044 Advocating For Your Future Self

00:00 Everything you want in the moment has an impact on your future

03:33 The dark side of Delayed Gratification

09:16 The dark side of avoiding discomfort

11:56 Consistent practice is a key to self-knowledge, in order to be the person you want to be, you have to practice acting like that person

25:49 Treating your "personality traits" as skills rather than predetermined states

33:53 Self-acceptance and a desire for change CAN co-exist

41:00 The Sunscreen Song (Trust me, listen to the whole thing)

41:53 We get to decide what value we put on our future

44:48 Only practice delayed gratification when it's helping you become the person you want to be, your work for tomorrow can be enjoyable today

58:38 Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear "Every action you take is a vote for who you want to be in the future"

01:01:17 Instead of working toward a specific goal, focus on changing your identity - become the person who lives the life you want (Read how here)

01:07:11 Traditions can be powerful - be sure to assess their value to you

01:08:38 The End Of History Fallacy

Couples - Proven Fitness & Intimacy Practices To Achieve Your Health and Relationship Goals Together!
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Episode Transcript

Tali (00:16):
I am Tali Zabari.
Hi, I'm

Cody (00:18):
Cody Limbaugh.
Welcome

Tali (00:19):
to the Live All Your Life podcast.

Cody (00:43):
We're just jumping
in.

Tali (00:44):
Yes, we are.
On a school night.
On a

Cody (00:47):
school night, right?
Yeah, because we did not get itdone on the

Tali (00:50):
weekend.
No.
This weekend was really full,but really awesome.
Don't you think?
We got a lot done.
We got a lot done.
Had a lot of fun.
And it's my last three dayweekend for a while, so I feel
like we really made the most of

Cody (01:07):
it.
Yep.
Got out on the

Tali (01:08):
motorcycle.
Yes.
Oh, that was so amazing.
It's good.
Yeah.

Cody (01:13):
Good to see the sun

Tali (01:14):
again.
Good to see the sun and like beout in it and not like shutter
at the idea of being outside,you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's kind of wild that I amsaying that because I'm not
really an outdoorsy person, butwho knows?
Maybe I'm becoming one and thisis just what it feels

Cody (01:32):
like.
But every time we work outsideyou're like, ah, I felt so good
to be outside.

Tali (01:36):
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I always feel immediatelyrelaxed.
Mm-hmm.
Being outside.
So that's something.

Cody (01:47):
Yep.
Yeah.
You wanna introduce today'stopic?

Tali (01:51):
Yeah.
So this is another topic thatcame up during a coaching call
that we had with some clientsthis week, or maybe it was a
couple weeks ago.
But what I've been doing when wehave coaching calls is, you
know, I always take notes,minutes, however you wanna call
it, and I highlight kind ofthese big ideas that come up
that I think are reallyuniversal or just interesting or

(02:17):
opportunities where you and Ican maybe develop more content
around because there's so muchthat happens in coaching that
I'd considered nuances and theydon't necessarily like make it
to the table to talk about allthe time with our clients.
Mm-hmm.
But all those dynamics arehappening and I think that

(02:39):
that's kind of how thephilosophy of fitness came to
be.
And it's.
I think it's really intriguingfor folks who are, you know, in
it as deeply as we are, or whowanna be in it as deeply as we
are, where this is just the, theworld we live in and the way
that we interact with otherpeople.
And so the idea that we'relooking at today is comparing

(03:04):
what we're wanting in the momentto what we're wanting long term
for ourselves.
And as coaches, we're constantlysupporting folks to lean into
who they want to be in thefuture.
And a lot of times that requiresmaking very different choices in

(03:27):
the meantime.
So yeah, that's on the docket.
Yeah.

Cody (03:33):
So there's some buzz phrases I'm gonna just spit out
here.
Okay.
And we'll get into'em a littledeeper.
But delayed gratification issort of a.
Gist of what we're talking abouthere, but there's also a term
called time preference, and Ithink that's probably originates
from economic theories.
Okay.
But I'll get into that a littlebit.
I think just to start right intoit, the idea of delayed

(03:58):
gratification is, I think,looked at as a virtue and
there's a value system placed onit.
And I want to try to unpack thata little bit today because I
have written about this prettyextensively, like over and over
again on several blogs over theyears and in my book and

(04:19):
everything about how delayedgratification can be a type of a
trap where you find yourselfstuck in a future that may or
may not ever happen.
Mm-hmm.
And sometimes

Tali (04:31):
it's very outcome

Cody (04:32):
oriented.
Yeah.
And it's, yeah.
And.
I think it's a very, it's a tooland I think it's a valuable
tool, but just like a scalpel,you gotta be careful how you use
it because you could just sliceand dice all kinds of things.
You don't mean to with delayedgratification.
So I'll just start with like anegative aspect of it be because

(04:55):
I do think it's, like I said, avaluable tool, but I just want
to paint a picture for peoplewho may not know me or much
about my history, which isgetting to be a longer history
these days every day.
There was a time when I had somepretty like, audacious business
goals and so I was I don't meanto like sound like a, I'm self

(05:22):
martyr situation, but I was in asituation where I had young kids
at home, so I was working threejobs to try to pay the bills and
when I wasn't working, I wasreally focused on trying to make
these business.
Projects happen.
And so I was reading books onleadership.
I was going to seminars.
I was listening to recordedseminars like every day, every

(05:46):
day I was doing these things andtrying to find prospects and
sell products and these kind ofthings to try to build a
business.
And the assumption I was workingon is this, this idea that a
delayed gratification is a moralimperative for, you know, like
to be a good person, you need tolearn how to like, put your

(06:08):
immediate desires on hold inorder for a better future, for
your family, for you, for thethings that you want in life.
And,

Tali (06:17):
and that was also a theme in your personal life too.
Maybe not just professional, butwouldn't you say that that's
something that's talked about alot in the religious community?

Cody (06:29):
I would say so.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean that was all kind ofintertwined cuz a lot of the
business mentorship I wasgetting at the time was sort of
a modern Christian based, it'skind of hard to describe what
that is, but it's very disparityminded.
Yeah.
Kind of Americanized Christian,I guess you could say.

(06:54):
So there was nothing necessarilywrong in any of that.
But to paint a picture forpeople is that I spent my entire
twenties and most of my thirtiesin that mode.
So not only did I kind of missout on my twenties or whatever
you wanna call the, you know,these little passages and phases
of life that you get, but I alsofeel like I missed out on my

(07:16):
kids as my kids like raising mykids.
I feel like I was a bit of anabsentee father in some ways
because I was so focused ontrying to create a better future
for them.
You know, like I was, it was alot of, it was out of love.
But I I was so obsessed thateven when we would take a break
and do something fun as afamily, we'd go to the arcade or

(07:38):
get ice cream or go to the beachor whatever.
My head was somewhere else.
I was always thinking about mycurrent failure situation and
improving it for the future.
And that sense of likeconstantly trying to delay
gratification for a betteroutcome of the future, sort of
stripped about 20 years of mylife from me in a way.

(08:02):
And so I, I'm kind of leadingwith that because I want people
to understand that this isn't mejust like trying to be counter,
what, what is it?
Counterculture or like edgy oranything.
And like delayed gratificationis not always good.
It's like it's, this is a livedexperience.
Like I've really seen the uglyside of this mantra that delayed

(08:25):
gratification is always ofvirtue.
So I, I do wanna get back to theidea that it is a valuable tool
and maybe we can unpack a littlebit of how to use it, but I just
want to put that right out infront so that people get a
little bit of perspective fromwhere I'm coming from when I
have a little bit of pushback onit being placed as a character

(08:47):
value, if you will.

Tali (08:48):
Mm-hmm.
Well, everything I, that comesup in this podcast, there's a
spectrum, right?
There are gonna be extremes andfaults in both camps.
Mm-hmm.
And you know, to.
I as someone who lives with youand is married to you, you are a

(09:09):
very future oriented person.
Mm-hmm.
In general.

Cody (09:13):
Yeah.
I tend to naturally be that way.
I've always been that way.
Yeah.

