Episode Transcript
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Jana Shelfer (00:00):
Are you ready to
create a life you crave?
Let's spin that doom loop ofnegativity into an upward
success cycle and start LivingLucky®.
Jason Shelfer (00:15):
Good morning.
Jana Shelfer (00:16):
I'm Jana, I'm
Jason and we are living, lucky
you are too, I hate to admitthis, but I'm going to just be
transparent.
I often use the words I am soexhausted, and when we say I
mean I know that when I say I amand whatever follows.
I am is what I am right, so youwould think that I would maybe
(00:40):
trick my body and use differentwords.
Jason Shelfer (00:43):
I am rebuilding
my energy.
Jana Shelfer (00:44):
But the truth in
my soul is many times I find
myself that word yeah, and Ijust realized because I was
listening to a podcast from thegreat Mel Robbins, who we just
absolutely love, and shementioned that the reason people
(01:05):
find themselves exhaustedbecause it's not always physical
exhaustion, sometimes itliterally is mental, emotional,
spiritual, sometimes sociallyexhausted.
Jason Shelfer (01:19):
I would say
almost most of the time it is
not a physical exhaustion.
It's one or the other.
Jana Shelfer (01:34):
But it kind of
manifests in the physical form,
but it's deeper than that, right.
Jason Shelfer (01:36):
Because I'm very
healthy and I eat well.
Because of the emotional, themental, all the other
exhaustions, then you tellyourself I don't have the
motivation or energy to go doanything physical.
Jana Shelfer (01:47):
Listen to this,
because here's the hack.
Mel Robbins says the reasonyou're feeling exhausted is
because you are trying tocontrol everyone around you,
every circumstance around you.
You are trying to control andcarry the burden of other people
(02:09):
and your environment.
Jason Shelfer (02:10):
Yeah, and that
was a huge thing for me A-ha
moment, yeah, like.
I got goosebumps when she saidit's not your responsibility to
worry about how someone feels,how they react, how they are
healing or whether they everheal, whether they grow, whether
they want to grow.
It's like you get to take allyour power back when you just
(02:33):
act in your power and don'tsuccumb to other people's
energetic flows.
We get to control the way werespond to control the way we
respond.
Jana Shelfer (02:48):
I understand what
you're saying and I understand
that this is really my I don'twant to say life hurdle, but
once I figure this out andreally it's like I understand it
, but implementing it is alittle bit different because I
am very susceptible to otherpeople's energies.
Jason Shelfer (03:04):
I think we all
are and I think we're trained
that way from our just time inschool, when we work within an
environment of being accepted,being in a group.
Jana Shelfer (03:17):
And it's almost
like sometimes I play chess and
I'm three moves ahead when I amaround people, because I know
that if I act a certain way orif I say a certain thing, I know
what triggers other people.
Jason Shelfer (03:32):
And also we teach
people how to treat us.
Jana Shelfer (03:35):
And so it's almost
like sometimes it's a tiptoe,
and I hate to admit that becauseit is exhausting.
It is exhausting.
Yeah, so, so however, I alsofeel that my past experiences
have led me down other routesand I know the the result and I
(04:00):
have learned from thoseexperiences.
Okay, what can I do to preventthat?
Right how can I be proactive?
How do I?
Jason Shelfer (04:08):
protect myself
from these situations, yeah, and
the circumstance.
Jana Shelfer (04:13):
Yeah.
Jason Shelfer (04:14):
I completely.
I think everyone can relate tothis and it's figuring out okay,
how do I just own it, own mypower and not worry about these
other things, because we alsodon't do anything alone.
So that's the, I think, theflip side of that coin.
Jana Shelfer (04:31):
No, OK, here's
something because I just want to
personalize this even more.
I got diarrhea on the planeride home Fun.
No, no, it's not fun.
Jason Shelfer (04:45):
Oh wait, my bad.
Jana Shelfer (04:45):
That's not fun,
and here's the thing.
I'm a paraplegic and I'm in thisseat.
I was more concerned abouteveryone around me that, like it
really felt like I was.
I didn't want to bother, Ididn't want you know, because I
(05:09):
had to have someone carry me tothis toilet that is too, small
for anyone to get into.
In the meantime, I'm trying todo my best to much less to have
someone carry everythingtogether and carry me over,
people basically where I'm like,oh my god, don't let anything
fall out of me and sorry.
And in the meantime I wasworried.
(05:31):
You know like I was worried, Ididn't want anything to smell or
yeah yeah, be like no slippage,no slippage here.
I was more worried abouteveryone around me and how
everyone would perceive this,and the fact that I was wearing
a USA Hall of Fame jacket.
I'm thinking, oh my gosh, likethis isn't representing the
(05:55):
Olympics and like, and it's justa human thing right, it is a
human thing.
And for some reason though,everything that went through my
mind and the emotions I wasfeeling, and not only for myself
, I was feeling it for everyonearound me.
I was feeling it for you.
(06:15):
I was like oh, I don't want toembarrass my husband, I don't
want to inconvenience the flightattendants.
Jason Shelfer (06:23):
First of all,
we've been together for 20 years
.
