Leadership Book Club: The Advice Trap by Michael Bungay Stanier

Mike and Kristen dive deep into Michael Bungay Stanier's The Advice Trap, exploring why our natural instinct to give advice actually makes us worse leaders. This episode reveals the uncomfortable truth: your advice isn't as good as you think it is, and constantly offering solutions is damaging your team and overwhelming your schedule. The hosts get painfully honest about their own advice-giving habits while breaking down the three personas of the "advice monster" - Tell It, Save It, and Control It. They explore the psychological rewards we get from playing rescuer (#winsnotwins) and share practical strategies for staying curious longer instead of rushing to solutions. If you've ever wondered why your team keeps coming to you with problems instead of solutions, or why you feel like the only person holding everything together, this episode will help you understand the hidden costs of advice-giving and show you a better way forward.

Highlights:

• Why advice damages organizations by demotivating receivers, overwhelming givers, and limiting team potential
• The three advice monster personas (Tell It, Save It, Control It) and their shared DNA belief: "I'm better than the other person"
• Understanding #winsnotwins - the short-term rewards that keep you stuck in advice-giving patterns and why recognizing these prizes is key to change
• Why taming your advice monster requires battling between present you and future you (the adult marshmallow test)
• The TERA framework for psychological safety using Tribe, Expectation, Rank, and Autonomy to create safer conversations
• Six "foggy-fiers" that derail problem-solving, from "twirling" (first problem isn't the real problem) to "yarning" (too much storytelling)
• Moving beyond single questions to strategic coaching combos that uncover real challenges
• Specific language patterns for interrupting conversations without damaging relationships
• How your background affects when and how you should give away power as a leader
• Making coaching a regular interaction instead of formal compliance meetings

Links & Resources Mentioned:

• The Advice Trap by Michael Bungay Stanier
• The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier
• Download Additional Book Resources from MBS 
• Love & Leadership Episode #9: The Coaching Habit
• What Got You Here Won't Get You There by Marshall Goldsmith
• The First 90 Days by Michael D. Watkins 
• Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman 

Podcast Website: www.loveandleadershippod.com
Instagram: @loveleaderpod

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Kristen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristenbsharkey/
Mike: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-s-364970111/

Learn more about Kristen's leadership coaching and facilitation services: http://www.emboldify.com