Tali (09:16):
Mm-hmm.
And in the way that thisoriginally came up, like with
clients is, you know, we'retrying to make changes in their
lives in favor of who they wantto be mm-hmm.
Or where they want to go, whichis noting that they are not
there right now.

(09:36):
And so we're actuallyencouraging this way of thinking
as opposed to discouraging itbecause, you know, the opposite
side of that spectrum is likeconstantly feeding every desire
and that can make you.
Kind of spoiled, you know, andit also can make anything that

(10:00):
takes effort or work or delayedgratification, whatever, as
something that's not of interestto you because mm-hmm.
It's so foreign to that idea oflike, trying to make ourselves
as comfortable as possible.
And I think living in a world ofconvenience or at a time where
we can really do that it'sreally a detriment.

(10:22):
Like it's wild to think, youknow, I talk all the time about
how crazy it is that, you know,three years can fly by and
seemingly undo all of this workthat I've done physically.
Mm-hmm.
And just to think about how thatbegins with a mindset of, oh,
I'll just, you know, put thatoff for now.

(10:44):
Or, you know, I deserve to taketime off.
I've worked so hard all thistime.
So I think it's important torecognize that yes, there are
multiple ways to look at thisand there definitely is a
spectrum to respect.

(11:04):
And as always, like trying tohave moderation and to be able
to experience both as ideal.
And I think what I've come tofind from this podcast that
continuously comes up is I'mhoping that we not only
practice, but develop ways tohave this sensitivity with

(11:26):
ourselves so that we can keepthese things in mind and not
slip off the radar, off thetrack.
And, you know, wonder why, youknow, to be able to catch those
moments where we've deviatedfrom where we're trying to go
and be able to correct thatpath.
And I really think that takes alot of self-knowledge and kind

(11:48):
of a heightened awareness of.
When we are leaning too far inone way or the other.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.

Cody (11:56):
We've talked quite a lot about this podcast about
consistent practices and I thinkthat's a fantastic tool for
self-knowledge, like you said.
Yeah.
Because if you're practicingsomething consistently daily,
it's part of your life.
You learn a lot about yourselfin the process of having these
consistencies.

(12:17):
And one of those things may bethat you don't like the
consistency of what you'redoing.
Totally.
You know, it may be cause

Tali (12:23):
you gotta try it on, right know.

Cody (12:24):
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I, I really love the conceptof, you know, if you have a
vision for the type of personyou want to be even if it's just
a specific outcome, you have toask yourself like, what would
somebody else, what wouldsomebody do?
Who is that thing that you wantto be?
And it is funny cuz thisactually came up in one of my
sales courses that I'm that ourmentors passed down to me that

(12:48):
I'm reading through and it'sIt's kind of a question designed
to get people off the fence in abuying decision.
But what I love about theseideas in the marketing and in
the sales process of what we'redoing for our company is that
it's very ethical because it's,it's like you're coaching on the
spot.
Like you're really helping thisperson make a quality decision,

(13:11):
because I wouldn't want a clientworking with us that we couldn't
help effectively.
You know, that's absolutely,that's not my point of being a
coach is to my point of being acoach is to change people's
lives for the better.
But sometimes when people are ina, in a buying decision, it's
like, well, I'm not sure there'sthe money, there's the time.
There's, I need to ask myspouse.

(13:32):
I'm not.
I'm just I think I need to thinkabout it.
And it's like, well, here's thething is like, you want to be
someone who's fit and energeticand really.
Close with your partner.
And so for our Fit Togetherprogram, you know, we're, we're
doing like couples fitness andintimacy practices and if y you

(13:55):
are thinking about it andwaffling, is that how somebody
would act who is really fit anddialed in and, and working on
personal development andcommunication skills with their
partner and intentional intimacyand you don't miss workouts and
you're eating well.
Like the type of person who isfit and has.

(14:17):
A great balance in theirrelationship is not the same
type of person who waffles overthe decision.
Great.
Whether to get a coach or not.

Tali (14:23):
Yeah.
I actually really like the waythat you're phrasing this
because I definitely wrote anote about having a vision for
yourself and who that person isat the end of this line that
we're creating.
And I have always thought aboutit a little bit differently.
Like, rather than the qualities,I've always kind of imagined the
details of my life, what I looklike, where I live, what I'm

(14:47):
doing with my time.
And I've always kind of like hada lot of pushback thinking about
it because I don't wanna likeset an expectation and feel like
stuck to a certain track to makeit happen.
Mm-hmm.
Because over manipulating mylife has always been something
I've been really thoughtfulabout.

(15:07):
I love when life.
Takes you, surprises you.
Yeah.
Surprises you and like takes youon a journey and like crazy shit
happens.
And I wanna be able to lean intothat if it comes you know, you
are definitely a part of that.
I never thought I would bemarried.

Cody (15:23):
I never thought I would be remarried.
Yeah.
Especially so soon.
Yeah.
After I was previously married.
Yeah.

Tali (15:30):
And that was a whole different value system that I
had to create in order to leaninto that, you know, that was
just leaning into things thatfelt right and felt good for me
at the time.
And I like that you are thinkingabout this vision of ourself in
these qualities or in theseactions.
Like a person who is healthywould happily pull the trigger

(15:52):
on something that would benefitthem.
Like for instance, my mom haskind of instilled in me this
idea that like, if it's for yourhealth or for your.
Knowledge whether it's selfknowledge or whatever.
Mm-hmm.
It doesn't matter what it costs,like it's always a yes.

(16:14):
If it's a book, it's always ayes.
You know, it's easy, you know,it's important to structure your
financial life and to, you know,make good decisions and
investments.
And she's created this idea thatif it's for your wellbeing and
your ability to grow, then it'salways a good idea to pull the

(16:35):
trigger.
And it seems like it's applyingkind of the same idea here,
where you're creating a valuesystem for yourself that maybe
you haven't been appealing toyet.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
But the person that you'retrying to become, what kinds of
decisions would they be making?
So yeah, I think that's reallycool that that's come up because

(16:57):
that's really important to pointout.
Yeah.
I think it's really easy.
To feel like you're stuck or atthe mercy of who you are
sometimes.
And forget that there's so muchpliability, like moment to
moment.
Yeah.
I really have been feeling thatlately.
Yeah.
Which is invigorating.
It's such an incredible feelingto know that I have choices

(17:23):
rolling in all the time mm-hmm.
And that I can always advocatedifferently for myself.
Yeah.
And I think we forget about thatreally easily.

Cody (17:33):
Oh yeah.
And it's a skill, there's aconcept of that we've discussed
again before called BrainPlasticity.
Mm-hmm.
And I think people are becominga much more aware, oh, maybe
just my world.
I don't know.
I listen to a lot of podcasts onthis kind of thing.
But for those of you who mightnot know, your brain sort of
goes through developmentalphases when you're a kid where

(17:56):
it's highly plastic and it's thesort of the term that they use
for malleable, if you will,where.
You're taking on new skills at arapid pace, and the structure of
your brain actually changes.
Like this is a physical changewhen you take on a lot of new
skills, information, et cetera.
And for a long time they thoughtthat that was develop

(18:18):
developmental phases.
And then once you're in your midtwenties, that's it, you know,
comes to screeching halts,you're kinda like who you are,
who you are.
And what they found is that in anatural sense, it does slow down
in adults.
It's not the same type ofplasticity.
Well, it's like exercise.
You're just working against moreat that point.

(18:40):
Mm-hmm.
But what they've learned inrecent decades, I think at this
point it's, it's not thatcutting edge, but it's something
that's still, it's interestinghow science and, and medical
communities sort of, there'salways this cutting edge, new
information, but there's stillpeople out there practitioning,
you know, doctors or whatever,who.

(19:00):
Graduated 20 years ago, andthey're just kind of like in
that same mindset that there isno plasticity.
But what they found is thatneuroplasticity can be sort of
the plasticity of plasticity.
In other words, oh my gosh, yourability to change can increase
by practicing change.
Sure.

