September 12, 2023 • 57 mins
After taking a few weeks off for the end of the summer, Heath returns from his travels with some revelations about the benefit of going through some recent changes in life.
When some things leave in life, we might feel like we are holding an empty basket. But when that happens we need to realize that it’s made room for us to go up to the buffet table in life and choose what’s next for our experiences.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:13):
When you change the way you lookat things, the things you look
at change, change what exists. Reality itself is gorgeous.
It is the plenum, the fullness of total joy.
(00:34):
The universe isn't celebrating. This is power show.
To celebrate that existence is Why are we?
For those of us seeking a life of meaning and purpose,
capturing fulfillment in every moment of now, seeking the truth
of our reality so we can live this life to its fullest, this
(00:56):
is the Live This Life podcast and I'm your hosting Cummings.
I'm here to inspire you. To ask yourself the question
every day, Are you living party,killing time?
(01:20):
What's going on? Everybody?
I am finally back from my summertime adventures.
I am back in the studio, a little bit more refreshed than I
was before I left. A little bit more suntan, I
think too, before I left. Definitely a little bit more, I
think evolved as a person than Iwas the last time I was on the
microphone. And I I took some time this
(01:40):
summer to really unpack some stuff that was going on, some
changes that have been moving through and shifting in my
world. It's been going on for quite
some time and it was quite important to me to make sure
that I dedicated some undivided attention to the entire
situation. And you know, I focused a lot on
that and as well as the whole. Life experience part of living,
(02:04):
right? I, you know, I'm out there and
preaching that kind of stuff to everybody on the show.
And this is one time of year that I have the opportunity to
really dedicate myself towards just recreation and relaxation
and enjoyment. And I want to make sure I
immerse myself completely in that.
(02:25):
And, you know, especially over the course of the last few
years. I made sure that I was always
doing something while I was on vacation, You know, since I
birthed this podcast, while I actually came up with the
concepts of it when I was on vacation one year and started to
work on some of the first details of it.
And while I was on vacation the last few years, I was always
(02:45):
keeping something moving forward.
So throughout this is shows entire existence.
I was moving the ball forward during those times and I really
should have been. Buckling down and focusing more
on just the relaxation and myself and and family and stuff
like that. So this time around, especially
with everything that was going on, I had to make sure that I
was just taking the time out to just be present and enjoy a
(03:06):
state of being rather than a state of doing like we always
talk about, which I feel is pretty much one of the most
important things that we can do in our lives, especially for
life enjoyment purposes. You know, I've been on that
realm of thinking for such a long time now, and it has just
become. So much more of an emphasized
part of my life. It's just been something that I
(03:27):
dedicated myself to and just making sure that I'm in those
experiences. And because I've done that, it
just these experience have. Have been unparalleled in my
life this far. Just really being in a state of
presence through it all. And you know, it's the main
focus of this whole podcast, right?
We're talking about helping, youknow, helping people and and
enjoy their life a lot more and basically the power and becoming
(03:51):
very self aware and being aware of the experiences that are
going on in your life and being that kind of person because
that's what it's all about. And being someone that was more
focused on experiences and connections is something that
was my main message when I wanted to start the show.
So that's what I'm communicatingto you all through setting that
example for everybody else, balancing out the being with the
doing and throughout all of thatalso.
(04:15):
The changes that are constantly coming up in our lives, you
know, you hear that cliche tagline all the time.
That change is the only constant.
But unfortunately it is so true.It is one of the most truest of
those cliche taglines that are out there.
The self improvement, the philosophical concepts that are
out there, it's one of the ones that is probably the truest of
(04:35):
them all. And we know we hear it all over
and over again from so many different people.
But do we really understand? What that really means that
change is the only constant thatit's going to show up and it's
going to happen whether you likeit or not.
Even though we hear it over and over again, we still don't sort
of grasp that concept. When I think it does sink in, I
(04:57):
think it will ultimately help uswhen the changes do come up
because we're prepared for them a little bit more.
You know, we know that they're going to come up and we can kind
of recognize when it is that season.
Although change is always happening, there are certain
periods of life where. It's a drastic change and we
kind of call that a season of change.
And although they're they're never predictable, those times
(05:18):
can show up anytime. They can show up in a drastic
scale or a minor scale. But whenever they do show up,
you can prepare for them by basically expecting that they're
going to show up and just know that they're right around the
corner pretty much at any given time.
And when they do show up, no matter how pleasureful or
painful they are. It's going to lead to a new
(05:42):
version of you in a new way of life when it's all done.
And usually that leads to a stronger, better version of you.
No matter how hard the times canbe when those changes do come
about because some of them, you know, they may not necessarily
be something that you wanted. To tell you the truth, in this
summer it was pretty much that for me it was not one of those
pleasant changing periods. Because those, we tend to just
(06:04):
glaze right over. We don't really notice them
because it's like, hey, this thing happened, it was great.
It's the tough ones that usuallystick out for us.
And we noticed those when we're we're talking back, you know,
about the past that we're looking at years past.
We'll usually remember those tough periods of growth and
change in certain years. You know, I talk about certain
years that were tough for me allthe time, 20/11/2017.
(06:25):
Those are two of the worst ones I've had and a lot of people
that will come on the show, Theyremember those years.
They're pretty unforgettable. But you know, I I really found
that it might upend your life and things might be completely
unpleasant through some of thosereally tough changes.
But when you add the resistance to them, it tends to make them
(06:45):
even tougher and tends to drag them out even longer.
And if you choose to get add that resistance, it pretty much
just is going to guarantee it's going to make it all worse.
So we have to do our life. When those changes come up, we
have to do life. In a way that's going to
basically bring better grace to the entire situation.
(07:07):
And identifying when those timeshave arisen and steer the ship
through the storm is pretty muchwhat it's all about.
So being ready for the changes and identifying them is pretty
much where I was this summer. I was able to identify that
something was going on and I hadto immerse myself in it.
And you know, that's what I always end up doing in the
course of the show is. Talk about things that are
(07:29):
bubbling up in my life. And I actually had a couple
episodes lined up to release while I was on vacation.
But in the midst of it all, I just kind of put the brakes and
said, you know what? This is one of those very
important things, something thatI've been predicting was going
to bubble up eventually, that I had to immerse myself in so
completely cutting out almost everything, Did a few social
(07:50):
media things here and there, butreally dedicated myself to what
was going on. And this was a big one.
And it was. It was wrapping up life for
about a month. You know, and it involved not
just me but some changes involving my wife and my son as
well as kind of just a group collective is period of change
for everybody all at the same time, you know, and one piece I
can give to you all, you know, everybody who would consider
(08:11):
themselves a high achiever, a high go getter type person who's
who's out there trying to just do all sorts of stuff, manifest
things in life, get the job done, bucket list type stuff.
A piece of advice that I'll giveyou that a lot of mega
successful people probably won't.
At least the people who are successful on the surface, like,
you know, I always use poor ElonMusk.
I always, I always pick on them all the time.
(08:32):
But, you know, he's successful on the surface.
He's got all these, you know, billions of dollars.
He's got all these successful companies and everything.
But I mean, you look at the guy and you can tell that, you know,
he doesn't get out that much. They, they paparazzi pictures of
him. He's as white as a sheet of
paper. Like, he doesn't see the light
of day very often. And I think he's divorced like
three times. And there's stories of how he
sleeps at work, like, yes, on one side.
(08:55):
You have this admirable portion of him, but then on the other
side, there's things where he's lacking.
And I feel like there's a lot ofother people out there too who
are lacking in some areas that are at least very important to
me. So from my perspective, I'll
give you all a piece of advice that you likely won't get from
some of those people who are just grinding it out and paying
the price out all the time at all times.
(09:17):
And it's a price that I don't know, I guess I'm no longer
willing to pay and that's to. Miss out on the big things in
your life, those momentous milestones in your life, the the
big changes, the big things thatif you're too busy paying
attention to something over here, you're going to miss
what's happening over here. And then when the years go by
(09:37):
and time passes you by, you lookback and say, man, that thing I
added value to that caused me tomiss this other thing, now in
hindsight, wasn't worth it. And I don't know in my own
opinion. If you were able to put the
brakes on your life at those points, I know that when I've
made those mistakes in the past where I made a mistake and then
(10:00):
I looked back on that entire time period, I was like, man,
how did I actually do that? Why did I value my job over my
health? Or why did I value a career or
this goal that I was trying to hit over the value of spending
time with my family? Right.
Like it just. It didn't make sense to me after
(10:21):
I went through the lesson. And So what I tried to do is at
least save people that painful part of the process so you don't
have to experience it yourself. Take it from me.
When things get hectic and busy,you have to constantly
reevaluate your life and look back in the moment and see if
the decisions you're making are ones that you're going to value
(10:41):
when you get older. And it goes for so much stuff.
But you know my own personal opinion.
Don't let some of those momentous things in life pass
you by, because. Once they're gone, they're gone.
And sometimes you don't get a second chance to redo them.
Sometimes you can let things go so far out of whack that the
damage has been done and you can't go back on them.
So I try to identify it ahead oftime, you know, as a real
(11:02):
hustler, real leader, real go getter, somebody who values what
they can get done, but then alsovalues all these things on the
other side as well. And I think the real leaders out
there will share the same thing with you.
People who are, you know, reallyself aware of everything they do
in their own lives. You need to really make sure
(11:23):
that you're paying attention to what it is that really makes you
happy. Because eventually you're going
to take a stock of your life, whether that's on your deathbed
or maybe hopefully but way before your deathbed.
But you'll take stock and look back, and you just don't want to
look back in those areas with regret.
You know, family is a big, big important thing to me.
(11:45):
So I make sure that I look at myfamily 1st and that's what's
important to me. If The thing is with other
people, if career is big for you, then you go get it.
Like if that's your thing, you go ahead and dedicate yourself
to your career. There's nothing wrong with that.
Just a lot of people out there who are in the midst of careers
and building a life and everything.
(12:05):
They have their family. And often times they will put
their family on the back burner.And just I'm here to say just my
public service announcement, that was one thing that I did
have as a regret for a certain time period and it's not one
that I would ever make again. Family is very important to me.
I mean, you guys can get that from from how much I ramble on
about it. I didn't have the traditional
family when I was a kid. And you know, and on top of that
(12:26):
and my adult life, I made mistakes where I came pretty
close to losing what I have as afamily unit.
So you know that would have. Definitely impacted how my life
has ended up to this day becauseit was a dream that I had from
the time as I was a kid to have a family like the one we have
made now. So take it from me, make, make
make your life and yourself awareness a priority because for
(12:50):
some crazy reason it takes something like losing something
or getting to the near point of losing something for us to
almost realize its value. I mean, even with life in
general, I guess I had to. Come to the brink of a life
threatening disease for me to actually take stock and become
more self aware of me, my life, my actions and everything.
(13:11):
And I just tell you the the whole purpose of me wanting to
do this podcast is just to make sure I got the message out there
so that you didn't have to have one of those drastic life
circumstances for you to pay attention to your life.
So anyways, my public service announcement for for everybody
out there. But anyways, our, our changes
that came up this summer, you know, so focused on them that,
(13:34):
you know, I made sure that I puteverything else aside, you know,
trying to cut out the outside world because I realized this is
one of those times. He's like, this is one of those
ones where you need to get focused.
You got to figure this thing out.
You've got to, you know, you'll get through whatever it is and
you're going to be able to focuson it all and process it a hell
of a lot quicker. Because I was basically losing
(13:55):
one of my favorite pieces of my life, one of the most favorite
pieces I ever had. Or at least the one of my most
favorite pieces of the current life version that I had at this
point. Because who knows how great
things are going to get in the future, you know?
But anyways, you know, instead of prolonging that process and
stretching it out like we tend to do and giving the resistance
(14:16):
to it, I made sure that. You know it didn't do take the
root of like running on a sprained ankle.
