January 14, 2025 • 20 mins
Time to stop overthinking and do it! Join us as we poke fun at internal self-help and give the superficial some love. Time to flip the script. 🔄
In Z-speak, here’s the vibe:
✨ Tiny W’s
✨ Snacking on the trends
✨ Perfume = main character energy
✨ All pros, no cons 💯
✨ Slay care
Pull up, hit play, and glow into the best year yet. 🎧 Link in bio @lostin.jersey
NOTE: This message has been translated from Gen-X to Z for explicit reasons mentioned in this week’s episode. Thanks for reading this far!Â
Fun quiz:
Can you tell what we are talking about with these quotes from this episode?
- "When I put it on in the morning, I feel really good."
- "Find other ways to enter that space of intimacy."
- "Outside In"
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Here we go.
This is our first record of2025.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
It is yeah.
We are in 2025 and we'restarting a new year.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
We are and we've upgraded our video software
because, you know, we startedfirst as audio, then we decided
to bring in video, we were doingeverything on Zoom and now
we've moved to Riverside.
We'll see how it goes.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Yes, we're testing it out and you guys can also give
us feedback and let us know.
Hey, we loved you.
Fuzzier and darker.
This clearer vision is not thebest we thought you guys were
like A lot younger we thoughtyou were like like a lot younger
.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
We thought we were like what exactly we're gonna do
of our obligatory?
What are we gonna do new thisyear?
Let's just not call it thatword.
No, okay, don't, don't okay,don't say it just some things
that we're gonna.
Okay.
So we're, we're trying out newvideo, we're going to you know
what?
I actually going to try to workon this.
(01:07):
A little bit Work on the facething, like the hair First fix
your hair, work on the you knowoutside.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Oh you're working from the outside in.
Yeah, ah, I think I could dothat as well.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Because working from the inside out it's not working.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
It really doesn't work honestly, and I honestly, I
really I think that people havereally bought in that it's an
inside job and, yeah, I, I didand I want to tell you something
speaking of our 2025 goals andmoving forward and aspirations
or whatever.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
I haven't had perfume this is a random thing for a
very long time.
When I was young, I used CalvinKlein's Obsession along with
most other people.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Everybody did yeah because it was so good.
I mean really and truly.
If you smell it today, it doestake you back.
Does it still exist?
Yeah, I think it does.
Well, then I need to go smellit.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
It'll bring back all those memories and then you know
I just didn't wear perfumeanymore.
I got headaches and migrainesand it's not good to wear like
some smells really trigger you.
Um, but the girls this year fortheir holiday list all wanted,
asked for specific perfumes andlike expensive perfumes.
Like I never really understoodthe cost for a perfume.
(02:23):
Anyway, Like I never reallyunderstood the cost for a
perfume.
Anyway, I went to bring Bridget, we went to Bloomingdale's
during December to try differentscents, because she's like I
don't know what I want.
But I said I'll get everyone anice perfume.
We're talking to a salespersonat a counter and Bridget's
trying different things and Iwas like that smells good, but I
(02:51):
don't normally get perfumebecause I get migraines.
And the woman behind thecounter said so do I, but I work
with these perfumes right here,like my select around me
doesn't give me a migraine.
And I said oh, wow, okay.
So Bridget sprayed one and Iwas like I love that smell.
So I got myself a fancy perfumeand I have to tell you, when I
put it on in the morning I feelreally good.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Yeah, no, I mean, but I really do believe there's so
much you can't control.
If you can control yourappearance and I love that I'm
saying that when I'm completelylike not dolled up or whatever
for this episode but I really dobelieve that it is something
you can control is gettingdressed and putting on doing
(03:33):
nice things for yourself andit's not superficial, it's
coming to the day with like somepride and respect of who you
are and it really does changethe day.
So I mean I'm all for theinside job stuff, but there's
really nothing wrong with thesethings.
That I think it's a verystrange thing, because I think
(03:54):
that there's also this idea thatif you care too much about your
appearance, you're shallow,you're you know, that is why I
didn't do it for so long, it'salmost like I am better than
that.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
I don't need to do that, but it's a snobby attitude
, it is.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Total snobby attitude .
It's like what's important ismy self-worth and feeling good
about myself and getting throughthe day.
