Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
In today's episode, a story about some kids who think
they're wizards even though they're not, except maybe one of them.
Is what let's get into it. This is the story
of that time everyone thought they were wizards. Well maybe
not everyone. Ari was one of the few people who didn't.
(00:25):
He was the only one who hadn't gone to see
that Wizard movie. Everyone else who saw it was acting
like they were wizards. Now, look, Ari, I'm a wizard.
No you're not, answered Ari, Yes I am no, you're not. Yes,
I am no, you're not. If you say that one
(00:47):
more time, I'm gonna use my magic to turn you
into a fish that doesn't like water. You see, Ari
knew you couldn't really be a wizard, no way. Sure
you could pretend to be one, but you couldn't actually
be a real wizard. One of the people who had
gotten swept up in the Wizard hype was Ari's friend Lea.
Lea had seen the Wizard Movie five times already and
(01:08):
could not stop talking about wizards. Hey, Ari, have you
seen the Wizard movie yet? When are you gonna see
the Wizard movie? I think you would really like the
Wizard movie. Ari was quite sure that he would not
like such a movie. He wasn't interested in stuff like that.
He preferred movies that felt real, like something that could
actually happen in real life, and wizards turning people into
(01:29):
frogs was definitely not one of those things. Have I
shown you my new wand yet, Leah continued, pretty good, right,
can't be a wizard without a proper wand. Ari looked
at the object in his friend's hand. Leah, that's a stick.
He then reached down and grabbed another one off the ground. See,
(01:49):
I've got one too, And you know what, it's not
a wand it's just a stick that broke off of
a tree. You can turn it into a snowman's arm,
but you can't use it to make a snowman come
to life. Leah scoffed, huh. Well, if I were you,
i'd be careful what you say when you're in the
presence of a wizard. You wouldn't like it very much
if I cast a spell on you and turned you
into a frog. There was very little left for Ari
(02:11):
to say other than oh brother. All week long, plenty
of other kids showed Ari their wands too. Some ons
looked like the real deal, while others not so much.
Did you just make that wand out of Plato? It's
looking kind of droopy. But every time Ari would make
a comment, he'd have to hear something like, it may
be droopy, but not as droopy as you're gonna be
(02:34):
when I use my wand to turn you into a
wet spaghetti noodle. Here is just a quick list of
some of the things these wizards told Ari they were
going to turn him into a frog, a wet spaghetti noodle,
a statue, an octopus lobster. What even is an octopus
lobster anyway? A dingo, a camel, a chef who burns everything,
(02:54):
a beaver, a video game character who keeps trying to
walk through the same wall over and over, a horse,
a cat, a skunk who was grossed out by its
own smell, a rock, a rotten egg, a guy with
a mustache, and one of those flies who really likes poop.
But would you believe me if I told you Ari
was never turned into any one of those things. Even
(03:14):
when he taunted the wizards and told them to bring
it on, they'd usually just say, huh, well, we're gonna
just you wait, yep, it's coming, so you know be ready,
and others would actually wave their wands and say a
little spell and then act as if it worked. Hey, guys,
I just turned Ari into a turtle with no shell.
That's not a very safe way for a turtle to be.
(03:37):
But Ari refused to play along. He was no turtle
or rotten egg, and he certainly wasn't one of those
flies who really likes poop. Ari was just Ari, a
kid who liked things that were real, like giraffes, just
as long as those giraffes weren't something else that had
been turned into giraffes by kids who thought they were wizards.
One day, I got to a point where Ari just
couldn't take it anymore. Lea had come over one night
(03:59):
to help finis a project for school that their teacher
had asked them to do together. Their task was to
create a model of the Solar system, showing each one
of the planets in the correct order as at orbits
the Sun. While painting the planet Jupiter, Ari looked over
and saw that Leah was sitting there doing nothing. Well,
she wasn't doing nothing. She was muttering some new spell
that she was trying to memorize. Uh. Hey, Leah Hello,
(04:22):
a little help might be nice. Leah snapped out of
her trans She gave Ari a look of pity, you
silly goose. I'm a wizard. I don't have to do
any work. Ario took a very very deep breath and
tried to stay calm. Actually, yes, you do. You and
I are partners, and our teacher is expecting us to
do this thing together. Leah doubled down on the pity train.
(04:46):
She looked like she actually felt really bad for her friend. Ah,
is that what you think, muffin? You're forgetting that I'm
a wizard and I've got powers. I'm going to cast
a spell on the teacher first thing tomorrow morning. Ari
looked like he was about to blow a gasket, except
you're not a wizard, and no pretend spell is going
to stop miss chomp Chump from giving us a bad
(05:07):
mark if we don't get this thing finished. Leah stood
up and walked over to Ari while pulling something out
of her bag. You non wizards are so cute when
you get mad. Here have this wizard hat that I
made for you. I'm sure you'll feel a lot less
grumpy as soon as you become a wizard like me.
