September 3, 2025 • 17 mins
Emotional Chain Reactions: Tame Your Triggers and Find Your Freedom (Living Lucky® Podcast)
Ever feel like a small frustration can spiral into a huge meltdown? 🤯 In this incredibly vulnerable Living Lucky® Podcast episode, Jason and Jana Banana share the scientific secret to taming your emotions—a six-second rule that changed everything for them.
This is a powerful self-help and personal development episode packed with "nuggets of wisdom" to help you get off the emotional rollercoaster:
- The Six-Second Rule: Discover the scientific fact that emotions are simply temporary chemical bursts in your brain. Learn how giving yourself just six seconds to process a feeling can stop a chain reaction before it starts.
- Stop Stacking Emotions: We expose the destructive habit of building "evidence logs"—collecting reasons to justify your feelings. Learn why this pattern, like bubble gum with juice pockets, creates unnecessary drama and how to interrupt it.
- A Real-Life Meltdown: Listen to Jana’s raw, personal story of how exhaustion, hunger, and stress led to an emotional outburst. More importantly, see how Jason's calm, non-judgmental response broke the chain and restored peace.
- Priming for Success: Understand how priming your mindset with positive beliefs creates a resilient baseline that helps you "let go" of negative emotions and not take them so personally.
- The Power of Grace: This episode is a compassionate reminder that you don't need to be perfect. The goal isn't to never feel angry or sad, but to recognize the feeling, give yourself grace, and choose your response instead of reacting automatically.
Ready to find freedom from emotional drama? Share this episode with your drama community😳.
How to manage emotional triggers. What is the six-second rule for emotions? How to stop emotional stacking. Dealing with emotional outbursts. The science of emotions. How to improve emotional resilience. Overcoming anger and frustration. Self-care practices for emotional well-being. How to respond instead of react. How emotions affect relationships. What is the scientific definition of an emotion? How long does an emotion last in the brain? What is emotional stacking? How can I stop overreacting to small things? What is the difference between responding and reacting? How can I build emotional resilience? Why is it important to feel your emotions
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jana Shelfer (00:00):
Are you ready to create a life you crave?
Let's spin that doom loop ofnegativity into an upward
success cycle and start LivingLucky®.
Jason Shelfer (00:14):
Good morning.
I'm Jana, I'm Jason.
Jana Shelfer (00:17):
And we are Living Lucky® you are too.
What is an emotion?
Jason Shelfer (00:22):
Put your seatbelts on is what it is, what
is an emotion Put yourseatbelts on is what it is.
Jana Shelfer (00:27):
The scientific research says an emotion is
really just a burst of chemicalsin our brain.
Jason Shelfer (00:33):
Yeah, and if you're our age, remember the
freshen up bubble gum that hadthe little pockets of juice in
it, so you'd bite into it and itwould just burst out in your
mouth.
Jana Shelfer (00:42):
Oh, I do remember those.
Jason Shelfer (00:43):
That's what an emotion is.
Jana Shelfer (00:45):
Oh, that's a good analogy.
Jason Shelfer (00:47):
This emotion just burst open in your mouth, and
then it's gone.
And then the flavor of the gumis gone too, and you're left
with this just nasty gum.
Oh my gosh, if you let it go.
Otherwise, what happens is wetend to just keep packing in
these pieces of gum until allseven pieces are gone.
Jana Shelfer (01:06):
Oh, that's a great analogy.
That is a great analogy whenyou really dive into it.
An emotion is just a burst ofchemicals in our brain and it
takes six seconds for thatemotion For bodies to absorb it
into our being.
To absorb that, those chemicals, and when you think about that.
(01:30):
So when something happens, ifyou don't react immediately, if
you just let it absorb, Sim itdown now.
Then you realize, oh wait aminute, it's really not that big
of a deal.
Jason Shelfer (01:45):
Right, we don't have to.
Then it allows us that room forresponse instead of reaction.
Jana Shelfer (01:50):
How come nobody's ever taught me this before?
Jason Shelfer (01:53):
Well, I think a lot of times what happens is is
we build these reactions and westart thinking that we're
responding and it's just areaction.
Jana Shelfer (02:03):
I mean we had this last night.
