October 25, 2023 • 66 mins
In this episode, Heath and Alexis dive into the 9 Enneagram Architypes. This subject is one that Alexis is quite the expert on (although she still considers herself to be a beginner). She helps open up the world of the different personality architypes and how each type is unique in the way it interacts with the world.
The inner dialogues of each different enneagram are what make us unique (at the same time as being typecast). We learn from this modality how we interact with other people, and how they interact with us- which ultimately leads to a better understanding of the complex organism that we as humans inherently are.
If you want to reach Alexis to dive into this deeper:
Take the FREE Enneagram Architype test HERE:
https://www.truity.com/test/enneagram-personality-test
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:23):
When you change the way you lookat things, the things you look
at change, change. What exists?
Reality itself is gorgeous. It is the plenum, the fullness
of total joy. The universe is a celebration
(00:45):
this. Is power show to celebrate that
existence is while we, for thoseof us seeking a life of meaning
and purpose, capturing fulfillment in every moment of
now, seeking the truth of our reality so we can live this life
to its fullest. This is the Live This Life
(01:08):
podcast. I'm your host.
Keep comings. And I'm your cohost for the day.
Alexis Mcfilling, We're here to inspire you to ask yourself the
question every single day. Are you living or are you
feeling time? What's going on?
Everybody, welcome back to another episode and I finally
(01:31):
have my awesome cohost back withme.
Alexis, what's been going on? I feel like it is literally been
forever. It has been forever.
What the heck, man? Busy summer.
No. I just think that you're just
you know working with other people and a little
disappointed. I have I have not.
I have been working on myself actually.
That was I just the episode thatwe just put out was like me
(01:53):
detailing that this whole summerhas been literally nothing but
me. Just kind of diving into some
stuff I was moving through with changes in family and how I got
to approach life a little bit and coming to some realizations
that the the the thing that I kind of had that was my ultimate
happiness with the time with thefamily and stuff.
Kids getting older and hanging out with parents is in this
school. So it's like we had to
(02:15):
reconfigure it all. And it was like one of those I
think took a turning point in life where I had it like dive in
and sink into it like really deep.
And I, you know there's a go getter part of me that I had to
silence a little bit and just belike dude, just just focus on
this one a little bit and then you can get back on the highway
and put the pedal down South. What do you been up to?
Just so hard for you. It is.
It was. What was your summer like?
(02:36):
Oh, so fun. Well, I just got back from New
Mexico. My boyfriend's grandma just
turned 90s, so we all just came in from all over the States, and
we surprised her for her birthday.
It was so sweet. And I was expecting New Mexico
to be super lame. We went to Albuquerque.
It's it's actually beautiful. It's gorgeous.
Yeah. So it was really nice.
(02:57):
What else? Yeah.
What else have I been doing? Feel like I went somewhere else
to oh Oh my gosh. Okay.
So my birthday is August 19th. For my 32nd birthday, I was
supposed to go to Nashville withmy boyfriend, Chase.
We I check in the night before Ibuy our seats.
I buy our bags because we went through Frontier and we showed
(03:21):
up at the airport and I'm like, you know what's weird?
Like I never got our boarding passes.
And he's like, that's weird. But I was like, well, I have the
confirmation number. We can just go up to the ticket,
you know, booth or whatever, andget her boarding passes.
We show up. The lady basically is like,
sorry, we have a new policy thatif you don't show up 60 minutes
prior with your boarding pass, you you're not allowed to get on
the flight. No way.
(03:41):
Fuck Frontier. I'm saying it now.
Oh my God. They turned us away and I was
like, I checked in. What are you talking about?
And she's like, no, you didn't. Doesn't show that you checked
in. Look at my voice.
I'm getting ramped up. I'm very good.
My God, I couldn't imagine planning a whole trip in the
Wow. And she basically just said to
(04:02):
us, don't even verbatim, don't even try to get a refund.
You probably won't get it. Wow.
So we waited for three hours. This chick, the employees, just
kept pushing us off because I was like, I'll wait for your
manager, I'll talk to them. We finally, after three hours of
fuming anger, get to talk to themanager.
I have to bicker back and forth with her.
(04:23):
She finally gives us a credit. But the way their flights work,
oh, I have to sneeze. I think I'm good.
The way that their flights work,we weren't able to go to
Nashville until. The following Sunday, only
Friday and Sunday. So we're like, well, we can't go
to Nashville. So we're like, let's go towards
the hurricane in California. So yeah, we went there and it
(04:48):
was nice. But we're in California, Dana
Point. Where's that near?
Yeah, I forget you're East Coast.
Yeah, San Diego. OK, cool.
You'll know San Diego. Yeah.
So it was cool, but it wasn't. I mean, I'm I'm still
disappointed that that happened.So I'm never, ever, ever going
on Frontier again. Good to know, Good to know.
(05:10):
I hadn't flown in so long. Like everywhere we go is usually
like we go by vehicle and just kind of travel all the way
around New England. There's so much stuff out here
to do. But you know that's true.
That is changing in the next fewyears.
That's part of some of the stuffthat we kind of moved through
this summer and was kind of likeokay.
We need to sort of spread our spread our wings a little bit
and start getting out and about.So we've got some, some places
(05:32):
we're going to travel to and youknow when we're going to kind of
like reserve our ability insteadof like spending everything
we've got over a series of weeksduring the summer, like kind of
reserve it toward if something pops up we can say okay, let's
go to that, let's go you know dowhatever so.
I would have. Is it where you guys are?
It sounds really cool. It is so much fun.
I got it. I got to admit, like as much as
(05:53):
I don't like the politics out here in Massachusetts and some
of the way the place is run, it's just it's absolutely
gorgeous. Like you just going to Cape Cod
is like no other ocean vacation type place.
It's just there's so much. Yeah, it is some of the most
gorgeous beaches in the world too.
So it's it's like people come from all over the place, this
tiny little peninsula, and it's just, it's amazing.
(06:15):
I mean it's. Pretty famous.
It is, Yeah. It's.
I can see why so many people go out there.
We've been going there for 20 years almost.
So it's, you know, it's in our state.
So we just kind of take it for granted.
But hearing, talking to people that are out there, it's like
it's really hard to want to go anywhere else.
But I do have, like, I love the Pacific Northwest.
Like, I want to go back out there and see the mountains and
(06:35):
you know, I want to like go and like Rockies and and just go
where there's literally nobody. Like you have no chance of
bumping into somebody on like a hiking trail or something, yeah.
I think about that probably twice a month, yeah, going off
the grid, being in nature. With.
Absolutely. Yeah.
No way of bumping in anybody. Yeah.
Be so amazing. I'm actually doing that as soon
(06:57):
as we're done and I turn the microphone off, like I we have
this mountain behind us that's just, you know, it's huge.
There's nobody bags such so steep in certain spots.
I can guarantee I'll go out there and not see anybody, but
my plan is to shut this off. It's a gorgeous day out, so I'm
going to get lost in the woods. I'm gonna go be a Mountain Lion.
I am, because there's people have been pissing me off lately
and that's kind of why That's a good.
(07:20):
It's a it's a really good it's areally good segue into what
we're going to talk about today because we're going to talk
about any grams. And for those of you who don't
know what that is, you're going to totally die.
You're gonna love diving into this stuff because it's it's
going to help you learn a lot about yourself and it will also
in turn give you a bit of insight to what other people
(07:43):
might be bringing to the table in your interactions with them.
But it's also, you know in the process, not just interaction.
It's yourself awareness when youreact to certain things in life
and stuff. And once Alexis, she's because
this is her wheelhouse, like this is the this is like her
expertise. So if you guys are listening to
this episode and you want to learn more about it, I will put,
you know obviously, you know so many different ways to get a
(08:05):
hold of Alexis. But I'm going to put links to
all sorts of stuff in the show notes and this is her.
So if you wanna dive into this and and learn a lot more about
any Grams and yourself in the process, the Alexis is the one
to dive into. Dive into this for you.
But tell us, tell us what it's about and like, why did you how
did you even get interested in like becoming I wouldn't say an
(08:28):
expert. I mean you know a lot about this
and has taught me a lot about myself.
Like, what made you get into this whole thing?
Yeah, I'll start with that. I mean, I was.
I was doing some. Coaching with this woman and she
was an ideogram coach. And I was like, I don't know
what that is, but let's do this.And so when she, I probably did
(08:48):
say that to her, Let's do this actually, when she was like, how
many sessions do you want to do?I was like, let's do this twice
a week. Let's let's get to the point
like, I want to resolve some of my inner issues.
And she's like OK7, which we'll get into.
She's like, chill out, Let's just do once a week.
But I guess that's very seven oflike, let's get to the point
solutions. So yeah, once I started learning
(09:12):
about myself from this woman, I just, I bought all the books, I
did all the research online and I was like, this is unbelievable
and this is something I feel like everybody needs to know
about. I'm that passionate.
I wrote out things because I don't want to mess up, because I
want to be able to portray this in the way that like.
Like, it's so meaningful. Oh my gosh.
And literally so. When I first started getting
(09:34):
into different personality typing systems and modalities,
which I were, I was in love with.
This is the one personality typing system that I have shown
other people and they have also become obsessed with it because
it is so deeply meaningful and different.
So with that being said, any gram.
(09:56):
Is a personality typing system made-up of nine basic types and
it basically shows us the way inwhich we interpret the worlds.
If you think about yourself as alittle kid, you know you're
learning from your parents, yourauthorities, the people around
you, your environment, society. You basically create this filter
(10:16):
to be able to understand and cope with the worlds.
And that's what I would call these fill.
This filter is the 9 basic typesand it helps us.
Understand the way we think, theway we feel, and the way we
behave. But it goes even deeper than
that, and it helps us understandthe motivation behind our
behavior. So for example, what that means
(10:39):
is like, let's say you and I, weshow up in a room and we get and
we get angry about the same exact thing.
To us, we're okay. Let's I need if they come up
with an example, let's say we walk into a room and it's a mess
and we're both like, this is a mess.
We're both so angry and we're both in agreement that this is a
(11:00):
mess. But the motivation behind why
we're angry is completely different.
I might feel trapped as A7, you might feel out of control as an
8. And that's what I mean by the
motivation behind behavior. So it gives us a really.
It just goes really deep into the psychology of like, why we
react and why we behave and why we think certain ways.
(11:22):
And I don't know, I just love it.
You can obviously see it on my freaking face.
Yeah, and and now Alexis has stopped addressing me as heat
and just started calling me OK8Ijust.
OK, it's true. That's true.
Everything you say, I'm like, Ohmy God, he's an 8.
He's an 8. My cousin who's who's basically
(11:43):
like my sister, she's, you know,typecasted me as, you know,
she's totally into astrology. So she knows she's typecast.
Me is like literally the Virgo poster child, like total.
Everything's got to be organizedand, you know, withdrawn around
people they don't know, but thenjust like explosive around
people that they actually do know and stuff like that.
But this goes even deeper. And when I I wasn't huge into
(12:05):
astrology, she brought this hugebook over one time and I'm like
sitting there and I got to that section.
I'm like flipping through the stuff about Virgos and I've
never really dove into it much. And I'm like reading this stuff
and I'm like, somebody literallywrote this section about me and
it's kind of effing creepy. Like looking through that, this
was even weirder. Like when So basically back up
(12:26):
months ago, Alexis had me take the test that I'm going to link
it in the show notes, go take it.
It's free. It takes a while, but I'll even
say that like the the answers that you put on like it'll it'll
kind of ask you the same questions but in a different way
over and over so that it doesn'tjust typecast you off of your
answer of 1 question. It kind of throws different
(12:46):
scenarios at you that are in a similar modality.
Just so that it can kind of get like the average of how you
answered that specific personality trait.
I did it and I think you, I think it was a three, maybe it
was, I think it was a three whenI first did it.
Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, I can take that test
every time and get a three. And I'm not.
Yeah. And then we dove into it that I
(13:07):
think we after we we turn the microphone off, sometimes we sit
in chaff a little bit, turn the microphone off and started to
dive into. And I think it might have been
like an episode planning sessionwhere we're going to get this
subject on. And you and I started chatting
and you were like, do you do this, do this, do this?
And I'm like, yeah, she's like, I think you're an 8.
And then I dived dope more and deeper and deeper and deeper and
it was just like literally typecast to the creepiness level
(13:30):
again, where Alexis is knowing things about the way that I
react on stuff that she should not know.
And somehow it's there. And that's what made me like
really dive into this and just aquick comparison of this to
other things that people may have heard about as far as
personality, type casting and how those interact with other
(13:51):
people. The disk model, which I'll put
up a graphic of it right now, the disk model is definitely
different. Like the the DISC, it's
basically people who are dominating is the D and then I I
think is intellectual. I'm going to totally butcher
this unless I can find the different part of it.
(14:16):
Anyways, I'll put it, I'll put it up there.
But there's the the disc model will teach you how to interact
with people, and that's its mainpurpose.
And usually they use it in the workplace.
And it gained a lot of popularity in probably the last
10 to 15 years. So that people who are like
managers in a jolly human resources would bring this whole
training. Like somebody who's a
(14:36):
specialist, bring it in and havea manager with all of their
subordinates that they're in charge of.
Take this thing and they would all learn about, you know, the
different personality types and how they interact with each
other. And if I'm a D and this person's
an I, then I need to interact with them in certain ways.
And it basically helps to try toeliminate employee to employee
(14:57):
conflict, but then also helps a manager know how to basically
interact with their staff, number one, so they don't hate
them, you know, like everybody hates their boss.
But #2, it's just for efficiency.
And so that you can make sure that the person that you were in
charge of, you're in charge of alot.
You're in charge of their workflow, but you're also in
charge of their wellbeing for a huge portion of their life that
(15:18):
people spend so much time at work and it wraps up so much of
their mentality. So to get the best out of them,
you treat them the best by knowing how they interact.
I guess that's how I would describe the disk training that
I've been through. Any gram is that on steroids.
Like it's not just, it does helpyou with interactions with
people and that's a great part of it, but it also teaches you
(15:42):
everything about yourself. So you realize your actions with
people and your life circumstances and sort of if
something pops up, likely how you're going to respond so that
you can kind of you know in a certain way you want to be true
to yourself and not condition yourself out of things that are
your superpower. Because these things will tell
you about your superpower, but it's also going to tell you
(16:03):
about your kryptonite. It's going to tell you really
what your weaknesses are that your knee jerk reaction.
