Learning State

In this deeply honest and often funny conversation, Danny and Tyler dive into the idea of the “learning state” — that mental posture of curiosity and humility that keeps us growing as men. They explore how and why many men shut it off, the role ego plays in stunting our growth, and what it actually looks like to turn it back on.

Through personal stories ranging from terrifying tarantula encounters to spreadsheets and pivot tables, they unpack the unexpected lessons that come from unexpected places. Tyler opens up about the mental and emotional challenges of chemo treatment and how certain medications can cloud mood, judgment, and relationships. Danny shares the surprising parallels between learning financial tools, training jiu-jitsu, and maintaining healthy male friendships.

Together, they break down:

• Why staying in a learning mindset is critical for relationships, work, and personal growth
• The difference between boundaries that build connection and boundaries that build walls
• How escalation works in arguments — and why “rules of engagement” matter
• Why asking better questions often matters more than having better answers
• The dangerous habit of giving too many passes and how it builds resentment
• How to navigate friendship and marriage when each person plays by different “rules”

This is a candid conversation that blends real-life struggle, practical takeaways, and a few moments of humor that could only happen between two friends who’ve been through a lot together.

Episode Transcript

Danny (00:00):
Alright. Welcome back. Here we are a month later.

Tyler (00:11):
A month later. It's it's on me. It really is on me. Ugh.
As my body is, like, stiff to

Danny (00:16):
Yeah.

Tyler (00:17):
Move around, man.

Danny (00:18):
Yeah. I feel like we we definitely are, like, we're
we're on this, like, weird Yeah.Catechism of not timing, not
working. Yeah. And my schedule,like, being a little, you know,
random as well.
Yeah. But, yeah, it seems like

Tyler (00:39):
Summertime.

Danny (00:40):
We're just

Tyler (00:41):
Summertime. I mean, we can make all the excuses we want
in the world. Right? It camedown to we just didn't
prioritize it.

Danny (00:47):
It's not getting to one of those things where you're
like pushing it forward on thething.

Tyler (00:50):
Right? There's other there's other priorities, but
man, I still want to this to belike so much has happened. So I
think.

Danny (00:57):
Yeah. It's like hard now because there's so much in a
month Yeah. That goes on. Right?Whenever you look at the size of
that spider.

Tyler (01:06):
Heck yeah. We're farming those.

Danny (01:08):
Woah. That's a big spider.

Tyler (01:10):
It's like carrying something too. Dang. We'll try
to get that one.

Danny (01:14):
Probably like that big if you're looking at YouTube. It's
probably like a quarter dollarsize spider walking across the
road.

Tyler (01:20):
We'll get we'll we'll grab it.

Danny (01:22):
That's pretty crazy. Are you are you scared of spiders?

Tyler (01:25):
I don't they don't bother me around here. I don't love
like, don't love interact I Idon't prefer to I'm like a live
and let live. Uh-huh. Right?Like, I'll vacuum them out of my
areas, but I'm not like I'm nottype that's gonna have a
tarantula pet.

Danny (01:38):
I've put a glove on once and got bit by a spider. Oh,
really? I was not stoked on it.It hurt.

Tyler (01:45):
Oh, it was it was in the glove?

Danny (01:47):
Yeah. I was in the glove, put my hat in there and it got

Tyler (01:49):
kind of a nightmare.

Danny (01:50):
Oh my That

Tyler (01:51):
is a nightmare.

Danny (01:51):
It hurt. It, like, hurt really bad. I was like, what in
the world this thing and thenremember that show,
arachnophobia? Yeah. The kidsdo.
That

Tyler (01:59):
thing just

Danny (01:59):
scared me a lot

Tyler (02:00):
out of

Danny (02:00):
me as a kid. That was one time in Cedar City. We we lived
in Cedar City one time andthey're like, you gotta go check
out this road. The they hit atarantula den. And we were like,
what does that mean?
So we drive down to this road bythe airport. And when we are
heading there, there's a lot ofcars that are looking Mhmm.
Kinda parked and and peoplestanding outside. And then we

(02:21):
look and we're like, man, lookslike the road is moving. Like,
like, kind of like moving.
Yeah. Like, like an ocean. Andwe're like, oh, it's like that
that effect of like the oilabove it. Right? But it's like,
it's moving.
It's like it's like and it waslike probably they said upwards
of like 2,000,000 tarantulashave been have been crossing the

(02:41):
road and like stuck ineverything because they had hit
the they hit a den. And I waslike, I didn't realize we had
that many tarantulas. Now, youknow, this is what, 20 health
Tristan, twenty one, twenty oneyears ago. Yeah. And Cedar City
now is like blown up.
That place where we were wedrove by the other day and it's
like, what in the world? Yeah.You know? And it it was I am not

(03:07):
a fan of spiders. Not even alittle bit.

Tyler (03:09):
I would imagine after being bit. Yeah. I we had a a
long time so we way with the waywe grew up, my aunt and uncle
owned they they still own thishouse. They're one of those in
Colorado, but they had a theyown the house a few doors down

Danny (03:23):
Okay.

Tyler (03:23):
And they would rent it out and the renter got bit by a
a brown recluse. Killed him.

Danny (03:29):
Brown recluses are bad.

Tyler (03:30):
They're they're bad news. He was he was moving a pile of
wood and it bit him and

Danny (03:34):
took three

Tyler (03:35):
days, but it killed him.

Danny (03:36):
Yeah. They're they're no joke. Yeah. That those I'm
always terrified of like I said,when that thing bit me, I was
like, that's the first thing Ithought is I went to the doctor
and the doctor said, well, wherewe're at, there's no, you know,
maybe a black widow, but youwould know. Yeah.
Yeah. You would. It was a brownspider, but I think it was like
a wolf spider or something.Yeah. Yeah.

(03:57):
I don't even know what it washonestly, if it was a wolf But
yeah, it was it was it Idefinitely can still feel the
pain of my of that bite.

Tyler (04:10):
That's funny how our our brain records pain.

Danny (04:14):
Yeah.

Tyler (04:15):
Because that's a like, it feels like the crux. Yeah. The
crucible of what I've beendealing with

Danny (04:20):
for the

Tyler (04:20):
last month.

Danny (04:21):
Yeah. It's it's it's it's interesting because like you
said, you're your body isdefinitely feeling Yeah. The
ramifications of what you'vebeen going through. Right? Yeah.
You're on week three or do yougo back next week?

Tyler (04:36):
I start back to back to IV treatment on Monday. So a
week from tomorrow or yesterday.

Danny (04:43):
What was there anything different about this series of
four weeks? No. You were on theone pill.

Tyler (04:50):
Yeah. So that's what I think I figured out the most was
that, okay, so being offtreatment doesn't really mean
I'm off treatment. It means I'moff the IV. It means I'm off the
arsenic. There is still anotherdrug which I just kind of
neglected, right?
I take a handful of pills everyday. But there's another
scheduled drug, it's calledAtra. It's Retin A. So if any of

(05:14):
you who are into your gettingyour face, like, facials or
whatever, they use Retin A likefor youth. In my age group, like
like in our in high school, itwas starting to become popular
to take Accutane.

Danny (05:25):
Okay.

