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September 13, 2021 142 mins

Once upon a time on Long Walks and Robots...

The robots break down the performances of a couple of Philip K. Dickheads in "A Scanner Darkly."  Two questions.  How are they eating through those hoods, and are those cartoon boobs?  Then Shane Clifton Colins Jr'd Ryan.  Huh?  They watched "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood."  Ohhhh... he Clifton Colins Jr'd him.  Right.  Wait, what?

Moving on.  The bots also talk TV.  I remember seeing TV capitalized as a kid.  But as an adult, I feel like I've seen it lower case.  What if... my edible just kicked in?  Regardless, it seems as though Marvel's What if series is rather hit or miss.  I mean, how do you mess up zombie superheroes?  That's like having the rights to make a Batman film and then making a crappy movie... oh.  

Speaking of mediocrity, the season 5 two-episode finale of Rick and Morty didn't seem to stick the landing on an already shaky season.  Perhaps there are too many cooks in the kitchen.  Or rather, maybe there is a colossal conspiracy birthed from the very mind that gave genesis to this parody property.  Is Rick and Morty even considered a parody anymore?  Was it ever?  It was right?  Cause "Back to the Future."  How much did I take??

A truly jam-packed send-off for Ryan Bot.  Damn!  Two dash words in one sentence!  This man spittin'.  But seriously, a fantastic year-long voyage in cinema with our bot, and he will be missed.  Bruh, did you just drop another dash?  Now you just flexin'.  

Have no fear young robots!  Shane will return in thrice weeks (I don't think that's how you use that word) to crack open some cold movies and elaborate to fruition.  Will he be alone?  Will Filipino Steve make a triumphant return?  Will there be a female companion?  Prolly not.  But maybe!  But, prolly not.  Now go see Shang-Chi!!

You messed up that last sentence reading to yourself, didn't you?  

Until then... Please Stand By!!


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