I didn't mean to cut you off,no, it's just a reaction and
there's a.
I mean we had this last night.
I didn't mean to cut you off,it's all right.
But so last night Jason and Iwere in bed and all of a sudden
the fire alarm goes off.
Jason Shelfer (02:12):
Oh yeah.
Jana Shelfer (02:14):
And Jason's response, he jumped.
Jason Shelfer (02:17):
I thought I flew out of the room.
It was like Superman.
Jana Shelfer (02:20):
Anything.
I started worrying.
Okay, how am I going to get thedog out?
I got to get out of bed, so I'mtrying to like transfer out of
bed.
Jason Shelfer (02:28):
I'm like where's the danger?
Jana Shelfer (02:29):
Right.
And then immediately my brainstarts going to did I leave my
glue gun on?
Did I leave my heating blanketon?
Did I leave my curling iron on?
It was immediately what did Ido wrong?
I immediately went into that.
Jason Shelfer (02:48):
It was a very weird scenario.
I probably still need toinvestigate what happened there.
Just FYI now that you broughtit up, because I totally let it
go and forgot about it.
Jana Shelfer (02:59):
Yeah, so just so you know, it turns out it was
nothing and the fire alarmactually went off within maybe
10 seconds.
Jason Shelfer (03:08):
Yeah, five to 10 seconds.
Just like an emotion.
It was Just like an emotion,but our response.
We could have just laid thereand let it happen.
Jana Shelfer (03:16):
But we reacted, but we reacted went off the
handle and then I mean literally.
I went into this self-doubtingself oh my gosh, what did I do
wrong?
That's the immediate thoughtthat I had.
Jason Shelfer (03:29):
The other part of that is we spent the next 30
minutes searching all over thehouse to see okay, is there
smoke?
Are any of the walls hot?
Any of these things?
Yes, the next 30, 30, 35minutes walking around out of
our normal routine, out of thethings that we wanted to be
doing with our lives, out of theproductive areas of what needed
(03:53):
to be happening, searching forwhat caused that emotion or that
fire alarm.
Jana Shelfer (04:00):
Okay, so let's put this into practical purposes.
When a little kid has anemotion, they usually have some
sort of outburst.
They have like a tantrum, theyhave some sort of emotional
response and then they let it go.
But adults, as we grow up, welearn to not only hold it in,
(04:22):
but then we start building on it.
It's almost like this tree thatnow we build a branch and we
start telling ourselves storieswhich cause other emotions.
Jason Shelfer (04:35):
Yeah, we build an evidence log.
It's like Captain's Log.
This is why it's true, why Ihave proof of the emotion being
valid instead of it just beingokay.
There's something that hastriggered this chemical response
in my brain to release thesechemicals into my body, to make
me feel this certain way.
(04:55):
And then so now I have proof,so that I have reason to feel
this way, yes, to feel this way.
And now I'm going to dump thisevidence, this proof bag, on
somebody or something and wejust exacerbate a situation that
really, most of the time,doesn't need to be exacerbated.
Jana Shelfer (05:12):
So I just I mean, I learned this and I wanted to
share it with everybody, becausewhen you literally put it into
words that an emotion is a sixsecond response of chemicals in
your body, it kind of helps yourealize okay, wait a minute,
(05:32):
maybe I just need to take a deepbreath and Feel it, Feel it.
I think feeling your emotionsis very important.
Jason Shelfer (05:43):
I believe that, yeah, don't ignore them.
I definitely believe that.
Jana Shelfer (06:04):
That's what I did for years Ignore you down a dark
path, or it can.
It can take you down a darkpath.
Are you with me here?
Jason Shelfer (06:12):
Yeah, and how often do we jump to the
conclusion that they're out toget me or I'm not enough?
Jana Shelfer (06:18):
Or I've done something bad.
Jason Shelfer (06:20):
Yes.
Jana Shelfer (06:22):
Or I mean yes, there's so many.
I mean I can think of a millionscenarios, right?
Jason Shelfer (06:28):
now, and they're literally just fabrications that
we've made up in our minds.
And then we start looking forways to support that narrative.
Jana Shelfer (06:36):
It's a chain reaction and we all have our own
little stories and dramas andpatterns that we live out.
