assume the client would
think that they are since they've got the money in there.
No, it all depends. On the situation.
I mean, yeah, that's the thing. Like if that's your, that's your
arena, like you're comfortable, you know what's up usually maybe
very nervous. Yeah, that's it.
I would imagine if a bloke goes in there, yeah.
Are you? Imagining no.
Well, that's I'm just thinking how I felt last time and I was
(21:32):
nervous and she wasn't. So there you go.
So yeah, dating is really hard and.
Are you dating now? On and off.
On and off, but it's, you know, and.
When these people, when you meetsomeone, Amanda, do you feel
like you need to disclose this or how long?
How quickly do they figure it out or is it better for you to
(21:54):
go? I know they're going to figure
it out quick, so I'll disclose it straight.
Well, I mean, they say, what do you do, journalist, author, have
you written books? Yes, I've written books.
And then then that's how it usually goes.
But I sort of feel younger men don't really care that much.
There's going to be no long termrelationship.
Yeah, I sort of feel it's old news now.
(22:15):
You know, no one really cares. And because it's in the media so
much with other girls, I think people really care.
They're more interested. The fact that I don't drink is
is that that's what's interests them more that I'm sober.
You weren't always sober. I've been.
Cyber for six years. Alcohol wise, alcohol.
Wise. And what about four?
(22:36):
Years. Four years.
And illicit. Drugs I was trying.
To think I was gonna say party drugs.
Yeah. So what?
What was your, what would you say?
I was a you. Know champagne party girl and
what everything that came with it so I got sober and that's
when my bipolar was picked up when I was sober because my 46.
At this point, yeah, my. Late 40s, yeah, I'm only just
51, but I don't know what I whatever that is -6.
(23:01):
That's a journey, that's. A journey because I.
Remember the story you told lasttime, how you're with like the
mothers group or whatever and you got hammered on the
champagne that was in Bondi? Yes, Bondi, maybe.
Yes. Yes, yes, that's.
Like a little lunch. Get together and that's right.
Yeah, I do that. Yeah, I do remember that.
So my memories, I've blanked a lot of stuff out.
(23:22):
Oh yeah. But you've been.
On a journey, Amanda, Yes. You think about like you're 51
now and we're talking about fouryears ago.
You're still battling with, you know, yeah, you know, maybe
probably 5. Years ago, 4-5.
Years ago, which is yeah, five years is a long time, but at the
same time it's not that long in the context of 51 years.
(23:42):
Do you find now I I guess because it would have been a
progression, Definitely a progression.
Yeah. So it's been a progression of on
and off and a love hate relationship with drugs and
alcohol quitting. I'm offered.
I'm on it, I'm off it and on it.And sounds like five years ago
was when you finally put the pinin it, would you say?
Well, that's probably my question is the pin in it now,
(24:05):
would you said, you know, do youfeel like they, you know,
addiction is addiction still hard?
Well, addiction, they say addiction is not curable.
It's only manageable. So once you're an addict, you're
an addict for life. You're 1 bad decision away from
being back at square one. Right.
So, so I guess my question is like, how are you handling?
Like where are you at now? Because you sound, you seem like
you're in a really, really good place.
Yeah, but it's not that long agoyou've had to fight, you know,
(24:27):
46. You're still fighting for your
happiness and trying to find your, your, your, your centre, I
suppose. Yeah.
It's hard work, you know, I don't miss well, I do.
I do miss drinking particularly,but I never drank every day.
I never drank every week. You know, I just binged and I
would, it would be game over. So I would lose everything.
(24:49):
So, but I, you know, now I sort of trick myself into thinking I
can have a glass of wine with dinner, but there's no point or
I'm too scared that it will takeme back to that special.
Occasion. Yeah, just a special.
Yeah, there's always a reason. And one year.
Later, after that special occasion, you're still trying to
exactly. So it's not worth it for me and
now I always say I'm too vain tostart drinking again because it
(25:10):
will age a decade if I start my old ways.
But it is progressive. I never was a big drinker or
anything like that until I hit my 30s forties and then I think
it was the stress of dealing with Samantha and the publicity
that I struggled with a lot. So you've.
