August 12, 2025 • 24 mins
Have you ever experienced the emotional rollercoaster of sending your child off to college? For Rachel and me, Janette, that momentous milestone came with a whirlwind of emotions, from meticulous dorm preparations to chaotic last-minute packing. We'll take you back to our personal journeys from a year ago, sharing the raw feelings and surprises—like my son's unexpected transfer back home. This episode aims to support and connect parents navigating this unpredictable life event, touching on the pride, sadness, and hope that comes with watching your child step into a new chapter.
As we recount the heartfelt moments of saying goodbye over dinners and breakfasts, you’ll find solace in knowing you're not alone in facing these bittersweet transitions. Shifting family dynamics and sibling bonds are part of the new normal, and we offer practical advice on managing expectations around communication with your college-bound children. Our stories underline the universal nature of this experience, highlighting the delicate balance between nurturing their independence and keeping the family connection strong.
Lastly, we tackle the empty nest syndrome with a blend of humor and real talk. Imagine "parent rehab" as a lighthearted yet poignant way to address our struggles of letting go. From anthropomorphizing animal behavior to shared experiences of dropping kids off at college, we explore the emotional challenges parents face as their children grow up. Stay tuned for our ongoing saga of trying to get Milo to text his mom and catch a glimpse of our upcoming interviews that promise to entertain and support you through this life-altering journey. Produced by Rachel Martens and Jeanette of Sharian, don’t forget to follow us on social media and share your thoughts!
#parenting #college #offtocollge #freshman
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi everyone.
It's that time of the yearagain where people are starting
to head off to college, somegoing back for a second year,
third year, fourth year and somegoing for their first time.
We recorded an episode lastyear when both Rachel and I had
our first kid heading off tocollege.
We had experienced this for thefirst time and it was quite a
(00:21):
bit of an emotional rollercoaster and we did a podcast
right after we had gotten hometo share.
Since then, it's been about ayear.
Rachel has another kid goingoff to college.
I don't I have another year togo, but I'd like to share first
before we rerun that episode, tolet you know how we what was
going on and to help people whoare going through it right now.
(00:43):
To let you know that so muchhappened in that year that you
never expect.
What we did learn is that younever know how things are going
to turn out.
I thought I was never going tohave my son back at home again
and that changed.
He decided to transfer back upto New Jersey and he's decided
to go to school in New York.
(01:03):
So we're right now have himhome again for a while until he
finds different livingarrangements so you never know
what will happen.
So with that we'd like to sendyou back to one year, back for
us and how we handled our firstkid that went off to college.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Enjoy our first kid that went off to college.
Enjoy.
Get Lost in Jersey with Racheland Jeanette talking about life
just outside New York City.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Hi Rachel.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Hi Jeanette.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
How are you?
I'm not a mess, it's a jet lag.
It's like jet lag, I discovered.
I was like what is this?
Speaker 2 (01:44):
feeling I feel like a worn out yeah, that's a good
way to put it, I think you'reright Like we dropped off our
first born at college.
Got home, it does feel a littlebit like jet lag, like you're
like you worked 18 years as amom.
You get there, you drop themoff.
You're like, wow, that wentfast, fast, but it didn't.
(02:06):
But you feel like it did, andthen it's like getting them set
up.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Tell me your story, because we just barely texted so
just to catch everybody up isthat we just both got back from
dropping our kids off fromcollege and we said why don't we
tell each other about?
It and we get on a record and Iwant to hear your journey.
We should tell each other.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
It was an experience it was definitely an experience,
and I.
It's again one of those thingswhere people can tell me a
hundred times what it was like,but until I went through it,
this is raising children in anutshell.
Until I go through it myself, Icannot relate.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
My respect.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Intellectually you can, but not emotionally.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Exactly my respect for anybody that has already
gone through this our parents,specifically, or our aunts, or
anybody that's older than us islike oh I'm so sorry, I never
listened to you.
You are so far, you have doneso much more than I have ever
gone through Like I never givenyou credit for like I feel like
(03:20):
that's 100% true.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
I remember writing my mom a thank you note after I
gave birth to Ellie and it waslike that sort of illumination.
Like this is so difficult, soemotional, and being a working
parent, what in the world justhappened?
And you already did all this,wow, yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Okay, so tell me, okay, I think, what I would like
to do.
First of all, I think we shouldhave this podcast in the event
that somebody is going to gothrough this or is going through
this or has gone through thisor anything, so that they can
maybe identify, not feel alone.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Identify.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Maybe we can help prepare them with a couple of
things.
Maybe we can help prepare themwith a couple of things.
So your story from the momentokay, you got your kid through
the whole college applicationprocess and then the days are
starting to dwindle down of howlong it is before they're going
to leave and you're told thatyou got to start getting dorm
preparation.
Yeah, so tell me this.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
I really wasn't stressed out about any of that.
I was like whatevs.
She also is very organized andshe she knew what clothes she
wanted to bring.
She looked up on what shewanted to.
She had already found aroommate via Instagram and blah,
blah, blah.
So they were working togetheron aesthetic, what they wanted
(04:45):
to do, how they wanted it tolook.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
And was she packed like before, a week before?
Speaker 2 (04:51):
No, it was more like two and a half days before, but
again, it wasn't.
It wasn't too crazy.
Also, we didn't have to flylike you did.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Well, yeah, but so here's a good.
