Brotherhood, Boundaries, and Becoming Better Men

In this episode of The Lost Boy Scouts, Danny and Tyler reflect on their journey through Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and life's challenges. They discuss the physical toll of training, the anticipation of upcoming belt tests, and the sense of progression that comes from consistency. Shifting gears, the conversation dives deep into personal growth, vulnerability, and the complexities of male relationships. The hosts talk about how men handle conflict, addiction, and the struggle to find a balance between being a "monster" in the right situations and learning when to pull back. They explore trust, personal responsibility, and setting boundaries through raw and honest dialogue. This episode is a candid look at men's mental and emotional battles as they strive to become better versions of themselves.

Show Notes:

• 00:00 – Intro and casual chat about reaching Episode 38
• 02:00 – Cold weather and cowboy hats: life in Utah
• 04:30 – Recap of a grueling Wednesday Jiu-Jitsu session and the challenge of facing tough rounds
• 09:45 – Tyler's experience with Nick Howlett and the "tree trunk" guillotine attempt
• Noon – Physical training: balancing weights and BJJ and the soreness that comes with it
• 16:15 – Belt test preparation and the buzz at the academy
• 19:00 – The importance of consistency in training and life
• 22:00 – Personal progress vs. stagnation: dealing with self-doubt and mental hurdles
• 26:00 – Cutting toxic relationships and emotional baggage
• 31:45 – The internal struggle: examining the root of emotional addiction
• 39:15 – The challenges of male communication and relationships
• 44:00 – Rumination, scorekeeping, and the toll it takes on mental health
• 53:30 – Navigating family dynamics and maintaining healthy boundaries
• 01:06:00 – Addiction and regression: the slippery slope of falling back into old habits
• 01:18:00 – Porn addiction and the emotional residue it leaves behind
• 01:32:00 – Jiu-Jitsu community highs and lows, staying grounded amid growth
• 01:40:00 – Embracing slow progress and finding pride in who you've become

Episode Transcript

Danny (00:07):
Welcome to The Lost Boy Scouts podcast. What episode are
we on? Do you know?

Tyler (00:12):
I stopped counting.

Danny (00:13):
30 I think we're, like, at 30

Tyler (00:14):
30 something?

Danny (00:15):
38. 38? 38. Wow, dude. Yeah.
What a crazy

Tyler (00:18):
Sounds about right.

Danny (00:19):
That's insane. Yeah. It's getting a little cold in Utah.

Tyler (00:23):
It's it is. I'm digging the hat.

Danny (00:25):
Thank you. Yeah.

Tyler (00:25):
Digging the hat.

Danny (00:26):
I'm, yeah, I like I like wearing my cowboy hats every
once in a while.

Tyler (00:31):
Yeah. Fits in with the community.

Danny (00:33):
Yeah. Figured I'd, I I I like driving around with it
sometimes, and, I was born inTexas, if you didn't know that.
Oh. Yeah.

Tyler (00:41):
Okay.

Danny (00:41):
My dad was in the military. And I'm sorry. I have
to hang now. That's the worst.Bothered me, and I've I just
barely found it.
And then I, like, now I'm gonna,like Just be stuck on it. You
know?

Tyler (00:53):
I had one of my I had one of my toe that got infected
after Wednesday.

Danny (00:58):
Oh, no way.

Tyler (00:59):
Yeah. I've been pouring, stuff on it. It's actually good
now. Like but Wednesday afterWednesday, it was, like, super
sore because

Danny (01:07):
Yeah. You know,

Tyler (01:08):
they kinda bleed and then

Danny (01:09):
Wednesday was insane.

Tyler (01:10):
It was tough.

Danny (01:12):
Wednesdays have turned out to be really heavy hitters.
Yeah. Lots of energy. Yeah.Usually about 4 or 5 black belts
on the mat Yes.
Plus, plus all the other Yeah.Monsters that come in. And 17, I
think they said 18 people, 20rounds, and not one easy round.

(01:34):
Then you look at yourself andyou're looking across and you're
like, fuck. Yeah.
Am I the easy round?

Tyler (01:39):
Yeah. Yeah. You know? Right.

Danny (01:41):
Damn. Am I the easy round? That's when you're like,
you have to, like, look withinyourself and be like, gosh, man.
I gotta dig deep. Right?
Yeah. But it actually was fun. Imean, I was really sore. I could
my forearms, like, my forearmsare sore. My hands are sore.
Oh, everything. How about you?

Tyler (01:57):
Everything. Yeah. Everything was sore. I could not
walk Thursday. So I I had anincident a week ago Monday
rolling with Nick Howlett.

Danny (02:06):
Okay.

Tyler (02:08):
You know, I got into a good position. I caught him in
turtle, and I'm like, cool. I'vebeen wanting to try this Armin
guillotine that professor showeda few weeks ago. I don't often
usually, I'm the one in turtle.

Danny (02:20):
Yeah. Yeah. Usually, I'm

Tyler (02:21):
the one turtled up. Hiding. Yeah. Please don't kill
me. Yeah.
And I'm like, okay. This is agreat time. You know, Nick's not
a small cat. No. He's he's he'sa he's

Danny (02:31):
Leg like tree trunk.

Tyler (02:32):
Yeah. Yeah. And and we're not to say he I'm not saying
he's he's fat, but he's, like,he's built. He's stocky. He's,
like Yeah.

Danny (02:38):
He's thick.

Tyler (02:39):
Corn corn fed, you know, hunk of beef there. Yeah.
Masculine beef. Yeah. And so,you know, you you do this where
you, like, shove your arm in andyou break you pull back the arm.
And I went to pull back his armand it just didn't budge. It
just didn't budge. It was like

Danny (02:51):
He didn't move at all.

Tyler (02:52):
Yeah. Imagine, like, going out to, like, a big thick
tree and trying to, like, justpush it over.

Danny (02:56):
Yeah.

Tyler (02:56):
And that's about what it was like. And I was like, well,
shit. I think I need to hit theweights a little bit. And
because, I mean, height wise,we're about the same height.
Like, shoulder like, he's, youknow, he's just he's just hardy.
He's, like, very hardy. He'syeah. And so I've been trying to
incorporate more weights into myinto my just overall health
care.

Danny (03:14):
And you did weights on

Tyler (03:15):
I did weights on Monday Wednesday this week, and the way
it just worked out with my workschedule, the way I went down,
it was like, that was those werealso the days I rolled. So
Thursday was like, I can't move.I was like, the 10, man. I
needed oil oiling, and I'm stillstill a little weak. So if
anybody out there, like, does,like, legs a lot and can tell
me, like, am I lifting tooheavy?

(03:36):
Yeah. Is that why I can't walkfor 3 days, or is it just
because I'm just out ofpractice?

Danny (03:40):
I might be able to get a belt. Right?

Tyler (03:41):
I'd love to know. Yeah. It probably is. So but it has.
It was been it's been somemonster monster days.

Danny (03:46):
Yeah. And, everybody's getting ready for the belt test,
which means, like, you know,there's a lot of things going on
in the academy. So you have,like, a lot of stuff happening.
You have, like, a little groupsthat are training here, little
groups that are doing thingsthat they need to take care of
for the belt testing. And so youcan feel the buzz of the gym is
starting to get to that.

(04:07):
Yeah. Next Saturday is the belttest, and there is gonna be so
much so much new color going onat the academy. You know?

Tyler (04:16):
I know.

Danny (04:17):
And, what what a crazy way to, like, think about things
because, like, there's alwaysprogression. Right? Yeah. And
you can always see progression.You can always see, like, how
things are are progressing.
You can see with people, howthey're progressing. You can see
the people that are going toclass

Tyler (04:35):
Mhmm.

Danny (04:35):
That are trusting the moves, and you can see the
people that are watching YouTube

Tyler (04:40):
Yeah.

Danny (04:40):
Thinking that that's the way that the training goes.
Right? You know, as a as a newlyminted blue belt, technically
new in your journey. Right?Right.
If you don't go to class, if youdon't stay at open mat, it feels
kind of like you're alwaysrusty. Yeah. When you are
consistent, it feels like you'reahead of the game. Right? Mhmm.

(05:03):
You're you're part of the you'repart of the progression.

Tyler (05:06):
Yeah. Even getting that 3rd or 4th day in. Right? If if
I train 2 days a week, I feellike, okay. I'm maintaining.

Danny (05:12):
Sure.

Tyler (05:13):
3 days, okay. I'm progressing.

Danny (05:14):
Yeah.

Tyler (05:16):
You know, 4 days, like, I'm really progressing.

Danny (05:18):
Yeah.

Tyler (05:18):
But, like, if I'm just hitting one day a week, if I'm
not consistent 2 2 days a week,I do feel like I'm I'm
backsliding.

Danny (05:25):
Yeah. It's kinda like that in life too. Right? Like,
if you're if you're present forall of your things. And so with
the new color and all thatstuff, there's gonna be I feel
like, again, our academy isgonna kinda level up again.
Mhmm. And I wonder, like, howit's going to see because we're
about to have 6 black beltsunder, professor.

