Beyond the Grind: Prioritizing What Truly Matters

In this episode of The Last Boy Scouts, Danny and Tyler dive deep into the daily grind of maintaining a routine amidst life's chaos. From the physical demands of jiu-jitsu training to the emotional challenges of fatherhood, they explore how to stay disciplined when motivation wanes. They discuss the importance of non-negotiables, accountability, and how to lead through routine, especially when life gets overwhelming.

Tyler shares his struggles balancing his training schedule while being a single parent and the importance of resetting when life throws curveballs. Danny reflects on his journey as an empty nester and how prioritizing his health and career has evolved. The conversation also touches on societal pressures, the influence of social media, and the challenges of raising kids in a world full of distractions.

Listen in as they candidly discuss the importance of self-awareness, the need to ask for help, and how to self-rescue when it gets tough. Whether you're a seasoned jiu-jitsu practitioner or just trying to keep up with the demands of everyday life, this episode offers insights and encouragement for anyone looking to build a better routine and find balance in the chaos.

Key Topics:

• Staying motivated in training and life
• The importance of routines and non-negotiables
• Balancing fatherhood, work, and personal growth
• Social media's impact on self-perception and priorities
• Self-rescue techniques and the power of breathwork

Visit Spa Vessi.com to learn about our latest project, and follow us on Instagram at Lost Boy Scouts for more updates. If you're in the area, come train with us at Park City Jiu-Jitsu!

Sponsors: This episode is brought to you by Spa Vessi, your new favorite wellness retreat. Support our project by becoming an investor today!

Episode Transcript

Danny (00:07):
The last Boy Scouts podcast.

Tyler (00:09):
Yeah. How are we feeling? Good. You just got done with
training?

Danny (00:12):
I did. Yeah. I went to, training. I've been training the
last couple of weeks besideswhen I went to Montana. I've
been hitting regularly, like, 4to 5 nights or, you know, at
least 4 to 5 training days aweek, and, some days you feel
it.
Like, today, I kinda felt it.Didn't get a warm up in because
I wasn't able to make it toclass.

Tyler (00:33):
Yeah. I

Danny (00:33):
went straight to training

Tyler (00:35):
Yeah.

Danny (00:35):
Which I hate doing because kinda feels like you're
a little behind. You have to,like, take the first couple of
rounds to to get your bodygoing. And if you, by chance,
start with somebody that'salready ready to go, it's like
It

Tyler (00:48):
was that class to kinda get that warm up going.

Danny (00:50):
Yeah. And so I was in prevent mode the entire time.
There was a drop in purple belt.He'd been there before, I guess,
but I I don't remember him. Andhe was small, which is always
fun because I'm always excitedwhen there's smaller guys there
that are, higher belts that, youknow, you can kinda test your
skills on Yeah.
Yeah. The waters. Yeah. And hewas warmed up, and he was he

(01:13):
seen me, and he probably thoughtthe same thing like, oh, man, a,
smaller brown belt that I cantry

Tyler (01:19):
Yeah.

Danny (01:19):
You know, to go at. And, he did.

Tyler (01:23):
Yeah. Yeah.

Danny (01:24):
He did. He went a 100% at me, which was actually fun
because, you know, it takes youback to that first, what your
first job is, you know, to stayhealthy Yes. Yes. Yes. And to be
safe.
Mhmm. And then it's like, hey.Don't get tapped. Right?

Tyler (01:37):
Yeah.

Danny (01:37):
And find opportunity. And and, unfortunately, like, the
1st round opportunity didn'tshow up. So I was just Yeah.
Playing in the waters of, hey.Don't get hurt.

Tyler (01:46):
Yeah.

Danny (01:46):
Look for opportunity. Don't get hurt. Look for
opportunity. Don't get hurt.

Tyler (01:50):
Yeah.

Danny (01:50):
And, that's always fun to remind yourself that, don't
don't move on becausepotentially get hurt. You know?

Tyler (01:56):
Oh, yeah. Totally. Totally. I totally get it. Yeah.
My training schedule's been abit a bit wonky. Right? Like,
it's been the last few weeks thekids going back to school. My
daughter's getting ready to goback to college, and so I've
been making a lot of excuses toto hang out with them since I
know it's gonna change. And so

Danny (02:14):
Yeah. It's gonna be and and you like you said before,
you don't have them full time.Yeah. So that's hard because
Yeah. In betweens, you know,you're like, oh, I have all
these intentions, and then thein betweens, you're trying to
catch up on all the other lifestuff.

Tyler (02:29):
Right.

Danny (02:29):
And then here they come the next week.

Tyler (02:31):
You're, yeah, you're absolutely right. So especially
in the summertime, it's, like,hard to have a routine.

Danny (02:35):
Yeah.

Tyler (02:35):
Right? Like and I think routine is important for me, and
I it'll be great. Like, nextMonday, they start school, but
they're not with me. So, I'mlike kind of excited cause I'm
like, okay, I can reset.

Danny (02:45):
Sure.

Tyler (02:46):
They'll, you know, get better into my routine. I know,
I know what I'll be doing now. Ican get back into training my,
my 2 or 3 nights a week. Yeah.And, Yeah, just, just kind of
get back to it.
Like, you make a lot of excusesduring the summer because the
weather's nice or people aren'tat the gym. You know, you're
probably having a 1 or 2, toomany drinks throughout the
night. Like, so that's like agood point. Maybe a good topic

(03:09):
we tackle tonight. Like, how doyou stay motivated when the
motivation's not there?

Danny (03:14):
Yeah. I think, like, for me, part of motivation is, you
know well, I mean and I'm insuch a weird I'm in such a
different part of the journey.Right? Like Yeah. Yeah.
And even especially in life,like, I don't have kids going to
school. I don't have, I don'thave, you know, Misty and I are
pretty much empty nesters. SoI'm, like, kind of in a
different a a different level ofof where I'm at in my journey.

(03:39):
Right? But I remember when thekids would go to school, how
much chaos that would causeYeah.
School shopping, clothesshopping Yeah. Shoe shopping. I
was in charge of the shoeshopping

Tyler (03:50):
Yeah.

Danny (03:51):
To make sure the boys had good shoes and that they had
clean underwear

Tyler (03:55):
Yeah. Yeah.

Danny (03:55):
That they got haircuts. You know, it's it's funny we
talk about it because Tristanhas long hair. You know? But,
the longest time Misty was like,no. You get your haircut every
you get your haircut a certainway, and

Tyler (04:08):
Yeah.

Danny (04:09):
Sometimes she would go with the boys and be like Make
sure it gets cut. You cut yourhair, you know, and it was like,
she wanted that she wanted themto look presentable all the
time. Right? But there's thereis that, you have so much going
on that, the the the disruptsyour routine to keep a routine.

Tyler (04:28):
Yeah.

Danny (04:28):
And it does feel, like, chaotic sometimes. Yeah. Right?
And, so, like, when for me, Ialways remembered, like, to,
prioritize things.

Tyler (04:40):
Yeah. I would say from my observation of you, like,
jujitsu from since I've knownyou, like, jujitsu for you as a
non negotiable

Danny (04:47):
non negotiable.

Tyler (04:48):
And I think I'm getting there. I'm like, obviously it's
hard for me to be there. Likeit's new in my life. It's 3 and
3 years in. Right.
So maintaining consistency isjust

Danny (04:57):
for sure.

Tyler (04:58):
That is, that is a priority in and of itself.

Danny (04:59):
I think that's, like, for everybody, especially in that
first part of their journey isYeah. Especially because, like,
you know, you're going to

Tyler (05:05):
Yeah.