Because it's hard enough.
You know it's hard enough.
I mean not to say it'severything, but I'm just saying
it helps.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Right, so I'm going to tell everyone go out and get
a signature scent.
Yes, definitely, and it'sinteresting.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
It kind of makes a difference.
I'll take it a little different, yeah, Okay, so perfume first
thing you're going to, you'vebrought brought into the new
year.
I want to kind of understandwhat exactly is happening in the
pop culture realm of you know,the TikTok you know, because I
mean it's basically all I needto do is spend like an ornament
amount of time on tiktok andI'll probably be caught up in a
month why is?
that because I, I'm curious, Iwant to know, because it's it's
(04:55):
our culture, it's our life, it'sour world.
It's like I'm not like I'm notdead, you know.
It's like I want to know what'spopular.
You know, like what?
What are people talking aboutwhat's exciting?
It's like new technology.
It's like I want to know what'spopular.
You know like what?
What are people talking aboutwhat's exciting?
It's like new technology.
It's new vernacular, it's new.
You know all of this stuff.
So I just feel like it.
It's inspiring.
It's like I like history and Ialso want to stay part of like I
(05:17):
feel like it's almost history.
You know, like that's likestudying what's what's going on.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
So you know what I'm going to say in a trendy way.
You ate with that goal, thank,you.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
I don't know if I'll be able to talk like the current
people talk, but it definitely.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
I want to know exactly you know?
I want to be sure I know what'sgoing on.
What else you got.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
I want to be sure I know what's going on.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
What else you got?
Fortunately, Ellie decided tocall them aspirations and she
was like, let's write 25 for2025.
And I was sitting at a coffeeshop with all three girls.
I looked back at my 2024 and Ifelt really sad Because you
(06:02):
didn't do any of them.
So last year, ins and outs right.
Well, my outs were to stopsaying the f word.
That did not happen.
To stop saying as hell.
Right, I don't know if I'veI've gotten better at it, but
I'd be like, oh yeah, that's sotrue, or she was so this as hell
(06:26):
, what I don't know, buthopefully I'm saying it less um,
negative, negative self-talk isout, was out.
That didn't happen either.
Um, stop waiting for friends toreach out and make plans.
Plans, uh first.
Uh, again, that's out, becauseI did still not make a lot of
(06:49):
plans.
So I have a lot of the samethings to do this year, but one
of the big ones was just movemore Uh-huh.
You know I'm not, as you know,I don't love exercise.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
That was this year or last year, both, every year.
I think that your ins and outsI mean don't take this wrong,
because you are an incrediblyunique person but those are
really like everybody's, yeah,yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
No, I don't want to be.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Stop cursing, you know, stop being so negative
about myself and move more.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
I mean, that's like classic and everybody's
constantly every year, trying toinch a little closer to those
you know, and that's why having,do you like having a goal that
is, a um you can quantify?
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Yeah, I do.
I have those general things toothat you're talking about.
Like I, I sat down, I washaving a bad day, family
dynamics and stuff or whatever.
I wasn't doing like a newyear's thing.
I was just writing down thepros about me and the cons about
me and I was really upsetbecause my pro, my con list was
(08:06):
like you know stuff that Ididn't like.
I wonder if I still have it.
Like I don't know if I want toread it because I don't want
people to know what my cons are.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
but uh, I've never done a pro con list about my
self as Rachel, yeah, so herehere's my look at the difference
and link these are not good.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
And these are not good.
But okay, Stop saying annoyingmom things, oh please.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that is not possible, yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Yeah, I was definitely like I have.
Let's see here, stop asking forhugs, because you know my kids
don't.
Hug was watching a podcast.
I don't know if you watch diaryof a ceo, it's a youtube
podcast.
I watch it on youtube anyway.
So good, they had this bodylanguage expert and I happen to
have just watched this the dayafter I had written this and she
(08:57):
was talking about you know howshe was really awkward.
Uh, his guest.
And she said said that you know, you have to figure out whether
you're a hugger or you know, anoffstandish person.
And she said if you come upwith people who are not huggers,
figure out how you can breakthat intimate place.
And I was like, oh my God, whatare you talking about?
(09:18):
And then she said you know,when you hand them food, when
you bring them food, hand it tothem and like, get as close as
you can to them.