And when you become aware ofall this, it is so life-changing
because, okay, let me just tellyou, Saturday night we were in
(07:00):
Tallahassee and we had beenpartying with our friends and
having fun Staying up too latethe night before Eating foods
that we normally don't eat.
It was game weekend foods.
It was game weekend and we gaveourselves permission to just
enjoy this weekend.
Well, I'm going to tell you.
(07:21):
Everyone wanted to go havewings.
I hate wings.
Jason Shelfer (07:25):
I had been waiting a week and a half to
have wings because they'd beenon my reticular activating
system and I haven't had wingsin probably two or three years.
Jana Shelfer (07:32):
It was 7 pm past my bedtime Past my bedtime.
And everyone was like no, comeon, jenna, let's go, let's go,
don't be a party pooper.
I wasn't dressed to go, Ididn't really have my makeup
done and they're like nope,car's leaving now, let's go.
And so I, just to appeaseeveryone, make everyone happy,
be part of the group.
Jason Shelfer (07:53):
I'm like okay, you had even said, like all the
way up to this, you know what,go, have fun with your friends.
Jana Shelfer (07:58):
I said just go without me, I'll go to bed, I'm
going to stay here with the dog.
Jason Shelfer (08:03):
We're going to have a great night by ourselves.
Go enjoy your friends youhaven't seen in the last 20
years.
Yeah.
Jana Shelfer (08:08):
I mean, I said that to everyone there and no,
they were like no, no, jana,you're coming with us, we're not
going if you're not going.
So next thing, you know, I'm inthe car and I'm going to this
bar and then someone gives meanother drink and I'm like, okay
, great.
And then they go to seat us atthis table and it's like a booth
(08:28):
.
Jason Shelfer (08:29):
It's a booth for like 20.
Jana Shelfer (08:31):
Eight or 10 people , and so the only place for me
to sit was on the very, very endEnd traffic.
And people kept bumping me asthey were going by.
I couldn't hear anything.
I had no idea what theconversation was.
I literally felt I'm like whatam I even doing here?
I'm ready to go, I'm ready togo.
(08:53):
And Jason was like we can't go.
I haven't had my wings yet.
So then this girl comes in from.
Jason Shelfer (09:01):
My high school.
Jana Shelfer (09:02):
Your high school, like you guys went to school
together.
You haven't seen each other in30 years and she's dressed like
a hussy.
Jason Shelfer (09:10):
I'm just going to say sorry, she's dressed like a
game day, like almost like agame day, college student and
now, all of a sudden, my husbandis like really into this
conversation and they'restanding up.
Jana Shelfer (09:25):
So I can't hear any of it and I again feel like
I'm just out of the loop hereand so I say you know what?
I'm just going to go sitoutside.
So I go sit outside and thenext thing, you know, I'm like
talking to some losers.
Jason Shelfer (09:42):
I've been out here for two days with the bums.
Why won't anyone come get me?
Jana Shelfer (09:52):
And I'm outside waiting, waiting, waiting.
It felt like I was out thereforever.
Again, I was tired Alcohol.
Alcohol I was, I mean it, justit felt like I was tired.
Alcohol I was, I mean it, justit felt like I was going.
I was just in a bad state.
Jason Shelfer (10:09):
Yes, so that's part of what I wanted to talk
about was the state.
Jana Shelfer (10:13):
Yes, and I here's.
The thing, though, is I kepteverything that kept happening.
I kept building.
Jason Shelfer (10:21):
You were stacking .
Jana Shelfer (10:22):
I was stacking these chemical responses that
were happening throughout thenight.
I kept stacking, stacking,stacking to the point where,
when Jason finally came out, Iunleashed.
Jason Shelfer (10:36):
I had a tantrum.
That is the basic norm,especially if we're tired, if
we're inebriated.
Yes, even just altered, so itdoesn't have to be inebriated
because you really weren't.
I mean, you weren't thatinebriated, no, but we had been
going all day long We'd beengoing all week, because we got
up there Wednesday this was nowFriday we had skied, we had done
(10:59):
all these things, we'd gottenhouse ready, and then we were
eating crap, and then you hadn'treally eaten at all.
Jana Shelfer (11:08):
Not that we're trying to justify it.