You know you'll you'll go and nurse an injury forever, and it
just keeps getting worse and worse and worse until you're
stopped dead in your tracks and you have to take a break to let
whatever it is heal. And then you know that whole
time you were in 1/2 capacity because you couldn't even run
(14:37):
the pace that you normally wanted to run.
Then you're injured anyways and you have to take an even longer
break to recover. But if you would have just
stopped when the pain started, treated it and been better, the
whole process was done and over with quicker instead of limping
all the way through it. And I felt like if like I have
in the past, if I would have taken that route.
This thing was going to be so much more painful and dragged on
so much longer. And the summertime is really
(15:00):
when I just I I get to cut loose.
I enjoy myself. I love the warm weather.
I'm out there in the sun and andhaving adventures all the time,
so I didn't want to wreck. What's a very limited part of
the year that you know in the midst of worlds winters we're
dreaming of this time period allyear.
I want to make sure that I was moving through this whole thing
and enjoying myself as quick as I could.
(15:20):
So made sure that when the change popped up I recognized it
and said he this is it. Put everything else aside and
and move through it. So changes is always going to be
there with us. You know, sometimes we can just
roll with it and. And process it quicker or we can
have it stop us dead in our tracks and then we have to find
(15:41):
a way to navigate. And sometimes when we navigate
around it, it just takes us longer.
And if we just powered through the whole thing and and took the
obstacle straight on, we get ourselves back on the tracks.
And you know those sticking points are far behind us and we
can just power on and keep moving forward in it all.
But yeah, changes, changes, necessary.
Change is inevitable. But through it all, life goes
(16:02):
on. And that's the subject of
today's episode. But before we get started,
before we dive in too deep, I just wanted to read a couple of
messages and reviews that I've gotten over this little mini
break that I took mid season. And I'll say everybody thank you
for the patience for these thesebreaks that we've had over the
few years. One of the great things that's
that's happened in the course ofthe past few months was that a
(16:22):
lot of loose ends have been let go to pave the way for this
podcast to get much bigger because it is getting bigger
and. If anything it's been through I
guess more more interaction and it will get keep getting bigger
through consistency and stuff and that's that's pretty much
all you can do is identify whereyou can keep moving and
advancing in life and and take those actions.
And I have identified that social media was a necessary
(16:46):
beast that I had to embrace, andI've tried to see the positive
in it rather than the negative so.
I've been a little bit more active on social media, embraced
it a little bit. So in the absence of me doing
episodes, I have been a little more active on social media.
It's got as good as bad quality.So I'm trying to focus on the
good one. You know, it's everything's got
it's good and it's bad. You can drink too much water and
literally die from it and it's anecessary lifeblood at the same
(17:09):
time for every human being on the planet.
So just like social media, and you know, it's not absolutely
necessary, but it's there. So I'm embracing that beast.
But see, if you're not followingus on on all the socials around
Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, LinkedIn, Rumble,
pretty much like everywhere and every single place you can find
podcasts. We are now on iHeartRadio,
(17:30):
Pandora, and Apple Music, some of the big hitters, so check us
out wherever and wherever you'relistening.
Leave us the comments. The reviews Apple Podcast is one
of the best places you can leaveone of these reviews.
We see those ones very often in about 80% of our listeners.
Come from Apple Podcasts. So it is the best place to leave
us a review. And you know, with three million
(17:51):
podcasts out there in the world,it's really, really tough to
stand out, especially if you're not some sort of a celebrity or
have a big thing going for you already.
You're starting from the bottom and you're working your way up.
And we're lucky to be in the top3% in the world.
It's crazy, some of our statistics so.
Thank you all for helping us getthere because it's through your
(18:11):
listenership and sharing and spreading the word about this is
that gets it in front of other people.
So please continue to do it. This particular review I'm going
to read here, this one is from someone calling themselves KJ
Traveling 99 and this was a 5 star review titled
Transformational and it says I really appreciate heats,
readings and insight related to Eckhart, Tolle and the power of
(18:34):
Now. I'm not usually a fan of audio
books, but I found the readings to be super helpful and
enlightening. Thank you Heath and Eckert for
your gifts, for sharing your gifts.
So yeah, thank you. I really appreciate the review.
And yeah, those early episodes with the power of now, those
always seem to resonate with people.
The they get more plays even nowthan some of the more recent
(18:56):
episodes People listen, Must re listen to those over and over
again. But it's an amazing book.
And it was what really helped break us out in front of the
first few 1000 listeners that wegot.
It was a great piece of exposureon top of it being a really
great learning lesson for not only everybody but me as well.
I'd read that book long, long ago before I, you know,
(19:16):
understood it a little bit, but nowhere near what I understood
it when I read it again on the show in the first season.
So it was, it was awesome. I mean the power of now.
Hands Down is one of the most transformational books on
improving your life that I've ever come across, and I feel
like it's one of the best ones that you can dive into,
especially if you're just starting to dip your toes into
(19:37):
this kind of subject matter. Is probably the most perfect
book because it teaches you how to be in the present moment.
And I feel like that's where ourlife is.
I mean the future is is unwritten in, the past is.
Is gone. You can't change in the only
moment you can actually change. Anything about your life is in
the current one in that book. That's its main message.
(19:57):
And it just gives you so many pieces of information on how to
really embrace that power of now.
So again, KJ, traveling 99, thank you so much for that
review. Yeah.
And I'm actually going to read. I'm going to read one more.
This one's actually a series of messages that I received.
It wasn't actually review. This one's actually a young man
on Instagram that. I don't even know if he wanted
(20:19):
me to read this, but I'm going to read it anyway because it was
a great message that he sent me that really lame that my day let
me find it here. Yeah, I'm going to throw him a
shout just because it was something that was completely
random but totally was a was a great, was a great piece of of
motivation for me. So it just happened to be doing
(20:42):
this helping out with an environmental issue at a nearby
town and this crew of kids from Northfield, Mount Hermon private
School located right in the edgeof my town, Northfield and next
town over Gill, they just happened to be jogging through.
I think there were some athletesfrom like track or soccer just
super fit young men just runningthrough and one of them came
across my car had the Audi sitting in the parking lot with
(21:03):
the LTL plates and the the graphic on the back that says
Live this life podcast. And I heard the kids stop and
say, hey we got to check out this podcast man when we get
home. So later on that day I get this
message from a young man naming himself calling himself on.
I don't know if it's actually his real name on Instagram but
Avon Brownson, at least that's what his Instagram handle says
and he wrote just listen to yourpodcast, Absolute fire just saw
(21:26):
you at the elementary school hadto check it out put a bunch of
fire emojis on there and then hesent another couple message.
Super Heat and my new Joe Rogan.So yeah, thanks man.
Super flattering, appreciate it.You know, it's cool to hear,
especially younger demographic. I mean I know we get listeners
from all over the world of all age groups, so it's cool to
getting feedback from anybody. So yeah, Abram, totally
(21:48):
appreciate it and thank you. Hope to be on the level of Joe
Rogan someday. But you know, the only way we're
going to get there is from continued listeners and people
sharing the show with family andfriends.
It helps us get out there in theears and minds of that many more
people. So please keep it up.
And to all of those who are in the local area of Gil
Northfield, burns in that whole area, the show is featured now
(22:10):
on B&CTV on local cable. So checking out the video
version is there and available. Every episode is in video, and
it's also available within a dayor two of the audio episode on
YouTube and rumble. And if you're listening on
Spotify, there's the option to listen to it through video on
there as well. You can play right through the
Spotify app. Sometimes the phones default
(22:31):
into audio only, but you can figure it out if you tinker
around enough. So, all right, that's enough of
that. One quick message and we'll jump
in today's episode. There's a lot of talk about the
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purchase. All right, so I was originally
going to title this episode. Change is inevitable.
But as my vacation progressed tothis really old song, one that I
don't particularly care for thatmuch called Life Goes On.
Follow me to a couple of places.This one right here, I I don't
(24:26):
particularly like the song and nevertheless it came up randomly
and I think that's why it got myattention so much because I'm
like this song. It just, it's just been one of
those ones that you hear throughout your life and you
just kind of, you know, change channels quick as you possibly
can. Sorry for anybody who likes that
song, but I never really cared for it too much until now.
Like it definitely has its meaning to me now, but it came
up in like like 2 times within aday or two of going through the
(24:52):
beginnings of of what started off as a really rough change
that I was facing. Namely, I was getting all
nostalgic about how much our vacations have changed over the
years and and the time that we got to spend as a family has
definitely changed. And this song popped up just
randomly and then we went to a concert.
I think it was like on on in a store that we went to and then
(25:14):
just popped up somewhere else just randomly within a few
hours. And then the next day we went to
a live concert, just some low key thing that was down at the
edge of Hyannis Bay and and CapeCod at Aselton Park.
And the first song the band played was that song And I like,
I look at my wife and she's likewhat the hell And I'm like yeah
okay universe. I'm listening like I I know I'm
a little thick skull and it tookthree times for me to get this
(25:36):
message through. But I guess now I need to double
down and just focus on message of life goes on and basically it
was the change was nothing major, you know, it's not like
one of those big life calamitiesof losing a person.
I know there's way worse things going on in this world than what
I'm going to talk about. So I totally recognize that my
quote, UN quote tough time was coming from a very privileged
(25:58):
perspective of privileged place that I happen to be in my life.
I definitely had my fair share of being through the shit.
So if this is the worst thing I got to go through lately, then
I'm totally grateful for it being the worst.
Nevertheless, it was the thing that was getting my attention
the most. But my son, you know, he just
turned 16 years old, just didn'twant to come with us on one of
our trips this year. We'd already been there a couple
times and that was a tough one because throughout parenthood of
(26:23):
the last 16 years and then through some of my toughest
times, I was able to rely on going out to Cape Cod for a few
weeks of summer. And it's been increasing over
the years. I mean, we've up to like 5 weeks
at one point in the last few years and I was able to get that
that getaway time with my wife and my son.
And I just have all that awesometime to just spend with each
(26:44):
other. Just going out to eat and
hanging out the resorts and justgoing to see live music and
shows, go to the beach and the arcade and the mini golf.
Just everything that the Cape has to offer.
Just all the the beautiful sights and the sounds and the
smells and just all that super fun family time where we don't
get that throughout the year. We'll get little dedicated
trips, but there's no other timewhere I get that.
(27:05):
Just that undivided time with myfamily.
And here I was, that was at thattime of the year to get my soul
recharge, just what I look forward to all year long.
Like, man, we start down the ticker.
Sometimes we put an app on the phone.
It says you got 23 days left. And this time it wasn't, it
wasn't happening, you know? And the first couple trips we
went, it was crappy and rainy. This summer's been awful for
weather and we ended up me and my son separately.
(27:28):
Both had stomach bugs on the second trip.
So we're hoping like, oh, let's hope the third trip is good.
And here we are, we're there. And he didn't want to go.
You want to stay home, stay withhis grandparents and see his
friends and his girlfriend stuff.
So where was I? Where was I now?
I was kind of like left there inthe beginning phases of driving
down there. It's like a three hour ride and
it was just kind of depressing to not have him there in the
(27:51):
back seat. Like, I always take corny videos
whenever we go to leave. And I'm like, hey, got trip
number one, number two, number three whenever we go.
And not knowing what I'm going to do with him someday.
But here I was for the first time taking my Cape Cod trip
video in the car before we shut the door and start driving.
And he wasn't in the car. And it was, it was kind of a
downer. So I was kind of like, what am
(28:14):
I, you know, How am I going to make it through the rest of the
year If this is like, the one chance I have, This is my last
chance this summer to recharge, to do everything.
And I like, I totally bank on it.
You guys like, that is my time. That is what I do to get my
energy back and it wasn't there.So, I mean, in all reality, is
(28:36):
it the worst thing to be going through?
No. Like I said before, it's it's
just the worst thing of the moment.