You know, the great thing aboutus is that we have different
experiences, right?
Okay?
So you know, milo came home atthree 30 in the morning the
night before we were supposed toleave and packed at 4am in the
morning.
I cannot, I cannot.
I woke up.
(05:21):
I was like what is all thisnoise?
And I looked at him and he's inthere and he's like throwing
stuff in the suitcase.
I'm like are you packing rightnow?
Speaker 2 (05:31):
And he's like yeah, I cannot believe that.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
And so.
So then I thought maybe he hadgotten up early to do it, he had
actually come home late afterhanging out like with everybody,
and then was it took a pack.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
What Wait?
He had more than one piece ofluggage.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
He had like a big suitcase and then like a roller,
like small roller, and then twoduffel bags.
Okay, did you ship anything?
Yeah, we shipped a bunch ofstuff.
We did it.
We did the whole like buy stuffon target, you know, pick up at
the local target, and had a fewthings shipped to the hotel
from Amazon, okay, okay.
(06:14):
And then we did a few runs tothe to target when we were there
and all of that stuff Is thatkind of what you did too, cause
we drove and so we could fit alot in the car and, um, we did
order a couple of things viaAmazon to her dorm.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Um, and then we did have to do a target run when we
got down there to try and getunder bed storage.
And that was classic becauseher roommate had everything.
It was the second kid going tocollege so the parents were like
in and out, they came in, theyhad everything packed in every
under storage.
Everything was done in like ahalf a second.
(06:51):
They they even had that malletwhere you can raise the bed up
or down.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Correctly.
Yeah, we're all just strugglingto do it.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Ellie's like I really need a lot more storage.
I'm like, yeah, yeah, we'rejust going to go to Target.
Of course, I'm a ding dong andwe get to Target and it's all
sold out.
It looked raided so we had toimprovise.
We improvised pretty well, sowe found stuff that will work.
It's not the classic stuff, butit's fine, it's all good.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
But the thing that's so strange, the emotional part
of it all.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
I was going to say were you guys like chill?
Were you stressed?
Was it like easy going?
What were their dynamics forthe few days?
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Well, I mean, I think you know I'm just trying to be
really good, you know, like notbe emotional and not be like
annoying, you know, because thisis the life you don't want to
get in a fight.
A bad impression you don't wantto leave in a bad place.
So, you know, I think that wewere just being real
accommodating, very, you know,no nagging or whatever kind of
thing was going on.
We went to dinner a few timesand it was taking everything in
(08:00):
me to just not fall apart.
You want to control the wholegoodbye?
You know, ours is a very uniquesituation.
He's rooming with his childhoodbest friend, you know Right.
So, yeah, we went out to dinnerand we then went and did
another Target and then, ofcourse, we all got in a fight in
the car.
Of course, yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
I mean it was like it makes sense.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
I mean, it wasn't, it wasn't him, it wasn't with him,
it was actually Roger and I gotin an argument because we'd
been bickering, you know likeoff and on, and it just kind of
got really big.
And Milo was the one in the carwas like look, look, just see
everybody calm down, you know,like calm down, you know like we
don't need to be doing this.
You know, we were all I waslike we don't, we absolutely do
not need to be doing this.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Oh, that's cute.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
So it kind of calmed down.
And then we helped him move hisstuff in, and then we said
goodbye and I you know Theo waslike I can't believe you didn't
cry.
I was like he did not see me,like I just, you know, I turned
really quickly and just kept ittogether.
So how did you say goodbye?
Speaker 2 (09:04):
I didn't think I was stressed, but it was like that
emotional stress probably oflike holding it all in, holding
it in.
So Bill and I were definitelyon edge with each other.
And then we did have dinnerwith her that the night before
because we drove all the firstday had dinner that night.
It was like a quiet, weirddinner, just the three of us,
because she said goodbye to hersisters here before we hit the
(09:26):
road which was so emotional andit just uh.
So watching that was terrible,but wonderful that they love
each other, but terrible, yeah,and then, um, it was so, oh my
god and I hate hot weather andit's I mean, but it was like hot
hot, it was like a little bithot you know like 90 something
(09:49):
degrees hot and humid and it waslike just sweating through
everything.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
It's gross.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Yeah, gross, and then that morning we had breakfast
with her and that we like we hadall calmed down a little bit,
yeah, but it was that was hardCause you're just like you know
you're seeing them alone andyoung, feeling young and
(10:17):
vulnerable, and even though weknow our kids are going to be
fine.
It's all going to be a greatlearning experience.
It's a huge transition for allof us.
Yeah, like the dynamic at homeis going to be different for all
of us.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Well, like I told you .
I came home I walked up thestairs and I saw the room where
he's no longer there and justwalked in and laid on the bed
and cried.
I mean I hope people listeningdo not think, oh my God, listen
to this.
I think it's really universal.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
I think that everybody goes through this.
This is not like a oh these youknow, get over it, your kid.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
I think that we just didn't notice.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
We didn't notice our parents were going through this.
You can't help but raise achild for those many years and
feel a bond you know is changing.
It's like that new chapter.
Theo kept saying it's a newchapter, it's a totally new
chapter.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
I was like it is a new chapter.
I get it, I got it, but we havethe same chapter.
Theo, we're still in the samechapter, you and me Same chapter
.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
You're not, yeah, you're not.
