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July 28, 2025 15 mins

Find the full episode here >>> PaulaBehrens.com/blog

The weight of walking your spiritual journey alone while married can feel crushing. That tension between Sunday morning preparations—gathering kids, grabbing Bibles, rushing out the door—while your husband remains disinterested cuts deep into your heart. Those silent questions emerge: Why doesn't he care? Is something broken in our marriage? In me?

This episode speaks directly to women who love Jesus with their whole hearts but feel spiritually isolated within their marriage. We tackle fundamental truths that need to sink into your soul. Practical strategies fill this episode: developing personal sacred rhythms like early morning devotions, displaying scripture throughout your home, transforming routine activities into worship opportunities, and guiding your children in faith without disparaging their father. Most liberating is releasing the "savior complex"—understanding that while you can pray faithfully, only the Holy Spirit can change your husband's heart.

If you're navigating this challenging terrain, I'd love to support you through an Aroma of Christ coaching session. Together we'll establish spiritual practices that bring peace and clarity into your life, regardless of your spouse's faith involvement. Visit paulabehrens.com/coaching to reserve your spot and remember—your faithfulness matters, you're planting seeds that God is watering, and you're never truly alone on this journey.

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Paula Behrens (00:00):
Have you ever felt like the one left behind
when Sunday morning rolls around?
You're gathering the kids,getting them ready, trying to
get out the door, Bible in hand,maybe you're still sipping
coffee from your travel mug andyour husband?
He's sitting on the couch,watching TV, mowing the lawn, or
maybe sleeping in, and yourheart sinks.

(00:21):
You wonder why doesn't he care?
Why won't he come with us?
Is it me?
Is it God?
Is something broken?
Sister, I see you and, moreimportantly, God sees you.
Today's episode is for the womanwho loves Jesus with all her
heart but feels spirituallyalone in her marriage.
It's for the one who wants toraise her kids in the faith but

(00:43):
feels unsupported.
It's for the wife whose prayerjournal is tear-stained with
hopes for unity that hasn't comeyet.
All that in a few minutes.
But first funny story.
When I first began my seminarywork while serving two church
congregations full-time,everyone assumed I had my daily
devotional time perfectlyorganized.

(01:04):
But, truth be told, there weremornings I could barely find
five minutes to catch my breath,let alone dive into deep
reflection.
One day, as I rushed out thedoor with mismatched shoes, I
realized that even in my chaosthere was a lesson.
Embracing God's grace andself-forgiveness, I realized
that true success in mydevotional life requires

(01:26):
prioritizing my spiritualpractices.
Are you finding it challengingto maintain your spiritual
practices or yearning for a morepeaceful, God-aligned day?
I'm Paula and I've been theretoo.
Balancing spiritual habits witha busy life can be difficult.
I longed for a deeperconnection with God, but
struggled with consistency.

(01:47):
Then I found the perfectapproach.
If you seek simple ways todeepen your connection with God,
this podcast is for you.
Hey friend, I want to personallyinvite you to the Aroma of
Christ Coaching Hour.
This isn't just another Biblestudy or spiritual to-do list.
It's a deeply intentionalone-on-one session where you'll

(02:08):
create a devotional routine thatfits your life and reignites
your love for time with God, allwhile using your senses.
We'll partner together todesign a peaceful,
Christ-centered routine thathelps you breathe again
spiritually and emotionally.
You'll walk away with clarity,focus and a renewed connection
to the Holy Spirit.
Go right now to paulabehrens.
com/ coaching.

(02:30):
That's Paula BehrensB-E-H-R-E-N-S .
com/ coaching (no spaces) andbook your session.
It's time to stop trying tofigure it all out on your own
and start connecting with God ina way that finally feels like
rest.
All right, it's time.
Grab your Bible, dust off yourjournal and cozy up to your

(02:52):
favorite beverage and let's divein.
Welcome to Living on Purpose inChrist, the podcast for
Christian women longing tonurture a consistent, spirit-led
devotional rhythm in their busyday.
I'm your host, Paula, ordainedpastor, Christian coach,
grandmother of six and thecreator of the Aroma of Christ
Coaching Hour.
I'm here to journey with youthrough life's challenges,

(03:15):
guided by grace, faith and thegentle support of the natural
aromas God has gifted to usthrough what we know of today as
essential oils.
So take a deep breath and let'stalk.
Let's talk about what to do whenyour spouse doesn't attend
church.
Let me say this right now,before we get started: You are

(03:37):
not a failure because yourhusband doesn't go to church.
Let that truth sink in.
As a pastor, I've seen it oftenthat we, as women, try to take
on spiritual responsibility foreveryone in the home.
And when our spouse the onewhose heart is connected to ours
doesn't engage with faith inGod like we do, we assume that

