July 31, 2025 • 34 mins
Emily, a mother of seven, shares her journey of discovering her calling to be fully present in motherhood and living that calling wholeheartedly through biological parenting, foster care, and adoption. Her story reveals how God works through our willingness rather than our perfection, showing how she built a beautifully blended family while navigating real challenges and experiencing incredible grace.
• Becoming a mom at 22 and knowing from the start that motherhood would be her primary calling
• Growing her family from two biological children to becoming licensed foster parents
• Receiving a newborn straight from the hospital and experiencing instant attachment
• Navigating different attachment styles with her adopted children and the importance of age-appropriate honesty
• Finding unexpected compassion for biological parents while struggling more with the broken foster care system
• Learning to trust God with her children's futures rather than carrying anxiety about what might happen
• Creating moments of rest through simple practices like walking, reading, and prioritizing quiet time
• Embracing the sanctifying nature of family life while acknowledging it isn't always perfect
• Encouraging those considering large families to take it "one kid at a time" and trust God's timing
Connect with Emily through her foster care support group called The Village or through the House of Providence, a therapeutic group home for girls where she serves on the board.
If this episode resonated with you, please share it with another mom who needs encouragement. Subscribe so you never miss an episode, and connect with me on LinkedIn.
For other episodes and resources, visit our website at https://littlehandsbigplans.co/pages/podcast
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Today I'm sitting down with Emily.
Emily is a mother of seven.
From the moment she became amom at 22, emily felt deeply
called to be fully present inmotherhood and she has lived
that calling wholeheartedly,through foster care and adoption
(00:28):
.
How she discerned each yesalong the way and how she
learned to trust God with theunknowns, whether in parenting,
attachment or future plans.
You'll hear how she went fromwelcoming one baby to mothering
a beautifully blended family ofseven, all while navigating real
challenges, deep growth andmoments of incredible grace.
If you've ever wondered what itmeans to go all in on motherhood
(00:51):
, to make space for the rest inthe chaos, or to surrender your
family's plans to God's timing,this conversation is for you.
Welcome to Little Hands BigPlans the podcast for moms who
want to reimagine work afterkids and build a life where
family comes first, withoutgiving up your dreams.
(01:13):
I'm Amelia and I know firsthandhow much motherhood shifts our
careers, our priorities and ourpace.
But instead of seeing it as asetback, what if we saw it as an
invitation, an opportunity todesign a life with a little more
freedom, a little more presenceand a little more fulfillment?
Each week, we'll have honestconversations with moms who've
(01:36):
shaped their work and businessaround what truly matters.
Whether you're considering acareer pivot, dreaming of a
slower pace or just wonderingwhat's possible, you're in the
right place.
So grab a little something warm, settle in and let's explore
the possibilities together.
So you wanted to be astay-at-home mom.
(02:03):
How did you know this?
Speaker 2 (02:05):
I always had these like two ideas of what I wanted
to do, and one like I had thisI'm going to be like an editor
in New York and have this likewhatever life.
And my other one was I'm goingto have a bunch of kids, I'd be
a stay-at-home mom, and I thinkfor me I always knew whatever I
did, I would only do that solike wholeheartedly, and so I
think for me it's hard to likeimagine doing multi things if
(02:27):
that makes sense.
So motherhood was always justthe big goal.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
And what was your life growing up?
Did you grow up with astay-at-home mom?
Speaker 2 (02:37):
My mom didn't work until I went into kindergarten,
so my whole my first five yearsand all my siblings.
She was a stay-at-home mom andthen she went and got a job as
soon as I started school.
And do you come from a bigfamily.
I have two older siblings, sonot huge.
Pretty, pretty average.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
So, knowing that you may choose to stay at home, what
work choices did you make inanticipation of having
motherhood be your primarycalling?
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Once I was like in my later years of high school when
all my friends were deciding onschools and what they were
going to do and all of that Ithink I really honed in of okay,
am I going to go to college?
And I grew up in NorthernMichigan, grew up on a farm in a
rural area, so, like collegewasn't necessarily the goal for
everyone.
Anyway, I think a stay-at-homemom or more of a slower paced
(03:29):
life was more of a goal anywaythan it would be in a suburban
area where I live now.
So I think when I really dugdeep, I was like I would love to
go into psychology or likewriting or English or something
like that, like something that Ifind interesting, but I'm like,
would I really ever make acareer out of it?
You know what I mean?
(03:50):
So I waited and I got marriedpretty young, met my husband and
his goals were the same as mine.
I'd love to have thattraditional familial situation,
and so that's what happened.
And so I worked until I hadkids.
But I worked at a gym and Ihelped friends with child care
stuff like that Awesome.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
I never had the big career plan, if that makes sense
, yeah totally makes sense andcan you share a little bit about
your family?
You became a mom.
I know that adoption is alsopart of your family story.
How did that all?
Speaker 2 (04:23):
come about.
So we got married.
My husband and I both wantedkids pretty early.
I think we thought it's goingto take up like thinking, you
know, the next year if we getpregnant it'll happen.
So we were pregnant pretty, Iwant to say, a month after we
got married, like we had anewborn on our first anniversary
, and so it came pretty quickly.
(04:43):
I was 22 when I had my first andthen we wanted them fairly
close in age and so then we hadour second two years later.
And then I had always wanted toadopt and do foster care and it
just again, just likemotherhood, I'd always imagined
mothering just a diverse family,like I'd always I don't know
why I thought that.
Cause again, I grew up inNorthern Michigan where there
(05:05):
was literally no diverse suiteat all, so I had just always
envisioned that I know I'm goingto just have this blended
family and kids and I'd alwaysbeen drawn to adoption as much
as biological children, and myhusband was always on board with
that.
So we did that through fostercare and so when I was actually
(05:25):
pregnant with my third, webecame licensed in foster care
and got our first placement of asibling group.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
So I was, I think, seven months pregnant and so
when you became a foster parent,you already had the desire in
your heart to also potentiallyadopt.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Totally.
I think I became a fosterparent thinking, okay, like I'd
seen other people do it and behad fostered for 10 to 15 years
and maybe adopt a child or two.
So it wasn't like I'm doingthis solely to adapt, but like,
hey, when it happens on the road, that's cool.
But I would say I, ourintention was to foster, but we
were for sure open to adoption.
If that makes sense, yes.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
And so, what was your journey to meeting your
children that you eventuallyadopted?
Speaker 2 (06:15):
So our first placement was a sibling group
and so we had them for threemonths and then, when I had my
third son, hosea, they went intoa respite family and they were
high needs, like great kids, andI knew, wait a minute, now I
have a newborn, two toddlers,and they were two toddlers and I
was just like I cannot.
And so the respite familyactually was like, listen, if
(06:35):
this is too much for you,instead of them coming back in
two weeks like we would love tokeep them.
And it was the perfectsituation, it was a God thing.
So that worked out.
And then, right after wereopened our license, when Hosea
was nine months old, we got acall for a baby girl straight
from the hospital and wefostered her for three years
before she was adopted, and soshe never left her family, was
(06:57):
in her home straight from birthand now she's 11.
And then so she was there andshe was our first real
experience of her walking inwith cps and me being like, oh
my gosh, like the bond wasinstant.
I was a train wreck.
Wow, like just if this is goingto be a nightmare, because
you're handing me a newborn withlike tags still on and the baby
(07:19):
hat.
You know what I mean.
The attachment was instantinstant.
And so then we had four.
My daughter and my youngestbiological at the time were nine
months apart, so I had anine-month-old and a newborn and
then two toddlers.
About a year and a half laterwe got another call.
I actually had a dream the daybefore that I was holding the
(07:40):
baby girl and I said, hey, I hadyour sister and I handed her to
her.
