Owning the Moment: Finding Strength in Accountability

In this episode of The Last Boy Scouts Podcast, Danny and Tyler dive deep into the concept of ownership, exploring how taking responsibility for our actions and choices—good and bad—can transform our lives. They discuss many men's struggles in seeking help, learning from mistakes, and building accountability in their relationships. Through candid stories, humor, and insights from their journeys, they shed light on the challenges of self-improvement, the courage needed to ask for support, and the essential role of accountability in building resilience. Tune in for a raw, inspiring conversation about stepping up, seizing the moment, and finding strength in living intentionally.

Topics Covered:

• [0:02] Welcome back to the studio (and ongoing technical challenges)
• [3:45] The bus setup: Bringing the podcast on the road
• [5:23] Why we struggle to accept constructive feedback as men
• [10:14] "The Need for Good Men": Finding support and role models
• [14:52] Taking ownership vs. blaming others for setbacks
• [19:08] The concept of homeostasis and managing highs and lows
• [23:47] Breaking down the peaks and valleys of men's mental health
• [29:32] “Soundboarding” as a powerful tool in friendships
• [35:55] The evolving studio setup and learning from mistakes
• [41:02] Taking feedback as guidance, not criticism
• [45:10] The role of jiu-jitsu in teaching humility and resilience
• [51:20] Jiu-jitsu classes as a lesson in asking questions and taking risks
• [56:18] Challenging the perception of "toxic masculinity"
• [1:01:10] The power of extreme ownership in shaping relationships
• [1:05:03] Breaking generational cycles by embracing accountability
• [1:10:49] Redefining masculinity in today's world
• [1:15:23] Facing hardships: Taking ownership instead of blaming others
• [1:20:11] “Stand on Business”: Embracing your role in conflicts and resolutions
• [1:25:05] How owning mistakes builds stronger bonds with family
• [1:30:34] Navigating disagreements and conflict with grace
• [1:35:18] The importance of kindness and grace in owning up to mistakes
• [1:40:00] Wrapping up: How small actions of ownership can transform your life
• [1:43:30] Final thoughts: Why “Owning the Moment” matters in a man’s journey

Episode Transcript

Danny (00:07):
Welcome to the last Boy Scouts podcast.

Tyler (00:09):
Welcome back.

Danny (00:10):
Back in the studio.

Tyler (00:11):
Back in the studio. Dude. Still fighting technical issues,
though.

Danny (00:15):
Technical issues.

Tyler (00:16):
We're just getting better. We're just getting
better.

Danny (00:18):
Yeah. The, technical issues from great time, filming
out of the bus.

Tyler (00:25):
I love the bus.

Danny (00:25):
The bus was off. So And and it was cool because we were
able to go to the spot secondtime set up quickly. Uh-huh. But
we were still having sometechnical glitches just because,
we're even before we started thepodcast today, we were going we
had a little business meeting ofYeah. How where where we see the
podcast going and the flow andhow to get more guests, how to

(00:48):
make the guests comfortable, howto, film, how to do the wireless
part, or do we just domicrophones?

Tyler (00:55):
Right.

Danny (00:55):
And, thankfully, all I do is just sit here and listen
Yeah. As you brainstorm orsoundboard Yeah. Your ideas.
Right?

Tyler (01:06):
Yeah. I I think one of the things that we have have
misstepped in our generation ofmen is, like, the need for other
good men

Danny (01:13):
Yeah.

Tyler (01:13):
And to have those good men. You know, I think we talked
about this on one of the earlierpodcasts. Like, you know, the
best thing I ever did did formyself when I was lost and I was
broken down was find a goodtherapist. You know? Obviously,
you've talked about you and myjujitsu journey and, like, just
how awesome it was to have youjust say, hey.
Welcome back. Glad you're here.

Danny (01:35):
Yeah.

Tyler (01:35):
Glad you're here. Like, it meant the world to me. And,
like, even still as we grow thispodcast, like, just being able
to kind of brain vomit because Iam such a I'm I'm such an over
thinker. Like, I've gone throughand looked at new equipment.
What do I do?
What what kind of equipmentshould we be running? Like,
should we make it easier? Rightnow, we're running equipment
that I've had. Right? I've hadon hand, and I've shot stills

(01:57):
for for a lot a long time, andso we're using some canons that
I have.
And should we upgrade tosomething that's maybe a little
bit easier and may reduce someof these technical glitches and
make it easier for us?

Danny (02:08):
And we have, the first Yeah. Generation of the podcast,
the first couple episodes thatmoved into men are are kind of
like a a stride of really goodepisodes to changing some things
up to film out of the bus towhere people were critiquing and
keep people were kinda givingus, hey. Have you thought about
this? Hey. Did you think aboutthis?
And if you're not careful, youtake that as criticism as

(02:30):
opposed to Yeah. Advice orguidance. And like you said,
like, men, just men in generalare not built to receive a lot
of feedback No. Without, takingit personal or, you know,
turning that off, tuning thatout because we're thinking that

(02:51):
you don't know how much time andpassion I have involved in this.
Yeah.
Next thing you know, you know,you're kind of pissed off. But
when you have searched out helpand you have been able to, go
inside yourself and realizethat, like, we're just a
learning progress. We're justlearning about stuff. Right? And

(03:12):
I'm always a student.
Yep. There are times when Iteach, but for the most part, I
take I I treat myself as astudent and learn. Mhmm. When
you get self help, it's one ofthe first things that, like,
they help you along is that,like, asking for help, seeking
guidance, seeking to understandis not wrong. I just don't think

(03:33):
that men are given that toolquickly.

Tyler (03:36):
Yeah. We have this we have this innate ability in the
psychological world as they callit to to achieve what we call
homeostasis.

Danny (03:45):
Right.

Tyler (03:46):
Like, that is the Kind of

Danny (03:48):
a line.

Tyler (03:48):
Right. And we've talked about this. Like, how quickly
can we return to whether it's

Danny (03:52):
Like our baseline.

Tyler (03:53):
Our baseline. Right? And then so we have this concept of
feedback. Right? Feedbackhappens in 1 of 2 ways.
Right? Positive feedback isgonna be any feedback that
triggers a response, eitherpositive and or or negative,
which is weird. Right. Becausenegative feedback is truly it
creates no change tohomeostasis. Yeah.
Right? So it's it's it's a weirdkind of, like, psychological
fact that that is how wemaintain. We want to we want to

(04:16):
maintain. Right?

Danny (04:18):
And and you have peaks and valleys. You have ebbs and
flows.

Tyler (04:22):
Oh, absolutely.

Danny (04:23):
Hopefully and you see it with men that are struggling.
Like, sometimes their peaks aresuper high and their valleys are
super low. You notice it when,if a person who never has an
outburst all of a sudden has anoutburst Yep. Or a person who is
super, like, always happy,always ready to go, and all of a
sudden, they're like, man,Debbie Downer.

Tyler (04:45):
Yeah.

Danny (04:45):
Right? And maybe it's because they're lost or stuck in
their own thoughts. Yeah. Butwhen we sound bored for each
other, especially like like whatwe did before we started the
podcast, whatever's in yourbrain just comes out.

Tyler (04:58):
Yeah.

Danny (04:58):
It may not truthfully, when we're talking technical
stuff, we're talking cameras,we're talking studio setup. I'm
like, I don't know. Yeah. Looksgreat to me. Yeah.
And I don't even offer anyfeedback except for I'm cool
with whatever you decide. Yeah.Here's where I think is great.
Most of the time, myconversations are really small,
and your brain vomitingeverything that's in your head

(05:20):
about the technical stuff. AndI'm like, my job is just to
listen.
Yeah. Because if I offer adviceor ask for a guidance in your in
your thought moment, it may youmay stop and be like, okay. I'm
now I'm lost in where I was at.If you just keep going, keep
going, keep telling me whatyou're feeling. Keep keep
telling me everything that'sgoing on in your head.
And I'm like, yeah. Get it allout, dude. Yeah.