You've done the book. When did the book come out?
The third book. 'S just come out literally 2
weeks ago. Yeah.
Nice. And yeah, the forward has been
(25:33):
written by my psychiatrist, yes.And yeah, it's a different it's
written by the 1st 2 books I wrote under Samantha.
This one's written under my realname.
Yeah. And it's just basically about
how I've coped or coping with retiring from Samantha and
suddenly, you know, men treatingme a different way, not not
making the money I we used to make, you know, tell us about.
(25:53):
That not men treating you a different way.
Yeah. Well, yeah, tell us more about
it. But.
Just, you know, I had incidents where you know, you're
surrendering. That power because that made you
feel powerful, yeah. And then?
That just men would still I I sort of like in I'm I'm too
embarrassed to talk to you aboutit, to be honest.
Can't believe. We've made a man.
(26:14):
We're embarrassed. Table's a turn, mother.
Just they still had in their heads that I was Samantha, let's
just put it that way. And one man said to me, I just
wanted to manipulate you to see how I felt about my pregnant
girlfriend. Yeah, he, Oh yeah.
It was a long like men, certain men treated me still a certain
(26:38):
way that made me remember why I became Samantha in the 1st
place. So I just thought and I, it was
like a year of me thinking if men are going to treat me like
this still, then I may as well be Samantha again.
But that's, you know, because I've changed a little bit and
I've put more boundaries up because when I left Samantha,
Samantha was good for me in the way it taught me boundaries with
men. And so when I left Samantha, I
sort of lost those boundaries a bit.
(26:59):
It's, it's hard to explain to two guys.
I guess I was I. Would have thought yeah, I would
have thought the opposite though.
I would have thought the opposite.
Like would be true that your boundaries were pretty, pretty
liberal as Samantha and then no,they're.
Watertight, Yeah, right. Yeah, with.
Samantha And then so now I'm in the real world again.
Yeah. You know, I guess I would liken
(27:20):
it to a sports person, a sports star who suddenly stops playing
footy and is really struggling to come to terms with not having
that life anymore and not knowing who he is or Yeah,
absolutely. And and finding that thrill or,
or whether, even if it's not even a thrill, it does
definitely was a. Thrill.
Yeah. And but, and how do you replace
that? Yeah, it's, it's challenging a
big part of your identity, whichis what I was saying before,
(27:42):
like, and you had to surrend that, right?
Because when you're walking around and Samantha and you're
like you said, you're the you'renot the vulnerable one.
You're you're alpha. Yeah, you're the alpha.
You're calling the shots, your name and the price.
You're fucking the time, the allof that stuff.
And then all of a sudden, yeah, you're just, you're just a
civilian. Exactly where?
No one gives a fuck and also having to deal with my past as
(28:06):
well and but what is the hardest?
Part of that, when you say that,is it the things that you did or
could you keep? Saying some of the headlines I
remember because that's what I was.
Going to say you keep saying thepress some.
Of the headlines, Yeah, well. What it is about it just?
Wasn't me, you know, I thought Ihad to behave a certain way and
(28:27):
look a certain way. You know, I've had surgery since
I gave up Samantha and my boobs reduced.
I'm embarrassed to talk about that on a male podcast.
This is the place ordinary. Stories, Let's go.
You know, I even dress differently.
Everything's different, and it'sjust the writing.
The book was quite cathartic, soit helped me come back to Earth
(28:50):
a little bit. Yeah, Really.
I would imagine therapeutic because like you said, you block
a lot of it out, but if you write a book, it makes you
actually go back there and relive it and then put a pin in
it and move on. Yeah, my books.
My first two books were so explicit like and I I can't now.
I look back at them and I cannotbelieve I wrote them.
I'm like, who the fuck wrote these books?
(29:12):
You know, because they are pretty explicit sexually.
And were Souls much different experience writing it as Amanda?
Yes. Than a Samantha.
Yeah, that's wild. That is wild.
Say. So you're still on your journey
now or you're feeling a bit more?
I'm feeling a bit. More settled.
I want to move to Melbourne. I want, you know, I want to have
a fresh start here and you've got and.
Can I ask about the pod you had the pod?