And it was so real.
I was like the baby girl and Isaid, hey, I had your sister and
I handed her to her.
And it was so real.
I was like I literally asked mypay's worker the next day.
I was like, is mom pregnant?
Because I literally had thisdream.
She's like no, but as soon asthat worker left, I got a call
from my licensing worker whosaid I have a baby girl, she's
nine months old and she needs ahome.
(08:01):
So it was so nuts where I wasjust like, okay, I know this is
a yes.
So those three my son and thenmy two girls are all exactly
nine months apart, like ninemonths.
So within 18 months I havethree.
And so then she was there, herswent to adoption fairly quickly
and she was actually adoptedbefore Tay, like six months
(08:22):
before Tay and then so we hadfive and things were like, okay,
awesome.
We fostered a little girl for ayear who we adored, but we had
an awesome relationship with mom, loved mom knew she was going
to get her stuff together andshe went home at about 14 months
.
So that was like tough in theway of like we all adored her,
(08:42):
but it was great because we knewmom, she should be reunified.
But then it like for me, I'mlike okay, I have two that are
adopted, my kids are gettingolder, they all get this and we
can't.
We're not in the place anymorewhere we can do visits and stuff
like that, cause I don't wantto traumatize and confuse my
(09:03):
girls.
We've gotten so attached, wedon't want to do that anymore.
I can't like for my family'ssake.
And so I told my worker hey, Ionly have room for a boy, I
can't do any more of like thevisitations and stuff, because I
have two kids that are newlyadopted and I don't want to like
bring the confusion and thattype of thing.
And so I gave them all thestipulations and I licensed her
a laugh.
She's like OK, you've takenwhatever we've asked you for in
(09:23):
the past and six months we'llreevaluate, because you're
probably not going to get a call.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
And I'm like that's fine Cause I'm like we're doing
pretty good.
And then, literally, I got aphone with her and I was having
a conversation with the Lord andI'm like we're pretty good with
five, I'm like five is a to sixand I'm like like I guess, and
for me I tell that story all thetime People laugh.
(09:49):
But for me it was like arelease of I'm not asking you to
be like the best mom in theworld, but like you have my
permission to do your best andyou can have room for one more.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, anyway, we got a call onMonday Again them thinking my
strict limits of what you knowwould fit into our family.
And she's like you're not goingto believe this, but I have a
baby boy.
He was just born and surrenderedat the hospital and honestly,
(10:13):
they said this is going to be astraight adoption.
Are you ready for that?
And I'm like thinking this isthe call that, like everybody
signs up for foster care, likeno strings attached, and we're
like like I was, like I guess,so I guess that's basically the
stipulations.
And that was Enzo and he was,yeah, the sweetest, easiest.
The crazy thing with his storyis some of our best friends,
(10:36):
without knowing this, have hisbiological two sisters and
brother, so kind of like thisinsane, only God meant to be
story, yeah, anyway.
So he was six and then, duringCOVID, I got pregnant as a
surprise from Indy.
It's interesting because withfoster care.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
That's when I think about it.
You're going to love thechildren that you're with,
knowing that the goal is likelyfor them not to stay with you.
But it seems like in yourchildren's story you can see so
clearly how he wrote their storyand yours together, because
it's also hard if they hadgotten placed into a family that
(11:20):
didn't have adoption on theirheart.
And now you know.
You know they could stay there,but that's not an option.
So is that something that youprayed for before you went into
it?
Speaker 2 (11:34):
I think we had other placements that like came and
went, like a lot of short-termand like maybe emergency
placements and things, I think,because we were only licensed
for five years.
So after Angel's adoptionsclosed, we were only licensed
for five years and we adoptedthree kids.
So that's, the three of themare not biological.
So it's a little different.
If you get like a sibling groupor something early, were like,
(12:00):
hey, we'll keep your licenseopen, we'll send a variant to
Lansing right now.
I was cracking up, but I thinkbecause it was so fast and
furious like I in my head,because it's more common to it
taking years before you end upwith one where there's a
potential of adoption, I don'tfeel like I had time to be like
okay, like they filled the seat,we're good now.
I don't know, you don't evenlike I think individually and
(12:23):
personally with each of them.
Like when I met Tay, like ourbond was, it was just like man,
she's going to be here forever.
And there was times too whereit was like, even if she goes
home, we'll support her familyand she'll always be a part of
our life.
And then with Naya, we met herand I knew it and I had that
dream.
So I just knew.
And then, enzo, I had dreamstoo and we just knew from,
obviously, the first phone call.
(12:44):
So I think, like the Lord, likediscernment, and just this is my
kid, you know, and not likeyou're my kid, because you
deserve better and I'm doingthis huge favor to you and I'm
going to turn your life aroundtype of discernment, but just
like a knowing that, like you'renot going anywhere in your mind
.
When I've had other kids in myhouse and I again like we had
(13:06):
one little baby we adored for ayear but I knew I wasn't her
long-term mom, I knew herbiological mom.
She was it, she was going tofigure it out and that was what
I was to support.
You know what I'm saying.
So I feel like it's more likethe holy spirit led, like you
know.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
I want to ask this, but I don't know if it's the
misconception I have, because Ithink in that situation, my
understanding is that eventhough they were, for example,
even in a surrender as a newborn, there's still trauma there
from the loss of the connectionwith their biological mom.
(13:42):
Yeah, totally.
Have you found that, and howdoes attachment look different,
and how have you supported themthrough perhaps overcoming that
loss?
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Yeah, I think too.
Mine are young, so I thinkthere is a like oh, you know,
two of yours came straight fromthe hospital to where one of
mine still had visitations fortwo years and my son didn't, and
then my other daughter was ninemonths.
But again, even if you have asituation of a surrender or an
adoption a international or anational adoption there's still,
(14:16):
I think, naturally obviouslymom carried baby for nine months
and the stress of that andthere's a bond there, like we're
created to have a bond, even ifthe mother is not expecting to
be pregnant or wanting to be orwhatever.
So I think every attachment isdifferent.
I would say one of mine ishyper-attached, like very
(14:37):
attached, I would say.
One of mine is very naturallyas if I birthed her myself.
There's never been and we laughall the time because she'll be
like I forgot, I'm adopted.
It's so funny.
And then I would say anotherone of mine.
I would say that attachment ismore because she came to us more
traumatized and nervous andvery anxious, but I would
(15:03):
definitely say it can show inlike anxiety and survival skills
and maybe hiding things andstuff like that, if that makes
sense.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
And, as an adoptive parent, being more aware and
having more conversations thanyou would with your own
biological children, learn thoseskills differently during hard
times.
It feels like I'm alwayslearning, but it's almost.
It's kind of like God equipsyou for the tough times and the
difficulties.
I would imagine that it wouldbe the same, but like almost to
a higher degree, or is that amisconception that I have?
Speaker 2 (15:43):
I think it's almost like more of a vigilant.
Okay, there's these things thatnaturally I would not ever have
to not to say that even yourbiological children, your
attachment, can't be different.
You know what I mean.
Yeah, like there is a naturalbend for that to already be
there.
You know what I mean,especially if you're a healthy
mom who doesn't have your owntrauma and your own stuff.
(16:04):
But I do think that there is anawareness and like I don't want
to obsess about this or beanxious about this, because
that's obviously going to carryon to detachment, but it's
something that needs to betended to and worked at and just
checked in.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Yeah, In Honduras, where I was born, it's something
that was really culturallydifferent.
That I noticed from here isthat when there's an adoption in
the family, the children arenot told, because it's seen as
like protective to not tell them.