Tyler (05:39):
Get it

Danny (05:40):
all out. Maybe you sleep better tonight or you don't go
and research, you know, crazyshit.

Tyler (05:44):
Yeah. Yeah. Spin on down the road.

Danny (05:46):
Of of the path of what things could do. Yeah. And the
especially, like, wireless micsand all this other crazy shit
that we wanna do absolutelymeans nothing to me. You know
what I mean? Like, it reallydoesn't mean anything to me.
I mean,

Tyler (06:04):
I think it like, we wanna put on a good show. Right? We
understand that, like, westarted this as kind of a
passion project. Right? How itgets shot was less important to
the message that we were tryingto we were trying to to to say.
Right? Like, we are trying toshare our individual stories.
We're trying to relate to othermen who may not feel comfortable

(06:26):
or may not have been in anenvironment where it's cool to
have these these type ofconversations. Right? And so I
think that's why we just we juststarted we just started doing
it.
And, like, we we we've kindapiecemealed together. Like, I
knew that there were some areaswhere it's worth making an
investment. Right? We alwayswanted to be audio first.

Danny (06:43):
Sure.

Tyler (06:44):
So the highest audio quality, knock on wood, like,
that was our our primaryfunction. That's why you see,
you know, studio grade equipmentthat that is, helps us capture
that.

Danny (06:55):
I agree.

Tyler (06:56):
We we now have kind of gotten to a point where, like,
hey. There's a big wide worldout there we want to explore.
There's people we want to haveon. Like, how do we how do we
bring in other voices to thepodcast, continue making it
entertaining so it's not justDanny and I preaching every
week.

Danny (07:14):
And it's ever evolving. Yeah. And so it's ever growing.
So those moments where, we maynot capture exactly what we're
wanting to capture, it's stillmoving forward in our vision
Yeah. Of things.
And with with just being asoundboard, with just looking

(07:34):
for guidance, with askingquestions, seeking to
understand, it's easy when youhave you know, you've been on
that path of work, and I'm notsure that every man has that
ability. Like, I've had greatmen around me. I still have
great men around me. You know?It's it's it's interesting
because if we go back to jujitsuand you're sitting at class.

(07:58):
Right? And you well, a lot oftimes, schools maybe have
curriculums. Yeah. In ourschool, there is a curriculum.
It's the white to blue beltmoves.
Right? But a lot of times, theinstructor comes in and you go
and they say, hey. Does anybodyhave a question? Oh, man.

Tyler (08:14):
I had such a crazy experience last night with that
exact same thing happening.Like, it and it's you you know,
professor tells you to come inwith a plan. Right. And
sometimes I do. Sometimes I justwanna fight.
Right? Sometimes I just wannaroll. And so when he says you
know, when Nick or whoever is incharge leading the class says
that, like, I always hate whenit's, like, silent. Yeah.

(08:35):
Crickets.
Right?

Danny (08:35):
So Everybody's looking at each one.

Tyler (08:37):
Nick's teaching Nogi last night, and we're all just
standing around like a bunch ofweirdos in our spandex. Right?
Like, nobody's saying anything.And mind you, we have 3 black
belts. We have a brown belt anda purple belt and a couple of
blue belts and some white belts,and nobody was saying anything.
Nothing. And so finally, I'mlike, okay. Fine. The baseball

(09:00):
bat joke. Let's play thebaseball bat joke.
Yeah. That's awesome. And, ofcourse, it's a it's a you know,
I'm thinking, like, I've seenpeople do it without the without
the gi, but it's a traditionalgi move.

Danny (09:10):
Gi move.

Tyler (09:10):
And really what I wanted was, like, how do I attack the
neck? You know, what are somemore other creative ideas
besides the Darcey Anaconda, thethe,

Danny (09:20):
you know didn't we're in an environment of people like
that.

Tyler (09:22):
I caught so much shit last night.

Danny (09:24):
I bet.

Tyler (09:25):
Nick Jacks was just giving me so much shit. He did
kind of at the end, he was like,yeah. I've done the baseball
choke, the baseball

Danny (09:31):
bat choke. Do you

Tyler (09:31):
hear that? Like, hey. What's the baseball bat choke?
And I'm like, okay. It's theit's the is it the baseball
choke?

Danny (09:37):
Yeah. So it it's a, yeah, it's a, yeah, baseball joke.

Tyler (09:41):
Baseball.

Danny (09:42):
Yeah. Because you put your hands as if they were in a
baseball, like, grabbing thebaseball bat.

Tyler (09:46):
Oh, right. Yeah.

Danny (09:47):
So you put your hands crazy. But if you grab, like,
inogi, if you grab your fingersand turn your Yeah. Hands down.
And for those of you that arewatching, gi, you were able to
have a grip on each

Tyler (09:58):
Yeah. Each side.

Danny (09:59):
But in no gi, you grab your fingers and turn your your
wrists down and your fingersdown, and now you have the same
concept Yeah. With your so thereis such thing. Yeah. But It's a
soundboard.

Tyler (10:12):
Yeah.

Danny (10:12):
Right? It's a soundboard. It's another it's another idea
of a soundboard in our own worldof jiu jitsu of, like, any
questions. Right. There's somany people that don't wanna ask
questions because you don't wantto be embarrassed.

Tyler (10:23):
I was so embarrassed. And I was like, first for the like,
a few minutes, I was like, okay.I'm like, I'm kind of
embarrassed. But at the sametime, I'm like grab

Danny (10:31):
the mat.

Tyler (10:31):
Nobody else fucking said anything. You're all just
standing around with your dicksin your hands, like, the
baseball bat show. I'm like, oh,okay. Go ahead. Just give it to
me.
I had a lean into

Danny (10:41):
similar experience down in Lehigh where, same concept.
Like, professor came on the matand he said, hey. Anybody got
any questions? Same thing.Crickets.
And everybody's looking at me,and I'm like, I have lots of
questions, but most of the time,it's like for my own Yeah.
Thought process or the ownjourney that I'm on. So I asked
him a question. He answered it,but he goes, it's not really the

(11:05):
way that I see this class going.Yeah.
I'm thinking, I know, but I wantto get the the the it's always
easier

Tyler (11:13):
Yeah.

Danny (11:13):
For somebody to ask a question.

Tyler (11:14):
Yeah.

Danny (11:15):
It does get the dialogue going. It does get things going.
And the class ended up turningout really, really good like you
just said.

Tyler (11:21):
Oh, yeah.

Danny (11:22):
It turns out really good. And maybe, like, you're the heel
for a moment.

Tyler (11:25):
Right.

Danny (11:26):
And with the fact that we're able we do this anyways.
Like, we we sound bored wheresometimes, like, I'll say
something about a cameraequipment or about something
that I know. I have no idea whatthe fuck I'm talking about. And,
there's times when, like, I cansee that your brain is actually
going as I'm asking thequestions that I'm like, yeah.

(11:47):
You don't give a shit what

Tyler (11:48):
I'm saying.

Danny (11:48):
Right? But we have done work. True.

Tyler (11:51):
Let me stop you at that. That's not true. I always care
care what you say, Dan.

Danny (11:55):
For sure.

Tyler (11:55):
I always care.