Danny (05:05):
Go there and, you know, you're It's a combat. Fighting.
Yeah. It's combat. Combat.
And, yeah, I I I'm lucky becausefor the longest time, like, I've
always been, like, if I'm doingthis, this is you know, it isn't
negotiable. And and I do takenights that I do you know, when
I was younger, when I wascoaching, so I would coach and

(05:26):
then do jiu jitsu sometimes. SoI would coach. I would come home
from work, go straight tocoaching

Tyler (05:31):
Yeah.

Danny (05:31):
Leave coaching, go straight to jujitsu, come home
at 10 o'clock at night, and thendo the same thing over 4 or 5
days a week. Yeah.

Tyler (05:38):
You

Danny (05:38):
know? And and, man, my wife was so so patient with me
in those early years because Iwas so excited about jiu jitsu.

Tyler (05:47):
Yeah. That's gotta be a real blessing to have somebody
that supports you like that.Right? And but I think at the
same time, like, as a man, weneed to be drawn into into our
routine. For sure.

Danny (05:55):
And

Tyler (05:55):
we need to to lead through our routine and have
direction through our routine.And, there's definitely been
points in my life where I'vehad, I've always had a pretty
good routine. Unfortunately, ithasn't been prioritized well.
Sure. I've always prioritizedprobably work.
You know, you get up, you makethat commute, you commute to the
Valley. So I, that was my life.Right. Like I'd get up, I'd
commute. And there was so much Iwas sacrificing for myself

(06:17):
because I, I had, I just had mypriorities.
Weren't straight. My prioritywas go make money. And I thought
that that's what was my valuefor so long. And so as I've gone
through this last journey lastcouple of years, I've had to,
like, really say, okay, I'm mypriority. I really would like
jujitsu to be a nonnegotiablefor me.
I I think I I think I do apretty good job. I try to cut
myself a little bit of slack. Iknow I make excuses more than I

(06:39):
should, but I I really do loveit. I really do love it.

Danny (06:42):
Yeah. I think, like, finding your like, first of all,
finding a why Yeah. For a guyfor a man. Like, most of the
time, it's like most of thetime, it is, like, job. Yeah.
Like, for our generation,especially, like, it was it my
my personal path has alwaysbeen, like, career. I was
talking to Braxton today, and Iwas telling him, you know, I've

(07:03):
I've made mistakes, but I'vealways been able to, like like,
let's say it's a a financialmistake, then I always was like
a paycheck. Here comes apaycheck. Good to go.

Tyler (07:11):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Danny (07:12):
But I always I did prioritize, like, my career very
early on. Yeah. Like, I I waslike, I'm gonna get this get to
this point, and I'm going toreally, really work really hard.
And, I I think that's part ofour generation, which I struggle
with with my boys. Yeah.
Right? Telling them, like, notbeing too much overbearing of,

(07:33):
like, you need to find a career.You need to do this. You need to
do that. And and then remindingmyself, like, that's that's not
the way their generation works.
Right?

Tyler (07:40):
No. I mean, it's weird that we have these we like, the
concept of do what you love andyou never work a day

Danny (07:45):
in your life. Right? Like Yeah.

Tyler (07:46):
We have this generation of I've got my own thoughts on
this. Like, I've I've, I waswriting the other, the other
morning of my journal. Like wehave this generation of that's
really capitalized on like doingwhat they love, right? Like the,
the, the internet has allowedpeople to create content in a
way in a, in a micro contentenvironment that allows people

(08:08):
to do what they love at the sametime. And maybe this is a
tangent or a rabbit hole, butlike we've created a lot of, a
lot of young people who have noreal sense of, of, of like
what's wrong.

Danny (08:23):
Sure.

Tyler (08:24):
Like, like morally kind of, kind of lost kind of
narcissistic. Like there's no,no sense of consequence. Right?
Like you watch some of thesepeople, like just being like the
prank people. Right?
Like they, they there's like noconsequence. And we, and we have
terms for like gaslightingourselves and like, there's no

(08:46):
real consequence and we see it.We see it a lot. And I, and I
hate to say it. I don't want tospeak out of turn here.
We see it with a lot of women,right? A lot of women that have
only fans pages or want to be asex worker or want to like post
bikini pictures. Right. Andthey, they, they, they've been
told because of internet datingbecause of feminism, because,

(09:06):
you know, men are not leadingfrom their masculine, that, that
these type of things are, areokay. And if they feel any bit
of uncomfort about it, they'reable to kind of they're able to
kind of, like, you know

Danny (09:19):
Well, they could justify

Tyler (09:21):
Yeah.

Danny (09:21):
They justify it. Right? Yeah. Like, well, I'm I'm making
this amount of money. Right.
And I could not make this amountof money anywhere else. Right.
Right? So I'm willing to to topush these limits or to accept
these things about Right. WhatI'm doing regardless of the
consequences.
With the like, the same thingwith, like, that's, I guess, my

(09:45):
biggest struggle with socialmedia. Right. You know, my
biggest struggle with socialmedia is that you're seeing the
the the the best. Right. You'reyou're not seeing, like,
everything else.
You're not seeing all the hardwork. Right. You're not seeing
what goes into creating thecontent.

Tyler (09:57):
Right.

Danny (09:59):
But you're seeing, like, the the final product of this.
Yeah. Right? So then when I'm,like, making social media stuff,
I'm always like, this takes alot of work.

Tyler (10:09):
Yeah. Yeah.

Danny (10:09):
Takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of effort, and, I
don't have that sit down, makethis content that's what I
believe is fake. Right. I don'thave that in my mind, and I
can't I can't justify it whereif I was able to, maybe the
maybe you could monetize thattype of thing. Right?

(10:32):
My my I monetize hard work. Imonetize

Tyler (10:35):
Yeah.

Danny (10:36):
Driving to the valley an hour a day Yeah. Working 8
hours, doing overtime. Like, I Iwork Yeah. 6 days a week. All my
side hustle stuff is hard aswork.
Yeah. Right? It's like it's likenetworking. Yeah. We we
personally, like, our you and Iwere always, like, we we have
things that we're working onseparately Mhmm.
And then we're talking, andwe're, like, texting each other.

(10:57):
And there's times that I'm,like, man, does he even care
what I'm doing? And I'm surevice versa.

Tyler (11:03):
Like Yeah.

Danny (11:04):
Like, it's, like, damn. Danny, are you even there? Are
you, like, available? And I'm,like, man, we are, like, we are
fully in this fight. Right?

Tyler (11:10):
Yeah.

Danny (11:11):
And I see these content creators, and I think, man,
they're, like, they're they'rejust putting this out there of
all that they're doing. Andbecause they have a big
following, like, everybody buysinto it. Yeah. Yeah. And I
think, what a what a crazy worldthat we live in Right.

(11:31):
With that because you want towork hard, and I'm sure they do.
Honestly, I think they do.

Tyler (11:37):
Oh, absolutely. They have whole teams that that help them
create this content. Right? It'snever it's never just kind of,
like, the the talking heads.They do they do work hard.
And I think the the benefit iswe have this this micro This
micro economy of where I canactually get content. I want no
gone are the days where I'mlike, I'm not watching bachelor
anymore with my wife becausethat's what's on TV. No, I'm

(11:58):
curating the content that Iwanna bring into my life. But I
you see it from your kids, andand and you you have to, like,
wonder, what are they bringingin? Right?
What are they bringing in?

Danny (12:09):
Well yeah. And especially, like, you know, my
I'm so lucky. My boys are, like,in a such a weird spot. Like, my
boys missed all the socialmedia, so they don't do very
much social media. But, youknow, they both, for all intents
and purposes, like, that I Isometimes wonder if they're they
they work hard.
Yeah. They do work hard, but,are they working hard in the

(12:32):
right areas? Yeah. Yeah. Area.
Their routines, you know, I talkto them about routines. Like, we
were just talking about, like,routines. Like, this is a
routine. This is things that youhave to do. You have to make
make sure you wake up early.
That's what I'm working on withTristan is, like, wake up early.
He he has, like, this killerlife. Right? He's working hard.