Sometimes it's there and it's existing and you should be aware
of it. So you can soften it up a little
bit so that you don't have something that's going to be a
roadblock to success with peopleor the circumstances in your
life that tend to repeat and show themselves over and over
(16:24):
till you learn the lesson. So they do that justice.
Yeah, that was amazing. Cool.
That was so good. Yeah, going off like what you
said about, you know, understanding your reactions.
I was reading something about South.
I'm a Seven. I think that I've made that
clear. But I read something that.
(16:44):
I can make in my life. I have basically made people
feel like they're boring or uninteresting because as a 7 and
we'll get into that. I'm constantly on to the next
thing. I'm moving very fast.
I'm a quick like quick mind and I also like jump from experience
to experience and so a lot of people in my life and my sister
even said this. Which is really nice because it
(17:05):
shows that I've had a lot of growth in the last few years.
But we were in the pool. And she's like, wow.
She's like, you're like, really calm and just collected and
present. And I was like, thank you.
And she's like, yeah, she's like, I don't want to make you
feel bad, but, like, I used to feel like I wasn't, like, good
enough. Or like I was born to hang out
with because you were just constantly, like, on the go.
And I feel so bad, like looking back, cuz I'm like, Oh my gosh,
(17:27):
I could totally see why people would feel that way.
But that's why I love India Graham so much, because it has
helped me become calm and collected and present and and
the reason that I was jumping from experience to experience is
because I was trying to get awayfrom something.
We'll get into. I'm trying to like do this like
mystery thing, you know, just dropping hints.
It's great though, because I think for most of us we are a
(17:49):
mystery to ourselves and it's cool when there's so many
different levels of self-awareness and self
discovery, you know, you have toconsciously start it.
We always, everybody uses that whole cliche awakening process.
Makes it sound so mystical and you know someday you're going to
start floating off the frigging ground or something.
It's like, no, I wish be be awake.
Hey, who knows? It could happen.
(18:10):
The awakening process is awakening about so much stuff.
It's awakening to how the world operates and the hidden portions
of it. It's and a lot of that I feel
like was basically social conditioning to dumb us down a
lot. So we're just good solid
workers. We're, you know basically part
of a I don't want to die too much as is totally not the
subject for today. But like we're basically part of
(18:31):
a slave system still that just serves the system all the time.
And if you're more selfaware youbecome more self powerful that
therefore the powers that be areless influential on you.
And when you start to awaken to everything within you, you
become more selfaware. You stop tripping over your own
self because you know that you need to be more present.
(18:52):
Just this example that you just gave us, those little things add
to your power rather than take it away.
So we're you know? OK, see, But that's that's
honestly where I'm excited to talk, to learn more about this,
to talk to everybody about it, but incorporate more of this
into my life as well. Because the more I've awakened
(19:16):
to certain things about my life,how I react to things and what
I've done it, it causes me to stop having backslides, which
obviously the backslides don't get you to your endpoint as fast
as you'd like to. Everybody has the backslides.
No matter if they're big or small, you'll always have them.
But learning more about how you operate and how your brain
operates and this whole modalitygets you there quicker.
(19:37):
You stop having such big backslides to the point where
you can almost try to eliminate them or see the potential of
them coming at you, because the way that you you interact and
operate with the world so. 1000%and also before it cuz I want to
go into each type so but I do recommend like yeah of course
you can take the test at the endof this if you'd like but it is
(19:58):
pretty inaccurate. So I'm gonna give a link to you
for people to tour the types. It's narrative Nneagram.
They have this amazing guide andyou can tour the types.
I specifically like people to dothis so they can use their own
self-awareness to understand which type they are.
Because if you go by the test, Imean like like we said earlier
you were you got a three and I got a three.
(20:19):
We're not threes, you're an 8 and I'm a seven.
That being said, I also want to thank you, he because knowing
how eights are, this subject is pretty vulnerable and that's
like very difficult for eights. Yeah.
So thanks man. I think you have to reach a
certain level, like just like with self-awareness of the
awakening process and all that kind of stuff, I think you have
(20:41):
to reach a level in your life where you're you're sick of.
What you've been through, especially if you see recurring
patterns, you're kind of like sick of yourself fucking up, you
know, You're like, I didn't wantto keep doing this stupid shit.
I think. I think you get to some point.
Yeah, like you want to rip, rip open whatever it is that you've
got so you can get to the insideand try and tinker around and
fix it and so it back up, you know?
(21:01):
So, you know, I think maybe somebody who is an 8, who hasn't
gone through that process is going to listen to some of this
stuff. And Bill, it's all bullshit.
Yeah, yeah, Sit and listen. You're the you're the one we're
talking to. You are it.
So no, that's I. Don't know where else you want
to go, but I definitely whateverPoint is good.
I want you to talk about like you've said seven a few times,
you've said eight a few times, but if you want to dive into
(21:24):
some of the what the numbers mean, but you know if you want
to emphasize A7 and emphasize an8.
Because obviously we have one ofeach one right here that we can
talk about. But however you want it, however
you want to steal this, steal this shit, this is all you.
Okay. Let's just go through each type.
But yeah, we can talk more about, you know, 7:00 and 8:00
(21:46):
and if others come up, But so each type has, Let me just say
Annagram is actually pretty complex.
I'm going over the basics. The very basics.
Yeah, this is 101 level. This is 101.
So each type you know has its strengths.
It has its weaknesses. It has a core fear.
It has a core desire. You know, there's tons of
(22:08):
different messages within each, even basic type.
And A1, these are the type of people that their core and
biggest fear is to be incorrect,to be wrong and to be bad.
And so they have this horrible inner critic, like we all have
an inner critic. But A1, their inner critic is
(22:29):
like beyond. I know a one.
He calls it his Kraken and they kind of like ones see things in
black and white and and so badly.
They just want to do the right thing.
They just want to be good. That's their desire.
So that's the basic of type one type twos.
These are the people that will put other people's needs before
(22:49):
their their own. But there's a couple of
different types that do that. But twos really do that because
their biggest fear is to be unloved or unwanted, undesired.
And their core desire is to be loved and wanted.
And so in doing so, they're gonna put other people before
themself to receive love and return.
They're very sweet types. I could go on and on.
(23:13):
That might be. Where I would like classes just
on the surface, I think that's like kind of where my wife would
be like it's it's like definitely a typecast of who she
and some of the stuff that she'sgrown through.
Like definitely A2. She's gonna be taking that test
this weekend, so we'll find out.I'm so excited to find out what
she is. Oh my gosh.
(23:34):
OK, so type 3. These are like the these are
like the achievers. They're the people that are just
going on to the next thing, setting goals, and they're going
to reach them. But they also have this core
fear of being worthless. So in order to, you know, be
respected and seen as valuable, they're going to, they're going
(23:56):
to put themselves out there, they're going to reach these
goals in order to show people like, hey, look what look what I
can do, look how valuable I am. The sad part about that though
is like they think that they will receive, you know,
admiration or love in return by what they do and not who they
are. And I like, I just want to point
that out because that's very three.
(24:16):
And then fours, man. These guys are like super, super
emotionally aware. But their core fear is being
seen as insignificant or defective and they really want,
they desire like to be differentand have to have an identity.
Fours are like I said they're soemotionally aware and like more
(24:39):
than any of the other types. Sometimes they can even come off
like masked, because they're so afraid that if they show their
inner world and show that richness of emotional
intelligence, they'll scare people away.
So this is like the emotional type is a four.
I hope I did you guys justice. Really.
(25:00):
I really hope I did you guys justice.
If not, they're really upset. There could be.
Yeah. I hope I'm doing all of these
justice. I was so nervous before we got
on, remember? I was like, I'm so nervous.
I want to do good. Yeah, but these are, these are
basic summaries because it goes so much deeper too, like it's so
deep like you could you could spend 1/2 an hour on each one of
these types like. That's why anybody who's
(25:21):
interested in this I I was neverreally into this before and man,
I'm obsessed. But keep going.
Yes, my God, OK, I got fives. These are the type of people
that are. I mean, not all fives are quiet,
but they are pretty quiet. Their energy is very important
to them, their energy resources.Their core fear is to be seen as
(25:43):
ignorant or incapable. So they're going to be out there
sucking up all the knowledge they can get in order to
understand the world, to be ableto cope with the world.
Their core desire is to be competent and knowledgeable.
I really like consider fives like Chase, my boyfriend, he's a
5. It's funny, like we can show up
to a restaurant and he can be social.
(26:05):
He can be a social butterfly, but when he's done, he's done
like their energy, they get overwhelmed like it.
It's so important if you're withA5 and they say they're done,
you better walk away with them. Sixes.
Sixes are so loyal. They, you know, they have their
(26:26):
own. They have, OK, any Anyogram
people listening, they're gonna be like, I get it, because sixes
are so difficult to understand and describe because they have
these two different sides to them and they confuse the shit
out of me, I'm not gonna lie. But so their biggest fear is
fear itself, being without guidance and security.
(26:48):
They're the type of person that went, you know, constantly
looking outside of themselves for information and guidance.
So they're the ones that's like asking everybody like, hey, is
this the right decision to make?Is this the right thing to do?
Like they're looking out, you know, days in advance for any
hazards or anything that could go wrong in order to stay safe.
(27:09):
So they have. They'd have trouble trusting
themselves in their inner knowing.
Almost like they have to turn topeople for approval.
A lot. Like they have to turn to them
for, like, confirmation of things.
Yeah, like confirmation. Just making sure, like, this is
the right thing to do. Like, they're just very
doubtful. They're very anxious creatures.
(27:32):
So their biggest desire is safety and guidance and
security. That's really important to them.
I think I explained that correctly.
Yeah, six is I got you. OK, sevens the best of all.
Just kidding. I'm only saying that cuz I know
that you think eights every typethings.
They're the best. I'm totally.
(27:53):
Sevens, especially seven, we have our own shit.
We have our own shit like everybody else.
Sevens like myself, we're it's the type of person that their
biggest fear is missing out, being trapped in emotional pain.
I've actually said this on quitea few episodes, like that was my
life in my 20s. It's just constantly moving from
experience to experience to experience because I was chasing
(28:16):
happiness and I wasn't allowing myself to experience any painful
emotion, sadness, grief, frustration, anger.
So I shoved it all down. And so that's very seven.
And our biggest desire is just to be content and to have fun.
Sevens are just like, they're playful and they're fun and
they're just, but it can come off pretty superficial cuz other
(28:37):
people are like, there's no way we're this happy.
Yeah, which I get. I totally get.
But they actually do have quite depth.
Moving on. Eights are never that happy.
Eights are never that happy. They try.
They try, but they just want to kill somebody on this under the
surface. Not saying I feel that way, but
(28:57):
I do. But I do feel that way.
I have so many eights in my lifeand I think it's because I have
an 8 wing. See, that's just going beyond
the basics. But eights are very You will
know who an 8 is. You like there's no other type
that has such a powerful presence.
(29:18):
They're leaders. They are the type of people that
are the protectors. They fight for justice, but
they're angry. They're angry little guys.
You're like, massive. I'm calling you a little.
I'm an angry little guy. You're the angry little guy.
Their biggest fear is being perceived as weak, powerless or
being controlled. Like do not try to control an
(29:39):
AIDS. They will fight back in attack
their biggest desires to protectthemselves and others which.
So if you think of an 8, they come off and they bark.
We can go into communication styles for each two, but eights
are just like it's hard to see you guys, big bears, but you
guys are actually mushy on the inside.
You are. You're like, shut.
(30:05):
Up. But The thing is, it's
definitely far under the surfaceand it would be around the
right. Types of people like it would be
round, yeah. Cuz you don't.
You have to be around people that you wouldn't, that you know
aren't gonna take advantage of you.
I think. I think that's or betray you.
Yeah, exactly. Like, cuz everybody else has to
stay on the other side of the armor.
Yeah, yeah, you guys, so much armor.
(30:27):
Oh my gosh. OK, so that's 8-9.
Last one, Nines little sweetie pies.
They're so sweet. Nines are the type of people
that they're mediators. They're people who do not like
conflicts, Like they love to keep the peace in harmony.
(30:48):
You won't see them. Like, it's funny because they're
actually an anger type, like eights, and they do have this
tremendous, like inner power andstrength and but they're not
going to show it because they want to keep the peace.
Like, that's literally what they're all about.
So the biggest fear is being in conflict, losing or being
(31:09):
separated from others. And their core desire is Peace
of Mind. Very, very sweet people.
I love them. I love them.
So I guess one question I have never really looked up the
answer to, but I just kind of thought of it in the last few
minutes was, can someone? Change their type.
(31:30):
I know you said you wing types and we'll dive into that
briefly, but can someone change a type?
Are you really, I mean like obviously you can't change in
astrology, you can't change whatsign you are and stuff.
Can someone change their type oris it really more of like maybe
they could have a different wing, but can they really change
their core type? Because it's it's like the
filter they came up with and I guess the a no answer would be
(31:52):
like the whole no, you can't teach new dog, you can't teach
old dogs new tricks. But I don't know.
I feel like. You can be aware of these
things, but I don't know if you could change types.
But is that possible? No, That's a great question.
No you cannot. Cuz like if I read through all
that, like I think we can all belike I resonate with that, but
you only have one type, one basic type, and that has not
(32:15):
changed throughout your entire life.
But the cool part is, is that you have stress lines, you have
growth lines. So like for example as A7, my
growth path is to a type 5. I'll take on the traits and
different strengths and abilities from type 5 and then
my stress line is type 1. So when I'm stressed, I'll take
(32:35):
on the traits of type one and then I have my wings, I have
type 6 and type 8 next to seven.So I take on things from them as
well. But the core wound and core fear
does not change. It is always the same.
But I will say it's like I've seen this with a lot of people
that get into any gram because they feel so seen and they don't
feel alone and they like becauseit is so deep you feel
(32:57):
understood. But the problem is, is that
people are like, well, I'm a three and I'm gonna overachiever
and this is how I am or I'm an 8.
I get to talk this way because it says that is how I am and I'm
not going to change. But that's the problem is any of
Gram is actually trying to show us the ways in which we built
these filters to protect ourselves.
(33:17):
But it's really just getting in our way as adults.
When we're building our self-awareness and we're trying
to grow, these types of patternsand behaviors are limiting us.
And so we need to unravel them so we become the most healthiest
version of ourselves. When you and I were talking just
like the concept portion of thisepisode yesterday.
(33:41):
There were certain points and I didn't have, actually, no, I
might have, I might have done some decent notes on that one.