What I'm trying to say is I hada blow up response.
Now here's where we won't evendive into my whole drama here.
What I thought was soincredible about my husband is
he just let me have it, Not letme have it, in that he like what
(11:32):
are his days?
Alice.
He just calmly said I allowedit.
Let's get in the car, let'sdrive home and just vent it yeah
let it out, let out what you'refeeling, just let it out.
Jason Shelfer (11:48):
I can see you're feeling things because I know
and we know these things.
Jana Shelfer (11:52):
So literally, we had a five-minute drive and I'm
like a mess.
I mean, I'm the drama wife.
That's what's happening In thatmoment.
In that moment, in that moment,and then once we got to the
house, I said you know what?
I'm really sorry, let's go tobed.
Oh, I fell out of bed thoughthat was the other thing that
happened, but I literally once Irealized, oh my gosh, I'm just
(12:19):
living in drama to bringattention to myself.
Really.
Jason Shelfer (12:23):
Well, you fell out of it, and this is what kids
do too.
I mean, when you feel out of it, you find a way to bring
yourself into it.
Jana Shelfer (12:30):
Yes, and once I realized that we got into bed,
we went to sleep and the nextmorning we were fine and I just
give, I commend you for not andjoining in that chain of
reaction.
Well, that's what and justallowing me to let it out which
(12:54):
I admit I did not let it out inthe most healthy response.
Well, and I've had those samethings that I've done where you
and usually when I'm not healthywith my emotions, there's
usually an underlying causeEither I'm stressed out, either
I have had some alcohol in me orwe're hungry.
Or I'm extremely hungry.
Jason Shelfer (13:15):
Angry.
Yeah, I mean, those threethings are always at the bottom
of it all, and I think that'swhere we've talked a lot about
priming.
Jana Shelfer (13:26):
Yes.
Jason Shelfer (13:26):
And I think that's where we'd say, okay,
well, do you want to be LivingLucky®?
We'll feel like that.
Let's start with that feeling,let's prime ourselves in that I
know that I'm lucky, I feellucky.
I had that thermostatic home.
So when I have these feelingsand emotions that are outside of
that, I just get to let themhappen.
Jana Shelfer (13:47):
Yeah.
Jason Shelfer (13:48):
And these feelings and emotions that are
outside of that, I just get tolet them happen.
Yeah, and then I get to explorethem, to get curious, yes, and
then I don't have to react inthem, then I just go.
Okay, so that happened.
Jana Shelfer (13:58):
Yeah.
Jason Shelfer (13:58):
What is it teaching me?
What is it telling me?
Jana Shelfer (14:00):
What kind of guardrails is that bouncing me
off of?
You did a fantastic job of that.
Jason Shelfer (14:06):
Well, I think it's because on our drive up we
had probably a 30, 40 minuteconversation about just our true
belief, about how fortunate wefeel and how we believe I truly
believe I'm the luckiest man onthe planet.
Jana Shelfer (14:21):
I believe that too .
I believe you're the luckiestman on the planet because you're
married to me.
That's right, I'm kidding.
Jason Shelfer (14:27):
And so when something pops up that is
contrary to that or someonetreats me differently, or just
something happens that is like,oh, that wouldn't happen to the
luckiest man on the planet.
Then I just get to go, okay,well, okay, what did that pull
up in me?
What are we learning here?
What is that emotional responsethat just happened in my body?
Jana Shelfer (14:48):
What is that emotional response that just
happened in my body?
What is that chemical justreleased?
So, to wrap this all up, I justwant to share, even though it's
in my drama, that an emotion isjust a six-second chemical
response in our brain.
Brain and how we process thatwill determine everything about
(15:12):
what you're experiencing in life.
Jason Shelfer (15:14):
Yes.
Jana Shelfer (15:23):
And again I did not handle my emotions well.
However, you stopped the chainreaction by just allowing me to
have my little tantrum and then,once we got into bed, it was
all back to normal.
Jason Shelfer (15:33):
Well, I'm glad that you brought them out,
because if you didn't let themout, they would have grown
overnight.
They would have built until thenext day.
Yes.
Jana Shelfer (15:41):
I would have been like, just like last night, you
didn't include me.
