Are You Living Your Truth or Someone Else's Expectations?

Are You Living Your Truth or Someone Else's Expectations? (Living Lucky® Podcast)

Have you ever felt afraid to simply be yourself? In this deeply vulnerable and insightful Living Lucky® Podcastepisode, Jason and Jana Banana tackle the uncomfortable truth about why we often hide parts of ourselves to fit in, and how to reclaim your personal freedom.

This episode is a masterclass in personal development and self-help, packed with powerful "nuggets of wisdom" to help you:

• Unpack Your Vices: Explore why we seek to numb our feelings with things like alcohol, comfort food, or shopping. Understand that the real problem is often a deep-seated fear of simply feeling your feelings.
• Break Free from Labels: Hear Jana's raw story of the unexpected judgment she faced from both sides of the sobervs. drinker divide. Discover how labeling yourself creates expectations that limit your ability to evolve.
• The "Let Them, Let Me" Tool: Learn from Mel Robbins' powerful concept of giving yourself a "permission slip" to evolve. The key to authentic living isn't about avoiding judgment, but developing the courage to be yourself despite it.
• External vs. Internal Judgment: Uncover the startling truth that the judgment you fear from others often stems from your own critical inner voice. Recognizing this limiting belief is your first step toward true freedom.
• The Courage to Change: Realize that it's okay to evolve, change your mind, and take a "left turn" in life. This episode is a call to be brave, embrace your vulnerability, and ride on your own line, regardless of the "rub of non-acceptance."

Are you ready to stop living for others and start living your truth? Could you embrace a more authentic, courageous, and joyful life? Tune in and start Living Lucky®!

How to be your authentic self. Overcoming fear of judgment. The courage to change your mind. Why we hide parts of ourselves. The emotional intelligence of feeling your feelings. Navigating social pressure and expectations. The role of alcohol in numbing feelings. Learning self-acceptance and giving yourself permission. Mel Robbins 'Let Them' tool explained. How can I be more authentic? How do I stop fearing what others think of me? What are self-imposed limitations? How can I face my emotions instead of numbing them? What does it mean to give yourself a pe

TEXT US DIRECTLY

For mind-blowing inspirational content that we implement ourselves, join us by subscribing and connecting to our private community.

Thanks for joining us.
CONNECT with us in our PRIVATE COMMUNITY

*** The Living Lucky Community is experiencing what it feels like to create a life of inspiration where dreams come true. Check it out HERE *** or at https://www.startlivinglucky.com/sendusyourdreams

!!! SEND US A MESSAGE: Are you ready to unlock your path to a more inspired life where you're Living Lucky®? Email me directly and let's chart your course toward realizing your dreams and creating a life that fills you with daily inspiration.
Email Jason Shelfer HERE

The 4 pillars of Living Lucky
Believe in yourself
Believe in the people around you
Believe in your circumstances and
Believe that God is working through you, for you, and always conspiring in your favor.

*Previously Recorded

Episode Transcript

Jana Shelfer (00:00):
Are you ready to create a life you crave?
Let's spin that doom loop ofnegativity into an upward
success cycle and start LivingLucky®.

Jason Shelfer (00:14):
Good morning.

Jana Shelfer (00:15):
I'm Jana, I'm Jason and we are Living Lucky®.
You are too.
I've gotten myself in a pickle.
Oh, I like pickles.
It's kind of a big deal.

Jason Shelfer (00:29):
I see what you did there.

Jana Shelfer (00:30):
So I stopped drinking alcohol for many, many
years, and the reason I did itwas I did not really like being
me and I felt like I would comehome and I would have a glass of
wine to kind of numb out.

Jason Shelfer (00:45):
I was in the same boat, I would have a glass of
bourbon.

Jana Shelfer (00:49):
Really yeah remember.
Yeah, but you weren't real openabout it.
It wasn't like every day.
Oh no, I hid it.

Jason Shelfer (00:56):
I only drank it in the closet.
No, I'm just kidding.

Jana Shelfer (00:58):
Stop, I was going to say Because I would be very
open about it.

Jason Shelfer (01:03):
I'd be like I need my glass of wine so you
would get home after me.

Jana Shelfer (01:06):
Sometimes a wine and a lorazepam.

Jason Shelfer (01:09):
And I would.
So I would like to come home,go out on like do my bourbon on
the rocks or on one of those biground rocks and sit out by the
pool and just kind of I calledit unwinding Okay, and really
what it was was trying to forgetwhat happened during the day.