And I've been doing that to myson.
Oh, I love that Because he'sreally not like he stopped like
wanting a hug when he was, likeyou know, 13 years old.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
And I've been like constantly like come on, well,
there are definitely people whodon't like hugs, yeah,
constantly.
People who don't like hugs.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
Yeah, he's not.
I'm like I'm like, oh, you usedto hug me all the time and like
that's my annoying mother stuff, right, and like wanting a hug
and like I always feel sodejected after.
Like I'm like, try to get a hugand I don't get one.
I feel like a total annoying.
Oh, my God, what?
Why do you keep coming back?
Speaker 2 (09:59):
for this.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Like he's going to say one day I love you, mom, I
totally want to hug you.
Today I forgot that hugging youis wonderful yeah.
I was just so grateful to hearsomebody to say you know, think
about it differently.
You know, rather than feelinghurt by it, find other ways to
enter that space of intimacy.
And so the great thing is likehe's just getting food all the
(10:22):
time now handed to him.
Hey, he was using a glass of.
He's like one day he's gonna belike.
My mom was great at likebringing me a glass of water
like anytime that's so cute butanyways that, stop giving jojo
so many snacks.
Oh, like the dog, I'moverfeeding the dog and you know
(10:45):
, just, they're like they'resilly stuff but they're not
there.
Some of them are, like you know, somewhat self negative talk,
but I think, in general, thereason I do see that there's a
pro list.
I think it's important, youknow.
But these are like more detailoriented things.
I mean I do like quantifiable,like I will say I want to make
(11:05):
this much money in the year.
I will say stuff like that.
I will like I do, but I don'talways hit them, but it really
gives me a target to keep comingback to.
I have my started using Quickento to itemize more budgeting
and stuff like that.
I do think that we're allgrowing, even though we don't
(11:26):
think that we might be.
You know we are progressing.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
I told you that time when Bill and I gave each other.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Oh my God and this is my favorite little tidbit of
all of our podcasts that youguys used to give each other
resolutions.
It's so messed up, but it's.
I mean it was.
It was.
You know, it came from theright place, like what helped me
yes, able to take constructivetake it.
I can take constructivecriticism I need, and it's also
(11:53):
a really interesting way to openup an intimate conversation
about something that is hard tobring up.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Yep, but the vulnerable take everything
personally.
Not great receiving personalcriticism.
Person named Rachel.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Martens, yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
That was a disaster, yeah, yeah.
And I was like, well, of course, that's why we hate New Year's.
Every year we'd be like we hateNew Year's why.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Oh, it's like a work review.
Yeah, it's like a work review.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
Yeah, it's totally a work review, but, as your own,
everything about you.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
You're like supposed to feel safe at home, like you
can just kick back.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
And then we would go to like different rooms in the
tiny apartment and just sulk andI'm like this is how many years
?
Did you do that?
The first few years of ourmarriage.
And then you're like I'm done.
I was like we're never going tomake it if we keep doing this.
It's just torture.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
Big pie in the sky area Like where do you hope that
you are sitting at the end of2025?
In front of a better background.
Yes, our backgrounds are goingto improve in some way.
We don't know how.
Whether it's differentlocations or redesign, I might
be moving.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
For the podcast we have moved.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
I kind of want to take a few more risks with this
podcast.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Well, on that point, I watched the Jerry Springer
documentary.
Oh my God.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Really.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
There was a point where they decided to take more
risks.
Oh oh yeah now I get it.
At the very beginning they werelike a really just standard
talk show.
Right, I forgot what the guy'sname is, but the producer, main
guy behind the show he used tohe came from the tapoid industry
(13:43):
and they said that when hearrived on, you know, when he
was there and they had the showgoing, that it was just a flat
line.
You know, like the ratings haveto be like two million, the key
number to not get canceled, andthey were always at 1.9, right,
and oprah was at like 17 million, 20 million, never, nobody even
(14:03):
like thought to be on the Oprahlevel Right, and there were so
many talk shows at this timewhen it first started out, and
he said that there was this oneday and they got this woman on
that was basically just had hugeboobs or whatever and she was
just, you know, create like bigpersonality and the ratings just
(14:26):
went right.