(03:57):
it's our fault, that we must bedoing something wrong.
But listen, faith isn'tcontagious by osmosis, it's
personal.
The Holy Spirit draws hearts inhis timing, while our job is to
trust, not to control.
Romans, chapter 15, verse 13,says: May the God of hope fill

(04:19):
you with all joy and peace asyou trust in him.
Which tells us that we don'thave to carry the burden of
being spiritual enough foreveryone in the family.
That's not ours to hold.
My job and your job is to stayrooted in our own walk with
Christ, to live it authenticallyand joyfully and to trust the

(04:40):
rest to God.
I know that's easy to say, butmaybe not so easy to do,
especially when you are feelingignored or dismissed.
Maybe your husband doesn't justskip church.
Maybe he rolls his eyes whenyou talk about your faith.
Maybe he shuts downconversations about spiritual
things, refuses to pray with youor avoids anything that sounds

(05:02):
remotely churchy or Bible-based.
That hurts and it can feel likerejection.
But hear this your identity isnot tied to your husband's
support, participation orapproval.
Your worth is found in Christ.
You were made for intimacy withGod and that relationship
doesn't require your husband'spermission or even his presence

(05:25):
to flourish.
Psalm, chapter 34, verse 18,says: The Lord is close to the
brokenhearted and saves thosewho are crushed in spirit.
God is close to you when youfeel unseen.
He's there for you, listeningto you when your spouse seems
uninterested.
You are never alone in yourfaith walk, not when the Spirit

(05:46):
of Christ, the Holy Spirit,lives in you.
As followers of Jesus, we areblessed with the fruit of the
Spirit, which guides and upliftsus, enabling us to approach
worship with purity.
I know this is a tender one,but I want to speak to it with
love and truth.
It's easy when we're hurting tomake church attendance into a

(06:09):
scoreboard, to sigh loudly asyou gather the kids, to make
subtle comments like well, Iguess I'll go to church again by
myself, to compare your husbandto other godly husbands, to
throw around phrases like, youshould be the spiritual leader.
But here's the thing it's veryunlikely that guilt will bring
transformation and may even pushhim further away.

(06:32):
It is the Holy Spirit's job toconvict, not ours.
We simply plant the seeds andtrust that God will bring the
growth.
Our role is to live the gospelthe best we can and to not use
scripture as a tool of shame.
Instead of focusing on what yourhusband is not doing, ask God
to help you reflect Christianlove in all that you say and do.

(06:55):
Smile when you leave for Sundayworship.
Be consistent.
Speak life over your marriage.
Let the peace that flows fromyour heart become the sermon.
First Peter, chapter 3, verses 1through 2, encourages wives in

this very situation, saying: Wives, accept the authority of (07:10):
undefined
your husbands so that, even ifsome of them do not believe the
word, they may be won overwithout words by the behavior of
their wives when they see thepurity and reverence of your
lives.
This verse speaks to thetransformative power of a wife's

(07:30):
conduct, suggesting that herway of life can be a compelling
witness to her husband,especially if he's not yet a
believer.
The idea is that your husband,by observing your faith in
action, your kindness, yourpatience, your peace, might be
drawn to the source of yourstrength, which is Christ.
However, it's imperative tounderstand that this passage

(07:54):
does not condone or suggestremaining in a situation where
you are subjected to habitualabuse.
Scripture elsewhere clearlyopposes abuse, such as Ephesians
, chapter 5, 25 through 29,which speaks of husbands loving
their wives as Christ loves thechurch, which is a nurturing,
protective love.
If you find yourself in anabusive situation, please know

(08:19):
that it's important to seeksupport and safety.
Also, know that the purity andreverence mentioned in 1 Peter
could also manifest as extendingthat integrity, grace and
respect to yourself bycourageously seeking help and
setting necessary boundaries foryour protection.
In your journey of faith theaim is to reflect Christ's love

(08:40):
in a way that might influenceyour husband in a positive way,
but never at the cost of yourwell-being.
Moving on.
Your spiritual routine,including time with God's word
and in prayer well, it can be asource of strength and guidance
as you navigate these challenges.
Let's talk practical.
You need time with God, notjust to survive but to thrive.

(09:01):
Just because your husband isn'tleading family devotions or
praying over dinner, thatdoesn't mean that your spiritual
growth or that of your childrenhas to stall.
You can grow with or withoutyour unbelieving husband's
approval.
I know your heart is aching forhis support, but sometimes
things just don't happen on ourtime schedule as we would like.

(09:23):
Here are some practical stepsyou can take to navigate those
challenging and possibly lonelydays.
Focus on developing sacredrhythms that will nurture your
soul, like early morningjournaling.
Even five minutes before thehouse wakes up can become your
holy ground, and you mightconsider using essential oils

(09:44):
like Young Living, SacredMountain or Frankincense to help
anchor your quiet time.
A few drops diffusing while youopen your Bible can center your
heart and bring a calming peace.
Also, maybe you want to putscripture cards in your kitchen
because, yes, God meets youbetween the laundry and the
lunchboxes.
And, of course, worship musicwhile you're driving.

