Feeling Tired: Break the Exhaustion Cycle

Episode Transcript
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Jana Shelfer (00:00):
Are you ready to create a life you crave?
Let's spin that doom loop ofnegativity into an upward
success cycle and start LivingLucky®.

Jason Shelfer (00:15):
Good morning.

I'm Jana, I'm Jason and we are living, lucky
you are too, I hate to admitthis, but I'm going to just be
transparent.
I often use the words I am soexhausted, and when we say I
mean I know that when I say I amand whatever follows.
I am is what I am right, so youwould think that I would maybe

(00:40):
trick my body and use differentwords.

I am rebuilding my energy.

But the truth in my soul is many times I find
myself that word yeah, and Ijust realized because I was
listening to a podcast from thegreat Mel Robbins, who we just
absolutely love, and shementioned that the reason people

(01:05):
find themselves exhaustedbecause it's not always physical
exhaustion, sometimes itliterally is mental, emotional,
spiritual, sometimes sociallyexhausted.

I would say almost most of the time it is
not a physical exhaustion.
It's one or the other.

But it kind of manifests in the physical form,
but it's deeper than that, right.

Because I'm very healthy and I eat well.
Because of the emotional, themental, all the other
exhaustions, then you tellyourself I don't have the
motivation or energy to go doanything physical.

Listen to this, because here's the hack.
Mel Robbins says the reasonyou're feeling exhausted is
because you are trying tocontrol everyone around you,
every circumstance around you.
You are trying to control andcarry the burden of other people

(02:09):
and your environment.

Yeah, and that was a huge thing for me A-ha
moment, yeah, like.
I got goosebumps when she saidit's not your responsibility to
worry about how someone feels,how they react, how they are
healing or whether they everheal, whether they grow, whether
they want to grow.
It's like you get to take allyour power back when you just

(02:33):
act in your power and don'tsuccumb to other people's
energetic flows.
We get to control the way werespond to control the way we
respond.

I understand what you're saying and I understand
that this is really my I don'twant to say life hurdle, but
once I figure this out andreally it's like I understand it
, but implementing it is alittle bit different because I
am very susceptible to otherpeople's energies.

I think we all are and I think we're trained
that way from our just time inschool, when we work within an
environment of being accepted,being in a group.

And it's almost like sometimes I play chess and
I'm three moves ahead when I amaround people, because I know
that if I act a certain way orif I say a certain thing, I know
what triggers other people.

And also we teach people how to treat us.

And so it's almost like sometimes it's a tiptoe,
and I hate to admit that becauseit is exhausting.
It is exhausting.
Yeah, so, so however, I alsofeel that my past experiences
have led me down other routesand I know the the result and I

(04:00):
have learned from thoseexperiences.
Okay, what can I do to preventthat?
Right how can I be proactive?
How do I?

protect myself from these situations, yeah, and
the circumstance.

Yeah.

I completely.
I think everyone can relate tothis and it's figuring out okay,
how do I just own it, own mypower and not worry about these
other things, because we alsodon't do anything alone.
So that's the, I think, theflip side of that coin.

No, OK, here's something because I just want to
personalize this even more.
I got diarrhea on the planeride home Fun.
No, no, it's not fun.

Oh wait, my bad.

That's not fun, and here's the thing.
I'm a paraplegic and I'm in thisseat.
I was more concerned abouteveryone around me that, like it
really felt like I was.
I didn't want to bother, Ididn't want you know, because I

(05:09):
had to have someone carry me tothis toilet that is too, small
for anyone to get into.
In the meantime, I'm trying todo my best to much less to have
someone carry everythingtogether and carry me over,
people basically where I'm like,oh my god, don't let anything
fall out of me and sorry.
And in the meantime I wasworried.

(05:31):
You know like I was worried, Ididn't want anything to smell or
yeah yeah, be like no slippage,no slippage here.
I was more worried abouteveryone around me and how
everyone would perceive this,and the fact that I was wearing
a USA Hall of Fame jacket.
I'm thinking, oh my gosh, likethis isn't representing the

(05:55):
Olympics and like, and it's justa human thing right, it is a
human thing.
And for some reason though,everything that went through my
mind and the emotions I wasfeeling, and not only for myself
, I was feeling it for everyonearound me.
I was feeling it for you.