Tyler (05:49):
That's so awesome.

Danny (05:50):
Black belts.

Tyler (05:50):
That's so awesome.

Danny (05:51):
Which is insane.

Tyler (05:52):
Yeah.

Danny (05:52):
You know, I was with him when he didn't have one black
belt that was technically underhim.

Tyler (05:56):
Right?

Danny (05:57):
And, yeah, and, you know, I mean, by the time this comes
out, we'll be, you know, we'llbe getting ready for that
because it it comes out on mybirthday the day after your
birthday. Right? And so, yeah,it's kind of exciting to see
what's gonna happen. And can wekeep, the people that we have
here, you know, and keep thekeep the keep the excitement? I

(06:18):
feel like the community ispretty good right now.
Our women's program, I think wehave 10 women that are training.
That's awesome. Built the Ibuilt the group. You know, I
have my group chat text. And Iwas like, man, we have 10 women
that are on this group thattrain, you know, and that's
really kinda cool.
That's, like, how you know yourgym is healthy if you like, a
healthy women's program. Youknow? Yeah.

Tyler (06:36):
I mean, it also says that the standard of the gym is
really high because it's cleanbecause I wouldn't imagine that,
like

Danny (06:40):
And the dudes are nice and

Tyler (06:42):
the

Danny (06:42):
dudes are, like, gentle Yeah. Monsters, you know, like,

Tyler (06:44):
you

Danny (06:45):
know, to take it easy. What's, what's new on your plate
this last week? Anything crazy?

Tyler (06:53):
Yes and no. Yes. What do I wanna what do I wanna share?
Right? Like, what do I wannashare?
I I feel like yeah. I in in alot of ways, there's been a lot
of craziness. Mhmm. At the sametime, I have to, like I mean, I
think you gave me some greatadvice in the midst of the
chaos. Yeah.
Like, what is my part? And Ithink my part is what I feed it.

(07:16):
And, like, so, you know, Iprobably will refrain from
sharing too much, but I Irealize I've been I've been
feeding some bad habits and someaddiction.

Danny (07:26):
Yeah. As we go on, I'll probably pull a little bit out
of it because I because I thinkit will be really important for
us both to share some somepersonal experiences with

Tyler (07:34):
Yeah.

Danny (07:35):
With the topic tonight. Yeah. Yeah.

Tyler (07:37):
I think my biggest thing is I just wanna be careful of of
the other parties affected.

Danny (07:41):
Sure. And and Well, use it as, like, your friend.

Tyler (07:43):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This person I know.

Danny (07:46):
Yeah. This person I know.

Tyler (07:47):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, yeah, it's really been a
week of, like, I've just beenfeeling like I I felt this week
that I really had to just kindasit with myself.

Danny (07:58):
Oh, yeah.

Tyler (07:59):
I had to sit with myself in the silence because I've been
feeling like for the past coupleweeks, if I'm not moving, that
I'm stagnating and that I'm,like that I'm getting far behind
and that, like, I'm notprogressing where I want to
progress my goals, and that it'sled me to kind of, like, some
kind of frantic moments. So,like, really intentionally,
like, slowing myself down. Yeah.Intentionally slowing myself

(08:23):
down. And and, you know,generally, what that looks like
is that I will, you know, I'llfocus on work.
I I had to, you know, doubledown on focusing on myself,
hence the the working out. Like,there's some, unfortunately,
some some young ladies that Ihad to cut out of my life
because I'm like, I just It'sjust not

Danny (08:40):
part of the process. It's just not part of the journey.

Tyler (08:43):
Not part of the journey that I need right now. I still
feel like I have a ton ofemotional residue stuck to me,
which sucks. It's been two and ahalf years, and I would like
nothing more than to, you know,scrub that bong out, if you
will.

Danny (08:59):
Clean out the water.

Tyler (09:00):
Yeah. Just rinse out that water and,

Danny (09:02):
like Damn. The residue is not fun anymore.

Tyler (09:04):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That residue is is yucky, and it
tastes disgusting. In a lot ofways, I feel like I hit

Danny (09:09):
It's moldy.

Tyler (09:10):
Yeah. A rock bottom there. Yeah. And and I I also
just kinda coming into someacceptance that, like, oh, wait.
This isn't like like separatinglove from an emotional residue

Danny (09:23):
Oh, sure.

Tyler (09:24):
From, like, an emotional addiction to something.

Danny (09:26):
Yeah. Sure.

Tyler (09:28):
And and really, like, working with my therapist and
working with my men's group tokind of, like, talk through some
of these things and reframe someof these things that I
classified as love.

Danny (09:38):
And

Tyler (09:38):
I think that's why the young ladies get cut because I'm
like, I'm not in a place whereI'm actually can feel that for
very many people.

Danny (09:43):
Right. I understand that. Like, it would be really hard to
to be in that to be in thatposition. Right? Because, as you
progress as you progress, as youmove on in your life and you see
you're like, man, I'm doing allthese great things.
Man, I'm doing all these greatthings. You sometimes forget to

(10:05):
see what you're actually doing

Tyler (10:07):
Yeah.

Danny (10:08):
And what part you play in, like, some of those
contentious Yeah. Situations.Right?

Tyler (10:16):
Yes.

Danny (10:16):
That's that's for me sure me, man. Like, that's the things
that I struggle with is if I'min the fight Mhmm. I care about
what I care about.

Tyler (10:24):
Yeah.

Danny (10:25):
Right? Yeah. If I'm in the fight, I care about what I
care about. Mhmm. And and if ifit's what I care about, I care
about it.
Mhmm. It may not align with whatyou care about, but if you're in
the fight, you care about whatyou care about. Yeah. And
finding that common ground of,like, okay. I can see your
point.

Tyler (10:43):
Yeah.

Danny (10:43):
And I can put my my own wants and needs aside for a
second.

Tyler (10:48):
Yeah.

Danny (10:49):
I can see your point, and then we can make progress.
Usually, what happens is, forme, personally, I'm in the
fight. Yep. I care about what Icare about. I don't care what
you care about.
Mhmm. And now I've attachedmyself to these feelings for me.
Yes. And then what happens? Yougo into self preservation, self
protection.
Right? Yeah. Yeah. And it'slike, well, you don't give a

(11:09):
shit about what I'm goingthrough, so guess what? I don't
give a shit what you're goingthrough.

Tyler (11:13):
Yep. Yep.

Danny (11:13):
You know? And that's where I think men especially
especially because a lot oftimes, it's like banging your
head against the wall. Right?Yep. Banging your head against
the wall and hoping for anotheroutcome other than a sore head.
Yeah. You know, like, I can getthrough this concrete.

Tyler (11:31):
Yeah. One of my favorite Instagram accounts, the holistic
therapist, she posted somethingjust recently. Like and it
resonated so deeply with meafter this last couple weeks. It
it was, healthy people will walkaway from situations that are
where they're not receiving whatthey need from the relationship.
Yeah.
And unhealthy people will sitand beg for that kind of that

(11:55):
Yeah.

Danny (11:55):
You're looking for that. Yeah. Validation and acceptance

Tyler (11:57):
of Yeah.

Danny (11:58):
Look at what I'm doing. Right. What I need. Right. Why
can't you help me, like, saveme, protect me?
Like, I need all these thingsfrom you, and you're, like, not
doing shit. I just

Tyler (12:07):
want that. Yeah.

Danny (12:08):
You know?

Tyler (12:09):
Yeah. So so going back and examining the wound a little
bit and saying, like, what isthis that I'm really feeling?

Danny (12:14):
Yeah.

Tyler (12:15):
And, like, what does this really mean? And, like, again,
like, you if you fool me right,like, I especially, like, in a,
like, a long term relationship,like, I have to then go back
and, like, reframe a lot ofthings. Sure. Am I really as
gullible as, like, I I think Iam? Like

Danny (12:34):
understand. Yeah.

Tyler (12:34):
You know what I mean? Like Yeah. I have to, like it's
it's not just a shame on you.It's a shame on me too. And I'm
like, I have to, like,completely reevaluate the
situation.
Right?

Danny (12:44):
Yeah.

Tyler (12:44):
And I have to and and if I go back and I do that
reframing and I actually canbuild a different structure of
the relationship because of thatreframing, you know, it's it's
entirely possible that there isa completely different
relationship on the outsideSure.

Danny (12:59):
Of of

Tyler (12:59):
that of that reframing.

Danny (13:01):
And and from the outsider looking in, like, you can see,
you know, there's always yourside, my side, the real side.
Yeah. Right? Your story, mystory, then the Absolutely. I
think about that a lot when I'm,when I'm in a in a fight with
somebody that, 1, I may not careabout, 2, I have no intention to

(13:22):
care about, and 3, probablydon't really care if it
progresses.
Yeah. It's your side, my side,and then the truth. Right?