Tyler (05:26):
Accutane is another retinoic acid that is used to
treat acne, but they found thatthere is a pathway in which it
crosses the blood brain barrier.And I'm on that drug on
different schedule, but it is ait's a chemo drug. It's so it's
like it's like ten times thedose of Accutane. And I've

(05:46):
noticed that it's and this isn'tmaking an excuse by any means.
No.
I've I've done and said somehurtful things inadvertent. Not
I'm not I'm just having to saylike this is it was part
chemical and part, you know,just just emotional buildup,
emotional residue Yeah. Bubblingoff. And and and knowing and

(06:07):
that's what I noticed. I thinkif it weren't for that blow up,
like it I wouldn't have noticed,hey, I'm actually been I've been
on this drug for two weeks.
I noticed when I started takingit that I that it really hurt my
gut that I can actually feel itin like I start to to get a
tremor. I start getting necroticin my the palms of my hands and
they they measure that stuff.Right? They ask me how far if

(06:29):
it's growing that kind of stuff.

Danny (06:31):
What does that mean necrotic?

Tyler (06:33):
Like numbness.

Danny (06:34):
Oh, numbness.

Tyler (06:34):
Like if you're getting numbness Okay. They don't want
you to because then you'd startlosing feeling. Oh, wow. You
know, they wanna know if I'mlosing any feeling and that kind
of stuff. So know, not that I'mnot, like I said, not not I'm
just standing on the awareness.
The awareness of it that like,okay, I probably do have the
emotional capacity to containmyself in in this situation. But

(07:00):
I'm giving myself a little bitof grace because I know that I
have this medication that'sbasically dissolving, know, it's
very negatively impacting mymood. Yeah. Very very you you
just you feel dark. You feeldepressed.
Yeah. Your your mood is swinginglike so you can have moments
where you're like, hey, I'mchippy and and then moments

(07:23):
where you just completely crashout. But now I've been off of
it. I It's on a differentschedule. It's on two weeks off
two weeks.
Okay. So having this break haskind of helped me to explore
that particular portion of my mytreatment.

Danny (07:37):
How long after your so your next round will be week
round three.

Tyler (07:42):
We start round three and I start both the arsenic and the
ATRA on the same day.

Danny (07:48):
What would happen if you didn't take the ATRA?

Tyler (07:50):
I don't know. I don't know. I'm Is

Danny (07:53):
it like this is a requirement? This is something
that you need to do, Tyler?Don't ask questions. Just just
do it.

Tyler (07:58):
I think that's the question that I need to ask.
Right? Like I feel like it'sit's 50% of my the treatment.
Right?

Danny (08:06):
Oh, yeah. Sure.

Tyler (08:07):
So I feel like it is one of those things like I just got
to buckle down. Know how manymore weeks I'm gonna have of it.
I need to be more aware of howI'm interacting with people. I'm
also just exhausted like offeeling like a sick person and
being treated like a sickperson.

Danny (08:24):
I

Tyler (08:26):
do yes, I do feel sick but there I'm for the most part
like today, I'm feeling prettygood. Right. I'm feeling pretty
good. Yes. And some of that isaided but through certain
medications, but like I'mfeeling I'm feeling able enough
to go down to the office.
Right?

Danny (08:43):
Was it busy down there? Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Yeah.
There was social interaction.

Tyler (08:47):
There was social I mean, that's it. Like I'm isolating.
Right? Like I might yeah. Yeah.
So

Danny (08:53):
That's good. Yeah. Yeah. We we yeah. Even like our
conversations have been prettysporadic and pretty like in
between things because likesometimes, like, for me
personally, like, I'm, like, youknow, like giving you space, but
also, like, giving you theability to, like, just learn how

(09:15):
to handle these things

Tyler (09:18):
Right.

Danny (09:18):
Without feeling like you have to talk about them on every
occasion.

Tyler (09:22):
See, and I I think that's so important, Danny. I don't
think I realized that and Iprobably didn't reach out and
say how much I appreciated it.Like, my friendship with Danny
is like one where

Danny (09:33):
Yeah.

Tyler (09:33):
I feel like I hope he knows that I feel like we can
pick up Yeah. Wherever we leftoff and it's like Yeah. We just
picked up. We know that we'reboth we're growing and we're
we're experiencing. I didn't Ihad a great father for the most
part, like we had ourdifferences where we are where
we are.
I'm gonna label it as great justfor gratitude. But I didn't
really necessarily have a fatherwho taught that emotionally.

Danny (09:54):
Sure.

Tyler (09:55):
And I don't think he had a father that really taught that
emotionally. And I'm seeingchanges in my father now which
are really beautiful but thatability to learn to self soothe

Danny (10:04):
Yep.

Tyler (10:04):
Like just I mean, yeah, there was there's only so much
you can kind of do and it's ahome.

Danny (10:11):
And and even like with male friendships. Yeah. Right?
It's not like I can I mean, likeI could be an ear? Yeah.
Yeah. I can be like a soundboard. Yeah. Right? But at the
end of the day, like to figureout, like to figure things out
is solely based on you.

(10:31):
Yeah. You know, solely based onme. Yeah. I tell people that all
the time is like, that's thebiggest thing for like men is
self rescuing and self soothing.Right?
Women truly don't understandthat. Yeah. They don't because
men men are always there tohelp. Men are always there to to

(10:51):
fix, to always like be there asyour soundboard. Yeah.
For women. Right?

Tyler (10:54):
Right.

Danny (10:55):
But for guys, it's not like you're like it's not like
you're willing to be like, oh,yeah. Today, every day, this is
what's bothering me every day.Yeah. So what happens is you
have to be internally like, iswhat's going good. This is
what's going bad.
Something that that I've beenthinking a lot about and like
talking a lot about with Prestonis being in a learning state.

(11:18):
Being in a learning state allthe time of your life. Being in
a learning state. Right? Forjujitsu, we are always learning.
I'm never a teacher. I'm neveran instructor. I'm always I'll
pass on certain knowledges,certain things that I've
learned. Yeah. But it's I'mlearning Mhmm.
As you're going through it.Mhmm. I think that men sometimes

(11:41):
turn that button off oflearning. Yeah. Right?
I am personally taking a bunchof, like, what I call classes
with Preston where he's teachingme like some computer stuff that
I truly have no idea about.Yeah. None. I've never been a
computer person. I've never beena person that I think like, I

(12:02):
know how to get to YouTube.
I know how to get to certainwebsites, you know, and I've
never known how to utilize dataor computer to a skill set that
will benefit. Yeah. Right? Yeah.And so but because of my
learning state that I'm alwaysthat I'm in this I'm to accept

(12:24):
instruction.
I'm willing to accept critique.I'm willing to accept that I
don't know. Yeah. Right? I'm I'mexcited about it.
Yeah. Right? And so we weretalking about how just being in
a learning state can give you somuch power. It's when you go,

(12:44):
no, I know that. No, I've I'veno, I understand that.
And you take that. I I'm not I'mnot willing to accept your
instruction. I'm just gonna tellyou, no, I know that. Right? You
take that.
Your brain is turned off fromlearning. And then to rebuild
that learning state as an adultmale Yeah. So hard. Oh, Kids,

(13:06):
they they're in a learning stateall the time. They don't have to
turn that off.

Tyler (13:10):
Right.