Jason Shelfer (15:47):
Then you wake up in the morning feeling unheard.
Then there's probably silenttreatment all morning.
Jana Shelfer (15:56):
Okay, we're just playing into hypotheticals here.
The fact is, I did not handlemy emotions very maturely.
However, the fact that you did,I think that's where I want to
put the emphasis.
Jason Shelfer (16:11):
That's 10 years of us working on it together, so
thank you.
Jana Shelfer (16:15):
Yes, and then I also just want to share with
people that an emotion is just asix second response, and once
we realize that we don't take itso personally.
Jason Shelfer (16:26):
Right.
So give yourself a little grace, give yourself a little break
when you feel it, to just say,okay, if I just take a moment
here, take my moment, I can feelthis, recognize it, and then I
start getting curious about it.
You don't have to react in it.
Thanks for joining us KeepLiving Lucky®, bye-bye in it.
Jana Shelfer (16:52):
Thanks for joining us.
Keep Living Lucky®.
Bye-bye, if the idea of LivingLucky® appeals to
Are you ready to create a life you crave?
Let's spin that doom loop ofnegativity into an upward
success cycle and start LivingLucky®.
Jason Shelfer (00:14):
Good morning.
I'm Jana, I'm Jason.
Jana Shelfer (00:17):
And we are Living Lucky® you are too.
What is an emotion?
Jason Shelfer (00:22):
Put your seatbelts on is what it is, what
is an emotion Put yourseatbelts on is what it is.
Jana Shelfer (00:27):
The scientific research says an emotion is
really just a burst of chemicalsin our brain.
Jason Shelfer (00:33):
Yeah, and if you're our age, remember the
freshen up bubble gum that hadthe little pockets of juice in
it, so you'd bite into it and itwould just burst out in your
mouth.
Jana Shelfer (00:42):
Oh, I do remember those.
Jason Shelfer (00:43):
That's what an emotion is.
Jana Shelfer (00:45):
Oh, that's a good analogy.
Jason Shelfer (00:47):
This emotion just burst open in your mouth, and
then it's gone.
And then the flavor of the gumis gone too, and you're left
with this just nasty gum.
Oh my gosh, if you let it go.
Otherwise, what happens is wetend to just keep packing in
these pieces of gum until allseven pieces are gone.
Jana Shelfer (01:06):
Oh, that's a great analogy.
That is a great analogy whenyou really dive into it.
An emotion is just a burst ofchemicals in our brain and it
takes six seconds for thatemotion For bodies to absorb it
into our being.
To absorb that, those chemicals, and when you think about that.
(01:30):
So when something happens, ifyou don't react immediately, if
you just let it absorb, Sim itdown now.
Then you realize, oh wait aminute, it's really not that big
of a deal.
Jason Shelfer (01:45):
Right, we don't have to.
Then it allows us that room forresponse instead of reaction.
Jana Shelfer (01:50):
How come nobody's ever taught me this before?
Jason Shelfer (01:53):
Well, I think a lot of times what happens is is
we build these reactions and westart thinking that we're
responding and it's just areaction.
Jana Shelfer (02:03):
I mean we had this last night.
I didn't mean to cut you off,no, it's just a reaction and
there's a.
I mean we had this last night.
I didn't mean to cut you off,it's all right.
But so last night Jason and Iwere in bed and all of a sudden
the fire alarm goes off.
Jason Shelfer (02:12):
Oh yeah.
Jana Shelfer (02:14):
And Jason's response, he jumped.
Jason Shelfer (02:17):
I thought I flew out of the room.
It was like Superman.
Jana Shelfer (02:20):
Anything.
I started worrying.
Okay, how am I going to get thedog out?
I got to get out of bed, so I'mtrying to like transfer out of
bed.
Jason Shelfer (02:28):
I'm like where's the danger?
Jana Shelfer (02:29):
Right.
And then immediately my brainstarts going to did I leave my
glue gun on?
Did I leave my heating blanketon?
Did I leave my curling iron on?
It was immediately what did Ido wrong?
I immediately went into that.
Jason Shelfer (02:48):
It was a very weird scenario.
I probably still need toinvestigate what happened there.