Tyler (13:28):
Yep.

Danny (13:29):
Now going to the people that I really care about,
there's definitely your side.There's definitely my side, and
I wanna find out how we can findcommon.

Tyler (13:38):
Yeah.

Danny (13:38):
Like, let's get to a point where we can I care about
what you care about? You careabout what I care about, and now
we can work to the middle Right.And find some of that. Part of
that problem is is, like, whatif the person on the other end
is in that that idea of, like, Idon't care about what you care
about. You know?

Tyler (13:56):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You get into this, like, when
arguing with an idiot, make surehe's not doing the same thing.
The same thing. Yeah. Yeah.You're you're right. The easy
round?
Yeah. I didn't fight the easyround. Yeah. I think that's so
true, Danny. I think you thereare some relationships where you
find that, hey.
This is worth investing in.

Danny (14:12):
Investing in.

Tyler (14:12):
And that's where I step back and I get curious. Right? I
seek to understand rather thanbe an than to be understood.

Danny (14:19):
Sure.

Tyler (14:19):
And that is some place I'd like to be. And,
unfortunately, for me, in incertain particular
relationships, I am still stuckalmost as an addictive cycle in
the dopamine hit I get from

Danny (14:31):
Attacking.

Tyler (14:32):
Attacking. And it's been years worth of years worth of
decades of it. Like, my mom andI, like, we still go at each
other. Like, I'm a teenager andshe's, you know, the my mom, and
we're we're now at a level wherewe're we're peers. Right?
So

Danny (14:47):
Yeah. I I talk a lot about that. My mom, as you know,
my mom had a stroke Yeah. Lastso the today is Friday. It it's
started to present itself, Iguess, last Friday, so about a
week ago.
Saturday was when it reallyhappened. And it brought into
context a lot of things becausemy brothers and sisters and I I
with my brothers and sistersespecially, like, we fight, but

(15:10):
I always think, well, we'rebrothers and sisters. Like, I
really don't care how mad youare. Mhmm. When shit hits the
fan, you're gonna be there forme.

Tyler (15:18):
Yeah.

Danny (15:19):
With my mom, especially, I know, like, if something
happens to my mom, my brothersand sisters, we rally we rally
to my mom because she's alone.Yeah. She, ruminates about a lot
of things, and I had think Ihave that.

Tyler (15:34):
Yeah. Bless her heart. I have that as well.

Danny (15:36):
She ruminates. Yeah. Ruminates. Like, if it if she's
struggling in it, I know. Mhmm.
I know she's struggling in itbecause everything that she's
doing, everything that she'sposting

Tyler (15:45):
Mhmm.

Danny (15:45):
Everything she's talking about, everything she's texting
me about when we haveconversations, it always
revolves back to what I can tellshe's ruminating about. And I
think I have that where Iruminate about things. You know?
I I, get stuck in my head. Iplay out conversations.
I play out scenarios

Tyler (16:06):
Mhmm.

Danny (16:07):
Of how things could go better, how things could go
worse, and then worst casescenario, best case scenario,
and I'll do it for days on endabout something that I'm
ruminating about. Yeah. Youknow? And and when when that
happened last Saturday, youknow, my brothers and sisters
and I got together, and therewere some things, some
contention that we had to talkabout. Mhmm.

(16:28):
You know, some some just to makesure that we were always on the
same page, but also, like, somethings that they felt that I had
done, you know, that I've donein our relationships. And I
listened to them. I could have,you know, pointed my finger back
at them. Well, okay. Well, whatabout when you did this?
But I just listened to them, andI always told them, like, okay.

(16:50):
Cool. Like, I understand that,but it's what you care about.

Tyler (16:52):
Mhmm.

Danny (16:53):
Like, for instance, I care about calling you for your
birthday. Like, I care aboutcalling each of their kids for
their birthday. And this is howI presented it. I said, I care
about what I care about that.But if you don't and if you
don't call my kids for mybirthday, I get upset about
that.
Yeah. Because that's what I careabout. Right?

Tyler (17:09):
Yeah.

Danny (17:10):
And that's where it's you look at that and you reframe it,
and you're like, well, you canbicker about that. We could
fight about the fact that I dothis. You don't. Now I'm gonna
be mad at you, and then you'vewhat happens? Tit for tat.

Tyler (17:21):
Yeah.

Danny (17:21):
We start keeping score

Tyler (17:23):
Yeah.

Danny (17:24):
Of what each other's not doing, not not of what each
other's doing. Yeah. Right? Andwhen you ruminate over those
scorekeeping things and youstart to play out scenarios of
what you could, what you will,what you should do, the score
just starts to, like, really

Tyler (17:42):
Right.

Danny (17:42):
Tally up. Nothing's even happening.

Tyler (17:44):
Right.

Danny (17:45):
I'm not fighting anymore with them.

Tyler (17:47):
Yeah.

Danny (17:47):
But in my head, I've ruminated. I'm keeping score.
I'm keeping track of what theyhaven't done instead of keeping
track of what they have done.Right. And when we got to the
bottom of that, all of my, youknow, my brothers and sisters,
we we were both we we all couldunderstand, like, at the end of
the day, we want what's best foreach other.

Tyler (18:07):
Right.

Danny (18:08):
Right? We want what's best for my mom because she's
single.

Tyler (18:10):
Yeah.

Danny (18:10):
Right? So we have this common we have this common thing
that we're that we can. Plus, wewant our families to be able to
get together without contention.Right?

Tyler (18:19):
Yeah.

Danny (18:19):
And so we did walk away from there with really good
knowledge of each other and theunderstanding that while we say
we're gonna wipe the slateclean, there's still gonna be
things that, like, let's saytomorrow, they don't call my
kids for the birthday. Yeah. Nowall of a sudden, I'm like, woah.
Back to square 1.

Tyler (18:37):
I can't just Yeah.

Danny (18:38):
I just told you that you you this bothered me now. Yeah.
What the what the shit. Right?As opposed to just being like,
no.
It's okay. Like, we're gonnamake progress. We talked about
it. It may not change overnight.

Tyler (18:49):
Yeah. But

Danny (18:49):
we're gonna make progress. Right?

Tyler (18:51):
Yeah.

Danny (18:51):
And that's easy when you do it with a loved one.

Tyler (18:54):
Yeah.

Danny (18:55):
But what about with somebody that you just, man, you
love, but, oh, there's just somuch contention there?

Tyler (19:01):
It's it's that's where you're it's so interesting that
you say that you're a ruminatorbecause I'm definitely a
ruminator myself. Like and Iwill get to those points, where
I'm like, fuck it. Burn theships. Like, I've already gone
through every scenario. Right?
Like Yeah. It's like, did youever see that War Games with,
with, like, that old eighties?

Danny (19:22):
I think I have.

Tyler (19:23):
Yeah. Matthew Broderick. Right. Right? And they get the
they get the computer to playTikTok Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Itself. Yeah. And itfinally realizes, yeah, that's
what I'm doing with thesearguments in my head.
Right? Like, I'm, like,computing them all out and
tallying shit up, and it itcreates an enormous cognitive
load, which then the next timeyou have to interact with that
person, your brain has alreadyexhausted itself on the

(19:44):
conversation. So you're justthat much more

Danny (19:45):
And your fuse is so

Tyler (19:46):
soft. It just shortens your fuse. Right? So, yeah, I
think it's important to to, to,to take, take a step back and
I'm, this is gonna be one ofthose points where I'm gonna
say, like, I'm learning. Right.
And I think I have some solidadvice and I'm, I'm giving solid
advice to myself as much as I'msharing it with, with other
people. But like, you have totake a step back and just get

(20:10):
curious, get curious. And howpowerful is it? Like when you
see that, I like to think oflike a pride of like lions.
Right?
Right. Like when you see likethe the the, you know, the king
of the lion pack. Right? Like,there may be other male lions
around that are doing things oror other things, and he doesn't

(20:30):
care until he cares.

Danny (20:31):
Till he cares.

Tyler (20:32):
Until he cares. Yeah. Right? And and it's typically
gonna be something that, youknow, it really gets to him that
that he cares. Right?

Danny (20:40):
Yeah.

Tyler (20:40):
And so how do I get like that? How do I how do I become
that mentality where, you know,you've you've you've said this
mean thing, you said that meanthing, and I just kinda like,
okay. Whatever. Yeah. Okay.
Yeah. You know?

Danny (20:54):
Yeah. And, man, my personal experience with, those
things comes from finding solacein being able to be like, this
is these are the things that Ireally care about.

Tyler (21:12):
Yes.

Danny (21:13):
And if I and and I really care about them, and I will
share them with you. I don'tshare them with everybody. Yeah.
You know, not everybody gets tosee where my goat is tied up.

Tyler (21:21):
Yes. Right? Because, like Yeah.