Danny (13:10):
Right? They're just always learning. So that's why
they learn so fast. Yeah. Theyhave that skill plus the skill
of learning.
Yeah. They're in it. Yeah.Right? So they they can accept
instruction very easy.
Yeah. But you can see when yourkids have stopped accepting
instruction because then you'relike, they kind of like give you
that flippant.

Tyler (13:29):
Yeah. Yeah.

Danny (13:30):
Brush you off type thing. Yeah. Yeah. Know, and it's
important to for for men to stayto figure out ways to stay in a
learning state.

Tyler (13:40):
It's it's it is really hard, especially in a day and
age where like, you know, we Ithink we just kind of came out
of like the the posteducational, like credentialing
matters, right? The Internet haskind of democratized education
and now we're seeing expertsgood or bad that are now coaches

(14:00):
and or expertise on subjectmatter experts whether or not
they have the credentialingwe're now accepting that, right?
And so the ability to staylearning is important.

Danny (14:13):
Well, and how do you get yourself, like, let's say in
your personal case, right?

Tyler (14:20):
Right.

Danny (14:21):
Your personal case, you're in this like fight of
your life. But are you are youable to learn Yeah. In a fight,
like in a fight? I don't know,man. Like, you're in self
protection mode at that moment.
Right. It's like, the only thingI'm thinking about is
preservation. Right. Right. Butlearning how to accept people

(14:42):
for who they are.
Yeah. That's a big one. Yeah.Because sometimes we place how
we feel or how we do things orhow I handle a situation Yeah. I
place that on you and I expectthe same response that Yeah.
I give that I give Yeah. Out ofyou. Mhmm. And if you don't give

(15:02):
that response, then I'm like,fuck you then. Yeah.
You know, instead of just beinglike, well, no, you're human.
Yeah. Take whatever response. II'm not responsible for how you
respond. Yeah.
I'm responsible for how Irespond. Yeah. Right? Yeah.
That's what I think menstruggle.

Tyler (15:17):
Yeah. Yeah. I I think you're you're I think you're
dead on.

Danny (15:22):
And with women, you know, like men, women relationships,
like relationships with women.Like sometimes men, like
sometimes we just don't get itright. Oh. You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like sometimes I just pissedMisty off and I have no idea
what I did. Yeah. She's justpissed off at me and I was like,
don't forget, lady, we're on thesame team. Yeah. You know, but

(15:42):
there's just but but there's somany times when I expect her to
respond the way that I respondor the way that I deal with
things and she doesn't.
And then I'm like mad at herthat she didn't respond the way
that I didn't that I wanted herto. Right. And times up by your
kids.

Tyler (15:57):
Yeah. Yeah. And you look at like, are you even really are
you even if you're projectingyour expectation, are you guys
even really having the sameargument? Yeah. I mean, are you?
Who knows?

Danny (16:10):
Who knows?

Tyler (16:11):
You could be speaking two different languages at the And
and it and it doesn't matter.And I think we see that we see
that as a reflection in ourrelationships because because of
how close we are, we can we cansee it better. Like those
intimate relationships, thatrelationship you have with
Misty, Your everything isprobably children reflect in a

(16:33):
certain way. Your parentsreflect in a certain way and you
start seeing those things likeall the time when I say, oh, I
never wanted to be like my dad.Now you're seeing like, just
kind of happens.

Danny (16:43):
It can happen.

Tyler (16:44):
And you realize, oh, I'm actually, there's some
conditioning that happens.

Danny (16:47):
The genetic.

Tyler (16:48):
Genetic condition. Yeah.

Danny (16:49):
I

Tyler (16:52):
think we give our higher functioning brains too much
credit sometimes. I think wegive ourselves too much credit
for being thinking creatures andwe forget a lot about the nature
of what our brain really caresabout, which is just safety.

Danny (17:05):
Sure.

Tyler (17:05):
Like when you think about it, it's it's just designed to
keep us safe.

Danny (17:11):
For sure. Yeah. And and to to remember a situation that
you weren't safe in and then toprotect you from that situation
however you want to. Right.Which I think sometimes is why
you protect your kids becauseyou've seen the situation and
you're like, I know what's goinghappen.
So you try to tell them and youtry to create what happens, but

(17:33):
their brain or they didn'texperience it the way they
experienced it. They're like, Idon't know what you're talking
about. I didn't know. I'm gonnatouch the fire.

Tyler (17:41):
Right.

Danny (17:42):
I'm gonna touch this the the hot stove.

Tyler (17:44):
Right. The competence breeds confidence type scenario.
They need they sometimes have togo through that humbling. I
think teaching via negativa isreally hard. Like, it's there's
some life lessons where you canteach that don't do drugs.
Right? We can all see the

Danny (17:59):
Agreed.

Tyler (18:00):
The druggie and we can all point at that and say and
yet it still it still hookspeople from time to time.

Danny (18:05):
For sure.

Tyler (18:05):
You know? We're we're just we're just wired to just
basic just basic functions.

Danny (18:15):
Well, and and sometimes you see the teacher as this,
like, higher power. Right? Yeah.And the if the teacher takes if
the teacher's a good learner,right, if they're a good
learner, good listener, goodgood everything, they'll

Tyler (18:31):
Yeah.

Danny (18:31):
They'll make they'll make they'll make adjustments as
you're learning because they'renot taking ownership on the item
that they're teaching.

Tyler (18:40):
Gee, that's huge. What you just said is huge. If the
teacher is a good learner, youare going to experience it
better.

Danny (18:50):
For sure.

Tyler (18:50):
That makes a lot

Danny (18:52):
of In in any in anything. Yeah. If we take it back to our
jujitsu men, like professoralways says, this is not my this
is not Mike my Dia's jiu jitsu.Yeah. It's not my jiu jitsu.
Yeah. It's what I learned fromPedro who learned from master
Elio. It's been brought down.I'm teaching what I've learned.

(19:14):
Right?
Yeah. And what he says is thatthen me, Danny, when I'm
teaching, I don't have to takeownership of the jujitsu and I
don't have to put the ownershipon Mike. I can just say, this is
the way that I learned it. Whowas and was taught to me this
way. Right?
And when you look at it in thoseinstances, going back to Preston

(19:37):
teaching me these things, likehe had zero qualm about dumbing
it down for me. Yeah. To where Iunderstood. He didn't even I was
telling him I was doing I wasdoing pivot tables.

Tyler (19:51):
Oh, yeah.

Danny (19:52):
Right? On on so what what I'm doing is I've never I've
never kept track of my finances.Never. I've always spent money.
Sometimes I overspend.
Sometimes I understand.Sometimes I'm happy. Sometimes
I'm like, shit, I need to, like,really buckle down for a week or
two. Yep. Back to being happy.

Tyler (20:10):
Yeah.

Danny (20:10):
My my finances have never like I've never been up and down
with my finances. I've alwaysbeen even. Don't care what
happens to them. Yeah. I have ahouse over my head.
I have cars that I drive. Idon't give a shit. Yeah. But
getting closer to retirement, Iwas like, man, I really need to
learn this. And I didn't knowwhere to start.

Tyler (20:26):
Yeah.