And it was, it was something that I've been expecting for
quite a long time, You know, I knew eventually childhood was
going to end and it's a necessary phase.
A lot of parent, I've heard a lot of people I very much
respect talk about this and theysaid it was going to be over in
(28:57):
a blink of an eye. So be there and be present.
And I've been present through everything.
I mean, I've coached his teams. I have given up jobs to not have
it take away from family time and stuff like that.
And I'm glad I made all the decisions I did.
But all the parents that warned me years ago don't blink because
it goes by before you know it and he's our only kid.
I mean, we did childhood. My my abilities to have children
(29:19):
was taken away with the second cancer, so we had one chance to
get it right, and I want to makesure that you don't.
I did everything right in his childhood and was able to take
him so many places and have those enjoyable experiences that
I didn't get to have and break generational curses and
everything and all that. All that great stuff you hope to
do for your kids when you're very selfaware and you're
(29:40):
present in in parenthood. So yeah, I I'm left there with
the most important thing to me. No longer there anymore.
The most important thing in my life is just having three of us
together and things are shiftingand changing.
So here I am having to figure out how things are all going to
shift and change and be better. I still, it was kind of having a
(30:03):
tough time too. I'm like, man, did I fail as a
parent? Like, why is he not wanting to
be at this great place and be onvacation?
Like if we spoiled him too much?Like, I I can't understand that
one. You know, why wouldn't you want
to be in Cape Cod on vacation versus hanging around Franklin
County, Massachusetts? But you know, either way, it
was, it was his decision and here we were, you know, and the
(30:26):
11 important thing too, is that I want to say for the people who
out there who don't have the opportunity to go on these
vacations and that kind of stuff, don't want to make those
people feel bad either. There's things that you can
always figure out to do that will fill your soul up and still
it gives your kids great experiences.
So don't don't feel like an accuracy where I'm sitting here
(30:48):
Boo hooing about this. You know, a very expensive way
of enjoying family time, those times that you can take to spend
it with your kids. They don't care what you do or
where you go. They don't care what titles you
have. They don't care how much money
you make. They just care about the time
they get to spend with you. So I mean, even if you're taking
them fishing, even if you take them to a lake that cost you $5
(31:09):
to get in and park, they're justgoing to remember the times you
get to spend with them. They don't really remember the
money you make. And let's be realistic, I know
that going to Cape Cod is, you know, a bit more enjoyable for
most people than it would be to stick around where you normally
live. But what I'm saying is, is that
you can still have those experiences and they'll never
forget. I remember some of the simplest
(31:30):
things that I did with my dad asa kid in a snowstorm.
We went out and started a fire in a in a in a Blizzard and we
started a fire and we cooked a little game hen and he just
wanted me to have that experience and sat in the back
of the tailgate of his pickup truck.
And I remember it to this day. It was a great experience.
So those little things matter a lot to your kids and I feel like
men get a lot really out of touch.
I'll speak from a man's perspective.
(31:51):
I feel like men get really far into that providership and they
let those family times go to thewayside and they just keep
putting them off and putting them off because work is there.
Work's always going to be there and you're never going to make
enough money, so take that time out.
Another public service announcement for you guys.
I feel like women, you know, I don't see it happen as much with
them, at least in my experience.I feel like they're a little bit
(32:13):
more in touch with with men. I don't care how sexist that
sounds but I feel like a little more in touch with their kids
and men just get lost in in providing and it it's a level of
missing out on things with theirkids and you know their spouses
and and everything else. So you'll never regret it losing
certain amounts of money or whatever else.
(32:34):
You'll you'll never regret making those decisions of
spending family time over spending you know making money
to spend. Although when they when they
turn 16, I will say that you sometimes question some of your
decisions. You know did I, did I did I make
the right decisions by, you knowgiving up all this stuff for a
kid who only needs me for rides and you know did I make all
those sacrifices? Yeah.
Like the sacrifices are always worth it.
(32:56):
You know, the the times that youspend with him or something
you'll never regret. But yeah, here I was, I was at
the place where I wanted to makethat recharge, and I was at the
place to do it. And it wasn't happening the way
that I had done it in the past. And I guess the flaw in that
frame of thinking was that I should have not really had the
(33:19):
mindset if I needed to be somewhere to make it through.
And I've been through that in the past.
It's not a bad thing to to have like a dedicated time where
you're going to have your break and you know, I'm going to grind
up until this point and then I'mgoing to take a break.
Those things I can understand. But I was relying solely on
being able to make it, you know,quote UN quote, maybe being able
to make it through my life if I just got this other thing.
(33:42):
And I had done that before and it didn't work out so good, you
know, and it just I think that kind of also exposed a little
bit of weakness in me my, my evolution that I need to still
get through. You know, the the fact that I am
no master. I am still just a very advanced
novice at best with this entire thing.
And I think that exposed me so much that I still have a lot
more growing and evolving to do that.
(34:04):
I I put all my eggs in this one place and then when it came, it
wasn't there. So, you know, you have to just
be good with life no matter what.
And I have to rely on certain vices to get you through.
And this was a a lesson for me and that, you know, I don't care
how much you've been through or how many lessons you think
you've learned, the universe wasalways going to test you.
And it's going to make you retake the test over and over to
(34:26):
make sure it's going to give youa pop quiz and check you to see
if you're going to fail or not. And it will humble your ass
right to your knees whenever it needs to.
And it sure did for me, you know.
And an important part of that isthat when it knocks you your
knees, you become more conscious, you get back up again
and be more of a humble person who is aware of the lesson you
were supposed to learn in the process of that also.
(34:47):
Yeah, here we were, just the twoof us, just me and my wife,
because, you know, the trio is was was not going back there at
this time. And I have to say to start off
the vacation, it was a little bit of a bummer, but it quickly
had its shifts and changes because I immersed myself in it
as I was kicking rocks down the road the whole way and sad about
(35:08):
it. But then I'm like, you know
what? I need to look at every single
thing that could be good and what is enjoyable instead of
what's missing, and roll with itand enjoy it all and just really
appreciate every single good thing that did come up.
So the very first night we were there was a Saturday night and
we went to this concert. It was called Bands for Badges.
(35:31):
Shout Out to Them, Great organization.
It was a concert. Whole concert venue put on the
whole afternoon at the Falmouth Fairgrounds in Cape Cod for
police, fire and EMS personnel who become disabled through
either physical or mental disability, which is near and
dear to my heart from somebody who's definitely had his share
of things that happen on the job.
(35:51):
So the crazy part was in this crazy synchronicity was in the
last few months the band Creed has been popping back up for me,
and I know some people cringe atthem, but I absolutely love
these guys. I love them back in the day and
I'm starting to love them all over again.
Their music has a deeper meaningto me now than it ever did and a
lot of people pick on them for being religious.
(36:11):
And I'm listening to and I'm like, hey, maybe he'll throw the
word got into a song every once in a while.
But by far, is it not like Christian music at all, Very
spiritual, very deep. And my wife's just looking at
the calendar of things to do. And Cree's actually getting back
together next year on a Summer 99 cruise is what it's called.
And they're the headliners for. They haven't played yet since
(36:32):
like 2014. Cuz Scott Staff, the lead singer
went through some rough stuff. He was he was quite a mess for a
while but the guy has leveled himself out and it was like
totally inspirational. And there he is.
He was playing the first night we got there at this concert,
bands for badges. So not only is it a guy that I
wanted to see, but the cruise was sold out in a day and my
wife finds it and we go and we do this, we do this amazing
(36:55):
concert and it blew me away. I did a really long video on on
TikTok and I think I posted on my other social, so check it
out. But it was a totally, massively
uplifting concert. Just never had a concert strike
me like that one before. And seeing this guy who the last
time I saw him like we're everybody kind of thought that
he was going to be one of those rockers that just didn't make it
(37:18):
and the guy is clean himself up and it was totally
inspirational. I love those comeback stories.
You know everybody's hating on somebody and they just come back
to in just surprise everybody with a complete transformation.
I know I've done that in a in a sense myself, so I'm I've so
much respect for anybody who cando that in themselves at all.
So big shout out to them. An amazing show.
(37:39):
Giannis Papadopoulos was the lead guitarist.
We actually went and saw him again and actually got to meet
Giannis real quick and got a guitar pick from him and stuff
and just probably one of, if notthe best live show I've seen in
my life. Both times we went and saw those
guys. So yeah, that's how my, my
vacation started out. So I feel like the alignment of
(38:00):
that entire thing, the entire situation snapped me out of my
funk. It was a good sort of like
shaking, you know, they always say you got to change your state
when you're in a certain funk inyour life, you you can go and do
an ice bath. For me, I boxing always got me
out of that change of state because it's hard to focus on
depression and anything else badthat's going on when you're
trying to avoid getting punched in the face.
(38:21):
So that would change my state immediately.
So this was like a minor versionof that.
It changed my state because it got my mind off of whatever it
was that I was getting myself into a funk on and allowed me to
be present a lot better. So there we were.
We started off our first night of the vacation and from there
we basically just got the honeymoon that we never got.
(38:43):
You know, we got married at 24 years old and I got sick on our
honeymoon. So, you know, it was anything
but a honeymoon. And shortly after that we had
our son, I want to say like a year and a half to within two
years. So I had my son and then right
after he was born, I think it was like a month or something.
Or it was, it might have been right before he was born.
(39:03):
Now it was. It was actually a month before
he was born. Then I went through the first
case of cancer and then it came back again a few years later.
And then just life started hitting us with one twos and we
just never got the chance to really just have the time
between us, you know, to be honest, it was just never just
her. And I again after that and
before my my kid was born, we actually went to the Cape Cod
(39:24):
together on a couple of trips and and really enjoying
ourselves and being able to go back there, just the two of us
with no distractions, just just her.
And I was basically, I felt likethe bookmark had gotten taken
out of the book, right? Like we had to put the bookmark
in after that, that last trip before we got married, when we
(39:44):
were at the Cape. And it was like all these things
happened and I was able to take the bookmark out and there we
were. It was like still two young kids
who were just very much in love and with each other and enjoy
each other's company. And there we were, we were right
back to that spot. And it was, it was an amazing
experience, you know, It was a whole new sense of charging my
batteries. Like I won't have those little
(40:07):
kid family times again. Maybe not until I'm a
grandparent way down the road from now, but I'm able to have.
Those recharge, that recharge ofmy batteries in that place,
which is great because I love itthere and we're likely going to
move there in a short few years.But I was able to have that
experience in a whole new way and light my batteries up and in
a whole new way. So yeah, it was wild.
(40:29):
It was wild because I've had years, kind of like the way this
year started off when I went on vacation.
I've had years like that, like this transition year in 2017
when I went down there and I wasleaving law enforcement, or at
least trying to, it was a reallyrough year.
It was like that discoordinate thing that we always talk about
in cymatics, where you go from this one pattern and they shift
the octave up and everything goes crazy and it snaps into a
(40:51):
more ornate pattern as your octaves level up.
And I feel like life is sort of representative of that.
And 2017, I feel like it was that process, like my life was
leveling up and I went through this chaos and I was just full
of anxiety going into 2017. And I was just like, man, just
just get me to the Cape and I'llbe fine.
And once I get down there, I canget this reprieve and I can get
(41:13):
my meditation time on the beach and I can do all this stuff that
helps level me out. And then once we got down there
on one of our trips, it took me two or three days just to chill
and not have my heart racing. And then I was wound up about
missing two or three days of thetrip, and then I was wound up
with the fact that we're going home in three days.
It was like there was no reprieve because I was not in
(41:35):
the moment at all while I was there.
I was looking backward, mad thatI missed three days already from
being anxious and that we were looking at the future because I
already looking at the day we were leaving and it's still 3
days out and it just made no sense to me.
And I made that vacation worse by my actions and my thoughts.
So, you know, mixed in with things of taking calls while I
(41:56):
was on vacation and stuff like that too.