Danny (21:23):
Man, sometimes if somebody knows where your goat
is tied, and that's kinda one ofthose funny things where, like,
where my goat is tied, that'swhere, like, if you start
teasing me about something, andI've just told you that, and it
starts to get under my skin.

Tyler (21:35):
If I exploit that.

Danny (21:35):
And now all of a sudden, you're like, keep going. Keep
going. And now I'm like, okay.Well, I'm gonna lose my
patience. Right?

Tyler (21:40):
Yeah.

Danny (21:40):
I don't show very many people that. I don't talk a lot
about those to very many peoplebecause for 1, you have to
really be in my inner circle tounderstand those things. 2, if
you if you I'll give you a passfirst. Right?

Tyler (21:54):
Yeah.

Danny (21:55):
2nd, I don't really give too many passes. Yeah. 3rd, I
start to pull myself away fromthe relationship. Yeah. You
know, I don't I'm not gonna playthose games anymore.
Yeah. But if we both understandthat and we both tease each
other the same way, like, it'sokay. Like Yeah. We'll tease
each other. Yeah.
You know? But I know that wehave a solid relationship. Yeah.
Right? Even if I tell you, hey.
That hurt my feelings, you'regonna be like, no, man. I get
that.

Tyler (22:14):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
No. I think that that that'sinteresting. I think we did that
episode on kind of beingvulnerable and and sharing those
vulnerabilities. And I thinkit's definitely something that's
hard for men to do. I do thinkit's important that we have kind
of an inner circle of men, but Ido I also think it's equally as
important that it's small.
Right? Like, you can have a biggroup of friends. I am just to a

(22:35):
point where I don't trust a lotof relationships personally

Danny (22:39):
Personally.

Tyler (22:39):
Yeah. Because of how my relationships have turned out.

Danny (22:42):
Yeah.

Tyler (22:43):
Some of that, I have had to go in and say, like, okay.
What in what in me is woundedthat I need to heal so that I
can now, strengthen myrelationship with this person?

Danny (22:53):
Yeah.

Tyler (22:54):
Right? You know? In a in a lot of cases, it's it it stems
back to my childhoodabandonment, my childhood
trauma, those type of thingsthat that were honest honestly
somewhat subconsciously learned,but are manifesting them or man
excuse me, manifesting inmaladaptive behavior in in my
relationships now.

Danny (23:11):
Yeah.

Tyler (23:11):
But I'm I'm I'm fully with you. Right? Like, there are
it is I think it's important tokeep your circle tight.

Danny (23:17):
For sure. And learn how to man, when you have to be
brutally honest with somebodyRight. You have to tell them
Yes. And we had thisconversation where I was like,
hey, Tyler. Just so we're clear.
Like Mhmm. I I'm not I I I don'twanna be a part of that.

Tyler (23:33):
Mhmm.

Danny (23:33):
I don't wanna be a part of that thing, and here's why.
Yeah. And you've had to be like,hey, man. I'm Danny, like, I'm
not cool with that. Like, I'mnot okay with that.
And we both have had to when youhave those, like, clear cut
conversations with another man,you look him in his eye and be
like, hey. I'm not cool withthat. Mhmm. And here's why. Yep.
And if that person then goes,hey. I got you.

Tyler (23:55):
Yeah.

Danny (23:55):
I understand. Noted. Do it. I will fix on what I'm
fixing on. I will work on whatI'm working on.

Tyler (24:01):
Mhmm.

Danny (24:01):
And you will know that I'm that I understand where
you're coming from.

Tyler (24:05):
Right.

Danny (24:06):
Now it's not one of those, like, next time it
happens, You know, you have tostill kinda give that person a
pass because they're learning.Right?

Tyler (24:13):
Yeah. And So let me sorry to interrupt, though, but what
what is your what it becausebecause to me, like, what are
your indications that somebody'sactually working on it? Because
to me, like, I my thought isaction is always more

Danny (24:25):
100%.

Tyler (24:26):
More more valuable than words. I I definitely there's a
lot of people that will throwwords at you, but, like, never
back it up with action. And soif, you know, if I if I slip,
but you see that I'm making, youknow, progress through action,
right, it's okay to slip up. Youcan you can have those
conversations to a point. Right?
Or or I think

Danny (24:45):
you know right away. I think Yeah. Honestly, here's how
I believe, honestly. I think youalready have an indication of
the person prior to thatmisstep. Yeah.
Prior to it. Right? You're like,okay. I'm gonna share some
information with this person,and maybe that person maybe,
like, a couple of days later,like, somebody asked you a

(25:06):
question, you're like, okay. Theonly person the only way that
you knew that is if that persontold you.
Like Yeah. You know, that's theone indication of if they're a
gossip. Right? If they're atalker. Right?

Tyler (25:14):
Yeah.

Danny (25:14):
The other thing is if automatically, you are a good
read on person. Mhmm. You're agood read on people. Right? If
you give that person a couplepasses, right, and they continue
to make progress, it you mayhave to give them a pass in a
different area.
Mhmm. Right? But you've alreadyknow. You've already got a read

(25:37):
on that person that they want.They want to be better.
They want to to improve theirlife. Right? If that person has
given you an icky feeling fromthe get go Mhmm. Constantly
gives you icky feelings fromwhat they do

Tyler (25:52):
Mhmm.

Danny (25:52):
Right? And you're like, oh, man. Oh, that kinda caught
me off guard. Yeah. Whathappens, I think, in my opinion,
is you just start to withdrawYeah.
From that relationship. They maynot even know that you're
withdrawing from therelationship. Mhmm. This is
really important with women.Yeah.
Really important as a man withwomen. As a married man as a
married man. Right? My if if Ihave, you know, I have, like,

(26:18):
friendships with women. Right?
Friendships with them. My wifehas friendships with men. If we
start to get icky feelings withlike, oh, that kind of caught us
off guard.

Tyler (26:27):
Yeah.

Danny (26:27):
Could you imagine if I continue the relationship and my
wife was like, hey. I alreadytold you, like, I don't like
that. My wife is gonna see rightthrough that. Right?

Tyler (26:35):
Yeah.

Danny (26:36):
Right through that.

Tyler (26:37):
Yeah. I think that's a a really great point. I think
those relationships with theopposite sex like, I think it's
funny. I don't know. Do youremember, was it Mike Pence when
he was running for presidentwith Trump?
They were giving him shit for,like, not having lunch with with
another woman. And it's it'scertainly something I probably
wouldn't do if I were in arelationship. Right? Like, it

(26:58):
does kinda start setting astandard.

Danny (27:00):
Yeah.

Tyler (27:01):
You know, we I might get mocked and, like, I might get
mocked for that, but I Ihonestly don't think that
there's anything anything wrongwith that. I think you wanna
avoid situations where, youknow, if you something could be
perceived as bad because I'm notworried about what I'm gonna do.

Danny (27:17):
Sure.

Tyler (27:18):
I'm completely in control of my actions, right, and and
willing to take accountabilityfor my actions. But there is an
aspect of how do people outthere perceive things and how
are things perceived. So, youknow, you're walking through the
gym. You know, if you werewalking through the gym and and
some some pretty young thingcomes up and talks to you,
Danny, and it got back to Misty,right, like, it it may have been
innocent, but the way whoeverperceives that Perceived. Yeah.

(27:40):
It could it could totally, youknow, throw a wrench in your
relationship.

Danny (27:44):
So Perception is 3 tenths of the law.

Tyler (27:45):
So 4 tenths of the law. Yeah. Yeah.

Danny (27:47):
You know? I agree. And, yeah, you you always wanna make
sure that, like, you set clearboundaries Yeah. Clear
boundaries with yourself, clearboundaries with your
relationships. Yeah.
Especially for me, like, I don'tbring a lot of, you know, random

(28:09):
people around my family. Mhmm. Idon't bring a lot of random
people. Most of the people thatI bring around my family are
friends. Yeah.
Really, really good friends.Yeah. I don't have a lot of
people over in my house becauseI never wanna make Misty
uncomfortable. I never wannamake, you know, my kids
uncomfortable. So if you I get aweird feeling from you, you are
never getting an interview likemy house.

Tyler (28:29):
See, I I totally agree. I kinda feel like what I've
noticed is that people that areinsecure people that are
insecure, they will gossip. 1,because they need to gossip so
that they feel important, andit's because they don't know how
important they are. Like, theyhaven't built a self love or a
self, version of themselves thatloves themselves. Right?

(28:50):
So they gossip because they wantto be in the thick of things. 2,
fake people, they have a certainvibe. You can fake a vibe, only
for so long. Sure. Right?
And and and fake people willtypically have large transient
populations as friends. Sure.People coming in and out I
agree. Constantly changingfriends. Like, one of the things

(29:14):
I pride myself on is, like, I'mstill friends with the kids I
was friends with in high school.

Danny (29:18):
Same.