(06:15):
I was like oh, I don't want toembarrass my husband, I don't
want to inconvenience the flightattendants.

First of all, we've been together for 20 years
.

Yeah, I know we're stuck.

You're stuck with me, Shelfer, you're not going
to embarrass me, and I willnever be embarrassed about
something that is just going tohappen.

But isn't that weird how we I mean many times I
don't even like to fly becauseI feel out of control.
That is the connection that Ihave not been able to say out
loud.
People are like why do you guysdrive everywhere?
Because I feel more in control.
I feel like I can control whenwe stop, I can control when we

(06:59):
eat.
I can control when we have togo to the bathroom.

If we look at the trip to Colorado Springs, we
got on a plane.
We left at nine o'clock in themorning.
We got in after midnight inColorado, so that would have
been two o'clock in the morning,east Coast time.
We almost could have drivenLike it would have been two days

(07:22):
of driving, but we would havehad less stress because we had a
seven hour kind of what'shappening in the world now.

We ended up in New Mexico Right Because the Denver
airport was closed.

And then, when we got back to Denver, there was
this whole game of we wereprobably not going to get you on
a flight.
You're on standby, but there'sonly one seat.
There's all these things thatare being thrown out there that
are so much uncertainty.

Yes, and also, along with that, which I don't
want to complicate this topicanymore, but with that is, I
start getting decision fatigueand I really start you know,
start wanting to make the bestdecision to not only affect us
but those around us, like thepeople who were waiting at the

(08:13):
airport for us, the people whowere making the logistics, yeah,
working to make all this happen.
And then to let my.
I knew my family was going tobe there, so to let them know
everything that's happening.
It's exhausting to me.
And I know that Mel.
Robbins would say you got to letgo of all that.

Just go through the universe and be in your
power, which is very it's easierto say than it is to do.

Yeah, it's easier to say than it is to do.
Yeah, because I often so I sitin that airplane and I literally
have every meditation technique.
I have taken a decade of lifecoaching certifications.
I know the tools and I sitthere and I in my head I'm like

(09:05):
let it go, let it go.
And I'm singing my little song,I'm doing some havening
exercises, I I'm literally likedoing everything I know and yet,
when it all comes down to it, Ihate flying to the point where
I am literally out of energytoday, two days after the flight

(09:28):
.

Two days after and I get it, I get it.
And I think this is wherepeople are saying, okay, well,
what is the solution?
And I think it's just, it'srecognizing where, because I sit
in my I would say that I sit inmy power most of the time, most

(09:48):
of the time.

You're pretty good at that, but you're also.

Your power is a happy-go-lucky power, like
that's where you and I'm notgoing to let someone ruin it.

You take power in just being the Teflon.
Nothing bothers me, I lovefeeling good.

I love chasing goosebumps, I love making other
people feel good, like it's aand it's not my job to make
other people feel good.
So if they choose not to, I'mlike okay.
Next, you know, because thatmakes like it's weird and I'm
like well, why doesn't it botherme that I wasn't able to make
this person smile?

That makes me love you all the more Like you just
gave me goosebumps when you saidchase your goosebumps.

But also I can relate to the exhaustion,
because it's those things likethe airplane ride or like cause
I get anxiety and stressed outin travel when I don't have the
control over those situationsand I don't have to.

And I also.

Like I snapped at you a couple of times I
remember.
I don't remember what it wasabout, but I remember that
feeling and it was because I wastired, because I was stressed
out, because I had this innerworking of just crap going on.

And oh yes.

And so that changed the way I reacted to
life and the way I reacted toyou.

To realize that what's causing that, like the
root of all that is.
I don't like not being incontrol.

Right, I don't like not being in control, right
?
So it's picking the things thatwe are in control of, which is
our thoughts, like the storythat we're telling ourselves
about what's happening, and thenOur feelings yeah, our feelings
and our energy.

I do feel that we can control our energy.

Yeah.

However, many times we let our outside
circumstances.