Danny (20:26):
Yeah. And so somebody told me to put into chat chat
GPT just my thoughts of where Iwanted my what I wanted out of
my finances. And I'd spent,like, five days with this chat
GPT commands of well, this iswhat I'm looking for. And I had
this, like, spreadsheet in frontof me of of finances. Oh.

(20:47):
And I was like, I don't evenknow what the fuck I'm looking
at. Yeah. It's numbers. Oh,yeah. I can see what I'm
spending in groceries, but Idon't know how to break it down
and all this shit.
So then I was kinda talking topress about this. He goes, I'll
if you ever wanna just, like,sit down and chat, I'll show you
some of the stuff that I what Ido. Yeah. Talk about subject

(21:08):
matter expertise number one.Dude's been doing data since
Yeah.
Early nineties

Tyler (21:15):
Yeah. Yeah.

Danny (21:15):
To now. Yeah. He was telling me that he used to write
it on paper. Write all thisstuff that we're doing on paper.
Yeah.
Then he learned how to code.Yeah. He could recode shit. And
I'm like, yeah, this is the guythat I need to talk to. He's so
much more smarter than me.
Yeah. But he doesn't care likehe doesn't care what I'm doing
it for. He just wants to sharesome information. Yeah. Yeah.
I'm looking at these pivottables. I don't understand how

(21:36):
to do pivot tables. And so I'mexplaining to him and my
language that I think I'mspeaking right. And he goes,
he's looking at me and he'ssmiling and he's smiling. He
goes, yeah, you're putting toomuch thought into this.
Let me show you. And so he puts,you know, we have my computer
and he does a couple of thingsand I'm like, he does this quick
code and he's like, yeah, if youjust do this and I'm like, over
my head. So he walks me throughit three times, then he's like,

(21:59):
just do it on your own on a testsheet of paper. So you can just
undo the test sheet of paper.Yeah.
Yeah. Just start over. Yeah. Putit on the test sheet of paper,
start over. If it doesn't bewhat you wanna do, cool.
Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Right? Thewhole time, he is so, like,
smiling, laughing, happy asfuck.
Just cool as shit that he isgetting to talk his nerd

(22:21):
language.

Tyler (22:21):
Yeah. Yeah.

Danny (22:21):
To me, this Neanderthal. Right? And what he said was,
well, you're so excited to learnand I'm so excited to teach you.

Tyler (22:31):
Yeah. Yeah. It makes it fun.

Danny (22:33):
It makes it fun.

Tyler (22:33):
It makes it fun.

Danny (22:34):
But imagine, like, if he was like, look, dumbass, and
choose my ass or something likeI've I've showed you this 10
times. Yeah. Yeah. I'd be like,okay, cool. Yeah.
I'd get turned off.

Tyler (22:45):
Yeah. Yeah. There's no there's no there's no empathy
there.

Danny (22:48):
None. Yeah. But I thought about that with how I talk with
Misty, with how I talk with thekids, how I talk with my boys,
you know, like the same conceptof like, if I'm a good teacher
and they're willing to learn, itdoesn't matter if you make
mistakes. Yeah. Just you get toerase the test sheet and start
over if you want to.
Yeah. Right? I think about thatin life. Yeah. Right?

(23:11):
Yeah. We've talked about thisbefore. Like, we've never been
given playbooks on how to be whowe are today.

Tyler (23:17):
Well, I'll I'll back you up. I said we will have. We will
be some consciously we've beengiven some playbooks.

Danny (23:22):
Okay. Yeah. The ones

Tyler (23:23):
But you're right. We've never been given, you know, to
your point, you're right. We'venever been given a playbook.

Danny (23:27):
Or you can't go find like how should Tyler deal with his
divorce. Yes. You can't gosearch that. No. You could put
that in chat GPT, but chat GPTtells you in the nicest ways of
what you should do.
He kind of chat GPT kind of isis a little sensitive. Yeah.
Right?

Tyler (23:44):
That's some empathy training. Yeah.

Danny (23:46):
But you weren't you're not given a book. So who do you
look to to be to to figure thesethings out because you're
learning.

Tyler (23:53):
Yeah.

Danny (23:54):
Who'd be and and if you get angry, right? Mhmm. You've
stopped learning. Yes. And ifyou get frustrated, no more
learning.
Yeah. Just anger. Yeah. Right?Guess what?
The person that you're fightingwith or the person that you're
that that that has caused thisgrief has also now stopped
listening. Yep. Stop learning.Yeah. Stop teaching.

Tyler (24:14):
They're done.

Danny (24:15):
They're done.

Tyler (24:15):
They're done.

Danny (24:16):
You know? So how do you do it? How how in those moments
of struggle, where do you seebecause right now, for all
intents and purposes, you're init.

Tyler (24:24):
Yeah. I think for me, my my for a long time, my motto has
been seek to understand.

Danny (24:32):
Mhmm.

Tyler (24:33):
Ask more questions. Ask more questions. I'm I'm terrible
at it even to this day. Ask morequestions, seek to understand.
And every time that like I gointo specifically when I know
that there is a chance that itcould become combative.
Sure. If I know that it's goingto maybe not if I start by

(24:54):
asking questions, if I start byjust asking rudimentary dumb
questions, the outcome hasalways been better for me than
when I kind of come out guns ablazing.

Danny (25:06):
Sure.

Tyler (25:07):
Making sure my point is understood, needing to be
understood.

Danny (25:11):
Well, but that's a defense mechanism.

Tyler (25:13):
It's true.

Danny (25:14):
Right? It's

Tyler (25:15):
true. It's that anger. It's that frustration.

Danny (25:16):
It's that And because I'm not seeing you Right. For you.
Yeah. Or I'm not seeing you howyou see yourself. Right.
So you're like, no, I'm fuckingnice. What the hell are talking
about? I'm the nicest fuckingperson around. Yeah. Okay.
Look at you. Yeah. Are you? Areyou the nicest person? Right.
Honestly?

Tyler (25:35):
Well, right. And if you're so busy saying that,
like, yeah, you have to be likeyeah.

Danny (25:41):
Yeah. Which then becomes me, you going, well, you're just
a narcissist because you'remaking me act this way. Yeah.
And I'm like, yep. Yeah.
You know? But we're not learningand we're not teaching. We're
not growing. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
And then again, like, were yougiven a playbook on how to deal
with cancer? No. No. Andtruthfully, your friends were

(26:04):
not given a playbook on how todeal with Tyler in can't with
cancer. Yeah.
Yes. You know? No. Yeah. Yeah.
No. And Jesse getting hit by thebike. Oh. You know? Yes.
We we man, what a man, I'mtelling you when I seen him, I
was like, thank God. Yeah. Youknow, when he when we we sat

(26:25):
there, we bullshitted. And thenwhen we hugged at the end, I was
like overwhelmed with emotionsbecause I and I knew I was gonna
cry. I knew I held it togetheras long as I could.
Yeah. As soon as he left, I waslike, I am so glad you're alive.
Yeah. But I think the same thingwith you. Yeah.
Like, I am so glad that myfriends are alive because the

(26:46):
the other I mean, I'll deal withany bullshit. Yeah. Don't care
if you're mad. Don't care if youYeah. Yeah.
I don't care if you tunesomebody up like I'm fucking if
you don't like them, I don'tlike them. Yeah. Yeah. Right?
Yeah.
But I mean, I don't want you todo that kind of stuff. But Yeah.
You know, more importantly, I'mglad you're alive.