(16:38):
But then, when they're older,the children end up knowing, but
not knowing for sure, and itcreates more of a barrier,
whereas I love how you weredescribing your daughter, saying
like I forget that I'm adoptedand her knowing her story.
Does that ever happen here, oris it just such a huge cultural
(17:01):
yeah?
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Do you think here maybe adoptees?
Maybe 30, 40, maybe even 20years ago it was more common.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
I think there was a stigma around adoption, not only
in even infertility, or like wedon't talk about it and we
bring this baby home and thenthe child doesn't know, and it
wasn't even legal in the lastyou know, maybe 20, 30 years In
the early 90s was really wheneven interracial relations
became known.
So before then you weren'tgetting an African-American baby
(17:30):
for a white or an Asian.
You know what I'm saying.
So it was more.
It wasn't as obvious With mine.
All three of my adopted kidshappen to be African-American,
my husband's Hispanic and I'mwhite.
So it's a obvious thing topeople that they're adopted, and
for me, because we already havethat transracial story in our
family and that makes them stickout a little bit, and so
(17:53):
adoption on top of that, like Iwant them to own their story and
we're going to talk about it athome, it's very normal, it's
nothing to be ashamed of, it'snothing to be embarrassed about,
so that when they're out inpublic, when their friends meet
each other for the first time,when I go to do a book reading,
like, I went to my son'selementary school and it's first
graders.
So I walked in and their biggestquestions were like you're
(18:14):
white, but he's black, you knowwhat I mean.
And he loved it.
Because I'm like, okay, becausethey're so innocent and sweet.
And the teacher was like, oh mygosh, is this okay?
But he, he was cool with it too.
Because I'm like, it's true,yeah.
So I think for us it's morepreparing our kids to own your
story.
But if you don't want to tellpeople it's none of their
business, you know what I mean?
Yeah, so that's why we're openand we would be anyway, because
(18:35):
I'm somebody who transparencylike trust and attachment.
How can that be built if thereisn't at least age appropriate
honesty?
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Like maybe my kids don't know their full stories
yet.
They will for sure one day theyknow a lot of it and it's
theirs to tell what are somethings about foster care that
you think people misunderstandwhen they're first starting on
their journey.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
I think maybe they go at least I can speak for me and
a lot of my friends whofostered it's.
You go in thinking I'm going tobe helpful and I'm going to just
do this, and it's going to be areal struggle to see these
biological parents and not havejudgment towards them.
But then I think you meet themand I'm somebody who can be
pretty like cold and judgmental.
I'm very justice oriented, I'mvery justice driven.
(19:17):
So I thought, oh my gosh, I'mnot going to have any compassion
in every single parent, evenones who did things to our kids
that you know, whatever I was,like I get it.
Like you meet them and you'relike you're just a person and
nobody would choose this.
You know, nobody would chooseto neglect or abuse and you've
walked through this or worse, ormental illness or addiction.
(19:39):
I do think there's a lot morecompassion in those situations.
But I also think you learn realquickly that the system is the
thing that is 100% the hardest.
The kids are easy, easy, easy.
The system is the nightmare andthe system is what is broken,
and so I think that is what isto really get into the guts of
(20:01):
our justice system and ourgovernment views, children and
all of that.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
I feel like that is the part where you're like, oh
my gosh you know, yeah, as a momof seven, how do you find
moments of rest?
How do you do soul care in theseason?
Speaker 2 (20:20):
My oldest is 17 and my youngest is four, so I feel
like it's changed with everyseason and having older kids now
too, like hey, I have to popout, I'm going to run here, I'm
going to run there you know whatI mean and making sure like,
hey, you're going to watch thekids, or when my husband gets
home, I think as I get older, Iget a lot better at being like I
(20:44):
need this, and so for me it'squiet, just I'm going to go to
bed an hour before you do andI'll read.
I walk a lot, and so that isreally therapeutic for me, and
even going out with friends.
So for me, it's not necessarilylike the massages or getting my
nails done, like for somepeople are shopping, but it's
not necessarily like themassages or getting my nails
done, like for some people areshopping, but like it's silence
and like doing things that bringme joy outside of that.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
And in terms of your children, what are some of the
prayers and hopes that you havefor them as they're growing?
What helps you trust God witheach of their stories, even like
the unknown parts or the thingsthat we talked about?
That might be a little bitdifferent.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
I think one thing like fostering has really shown
and grown me is in my awarenessof how the Lord is way more
involved than I think in ourAmerican world we give him
credit for and we don't need tosee him Like he doesn't seem
necessary.
(21:42):
But when you have a child thatyou're like I love this child If
they go home it's going to be abad situation.
Or trusting him with those likealmost life or death type
situations it forges you torealize like he's got this, like
even if you know theirstruggles or your kid's bio, or
(22:03):
adopted are, you know, makingthe wrong choices.
Like you've done bigger things.
I've seen you do biggermiracles in their lives.
I've seen you know who they aretoday and who they might have
been, or the choices they'remaking and like that he is
ultimately in control and Ithink as parents it's just I'm
just part of the puzzle.
I think we can make our kids ourwhole world and I think it is a
(22:25):
disservice to both of usUltimately.
Like it's trusting the Lord.
Lord, you got this.
I can only do my part, but Ithink I can't carry the weight
of who they're ultimately goingto choose to be and the road
that they're going to pit andfor them it helps.
For them are that they havefreedom to be who God created
them to be and to live out theirpotential in him, and and not
(22:47):
what I necessarily want for them, but who they're called to be
and and that they know theiridentity in Christ that speaks
to me so much, emily, because,oh my goodness, I feel like even
in this last little season,with being still postpartum, it
feels really fresh still, eventhough it's not technically.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
I think a lot of the times I struggle with having
intense fears about their lifein terms of for me, a lot of it
is related to health.
Like every time they've beensick, I just my mind always goes
to worst case, or with thispostpartum, the thing that has
been a real struggle is I alwaysfeel scared that just something
(23:29):
random is going to happen to meand I'm not going to be able to
see them grow up.
And how did you get to thatpoint of being able to trust?
I think it's something that alot of moms struggle with Mine
probably 10 years or more downthe motherhood road than you.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
So don't think I know that I'll figure it out.
I think again, my oldest is 17and I've done foster care and
I've had different kids and youknow.
So I think it's the journey.
I think you're a couple yearsin.
How old's your oldest?
My oldest is three.
Yeah, exactly, so we're justthree years in.
So not putting pressure onyourself and walking the journey
(24:05):
, and I think the beauty of itis like the Lord fathers us in
our own motherhood journey, andso I think we have to let him to
parent us while we parent, ifthat makes sense, because, like
we don't have to, I think a lotof times we think, oh my gosh, I
have to have all my kidstogether and my kid's going to
(24:26):
be messed up if they carry myanxiety, or you know what I mean
.
But we have to trust that he's agood dad, and so we have to
trust our stuff to him, justlike our kids do to us.
And I think, when you view itin that way of like, hey, lord,
you gave me these kids, you knewI was their mom and so you're
going to have to help me withthis.
I need you here, I need you totake the anxiety away, I need
(24:48):
you to refocus and I think whenwe can give it to him, it does
help us refocus.
But again, I'm more than 10years down the road from you and
so I think a lot of that isjust the journey, like you'll
get there, you'll be there, butdon't think I have arrived.
You'll have teenagers andyou'll have.
I can't even imagine.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
That's everyone to saying little little kids,
little problems, big kids, bigproblems.
And when someone says I'mterrified because I'm like, I
can't barely handle these littlewhere it's just different.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
You know like it's just everything in life.
You've grown like the Lord isfaithful and giving us just
grace for today, so you don'thave to worry about the teen
years, because she's not askingyou to do teen years, she's
asking you to do sweet and ababy.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
yeah, thank you for sharing that.