Tyler (12:50):
Yeah.

Danny (12:50):
You know, man, he he he has a business that he earned
money on. Yeah. And I think,man, I I have a couple
businesses that I haven't made asingle dime on. And this kid is
may he's making money. You know?
He's hustling, but he wakes up,like, 10 o'clock at in the
morning. Like, dude, you couldbe, like do you have 3 hours
that you could be, like, doingthat stuff? And he's like, yeah.
It's okay, dad. I'm good, man.

(13:10):
I'm I'm cool. Like, I'll I'm I'mgood. You know? And I'm like,
god. I just wanna, like Right.
Set his alarm for it.

Tyler (13:18):
I know. My kids got up at 11:30 today, and I'm like, you
guys are in for a rude awakeningnext week.

Danny (13:23):
Gosh.

Tyler (13:23):
Like, I was up at 7:30. I was out of bed by something. My
alarm went off at 6:30, and Ikinda slow rolled out of bed,
but I got I got up and was, youknow, had my coffee and was at
my at my kitchen table ready todo some work

Danny (13:36):
Yeah.

Tyler (13:37):
By about 7:30. And I'm like, did this 4 or 5 hours went
by, and these guys are stillsleeping. I'm like, jeez. Yeah.
Jeez,

Danny (13:44):
Louise. What a what a life. Yeah. Like, what a life
that we that we're in, thislittle this this bubble that,
you know, you're you're tryingto and then I think that's why,
like, to me, you know, I know mepersonally, like, sometimes I'm
like, oh, man. I want you theretraining.
Like, I'm like, tonight wouldhave been perfect for you to be
a training. Right? And I andthen then I'm like, man, but

(14:05):
it's but your priorities arehere, and you got to do these
things. Right? And so I'malways, like, on the bubble of
encouraging and then being like,hey.
I'm going to training. Are youin? No. Before, I'd be like, are
you sure you're

Tyler (14:20):
not in?

Danny (14:21):
You know? Are you I'd I'd be that, like, bad bad, bad
devil on the other shoulder.

Tyler (14:27):
No. No. No. No. No way you're ever that bad devil, but,
like, you're definitely one ofthose people that early on,
like, I needed that.

Danny (14:33):
Yeah.

Tyler (14:33):
If if if you were still talking to white belt Tyler, you
know, white belt Tyler may notmay, you know, may, he may not
make it to blue belt. Right. Butnow blue belt, Tyler is a little
bit more dedicated. He's got alittle bit more invested,

Danny (14:45):
little more invested.

Tyler (14:46):
You know what I mean? And so I, I do appreciate it. I do
appreciate the accountability. Ithink that's one of the best
ways to kind of build yourroutine. Right?
You have to, you have to havesome non negotiables and you
need, you know, we talk aboutthis all the time. You need to
surround yourself by men who aregoing to help hold you
accountable, whether it'sgetting up early and you're
doing that with your son. LikeI'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna
start cracking the whip, youknow? Yeah. Wednesday, Thursday,

(15:10):
and Friday this week, I gottaget up and go to corporate
meetings this, this week.
And I'm like, I don't know whoplanned this, whoever planned it
did not look at the schedule.Cause I'm like, I think St.
George all went up to schoollast week. And so they're like,
all these dads that, you know,have wives at home that don't
have to do single kid things.Like they they they're
completely ignorant of, of theamount of effort some of us

(15:33):
single parents have to do.
Because I know I'm not the onlysingle parent in, in the, in
the, in the org.

Danny (15:37):
So, yeah.

Tyler (15:40):
But you know, sometimes you have to do what you have to
do. Right? Like it's not alwayspleasant. It's not always
pleasant. And that doesn't meanmy my non negotiables change.
It just means I have to rereprioritize. I've told myself
since the divorce that, I wouldalways prioritize my children to
be beef before just aboutanything. And, and sometimes

(16:03):
it's healthy prioritization andsometimes it's not healthy
prioritization. But I think thatthere's a lot of single parents
out there that would, They wouldkind of sell their kids down the
river just to justify their ownkind of toxic behavior. Right?
Like if, if my child comes to meand says, Hey, dad, I, I don't
really like this. Or I don'treally appreciate this. Or I've

(16:25):
got you. You're dating thisperson in your life. I, if I
were to, like, go into my egoand start defending myself,
like, I'm just muting thatchild.
Like, I'm not allowing them freeexpress expressions. Sure. You
know, granted, yes, there's sometimes where that's maybe not
appropriate, but for the mostpart, at least I need to sit
back and seek to understandbefore I'm understood in in

(16:46):
those scenarios. And I know thatthere are so many, you know,
fathers get a bad rap becauseprobably previously, they they
they wouldn't do that. Theywould just they would get in
their ego.
Yeah. Well, I'm an adult, andyou're the kid. And Yeah. You
know? Well, I

Danny (17:00):
think for the longest time also, like, the dads were
you know, the dads are seen as,the scapegoats for for things.
Right? Like Yeah. Maybe the dadsare the reasons why the divorce
happened or

Tyler (17:12):
Right. Yeah.

Danny (17:13):
Mom, you know, man, especially because we live in
Utah, you have these you know,Misty and I weren't always,
married, and so we had a kidthat we didn't have, like Yeah.
When we weren't married, so Ihad to do things. But, you know,
like, for for me, the way that Ialways felt was, like, a a mom
got so much leeway, so much somuch people were, like, get

(17:38):
making excuses and doing thesethings for the mom. And I was
thinking, man, I'm working hard.Like, I'm I'm working hard, but
I think, like, they they areconsidered, like, the razors.
They raise the children. Right?The dad goes to work. The mom
stays home. That's not the wayit works anymore.
Oh, yeah. You do just as much.You do. You have 50% of of what

(17:59):
your children are getting. Yep.
You get 50%. So, you know, youare doing the best that you can
to give them the foundationalskills from the father's side as
you possibly And because youonly have them every other week,
you have to, like, really putthe effort in on that week that
you have. And if you get amoment that you give them on

(18:19):
that week in between, thenyou're like, okay. Man, I'm I
got I'm not gonna turn thatdown. Yeah.
Right? The kids call you and arelike, hey, dad. Can you do this?
Hey, dad. Can you be here forthis?
Like, yep. Yep. Yep. I'm gonnabe there for that.

Tyler (18:30):
Yeah.

Danny (18:30):
And, if if and when, you know, a relationship gets in a
way, that person now has to,like, be set boundaries, but
also be, like, supportive ofthat. Yeah. And I don't know if
that's Yeah. How people arebuilt. No.
I think the like you said, Ithink people are selfish. Like,
I think that they would be like,woah. Woah. Woah. Tyler, this
relationship is what you need tobe working on, and your kids are

(18:52):
your kids.
It's fine. Like, you should passon this. And it's like, woah.
Woah. Woah.
You can't pull me in bothdirections.

Tyler (18:57):
Right. I I think that there's, like, well, one, it it
depends on the age, the age ofyour kids.

Danny (19:01):
Right?

Tyler (19:01):
Like, I've got kind of a a mix of all with cozy being my
most, I'd feel a little bitbetter if, if Ben had his
driver's license and had alittle bit more going, but we're
working on some issues with,with him specifically just being
that teenage boy and, and, andlike practice, like I'm telling
him I'm trying to teach him nowthat now is when you practice.

(19:22):
Right. This this whatever yourwhatever routine you're setting
up, whatever you're doing inschool, the school does not like
you're learning some good skillsin schools. You're learning how
to be a critical thinker. You'relearning math skills.
You're learning communicationand how to work with other
people. But really what you aredoing from a day in, day out
scenario is you're learning todo that routine.

Danny (19:43):
Sure.