And then they just kept doingit and they toppled oprah.
They did.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Yes, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
So we're gonna need to get no eternity test for
every oh my god, though, reallyand truly is such a dark, dark
documentary so dark?
And you don't like, sometimesyou want to take the risk.
I mean like we're not talkingabout that kind of risk, but at
first you're like we need theguy like that, like we need a
(14:56):
guy that pushes us to take somerisks that we would never, you
know.
And then, as the story goes,you're like, actually, actually
maybe I don't want the ratingsif it comes with that Personally
related.
I hope I can get fit.
You know I do exercise, but I'mnot consistent about it.
I want to be more consistent.
(15:18):
What I like to do in this realmis I like to say, when I
started running, I'm like, forfive years I will run.
I don't like to say so, I'll do, whoa, yeah, oh, I like to do
that.
I've discovered it works for me.
It's not to give it like I'lljust do it for this year, I'll
do it for this month or I'll doit Whatever.
I'm like for five years, whichthat allows a lot of like.
Uh, you know, yeah, yeah, a lotof space to still in it.
(15:42):
Five years, we're doing this,you know.
Wow, I kind of like that it'sworked for me.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
It's not a quick fix.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
I clearly I'm not a gym person.
It's like no, you're a gymperson for five years.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
It doesn't mean that you're a gym person every day
some week you might not go youknow, often do you check your
calendar to see when the yearswill be done.
I'm going to lie in bed thiswhole year.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
Well, to the point, rachel, didn't I say there was a
certain amount of years we hadto do the podcast?
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Yes, I appreciate that.
Do you see how it?
Speaker 1 (16:22):
helps.
It does help.
I mean, cause you're like whenyou want to bow out, you're like
when you want about out yourgum is I just can't.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
You're not, yeah, I know, yeah, I can't.
No, all right, I have to redomy list.
I'm gonna wear perfume for fiveyears if that is my only
resolution, that is sad, sad,sad.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
I love that resolution.
I think that it's completelyand utterly emblematic of
something much bigger.
Yeah, it is okay, she was justsouthern, as southern could be.
(17:05):
She used to say how can you geta hold of your life if you
can't get a hold of a sink fullof dirty dishes?
Right, you know.
So, it's just true and it'ssomething along those.
I'm paraphrasing it, but it'sit's every time, you know, I
think about stuff like that.
I think about like, if you justcan't, if you can't, you know,
(17:26):
just do the small thing, yeah,why are you challenging yourself
to some huge personal overhaulif you can't do one small?
Speaker 2 (17:35):
thing.
Yes, I, and on that also I toadd to that I also don't like
that.
I used to always want to changemyself so radically every year,
which is so hard.
Yeah, so rather, just be mestill but flaws and all, flaws
and all but a happier, moreproductive me.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Everybody knows the stupid formula.
You know it's like we all knowit.
It's like go to the gym, seefriends take care of yourself
you know help others.
You know it's not but what theproblem is.
But how do I get there?
Well, one foot in front of theother A little perfume, a little
(18:17):
nail polish.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
That might be what transforms my ear.
I'd rather go with that thesmall thing, Because the
sweeping statements don't work,'t work.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Really funny to say the pros like you are.
It's so much easier to read offwhat the cons are but yeah if
you said the pros, you'd feellike such a bragger.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Well, I am funny indeed, I will confirm that is a
true statement.
Janette, I dress well, you doalso.
These are good.
I'm clever.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
These are it.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
I mean like it's not anything, but they're right, I'm
wise, I'm cool.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
It's hard to do.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
It is, but we have to do it more often.
Hard worker, we don't sing ourown praises.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
I need you to do yours.
I'll stop right there, but I'ma hard worker.
I'll end on I'm a hard worker.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
You are a hard worker .
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Anyway, and I'm nice Some of the time, some of the
time, but I mean, there's suchtrivial things to write.
No but we have to normalizesaying nice things about
ourselves.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
Yeah, anyway, all right, that's it.
That's our episode, our firstepisode of 2025.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Stick around to the end of the year and see what our
new backgrounds will be by then.
Every time, tune in Subscribe.
Tune in Subscribe.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Tune in Subscribe and we're going to ask for help.