(29:33):
Yeah, I do. I.
Have a podcast called Expose Expose.
That's right. Can you tell us some of the
people that you've had on and maybe why is there, what's the
most interesting one that you can share with us because you
had some, it was really around that same industry, right?
So some of them. Were, yeah, I mean, I had male
escort. Male escort stories always do
well. Always do well.
People are fascinated with male escorts.
(29:54):
Yeah, that's, you know, magic Mark.
Yeah. But they're really normal guys.
You know, one used to work in the disability industry.
You know, I'm fascinated when they talk about having sex with
82 year old women and stop it. Yes, to me it's fat even.
And I was in the industry and I'm still fascinated.
Is that? Is that actually happening?
(30:14):
Yes, there's a very good male escort agency called Her
Confidante and I will link it down below.
It's it's based in Melbourne andthere she has loads of male
escorts that work for her. It's a thing like women these
days, they're choosing not to get married, they're choosing to
be single and they're buying intimacy.
It's really turned on its head. Really.
(30:36):
Yes. It is a thing, I wonder.
If only fans has slowed down thefoot traffic at the brothels or
escort agencies and stuff. Do you know what I mean?
Because maybe they're getting access, you know, instant
gratification. They can, you know, maybe, but.
People want connections. Question.
Yeah. Have you had an only fans go
(30:57):
here? No, we haven't.
That's disappoint. That is a good point.
Yeah, you should get. Angela White on here.
Angela. White, Do you know Angela White?
No, I. Don't Do you know Angela White?
I've heard of Angela. White PK.
I'm tipping PK hasn't. No.
There's another girl that you may know that she's got Tik
Toks, which my wife watches and is fascinated by and she tells
(31:19):
her stories about, oh, last night I was, I just got home and
she shows the money. Oh yeah.
Yeah, she talked about the PeggySue, I think.
So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,yeah.
OK, I was interested. I I I sort of heard about her.
Yeah, Yeah, my wife. Showed me, showed me and I was
send it to Lil. She would be a good one too I
reckon. But she's just completely open.
She's just like they all are. These days they're completely
(31:40):
open, so I got just. Got home two hours ago.
I made X money. Yeah, it's pretty crazy, Angela.
White when you look up someone that has their net worth like in
the in the question and I've been asked now what's.
What's her net worth? Saying 1010 million. 10 million.
Yep. Question, what do you reckon
(32:01):
your revenue over What How? How long were you answering
that? Because the tax department.
Were you in the millions though?Oh no, no, didn't make a.
Sense did not make a sense. So 10 mil and everything I made,
I gave the tax department. Yeah, 10 million.
(32:22):
I reckon she's worth more than that.
So what does? She do for contest so she got an
only fan. She's a porn star so she's
sleeping with people on her onlyfans.
Is there like an active? Yeah.
Does that make sense? Yeah, look, I'm.
So far out of it now like there is an active industry I'd
imagine. There would be more so now than
back then because of the connectivity and because of the
(32:42):
the sheer numbers of people thatwould be doing it.
Because I'd imagine this girl's one that we know of, there'd be
girls all over the state. That it's honestly saturated
market. I can't keep up with it and I
don't, you know, I don't honestly choose to look at it
much. I don't, I don't have much to do
with it these days. It's like going back into
something I don't, you know, I want to move away from.
(33:04):
Yeah. Is that, is that the goal now?
So you've wrote the second, the third book?
Yeah. You've written it in your own
name. Yeah.
It's sort of like putting it, nopun intended.
Putting it to bed. Put it.
Yeah. You know.
Move. I've just given you to a dad
joke. It's yeah, it's it, it, Yeah.
(33:24):
And where do we go? From here then, so we, we, we
the books are so I want to wish.Melbourne, which I've always
loved. I love Melbourne so much and
keep writing. Freelancing for Daily Mail
particularly, is that so you're.Writing for the Daily Mail?
Yeah, mostly. And what kind of is that?
What kind of journalism you. Know real people.
Real. I just love being a journalist.
Actually, you know what it did? I, I spent 10 years with
(33:47):
Samantha, just over 10 years. Had I stayed a journalist, I do
wonder where I'd be now, you know, would I be an editor of
something or, you know, but I wouldn't have written my book.
