Escape the Gossip Trap

Escape the Gossip Trap: Transform Your Conversations, Transform Your Life

Drained by negativity and gossip? Unlock your greatest potential by transforming your conversations!

Join Jason and Jana Banana on the Living Lucky® Podcast as we reveal the game-changing power of dialogue focused on ideas, growth, dreams, and goals – not people. Learn to escape "gossip traps" and "doom loops" that fuel limiting beliefs and drain your energy.

Discover how positive thinking and growth-oriented dialogue, like healthy competition, revolutionize your mindset. Your conversation choices are the most underestimated factor in shaping your reality.

Ready to reclaim your power? Tune in for actionable self-help strategies to cultivate empowering interactions. Shift from "doom loops" to success cycles and Live Lucky®!

Here’s what you’ll discover:

• The Power of Your Table: How conversations directly impact your energy and potential.
• Gossip Traps & Doom Loops: Identify and escape cycles of negativity.
• Ideas Over People: Why focusing on growth and goals elevates your mindset.
• Healthy Competition: Leveraging competitive environments for collective upliftment.
• Vulnerability vs. Weaponization: Using awareness of weaknesses for support, not judgment.
• Mindset Shift: Strategies to cultivate positive, empowering conversational habits.
• Conscious Creation: Choosing conversations as a tool for a Living Lucky® life.

Key Nuggets: Conversational energy is everything. Choose ideas, not people. Embrace growth mindset. Escape gossip. Empower your interactions. Your choice shapes reality.

How to escape gossip at work? How to have more positive conversations? The impact of negative conversations on energy. Strategies for personal growth through dialogue. How to stop gossiping? Cultivating a growth mindset in conversations. What are "doom loops" in personal development? The power of focusing on ideas vs. people. Building supportive relationships through communication. Improving communication for self-improvement. How do conversations affect my energy? How can I break free from negative conversational patterns? How does acknowledging weaknesses differ from weaponizing them? What are 'doom loops' and 'success cycles'?

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Email Jason Shelfer HERE

The 4 pillars of Living Lucky
Believe in yourself
Believe in the people around you
Believe in your circumstances and
Believe that God is working through you, for you, and always conspiring in your favor.

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Episode Transcript

Jana Shelfer (00:00):
Are you ready to create a life you crave?
Let's spin that doom loop ofnegativity into an upward
success cycle and start LivingLucky®.
Good morning.
I'm Jana, I'm Jason and we areLiving Lucky®.
You are too, Read us the quoteJason.

Jason Shelfer (00:20):
The quote is sit at a table where they speak
about ideas, growth, dreams andgoals, not people.

Jana Shelfer (00:28):
Okay, I'm going to add something real quickly that
I have noticed.
When you are around people whoare competing, they tend to talk
about their goals, their dreamsand how they can become the
best versions of themselves.
It is part of an athlete.

Jason Shelfer (00:51):
Yeah, it's part of their chemical makeup Because
it's so important to the paththat they're on.

Jana Shelfer (00:58):
And I have never connected the dot on this, but I
do think that that is onereason why I love to compete so
much.
It is people wanting to becomethe best versions of themselves,
and even though there's thatword competition or
competitiveness, I feel likepeople.

(01:18):
When they reach a certainconsciousness, they learn how to
use competition to help eachother become better.

Jason Shelfer (01:29):
It's using competition to facilitate growth
instead of a way of stepping onsomeone to propel yourself
forward.

Jana Shelfer (01:37):
Yes, whereas sometimes, when I was younger,
the word competition could haveyeah, it's like slash their
tires.
So I can Could have been moreof a ranking moment.

Jason Shelfer (01:48):
Do you know what I'm saying?

Jana Shelfer (01:49):
It's only about the number, it's like a way of
saying I beat you.
It's like and this is one thingI'm better than you.
That.

Jason Shelfer (01:54):
I love about skiing because a lot of talk is
around personal best.

Jana Shelfer (01:59):
Like this was my personal best.

Jason Shelfer (02:01):
This is everyone's like.
How can I be better today thanI was yesterday?
That's so big.

Jana Shelfer (02:09):
So when Jason read this quote, it just hit me like
a ton of bricks because I feeland I don't want to put down any
social groups that I'm in oreven my former work environment
but I sometimes feel like it'shuman nature to bond over things

(02:31):
gossip.
Does that make sense?
Yes, I've been invited to somany bunco groups and I'm just
going to be real with you.
When you go to play bunco, thefirst thing out of people's
mouths is they start bondingabout how shitty their marriages
are, how they can't lose weight.

Jason Shelfer (02:51):
Open up a bigger bottle of wine.

Jana Shelfer (02:52):
Yeah, they start talking about how their kids
don't behave and their life isjust.

Jason Shelfer (02:58):
I just need some peace and quiet.
So I come here to gossip.

Jana Shelfer (03:00):
Crappy shithole.