Tell people about us.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Yeah, tell people about us, yeah, and join us to
the journey of a differentbackground.
Yes, okay, all right, byeeverybody, bye, bye.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
This podcast is produced by Rachel Martens and
Jeanette Afsharian.
Please follow us on Facebookand Instagram.
We hope you share this pod withyour friends and family and let
us know what you think.
Check out our website atlostinjerseysite and don't
forget to get lost.
Here we go.
This is our first record of2025.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
It is yeah.
We are in 2025 and we'restarting a new year.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
We are and we've upgraded our video software
because, you know, we startedfirst as audio, then we decided
to bring in video, we were doingeverything on Zoom and now
we've moved to Riverside.
We'll see how it goes.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Yes, we're testing it out and you guys can also give
us feedback and let us know.
Hey, we loved you.
Fuzzier and darker.
This clearer vision is not thebest we thought you guys were
like A lot younger we thoughtyou were like like a lot younger
.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
We thought we were like what exactly we're gonna do
of our obligatory?
What are we gonna do new thisyear?
Let's just not call it thatword.
No, okay, don't, don't okay,don't say it just some things
that we're gonna.
Okay.
So we're, we're trying out newvideo, we're going to you know
what?
I actually going to try to workon this.
(01:07):
A little bit Work on the facething, like the hair First fix
your hair, work on the you knowoutside.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Oh you're working from the outside in.
Yeah, ah, I think I could dothat as well.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Because working from the inside out it's not working.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
It really doesn't work honestly, and I honestly, I
really I think that people havereally bought in that it's an
inside job and, yeah, I, I didand I want to tell you something
speaking of our 2025 goals andmoving forward and aspirations
or whatever.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
I haven't had perfume this is a random thing for a
very long time.
When I was young, I used CalvinKlein's Obsession along with
most other people.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Everybody did yeah because it was so good.
I mean really and truly.
If you smell it today, it doestake you back.
Does it still exist?
Yeah, I think it does.
Well, then I need to go smellit.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
It'll bring back all those memories and then you know
I just didn't wear perfumeanymore.
I got headaches and migrainesand it's not good to wear like
some smells really trigger you.
Um, but the girls this year fortheir holiday list all wanted,
asked for specific perfumes andlike expensive perfumes.
Like I never really understoodthe cost for a perfume.
(02:23):
Anyway, Like I never reallyunderstood the cost for a
perfume.
Anyway, I went to bring Bridget, we went to Bloomingdale's
during December to try differentscents, because she's like I
don't know what I want.
But I said I'll get everyone anice perfume.
We're talking to a salespersonat a counter and Bridget's
trying different things and Iwas like that smells good, but I
(02:51):
don't normally get perfumebecause I get migraines.
And the woman behind thecounter said so do I, but I work
with these perfumes right here,like my select around me
doesn't give me a migraine.
And I said oh, wow, okay.
So Bridget sprayed one and Iwas like I love that smell.
So I got myself a fancy perfumeand I have to tell you, when I
put it on in the morning I feelreally good.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Yeah, no, I mean, but I really do believe there's so
much you can't control.
If you can control yourappearance and I love that I'm
saying that when I'm completelylike not dolled up or whatever
for this episode but I really dobelieve that it is something
you can control is gettingdressed and putting on doing
(03:33):
nice things for yourself andit's not superficial, it's
coming to the day with like somepride and respect of who you
are and it really does changethe day.
So I mean I'm all for theinside job stuff, but there's
really nothing wrong with thesethings.
That I think it's a verystrange thing, because I think
(03:54):
that there's also this idea thatif you care too much about your
appearance, you're shallow,you're you know, that is why I
didn't do it for so long, it'salmost like I am better than
that.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
I don't need to do that, but it's a snobby attitude
, it is.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Total snobby attitude .
It's like what's important ismy self-worth and feeling good
about myself and getting throughthe day.
Because it's hard enough.
You know it's hard enough.
I mean not to say it'severything, but I'm just saying
it helps.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Right, so I'm going to tell everyone go out and get
a signature scent.
Yes, definitely, and it'sinteresting.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
It kind of makes a difference.
I'll take it a little different, yeah, Okay, so perfume first
thing you're going to, you'vebrought brought into the new
year.