Just FYI now that you broughtit up, because I totally let it
go and forgot about it.
Jana Shelfer (02:59):
Yeah, so just so you know, it turns out it was
nothing and the fire alarmactually went off within maybe
10 seconds.
Jason Shelfer (03:08):
Yeah, five to 10 seconds.
Just like an emotion.
It was Just like an emotion,but our response.
We could have just laid thereand let it happen.
Jana Shelfer (03:16):
But we reacted, but we reacted went off the
handle and then I mean literally.
I went into this self-doubtingself oh my gosh, what did I do
wrong?
That's the immediate thoughtthat I had.
Jason Shelfer (03:29):
The other part of that is we spent the next 30
minutes searching all over thehouse to see okay, is there
smoke?
Are any of the walls hot?
Any of these things?
Yes, the next 30, 30, 35minutes walking around out of
our normal routine, out of thethings that we wanted to be
doing with our lives, out of theproductive areas of what needed
(03:53):
to be happening, searching forwhat caused that emotion or that
fire alarm.
Jana Shelfer (04:00):
Okay, so let's put this into practical purposes.
When a little kid has anemotion, they usually have some
sort of outburst.
They have like a tantrum, theyhave some sort of emotional
response and then they let it go.
But adults, as we grow up, welearn to not only hold it in,
(04:22):
but then we start building on it.
It's almost like this tree thatnow we build a branch and we
start telling ourselves storieswhich cause other emotions.
Jason Shelfer (04:35):
Yeah, we build an evidence log.
It's like Captain's Log.
This is why it's true, why Ihave proof of the emotion being
valid instead of it just beingokay.
There's something that hastriggered this chemical response
in my brain to release thesechemicals into my body, to make
me feel this certain way.
(04:55):
And then so now I have proof,so that I have reason to feel
this way, yes, to feel this way.
And now I'm going to dump thisevidence, this proof bag, on
somebody or something and wejust exacerbate a situation that
really, most of the time,doesn't need to be exacerbated.
Jana Shelfer (05:12):
So I just I mean, I learned this and I wanted to
share it with everybody, becausewhen you literally put it into
words that an emotion is a sixsecond response of chemicals in
your body, it kind of helps yourealize okay, wait a minute,
(05:32):
maybe I just need to take a deepbreath and Feel it, Feel it.
I think feeling your emotionsis very important.
Jason Shelfer (05:43):
I believe that, yeah, don't ignore them.
I definitely believe that.
Jana Shelfer (06:04):
That's what I did for years Ignore you down a dark
path, or it can.
It can take you down a darkpath.
Are you with me here?
Jason Shelfer (06:12):
Yeah, and how often do we jump to the
conclusion that they're out toget me or I'm not enough?
Jana Shelfer (06:18):
Or I've done something bad.
Jason Shelfer (06:20):
Yes.
Jana Shelfer (06:22):
Or I mean yes, there's so many.
I mean I can think of a millionscenarios, right?
Jason Shelfer (06:28):
now, and they're literally just fabrications that
we've made up in our minds.
And then we start looking forways to support that narrative.
Jana Shelfer (06:36):
It's a chain reaction and we all have our own
little stories and dramas andpatterns that we live out.
And when you become aware ofall this, it is so life-changing
because, okay, let me just tellyou, Saturday night we were in
(07:00):
Tallahassee and we had beenpartying with our friends and
having fun Staying up too latethe night before Eating foods
that we normally don't eat.
It was game weekend foods.
It was game weekend and we gaveourselves permission to just
enjoy this weekend.
Well, I'm going to tell you.
(07:21):
Everyone wanted to go havewings.
I hate wings.
Jason Shelfer (07:25):
I had been waiting a week and a half to
have wings because they'd beenon my reticular activating
system and I haven't had wingsin probably two or three years.
Jana Shelfer (07:32):
It was 7 pm past my bedtime Past my bedtime.
And everyone was like no, comeon, jenna, let's go, let's go,
don't be a party pooper.
I wasn't dressed to go, Ididn't really have my makeup
done and they're like nope,car's leaving now, let's go.
And so I, just to appeaseeveryone, make everyone happy,
be part of the group.
Jason Shelfer (07:53):
I'm like okay, you had even said, like all the
way up to this, you know what,go, have fun with your friends.