Tyler (29:18):
Like, granted we're not, like, super tight homies. Like,
we're not hanging out everyweekend, but, like, we're still
in a text chain together. Westill send each other memes from
time to times. You know what Imean? And and these are guys
that I trust, I grew up with,and our lives have all kinda
gone different directions.
We all have our own familiesand, you know, we've gotten
together for a few guide trips.And and and I think that that

(29:42):
that's important. I'm like you.I think that, you know, real
people will intentionally havetight circles Yep. Be just
because they know they know theconsequences of

Danny (29:53):
And they'll know what what your what you what like,
you'll have similar things whereyou're like, that person caught
me off. That person rubbed methe wrong way. Yes. And we'll
both feel that way.

Tyler (30:03):
Yeah.

Danny (30:03):
And we'll both start to put the our women and children
towards the middle because we'relike, hey, man. That guy is
giving me the wrong vibe. Right?And so we'll do that when we're
out amongst the amongst theregular people. Yeah.
Right? You'll start to do thatkind of stuff. Yeah. Another
clear boundary that I put onmyself. Like, if it's a serious

(30:26):
conversation, I don't have aserious conversation with a
person of the opposite sex Yeah.
Unless it's my wife. Yeah. Like,if there's a person that has an
issue with me or that wants toask me questions, I don't
respond to them. Yeah. Because Ithink you may not like my tone
when I snap off at you.
So I may ask you, hey. Do youhave like, are you married? Or,
like, is your husband around? OrMhmm. Is your dad around?

(30:49):
Or, hey. What if my wife what ifmy wife spoke to you as opposed
to me speaking to you? Because Isay a lot of swear words. Mhmm.
I have a very gruff personalitysometimes, especially if you've
caught me off guard in asituation that I'm not
comfortable with.
Right? And that has happenedwhere I've had to be like, hey,
man. Like, stop there. I don'twanna have this conversation

(31:12):
with you.

Tyler (31:13):
Yeah. It's just it's just easier to to, like, avoid the
conversation all the notnecessarily avoid the
conversation, but, like,redirect the energy. Right?
Like, you've got to you've gottaquestion somebody's intention if
they reach out to you. You know,I certainly I certainly have
friends that are married, and II I it's the same way at work.
Like, I didn't even there's thisconnotation that you have, like,

(31:35):
when you go to a corporate job.It was funny. You know, I work
with people of the opposite sexin the corporate world all the
time. Right? And, when I wasmarried, like, somebody coined
me their work husband, and I waslike, no.
I'm I'm actually not really coolwith that. Like

Danny (31:52):
like Yeah.

Tyler (31:53):
We we work well together in, like, this, like Yeah.
Corporate experience, but, like,I don't really want that, like,
kind of connotation that, like,I'm your work husband. Right?
Like and we can even be goodfriends, but, like, still, like,
to me, there's a boundary there.Like, this whole bullshit around
work husband or work wife, youknow, I think it's just I I

(32:16):
think it's a lack of knowingyourself and a lack of under
like, having real boundaries.

Danny (32:20):
Well and I think, like, you know, if you put that out
there and let's say your wife'snot, like I mean, like, Misty is
pretty she is conservative.

Tyler (32:28):
Yeah.

Danny (32:28):
Right? And she's very, she she's actually really
conservative with things. Yeah.And she sometimes doesn't have
the same kinda humor that Ihave.

Tyler (32:38):
Yeah.

Danny (32:38):
So, like, when somebody said that about like, if
somebody said that to me, likeYeah. If she heard that there
was a woman at my work thatsomebody said that's Danny's
work wife, my wife would belike, holy I mean, I would be
that's that's not that is aclear boundary that my wife does
not play.

Tyler (32:52):
Would she take it out on you, or would she

Danny (32:54):
probably both. Yeah. But my wife is also, like she's very
aggressive towards if you havehurt our relationship, her
relationship, or her, she she'lllet you know. She's not afraid
to let you know. You know?

Tyler (33:06):
Yeah.

Danny (33:06):
And I've had to remind her, like, you can't go at a man
like that. Like, you're not youyou can't go at a man like that.
You can't like, because if thatdude is not, like, cool with
that and he snaps off at you,now I'm for sure getting
involved. Right? Yeah.
I'm for sure getting involved.Yeah. Right? And I have that
understanding because there areboundaries that I have. Yeah.

(33:27):
Right? And my rumination thatI'll do, I'll play that fight
out of my head. Mhmm. You know?I will play that fight out

Tyler (33:35):
of my

Danny (33:35):
head of if somebody hurts Misty's feelings or, like, if I
if we've, gotten to a pointwhere, like, somebody's hurt
both of our feelings, you know,and Yeah. Now we're both, like,
wanting to fight. Mhmm. I'llI'll play those things out of my
head, and now I'm like, when Isee that person or I'm around
that person, I'm sure they feelmy energy that I'm Yeah. Cool

(33:56):
with them.

Tyler (33:56):
Yeah.

Danny (33:56):
You know? Yeah. I've I've I I think that when you're
working on yourself and you'regoing through all man, you're
like, man, I'm I'm trying toprogress mine. I'm trying

Tyler (34:11):
to progress.

Danny (34:12):
Regression is such a normal part of that life.
Regression from, like, you'reI'm I'm doing good. I'm doing
good. I'm feeling good.Something triggers me.
Fuck. I'm so far backwards. Howdid I get so far back? How did I
end up how does it like, I'm inthe same spot that I was a year
ago? Yeah.
And I think that's where men,especially men, start to really

(34:37):
struggle. Oh, for sure. Idefinitely in a regression.

Tyler (34:40):
Yeah. I definitely get really hard on myself. One
little one little trip up, andI'm like, god. What the hell?
Why am I trip up.
Why am I why do I feel like Ihaven't progressed at all? And,
again, it's partially me notseeing the progress. Right? This
progress progress in life isslow. A lot of progress in life
is slow.

Danny (34:58):
So slow.

Tyler (34:59):
And and and that's okay. Right? Like, it it that's you
you can go out there and you canbust ass and you can make a ton
of progress, but, like, realreal good quality progress is is
is fairly incremental, fairly

Danny (35:13):
And you don't see a single thing about it.

Tyler (35:14):
And you very rarely see it.

Danny (35:16):
People around you see it. Yeah. It's just like jiu jitsu.

Tyler (35:18):
Yeah. Exactly. You know? It is. It is.
It's it is exactly like that.

Danny (35:22):
Nobody's giving you a stripe in

Tyler (35:24):
life. Right.

Danny (35:24):
You know? But you can but you can see progression.

Tyler (35:27):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So being kind to myself and
realizing that, like, sometimesyou fall into those bad habits
just because there's like thatattachment to the, the dopamine
hit. I need the dopamine hit.
Right. Like I need the dopaminehit of it's like, it's like when
you quit smoking or, you knowwhat I mean? Like you get

Danny (35:46):
anything out of your life. That's made you feel good
for so long, but really is badfor you?

Tyler (35:49):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Your brain is it kinda gets
hardwired to it.
That's why I get so pissed thatI ruminate because I know that
my brain is building thosepatterns, and I'm like, I don't
want my brain to build thosepatterns. I know it's not
helpful for me to ruminate.

Danny (36:03):
We've had conversations where you've said, like, that
addiction. I'm I mean, I feellike I'm addicted to this. Mhmm.

Tyler (36:09):
I

Danny (36:09):
feel like I'm addicted to this. And there's times when I'm
like, I don't know what you meanby that. Mhmm. Until I put it
into perspective of that factof, like, man, like an addict

Tyler (36:18):
Mhmm.

Danny (36:19):
Something. Right? They're doing all this great stuff.
They're doing this 12 stepprogram. They're doing this 30
day coin, 90 day coin, 120 daycoin.
Take a drink. Man.

Tyler (36:29):
Boom. Right.

Danny (36:30):
Was even a none of none of it even existed. Yep. None of
it even existed at that point.Yep. That is how bad, like,
right, some of that addiction.

Tyler (36:38):
Oh, absolutely.

Danny (36:39):
I'm sure, like, porn for men, man, if if you are if you I
I can only imagine what it'slike to be you know, because
that dopamine hunt, hit fromporn is real.

Tyler (36:50):
And it's twice it's twice it's twice the load. Right?

Danny (36:52):
And if you are, like Twice ruined. Yeah. Sorry.
Literally.

Tyler (36:58):
Yeah. Yeah.

Danny (36:59):
Yeah. If you're if you're if you are like, if it's ruined
your life, and I know guys thatit it has ruined their life.

Tyler (37:07):
Have you have you sorry. I'm not I'm not gonna get a
detract too much, but, like,have you and Misty gotten into
the the Real Housewives, or No.Those are secret lives of Mormon
Wives?

Danny (37:16):
No. Is it good?

Tyler (37:17):
It is it is, have you ever seen a car accident? Yeah.
You know when you're, like,you're about the This is about
to happen? Yeah. You're, like, Ican't believe this is happening.
Yeah. It's like it's like all ofthose trashy Real Housewives
show, except for they've madethe, the the women and the
couples in it. They're they'renow, like, 20 years younger than

(37:38):
and have a a lot less. They theystill have maybe the same
amounts of money, maybe a littlebit less money, but, like, it's
it is horrific.