Jana Shelfer (01:28):
Well, that's why most people have some sort of
vice, whether it is alcohol orsometimes it's comfort food.

Jason Shelfer (01:36):
Or shopping.

Jana Shelfer (01:37):
Or shopping.
I'm going to go shop, that'llmake me feel better, therapy
shopping.
And it's very funny because Iwas talking to my friend Leah
and she was like.
You know, sometimes I justdon't like being me, that's
literally.
She came down and she said itout loud.

Jason Shelfer (01:52):
That's great awareness.

Jana Shelfer (01:53):
You know what that's?
Everyone's problem is that somewe get to a point in our life
where I just don't want to be meanymore.
I don't want to deal with allthese thoughts and these
emotions that keep going throughmy head, and I'm tired of
having the same ones.

Jason Shelfer (02:06):
Yeah, that's so insightful because and in my
mind, because I'm a visualperson I'm picturing a person on
top of this large round balland they're trying to navigate,
not falling off the top of theball.

Jana Shelfer (02:20):
Yeah.
Yeah, it's like a circus trick,stopped drinking alcohol.

(02:41):
What that did to for me for meis I stopped going to social
situations because I just foundit wasn't as fun and I started
attracting a lot of friends whoalso do not drink alcohol and
I've just decided I don't.
I'm not having nearly as muchfun.

(03:03):
Yeah, I feel not putting downpeople who don't drink alcohol,
but it is a different vibe andit can be fun, don't get me
wrong, but I just don't want toexperience that all the time.

Jason Shelfer (03:16):
Right, yeah, like I a lot of times won't drink
alcohol, like I'll pick andchoose, just like you pick and
choose, and some like in a lot.
I don't even know where I'mgoing with this, but there is a
difference between a the medrinking alcohol and the me not

(03:37):
drinking alcohol.

Jana Shelfer (03:39):
Oh yeah, there's a huge difference.

Jason Shelfer (03:41):
We just went to the poker tournament.

Jana Shelfer (03:42):
There's almost a huge difference in being your
date as well, if that makessense, yeah, and here's the
thing is.
I don't want to label myself asI am this or I am this.

Jason Shelfer (03:58):
Right.

Jana Shelfer (03:59):
I just want to make my.
You know if I want to go out todinner and have a martini or a
beer then I want to do that withno judgment.
And the problem that I'm facingnow is that, because I did make
a stand for a while I mean,when I stopped drinking it was

(04:23):
oh my God, are you pregnant?

Jason Shelfer (04:26):
What's wrong, are you?

Jana Shelfer (04:27):
an alcoholic, why aren't you drinking?
And I would actually fakedrinking, remember.
I would say oh yeah.
I've got vodka in my.

Jason Shelfer (04:35):
Yeti cup.
I've already made my drink.

Jana Shelfer (04:37):
And I really just had iced tea.
And then I could see oh my gosh, people are getting crazy and
silly and I don't know.
There may have been a littlebit of judgment in my head, but
the the reason I was doing itfor me was I needed to feel my
feelings at that time yep, butnow I've decided that there's a

(05:02):
bunch of stiffs like they'rethere and I hate to say that
Like why?
Well, it's a why do I feel thatway?

Jason Shelfer (05:09):
So I don't know if it's a bunch of stiffs, but
what I've noticed is because youmentioned it earlier about the
so there's judgment on bothsides of that line, right?
And so if you're around peoplethat are drinking and you are
not, you are judged.
Yes, if you're around peoplewhich now we've made a friend
group of people who really don'tdrink, now they may or may not

(05:32):
on occasion.
Most of them just don't drink.

Jana Shelfer (05:35):
Right.

Jason Shelfer (05:36):
So when we decide hey, you know what, it's
martini time, it's martini time.
Or it's margarita time, that'sright Like we go to a Mexican
restaurant once every six months.

Jana Shelfer (05:46):
I want a margarita .

Jason Shelfer (05:47):
I want to feel like I was back in Mexico, back
in Cancun.

Jana Shelfer (05:50):
That's what I want .

Jason Shelfer (05:52):
So I'm going to have a margarita, and then now
there's judgment on that side ofthe line.
So a lot of times we're justnot letting ourselves be and
people aren't letting us be.

Jana Shelfer (06:01):
Is there judgment or are we judging ourselves?
We're creating this judgmentinside us.

Jason Shelfer (06:06):
Well, I so, when we've been out.

Jana Shelfer (06:09):
Yeah.

Jason Shelfer (06:09):
I've noticed the look on faces, so this is where
we get all of our information.