So I don't regret, you know, I wrote three books and it
wouldn't be on the. I wouldn't be on.
The Stories podcast. Because that sounds like a
boring. That's so true.
(34:09):
I'm glad. Yeah, Yeah.
So we're glad you did. We've got 2 episodes out of 100%
one. 100% But yeah, it sounds like maybe you're you're just
going to go under the radar now.Which I don't know about that.
Or maybe the journalism career. You look out.
There looking for love or you get 51 are you you're still
hopeful do you know what I mean look I'm very.
(34:31):
Happy by myself. I've I've been on my own a long
time. Of course I've flings.
When was the last? Sort of, I guess, serious, you
know, where you had a partner and ended it together and what
you're about to say. I remember.
One that ended in disaster. My love life always ends in
disaster. I know the court here Well,
yeah. Right.
Yeah, that's disaster. The restraining order court, you
(34:54):
know. They call me Amanda.
Are you are you on the on? You know, I've been with my
wife, as we were saying before, for 18 years.
So I've never been on any of theyes, the apps and stuff.
But are you on the apps and stuff?
I'm on one-on-one app. I've got banned.
From 2 do you? Do you get recognized?
I did get panned. Do you reckon you have you ever
been recognized? Yes.
Yes. And then they send me messages
(35:15):
on my Instagram. Yeah, hang on.
I just. Yeah.
And I thought and. Oh God anyway that's how I got
banned from Tinder and bumble because someone reported my
accounts as fake so I I joke I can't even get laid online so
so. One of the biggest things I, I,
I'd imagine to get used to, apart from the thrill is, you
know, the money, like I imagine it's the easiest or it's the not
(35:38):
the easiest, but the best, you know, well, potentially easiest,
the best money that you've ever made that 10 year period.
And I would also imagine that ifyou came back now, you could
make a shit ton more money than you made back then, right.
So the the bag or the carrot is is even greater today because
the opportunity is bigger and whatever.
How do you not go for the bag A or B?
(36:00):
And has that been one of the biggest mine things?
Do you know what I mean? Where you where you go?
You know, I can get. Yeah, because that.
That life could be very. Simple over here.
Yeah, there's. A lot of money out there and
because. Money makes life simple.
Oh, it's tempting. Me.
It doesn't. Well, it doesn't make it.
It doesn't make you happy, whichwe all agree, but it does make
life simple. Yeah, I was.
Fine till I came in here mate, you got me thinking about it.
(36:25):
Actually put the link down below.
Get you off and running. When you pimps.
Yeah, it's hard. Like I'm not going to lie to
you, it's really hard. You know, I'd love to say that
That was it. And I sailed off into the sunset
and happily ever after. But of course, I know if I went
back now, I'd make a fortune, you know, absolute fortune.
(36:48):
At what cost, though, you know, And would it ever be enough?
What would I do with the money? I don't need more clothes, you
know. Yeah, I could do with more
property. Yeah.
No, I I think it's hard to go back to anything, you know,
marriages, people, jobs. It's hard to go back.
I I. Weren't that when I was younger?
More around the job part? But yeah, I've always been told
(37:09):
that you never go back. If you leave, you never go back.
There's a reason you left. Then you should never go back.
Yeah. And.
I'm a lot healthier now. I did the best with the tools I
had at the time and I've got healthier tools now and I don't
think I'll go back. I don't think I can go back even
if I wanted to. You got any other?
Passions that are sort of I like, I love.
Writing and that's my passion. I've got another book coming out
(37:31):
at the end of the year and I've going to start writing my 5th
book soon. What are?
These diff these. They can't all be.
Talking about the stilettos, youknow?
No, no. No, no, that's be like.
Rocky 6 You know Samantha X6 What was?
There a rocky set, yeah, yeah. So, no, I don't know.
(37:51):
Yeah. So was there.
Yeah, I think there was Apollo Creed.
I don't know. So what are what are the
subjects? So what's your passion?
What do you want to write about?Well.
That the publishers are very keen on erotic fiction these
days, so I'm not feeling very erotic these days, so I'll have
to come to you guys for inspiration.