That self-righteous thing where I got to keep the ball rolling.
And you know, I've see guys in do this all the time.
They step out of restaurants while we're down there and
they're having these intense phone calls outside.
It's like, man, I I don't know how much that shit can wait, but
I'll tell you right now, whatever it is in my life, that
shit can wait. If something's burning down,
call fire department. I'll get the dustpan, help you
(42:16):
guys clean up. When I get home, it's like,
that's that's where it is. I'm lucky enough to have that
perspective. I know it's not that way for
everybody. But so here I was.
I'm on vacation and you know, I I was able to settle down a
little bit and appreciate thingsjust a little bit more and have
my, my mornings, you know, just after dawn and and I'm on the
beach with my coffee and just sitting in the waves and just
(42:40):
able to journal stuff and time to think.
And I can just get these momentsof clarity and breakthroughs
when I'm there. And in the past, like I said,
I've been so worked up that wasn't even good enough.
And this time I managed to get afew breakthroughs rather than
breakdowns. And you know, one of the ones I
got this year that one of those first nights or one of those
first mornings after the first night we were there was let it
(43:03):
all fall away so it can all fallinto place.
I remember and I've journaled that one right down.
I'm like, man, that's just that was such a powerful, powerful
download to get. So there I was at that's that
was actually the day I made the decision to just not do anything
else and not move the ball forward downfield for anything
(43:23):
that I had going on and just step back and and be present
with it all. And the, you know, the primary
thing that I was all wound up about my son getting older and
us losing that part of our lives.
It was something that I had no control over.
And that was one of the main things that I had to was just
lose the things. Don't try to change things you
don't have control over. Let surrender to it.
Let the process happen. So I surrendered to it and I was
(43:47):
able to clear the way for something else that was
amazingly gratifying and valuable in my life.
And it was a whole new thing that sort of took the place of
this other thing that I had. And you know, a lot of parents,
I know they go through a similarthings like that.
But the main thing was that it was something that I could not
help but change and it had to change in my life.
(44:09):
And when it did, I acknowledged it.
And you know, not giving it the attention that it needed would
have just prolonged it even further.
If I would have drove around andtry to reminisce about all the
good times that we had, that wasjust going to make it more of a
painful process. That's peeling the Band-Aid off
so slow. And I know a lot of people do
that. They're when they're going
through a grieving process, whenthey've lost a valuable person
(44:30):
or, you know, they lose a job they love, whatever it is,
they'll just reminisce forever. I've done it too.
And it just, you know, it's partof the process you have to go
through. But I just know that the quicker
you stop living backwards and you live forwards, as soon as
you're if you're fortunate enough to actually make it to
that point and you can get to a level of of grieving, acceptance
and everything at the loss of anything, it helps, it helps.
(44:52):
But everybody's processes is different.
So don't be self-conscious abouthow long it takes for you.
But yeah when you're when you'rethere in life and you're you're
holding the bag of life and it'snow empty, you know you got to
try and see what else is there. And what I found out is that
there's just always so much potential out there for you.
(45:13):
The world is abundant of whatever you can dream of.
And there's a whole bunch of things that I still have left to
enjoy in my life to put back in that bag.
So I'm losing this big, you know, I got this big huge thing
that was taken out of my bag, but there's so many other things
that I have the chance to fill them up and and that's what I
have to look for is the chance to fill that bag back up.
(45:33):
And that was the road that I chose to take.
It was what I used to alchemize what was going on in the
situation. And I chose Joy and I chose to
enjoy myself. And I chose to take my wife out
to some bars that we weren't able to go to in all those
years. Places that we looked at and
said, hey, someday we're going to go.
Well, that someday was this year.
And it was fantastic. We were able to stay out late.
(45:53):
We were able to just focus on each other and I was able to
focus on her. And I have to say, it was, it
was a very rewarding experience.It was something that we just
haven't been able to experience in a really long time.
So yeah, the seasons of change, just they come upon us, You
know, it's a cycle that we have to get used to and be ready for
it. You know, up here in New
England, we're ready for all those seasons of change.
(46:15):
You know, the summers are hot and humid and nasty, and when
the falls come, it's gorgeous, the leaves change and it's
beautiful. And then our winters are here
and they're nasty and they seem to last forever.
But you know, there's always something to enjoy in in every
one of those seasons that we have in our life.
So, you know, instead of when winter comes to sitting there
bitching about how awful it is, you can look for things to
(46:37):
enjoy. And even in those roughest
moments in our lives, we can look at what we're missing or we
can look at what is now. There is a potential for us to
still continue to enjoy in our life.
And I found out through my experiences that living
backwards isn't where life is, You know, it's it's not in the
past. And I think most of us, I think
(46:57):
most of us at a certain any place in our life actually, I
think in the in the present moment we would love to go back
to a place in our life and drop everything we've got going on
for us right now and go back there.
We could probably say there is apoint in the past that was much
better than really anything we're living through now, but
that's not possible. And to think about that too much
(47:19):
is almost a level of it's unhealthy to a certain level,
but for most of us, that place in our lives, it passed.
It was a whole different way of life.
So to try to move backwards and relive those things, they never
seem to measure up. It's never quite the way that it
was. And if we get nostalgic and we
(47:39):
try and circumvent the change process and try and live
backwards, it almost leaves a bitter taste in our mouth
because it's never as good as the original times we're trying
to relive. So from my perspective, that's
that's where I've ended up. When I've tried to live
backwards a little bit in this time, I was choosing not to.
You know, as hard as we wish we could go back, you know, we can
try and leave the relive those times with new people.
(48:02):
You know, if we say you had a relationship and you go to the
same places you went in a previous relationship, it's
it's, I can't imagine that's a healthy circumstance.
You know, you can drive and walkthe walk and go through the
motions, but ultimately it's never going to be the same.
And you know, it's time to move on on certain situations.
And the thing I discovered aboutlife is that that huge buffet
table is just waiting for us. And if you clear your plate, you
(48:25):
know you can't take on more until you do clear your plate.
And once you do, you're able to go back up to that buffet table
of life and keep filling it up with things that are going to be
amazing and memorable in their own right.
So, you know, from from my perspective, we to a certain
extent dishonor what's left of our lives by not taking the
(48:46):
opportunity to clear our plate sometimes and make room for what
else could be out there for us. And that that I think prevents
us from enjoying a lot about ourlives.
And you know, if we can sit there and think about what it
is, we can move on and experience new stuff.
It just becomes a more gratifying version of life.
(49:06):
And you can sometimes let your life stagnate a little bit I
think and try and swim against the current of change and tire
yourself out. Not clear out that plate but you
can also ride with the current and use that momentum to steer
you to a place that you never expected to end up to.
But if you don't clear that plate you never going to have
(49:27):
that opportunity. I'm using two different
metaphors in the same sort of concept here a little rusty on
the mic and a little bit overtired too.
It's things have things have jumped right back into the busy
seasons just soon as soon as coming home from vacation.
But either way you guys get the message I'm trying to share.
You know, and the last thing I'll leave you with is that this
trip totally was not planned in any way when at least I was
(49:51):
heading into it, that it was going to rekindle a fire that
had, you know, not gone out but definitely died down over the
years of of life. And the last minute curveball of
us being -1 was the best thing. I think that was that could have
possibly happened at that time. So, you know, knowing that I I
(50:11):
basically could either not enjoymyself at all or have the
opportunity to figure out what else I was going to enjoy.
I'm glad I took the other route because what was there was an
amazing experience. And if you're like me, you be
you, you you are resistant to change.
I'm totally resistant to change.I am someone who doesn't like
(50:33):
change. I love stability.
I love predictability, but on the other side the you got to
sort of start to learn to embrace change and sort of, I
guess anticipate and enjoy the instability at certain times
too, because what comes out on the other side could be good.
And like with the situation, I didn't want things to change.
And I think if I could even turnback time to go back to the
(50:55):
beginning of the vacation, it would have been hard to predict
how great I was going to feel once I got back.
But this is a great example for me.
To always trust the process of life, and usually what can come
out of certain situations is going to be a better version of
whatever life was beforehand. So you never know.
Life's life is just it unfolds in ways that we can never plan.
(51:19):
Our best laid plans are no matchfor what's meant to happen for
us in the river of life. Life is always going to just be
life, whether it's good or bad. And your job is to just keep on
living it no matter what. And, you know, preparing for
those seasons of change and, youknow, knowing that it's one of
those times where you need to participate in that change to
(51:42):
sort of help the entire process rather than avoiding it, is the
best way that you can prepare yourself for all of it.
Participation. Yeah.
And on that note, I'm going to leave you.
Well, I'm not going to leave you.
I'm going to play a little inspiring clip from my man Steve
Harvey. He always has some inspiring
stuff to say and shares areas ofgrowth with people and, you
(52:05):
know, basically tells people in these little bits before he goes
on with the shows that he has, does these inspiring things.
And this is this is one of them.And in this clip, he talks about
how we can participate and acknowledge the change in our
lives. And he talks about how viewing
changes in life and actively participating in them helps out
the entire process. Prepare for.
(52:25):
What's coming? Here's the deal.
Change is inevitable. So here's what's going to
happen. No matter what's going on in
your life is not permanent. Everything is going to change.
So there's two things you can dowith change.
You can react to it, or you can participate in it.
It's going to change anyway. So if you keep waiting around,
(52:48):
you're going to have to react tothe change and now you you
behind. But if you participate in the
change, if you know the job you have is not going to last
forever, I'm just telling you your best laid plans has
changed. So what you got to start doing
is you got to start anticipatingthat it's going to change and
(53:10):
just start living your life withthe preparation for change.
No matter what you're doing, youcould be doing more.
Remember that it's 24 hours in aday.
You got to use as many of those hours to prepare stability for
yourself as you can react to it or you can participate in it.
You have to start anticipating that it's going to change and be
(53:33):
ready to immerse yourself in it when it does and not give
resistance to it is amazing wordSteve Hope to meet that guy
someday. He's absolutely inspiring, dude.
And I guess one last concept that I'll leave you with as
well, and it's something to ponder on this entire subject.
And I did not come up with this at all.
I've heard in many different ways, but something to the
(53:53):
effect of we don't listen to a song just to hear the ending.
And you know, we don't dance thedance just to get to the end of
the dance. We have those experiences, to
have those experiences. So we need to Just Dance the
dance. And when it's over, be grateful
that you had the dance at all and wait for the next one.
(54:14):
There's no sense in trying to rush through the dance just to
get to the end. And it's the same thing about
life. There's no sense of being sad
about when the dance is over as well.
So be grateful for the chance tohave had the dance at all.
And I'm grateful for the chance to have the time that I've had
in parenthood and everything, because it was fantastic.
And it's not over just it is in the sense of what I used to know
(54:37):
it to be. And I have to say that
throughout the the last 22 yearsand the, you know, the future
that I have in front of me, thatI've had the greatest dance
partner anybody could ask for, you know, 22 years in.
And all it took was a little getaway together to remind me
that I had an amazing dance partner.
When we took our first vacation there together, it was just the
two of us. And I'm glad to know that now
(54:57):
the bookmark is out and we were able to do those things again.
It's just as amazing, if not better than it was before.
Having my soul mate there to do it with is just an amazing
feeling to have. So yeah, there's my cheesy segue
into the song that I'm going to leave you guys with.
This one is called Soul Mate by Jay Malik.
And if you're an expert on inspiration, have amazing
(55:19):
revelations about our reality, or have a story to tell about
how you manifested your best life, we want to hear from you.
You can reach us at connect@livethislife.org or you
can schedule a time to talk to me about an episode concept
through the show's county page, my calendly.com/live This Life,
and currently for the fall of 2023.
(55:41):
I have some openings for those looking to have one-on-one calls
with me and to livethislife.org to the one-on-one consulting
page. For more information and be sure
to follow along with us on all the socials and give this video
a like a comment review. And please feel free to forward
the show to those who you think would resonate with its message.