And during, like, the timeswhere you said you had to let go
so, for example, in a situationwhere you did feel that perhaps
they were at risk, wasexperiencing difficulties like
that that made you grow to theplace where you are at now, yeah
, but you were still able torest Like you could still.
(25:51):
Okay, I'm going to give it toGod and I'm going to rest
knowing that he's got this.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Honestly, I think in the beginning of my journey, or
my first couple of years,especially with one of my kids,
Jesus was such a roller coaster.
I lived in constant fear.
When they were younger, I livedin that what the heck is going
to happen and I have no control.
It was completely no stringsattached and so I think at the
end of her situation, wheneverything was tied up, I looked
(26:19):
back and I was like God, Icould have trusted you, but I
spent years like sick about this.
Yeah, but I could have trustedyou.
It still would have turned outokay and even if it worst case
scenario would have happened,you still would have been
trustworthy.
So I think there were regretsand like, but it was a learning
of man, like I don't have towalk out in anxiousness and
(26:44):
worry if you're going to do whatI would need you to do or want
you to do, because it's in yourhand and you love my kids more
than I do.
You created them, You're justthe vessel.
So I think that perspective ofputting it back on him like Lord
, they're yours, and so I thinkthat is more like after the fact
, like hindsight, where whensomething pops up, I'm like no,
no, no, no, I've seen you do toomany miracles in my kids' lives
(27:05):
to be worried about this littlething.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
You know I'm sure it was not easy to go through, but
now you have that as such anamazing thing to look back on to
help you with future situations.
Absolutely.
You said at the beginning thatyou like to go all in when you
do something.
Do you ever wrestle with thattension of I want to be a mother
(27:31):
but I also want to start a sidehustle or I want to do?
Do you have anything that youwould do differently now looking
back, or are you a thousandpercent happy and this was the
right choice?
Speaker 2 (27:45):
That's a great question.
Actually.
I think it's funny because,again, like I told you in the
story about when I was like OK,we have five kids, like we're
good, like maybe now I pursuesomething, something that I'm
passionate about, or getinvolved with a non-passionate,
or volunteer or start a sidehustle, which you know I'm
creative, but also like, for me,again, like I'm so all in or
(28:09):
all out, there has to besomething that I, like, have
flexibility and passion in.
But I don't have regrets, Iwould say.
But I think in the future, asmy kids get a little older, I've
always thought about, likeReality, or I love houses, I
love like just that I check likeReality Everyday, realtorcom
and stuff like that.
So I think I have passions andI do think there's things that I
(28:32):
would love to do and it's justwaiting on, like that timing of
okay, lord, I need you to open aflexible door because my
youngest is four, but I do feellike I would love that if it
were the right fit.
So I'm still trying to be likeokay, god, what could that be?
Speaker 1 (28:48):
It's exciting.
I like that because sometimes Ithink there is a pressure to
try to do both or multiplethings.
It's also I think it's alsoawesome to go all in on
motherhood and wait for God'stiming to explore other things
as well.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
I think everybody has their own.
You know, there's no one sizefits all how your family is
supposed to look, whether howmany kids careers any of it.
I think it's all we have to letthe Holy Spirit tell us what
our families are supposed tolook like.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
I find all the different configurations so
fascinating.
I love this podcast.
I love learning how everyonemakes it work.
And do you have anyencouragement for a mom that
wants a big family but doesn'tknow if they'll be able to
handle it?
I guess a lot of mom friendsI've been talking to lately like
are thinking about a big familybut it just seems overwhelming
(29:45):
and I personally have that samemindset that you said.
Can I actually mother a bigfamily.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
I would say, if I can do it, anybody can do it.
I am like the crappiest Most.
If I had my teenagers, I'mgonna have to send this podcast
to them because they're gonnadie last.
But I'm super impatient, I'msuper selfish, I'm all those
things.
I like order, I like everythingin its place, all the things.
I have seven kids, but it'sannoying too and I think like
(30:12):
family is sanctifying, likemarriage is sanctifying, kids
are sanctifying.
So I don't think it's like I'mthe mom and so I can just give
it all and everything's going tobe great.
I think it's community.
So it's not going to be perfect, it's not going to be all cute
with a bow and our kids aren'tgoing to be a train wreck
sometimes and we're not going tobe stressed, but I think it's
sanctifying and communitybuilding.
(30:33):
And community building.
If you want a big family, Ithink do it one kid at a time.
You know, yeah, the Lord givesyou the grace for what you have
in front of you, and so I thinkit's just leaning into him and
being like okay.
I know so many people who, like, have thought they were done,
and the Lord's like okay, adoptor have one more biologically,
or mentor a teenager, whatever.
So I think a lot of it is likegiving up our dreams of what we
(30:58):
want things to look like andgive them to him.
Because I think, especiallywe're in a culture right now
where the economy is it is notcheap and as your kids get older
, everything gets exponentiallymore expensive, and so I think
there's a push of like I have towork if I want a big family.
So I think there's so many whatifs, but I think if it's what
the Lord has for you, then it'sfine, it'll work out and he'll
(31:20):
make a way and you're going tobe stressed and you're going to
the house is going to be messedsometimes out with things and I
think, but it's end game, isthis my obedience, is this what
you have for me?
Because you don't want to lookback on your deathbed and be
like, okay, lord, you had sevenkids for me and I had three, or
you only wanted me to have threekids and I had seven.
I think there's obedience and Ithink how our family looks is
(31:44):
not outside of the realm ofGod's plan for our life.
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
Emily.
I think that's a great, greatspot to end.
That's such a good reminder.
I always struggle with controland I always have to think when
you walk in faith, it's reallywhat does he want for my life?
As opposed to starting out,it's faithful to guide you.
Is there anything you'reinvolved in right now that, if
(32:10):
someone is interested inconnecting or wants to perhaps
get involved with foster care,do you have any recommendations
or ways to get in touch?
Speaker 2 (32:21):
Totally.
My husband and I do a fostercare support group called the
Village and that welcomes peoplewho not necessarily just are
foster adoptive parents orwannabe, but people who are just
involved in it, Like hey, Ijust want to cook meals or I
just want to learn more, or hey,can I just be informed.
So we have that, and I'm alsoon the board of an awesome
therapeutic group home for girlsin the area and that is called
(32:45):
the House of Providence, andthat is an awesome organization
too, where you can volunteer,you can give, you can do all
that.
So thank you, Emily, Thank youfor having me it was fun For
today's episode takeaways I havefour.
Speaker 1 (32:59):
One motherhood can be the calling.
Emily reminds us that choosingto go all in on motherhood is
not less than it's a deeplyintentional and powerful path,
especially when led by faith.
Two God equips us for eachseason.
Whether it's welcoming a newchild, navigating foster care or
(33:29):
walking through anxiety, godprovides grace for the season
you're in, not the one you'reworrying about.
Down the road comes straightfrom the hospital.
There can be unseen trauma.
Emily shares how attachmentlooks different for each child
and the importance of honesty,trust and age-appropriate
openness in helping them thrive.
Four you don't have to be theperfect mom, just a willing one.
(33:49):
Emily's words are a freeingreminder.
God isn't asking you to be thebest mom in the world.
He's asking you to trust himand do your best.
That's it for today's episode.
Thank you for spending thistime with me.
I know how valuable your timeis and I hope you're walking
away feeling encouraged to dreama little bigger about what's
(34:10):
possible for your work andfamily life.
If this episode spoke to you,it would mean so much if you
shared it with another mom whoneeds this kind of encouragement
.
Make sure to subscribe so younever miss an episode.