Just some of the different things that that the AIDS can
have that were a trait of mine. But that I felt like, yes, I
identify that I've been that in the past.
I can see where my flaws were from those actions, and I've
(34:01):
worked pretty hard consciously to to.
Change those things. Like that's what I feel is what
the most beneficial portion of this is.
Like I said, if you're ready to grow, if you're ready to admit
like I'm not perfect, I have areas I can grow and change in
And that yes, this, this non negotiable portion of my
(34:22):
personality type does have portions I can soften.
I think that's that's the key oflike you can't change types but
you can take this certain trait that some people might look at
it be like that. I'm damn proud of that.
But OK, you might be proud of that.
But is it really working in yourbest interest with your
interactions with the world and the results that you hope to get
(34:44):
out of every interaction that you have in life?
Is that thing that you're standing on yet, yet Mountain
all proud about? Is it really something that is
benefiting your daytoday interactions?
And it's like, I can look at some of those things that I #1
have softened up and it's led tomore success for me in the way
that I've interacted with people.
But number two things I still need to work on to this day.
(35:06):
Like I. I go to the end of my day and I
try to do my best to be consistent with it.
But I try to journal the different things that happened
throughout my day. I try to journal my successes of
the day, and I try to journal some of the moments where I have
not done so well, just so I can recognize those and try to do
better. And in a perfect day, when I'm
not so stressed and busy, I willread that journal entry first
(35:29):
thing in the morning when I wakeup to remind myself of.
You know what it was? It kind of like similar to like
what I've done with what they say the experts say you can do
with dream journaling is that the more you journal a dream in
the middle of the night, if you wake up in the morning, you will
remember it and therefore you strengthen that part of your
brain. And I feel like we.
Yeah, like I feel like we do thesame kind of thing when we're
(35:50):
recognizing day-to-day throughout our day where was
that flaw. And this kind of helps to, I
think, highlight and put a spotlight on.
The areas during your day that you're probably gonna fuck up on
like people like me are probablygoing to be a little more
intimidating than they they probably should.
(36:11):
And that can put people off, that can immediately shut down
certain types of people where 100%.
Yeah, like if they're ones that are all about safety and
security, it's like this person is like not just the presence,
like they're a looming presence.I'm going to shut down
completely to everything this person saying you're doing and
therefore. Here I am trying to do what I'm
gonna do and I've shut the person down just because of a
(36:34):
trait of mind that is coming across too strong.
So I gotta try and soften that up.
No, that's that's, I love that you just said that because
that's so true. And since we're using the
example of type 8, like eights are pretty intimidating.
I think for mostly any type, Like if you don't know them,
you're like, damn, like why are you yelling at me?
Like, why are you angry and thenI'm not yelling?
(36:54):
Like, yeah, I'm not yelling. I'm just passionate.
So yeah, you know, I like I said, I'm surrounded by a lot of
aids, yourself included. And it's really cool to see a
healthy 8, especially because they are leaders.
And when you when I've I've seenyou guys, I mean you do it with
(37:14):
me like you, you lower your intensity and I've seen that
with other aids too and it's like very gentle and but also
very empowering. So each type can also.
You know what? It's just like sitting in the
back of my head. I'm sorry threes.
I feel like I didn't do you justice as well, but.
Go ahead, do them justice now. Probably every type.
(37:39):
Now I'm just thinking back. I'm like.
Jump into them. That's the beauty of this is
that like I said, this is the intro level and if people wanna
dive and do it more, it would take like a discovery call with
you and doing some stuff. Yeah, like.
Alexis is the one to do this. I have the privilege of being
Privy to inside information and and sort of chatting it up with
Lexus all the time on this kind of stuff.
(38:00):
But you guys if if this is seemslike something this is an
interest which I I really I don't think I can highly suggest
more that will get you more intoselfawareness, but.
Look up the the links we'll havein the show notes on this stuff
because it is an an eye opener in a game changer for every.
It's so much stuff trickles out of the changes that come from
(38:21):
the awareness this gives you. Thanks Heath.
That was really nice. Talk about a three, though.
What did you what did you glaze over?
I just want to like, show that. Like threes like you guys.
I'm like, you're the overachievers and you're setting
goals. Like, I think a lot of people do
that. But like, these guys, like, they
get shit done. They are also leaders.
(38:41):
Every type is a leader. I don't want to just be like,
it's a powerful leader and have a strong presence.
So do threes. Yeah, threes are like a lot of
entrepreneurs are threes, You know, I and they're also like,
they are so good with words of affirmation.
Like if I want to be like liftedup for the work I've done, I'm
going to a three so they can lift me up.
(39:03):
Actually an 8 to be honest. But now I feel like I haven't
done all the types justice. I love them all.
They're all brilliant, like every I know every type.
I have one in my life and like ones for example, I'm making
them out to seem like black and white and good and bad and
justice and but ones are so fun.Probably the most fun.
(39:23):
Like when you go on vacation with the one you're gonna have
the best time cuz they let loosebecause they're allowed to let
loose. No, but it's The thing is that's
valuable. When?
When? You're considering all these
different things. Everyone of them sort of does
have a little bit of a trait. I mean, the same thing kind of
goes with astrology and stuff too.
But so many different types havea little slice of it.
(39:45):
It's just certain types happen to have more.
Like if you had little weights that were tipping on a scale, it
would just be like, yeah, the, you know, the threes have the
leadership quality, but they've got three chips on the scale
versus the eights that have five.
It just happens to be it's a strength both have just one.
Happens to have a little bit more, but the eights have.
Less of something that maybe thethrees have, you know, it's just
(40:08):
it's it's and everybody has that.
Like if you're trying to judge afish's ability to climb a tree,
like it's it's not going to work.
And so many people do that in their lives.
They'll look at a certain type and be like, why don't I have
more of that. Not saying you can't develop it.
It's just as a natural, intrinsic sort of trait that
that's built into the way that your mind and modalities
(40:30):
operate. This is your default programming
and if it's something that you're aware of and you want to
work on it more than you, you goahead and you do that.
You you won't be able to change the core of it.
But yeah, if you want to be a better leader then you do
certain things that will make you as good of a leader as maybe
like an 8 will. Like what traits doesn't 8 have
that makes them a better leader than another trait?
Like it's just it's all that self-awareness.
(40:51):
True, exactly. And I would say like.
The reason like another reason Ilove Enneagram too is because
like like you said earlier, yes you're using it for your own
self-awareness and growth, but this is so good to like develop
healthy partnerships also in your workplace.
Knowing my like my boss for my part time job.
(41:14):
She's 8. And she talks like like that.
She's not angry, she just talks that way.
But like as A7, I'm like, I'm just trying to have fun.
But knowing that she talks like that, like like you, it helps me
like, understand like, OK, she'snot mad at me.
There's no painful emotions going on.
Like, I feel safe. That part makes me feel bad all
(41:39):
the time, though, because peoplelike, why were you so mad the
other day? I'm like, when when was I mad?
Yeah, you know what? You're talking about this thing,
like, I wasn't mad at all. You talking about like, Oh my
God, you seemed really pissed. I'm like, damn, you gotta see me
when I'm pissed. I know, but that's the, you
know, and that goes that goes inlines with even some
nationalities and stuff cuz you know, they always say Italians
(42:00):
that we talk with our hands and we're always so loud and
boisterous and stuff like that. And I was like, yeah, that's
that comes with some cultural conditioning as well.
I mean all of the all of it's built on the filters.
I mean, yeah, so I'll use Italians because that's that's
what I am. We have you know the influence
on your family members that's that's the conditioning that you
end up growing up with. So maybe a condition of Italians
(42:22):
is, is it leans heavily toward the Type 8 just as because it's
just a classified sort of way that it goes and you're around
those types and it brings it up,you know you brought up that
way. So it's your dominant way of of
of being and you know the other types are a little bit more
withdrawn. It just it's part of your
cultural conditioning. It's the lenses that you develop
in those early stages of life that get to this point.
(42:44):
It's the it's not so much nature.
It's a lot of nurture. You know, it's the way that
you're brought up in the things that you experience.
So yeah, I talked about nationalities.
But if you had be of a certain nationality and you don't grow
up in a household that's that typecast, or say you were
adopted and you went to a different household, like, you
might not have those traits because you might not be around
them. Or it could just be so deeply,
(43:07):
like, entrenched in your being that, yeah, you still talk with
your hands and you still yell when you're not angry.
That's what we do. It's just part of what it is.
But I'll say that learning aboutthese things have also made me
feel a little less unique in a good way.
(43:27):
Like, it's made me feel like because I don't have a lot of
people who are like me around mein my life.
And I think that's a part of what happens.
It's it's really good. It's.
Probably a good thing. I was always terrified that I'd
have a kid that was like me. And thank God Mason's nothing
like me at all. He's so cool and he's calm and
he's also a verbal choose. I don't know, I'd like to find
(43:48):
out cuz he's a he's a very earlyand a Virgo and I'm very late on
it. But I guess I'm very tight cast
as a Virgo and he's got very fewlike sort of Virgo tendencies or
whatever. He's such a chill kid and he's
he's very much more happy go lucky than I am.
But I was terrified that I was going to have a kid that was
going to be like me for so many different reasons, like teenage
(44:08):
years, I'm thank thank God he's nothing.
Like I wasn't. Angry little guy.
Just just the Hellion. Like I was not a fun teenager to
be around. God bless my mom.
But yeah, it made me feel a lot less alone in the sense that
yes, there are other people out there who talk, act and think
the way that that I do in certain ways.
(44:30):
And I think that's one of the other than self-awareness, I
think it's probably the next best thing is that you know,
yes, there are other people out there that will get you the
certain types that you can maybeidentify as you're interacting
with people on a day-to-day basis.
Oh 100%. I remember like, like I don't
like Rd. trips because I don't like being trapped as A7.
(44:53):
Like that we will chew our own arm to get out of a situation if
we feel trapped sitting in a car.
Highly anxious, like I have to like, really set intentions
before I get in like a long ride.
But other people would be like, dude, I'm actually OK on
airplanes, but I think it's because sevens are all about
travel. We're like, send me off to
(45:14):
experiences of the unknown. Like it's so fun for us, but
people in the past would be like, dude, just chill the fuck
out. Like, but it's a car ride, it's
four hours or it's an hour, it'sgoing to be fine.
And I would feel very like they don't understand.
So knowing that there's other sevens out there that can
understand that trapped feeling.Yeah, feels great.
(45:35):
I just met. You know what's funny though?
I just, I just met. I don't actually know many
sevens. I think I know maybe two.
And I just met one of the two and I was kind of like she's
very, very, very sweet. But I was triggered a little bit
because I like was seeing certain traits in her that I was
(45:55):
like. Like I was like, Oh my God, do I
come off like that? Like the whole the cuz people
have asked, they're like you don't there's no way you're that
happy. And I'm like, yes I am, but it
does come off pretty superficiallike fake.
But I promise that's not. Yeah, I don't know.
Yeah. I mean, I I think from the
(46:16):
moment I met you, I don't think I ever, I ever thought there was
a fakeness to it. But I think there is just a
level of like man, how how much do you sustain this on a daily
basis? And it's like, yeah, even on the
days where Alexis is like, I'm just not feelings.
Because I've always said to you since we started doing this
show, like if there's a day where and both of us have had
them in the course of us settingdates that we're going to
(46:37):
record. And just if one of us is feeling
like dog shit, it's like, let's let's not record like you for
the sake of not putting. I'd rather put out something a
couple days later and put it off, then put out something
that's subpar. And even on the days where you
say you're not feeling that great, it's like, I don't see
it, I'm not feeling good. You still get on a call with me
(46:57):
or something like that, and you're still all smiles and it's
like, this is you on a bad day. Like you've seen me on my bad
days and I'm just like FFFFFFFF.Yeah, I think it's because I
suppressed all of those emotionsfor so long that, yeah, even if
(47:18):
I'm sad or mad or whatever, likeit's very dull, yeah.
It's not to like the high end, which I guess in some ways is
good, but in other ways like I'mstill working on it.
I want a full year of just experiencing sadness.
Now this year I'm experiencing anger and it is very
uncomfortable for me. I do not like it.
(47:38):
Now is that part of? Is that part of sevens is like
Set? Is that an opposite of what a
sevens trait would be? Cuz we haven't dove into seven
much. So let's let's dive into years
to talk a lot about mine. But like, what is A7 all about?
Why is ain't? Why would anger be something
that doesn't resonate? Is anything that has to do with
what a Sevens type is? Yeah, cuz saying, you know,
sevens, we don't want to experience our cold fears.
(48:00):
To be trapped in pain and anger is one of those painful emotions
for us. Sadness, grief.
So now that, like, I'm a healthier 7 and I'm allowing
myself to experience the full range of emotions.
To me, like, I'm going to call it the universe.
I feel like the universe is putting me in situations that
develop those emotions. And for anger is coming up a lot
(48:24):
this year for me. And oh man, like I do not like
it at all. I've actually had conversations
with AIDS because you guys are so comfortable with anger and
I'm learning a lot about it and it's it's very interesting.
But yeah, it feels like. All fucking lose control If I
(48:46):
let myself fully experience anger and I don't want to hurt
anybody. I think that's like another
thing for me with anger. I'm still, but like, I'm basic,
dude. Like I'm still learning about
anger. I'm like a child with emotion.
I'm telling you I'm good at helping other people through it,
but for me it's just like, it's a process.
Which is kind of odd, right? It's It's not so odd though.
(49:09):
Like it just, I guess you just don't.
You don't turn inwards. You don't look in the mirror
enough when it comes to like thethe range of the emotions that
you end up feeling. And you once you finally do look
in the mirror and you're aware of this kind of stuff and you it
helps. It basically is your mirror.
Like you look at this and you'reable to look in the mirror and
see a different reflection of yourself And, you know, and
(49:30):
looking at it in, in kind of discussing in some of the notes
that I wrote down and some of the stuff I want to mention, it
was like, yeah, the AIDS feel a lot of anger.
And it's like people think aboutthat and they're like, wow, such
an angry person. Must be violent.
No, absolutely not. Actually.
Like, I am far from violence. Like.
And I think I've, you know, I'vehad violence in my life.
I've seen it. You know, I was trained to be
really good at it at a certain time between the job.
(49:52):
And also, like, boxing was just like the way that I was trained
from the. It was kind of sick from the age
of 15 onward. It was like, yeah, you don't
fight to just, like, fight. Like, you want to make sure that
the person can't walk out of thering at the end.