(38:12):
So you hate? To channel your Samantha, I have
to channel. Samantha for that, but then
you're. Taking yourself back.
No, because it wouldn't necessarily be about the
industry, right? Gotcha.
Yeah. Fresh.
Yeah. Fresh meat like 50.
Shades of Grey maybe? Oh, I can imagine writing the
next one of those I haven't read.
It but I, I. Try to sounds like.
You would try to? No, I did.
Try to read it, I couldn't why? Why not?
(38:33):
I just, I don't know it just. Wasn't for me.
I'm the only one in the whole world.
I just know it's. A big.
Deal. Yeah.
Erotic fiction is huge for women.
Yeah. At the moment, yes.
What about? Podcasts or Roddy?
This is erotic. You have an erotic podcast?
Yeah, well. I wonder if that like that's a
niche that's getting tapped intoPK.
We're looking for a new. Direction now this is good
(38:58):
Amanda, I appreciate you coming on and and it's great to hear
that you're healthy and well as well.
After, yeah, after a turbulent time.
Like that's the thing anyone we didn't go crazy into the
turbulence because that's back in the original app, one of our
best performing EPS. But yeah, it was turbulent.
Samantha was pretty full on. What was the?
Turbulent I I can't even remember what we talked about.
Wow. All I can.
Think about is you getting drunkwith a Mason.
(39:21):
Disappointment. Like you said, you were just,
she was full on, Yeah. I was she was full on I've I've
blanked a lot of it out and you definitely.
Feel more relaxed this time as well.
Yeah, well, I was. Probably hyper, yeah, but now
I'm just on medication. No, no, their medication just
stabilizes you. So yeah, correct.
Well. I can.
Well, again, going back to my myvisual here.
(39:44):
So the average person's here. Yeah.
You're living in a state of mania.
Yeah, extreme mania is up here. That when you're having the
medicine, it just brings you back down to where everyone else
is, right? Yeah.
More. Or less.
You still get that. You still get the cycles, but
they're not just so extreme. Well, they're not.
Going as high because of Yeah, they're not.
Going as high, so I'm not going to go out and get a BMW.
Bikini or Labrador? Oh, my God.
(40:06):
I had a Chihuahua, three dogs. I'd go out shopping to Coles,
come back with another dog, thengot 2 cats and then just had
nowhere to put them. Couldn't even fit them in my
car. It was just Matt.
It was just. It was just.
And I didn't pay bills. I had two lots of car insurance.
I didn't know I was paying. You know, it's just, it was I
didn't know how to cope with everyday tasks.
But Samantha was really successful.
(40:27):
So the behind closed. Yeah.
So it was, you know, I was really successful on the on the
outside. On the inside, my life was
absolute fucking disaster. And you're making.
Enough money for for the accounting didn't need to be
perfect and the decision making I just have to be I.
Don't know how I got through it.You know, I just fumble my way
through and I just put on this front that I was super
(40:49):
empowered, super strong, super confident.
And that really probably saved me at the time I needed saving.
And then when I was diagnosed, when I was on the medication,
the psychiatrist said you'll finally know who Amanda is.
And that's when I started to realize I didn't need to create
that other character anymore. Got one more?
Question for you. Go on.
For all. Because we're 25 to 45 or, you
(41:10):
know, male sort of dominated podcast.
So I'm not going to ask you for advice for any of the girls out
there looking to get into the industry, but for but for their
dads out there, right? For the dads out there that have
got girls and you know, it's saturated because it's so
prevalent and so many people aredoing it.
I've got two young girls. I fucking don't want to wake up
(41:31):
one day. And you know, then one of them
may be on only fans or whatever.What would the advice be to the
dads if my daughter came to me one day and God forbid she came
to me and or someone else came to me and said, Hey, did you
know that this your daughter? Do you know what I mean?
What would you do? How would you?
How would you? What would your advice be being
(41:52):
the you were that daughter? What would Oh my God, that's.
Really hard. For dad to come in.
I was 30. 8 you know. I.
Made my decision at 38 because. How does Dad handle that?
How does that show the advice? You know.