Danny (11:57):
But we've been able to soundboard. Yeah. We also have,
started the process of workingon ourselves, and it does make
it easier. And I don't believethat every man has that idea
because they because you justhave this inner voice that tells
you don't say nothing.

Tyler (12:17):
Yeah.

Danny (12:18):
Don't say nothing. Just keep keep grinding.

Tyler (12:20):
What if I

Danny (12:21):
Keep keep struggling. Keep struggling. Keep
struggling. And, like, if youjust asked a simple question,
the whole thing maybe the wholeworld would open up

Tyler (12:29):
Yeah.

Danny (12:30):
Of all these, like, things that you could

Tyler (12:31):
You can't make fun of me if I don't say anything.

Danny (12:34):
It's so true.

Tyler (12:34):
I'm so I'm protected. Right? I I'm protected.

Danny (12:37):
Yep.

Tyler (12:38):
And these are the same people that get on the keyboard
and, you know, type out allkinds of shit on the keyboard.
Yeah.

Danny (12:43):
They well,

Tyler (12:44):
they can

Danny (12:44):
They they don't have to, like, look you in the eye as
they say things to you, which isgreat about, like, our academy
because we have such these, walkof life of men that bring in,
like, this great, energy andthese and these different walks
of life. I think Mike talkedabout this the other day, like,
how lucky we are that we live inwe have this academy where we
walk in, these different walksof life, and we are able to, to

(13:08):
blend with each other and learnthis art where potentially each
person has a different way ofperforming that art because of
the different body styles. Yeah.And when you when you put it
back into perspective of men'shealth, you know, we right now,
of course, because of the weeknext week the next week is going

(13:29):
to be crazy. Yeah.
We we get through this week, andI can feel everybody's energy
starting to, like, really kindaget, like, nervous. You get once
we hit next week and electionweek starts, it's going to be
crazy because we have gotten toa point in our world where, you
know, we people tell us how menare supposed to look.

Tyler (13:54):
Yeah. We have we have this, like we're kind of
pussified. I just finishedreading Adam Carolla's book, in
50 years, we'll all be chicks,which is funny because he
actually wrote the book nearly25 years ago. Right? And it's
like, we do kind of have thislike, we've been groomed that,
like, let's take the aggressiveside out of out of men.

(14:16):
Great class, by the way. Weended up covering guillotines
and, rear nakeds. And I wannaask you at some point about the
fights over the weekend becauseI think it plays it plays well
into the topic of conversationof, like, finding those dark
spaces and finding, like, like,true right of passage. Like,
we've neutered the right ofpassage for for men in in our

(14:37):
culture.

Danny (14:38):
For sure. And and a lot of times, you're you know, if
you're I think you talk aboutthis a lot, you know, with with
things that talks people tellingyou that you're a toxic male, a
toxic man, or

Tyler (14:51):
toxic masking women

Danny (14:52):
in the opinion. I have an opinion, and sometimes, if I
voice my opinion and I can tellthat the crowd is not, the fact
that, like, I'm a man, and I saywhatever I wanna say. And, you
know, when I when the one of thefunniest things that, like, I
tell people is, like, I'm aboutthat life. Yeah. I'm about that
life.
I when, you know, the kids say,stand on business, like, I stand

(15:14):
on business.

Tyler (15:15):
I got a hot take. Like, I believe, you know, there is such
thing as toxic masculinity.Right? It's it's it's it's
absolutely out there. I thinkmasculinity is to men what
feminism is to women.
Sure. They are the same they're2 different sides of the same
coin. Now granted, there hasbeen this concept of the

(15:35):
patriarchy that's been in chargefor forever. I don't wanna get
into the social and or politicalreasons behind that. Right?
Typically, the stronger of thespecies is going to dominate.

Danny (15:47):
Just the way it is.

Tyler (15:47):
This is just like there's always going

Danny (15:50):
to be some debate dark. I will debate it with every single
person. They're not sendingthey're not sending everybody
with a gun.

Tyler (15:58):
Right.

Danny (15:58):
Because not everybody has that same ability to turn
everything off and be like,cool. It's my job.

Tyler (16:03):
Yeah. There are there there is always going to be that
person that is toxic.

Danny (16:10):
Sure.

Tyler (16:10):
That is that is that feels downtrodden, that is
broken.

Danny (16:14):
Sure.

Tyler (16:15):
That that potentially will do harm in the effort to
gain personally.

Danny (16:20):
I agree with you.

Tyler (16:21):
And if they you know, we we we talked a lot about the
Native American tribes early onin in the podcast. Right? The
the the the warring class of ofNative American tribes, If they
were bigger than the tribe thathad something that they wanted,
they just went and took it.

Danny (16:36):
Just the way it is.

Tyler (16:37):
And I'm I'm willing to bet you could follow that
pattern throughout the epochs ofof of humankind.

Danny (16:43):
Agree with you.

Tyler (16:44):
Right? And so now we have kind of neutered this sense that
we've become we've created sucha safe society that, like, we
need to, like, dial that back.And and and I'm not saying that
because we are in a civilizedsociety that we we haven't
dialed it back, but you seesomething like the fights this
weekend, that rear naked choke,that you knocked out his knocked

(17:06):
out his teeth, broke his jaw.Like, it was

Danny (17:08):
had a choke on you where it's on your chin, on your
teeth, where you where you go,show me the next day, and you
have a bruise Yeah. On theinside of your mouth. Yep. Yeah,
dude. Yeah.
Yeah. When when you do, thereare people out there whose soul
they say, my job is to breakyou.

Tyler (17:28):
Yep.

Danny (17:28):
If that means that your teeth are knocked out and my
teeth aren't, I've done my job.

Tyler (17:33):
And you see the post fight interview, and you just
see this cold person. I'm like,I my my I was I had kinda got
chills. I was like, damn. Like,that is animal. That is somebody
that you, like, you don't wannamess with.
He stood on business. He's likehe's like, yeah. It's it's it's
my job. Yeah. Right?
He could have tapped earlier andand saved the the job, but, you
know, they were fighting forsomething. They were fighting

(17:54):
for this purse money. Now whatdoes that money mean to one
person versus what does it meanto to the other?

Danny (18:00):
Yes. Some people, it's life changing.

Tyler (18:01):
Right?

Danny (18:02):
And and I think that with, like, wars that that,
like, if I'm fighting for what Ibelieve in, I'm willing to do
whatever it takes whatever ittakes to protect my and mine.

Tyler (18:16):
You need me on that wall.

Danny (18:17):
You need me on that wall.

Tyler (18:18):
You want me on that wall.

Danny (18:19):
Right. And I don't I'm you know, this is our platform,
so I think about that when nextweek comes into play. Yeah.
Like, I'm thinking, like, who doI want? Maybe I don't agree with
some of the things that theysay.
Maybe I don't. But who do I wantpeople outside of this country
seen on the line in theinterviews when it comes to

(18:46):
don't come over here. Yeah.Don't come in here. Don't come
into my house.
Yeah. If you come into my house,there will be actions taken.

Tyler (18:54):
If you do it the wrong way. And it's that we don't.
Because it's not that we don't.We have a process in place. Yes.
Maybe that process is broken,but let's address that rather
than just write a blank check topeople.

Danny (19:06):
And and I because I serve in the military and because I
have a child in the military, Iknow it's like, hey. My kid is
out there.

Tyler (19:15):
Yeah.

Danny (19:15):
He put himself out there, and and he's had action, not
where, not where he's carrying agun and shooting, but he's
definitely in an action wheresomebody's chasing him and the
bad guy is chasing them, andit's like, don't stop this car.
Yeah. Do not stop this car. Go.Yeah.