(56:04):
Thanks for listening. We'll see you next time
(57:04):
Play song.
When you change the way you lookat things, the things you look
at change, change what exists. Reality itself is gorgeous.
It is the plenum, the fullness of total joy.
(00:34):
The universe isn't celebrating. This is power show.
To celebrate that existence is Why are we?
For those of us seeking a life of meaning and purpose,
capturing fulfillment in every moment of now, seeking the truth
of our reality so we can live this life to its fullest, this
(00:56):
is the Live This Life podcast and I'm your hosting Cummings.
I'm here to inspire you. To ask yourself the question
every day, Are you living party,killing time?
(01:20):
What's going on? Everybody?
I am finally back from my summertime adventures.
I am back in the studio, a little bit more refreshed than I
was before I left. A little bit more suntan, I
think too, before I left. Definitely a little bit more, I
think evolved as a person than Iwas the last time I was on the
microphone. And I I took some time this
(01:40):
summer to really unpack some stuff that was going on, some
changes that have been moving through and shifting in my
world. It's been going on for quite
some time and it was quite important to me to make sure
that I dedicated some undivided attention to the entire
situation. And you know, I focused a lot on
that and as well as the whole. Life experience part of living,
(02:04):
right? I, you know, I'm out there and
preaching that kind of stuff to everybody on the show.
And this is one time of year that I have the opportunity to
really dedicate myself towards just recreation and relaxation
and enjoyment. And I want to make sure I
immerse myself completely in that.
(02:25):
And, you know, especially over the course of the last few
years. I made sure that I was always
doing something while I was on vacation, You know, since I
birthed this podcast, while I actually came up with the
concepts of it when I was on vacation one year and started to
work on some of the first details of it.
And while I was on vacation the last few years, I was always
(02:45):
keeping something moving forward.
So throughout this is shows entire existence.
I was moving the ball forward during those times and I really
should have been. Buckling down and focusing more
on just the relaxation and myself and and family and stuff
like that. So this time around, especially
with everything that was going on, I had to make sure that I
was just taking the time out to just be present and enjoy a
(03:06):
state of being rather than a state of doing like we always
talk about, which I feel is pretty much one of the most
important things that we can do in our lives, especially for
life enjoyment purposes. You know, I've been on that
realm of thinking for such a long time now, and it has just
become. So much more of an emphasized
part of my life. It's just been something that I
(03:27):
dedicated myself to and just making sure that I'm in those
experiences. And because I've done that, it
just these experience have. Have been unparalleled in my
life this far. Just really being in a state of
presence through it all. And you know, it's the main
focus of this whole podcast, right?
We're talking about helping, youknow, helping people and and
enjoy their life a lot more and basically the power and becoming
(03:51):
very self aware and being aware of the experiences that are
going on in your life and being that kind of person because
that's what it's all about. And being someone that was more
focused on experiences and connections is something that
was my main message when I wanted to start the show.
So that's what I'm communicatingto you all through setting that
example for everybody else, balancing out the being with the
doing and throughout all of thatalso.
(04:15):
The changes that are constantly coming up in our lives, you
know, you hear that cliche tagline all the time.
That change is the only constant.
But unfortunately it is so true.It is one of the most truest of
those cliche taglines that are out there.
The self improvement, the philosophical concepts that are
out there, it's one of the ones that is probably the truest of
(04:35):
them all. And we know we hear it all over
and over again from so many different people.
But do we really understand? What that really means that
change is the only constant thatit's going to show up and it's
going to happen whether you likeit or not.
Even though we hear it over and over again, we still don't sort
of grasp that concept. When I think it does sink in, I
(04:57):
think it will ultimately help uswhen the changes do come up
because we're prepared for them a little bit more.
You know, we know that they're going to come up and we can kind
of recognize when it is that season.
Although change is always happening, there are certain
periods of life where. It's a drastic change and we
kind of call that a season of change.
And although they're they're never predictable, those times
(05:18):
can show up anytime. They can show up in a drastic
scale or a minor scale. But whenever they do show up,
you can prepare for them by basically expecting that they're
going to show up and just know that they're right around the
corner pretty much at any given time.
And when they do show up, no matter how pleasureful or
painful they are. It's going to lead to a new
(05:42):
version of you in a new way of life when it's all done.
And usually that leads to a stronger, better version of you.
No matter how hard the times canbe when those changes do come
about because some of them, you know, they may not necessarily
be something that you wanted. To tell you the truth, in this
summer it was pretty much that for me it was not one of those
pleasant changing periods. Because those, we tend to just
(06:04):
glaze right over. We don't really notice them
because it's like, hey, this thing happened, it was great.
It's the tough ones that usuallystick out for us.
And we noticed those when we're we're talking back, you know,
about the past that we're looking at years past.
We'll usually remember those tough periods of growth and
change in certain years. You know, I talk about certain
years that were tough for me allthe time, 20/11/2017.
(06:25):
Those are two of the worst ones I've had and a lot of people
that will come on the show, Theyremember those years.
They're pretty unforgettable. But you know, I I really found
that it might upend your life and things might be completely
unpleasant through some of thosereally tough changes.
But when you add the resistance to them, it tends to make them
(06:45):
even tougher and tends to drag them out even longer.
And if you choose to get add that resistance, it pretty much
just is going to guarantee it's going to make it all worse.
So we have to do our life. When those changes come up, we
have to do life. In a way that's going to
basically bring better grace to the entire situation.
(07:07):
And identifying when those timeshave arisen and steer the ship
through the storm is pretty muchwhat it's all about.
So being ready for the changes and identifying them is pretty
much where I was this summer. I was able to identify that
something was going on and I hadto immerse myself in it.
And you know, that's what I always end up doing in the
course of the show is. Talk about things that are
(07:29):
bubbling up in my life. And I actually had a couple
episodes lined up to release while I was on vacation.
But in the midst of it all, I just kind of put the brakes and
said, you know what? This is one of those very
important things, something thatI've been predicting was going
to bubble up eventually, that I had to immerse myself in so
completely cutting out almost everything, Did a few social
(07:50):
media things here and there, butreally dedicated myself to what
was going on. And this was a big one.
And it was. It was wrapping up life for
about a month. You know, and it involved not
just me but some changes involving my wife and my son as
well as kind of just a group collective is period of change
for everybody all at the same time, you know, and one piece I
can give to you all, you know, everybody who would consider
(08:11):
themselves a high achiever, a high go getter type person who's
who's out there trying to just do all sorts of stuff, manifest
things in life, get the job done, bucket list type stuff.
A piece of advice that I'll giveyou that a lot of mega
successful people probably won't.
At least the people who are successful on the surface, like,
you know, I always use poor ElonMusk.
I always, I always pick on them all the time.
(08:32):
But, you know, he's successful on the surface.
He's got all these, you know, billions of dollars.
He's got all these successful companies and everything.
But I mean, you look at the guy and you can tell that, you know,
he doesn't get out that much. They, they paparazzi pictures of
him. He's as white as a sheet of
paper. Like, he doesn't see the light
of day very often. And I think he's divorced like
three times. And there's stories of how he
sleeps at work, like, yes, on one side.
(08:55):
You have this admirable portion of him, but then on the other
side, there's things where he's lacking.
And I feel like there's a lot ofother people out there too who
are lacking in some areas that are at least very important to
me. So from my perspective, I'll
give you all a piece of advice that you likely won't get from
some of those people who are just grinding it out and paying
the price out all the time at all times.
(09:17):
And it's a price that I don't know, I guess I'm no longer
willing to pay and that's to. Miss out on the big things in
your life, those momentous milestones in your life, the the
big changes, the big things thatif you're too busy paying
attention to something over here, you're going to miss
what's happening over here. And then when the years go by
(09:37):
and time passes you by, you lookback and say, man, that thing I
added value to that caused me tomiss this other thing, now in
hindsight, wasn't worth it. And I don't know in my own
opinion. If you were able to put the
brakes on your life at those points, I know that when I've
made those mistakes in the past where I made a mistake and then
(10:00):
I looked back on that entire time period, I was like, man,
how did I actually do that? Why did I value my job over my
health? Or why did I value a career or
this goal that I was trying to hit over the value of spending
time with my family? Right.
Like it just. It didn't make sense to me after
(10:21):
I went through the lesson. And So what I tried to do is at
least save people that painful part of the process so you don't
have to experience it yourself. Take it from me.
When things get hectic and busy,you have to constantly
reevaluate your life and look back in the moment and see if
the decisions you're making are ones that you're going to value
(10:41):
when you get older. And it goes for so much stuff.
But you know my own personal opinion.
Don't let some of those momentous things in life pass
you by, because. Once they're gone, they're gone.
And sometimes you don't get a second chance to redo them.
Sometimes you can let things go so far out of whack that the
damage has been done and you can't go back on them.
So I try to identify it ahead oftime, you know, as a real
(11:02):
hustler, real leader, real go getter, somebody who values what
they can get done, but then alsovalues all these things on the
other side as well. And I think the real leaders out
there will share the same thing with you.
People who are, you know, reallyself aware of everything they do
in their own lives. You need to really make sure
(11:23):
that you're paying attention to what it is that really makes you
happy. Because eventually you're going
to take a stock of your life, whether that's on your deathbed
or maybe hopefully but way before your deathbed.
But you'll take stock and look back, and you just don't want to
look back in those areas with regret.
You know, family is a big, big important thing to me.
(11:45):
So I make sure that I look at myfamily 1st and that's what's
important to me. If The thing is with other
people, if career is big for you, then you go get it.
Like if that's your thing, you go ahead and dedicate yourself
to your career. There's nothing wrong with that.
Just a lot of people out there who are in the midst of careers
and building a life and everything.
(12:05):
They have their family. And often times they will put
their family on the back burner.And just I'm here to say just my
public service announcement, that was one thing that I did
have as a regret for a certain time period and it's not one
that I would ever make again. Family is very important to me.
I mean, you guys can get that from from how much I ramble on
about it. I didn't have the traditional
family when I was a kid. And you know, and on top of that
(12:26):
and my adult life, I made mistakes where I came pretty
close to losing what I have as afamily unit.
So you know that would have. Definitely impacted how my life
has ended up to this day becauseit was a dream that I had from
the time as I was a kid to have a family like the one we have
made now. So take it from me, make, make
make your life and yourself awareness a priority because for
(12:50):
some crazy reason it takes something like losing something
or getting to the near point of losing something for us to
almost realize its value. I mean, even with life in
general, I guess I had to. Come to the brink of a life
threatening disease for me to actually take stock and become
more self aware of me, my life, my actions and everything.
(13:11):
And I just tell you the the whole purpose of me wanting to
do this podcast is just to make sure I got the message out there
so that you didn't have to have one of those drastic life
circumstances for you to pay attention to your life.
So anyways, my public service announcement for for everybody
out there. But anyways, our, our changes
that came up this summer, you know, so focused on them that,
(13:34):
you know, I made sure that I puteverything else aside, you know,
trying to cut out the outside world because I realized this is
one of those times. He's like, this is one of those
ones where you need to get focused.
You got to figure this thing out.
You've got to, you know, you'll get through whatever it is and
you're going to be able to focuson it all and process it a hell
of a lot quicker. Because I was basically losing
(13:55):
one of my favorite pieces of my life, one of the most favorite
pieces I ever had. Or at least the one of my most
favorite pieces of the current life version that I had at this
point. Because who knows how great
things are going to get in the future, you know?
But anyways, you know, instead of prolonging that process and
stretching it out like we tend to do and giving the resistance
(14:16):
to it, I made sure that. You know it didn't do take the
root of like running on a sprained ankle.
You know you'll you'll go and nurse an injury forever, and it
just keeps getting worse and worse and worse until you're
stopped dead in your tracks and you have to take a break to let
whatever it is heal. And then you know that whole
time you were in 1/2 capacity because you couldn't even run
(14:37):
the pace that you normally wanted to run.