Tyler (27:00):
Yeah. I think my biggest fear is that obviously I was in
my head a lot in my head a lotand not wanting to spread my
toxicity around. Right? Likeknowing that there was nothing I
could do to pull myself out ofthis spot and it's completely up
to me to self rescue. Sure.
I have not I've always hadsomebody to come bail my ass

(27:22):
out. I need to spend more time,you know, just sucking it up.
Sure. I that's what you when youwhen you grow up with a single
mom, moms don't know not torescue you. Agreed.
They don't know when not torescue.

Danny (27:36):
Agreed. I've had to tell my mom a bunch of times. Yeah.
Don't need you to and I don'tneed you to say a single thing.
Yeah.
I need you just to listen. Yeah.Dads? Yep. Like, I mean, for me,
like, sometimes my boys are,like, telling me what they're
doing, tell me what they'redoing and I'm and I'll say,
Katie, you want my advice orjust listen?
Yeah. I just want you to listen.Yeah. Cool. But I've had to tell
my mom, like, sternly, I don'tneed you to say a single thing.

(28:00):
Yeah. Just listen. Yeah. Don'tsay anything. I don't need you
to help me.
Just listen. You know? Becauseyou're right. I don't think that
again, women are not built. Theydon't know how to.
Like, my wife is very good.She's very understanding. She's
very she's very great. But whenit comes to like solving major

(28:20):
problems, we have to do thattogether,

Tyler (28:23):
you

Danny (28:23):
know, because I don't know if they're built to solve
and I'm not saying this mean.I'm not saying this rude.

Tyler (28:31):
Right.

Danny (28:31):
You know, don't take it offensively. I probably will
offend a couple of people.Sometimes my thoughts should
probably stay in my head, but Ijust don't think

Tyler (28:38):
they I think that's the important about raw thought.
Right? Like you you you need youneed you need the thought to be
challenged so become polished alittle bit. Right? I think just
put it you gotta just put it

Danny (28:48):
out there.

Tyler (28:49):
Yeah. You may regret it later. Right? Like you it's
okay. I think that's I thinkthat's the other thing too.
Like we we we know we're deadwhen our brains harden.

Danny (28:57):
Yep.

Tyler (28:58):
Right? When we talk about learning, youth young, they
learn easier because theirbrains are soft and malleable.
Yeah. As we get older, right? Weknow we know that from science,
right?
Sure. Right? So if if if we getso stuck on a version of
somebody, that version ofsomebody is always how we see
them. Sure. Are they reallycapable of of learning?

Danny (29:17):
Yeah.

Tyler (29:17):
Am I capable of learning at that point?

Danny (29:19):
Or yeah. Growing

Tyler (29:20):
Or growing?

Danny (29:21):
To a different

Tyler (29:22):
Well, that's the thing. That's what it requires. Right?
It's all it's the same.

Danny (29:27):
And it goes back to what you said. Ask a million
questions. Yeah. Ask a millionquestions. Yeah.
Ask so many questions that theperson teaching you is has to
now think on how to, one, answerthe question. Two, make it so
that you both are understandingwhat each other is talking

(29:48):
about. Yeah. You know? Andagain, I go back to Preston,
like, showed me some simple waysto do some things.
And now I have a spreadsheet forthat I'm working on for to keep
track of my jujitsu. I have aspreadsheet to keep track of my
financials. I have a spreadsheetto keep track of my breathing. I
have a spreadsheet to keep trackof my stretching. And I was

(30:11):
like, well, I'm just learning.
Yeah. Right? And if I stay inthis constant state of learning
or constant state of, like,asking a ton of questions,
whenever I'm called upon to bean instructor, I will be willing

(30:32):
to accept questions, willing toadjust my thinking because
that's the other thing with,like, professor is he's always
willing to accept instruction.Mhmm. And he's accept he's
willing to accept somebodyteaching him a better way to do
things.
Right? Because that's what elsehappens is you could be like,
oh, light bulb on. Yeah. This isthis might be a better way to do

(30:53):
this. Yeah.
Right? Yeah. And men, you know,in in our generation, right, you
know, you we don't understandsocial media but sometimes when
like guys like your you and I'sage do social media, they come
off as brash and like Yeah.Bullshit. Yeah.

(31:13):
Like you're like, come on, man.

Tyler (31:15):
Late to the party trying to just make money.

Danny (31:17):
Yeah. And they're they're not genuine Yeah. Which is why I
struggle with social media. Ifeel like I come off as not
genuine. Yeah.
Right? I feel like what I comeoff as contrived and bullshit.
Yeah. So I don't know if that'sthe I don't think that's the
case with with with people, butI do think that it's not who I

(31:40):
wanna be. Yeah.
Younger guys, you know. Yeah.Younger guys, they understand
social media a little bitbetter. Right? Yeah.
But do they have the lifeexperiences to to to motivate
me?

Tyler (31:53):
Right.

Danny (31:54):
To to to teach me a new way of doing something. Yeah. Do
they have the life experiences?Yeah. You know, I know for a
fact that, like, you know, whenI talk to Tristan and Braxton,
they like sometimes theymotivate me.
Yeah. To do things slightlydifferent. Yeah. You know? But

(32:15):
they're also in a learningstate.

Tyler (32:16):
Yeah. Always. That's that's not to say that they
can't teach you something.Right? Like Sure.
So what does it take to be agood learner?

Danny (32:25):
I think

Tyler (32:25):
because I'm I'll be honest, like academically, the
way school was taught to me, Iwas a terrible learner.

Danny (32:30):
Same.

Tyler (32:31):
But there are things where I can become obsessive and
I just soak it up and I canlearn like I I really enjoy the
subject matter or whatever and Ican learn it.

Danny (32:42):
Yeah. I I think like when you don't actually like the
subject matter Mhmm. But you canstill convince the teacher that
you are so interested in thisthing. Yeah. You are a great
learner.
Yeah. Right? And acceptingaccepting what the person is
saying or teaching.

Tyler (33:01):
Right.

Danny (33:02):
Because teaching could potentially be very rough.
Right? Yeah. Sometimes, let'ssay let's say you are going
through a bad breakup. Mhmm.
Right? Yeah. And you are like, Iwanna rip everything apart and
not and do like crazy shit.Right? Yeah.

(33:25):
But how could you both walk awayamicably knowing that the
relationship just ended? Yeah.Right? Well, you need to be in a
very, very, very vulnerablestate. Yeah.
Your ego had better be in check.Yeah. Right? And your your your

(33:51):
emotions are gonna be up anddown anyways. Right?
So you better have some sort ofgauge on when your emotions are
too high and too low. Yeah.Right? And I think that in
itself means that you are apretty good learner. Yeah.
It's when you take the stand of,nope. I'm not accepting any of

(34:14):
this shit. Yeah. You put yourwall up, you put your stand up
and you stand on your laurelsand you go fuck this. I'm Yeah.
I'm fighting to the death now.

Tyler (34:21):
Right.

Danny (34:21):
Right. You stopped learning at that point. Right.
There's no more learning andit's all about self preservation
and fight. Right?
And we all have that too. Yeah.Fight or flight.