Jason Shelfer (03:03):
Do you know what I'm talking about?
So, yes, that is an extremeexample, but I so.
Even in like church groups,like men's groups and things
like that, I hear a lot of talkand the goal is to talk about
our dreams, our ideas, our goal,like growth, all these things
even and I hear, like I can hearthe, the vernacular and the

(03:25):
words being used of oh, thisperson does, does this like this
?
I this, it bothers me aboutthese people or this group.

Jana Shelfer (03:34):
It's a slippery slope, but it goes there very
quickly and very easily.
Jason and I have facilitatedmany, many hours and hours and
hours of conversations onClubhouse, and that's a place
where you can't see people'sfaces, so for some reason,
people would come on, they wouldjoin our Clubhouse room and

(03:55):
they would literally open theirhearts and pour out their most
intimate thoughts.
When they start pouring outtheir most intimate thoughts,
they start falling intovictimhood very, very quickly.

Jason Shelfer (04:11):
And I think a lot of that falls around.
There's a shadow behind why wehaven't quite like, why we
haven't achieved what we want toachieve so far, or why we may
not be in the exact spot in ourlifetime line that we thought we
would be at a specific age.
And so there's this cool, coldshadow behind all this talk that

(04:36):
creates almost excuses or likequote unquote, reasons why.
And so we look outside forreasons why.
Yes, we also look outsidesometimes for reasons why to do
something.
So when we're sitting aroundthis table of people that are
talking about their ideas,growth, dreams and goals, then

(04:58):
we can start like unpacking whatresonates with our soul and
those people, if that's theircommon language and it's not
skewing outside to the talkingof like negatively about people
and about their goals.

Jana Shelfer (05:14):
They're bonding in an uplifting manner and it's a
yes and manner.

Jason Shelfer (05:19):
It's very what's the comedy that we did?
It's improv, Improv, thank you.
It's very improv in a growthmentality.

Jana Shelfer (05:28):
Yes, because they start living into possibilities.

Jason Shelfer (05:30):
Yes, oh, that makes me feel so good.

Jana Shelfer (05:33):
And it becomes contagious.

Jason Shelfer (05:34):
And they're like yes, do what feels right, do
what feels good, so good, and itbecomes contagious.
And they're like yes, do whatfeels right, do what feels good
for you.
And how can we help you getthere?
How can we help you hit yourpersonal best today or tomorrow?

Jana Shelfer (05:43):
Okay, so let's just let's kind of ground this
conversation a little bit.
Jason and I have been at skicompetitions for the last three
weekends in a row and what wehave noticed because there's a
lot of downtime in skicompetitions you literally have
your pass and then you wait forsix hours.

Jason Shelfer (06:00):
Your pass is 40 seconds, and then you wait for
six hours.

Jana Shelfer (06:05):
So you sit on the sidelines under a tent while
you're and you talk to peopleJust networking, talking to
people and Watching.
Letting the time go by.
So there's a lot ofconversations to be had.
We've probably had hundreds ofconversations in the last three
weeks.
Now, one thing that we havenoticed as we were going over

(06:26):
this quote is what's sointeresting at a competitive
environment like this is thatpeople often start talking about
how great the skier is.
They talk about how well theycame around that turn.
They talk about their strengths.

Jason Shelfer (06:46):
How disciplined they are in their training.
They talk about their regimenswhen they go training, like who
they train with, like all thesepositive things they're natural
gifts.
Yes.

Jana Shelfer (06:57):
They're discipline , they're consistency.

Jason Shelfer (07:00):
how long they've been doing it Like they, it
really starts coming out reallypositive conversation and it
astounds me looking back,because when you're in the
middle of it, sometimes itdoesn't hit you and it doesn't
like you don't?
You don't have the awareness ofit while it's happening,
Because while we were sittingthere I didn't, I didn't have

(07:22):
the awareness of, wow, thisconversation, Like I feel so
good, I feel so, like I feelenergized.
Um, you don't have theawareness of the lack of
negativity.

Jana Shelfer (07:35):
Right, but you feel it Like when we came home.
We have been feeling soinspired.

Jason Shelfer (07:42):
Yes, I want to start skiing.

Jana Shelfer (07:44):
Jason's ready to start slaloming and tricking.

Jason Shelfer (07:47):
And tricking, yes , and possibly jumping.

Jana Shelfer (07:50):
Oh, I know, but I don't know about that.

Jason Shelfer (07:53):
Yes and it.
Okay, I will try to yes and itso this is just a possibility,
like it's, because I was soinspired, like there was so many
people that were in your cornereven when you weren't skiing,
and that's a.

Jana Shelfer (08:07):
Whereas let's just compare this to when we would
come home from.
Let's just, let's just go backto our corporate days, when we
worked in a cubicle and in anoffice.
And you would go to the watercooler.
And, yeah, you would spend allday and it was fun don't get me

(08:27):
wrong at times.
But then we would come home andwe would say, oh, you're never
going to believe what happenedto me today.

Jason Shelfer (08:34):
You're such a dick.
You know why can't so-and-soget to work on time?
She's always late, Always late.