Then you're injured anyways and you have to take an even longer
break to recover. But if you would have just
stopped when the pain started, treated it and been better, the
whole process was done and over with quicker instead of limping
all the way through it. And I felt like if like I have
in the past, if I would have taken that route.
This thing was going to be so much more painful and dragged on
so much longer. And the summertime is really
(15:00):
when I just I I get to cut loose.
I enjoy myself. I love the warm weather.
I'm out there in the sun and andhaving adventures all the time,
so I didn't want to wreck. What's a very limited part of
the year that you know in the midst of worlds winters we're
dreaming of this time period allyear.
I want to make sure that I was moving through this whole thing
and enjoying myself as quick as I could.
(15:20):
So made sure that when the change popped up I recognized it
and said he this is it. Put everything else aside and
and move through it. So changes is always going to be
there with us. You know, sometimes we can just
roll with it and. And process it quicker or we can
have it stop us dead in our tracks and then we have to find
(15:41):
a way to navigate. And sometimes when we navigate
around it, it just takes us longer.
And if we just powered through the whole thing and and took the
obstacle straight on, we get ourselves back on the tracks.
And you know those sticking points are far behind us and we
can just power on and keep moving forward in it all.
But yeah, changes, changes, necessary.
Change is inevitable. But through it all, life goes
(16:02):
on. And that's the subject of
today's episode. But before we get started,
before we dive in too deep, I just wanted to read a couple of
messages and reviews that I've gotten over this little mini
break that I took mid season. And I'll say everybody thank you
for the patience for these thesebreaks that we've had over the
few years. One of the great things that's
that's happened in the course ofthe past few months was that a
(16:22):
lot of loose ends have been let go to pave the way for this
podcast to get much bigger because it is getting bigger
and. If anything it's been through I
guess more more interaction and it will get keep getting bigger
through consistency and stuff and that's that's pretty much
all you can do is identify whereyou can keep moving and
advancing in life and and take those actions.
And I have identified that social media was a necessary
(16:46):
beast that I had to embrace, andI've tried to see the positive
in it rather than the negative so.
I've been a little bit more active on social media, embraced
it a little bit. So in the absence of me doing
episodes, I have been a little more active on social media.
It's got as good as bad quality.So I'm trying to focus on the
good one. You know, it's everything's got
it's good and it's bad. You can drink too much water and
literally die from it and it's anecessary lifeblood at the same
(17:09):
time for every human being on the planet.
So just like social media, and you know, it's not absolutely
necessary, but it's there. So I'm embracing that beast.
But see, if you're not followingus on on all the socials around
Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, LinkedIn, Rumble,
pretty much like everywhere and every single place you can find
podcasts. We are now on iHeartRadio,
(17:30):
Pandora, and Apple Music, some of the big hitters, so check us
out wherever and wherever you'relistening.
Leave us the comments. The reviews Apple Podcast is one
of the best places you can leaveone of these reviews.
We see those ones very often in about 80% of our listeners.
Come from Apple Podcasts. So it is the best place to leave
us a review. And you know, with three million
(17:51):
podcasts out there in the world,it's really, really tough to
stand out, especially if you're not some sort of a celebrity or
have a big thing going for you already.
You're starting from the bottom and you're working your way up.
And we're lucky to be in the top3% in the world.
It's crazy, some of our statistics so.
Thank you all for helping us getthere because it's through your
(18:11):
listenership and sharing and spreading the word about this is
that gets it in front of other people.
So please continue to do it. This particular review I'm going
to read here, this one is from someone calling themselves KJ
Traveling 99 and this was a 5 star review titled
Transformational and it says I really appreciate heats,
readings and insight related to Eckhart, Tolle and the power of
(18:34):
Now. I'm not usually a fan of audio
books, but I found the readings to be super helpful and
enlightening. Thank you Heath and Eckert for
your gifts, for sharing your gifts.
So yeah, thank you. I really appreciate the review.
And yeah, those early episodes with the power of now, those
always seem to resonate with people.
The they get more plays even nowthan some of the more recent
(18:56):
episodes People listen, Must re listen to those over and over
again. But it's an amazing book.
And it was what really helped break us out in front of the
first few 1000 listeners that wegot.
It was a great piece of exposureon top of it being a really
great learning lesson for not only everybody but me as well.
I'd read that book long, long ago before I, you know,
(19:16):
understood it a little bit, but nowhere near what I understood
it when I read it again on the show in the first season.
So it was, it was awesome. I mean the power of now.
Hands Down is one of the most transformational books on
improving your life that I've ever come across, and I feel
like it's one of the best ones that you can dive into,
especially if you're just starting to dip your toes into
(19:37):
this kind of subject matter. Is probably the most perfect
book because it teaches you how to be in the present moment.
And I feel like that's where ourlife is.
I mean the future is is unwritten in, the past is.
Is gone. You can't change in the only
moment you can actually change. Anything about your life is in
the current one in that book. That's its main message.
(19:57):
And it just gives you so many pieces of information on how to
really embrace that power of now.
So again, KJ, traveling 99, thank you so much for that
review. Yeah.
And I'm actually going to read. I'm going to read one more.
This one's actually a series of messages that I received.
It wasn't actually review. This one's actually a young man
on Instagram that. I don't even know if he wanted
(20:19):
me to read this, but I'm going to read it anyway because it was
a great message that he sent me that really lame that my day let
me find it here. Yeah, I'm going to throw him a
shout just because it was something that was completely
random but totally was a was a great, was a great piece of of
motivation for me. So it just happened to be doing
(20:42):
this helping out with an environmental issue at a nearby
town and this crew of kids from Northfield, Mount Hermon private
School located right in the edgeof my town, Northfield and next
town over Gill, they just happened to be jogging through.
I think there were some athletesfrom like track or soccer just
super fit young men just runningthrough and one of them came
across my car had the Audi sitting in the parking lot with
(21:03):
the LTL plates and the the graphic on the back that says
Live this life podcast. And I heard the kids stop and
say, hey we got to check out this podcast man when we get
home. So later on that day I get this
message from a young man naming himself calling himself on.
I don't know if it's actually his real name on Instagram but
Avon Brownson, at least that's what his Instagram handle says
and he wrote just listen to yourpodcast, Absolute fire just saw
(21:26):
you at the elementary school hadto check it out put a bunch of
fire emojis on there and then hesent another couple message.
Super Heat and my new Joe Rogan.So yeah, thanks man.
Super flattering, appreciate it.You know, it's cool to hear,
especially younger demographic. I mean I know we get listeners
from all over the world of all age groups, so it's cool to
getting feedback from anybody. So yeah, Abram, totally
(21:48):
appreciate it and thank you. Hope to be on the level of Joe
Rogan someday. But you know, the only way we're
going to get there is from continued listeners and people
sharing the show with family andfriends.
It helps us get out there in theears and minds of that many more
people. So please keep it up.
And to all of those who are in the local area of Gil
Northfield, burns in that whole area, the show is featured now
(22:10):
on B&CTV on local cable. So checking out the video
version is there and available. Every episode is in video, and
it's also available within a dayor two of the audio episode on
YouTube and rumble. And if you're listening on
Spotify, there's the option to listen to it through video on
there as well. You can play right through the
Spotify app. Sometimes the phones default
(22:31):
into audio only, but you can figure it out if you tinker
around enough. So, all right, that's enough of
that. One quick message and we'll jump
in today's episode. There's a lot of talk about the
cost of eating healthy, but it'sfar less expensive when
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All one word. And get 15% off of your
purchase. All right, so I was originally
going to title this episode. Change is inevitable.
But as my vacation progressed tothis really old song, one that I
don't particularly care for thatmuch called Life Goes On.
Follow me to a couple of places.This one right here, I I don't
(24:26):
particularly like the song and nevertheless it came up randomly
and I think that's why it got myattention so much because I'm
like this song. It just, it's just been one of
those ones that you hear throughout your life and you
just kind of, you know, change channels quick as you possibly
can. Sorry for anybody who likes that
song, but I never really cared for it too much until now.
Like it definitely has its meaning to me now, but it came
up in like like 2 times within aday or two of going through the
(24:52):
beginnings of of what started off as a really rough change
that I was facing. Namely, I was getting all
nostalgic about how much our vacations have changed over the
years and and the time that we got to spend as a family has
definitely changed. And this song popped up just
randomly and then we went to a concert.
I think it was like on on in a store that we went to and then
(25:14):
just popped up somewhere else just randomly within a few
hours. And then the next day we went to
a live concert, just some low key thing that was down at the
edge of Hyannis Bay and and CapeCod at Aselton Park.
And the first song the band played was that song And I like,
I look at my wife and she's likewhat the hell And I'm like yeah
okay universe. I'm listening like I I know I'm
a little thick skull and it tookthree times for me to get this
(25:36):
message through. But I guess now I need to double
down and just focus on message of life goes on and basically it
was the change was nothing major, you know, it's not like
one of those big life calamitiesof losing a person.
I know there's way worse things going on in this world than what
I'm going to talk about. So I totally recognize that my
quote, UN quote tough time was coming from a very privileged
(25:58):
perspective of privileged place that I happen to be in my life.
I definitely had my fair share of being through the shit.
So if this is the worst thing I got to go through lately, then
I'm totally grateful for it being the worst.
Nevertheless, it was the thing that was getting my attention
the most. But my son, you know, he just
turned 16 years old, just didn'twant to come with us on one of
our trips this year. We'd already been there a couple
times and that was a tough one because throughout parenthood of
(26:23):
the last 16 years and then through some of my toughest
times, I was able to rely on going out to Cape Cod for a few
weeks of summer. And it's been increasing over
the years. I mean, we've up to like 5 weeks
at one point in the last few years and I was able to get that
that getaway time with my wife and my son.
And I just have all that awesometime to just spend with each
(26:44):
other. Just going out to eat and
hanging out the resorts and justgoing to see live music and
shows, go to the beach and the arcade and the mini golf.
Just everything that the Cape has to offer.
Just all the the beautiful sights and the sounds and the
smells and just all that super fun family time where we don't
get that throughout the year. We'll get little dedicated
trips, but there's no other timewhere I get that.
(27:05):
Just that undivided time with myfamily.
And here I was, that was at thattime of the year to get my soul
recharge, just what I look forward to all year long.
Like, man, we start down the ticker.
Sometimes we put an app on the phone.
It says you got 23 days left. And this time it wasn't, it
wasn't happening, you know? And the first couple trips we
went, it was crappy and rainy. This summer's been awful for
weather and we ended up me and my son separately.
(27:28):
Both had stomach bugs on the second trip.
So we're hoping like, oh, let's hope the third trip is good.
And here we are, we're there. And he didn't want to go.
You want to stay home, stay withhis grandparents and see his
friends and his girlfriend stuff.
So where was I? Where was I now?
I was kind of like left there inthe beginning phases of driving
down there. It's like a three hour ride and
it was just kind of depressing to not have him there in the
(27:51):
back seat. Like, I always take corny videos
whenever we go to leave. And I'm like, hey, got trip
number one, number two, number three whenever we go.
And not knowing what I'm going to do with him someday.
But here I was for the first time taking my Cape Cod trip
video in the car before we shut the door and start driving.
And he wasn't in the car. And it was, it was kind of a
downer. So I was kind of like, what am
(28:14):
I, you know, How am I going to make it through the rest of the
year If this is like, the one chance I have, This is my last
chance this summer to recharge, to do everything.
And I like, I totally bank on it.
You guys like, that is my time. That is what I do to get my
energy back and it wasn't there.So, I mean, in all reality, is
(28:36):
it the worst thing to be going through?
No. Like I said before, it's it's
just the worst thing of the moment.
And it was, it was something that I've been expecting for
quite a long time, You know, I knew eventually childhood was
going to end and it's a necessary phase.