Tyler (19:43):
And and whether that

Danny (19:44):
routine is

Tyler (19:45):
healthy or not, yeah, you're getting up. You're
showing up for yourself. You'restudying for yourself. You know,
you're picking the classes thatyou want to take. If you don't
like the subjects, like, yes,there's some core content you
need to learn.
But for the most part, they havea lot of flexibility, especially
here in Wasatch to, to learn atrade, to, to to explore

(20:05):
opportunities. And if they'renot taking advantage of it,
like, I failed as a parent toshow them that they can Yeah.

Danny (20:11):
I agree.

Tyler (20:12):
That they can take advantage of it. Their life is
theirs to own. I agree.

Danny (20:15):
Yeah. I agree. And and and I think that's, like,
building the routine starts withI I agree with you. I think,
like, that's what school does isit it helps teach your routine.
It help teaches, accountability.

Tyler (20:27):
Right.

Danny (20:28):
Right. It helps teach you if I'm struggling to go and ask
for help.

Tyler (20:33):
Yeah.

Danny (20:34):
I was talking to my friend today and just a little
bit off topic, but we weretalking about how, men of our
generation, you know, we pretenda lot, like, how tough we are.
And Yeah. You know, like, Idon't need any help. I don't
need No. Yeah.
Like, hey, Tyler. You doing thegood today? Yep. I'm fine. Yep.
And and I'm like, I can hear inyour voice. You're not fine.

(20:55):
Yeah. Are you cool? Yep.
I'm good. Yep. Yep. I'm good.And then let's say we train, and
all of a sudden, I'm like, woah.
Yeah. You are not fine. Andmatter of fact, you're not fine,
but but oh, you woah. There's alot of energy coming in from
you. Right?
Yeah. And let's say you don'thave that outlet and some dude
just barks at you, and you'relike, woah, man. Yeah. What and

(21:18):
so let's say I dig, and I'mlike, hey, man. Are you okay?
Yeah. Poof, man. If you catchthe dude on the wrong like, a
guy on the wrong mindset, he's,like, snapping now because he
feels like you're, kind oftreating him Yeah. Soft. Right?
Yeah. Yeah. And I think that,like, that is a thing that that

(21:41):
men do. Oh, absolutely. Thisthis facade in this front of
tough guy Mhmm.
Because that's what you thinkyou're supposed to do. Oh, yeah.
Like we said before, like, we Imean, I want my boys to have,
like, some some someassertiveness, but I want them
to also be like, no. I'm notokay. No.
I'm not okay. Yeah. I need help.

Tyler (22:00):
No. No one like, what's the what's the what's the
country song? No one to holdthem? No one else?

Danny (22:04):
No one to show them.

Tyler (22:05):
It's so interesting. I had a very like, at the barbecue
on Sunday, I had a very candidconversation with another one of
the members, and I was reallyshocked at, like, how he was
like, nope. Never asked forhelp. I'll never do it. You'll
never hear me asking for help.
He was so adamant and I'm like,damn. Like, that's I can't

(22:25):
believe that's I mean, it's nothealthy. No. It's not healthy
because the last thing you wannado is what's going to happen and
or likely to happen is you'llsnap at your kids. You'll snap
at your wife.
You'll snap at some dude that'sthat's bigger than you. Although
I'm I have a hard time believingthat in some of these guys we
deal with, that'll that'llhappen. But, you know, somebody
that the road rage incidentswe've talked about, you know,

(22:47):
they'll pull out a gun or, like,somebody that's a little bit
more unhinged than than you.

Danny (22:52):
Listen. Yeah, man. Like, the the the the rubber band will
snap.

Tyler (22:55):
Yeah.

Danny (22:56):
Right? Like, you pull on that thing hard enough. Sure.
Like, you could pull on it, andit will stay there, but
eventually weather and, like,what weather and, like, things
start to destroy that weatherthat rubber band, and it will
snap. Yeah.
You will have some there willeventually be some
accountability whether you likeit or not. Right? And I and I I
when me and my friend weretalking, I I was, like, telling

(23:18):
him, like, man, like, keepasking. Yeah. Keep asking.
And he was like, oh my goodness,man. This the he was a little
bit, like, had some otherinteractions with this person
and that was, like, wherethey've kind of gotten to that
point of, like, almost, youknow, knuckled up. And and and I
was like, it's cool. Like, whatsometimes what you have to do

(23:39):
with people is find the avenueof help. Yeah.
Right? Somebody's asking forhelp. Yeah. Like, maybe maybe
not in the way that you think.Sure.
They'll they'll give you anavenue. They'll give you
direction of what they needRight. For help. Right? Yeah.

(24:00):
And me, personally, like, thosethings that I've developed is to
okay. That didn't work. Okay.I'll let you dictate how I can
help. I'll I'll listen, and I'llkind of, like I'll find an
avenue that we both have incommon that you're, like, all of
a sudden, you can feel when theguard is dropped.

(24:20):
Yep. And then the person is,like, all of a sudden telling
you something, and you're like,I'm just gonna listen.

Tyler (24:26):
Yeah.

Danny (24:26):
And they'll give you some they'll give you hints of where
they need help, kids especially.You know, my boys are my boys,
where they're at right now, theythey want me to believe that
they were good. I'm Yeah. I'mgood. Yeah.
Yeah. Like, okay. Cool. And thenthey'll say something, and I'm
like, okay. This they they'reneeding something.
Yeah. Right? And and I'lllisten. I'll kinda do some

(24:49):
prying and, like, not in a dadway. And eventually, we'll get
to something that they're thatthey're struggling with.

Tyler (24:55):
I'll be like, yeah.

Danny (24:56):
Oh, okay. And that's what Braxton and I and, the the guy
that I was talking with today,he we we found some some ground
of where they needed help withthis, you know, and and it's
just, like, for me, that's thatis part of my my my what I what
I see my purpose as Yeah. Youknow, is helping helping find

Tyler (25:17):
Yeah.

Danny (25:17):
When you need help Yeah. You know, and and your routines,
you know, checking on you andbeing like, hey. How's your
breathing? Hey. How's your Yeah.
How's this? Hey. What's going onin this situation? How do you
feel about this? And, sometimesit's like, good.
Yeah.

Tyler (25:33):
You know,

Danny (25:33):
you get a one word answer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm
good.
And you're like, okay. Cool.They don't wanna okay. Cool. The
you know, we'll we'll wait todive in a little bit later.
You know? Yeah. And so routineslike that, especially with men,
and and and by by all intentsand purposes, you know, men are
you think you put this facade inthis false, this falsity of

(25:58):
strong, powerful man. Andinside, you could be like this
wounded child, you know Yeah.Absolutely.
Where you're like, oh, this

Tyler (26:06):
is Absolutely.

Danny (26:07):
This is some of my wounds that I carry.

Tyler (26:09):
Well, and you have to, but I mean, yeah, I think that
it comes down to having the selfawareness. Right? Like, have
have the self awareness torealize when your routine is out
of whack Yeah. Or you're not incontrol. Yeah.
Right? Have the self awarenessto understand when your wounded
child is is coming out.

Danny (26:25):
Yeah. And it's like I'm crying for help. You know?

Tyler (26:28):
Yeah. Yeah.

Danny (26:28):
I need something like, what was that thing that we
talked about before where you'relike, why didn't you just say it
like that? Why didn't you just Isay, you know Yeah. Like, he
couldn't have just said it like,help. I need help.

Tyler (26:38):
Yeah.

Danny (26:39):
Why can't we just say, yes. I need some help today.
Yeah. And I'm struggling today.Well, you know, why do I have to
be like, ah, fuck you.
Blah blah blah blah. And I'mscreaming at you, and you're
like, woah.

Tyler (26:48):
Yeah.