I want to kind of understandwhat exactly is happening in the
pop culture realm of you know,the TikTok you know, because I
mean it's basically all I needto do is spend like an ornament
amount of time on tiktok andI'll probably be caught up in a
month why is?
that because I, I'm curious, Iwant to know, because it's it's
(04:55):
our culture, it's our life, it'sour world.
It's like I'm not like I'm notdead, you know.
It's like I want to know what'spopular.
You know, like what?
What are people talking aboutwhat's exciting?
It's like new technology.
It's like I want to know what'spopular.
You know like what?
What are people talking aboutwhat's exciting?
It's like new technology.
It's new vernacular, it's new.
You know all of this stuff.
So I just feel like it.
It's inspiring.
It's like I like history and Ialso want to stay part of like I
(05:17):
feel like it's almost history.
You know, like that's likestudying what's what's going on.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
So you know what I'm going to say in a trendy way.
You ate with that goal, thank,you.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
I don't know if I'll be able to talk like the current
people talk, but it definitely.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
I want to know exactly you know?
I want to be sure I know what'sgoing on.
What else you got.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
I want to be sure I know what's going on.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
What else you got?
Fortunately, Ellie decided tocall them aspirations and she
was like, let's write 25 for2025.
And I was sitting at a coffeeshop with all three girls.
I looked back at my 2024 and Ifelt really sad Because you
(06:02):
didn't do any of them.
So last year, ins and outs right.
Well, my outs were to stopsaying the f word.
That did not happen.
To stop saying as hell.
Right, I don't know if I'veI've gotten better at it, but
I'd be like, oh yeah, that's sotrue, or she was so this as hell
(06:26):
, what I don't know, buthopefully I'm saying it less um,
negative, negative self-talk isout, was out.
That didn't happen either.
Um, stop waiting for friends toreach out and make plans.
Plans, uh first.
Uh, again, that's out, becauseI did still not make a lot of
(06:49):
plans.
So I have a lot of the samethings to do this year, but one
of the big ones was just movemore Uh-huh.
You know I'm not, as you know,I don't love exercise.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
That was this year or last year, both, every year.
I think that your ins and outsI mean don't take this wrong,
because you are an incrediblyunique person but those are
really like everybody's, yeah,yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
No, I don't want to be.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Stop cursing, you know, stop being so negative
about myself and move more.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
I mean, that's like classic and everybody's
constantly every year, trying toinch a little closer to those
you know, and that's why having,do you like having a goal that
is, a um you can quantify?
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Yeah, I do.
I have those general things toothat you're talking about.
Like I, I sat down, I washaving a bad day, family
dynamics and stuff or whatever.
I wasn't doing like a newyear's thing.
I was just writing down thepros about me and the cons about
me and I was really upsetbecause my pro, my con list was
(08:06):
like you know stuff that Ididn't like.
I wonder if I still have it.
Like I don't know if I want toread it because I don't want
people to know what my cons are.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
but uh, I've never done a pro con list about my
self as Rachel, yeah, so herehere's my look at the difference
and link these are not good.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
And these are not good.
But okay, Stop saying annoyingmom things, oh please.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that is not possible, yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Yeah, I was definitely like I have.
Let's see here, stop asking forhugs, because you know my kids
don't.
Hug was watching a podcast.
I don't know if you watch diaryof a ceo, it's a youtube
podcast.
I watch it on youtube anyway.
So good, they had this bodylanguage expert and I happen to
have just watched this the dayafter I had written this and she
(08:57):
was talking about you know howshe was really awkward.
Uh, his guest.
And she said said that you know, you have to figure out whether
you're a hugger or you know, anoffstandish person.
And she said if you come upwith people who are not huggers,
figure out how you can breakthat intimate place.
And I was like, oh my God, whatare you talking about?
(09:18):
And then she said you know,when you hand them food, when
you bring them food, hand it tothem and like, get as close as
you can to them.
And I've been doing that to myson.
Oh, I love that Because he'sreally not like he stopped like
wanting a hug when he was, likeyou know, 13 years old.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
And I've been like constantly like come on, well,
there are definitely people whodon't like hugs, yeah,
constantly.
People who don't like hugs.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
Yeah, he's not.