It was like a really kind of a brutal way to teach, like, a kid
something. And it just carried into life.
It was like the anger helped in those situations, but it was
always able to keep a cork in it.
(50:13):
But I can think of the emotions like the core emotions
throughout most of my life. It's like, yeah, it's anger, a
lot of it's anger, which then does that, does that, then cut
off other emotions Like what? So angers, when you have a hard
time with what is your what is your top one, what is what is
the the, the emotion that gets expressed the most in a sevens
(50:33):
type, probably excitement. I get excited a lot about
things, simple things like I'll be and that's the I will say
like that's the beauty about sevens too.
And what sevens can bring into the world is a lot of joy.
I think a lot of people want to be around sevens because they
want to feel happy and we express that a lot because, and
(50:54):
I don't think it's fake, although an unhealthy 7 is like
not allowing any of the painful emotions so that the happiness
is superficial in a way. But, you know, a healthy seven.
I feel like most of the time I'mpretty content.
Like even if I allow in like theother emotions and let it flow,
like, for the most part I'm pretty happy.
But I can walk outside. I can see, like, the sunlight,
(51:18):
hit a leaf and be like, Oh my God, so beautiful.
Like, it's so everything is justlike magical.
And so, yeah, I feel a lot of excitement or, but I guess these
days, just peace, contentment, yeah.
Which is cool, but yeah, going back to the anger thing, because
we all express anger so differently, this is something,
(51:40):
and it's since it is something I'm learning in my own
relationship. Chase, he's A5 and fives how
they deal with emotions as they it's really difficult for them
to process it in the present moment.
Because they're they're a head type.
They're they're all, they're in their heads all the time.
Like they don't really, they're not emotional.
(52:01):
Like, they don't really allow themselves that even though they
have that richness within them, they're not going to express it.
And so it's just an echo chamberin there, like it's in there
bouncing around, but it doesn't come out.
Yeah, it's like what is this? I don't know what this is.
So in the past, cuz we've been together for almost 11 years, we
would just go in circles in our arguments and I'd be like, what
the fuck is happening? Like I'm so sevens were very
(52:22):
solution oriented. We're like, let's get to the
point like, what's the root? What's the, you know, why are we
both upset? How are we gonna move forward
like, but in in a way that's also unhealthy because it's like
people need to express their feelings.
Like I gotta let that happen. So I'm working on that as well.
But fives like in the moment. I've learned now to give them
(52:44):
time to be able to process theiremotions because they're
actually highly intelligent and and probably one of like one of
the most observant types. And so if I give chase time to
process of his emotions, he'll come back full circle and be
like, OK, I understand how I feel.
I understand what you're saying and now we can come to
agreement. But if I allow him to just keep
(53:06):
going and going and going, we'llgo in circles for hours and then
I know with myself as A7. My like if if things get too
heightened and anger starts getting more increased, my first
instinct is to be like I I don'tneed to be in this relationship
anymore. I'm done.
Bye. I did that so many times.
(53:27):
I feel so. I'm so sorry.
Chase, I love you so. It's really nice understanding
the motivation behind why I did that.
It wasn't that I actually wantedto leave the relationship.
It was more of, oh, I don't wantto experience anymore of this
heightened, painful emotion. It feels like I'm being trapped.
(53:48):
So in arguments with your partner, it's so cool knowing
their type and understanding. Why are they talking that way?
Why are they communicating? Like, why are why you know why,
why why. It helps you understand the
other person in a deeper way, absolutely.
So you can resolve and then you have empathy for the other
person because you know, OK, I know.
(54:08):
For example, I'm trying to come over.
I know that I'm in an argument with you and you are coming off
a very angry, but the biggest thing of why you're coming off
that way is it's a defense mechanism.
You're trying to protect yourself, right?
If I know that, then I can have empathy on the other side in
(54:30):
that argument and be like, OK, this is not about me.
This is because they're trying to protect themselves and that's
why they're barking at me right now.
That's just another example, youknow right?
I could go on and on. Am I getting annoying?
No. This is this fascinating stuff.
The one of the other parts that I wanted to mention Are there
(54:50):
certain types that are more compatible with others?
You know, especially when it comes to relationships?
Like is A5 compatible with A7? Or you know if there are certain
types that are more compatible with certain types.
I think if you had, if we had a certified Ideogram Coach on
here, they'd be able to tell youthat I don't know the answer,
(55:11):
but what I can for my own experience is I find it
interesting that a lot of different people seem to either
be with like. I think it'd be very difficult
for A7 and A4 to date because sevens, they're like, I don't
want to deal with painful emotions and fours have this
(55:32):
depth of emotional. They just feel so much and so
that would be, I think that would be a hard pairing.
I'm sure that they have there's somebody out there that has that
couple. But I think that we go for
people that can get us like for me dating Chase is a 5.
That's my growth path, which I find interesting.
(55:53):
I'm trying to think, yeah, I just so I don't really know the
answer to that. I think that may be.
We attract exactly what we need.Yeah.
Yeah. No, I agree.
Like there's there's been so many, there's been so many
different times. And I can think of that things
had gotten rough and and you know, the different periods of
growth. I think that's what's made me
(56:14):
and my wife so successful over the years.
Like people, people would look at us and be like, well, you
know, you guys have been together.
Like we knew each other in high school.
We first met in like 7th grade and I had a crush on her in like
8th grade and then again like 11th grade.
And it took after we were high school to actually get together.
And it ever since, like it's been 22 years now, but it hasn't
been without its hiccups. People will look at us and it's
(56:35):
like, well, they don't talk about what goes on behind closed
doors and the problems that we've had to a huge extent.
Like we definitely brought it forward and tried to basically
inspire people like don't try tosit there and be perfect in your
relationships. It's not going to happen.
There's some people, yeah. Like there are some people, I'm
sure who are literally like the absolute perfect match and they
(56:55):
hardly ever have an issue and things are just going great.
Like, God bless them, great. You've had a great life.
Our growth path in the the parallel that we've gone through
together, there'll be times where I'm the ass that needs to
come to grips with something andit's a huge growth period for me
when I realize I'm in the wrong and she calls it out and vice
versa. And luckily we've been able to
(57:16):
grow together throughout all cuzsome couples will just genuinely
grow apart. That might be your path.
You know, you're with a certain person long enough that you've
been with them long enough. The period of growth that you've
had is over. The universe starts to separate
because you are meant to go learn something else, somewhere
else with someone else like it. Just that's an unfortunate thing
that happens. And people who are selfconscious
(57:37):
about being divorced or having, you know, failed marriages or
relationships or whatever, it's like that's kind of what the
universe needed for you, obviously, because that's what
happens. Like, you have to look at every
circumstance that works out as adivine circumstance, like it was
meant to happen that way becauseit happened that way.
Like there's you don't you look back on it.
The people who were able to staytogether and grow and we're able
(58:01):
to sort of go on parallel trackswith each other.
You were fortunate enough that the grow, the, the, the heath
that grew was compatible with the Sylvia that grew.
Like you were able to continue going on the same thing with you
11 years in. And you guys are able to
continue to have ups and downs. But throughout it all, it's like
the end result is still compatibility because one or
(58:23):
both people grew throughout whatever it was that, you know,
didn't work out in whatever moment we were able to learn,
grow. And you're still there.
There's still something to keep you rooted there because it all
mattered. And that's the path that you're
supposed to be on. And I think learning everything
about these different types, it's like it would help me learn
more about what my wife was liketo the things that I'm gonna do
(58:46):
that are her biggest triggers and try and soften them up.
I already do like I just just feedback that I get you know
like I've I'm I'm a 230 something pound guy.
She's like 100 pounds. She's tiny.
Like I have to be careful how big and intense I can get.
Like, it just it would definitely be some as someone
twice, literally twice my size was looming over me all intense
(59:09):
and fired up over an argument itwould keep like, wow, okay, that
would be kind of an intimidatingcircumstance.
So like that I've learned from. But also the triggers that come
from learning the different types.
Like those are things that you'dbe able to learn from as well to
you don't soften the blow in whatever situations you're in,
whether it's relationships or work. 1000% like I think of
(59:31):
sixes for example, and then likeyou know they're worry.
And a lot of times us other types would be like stop
worrying about it. Like, that could be like, the
worst thing that you say to a six Stop worrying about it.
Stop. Worrying.
Be so angry. Stop worrying about it.
Stop that. Stop that.
Oh my gosh, like the worst thingthat you could say to a seven or
one of them is like cheer up, cheer up.
(59:52):
Like, motherfucker fucking cheer.
It makes me so angry. Oh my gosh.
Or like, look at the bright side.
I'm like, oh, I have. I've ever looked at the bright
side. I am the bright side.
I am the bright side. Gosh, I don't feel like I did 9
justice either. I think you've done a good job.
(01:00:12):
I think just because you have somuch knowledge in it, like it's
hard for you to summarize because you're so passionate
about this and you know so much about it.
Like I said, you can stop on everyone of these types for 1/2
an hour to dish everything aboutwhat you know and how that
relates to people you've met along the way.
So yeah, I wouldn't be too self-conscious about that, but
is there something, what else about a nine you wanna throw in
(01:00:33):
there? Well, I just wanna say like
about nines of like I was like they don't like conflict and
they wanna keep the pace in harmony, but they're also just
like so complex and like once you get to know them, there's
like layers upon layers and like.
There's this inner power about them.
They're not just like all calm and docile.
There's just such power behind them.
And they also can see multiple perspectives and they can remain
(01:00:55):
calm and adaptable. I would say they are the least.
What's the word for it? Undistorted type out of all of
them. They can see what's actually
happening. That's fair.
That's fair. There's truth there.
Yeah. I think this, this, this
(01:01:17):
conversation is great though andwe'll we'll wrap up in a minute.
But the conversation is great because it definitely sets the
stage. And I know you've got a couple
people who are like super experts, you know, beyond even
your expertise. But people that are that are
extreme experts on this and can rattle off everything about
everybody. And when we get to the point
we're going to have that person on, I'd like to do it sort of on
(01:01:39):
the heels of this in the next maybe four or five episodes.
So we'll we'll talk further about how to make that happen.
But once we do it, I want to putthat episode we'll we'll
advertise it ahead of time and we'll put it on either the
Wisdom app or Clubhouse. I'm.
I'd lean a little bit more towards Wisdom because I've used
it and I don't know, I'm salty towards Clubhouse a little bit
lately. But either way, I'd like to get
(01:02:00):
it a live version of this so that as we have a Lexus and
whichever expert we have, we canhave you, the listeners, listen
to when we're going to actually we'll set a time and date when
we're going to have that episodeand record it.
And you can download the Wisdom app and you can get right on
there and we'll take people up on, you know, stage quote, UN
quote. We'll take them up on stage one
(01:02:20):
at a time and if you fill out the stuff ahead of time, we'll
dive a little bit more into the setup to that.
But we'll have people take the tests and we'll have your
information a little bit ahead of time.
And then we'll be able to sort of look into a little bit more,
or at least if you know what type you are.
And then if you have questions or want to dive a little bit
more into it, we'll have you up on stage with these two experts.
(01:02:41):
So it'll be kind of like a little a little bit of a free
coaching session with a couple of people who know what they're
talking about. So I think that would be fun.
It would be a little bit of a logistical challenge, but that's
what this is all about. That'll set our growth edge for
us as podcast as. Podcast as I'm really excited
for that and I'm hoping I can get this specific person on, but
(01:03:02):
we'll see how that goes. We'll get somebody.
We'll get somebody. Really cool, really cool.
Cooler than you. No, probably cooler.
I'm not that cool. No, you can be.
I mean I feel like we went over a lot, we we did and it was a
great, it was great. So we'll wrap it up.
(01:03:24):
And like I said, if you guys areinterested in this beyond the
the level of what we've been able to do today, go take the
test go, we'll put the link in the show notes and all the other
pieces of information that are valuable the subject.
And like I said, we're going to dive back into this.
This was just the intro level and we'll talk about this again
later, but dive into the show notes, take that exam, know what
(01:03:45):
type you are. So that later on when we're
diving into this a little bit deeper with someone, you're
aware of it and you don't have to have people that are nearby,
near, near and dear to you take the test as well.
So you can kind of learn what they're about in the process and
who knows how that's going to benefit you.
But also a question and answer at the bottom of this episode in
(01:04:06):
the show notes will be there. If you click on that link, it's
going to have something relativeto, you know, what sort of type
were you and what you learn about yourself.
But go down the show notes and answer that question and answer
whenever that does come out. And also down in the show notes,
there is ways to support this podcast that are down there now.
You can do it through both Patreon and through Spotify.
So if you do want to throw us some love that will help us get
(01:04:29):
this out in front of more fears and minds of the populace that's
out there and separate us from the sea of 3 million podcasts
out there. There are ways that you can
support the show and that will just basically get turned right
back into the show and help us get out there even more because
all the pretty much goes into advertising and whatever can
help put us out there. So there's my plug.
(01:04:51):
Alexis, thank you for all of your expertise and bringing this
passion of yours to the listeners and myself, because
I've learned a lot. Thanks, man.
I'm really, I was like stoked tohave this conversation about any
gram. And before we go, just one last
apology. If I didn't do your type well
enough or I didn't give you enough praise, I apologize.
(01:05:12):
I love you all. I'm sorry.
We went over. We went over the ones we're most
knowledge about, which is prettymuch you, me and the people who
would be closest to us. So I don't think anybody's
judging. I think you're judging yourself,
which is probably part of your type, isn't it?
There's so seven of you. It's my stress line to one.
I'm just that inner critic comesup and I'm like, I'm sorry.
(01:05:35):
OK. Anyway, this was fun.
It was. See.
You next time, all right, see you next time.
If this conversation has piqued your interest and you want to
dive into your own any Gram archetype, reach out to Alexis
directly. Her contact info will be down in
the show notes. I highly recommend it.
She has definitely opened me up to a world about this subject
(01:05:55):
matter and it is fascinating. And currently for the fall of
2023 I have some openings for those looking to have one-on-one
calls with me had to livethislife.org and go to the
one-on-one consulting page For more information.
And if you are an expert on inspiration, have amazing
revelations about our reality, or have a story to tell about
how you manifested your best life, we want to hear from you.
(01:06:19):
You can reach out to us at connect@livethislife.org.
That's CONNE c.t@livethislife.org.