Jana Shelfer (08:42):
Everyone else can get on time.
We all get paid the same amountof money.
That's right.

Jason Shelfer (08:47):
And there's all this you know and we don't know
anything about the backstory ofanybody else, isn't it?

Jana Shelfer (08:51):
interesting, though, how it often goes to the
and I'm not saying every workenvironment is like that, and
that happens in the office.
It happens when we're sittingin traffic.

Jason Shelfer (08:59):
It happens in the car, it happens, in the home,
it happens at dinner, unless youbecome aware of it, unless you
become aware of it, and that'sone thing like when I thought I
was the most positive person inthe world until I found myself
just joining into the watercooler conversation.
You know, I didn't realize howeasy it is to just start sliding
down the slope To be achameleon.

Jana Shelfer (09:20):
Yeah, just slide down the slope, jump right into
that conversation, because youget in rapport with people and
you become what everyone isaround you, which is why you
need to surround yourself with.

Jason Shelfer (09:31):
People that talk about their ideas, their growth,
dreams and goals, not otherpeople not other people.

Jana Shelfer (09:39):
And if they are talking about other people,
let's talk about other people'sskills that you admire their
talents, their successes, theirwins.
Yes, things that you want toemulate.

Jason Shelfer (09:52):
Yeah, all, just keep it positive.
And this is this, just so youknow is not toxic positivity.
Everyone has something positiveabout them.
So if we start looking for thepositive, we can grow.
That, yes, and that's.
And so if you know that thegroup that you are typically in
is talking positive, you knowwhat?

Jana Shelfer (10:10):
let's address that because I feel like in the last
month you've had a client ofyours that has brought that up
to you.

Jason Shelfer (10:20):
Yeah.

Jana Shelfer (10:20):
And I want to say I played basketball for many,
many years and if you're on ateam, you want to bring out your
teammates' strengths.
Yes, out your teammates'strengths.

Jason Shelfer (10:32):
Yes.

Jana Shelfer (10:33):
However, it is important to know your
teammates' weaknesses, but notto weaponize them.
Or focus on them all the timeit is to know that, okay, this
might be a weakness of theirs,so that you can either help them
grow in that area or, if youare in a game situation, let's

(10:57):
don't get them in the cornerwhere they have to catch the
ball with their left hand.
So, because we know that that'sa weakness, so, you use it to
protect them.

Jason Shelfer (11:08):
I love and that gave me goosebumps too, because
I love the way, when we weretalking about this outside of
the podcast, you said you shouldnever weaponize it.
In fact, you should also helpprotect them from that.
So you're helping them grow andget better in that area and
you're also protecting them whenthey are being attacked in that
area.

Jana Shelfer (11:27):
Yes.

Jason Shelfer (11:28):
And that's a big difference.

Jana Shelfer (11:31):
For us being a teammate.

Jason Shelfer (11:32):
Yes, and I feel like, if we can all recognize
that we are teammates, like justin whatever circles that we're
in, we're all teammates andeveryone has their strengths,
everyone has their weaknesses,and it's figuring out.
Okay, how do we capitalize onthese strengths, how do we
minimize or make the weaknessesbetter than yesterday?

Jana Shelfer (11:54):
So we're getting a personal best, even in
ourselves.
So when your client brought uptoxic positivity, we all have
strengths and we all haveweaknesses.
That's just being human.
It is being human, and so thepoint there is.
So the point there is, you know, let's bring out our strengths

(12:17):
and let's continue to grow inthe weaknesses.
So the weaknesses, it is data.
It is data and it is importantto be aware of those.

Jason Shelfer (12:26):
Aware.
Aware is the key.
You don't have to focus.
Be aware of it and then you putyour energy on just the growth.
That's it.
Like you don't have to, youdon't have to if you focus on
the problem all the time.
That's all you're going to seeand you're just going to pound,
you're basically hammering thatnail in is what it's doing.

Jana Shelfer (12:45):
I agree with that.

Jason Shelfer (12:45):
Like, if I've got a weakness, I probably already
know about it, or bring it to myawareness and then let me
decide whether or not it'ssomething I want to work on.
That's it, but awareness is thekey.
Okay so let's just tie this upin a nice little bow by saying
the quote one more time Sit at atable where they speak about

(13:07):
ideas, growth, dreams and goals,not people, and let's just all
grow in the same directiontogether, or let's all have a
growth direction.
However did you see, did you seewhat Kathy was doing.
Oh my gosh.

Jana Shelfer (13:20):
And what was she wearing?
Oh, my gosh, oh gosh.

Jason Shelfer (13:23):
Her body's not built for that.

Jana Shelfer (13:25):
Oh, and her kids?

Jason Shelfer (13:26):
they are just a mess oh gosh no control.

Jana Shelfer (13:29):
No wonder her husband's been stepping out.
Oh gosh, that is all justboulder dash Stop all that.

Jason Shelfer (13:39):
Thanks for joining us Keep Living Lucky®.

Jana Shelfer (13:40):
Bye-bye.
If the idea of Living Lucky®appeals to you, visit us at.