Lea placed the wizard's hat on top of our head,
told him to say cheese, took a picture of him
(05:28):
even though he refused to say cheese, and then left.
Ari stayed up working on the solar system by himself,
but at some point he fell asleep, only to be
woken in the middle of the night by his mother. Sweetheart,
you fell asleep with your light on. Indeed he had.
He'd fallen asleep with the lights on, his clothes on,
and an open bottle of glue, half of which had
(05:50):
been emptied all over his shirt. Don't worry, Ari, we'll
clean all that up in the morning. Just put your
wizard hat someplace safe and climb into bed. He had
forgotten he was still wearing the wizard hat. It hadn't
bothered him that his mother had seen him with drool
running down his chin and glue all over his shirt,
but he sure felt embarrassed that she had seen him
sleeping with a wizard hat on. In the morning, Ari
(06:13):
woke up and saw even more wizard junk on his
nightstand table, alongside the wizard hat, which he could have
sworn he'd thrown in the garbage right before bed. Had
Lea knuck over in the middle of the night and
done this at breakfast. He decided he was not going
to tell his mother about it. But what if she
already knew? Ari? Are you not going to say anything
about what was on your nights stand table? Yep, she knew. Mom.
(06:37):
I'm really sorry. Leah's been acting all sorts of weird lately,
like the poor girl thinks she's a wizard. Anyway, I'll
be sure to let her know that she can never
sneak over in the middle of the night like that. Again,
Ari's mom laughed, I just love that you kids have
been playing wizards. And actually the stuff on your table
was from me. It's my old wand and spellbook from
(06:57):
when I was a kid. From the moment I read
that first wizard book years ago, I became obsessed. I
was casting spells all over town. Ari gave his mother
the oh no, not you too, look, and then, just
in case she didn't know what that look was, he
just came out and said it, Oh no, mom, not
you too. His mother smiled. You didn't know your mother
(07:19):
could be so cool, did you? Being a wizard was
one of the highlights of my childhood. Ari shook his head,
except you weren't a wizard. You were a person who
was pretending to be a wizard. His mother shook her head. No,
I was a wizard. I even turned my brother into
a frog. He was lucky it wasn't one of those
flies who like buzzing around that smelly you know what.
(07:41):
Ari stood up from the table and threw his arms
up in the air. Wizards are not real. His mother
gave him the same look as friends had all given
him so many times that week. Careful what you say, darling,
or I might have to turn you into an even
CUTI shmoopy boopy boop boop than you already are. But
then again, that would be impossible, because you were already
(08:02):
as cute of a shmoopy boopy boop boop than anyone
could possibly be. Ari rolled his eyes and then left
for school. Whereas teacher demanded to know why his solar
system project wasn't finished, Ari didn't answer, but instead looked
over at Leyah, who was muttering something under her breath
while waving a little brown stick at the teacher. When
nothing happened, she looked at her stick with genuine confusion.
(08:24):
She then leaned toward Ari and whispered, something's wrong with
my wand might have to take it in for repairs.
I'll meet you at your place tonight so we can
finish the project. Ari rolled his eyes again, but then
had to clarify that the eye roll wasn't meant for
his teacher. He would never roll his eyes at the
teacher unless, for some reason, she decided to tell the
class that she too was a wizard. Sorry, miss chomp chomp.
(08:47):
We'll have it finished for tomorrow, we promise. That night,
Ari was prepared to tell Leya that she would have
to actually help this time. This project had to get
finished and the only way that was going to happen
is if they both worked on it together. But as
soon as Leah showed up, she said, good news, Ari,
I've got a new wand and this one works. Ari
(09:08):
noticed that she was holding the same stick from before,
only now it had been painted pink. Oh. I feel
a really bad headache coming on, moaned Aary. The last
thing he needed to hear next was that his friend
had a spell that could magically fix headaches. Leah, the
only thing that could magically stop me from having a
headache is if you magically stopped believing you're a wizard.
(09:31):
Ari grabbed the wand his mother had given him. Here,
let me show you how ridiculous this looks. He pointed
the wand at Leah and started waving it around. Ibbity
bobbedy goobity gob, but he turned my friend into a
goobity gob. Even. Ari wasn't sure what a goobity gob was,
but since Lea hadn't turned into one, he assumed he
had proven his point. See, you're not a goobity gob.
