Axiom for Flourishing #1 - Agency defines character

Live Well and Flourish – Episode 132: Agency Defines Character

Host: Craig Van Slyke

In this thought-provoking episode, Craig kicks off a new series presenting his personal collection of 35 axioms for living a flourishing life. Today’s focus: “Agency defines character.”

What You’ll Learn:

• Craig shares a personal story about overcoming his habit of being an angry driver. When he noticed how his reactions affected his wife, he consciously chose to change, demonstrating how agency—our capacity for choice—shapes who we are.
• Listeners are reminded that while many things in life lie outside our control, our reactions, emotions, and choices remain ours to direct. Drawing from Stoic philosophy (especially Epictetus), Craig highlights the importance of controlling what’s truly within our grasp: our opinions, desires, and, most crucially, our actions.
• Aristotle’s idea of habit formation is explored, emphasizing that character is built through repeated, conscious practice. Small, everyday choices—like how we respond in traffic—accumulate and eventually define us.
• Craig introduces Buddhist mindfulness as a practical tool for creating space between stimulus and response. By practicing “the pause,” we give ourselves the opportunity to make better decisions that align with the kind of person we strive to be.

Key Takeaways:

• Our circumstances do not define us—our responses do.
• Every choice, big or small, is an exercise in defining character.
• Building good habits transforms positive choices from conscious effort into second nature.
• Mindfulness practices help us cultivate the agency needed to become our best selves.

Craig’s core message is that flourishing starts with recognizing and embracing agency. By making choices rooted in who we wish to become, we steadily build the character necessary for a rich, fulfilling life.

If this episode resonates with you, Craig encourages you to share it with someone who might benefit. Find more resources and previous episodes at livewellandflourish.com.

Start flourishing today: pause, choose, and act in line with your best self.

No sponsorships. No requests for donations. Just a mission to help you flourish.

Episode Transcript

(00:10):
Welcome to Live well andFlourish, where I help you understand
what it means to live aflourishing life.
I'm your host, Craig Van Slyke.
If you're ready to thinkbeyond material and external success,
if you're ready to takecontrol of who you are and the kind
of life you live, if you'reready to flourish, this is the podcast
for you.
This is the first episode in aseries of 35, I think, in which I'll

(00:35):
present a different axiom, adifferent rule for living a flourishing
life.
These are rules that haveguided my life, and I wanted to share
them with you.
If you want to know more aboutthis, Listen to episode 131, which
is available atlivewellandflourish.com 131 here's

(00:56):
our first Axiom Agency definesCharacter Are you an angry driver?
I used to be.
In fact, it was my littlepressure valve.
I'd get mad at traffic, stupiddrivers, all the usual things.
It was mostly harmless, or soI thought.

(01:16):
Then one day I yelled whiledriving along with my wife, Tracy
in the car.
I yelled at some dumb thinganother driver did.
Out of the corner of my eye, Inoticed Tracy kind of shrinking back
against the passenger door.
Even though I wasn't yellingat her, and even though I'd never
yelled at her, I realized thatsomething in her past made her react

(01:42):
to temperamental outburststhis way.
So I had a choice to make.
Continue to express my angerwhile driving, or calm down and take
traffic in stride.
I decided to calm down.
It took some conscious effort.
A lot of conscious effort.
But I became a much, muchcalmer driver.

(02:04):
I had agency over my actions,and fortunately, I chose to exercise
that agency to become a better person.
Honestly, it's pointless to bean angry driver anyway.
You are the sum of your choices.
You've probably read or heardthat saying at some point.
It's one of those somewhattrite but definitely true expressions.

(02:30):
Every moment of every day, youmake choices.
Some good, some bad.
We tend to remember the big choices.
Who to marry.
Whether to take or leave a job.
Whether to move.
These are the big, memorable choices.
But in some ways, the littlechoices are more important to your
character.

(02:51):
Let me lay out the logic forthis episode.
You have the ability to make choices.
If you want to be a goodperson, make good choices.
Put a little differently, ifyou want to be a good person, use
your agency, your ability tochoose to make choices that align
with the sort of person youwant to be.

(03:14):
This axiom ties together twoimportant elements of living a flourishing
life.
The first is the concept of agency.
Agency is your ability to actindependently and make your own choices.
You're listening to thisbecause you choose to.
And thank you for choosing to.
You are in control.

(03:36):
There are lots of things thatare beyond your control, but in many
aspects of life, you have atleast some degree of agency.
The idea of control is centralto Stoicism and many other philosophies.
In the words of Stoicphilosopher and former slave Epictetus,
some things are in our controland others not.

(03:58):
That's a pretty well knownquote from the Enchiridion, the handbook.
In fact, it's the openingline, which is one of the bibles
of Stoicism.
But people often miss the nexttwo sentences, which in some ways
are equally important.
Things in our control areopinion, pursuit, desire, aversion,

(04:19):
and in a word, whatever areour own actions.
Things not in our control arebody, property, reputation, command,
and in one word, whatever arenot our own actions.
Notice the common element inthese sentences, the common thread,

(04:39):
is our own actions.
Things that are in yourcontrol are the result of your own
actions.
Things that are not, aren't.
This seems obvious, but it'soften completely forgotten.
In daily life, we act as ifwe're at the whim of some outside
forces that control us.
Sure, some things, really manythings, are beyond your control.

(05:04):
While driving, I can't controlthe traffic or the actions of other
drivers.
I can control my reactions, though.
That is totally under my control.
Even though we don't usuallythink of deciding how to react emotionally
as an action, it is the wayEpictetus uses the word.
You get to decide your actionsand reactions, emotionally or otherwise.

(05:29):
Yeah, it takes persistentpractice, but your thoughts and feelings
are absolutely within your control.
You have agency over them.
This leads to the secondcritical element of axiom 1.
The second element comes fromAristotle's practice, habit being,
process of flourishing.

(05:51):
The Stoics tell us we have control.
Aristotle focuses us on makingthe right choices, on exercising
that control in the right way.
Basically, to become somethinglike a calm driver, you first have
to consciously andintentionally practice being calm.

(06:11):
Over time, remaining calmbecomes a habitual reaction rather
than something you have to do consciously.
Finally, over even more time,being calm becomes part of who you
are, part of your very being.
These two threads runthroughout this whole series of episodes
and throughout the book thatI'm writing.

(06:33):
They are core truths.
If you don't remember anythingelse, remember that circumstances
do not define you.
Your responses do.
Buddhism gives us a verypractical way to gain control over
our responses.
Buddhist practice emphasizesthe importance of the pause, the

(06:54):
space between stimulus and response.
Mindfulness opens up thatspace, a space in which you can exercise
your agency to make the right choice.
As you go about your week,remember to practice the pause.
Don't react reflexively.
Exercise your agency and makechoices that align with who you want

(07:16):
to be.
Remember, choices define character.
Make the right choices andyou'll have the right character.
My reflexive reactions whiledriving kept me from being a calm
person.
Making better choices broughtme closer to being who I want to
be, and I was one step furtheralong my path to flourishing.

(07:39):
I produce, live well, andflourish because of my dedication
to helping others liveexcellent lives.
I don't accept sponsorshipsand I don't want your money.
The only thing I want is tohelp you and others flourish.
If you've received some valuefrom this episode, please share it
with someone that might alsobenefit from listening.
The best way to do that is todirect them to livewellandflourish.com

(08:01):
until next time.