Danny (37:46):
It really is.

Tyler (37:46):
It really is horrific. Like, I had to watch it, 1,
because I'm, like, I wanna seewhat places what places do I
recognize. Like, I recognize theMercantile there in Midway. They
were they they were recorded in.

Danny (37:56):
No way.

Tyler (37:56):
Yeah. And some of the places, down in Lehigh where I,
where I go where I work, some ofthe restaurants down there.

Danny (38:03):
No way. Yeah. Because, like, in the Mormon culture,
like, it's a the the people thatI know that were, like that it
ruined their lives and theirmarriages, they were Mormon.
Yeah. And I was like

Tyler (38:13):
Oh, it'll kill it'll it'll absolutely kill your
marriage.

Danny (38:16):
Yeah. Could you imagine, like, you've worked on it for so
hard, you've worked on it for solong, and all you've done man,
one click. Next thing you know,you are full 3 sheets to the
win, and you're, like, 100% intothis porn Yeah. Thing, and
you've it you know you know youknow it's going to ruin your
life. You know it's going toruin your marriage, but you

(38:38):
still do it anyways.

Tyler (38:40):
I would challenge I would I put this challenge out there.
Like, give me one redeemingquality of porn. Is there one
redeeming quality to all of thesmut that's out there?

Danny (38:54):
Man, every you know, the funniest thing I mean, I've told
you this before. The funniestthing I've ever heard is the
more porn you watch, the smalleryour dick gets.

Tyler (39:00):
It's

Danny (39:00):
it's true. True. Guys have ginormous wieners.

Tyler (39:03):
It's true. And that and your, you know, your training
your you're training yourself tospeed the orgasm. Right? You're
you're getting the dopamine hitfrom constantly being flooded
with new. The only redeemingquality is if you're
participating in it and makingmoney.
And even then, like, there isthe amount of drugs and the
amount of, like bad. I mean,look at Ron Jeremy. Right? Ron

(39:24):
Jeremy was like the, oh, look atlook. Look at this guy.
He was talk Everybody knew whohe was. Right? But you look at
him now, and you're like, holy

Danny (39:33):
I don't think there is. I tell my boys all the time, like,
be careful with that stuff, man.Man, know that it's not it's not
real. It definitely desensitizesyou.

Tyler (39:44):
Yeah.

Danny (39:44):
And and and and most drugs desensitize you to things.
I think, like, eventually, youdo things that you probably
would never do in your normallife. To me, that's, like, the
ultimate sign up of of aregression. You are you're
making so much progress. Peoplesee you making progress.
They don't see what happensbehind closed doors. Mhmm. But,

(40:05):
eventually, they see it. Right?Eventually, they see it.
Yeah. And for me, regressionwhen when I'm in a moment of
regression, I I'm really hard onmyself, and I tend to feel so

(40:26):
bad that I, like, turn intothis, like, sloppy lovey what
please don't catch me. Pleaseplease forgive me. Please please
let me back to being, like,where we were before because I
fucked up so bad. Yeah.
Sorry about that. Especiallywhen I was drinking heavy. Yeah.
When I was drinking heavy, man,I would wake up in the morning,

(40:48):
and you'd I'd be like, who do Ihave to apologize to today?
Yeah.
Who who do I owe an apology to?Right. And I wouldn't remember
because I'm I was so drunk thenight before. And in my head, I
was like, man, I was having agreat time. I'm I'm my my
stomach hurts.
I'm sure I was laughing. Right.

Tyler (41:04):
Well, I

Danny (41:04):
was probably just puking.

Tyler (41:05):
Oh, yeah.

Danny (41:06):
You know?

Tyler (41:06):
Yeah. Yeah.

Danny (41:07):
And when I was really happy with hard alcohol, you
know, I was like, man, I I wouldhave a good time. I know I was
having a good time, but noteverybody around me

Tyler (41:16):
Yeah.

Danny (41:17):
I can assure you they weren't having a good time. I
can assure you they were like,which version of Danny are we
getting tonight? Are we gettingthe Danny that's gonna cry? The
Danny that was gonna is gonnafight? The Danny that's going to
probably, like, do stupid shitthat that is gonna be really,
really horrible?
Which version are we getting?And nobody wants to be around
that guy.

Tyler (41:36):
Yeah. Yeah. I I it's interesting. I just watched this
movie, and one of the charactershas pulls out his his big this
big old bong, and he's like, youwanna if you want to leave now,
like, she's talking aboutleaving this, this, leaving this
place. And she's like, he'slike, if you want to leave now,
I'm taking off right now.
And she's like, no, I actuallydon't like to participate in

(41:57):
things that, that keep me fromfeeling. And I'm like, it's
true. A lot of that, a lot ofthat is a lot of, and it's not
just alcohol or substances porn.We're we're we're killing
something. We're killing it,feeling we're killing it,
feeling how, how.
I mean, I, you got, like, if youare a man that is married and
you are even casually watchingporn, like, what are you, like,

(42:21):
what are you numbing? Like, howhow good is your relationship?

Danny (42:24):
Yeah. Right?

Tyler (42:24):
And you

Danny (42:25):
can't be honest. Apparently, you can't be honest.
You can't. No. You can't talkabout what's bothering you or
what you need.
Right. And, honestly, like,you've probably dived so far
down that rabbit hole that Yeah.I mean, your wife's probably not
gonna fulfill some of thosethings, you know.

Tyler (42:40):
You're right. Because they're they're actors. It's
it's there's it's, you know,remember when you found out that
that WWE, WWF was fake. Right?Like

Danny (42:47):
No. It's not.

Tyler (42:48):
All of that stuff is is is it's a show that they put on.
Right? And it it's just And you

Danny (42:54):
don't wanna be you wanna you want to really feel good
about yourself. Yeah. And noneof that stuff is going to make
you feel good for a long term.

Tyler (43:08):
Yeah.

Danny (43:09):
I don't know what I don't know what it is. I I believe
that, like, we have this falseidea that our lives are supposed
to be this perfectly happy,healthy fantasy land

Tyler (43:21):
Yeah.

Danny (43:21):
Of great feelings, of great sex, of great drinking, of
great hanging out with yourfriends all the time, doing all
this cool shit all the time.Yeah. For sure. I think that
that's part of life. What I alsothink is that it's bullshit.

Tyler (43:37):
Yeah. I think a lot of what we're told life should be
is is a marketing ploy

Danny (43:43):
For sure.

Tyler (43:43):
To get us to buy more stuff.

Danny (43:45):
More stuff. Yeah.

Tyler (43:46):
Buy more stuff. Right? Because even you look at the and
this is again, this goes backto, like, I've I've tried to
create more on Instagram than Iconsume, but what I have curated
on Instagram is very muchcurated. You are seeing a small
sliver. You are seeing a smallsliver, and I think that's
what's interesting about this TVshow.

(44:08):
Like, obviously, these theseMormon housewives, like, started
a TikTok. Right? So you see thesmall sliver of TikTok. Now
these this population has openedup. You're getting a little bit
more behind the scenes.
Even the TV show is still veryscripted. Right? Like if, if
they weren't constantly bitchingat each other, complaining,
nobody would watch it. Right.So, but you're really only

(44:29):
seeing another small sliver, toelicit some sort of emotion.
Right. And so I I think you'reabsolutely right. I I I do think
that, like, most of what we'retold to be is is what we're told
to be. Like, we very rarely dowe authentically create, and and
you have to be in a very healthyplace to authentically create.

(44:49):
I'm not saying it's impossible.
I think there's people out thereby the millions that are
authentically creating.

Danny (44:58):
Yeah.

Tyler (44:58):
Some of the most successful people in the world
have been able to tap theirauthentic creation. I love Rob
Dyrdek. I don't you know RobDyrdek? A famous skateboarder
from, you know, the nineties.He's about 50 years old.
He was on he was sponsored by DCShoes. Growing up, like, he
wasn't, like,

Danny (45:18):
the greatest big bladdy. Robbin'

Tyler (45:19):
Bitch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
So he that was his TV show.Yeah. And, like, if you've
watched the progression of hiscareer, and I've only kind of
watched it because, you know, Igrew up kind of in the skating
scene in high school and, like,I was always into skaters. You
saw him go from the Robin BaidBlack where he hires this
bodyguard to protect him fromskating, and then he goes then
he has his his his next show,and then he does this clip show,

(45:40):
Ridiculousness.

Danny (45:41):
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Tyler (45:42):
You know, and he has the Fantasy Factory show. And, like,
you've seen his life actually,like, really progressing in in
his podcast and in his socialmedia stuff. He actually shares
a lot about what he's done tokind of, like, get to this
authentic place of creation.And, like, for him, it all
started around, like, how do Imake a career out of
skateboarding?