Tyler (34:31):
So when does it when does it need to switch? Right? Like
you're teaching the young kidsjujitsu. At what point do you
have to kind of stand onbusiness?

Danny (34:40):
When your when your health and you potentially could
be hurt. That doesn't mean thatyou haven't provoked this thing.
So Mika Mika met Mika that cameand taught at the camp, he

(35:04):
taught he taught this cool thingand I've thought about it a lot.
And what he said was, let's sayI have a and and master sour and
oh my gosh. I'm gonna my brainjust took a fart, but it was a
it was a social media clip thatalso came about the same time as
a camp where Master Sour was wasworking with one of the Gracie,

(35:26):
one of the older Gracies, andthe guy had a stick.
And every time that he wouldkinda lift the stick up, master
Sow would kinda grab him. And hewas like, I'm not even doing
anything yet. You're escalatingyou're escalating this. Yeah.
Right?
You're escalating it. Now, if Ipull the stick up and I go to
hit you, that's different. Butif I just what if I'm asking you

(35:49):
with questions and I'm like,hey, where what is over there?
But I have a stick in my hand.Have I have I now provoked that
I'm gonna hit you?
No. Yeah. And Miko was talkingabout the same thing and he said
that sometimes if you're talkingloud and I talk louder with my

(36:09):
hands and I'm like and I becomeaggressive but I have now
escalated this. Instead of deescalating it, I've escalated
it. Yes.
Right? Yeah. So, when you areabout if if there is potential
for you getting hurt Right. Youneed to change. You need to
change things.
Yeah. Right? So, you may at thatmoment go from learning or or in

(36:36):
this state of like, okay, I'mI'm keeping my ego in check. I'm
keeping myself in check to,okay, I'm protecting myself now.
Protect myself.
That's my number one job. Right.Protect myself. Right. But if
you've caused this issue, canyou say, no, no, no, I'm just
protecting myself if you'vecaused the confrontation?

Tyler (36:58):
Yeah. No, don't if like if you've instigated

Danny (37:01):
If you've instigated it.

Tyler (37:03):
Yeah. I mean, I guess that that that that like flows
into like what is a righteouswar. Right? If I if I nuke
somebody preemptively, right?But I know that they were going
to use their nukes against me.
Am I justified in doing so?Right. No. I don't think you I
don't think you ever I don'tthink you ever are. Right?

(37:24):
I think I don't know. What isthe what is the what is the
warrior ethos say? Like, I wouldI would say, no, you're you're
as culpable as the person you'reyou're you're blowing up. And
and it's okay to have thosethose moments of weakness or
need to need to even stand onbusiness. Right?
And say, hey, you're actuallyaddressing a boundary and this

(37:46):
is how I'm going to respond withthat boundary. Right? A boundary
is not me saying, that's aboundary. A boundary is like a
specific action based onwhatever. Right?
Like.

Danny (37:57):
I agree. Yeah. The boundary doesn't have to be said
out loud.

Tyler (38:01):
Right. So even if I even if I instigate and I get to a
point where I say I'm I've hit aboundary and I'm now I'm now
out, I'm bouncing from theconversation. Right? Like, I I
think I think that's okay.Right?
You you it's okay to be in thosemoments of crisis and say, oh,
wait, even I I can still bewrong and I can I can walk away?
Sure. I'm not saying you'rejustified in your behavior.

Danny (38:37):
Now I've I've I've this is my boundary. But Yeah. But
you knew that the you knew thatit was gonna go that way. You
knew that there was gonna bedamage one way or the other.

Tyler (38:48):
Right.

Danny (38:48):
But then you go, woah, woah, woah. I'm protecting
myself. Is that not to into tome that is still escalation. And
this is why I think like men,particularly men. Mhmm.
Right? We sometimes escalatethings. Mhmm. Knowing that

(39:10):
there's gonna be an escalation.

Tyler (39:11):
Oh, yeah.

Danny (39:12):
And willing Yeah. To be like, well, I'm kind of into
this one today. Yeah. I'm kindof into this today. Right?
And does that take away from thefact that you're not, you know,
does that say you're bad? No, itdoesn't say that you're bad. It
just means that again, whatwe're built for. We're built for
conflict.

Tyler (39:28):
Yeah. I think you're absolutely right. I think you're
absolutely right. And we've whatwe've done with our modern
society is we've legislated,we've put rules around how do we
handle conflict. What's what'sallowed.
Right? We've there's someframework that has been put in
in place. Right. Right? And andnow there's behavior when you
interact with each other andwith this kind of common group

(39:52):
of laws and morals orexpectations.
Right? When you interact, you'reyou're both agreeing to play
within this

Danny (39:59):
Agreed.

Tyler (39:59):
Yeah. Within this within this rule this this Within

Danny (40:02):
these rule sets.

Tyler (40:03):
With these rule sets. Right? So I think it's about the
awareness of what are you whatare you creating? I don't
necessarily think conflict isbad. I don't think calling
somebody out for their theirshitty behavior is bad.
Right? And so I don't know. Iguess I'm interested. Where do
you think? Where where are wewhere where are you going with

(40:26):
this?
Like what if I continue to eggit on, like where where where
are we now?

Danny (40:31):
Are we both playing by the same you said it. Are we
both playing by the same rules?Are we both so whenever we go
into jujitsu, right? And wesmack hands and bump things,
both understand the rules. Yes.
Right? Yes. If you and I are wehave same moral beliefs

Tyler (40:52):
Uh-huh.

Danny (40:52):
Same we understand each other boundaries Yes. And we
have a we have a very heatedargument Yeah. And we both
understand that punches cannever be thrown. Right. We can
talk.
We can be loud. We can say that.We can say swear words to each
other.

Tyler (41:10):
Yes.

Danny (41:10):
But but but there's a boundary of we both know that
once we punch those boundaries,those rules change and our
relationship changes. Yeah.Yeah. I think that as long as
you're playing in the same rulesOh, yeah. Playing, like you
said, playing within the samerules, as long as you both know
they understand the same rules,it's when the rules keep
changing to benefit me.

Tyler (41:32):
Right. Right.

Danny (41:33):
Right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Whether whether it's not Danny
or nothing, the person whoever.

Tyler (41:37):
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I know what you mean.

Danny (41:38):
Especially with women.

Tyler (41:40):
Yes. Right. Right?

Danny (41:41):
Right. Because, like, we can play in the same rules.
Misty and I can play in the samerules, but if my voice if my
voice raises, guess what? That'sThe rules, those are not the
rules that she abides by. Right?
So she could be like, well,okay. Well, she say a swear
word. Guess what? Those may berules that I don't I'm like,
wait a minute. I don't say swearwords to to now we're adding

(42:04):
rules.

Tyler (42:04):
Yeah.

Danny (42:05):
We're adding these rules as we're going on. So what
happens? We've both stoppedlearning. We've both stopped
listening. Yeah.
We've both stopped engaging.Yeah. We're only escalating.
Yes. So just like you to yourpoint of when there are rules or
boundaries Yes.
Which is a rule. Yeah. Right?And we both agree to those

(42:26):
things. Yeah.
Then we can be like, okay, wecan fight. We can fight fair.

Tyler (42:31):
We can fight fair.