Jana Shelfer (06:27):
Yeah, I know we're
stuck.
Jason Shelfer (06:30):
You're stuck with
me, Shelfer, you're not going
to embarrass me, and I willnever be embarrassed about
something that is just going tohappen.
Jana Shelfer (06:38):
But isn't that
weird how we I mean many times I
don't even like to fly becauseI feel out of control.
That is the connection that Ihave not been able to say out
loud.
People are like why do you guysdrive everywhere?
Because I feel more in control.
I feel like I can control whenwe stop, I can control when we
(06:59):
eat.
I can control when we have togo to the bathroom.
Jason Shelfer (07:01):
If we look at the
trip to Colorado Springs, we
got on a plane.
We left at nine o'clock in themorning.
We got in after midnight inColorado, so that would have
been two o'clock in the morning,east Coast time.
We almost could have drivenLike it would have been two days
(07:22):
of driving, but we would havehad less stress because we had a
seven hour kind of what'shappening in the world now.
Jana Shelfer (07:31):
We ended up in New
Mexico Right Because the Denver
airport was closed.
Jason Shelfer (07:36):
And then, when we
got back to Denver, there was
this whole game of we wereprobably not going to get you on
a flight.
You're on standby, but there'sonly one seat.
There's all these things thatare being thrown out there that
are so much uncertainty.
Jana Shelfer (07:50):
Yes, and also,
along with that, which I don't
want to complicate this topicanymore, but with that is, I
start getting decision fatigueand I really start you know,
start wanting to make the bestdecision to not only affect us
but those around us, like thepeople who were waiting at the
(08:13):
airport for us, the people whowere making the logistics, yeah,
working to make all this happen.
And then to let my.
I knew my family was going tobe there, so to let them know
everything that's happening.
It's exhausting to me.
And I know that Mel.
Robbins would say you got to letgo of all that.
Jason Shelfer (08:34):
Just go through
the universe and be in your
power, which is very it's easierto say than it is to do.
Jana Shelfer (08:43):
Yeah, it's easier
to say than it is to do.
Yeah, because I often so I sitin that airplane and I literally
have every meditation technique.
I have taken a decade of lifecoaching certifications.
I know the tools and I sitthere and I in my head I'm like
(09:05):
let it go, let it go.
And I'm singing my little song,I'm doing some havening
exercises, I I'm literally likedoing everything I know and yet,
when it all comes down to it, Ihate flying to the point where
I am literally out of energytoday, two days after the flight
(09:28):
.
Jason Shelfer (09:28):
Two days after
and I get it, I get it.
And I think this is wherepeople are saying, okay, well,
what is the solution?
And I think it's just, it'srecognizing where, because I sit
in my I would say that I sit inmy power most of the time, most
(09:48):
of the time.
Jana Shelfer (09:48):
You're pretty good
at that, but you're also.
Jason Shelfer (09:51):
Your power is a
happy-go-lucky power, like
that's where you and I'm notgoing to let someone ruin it.
Jana Shelfer (09:57):
You take power in
just being the Teflon.
Nothing bothers me, I lovefeeling good.
Jason Shelfer (10:04):
I love chasing
goosebumps, I love making other
people feel good, like it's aand it's not my job to make
other people feel good.
So if they choose not to, I'mlike okay.
Next, you know, because thatmakes like it's weird and I'm
like well, why doesn't it botherme that I wasn't able to make
this person smile?
Jana Shelfer (10:24):
That makes me love
you all the more Like you just
gave me goosebumps when you saidchase your goosebumps.
Jason Shelfer (10:31):
But also I can
relate to the exhaustion,
because it's those things likethe airplane ride or like cause
I get anxiety and stressed outin travel when I don't have the
control over those situationsand I don't have to.
Jana Shelfer (10:47):
And I also.
Jason Shelfer (10:48):
Like I snapped at
you a couple of times I
remember.
I don't remember what it wasabout, but I remember that
feeling and it was because I wastired, because I was stressed
out, because I had this innerworking of just crap going on.
Jana Shelfer (11:05):
And oh yes.
Jason Shelfer (11:10):
And so that
changed the way I reacted to
life and the way I reacted toyou.
Jana Shelfer (11:15):
To realize that
what's causing that, like the
root of all that is.
I don't like not being incontrol.
Jason Shelfer (11:24):
Right, I don't
like not being in control, right
?
So it's picking the things thatwe are in control of, which is
our thoughts, like the storythat we're telling ourselves
about what's happening, and thenOur feelings yeah, our feelings
and our energy.
Jana Shelfer (11:41):
I do feel that we
can control our energy.
Jason Shelfer (11:43):
Yeah.
Jana Shelfer (11:44):
However, many
times we let our outside
circumstances.
Jason Shelfer (11:49):
We don't get to.
There's a big leak in theenergy.
If you're trying to controlthings that are outside of your
control, yes, so you're just,you're burning too much fuel
trying to control somethingthat's not controllable.
Yes, yes, that was my wholekind of like.
Last five years of my workexperience was trying spending
(12:09):
so much energy trying to changethe outside world instead of
trying to change me.