And if you want to keep theconversation going, connect with
me on LinkedIn.
Just search Emilia Cotto.
That's E-M-I-L-I-A, c-o-t-o.
(34:31):
Until next time, remember,motherhood isn't the end of your
dreams, it's just the beginning.
Today I'm sitting down with Emily.
Emily is a mother of seven.
From the moment she became amom at 22, emily felt deeply
called to be fully present inmotherhood and she has lived
that calling wholeheartedly,through foster care and adoption
(00:28):
.
How she discerned each yesalong the way and how she
learned to trust God with theunknowns, whether in parenting,
attachment or future plans.
You'll hear how she went fromwelcoming one baby to mothering
a beautifully blended family ofseven, all while navigating real
challenges, deep growth andmoments of incredible grace.
If you've ever wondered what itmeans to go all in on motherhood
(00:51):
, to make space for the rest inthe chaos, or to surrender your
family's plans to God's timing,this conversation is for you.
Welcome to Little Hands BigPlans the podcast for moms who
want to reimagine work afterkids and build a life where
family comes first, withoutgiving up your dreams.
(01:13):
I'm Amelia and I know firsthandhow much motherhood shifts our
careers, our priorities and ourpace.
But instead of seeing it as asetback, what if we saw it as an
invitation, an opportunity todesign a life with a little more
freedom, a little more presenceand a little more fulfillment?
Each week, we'll have honestconversations with moms who've
(01:36):
shaped their work and businessaround what truly matters.
Whether you're considering acareer pivot, dreaming of a
slower pace or just wonderingwhat's possible, you're in the
right place.
So grab a little something warm, settle in and let's explore
the possibilities together.
So you wanted to be astay-at-home mom.
(02:03):
How did you know this?
Speaker 2 (02:05):
I always had these like two ideas of what I wanted
to do, and one like I had thisI'm going to be like an editor
in New York and have this likewhatever life.
And my other one was I'm goingto have a bunch of kids, I'd be
a stay-at-home mom, and I thinkfor me I always knew whatever I
did, I would only do that solike wholeheartedly, and so I
think for me it's hard to likeimagine doing multi things if
(02:27):
that makes sense.
So motherhood was always justthe big goal.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
And what was your life growing up?
Did you grow up with astay-at-home mom?
Speaker 2 (02:37):
My mom didn't work until I went into kindergarten,
so my whole my first five yearsand all my siblings.
She was a stay-at-home mom andthen she went and got a job as
soon as I started school.
And do you come from a bigfamily.
I have two older siblings, sonot huge.
Pretty, pretty average.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
So, knowing that you may choose to stay at home, what
work choices did you make inanticipation of having
motherhood be your primarycalling?
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Once I was like in my later years of high school when
all my friends were deciding onschools and what they were
going to do and all of that Ithink I really honed in of okay,
am I going to go to college?
And I grew up in NorthernMichigan, grew up on a farm in a
rural area, so, like collegewasn't necessarily the goal for
everyone.
Anyway, I think a stay-at-homemom or more of a slower paced
(03:29):
life was more of a goal anywaythan it would be in a suburban
area where I live now.
So I think when I really dugdeep, I was like I would love to
go into psychology or likewriting or English or something
like that, like something that Ifind interesting, but I'm like,
would I really ever make acareer out of it?
You know what I mean?
(03:50):
So I waited and I got marriedpretty young, met my husband and
his goals were the same as mine.
I'd love to have thattraditional familial situation,
and so that's what happened.
And so I worked until I hadkids.
But I worked at a gym and Ihelped friends with child care
stuff like that Awesome.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
I never had the big career plan, if that makes sense
, yeah totally makes sense andcan you share a little bit about
your family?
You became a mom.
I know that adoption is alsopart of your family story.
How did that all?
Speaker 2 (04:23):
come about.
So we got married.
My husband and I both wantedkids pretty early.
I think we thought it's goingto take up like thinking, you
know, the next year if we getpregnant it'll happen.
So we were pregnant pretty, Iwant to say, a month after we
got married, like we had anewborn on our first anniversary
, and so it came pretty quickly.
(04:43):
I was 22 when I had my first andthen we wanted them fairly
close in age and so then we hadour second two years later.
And then I had always wanted toadopt and do foster care and it
just again, just likemotherhood, I'd always imagined
mothering just a diverse family,like I'd always I don't know
why I thought that.
Cause again, I grew up inNorthern Michigan where there
(05:05):
was literally no diverse suiteat all, so I had just always
envisioned that I know I'm goingto just have this blended
family and kids and I'd alwaysbeen drawn to adoption as much
as biological children, and myhusband was always on board with
that.
So we did that through fostercare and so when I was actually
(05:25):
pregnant with my third, webecame licensed in foster care
and got our first placement of asibling group.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
So I was, I think, seven months pregnant and so
when you became a foster parent,you already had the desire in
your heart to also potentiallyadopt.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Totally.
I think I became a fosterparent thinking, okay, like I'd
seen other people do it and behad fostered for 10 to 15 years
and maybe adopt a child or two.
So it wasn't like I'm doingthis solely to adapt, but like,
hey, when it happens on the road, that's cool.
But I would say I, ourintention was to foster, but we
were for sure open to adoption.
If that makes sense, yes.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
And so, what was your journey to meeting your
children that you eventuallyadopted?
Speaker 2 (06:15):
So our first placement was a sibling group
and so we had them for threemonths and then, when I had my
third son, hosea, they went intoa respite family and they were
high needs, like great kids, andI knew, wait a minute, now I
have a newborn, two toddlers,and they were two toddlers and I
was just like I cannot.
And so the respite familyactually was like, listen, if
(06:35):
this is too much for you,instead of them coming back in
two weeks like we would love tokeep them.
And it was the perfectsituation, it was a God thing.
So that worked out.
And then, right after wereopened our license, when Hosea
was nine months old, we got acall for a baby girl straight
from the hospital and wefostered her for three years
before she was adopted, and soshe never left her family, was
(06:57):
in her home straight from birthand now she's 11.
And then so she was there andshe was our first real
experience of her walking inwith cps and me being like, oh
my gosh, like the bond wasinstant.
I was a train wreck.
Wow, like just if this is goingto be a nightmare, because
you're handing me a newborn withlike tags still on and the baby
(07:19):
hat.
You know what I mean.
The attachment was instantinstant.
And so then we had four.
My daughter and my youngestbiological at the time were nine
months apart, so I had anine-month-old and a newborn and
then two toddlers.
About a year and a half laterwe got another call.
I actually had a dream the daybefore that I was holding the
(07:40):
baby girl and I said, hey, I hadyour sister and I handed her to
her.
And it was so real.
I was like the baby girl and Isaid, hey, I had your sister and
I handed her to her.
And it was so real.
I was like I literally asked mypay's worker the next day.
I was like, is mom pregnant?
Because I literally had thisdream.
She's like no, but as soon asthat worker left, I got a call
from my licensing worker whosaid I have a baby girl, she's
nine months old and she needs ahome.
(08:01):
So it was so nuts where I wasjust like, okay, I know this is
a yes.
So those three my son and thenmy two girls are all exactly
nine months apart, like ninemonths.
So within 18 months I havethree.
And so then she was there, herswent to adoption fairly quickly
and she was actually adoptedbefore Tay, like six months
(08:22):
before Tay and then so we hadfive and things were like, okay,
awesome.
We fostered a little girl for ayear who we adored, but we had
an awesome relationship with mom, loved mom knew she was going
to get her stuff together andshe went home at about 14 months
.
So that was like tough in theway of like we all adored her,
(08:42):
but it was great because we knewmom, she should be reunified.