(10:05):
Turn those school drop-offsinto praise sessions.
This journey isn't aboutachieving perfection.
Being intentional even when itfeels imperfect is far more
rewarding than trying tonavigate life without your
Heavenly Father's support.
Okay, so how do you guide yourchildren in faith when dad isn't
on board?
I know I understand, you mayfeel like you're the only

(10:27):
spiritual influence in your homeand that's a big responsibility
, but it's not impossible.
Here are some things you can do.
First, model faith, don't justteach it.
Let your kiddos see you readingscripture, let them see you
praying or worshiping, andthey'll catch what you live.

(10:47):
Also, make Jesus a part ofeveryday conversations.
Say things like look howbeautiful God made the sky today
, or let's thank Jesus for thisyummy dinner.
You can also create rhythms forbedtime, scripture stories,
songs or a simple prayer.
These seeds will grow.
And don't speak negativelyabout your husband's lack of

(11:10):
faith.
Honor him.
They will form theirunderstanding of God in part,
from how they see you respecttheir father, even in
disagreement.
And remember this.
You are not discipling yourchildren alone, because the Holy
Spirit is your partner.

(11:31):
Okay, the next thing I want totalk about is this Savior
complex.
This might be the most freeingtruth you'll ever hear and that

is (11:39):
You are not your husband's Savior, you are his wife, his
helper, his encourager.
But only the Holy Spirit canchange hearts.
Stop trying to fix himspiritually.
Instead, intercede, invite theSpirit in and surrender to God.
Pray scripture over him.

(11:59):
Try this.
Say, Lord I lift up my husbandto you.
I pray that the eyes of hisheart may be enlightened so that
he may know the hope to whichyou have called him.
Draw him to you, Lord, notbecause I want him to change for

(12:19):
me, but because I long to seehim live in the fullness of your
love.
You know God hears prayers likethat.
They matter and they are neverwasted.
Even so, this season can feelisolating.
You go to women's Bible studiesand everyone's talking about

(12:40):
couples devotionals, or what myhusband said in his quiet time,
and you're thinking I can't evenget my husband to come to
church.
So find a faith community thatgets it.
Even one other woman whounderstands can make all the
difference in the world.
Join a Bible study, attend thatchurch event, connect with
other women in the same stage oflife, and if you're longing for

(13:03):
a space to be heard and heldwithout judgment, I'd like to
invite you to book a sessionwith me inside the Aroma of
Christ Coaching Hour.
This one-on-one time is designedjust for women like you, women
navigating complex marriages,faith challenges and daily
overwhelm.
Together, we'll explorespiritual tools, essential oils

(13:23):
and rhythms that will bringclarity and peace into your life
.
You don't have to walk thisalone.
Let me close with this.
Your story isn't over.
God is not finished.
Whether your husband comes tochurch next Sunday, or not for
10 more years, your faithfulnessstill matters.

(13:47):
And guess what?
You are planting seeds, seedsyour children will one day thank
you for, seeds that yourhusband may one day notice,
seeds that God is alreadywatering.
Galatians, chapter 6, verse 9,says let us not grow weary in
doing good, for at the propertime we will reap a harvest if
we do not give up.
So keep showing up, keeppraying, keep worshiping and
keep trusting that yourobedience is never in vain.

(14:11):
Okay, if today's episode spoketo your heart, don't let the
conversation end here.
I'd love to sit with you in anAroma of Christ coaching hour.
In our time together, I'lllisten deeply, we'll talk
through your unique situationand I'll guide you in
establishing a daily rhythm withGod, rooted in scripture,
prayer and the beautiful aromaof Young Living Essential Oils.

(14:32):
I'll also gift you with aspecial Peace Reset designed to
assist you in releasingemotional barriers, reducing
stress and deeply embracingGod's Peace.
To reserve your session, go topaulabehrens.
com/ coaching.
That's Paula BehrensB-E-H-R-E-N-S .
com/ coaching (no spaces).

(14:55):
Remember you're not alone.
You are deeply loved and yourfaith journey matters.
So keep breathing, keepbelieving and keep becoming who
God created you to be.
Thank you for tuning in todayand remember, just like setting
biblical boundaries, it's okayto say no to things that don't
serve you well, like that thirdpiece of cake at the church

(15:17):
potluck.
If you were blessed by thisepisode, be sure to share it
with a friend and leave a reviewso that we can reach even more
women like you.
Check the show notes for allthe links.
Join us next week as wecontinue to discover how to live
on purpose in Christ.
Until then, keep leaning intoHim and walking in His wisdom.

(15:38):
See you next time.
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