Danny (46:01):
Right.

Tyler (46:01):
The same thing with, like, you you know, the guys in
jujitsu, they're now, like,trying to authentically make
careers in jujitsu. We talkedabout last week, Chris Jones. We
talked about

Danny (46:12):
Craig Jones.

Tyler (46:12):
Craig Jones. Excuse me. Craig Jones. Chris Jones is I
know who Chris Jones is. Chris,I I mean, you get confused
there.
Craig Jones with you know,Gordon Ryan. Like, these guys
that are authentically trying toto make it in the other
fighters, that are that are thatare popular out there. Right?

Danny (46:30):
Yeah. Right now, the jiu jitsu community is up is insane
right now. It went bad rightnow.

Tyler (46:36):
Yeah.

Danny (46:37):
It's not going it's not good right now. There's there's
some stuff that's happening inthe jiu jitsu community right
now that is really bad.

Tyler (46:43):
Yeah.

Danny (46:43):
And, I feel bad about it right now. Because I don't know.
There's some things that havehappened in the last couple of
weeks that I'm like, man, Idon't know. Like, some of these
guys have gotten a little toobig for their Yeah. Pitches.
Yeah. But the authentic ones,those guys that are authentic
and when you're around authenticpeople, yes. For sure. But
social media has definitelycaptured some people, and,

(47:06):
they've gone off the deep end onsome shit. You know?
But I think that's in every,aspect Every every genre. Of
every genre.

Tyler (47:13):
Yeah.

Danny (47:13):
And I think, like you said earlier, we live in this
world where we're marketingthese marketing tools

Tyler (47:19):
Right.

Danny (47:20):
To make us believe that what we're doing is not enough
and Yes. That we can that wereally can get more. We can find
more. It's like

Tyler (47:29):
you said fuck hustle culture. Man, I used to love
Gary v, and I still really dolove Gary v.

Danny (47:35):
Yeah.

Tyler (47:36):
But his his hustle and grind and his hustle and grind,
like, I get it. He's back east.He's New York. He takes, you
know, Wine Library TV from froma $1,000,000 a year to
$5,000,000 a year, and, like,kudos to him. Like, I love to
look up to him as a mentor, but,like, this hustle hustle and
grind culture, like, it'sexhausting.
And it's

Danny (47:55):
killing people. It's killing people for sure. You
cannot. Like, I tell people allthe time, like, no, man. Like,
you're you're missing out onthings like we've talked about.
Like, there are things that Iwill not sacrifice.

Tyler (48:05):
Yeah.

Danny (48:05):
I'm not sacrificing shit for

Tyler (48:06):
Yeah.

Danny (48:07):
I'm not. I'm not sacrificing.

Tyler (48:08):
Right.

Danny (48:09):
You know, I I love I love jiu jitsu. Right. I love it, but
I'm not giving up my Saturdaysevery Saturday to go to do jiu
jitsu. I love to to learn more,to be more Mhmm. To do more, but
I'm not I'm not sacrificing mymental health just to get tired.
I already have a busy ass week.Right? And, I think that's part

(48:33):
of it is, like, you seeprogression in either dollar
signs, relationships, statussymbols. You know? You see that
as progression.
And if you don't see thosethings, then what you feel like
is you are in a regression. Youfeel like I'm not living up to
what my what my expectation is.Right?

Tyler (48:53):
Yeah.

Danny (48:53):
And so that's where I say myself personally, I give myself
a pass.

Tyler (48:57):
Mhmm.

Danny (48:58):
Like, I'm like, man, today, I did not breathe.

Tyler (49:03):
Mhmm.

Danny (49:03):
Damn it. That's okay. Yeah. It's okay. I'll I'll tell
you this time last year, had Inot breathed, I would have been
I would have been I would havebeen furious with myself because
I had a goal of 365 days tobreathe.
Now I can give myself a pass. Idon't breathe. Like, you know,
there's days where I'm like,okay. Today, I don't wake up,

(49:24):
and I I I don't feeldifferently. I feel okay.
The first time I didn't breathe,and I didn't do a breath work
session, I really thought my dayis going to be ruined.

Tyler (49:32):
Yeah.

Danny (49:33):
But it wasn't. It was okay, and I thought, okay. I'm
good, man. Like but I go backthe next day. I do the same.
I do my routine. I feel greatabout myself. You give yourself
passes. Give yourself, like,man, if you're in a regression,
if you feel like you'reregression, like like how last
week, you know, we were when Iwas telling you, I was like,
man, what part are you playingin this?

Tyler (49:54):
Yeah.

Danny (49:54):
Like, are do you have a part in this?

Tyler (49:56):
Yeah.

Danny (49:56):
Is sure. I'm here in your side, and I love you.

Tyler (49:59):
Mhmm.

Danny (49:59):
I'm gonna be on your side no matter what. Yeah. But let's
look at it let's look at it asif I wasn't on your side.

Tyler (50:03):
Right.

Danny (50:04):
Let's look at it as if I was the enemy. Right. What would
what could I say then? Mhmm.What would I be able to tell
you?
You need to man, stop doingthis. Yeah. And then what I
would say is, like, if it startsto affect the relationships that
you actually care about

Tyler (50:19):
Yeah.

Danny (50:19):
Man, you probably need to change something.

Tyler (50:21):
Yep. Yeah. No. I think that was the biggest. I I met I
met with my I meet weekly withmy therapist and my we we have a
men's group that we meet everyThursday night.
And, of course, I bring, youknow, situations to them and we
talk about them. And I, for thelongest time, have allowed other

(50:41):
people's opinions. I I Ibelieved that my value was
earned, and I I would because Iwas told my value was earned.
Right? Not just from my my mom,but I think intrinsically in
kind of the Mormon culture,you're the provider, and you
have to be a big earner.
You have to be a 6 figureearner. And I'm like, okay, here

(51:02):
I am a 6 figure earner. Whyaren't I happy? Right. Right.
And so I start to internalize alot of that stuff. And, and when
somebody calls out your, yourlack of ambition and I'm like, I
have been anything but ambition.

Danny (51:18):
Value that about yourself. Like that thing where
you when I told you, like, thisis what I care about. Yeah. Now
you just called me out.

Tyler (51:23):
Exactly. Exactly. I'm the first of my neither of my
parents went to college. Mybrother didn't graduate. I'm the
1st person in my family tograduate college.
I'm the 1st person in my familyto make, you know, 6 figures at
a at a at a corporate tech job.Like, I've held titles that I
have have meant a lot to me.And, you know, if my hustle
hasn't been up to your standard,then fuck you quite frankly.

(51:47):
It's not my problem.

Danny (51:48):
Yeah. You care. You care so much about that moment. And
if it comes from a person whoyou care about or you or you
value their opinion, times thatby a1000000. Right?

Tyler (51:56):
Right. And so you have to stop. You have to stop and say,
okay. What does this person whatdoes this what does this person
value by pushing this agenda onme? Sure.
Right? What does it say aboutthem?

Danny (52:07):
Sure.

Tyler (52:07):
What does it say about them? And then what does it say
about me if I continue to engagein the argument? And and that's
where I have to step back andsay, okay, this is the part I'm
playing. This is where I need toI need to give myself a little
bit more grace and just say, youknow what? You don't have to
defend.
You can be you can be that lionand be like, okay. Alright.
Yeah. It's good.

Danny (52:28):
Yeah. The lion doesn't have to fight every fight.
Right? The fight only fight theones that are the most
important.

Tyler (52:33):
Right. Right? Yeah.

Danny (52:34):
And and I and I and we go back to that, and and I do think
that's a great analogy. Like,you don't have to fight every
fight.

Tyler (52:40):
Right. Did Muhammad Ali take every fight? Like, I don't
know his boxing. Maybe. I Idon't know his boxing career
that well.

Danny (52:46):
Yeah.

Tyler (52:47):
There's probably a point in his career where he probably
told people no. No.

Danny (52:50):
And and I think you have to, like, look at that whole
idea of who do you want like,are you a better version of who
you were yesterday? Yes. Are youa better version of who you were
5 years ago?

Tyler (53:03):
Yeah.

Danny (53:03):
Like I told you, like, you you know, 20 years ago,
Danny

Tyler (53:08):
Yeah.

Danny (53:09):
20 young 25, Danny, 26 year old Danny, we aren't
hanging out because I might havepushed, you know, you to do
things and, pushed ourrelationship to, to do things
that, unfortunately, I did.Unfortunately, I did. Yeah. You

(53:31):
know, I pushed people away. Ipushed people out of, my life
because they probably couldn'thandle who I was.
Mhmm. Thank god. Thank god mywife stuck with me through these
times because I was wild. And,you know, that young version of
myself where I was drinking somuch and doing negative things,

(53:54):
I've been right now, I can lookback and I can say, I'm a better
person. Have I regressed?
Yes. Do I still have moments ofregression? Yes. But for the
overall big picture, I'm abetter person than what I was
then, and who I am now, I'mproud of and who I am as a man,
as a mentor. I can look yousquare in the face and tell you

(54:18):
that I'm a better version ofDanny.
Yeah. You know?