Or you can schedule a time to talk with me directly about an
episode concept through the show's county page at
calendly.com/live This Life. And be sure to follow along on
all the socials and give this video a like, a comment or a
(01:06:40):
review. And please feel free to forward
this show to those who you thinkwould resonate with its message.
Thanks for listening. We'll see you next time.
When you change the way you lookat things, the things you look
at change, change. What exists?
Reality itself is gorgeous. It is the plenum, the fullness
of total joy. The universe is a celebration
(00:45):
this. Is power show to celebrate that
existence is while we, for thoseof us seeking a life of meaning
and purpose, capturing fulfillment in every moment of
now, seeking the truth of our reality so we can live this life
to its fullest. This is the Live This Life
(01:08):
podcast. I'm your host.
Keep comings. And I'm your cohost for the day.
Alexis Mcfilling, We're here to inspire you to ask yourself the
question every single day. Are you living or are you
feeling time? What's going on?
Everybody, welcome back to another episode and I finally
(01:31):
have my awesome cohost back withme.
Alexis, what's been going on? I feel like it is literally been
forever. It has been forever.
What the heck, man? Busy summer.
No. I just think that you're just
you know working with other people and a little
disappointed. I have I have not.
I have been working on myself actually.
That was I just the episode thatwe just put out was like me
(01:53):
detailing that this whole summerhas been literally nothing but
me. Just kind of diving into some
stuff I was moving through with changes in family and how I got
to approach life a little bit and coming to some realizations
that the the the thing that I kind of had that was my ultimate
happiness with the time with thefamily and stuff.
Kids getting older and hanging out with parents is in this
school. So it's like we had to
(02:15):
reconfigure it all. And it was like one of those I
think took a turning point in life where I had it like dive in
and sink into it like really deep.
And I, you know there's a go getter part of me that I had to
silence a little bit and just belike dude, just just focus on
this one a little bit and then you can get back on the highway
and put the pedal down South. What do you been up to?
Just so hard for you. It is.
It was. What was your summer like?
(02:36):
Oh, so fun. Well, I just got back from New
Mexico. My boyfriend's grandma just
turned 90s, so we all just came in from all over the States, and
we surprised her for her birthday.
It was so sweet. And I was expecting New Mexico
to be super lame. We went to Albuquerque.
It's it's actually beautiful. It's gorgeous.
Yeah. So it was really nice.
(02:57):
What else? Yeah.
What else have I been doing? Feel like I went somewhere else
to oh Oh my gosh. Okay.
So my birthday is August 19th. For my 32nd birthday, I was
supposed to go to Nashville withmy boyfriend, Chase.
We I check in the night before Ibuy our seats.
I buy our bags because we went through Frontier and we showed
(03:21):
up at the airport and I'm like, you know what's weird?
Like I never got our boarding passes.
And he's like, that's weird. But I was like, well, I have the
confirmation number. We can just go up to the ticket,
you know, booth or whatever, andget her boarding passes.
We show up. The lady basically is like,
sorry, we have a new policy thatif you don't show up 60 minutes
prior with your boarding pass, you you're not allowed to get on
the flight. No way.
(03:41):
Fuck Frontier. I'm saying it now.
Oh my God. They turned us away and I was
like, I checked in. What are you talking about?
And she's like, no, you didn't. Doesn't show that you checked
in. Look at my voice.
I'm getting ramped up. I'm very good.
My God, I couldn't imagine planning a whole trip in the
Wow. And she basically just said to
(04:02):
us, don't even verbatim, don't even try to get a refund.
You probably won't get it. Wow.
So we waited for three hours. This chick, the employees, just
kept pushing us off because I was like, I'll wait for your
manager, I'll talk to them. We finally, after three hours of
fuming anger, get to talk to themanager.
I have to bicker back and forth with her.
(04:23):
She finally gives us a credit. But the way their flights work,
oh, I have to sneeze. I think I'm good.
The way that their flights work,we weren't able to go to
Nashville until. The following Sunday, only
Friday and Sunday. So we're like, well, we can't go
to Nashville. So we're like, let's go towards
the hurricane in California. So yeah, we went there and it
(04:48):
was nice. But we're in California, Dana
Point. Where's that near?
Yeah, I forget you're East Coast.
Yeah, San Diego. OK, cool.
You'll know San Diego. Yeah.
So it was cool, but it wasn't. I mean, I'm I'm still
disappointed that that happened.So I'm never, ever, ever going
on Frontier again. Good to know, Good to know.
(05:10):
I hadn't flown in so long. Like everywhere we go is usually
like we go by vehicle and just kind of travel all the way
around New England. There's so much stuff out here
to do. But you know that's true.
That is changing in the next fewyears.
That's part of some of the stuffthat we kind of moved through
this summer and was kind of likeokay.
We need to sort of spread our spread our wings a little bit
and start getting out and about.So we've got some, some places
(05:32):
we're going to travel to and youknow when we're going to kind of
like reserve our ability insteadof like spending everything
we've got over a series of weeksduring the summer, like kind of
reserve it toward if something pops up we can say okay, let's
go to that, let's go you know dowhatever so.
I would have. Is it where you guys are?
It sounds really cool. It is so much fun.
I got it. I got to admit, like as much as
(05:53):
I don't like the politics out here in Massachusetts and some
of the way the place is run, it's just it's absolutely
gorgeous. Like you just going to Cape Cod
is like no other ocean vacation type place.
It's just there's so much. Yeah, it is some of the most
gorgeous beaches in the world too.
So it's it's like people come from all over the place, this
tiny little peninsula, and it's just, it's amazing.
(06:15):
I mean it's. Pretty famous.
It is, Yeah. It's.
I can see why so many people go out there.
We've been going there for 20 years almost.
So it's, you know, it's in our state.
So we just kind of take it for granted.
But hearing, talking to people that are out there, it's like
it's really hard to want to go anywhere else.
But I do have, like, I love the Pacific Northwest.
Like, I want to go back out there and see the mountains and
(06:35):
you know, I want to like go and like Rockies and and just go
where there's literally nobody. Like you have no chance of
bumping into somebody on like a hiking trail or something, yeah.
I think about that probably twice a month, yeah, going off
the grid, being in nature. With.
Absolutely. Yeah.
No way of bumping in anybody. Yeah.
Be so amazing. I'm actually doing that as soon
(06:57):
as we're done and I turn the microphone off, like I we have
this mountain behind us that's just, you know, it's huge.
There's nobody bags such so steep in certain spots.
I can guarantee I'll go out there and not see anybody, but
my plan is to shut this off. It's a gorgeous day out, so I'm
going to get lost in the woods. I'm gonna go be a Mountain Lion.
I am, because there's people have been pissing me off lately
and that's kind of why That's a good.
(07:20):
It's a it's a really good it's areally good segue into what
we're going to talk about today because we're going to talk
about any grams. And for those of you who don't
know what that is, you're going to totally die.
You're gonna love diving into this stuff because it's it's
going to help you learn a lot about yourself and it will also
in turn give you a bit of insight to what other people
(07:43):
might be bringing to the table in your interactions with them.
But it's also, you know in the process, not just interaction.
It's yourself awareness when youreact to certain things in life
and stuff. And once Alexis, she's because
this is her wheelhouse, like this is the this is like her
expertise. So if you guys are listening to
this episode and you want to learn more about it, I will put,
you know obviously, you know so many different ways to get a
(08:05):
hold of Alexis. But I'm going to put links to
all sorts of stuff in the show notes and this is her.
So if you wanna dive into this and and learn a lot more about
any Grams and yourself in the process, the Alexis is the one
to dive into. Dive into this for you.
But tell us, tell us what it's about and like, why did you how
did you even get interested in like becoming I wouldn't say an
(08:28):
expert. I mean you know a lot about this
and has taught me a lot about myself.
Like, what made you get into this whole thing?
Yeah, I'll start with that. I mean, I was.
I was doing some. Coaching with this woman and she
was an ideogram coach. And I was like, I don't know
what that is, but let's do this.And so when she, I probably did
(08:48):
say that to her, Let's do this actually, when she was like, how
many sessions do you want to do?I was like, let's do this twice
a week. Let's let's get to the point
like, I want to resolve some of my inner issues.
And she's like OK7, which we'll get into.
She's like, chill out, Let's just do once a week.
But I guess that's very seven oflike, let's get to the point
solutions. So yeah, once I started learning
(09:12):
about myself from this woman, I just, I bought all the books, I
did all the research online and I was like, this is unbelievable
and this is something I feel like everybody needs to know
about. I'm that passionate.
I wrote out things because I don't want to mess up, because I
want to be able to portray this in the way that like.
Like, it's so meaningful. Oh my gosh.
And literally so. When I first started getting
(09:34):
into different personality typing systems and modalities,
which I were, I was in love with.
This is the one personality typing system that I have shown
other people and they have also become obsessed with it because
it is so deeply meaningful and different.
So with that being said, any gram.
(09:56):
Is a personality typing system made-up of nine basic types and
it basically shows us the way inwhich we interpret the worlds.
If you think about yourself as alittle kid, you know you're
learning from your parents, yourauthorities, the people around
you, your environment, society. You basically create this filter
(10:16):
to be able to understand and cope with the worlds.
And that's what I would call these fill.
This filter is the 9 basic typesand it helps us.
Understand the way we think, theway we feel, and the way we
behave. But it goes even deeper than
that, and it helps us understandthe motivation behind our
behavior. So for example, what that means
(10:39):
is like, let's say you and I, weshow up in a room and we get and
we get angry about the same exact thing.
To us, we're okay. Let's I need if they come up
with an example, let's say we walk into a room and it's a mess
and we're both like, this is a mess.
We're both so angry and we're both in agreement that this is a
(11:00):
mess. But the motivation behind why
we're angry is completely different.
I might feel trapped as A7, you might feel out of control as an
8. And that's what I mean by the
motivation behind behavior. So it gives us a really.
It just goes really deep into the psychology of like, why we
react and why we behave and why we think certain ways.
(11:22):
And I don't know, I just love it.
You can obviously see it on my freaking face.
Yeah, and and now Alexis has stopped addressing me as heat
and just started calling me OK8Ijust.
OK, it's true. That's true.
Everything you say, I'm like, Ohmy God, he's an 8.
He's an 8. My cousin who's who's basically
(11:43):
like my sister, she's, you know,typecasted me as, you know,
she's totally into astrology. So she knows she's typecast.
Me is like literally the Virgo poster child, like total.
Everything's got to be organizedand, you know, withdrawn around
people they don't know, but thenjust like explosive around
people that they actually do know and stuff like that.
But this goes even deeper. And when I I wasn't huge into
(12:05):
astrology, she brought this hugebook over one time and I'm like
sitting there and I got to that section.
I'm like flipping through the stuff about Virgos and I've
never really dove into it much. And I'm like reading this stuff
and I'm like, somebody literallywrote this section about me and
it's kind of effing creepy. Like looking through that, this
was even weirder. Like when So basically back up
(12:26):
months ago, Alexis had me take the test that I'm going to link
it in the show notes, go take it.
It's free. It takes a while, but I'll even
say that like the the answers that you put on like it'll it'll
kind of ask you the same questions but in a different way
over and over so that it doesn'tjust typecast you off of your
answer of 1 question. It kind of throws different
(12:46):
scenarios at you that are in a similar modality.
Just so that it can kind of get like the average of how you
answered that specific personality trait.
I did it and I think you, I think it was a three, maybe it
was, I think it was a three whenI first did it.
Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, I can take that test
every time and get a three. And I'm not.
Yeah. And then we dove into it that I
(13:07):
think we after we we turn the microphone off, sometimes we sit
in chaff a little bit, turn the microphone off and started to
dive into. And I think it might have been
like an episode planning sessionwhere we're going to get this
subject on. And you and I started chatting
and you were like, do you do this, do this, do this?
And I'm like, yeah, she's like, I think you're an 8.
And then I dived dope more and deeper and deeper and deeper and
it was just like literally typecast to the creepiness level
(13:30):
again, where Alexis is knowing things about the way that I
react on stuff that she should not know.
And somehow it's there. And that's what made me like
really dive into this and just aquick comparison of this to
other things that people may have heard about as far as
personality, type casting and how those interact with other
(13:51):
people. The disk model, which I'll put
up a graphic of it right now, the disk model is definitely
different. Like the the DISC, it's
basically people who are dominating is the D and then I I
think is intellectual. I'm going to totally butcher
this unless I can find the different part of it.
(14:16):
Anyways, I'll put it, I'll put it up there.
But there's the the disc model will teach you how to interact
with people, and that's its mainpurpose.
And usually they use it in the workplace.
And it gained a lot of popularity in probably the last
10 to 15 years. So that people who are like
managers in a jolly human resources would bring this whole
training. Like somebody who's a
(14:36):
specialist, bring it in and havea manager with all of their
subordinates that they're in charge of.
Take this thing and they would all learn about, you know, the
different personality types and how they interact with each
other. And if I'm a D and this person's
an I, then I need to interact with them in certain ways.
And it basically helps to try toeliminate employee to employee
(14:57):
conflict, but then also helps a manager know how to basically
interact with their staff, number one, so they don't hate
them, you know, like everybody hates their boss.
But #2, it's just for efficiency.
And so that you can make sure that the person that you were in
charge of, you're in charge of alot.
You're in charge of their workflow, but you're also in
charge of their wellbeing for a huge portion of their life that
(15:18):
people spend so much time at work and it wraps up so much of
their mentality. So to get the best out of them,
you treat them the best by knowing how they interact.
I guess that's how I would describe the disk training that
I've been through. Any gram is that on steroids.
Like it's not just, it does helpyou with interactions with
people and that's a great part of it, but it also teaches you
(15:42):
everything about yourself. So you realize your actions with
people and your life circumstances and sort of if
something pops up, likely how you're going to respond so that
you can kind of you know in a certain way you want to be true
to yourself and not condition yourself out of things that are
your superpower. Because these things will tell
you about your superpower, but it's also going to tell you
(16:03):
about your kryptonite. It's going to tell you really
what your weaknesses are that your knee jerk reaction.
Sometimes it's there and it's existing and you should be aware
of it. So you can soften it up a little
bit so that you don't have something that's going to be a
roadblock to success with peopleor the circumstances in your
life that tend to repeat and show themselves over and over
(16:24):
till you learn the lesson. So they do that justice.
Yeah, that was amazing. Cool.
That was so good. Yeah, going off like what you
said about, you know, understanding your reactions.
I was reading something about South.
I'm a Seven. I think that I've made that
clear. But I read something that.