A lot of parent, I've heard a lot of people I very much
respect talk about this and theysaid it was going to be over in
(28:57):
a blink of an eye. So be there and be present.
And I've been present through everything.
I mean, I've coached his teams. I have given up jobs to not have
it take away from family time and stuff like that.
And I'm glad I made all the decisions I did.
But all the parents that warned me years ago don't blink because
it goes by before you know it and he's our only kid.
I mean, we did childhood. My my abilities to have children
(29:19):
was taken away with the second cancer, so we had one chance to
get it right, and I want to makesure that you don't.
I did everything right in his childhood and was able to take
him so many places and have those enjoyable experiences that
I didn't get to have and break generational curses and
everything and all that. All that great stuff you hope to
do for your kids when you're very selfaware and you're
(29:40):
present in in parenthood. So yeah, I I'm left there with
the most important thing to me. No longer there anymore.
The most important thing in my life is just having three of us
together and things are shiftingand changing.
So here I am having to figure out how things are all going to
shift and change and be better. I still, it was kind of having a
(30:03):
tough time too. I'm like, man, did I fail as a
parent? Like, why is he not wanting to
be at this great place and be onvacation?
Like if we spoiled him too much?Like, I I can't understand that
one. You know, why wouldn't you want
to be in Cape Cod on vacation versus hanging around Franklin
County, Massachusetts? But you know, either way, it
was, it was his decision and here we were, you know, and the
(30:26):
11 important thing too, is that I want to say for the people who
out there who don't have the opportunity to go on these
vacations and that kind of stuff, don't want to make those
people feel bad either. There's things that you can
always figure out to do that will fill your soul up and still
it gives your kids great experiences.
So don't don't feel like an accuracy where I'm sitting here
(30:48):
Boo hooing about this. You know, a very expensive way
of enjoying family time, those times that you can take to spend
it with your kids. They don't care what you do or
where you go. They don't care what titles you
have. They don't care how much money
you make. They just care about the time
they get to spend with you. So I mean, even if you're taking
them fishing, even if you take them to a lake that cost you $5
(31:09):
to get in and park, they're justgoing to remember the times you
get to spend with them. They don't really remember the
money you make. And let's be realistic, I know
that going to Cape Cod is, you know, a bit more enjoyable for
most people than it would be to stick around where you normally
live. But what I'm saying is, is that
you can still have those experiences and they'll never
forget. I remember some of the simplest
(31:30):
things that I did with my dad asa kid in a snowstorm.
We went out and started a fire in a in a in a Blizzard and we
started a fire and we cooked a little game hen and he just
wanted me to have that experience and sat in the back
of the tailgate of his pickup truck.
And I remember it to this day. It was a great experience.
So those little things matter a lot to your kids and I feel like
men get a lot really out of touch.
I'll speak from a man's perspective.
(31:51):
I feel like men get really far into that providership and they
let those family times go to thewayside and they just keep
putting them off and putting them off because work is there.
Work's always going to be there and you're never going to make
enough money, so take that time out.
Another public service announcement for you guys.
I feel like women, you know, I don't see it happen as much with
them, at least in my experience.I feel like they're a little bit
(32:13):
more in touch with with men. I don't care how sexist that
sounds but I feel like a little more in touch with their kids
and men just get lost in in providing and it it's a level of
missing out on things with theirkids and you know their spouses
and and everything else. So you'll never regret it losing
certain amounts of money or whatever else.
(32:34):
You'll you'll never regret making those decisions of
spending family time over spending you know making money
to spend. Although when they when they
turn 16, I will say that you sometimes question some of your
decisions. You know did I, did I did I make
the right decisions by, you knowgiving up all this stuff for a
kid who only needs me for rides and you know did I make all
those sacrifices? Yeah.
Like the sacrifices are always worth it.
(32:56):
You know, the the times that youspend with him or something
you'll never regret. But yeah, here I was, I was at
the place where I wanted to makethat recharge, and I was at the
place to do it. And it wasn't happening the way
that I had done it in the past. And I guess the flaw in that
frame of thinking was that I should have not really had the
(33:19):
mindset if I needed to be somewhere to make it through.
And I've been through that in the past.
It's not a bad thing to to have like a dedicated time where
you're going to have your break and you know, I'm going to grind
up until this point and then I'mgoing to take a break.
Those things I can understand. But I was relying solely on
being able to make it, you know,quote UN quote, maybe being able
to make it through my life if I just got this other thing.
(33:42):
And I had done that before and it didn't work out so good, you
know, and it just I think that kind of also exposed a little
bit of weakness in me my, my evolution that I need to still
get through. You know, the the fact that I am
no master. I am still just a very advanced
novice at best with this entire thing.
And I think that exposed me so much that I still have a lot
more growing and evolving to do that.
(34:04):
I I put all my eggs in this one place and then when it came, it
wasn't there. So, you know, you have to just
be good with life no matter what.
And I have to rely on certain vices to get you through.
And this was a a lesson for me and that, you know, I don't care
how much you've been through or how many lessons you think
you've learned, the universe wasalways going to test you.
And it's going to make you retake the test over and over to
(34:26):
make sure it's going to give youa pop quiz and check you to see
if you're going to fail or not. And it will humble your ass
right to your knees whenever it needs to.
And it sure did for me, you know.
And an important part of that isthat when it knocks you your
knees, you become more conscious, you get back up again
and be more of a humble person who is aware of the lesson you
were supposed to learn in the process of that also.
(34:47):
Yeah, here we were, just the twoof us, just me and my wife,
because, you know, the trio is was was not going back there at
this time. And I have to say to start off
the vacation, it was a little bit of a bummer, but it quickly
had its shifts and changes because I immersed myself in it
as I was kicking rocks down the road the whole way and sad about
(35:08):
it. But then I'm like, you know
what? I need to look at every single
thing that could be good and what is enjoyable instead of
what's missing, and roll with itand enjoy it all and just really
appreciate every single good thing that did come up.
So the very first night we were there was a Saturday night and
we went to this concert. It was called Bands for Badges.
(35:31):
Shout Out to Them, Great organization.
It was a concert. Whole concert venue put on the
whole afternoon at the Falmouth Fairgrounds in Cape Cod for
police, fire and EMS personnel who become disabled through
either physical or mental disability, which is near and
dear to my heart from somebody who's definitely had his share
of things that happen on the job.
(35:51):
So the crazy part was in this crazy synchronicity was in the
last few months the band Creed has been popping back up for me,
and I know some people cringe atthem, but I absolutely love
these guys. I love them back in the day and
I'm starting to love them all over again.
Their music has a deeper meaningto me now than it ever did and a
lot of people pick on them for being religious.
(36:11):
And I'm listening to and I'm like, hey, maybe he'll throw the
word got into a song every once in a while.
But by far, is it not like Christian music at all, Very
spiritual, very deep. And my wife's just looking at
the calendar of things to do. And Cree's actually getting back
together next year on a Summer 99 cruise is what it's called.
And they're the headliners for. They haven't played yet since
(36:32):
like 2014. Cuz Scott Staff, the lead singer
went through some rough stuff. He was he was quite a mess for a
while but the guy has leveled himself out and it was like
totally inspirational. And there he is.
He was playing the first night we got there at this concert,
bands for badges. So not only is it a guy that I
wanted to see, but the cruise was sold out in a day and my
wife finds it and we go and we do this, we do this amazing
(36:55):
concert and it blew me away. I did a really long video on on
TikTok and I think I posted on my other social, so check it
out. But it was a totally, massively
uplifting concert. Just never had a concert strike
me like that one before. And seeing this guy who the last
time I saw him like we're everybody kind of thought that
he was going to be one of those rockers that just didn't make it
(37:18):
and the guy is clean himself up and it was totally
inspirational. I love those comeback stories.
You know everybody's hating on somebody and they just come back
to in just surprise everybody with a complete transformation.
I know I've done that in a in a sense myself, so I'm I've so
much respect for anybody who cando that in themselves at all.
So big shout out to them. An amazing show.
(37:39):
Giannis Papadopoulos was the lead guitarist.
We actually went and saw him again and actually got to meet
Giannis real quick and got a guitar pick from him and stuff
and just probably one of, if notthe best live show I've seen in
my life. Both times we went and saw those
guys. So yeah, that's how my, my
vacation started out. So I feel like the alignment of
(38:00):
that entire thing, the entire situation snapped me out of my
funk. It was a good sort of like
shaking, you know, they always say you got to change your state
when you're in a certain funk inyour life, you you can go and do
an ice bath. For me, I boxing always got me
out of that change of state because it's hard to focus on
depression and anything else badthat's going on when you're
trying to avoid getting punched in the face.
(38:21):
So that would change my state immediately.
So this was like a minor versionof that.
It changed my state because it got my mind off of whatever it
was that I was getting myself into a funk on and allowed me to
be present a lot better. So there we were.
We started off our first night of the vacation and from there
we basically just got the honeymoon that we never got.
(38:43):
You know, we got married at 24 years old and I got sick on our
honeymoon. So, you know, it was anything
but a honeymoon. And shortly after that we had
our son, I want to say like a year and a half to within two
years. So I had my son and then right
after he was born, I think it was like a month or something.
Or it was, it might have been right before he was born.
(39:03):
Now it was. It was actually a month before
he was born. Then I went through the first
case of cancer and then it came back again a few years later.
And then just life started hitting us with one twos and we
just never got the chance to really just have the time
between us, you know, to be honest, it was just never just
her. And I again after that and
before my my kid was born, we actually went to the Cape Cod
(39:24):
together on a couple of trips and and really enjoying
ourselves and being able to go back there, just the two of us
with no distractions, just just her.
And I was basically, I felt likethe bookmark had gotten taken
out of the book, right? Like we had to put the bookmark
in after that, that last trip before we got married, when we
(39:44):
were at the Cape. And it was like all these things
happened and I was able to take the bookmark out and there we
were. It was like still two young kids
who were just very much in love and with each other and enjoy
each other's company. And there we were, we were right
back to that spot. And it was, it was an amazing
experience, you know, It was a whole new sense of charging my
batteries. Like I won't have those little
(40:07):
kid family times again. Maybe not until I'm a
grandparent way down the road from now, but I'm able to have.
Those recharge, that recharge ofmy batteries in that place,
which is great because I love itthere and we're likely going to
move there in a short few years.But I was able to have that
experience in a whole new way and light my batteries up and in
a whole new way. So yeah, it was wild.
(40:29):
It was wild because I've had years, kind of like the way this
year started off when I went on vacation.
I've had years like that, like this transition year in 2017
when I went down there and I wasleaving law enforcement, or at
least trying to, it was a reallyrough year.
It was like that discoordinate thing that we always talk about
in cymatics, where you go from this one pattern and they shift
the octave up and everything goes crazy and it snaps into a
(40:51):
more ornate pattern as your octaves level up.
And I feel like life is sort of representative of that.
And 2017, I feel like it was that process, like my life was
leveling up and I went through this chaos and I was just full
of anxiety going into 2017. And I was just like, man, just
just get me to the Cape and I'llbe fine.
And once I get down there, I canget this reprieve and I can get
(41:13):
my meditation time on the beach and I can do all this stuff that
helps level me out. And then once we got down there
on one of our trips, it took me two or three days just to chill
and not have my heart racing. And then I was wound up about
missing two or three days of thetrip, and then I was wound up
with the fact that we're going home in three days.
It was like there was no reprieve because I was not in
(41:35):
the moment at all while I was there.
I was looking backward, mad thatI missed three days already from
being anxious and that we were looking at the future because I
already looking at the day we were leaving and it's still 3
days out and it just made no sense to me.
And I made that vacation worse by my actions and my thoughts.
So, you know, mixed in with things of taking calls while I
(41:56):
was on vacation and stuff like that too.
That self-righteous thing where I got to keep the ball rolling.
And you know, I've see guys in do this all the time.
They step out of restaurants while we're down there and
they're having these intense phone calls outside.