But yeah, it was sweet Becauseyou know my, my sons have always
bickered and fought and stuff,so you did see the warmth there
and that was like also likesomething that was extremely
emotional for me because youdon't see them ever, ever being.
And I mean my younger son wasjust he was so I can't even tell
(11:41):
you how proud I was with him ofhelping through the whole
process and he was saying thaton the way back we were saying
would I go, would you want to godown there and visit you know,
on your own?
He was like I could totally seemyself doing that and then I
was thinking, oh my God, if hegoes down there, what's going to
?
Speaker 2 (11:57):
happen.
That's the best, because theirrelationship's totally going to
change now.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
One of the things that I'm really thinking about
is what kind of person I'm goingto be now to this person, you
know, because I don't want to belike the you know, like oh, he
hasn't texted me or he's notcalling, and that whole texting
and connecting and feeling.
(12:22):
It's to be determined howthat's going to transpire, but
my son's never been a big texterof me and I don't think it's
going to get better, you know.
So how do I manage that?
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
I think I think it's fair to say to him like hey, you
know, I love a weekly check-in.
You know, I think that istotally acceptable for us
because we do text.
But it's more like logistics.
Yeah, we would always textbecause she I'd be like she went
grocery shopping for me, I'mgoing to miss that, yeah.
(13:04):
So it'd be like, can you grabthis?
But you know, but it wasn'tlike how are you or any of that.
So, I wonder.
I'm going to try really hardnot to over text.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
But I did read something that said a sweet post
about somebody talking aboutthe hidden texts that say I miss
you, but don't say I miss you.
You know like.
You know, like the food here isterrible.
That means yeah, yeah.
That means they miss home food.
You know like things like that.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Yeah, oh, I have good advice for my cousin Karen that
she said, cause she's had twooff to college.
One has already graduated atone as a senior in college.
She and she's like do youremember when we would call home
to our parents crying aboutlike it's so hard, this class is
awful, I'm bombing, I have nofriends?
And I'm like I have no friendsand I'm like, oh yeah, I did
(13:53):
that a lot to my mom Firstsemester of freshman year.
Poor mom, she's like well, thatis an I love you.
And then it's them letting outthe worst shit to you.
And then later they're usuallyfeeling so much better because
they let that all out to you.
(14:14):
They're usually out withfriends.
So she said I had to remindmyself.
If her daughter or son calledand dumped all over her like all
their pain and sadness, she'dbe like, oh no, this is the
wrong school, it's the wrong fit.
She would have, you know, allgo there first and then text
(14:34):
them like two hours later andsay, hey, are you feeling better
?
And the kid would usually belike yeah, I'm totally fine, I'm
out to dinner with so-and-soand so-and-so like.
She'd be like I'm totally fine,I'm out to dinner with
so-and-so and so-and-so, likeshe's like, oh right, oh right.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
So she said, remember that.
Okay, I'm pretty sure I'llnever get that.
I'm like, I'll be, I'll be likewhat you're calling me to tell
you know, cause he's just, youknow, my son's always been a
quiet kid.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
So that's for the other people listening.
It's not for Jeanette, Not forme but it's good advice.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
It may be a little different for you, and me as
well, because I've lived in theSouth before.
But heading down, how did thatfeel?
It's different because, youknow, did it feel Southern?
Yes, like the city.
Did you like the city?
Yeah, it's a beautiful,wonderful place.
I mean it was a little too hotright now, but it was amazing
(15:30):
city, I mean.
What I couldn't believe is somy son went to Charleston and
your daughter went to Virginia,yeah, and so the thing is is
that I didn't realize the beachis like 15 minutes away.
Oh, yeah, it's a reallybeautiful place.
It's a beautiful, interestingcity, I mean, but it's different
(15:54):
, you know it's different peopleare there and just different
culture.
You know it's, oh yeah, yeah,people super friendly, though
that's the thing that I'm reallyexcited about for milo is that
I think that he will learn fromthat you know, yeah, he's gonna
have to like when he goes to getany sort of like food or any
(16:16):
service from any restaurant oranything.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
They're gonna be so friendly to him he's gonna have
no matter who you bump into,they are all nice to you.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
It's pretty lovely.
Yeah, it's very very, you canget used to it.
I know you can, but I will tellyou this much yes, when our
plane landed and we got out atthe newark airport and all of a
sudden I was like, oh, so gladto be back in new jersey.
I mean, it's really really nice, which is confusing, because it
(16:52):
is confusing.
There's just such an energyhere that you can't get anywhere
else.
It's like new york, it's like,you know, every, there's like
every, there's a like a rainbowof people.
As soon as you get off theplane there's a different style.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
It is just something.
It's something and it's weird.
We felt like driving there,because it's like six and a half
hours.
It's so beautiful, like thetrees even get bigger and lusher
, and like the magnolia treesare insane, and I'm like, wow,
and the mountains are in thebackground.
I'm like wow, and the mountainsare in the background.
I'm like this place is gorgeousand everybody's super friendly
(17:32):
and I said I'm so glad she'shaving you know, four years
outside of the bubble that we'rein.
And then it is true, though,but when we get home, I'm like,
ah, we're home.
True, though, but when we gethome, I'm like, ah, we're home.
I mean, but I do think it's.
It's important that our kidsare, it's lucky that our kids
(17:52):
are able to go to school.