I'm like I'm like, oh, you usedto hug me all the time and like
that's my annoying mother stuff, right, and like wanting a hug
and like I always feel sodejected after.
Like I'm like, try to get a hugand I don't get one.
I feel like a total annoying.
Oh, my God, what?
Why do you keep coming back?
Speaker 2 (09:59):
for this.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Like he's going to say one day I love you, mom, I
totally want to hug you.
Today I forgot that hugging youis wonderful yeah.
I was just so grateful to hearsomebody to say you know, think
about it differently.
You know, rather than feelinghurt by it, find other ways to
enter that space of intimacy.
And so the great thing is likehe's just getting food all the
(10:22):
time now handed to him.
Hey, he was using a glass of.
He's like one day he's gonna belike.
My mom was great at likebringing me a glass of water
like anytime that's so cute butanyways that, stop giving jojo
so many snacks.
Oh, like the dog, I'moverfeeding the dog and you know
(10:45):
, just, they're like they'resilly stuff but they're not
there.
Some of them are, like you know, somewhat self negative talk,
but I think, in general, thereason I do see that there's a
pro list.
I think it's important, youknow.
But these are like more detailoriented things.
I mean I do like quantifiable,like I will say I want to make
(11:05):
this much money in the year.
I will say stuff like that.
I will like I do, but I don'talways hit them, but it really
gives me a target to keep comingback to.
I have my started using Quickento to itemize more budgeting
and stuff like that.
I do think that we're allgrowing, even though we don't
(11:26):
think that we might be.
You know we are progressing.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
I told you that time when Bill and I gave each other.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Oh my God and this is my favorite little tidbit of
all of our podcasts that youguys used to give each other
resolutions.
It's so messed up, but it's.
I mean it was.
It was.
You know, it came from theright place, like what helped me
yes, able to take constructivetake it.
I can take constructivecriticism I need, and it's also
(11:53):
a really interesting way to openup an intimate conversation
about something that is hard tobring up.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Yep, but the vulnerable take everything
personally.
Not great receiving personalcriticism.
Person named Rachel.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Martens, yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
That was a disaster, yeah, yeah.
And I was like, well, of course, that's why we hate New Year's.
Every year we'd be like we hateNew Year's why.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Oh, it's like a work review.
Yeah, it's like a work review.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
Yeah, it's totally a work review, but, as your own,
everything about you.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
You're like supposed to feel safe at home, like you
can just kick back.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
And then we would go to like different rooms in the
tiny apartment and just sulk andI'm like this is how many years
?
Did you do that?
The first few years of ourmarriage.
And then you're like I'm done.
I was like we're never going tomake it if we keep doing this.
It's just torture.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
Big pie in the sky area Like where do you hope that
you are sitting at the end of2025?
In front of a better background.
Yes, our backgrounds are goingto improve in some way.
We don't know how.
Whether it's differentlocations or redesign, I might
be moving.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
For the podcast we have moved.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
I kind of want to take a few more risks with this
podcast.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Well, on that point, I watched the Jerry Springer
documentary.
Oh my God.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Really.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
There was a point where they decided to take more
risks.
Oh oh yeah now I get it.
At the very beginning they werelike a really just standard
talk show.
Right, I forgot what the guy'sname is, but the producer, main
guy behind the show he used tohe came from the tapoid industry
(13:43):
and they said that when hearrived on, you know, when he
was there and they had the showgoing, that it was just a flat
line.
You know, like the ratings haveto be like two million, the key
number to not get canceled, andthey were always at 1.9, right,
and oprah was at like 17 million, 20 million, never, nobody even
(14:03):
like thought to be on the Oprahlevel Right, and there were so
many talk shows at this timewhen it first started out, and
he said that there was this oneday and they got this woman on
that was basically just had hugeboobs or whatever and she was
just, you know, create like bigpersonality and the ratings just
(14:26):
went right.
And then they just kept doingit and they toppled oprah.
They did.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Yes, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
So we're gonna need to get no eternity test for
every oh my god, though, reallyand truly is such a dark, dark
documentary so dark?
And you don't like, sometimesyou want to take the risk.
I mean like we're not talkingabout that kind of risk, but at
first you're like we need theguy like that, like we need a
(14:56):
guy that pushes us to take somerisks that we would never, you
know.