It's like, man, I I don't know how much that shit can wait, but
I'll tell you right now, whatever it is in my life, that
shit can wait. If something's burning down,
call fire department. I'll get the dustpan, help you
(42:16):
guys clean up. When I get home, it's like,
that's that's where it is. I'm lucky enough to have that
perspective. I know it's not that way for
everybody. But so here I was.
I'm on vacation and you know, I I was able to settle down a
little bit and appreciate thingsjust a little bit more and have
my, my mornings, you know, just after dawn and and I'm on the
beach with my coffee and just sitting in the waves and just
(42:40):
able to journal stuff and time to think.
And I can just get these momentsof clarity and breakthroughs
when I'm there. And in the past, like I said,
I've been so worked up that wasn't even good enough.
And this time I managed to get afew breakthroughs rather than
breakdowns. And you know, one of the ones I
got this year that one of those first nights or one of those
first mornings after the first night we were there was let it
(43:03):
all fall away so it can all fallinto place.
I remember and I've journaled that one right down.
I'm like, man, that's just that was such a powerful, powerful
download to get. So there I was at that's that
was actually the day I made the decision to just not do anything
else and not move the ball forward downfield for anything
(43:23):
that I had going on and just step back and and be present
with it all. And the, you know, the primary
thing that I was all wound up about my son getting older and
us losing that part of our lives.
It was something that I had no control over.
And that was one of the main things that I had to was just
lose the things. Don't try to change things you
don't have control over. Let surrender to it.
Let the process happen. So I surrendered to it and I was
(43:47):
able to clear the way for something else that was
amazingly gratifying and valuable in my life.
And it was a whole new thing that sort of took the place of
this other thing that I had. And you know, a lot of parents,
I know they go through a similarthings like that.
But the main thing was that it was something that I could not
help but change and it had to change in my life.
(44:09):
And when it did, I acknowledged it.
And you know, not giving it the attention that it needed would
have just prolonged it even further.
If I would have drove around andtry to reminisce about all the
good times that we had, that wasjust going to make it more of a
painful process. That's peeling the Band-Aid off
so slow. And I know a lot of people do
that. They're when they're going
through a grieving process, whenthey've lost a valuable person
(44:30):
or, you know, they lose a job they love, whatever it is,
they'll just reminisce forever. I've done it too.
And it just, you know, it's partof the process you have to go
through. But I just know that the quicker
you stop living backwards and you live forwards, as soon as
you're if you're fortunate enough to actually make it to
that point and you can get to a level of of grieving, acceptance
and everything at the loss of anything, it helps, it helps.
(44:52):
But everybody's processes is different.
So don't be self-conscious abouthow long it takes for you.
But yeah when you're when you'rethere in life and you're you're
holding the bag of life and it'snow empty, you know you got to
try and see what else is there. And what I found out is that
there's just always so much potential out there for you.
(45:13):
The world is abundant of whatever you can dream of.
And there's a whole bunch of things that I still have left to
enjoy in my life to put back in that bag.
So I'm losing this big, you know, I got this big huge thing
that was taken out of my bag, but there's so many other things
that I have the chance to fill them up and and that's what I
have to look for is the chance to fill that bag back up.
(45:33):
And that was the road that I chose to take.
It was what I used to alchemize what was going on in the
situation. And I chose Joy and I chose to
enjoy myself. And I chose to take my wife out
to some bars that we weren't able to go to in all those
years. Places that we looked at and
said, hey, someday we're going to go.
Well, that someday was this year.
And it was fantastic. We were able to stay out late.
(45:53):
We were able to just focus on each other and I was able to
focus on her. And I have to say, it was, it
was a very rewarding experience.It was something that we just
haven't been able to experience in a really long time.
So yeah, the seasons of change, just they come upon us, You
know, it's a cycle that we have to get used to and be ready for
it. You know, up here in New
England, we're ready for all those seasons of change.
(46:15):
You know, the summers are hot and humid and nasty, and when
the falls come, it's gorgeous, the leaves change and it's
beautiful. And then our winters are here
and they're nasty and they seem to last forever.
But you know, there's always something to enjoy in in every
one of those seasons that we have in our life.
So, you know, instead of when winter comes to sitting there
bitching about how awful it is, you can look for things to
(46:37):
enjoy. And even in those roughest
moments in our lives, we can look at what we're missing or we
can look at what is now. There is a potential for us to
still continue to enjoy in our life.
And I found out through my experiences that living
backwards isn't where life is, You know, it's it's not in the
past. And I think most of us, I think
(46:57):
most of us at a certain any place in our life actually, I
think in the in the present moment we would love to go back
to a place in our life and drop everything we've got going on
for us right now and go back there.
We could probably say there is apoint in the past that was much
better than really anything we're living through now, but
that's not possible. And to think about that too much
(47:19):
is almost a level of it's unhealthy to a certain level,
but for most of us, that place in our lives, it passed.
It was a whole different way of life.
So to try to move backwards and relive those things, they never
seem to measure up. It's never quite the way that it
was. And if we get nostalgic and we
(47:39):
try and circumvent the change process and try and live
backwards, it almost leaves a bitter taste in our mouth
because it's never as good as the original times we're trying
to relive. So from my perspective, that's
that's where I've ended up. When I've tried to live
backwards a little bit in this time, I was choosing not to.
You know, as hard as we wish we could go back, you know, we can
try and leave the relive those times with new people.
(48:02):
You know, if we say you had a relationship and you go to the
same places you went in a previous relationship, it's
it's, I can't imagine that's a healthy circumstance.
You know, you can drive and walkthe walk and go through the
motions, but ultimately it's never going to be the same.
And you know, it's time to move on on certain situations.
And the thing I discovered aboutlife is that that huge buffet
table is just waiting for us. And if you clear your plate, you
(48:25):
know you can't take on more until you do clear your plate.
And once you do, you're able to go back up to that buffet table
of life and keep filling it up with things that are going to be
amazing and memorable in their own right.
So, you know, from from my perspective, we to a certain
extent dishonor what's left of our lives by not taking the
(48:46):
opportunity to clear our plate sometimes and make room for what
else could be out there for us. And that that I think prevents
us from enjoying a lot about ourlives.
And you know, if we can sit there and think about what it
is, we can move on and experience new stuff.
It just becomes a more gratifying version of life.
(49:06):
And you can sometimes let your life stagnate a little bit I
think and try and swim against the current of change and tire
yourself out. Not clear out that plate but you
can also ride with the current and use that momentum to steer
you to a place that you never expected to end up to.
But if you don't clear that plate you never going to have
(49:27):
that opportunity. I'm using two different
metaphors in the same sort of concept here a little rusty on
the mic and a little bit overtired too.
It's things have things have jumped right back into the busy
seasons just soon as soon as coming home from vacation.
But either way you guys get the message I'm trying to share.
You know, and the last thing I'll leave you with is that this
trip totally was not planned in any way when at least I was
(49:51):
heading into it, that it was going to rekindle a fire that
had, you know, not gone out but definitely died down over the
years of of life. And the last minute curveball of
us being -1 was the best thing. I think that was that could have
possibly happened at that time. So, you know, knowing that I I
(50:11):
basically could either not enjoymyself at all or have the
opportunity to figure out what else I was going to enjoy.
I'm glad I took the other route because what was there was an
amazing experience. And if you're like me, you be
you, you you are resistant to change.
I'm totally resistant to change.I am someone who doesn't like
(50:33):
change. I love stability.
I love predictability, but on the other side the you got to
sort of start to learn to embrace change and sort of, I
guess anticipate and enjoy the instability at certain times
too, because what comes out on the other side could be good.
And like with the situation, I didn't want things to change.
And I think if I could even turnback time to go back to the
(50:55):
beginning of the vacation, it would have been hard to predict
how great I was going to feel once I got back.
But this is a great example for me.
To always trust the process of life, and usually what can come
out of certain situations is going to be a better version of
whatever life was beforehand. So you never know.
Life's life is just it unfolds in ways that we can never plan.
(51:19):
Our best laid plans are no matchfor what's meant to happen for
us in the river of life. Life is always going to just be
life, whether it's good or bad. And your job is to just keep on
living it no matter what. And, you know, preparing for
those seasons of change and, youknow, knowing that it's one of
those times where you need to participate in that change to
(51:42):
sort of help the entire process rather than avoiding it, is the
best way that you can prepare yourself for all of it.
Participation. Yeah.
And on that note, I'm going to leave you.
Well, I'm not going to leave you.
I'm going to play a little inspiring clip from my man Steve
Harvey. He always has some inspiring
stuff to say and shares areas ofgrowth with people and, you
(52:05):
know, basically tells people in these little bits before he goes
on with the shows that he has, does these inspiring things.
And this is this is one of them.And in this clip, he talks about
how we can participate and acknowledge the change in our
lives. And he talks about how viewing
changes in life and actively participating in them helps out
the entire process. Prepare for.
(52:25):
What's coming? Here's the deal.
Change is inevitable. So here's what's going to
happen. No matter what's going on in
your life is not permanent. Everything is going to change.
So there's two things you can dowith change.
You can react to it, or you can participate in it.
It's going to change anyway. So if you keep waiting around,
(52:48):
you're going to have to react tothe change and now you you
behind. But if you participate in the
change, if you know the job you have is not going to last
forever, I'm just telling you your best laid plans has
changed. So what you got to start doing
is you got to start anticipatingthat it's going to change and
(53:10):
just start living your life withthe preparation for change.
No matter what you're doing, youcould be doing more.
Remember that it's 24 hours in aday.
You got to use as many of those hours to prepare stability for
yourself as you can react to it or you can participate in it.
You have to start anticipating that it's going to change and be
(53:33):
ready to immerse yourself in it when it does and not give
resistance to it is amazing wordSteve Hope to meet that guy
someday. He's absolutely inspiring, dude.
And I guess one last concept that I'll leave you with as
well, and it's something to ponder on this entire subject.
And I did not come up with this at all.
I've heard in many different ways, but something to the
(53:53):
effect of we don't listen to a song just to hear the ending.
And you know, we don't dance thedance just to get to the end of
the dance. We have those experiences, to
have those experiences. So we need to Just Dance the
dance. And when it's over, be grateful
that you had the dance at all and wait for the next one.
(54:14):
There's no sense in trying to rush through the dance just to
get to the end. And it's the same thing about
life. There's no sense of being sad
about when the dance is over as well.
So be grateful for the chance tohave had the dance at all.
And I'm grateful for the chance to have the time that I've had
in parenthood and everything, because it was fantastic.
And it's not over just it is in the sense of what I used to know
(54:37):
it to be. And I have to say that
throughout the the last 22 yearsand the, you know, the future
that I have in front of me, thatI've had the greatest dance
partner anybody could ask for, you know, 22 years in.
And all it took was a little getaway together to remind me
that I had an amazing dance partner.
When we took our first vacation there together, it was just the
two of us. And I'm glad to know that now
(54:57):
the bookmark is out and we were able to do those things again.
It's just as amazing, if not better than it was before.
Having my soul mate there to do it with is just an amazing
feeling to have. So yeah, there's my cheesy segue
into the song that I'm going to leave you guys with.
This one is called Soul Mate by Jay Malik.
And if you're an expert on inspiration, have amazing
(55:19):
revelations about our reality, or have a story to tell about
how you manifested your best life, we want to hear from you.
You can reach us at connect@livethislife.org or you
can schedule a time to talk to me about an episode concept
through the show's county page, my calendly.com/live This Life,
and currently for the fall of 2023.
(55:41):
I have some openings for those looking to have one-on-one calls
with me and to livethislife.org to the one-on-one consulting
page. For more information and be sure
to follow along with us on all the socials and give this video
a like a comment review. And please feel free to forward
the show to those who you think would resonate with its message.
(56:04):
Thanks for listening. We'll see you next time
(57:04):
Play song.
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