Danny (26:49):
Do you need some help? No? Fuck no. No. And then all of
a sudden, you're like, well,yeah.
Yeah. Here's where I'mstruggling today. You're like,
okay. You could've just saidthat, man. Right.
You know?

Tyler (26:58):
And those those type of situations, they happen with
they happen with everybody.

Danny (27:01):
Yeah. For sure.

Tyler (27:01):
And nothing's more nothing's more humbling than
going back to your, your, yourpartner, somebody you should
care about. I remember everyfight even to this day that I
have with, with my formerpartner, it felt like I had just
like swallowed acid, the words,the, the hateful words. Like
They just like when you get tothinking about the interaction

(27:25):
and you break it down play byplay, I'm, I'm very much one of
those people. When I was growingup, I used to love to take shit
apart. I just had to know how itworks.

Danny (27:33):
Right.

Tyler (27:33):
And I'm, I still do that. I will still deconstruct every
conversation. I'll deconstruct.It just because I want to know
how it works. I want to know howI can do better.
Like, you know, you say stuffand sometimes I mean to say it,
like, sometimes I'm going to sayit, not only will I say it,
like, I'm gonna say it on mypodcast because I'm I stand by
what I say. Sure. But there's alot of times too when I've been

(27:54):
in that anger and that they'velet that that little child kinda
take over and you that thatlittle child is is using my
mouth, and that's notnecessarily how I feel. Right?
And and those type of those typeof interactions, whether they're
with my kids or with my formerpartners, like, they felt like
like I've choked on battery ass.
Right? And and you you want todo better.

Danny (28:12):
You go into protection mode, like

Tyler (28:14):
Yeah.

Danny (28:14):
Put up the bow the walls, and now you're like, fuck it.
I'm saving myself.

Tyler (28:18):
Yeah.

Danny (28:18):
Yeah. Yeah. You'd be like, fuck it, man. I'm
prevented. Yeah.
But and to prevent prevent intoself prevent self protection.
Right. Which for me and, like,we you know, like, both of us
with our childhoods and with theearly parts of our lives, I did
have to protect myself. I didhave to, you know, figure out

(28:39):
ways. And and sometimes, man,when I was younger, it was not
the right ways.
You know, like you said, I, I Iam a very good asshole, not a
good fighter. So, like, I'll saysomething right to the point.

Tyler (28:53):
Yep.

Danny (28:53):
And then I'm good. Now 5 seconds later, I'm like, man, I
feel like shit that I said that.Yeah. Really? Wanna, like, hug.
I wanna be, like, nice, andmaybe the person that I'm
fighting with is, like, yeah.No. No. I'm a good fighter.
Yeah.
Then I'd rather, let's continuethis fight. And I'm like, no. I
know. I wanna, like let's hug.Let's not be let's I didn't mean
what I said.
And Yeah. It's you know, that'show I that's how I would deal

(29:14):
with things. And then so partof, part of, you know, growing
and and learning is, like,rescuing yourself. Like Right.
Figuring out ways to, like,okay, my routine is not working.
Mhmm. Okay. My I'm not like yousaid, like, okay, I'm not going
to jujitsu I'm deconstructingthis conversation that I had in

(29:34):
my past relationship, and andnow I feel horrible. Now I feel
bad, and now I'm, like, sad, andI'm upset. And now I need to go
to sleep.
Mhmm. Right? Now it's 11 o'clockat night, and I need to go to
sleep, and I'm awake because I'min my mind, and now how do I
self rescue? How do I, likeYeah. Pull my own self out of

(29:57):
this funk and not carry it to 3,4 o'clock in the morning.
Yeah. No. I've I wanna go tosleep, but I'm still thinking
about all these other ways andall these other things I should
I could've and should've done.How do we self rescue? How do we
self, self preserve that as mento, okay, put it away for a

(30:17):
minute and fight another day?

Tyler (30:18):
Yeah. Yeah. It's a you've got to escape the cut. For me,
it's escaping the cognitiveload. Yeah.
Because my brain is spinning andmy brain is burning as much
calories as if I were going intojujitsu. That's right. You know
what I mean? And, and what'sweird is that my body will feel
somewhat physically rested, butmy mind will just be exhausted.
Yeah.
So when I find myself spinningout of control, that monkey

(30:40):
mind, that's when I really haveto focus on my breath. Sure.
I'll focus on the breath workroutine that we've worked
through, even even in bed. Like,even if I'm just laying there, I
just know if I focus on mybreath Yeah. That I can start
calming that monkey mind.
That's what I call it when mymind's just spinning. I need to
get back into control.

Danny (31:00):
Going a 100 miles an hour.

Tyler (31:01):
Yeah. I have to start telling myself, okay. What are
some valued actions that I cando to change this situation?
Valued action number 1,especially at night, breathe.

Danny (31:14):
Sure.

Tyler (31:15):
Breathe. Yeah. Calm that monkey mind. Quiet your mind. If
I have to, sometimes I'll put onan audiobook.
Sometimes I'll put on a mantra.Sometimes I'll put on a
meditation just to kinda snapthe the the the cognitive load,
and then and then it's like,okay. Then I get into the breath
work. Sure. And I've, you know,I've done the I've done
breathing until 4 or 5 in themorning, and and and it's taken

(31:38):
it's taken that kind of Yeah.
What that will ever

Danny (31:42):
Let's go back a little bit and see, like okay. So
before before, can you remembera time when you when you were,
like, couldn't,

Tyler (31:51):
you

Danny (31:51):
didn't have breath work? Do you know what you would do
then?

Tyler (31:54):
Definitely like music, podcasts. Like, I just stay
awake and listen. And I remembermy ex wife telling me, like,
what are you thinking about overthere? She could tell that I'm
I'm laying there just, like,spinning, thinking about a
conversation. Really?
It's and it's it's, it was astrange exchange of energy.

Danny (32:10):
Yeah.

Tyler (32:10):
And we have those kinds of things as those, those
exchanges of energy where, youknow, I could tell that
something was off or she wasonto something. And think she
definitely could tell,especially when I would, I would
spend, I'm definitely aruminator. Ruminating is one of
my, like, I don't particularlyappreciate it. Like, I, I love
the self awareness where I candeconstruct a conversation and I
can say, okay, how can I dobetter? I need to be able to let

(32:33):
that go.
Right. Let it, let it go. And soletting it go has definitely
been something this, what are wein Q2 of 2024 that I've worked
on? Right. Like literallyletting it go.
Okay. Tyler time to let this go.Yeah. Where is this coming from?
What is the root?
Okay. You know, if I if I I stepit down, okay, this is this is a
little Tyler. He's feelingabandoned. He's feeling ashamed.

(32:55):
I'm it it generally comes fromwhat I call gas.

Danny (32:59):
Yeah.

Tyler (33:00):
You know, guilt and shame.

Danny (33:01):
Guilt and shame. Yeah. Gosh, man. What a crazy way to
look at it. I yeah.
I'm yeah, man. When I was in myyounger days, same, I would I
would think about a situationand how I could have changed
that situation and how I couldhave made that situation better.
I'm a talker. Mhmm. You know, Ilike to talk things through.

Tyler (33:22):
Yeah.

Danny (33:22):
I like to, find okay. Okay. Here's our problem. Let's
get to the problem. Let's talkabout it.
Let's Mhmm. Let's let's find outwhy we feel that way. And my
wife and I, when we wereyounger, we would we would go
around in circles because Iwanted to get to the bottom of
it so I could fix it. Right?Mhmm.
Because I was like, okay. We canget to the bottom of it. I can

(33:44):
fix it. Like Yeah. If you tellme what's wrong, if you tell me
like, if you just explain to mewhat I did or what I said or
what happened, then I can fixit.
Yeah. And she would be

Tyler (33:55):
like, nope. Nope.

Danny (33:56):
She and and she's not a talker. Mhmm.