(09:53):
Wizards are not real. Leah was busy admiring Ari's wand dude,
wand where did you get that thing? That was like
the real deal? But also you need to work on
your spell casting it but he bobbed, he did you
just arrive here from a fairy tale? Ari threw his
head back. Why did this have to be so hard?
(10:15):
This time? He grabbed his mother's spell book. Fine, I'll
use an actual spell from this book, and when that
doesn't work, I need you just stop pretending to be
a wizard and actually do some work. You can start
by painting Uranus, I mean painting the planet Uranus. Uh,
how about you just paint Saturn? Okay Ari flipped through
the spell book until he found something. Ah, here we go,
(10:37):
the classic turn a person into a frog spell. Ari
had to concentrate carefully on the wording, as this spell
was not easy to say gloxamiss sheiliam fray mix grapplestein
or I think that's how you say it, and look
at that. It didn't even work anyway, right, Leah, Leah,
where did you go? Ari couldn't see his friend any
(11:00):
had she run off crying because Ari had just proven
wizardry wasn't real. Say, little frog, have you seen my friend? No?
Wait a second, there's a frog in my room. I
think that frog might be my friend. Ari wasn't keen
on being friends with a frog, especially since frogs weren't
known to be particularly effective at painting planets. But to
(11:21):
his delight, there was a second spell right below the
other one, called the reverse Frog. By saying the command
in reverse, he could undo the spell grapplestein frey mix
shillium gloxamis oh yeah, and a little pizaz from the
wand a tiny ribbitt slipped out of Layah's mouth as
she returned to her normal form. Did I just say ribbit?
(11:43):
That was weird, very weird, agreed Ari, without telling his
friend what had just happened. You know, Leah, I think
I might actually be a wizard. To Leya, this statement
was as weird as her having just said ribbit. Yeah,
I know that, Ari. Hence why I made you the
wizard hat. You also have the most legit looking wand
I've ever seen. You probably couldn't tell, but I've just
(12:05):
been using a stick that I painted. Lea was about
to start painting the planet Saturn, when this time it
was Ari who told her not to bother. He didn't
even have to put a spell on their teacher because
he found a different spell that made their solar system
project magically finish itself. Huh. I think I'm gonna really
enjoy doing homework as a wizard, he said afterward. As
(12:26):
it turned out, there were plenty of other things to
enjoy about being a wizard too. Turning eggplant and artichoke
salads into ice cream was just one of them. Changing
the leaves on the big oak tree in the backyard
and the gummy candies was another. And shouldn't every home
have at least one tap that pours hot chocolate? The
kids at school were excited to see that ARII had
finally come to his senses. Told you it was fun
(12:48):
to play wizards. You should just listen to us the
first time. Ari laughed. Yeah, you guys were right, but
you know it also helps that I'm a real wizard.
The other kids looked confused us. Yeah, dude, so are we.
Even though they claim to be wizards, they're sure wasn't
awful lot of them asking Ari for favors. Ari, something's
(13:10):
off with my want today? Could you perhaps use one
of your spells to turn my egg sandwich into something
a little more not so egg sandwiche? Or how about
the kid who once said they were gonna turn Ari
into an octopus lobster whatever that is? Ari, would you
mind turning my little sister into an octopus lobster for me?
She took something from my room without asking me, and
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my parents told me I'm not allowed to turn any
more people into octopus lobsters, so I need you to
do it otherwise I totally do it myself, because you
know I'm a wizard too. Ray Even the teachers began
turning to Ari for help. Ari, is there some way
you can have your wand help me mark all of
that work on my desk over there. If I have
to mark all of that myself, it's gonna take forever. Also,
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do you have any spells to magically clean teachers cars?
If so, please don't judge all of the candy bar
wrappers in the back seat. It wasn't long before Ari
was doing more spells for others than he was for himself.
Does anyone know if wizards get to take a day off?
This is exhausting. And to the kid that answered that
question with a big fat no, well, Ari turned him
(14:15):
into a rotten egg, though it almost felt like more
of a punishment for himself than the other kids than
it was for the kid who was now a rotten egg. Oh,
our classroom stinks right now, like it actually smells like
a rotten egg. Is that because there's a rotten egg
sitting on the chair where Donovan used to sit. Of
all the choices, why had Ari gone with this one? Sorry, guys,
(14:38):
I probably should have just turned Donovan into a guy
with a mustache. They don't smell, do they. But it
certainly wasn't the end of the world, because every spell
in Ari's book had a reverse spell to change things
back It had worked on the guy he had turned
into a dingo, and it had worked on the kid
Arid had turned into a wet spaghetti noodle. It wasn't
like he had planned on leaving them like that forever.