In a country that's so big andso different every state, every
city in every state it is agreat thing to go to college
somewhere else.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Yeah, I mean, it's like they're all.
Every state has somethingreally fantastic, you know, and
something to learn from.
I really think it's great to goand travel in this country,
this country.
You know everybody's talkingabout going abroad, you know
there's so much to learn heretoo.
You know, I know so much, somuch here, here too you know,
and we'll all have to regroup atThanksgiving and tell you how
(18:29):
that first trip back was.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
You know like what's it like when they come home, how
they slap back into the familydynamic.
Yeah, like what's that gonna belike?
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Yeah, I don't know.
It's a scary time and it's alsoexciting time.
It's sad time.
It's also exciting time.
It's sad time.
It's a mini, mini time.
But I tell you what I have,really I would.
I saw some younger parentstoday and I was like, wow, I
don't relate to you anymore.
I did that same thing.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
I took june to target earlier for her back to school
shopping and she's going intoeighth grade.
But we saw parents with littleones, little little cuties like
one sitting in the shopping cart, the other one kind of melting
down and I was just like oh,what is that like?
(19:19):
And then the other part of meis like, gonna be that crazy old
lady, that's like.
It goes so fast, just enjoy it,and that would be horrible.
I do going to be that crazy oldlady, that's like it goes so
fast, Just enjoy it.
And that would be horrible.
I do not want to be that person.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
It's terrible, but it's so true.
But yeah, that's the wholething.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
It's like you really get all the older people now I'm
a cliche at every phase of mylife.
We just can't, we can't.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
I can't help it.
I think that's what I'm tryingnot to be, but I don't know if I
can fight it.
I'm like I don't want to bethat mom where they're like you
need to call me.
Why aren't you calling me?
You know, I don't want to bethat.
I don't want to be like youjust never call.
You need to call home, honey, Ihope you do that.
(20:04):
You do it.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Do it as a voice memo on oh my God, please, just like
, just.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
I mean, you need to take me to some sort of like
parent rehab If I start goinginto some place like that where
I obsessively texting him.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
Why are you not?
That would be so funny if wecould set up a parent rehab and
be like all right, everyone inthere's going to be a
deprogramming where it's like acult we're in so remember who
you were before, remember whoyou were before, but I don't, I
don't I literally can't connectwith the rachel before.
I don't know who she was really.
(20:41):
Well, who the hell was she?
Speaker 1 (20:43):
we're not supposed to .
I don't maybe we're notsupposed to we're, but we're
supposed to still be humans.
But apparently we still have alife right because I'm I'm
pretty sure that birds that kicktheir bird and I'm not the not
that we're birds, but, um, youknow, they go on.
I mean, what do these birds doonce their birds go away?
(21:04):
They still go on.
I watched that falcon.
I was obsessed with this.
Oh, you were, yeah yeah, yeah, Iwas obsessed and I watched the
whole process.
When the little baby's falconslearned how to fly, they were
all gone.
You know it's like, and the momwas like me too I'm out?
I don't.
And then she just went off, Ithink.
(21:25):
Or do they get back to get?
Do they still have?
Do they have?
Speaker 2 (21:27):
thanksgiving.
I don't know falcon lovers,please let us know.
Do they keep coming back?
Do they come back together for?
Speaker 1 (21:34):
thanksgiving or like.
I think I'm anthropomorphizing,or how do you say it?
Anthropomorphizing, yes you are.
It would have been nice to talkto a mom that had done all of
them you know like oh well.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
So I was in target with ellie and bill.
We were all like running aroundcrazy to try and get the last
minute stuff down at theuniversity and, um, she ran into
a girl that she had met up herefor like a new jersey dinner
kind of thing and her mom, thisgirl's mom, had met up here for
like a New Jersey dinner kind ofthing, and her mom, this girl's
(22:08):
mom, had tears streaming out ofher face while holding a cart
and she was wiping her eyes andshe was totally flustered and I
was like, oh, like I saw thiskindred spirit.
I was like, hi, is it yourfirst going to call?
Is it your oldest and yourfirst going to college?
She goes no, it's my last, it'sthe worst.
(22:28):
And I was like, oh, it totallymakes sense.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
It does.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Because we're going home to an empty house.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
I know I was thinking that today.
I was like why didn't I havelike 10 kids?
God dang it, I know right,because by the time you get to
the 10th one, you're just, youknow it's, you're pretty much,
they're like unpacked, you knowwhat, just drive yourself to
college.
Yeah, by the time you get tothe 10th you don't need to go to
college.
You've got grandkids already.
(22:58):
You know what I mean?
You've got like it's like, it'slike a oh, totally, yeah, so it
just you messed that up.
Yeah, we, we should have hadmore kids.
Oh, what are?
Speaker 2 (23:09):
we thinking that was dumb.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
I'm glad that I have somebody to go through this with
.
And I mean I really appreciatedyou texting me in that picture
of Ellie and Milo, that pictureof Ellie and Milo is amazing.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
So cute Young cutie baby.
Amazing.
So cute Young cutie baby faces.
I know how are they like peoplenow.
Well, we did it, we survived,they will survive.
You guys out there will surviveand I'm sure we're going to go
through lots of, lots more upsand downs.
(23:49):
We'll let you know if I get atext if anybody texts me in the
next month.
If you don't, I might text Milomyself and just be like dude,
text your mom, she's unbearable.