Jana Shelfer (07:58):
I said just go without me, I'll go to bed, I'm
going to stay here with the dog.
Jason Shelfer (08:03):
We're going to have a great night by ourselves.
Go enjoy your friends youhaven't seen in the last 20
years.
Yeah.
Jana Shelfer (08:08):
I mean, I said that to everyone there and no,
they were like no, no, jana,you're coming with us, we're not
going if you're not going.
So next thing, you know, I'm inthe car and I'm going to this
bar and then someone gives meanother drink and I'm like, okay
, great.
And then they go to seat us atthis table and it's like a booth
(08:28):
.
Jason Shelfer (08:29):
It's a booth for like 20.
Jana Shelfer (08:31):
Eight or 10 people , and so the only place for me
to sit was on the very, very endEnd traffic.
And people kept bumping me asthey were going by.
I couldn't hear anything.
I had no idea what theconversation was.
I literally felt I'm like whatam I even doing here?
I'm ready to go, I'm ready togo.
(08:53):
And Jason was like we can't go.
I haven't had my wings yet.
So then this girl comes in from.
Jason Shelfer (09:01):
My high school.
Jana Shelfer (09:02):
Your high school, like you guys went to school
together.
You haven't seen each other in30 years and she's dressed like
a hussy.
Jason Shelfer (09:10):
I'm just going to say sorry, she's dressed like a
game day, like almost like agame day, college student and
now, all of a sudden, my husbandis like really into this
conversation and they'restanding up.
Jana Shelfer (09:25):
So I can't hear any of it and I again feel like
I'm just out of the loop hereand so I say you know what?
I'm just going to go sitoutside.
So I go sit outside and thenext thing, you know, I'm like
talking to some losers.
Jason Shelfer (09:42):
I've been out here for two days with the bums.
Why won't anyone come get me?
Jana Shelfer (09:52):
And I'm outside waiting, waiting, waiting.
It felt like I was out thereforever.
Again, I was tired Alcohol.
Alcohol I was, I mean it, justit felt like I was tired.
Alcohol I was, I mean it, justit felt like I was going.
I was just in a bad state.
Jason Shelfer (10:09):
Yes, so that's part of what I wanted to talk
about was the state.
Jana Shelfer (10:13):
Yes, and I here's.
The thing, though, is I kepteverything that kept happening.
I kept building.
Jason Shelfer (10:21):
You were stacking .
Jana Shelfer (10:22):
I was stacking these chemical responses that
were happening throughout thenight.
I kept stacking, stacking,stacking to the point where,
when Jason finally came out, Iunleashed.
Jason Shelfer (10:36):
I had a tantrum.
That is the basic norm,especially if we're tired, if
we're inebriated.
Yes, even just altered, so itdoesn't have to be inebriated
because you really weren't.
I mean, you weren't thatinebriated, no, but we had been
going all day long We'd beengoing all week, because we got
up there Wednesday this was nowFriday we had skied, we had done
(10:59):
all these things, we'd gottenhouse ready, and then we were
eating crap, and then you hadn'treally eaten at all.
Jana Shelfer (11:08):
Not that we're trying to justify it.
What I'm trying to say is I hada blow up response.
Now here's where we won't evendive into my whole drama here.
What I thought was soincredible about my husband is
he just let me have it, Not letme have it, in that he like what
(11:32):
are his days?
Alice.
He just calmly said I allowedit.
Let's get in the car, let'sdrive home and just vent it yeah
let it out, let out what you'refeeling, just let it out.
Jason Shelfer (11:48):
I can see you're feeling things because I know
and we know these things.
Jana Shelfer (11:52):
So literally, we had a five-minute drive and I'm
like a mess.
I mean, I'm the drama wife.
That's what's happening In thatmoment.
In that moment, in that moment,and then once we got to the
house, I said you know what?
I'm really sorry, let's go tobed.
Oh, I fell out of bed thoughthat was the other thing that
happened, but I literally once Irealized, oh my gosh, I'm just
(12:19):
living in drama to bringattention to myself.
Really.
Jason Shelfer (12:23):
Well, you fell out of it, and this is what kids
do too.