(16:44):
I can make in my life. I have basically made people
feel like they're boring or uninteresting because as a 7 and
we'll get into that. I'm constantly on to the next
thing. I'm moving very fast.
I'm a quick like quick mind and I also like jump from experience
to experience and so a lot of people in my life and my sister
even said this. Which is really nice because it
(17:05):
shows that I've had a lot of growth in the last few years.
But we were in the pool. And she's like, wow.
She's like, you're like, really calm and just collected and
present. And I was like, thank you.
And she's like, yeah, she's like, I don't want to make you
feel bad, but, like, I used to feel like I wasn't, like, good
enough. Or like I was born to hang out
with because you were just constantly, like, on the go.
And I feel so bad, like looking back, cuz I'm like, Oh my gosh,
(17:27):
I could totally see why people would feel that way.
But that's why I love India Graham so much, because it has
helped me become calm and collected and present and and
the reason that I was jumping from experience to experience is
because I was trying to get awayfrom something.
We'll get into. I'm trying to like do this like
mystery thing, you know, just dropping hints.
It's great though, because I think for most of us we are a
(17:49):
mystery to ourselves and it's cool when there's so many
different levels of self-awareness and self
discovery, you know, you have toconsciously start it.
We always, everybody uses that whole cliche awakening process.
Makes it sound so mystical and you know someday you're going to
start floating off the frigging ground or something.
It's like, no, I wish be be awake.
Hey, who knows? It could happen.
(18:10):
The awakening process is awakening about so much stuff.
It's awakening to how the world operates and the hidden portions
of it. It's and a lot of that I feel
like was basically social conditioning to dumb us down a
lot. So we're just good solid
workers. We're, you know basically part
of a I don't want to die too much as is totally not the
subject for today. But like we're basically part of
(18:31):
a slave system still that just serves the system all the time.
And if you're more selfaware youbecome more self powerful that
therefore the powers that be areless influential on you.
And when you start to awaken to everything within you, you
become more selfaware. You stop tripping over your own
self because you know that you need to be more present.
(18:52):
Just this example that you just gave us, those little things add
to your power rather than take it away.
So we're you know? OK, see, But that's that's
honestly where I'm excited to talk, to learn more about this,
to talk to everybody about it, but incorporate more of this
into my life as well. Because the more I've awakened
(19:16):
to certain things about my life,how I react to things and what
I've done it, it causes me to stop having backslides, which
obviously the backslides don't get you to your endpoint as fast
as you'd like to. Everybody has the backslides.
No matter if they're big or small, you'll always have them.
But learning more about how you operate and how your brain
operates and this whole modalitygets you there quicker.
(19:37):
You stop having such big backslides to the point where
you can almost try to eliminate them or see the potential of
them coming at you, because the way that you you interact and
operate with the world so. 1000%and also before it cuz I want to
go into each type so but I do recommend like yeah of course
you can take the test at the endof this if you'd like but it is
(19:58):
pretty inaccurate. So I'm gonna give a link to you
for people to tour the types. It's narrative Nneagram.
They have this amazing guide andyou can tour the types.
I specifically like people to dothis so they can use their own
self-awareness to understand which type they are.
Because if you go by the test, Imean like like we said earlier
you were you got a three and I got a three.
(20:19):
We're not threes, you're an 8 and I'm a seven.
That being said, I also want to thank you, he because knowing
how eights are, this subject is pretty vulnerable and that's
like very difficult for eights. Yeah.
So thanks man. I think you have to reach a
certain level, like just like with self-awareness of the
awakening process and all that kind of stuff, I think you have
(20:41):
to reach a level in your life where you're you're sick of.
What you've been through, especially if you see recurring
patterns, you're kind of like sick of yourself fucking up, you
know, You're like, I didn't wantto keep doing this stupid shit.
I think. I think you get to some point.
Yeah, like you want to rip, rip open whatever it is that you've
got so you can get to the insideand try and tinker around and
fix it and so it back up, you know?
(21:01):
So, you know, I think maybe somebody who is an 8, who hasn't
gone through that process is going to listen to some of this
stuff. And Bill, it's all bullshit.
Yeah, yeah, Sit and listen. You're the you're the one we're
talking to. You are it.
So no, that's I. Don't know where else you want
to go, but I definitely whateverPoint is good.
I want you to talk about like you've said seven a few times,
you've said eight a few times, but if you want to dive into
(21:24):
some of the what the numbers mean, but you know if you want
to emphasize A7 and emphasize an8.
Because obviously we have one ofeach one right here that we can
talk about. But however you want it, however
you want to steal this, steal this shit, this is all you.
Okay. Let's just go through each type.
But yeah, we can talk more about, you know, 7:00 and 8:00
(21:46):
and if others come up, But so each type has, Let me just say
Annagram is actually pretty complex.
I'm going over the basics. The very basics.
Yeah, this is 101 level. This is 101.
So each type you know has its strengths.
It has its weaknesses. It has a core fear.
It has a core desire. You know, there's tons of
(22:08):
different messages within each, even basic type.
And A1, these are the type of people that their core and
biggest fear is to be incorrect,to be wrong and to be bad.
And so they have this horrible inner critic, like we all have
an inner critic. But A1, their inner critic is
(22:29):
like beyond. I know a one.
He calls it his Kraken and they kind of like ones see things in
black and white and and so badly.
They just want to do the right thing.
They just want to be good. That's their desire.
So that's the basic of type one type twos.
These are the people that will put other people's needs before
(22:49):
their their own. But there's a couple of
different types that do that. But twos really do that because
their biggest fear is to be unloved or unwanted, undesired.
And their core desire is to be loved and wanted.
And so in doing so, they're gonna put other people before
themself to receive love and return.
They're very sweet types. I could go on and on.
(23:13):
That might be. Where I would like classes just
on the surface, I think that's like kind of where my wife would
be like it's it's like definitely a typecast of who she
and some of the stuff that she'sgrown through.
Like definitely A2. She's gonna be taking that test
this weekend, so we'll find out.I'm so excited to find out what
she is. Oh my gosh.
(23:34):
OK, so type 3. These are like the these are
like the achievers. They're the people that are just
going on to the next thing, setting goals, and they're going
to reach them. But they also have this core
fear of being worthless. So in order to, you know, be
respected and seen as valuable, they're going to, they're going
(23:56):
to put themselves out there, they're going to reach these
goals in order to show people like, hey, look what look what I
can do, look how valuable I am. The sad part about that though
is like they think that they will receive, you know,
admiration or love in return by what they do and not who they
are. And I like, I just want to point
that out because that's very three.
(24:16):
And then fours, man. These guys are like super, super
emotionally aware. But their core fear is being
seen as insignificant or defective and they really want,
they desire like to be differentand have to have an identity.
Fours are like I said they're soemotionally aware and like more
(24:39):
than any of the other types. Sometimes they can even come off
like masked, because they're so afraid that if they show their
inner world and show that richness of emotional
intelligence, they'll scare people away.
So this is like the emotional type is a four.
I hope I did you guys justice. Really.
(25:00):
I really hope I did you guys justice.
If not, they're really upset. There could be.
Yeah. I hope I'm doing all of these
justice. I was so nervous before we got
on, remember? I was like, I'm so nervous.
I want to do good. Yeah, but these are, these are
basic summaries because it goes so much deeper too, like it's so
deep like you could you could spend 1/2 an hour on each one of
these types like. That's why anybody who's
(25:21):
interested in this I I was neverreally into this before and man,
I'm obsessed. But keep going.
Yes, my God, OK, I got fives. These are the type of people
that are. I mean, not all fives are quiet,
but they are pretty quiet. Their energy is very important
to them, their energy resources.Their core fear is to be seen as
(25:43):
ignorant or incapable. So they're going to be out there
sucking up all the knowledge they can get in order to
understand the world, to be ableto cope with the world.
Their core desire is to be competent and knowledgeable.
I really like consider fives like Chase, my boyfriend, he's a
5. It's funny, like we can show up
to a restaurant and he can be social.
(26:05):
He can be a social butterfly, but when he's done, he's done
like their energy, they get overwhelmed like it.
It's so important if you're withA5 and they say they're done,
you better walk away with them. Sixes.
Sixes are so loyal. They, you know, they have their
(26:26):
own. They have, OK, any Anyogram
people listening, they're gonna be like, I get it, because sixes
are so difficult to understand and describe because they have
these two different sides to them and they confuse the shit
out of me, I'm not gonna lie. But so their biggest fear is
fear itself, being without guidance and security.
(26:48):
They're the type of person that went, you know, constantly
looking outside of themselves for information and guidance.
So they're the ones that's like asking everybody like, hey, is
this the right decision to make?Is this the right thing to do?
Like they're looking out, you know, days in advance for any
hazards or anything that could go wrong in order to stay safe.
(27:09):
So they have. They'd have trouble trusting
themselves in their inner knowing.
Almost like they have to turn topeople for approval.
A lot. Like they have to turn to them
for, like, confirmation of things.
Yeah, like confirmation. Just making sure, like, this is
the right thing to do. Like, they're just very
doubtful. They're very anxious creatures.
(27:32):
So their biggest desire is safety and guidance and
security. That's really important to them.
I think I explained that correctly.
Yeah, six is I got you. OK, sevens the best of all.
Just kidding. I'm only saying that cuz I know
that you think eights every typethings.
They're the best. I'm totally.
(27:53):
Sevens, especially seven, we have our own shit.
We have our own shit like everybody else.
Sevens like myself, we're it's the type of person that their
biggest fear is missing out, being trapped in emotional pain.
I've actually said this on quitea few episodes, like that was my
life in my 20s. It's just constantly moving from
experience to experience to experience because I was chasing
(28:16):
happiness and I wasn't allowing myself to experience any painful
emotion, sadness, grief, frustration, anger.
So I shoved it all down. And so that's very seven.
And our biggest desire is just to be content and to have fun.
Sevens are just like, they're playful and they're fun and
they're just, but it can come off pretty superficial cuz other
(28:37):
people are like, there's no way we're this happy.
Yeah, which I get. I totally get.
But they actually do have quite depth.
Moving on. Eights are never that happy.
Eights are never that happy. They try.
They try, but they just want to kill somebody on this under the
surface. Not saying I feel that way, but
(28:57):
I do. But I do feel that way.
I have so many eights in my lifeand I think it's because I have
an 8 wing. See, that's just going beyond
the basics. But eights are very You will
know who an 8 is. You like there's no other type
that has such a powerful presence.
(29:18):
They're leaders. They are the type of people that
are the protectors. They fight for justice, but
they're angry. They're angry little guys.
You're like, massive. I'm calling you a little.
I'm an angry little guy. You're the angry little guy.
Their biggest fear is being perceived as weak, powerless or
being controlled. Like do not try to control an
(29:39):
AIDS. They will fight back in attack
their biggest desires to protectthemselves and others which.
So if you think of an 8, they come off and they bark.
We can go into communication styles for each two, but eights
are just like it's hard to see you guys, big bears, but you
guys are actually mushy on the inside.
You are. You're like, shut.
(30:05):
Up. But The thing is, it's
definitely far under the surfaceand it would be around the
right. Types of people like it would be
round, yeah. Cuz you don't.
You have to be around people that you wouldn't, that you know
aren't gonna take advantage of you.
I think. I think that's or betray you.
Yeah, exactly. Like, cuz everybody else has to
stay on the other side of the armor.
Yeah, yeah, you guys, so much armor.
(30:27):
Oh my gosh. OK, so that's 8-9.
Last one, Nines little sweetie pies.
They're so sweet. Nines are the type of people
that they're mediators. They're people who do not like
conflicts, Like they love to keep the peace in harmony.
(30:48):
You won't see them. Like, it's funny because they're
actually an anger type, like eights, and they do have this
tremendous, like inner power andstrength and but they're not
going to show it because they want to keep the peace.
Like, that's literally what they're all about.
So the biggest fear is being in conflict, losing or being
(31:09):
separated from others. And their core desire is Peace
of Mind. Very, very sweet people.
I love them. I love them.
So I guess one question I have never really looked up the
answer to, but I just kind of thought of it in the last few
minutes was, can someone? Change their type.
(31:30):
I know you said you wing types and we'll dive into that
briefly, but can someone change a type?
Are you really, I mean like obviously you can't change in
astrology, you can't change whatsign you are and stuff.
Can someone change their type oris it really more of like maybe
they could have a different wing, but can they really change
their core type? Because it's it's like the
filter they came up with and I guess the a no answer would be
(31:52):
like the whole no, you can't teach new dog, you can't teach
old dogs new tricks. But I don't know.
I feel like. You can be aware of these
things, but I don't know if you could change types.
But is that possible? No, That's a great question.
No you cannot. Cuz like if I read through all
that, like I think we can all belike I resonate with that, but
you only have one type, one basic type, and that has not
(32:15):
changed throughout your entire life.
But the cool part is, is that you have stress lines, you have
growth lines. So like for example as A7, my
growth path is to a type 5. I'll take on the traits and
different strengths and abilities from type 5 and then
my stress line is type 1. So when I'm stressed, I'll take
(32:35):
on the traits of type one and then I have my wings, I have
type 6 and type 8 next to seven.So I take on things from them as
well. But the core wound and core fear
does not change. It is always the same.
But I will say it's like I've seen this with a lot of people
that get into any gram because they feel so seen and they don't
feel alone and they like becauseit is so deep you feel
(32:57):
understood. But the problem is, is that
people are like, well, I'm a three and I'm gonna overachiever
and this is how I am or I'm an 8.
I get to talk this way because it says that is how I am and I'm
not going to change. But that's the problem is any of
Gram is actually trying to show us the ways in which we built
these filters to protect ourselves.
(33:17):
But it's really just getting in our way as adults.
When we're building our self-awareness and we're trying
to grow, these types of patternsand behaviors are limiting us.
And so we need to unravel them so we become the most healthiest
version of ourselves. When you and I were talking just
like the concept portion of thisepisode yesterday.
(33:41):
There were certain points and I didn't have, actually, no, I
might have, I might have done some decent notes on that one.
Just some of the different things that that the AIDS can
have that were a trait of mine. But that I felt like, yes, I
identify that I've been that in the past.
I can see where my flaws were from those actions, and I've
(34:01):
worked pretty hard consciously to to.
Change those things. Like that's what I feel is what
the most beneficial portion of this is.
Like I said, if you're ready to grow, if you're ready to admit
like I'm not perfect, I have areas I can grow and change in
And that yes, this, this non negotiable portion of my
(34:22):
personality type does have portions I can soften.