Or I'll say bruh, text your mom.
He'll be like oh God, rachel'smore embarrassing than my mom.
Text your mom.
He'll be like oh God, rachel'smore embarrassing than my mom.
(24:09):
That's fine, I don't mind if Iembarrass myself to him.
Well, I'd appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
Thank you very much.
With that, we have this wrappedup episode and next week we
have more interviews coming.
Yep, hope you enjoy Okay.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Bye, bye.
Interviews coming.
Yep.
I hope you enjoy.
Okay, bye.
This podcast is produced byRachel Martens and Jeanette of
Sharian.
Please follow us on Facebookand Instagram.
We hope you share this pod withyour friends and family and let
us know what you think.
Check out our website atlostinjerseysite and don't
forget to get lost.
Hi everyone.
It's that time of the yearagain where people are starting
to head off to college, somegoing back for a second year,
third year, fourth year and somegoing for their first time.
We recorded an episode lastyear when both Rachel and I had
our first kid heading off tocollege.
We had experienced this for thefirst time and it was quite a
(00:21):
bit of an emotional rollercoaster and we did a podcast
right after we had gotten hometo share.
Since then, it's been about ayear.
Rachel has another kid goingoff to college.
I don't I have another year togo, but I'd like to share first
before we rerun that episode, tolet you know how we what was
going on and to help people whoare going through it right now.
(00:43):
To let you know that so muchhappened in that year that you
never expect.
What we did learn is that younever know how things are going
to turn out.
I thought I was never going tohave my son back at home again
and that changed.
He decided to transfer back upto New Jersey and he's decided
to go to school in New York.
(01:03):
So we're right now have himhome again for a while until he
finds different livingarrangements so you never know
what will happen.
So with that we'd like to sendyou back to one year, back for
us and how we handled our firstkid that went off to college.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Enjoy our first kid that went off to college.
Enjoy.
Get Lost in Jersey with Racheland Jeanette talking about life
just outside New York City.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Hi Rachel.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Hi Jeanette.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
How are you?
I'm not a mess, it's a jet lag.
It's like jet lag, I discovered.
I was like what is this?
Speaker 2 (01:44):
feeling I feel like a worn out yeah, that's a good
way to put it, I think you'reright Like we dropped off our
first born at college.
Got home, it does feel a littlebit like jet lag, like you're
like you worked 18 years as amom.
You get there, you drop themoff.
You're like, wow, that wentfast, fast, but it didn't.
(02:06):
But you feel like it did, andthen it's like getting them set
up.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Tell me your story, because we just barely texted so
just to catch everybody up isthat we just both got back from
dropping our kids off fromcollege and we said why don't we
tell each other about?
It and we get on a record and Iwant to hear your journey.
We should tell each other.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
It was an experience it was definitely an experience,
and I.
It's again one of those thingswhere people can tell me a
hundred times what it was like,but until I went through it,
this is raising children in anutshell.
Until I go through it myself, Icannot relate.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
My respect.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Intellectually you can, but not emotionally.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Exactly my respect for anybody that has already
gone through this our parents,specifically, or our aunts, or
anybody that's older than us islike oh I'm so sorry, I never
listened to you.
You are so far, you have doneso much more than I have ever
gone through Like I never givenyou credit for like I feel like
(03:20):
that's 100% true.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
I remember writing my mom a thank you note after I
gave birth to Ellie and it waslike that sort of illumination.
Like this is so difficult, soemotional, and being a working
parent, what in the world justhappened?
And you already did all this,wow, yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Okay, so tell me, okay, I think, what I would like
to do.
First of all, I think we shouldhave this podcast in the event
that somebody is going to gothrough this or is going through
this or has gone through thisor anything, so that they can
maybe identify, not feel alone.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Identify.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Maybe we can help prepare them with a couple of
things.
Maybe we can help prepare themwith a couple of things.
So your story from the momentokay, you got your kid through
the whole college applicationprocess and then the days are
starting to dwindle down of howlong it is before they're going
to leave and you're told thatyou got to start getting dorm
preparation.
Yeah, so tell me this.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
I really wasn't stressed out about any of that.
I was like whatevs.
She also is very organized andshe she knew what clothes she
wanted to bring.
She looked up on what shewanted to.
She had already found aroommate via Instagram and blah,
blah, blah.
So they were working togetheron aesthetic, what they wanted
(04:45):
to do, how they wanted it tolook.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
And was she packed like before, a week before?
Speaker 2 (04:51):
No, it was more like two and a half days before, but
again, it wasn't.
It wasn't too crazy.
Also, we didn't have to flylike you did.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Well, yeah, but so here's a good.
You know, the great thing aboutus is that we have different
experiences, right?
Okay?
So you know, milo came home atthree 30 in the morning the
night before we were supposed toleave and packed at 4am in the
morning.
I cannot, I cannot.
I woke up.
(05:21):
I was like what is all thisnoise?
And I looked at him and he's inthere and he's like throwing
stuff in the suitcase.
I'm like are you packing rightnow?
Speaker 2 (05:31):
And he's like yeah, I cannot believe that.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
And so.
So then I thought maybe he hadgotten up early to do it, he had
actually come home late afterhanging out like with everybody,
and then was it took a pack.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
What Wait?
He had more than one piece ofluggage.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
He had like a big suitcase and then like a roller,
like small roller, and then twoduffel bags.