(19:20):
So learning new things, goingdifferent ways to work, you
know, like getting a differentjob.
You know, like making changes inyour life actually causes your
brain to start to develop moreplasticity and you can develop
that as a skill.
So when I hear people say, well,this is just the way I am.
Somebody said that on a show youwere watching last night, and I
cringed.
I just like, ugh.

(19:40):
Cuz it

Tali (19:41):
was, it was an episode of M T V, true Life on Anger
management.
Yeah.
People who were candidates foranger management and Yeah.
Growing up as a kid that waslike never, you were never
allowed to say something like,that's just the way I am.
Yeah.
It was like, sorry, bullshit.

(20:02):
That's like not a real response.
Yeah.
But you hear it a lot.

Cody (20:05):
Yeah.
And you hear it like, it's justmy personality and it's, well,
your personality sucks, but youdidn't change it.

Tali (20:11):
Would you like to continue to suck?

Cody (20:14):
And I think part of where this came from, I mean, there's
always been an argument forprobably as far back as
philosophy itself goes, which isdeterminism or free will and
what's what.
And the thing is, is it's kindof a funny argument because
whether you can have a gooddebate and make logical reasons

(20:37):
for why.
We live in a deterministicuniverse and there is no such
thing as free will or whetheryou believe that there is such
thing as free will and make acompelling argument there.
The funny thing is either wayyou have to act as if there's
free will because there's no,what's the alternative?
The alternative is to you justfucking lay there.
A mindless Yeah, like dronegoing about your day and being

(21:01):
basically determined to neverchange anything except what
comes your way.
You know?
Forrest Gump was a fun movie,but it's not real life.
Like people don't have thesewild experiences by just sort of
stumbling into shit for 50years.
You know?

Tali (21:15):
I mean, you can stumble into some things, but maybe,
maybe not all of those things inone lifetime.
This is, speaking of movies isjust feeling very timely
considering what our theme thiswas this weekend for movies.
Yeah.
The Makes the Matrix trilogyplus one.
What would you call that?
I don't know, the

Cody (21:35):
Matrix Quad Trilogy.
I don't know.

Tali (21:39):
I'm gonna guess that's not it.
But yes, we've been watching theMatrix and the idea of free will
comes up quite a bit.
That's for sure.
Yeah.
I'm just gonna put it out there.
Sorry to sidebar.
I really think the first one isworth watching and then you can
leave all the rest.

Cody (21:58):
So far I'm still of the same opinion.
I thought, excuse me.
I thought that when they firstcame out, like some of the
special effects and everythingwere at cool, but it was like,
well, the first one was just somuch better.
We are only halfway through thefourth one, though, the newer
one.
And I am intrigued.
I think it's interesting so far.

(22:20):
But I don't know where it'sgoing.
Philosophically.

Tali (22:22):
Sometimes I just wish like a masterpiece could just stand
alone.
Yeah.
Like just end it there.
It was fucking great.
And then, you know, I was justtelling my sister on the way
home that like she was tellingme that she's watching Ms.
Maisel finally and she's lovingit and she's actually on the
season that we bailed out oneventually.

(22:42):
And I told her that the reason Ifelt like I had to bail out is
that all the charm that made mereally love the show seemed to
become formulaic to a pointwhere it felt really corny and
really forced.
Mm-hmm.
And I would say that that tendsto be kind of my issue with any
kind of like movie series,television series, is I just
feel like they overstay theirwelcome sometimes.

(23:04):
Mm-hmm.
Where it becomes something lessthan.
And so that's how I feel about.
The Matrix series is that thefirst one is just so
spectacularly done mm-hmm.
In so many different ways.
Like it was such a simple, welldone, well produced movie idea,

(23:27):
whatever.
And then it just feels like theyjust kept like recycling the
same things.
Especially in this fourth movie.
They're like flashing back toall this footage of the first
one.
Yeah.
Like they are literally pullingfrom the, the mother, the
original, whatever you want tocall it.
It feels like super lazyfilmmaking

Cody (23:51):
to me.
You, well we haven't seen thewhole thing yet, so I'm gonna
reserve judgment cuz we'reliterally halfway through and we
had to bail to go to bed ontime.
Sounds tired.
But yeah, I think Breaking Badis like one of these, that's one
reason I love that show is Ithink it did not.
Do what you're talking about.
It didn't overstate, its likethey took it a full circle,
poetic ending, like fuckingmasterpiece.

(24:12):
Like that, that whole serieswas, it wasn't just milking a
story for milkings sake.

Tali (24:17):
So you know how in, well it's in all of the movies, but
in the original movie when Neoand Morpheus are in the kung fu
training simulation mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Or program and, you know, morevs is like trying to push him
further and further and he liketakes this stance and kind of

(24:37):
like waves him in.
Mm-hmm.
How many more times did thathappen?
How many more fucking times didthat happen?
Yeah, I know In the other threemovies, ah, it totally cheapens
something That was so brilliant.
Yeah.

Cody (24:53):
Yeah.
I get it.
I get it.
And for those of you who haveseen the movie, and it's been a
long time, Rewatch the Matrix,the first one.
It's incredible that that movieis 20 years old.
I mean, you would never guessthe special effects were cutting
edge at the time, and likeeveryone was talking about it,
of course.
But you would kind of expectthat even though it was such an

(25:16):
amazing feat of, of imagery, youkind of expect it to age.
And 20 years later, that movieis still spectacular.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, every shot, every angle,the coloring, the, the.
The special effects.
I mean, man is just a greatmovie.

Tali (25:34):
I think we should finish this series by watching the
first one again, just bookendit.
You said

Cody (25:41):
the fourth one's already redundant and flashbacks, so you
are kind of watching the firstone.

Tali (25:46):
This is true.
It's just, yeah, not a fan.
Sorry.

Cody (25:49):
It's okay.
We were talking about free willright.
But I think the point I wastrying to make there is not to
get into a free will determinismdebate, but rather I, I love to
play a game.
With myself and the concept ofskill acquisition, because I

(26:11):
grew up kind of under thisassumption.
I don't know where this camefrom, that you have personality
traits.
Oh, I think I, where I was goingwith this was you know, once DNA
was discovered and then studiedmore and more and it's like, oh,
we, you have brown eyes becauseof this particular gene right
there.
Like, we've isolated, we'vefigured this out where you have

(26:32):
all these physical traits andpsychological traits that are
inherent to people who have thisparticular gene.
And I think this locked a lot ofpeople into a mindset of, well,
you, you are born with certaintraits.

Tali (26:46):
Well, I'm gonna just also remind you that there are other
narratives that speak to this,that, like, for one, that you
find to be bullshit, but like,think about how many people
subscribe to astrology.
Yeah.
I mean, I would say I even do toa.
Like in a mild

Cody (27:03):
form, same kind of thing.
And like, well that's why I havebrought up the whole free will
determinism thing cuz this, thisis an age old question for a
long, long, long time.
But I think that discovering thegenes kind of made people feel
like they had some rationalscientific backing to say, oh, I
am this the way I am cuz that'show my parents were and that

(27:26):
kind of thing.
But they're failing to take intoaccount of the, the, a large, to
a large degree, the way yourgenes are expressed has to do
with epigenetics, which is yoursort of living adaptation to how
your genes function.
So yes, you may be prepredisposed to being more
optimistic or less optimistic,but that does not mean that you

(27:48):
cannot change the spectrum ofwhere you are on, you know, In
that realm mm-hmm.
Toward a more positive outlook.
But it takes practice.

Tali (27:59):
Yes.
There is lots of possibility.

Cody (28:01):
And so I love to play the game of trying to find traits
that I want to inherit or that Ikind of wish I had as an
inherent, you know, quality.
And see, okay, can this bepracticed as a skill?
And I believe that most of yourpersonality can be practiced as
a skill.
You can change, you can changewho you are.

(28:23):
Oh yeah.
I mean, you really can changewho it may take a while.
And some people may have rapidwater that they have to swim
upstream, you know, to getthere.
But we all have this ability todevelop more plasticity in our
brain and in, in our body.
I mean, that's the whole pointof working out.
Right.
Well,

Tali (28:43):
and the, and the motivation has to be really
potent, you know?
I think about.
Honesty as a trait that I havenow.
But I was a very dishonestperson for a very long time.
And you know, I know I'veexplained this in many other
episodes as to the reasons why.
And I, I would say that allthose reasons were super valid

(29:05):
at the time.
But I didn't, the consequence ofthat, I did not want anymore.
And there was a certain kind ofrelationship that I wanted with
a partner, and that requiredhonesty.
And so I just had to like buckup and do it, you know?
And I would say that now when Iever find myself like.