Tyler (54:22):
Yeah. I like this version of Danny.

Danny (54:24):
The best. Yeah. He's a pretty good guy.

Tyler (54:26):
I appreciate him.

Danny (54:27):
And you give yourself Yeah. What about you? I mean,
like, do you tell yourself,like, you're a better version,
or is there so much work thatyou feel like you have left to
go?

Tyler (54:35):
I tell myself every night before I go to bed,
congratulations, Tyler. I loveyou. You made some good progress
today.

Danny (54:41):
Yeah.

Tyler (54:42):
And and I don't know where I stand. I I I kind of
with myself, I'm I'm I'm prettyhappy with the incremental
progress. Yeah. I'm not alwayshappy with my decisions in, with
that I make. But I I tell mychildren this quite a bit.
Like, I have an unconditionallove for you. I may not love
some of your behavior

Danny (55:02):
Yes.

Tyler (55:03):
But I love you no matter what. Yeah. Gotcha. And and and
that there's no duality in that.That there there like, there can
actually be excuse me.
I don't know if no duality isthe right term now that you
like. There there is a dualityin that. Right? Like, loving you
unconditionally, but not likingyour behavior, Like, they can
coexist. Sure.
They can absolutely coexist.There are some people that don't

(55:23):
understand that.

Danny (55:24):
I agree with you.

Tyler (55:25):
There are some people that don't understand that
concept that your behavior isunacceptable to me, but I still
love you.

Danny (55:31):
Sure. Yeah. No. I agree with you.

Tyler (55:33):
And it's because they have shitty parents. I'm sorry.
I'm just gonna say it. They haveshitty parents.

Danny (55:36):
Agreed.

Tyler (55:36):
Shitty unemotionally unavailable parents.

Danny (55:39):
They have probably shitty people around them that have
gassed them up so much that theydon't have to internally Yeah.
Internalize that. But, yeah, soI hope that, we we we talk about
that progression and regression.I hope our base, our audience
understands that that is howlife, works.

Tyler (56:02):
Yeah.

Danny (56:02):
You look at your whole big picture. You look at the
whole big idea of who you are,who you were, what you wanna
become. Mhmm. You look at thebig picture, and then you
decide, okay. What can I takeout?
Mhmm. What can I put in, andwhat do I want to, like, really
like, I wanna make that, like,part

Tyler (56:20):
of who I am? Yeah. Stop personalizing the the external
stimuli that's telling youyou're not good enough.

Danny (56:25):
For sure.

Tyler (56:26):
And and unless unless there is some actionable
behavior change that you need tomake. Sure. And if you can see
that, if you can get curiousabout that, then you're winning.

Danny (56:35):
I agree.

Tyler (56:35):
You are winning.

Danny (56:36):
I agree with you. Yeah. And so, you know, in closing,
that's that's to me, is one ofthose most important, ideas of
where men can go. Mhmm. Youknow, where where we can become
better men or we can becomebetter, role models.

(56:59):
Mhmm. You know? Where and wherewe can become better, like,
where we need to be monsters.Yeah. You know?
We don't always have to bemonsters. Yeah. We don't always
have to fight. Have to fightevery fight. Mhmm.
But we sometimes need to fightsome of those internal fights
where you need to fix what youare, who you are so people can

(57:20):
see that you're you're you'reactually making progress in
life. You know what I'm saying?Yeah. So what, let's see. What
do you got coming up?

Tyler (57:28):
Let's see. What do I have coming up? Birthday season?
Birthday season?

Danny (57:32):
We're about to be birthday week.

Tyler (57:34):
Yeah. Birthday week next week.

Danny (57:35):
I'm so excited.

Tyler (57:36):
It starts it starts tomorrow for me.

Danny (57:38):
Yeah.

Tyler (57:38):
I don't have my youngest here, but, I did drop by
something special for her atschool.

Danny (57:43):
Good for her.

Tyler (57:44):
She's excited. She's adorable. She, definitely a
highlight. It is birthday seasonfor me. I have a birthday July,
August, September.
You know? So Nice. And then Your

Danny (57:56):
birthday is Thursday.

Tyler (57:57):
Thursday.

Danny (57:58):
Minus Friday. Yep. Belt test, Saturday. Day. Barbecue.
Barbecue. Family barbecue. Yeah.Man. Okay.
We we will for sure get the busout because the colors are in.

Tyler (58:13):
They're popping. Right? They're popping. And we got new
equipment. I'm dying to test it.

Danny (58:17):
Yeah. Last week was crazy for me, but I think, like, we if
we can try to get somethingtogether. We're driving
tomorrow. We're gonna get in theJeep tomorrow and drive up up
Lake Creek, come down Wolf CreekPass, go up Mere Lake Highway,
come down Mere Lake Highway, andgo to the notch for dinner.

Tyler (58:38):
Okay. Cool.

Danny (58:39):
So we're gonna spend 4 or 5 hours in the jeep driving,
looking colors.

Tyler (58:43):
You're gonna go out to the center?

Danny (58:44):
Yeah. Yeah. So we're heading straight up center,
going up Lake Creek, goingaround up in there, coming down
by Mill Hollow.

Tyler (58:49):
Yep. We did that yesterday. We did that last
Saturday, Mill Hollow.

Danny (58:52):
Up Wolf Creek Pass, then go into, like, Soapstone

Tyler (58:56):
Yep.

Danny (58:57):
In the Uintas and then come back down. Yeah.

Tyler (58:58):
And

Danny (58:58):
then we'll come down to the notch, have dinner.

Tyler (59:00):
Nice. Yeah. We did we did last Saturday, we did we did out
to Mill Mill.

Danny (59:05):
Oh, yeah. That's easy road.

Tyler (59:06):
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's pretty washed out. So let a
little air out of your tires and

Danny (59:10):
There's a bunch of roads up there that we go around and
look at. There's a tree up inthe that I've written Misty and
Isaiah. Aw. And so we might headup there and look at that.

Tyler (59:20):
Cool. There's ton of people out there who start
hunting season.

Danny (59:22):
That's bad.

Tyler (59:22):
Where are your orange?

Danny (59:23):
We won't get out of the Jeep.

Tyler (59:25):
Where are your orange? Where are your orange?

Danny (59:26):
So we have that. And then belt test, we're excited about
that. By this time so Friday,man, Preston, I'm so proud of
you, dude. Yeah. I'm so proud ofyou, Preston.
Preston's getting his black belton Saturday, so this will come
out Friday. The next day, he'llget his black belt. I'm so proud
of him. That dude has been withme my entire journey. I told him

(59:48):
that there's a good chance thatI will cry because he means so
much to me.
He is he is, like, he has beensuch a good example and such a
good person for me to have in mylife at the time that I needed
it. We've been friends for nowalmost 9 years, I think. Wow. Is
that right? Yeah.
Almost 9 years, I think. 8, 9yeah. Almost 9 years we've been

(01:00:11):
friends. We started the 1stmonth of jiu jitsu together, and
that's how we became friends.And it was insane to me that I
became friends with them.
It changed my life like thatbecause and so, Preston, I'm so
proud of you. I hope you hearthis before you get your black
belt. If it's afterwards, I'msure you'll have seen me cry.
Yeah. And, I'm excited, man.

Tyler (01:00:30):
I I hope you're watching the YouTube on your cyber fuck.

Danny (01:00:33):
Yeah. Cyber fuck. On

Tyler (01:00:34):
your cyber fuck.

Danny (01:00:35):
That's awesome.

Tyler (01:00:36):
Yeah. Definitely. Congratulations, Preston. Like,
would love to to toast you andjust, like, thank you for like,
I don't you probably do realize,like, the the level of, the
lives you've touched justthrough your passion in jiu
jitsu is, unbelievable. And I'mgrateful for you.
I'm grateful for, your missuswho allows you to just

Danny (01:00:59):
I know.

Tyler (01:01:00):
Train

Danny (01:01:01):
Everything.

Tyler (01:01:01):
And, your kids. Like, just getting to know your whole
family has been a blessing in mylife and super grateful for you.
Still. Congratulations. Yep.
I I'm I'm sure I'll say this toyour face on Saturday as well,
but, like, I wanna just put itout there in in in the ether
that it will

Danny (01:01:16):
live on the other. That outlives us all. It'll be on the
cloud.

Tyler (01:01:19):
Yeah. In the cloud, it'll outlive us all.

Danny (01:01:21):
Alright. Good.

Tyler (01:01:22):
Yeah. Appreciate you, Danny.

Danny (01:01:23):
Appreciate that. That was fun. K. Yeah. Take care, guys.

Tyler (01:01:25):
Cheers, everybody.

Danny (01:01:26):
Be good.