We don't get to.
There's a big leak in theenergy.
If you're trying to controlthings that are outside of your
control, yes, so you're just,you're burning too much fuel
trying to control somethingthat's not controllable.
Yes, yes, that was my wholekind of like.
Last five years of my workexperience was trying spending

(12:09):
so much energy trying to changethe outside world instead of
trying to change me.

Yes, but I guess, like with the diarrhea on the
plane, I was trying to controlme.

Right.

And I just didn't want it to seep out.

That's a terrible word, it's not I think when
people think about diarrhea,they think of seeping or
explosions.

So terrible.

And I think you did a great job of controlling
you in areas that sometimesaren't really controllable.
Does that make sense.

Yeah, and I did.
I mean, I did.

All things considered.

I did go back to my seat and I was like you know
what, I'm not going to cry.

I'm not going to get all in a tizzy Because you
don't like being carried fromthe seat on the airplane to the
bathroom.

It's not a comfortable trip.
It's not, and we don't fit.

Yeah.

We don't really fit through the, so it's almost
like I have to throw you in thedoor which is weird Like it's.
It freaks me out, throwing youinto a bathroom and during that
throw there's a little you know,and I'm like, oh no, and you
gotta stick the landing.

Oh no, you gotta stink the landing.

Stop, and that's just the first trip to the
bathroom.
Then, once you go two and threetimes, then everyone on the
plane is like, oh, that girl'sgot diarrhea.

Oh, I know what's going on there.

Yep Whoa, and she can't even walk to the toilet.
That's a problem.

You would think they would try to fix that
problem instead of just lettingit happen.

I guess there's not enough people.

Paraplegics with diarrhea on planes.

So I guess, though , when I was listening to Miss
Mel Robbins, the wise MelRobbins, she made me understand
that I am trying to controleveryone around me, and trying
to control you know, my mom,growing up, used to always say I
just want everybody to have agood time.
I just want everyone to behappy, and that's her trying to

(14:12):
control everyone around her.

And how often do we try to make everyone happy
and then we've got like 90% or95% of everyone happy, and
there's that 5% or 10%.
That's just like I'm not hereto have a good time.
And there's that 5% or 10%,that's just like I'm not here to
have a good time.
I'm not here to be happy.
And then we focus on that andthen we pour extra energy into
them, which kind of takes awayfrom some of the happiness that
the other 90% to 95% are havingand drains us almost completely,

(14:40):
because they've already made uptheir mind they're not going to
be happy.

And I know we're getting a little long-winded,
but it just goes back to thewhole weekend.
You know, I spoke at this Hallof Fame induction ceremony and
the whole time when I wasspeaking, which I think I did a
really great job.

I did my best.
I thought you did an amazingjob.

However, I left more concerned about what did
the team think?
What did the audience think,what did my family think?
What did the coaches think?
I was trying to control howeveryone reacted.

And you just.
But your speech was soauthentic and so real that I
think people had to feel it.

So I just need to live in that power.

I think that's the key that Mel is saying is
like just recognize that whenyou are authentic and when you
are real, let them do whatthey're going to do.
And when you're authentic andreal, you kind of are nourishing
your power and it gives youthis like more energy once you
start gaining that momentum.

Yeah, I think it's harder to do, though, to let go
of what everyone else isthinking and feeling.
There's something inside methat that was taught, that
that's being compassionate,that's being caring, was taught.
That that's being compassionate, that's being caring, that's

(16:11):
being loving, is to worry abouthow everyone else is
experiencing life experiencinglife.

Yeah so my life experiences of me worrying about
everyone else and how they'reexperiencing that's a limiting
belief right there that's one ofwhat bisham would call a
bullshit rule.
Bishan's from Mindvalley and hehas these brules that are
bullshit rules.
I'm sure we've got a podcast inthe back somewhere about those.

So I guess Mel's advice is let them, which is the
title of her book.

Let them let them , let them be them, and on the
reverse side, that allows me tolet me be me.

Oh my gosh.
Okay, thanks for listening.

Keep Living Lucky®.

Bye-bye.
If the idea of Living Lucky®appeals to you, visit us at www.
LivingLucky.
com.

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