(29:32):
Maybe being perceived asdishonest or there's like any
potential for dishonesty.
It makes me very uncomfortable.
Mm-hmm.
It's really wild how that hasreally changed like to a
cellular level to where my likestress and worry and all that
kind of stuff is now kicking in,in a very different way for

(29:54):
different reasons, you know?
Yeah.
So it's definitely possible, butthe, the reasoning or the, the
motivation behind it, I thinkhas to be really meaningful
mm-hmm.
For those things to change.
And sure, you can make any kindsof changes, but I think for the

(30:16):
kind of coaching that you and Ido, You know, there's some times
where I'm like, gosh, we're likereally asking a lot of people to
like mm-hmm.
Change their lives.
Fuck.
That's a really tall order tochange the way you eat and to tr
and to become a person whocraves movement mm-hmm.

(30:36):
Feels off or bad when they'renot doing that.
I, I've come to find that what,as practitioners kind of flying
solo, you and I, it feels a lotharder than when I was working
in gyms, right.
Because the hard part wasalready done.
The people were in the gym and Ijust had to coach them.

(30:57):
Yeah.
Finding people, convincing them,selling, all that kind of stuff.
Like obviously people are comingto us who want those things.
Mm-hmm.
But it's different than having abrick and mortar with like, you
know, a sign that's a gym.
I don't, it's, it's just openedmy eyes to.

(31:18):
How lofty changing your life canbe.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that's not a reason to, youknow, I'm not trying to deter
anybody of course.
But you know, advocating foryourself for a part of yourself
that might not exist yet can betough to buy into, I

Cody (31:41):
think.
Yeah.
It's interesting how daunting itseems if you don't have a
current lifestyle of health,fitness, personal development,
whatever it is.
Because once you learn to swimin those waters, it's not, it's
not that big a deal, you know?
But it takes practice and it'ssomething I'm becoming more and

(32:03):
more passionate about all thetime because I just, it kind of
hurts me to see how shittyeverybody's health is.
Like if you look around, it'slike, You know, we've seen in
the last year or two that thelifespan in this country has
gone backwards for the firsttime in like 150 years or

(32:26):
something like that.
Wow.
Wow.
I didn't know that.
Yeah.
And people can talk about, youknow, covid or vaccines or
whatever, this and that, butthe, there's undeniable evidence
everywhere you look, you know,we are an overweight culture and
an under moved culture.
We don't, we don't move ourbodies.
And a lot of people scoff atworkouts as if like, well that's

(32:47):
just gym rats.
That's just like a certainsubset of people who just like
that kind of thing.
And, you know, it's a hobby,it's an option, you know, that
kind of thing.
And I'm, you know, there was atime in our evolution where we
did not have cars when we didn'thave food available all the

(33:11):
time.
And high calorie foods too.
I mean, like a Big Mac hassomething like 750 calories in
it.
So even like a homeless personwho's begging for change has
access to more calories than ourancestors did a couple thousand
years ago.
You know, that's nuts to thinkabout.
And so to think that working outor or being intentional with the

(33:34):
things that you eat is optional.
It's not optional.
If you want to be healthy,

Tali (33:40):
and it's, we talked about this recently, I'm not sure why.
It came up maybe, maybe it wasin the podcast, but we talked
about how health is not inherentanymore.
Or maybe it never was, but itdefinitely is not now.
Mm-hmm.

Cody (33:53):
And people like to healthy, to look at people
Healthy is effort.
Yeah.
And people sometimes will makejustifications like, well, yeah,
but back in the paleo days, theaverage lifespan was 45 or
whatever.
Let me just dispel this mythright now.
People back in nap, paleo daysdid live to be seventies,
eighties, et cetera.
But the reason that the averagelifespan was 45 is that infant

(34:16):
mortality was through the roof.
People would have like 10babies.
In their lifetime, and seven ofthem would die by the age of
two.
You know?
Right.
And so that cuts down youraverage lifespan a lot when
you're talking about that.
Now, if you talk about peoplewho actually made it like past
puberty and into adulthood,their lifespan was not a lot

(34:38):
different than ours now.
So this idea that somehow ourcurrent lifestyle is serving us
well, we learned how to wash ourhands and that saved a lot of
lives.
We have antibiotics that saved alot of lives.
And then we have some minor,well, some major technologies
with minor influence onlifespan.

(35:00):
But we're also talking aboutquality of life here.
I mean, if you are in yourthirties or forties and you.
Are having a hard time tyingyour shoes or you have joint
pain or you're winded if you, ifthe escalators broke in the mall
and you have to go up the stair,you know, like if these sort of

(35:21):
like minor challenges come yourway and you notice like a
physical response from'em,that's a very, very, very deep
signal of something very, verywrong and you're gonna pay a
horrible price for it.
And so I, I don't mean to, youknow, there's this idea today in

(35:43):
our culture of like slapping alabel on anything that's
critical of someone who'soverweight as being fat shaming.
And I really, really have topush back on this as a coach
because we cannot glorify beingunhealthy.
So, You know, anyone of anyweight, in any size and any

(36:05):
circumstance is, can bebeautiful.
They can be worthy of love andrespect and admiration.
In many ways, they're valuableas a person.
I'm not trying to diminish anyof that, but to say that it's
healthy is just fucking wrong.
And we have to be able to sayboth things at the same time.
You know, you can be you can beoverweight and beautiful and a

(36:30):
lovely person in every way.
Yeah.
But that does not mean it'shealthy.
And you have to wrap your headaround the fact that we need to
start taking responsibility forour own health.
Well, the, you know, thegovernment isn't gonna regulate
things to make you healthy.
Like it's not gonna happen.

Tali (36:47):
Definitely not.
And we've also heard this beforetoo, where there's Almost some
like internal conflict withwanting to change ourselves and
having some bad feelings aroundthat.
Like, oh, why can't I acceptmyself for where I am?
Yeah.

(37:08):
And I feel like for all thereasons that you mentioned, like
that's a really important momentto just like full stop, be like,
it's okay to wanna be somewhereelse.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
It really is.
Yeah.
You're not like,

Cody (37:21):
I mean, yeah.
I, I tried to find this balancein my book when I was writing it
by encouraging people todevelop.
Again, this is like an exampleof a skill.
Some people feel like they havea lot to be grateful for and
other people don't.
Being grateful is a state ofmind that you can develop, so

(37:41):
you can look for the smallest ofthings to develop gratitude.
And I really think that thathelps to ground you in the
present and.
Live a generally just moresatisfying life, like looking at
the world through the lens ofgratitude.
Yeah.
But that does not mean that youcan't have any desire for any

(38:02):
improvement anywhere.
Yeah.
You know, I think that it's,it's weird that we, this is a
weird human trait to try tocategorize everything and these
things are not diametricallyopposed to each other.
You can actually be grateful andcontent, even I can use the word
content and still desiresomething.

(38:25):
Buddha might disagree with me,but I'm just saying, I know that
you can actually have both ofthose at the same time.
But you might focus in differentrealms for it, you know?
Yeah.
I mean, I'm, I've been writing alot in my, you know, gratitude
journal every day for my currenthealth, because I haven't been
sick much for, I mean, since wegot Covid last year.

(38:48):
I don't

Tali (38:48):
think I was sick.
That was almost a year ago.
That was July.

Cody (38:51):
And I don't think I was sick for like a year or two
before that either.
Right.
Like I, I hardly ever get sickanymore.
And I used, I was a sickly kid.
I missed, I missed so muchschool.
People thought I'd moved away.
I'm like, show up again.
They're like, you still livehere?
But I and yeah.
That's hilarious.
I was holding school before itwas cool, but it was actually
teachers sending work homebecause I was missing so much.