(19:36):
Because if you stop this car, Iknow what's gonna happen. Yeah.
Right? Right. And he also toldme, like, there were people on
the ground crying as this isgoing on, and he's looking at
them like, this is not going tosave you.
Yeah. Like, let's yes. I know.It's scary. Yeah.
This is not going to save you.Right. And I think, as you move

(19:57):
on and as you think about, like,who do you want next to you next
week will become a decidingfactor for us for a little while
of of how we're viewed. Yeah.You know, and I don't believe
that every man has the, has beengiven the ability for violence.

Tyler (20:24):
Yeah.

Danny (20:24):
But I think every man has the ability for violence.

Tyler (20:29):
It's it's in there. Some of us have lived such cush lives
that we've we've satiated it andand neutered it and put it in a
box and said, we're not gonnalook in this box.

Danny (20:40):
And sometimes I think myself, the way that I come off,
like, would be perceived as,like, toxic in certain
environments, especially if I'maround people who may lean
towards one thing. Yeah. Andthat's where, like, we get into
our our topic tonight ofownership. Yeah. You know, of,

(21:01):
like, yes.
Yes. This is who I am.

Tyler (21:04):
Yep.

Danny (21:04):
I'm I'm I'm kind. I'm gentle. Mhmm. I'm I'm super
understanding. I wanna be yourfriend.
But when it comes to ownership,I will own exactly who I am at
all times.

Tyler (21:17):
I'm the warrior in the garden.

Danny (21:18):
I I know that Mhmm. If you come into my house

Tyler (21:22):
Yeah.

Danny (21:22):
Uninvited Yeah. I may not be the nicest person to you.

Tyler (21:26):
I think tonight's topic is is especially important,
talking about ownership of yourlife. Like, we've all been in
situations where maybe wehaven't. Perhaps there's people
perhaps there's men or boysliving in their basement that
are just keyboard warriors.Their mom brings them pizza

(21:46):
rolls every night, and andthey're safe, and they're
they're they're mama's littleboy. Like, I I'm I'm sure
they're out there.
We we we owe it to ourselves togo on a journey to go on a
journey. And and a lot of what Ibelieve is the problem we have
with masculinity today is thatour rights to passage into

(22:07):
manhood have completely eroded.

Danny (22:09):
I agree.

Tyler (22:10):
There are no there is no walkabout. There is no
challenge. There is no test.There is no there is nothing
that that that there's nomatriculation from from from
youth to manhood.

Danny (22:21):
I agree.

Tyler (22:22):
And we're we we give we give kids these these social
media. They are able to see andaccess all parts of the world,
and and they just they just takeit, and they and they run with
it.

Danny (22:33):
And when you're talking about ownership, like, whether
it's successes, failures, the inbetweens, like, you talked about
the line. Like, here's yourbaseline. You know, if you're
having a successful day, all ofa sudden you're feeling great.
You're gonna have jubilation,and you let's say you're below

Tyler (22:46):
the line and you're

Danny (22:47):
having failures and you're, let's say you're below
the line and you're havingfailures and you're blaming
other things, other people,other situations for the fact
that you have your of of justthe fact that life is life is
not rainbows.

Tyler (23:02):
Right.

Danny (23:03):
Right? It's full of failures. Right. It literally is
full of failures. And when wemask that by only wanting
successes or everybody gets aribbon, everybody gets an award

Tyler (23:15):
Right.

Danny (23:16):
You're not giving the people the ability to have
ownership

Tyler (23:20):
Right.

Danny (23:20):
To own whatever you're doing. Right. Whatever mistakes
you make, whatever successes youhave, just have ownership of it.
Right. And how how do we findownership?
How do we gain ownership? How dowe give you and I the ability to
be like, hey. This is your life.This is my life. We can find a
common ground.

Tyler (23:39):
Yeah.

Danny (23:39):
And the ownership is is, like, you're not blaming Danny

Tyler (23:44):
Yeah.

Danny (23:44):
For the fact that the equipment isn't running
correctly. Right. You're like,hey, man. I'm I'm making a
mistake, and I need asoundboard.

Tyler (23:52):
So one of the things I do with my children is their first
mistake when they get into theirteenage years, I will take
whatever is precious to them.Whatever is precious to them
becomes mine. And I've had sometoxic points, and my daughter
can certainly tell you about thetime I folded her iPad over my
knee out of rage. But Iremember, like, one of her first
one of her first mistakes, Iactually took her phone and

(24:17):
said, okay. You can have yourphone back, but I gave her a
copy of Jocko Willink's extremeownership.
I wrote a little in inscriptionon in the front, and and I gave
it to her, and and she shecouldn't get her phone back
until she finished reading it.It's not a difficult read.

Danny (24:33):
Sure.

Tyler (24:33):
But it is by far one of the best books on taking
ownership

Danny (24:37):
I agree.

Tyler (24:37):
And how taking ownership shapes the systems in which you
in which you interact with.

Danny (24:43):
I agree with you. The framing that Jocko is able to do
is about because it becausebeing having an extreme
ownership of things is anexception and accepting failure,
accepting the fact that, like,that you're going to make
mistakes. But then if I blameyou for this, if I blame my

(25:03):
parents, if I blame my dadbecause he took away my phone
Right. My dad is this asshole.Right.
I I also liken it to a bookcalled Raising Men. Mhmm. And he
said, your kid's on the Xbox,and you don't like it? Grab that
Xbox, throw it in the in thepool, and be like, yeah. Go
ahead.
Play it now.

Tyler (25:23):
Yeah.

Danny (25:23):
You know? Same thing. Like Yeah. Yeah. That's this is
the way it is.
Man, you act you act a certainway. Here's the consequences. If
you start blaming me for yourfor your actions, then we
haven't gotten to extremeownership. Yeah. But when we get
to ownership, it's it's kind ofeasy when you take ownership.

Tyler (25:43):
It's it is liberating in the sense. It is liberating in
the sense because you're you youmove from a a to me into a for
me. And what I mean by that isthat, like, there were periods
in my life where life washappening to me.

Danny (25:58):
Sure.

Tyler (25:58):
Oh, I'm going through a divorce. Look what my ex is
doing to me. For sure. Yeah. Oh,I didn't get the job.
Look what the universe is doingto me. Sure. It does take a
significant amount of reframingto say, oh, I'm getting
divorced. Good. Now I can gofind a partner who's better
suited for me.
Sure. I didn't get that job. Theuniverse is lining up for a

(26:20):
better, a a better opportunityYeah. For me.

Danny (26:25):
For me and the idea of this is this is a better path

Tyler (26:32):
Yeah.

Danny (26:32):
For me Yeah. Is hard, especially, like, as a young man
because you see like, let's sayyou see your friends having
successes or people around youhaving successes and you're not,
a lot of times you just don'tsee your successes. You don't
see what's happening. So thenyou're like, well, that person

(26:53):
has this great life, and nowjealousy takes over. And instead
of accepting who you are andaccepting ownership, you start
blaming blaming other things andblaming other people for your
own insecurities and your ownproblems.
Yeah. Right? That's where Istruggled with as a young man. I

(27:14):
struggled hard owning owning mylife. Yeah.
Everything was because of thefact that I didn't have a dad.
Everything was because my momwasn't the mom. You know, she
she couldn't provide me

Tyler (27:28):
Right.