So your advice, I actually, I don't really know how to answer
that because it's really hard for me to answer that because if
(42:13):
your 18 year old daughter is doing something like that, then
she's an 18 year old girl and you can't stop.
Him right, like I'm sitting herethinking, give me some advice on
what I could do to make her to change her mind, but the reality
is at that point you're not trying to change their mind.
You just, well, I think it's. What Amanda was talking about
earlier when you were talking about the lessons and the what
you're going through now. And, and like you said, not to
(42:35):
say there's full regret there, but there's probably some things
you might have done done differently.
And and they're going to have tounderstand that potentially is
going to follow them around forever and they may not
appreciate that at that point. Everything, yeah.
Look, your your instinct is probably to go ballistic and and
be really upset and angry and disbelief.
I personally think a more productive way of dealing with
(42:58):
it is to sit her down and ask her why she's doing it.
And is there anything you can doto stop her And to think about,
you know, think about the future, think about her career
that she may want to the repercussion repercussions.
And look, I just want to make make one thing very clear.
Sex work is not bad. That's what I was going to like
that. Was my next question.
My next question is, yeah, because that's the blurred line
(43:19):
there as well. Like you're not necessarily
advocating to turn around and say, well, no, well, no, no.
Like if she wants to do it and she's doing it, you're like,
it's not the end. Do you know what I mean, Dad?
Chill out. Like, it's her choice.
Is that your position somewhere?It's not chill.
Out because I know I'm not naiveenough to know that you're not
going to chill out about it. Yes, you know, I don't mean.
Yeah, I mean, hypothetically, more like a dad.
(43:42):
You know, you're would you be onthe side of the would you're
where do you sit if I. If someone I love in my family,
my child, was doing it, I would be unhappy about it, to be
honest. Yeah, fair.
Yeah. That's I'd like, yeah.
And I think. That's the most powerful thing
anyone watching at home could probably take that you know,
(44:02):
you, if you were unhappy about it, then deep, deep, deep, deep,
deep down, it's you know, it's, it's not.
I would just, I would just question it's.
Not a lot that you would want your kid.
Why? Why would she feel the need to
do that? You know, is it lack of self
esteem? Is it money?
Is it validation she's looking for?
(44:24):
You know, and but that's I've got to be really careful to say
that sex work is not bad. Sex workers are not bad people.
They're not desperate. They're not, you know, they lots
of professional educated women. There's good and bad.
Ones the right and wrong ones, all of that.
Yeah, absolutely. But if you're a. 1718 I would
really question your motives. Is it just to get a Chanel
handbag or is it I think? That's what you said, survival.
(44:45):
You know, or is it, Yeah, right.Validation.
Where is, you know, mine was validation.
Where where where can you get your validation from apart from
doing an Only Fans account? Is it purely money?
A lot of girls are doing this for purely money financial
reasons. Validation in the context of
your beautiful Oh no. Just lack of self esteem in my
park and only talk about my story.
(45:05):
And you know, a little bit of I had, I needed a bit of
direction. I, I probably had, didn't have
great self esteem issues. You know, as most people, you
don't have to be a sex worker todo that.
So if, if someone I knew or my child was, was wanting to be an
only fan start at the age of 18,I would really sit down and talk
(45:25):
to her about it. But yeah, I would never disown
anyone. And if she wanted to do it, then
I couldn't stop her. But why does she want to do it?
And where does she think this went?
Does she understand what she's getting herself into?
She probably doesn't. Yeah, to say yeah.
And look, you know, we're talking about the women in the
industry. What about the men that are
(45:46):
paying for this? Yeah.
And you also said before there'smen doing this.
Well, there's men doing. I mean, like when we're talking
about there's dudes out there doing the exact same thing, we
just don't talk about exactly, but.
Also body blue, the body Blues of the world.
What about the men? Are you addressing the men that
line up for an hour dude? I know the the one the thousand
dudes that well, They're just. Buggered.
I don't know. They're too far gone, do you
reckon? Yeah.
(46:07):
Like they're, they're young kids, you know, a lot of them
are young kids, Yeah. So what about the consequences
for those people? Yeah.
The word It's near now. You know I know, and it's easy
to demonise. What do you think?