(39:13):
Oh, babe.
Yeah.
And, and so I'm constantlywriting in my journal about how
grateful I am for my currentstate of health and I train
every day to try to get better.
Yeah, you still, like, you cando both.

Tali (39:25):
Talk about where you wanna be and that's not where you
currently are and that's okay.
It's totally okay.
And keeping that person in mindis what this is all about.
It's not, it's kind of like whatwe talked about last week where
we're trying to like lean intothis abundant.

(39:46):
Mindset.
Mm-hmm.
Where check out last episode forthose of you listening Yeah.
Where we're opening ourselvesto, to possibility.
And I think that that's the samewhen we're thinking about our
future selves too.
It's, there's something thatseems very narrow about, it's
interesting.
Well, there's something narrowabout just presence.

(40:07):
Yeah.
You know, we were talking abouthow future oriented you are.
I, I don't know.
I don't, I might be a little bitmore past oriented if I had to
think about where I sit on thespectrum.
Mm-hmm.
But there is something that'skind of oddly problematic about
just being present oriented.
Mm-hmm.
Because you might not be makingdecisions that are in your best

(40:30):
interest later.
And that's something that youhave to kind of think about
theoretically, because we're notthere yet.
We also only know what it's liketo age once we're looking back.
Right.
You know, I am constantly.
Surprised by the way I feel inmy own body.
Like remembering like only fiveyears ago that, you know, I

(40:53):
didn't have pain moving incertain ways or it's just, it's
just weird.
Like it's something that we takefor granted really easily.
Mm-hmm.
And knowing that the older weget, the more there is gonna be
naturally pushing against us andknowing that like, that fight
has to continue.
Mm-hmm.

(41:14):
And, and if we don't, then itwill take us over.
It totally

Cody (41:17):
will.
Reminded me of the sunscreensong again, Uhhuh,

Tali (41:21):
because he says, I'd like to listen to that again.
Yeah, he can you

Cody (41:23):
link to it?
Yeah, I will.
Definitely.
He says something along thelines of be grateful for your
body because someday you'll lookback and.
And marvel at how young andbeautiful you were, you know,
regardless of how you feel about

Tali (41:40):
yourself today.
Oh, totally.
I look back on photos of myselfbeing like, God, I was so
critical of myself then.
Like, why was I I living?
I should have been so stokedYeah.
To be where I was.
And it's tricky because thatscarcity mindset that we talked
about last week, I, I mentionedin the podcast and maybe also in

(42:01):
the newsletter, that alwaysfeeling like I'm chasing a life
I don't have can feel exhaustingsometimes, but I think that's
the same thing that we'retalking about today, just with a
very different attitude behindit.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
That's the marvelous thing islike we can look at the same

(42:21):
mechanism, the same dynamic, thesame trajectory, and.
Change the value of it.
That's what's amazing aboutbeing human, is that we have
that choice and we have theopportunity to change the
narrative and how we're thinkingabout it.
And this time we're just takinga really optimistic approach
about being future oriented asopposed to what you mentioned in

(42:42):
the beginning.
Mm-hmm.
And how detrimental that couldbe.
But as coaches, this is whatwe're asking of our clients is
like, think about where you'rewanting to go.
Mm-hmm.
And it's kind of funny to thinkabout that now because I
remember when I was on aweightlifting team, we used to
have a board up that had likethree month goal, six month goal

(43:07):
year goals, and everybodyfollowed the assignment and I
didn't, cuz I'm not very futureoriented.
I've always.
Kind of loved my impulsivity andmy flying by the seat of my
pants and like not being aplanner.
I always thought that that wasa, a good quality of mine.

(43:29):
And so when this board went up,I, I wrote like on the three
month like lift heavy.
And then on the sixth month Iwrote lift heavier.
And then for a year I wroteheaviest.
And my coach was so pissed at mecuz he thought that I was just

(43:50):
like, you know, scoffing andlike yeah.
Throwing my middle fingers up tolike his assignment or whatever.
But it was like, no, I justreally don't think about that
because I don't wanna lockmyself into anything to be and
potentially Disap bedisappointed.
Yeah.
However, or restrict yourself orrestrict myself, however, This

(44:10):
was at a point in my life whereI hadn't really dedicated myself
to much and didn't really seethe beauty of what it meant to
put in hard work and to see thatyou could achieve any fucking
thing if you really put in thetime and the love that it takes.
And

Cody (44:32):
I like that you said time and love, not time and work.

Tali (44:35):
No, I think it's the love because that's what propels the
effort.
Mm-hmm.
I think you have to lovesomething enough to do it,
otherwise, I don't think you'llhave the same effect.
Yeah.

Cody (44:49):
This is a concept that I really like to bring up is that
the delayed gratification andself-discipline and those kind
of things.
I realize that sometimesbuilding a, a building requires
you to just lay some brick andit may not be the fun part, you
know, but At the same time, youhave to ask yourself, like, if
you're hating the work that's,that you're doing to try to get

(45:12):
to a goal, then do you reallywant that goal?
Like, if you're hating everystep of the way, yeah, you're
becoming that person that you,you're hating the work.
You know, measuring

Tali (45:21):
the resistance is really important for sure.
And you know, I don't think Iwould be able to have this
conversation with you now andhave the perspective that I have
if it wasn't for that time inweightlifting to know that I
could see a future for myselfthat I really wanted and I was

(45:42):
willing to do it.
But that's a

Cody (45:45):
great example because you were at a highly competitive
level, but you enjoyed thetraining, you enjoyed the team,
you enjoyed the culture, youenjoyed a lot of aspects of the
training.
Mainly not everything, but youknow, The whole point,

Tali (46:01):
I'd say anytime I was doing jerks, I was not having
fun.

Cody (46:04):
Yeah.
But that's a lot of the time.
But that's a part of the whole,right?
Yes.
But as a whole, if you stepback, you look, you enjoyed the
experience of the growth.
And that's, I think, a perfectexample of what I'm talking
about.
Like if you, if you want toauthor a book, but you hate
writing, there's a fuckingproblem.
Like Yeah, I understandresistance and, and what do they

(46:30):
call imposter syndrome.
Mm.
And those kind of things thatcome up and you might need to
like unfuck yourself and justlike get a, get a practice
going.
But yeah, you, I, I think, Ithink part of the trap that I
fell into that I was describingearlier in the podcast where I
was sort of missed out on about20 years of my life, I was doing

(46:52):
work that I did not like.
Mm-hmm.
Because I thought it was gonnaget me a result that I.
It would sort of be like a meansto an end situation.
Yeah.
And because I didn't like thework, it was a slog the whole
time and I wasn't successful atit.
And that's why I never reallyachieved the things that I was,
you know, putting everything onthe back burner to achieve.

(47:13):
I didn't, I never got therebecause I hated the fucking work
the whole time.
Yeah.
I was trying to be somebody Ididn't wanna be, basically, is
what it comes down to.
So.
Well, there's so many issue.
I think there's an alignmentissue that it needs to be taken
into consideration with thiswhole, like delayed
gratification thing.

Tali (47:30):
Well, there are a lot of, it's a very complex thing.
It's not just, you can't justlike chalk it up to like one.
Element.
You know, you have to thinkabout the, the medium in which
you're working, the amount thatyou're working, the kind of
support that you have.
Are your needs being met?

(47:50):
I'm assuming a lot of those werenot in place mm-hmm.
At the time.
Mm-hmm.
And that really makes it not anenjoyable thing.
And I have to say that, youknow, I've had a struggle with
advocating for my future self asI feel kind of aimless at this
point.
I feel like I'm getting glimpsesnow of where I might like my

(48:15):
life to be in the next fewyears.
As a weightlifter, that wasalways very clear to me there.
I wanted to really just competeat the highest level that I
could.
And so I would take everyopportunity to climb that next
rung, but just trying to be fit.
And in good shape for life andlike not anything specific, that

(48:38):
lack of context has made it veryhard for me to dial in.
Who is that vision?
Like what is that vision?
What am I working for?
And so I think that that mightbe something that our clients
might be pushing up against too,because it's easy to be

(49:00):
incredibly regimented whenthere's a very clear objective.
Mm-hmm.
I think when it's not, or maybethat's specific to me, it's so
nebulous, it doesn't really havemuch to take shape from or to
gain traction on when it's justkind of like, I'd like to be
healthier.