But then it like for me, I'mlike okay, I have two that are
adopted, my kids are gettingolder, they all get this and we
can't.
We're not in the place anymorewhere we can do visits and stuff
like that, cause I don't wantto traumatize and confuse my
(09:03):
girls.
We've gotten so attached, wedon't want to do that anymore.
I can't like for my family'ssake.
And so I told my worker hey, Ionly have room for a boy, I
can't do any more of like thevisitations and stuff, because I
have two kids that are newlyadopted and I don't want to like
bring the confusion and thattype of thing.
And so I gave them all thestipulations and I licensed her
a laugh.
She's like OK, you've takenwhatever we've asked you for in
(09:23):
the past and six months we'llreevaluate, because you're
probably not going to get a call.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
And I'm like that's fine Cause I'm like we're doing
pretty good.
And then, literally, I got aphone with her and I was having
a conversation with the Lord andI'm like we're pretty good with
five, I'm like five is a to sixand I'm like like I guess, and
for me I tell that story all thetime People laugh.
(09:49):
But for me it was like arelease of I'm not asking you to
be like the best mom in theworld, but like you have my
permission to do your best andyou can have room for one more.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, anyway, we got a call onMonday Again them thinking my
strict limits of what you knowwould fit into our family.
And she's like you're not goingto believe this, but I have a
baby boy.
He was just born and surrenderedat the hospital and honestly,
(10:13):
they said this is going to be astraight adoption.
Are you ready for that?
And I'm like thinking this isthe call that, like everybody
signs up for foster care, likeno strings attached, and we're
like like I was, like I guess,so I guess that's basically the
stipulations.
And that was Enzo and he was,yeah, the sweetest, easiest.
The crazy thing with his storyis some of our best friends,
(10:36):
without knowing this, have hisbiological two sisters and
brother, so kind of like thisinsane, only God meant to be
story, yeah, anyway.
So he was six and then, duringCOVID, I got pregnant as a
surprise from Indy.
It's interesting because withfoster care.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
That's when I think about it.
You're going to love thechildren that you're with,
knowing that the goal is likelyfor them not to stay with you.
But it seems like in yourchildren's story you can see so
clearly how he wrote their storyand yours together, because
it's also hard if they hadgotten placed into a family that
(11:20):
didn't have adoption on theirheart.
And now you know.
You know they could stay there,but that's not an option.
So is that something that youprayed for before you went into
it?
Speaker 2 (11:34):
I think we had other placements that like came and
went, like a lot of short-termand like maybe emergency
placements and things, I think,because we were only licensed
for five years.
So after Angel's adoptionsclosed, we were only licensed
for five years and we adoptedthree kids.
So that's, the three of themare not biological.
So it's a little different.
If you get like a sibling groupor something early, were like,
(12:00):
hey, we'll keep your licenseopen, we'll send a variant to
Lansing right now.
I was cracking up, but I thinkbecause it was so fast and
furious like I in my head,because it's more common to it
taking years before you end upwith one where there's a
potential of adoption, I don'tfeel like I had time to be like
okay, like they filled the seat,we're good now.
I don't know, you don't evenlike I think individually and
(12:23):
personally with each of them.
Like when I met Tay, like ourbond was, it was just like man,
she's going to be here forever.
And there was times too whereit was like, even if she goes
home, we'll support her familyand she'll always be a part of
our life.
And then with Naya, we met herand I knew it and I had that
dream.
So I just knew.
And then, enzo, I had dreamstoo and we just knew from,
obviously, the first phone call.
(12:44):
So I think, like the Lord, likediscernment, and just this is my
kid, you know, and not likeyou're my kid, because you
deserve better and I'm doingthis huge favor to you and I'm
going to turn your life aroundtype of discernment, but just
like a knowing that, like you'renot going anywhere in your mind
.
When I've had other kids in myhouse and I again like we had
(13:06):
one little baby we adored for ayear but I knew I wasn't her
long-term mom, I knew herbiological mom.
She was it, she was going tofigure it out and that was what
I was to support.
You know what I'm saying.
So I feel like it's more likethe holy spirit led, like you
know.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
I want to ask this, but I don't know if it's the
misconception I have, because Ithink in that situation, my
understanding is that eventhough they were, for example,
even in a surrender as a newborn, there's still trauma there
from the loss of the connectionwith their biological mom.
(13:42):
Yeah, totally.
Have you found that, and howdoes attachment look different,
and how have you supported themthrough perhaps overcoming that
loss?
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Yeah, I think too.
Mine are young, so I thinkthere is a like oh, you know,
two of yours came straight fromthe hospital to where one of
mine still had visitations fortwo years and my son didn't, and
then my other daughter was ninemonths.
But again, even if you have asituation of a surrender or an
adoption a international or anational adoption there's still,
(14:16):
I think, naturally obviouslymom carried baby for nine months
and the stress of that andthere's a bond there, like we're
created to have a bond, even ifthe mother is not expecting to
be pregnant or wanting to be orwhatever.
So I think every attachment isdifferent.
I would say one of mine ishyper-attached, like very
(14:37):
attached, I would say.
One of mine is very naturallyas if I birthed her myself.
There's never been and we laughall the time because she'll be
like I forgot, I'm adopted.
It's so funny.
And then I would say anotherone of mine.
I would say that attachment ismore because she came to us more
traumatized and nervous andvery anxious, but I would
(15:03):
definitely say it can show inlike anxiety and survival skills
and maybe hiding things andstuff like that, if that makes
sense.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
And, as an adoptive parent, being more aware and
having more conversations thanyou would with your own
biological children, learn thoseskills differently during hard
times.
It feels like I'm alwayslearning, but it's almost.
It's kind of like God equipsyou for the tough times and the
difficulties.
I would imagine that it wouldbe the same, but like almost to
a higher degree, or is that amisconception that I have?
Speaker 2 (15:43):
I think it's almost like more of a vigilant.
Okay, there's these things thatnaturally I would not ever have
to not to say that even yourbiological children, your
attachment, can't be different.
You know what I mean.
Yeah, like there is a naturalbend for that to already be
there.
You know what I mean,especially if you're a healthy
mom who doesn't have your owntrauma and your own stuff.
(16:04):
But I do think that there is anawareness and like I don't want
to obsess about this or beanxious about this, because
that's obviously going to carryon to detachment, but it's
something that needs to betended to and worked at and just
checked in.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Yeah, In Honduras, where I was born, it's something
that was really culturallydifferent.
That I noticed from here isthat when there's an adoption in
the family, the children arenot told, because it's seen as
like protective to not tell them.
(16:38):
But then, when they're older,the children end up knowing, but
not knowing for sure, and itcreates more of a barrier,
whereas I love how you weredescribing your daughter, saying
like I forget that I'm adoptedand her knowing her story.
Does that ever happen here, oris it just such a huge cultural
(17:01):
yeah?
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Do you think here maybe adoptees?
Maybe 30, 40, maybe even 20years ago it was more common.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
I think there was a stigma around adoption, not only
in even infertility, or like wedon't talk about it and we
bring this baby home and thenthe child doesn't know, and it
wasn't even legal in the lastyou know, maybe 20, 30 years In
the early 90s was really wheneven interracial relations
became known.
So before then you weren'tgetting an African-American baby
(17:30):
for a white or an Asian.
You know what I'm saying.
So it was more.
It wasn't as obvious With mine.
All three of my adopted kidshappen to be African-American,
my husband's Hispanic and I'mwhite.
So it's a obvious thing topeople that they're adopted, and
for me, because we already havethat transracial story in our
family and that makes them stickout a little bit, and so
(17:53):
adoption on top of that, like Iwant them to own their story and
we're going to talk about it athome, it's very normal, it's
nothing to be ashamed of, it'snothing to be embarrassed about,
so that when they're out inpublic, when their friends meet
each other for the first time,when I go to do a book reading,
like, I went to my son'selementary school and it's first
graders.