And then, as the story goes,you're like, actually, actually
maybe I don't want the ratingsif it comes with that Personally
related.
I hope I can get fit.
You know I do exercise, but I'mnot consistent about it.
I want to be more consistent.
(15:18):
What I like to do in this realmis I like to say, when I
started running, I'm like, forfive years I will run.
I don't like to say so, I'll do, whoa, yeah, oh, I like to do
that.
I've discovered it works for me.
It's not to give it like I'lljust do it for this year, I'll
do it for this month or I'll doit Whatever.
I'm like for five years, whichthat allows a lot of like.
Uh, you know, yeah, yeah, a lotof space to still in it.
(15:42):
Five years, we're doing this,you know.
Wow, I kind of like that it'sworked for me.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
It's not a quick fix.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
I clearly I'm not a gym person.
It's like no, you're a gymperson for five years.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
It doesn't mean that you're a gym person every day
some week you might not go youknow, often do you check your
calendar to see when the yearswill be done.
I'm going to lie in bed thiswhole year.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
Well, to the point, rachel, didn't I say there was a
certain amount of years we hadto do the podcast?
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Yes, I appreciate that.
Do you see how it?
Speaker 1 (16:22):
helps.
It does help.
I mean, cause you're like whenyou want to bow out, you're like
when you want about out yourgum is I just can't.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
You're not, yeah, I know, yeah, I can't.
No, all right, I have to redomy list.
I'm gonna wear perfume for fiveyears if that is my only
resolution, that is sad, sad,sad.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
I love that resolution.
I think that it's completelyand utterly emblematic of
something much bigger.
Yeah, it is okay, she was justsouthern, as southern could be.
(17:05):
She used to say how can you geta hold of your life if you
can't get a hold of a sink fullof dirty dishes?
Right, you know.
So, it's just true and it'ssomething along those.
I'm paraphrasing it, but it'sit's every time, you know, I
think about stuff like that.
I think about like, if you justcan't, if you can't, you know,
(17:26):
just do the small thing, yeah,why are you challenging yourself
to some huge personal overhaulif you can't do one small?
Speaker 2 (17:35):
thing.
Yes, I, and on that also I toadd to that I also don't like
that.
I used to always want to changemyself so radically every year,
which is so hard.
Yeah, so rather, just be mestill but flaws and all, flaws
and all but a happier, moreproductive me.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Everybody knows the stupid formula.
You know it's like we all knowit.
It's like go to the gym, seefriends take care of yourself
you know help others.
You know it's not but what theproblem is.
But how do I get there?
Well, one foot in front of theother A little perfume, a little
(18:17):
nail polish.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
That might be what transforms my ear.
I'd rather go with that thesmall thing, Because the
sweeping statements don't work,'t work.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Really funny to say the pros like you are.
It's so much easier to read offwhat the cons are but yeah if
you said the pros, you'd feellike such a bragger.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Well, I am funny indeed, I will confirm that is a
true statement.
Janette, I dress well, you doalso.
These are good.
I'm clever.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
These are it.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
I mean like it's not anything, but they're right, I'm
wise, I'm cool.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
It's hard to do.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
It is, but we have to do it more often.
Hard worker, we don't sing ourown praises.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
I need you to do yours.
I'll stop right there, but I'ma hard worker.
I'll end on I'm a hard worker.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
You are a hard worker .
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Anyway, and I'm nice Some of the time, some of the
time, but I mean, there's suchtrivial things to write.
No but we have to normalizesaying nice things about
ourselves.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
Yeah, anyway, all right, that's it.
That's our episode, our firstepisode of 2025.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Stick around to the end of the year and see what our
new backgrounds will be by then.
Every time, tune in Subscribe.
Tune in Subscribe.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Tune in Subscribe and we're going to ask for help.
Tell people about us.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Yeah, tell people about us, yeah, and join us to
the journey of a differentbackground.
Yes, okay, all right, byeeverybody, bye, bye.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
This podcast is produced by Rachel Martens and
Jeanette Afsharian.
Please follow us on Facebookand Instagram.
We hope you share this pod withyour friends and family and let
us know what you think.
Check out our website atlostinjerseysite and don't
forget to get lost.
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