Axiom for Flourishing #2: Control what you can and let the rest go

In this heartfelt and thoughtful episode, host Craig Van Slyke shares a transformative life philosophy rooted in his own challenging experience—learning to control what you can, and letting the rest go. Drawing from the painful journey of his first wife’s diagnosis and battle with late-stage cancer, Craig explores the deep wisdom in discerning what is within our power, exercising agency where possible, and practicing acceptance when faced with the uncontrollable.

Key Takeaways:

• Discernment: Recognize the boundary between what you can and can’t control. Craig recounts how he learned to focus on actionable steps—like providing physical support for his wife—instead of being consumed by the reality he couldn’t change.
• Agency: Even in difficult circumstances, don’t let the sheer number of uncontrollable factors overwhelm your sense of agency. There are always small, meaningful actions you can take.
• Acceptance: True flourishing comes from accepting what cannot be changed. Craig highlights the importance of not wasting energy on anxiety or rage about things beyond our influence—embrace the situation, and use your reason to ease its burden where possible.

Craig illustrates how this axiom is rooted in both ancient philosophy and modern psychology, referencing:

• Buddhism’s Four Noble Truths: Understanding suffering, its root in craving, and the path to relief by letting go.
• Stoicism: Echoing Epictetus’ wisdom—that misery stems from confusing what we control with what we don’t—and Aristotle’s counsel to act with virtue within the limits of our agency.
• Modern Psychology: Locus of control theory and Ellen Langer’s “illusion of control” highlight the mental toll of overestimating our power, while acceptance and commitment theory points to the peace gained from letting go of futile struggles.

Practical Tips for Listeners:

1. Circle of Control Exercise: When facing worry, categorize it—what’s truly controllable, what’s not, and what’s an illusion. Focus only on the first.
2. Letting Go Ritual: Write down a recurring worry about something uncontrollable, then let it go physically (destroy the paper, or store it away).
3. Recentering: In stressful moments, check if you’re clinging to the uncontrollable. If so, consciously let it go.

Craig wraps up with the guiding idea: freedom and flourishing start with releasing the illusion that we can control everything. Find your balanced path between agency and acceptance, and you’ll create space to flourish without being drained by what you cannot change.

Quote to Remember:

“Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens.” – Epictetus

If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone you care about and help others on their journey to live well and flourish.

Visit: livewellandflourish.com