Jana Shelfer (06:15):
Tell me more.
Ok, what have you noticed?

Jason Shelfer (06:18):
Well, you look at , oh, you're going to have a
drink.
You know, it's like that theslight head cock, the, the, the
quizzical look like.
Did I just hear that personorder a drink?
Did I just hear Jason order amargarita?
They don't drink.

Jana Shelfer (06:33):
Have you been noticing that?

Jason Shelfer (06:34):
So I do, I see it , so we can pick up these little
it's with our church friends.

Jana Shelfer (06:38):
That's what it is we can pick up these little
micro expressions.
They don't have to say it outloud, but it like oh so, I
didn't know this about you.
Like if I go to life group andI want to just bring a bottle of
vodka with me right.
Pull out my flask at a girl.
That's gonna go over like afart in church.

Jason Shelfer (07:00):
Are you with me?
Oh yeah, well there's.
I think there's appropriateplaces to to have a drink like
go to Life Group a Latcha Vodkabottle.
Like I can't go through thiswithout a hottie toddy.

Jana Shelfer (07:11):
Praise.

Jason Shelfer (07:12):
Jesus.

Jana Shelfer (07:16):
Let's all bow our heads.

Jason Shelfer (07:17):
Oh wait, jason's passed out, there's no way I'm
going to be able to put up withyou guys for the next hour
without a couple of drinks.

Jana Shelfer (07:24):
No, it's so weird that I'm going through this
right now, but what I havenoticed is so I literally
stopped drinking.
We threw out all of our alcohol.
I mean, I made it very publicLike, yeah, I'm not drinking,
I'm not drinking anymore, and itwas great going through that.
However, I have realized Ienjoy having a nice cocktail.

(07:50):
In fact, I think it is reallyfun to go to a whiskey tasting
or a, do you know?
What I'm saying, or go to aNapa wine country.

Jason Shelfer (08:03):
And I think that was so fun.
And I think this is where it'slike things in moderation, like
there was.
So we were going like I washaving a drink every day and it
was so the drink became a toolfor me.
I mean, if I look back, it istrue that it became part of a
habit.
Yes, and that was.

(08:23):
I don't.
I don't want drinking to be myhabit.
That's one thing I don't want.
So now we're in a spot where wehave a drink every now and then
when we want.
It's not a oh my gosh.
It's six o'clock, seven o'clock.
I'm home from work.
I want to kick my shoes off andhave my drink.

Jana Shelfer (08:43):
Yeah.

Jason Shelfer (08:43):
You know, like I didn't recognize that, I'd kind
of grown into this doingness,that was just part of my routine
.
So every night I came home Iwanted to fix my one bourbon
drink and then I was like, ohwell, it's not a habit, I'm
going to switch bourbons.
That's the change I'll make.

(09:05):
I'll try different bourbons.
So now it's not quote unquoteroutine.

Jana Shelfer (09:11):
Okay, so recently, like this, within the last two
days, some friends of ours whodo not drink they are very do
not drink people, they'reMormons?

Jason Shelfer (09:23):
They're not Mormons.

Jana Shelfer (09:25):
Stop, you're going to get us.

Jason Shelfer (09:26):
We're going to get us canceled.

Jana Shelfer (09:27):
I'm sorry, we need to like delete that All right.
Anyway.
So they've become our friendsand they wanted to get together
this week.
So I suggested what do you havein mind?
Would you like to do a nicerestaurant?
Would you like to do fire pit?
Maybe check out some of thesespeakeasies that I've been

(09:51):
hearing about.
And then in the next, likeafter a couple text chains.
Then I said you know, I hearPilar's here in Winter Garden is
like the place to be on Tuesdaynights it's award winning.
And the reason I said that wasbecause they have karaoke and I
was like, oh, that could bereally fun, right.

Jason Shelfer (10:06):
Especially for a non drinker.

Jana Shelfer (10:09):
I love to sing I mean, I could feel the judgment
coming through like who fartedliterally was like who farted in
the elevator?
That's not my scene and I'mactually like I don't even know
why you suggested that who?

Jason Shelfer (10:24):
are these?
Who are these people?
Do they not know me?

Jana Shelfer (10:26):
Nobody in this group.
Are those people you're talkingabout and I'm like?
But I am Because I would loveto go to Pilar's and sing
karaoke.
I would love to.

Jason Shelfer (10:37):
We will be going to Pilar's and singing karaoke.