Tyler (33:59):
That's

Danny (33:59):
what she is. She tells me her feelings. She she she tells
me, you know, there's so manytimes that my wife will tell me
her entire day. Mhmm. Right?
And I'll be sitting therelistening to her, and I'm like,
man, focus, Danny. Focus. Don'tfocus, Danny. Focus. Because if
I'm not, then you know, becauseshe'll see, like or I'll say
something, and she'll be like,were you even listening to me?

(34:19):
Yeah. Right? And I've, like, hadto focus, but but when we were
in fights and when we were,like, in disagreements or when I
was wanting to fix a problem,she would be like, it's okay.
Yeah. We don't have to talkabout this.
Yeah. We don't have to get tothe umpteenth degree Mhmm. Of
what is wrong. We don't have todig up every single freaking

(34:39):
thing that we've done to get tothe bottom so you can fix this
shit. It's okay.
And I would be like, nope. It'snot okay. And I would sit there
at night, same thing, like,okay. How can I how can I, you
know, word this better so thatshe doesn't get upset? How can I
how can I find out more of whyshe's upset?
And it may have been nothing.Yeah. I may have turned it into

(35:00):
this crazy thing because of mynitpicking and my picking and
picking and picking and picking.That's what she'd always tell
me. You're picking, you'repicking, you're picking, and I'm
like, I'm just trying to fix it.

Tyler (35:08):
Yeah.

Danny (35:08):
Right? And so as I got older with that situation, I
remember, like, just being,like, okay. Leave it leave her
alone. Just just walk away for aminute. Come back.
Most of the time, she was, like,okay. Cool. I'm back to I'm I'm
okay. You know? And I wouldn'thave to I wouldn't have to fix

(35:29):
anything.

Tyler (35:30):
Yeah.

Danny (35:30):
I would just go give her a hug and, you know, tell her I
love her and move on. With mywith my trauma, with my dad, and
with my the trauma I went withas a kid, I wanted to fight.
Yeah. You know? And and what Ilearned to do then was to pray.
Mhmm. And I would pray. I wouldpray, and I would be, like, the

(35:51):
first, like, couple of years, Iwould pray, and I remember,
like, praying to a point where,like, sometimes I would start
the prayer, and I don't evenremember, like, finishing the
prayer. But I would fall asleep,and I would feel so much happier
with praying. You know?
And so now even to this day,like, if I'm struggling
mentally, I I pray. I I really,like, say prayers a lot. And I

(36:14):
and some of it's just could be,like, like, just simple, like,
talking to nobody. Yeah. Youknow, just saying a prayer.
Yeah. And I and I and I tellpeople that all the time. It's
like, just talk to somebody.Yeah. Talk to somebody.
Like Yeah. It could be justtalking to God. It could be
talking to a higher power. Itcould be talking to your
heavenly father. It doesn'tmatter.
You know? Yeah. Yeah.

Tyler (36:33):
Could be

Danny (36:33):
talking to anybody. You know? And that got me through a
lot a lot of, like, bullshit inmy head. Yeah. You know?
And and and I really enjoyedlearning that.

Tyler (36:44):
That's super interesting. In your in your experience,
like, as you're going throughthese, have you ever tried any
journaling or anything?

Danny (36:53):
I did. Yeah. I mean, I've journaled. I just I'm not I
don't oh, man. This is so bad.
I don't I won't sit down Mhmm.And, you know, write. I'll I'll
end up sitting down, writingsomething, and then being, like,
kinda move on because I don'thave that kind of analytical

(37:14):
mind. I don't have that, like,that kind of mind where I can
sit down and do that. Yeah.
But I encourage it if you can.Yeah. I don't. I wish I did. I
wish I had that skill set.

Tyler (37:23):
I've found, like, there's been some benefit. I it's taken
me a long time. Like, I grew upfairly dyslexic. I remember
being teased incredibly as a kidfor, like, spelling stuff wrong
or, like, you know, writing myletters backwards.

Danny (37:39):
Yeah.

Tyler (37:39):
And so it, like, actually really made me hate my writing.
Oh. And so it's taken me a longtime to actually drown, but I do
find that, like, occasionally,if I can sit down and I can
write some things out

Danny (37:48):
It's a practice too, Like, it's

Tyler (37:50):
like it's

Danny (37:50):
like a it literally is like jujitsu where you have to,
like, actually practice it.

Tyler (37:53):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm not saying I'm great
at it.
I'm you know, on your mission,when you're when you serve a
mission for the church, the LDSchurch, they they really, they
really want you to journal. AndI could, I could, you know, I
could probably count on one handhow many journal pages I wrote.
Like, it just wasn't something Iwas so ashamed of my writing and
so ashamed. Like I've had tojust. In it really kind of

(38:16):
caused some perfectionism.
Right. So like, if I, if I can'twrite, like if I can't write
correctly, and you know, myvocabulary, like, I can't spell
those words. I'm like, I'm like,I'm not doing it. I just wanted
to

Danny (38:26):
say that in normal people's terms.

Tyler (38:28):
Right? Like, so I just won't I won't do it because I'll
feel too ashamed about mywriting. I've had to really let
go of that shame and guilt andjust say, like, no one's reading
this but me. It's just for me toget it out.

Danny (38:37):
Yeah. I think it's a cool skill set because, you know,
Jesse always journals. Yeah.Man, he has books and books and
books and books and books, like,books. So many books of his
journaling.

Tyler (38:48):
Yeah.

Danny (38:49):
And and I, like, appreciate what I see, like, you
when I see people walking aroundwith, like, with something and,
you know, they'll take a momentand write jot down something and
jot down a note or something.Yeah. We had a remember when
Roman Yes. Came on, he wasjournaling, and we were both
kinda like, well, I thinkyou're, like, missing the
you're, like when we're having aconversation, we're in the

(39:10):
middle of a conversation andyou're writing. Are you actually
listening to the conversation?
Yeah. Maybe. You know, like,later on, write it down. And he
he was like, no. I gotta writeit down now because I'll forget.

Tyler (39:19):
I I can see taking notes, I guess. I think in sessions
with with my clients, like, I'lloccasionally take notes. In in
conversations with my customers,I have a a an app that records
it so I can be be present.

Danny (39:33):
Oh, that's cool.

Tyler (39:35):
But again, like, I think I think it's important for that
presence in a conversationsetting. For me, writing is just
purely between me. In in a way,I I think I carry some trauma
around prayer and what I waswhat I grew up with the I have a
very twisted expectation of whatI think prayer should have been.

Danny (39:55):
Oh.

Tyler (39:55):
And and I think that just comes come comes from, like, the
expectation that I see all I sawthere's a lot of affluence in in
the the Mormon church and theLDS church. And you, you hear
them, you hear them. And I'mgoing to just going to like, do
you hear the population talkabout, you know, oh, I just
prayed and I did this. And likeall you see the people that talk

(40:18):
about prayer, like a lot of goodthings are happening for them
and they are very affluent andthey have homes and boats and,
and money. And I'm like, here Iam this poor kid with a single
mother.
Like I'm praying for, I thinkthe same stuff

Danny (40:32):
that you're

Tyler (40:33):
praying for. And that ain't happening for me. It's not
happening for me. So I have avery probably broken expectation
of what prayer is. I still, Imean, I still appreciate it.
I still appreciate the, the, themantra, the meditation, the,
the, the practice. Right? Idon't do it as much as I used
to. I remember obviously in mytwenties, 1920, I'm I'm in

(40:58):
Montana and I'm on my kneesevery morning and every night,
and I'm trying to figure outmyself and who I am and looking
for answers. I just think I puttoo much of an expectation on
it.