Danny (27:28):
Brand issues. I had to work from the time I was 16.
Right. Everything was somebodyelse's fault, but I never was
able to take ownership of that.This is just to this is just the
cards that I was given, and I'mgonna make the best the best out
of it that I possibly

Tyler (27:45):
And it pull it pulls you it pulls you out of a state of
gratitude. And I I will say thisuntil I'm blue in the face, but
I really do believe gratitude isthe fertilizer for a spectacular
life.

Danny (27:58):
Well said.

Tyler (27:59):
It it is a fertilizer for a a spectacular life. And if if
things are happening to you,then you are you are not
grateful for what you have. Youare you are seeking I agree. You
are seeking from a place of egoand to me, and and you're just
in for a world of sadness.

Danny (28:15):
Yep.

Tyler (28:15):
And I and I know because I've experienced it. I've
certainly have been there. Like,poor me. This happened to me.
Poor me.
This happened to me. It's it'sinteresting because it it does
kinda boil down to how do wetrain our our reticular
reticular activation system, thepart of our brain that filters
out all the goddamn informationthat's that's that's going off.
Like, our brain is asupercomputer. If we spend a lot

(28:38):
of time in that to me, to me, tome, we then are programmed for
to me, to me, to me, and we haveto take a significant amount of
effort to reprogram that part ofyour brain. It it is like it's
like an addiction.
Right? An addiction from achemical sense, when I get
addicted to drugs, I am

Danny (28:57):
Chasing something.

Tyler (28:58):
I'm chasing something.

Danny (28:59):
Yeah. You want that. Like, you're like, man, that
made me feel this way, so Iwanna feel that way again.

Tyler (29:03):
Right. And that is the that that is the homeostasis
that you you you change. Icannot I cannot maintain
homeostasis. And so, you know,one of my one of the four
principles I live by is that ourbrain is hardwired for survival.
I agree.
And and so we program thatsurvival to look so many
different ways. Okay. It itlooks different for you than it
looks different for me. Each ofus as human beings, it it it

(29:26):
manifests in what is it?Whatever the population,
8,000,000,000 differentdifferent ways to who however
you you programmed it.

Danny (29:33):
Right.

Tyler (29:34):
Right? And it's based on the system in which you grow up,
your parents, your your yourinfluences.

Danny (29:38):
And it can be it can also go back to just, like, building
blocks from your parents'parents Exactly. Like their
parents. And so a genetic codedoes play of

Tyler (29:47):
Absolutely.

Danny (29:49):
Being the fact that, like, if your parents struggled,
your parents' parents struggled,you're probably gonna be built
for struggle.

Tyler (29:57):
I read this fascinating book too long well, not too long
ago. I'd have to go back toremember the name, but he
actually the the author did astudy amongst, a particular sect
of of Jewish folks who wentthrough The Holocaust. The
Holocaust. And he can actuallytell stories of generations down
where memories of being, youknow, in the internment camps

(30:20):
were passed down to gen like, 2or 3 generations below where
they're waking up and they'relike, that wasn't my experience.
That was my my grandmother's ormy great grandfather's.
So you're absolutely right. Thethe the kind of concept of
epigenetics in in those things,I think, is not super mainstream
and not very well known, but itjust it's absolutely a thing

(30:41):
that that happens.

Danny (30:42):
I think one of the hardest things I I I know that
one of the hardest things thatmy boys sorry. I didn't mean to
cut you.

Tyler (30:48):
No. You're good.

Danny (30:48):
I think one of the hardest things that my boys go
my boys tell me is that I'm soagainst some of the things that
my parents did Mhmm. That I goto extremes when I raise them.
Mhmm. Right? Like, if they callme and they're having a bad day,
I always say, good.
Good. Like, just like Jocko.Yeah. Good. Good.

(31:10):
Having a bad day? Good. Dog leftyou or dog ran away? Good. Wife
left you?
Good.

Tyler (31:15):
Yeah.

Danny (31:16):
Everything is good. Yeah. Good. That's because that's
that's gonna build something inyou that when shit really gets
bad, you're going to be okay.And sometimes my boys will be
like, dad, I just want you tolisten to what I'm saying.
And I'm like, I will. I willlisten to you. When you're
ready, I'll give you advice, butI'm always gonna say good.

Tyler (31:38):
Yeah.

Danny (31:38):
Perfect. That's what you yeah. Shit hits the fan. Your
car broke down. You can't payyour rent.
You don't have food. Your youreverything is just feels like
shit. Good.

Tyler (31:50):
Yeah. It's interesting because he if you've read the
book, he talks a little bitabout stress, in in those
situations, and he goes, what isstress? Right? Like, sometimes
I'm telling you those thingsbecause I'm stressed. Well,
cool.
Stress comes from 1 of 22things. 1, is it a problem that
I can solve?

Danny (32:06):
Mhmm.

Tyler (32:07):
And And if it's a problem that I can solve, then it comes
from the fact that I haven'tjust gone out and solved it. So
what do I need to do to solveit? Then there's stress of
problems that I just I cannotsolve. I have no, I know, have
no handle on it. We see a lot ofanxiety present presents itself
that way.
Right? So what does it actuallymean? Well okay. It means I need
to to make a change. Maybe itmeans means I need to to work

(32:29):
out more.
Maybe it you know? What is whatis the safety my brain is trying
to to to perceive or to gain, byby thinking about this kind of
stuff? And 2, can I just let itgo? Can I let it go for now and
realize can I tell myselfthrough mantra, through
meditation, through breath work,I can't do anything about this
right now? When the time comesand it's appropriate, I will be

(32:52):
prepared to deal with this andand and thank yourself for for
feeling and experiencing thosefeelings and those emotions.

Danny (33:00):
You know, I I my wife is really good about recognizing
when I'm stuck in that in thatstressful mindset of, like,
thinking about things andthinking about things and
thinking about, answers to myquestions answers to my
questions. And she'll say, well,maybe just right now, it's we

(33:22):
don't know the answer.

Tyler (33:23):
Right.

Danny (33:24):
Maybe right now, we're just, like, hanging out. We'll
find the answer eventually. Wealways find the answer. But
maybe right now, it's just a dayto hang out, not talk about this
shit, and just let it be. Yeah.
Maybe that we don't need to talkabout this right now.

Tyler (33:38):
Yeah.

Danny (33:39):
And she's been really good about helping with me with
that because of the childhoodthat I had. I was always like, I
needed the answer now because Icouldn't move on unless I had
that answer now, and I'd getstuck. And I didn't know how to
redirect my energy, so I'd be inthat energy of negativity

(34:01):
negativity for a while. Mhmm.And my my first instinct is, of
course, to fight.

Tyler (34:09):
Yeah. You

Danny (34:10):
know? And especially with drinking, you know, if I if I
was stuck in a bad place forthat day

Tyler (34:17):
Mhmm.

Danny (34:18):
And I added alcohol on top of that, most likely, I was
probably gonna get into a fightbecause I didn't, I couldn't let
go of some of those things. Anda lot of times with ownership, I
would be blame alcohol for myactions, and I would blame the
my childhood, or I blamesomebody else for my actions,

(34:39):
but they're my actions.

Tyler (34:41):
It's pretty easy to it's pretty e like, even if you've
have you ever done you've donesomething overtly and been like,
I didn't do

Danny (34:48):
it. Yeah. Right. That wasn't me.

Tyler (34:50):
That wasn't me. Like, it's pretty easy. And and
sometimes it's just the easiestthing to do is just to say,
well, you know, the to blamesomebody else and we get
defensive. Right? We getdefensive, and we'd then we
start defending our position,right, when it would be just so
much easier to just take the lreal quick and take the tap and,
like, just reset and move onmove on.