(49:21):
Like, that's so, that's so muchof a spectrum and like that from
where I've been in the lastthree years.
Mm-hmm.
Literally doing anything was up,you know, any, you know, doing
anything was a step up fromwhere I was.
Yeah.
Well I know it wasn't that bad.
Well that's where, but it waspretty bad considering where I
just was.
Yeah.

(49:41):
It felt like a pretty big tank,but my vantage point was higher
isn't, was higher than it was,you know, 10 years ago.
Sure.
Yeah.
It's probably longer now.
I've just been saying 10 yearsfor a while.
I'm getting

Cody (49:54):
older.
12, I think.
14.
Yeah.
You know, I think that's wherebuilding a vision comes in.
You have to, and this issomething a, another skill that
can be developed is to be aperson of vision.

Tali (50:07):
You're big on that.

Cody (50:08):
Yeah.
Well it's part of your journal,isn't it?
And it's something, yeah.
Something that I practice as, asa journal prompt, is to write
out a vision for my future everymorning.
And it's not the same everymorning because it evolves as I
evolve, but it becomes clearer,you know, going back to this
whole, you know, know thy self.
If you can know thy self easierif you have consistency in your

(50:29):
practices because you have somemetrics to go off of.
And that's how we have

Tali (50:34):
a whole episode on metrics too.
Yes, we do.

Cody (50:37):
And building a vision is also a skill.
You know, I know some peoplelike.
They have a hard time picturing,well, what does that look like?

Tali (50:46):
Well, that's what I was saying about that whole thing at
the gym.
Mm-hmm.
It was like I just couldn'treally take myself

Cody (50:51):
there.
Yeah.
So I read out very specificallylike, I wanna be, you know,
agile and strong and be able tomove without feeling joint pain.
And do, you know, I want to dothese kinds of things.
I want to be able to hike or gofishing or hunting, or I want to

(51:12):
be able to travel long distanceswithout, you know, getting off
of a plane and holding onto myback because my back hurts cuz I
was sitting too, you know, likeall these things that kind of
feel like they're beating thehell out of you.
It's like, I wanna be resilientenough that.
Those experiences are good andthat I am capable.
And so you can start to developa vision that doesn't seem so

(51:35):
goal-oriented, quote, you know,in quotes, like specific to
winning a competition or being acertain weight.
Like I don't give a shit howmuch I weigh honestly, but I
want to be lean and agile and Iwanna be able to do things
without feeling like my energy'stanking.
Yeah.
Like energy's a big deal for me.

Tali (51:55):
Well, that's an important feature.
I think you just in terms oflike shifting your mindset, we
see all the time that folks arereally fixed on weight.
Oh yeah.
Myself included.
You know, those numbers meanthings to us even though it's
really not the whole picture.
And.
It's, it's, it's not the rightfocus, cuz I've only seen it be

(52:19):
a detriment when people are sofixed on a number.
It's like everything else,everything, you know, everything
that's been suggested to youjust like, goes out the window
because you're so fixed andobsessed with a number where if
you lead from where you wanna felike how you wanna feel mm-hmm.

Cody (52:38):
Or what you wanna be able to do.
One of the, one of the things Ilove about CrossFit, there's
like, of course there's ups anddowns and I'm not like CrossFit
zealot or preaching to anybodyhere, but one of the things I
loved about that culture is theemphasis on function.
And so your metrics that youwere measuring constantly was
your ability to perform.

(53:00):
In a lot of different arenas.
So maybe you didn't get faster,but you did heavier weight.
Maybe you aren't gettingstronger, but you went further.
You know, like there's so manydifferent metrics to take hold
of to show that you're becomingmore functional and just more
capable person.
Oh yeah.
I mean that's what the, thatmeans, and I think people forget

(53:21):
that when you do a workout,that's a timed workout for a
certain number of reps and acertain quality of reps thank
you.
Within that time.
And you compare that to doingthe same workout four months
later and you improve your time,there's like, oh, high fives i p

(53:42):
r my time.
I got a better time.
I gotta, you know, cool.
And then they kind of go homeand it's forgotten.
People don't realize that youjust became a more functional
human being.
You are more capable.
In your body to do things thatyou couldn't do four months ago.
That's fucking huge.
That's not a score on the boardthat you, you know, give high

(54:02):
fives about and then forgetabout.
That's, that's a, you justchanged your life.
Like that's, you just improvedyour whole ability to live your
life.
Well that's probably

Tali (54:10):
indicative of a deeper issue and that's what's really
great about coaches is thatthey'll point those things out
cuz you see that evolution,you're not so close to it, that
you don't recognize it.
And I think that that might justbe something about us as well,
that, you know, we're in ourbodies day after day after day,
and so it might take somethinglike being able to tie your

(54:34):
shoes or whatever.
Mm-hmm.
To be like, oh, this is amounting to something.
Yeah.

Cody (54:43):
Yeah.
I mean, another good motivatingfactor is to look at older folks
in the world.
And I, the longer, the longerpeople live, the more it's, it's
almost like you have two shipstraveling the same direction in
the ocean, but they're off byone degree in of an angle from

(55:07):
each other.
And so in the first mile, theylook like they're just side by
side parallel and then 500 mileslater you can't see the other
ship.
It's over the horizon cuzthey're so far apart from each
other.
And that's how I see aging andfitness because I have seen
older folks, like in theirsixties or seventies who can run

(55:30):
like not shuffle, run, come backin the door and do fucking
pull-ups on a bar.
And there are peers their sameage that are shuffling around
the grocery store, hunched overtheir shopping cart and have to
ask for help to get somethingoff the top shelf because they
can't reach their arm up overtheir head.

(55:50):
Like it's, this makes me reallysad.
So sad.
And that's why I get so fired upabout this, because people don't
take this shit seriously and youneed to take it seriously.
Like it's not tomorrow.
It's not I'm gonna startexercising Monday and I'm gonna
go twice a a week.
No, every day.
You need to move your body everyday.
I mean, if you breathe and eatand take a shit, you need to

(56:11):
move your body.
Like you.
These are just body, this isjust being a human.

Tali (56:15):
But that's the thing is like, our lives don't require
that of us anymore in the don't,the way that it don't require it
used to.
They're, they don't require it,but it's, and so it's easy to
let that fall out of value.
Yeah.
Which is terrible.
But I, it's, that's how it'shappened, unfortunately.

Cody (56:33):
But I mean, un unless you wanna be spending up what you're
now currently spending in rentor on a mortgage toward
pharmaceuticals Yeah.
In 30 years and being dependenton other people for basic needs,
I mean, I won't go there.

(56:53):
But anyway, it, it's bad.
Like it's bad.
The future is bad if you don'tstart working on that future
today.
You can't wait for the future towork on it.
You have to, you have to work onthe future today.
Yeah.
And that's the dilemma.
Gratification, I guess.
But it doesn't have to feel likea sacrifice though.

(57:13):
The thing is, is that you canmake it part of your lifestyle
that's just enjoyable.
It's just what we do.
Like we enjoy our gym time now.
I haven't, most of my life it'sbeen a drudgery that I have to
talk myself into.

Tali (57:25):
It was hard to get it rolling.
I would definitely say in thelast two months or so, that has
really turned a corner for us.
And I think it has to do with alot of things.
But I think instilling the, thehabit mm-hmm.
And the practice as regularly asit's been, it's.
There are a lot of ways to buildthat into your life.

(57:47):
For instance, we have a friendwho comes over three days a week
to work out with us.
I even had the thought thismorning of like, you know, I
slept like shit.
I was awake all night.
Maybe I'll just skip out and youcan, you can go just work out
together and I won't show up.
But that's the whole point islike, I now have somebody

(58:08):
showing up to the house mm-hmm.
That will drag me out of bed.
Getting up out of bed is theworst part of my day every
single day.
But knowing that someone iscoming to meet me, to work out,
I'm gonna do it.
I've made that commitment, likeputting those things into your
life can really give you likethe push that you need.