I think that's that's the key oflike you can't change types but
you can take this certain trait that some people might look at
it be like that. I'm damn proud of that.
But OK, you might be proud of that.
But is it really working in yourbest interest with your
interactions with the world and the results that you hope to get
(34:44):
out of every interaction that you have in life?
Is that thing that you're standing on yet, yet Mountain
all proud about? Is it really something that is
benefiting your daytoday interactions?
And it's like, I can look at some of those things that I #1
have softened up and it's led tomore success for me in the way
that I've interacted with people.
But number two things I still need to work on to this day.
(35:06):
Like I. I go to the end of my day and I
try to do my best to be consistent with it.
But I try to journal the different things that happened
throughout my day. I try to journal my successes of
the day, and I try to journal some of the moments where I have
not done so well, just so I can recognize those and try to do
better. And in a perfect day, when I'm
not so stressed and busy, I willread that journal entry first
(35:29):
thing in the morning when I wakeup to remind myself of.
You know what it was? It kind of like similar to like
what I've done with what they say the experts say you can do
with dream journaling is that the more you journal a dream in
the middle of the night, if you wake up in the morning, you will
remember it and therefore you strengthen that part of your
brain. And I feel like we.
Yeah, like I feel like we do thesame kind of thing when we're
(35:50):
recognizing day-to-day throughout our day where was
that flaw. And this kind of helps to, I
think, highlight and put a spotlight on.
The areas during your day that you're probably gonna fuck up on
like people like me are probablygoing to be a little more
intimidating than they they probably should.
(36:11):
And that can put people off, that can immediately shut down
certain types of people where 100%.
Yeah, like if they're ones that are all about safety and
security, it's like this person is like not just the presence,
like they're a looming presence.I'm going to shut down
completely to everything this person saying you're doing and
therefore. Here I am trying to do what I'm
gonna do and I've shut the person down just because of a
(36:34):
trait of mind that is coming across too strong.
So I gotta try and soften that up.
No, that's that's, I love that you just said that because
that's so true. And since we're using the
example of type 8, like eights are pretty intimidating.
I think for mostly any type, Like if you don't know them,
you're like, damn, like why are you yelling at me?
Like, why are you angry and thenI'm not yelling?
(36:54):
Like, yeah, I'm not yelling. I'm just passionate.
So yeah, you know, I like I said, I'm surrounded by a lot of
aids, yourself included. And it's really cool to see a
healthy 8, especially because they are leaders.
And when you when I've I've seenyou guys, I mean you do it with
(37:14):
me like you, you lower your intensity and I've seen that
with other aids too and it's like very gentle and but also
very empowering. So each type can also.
You know what? It's just like sitting in the
back of my head. I'm sorry threes.
I feel like I didn't do you justice as well, but.
Go ahead, do them justice now. Probably every type.
(37:39):
Now I'm just thinking back. I'm like.
Jump into them. That's the beauty of this is
that like I said, this is the intro level and if people wanna
dive and do it more, it would take like a discovery call with
you and doing some stuff. Yeah, like.
Alexis is the one to do this. I have the privilege of being
Privy to inside information and and sort of chatting it up with
Lexus all the time on this kind of stuff.
(38:00):
But you guys if if this is seemslike something this is an
interest which I I really I don't think I can highly suggest
more that will get you more intoselfawareness, but.
Look up the the links we'll havein the show notes on this stuff
because it is an an eye opener in a game changer for every.
It's so much stuff trickles out of the changes that come from
(38:21):
the awareness this gives you. Thanks Heath.
That was really nice. Talk about a three, though.
What did you what did you glaze over?
I just want to like, show that. Like threes like you guys.
I'm like, you're the overachievers and you're setting
goals. Like, I think a lot of people do
that. But like, these guys, like, they
get shit done. They are also leaders.
(38:41):
Every type is a leader. I don't want to just be like,
it's a powerful leader and have a strong presence.
So do threes. Yeah, threes are like a lot of
entrepreneurs are threes, You know, I and they're also like,
they are so good with words of affirmation.
Like if I want to be like liftedup for the work I've done, I'm
going to a three so they can lift me up.
(39:03):
Actually an 8 to be honest. But now I feel like I haven't
done all the types justice. I love them all.
They're all brilliant, like every I know every type.
I have one in my life and like ones for example, I'm making
them out to seem like black and white and good and bad and
justice and but ones are so fun.Probably the most fun.
(39:23):
Like when you go on vacation with the one you're gonna have
the best time cuz they let loosebecause they're allowed to let
loose. No, but it's The thing is that's
valuable. When?
When? You're considering all these
different things. Everyone of them sort of does
have a little bit of a trait. I mean, the same thing kind of
goes with astrology and stuff too.
But so many different types havea little slice of it.
(39:45):
It's just certain types happen to have more.
Like if you had little weights that were tipping on a scale, it
would just be like, yeah, the, you know, the threes have the
leadership quality, but they've got three chips on the scale
versus the eights that have five.
It just happens to be it's a strength both have just one.
Happens to have a little bit more, but the eights have.
Less of something that maybe thethrees have, you know, it's just
(40:08):
it's it's and everybody has that.
Like if you're trying to judge afish's ability to climb a tree,
like it's it's not going to work.
And so many people do that in their lives.
They'll look at a certain type and be like, why don't I have
more of that. Not saying you can't develop it.
It's just as a natural, intrinsic sort of trait that
that's built into the way that your mind and modalities
(40:30):
operate. This is your default programming
and if it's something that you're aware of and you want to
work on it more than you, you goahead and you do that.
You you won't be able to change the core of it.
But yeah, if you want to be a better leader then you do
certain things that will make you as good of a leader as maybe
like an 8 will. Like what traits doesn't 8 have
that makes them a better leader than another trait?
Like it's just it's all that self-awareness.
(40:51):
True, exactly. And I would say like.
The reason like another reason Ilove Enneagram too is because
like like you said earlier, yes you're using it for your own
self-awareness and growth, but this is so good to like develop
healthy partnerships also in your workplace.
Knowing my like my boss for my part time job.
(41:14):
She's 8. And she talks like like that.
She's not angry, she just talks that way.
But like as A7, I'm like, I'm just trying to have fun.
But knowing that she talks like that, like like you, it helps me
like, understand like, OK, she'snot mad at me.
There's no painful emotions going on.
Like, I feel safe. That part makes me feel bad all
(41:39):
the time, though, because peoplelike, why were you so mad the
other day? I'm like, when when was I mad?
Yeah, you know what? You're talking about this thing,
like, I wasn't mad at all. You talking about like, Oh my
God, you seemed really pissed. I'm like, damn, you gotta see me
when I'm pissed. I know, but that's the, you
know, and that goes that goes inlines with even some
nationalities and stuff cuz you know, they always say Italians
(42:00):
that we talk with our hands and we're always so loud and
boisterous and stuff like that. And I was like, yeah, that's
that comes with some cultural conditioning as well.
I mean all of the all of it's built on the filters.
I mean, yeah, so I'll use Italians because that's that's
what I am. We have you know the influence
on your family members that's that's the conditioning that you
end up growing up with. So maybe a condition of Italians
(42:22):
is, is it leans heavily toward the Type 8 just as because it's
just a classified sort of way that it goes and you're around
those types and it brings it up,you know you brought up that
way. So it's your dominant way of of
of being and you know the other types are a little bit more
withdrawn. It just it's part of your
cultural conditioning. It's the lenses that you develop
in those early stages of life that get to this point.
(42:44):
It's the it's not so much nature.
It's a lot of nurture. You know, it's the way that
you're brought up in the things that you experience.
So yeah, I talked about nationalities.
But if you had be of a certain nationality and you don't grow
up in a household that's that typecast, or say you were
adopted and you went to a different household, like, you
might not have those traits because you might not be around
them. Or it could just be so deeply,
(43:07):
like, entrenched in your being that, yeah, you still talk with
your hands and you still yell when you're not angry.
That's what we do. It's just part of what it is.
But I'll say that learning aboutthese things have also made me
feel a little less unique in a good way.
(43:27):
Like, it's made me feel like because I don't have a lot of
people who are like me around mein my life.
And I think that's a part of what happens.
It's it's really good. It's.
Probably a good thing. I was always terrified that I'd
have a kid that was like me. And thank God Mason's nothing
like me at all. He's so cool and he's calm and
he's also a verbal choose. I don't know, I'd like to find
(43:48):
out cuz he's a he's a very earlyand a Virgo and I'm very late on
it. But I guess I'm very tight cast
as a Virgo and he's got very fewlike sort of Virgo tendencies or
whatever. He's such a chill kid and he's
he's very much more happy go lucky than I am.
But I was terrified that I was going to have a kid that was
going to be like me for so many different reasons, like teenage
(44:08):
years, I'm thank thank God he's nothing.
Like I wasn't. Angry little guy.
Just just the Hellion. Like I was not a fun teenager to
be around. God bless my mom.
But yeah, it made me feel a lot less alone in the sense that
yes, there are other people out there who talk, act and think
the way that that I do in certain ways.
(44:30):
And I think that's one of the other than self-awareness, I
think it's probably the next best thing is that you know,
yes, there are other people out there that will get you the
certain types that you can maybeidentify as you're interacting
with people on a day-to-day basis.
Oh 100%. I remember like, like I don't
like Rd. trips because I don't like being trapped as A7.
(44:53):
Like that we will chew our own arm to get out of a situation if
we feel trapped sitting in a car.
Highly anxious, like I have to like, really set intentions
before I get in like a long ride.
But other people would be like, dude, I'm actually OK on
airplanes, but I think it's because sevens are all about
travel. We're like, send me off to
(45:14):
experiences of the unknown. Like it's so fun for us, but
people in the past would be like, dude, just chill the fuck
out. Like, but it's a car ride, it's
four hours or it's an hour, it'sgoing to be fine.
And I would feel very like they don't understand.
So knowing that there's other sevens out there that can
understand that trapped feeling.Yeah, feels great.
(45:35):
I just met. You know what's funny though?
I just, I just met. I don't actually know many
sevens. I think I know maybe two.
And I just met one of the two and I was kind of like she's
very, very, very sweet. But I was triggered a little bit
because I like was seeing certain traits in her that I was
(45:55):
like. Like I was like, Oh my God, do I
come off like that? Like the whole the cuz people
have asked, they're like you don't there's no way you're that
happy. And I'm like, yes I am, but it
does come off pretty superficiallike fake.
But I promise that's not. Yeah, I don't know.
Yeah. I mean, I I think from the
(46:16):
moment I met you, I don't think I ever, I ever thought there was
a fakeness to it. But I think there is just a
level of like man, how how much do you sustain this on a daily
basis? And it's like, yeah, even on the
days where Alexis is like, I'm just not feelings.
Because I've always said to you since we started doing this
show, like if there's a day where and both of us have had
them in the course of us settingdates that we're going to
(46:37):
record. And just if one of us is feeling
like dog shit, it's like, let's let's not record like you for
the sake of not putting. I'd rather put out something a
couple days later and put it off, then put out something
that's subpar. And even on the days where you
say you're not feeling that great, it's like, I don't see
it, I'm not feeling good. You still get on a call with me
(46:57):
or something like that, and you're still all smiles and it's
like, this is you on a bad day. Like you've seen me on my bad
days and I'm just like FFFFFFFF.Yeah, I think it's because I
suppressed all of those emotionsfor so long that, yeah, even if
(47:18):
I'm sad or mad or whatever, likeit's very dull, yeah.
It's not to like the high end, which I guess in some ways is
good, but in other ways like I'mstill working on it.
I want a full year of just experiencing sadness.
Now this year I'm experiencing anger and it is very
uncomfortable for me. I do not like it.
(47:38):
Now is that part of? Is that part of sevens is like
Set? Is that an opposite of what a
sevens trait would be? Cuz we haven't dove into seven
much. So let's let's dive into years
to talk a lot about mine. But like, what is A7 all about?
Why is ain't? Why would anger be something
that doesn't resonate? Is anything that has to do with
what a Sevens type is? Yeah, cuz saying, you know,
sevens, we don't want to experience our cold fears.
(48:00):
To be trapped in pain and anger is one of those painful emotions
for us. Sadness, grief.
So now that, like, I'm a healthier 7 and I'm allowing
myself to experience the full range of emotions.
To me, like, I'm going to call it the universe.
I feel like the universe is putting me in situations that
develop those emotions. And for anger is coming up a lot
(48:24):
this year for me. And oh man, like I do not like
it at all. I've actually had conversations
with AIDS because you guys are so comfortable with anger and
I'm learning a lot about it and it's it's very interesting.
But yeah, it feels like. All fucking lose control If I
(48:46):
let myself fully experience anger and I don't want to hurt
anybody. I think that's like another
thing for me with anger. I'm still, but like, I'm basic,
dude. Like I'm still learning about
anger. I'm like a child with emotion.
I'm telling you I'm good at helping other people through it,
but for me it's just like, it's a process.
Which is kind of odd, right? It's It's not so odd though.
(49:09):
Like it just, I guess you just don't.
You don't turn inwards. You don't look in the mirror
enough when it comes to like thethe range of the emotions that
you end up feeling. And you once you finally do look
in the mirror and you're aware of this kind of stuff and you it
helps. It basically is your mirror.
Like you look at this and you'reable to look in the mirror and
see a different reflection of yourself And, you know, and
(49:30):
looking at it in, in kind of discussing in some of the notes
that I wrote down and some of the stuff I want to mention, it
was like, yeah, the AIDS feel a lot of anger.
And it's like people think aboutthat and they're like, wow, such
an angry person. Must be violent.
No, absolutely not. Actually.
Like, I am far from violence. Like.
And I think I've, you know, I'vehad violence in my life.
I've seen it. You know, I was trained to be
really good at it at a certain time between the job.
(49:52):
And also, like, boxing was just like the way that I was trained
from the. It was kind of sick from the age
of 15 onward. It was like, yeah, you don't
fight to just, like, fight. Like, you want to make sure that
the person can't walk out of thering at the end.
It was like a really kind of a brutal way to teach, like, a kid
something. And it just carried into life.
It was like the anger helped in those situations, but it was
always able to keep a cork in it.
(50:13):
But I can think of the emotions like the core emotions
throughout most of my life. It's like, yeah, it's anger, a
lot of it's anger, which then does that, does that, then cut
off other emotions Like what? So angers, when you have a hard
time with what is your what is your top one, what is what is
the the, the emotion that gets expressed the most in a sevens
(50:33):
type, probably excitement. I get excited a lot about
things, simple things like I'll be and that's the I will say
like that's the beauty about sevens too.