So I walked in and their biggestquestions were like you're
(18:14):
white, but he's black, you knowwhat I mean.
And he loved it.
Because I'm like, okay, becausethey're so innocent and sweet.
And the teacher was like, oh mygosh, is this okay?
But he, he was cool with it too.
Because I'm like, it's true,yeah.
So I think for us it's morepreparing our kids to own your
story.
But if you don't want to tellpeople it's none of their
business, you know what I mean?
Yeah, so that's why we're openand we would be anyway, because
(18:35):
I'm somebody who transparencylike trust and attachment.
How can that be built if thereisn't at least age appropriate
honesty?
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Like maybe my kids don't know their full stories
yet.
They will for sure one day theyknow a lot of it and it's
theirs to tell what are somethings about foster care that
you think people misunderstandwhen they're first starting on
their journey.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
I think maybe they go at least I can speak for me and
a lot of my friends whofostered it's.
You go in thinking I'm going tobe helpful and I'm going to just
do this, and it's going to be areal struggle to see these
biological parents and not havejudgment towards them.
But then I think you meet themand I'm somebody who can be
pretty like cold and judgmental.
I'm very justice oriented, I'mvery justice driven.
(19:17):
So I thought, oh my gosh, I'mnot going to have any compassion
in every single parent, evenones who did things to our kids
that you know, whatever I was,like I get it.
Like you meet them and you'relike you're just a person and
nobody would choose this.
You know, nobody would chooseto neglect or abuse and you've
walked through this or worse, ormental illness or addiction.
(19:39):
I do think there's a lot morecompassion in those situations.
But I also think you learn realquickly that the system is the
thing that is 100% the hardest.
The kids are easy, easy, easy.
The system is the nightmare andthe system is what is broken,
and so I think that is what isto really get into the guts of
(20:01):
our justice system and ourgovernment views, children and
all of that.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
I feel like that is the part where you're like, oh
my gosh you know, yeah, as a momof seven, how do you find
moments of rest?
How do you do soul care in theseason?
Speaker 2 (20:20):
My oldest is 17 and my youngest is four, so I feel
like it's changed with everyseason and having older kids now
too, like hey, I have to popout, I'm going to run here, I'm
going to run there you know whatI mean and making sure like,
hey, you're going to watch thekids, or when my husband gets
home, I think as I get older, Iget a lot better at being like I
(20:44):
need this, and so for me it'squiet, just I'm going to go to
bed an hour before you do andI'll read.
I walk a lot, and so that isreally therapeutic for me, and
even going out with friends.
So for me, it's not necessarilylike the massages or getting my
nails done, like for somepeople are shopping, but it's
not necessarily like themassages or getting my nails
done, like for some people areshopping, but like it's silence
and like doing things that bringme joy outside of that.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
And in terms of your children, what are some of the
prayers and hopes that you havefor them as they're growing?
What helps you trust God witheach of their stories, even like
the unknown parts or the thingsthat we talked about?
That might be a little bitdifferent.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
I think one thing like fostering has really shown
and grown me is in my awarenessof how the Lord is way more
involved than I think in ourAmerican world we give him
credit for and we don't need tosee him Like he doesn't seem
necessary.
(21:42):
But when you have a child thatyou're like I love this child If
they go home it's going to be abad situation.
Or trusting him with those likealmost life or death type
situations it forges you torealize like he's got this, like
even if you know theirstruggles or your kid's bio, or
(22:03):
adopted are, you know, makingthe wrong choices.
Like you've done bigger things.
I've seen you do biggermiracles in their lives.
I've seen you know who they aretoday and who they might have
been, or the choices they'remaking and like that he is
ultimately in control and Ithink as parents it's just I'm
just part of the puzzle.
I think we can make our kids ourwhole world and I think it is a
(22:25):
disservice to both of usUltimately.
Like it's trusting the Lord.
Lord, you got this.
I can only do my part, but Ithink I can't carry the weight
of who they're ultimately goingto choose to be and the road
that they're going to pit andfor them it helps.
For them are that they havefreedom to be who God created
them to be and to live out theirpotential in him, and and not
(22:47):
what I necessarily want for them, but who they're called to be
and and that they know theiridentity in Christ that speaks
to me so much, emily, because,oh my goodness, I feel like even
in this last little season,with being still postpartum, it
feels really fresh still, eventhough it's not technically.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
I think a lot of the times I struggle with having
intense fears about their lifein terms of for me, a lot of it
is related to health.
Like every time they've beensick, I just my mind always goes
to worst case, or with thispostpartum, the thing that has
been a real struggle is I alwaysfeel scared that just something
(23:29):
random is going to happen to meand I'm not going to be able to
see them grow up.
And how did you get to thatpoint of being able to trust?
I think it's something that alot of moms struggle with Mine
probably 10 years or more downthe motherhood road than you.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
So don't think I know that I'll figure it out.
I think again, my oldest is 17and I've done foster care and
I've had different kids and youknow.
So I think it's the journey.
I think you're a couple yearsin.
How old's your oldest?
My oldest is three.
Yeah, exactly, so we're justthree years in.
So not putting pressure onyourself and walking the journey
(24:05):
, and I think the beauty of itis like the Lord fathers us in
our own motherhood journey, andso I think we have to let him to
parent us while we parent, ifthat makes sense, because, like
we don't have to, I think a lotof times we think, oh my gosh, I
have to have all my kidstogether and my kid's going to
(24:26):
be messed up if they carry myanxiety, or you know what I mean
.
But we have to trust that he's agood dad, and so we have to
trust our stuff to him, justlike our kids do to us.
And I think, when you view itin that way of like, hey, lord,
you gave me these kids, you knewI was their mom and so you're
going to have to help me withthis.
I need you here, I need you totake the anxiety away, I need
(24:48):
you to refocus and I think whenwe can give it to him, it does
help us refocus.
But again, I'm more than 10years down the road from you and
so I think a lot of that isjust the journey, like you'll
get there, you'll be there, butdon't think I have arrived.
You'll have teenagers andyou'll have.
I can't even imagine.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
That's everyone to saying little little kids,
little problems, big kids, bigproblems.
And when someone says I'mterrified because I'm like, I
can't barely handle these littlewhere it's just different.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
You know like it's just everything in life.
You've grown like the Lord isfaithful and giving us just
grace for today, so you don'thave to worry about the teen
years, because she's not askingyou to do teen years, she's
asking you to do sweet and ababy.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
yeah, thank you for sharing that.
And during, like, the timeswhere you said you had to let go
so, for example, in a situationwhere you did feel that perhaps
they were at risk, wasexperiencing difficulties like
that that made you grow to theplace where you are at now, yeah
, but you were still able torest Like you could still.
(25:51):
Okay, I'm going to give it toGod and I'm going to rest
knowing that he's got this.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Honestly, I think in the beginning of my journey, or
my first couple of years,especially with one of my kids,
Jesus was such a roller coaster.
I lived in constant fear.
When they were younger, I livedin that what the heck is going
to happen and I have no control.
It was completely no stringsattached and so I think at the
end of her situation, wheneverything was tied up, I looked
(26:19):
back and I was like God, Icould have trusted you, but I
spent years like sick about this.
Yeah, but I could have trustedyou.
It still would have turned outokay and even if it worst case
scenario would have happened,you still would have been
trustworthy.
So I think there were regretsand like, but it was a learning
of man, like I don't have towalk out in anxiousness and
(26:44):
worry if you're going to do whatI would need you to do or want
you to do, because it's in yourhand and you love my kids more
than I do.