Danny (42:32):
Yes. As a marriage in a marriage or a friendship like we
have, we can always adjust Yes.

Tyler (42:38):
Good conflict. Good conflict will have will have
that set of rules that'll beagreed on. Right? And it can
have a

Danny (42:44):
great relationship. We could be like, I get where
you're coming from, but Yes.Yes. And it won't be ego that's
that's that's stopping that.

Tyler (42:54):
Right.

Danny (42:54):
Even though in the moment you may feel, well, that's just
your ego talking. Yes. Right?Yeah. Same thing when we slap
hands, bump fist, you escalateit a little bit, you turn your
energy up, I turn my energy upand you go, woah, woah, woah,
what the fuck?
And I'm like, well, I'm justmatching your energy. And you're
like, I was matching your andnow we're back and forth of who
energy is worse. Well, energytransfers two ways.

Tyler (43:15):
Right.

Danny (43:15):
Right? With our bodies in conflict and also with our
voices. Yes. Right? Yeah.
And so when we go back to thatinstructor learning, you know,
teaching an instructor thing, ifwe're in this learning if we're
always in a learning state, wecan go we can stop for a minute.
Right? Take a step back and say,okay, were we both playing in

(43:39):
the same roles? Mhmm. Where whoescalated it?
Yes. Maybe it was me. Yeah.Maybe it was me that escalated
it and I didn't realize Irealized I was escalating.
Right.
Right. Maybe I didn't realizethat I had gone from learning
and my ego got the best of meand now my emotions got the best
of me. And so I stopped learningand I took a different stand.

(44:03):
Right? And again, in my opinion,that's the hardest thing as a
man.
Yeah. Because you're not given arule book. You're given this
this form that people see assometimes overly aggressive
male. Yes. This bullshit alphamale bullshit.

(44:28):
I'm sorry. It's bullshit to me.Yeah. The alpha male. Like, you
know, some guy got ahold ofthat.
It bounced all over the Internetand now some random dude thinks
that screaming at women

Tyler (44:39):
Yeah.

Danny (44:39):
And talking shit to other dudes is me just being an alpha
male. No, you're being adouchebag.

Tyler (44:43):
Yeah. You know, like the what is it? It's Tate?

Danny (44:45):
Yeah. What's his name? He's being a jerk. Yeah. You
found a platform for people tonot and you're not getting
punched in the face regularly.

Tyler (44:51):
Right. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Regularly enough.
Yeah.

Danny (44:54):
Regularly. And maybe you have things. I mean, I don't
know. That's it it it dawns onme that, like, in in all
reality, when you're not given aplaybook or, you know, this
rules to to rules to set upboundaries with what we've

Tyler (45:14):
talked Yeah.

Danny (45:15):
And you're making your own. If you go, no, these are
hard and fast. This is hard andfast. And then somebody goes,
well, what about this? LikePreston did.
Well, what about this? This is ahard and fast rule, but what
about this? Yeah. And theychallenge you and you're like,
oh, What about that?

Tyler (45:30):
Yeah. Yeah. I think that's why for me boundaries are
never meant to be walls ofdisconnection. They're always
meant to to promote healthyconnection. Sure.
And if I've withdrawn, it'sbecause the chances are you've
you've you have crossed thoseboundaries enough where I'm no
longer safe with you. Sure. I'mno longer safe with you and I

(45:51):
will never feel safe with you.Sure. And so my guard will
always be up, always be a littlebit prickly.
It'll always be one of those,you know, USA versus Russia kind
of like standoffs. Right? Likepower of two, like, I I probably
won't.

Danny (46:07):
Yeah. You know? When you take a hard and fast stand like
that, are there people whoalways get passes? Pass that.
Like, let's say somebody who yougo, like, really close with
parent, child, spouse, and theypush those boundaries.

(46:28):
Do you go, okay, that is aboundary. But because of who you
are and where you lie in mylife, I'm going to give you a
pass and you're going and I'mnot going to hold you to the
same standard as if it was putinsert another person who I
don't have the same relationship

Tyler (46:46):
Right. I would say, but personally I think I probably
do, principally I would say youshould be principled. You should
treat people. It should beprinciples before people. So if
principally that person is isgiven a pass and I'm not I am
not being principled.
So therefore I am at fault. Whywhy would I make the rules

(47:08):
different for different people?That's me being on in not
principled. And I I really mygoal in life is to be
principled. Sure.
I I believe when when I amprincipled, principles will be
reflect reflected back to me.Sure. Right? They're they they
they coexist. They they crossthey cross the boundary.

Danny (47:28):
And I believe myself, like you and I know we're gonna
do like, we can't get too farinto this, but you gave me a
book called No More Mister Yeah.Nice And there were so many
things in there where I was likeYeah. That's how I am. Yeah. Oh
my gosh.
Like, man, I give passes. Yes.And and I have given so many

(47:56):
passes to probably people that Ishouldn't give passes to because
I'm just learning how to set upboundaries on myself and just
learning how like, that itdoesn't isn't a reflection of me
being a douchebag Right. By justbeing like, I'm not okay with
that. And I'm gonna say no.
Yeah. I'm gonna tell you no.Yeah. Because I just don't feel
comfortable with putting myselfin that position. Right.
And I, you know, I listen tothat book and I'm like, so many

(48:19):
of the chapters resonate whereI'm like, oh my God, this is it
took me for it took me a littlebit longer to read it because I
was trying not to like sometimeswhen I read books like that,
man, I like overstimulatesmyself and then I started to
like, all of a sudden, likeMisty's like, what the fuck is
going on? You got all thiscraziness going on in your head,
but it's because I'moverstimulated by it.

Tyler (48:40):
You're overthinking it. You're overplaying it. You're
overanalyzing it.

Danny (48:44):
And I'd like to be I'd like to do a really deep dive on
that book. Yeah. Because therewas some stuff in there that I
was like, holy shit. Yeah. Andit and it fucked with me again.
Yeah. You know, like where I cansee that I'd let a lot of people
walk all over me. Yeah. In playin times that I shouldn't have
because I just gave them passesso much. You know?

(49:06):
And I didn't wanna be you know,I already come off as a gruff
guy sometimes, you know, and Idon't want to be, you know,
disingenuous. But there's timeswhen I let people walk on me
because I was like, I'd ratherjust it's fine. Like, it's fine.
It's fine.

Tyler (49:21):
Do that book I think was and I we won't have time to get
into it. But single handedly oneof the most eye opening for me
towards my explosive anger,which matched my father's anger.

Danny (49:30):
Sure.

Tyler (49:31):
Right? I saw my father's anger in myself. And then I
explored, oh, it's because I'vegiven all these passes. I've now
built up all this resentment,resentment, resentment, and
resentment explode. Yeah.
It's it's a good book and it is.It's heavy. You do need somebody
to to kind of go through withit, you know?

Danny (49:51):
It was yeah. It's still like there's things that I'm
like, I'll be sitting around andI'll be thinking, I'll be like,
wow, that's a weird way to andagain, it's because I wasn't
taught Yeah. Certain things by afather or by my father.

Tyler (50:07):
Right. Right.