Danny (35:12):
Yeah. You know, like, there's all these times when
somebody will be like, I didn'tdo that. My alternate ego

Tyler (35:22):
Yeah. You

Danny (35:23):
know, my alternate ego is D Ray. My alternate it wasn't
me. That was D Ray that didthat. Right. Same person, but D
Ray, you could put blame on DRay Yeah.
As opposed to put blame onDanny. Yeah. I don't know if you
have that or not.

Tyler (35:36):
I'm Todd Packer.

Danny (35:37):
Yeah. Todd

Tyler (35:37):
Packer. The he was the obnoxious character from the
office, and I was always he wasalways the life of the party,
but, like, yeah. You drink toomuch, and you might meet Todd
Packer.

Danny (35:45):
That's right. Right? Same thing. If you drink too much or
if I drink too much tequila

Tyler (35:48):
Yeah.

Danny (35:49):
And, my brain is off, D Ray might come out.

Tyler (35:52):
Todd Packer could be so much fun. He also might run up
all he might he might bankruptyou on credit card debt. Yeah.
Who knows?

Danny (35:59):
You don't know. Right. When, when we're talking with
men about ownership and we'reteaching them, a lot of times,
you have to go back to, like,the very basics of just every
day. It's almost like lying.

Tyler (36:15):
Yeah.

Danny (36:16):
Like, instead of lying, tell, like, the most blunt
truth. How do I look today? Likeshit. Yeah. You know, don't mask
anything.
Yeah. But when you're a when youhave a situation or something
that you struggle with,drinking, porn, women, lying,
you know, credit card debt orany put it whatever you want for
me. The only way to kinda, like,stop that is to be fully the

(36:41):
opposite of whatever you'redoing. Right? Yeah.
Same thing with ownership. Takecomplete ownership of
everything. Yeah. I fucked up.My bad.
Yeah. I don't know how manytimes I've told you this, but
I've started arguments, youknow, fights and bullshit. And
then when we have a sit down,the first thing I'll say is,
hey. I am sorry.

Tyler (37:01):
Yeah.

Danny (37:02):
I am so sorry for my actions.

Tyler (37:03):
Yeah.

Danny (37:04):
And a lot of times what happens is it lets all of a
sudden, you can see on the otherperson that guard is down.

Tyler (37:09):
They just drops.

Danny (37:10):
It drops because they came in ready for a fight. Yep.
They were not prepared for anI'm sorry from for Danny's
actions. I'm so sorry. I'm sosorry I did that.
I shouldn't have acted likethat. I understand that that's a
character flaw of myself.

Tyler (37:26):
Mhmm.

Danny (37:27):
And I don't know if you've ever experienced this,
but usually what they wanna dois they wanna take some of that
ownership Yeah. Back.

Tyler (37:33):
Yeah. You

Danny (37:33):
know, they don't want you to take all of the blame. Yeah.
They wanna take some of thatownership themselves.

Tyler (37:38):
Yeah. It it it builds a bridge. Right? You build a
bridge by helping people, youknow, let their guard down. I I
think that's that's absolutelytrue.
I think that's one of the mostliberating things you can do is
to admit that you were wrong,that you were at fault, to take
to take ownership. Sometimes itgets obnoxious because that

(37:58):
person is not maybe as in tune.I've definitely had a few
scenarios, specifically workscenarios. Even recently, I made
a communication error and andsent a quote to somebody, and
they saw some numbers that theyweren't supposed to see. I mean,
relatively harmless.
Right? The quote that they gotcame back much cheaper because
the vendor didn't have theopportunity to to put their

(38:21):
their numbers to it. Well, it'san easy fix. Right? Like, we can
recall that, and and they canput their numbers on, and they
can see the actual quote.
Unfortunately, the vendor was,like, so incensed by it. You
might as you might have thoughtthat I just spit in their mom's
face. And it got and it justblows up. I'm gonna get your
manager involved, and I'm like,okay. Yeah.

(38:41):
I'm I'm sorry. This won't happenagain. I'm I'm definitely
learning my lesson here. Butdoes there ever come a point
where you're, like, you'reenabling that shitty behavior
after you've taken ownership?

Danny (38:53):
Man, that's a hard one because I think, like, you're
then at that point, you'rethinking you're putting yourself
in the other person's shoes andtrying to what we've talked
about already of, like,expecting them to act the way
that you

Tyler (39:07):
act. Right. You're you're trying to teach a lesson when
perhaps that person isn't ready,and you just need to keep

Danny (39:12):
Or holding them to an expectation of your own what the
expectation you hold of yourchild. Yeah. Kinda like what we
talked about with, Tristan andthe wrestle offs at Yeah.
Wrestling where I I expected theother parents to act the way
that I was acting Yeah. Or to bethe way that I was being.
Now going back forward, I'd belike, oh, way different, or just

(39:35):
instead of, like, giving thatperson grace Mhmm. And being
like, you like you said, you maynot be ready for this right now.
Yeah. It's cool. Like, Iunderstand.
Like, I apologize. Hey. I'msorry for my actions. You're
right. You you you should beupset.
You got you should be upset thatyou've seen those numbers
because I shouldn't have showedthose to

Tyler (39:55):
you. Right.

Danny (39:55):
But I did. I'll learn from it.

Tyler (39:57):
Yeah.

Danny (39:58):
And going forward, I'm gonna know. I'm gonna learn from
this. Right? I think as a man,if you expect the person to act
the way that you act, you'reprobably 100% of the time gonna
be, let down. Yeah.

(40:19):
Where I think you see successesis with your children Yeah. For
sure with your significant otherYeah. And your wife, girlfriend,
friend, whatever Yeah. Where youand I have had some heated

Tyler (40:34):
Yeah.

Danny (40:34):
Heated arguments where we both came in ready for battle
Mhmm. And both of our guards areup. And at the end of the day,
we both were able to walk awayand be like, I know where you
came from.

Tyler (40:46):
Yeah.

Danny (40:46):
You know where I came from. We may not have seen eye
to eye at that moment Mhmm. Butwe were able to find grace with
each other.

Tyler (40:53):
There's been some real beauty in that growth for for me
as a man. Right? Like, it wouldbe easy for me to die on a sword
and be like but there's butthere's there's been some real
beautiful moments in the growtheven in arguments I have with my
former partner.

Danny (41:06):
Sure.

Tyler (41:06):
Even with arguments I have with my children, right, to
say, hey. I was wrong. Iremember we went to Hawaii last
summer before school started. Idon't did I tell the story on
the podcast before? I don'tremember.
Everything that could have gonewrong

Danny (41:19):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Tyler (41:20):
Went wrong on this trip, like, 5 hour layover in in
Honolulu, not reallyunderstanding we could have left
the airport, come back.

Danny (41:28):
Sure.

Tyler (41:28):
You know, get to Kauai, and it's a mid 11 o'clock and
can't find my credit card.

Danny (41:36):
I booked Yeah. I remember that.

Tyler (41:37):
Book the car with, you know, blow up the children for
picking on each other in thecar. Everything's going bad.
Right? The freaking hotelreservation was missing.

Danny (41:48):
Yeah. And you had to change hotels.

Tyler (41:50):
I had to change hotels. It was like everything that
could and I and I lost it. AndI'm like, man, I've done so much
work on myself to to have lostit at my kids at that point. You
know, and I just I thinkeverybody in the car was crying
at one point and, like, becauseI was just I was angry. We were
all tired.
We were all exhausted. We allwanted to just enjoy Hawaii,
and, you know, we ended up thetrip, I think, was great, but,

(42:13):
like, I just remember being sodisappointed in myself that I
let I let myself get to thatpoint. Yeah. And I and I and I
took ownership. I'm you know,you you everyone was like, well,
Cozy had the credit card, andI'm like, well, why didn't I
check I had it before I left?
I should have checked. I didn'tknow that was the rental car
policy that you had to have, youknow, the actual car you rent

(42:36):
your car you rented on file.