You created them, You're justthe vessel.
So I think that perspective ofputting it back on him like Lord
, they're yours, and so I thinkthat is more like after the fact
, like hindsight, where whensomething pops up, I'm like no,
no, no, no, I've seen you do toomany miracles in my kids' lives
(27:05):
to be worried about this littlething.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
You know I'm sure it was not easy to go through, but
now you have that as such anamazing thing to look back on to
help you with future situations.
Absolutely.
You said at the beginning thatyou like to go all in when you
do something.
Do you ever wrestle with thattension of I want to be a mother
(27:31):
but I also want to start a sidehustle or I want to do?
Do you have anything that youwould do differently now looking
back, or are you a thousandpercent happy and this was the
right choice?
Speaker 2 (27:45):
That's a great question.
Actually.
I think it's funny because,again, like I told you in the
story about when I was like OK,we have five kids, like we're
good, like maybe now I pursuesomething, something that I'm
passionate about, or getinvolved with a non-passionate,
or volunteer or start a sidehustle, which you know I'm
creative, but also like, for me,again, like I'm so all in or
(28:09):
all out, there has to besomething that I, like, have
flexibility and passion in.
But I don't have regrets, Iwould say.
But I think in the future, asmy kids get a little older, I've
always thought about, likeReality, or I love houses, I
love like just that I check likeReality Everyday, realtorcom
and stuff like that.
So I think I have passions andI do think there's things that I
(28:32):
would love to do and it's justwaiting on, like that timing of
okay, lord, I need you to open aflexible door because my
youngest is four, but I do feellike I would love that if it
were the right fit.
So I'm still trying to be likeokay, god, what could that be?
Speaker 1 (28:48):
It's exciting.
I like that because sometimes Ithink there is a pressure to
try to do both or multiplethings.
It's also I think it's alsoawesome to go all in on
motherhood and wait for God'stiming to explore other things
as well.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
I think everybody has their own.
You know, there's no one sizefits all how your family is
supposed to look, whether howmany kids careers any of it.
I think it's all we have to letthe Holy Spirit tell us what
our families are supposed tolook like.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
I find all the different configurations so
fascinating.
I love this podcast.
I love learning how everyonemakes it work.
And do you have anyencouragement for a mom that
wants a big family but doesn'tknow if they'll be able to
handle it?
I guess a lot of mom friendsI've been talking to lately like
are thinking about a big familybut it just seems overwhelming
(29:45):
and I personally have that samemindset that you said.
Can I actually mother a bigfamily.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
I would say, if I can do it, anybody can do it.
I am like the crappiest Most.
If I had my teenagers, I'mgonna have to send this podcast
to them because they're gonnadie last.
But I'm super impatient, I'msuper selfish, I'm all those
things.
I like order, I like everythingin its place, all the things.
I have seven kids, but it'sannoying too and I think like
(30:12):
family is sanctifying, likemarriage is sanctifying, kids
are sanctifying.
So I don't think it's like I'mthe mom and so I can just give
it all and everything's going tobe great.
I think it's community.
So it's not going to be perfect, it's not going to be all cute
with a bow and our kids aren'tgoing to be a train wreck
sometimes and we're not going tobe stressed, but I think it's
sanctifying and communitybuilding.
(30:33):
And community building.
If you want a big family, Ithink do it one kid at a time.
You know, yeah, the Lord givesyou the grace for what you have
in front of you, and so I thinkit's just leaning into him and
being like okay.
I know so many people who, like, have thought they were done,
and the Lord's like okay, adoptor have one more biologically,
or mentor a teenager, whatever.
So I think a lot of it is likegiving up our dreams of what we
(30:58):
want things to look like andgive them to him.
Because I think, especiallywe're in a culture right now
where the economy is it is notcheap and as your kids get older
, everything gets exponentiallymore expensive, and so I think
there's a push of like I have towork if I want a big family.
So I think there's so many whatifs, but I think if it's what
the Lord has for you, then it'sfine, it'll work out and he'll
(31:20):
make a way and you're going tobe stressed and you're going to
the house is going to be messedsometimes out with things and I
think, but it's end game, isthis my obedience, is this what
you have for me?
Because you don't want to lookback on your deathbed and be
like, okay, lord, you had sevenkids for me and I had three, or
you only wanted me to have threekids and I had seven.
I think there's obedience and Ithink how our family looks is
(31:44):
not outside of the realm ofGod's plan for our life.
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
Emily.
I think that's a great, greatspot to end.
That's such a good reminder.
I always struggle with controland I always have to think when
you walk in faith, it's reallywhat does he want for my life?
As opposed to starting out,it's faithful to guide you.
Is there anything you'reinvolved in right now that, if
(32:10):
someone is interested inconnecting or wants to perhaps
get involved with foster care,do you have any recommendations
or ways to get in touch?
Speaker 2 (32:21):
Totally.
My husband and I do a fostercare support group called the
Village and that welcomes peoplewho not necessarily just are
foster adoptive parents orwannabe, but people who are just
involved in it, Like hey, Ijust want to cook meals or I
just want to learn more, or hey,can I just be informed.
So we have that, and I'm alsoon the board of an awesome
therapeutic group home for girlsin the area and that is called
(32:45):
the House of Providence, andthat is an awesome organization
too, where you can volunteer,you can give, you can do all
that.
So thank you, Emily, Thank youfor having me it was fun For
today's episode takeaways I havefour.
Speaker 1 (32:59):
One motherhood can be the calling.
Emily reminds us that choosingto go all in on motherhood is
not less than it's a deeplyintentional and powerful path,
especially when led by faith.
Two God equips us for eachseason.
Whether it's welcoming a newchild, navigating foster care or
(33:29):
walking through anxiety, godprovides grace for the season
you're in, not the one you'reworrying about.
Down the road comes straightfrom the hospital.
There can be unseen trauma.
Emily shares how attachmentlooks different for each child
and the importance of honesty,trust and age-appropriate
openness in helping them thrive.
Four you don't have to be theperfect mom, just a willing one.
(33:49):
Emily's words are a freeingreminder.
God isn't asking you to be thebest mom in the world.
He's asking you to trust himand do your best.
That's it for today's episode.
Thank you for spending thistime with me.
I know how valuable your timeis and I hope you're walking
away feeling encouraged to dreama little bigger about what's
(34:10):
possible for your work andfamily life.
If this episode spoke to you,it would mean so much if you
shared it with another mom whoneeds this kind of encouragement
.
Make sure to subscribe so younever miss an episode.
And if you want to keep theconversation going, connect with
me on LinkedIn.
Just search Emilia Cotto.
That's E-M-I-L-I-A, c-o-t-o.
(34:31):
Until next time, remember,motherhood isn't the end of your
dreams, it's just the beginning.
Popular Podcasts
Law & Order: Criminal Justice System - Season 1 & Season 2
Season Two Out Now! Law & Order: Criminal Justice System tells the real stories behind the landmark cases that have shaped how the most dangerous and influential criminals in America are prosecuted. In its second season, the series tackles the threat of terrorism in the United States. From the rise of extremist political groups in the 60s to domestic lone wolves in the modern day, we explore how organizations like the FBI and Joint Terrorism Take Force have evolved to fight back against a multitude of terrorist threats.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
NFL Daily with Gregg Rosenthal
Gregg Rosenthal and a rotating crew of elite NFL Media co-hosts, including Patrick Claybon, Colleen Wolfe, Steve Wyche, Nick Shook and Jourdan Rodrigue of The Athletic get you caught up daily on all the NFL news and analysis you need to be smarter and funnier than your friends.