(58:28):
Yeah.
So there are, we've talked aboutthis in so many other podcasts
mm-hmm.
And ways to not only get thingsstarted, how to get the right
support and how to keep itgoing.
Yep.

Cody (58:38):
If you.
Are listening to this and youwant some help in this realm.
I'm gonna bring up a book thatI've brought up probably on the
last 10 podcasts in a row, butit's Atomic Habits by James
Clear.
And every time I mention a book,if you just go to the
description of wherever you'relistening this to, you'll,
you'll see the book listed therein a link where you can just go

(58:59):
get it.

Tali (58:59):
So are you are we get, is it an affiliate link?
Yeah, I put

Cody (59:02):
affiliate links.
Yeah.
It doesn't cost anybody anythinge extra, but it does help
support us and, and the show.
So check that out.
But it's also just a really easyreference.
You can look at the timestamp,like right now we're about, 58
minutes in, and I put atimestamp where the book is in
the description of the show, andyou can just go click on it.

(59:23):
It's just super, super easy.
Get that book, because in thatbook he talks about the whole
book is about habit formationand how to create good habits
and how to release bad habits inyour life.
And at the end, the last fewchapters he's, he's talking
about what you were just talkingabout, like ways to really level

(59:43):
up and, and paint yourself in acorner, if you will, and to make
good habits as easy as possible.
And some of that is likeaccountability to other people,
like you just mentioned.
There are so many psychologicalsort of tricks that you can do
to form good habits.
That book is, I, I think, a mustread for anybody who's wanting
to change in their life.

(01:00:04):
I mean, it's so powerful.
It's a really, really greatbook.
And it may seem cheesy to dothese like sort of little hacks
for yourself, but it.
Can be really life-changing, so

Tali (01:00:18):
Well, if you're need to change your life, that's what it
takes.
Yeah.
It takes doing some hokey shit

Cody (01:00:22):
sometimes.
And I know one of the things hesays that I just love is that
every action you take is a votefor who you want to be in the
future.
How perfect

Tali (01:00:29):
is that for this podcast episode?
Yeah.

Cody (01:00:31):
Yeah.
So yeah, delayed gratificationcan be a bit of a trap
sometimes, but like I said, it's

Tali (01:00:37):
also, we're not calling it that.
I like that.
Vote for your future self.
Yeah.
Or advocating for your futureself.
I think language is soincredibly powerful.
We talk about it all the time,and I think this is one of those
instances where I don't wantpeople to think about it as
delayed gratification.
You can be gratified plentyright now.
Yes.

(01:00:57):
But you can also change yourlife.
Mm-hmm.
You can make adjustments inhowever well, like whatever
intensity you feel like you canhandle, but it's a matter of
acknowledging that you're goingsomewhere.
Mm-hmm.
And you're gonna, you're gonna.
Pave the road to

Cody (01:01:16):
do it Well, one of the things I try to instill in
people as well is this idea ofdelayed gratification is if you
are constantly a discontentedperson, having a million dollars
will not make you a contentedperson.
You have to practice being acontented person if you, that's

(01:01:38):
why I say practice gratitude nowand you can still change for the
better.

Tali (01:01:42):
Well, and it's the same in like finances, like you were
just saying.
You know, there are folks whomake way more money than we do,
but it's not like there.
Financial habits are any

Cody (01:01:57):
different.
Yeah.
Or they're still stressed out tothe max.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Being stressed out aboutfinances is a practice.
Like you can get into apsychological rut where you feel
sh like shitty about something.
And even if the somethingchanges, you still feel shitty
about it because that's whatyou've practiced doing.
Yeah.
So yeah, I really like the idearather than shooting for a

(01:02:17):
specific goal whether it'sfinances or my body weight or
whatever, it's like I wannachange my identity.
That's what I want to do.
I want to, I wanna be the typeof person who never misses
workouts.
I wanna be the type of personwho eats clean food most of the
time.
And when I indulge, I reallyfucking enjoy it.
And I wanna be the type ofperson who's active and says yes
to things.

(01:02:38):
I want to be the type of personwho is a clear communicator.
I want to be the type of personwho's a coach that leads people
to change.
I want to be the type of personwho has financial habits that.
Allow us to prosper.
You know, that's the person Iwant to be.
And so those are the things I'mtrying to practice today.

(01:03:00):
And the numbers are only ametric that I look at in
hindsight.
Like, am I directionallycorrect?
Am I, am I on the righttrajectory?
And I can see that by trackingnumbers, but the numbers are not
the goal.
The goal is to change who I am.
And there's such a bigdifference with that, you know,
to be cultivating an attitude ofgratitude to, to be cultivating

(01:03:28):
the person that you want to bealso means cultivating the, the
happiness, the contentedness,the togetherness, the, the
quality time you and I spendtogether.
You know, it's like we're on amission right now.
We're building a, a brand newbusiness.
You're working full-time.
We're busting our ass in likefive different realms right now

(01:03:48):
to make our life.
Come together, but we're notgonna feel guilty for an
afternoon delight.
You know, like we we're stillgonna, are you talking about
sex?
Yeah.
We're gonna, we're gonna stillenjoy living our life right now.
Yes.
And not put on the back burnerand, and have guilt around any

(01:04:09):
indulgence right now, becausethat, what are we working for?
Like, what do, what do we wannahave time freedom for Exactly.
To be together.

Tali (01:04:15):
Well, and so you said something that made me kind of
wanna circle back to what I saidabout oh gosh, I'm losing it.
I'm losing it.
Cody.
Sorry I'm rambling today.
That's okay.
You were just talking about likereally becoming someone
different and I think it'simportant that when you're
changing your life, there has toalso be this openness and

(01:04:38):
willingness for.
There to be some discomfort andfor things to really change on a
cellular level.
Like if you think that you aregoing to be the same person that
you are today and get the body,get the house, get the whatever,
and not be changed as a person,I think you're mistaken.

(01:04:59):
Yeah.
You have to.
What I was saying before aboutlike, I don't wanna over
manipulate life.
I want it to be able to, I wantall the things around me to have
influence on my choices and youknow, to still have some like
whimsical experience and mm-hmm.

(01:05:22):
Interaction with the universe.
But I think that being willingto change and knowing that you
might really surprise yourselfwith who you are at the end of
it.
And a lot of that is letting go.
You know, we can't hold ontothose personality traits that we
were talking about earlier.
Yeah.
In this episode so hard.

(01:05:43):
Mm-hmm.
Because if you do, then where'sthe room to change it?
Kind of, I don't know if youwere listening, but when you and
I were painting the living roomthe other day, we were listening
to an epi.
We were listening.
Yeah.
Cuz we weren't, we were watchingan episode of chef's Table
Barbecue.
Mm-hmm.
And this fella, I wish Iremembered his name he was like

(01:06:04):
a barbecue master and he wastalking about how his dad lived
life with a closed fist and thatit showed an everything that he
did.
He wasn't open to letting go ofhis way of thinking or doing
things or accepting any help orchanging anything.

(01:06:26):
And he was like, I just wannalive with my hands open.
Like I wanna be able to receive.
Mm-hmm.
And allow.
Life to do its thing.
Yeah.
And I think if we identify withthose traits of ours too hard,
we're not setting ourselves upfor change.
Yeah.
You know, possibility changerequires experimentation, it

(01:06:50):
requires trust, it requiresseeing things through to to give
it that opportunity to work itsmagic.
You know, it's unfortunate thatwe see a lot of times people
give up on like a new habit orpractice or a coach or whatever,
a little bit too soon.

Cody (01:07:10):
Yeah.
It's funny you bring up thatshow.
I think there was a lot ofemphasis on tradition with this
particular person and hisfather.
And what's interesting abouttradition is that somebody had
to start the tradition and theperson who started that
tradition was not someone whowas.
Traditional.
They weren't, they weren'tfollowing in everybody else's

(01:07:32):
footsteps all the time.
They made a change that improvedthe situation that other people
copied.
Yeah.
And so yeah, to just dosomething cuz it's the way it's
been done is it's a dangerousmindset to find yourself in.