Danny (42:38):
You know, what's funny is I've also been with you on a
trip where you've improvisedwith things instantly, and the
the trip turned out betterbecause of your improvisation.
And you're like, hey, man. Iknow that I booked this car, but
this is not working. I'm notwaiting in this line. That line

(42:58):
is shorter.
I'm going there. Dude, thatturned out unreal Right. To us.

Tyler (43:03):
Yeah.

Danny (43:03):
We did not wait in line. There No. There was a line that
was insane.

Tyler (43:07):
The car was cheaper. The car was cheaper? It was brand
new.

Danny (43:10):
The people were

Tyler (43:11):
way nice with.

Danny (43:12):
And all those people that were standing in line, we walked
past them, like, how comethey're not doing the same
thing? Right. But you took thereins, and we were all like,
this is awesome. Yeah. You know?
And having ownership Yeah.Whether it's bad and it turns
out bad and we learn from itbefore it turns out good. Next

(43:32):
thing you know, it's better.Yeah. You get to have, like,
men.
It's it you keep your your linenever going too high, never
going too low. Yeah. I thinkwith your family, especially,
like, they, no matter what, aregonna give you grace, but they
are so appreciative when youaccept ownership of Yeah. I

(43:53):
should not have fucked that up.Yep.
I I tell my boys all the time. Iknow that you give me grace. I
know that you give me passes.

Tyler (44:02):
Right.

Danny (44:02):
Both my boys could whoop my ass. They both could until,
like, if I needed to stand onbusiness. Yeah.

Tyler (44:08):
Yeah.

Danny (44:08):
Like, hey, man. If you meet your dad, I'm probably
gonna fight dirty.

Tyler (44:12):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Danny (44:13):
But we you know both my boys. Yeah. They're tough as
shit. Yeah. And they also are soopinion so opinionated.

Tyler (44:20):
Mhmm.

Danny (44:21):
And sometimes, people get a little I can see in their eyes
that they're like, man, thesedudes are 3 of them? 3? This
opinion? Holy shit. But both myboys will Braxton, especially,
because of some of the thingshe's went through, very, very,
very, very extreme ownership.

Tyler (44:40):
Yeah.

Danny (44:41):
Tristan, it is the thing that we are working the most on
with him. I remember, like,times that you've told me, you
need to do you need to do thiswith him.

Tyler (44:50):
Yeah.

Danny (44:51):
You need to do this with him. And there's been times
where I'm, like, fight back atyou.

Tyler (44:54):
Yeah.

Danny (44:54):
Like, that's my kid.

Tyler (44:55):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Danny (44:56):
But I've always been like, no. Don't. Don't. Tyler's
not attacking me. No.
He's giving me advice because hesees things from a different
perspective, and I've alwaysbeen like, I appreciate that.

Tyler (45:10):
Dude, and we see the growth. We see the growth. Like,
even at the rink the other day,like, I walked into the office,
and I'm like, woah. Tristan, notonly did he have, like, what he
wanted to get done to holdhimself accountable for that
day, it was, like, all checkedoff when you, like, went and you
looked at the stuff, and youwere just like, damn.

Danny (45:26):
Can was hard for me. Right? I mean, that day that
that day that you kind of, like,told me, hey. You need to do
this with Tristan. You need tobe this with Tristan.
I was like, my ears wereburning. My hair was on fire,
and I was like, what in theworld? And I and I remember
thinking, like, thank you somuch. Thank you for being such a

(45:48):
powerful man to know that Ineeded to hear that from a
different perspective. And thathappens a lot because Tristan is
around my friends so many times,you know, where they see things
that I don't see, and they giveme advice.
And I'm like Yeah. You know, ifI if I'm in a moment, I may take

(46:08):
it wrong. But if I haveownership, if I take ownership,
if I'm if I'm accepting and I'mwilling to accept your guidance
as a man Yeah. You are you don'thave negative context to it. You
only have Right.
Like, this is what I want to seefor you as a man.

Tyler (46:25):
It brings it back full circle too. Right? Because
there's been times too whereyou've given me advice about my
my children that I've heeded,and it's like, it it pays off.
And it's not always what youwant

Danny (46:36):
to hear.

Tyler (46:37):
And and and sometimes the fault is on the deliver of the
messages the message too. Right?Like, messages can be construed.
Messages can be not deliveredcorrectly. It's about taking a
taking a breath and, like,getting through it.
Does it does this relationshipmatter to me? You know, if the
relationship doesn't matter toyou, if if it's already kind of

(46:58):
a contentious relationship, youknow, there there may be points
where it's just like, I don'tcare.

Danny (47:03):
I'm going

Tyler (47:03):
to war with you.

Danny (47:04):
I agree. Yeah.

Tyler (47:05):
You know? And Yeah. And these happen. You're standing on
that business.

Danny (47:07):
Stand on business.

Tyler (47:07):
You're standing on that business. Yeah. But if that
relationship matters to you, youknow, you'll find ways to to
work through the hurt. And Ithink that again, I will I'll
say this again. Like, that isthe mark of true good
relationships is your ability towork through and find repair in
those moments where thatfeedback has has gone gone
negative, and you you guysaren't you're not seeing eye to

(47:29):
eye.

Danny (47:30):
And ownership of that moment Mhmm. Is gonna give you
some clarity that will impactyou when shit does hit the fan.
Yes. Right? When shit hits thefan and you need guidance, you
need space, you need somebody tobe on your side.

(47:52):
If you've if you've done yourjob, I'm gonna fight a 100% for
you, and you're not gonna fightby yourself. You're not gonna
fight against by your anybody byyourself. You're gonna fight
we're gonna fight together.

Tyler (48:03):
Right.

Danny (48:03):
Right? And we're gonna have a a common, end goal. Yeah.
Right? And that's what I thinkmen need to work on.
And I think having extremeownership and everybody going to
a common goal Yeah. Is going togive you so much clarity in your

(48:24):
life.

Tyler (48:24):
Yeah.

Danny (48:25):
But start in small doses. You know? Just take take
ownership of the day. Takeownership of the moment. Take
ownership of of an argument.
Mhmm. You know? And I know I'vetold you a bunch of times, like,
what what did you bring to thefight? What did you bring to the
fight? Can you just find Yeah.
Clarity in what you brought

Tyler (48:44):
to the fight?

Danny (48:45):
Yeah. And sometimes you're like Oh. Yeah. Other
times, you're like, you'reright. Yeah.
You know?

Tyler (48:52):
Yeah. Yeah. I I think especially in prolonged
prolonged, wars of attrition.Right? You have to start taking
more and more ownership andunderstand, like, are the
casualties we're sustainingworth it, whether that be just
your own mental health or therelationships that you're
destroying or or or that are indisrepair in that in that, like,

(49:12):
super fascinating conversation.
I think the other thing you'vetaught me too is to just be kind
on yourself.

Danny (49:18):
Please.

Tyler (49:18):
Because sometimes taking ownership does not feel the
best.

Danny (49:21):
Oh my

Tyler (49:21):
gosh. Sometimes it feels like a real kick in the corners.

Danny (49:25):
Kick in the nuts. Right? And then ask lots of questions.

Tyler (49:32):
Get fucking curious.

Danny (49:33):
Be the person that's like even if you even if you're like,
I'm have no Guion, and I'm gonnaask you how to baseball chokes
me.