I mean, when you feel out of it, you find a way to bring
yourself into it.
Jana Shelfer (12:30):
Yes, and once I realized that we got into bed,
we went to sleep and the nextmorning we were fine and I just
give, I commend you for not andjoining in that chain of
reaction.
Well, that's what and justallowing me to let it out which
(12:54):
I admit I did not let it out inthe most healthy response.
Well, and I've had those samethings that I've done where you
and usually when I'm not healthywith my emotions, there's
usually an underlying causeEither I'm stressed out, either
I have had some alcohol in me orwe're hungry.
Or I'm extremely hungry.
Jason Shelfer (13:15):
Angry.
Yeah, I mean, those threethings are always at the bottom
of it all, and I think that'swhere we've talked a lot about
priming.
Jana Shelfer (13:26):
Yes.
Jason Shelfer (13:26):
And I think that's where we'd say, okay,
well, do you want to be LivingLucky®?
We'll feel like that.
Let's start with that feeling,let's prime ourselves in that I
know that I'm lucky, I feellucky.
I had that thermostatic home.
So when I have these feelingsand emotions that are outside of
that, I just get to let themhappen.
Jana Shelfer (13:47):
Yeah.
Jason Shelfer (13:48):
And these feelings and emotions that are
outside of that, I just get tolet them happen.
Yeah, and then I get to explorethem, to get curious, yes, and
then I don't have to react inthem, then I just go.
Okay, so that happened.
Jana Shelfer (13:58):
Yeah.
Jason Shelfer (13:58):
What is it teaching me?
What is it telling me?
Jana Shelfer (14:00):
What kind of guardrails is that bouncing me
off of?
You did a fantastic job of that.
Jason Shelfer (14:06):
Well, I think it's because on our drive up we
had probably a 30, 40 minuteconversation about just our true
belief, about how fortunate wefeel and how we believe I truly
believe I'm the luckiest man onthe planet.
Jana Shelfer (14:21):
I believe that too .
I believe you're the luckiestman on the planet because you're
married to me.
That's right, I'm kidding.
Jason Shelfer (14:27):
And so when something pops up that is
contrary to that or someonetreats me differently, or just
something happens that is like,oh, that wouldn't happen to the
luckiest man on the planet.
Then I just get to go, okay,well, okay, what did that pull
up in me?
What are we learning here?
What is that emotional responsethat just happened in my body?
Jana Shelfer (14:48):
What is that emotional response that just
happened in my body?
What is that chemical justreleased?
So, to wrap this all up, I justwant to share, even though it's
in my drama, that an emotion isjust a six-second chemical
response in our brain.
Brain and how we process thatwill determine everything about
(15:12):
what you're experiencing in life.
Jason Shelfer (15:14):
Yes.
Jana Shelfer (15:23):
And again I did not handle my emotions well.
However, you stopped the chainreaction by just allowing me to
have my little tantrum and then,once we got into bed, it was
all back to normal.
Jason Shelfer (15:33):
Well, I'm glad that you brought them out,
because if you didn't let themout, they would have grown
overnight.
They would have built until thenext day.
Yes.
Jana Shelfer (15:41):
I would have been like, just like last night, you
didn't include me.
Jason Shelfer (15:47):
Then you wake up in the morning feeling unheard.
Then there's probably silenttreatment all morning.
Jana Shelfer (15:56):
Okay, we're just playing into hypotheticals here.
The fact is, I did not handlemy emotions very maturely.
However, the fact that you did,I think that's where I want to
put the emphasis.
Jason Shelfer (16:11):
That's 10 years of us working on it together, so
thank you.
Jana Shelfer (16:15):
Yes, and then I also just want to share with
people that an emotion is just asix second response, and once
we realize that we don't take itso personally.
Jason Shelfer (16:26):
Right.
So give yourself a little grace, give yourself a little break
when you feel it, to just say,okay, if I just take a moment
here, take my moment, I can feelthis, recognize it, and then I
start getting curious about it.
You don't have to react in it.
Thanks for joining us KeepLiving Lucky®, bye-bye in it.
Jana Shelfer (16:52):
Thanks for joining us.
Keep Living Lucky®.
Bye-bye, if the idea of LivingLucky® appeals to
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