And what sevens can bring into the world is a lot of joy.
I think a lot of people want to be around sevens because they
want to feel happy and we express that a lot because, and
(50:54):
I don't think it's fake, although an unhealthy 7 is like
not allowing any of the painful emotions so that the happiness
is superficial in a way. But, you know, a healthy seven.
I feel like most of the time I'mpretty content.
Like even if I allow in like theother emotions and let it flow,
like, for the most part I'm pretty happy.
But I can walk outside. I can see, like, the sunlight,
(51:18):
hit a leaf and be like, Oh my God, so beautiful.
Like, it's so everything is justlike magical.
And so, yeah, I feel a lot of excitement or, but I guess these
days, just peace, contentment, yeah.
Which is cool, but yeah, going back to the anger thing, because
we all express anger so differently, this is something,
(51:40):
and it's since it is something I'm learning in my own
relationship. Chase, he's A5 and fives how
they deal with emotions as they it's really difficult for them
to process it in the present moment.
Because they're they're a head type.
They're they're all, they're in their heads all the time.
Like they don't really, they're not emotional.
(52:01):
Like, they don't really allow themselves that even though they
have that richness within them, they're not going to express it.
And so it's just an echo chamberin there, like it's in there
bouncing around, but it doesn't come out.
Yeah, it's like what is this? I don't know what this is.
So in the past, cuz we've been together for almost 11 years, we
would just go in circles in our arguments and I'd be like, what
the fuck is happening? Like I'm so sevens were very
(52:22):
solution oriented. We're like, let's get to the
point like, what's the root? What's the, you know, why are we
both upset? How are we gonna move forward
like, but in in a way that's also unhealthy because it's like
people need to express their feelings.
Like I gotta let that happen. So I'm working on that as well.
But fives like in the moment. I've learned now to give them
(52:44):
time to be able to process theiremotions because they're
actually highly intelligent and and probably one of like one of
the most observant types. And so if I give chase time to
process of his emotions, he'll come back full circle and be
like, OK, I understand how I feel.
I understand what you're saying and now we can come to
agreement. But if I allow him to just keep
(53:06):
going and going and going, we'llgo in circles for hours and then
I know with myself as A7. My like if if things get too
heightened and anger starts getting more increased, my first
instinct is to be like I I don'tneed to be in this relationship
anymore. I'm done.
Bye. I did that so many times.
(53:27):
I feel so. I'm so sorry.
Chase, I love you so. It's really nice understanding
the motivation behind why I did that.
It wasn't that I actually wantedto leave the relationship.
It was more of, oh, I don't wantto experience anymore of this
heightened, painful emotion. It feels like I'm being trapped.
(53:48):
So in arguments with your partner, it's so cool knowing
their type and understanding. Why are they talking that way?
Why are they communicating? Like, why are why you know why,
why why. It helps you understand the
other person in a deeper way, absolutely.
So you can resolve and then you have empathy for the other
person because you know, OK, I know.
(54:08):
For example, I'm trying to come over.
I know that I'm in an argument with you and you are coming off
a very angry, but the biggest thing of why you're coming off
that way is it's a defense mechanism.
You're trying to protect yourself, right?
If I know that, then I can have empathy on the other side in
(54:30):
that argument and be like, OK, this is not about me.
This is because they're trying to protect themselves and that's
why they're barking at me right now.
That's just another example, youknow right?
I could go on and on. Am I getting annoying?
No. This is this fascinating stuff.
The one of the other parts that I wanted to mention Are there
(54:50):
certain types that are more compatible with others?
You know, especially when it comes to relationships?
Like is A5 compatible with A7? Or you know if there are certain
types that are more compatible with certain types.
I think if you had, if we had a certified Ideogram Coach on
here, they'd be able to tell youthat I don't know the answer,
(55:11):
but what I can for my own experience is I find it
interesting that a lot of different people seem to either
be with like. I think it'd be very difficult
for A7 and A4 to date because sevens, they're like, I don't
want to deal with painful emotions and fours have this
(55:32):
depth of emotional. They just feel so much and so
that would be, I think that would be a hard pairing.
I'm sure that they have there's somebody out there that has that
couple. But I think that we go for
people that can get us like for me dating Chase is a 5.
That's my growth path, which I find interesting.
(55:53):
I'm trying to think, yeah, I just so I don't really know the
answer to that. I think that may be.
We attract exactly what we need.Yeah.
Yeah. No, I agree.
Like there's there's been so many, there's been so many
different times. And I can think of that things
had gotten rough and and you know, the different periods of
growth. I think that's what's made me
(56:14):
and my wife so successful over the years.
Like people, people would look at us and be like, well, you
know, you guys have been together.
Like we knew each other in high school.
We first met in like 7th grade and I had a crush on her in like
8th grade and then again like 11th grade.
And it took after we were high school to actually get together.
And it ever since, like it's been 22 years now, but it hasn't
been without its hiccups. People will look at us and it's
(56:35):
like, well, they don't talk about what goes on behind closed
doors and the problems that we've had to a huge extent.
Like we definitely brought it forward and tried to basically
inspire people like don't try tosit there and be perfect in your
relationships. It's not going to happen.
There's some people, yeah. Like there are some people, I'm
sure who are literally like the absolute perfect match and they
(56:55):
hardly ever have an issue and things are just going great.
Like, God bless them, great. You've had a great life.
Our growth path in the the parallel that we've gone through
together, there'll be times where I'm the ass that needs to
come to grips with something andit's a huge growth period for me
when I realize I'm in the wrong and she calls it out and vice
versa. And luckily we've been able to
(57:16):
grow together throughout all cuzsome couples will just genuinely
grow apart. That might be your path.
You know, you're with a certain person long enough that you've
been with them long enough. The period of growth that you've
had is over. The universe starts to separate
because you are meant to go learn something else, somewhere
else with someone else like it. Just that's an unfortunate thing
that happens. And people who are selfconscious
(57:37):
about being divorced or having, you know, failed marriages or
relationships or whatever, it's like that's kind of what the
universe needed for you, obviously, because that's what
happens. Like, you have to look at every
circumstance that works out as adivine circumstance, like it was
meant to happen that way becauseit happened that way.
Like there's you don't you look back on it.
The people who were able to staytogether and grow and we're able
(58:01):
to sort of go on parallel trackswith each other.
You were fortunate enough that the grow, the, the, the heath
that grew was compatible with the Sylvia that grew.
Like you were able to continue going on the same thing with you
11 years in. And you guys are able to
continue to have ups and downs. But throughout it all, it's like
the end result is still compatibility because one or
(58:23):
both people grew throughout whatever it was that, you know,
didn't work out in whatever moment we were able to learn,
grow. And you're still there.
There's still something to keep you rooted there because it all
mattered. And that's the path that you're
supposed to be on. And I think learning everything
about these different types, it's like it would help me learn
more about what my wife was liketo the things that I'm gonna do
(58:46):
that are her biggest triggers and try and soften them up.
I already do like I just just feedback that I get you know
like I've I'm I'm a 230 something pound guy.
She's like 100 pounds. She's tiny.
Like I have to be careful how big and intense I can get.
Like, it just it would definitely be some as someone
twice, literally twice my size was looming over me all intense
(59:09):
and fired up over an argument itwould keep like, wow, okay, that
would be kind of an intimidatingcircumstance.
So like that I've learned from. But also the triggers that come
from learning the different types.
Like those are things that you'dbe able to learn from as well to
you don't soften the blow in whatever situations you're in,
whether it's relationships or work. 1000% like I think of
(59:31):
sixes for example, and then likeyou know they're worry.
And a lot of times us other types would be like stop
worrying about it. Like, that could be like, the
worst thing that you say to a six Stop worrying about it.
Stop. Worrying.
Be so angry. Stop worrying about it.
Stop that. Stop that.
Oh my gosh, like the worst thingthat you could say to a seven or
one of them is like cheer up, cheer up.
(59:52):
Like, motherfucker fucking cheer.
It makes me so angry. Oh my gosh.
Or like, look at the bright side.
I'm like, oh, I have. I've ever looked at the bright
side. I am the bright side.
I am the bright side. Gosh, I don't feel like I did 9
justice either. I think you've done a good job.
(01:00:12):
I think just because you have somuch knowledge in it, like it's
hard for you to summarize because you're so passionate
about this and you know so much about it.
Like I said, you can stop on everyone of these types for 1/2
an hour to dish everything aboutwhat you know and how that
relates to people you've met along the way.
So yeah, I wouldn't be too self-conscious about that, but
is there something, what else about a nine you wanna throw in
(01:00:33):
there? Well, I just wanna say like
about nines of like I was like they don't like conflict and
they wanna keep the pace in harmony, but they're also just
like so complex and like once you get to know them, there's
like layers upon layers and like.
There's this inner power about them.
They're not just like all calm and docile.
There's just such power behind them.
And they also can see multiple perspectives and they can remain
(01:00:55):
calm and adaptable. I would say they are the least.
What's the word for it? Undistorted type out of all of
them. They can see what's actually
happening. That's fair.
That's fair. There's truth there.
Yeah. I think this, this, this
(01:01:17):
conversation is great though andwe'll we'll wrap up in a minute.
But the conversation is great because it definitely sets the
stage. And I know you've got a couple
people who are like super experts, you know, beyond even
your expertise. But people that are that are
extreme experts on this and can rattle off everything about
everybody. And when we get to the point
we're going to have that person on, I'd like to do it sort of on
(01:01:39):
the heels of this in the next maybe four or five episodes.
So we'll we'll talk further about how to make that happen.
But once we do it, I want to putthat episode we'll we'll
advertise it ahead of time and we'll put it on either the
Wisdom app or Clubhouse. I'm.
I'd lean a little bit more towards Wisdom because I've used
it and I don't know, I'm salty towards Clubhouse a little bit
lately. But either way, I'd like to get
(01:02:00):
it a live version of this so that as we have a Lexus and
whichever expert we have, we canhave you, the listeners, listen
to when we're going to actually we'll set a time and date when
we're going to have that episodeand record it.
And you can download the Wisdom app and you can get right on
there and we'll take people up on, you know, stage quote, UN
quote. We'll take them up on stage one
(01:02:20):
at a time and if you fill out the stuff ahead of time, we'll
dive a little bit more into the setup to that.
But we'll have people take the tests and we'll have your
information a little bit ahead of time.
And then we'll be able to sort of look into a little bit more,
or at least if you know what type you are.
And then if you have questions or want to dive a little bit
more into it, we'll have you up on stage with these two experts.
(01:02:41):
So it'll be kind of like a little a little bit of a free
coaching session with a couple of people who know what they're
talking about. So I think that would be fun.
It would be a little bit of a logistical challenge, but that's
what this is all about. That'll set our growth edge for
us as podcast as. Podcast as I'm really excited
for that and I'm hoping I can get this specific person on, but
(01:03:02):
we'll see how that goes. We'll get somebody.
We'll get somebody. Really cool, really cool.
Cooler than you. No, probably cooler.
I'm not that cool. No, you can be.
I mean I feel like we went over a lot, we we did and it was a
great, it was great. So we'll wrap it up.
(01:03:24):
And like I said, if you guys areinterested in this beyond the
the level of what we've been able to do today, go take the
test go, we'll put the link in the show notes and all the other
pieces of information that are valuable the subject.
And like I said, we're going to dive back into this.
This was just the intro level and we'll talk about this again
later, but dive into the show notes, take that exam, know what
(01:03:45):
type you are. So that later on when we're
diving into this a little bit deeper with someone, you're
aware of it and you don't have to have people that are nearby,
near, near and dear to you take the test as well.
So you can kind of learn what they're about in the process and
who knows how that's going to benefit you.
But also a question and answer at the bottom of this episode in
(01:04:06):
the show notes will be there. If you click on that link, it's
going to have something relativeto, you know, what sort of type
were you and what you learn about yourself.
But go down the show notes and answer that question and answer
whenever that does come out. And also down in the show notes,
there is ways to support this podcast that are down there now.
You can do it through both Patreon and through Spotify.
So if you do want to throw us some love that will help us get
(01:04:29):
this out in front of more fears and minds of the populace that's
out there and separate us from the sea of 3 million podcasts
out there. There are ways that you can
support the show and that will just basically get turned right
back into the show and help us get out there even more because
all the pretty much goes into advertising and whatever can
help put us out there. So there's my plug.
(01:04:51):
Alexis, thank you for all of your expertise and bringing this
passion of yours to the listeners and myself, because
I've learned a lot. Thanks, man.
I'm really, I was like stoked tohave this conversation about any
gram. And before we go, just one last
apology. If I didn't do your type well
enough or I didn't give you enough praise, I apologize.
(01:05:12):
I love you all. I'm sorry.
We went over. We went over the ones we're most
knowledge about, which is prettymuch you, me and the people who
would be closest to us. So I don't think anybody's
judging. I think you're judging yourself,
which is probably part of your type, isn't it?
There's so seven of you. It's my stress line to one.
I'm just that inner critic comesup and I'm like, I'm sorry.
(01:05:35):
OK. Anyway, this was fun.
It was. See.
You next time, all right, see you next time.
If this conversation has piqued your interest and you want to
dive into your own any Gram archetype, reach out to Alexis
directly. Her contact info will be down in
the show notes. I highly recommend it.
She has definitely opened me up to a world about this subject
(01:05:55):
matter and it is fascinating. And currently for the fall of
2023 I have some openings for those looking to have one-on-one
calls with me had to livethislife.org and go to the
one-on-one consulting page For more information.
And if you are an expert on inspiration, have amazing
revelations about our reality, or have a story to tell about
how you manifested your best life, we want to hear from you.
(01:06:19):
You can reach out to us at connect@livethislife.org.
That's CONNE c.t@livethislife.org.
Or you can schedule a time to talk with me directly about an
episode concept through the show's county page at
calendly.com/live This Life. And be sure to follow along on
all the socials and give this video a like, a comment or a
(01:06:40):
review. And please feel free to forward
this show to those who you thinkwould resonate with its message.
Thanks for listening. We'll see you next time.
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Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show. Clay Travis and Buck Sexton tackle the biggest stories in news, politics and current events with intelligence and humor. From the border crisis, to the madness of cancel culture and far-left missteps, Clay and Buck guide listeners through the latest headlines and hot topics with fun and entertaining conversations and opinions.