Danny (50:08):
Right. Did have a dream a couple of days ago about my dad.
My dad and my uncle who bothlook similar and I kinda look
similar to them. This is theonly thing I remember about my
dream is like we're sittingaround and they're very old, my
dad and my uncle. And my dadlooks at me and he says, in our

(50:30):
next life, we are gonna be somuch better friends.
And I was like, woah. You know,woke up and I was so emotional
that day thinking about it allday long about like what that
meant, you know, like my dadsaying that to me in my dream,
you know? And it it itdefinitely like again, I think
it's because, like, my brain islike expanding on things. Yeah.

(50:54):
And so I'm thinking about my dada lot.
Yeah. You know, and I and justour failed relationship, you
know, just like how how bad ourrelationship failed.

Tyler (51:05):
Mhmm.

Danny (51:05):
You know? And a lot of it comes down to just me certain
things that I was just like sucha douchebag about. Mhmm. Just
such a douchebag. Cause I wantedto prove a point and then my ego
got in the way and I was neverlearning and I would never learn
to I would never accept to learnmore about him or where why he
was the way he is or things, youknow.

(51:26):
But now, because in my instance,you know, like where I'm at now,
I wonder often wonder if it's alittle too late to change these
things about myself because I'vecalled him and talked to him,
but nothing changes.

Tyler (51:39):
Woah. Well, well, that's a whole another

Danny (51:42):
Yeah. Right.

Tyler (51:42):
That's a whole another topic, man. I missed your smile.
Yeah. I missed your smile.

Danny (51:46):
Yeah. It's

Tyler (51:47):
been it's been too long.

Danny (51:49):
What so we still need to recap.

Tyler (51:53):
We got summer camp. Summer camp?

Danny (51:56):
We need to recap some men's group stuff that that have
been that we've been that thatthat's been going on. Jiu Jitsu
stuff, Jesse. Jesse. You know,we want we wanna get Jesse on
here. We're gonna get Nick andTripp on here.
Yep. They've got Nick Howlett'sfight at the super camp is at

(52:22):
the at the at the summer campand the super fights was insane.

Tyler (52:24):
It was so good.

Danny (52:25):
When he walked on the mat, you know, like, there were
some things that, you know,like, couple of guys that walked
on the mat this time, you know,they were black belts. So they
had they had that that aura andthat, like, room out, the energy
kind of thing. And then Nickwalked on the mat and you're
like, woah. Yeah. Was dominant.
Yeah. And then they have a theyhave a fight coming up September

(52:47):
6. They're going to Chicago, himand Tripp.

Tyler (52:50):
I'm so excited for

Danny (52:51):
Jeff Curran's promotion. They've been training hard.
Yeah. Insanely hard. Insanelyhard.
Both of those guys aregangsters.

Tyler (53:06):
I know. I'm so excited to get on the mat.

Danny (53:08):
You should.

Tyler (53:08):
I've done something crazy. I've I've put it out
there, But I did sign up.

Danny (53:14):
You did?

Tyler (53:14):
I did sign up to fight and tap out cancer in some Oh,

Danny (53:19):
When is that again?

Tyler (53:19):
February 28.

Danny (53:22):
And at that point, how long?

Tyler (53:23):
It'll be one, almost one year for my diagnosis. Wow.
It'll be I think we're aboutseven months now to the time
from now until the time it came.I think I'll have a solid four
months back on the mat aftertreatment Wow. Between then and
the fight.
I'll be there and

Danny (53:42):
I'll compete. Alright. Yeah for sure. I'll compete.

Tyler (53:45):
That's I would that's what that's my call. That's my
call. I haven't put it out inthe community yet. One, I've
wanted to step on Nick. I knowthey're fundraising right now to
get them some sponsorship outthere.
So if you're interested insponsoring those two fighters,
get you know, we'll we'll getwe'll we'll help make that
happen. But yes, I want to builda team. I want to represent Park

(54:05):
City Jiu Jitsu.

Danny (54:06):
Good.

Tyler (54:07):
I don't want people to donate to me. If you're into
competing and you're gonnacompete next year, come compete.
All you have to do is raise $250and your fees are free. The to
compete is free. Really?

Danny (54:18):
Yeah. That's cool.

Tyler (54:19):
Yeah. And you would be surprised who will donate in the
name of cancer. Very cool. Greatcharities. Good.
We'll we'll pitch that as welland we'll we'll talk more about
my training plan for that. But,yeah, you're gonna be a big part
of it.

Danny (54:31):
Sick. Yeah. Thank you for today. Yeah. Thank you.
It was you know, I hope I hopeit opens up a lot more
conversation as far as likelearning and Yeah. In that
learning Yes. Learning state.And then again for men, like
today, I heard again today abouta young man that's that's going

(54:52):
through it. And somebody reachedout to me and they were like, do
you mind talking to him?
Do you mind, you know, just justasking some questions because
he's going through it andthey're a little bit worried
about his mental state. Andagain, I understand it. Like, I
get it. It's just we're justcertain things you're not built

(55:14):
for and you don't have the keysto them. But that doesn't mean
that you shouldn't learn how toat least accept learning for it.
Right? Because I'm notpersonally, like I'm not like,
oh, I've got this figured out.No, I'll tell you my stories.
I'll tell you exactly whathappened the day.

Tyler (55:33):
Oh, and I think that's the beautiful thing that's the
beautiful thing about where Iwant to come from. And this is
why the medium of a podcast longform is better for me than
social media.

Danny (55:42):
Sure.

Tyler (55:42):
You can take any one of our clips and it'd be a great
social media post.

Danny (55:45):
I'm sure

Tyler (55:46):
if I were better at doing it, we'd have, you know, I'd be
we'd have much higher than10,000 followers on the
Instagram. Right? But the longform allows us to have
conversation. While yes, bitsand pieces can be taken in
context, it's best suited as asa whole. And we're not experts.

(56:07):
No. My my hope is that my fuckedup story will inspire you. Same.
Yeah. And and and or them oranyone.
Right? I've been depressionsucks. Yep. Depression sucks.
When you don't even feel likegetting out of bed, it sucks.
It does. You know, we hadanother member of our our local

(56:30):
Heber community, a localrestaurant tour take his own
life I know. Just recently andthat's

Danny (56:38):
Yeah. And and the and that, you know, like we said,
that's that's final. Mhmm. It'snot like your people who are
around move on from that. That'sthe last memory.
That's all they that's all theymemorize. That's all they that's
all they have for memory is thatis that whatever happened was
too much and they'll think,could I have done more? Should I

(56:58):
have done more? Would I havedone more?

Tyler (57:00):
Right.

Danny (57:00):
Just to help you through that situation. Right. And so,
you know, we're again, we'rewe're we're here. We're I'm we
have ears. Yep.
You know, if it's just, do youwant me to say anything or do
you want me to just listen?Yeah. You know, it's cool. Yeah.
I appreciate you.
Yeah. Glad to see you. I'm gladthat you're smiling and still

(57:21):
got some color to your face.

Tyler (57:23):
We'll get more. We'll see. Check we'll check-in next
week and see Yeah. When we getback.

Danny (57:27):
Keep going.

Tyler (57:27):
We'll keep going.

Danny (57:28):
Yeah. Yeah.

Tyler (57:29):
Okay. Good. Cheers.

Danny (57:30):
Alright. See you guys.

Tyler (57:31):
Peace, everybody.