Okay, did you ship anything?
Yeah, we shipped a bunch ofstuff.
We did it.
We did the whole like buy stuffon target, you know, pick up at
the local target, and had a fewthings shipped to the hotel
from Amazon, okay, okay.
(06:14):
And then we did a few runs tothe to target when we were there
and all of that stuff Is thatkind of what you did too, cause
we drove and so we could fit alot in the car and, um, we did
order a couple of things viaAmazon to her dorm.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Um, and then we did have to do a target run when we
got down there to try and getunder bed storage.
And that was classic becauseher roommate had everything.
It was the second kid going tocollege so the parents were like
in and out, they came in, theyhad everything packed in every
under storage.
Everything was done in like ahalf a second.
(06:51):
They they even had that malletwhere you can raise the bed up
or down.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Correctly.
Yeah, we're all just strugglingto do it.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Ellie's like I really need a lot more storage.
I'm like, yeah, yeah, we'rejust going to go to Target.
Of course, I'm a ding dong andwe get to Target and it's all
sold out.
It looked raided so we had toimprovise.
We improvised pretty well, sowe found stuff that will work.
It's not the classic stuff, butit's fine, it's all good.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
But the thing that's so strange, the emotional part
of it all.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
I was going to say were you guys like chill?
Were you stressed?
Was it like easy going?
What were their dynamics forthe few days?
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Well, I mean, I think you know I'm just trying to be
really good, you know, like notbe emotional and not be like
annoying, you know, because thisis the life you don't want to
get in a fight.
A bad impression you don't wantto leave in a bad place.
So, you know, I think that wewere just being real
accommodating, very, you know,no nagging or whatever kind of
thing was going on.
We went to dinner a few timesand it was taking everything in
(08:00):
me to just not fall apart.
You want to control the wholegoodbye?
You know, ours is a very uniquesituation.
He's rooming with his childhoodbest friend, you know Right.
So, yeah, we went out to dinnerand we then went and did
another Target and then, ofcourse, we all got in a fight in
the car.
Of course, yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
I mean it was like it makes sense.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
I mean, it wasn't, it wasn't him, it wasn't with him,
it was actually Roger and I gotin an argument because we'd
been bickering, you know likeoff and on, and it just kind of
got really big.
And Milo was the one in the carwas like look, look, just see
everybody calm down, you know,like calm down, you know like we
don't need to be doing this.
You know, we were all I waslike we don't, we absolutely do
not need to be doing this.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Oh, that's cute.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
So it kind of calmed down.
And then we helped him move hisstuff in, and then we said
goodbye and I you know Theo waslike I can't believe you didn't
cry.
I was like he did not see me,like I just, you know, I turned
really quickly and just kept ittogether.
So how did you say goodbye?
Speaker 2 (09:04):
I didn't think I was stressed, but it was like that
emotional stress probably oflike holding it all in, holding
it in.
So Bill and I were definitelyon edge with each other.
And then we did have dinnerwith her that the night before
because we drove all the firstday had dinner that night.
It was like a quiet, weirddinner, just the three of us,
because she said goodbye to hersisters here before we hit the
(09:26):
road which was so emotional andit just uh.
So watching that was terrible,but wonderful that they love
each other, but terrible, yeah,and then, um, it was so, oh my
god and I hate hot weather andit's I mean, but it was like hot
hot, it was like a little bithot you know like 90 something
(09:49):
degrees hot and humid and it waslike just sweating through
everything.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
It's gross.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Yeah, gross, and then that morning we had breakfast
with her and that we like we hadall calmed down a little bit,
yeah, but it was that was hardCause you're just like you know
you're seeing them alone andyoung, feeling young and
(10:17):
vulnerable, and even though weknow our kids are going to be
fine.
It's all going to be a greatlearning experience.
It's a huge transition for allof us.
Yeah, like the dynamic at homeis going to be different for all
of us.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Well, like I told you .
I came home I walked up thestairs and I saw the room where
he's no longer there and justwalked in and laid on the bed
and cried.
I mean I hope people listeningdo not think, oh my God, listen
to this.
I think it's really universal.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
I think that everybody goes through this.
This is not like a oh these youknow, get over it, your kid.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
I think that we just didn't notice.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
We didn't notice our parents were going through this.
You can't help but raise achild for those many years and
feel a bond you know is changing.
It's like that new chapter.
Theo kept saying it's a newchapter, it's a totally new
chapter.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
I was like it is a new chapter.
I get it, I got it, but we havethe same chapter.
Theo, we're still in the samechapter, you and me Same chapter
.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
You're not, yeah, you're not.
But yeah, it was sweet Becauseyou know my, my sons have always
bickered and fought and stuff,so you did see the warmth there
and that was like also likesomething that was extremely
emotional for me because youdon't see them ever, ever being.
And I mean my younger son wasjust he was so I can't even tell
(11:41):
you how proud I was with him ofhelping through the whole
process and he was saying thaton the way back we were saying
would I go, would you want to godown there and visit you know,
on your own?
He was like I could totally seemyself doing that and then I
was thinking, oh my God, if hegoes down there, what's going to
?
Speaker 2 (11:57):
happen.
That's the best, because theirrelationship's totally going to
change now.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
One of the things that I'm really thinking about
is what kind of person I'm goingto be now to this person, you
know, because I don't want to belike the you know, like oh, he
hasn't texted me or he's notcalling, and that whole texting
and connecting and feeling.