Tyler (49:42):
Yeah. Baseball bat choke.

Danny (49:44):
Yeah. But, I mean, like, there's ways to do it. Let's
figure out a way to do it. Youknow? Be curious.
Be curious. Like, just askquestions. Find comfortable
soundboards.

Tyler (49:56):
Yeah. Find Find your tribe. Start finding your tribe.
Fail.

Danny (50:01):
Fail a 1000000 times.

Tyler (50:02):
My favorite acronym for fail is first attempt at
learning.

Danny (50:06):
Yeah.

Tyler (50:06):
1st attempt at learning. Every time you fail. Okay. So
maybe not the second time or thethird time, but, like, yeah,
your first maybe you'd maybe youtweaked it. Right?
Like, there's there's you know?

Danny (50:16):
We're gonna fail. We man, this was Tyler, that worked out
so well. I'm so glad that wesound boarded before because I
think it opened up our minds forthe conversation. Being back in
the studio to me is, like,amazing because I was I, watched
a couple of things on YouTubewhere I'm looking at their

(50:39):
setup, and I'm like, man, oursetup at the studio is amazing.
Yeah.
Plus, we have the bus. The bus.Plus, we're able to use some of
the academy when we have Yes.Members on. I think that this
was one of those podcasts wherewe hit the topic the way that we

(51:00):
wanted

Tyler (51:00):
it to. Yeah.

Danny (51:01):
You know, we were we really this next week by when
this comes out, it will beFriday, and I believe that we'll
know Yeah. What's gonna happen.Yeah. I believe that we know
what's gonna happen. I hope thateverybody's kind to each other.
I hope everybody's generous toeach other. I hope that
everybody understands that wehave one fight, and that is to
protect our country Mhmm. Toprotect our people Mhmm. Protect

(51:23):
our children. And whoever thatis in the office, let's support
them to the best of our ability.

Tyler (51:31):
Right.

Danny (51:31):
Let's not fight anymore.

Tyler (51:32):
But it's it's so it's such a I always get so
frustrated at this because I'mfairly apolitical. Right? Like,
I I tend to like to read

Danny (51:40):
I'm not. Disoriented.

Tyler (51:43):
I tend to like to read up. Like, I could give like, I'm
I will admit I had voted forKanye West. I still think he
would be the best president.Guy's a fucking genius. Yeah.
He may be a bit mental, but,like, honestly, like, I don't
you know? And we're not apolitical podcast, and I don't
wanna get into this as we'rewrapping up, but, like, we are
gonna know. I I I believe inbeing involved. And as I have an

(52:03):
18 year old daughter who'svoting for the first time, I
want her to be involved. Even ifshe doesn't love either of the
candidates, just get involved.

Danny (52:11):
Get involved.

Tyler (52:12):
If you don't get involved, you don't have a right
to bitch.

Danny (52:14):
Do not complain to me if you do not vote.

Tyler (52:16):
Right? Right? Even if you throw away your vote and vote
for Kanye West.

Danny (52:19):
Don't tell me shit if you didn't vote.

Tyler (52:21):
Yeah. Exactly.

Danny (52:23):
Agreed. So let's be kind to each other. Let's remember to
have ownership of what you'vedone, what you did. Ask lots of
questions. Find somebody thatyou can talk to that you trust.
Right. Find a soundboard. If youare having crazy thoughts in
your brain, get them out

Tyler (52:42):
so

Danny (52:42):
they don't sound so crazy because those will manifest.
Yes. Keep your baselinebaseline.

Tyler (52:47):
Yeah. Get some help if you need it.

Danny (52:49):
Call us.

Tyler (52:50):
I'd I'd much rather much rather, you know, bear the cost
of your your tears than than thethe weight of your confidence. I
agree.

Danny (52:56):
With you.

Tyler (52:56):
I agree. Thank you so much, Danny. I appreciate the
conversation. What you

Danny (52:59):
got going on next week?

Tyler (53:00):
Next week, man.

Danny (53:01):
Or coming up because we got the election coming up, and
so we're gonna be voting. I'm

Tyler (53:05):
gonna be voting. I'm running rolling a lot of
jujitsu. I gotta make somedecisions about heading down to
Durango. I need a week out oftown. I need a week out of town.
I love Durango. I love Durangotoo. I I I'm tempted to throw
the rooftop tent back on and,like Oh,

Danny (53:19):
you told me this.

Tyler (53:21):
You know, I can work from anywhere, so, like, maybe I'll
be working from the middle ofthe desert in Moab. I just don't
know how warm it'll be. I'm alittle bit concerned if I'll be
warm enough in the tent. And asmuch as I love the tent, I also
like being comfortable. So,we'll see.
Cool. What about you? What yougot going on?

Danny (53:42):
I'm hoping to purchase my sauna this week.

Tyler (53:45):
I'm hoping you purchased it.

Danny (53:46):
When I purchased it. I've got I've got to make a phone
call tomorrow. I I'm prettypositive of which one I'm
picking. I'm hoping that theywill allow us to say their name,
say the one that I'm using, andthen use them as a, just use the
platform that we have to promotethem. Not that I'm looking for

(54:09):
anything from them, but I don'twanna, like if if I I want you
to benefit me Yeah.
As I benefit you, let's helpeach other out. Yeah. They have
a killer deal right now. And so,hopefully, the next podcast, I
will tell the song that I'mgonna buy. We've decided that
we're gonna how we're gonna dothe backyard for, spring for

(54:30):
spring next year, putting insome trees and some things and
some Nice.
Some for the for the song andthe cold plunge. Winter's here,
so I'm gonna go intohibernation.

Tyler (54:40):
Hibernation.

Danny (54:41):
I'm gonna hibernate in the wrestling room. I've been on
more phone calls, more Zoommeetings, more Snapchats than I
have in a while trying to getthe, wrestling direction the way
that I wanted to go. Tripp and Iare, really active in it, so
that's kinda nice. And so I havemeetings the next 3 days,

(55:04):
meeting with gear, meeting with,some some people that are gonna
help us fund the program, andthen hopefully work that into
the spring season funding thethe the the club.

Tyler (55:19):
I'm excited to come to some meets.

Danny (55:21):
Excited too. We have some cool stuff that we're gonna do
for Park City.

Tyler (55:24):
I'd love to I'd love to come in and work on my stand up
game.

Danny (55:27):
Park City rest. Let's go. Park City jujitsu. Come see us
on Sunday. Yeah.
Open mats.

Tyler (55:34):
Open mats. Mayhem on the mat.

Danny (55:35):
Mayhem on the mat.

Tyler (55:36):
Mayhem on the mat. Get yourself a Mayhem on the mat T
shirt. Again, they justrepresent what we are trying to
do here. Work out your mentalissues in a positive way. Hit up
Mayhem on the mat, scouts forcheckout for 15% off.

Danny (55:52):
At cabo.thebus if you wanna use the bus as a, prop.
Yep. You take pictures with it.We'll come set it up. We'll
Tyler and I'll come hang out.
We'll set it up for you guys.We're gonna put an ad page for
it. We are gonna use, you'remore than welcome to camp in it
if you want. I'll set it up foryou. Can't drive it.

(56:13):
You can't do anything, but youcan hang out in a vintage VW bus
for the night. Sweet. And we'llset it up for you. We'll we'll
show you the things that youneed. And, yeah, we're just
growing the brand, growing theNice.
Growing our population, and keepgrowing as a community.

Tyler (56:29):
Yep. Alright. Cheers, everybody. We'll catch you next
time.

Danny (56:32):
Cheers.