What? Why are they?
Yeah, why are they? Well, The thing is, I guess
those guys, you know, and then. It has to just be fame.
But they're not they're. Just famous from another.
(46:28):
They're a famous. Dude, but they they have.
Their faces covered and stuff. Yeah, like.
Oh, sorry, I'm thinking that the2 girls.
No, no, no. I'm.
Talking about the guys, you know, because there's 1000 men
that line up, that's 1000. People to tell their mates
they're probably, well, they they.
Hide their faces, though, yeah, yeah, but to say.
Oh, I did it, but I wouldn't. If I was with my mates, I
wouldn't be going. Oh, I did it.
(46:48):
I'd be going. I didn't do it, mate.
How were you talking about? Look, you wouldn't own up to
being one of 1000, surely? Like, I'm not.
I'm not sure. What's what's driving now?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you. I don't want to think about it
like. You've got to think about 18
years old. Yeah, at. 18 The only way you I
could think that you you're trying to have a laugh with your
mates, but you can't have 1000 blokes doing it for that reason.
(47:10):
You know what I mean? There's probably.
Some that maybe are battling a bit and, you know, might get a
few knockbacks, you know. What I'm saying?
Go home with you SO may not go. That, well, I'm a bit, yeah.
You're right. So the batting average is not
that good. Yeah.
And they just get. Their average up, I don't know.
Look, I'm not sure it's a tricky.
One, because it never happened, but you know.
(47:31):
Sex, Sex workers will always be there because the need is there.
You know, men will pay for the men pay for the industry,
basically. If you think about it, yeah, men
fund the industry, yet the womenare stigmatized, he said.
Can can I ask, would I don't even know if you would know
this? Is it a like because it's like
sort of lent into it or alluded to it before about the only
(47:54):
fans, but the physical these is that a growing industry or is
that dying out there in in the streets in the Collingwood
streets in Clifton Hill and stuff?
Oh, I don't. Know I don't relative to.
What's going on online? You mean like?
Street walkers, yeah. Yeah, I've no idea.
I I don't see in them anymore. I don't.
Yeah. I mean, Kings Cross used to be
like that in Sydney. I feel like it's.
All gone online. Yeah, I don't.
(48:14):
Know like like a lot of. Things but yeah, but I.
Think. I think establishments are still
busy. I think people still want human
connection before we all get robotic partners.
It's coming. It's I reckon it is.
I absolutely reckon it is. Well, isn't.
Yeah, well, I guess a long. A long be some of those workers.
(48:35):
Are going to be out of their jobs and you know I I.
Reckon it's really going to affect the industry?
No, I agree. I've seen somewhere like, yeah,
there's they reckon there's robots and yeah, right.
Well, you can buy one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You can like, did you see that Instagram thing where they have
that female robot maybe and she's actually very attractive?
Yeah. Well, if you're going to make
(48:55):
one. It's worth.
Doing worth doing right? Yeah, no, 100% but they're
they're. Like the, you know, the six star
blow up doll. Yeah, I was.
About to say back in the day thethe blow up.
Doll, whatever that. Shot was called, now call
Amanda. This has been great.
And yeah, glad to hear you're doing well.
And good luck with the next ball.
(49:16):
Thank you. Thank you very much for having
me on anything to leave. Us with is.
There anything you want me to leave you with?
Shout out. Shout out the pad the where?
Where do they find the book? When the Ah so.
Misfit Unravelling of Samantha Xis out in all good bookstores,
the airports online, Audible. It's my voice.
I Oh, you did the. Read.
Yes, I did the read. I was going to say narrative.
(49:37):
I can't never pronounce that word.
Narrated, narrated, narrated, narrated.
So you get to hear my English accent.
And yeah. And my my podcast Exposed is on
Spotify and all good podcast places.
All good. Podcast places, Benny, that's
where you find us. Go, let's go.
Like, share, subscribe. See you at the top.
(50:01):
People will be part of a winningteam.
People can. Find a better version of
themselves if they choose. You just need to go.
Start some shit action. Is all that matters.
See you man. If you would think I look.
Back now and I'm like, well, that took some guts.
We can't, we can't. We can't see you at the top.
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