(12:22):
It's to be determined howthat's going to transpire, but
my son's never been a big texterof me and I don't think it's
going to get better, you know.
So how do I manage that?
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
I think I think it's fair to say to him like hey, you
know, I love a weekly check-in.
You know, I think that istotally acceptable for us
because we do text.
But it's more like logistics.
Yeah, we would always textbecause she I'd be like she went
grocery shopping for me, I'mgoing to miss that, yeah.
(13:04):
So it'd be like, can you grabthis?
But you know, but it wasn'tlike how are you or any of that.
So, I wonder.
I'm going to try really hardnot to over text.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
But I did read something that said a sweet post
about somebody talking aboutthe hidden texts that say I miss
you, but don't say I miss you.
You know like.
You know, like the food here isterrible.
That means yeah, yeah.
That means they miss home food.
You know like things like that.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Yeah, oh, I have good advice for my cousin Karen that
she said, cause she's had twooff to college.
One has already graduated atone as a senior in college.
She and she's like do youremember when we would call home
to our parents crying aboutlike it's so hard, this class is
awful, I'm bombing, I have nofriends?
And I'm like I have no friendsand I'm like, oh yeah, I did
(13:53):
that a lot to my mom Firstsemester of freshman year.
Poor mom, she's like well, thatis an I love you.
And then it's them letting outthe worst shit to you.
And then later they're usuallyfeeling so much better because
they let that all out to you.
(14:14):
They're usually out withfriends.
So she said I had to remindmyself.
If her daughter or son calledand dumped all over her like all
their pain and sadness, she'dbe like, oh no, this is the
wrong school, it's the wrong fit.
She would have, you know, allgo there first and then text
(14:34):
them like two hours later andsay, hey, are you feeling better
?
And the kid would usually belike yeah, I'm totally fine, I'm
out to dinner with so-and-soand so-and-so like.
She'd be like I'm totally fine,I'm out to dinner with
so-and-so and so-and-so, likeshe's like, oh right, oh right.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
So she said, remember that.
Okay, I'm pretty sure I'llnever get that.
I'm like, I'll be, I'll be likewhat you're calling me to tell
you know, cause he's just, youknow, my son's always been a
quiet kid.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
So that's for the other people listening.
It's not for Jeanette, Not forme but it's good advice.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
It may be a little different for you, and me as
well, because I've lived in theSouth before.
But heading down, how did thatfeel?
It's different because, youknow, did it feel Southern?
Yes, like the city.
Did you like the city?
Yeah, it's a beautiful,wonderful place.
I mean it was a little too hotright now, but it was amazing
(15:30):
city, I mean.
What I couldn't believe is somy son went to Charleston and
your daughter went to Virginia,yeah, and so the thing is is
that I didn't realize the beachis like 15 minutes away.
Oh, yeah, it's a reallybeautiful place.
It's a beautiful, interestingcity, I mean, but it's different
(15:54):
, you know it's different peopleare there and just different
culture.
You know it's, oh yeah, yeah,people super friendly, though
that's the thing that I'm reallyexcited about for milo is that
I think that he will learn fromthat you know, yeah, he's gonna
have to like when he goes to getany sort of like food or any
(16:16):
service from any restaurant oranything.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
They're gonna be so friendly to him he's gonna have
no matter who you bump into,they are all nice to you.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
It's pretty lovely.
Yeah, it's very very, you canget used to it.
I know you can, but I will tellyou this much yes, when our
plane landed and we got out atthe newark airport and all of a
sudden I was like, oh, so gladto be back in new jersey.
I mean, it's really really nice, which is confusing, because it
(16:52):
is confusing.
There's just such an energyhere that you can't get anywhere
else.
It's like new york, it's like,you know, every, there's like
every, there's a like a rainbowof people.
As soon as you get off theplane there's a different style.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
It is just something.
It's something and it's weird.
We felt like driving there,because it's like six and a half
hours.
It's so beautiful, like thetrees even get bigger and lusher
, and like the magnolia treesare insane, and I'm like, wow,
and the mountains are in thebackground.
I'm like wow, and the mountainsare in the background.
I'm like this place is gorgeousand everybody's super friendly
(17:32):
and I said I'm so glad she'shaving you know, four years
outside of the bubble that we'rein.
And then it is true, though,but when we get home, I'm like,
ah, we're home.
True, though, but when we gethome, I'm like, ah, we're home.
I mean, but I do think it's.
It's important that our kidsare, it's lucky that our kids
(17:52):
are able to go to school.
In a country that's so big andso different every state, every
city in every state it is agreat thing to go to college
somewhere else.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Yeah, I mean, it's like they're all.
Every state has somethingreally fantastic, you know, and
something to learn from.
I really think it's great to goand travel in this country,
this country.
You know everybody's talkingabout going abroad, you know
there's so much to learn heretoo.
You know, I know so much, somuch here, here too you know,
and we'll all have to regroup atThanksgiving and tell you how
(18:29):
that first trip back was.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
You know like what's it like when they come home, how
they slap back into the familydynamic.
Yeah, like what's that gonna belike?
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Yeah, I don't know.
It's a scary time and it's alsoexciting time.
It's sad time.
It's also exciting time.
It's sad time.
It's a mini, mini time.
But I tell you what I have,really I would.