(14:58):
And yet, for some strange reason, the reverse rotten egg
spell did not seem to be working. Well, this isn't good,
said Ari, after trying the spell for the fifth time. Hey, Ari,
maybe you need to bring your wand in for repairs,
suggested Leah. The rest of us have been having wand
troubles all week long. Well, it wasn't the worst advice,
except no one was able to give him a clear
(15:20):
answer as to where wizards even gopher repairs. When the
bell rang, Ari hurried home as quickly as he could
after a full day of sitting next to a rotten egg.
He needed to get as far away from that place
as he could, but more importantly, he needed to figure
out why his magic had suddenly stopped working. On his
way home, he passed by numerous kids outside playing with
(15:40):
their wizard ones. They were all laughing while pretending to
turn their friends into frogs. But it was only just
that kids pretending. Every one of them looked so happy
as they played. How nice, thought Ari that none of
them had to worry about any of their spells going wrong.
Once home, he ran straight to his room, where his
heart nearly punched a hole through his chest. How unexpected
(16:02):
it was to see Leah sitting on his chair with
her feet up on his desk. What took you so long, dude,
she asked, not noticing Ari's look of surprise. Hope you
don't mind, but I let myself in. Figured i'd just
hang around while you get your one sorted out, because
as soon as it's fixed, I've got at least ten
favors I need to ask, one of which involves turning
someone into one of those flies who really likes poop. Well,
(16:23):
trying to pretend his friend wasn't there, Ari removed the
spell book and wand from his bag. He then blew
on the one as if that might somehow fix it. Next,
he tested it by attempting to turn his giraffe stuff
he into a real giraffe, but again nothing happened. He
couldn't even make the pile of dirty laundry on the
floor float over to his laundry basket, but he did
find something interesting on the very last page of the book,
(16:45):
something that answered a question he had never thought to ask,
the question of why his mother had ever considered giving
any of this up in the first place. There on
the last page of the book was a phone number
for the World Wizard Society. Just below that was a
note that said, young wizard, if you have used up
all of your free spells, then please consider becoming a
member today. Official Wizard members gain access to twenty new
(17:08):
spells every month, all for the low low cost of
just twenty nine dollars and ninety nine cents per month.
Twenty nine dollars, cried Ari. Leah put her hand on
Ari's shoulder. Twenty nine dollars and ninety nine cents, she corrected,
But I can't afford that. That's a lot of money,
and they expect me to pay that every month. Man,
(17:30):
what is up with all these memberships these days? It
seemed like Ari's wizard days were over, But that's when
Leah showed him that perhaps his wizard days were only
just getting started. Leiah picked up the wizard hat she
had made for Ari and placed it back on his head.
She then took him to the movie theater to watch
the one movie he thought he would never watch. When
(17:50):
it was over, he turned to his friend. You know,
that movie was kind of fun. It'd even helped take
my mind off all the bad parts of being a
real wizard, Leiah smiled. Kind of puts you in the
mood to go outside and play wizards, doesn't it. And
that's exactly what the two friends did. They picked up
the best sticks they could find and began turning everyone
(18:11):
in sight into frogs. Of course, none of those people
could see that they had been turned into frogs, but
with just the right tweaks to their imaginations, Ari and
Leah could see it. Not only was pretending to be
a wizard a lot more fun than being a real wizard.
The best thing was that it was free only at school.
The next day, Ari realized he still had one problem. Ewoo,
(18:34):
what stinks in here? Oh? Yeah, Donovan is still a
rotten egg? Say, miss, how would you like to have
your car cleaned inside and out? All for the low
low cost of twenty nine dollars? Leah popped up from
behind twenty nine dollars and ninety nine cents. She added
the end, that's the story, and here is your question
(19:01):
of the week. What is the first bell you would
try to cast if you had a wizard. Wand thanks
to both Ari and Leyah for letting me use their
names in today's story. And I'd also like to give
a special shout out to the following listeners. Luana from
Blue Mountains, Canada, Hudson, Elias and Cyprus from Saudi Arabia,
Lea and Christoph Delayan from Carrie, North Carolina, Hailey and
(19:22):
Elaina Barlow from Wheaton, Illinois, Hunter Clark from Dartmouth, Nova Scotia,
Tessa and Hugo from Montreal, Canada, William, Lizzie and Johnny
from te Neck, Emily, Joey and Sonny from London, and
Zach and Emily Bressett from Prince George, British Columbia. Thanks
so much for listening and I'll catch you on the
next one.