Tali (01:07:46):
That's an interesting thing to bring up.
I've thought about that a lotlately.
A lot of Jewish holidays havepassed that I have not
participated in, which felt verystrange to me because I've been
participating my whole life and,you know, you and I living as
far away from my family as wedo, it's not easy just like pop

(01:08:07):
over for Passover anymore, youknow?
Mm-hmm.
And I've been trying to justallow what makes sense for us
and allow us to participate howwe want to, and rather than how
we feel like we have to.
So that was just a littletangent on tradition.
I thought that that was aninteresting point.

Cody (01:08:29):
Well, this kind of reminds me of one of my notes, which is
a, I think I think it's too newto be called a logical fallacy.
Mm-hmm.
Like, it's kind of a newerconcept, newer being like, I
don't know, 50 years ago.
But it's it was first brought upin economic theory and has since
been applied to more of apsychological or personal

(01:08:51):
development realm.
And that is called the End ofHistory Fallacy.
Mm.
We talked about this.
Yeah.
And oh man, it's easy to fallonto this trap because we are
who we are currently because wethink that that's, We're doing
the best we can, right?

(01:09:12):
Yes.
Like everyone's doing the bestthat they can.
And so you kind of feel at anymoment that your history has
brought you to this point.
But what you forget is until youdie, that history is continuing
to un, un, un to develop.
Right?
That point is moving.
Yeah.
Like the now continues to moveuntil you, until you don't move

(01:09:34):
anymore.
And so this end of historyfallacy, it keeps coming up in a
lot of different ways.
Like there's people who talkabout evolution, and you and
I've talked about this before,how there's this big movement by
a lot of people to try to makesure that the planet doesn't
change, that no species goesextinct, that you know, just

(01:09:56):
stop changing.
It's kind of a weirdconservatism if you think about
it because for millions ofyears, species have gone extinct
and for some reason it's evil.
If men.
Like people, if humans cause anextinction and they fail to
realize that in nature, animalsand plants cause other animals

(01:10:19):
and plants to go extinct all thetime.
It's happening constantly.
And I'm not saying go shoot arhino OSCEs.
Okay.
I'm not, I'm not advocating forthat.
I'm not saying that we can't youknow, preserve some of the
damage and I'm not, I'm not forlike cutting down the rainforest
or anything like that.
Like, there's obviously somethings worth advocating for, but

(01:10:43):
to

Tali (01:10:43):
have.
But there are natural, there arenatural things that occur
organically Yeah.
On this planet that there's alot of resistance to.

Cody (01:10:53):
Yeah.
And it seems like humans aresort of blamed for everything,
whether that's a correlation ora causation or not.
Like those things are hardlyever taken into consideration.
It's just like, oh, this speciesis dwindling, we have to save
it.
Well do ya cause.
I hate to say it, but of all thespecies that have ever existed
on the planet, something like99.9% of them are gone.

(01:11:15):
Like, and the, the idea that theend of history is like us, that
that we here in this momentshould be an unchanging
situation from here on isridiculous.
Like we are part of thischanging, evolving planet that
we're on.
And it's not just a part ofnature, but it's also part of

(01:11:36):
our nature as people to continueto evolve and change throughout
your life.
And there's this sort of end ofhistory fallacy that we think
of, of like, well, this is thefaculties that I have, or this
is my abilities that I have.
These are the resources I have.
And there's no consideration forthe fact that you can get

(01:11:58):
smarter.
You can think faster, you canteach yourself.
If you're 50 years old, you canstill teach yourself to read
faster.
You just have to fucking try.
Most people don't try, theyjust, they read the same way
they did in the, the eighthgrade, like nothing's changed
since the eighth grade cuz theyjust assumed that they evolved
to that point.
And then that's it.
As good as it gets.

(01:12:20):
Good example of this just soeveryone knows, I'm not talking
out my ass is about five, fouryears ago or so, I decided that
my handwriting was atrocious.
Like.
I hated it.
I hated my own handwriting.
Sometimes I couldn't read my ownshit.
And so I started to, I feelpersonally attacked.
I started to, I, me, I startedto combine my practice of

(01:12:45):
journaling with calligraphy.
And so my journal was incalligraphy, took a little
longer.
But what I did is I sort ofdeveloped a style of lettering
that I could then do a littlebit faster and without a
calligraphy pen, just like aregular pen.
And now here I am like, likethree or four years later and my
handwriting has changed.

(01:13:05):
It is now the natural way that Iwrite, and I'm writing just as
fast as I was four years ago.
But now I like the way it looks.
Hmm.
Sometimes it's better thanothers, and I try to dial that
in when I see it start todegrade a little bit.
But I'm 48 and I just changed myhandwriting style, so,

Tali (01:13:26):
Everyone with shit handwriting, get on it.
Yeah.

Cody (01:13:30):
So people kind of think of this idea of like, well, I, you
know, they, they, they thinkdoing something over and over
and over again is a practice,but it's not, if it's not
intentional.
Right.
Because if you've beenpracticing that slop handwriting
for 40 years, I got news foryou.
You know, that's not, that's notpracticing.
That's just to happen.
That's what you're getting goodat, right?
Yeah.
You're getting good at the slop.

(01:13:51):
But let go of this idea of theend of history.
History does not end with ourspecies.
History does not end with ourgeneration.
History does not end with you asan individual.
It's not that the past has allled us to this point.
It's that this point iscontinuing to move through

(01:14:13):
history and so create a newhistory for yourself at any age.
I mean, I'm, I'm coaching fiveclients right now that are all
in their late sixties orseventies.
And all of them, all of them areimproving on things that, you
know, and, and feeling better.
You know, I had one client afterjust a few weeks, she said she's

(01:14:37):
that her, her like digestivesystem has been, is better than
it has been in five years.
And it's like, well some peopleher age and in her condition,
she's dealing with some likedegenerative disease.
Some people in that positionwould be just be like, well this
is my lot in life.
This is where I am and this isprobably how it's gonna be from

(01:14:59):
here on out.
You know?
But she's working out and makingchanges in her seventies to
improve the situation.
What a baller.
Yeah, she's badass.
So anyway, I just wanted tobring up that whole end of
history fallacy because I thinkit's such an easy way to think
because the future is just sortof this random idea that we.

(01:15:23):
Try to think about, but nobodyknows.
You know, nobody knows.
But we kind of remember thepast.
We, our memories probably aren'tas accurate as we think they
are, but we have an experiencedlife.
And so we look at thatexperience and then we look at
the present and those are theonly things that's real.
And the future is this bignebulous thing.

(01:15:43):
But we have to remember that weare not the end of history
night.
And we're like, right now is notthe end of history unless you
get hit by a bus.
That's the end of your history,but, right.
Yeah.
I just wanted to bring up thatconcept as part of what we're
talking about here is kind ofliving through this thing we

(01:16:04):
call time and just realizingthat we still have control to
steer the ship at any moment.

Tali (01:16:10):
Well, I think being hit by a bus is a great place to call
it.

Cody (01:16:15):
Is this podcast being hit by, are you fading?
Mm-hmm.
It is our bedtime folks.
Yeah.
Nine o'clock, us young whippersnappers staying up till nine.
But to be fair, I did get in acold shower at 6:00 AM and have
hardly stopped moving since.
So yeah, I'm ready to call it.
Me too.

(01:16:35):
All right.
Did you get everything out youneeded?
I think so.
Cool.
We don't know what's coming,Dewey.
What do you mean podcast wise?
Nope.
Okay.
Well stay tuned folks.
We will not miss it.
And we still are gonna startproducing some shorties here
soon, some shorter podcasts thatare really focused on some
practical takeaways that we'reexcited to share with you guys.

(01:16:58):
And other than that, thanks forlistening and thank you, babe.
Love you.
I love you.

Tali (01:17:05):
This episode was produced by Tali Zari and Cody Limbaugh.
Check out our writing, coachingservices and home studying
adventures at live all yourlife.com.
For show notes, resourcesmentioned, or to submit a
question or contribution, clickon the podcast tab.