I had a lovely time having Bryn as my co-host on this episode. Our topic we discussed was about Stimulus VS Cause. According to Marshalls book Nonviolent Communication. “What others do or say may be the stimulus of our feelings, not the cause.” There is a root to our feelings and that root is the cause. One way I like to think of this as, unprocessed trauma (cause) we might have experienced which has lead to these deep rooted feelings. In Marshall’s book he talks about how there are 4 ways we can receive a hard to hear message:
- Take it personally by hearing blame then blaming ourselves
- Blame others
- Sense of own feelings & needs
- Sense of others’ feelings & needs
Mindful meditation helps us find that pause between stimulus and response. Viktor Frankl was born 1905, he is an Austrian psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor. His famous quote is, “Between stimulus and response lies a space. In that space lie our freedom and power to choose a response. In our response lies our growth and our happiness.”
Finding the pause, giving compassion (if needed) & getting curious when we are escalated will help us in regulating and finding the root of the stimulus.
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