I saw some younger parentstoday and I was like, wow, I
don't relate to you anymore.
I did that same thing.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
I took june to target earlier for her back to school
shopping and she's going intoeighth grade.
But we saw parents with littleones, little little cuties like
one sitting in the shopping cart, the other one kind of melting
down and I was just like oh,what is that like?
(19:19):
And then the other part of meis like, gonna be that crazy old
lady, that's like.
It goes so fast, just enjoy it,and that would be horrible.
I do going to be that crazy oldlady, that's like it goes so
fast, Just enjoy it.
And that would be horrible.
I do not want to be that person.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
It's terrible, but it's so true.
But yeah, that's the wholething.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
It's like you really get all the older people now I'm
a cliche at every phase of mylife.
We just can't, we can't.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
I can't help it.
I think that's what I'm tryingnot to be, but I don't know if I
can fight it.
I'm like I don't want to bethat mom where they're like you
need to call me.
Why aren't you calling me?
You know, I don't want to bethat.
I don't want to be like youjust never call.
You need to call home, honey, Ihope you do that.
(20:04):
You do it.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Do it as a voice memo on oh my God, please, just like
, just.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
I mean, you need to take me to some sort of like
parent rehab If I start goinginto some place like that where
I obsessively texting him.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
Why are you not?
That would be so funny if wecould set up a parent rehab and
be like all right, everyone inthere's going to be a
deprogramming where it's like acult we're in so remember who
you were before, remember whoyou were before, but I don't, I
don't I literally can't connectwith the rachel before.
I don't know who she was really.
(20:41):
Well, who the hell was she?
Speaker 1 (20:43):
we're not supposed to .
I don't maybe we're notsupposed to we're, but we're
supposed to still be humans.
But apparently we still have alife right because I'm I'm
pretty sure that birds that kicktheir bird and I'm not the not
that we're birds, but, um, youknow, they go on.
I mean, what do these birds doonce their birds go away?
(21:04):
They still go on.
I watched that falcon.
I was obsessed with this.
Oh, you were, yeah yeah, yeah, Iwas obsessed and I watched the
whole process.
When the little baby's falconslearned how to fly, they were
all gone.
You know it's like, and the momwas like me too I'm out?
I don't.
And then she just went off, Ithink.
(21:25):
Or do they get back to get?
Do they still have?
Do they have?
Speaker 2 (21:27):
thanksgiving.
I don't know falcon lovers,please let us know.
Do they keep coming back?
Do they come back together for?
Speaker 1 (21:34):
thanksgiving or like.
I think I'm anthropomorphizing,or how do you say it?
Anthropomorphizing, yes you are.
It would have been nice to talkto a mom that had done all of
them you know like oh well.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
So I was in target with ellie and bill.
We were all like running aroundcrazy to try and get the last
minute stuff down at theuniversity and, um, she ran into
a girl that she had met up herefor like a new jersey dinner
kind of thing and her mom, thisgirl's mom, had met up here for
like a New Jersey dinner kind ofthing, and her mom, this girl's
(22:08):
mom, had tears streaming out ofher face while holding a cart
and she was wiping her eyes andshe was totally flustered and I
was like, oh, like I saw thiskindred spirit.
I was like, hi, is it yourfirst going to call?
Is it your oldest and yourfirst going to college?
She goes no, it's my last, it'sthe worst.
(22:28):
And I was like, oh, it totallymakes sense.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
It does.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Because we're going home to an empty house.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
I know I was thinking that today.
I was like why didn't I havelike 10 kids?
God dang it, I know right,because by the time you get to
the 10th one, you're just, youknow it's, you're pretty much,
they're like unpacked, you knowwhat, just drive yourself to
college.
Yeah, by the time you get tothe 10th you don't need to go to
college.
You've got grandkids already.
(22:58):
You know what I mean?
You've got like it's like, it'slike a oh, totally, yeah, so it
just you messed that up.
Yeah, we, we should have hadmore kids.
Oh, what are?
Speaker 2 (23:09):
we thinking that was dumb.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
I'm glad that I have somebody to go through this with
.
And I mean I really appreciatedyou texting me in that picture
of Ellie and Milo, that pictureof Ellie and Milo is amazing.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
So cute Young cutie baby.
Amazing.
So cute Young cutie baby faces.
I know how are they like peoplenow.
Well, we did it, we survived,they will survive.
You guys out there will surviveand I'm sure we're going to go
through lots of, lots more upsand downs.
(23:49):
We'll let you know if I get atext if anybody texts me in the
next month.
If you don't, I might text Milomyself and just be like dude,
text your mom, she's unbearable.
Or I'll say bruh, text your mom.
He'll be like oh God, rachel'smore embarrassing than my mom.
Text your mom.
He'll be like oh God, rachel'smore embarrassing than my mom.
(24:09):
That's fine, I don't mind if Iembarrass myself to him.
Well, I'd appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
Thank you very much.
With that, we have this wrappedup episode and next week we
have more interviews coming.
Yep, hope you enjoy Okay.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Bye, bye.
Interviews coming.
Yep.
I hope you enjoy.
Okay, bye.
This podcast is produced byRachel Martens and Jeanette of
Sharian.
Please follow us on Facebookand Instagram.
We hope you share this pod withyour friends and family and let
us know what you think.
Check out our website atlostinjerseysite and don't
forget to get lost.
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