Danny (41:12):
Yeah. And and that in itself was self rescuing with
with self soothing and self,like, looking in at yourself
Mhmm. Of being able to, like,okay, I'm fine Mhmm. With with
this. It's not going the waythat I want it to go, or it's
not the practice that I want itto be.
Yeah. But I can I can put itaway for a minute and come back

(41:32):
to it is important because, youknow, if it's something that is
good and we all agree that if wecan all agree that it's good,
you know, you coming back to itwith a different mindset or a
different outlook Mhmm? Mighthelp you in that journey. Mhmm.
Same thing with journaling andwith other things that I that I
don't do that I wish I did.

(41:54):
Taking a moment. Okay. It's notsitting well for me right now,
but I'm gonna come back to itwhen I have a different outlook
and a different perspectiveafter getting more knowledge and
gaining more, perspective onwhat it is that I want from it.
You know? What what do I wantfrom this self soothing or the
self help thing, you know, like,the self help kick?

(42:16):
I'm not a big proponent of,like, you know, self help, like,
self help books and self helpbullshit. Yeah. Because I'm
like, well, that that's there'sso much out there. Oh, yeah.
There's so much.
I I mean, people could listen tous and be like, oh my gosh.
These guys

Tyler (42:35):
Yeah.

Danny (42:35):
You know, with their trauma and their bullshit. It's
like, what? There is trauma forsure. Right? But I'm not trying
to help you.
No. I'm giving you opportunity.Here's some ideas.

Tyler (42:43):
Yeah. My goal is to normalize the conversation.
Normalize men having theconversation. Right? Like, and
I've definitely gone down that,that self help path.
Like I've read just abouteverything. I find, I find it, I
find it fascinating at the sametime. Like there's a lot of,
there's a lot of trends and Idon't, you know what I mean? I
think it's just as addictive asfor sure. Anything else.

(43:05):
You can become addicted to thatself improvement, self help very
easy.

Danny (43:10):
Yeah. And, like, you're, like, never really, like,
breaking through barriers.

Tyler (43:13):
You're just

Danny (43:14):
constantly, like, in this, like Right. Even yeah.

Tyler (43:16):
And I'm spending a lot of money on coaches courses. And
how do I do this? And how do Ibecome this? And like, part of
it is like, okay, what is thevalued action that you've got to
do to actually get there?Because reading is great.
Talking is great. Eventually,you gotta get better by showing
up. Right? You don't get betterat jujitsu by watching videos on

(43:38):
YouTube.

Danny (43:39):
Well and, like, how do you see yourself? Yeah. Like,
how do you look in the mirrorand, like, how do you see who
you are as a man, who you are asa person, and then the people
around you are going to seethrough some of the bullshit.
Right? Like, we've been around Imean, we're around guys a lot
that you're, like, okay.
I see through your bullshit.

Tyler (43:59):
Yep.

Danny (43:59):
Yes. You're tough. Yes. You're tough. But are you?
Yeah. Are you really that tough?You know? And if I really put
some pressure on you and if Ireally fight back, are you going
to, 1, like, escalate, like, wethink you're supposed to, or 2,
are you gonna, like, cower? Andall of a sudden, now there's
some pressure on you, and youdon't you fold under the
pressure both ways.
Like, fold by, like,aggressively getting pissed and

(44:23):
then or shutting down

Tyler (44:25):
Yeah.

Danny (44:25):
Internally and Yeah. I think talking, like, talking to
men, getting to the bottom ofthings, it all comes like
professor says it always comesout in the wash. Yeah. Right?
Like, everything comes out ofthe wash.
If you and I are fighting andyou don't have good technique,
but I do, it's all gonna comeout in the wash. Yep. Yes. Maybe
you are strong. Maybe you aremaybe you have, strength, but

(44:48):
you don't have endurance, andmaybe I have a little bit of
both.
It's all gonna come out of thewash. Right? And so I think
practicing all of those skillsets to see what sticks, throw
in a bunch of stuff at the walland see what sticks, and then
don't just don't, like, say,okay. Prayer is not for me.

(45:08):
Maybe it's not for you rightnow.
Right? But maybe later on andwhen you're teaching your kids,
like, when you're teaching themhow to self rescue, you can be
like, hey. This is a let's praytogether. Let's let's let's pray
together.

Tyler (45:20):
Absolutely. Absolutely. I I I absolutely, and and I hope
it didn't come off that I waswriting enough. But I I do,
like, I do I do find, like, I dofind that there there's value in
it. You know?
I I I I think, like I said, thethe tradition in which I was
taught, I think, was just alittle bit distorted.

Danny (45:36):
Which I think is a cool, which is I think is, like, such
an interesting thing because Inever had that, you know, that
that that religious background.And I know, we've had lots of
conversations where, like, Iknow you you have, like, these
really strong moral ethics thatyou live by Mhmm. Which I think
is part of who you are.

Tyler (45:58):
Oh, sure.

Danny (45:59):
Which in turn, like, if you when you do teach things,
teach them, you believe in them.Oh, yeah. Them a 100%. Yeah. You
believe what you're teaching a100%.
Yeah. You know, and and you wantthe best for who you're working
with. Yeah. Whether it be, like,me or your kids or other people.
Like, you want the best forthem, which I think is teaching

(46:20):
men especially to, you know,have those routines, to build
those routines, and then to whenyour brain is in that monkey
monkey mind, like, okay.
We're I have that too. You'reyou're an open book. Like, you
are an open book.

Tyler (46:37):
Yeah.

Danny (46:37):
Yes. I have those. Yes. I've done that. Yep.
Yes. I've hurt your feelings.Yes. I've yes. I have hurt my,
you know, your my significantother's feelings.
Yes. I have. And I'm an openbook.

Tyler (46:48):
Yeah. I I don't think you you you don't gain anything by
hiding Sure. By hiding. Right?And I think 9 times out of 10,
if you're hiding something, likeyou said, it's gonna come out in
the wash.
Always. Right? And it's eithergonna be and likely, if you've
hidden it, it's like it's gonnait's gonna be 10 times worse.
It's gonna it's gonna multiply.Right?
It's it's it's like the dustbunnies that get under your bed.

Danny (47:10):
You know?

Tyler (47:10):
If you don't wipe them up every once in a while, they just
multiply under there andmultiply. It's like the little
lie. It steamrolls Yeah. And andgets bigger and gets bigger and

Danny (47:18):
gets bigger. Keep hiding it.

Tyler (47:20):
No. You can't keep hiding it. Eventually eventually, the
piper calls, and and you gottaanswer.

Danny (47:25):
Yeah. That's what I like. That's what I appreciate about
you is, like, the you are anopen book. That you are you do
tell your story. You do youdon't shy away from it even
though, like, you know, you maysometimes think that, oh, I did
I come off wrong?
No. You come off you come offgenuine. Yeah. And and I think
that's part of the growth of ofhow we are as men Yeah. Is to do

(47:49):
we come off, like, are wegenuine?
Are we genuine men? And I think,like, when we network and when
we talk to people and we weshare our story and we share
what we're working on, they getexcited because Yeah. We're
genuine. Yes. You know, we'rewe're not hiding things Yeah.
By, giving you a bunch ofbullshit. Yeah. We say this is

(48:09):
what we're working on. This isthis is who we are. This is the
podcast.
This is our platform. This isthe things that we you know, we
may come in here and not have asingle thing to talk about.
Yeah. But when we start talking,our genuine

Tyler (48:23):
Yeah.

Danny (48:24):
Care of health, men's health, well-being Yep. Jujitsu,
and care for each other and carefor what we're doing Yeah. Is
gonna come is gonna come shiningthrough.

Tyler (48:35):
We're building that common unity. Yeah. Building
that common unity.

Danny (48:39):
Yeah. Funny story about a about dust bunny. I'll tell you
a funny

Tyler (48:42):
story. Go.