Jana Shelfer (10:39):
Yes, yes so.
I guess what I'm trying to sayChange what makes you happy and
don't let the judgment of otherpeople bother you, but here's
the thing is they're not judging.
I'm judging myself.

Jason Shelfer (10:50):
Are you?

Jana Shelfer (10:51):
And literally, I think what they're saying is you
know what, If you want to bethat way, Jana, then you're not
our people.

Jason Shelfer (10:57):
You're not my or go, do that your day, and then
we'll have you on a differentday.

Jana Shelfer (11:03):
Were they saying that?

Jason Shelfer (11:07):
I, you on a different day.
Were they saying that?
I don't know, I don't know.
That's the thing is.
A lot of times we don't tellthe whole truth, we don't tell
the whole story when we'recommunicating.

Jana Shelfer (11:12):
So I think you know they.
Jason always tells me theproblem is not what you think it
is, the problem is a couplelayers under that.
I think the problem issometimes, I'm afraid to be me.

Jason Shelfer (11:29):
Yeah, I think a lot of times.
I think we all have theselittle areas of pockets of where
we're afraid to be ourselves,uh-huh, because it's easier, so
it's easier to not go againstthe grain.

Jana Shelfer (11:41):
Yes.

Jason Shelfer (11:42):
It's easier to not have the rub of
non-acceptance.
Does that make sense?
It's like, kind of like thesandpaper doesn't accept rough
wood, so it's easier to just notget out the sandpaper, to not
have that grit between twoparties, two parties.

(12:04):
So it's just like, how do weget the courage to just be
ourselves, wherever we are,whenever we are, and say this is
what I love to do, this is whatI'm passionate about, and I'm
just, I'm going to ride on myline, and it's also okay to
evolve and change.

Jana Shelfer (12:26):
I think there's another part of this whole
equation is that, yeah, at thetime that I stopped drinking,
that was something I needed todo for me.

Jason Shelfer (12:38):
That's huge the ability to say this is my life,
I'm making a left turn, dang itRight.
I want to make a left turn, I'mgoing to see what's down this
road, I'm okay with it.
You all need to be okay with ittoo.
That's huge and just say youknow what, I'll figure it out.
I'm not alone, but if I need togo travel, it alone I will.

Jana Shelfer (13:08):
You know, we recently read and listened,
because that's our thing now.
We not only read books, but welisten to them as we're reading
them and I'm like, oh my gosh,we've just now paid instead of
$20 for a book.

Jason Shelfer (13:17):
Now we're paying $40.
We're buying your audio andyour physical copy.

Jana Shelfer (13:23):
But we recently listened to the book Let them by
Mel Robbins and the secondportion to that equation of the
let them tool is let me.
And sometimes I feel like Ialmost need to write myself a
permission slip.

(13:43):
I notice it whenever I'm kindof, I want to say naughty.
Sometimes, when I'm a littlenaughty, like when I want to use
curse words or drink alcohol,Do a little crack.
Oh no, I don't.
I'm sorry, but I will bring inthe judgment there.

(14:11):
You just pointed out where myline is.

Jason Shelfer (14:16):
There you go.

Jana Shelfer (14:17):
We all have a line right.

Jason Shelfer (14:23):
That cracked me up.

Jana Shelfer (14:25):
Stop.

Jason Shelfer (14:26):
Crack is whack.

Jana Shelfer (14:28):
That's what Whitney Houston says that's
right.
Oh, my gosh Okay.

Jason Shelfer (14:31):
Just say no.

Jana Shelfer (14:33):
So let yourself be you, let yourself be you.
And there is something aboutmanaging the thoughts and
feelings that are alwayshappening within, and sometimes
they are very conflicting and itcan be very tough to navigate.

Jason Shelfer (14:51):
Well, I think it's so important because when
you said you quit drinkingbecause you wanted to feel the
feelings.

Jana Shelfer (14:57):
Yeah.

Jason Shelfer (14:58):
So if you're not at a point where you're willing
to explore your feelings likeyou need to, if you're going to
be you, you need to be fully youand be able to understand your
feelings, like grab them,explore them, be curious about
them, say what is this teachingme, what is this wanting from me
, or what, how is this helpingme?
Because if we're just out theregoing willy nilly crazy and not

(15:23):
exploring those feelings, we'regoing to go off the rails.

Jana Shelfer (15:27):
I like that.
I'm going to end there.
Thank you so much for joiningus.

Jason Shelfer (15:31):
Keep Living Lucky®.

Jana Shelfer (15:32):
Woo.
If the idea of Living Lucky®appeals to you, visit us at www.
LivingLucky.
com.