Jana Shelfer (12:16):
Yes, but I guess,
like with the diarrhea on the
plane, I was trying to controlme.
Jason Shelfer (12:22):
Right.
Jana Shelfer (12:22):
And I just didn't
want it to seep out.
Jason Shelfer (12:27):
That's a terrible
word, it's not I think when
people think about diarrhea,they think of seeping or
explosions.
Jana Shelfer (12:35):
So terrible.
Jason Shelfer (12:37):
And I think you
did a great job of controlling
you in areas that sometimesaren't really controllable.
Does that make sense.
Jana Shelfer (12:46):
Yeah, and I did.
I mean, I did.
Jason Shelfer (12:49):
All things
considered.
Jana Shelfer (12:51):
I did go back to
my seat and I was like you know
what, I'm not going to cry.
Jason Shelfer (12:57):
I'm not going to
get all in a tizzy Because you
don't like being carried fromthe seat on the airplane to the
bathroom.
Jana Shelfer (13:02):
It's not a
comfortable trip.
It's not, and we don't fit.
Jason Shelfer (13:05):
Yeah.
Jana Shelfer (13:05):
We don't really
fit through the, so it's almost
like I have to throw you in thedoor which is weird Like it's.
It freaks me out, throwing youinto a bathroom and during that
throw there's a little you know,and I'm like, oh no, and you
gotta stick the landing.
Jason Shelfer (13:20):
Oh no, you gotta
stink the landing.
Jana Shelfer (13:26):
Stop, and that's
just the first trip to the
bathroom.
Then, once you go two and threetimes, then everyone on the
plane is like, oh, that girl'sgot diarrhea.
Jason Shelfer (13:33):
Oh, I know what's
going on there.
Jana Shelfer (13:34):
Yep Whoa, and she
can't even walk to the toilet.
That's a problem.
Jason Shelfer (13:39):
You would think
they would try to fix that
problem instead of just lettingit happen.
Jana Shelfer (13:46):
I guess there's
not enough people.
Jason Shelfer (13:47):
Paraplegics with
diarrhea on planes.
Jana Shelfer (13:48):
So I guess, though
, when I was listening to Miss
Mel Robbins, the wise MelRobbins, she made me understand
that I am trying to controleveryone around me, and trying
to control you know, my mom,growing up, used to always say I
just want everybody to have agood time.
I just want everyone to behappy, and that's her trying to
(14:12):
control everyone around her.
Jason Shelfer (14:15):
And how often do
we try to make everyone happy
and then we've got like 90% or95% of everyone happy, and
there's that 5% or 10%.
That's just like I'm not hereto have a good time.
And there's that 5% or 10%,that's just like I'm not here to
have a good time.
I'm not here to be happy.
And then we focus on that andthen we pour extra energy into
them, which kind of takes awayfrom some of the happiness that
the other 90% to 95% are havingand drains us almost completely,
(14:40):
because they've already made uptheir mind they're not going to
be happy.
Jana Shelfer (14:43):
And I know we're
getting a little long-winded,
but it just goes back to thewhole weekend.
You know, I spoke at this Hallof Fame induction ceremony and
the whole time when I wasspeaking, which I think I did a
really great job.
Jason Shelfer (14:58):
I did my best.
I thought you did an amazingjob.
Jana Shelfer (15:00):
However, I left
more concerned about what did
the team think?
What did the audience think,what did my family think?
What did the coaches think?
I was trying to control howeveryone reacted.
Jason Shelfer (15:19):
And you just.
But your speech was soauthentic and so real that I
think people had to feel it.
Jana Shelfer (15:27):
So I just need to
live in that power.
Jason Shelfer (15:30):
I think that's
the key that Mel is saying is
like just recognize that whenyou are authentic and when you
are real, let them do whatthey're going to do.
And when you're authentic andreal, you kind of are nourishing
your power and it gives youthis like more energy once you
start gaining that momentum.
Jana Shelfer (15:51):
Yeah, I think it's
harder to do, though, to let go
of what everyone else isthinking and feeling.
There's something inside methat that was taught, that
that's being compassionate,that's being caring, was taught.
That that's being compassionate, that's being caring, that's
(16:11):
being loving, is to worry abouthow everyone else is
experiencing life experiencinglife.
Jason Shelfer (16:15):
Yeah so my life
experiences of me worrying about
everyone else and how they'reexperiencing that's a limiting
belief right there that's one ofwhat bisham would call a
bullshit rule.
Bishan's from Mindvalley and hehas these brules that are
bullshit rules.
I'm sure we've got a podcast inthe back somewhere about those.
Jana Shelfer (16:33):
So I guess Mel's
advice is let them, which is the
title of her book.
Jason Shelfer (16:39):
Let them let them
, let them be them, and on the
reverse side, that allows me tolet me be me.
Jana Shelfer (16:44):
Oh my gosh.
Okay, thanks for listening.
Jason Shelfer (16:47):
Keep Living
Lucky®.
Jana Shelfer (16:48):
Bye-bye.
If the idea of Living Lucky®appeals to you, visit us at www.
LivingLucky.
com.