Danny (48:43):
When I was in the military, you you get assigned,
jobs. Uh-huh. Right? So when yougo, like like, I had a lot of
cousins that were in themilitary, and they would be
like, don't volunteer foranything. That was the thing.
You go, and they're like, don'tvolunteer for anything. Don't
volunteer for anything when thewhen the drill sergeant says, I
need 4 people for this job. I'mnot telling you the job, but I

(49:06):
need 4 people. Raise your hand.Don't raise your hand.
Do not raise your hand becauseit's probably gonna be toilet
cleaning Yeah. Or latrine dutiesor the worst job in the world.
He's like, wait there'd be like,wait till everything is said and
done, and then good jobs willstart coming. Good. You want you
wanna wait Yeah.

(49:26):
Your jobs. So, you know, you goin there, you get your jobs, and
they every other Sunday, youhave a big clean of the
barracks. And this is, like soin the in the for basic, you
have, like, 2 rows of bunk beds,and there's probably, man, 40

(49:48):
guys in each row. Just thinking,

Tyler (49:49):
like, Full Metal Jacket, the scenes that you see in the
scene. I

Danny (49:52):
like that. It's just like Yeah. So it not like you don't
sleep with a gun or anythinglike that. Yeah. Yeah.
But, yeah, it's like that.There's all this. There's one
communal shower. It's so crazy.Yeah.
It's it's crazy. But everySunday that we cleaned, this one
kid would go sit, and he wouldlay underneath a bed. He would

(50:15):
just lay underneath the bed, andwe were like, what in the world?
Why doesn't he clean his bed? Itwas so man, he would we'd always
get in trouble because his, hisbed was not made correctly, so
some of us would have to makehis bed for him so that we
didn't get into trouble becausehe would not make his bed.
He was, his uniform was always,like, like, hanging off of him,

(50:37):
like, oh, so bad. But he was areally nice guy. And, you know,
like, sometimes if you're notcareful, it can become lord of
the flies where you pick on thesame Yeah. You pick on the guy,
and and and and you'd you yougot briefed a lot. Like, don't
don't pick on the guy.
Don't pick on

Tyler (50:49):
the guy. Right.

Danny (50:50):
Our our drill sergeant comes in with time, and he is
like, what is he doing underthere? And we're like, we don't
know. He that's where he goes,and he's like, okay. We're gonna
take care of this. He goes, andhe finds, like, a big dust
bunny, and he's like, this isyour pet.
This is yours. This is gonnastay in your locker, and it

(51:11):
needs to grow. So you need toclean, and you need to make this
dust bunny, and it's probablyabout, like, this big, maybe,
like, a quarter of dust. I don'teven know how he found it, and
and he's like, this is gonnagrow. And you by the end of
basic, it better be big.
It better have grown. And wewere laugh we were we, you know,
we were like, what? And this isso weird. This guy took this

(51:33):
shit seriously. By the time ofend of basic, it was probably,
like, that big.
It was, like, almost 3 or 4inches of dust. Wow. He can't.
I'm so gross, dude. But hethought I mean, he's like he
would make that thing grow.
It was so it was such a

Tyler (51:52):
All because he was hiding under a bed.

Danny (51:54):
Basic teaches you basic training is some of the craziest
times of your life. It'sprobably a lot like the MTC, but
with a bunch of, like, weirddudes that are, you know, from
all walks of.

Tyler (52:07):
No. I mean, that's probably where it's like the
most similar, right? Yeah. Dudesfrom all walks of life. I will
say we had a lot of freedom.
We were, we were, we weresupposed to be more self
disciplined, right? Like you hadthe benefit of being externally
disciplined. I probably wouldhave benefited from that a
little bit because I was alittle bit, you know, you could

(52:29):
go to the you could go to thecafeteria at any time and get a
Doctor Pepper and whatever.

Danny (52:34):
Some of my funniest some of my best memories were from
basic. Some of the funniestthings that I could remember,
like, you go there and they,they would tell you, you know,
your first day Mhmm. You're yougo there and you're supposed to
shave. You know? They shave fromyour hairline to your neckline,

(52:54):
but they just mean like thisstuff.
But there would be guys thatshave their eyebrows off.

Tyler (53:00):
It's just like social like, or, like, people that just
didn't have ex exposure. Like 3

Danny (53:06):
guys in my flight. The, the guy would the the drill
sergeant came up, and he's like,where's your eyebrows? He's
like,

Tyler (53:15):
you don't.

Danny (53:15):
You saw me to shave from my headlight to my neckline.
He's like, your eyebrow. Oh, mygosh. Did you

Tyler (53:23):
tell him you're excited?

Danny (53:24):
Oh, dear.

Tyler (53:24):
If you're sad.

Danny (53:25):
Oh, my gosh. It was funny. There was so much funny
stuff that happened, and it,like, taught me a lot of, like,
cool, cool things because, youknow, you have to sleep. You
have to get to sleep. Andthere'd be, like, times that
guys were, like, talking intheir sleep because they're so
tired, you know, and it wouldhave been some man, like, some
funny things.
Like, people sit up in themiddle of the night, ah,

(53:46):
screaming Right. And then fallback like, lay back down. You're
like, woah.

Tyler (53:48):
Dude, we need to do all wait. This has gotta be a whole
episode in and of itselfbecause, like, I've got some
weird stories I get to sharetoo. I was living with this guy,
and he would just go, like, thatwas his exhale was just a long,
like, this is just like allnight long. It wasn't a snore.

Danny (54:10):
Oh my god.

Tyler (54:10):
It was just like he was like like, a c sharp or
something Yeah. All night long.And he's like

Danny (54:15):
Oh, I love that.

Tyler (54:16):
Crazy stories, man. I really appreciate the
conversation. I know we were, itwas a night, and we were kind of
the rain and, like Yeah. It wasso I just appreciate you you

Danny (54:25):
Yeah. And you had a lot of stuff going on. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
For me, I had training wasinsane.

Tyler (54:30):
Yeah. Yeah.

Danny (54:31):
That was fun. Yeah, man. Appreciate it too. Yeah.

Tyler (54:35):
Anything else going on? Nick's exciting?

Danny (54:37):
Yeah. 20 20th year at me and Misty's 20th anniversary
tomorrow.

Tyler (54:41):
Congratulations. So Congratulations.

Danny (54:42):
This comes out Friday? Friday? Yeah. So Wednesday, the
August 14th. We're 20 yearsmarried and, 28 years together.
Really? 14th August. Yeah, man.I'm I'm so lucky. I tell people
all the time, like, I am solucky the the the

Tyler (55:01):
Interesting. August 14th?

Danny (55:02):
Yeah.

Tyler (55:02):
So strange.

Danny (55:03):
Yeah.

Tyler (55:04):
I mean, like, there's a there's a correlation to that
date. I'll I'll share with youoff off the air, but, like,
congratulations to you. That'snot an easy No. Not an easy feat
and, like, super inspired by youand Missy and Yeah. Like

Danny (55:16):
I'm lucky. Want I

Tyler (55:18):
want you know, I hope that I aspire to that someday.

Danny (55:20):
So Thank you. Appreciate it. Yeah. Cool, man. Thank you
for this, Jace.
Thanks for, talking.

Tyler (55:24):
Yeah. I appreciate it. Last update here on this end,
man. Vessi is no longer prerevenue. That is the spa project
that Danny and I have set up.
We are have several differentways. You can you can donate or
not necessarily donate, but youcan actually purchase or become
an investor. Check out thewebsite, Spa Vessi. As always,
hit us up on Instagram,lostboyscouts.com.

Danny (55:46):
Come see us at Park City Jujitsu. Come see

Tyler (55:48):
us at Park City Jujitsu.

Danny (55:49):
Hang on with us.

Tyler (55:49):
And until the next episode

Danny (55:51):
Appreciate it.

Tyler (55:52):
Have a good night. Cheers.